Unravel
by Homer's Disciple
Summary: Shinji rejected Instrumentality, but he made so many mistakes. He has one last chance to set things right, to unravel everything and save what matters. A retelling or altering of the series, an altered version of Shinji with an altered past. Life takes a different path, but do all paths lead to the same destination? Is Shinji doomed to never know happiness?
1. Prologue

**Hey guys, I'm a relatively new Evangelion fan. I do not own Evangelion in any way, and I write this for fun.  
** **I was introduced to the series by an ex-girlfriend of mine(we're still friends, and it's not weird) and I was kinda confused at the series at first. However, I grew to love the characters**

 **I saw the Rebuilds, then went back to watch the original series as well as Death and ReBirth/The End of Evangelion and despite its issues, I really love the Evangelion series. So I decided to write a fic about it.**

 **This story will diverge somewhat from the series, most fics do, there will be timeline mixups and in this series will see a Shinji that we know, but with an altered past, the altering is done WITHIN this fic. Things will be different, and I hope I do Shinji and the other characters justice throughout the series.**

 **Thanks for checking this out.**

* * *

 _I rejected instrumentality... I chose to live in a world with others even if it meant rejection or denial. I had willed myself back into a physical existence, back as an individual._

 _I was the first, but not the last. She came after... and I'm not proud of what I did when she appeared again. We were alone for a long time after that, and I think she might have even forgiven me. Too late to ask her now._

 _That's the thing, isn't it? As you get older you start to ask yourself 'was I ever happy? Was there ever a time in my life where I truly was happy?'_

 _But then again, maybe that's the answer._

 _Maybe you never know when the best years of your life are, maybe you never realize when you're happy and then, when suddenly you're not… it's already too late. Happiness is there and gone in the blink of an eye, and only then do you realize that it's gone. Everything after just blurs, you try to be happy but it's only when you look back that you see what happy truly felt like._

 _Or maybe I'm wrong; maybe I was never really happy after all. Maybe all I ever had were little glimmers in the dark. Fleeting moments of not sadness, but perhaps not happiness either._

 _Doesn't matter anymore._

 _It took time, but others started to come back too. People strong enough to come back did, they started coming back in droves. But they came back to a broken world, a world that changed too quickly for them by the time they returned._

 _A few years later everything fell apart. We tried to help them at first, but people are people. Factions formed, territories made, lines drawn._

 _War came again._

 _Those foolish old men who brought about instrumentality didn't know what they were doing. They were wrong... Instrumentality was never meant to be rejected. It was never meant for us at all. Fanatics blinded by fear and greed. This was never meant to happen, everything that followed is my fault._

 _Years of running away from that fact, but not anymore. I mustn't run away, so I'm not. Not anymore._

 _I'm gonna set it right. I'm gonna unravel all of this... all for 'her'. **Not for me, never me… I don't even know if I was ever really happy at all**_

 _\- the broken man._

* * *

The lonely little boy sat nervously in his chair, watching as the older lady wrote notes on her clipboard.

He didn't want to be here, not in this empty white room, but his teacher had said that they'd had no choice but to see a specialist. A specialist who worked with children just like him. The lady looked up at him from her clipboard, and she smiled softly at him trying to put him at ease.

It only made the little boy more nervous.

"Hello there, I've heard a lot about you." She said in perfect Japanese.

The lonely little boy shifted in his chair, his feet not even touching the floor from where he sat. He nodded at the woman saying nothing.

"My name is Dr. Page. And I came all the way from America to see you. I came because your teacher sent me to help you. Now, when you meet someone you're supposed to introduce yourself." the doctor said speaking in a calm soft voice. She was very used to speaking with problem children, even children who had lost their mother as he had.

"Hello," the lonely little boy said meekly. He looked away from Dr. Page, never once meeting her eyes as he spoke.

Dr. Page waited patiently. She'd learned over the years that you mustn't push a patient, but rather let them work things out on their own, at least in the beginning.

"I'm Ikari. Shinji Ikari" the lonely little boy said slowly.

"Shinji Ikari. That's a lovely name, and how old are you?" Dr. Page asked again, still with that warm smile on her face. But the smile was fake; he knew the lady was pretending to be kind. Why did adults pretend to be something they weren't, he wondered?

"Se- Seven" Shinji said slowly.

 _ **She knows. She already knew the answers to those questions. She knew before you ever walked into the room.**_

Little Shinji let out a small whimper, and he flinched back as if struck. Dr. Page froze, frowning at him, she seemed unsure of what to do for a moment.

 _No, not again. Teacher said I mustn't listen_ the lonely little boy thought.

Dr. Page adopted another warm smile, this one softer than the one before. Calm, relaxing, and giving the lonely little boy his space.

 _ **The smiles mean nothing. They're manufactured. Don't tell her.**_

Shinji closed his eyes tight.

"Shinji" Dr. Page called to him sweetly. He opened his eyes and managed to look back at her.

"Do you know why your teacher called me?"

Shinji shook his head saying "because I'm sick. Because… I see things. Because I hear things. Because of my dreams."

Dr. Page added more notes to the clipboard.

 _ **Don't tell her**_

"Why do you think you're sick?" Dr. Page asked calmly.

Shinji fidgeted nervously in his chair, thinking of what his teacher had told him. To trust the lady, to tell her everything because that was the only way she could help.

 _ **Lie. Don't tell her the truth.**_

"Sometimes my head hurts, and I have dreams. Teacher found me bleeding from my nose more than once." Little Shinji said looking away, his eyes glued to his shoes.

"Now Shinji, tell me what do you see when it happens?" Dr. Page said, her hands were gripping her clipboard tight, pen in hand, eager for what came next.

 _ **She does not care about you**_

Little Shinji trembled at the thing in his head. He closed his eyes remembering what his teacher had told him, to tell the doctor lady everything.

"When I sleep… sometimes I hear a woman screaming" Little Shinji said slowly. Dr. Page's pen flew across her clipboard scribbling notes.

"Go on," Dr. Page said listening carefully.

"And sometimes… I see flashes of people. Too many to count, the people are lying down... and they're not moving. Then I see the people vanish… and instead, there's… there's a liquid in their place." Little Shinji said forcing himself to remember the dreams.

"Hmm, a liquid?" Dr. Page said frowning. Her pen froze mid note taking. She noted his vocabulary skills.

Little Shinji nodded saying "like an ocean. But not water... a strange orange thing... almost like blood."

 _ **Don't. Tell. Her.**_

"Other times I see a woman… I think she's my mother" Little Shinji continued, he wanted to finish this quickly.

 ** _Mother is dead. She's gone, and she won't come back._**

Little Shinji felt tears well up in his eyes at the thing inside his head. He knew it to be true; he was always told how much more mature he could be than other kids. Of how he could understand some things better than kids his age. He could already understand death, but he hated it. He hated thinking about it.

Dr. Page scribbled more notes, the doctor's pen tapped against her clipboard, as she considered that. Her eyes peered into Little Shinji so that even looking away; he could feel her gaze on him. He could feel those cold eyes looking him up and down like he was a puzzle waiting to be solved.

"Shinji" she called softly, "do you see your father too?"

 _Not him, never him_ Little Shinji thought. He shook his head, 'no.'

"One more thing. I… I see a stick, a stick with a point on its end" Little Shinji said.  
The images began to flash through his eyes again.

Little Shinji closed his eyes tight. His heart started beating faster and faster, the room felt like it was getting smaller, the walls were closing in on him. It was like a panic attack... but all the while he could see flashes of imagery going by at a rapid pace.

Suddenly, the little boy began whimpering as the images kept going, they never stopped even when he closed his eyes. How could he see things when his eyes were closed? He didn't know and that scared him.

Shinji felt his breathing grow harsher and harsher. His hands started to shake.

He felt something warm on his face, and suddenly Dr. Page was at his side calling out to him, but he didn't listen. He couldn't have, even if he'd wanted to.

 _ **You shouldn't have told her.**_

The images flashed before him, and he couldn't stop them no matter how hard he tried.

He saw people bleeding on a floor somewhere else, saw the stick with a point on its end, saw a woman in the dark looking at him, saw a boy older than him alone on a stretch of land surrounded by water, saw a man with greying hair standing in the ruins of a city.

 _ **Stop. You have to stop… it'll hurt if you don't**_

Little Shinji shook as the blood slid down his face and over his lips. His nose was bleeding, and his head hurt so much that he felt like he was going to pass out. He had trouble breathing, and he wanted to shout or cry, but he was in so much pain that he couldn't even open his mouth.

The image of the woman in the dark wouldn't leave. She watched him, her face hidden from him, and smiled. She never blinked, she never moved.

 _Stop. Please stop_ Shinji pleaded. He wanted to cry.

"Shh, it's okay. Here" Dr. Page said suddenly. Her voice had lost its calm, and she seemed to be on edge. Seemingly at a loss as to what exactly had happened. They'd been talking, and then her patient had begun shuddering before suffering a nosebleed and clutching his head so hard she was afraid he might pull the hair from his scalp. Not good for someone so young.

Dr. Page grabbed a pair of napkins from her coat. She had been warned this could happen, and gently wiped the blood from Little Shinji's face. "Keep the napkins on your nose, put pressure on it," Dr. Page said cooly.

The child took a moment to calm down.

The images stopped.

Shinji blinked and found that tears were in his eyes, but the boy managed to hold them in. He was breathing slowly and deliberately. After seeing that the boy had calmed himself, Dr. Page stood up and began furiously scribbling on her notes again.

"I think we'll call it a day, you can go home. I'm sorry this happened to you Shinji, but we need to get you better. I promise I will personally do everything I can to help you" Dr. Page said.

She gave him that fake smile again like he was a puzzle just begging to be solved and not a person.

Somehow, Little Shinji found that he did not like Dr. Page very much.

* * *

In the days that followed, Little Shinji's teacher brought him to Dr. Page's office many times. Each time the doctor was careful to steer the lonely little boy away from another nose bleed, but all the time gathering more notes. Asking him questions.

Dr. Page told Little Shinji to draw what he saw in his dreams with color pencils. Dr. Page photographed and scanned the drawings, heavily documenting the boy's case. Dr. Page made note of his attachment to his deceased mother. She took blood samples but found nothing out of the ordinary.

Page personally escorted the boy to a facility to have an MRI done several times. She told him how lucky he was, that the doctors cared so much about him that he didn't have to get on the waiting list for the MRI's. The results were heavily documented and eventually sealed.

Little Shinji was prescribed sleeping pills and a variety of new experimental drugs that seemed to improve his situation. His night-terrors stopped, but he still found himself visiting Dr. Page regularly.

Every day, he took his pills just like his teacher said, the action becoming almost second nature to him. From his teacher to the nurse at school, to even other children who came into contact with the lonely little boy, the words 'Shinji, take your pills' became commonplace.

Then came the day that Little Shinji found himself placed in a mental ward by Dr. Page. His teacher and caretaker signed the forms with very little convincing.

...

He spent five years there. Five years in the mental ward with other children who had problems, but none of them were like him. None of them had problems like he did.

Little Shinji was considered a special case by the staff. He was given his own private room, but it felt more like a punishment. Little Shinji alone in a ward with nothing to do but wait for the doctors and their tests, or else homeschooling via his teacher when the man came for a visit.

Teacher was his only visitor. His father never came to see him. Not once.

Shinji was quiet and shy, but well behaved. He was told that he was very mature for his age despite his lack of social skills or social interactions, that he understood concepts a normal child should not. He was told that he sometimes spoke with a vocabulary that was higher than someone his age should have. The staff, the men and women dressed in white, made him take tests for his IQ and intelligence.

They told him that he was 'interesting.' That he could read on a reading level of almost a young adult already, that he could understand things other children could not, yet he was not a prodigy as he lacked the pure intelligence of those special few. Little Shinji heard the doctors call him 'a truly unique case.'

That was what he was to the doctors and staff of the ward, another patient, another _thing_ to be studied and fixed, but not a person.

"Take your pills" the doctors and staff told him.

They always dressed in white, always giving him a fake smile. Artificial, for they were afraid he'd have another breakdown, or an episode, or a nosebleed.

"Take your pills, Shinji" his teacher told him whenever he came to visit, which was only four times a week to give him his homeschooling.

So many tests, so little people to talk to. No friends.

"One day you'll get out of here, I promise," his teacher told him. A promise to a lonely little boy in a mental ward, a promise the boy stopped believing in.

He was allowed comforts that other patients were not, he was given a cello and allowed to take lessons from his teacher and the staff. He got pretty good at it, not much else to do when you're in a mental ward but practice your music.

...

One day, the lonely little boy met a friend. Another patient.

A little girl a bit older than him, she was wilder than he was. Where he was timid and shy, she was adventurous and blunt. Where Shinji was quiet, she was loud. But for two lonely children in the ward, they were perfect for each other. He met her when he caught her stealing extra food from the cafeteria when no one else was looking; he didn't report her. She had looked at him as he spotted her in the act, and she had thrown him a cup of stolen pudding before running off.

Little Shinji had smiled, and the next day she sat with him at lunch.

They became friends, playing together and talking for hours when the staff let them. Her name was Mari Illustrious Makinami, and she was Shinji's first friend.

They became attached to each other, someone for the other to talk to. For many of the children in the ward were incapable of speaking coherently, and many others too unstable to speak with at all.

"Don't be scared" she would say as she took extra sweets from the cafeteria when the staff wasn't looking, or else dragged him along on an adventure inside the ward. The ward itself was not a pretty place. It was all in white and lifeless, sterile, but for the courtyard which the patients were allowed to use under careful supervision.

And yet two children and their imagination breathed life into it. She made Little Shinji remember the promise his teacher had made him.

"I'll get out of here someday" Little Shinji said one afternoon.

The two children were sitting in his private room atop his bed, both eating a cup of pudding that she'd taken from the cafeteria when no one was looking.

"You think so?" Little Mari said, her long hair ruffling as she rocked back and forth, she was always a ball of energy.

"My teacher told me. One day, I'll get out of here, one day I won't be so sick" Little Shinji said. That was something they never talked about, they never talked about their problems, they never talked about 'why' they were in the ward, to begin with.

Little Mari had paused at that; the first time she'd ever grown serious in all her young years. She looked away from him and set her pudding down. She looked so sad, her long hair falling over her face as she seemed to consider that.

"And me? You think I'll get out too?" the little girl said.

Little Shinji smiled, smiled for perhaps the first time since his mother had died.

"Why not? Maybe we'll get out together. And we can eat pudding every day and go adventuring" Little Shinji said.

Mari looked at him from underneath her long hair. The little girl smiled at him, tossing her hair to her side as she raised a hand saying "pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear" Little Shinji said taking Mari's hand in his own.

...

But that didn't happen. When Shinji was 11 years old, Mari left the ward without him.

He looked for her in the cafeteria one day but couldn't find her, he looked all over the ward but he couldn't find her. He asked the staff and they avoided his eyes telling him that Mari had been released the night before. She was there and gone just like that. He hadn't even been able to say goodbye.

Little Shinji sat alone in his private room trying not to cry for days.

Her name was Mari Illustrious Makinami, and she had been Shinji's first friend. And in the blink of an eye... she was gone

* * *

When Shinji turned 13 years old, he was released from the mental ward. Dr. Page and his teacher had signed the forms, and they had deemed him healthy enough to leave.

He lived with his teacher, and the kind man taught him how to cook. Shinji finally left the ward, was placed in a school and got to see the outside world again. But he wasn't completely free, he was sent his medication and he took his pills every day.

"Take your pills, Shinji" his teacher would tell him.

For a time, Shinji thought he was happy, or at the very least not sad. He had left the ward. He wasn't as sick as he had been when he was younger. But then months later on his 14th birthday, his father sent him a letter. A single envelope with his name on it.

It came in the mail, and when his teacher had handed it to him, Shinji hadn't known what to feel. He opened it to find an I.D. card with his name on it, along with a single word written on paper for him.

"Come"

That was all his father had said. No mention of his many years since seeing the man, no congratulations on leaving the ward, nothing but a single worded letter. He tried not to let it bother him, and moved onto what was left in the envelope.

Enclosed beneath his father's letter was a picture of a young woman in her twenties, dressed loosely and posed in a way that had made Shinji blush.

 _ **Misato Katsuragi**_ the thing in Shinji's head told him.

"Misato Katsuragi" Shinji said. He spoke the words before ever reading the card telling him that she would pick him up when he was inside the city. He had known her name before ever having read her message, and he had a feeling that she'd be running late when the day came.

* * *

 **Short, I know, but this is only the prologue.  
The next chapter will be longer and will start closer to the beginning of the original series, but as I said before this re-telling will diverge and mix things up.**  
 **Mari will appear again, and her relationship with Shinji will be explored, timelines will be addressed.  
**

 **This Shinji will still be the Shinji we know, but a little bit different and he will grow. Nature and nurture shape who you become.  
Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	2. Tokyo 3

**Hey guys and girls, this is a pretty quick update.  
I don't think I'll be able to update this quickly very often, but for now enjoy.  
This chapter is kinda long and mostly from Shinji's POV**

* * *

 **"** _To live is to suffer. Pain is a part of life. If you never learn to move past it, you will never_ _accomplish anything_ **"**

 **- _the broken man_**

Shinji Ikari sat alone in his room, the lonely fourteen-year-old was atop his bed thinking things over. His teacher and caretaker was out; Shinji was considered responsible enough to take care of himself while the adult was away.

His teacher wasn't around as much as one would think, the man taught Shinji and did take care of him, receiving a generous salary from Shinji's father, but he also made time for himself. Time away from the odd boy living in his apartment.

Shinji didn't mind. He liked his teacher, but at times he did wonder just how much his teacher actually cared for him beyond collecting a check. The thought had crossed Shinji's mind more and more lately, ever since he'd gotten the letter from his father.

"Come" was all the letter said. The envelope had come with an ID card with Shinji's picture and name on it, as well as a photo of a woman who had volunteered to pick him up once he was inside Tokyo-3.

Shinji glanced at the letter on his bedside, he had re-read the single word many times over.

It had been years since Shinji and his father had even spoken to each other. Gendo Ikari had never once visited the ward. Had never once went to visit his only child, his son whom had so many problems in his head that he had to be locked away for five years in a mental ward.

 _Why? Why now of all times?_ Shinji wondered.

Shinji had read stories and seen movies about fathers and their sons, about the bond between child and parent. Somehow, Shinji thought he had missed out on that.

Part of Shinji didn't even want to go. The message Misato Katsuragi had left with her photo mentioned that he would be staying in the city for some time, but she hadn't said for how long.

"It's not like I have much going on here anyway" Shinji said talking to himself. He did that occasionally, a bad habit from having spent years in a mental ward with few people to talk to.

 _Teacher wouldn't mind if I went. He has a life here. And me? I go to school, and do any chores that teacher asks me to do._ _No other friends or family, just school and then home again. Same as every other day_ he thought.

"Maybe father wants me to move in with him… No, I doubt that" Shinji muttered to himself.

He sighed, leaving his room and walking to the medicine cabinet. He grabbed his various pills that he took every day. The ward, or perhaps Dr. Page herself, sent him the pills. He had never really bothered to think about it too much, he was still sick in the head and he needed his meds.

 _He's my dad, he must care about me. He has to care even a little_ Shinji thought as he swallowed his prescribed pills.

More than anything else, that was what drove Shinji to travel to Tokyo-3. To see if his father really did care for him at all. He told teacher and within 3 days they had arranged travel for him. It would be a one-way trip, at least for a while if Misato Katsuragi was to be believed.

* * *

 _Three days later  
_ _Tokyo 3_

The alarms had finally stopped ringing.

For over twenty minutes those blasted things and their high pitched ringing had aired followed by a pre-recorded message. A standard issue message informing citizens to remain calm and seek shelter.

However, a single fourteen-year-old boy had completely ignored said alarms…

The streets were empty when Shinji finally got to the public phone, part of him knew he shouldn't be out here during an emergency. But his father had sent for him. That meant that he had to try… right?

Shinji had decided that his father must have had a reason for calling him, and that meant that his father had to care even a little about him.

"We're sorry. Due to the state of special emergency, no lines are currently available. This is a recorded message"

Shinji sighed, he put the public phone back on its hook. He'd arrived in the city hours ago and made his way to the pick-up spot, only to find that this 'Misato Katsuragi' wasn't there waiting for him.

Somehow, he'd had a feeling this would happen.

He had waited even as the alarms had started and people had begun clearing the streets. Shinji had heard about the alarms before, but he hadn't spent much time out in the real world. He didn't know where a shelter was, and he didn't know what else to do, so he had decided to just wait.

Wait even as everyone in the area had evacuated.

 _I was supposed to meet her here. I double checked and everything._ Shinji thought as he pulled the pictured they'd sent him out of his pocket once again.

A picture of a young beautiful woman in a striking pose.

"Figures, guess we won't be meeting. Maybe dad didn't want me here after all." Shinji said in a low quiet voice. "I should look for a shelter" he muttered to himself as he heard the distant booms far off, no doubt the military.

From what Shinji understood, once the city wide alarms went off it meant the whole military was on the move. He'd seen movies about the military deploying from the tv's in the ward, but he'd never seen them in person before. He'd never seen a variety of aircraft, from fighter planes to attack bombers, going through the sky and seeming to roar through the air as they went.

To think, all this because the woman that was supposed to pick him up was running late.

 _ **She will be here**_

Shinji froze. _Not again, and why today of all days_ he thought darkly.

The sickness was coming back; thoughts that didn't seem to be his own were coming back. Not 'just' a voice in his head, more like instincts that were not his. This madness from inside his head that stirred when he didn't take his medicine.

Shinji checked his watch and then reached into his pocket pulling out his meds. "Take your pills." Shinji muttered to himself as he acted on autopilot and swallowed the handful of pills given to him by the doctors over the years.

The white pill he took to help him sleep at night, the blue pills he took to stop his head from hurting, and the red pills he took because Dr. Page had told him to. Supposedly the red ones were the most important. Lastly, in his backpack was a bottle of black pills used only under emergency situations, only when Shinji had been suffering nosebleeds or else having frequent blackouts and loss of memory.

In total, he'd packed enough of his meds to last him 32 days. He hadn't known how long he'd be there for so he'd packed enough to be safe. Months ago, Shinji had been deemed responsible enough to handle his meds with the guarantee his school and household would be given a stash of pills for backup.

"Taste awful." Shinji muttered as he finished taking his meds. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself, it wasn't a good sign when he had to take his pills this early.

 _THUD  
_ _THUD  
_ _THUD_

An Angel had appeared... far off into the distance. Monstrous, tall, and alien it loomed over the city. .

Shinji snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of monstrously huge footsteps echoing across the entire city. He starred in awe from his place on the open street, transfixed at the Angel walking forward as various armored helicopters and planes hovered in formation above.

The military aircraft surrounded the Angel, forming a kill zone where their target could not escape, where no space was left empty, where all gunners would hit their mark.

 _Angel..._ Shinji thought, his eyes wide as the military aircraft fired their missiles.

The lone boy watched as the monstrous Angel was struck by every missile in the killzone, watched as the enormous creature was engulfed in a bright fireball of white.

He raised his hands to cover his eyes at the sheer force of the explosions, even miles and miles away, whipped across the empty streets shattering glass across their path and striking him so hard he stumbled back and fell to his knees.

And as Shinji fell, his medicine, his Prescription bottles, fell onto the open street.

 _No. I need those!_ Shinji thought even with the shock of seeing an Angel in person.

Car alarms began going off as Shinji got to his knees... to find that the military's firepower had absolutely no effect on the Angel. The hulking beast stood tall, Shinji watched as it lifted its monstrous hands and shot a bright beam of light at the aircraft before it.

Shinji saw rather than heard the impact, saw the aircraft struck by the blast and explode upon impact. The explosion sent smoke and shrapnel everywhere. The other aircraft scattered, leaving their formation behind as the Angel continued walking.

 _THUD  
_ _THUD  
_ _THUD_

The Angel, almost humanoid except for its size, color, and the width of its shoulders, strode forward undeterred by the military. Its gigantic feet shook the ground. Explosions could be heard off in the distance as the Angel stepped over cars and trains, igniting their engines in the process but it barely seemed to notice.

Shinji stared at the Angel in complete shock, until finally the sound of a car approaching from behind him got his attention. The car was sliding across the road, the driver barely managing to control it as the car swerved to a stop just before him.

"Sorry, I'm late" a young woman said opening the passenger door for him.

 _Misato Katsuragi, the woman I was supposed to meet here. The woman who was supposed to take me to my father_ Shinji thought as he recognized the beautiful woman from the picture.

And she was beautiful, she was tall with dark purple hair and she carried with her a strange sense of calm and perhaps silliness even amid all the danger.

"Get in" Misato said surprisingly calm despite the ongoing fight between the Angel and the military nearby.

Another explosion sounded off in the distance shaking the ground around them, and Shinji quickly got to his feet. He stumbled as he reached down for his fallen prescription bottles, grabbing what he could, even as Misato called for him to "come on."

 _BOOM._

Another explosion sounded off as the military tried and failed to kill the Angel. Shinji flinched at the noise and abandoned his medicine on the street, grabbing what he could before hurriedly rushing into Misato's car.

 _I didn't get all my pills back…_ he thought.

"Great, let's get going." Misato said, and before he even closed the passenger door she drove off.

 _I haven't even closed the door yet_ Shinji thought as they started moving.

He managed to grab the door handle and swing the door closed as Misato took off down the road from where she came. The ground shook again as the Angel took another step forward, it's foot coming dangerously close to their car. Yet Misato didn't even seem to care, the woman simply drove the car away gunning it to its max speed.

"Take a moment to catch your breath. It's okay." Misato was saying, how the pretty woman could be so calm right now he didn't now. They drove without talking for a long time, leaving the Angel and the military to their battle.

* * *

Once they'd driven a good distance from the battle, Misato actually stopped the car to Shinji's surprise, saying she needed to check how things were going.

 _There's an Angel in the city and she wants to see how the fight's going? Is she insane?_ Shinji thought. But then some small part of him felt guilty, Misato had saved his life. And from what Shinji remembered of his mother, she had told him to always be kind.

Shinji kept his thoughts to himself.

Misato didn't seem to notice either way, she only pulled out a pair of binoculars and looked out into the distance from the safety of her car. A safety that didn't last long.

"Shit, they're gonna use an N2 mine. Those idiots!" Misato said with such shock that Shinji snapped up to look at her. She turned to him and shoved him down into the seat, her body falling over his as she tackled him into laying down.

 _What-_ the boy thought.

"Get down!" Misato cried.

Shinji never saw the flash of light, he only heard the boom and felt the waves of kinetic energy slam into the car sending them flying and rolling over.

 _I'm gonna die... I'm gonna die!_ Shinji thought as they rolled with the car. Dirt went flying everywhere, some of it getting into the car and onto both of them.

He didn't know how long the car rolled for, but when it stopped he felt like he was going to vomit up his meds. But he couldn't do that, at least not with Misato on top of him, so he held it in even as the crazy woman got off him.

It took a few moments for Shinji to realize that their car had landed on its side. He could feel his heart pounding and he distantly heard Misato saying that they needed to get out and flip the car.

Misato helped him climb out.

"We're gonna have to tip it back, only way to get back on the road" she was saying. Shinji only stared off into the ruins of the city blocks around him. City blocks that had been intact minutes ago… now completely ruined.

 _The N2 mine... it did all this. The military caused more damage than the Angel did._ Shinji thought. The boy stumbled forward, Misato's voice in the background, and stared with wide eyes, mouth agape at the scene around him. In a span of a few minutes he had nearly died at least twice.

Distantly, he heard Misato talking to him. But he wasn't paying attention. All he could do was stare at the downed Angel in the distance, the monstrous titan brought low by the military.

"Hey!"

A hand was shaking him by the shoulder, and Shinji snapped out of it. He turned to look at her.

"The Angel's _not_ down. We have to get back on the road. Come on, give me a hand" Misato said sounding much more serious than he'd ever heard her.

Shinji turned seeing the Angel slowly getting to its feet again in the distance, it had been burned but not killed. Pulling himself together, he turned to help Misato.

"1, 2, 3 push" Misato chanted as she and Shinji put their backs to the car. Together, they forced the toppled car back onto what was left of the road. With a heavy thud the car landed back on the road.

"You alright?" Misato said wiping sweat from her brow.

"Yeah... but my mouth is full of dirt" Shinji said, he didn't know how he was holding it together but he was.

"Eh, you'll be alright" Misato said slapping him on the back affectionately.

Shinji felt his face warm at her touch, he didn't have much experience with women since Mari had left the ward without him. He barely heard Misato as she dragged him back into the car saying they needed to move.

Amazingly, Misato's car started up again and they drove off. Shinji forcing himself to keep his eyes ahead, he didn't want to look back at the seemingly unkillable Angel...

 _To think, in the months since leaving the ward my life has changed so much_ Shinji thought.

They drove on, eventually reaching beyond the blast radius of the N2 mine and finding the strange line where the ruined city transformed into a perfectly intact, if empty, city.

"Don't worry, his safety is my top priority. Can you get a car train for us, an express one? I did volunteer to pick him up after all" Misato was saying over the phone to someone or some people that Shinji didn't know.

He barely paid attention, only looking at the somehow intact window of their car, how strange it was to have crossed from a ruined city to an empty one, to watch as the landscape went from a battered bombed out road to an intact if empty highway.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _NERV headquarters_

The way through NERV headquarters took them longer than it should have, and it already was a long trip through the many twists and turns of the underground facility known as the Geofront.

Misato had given him a NERV manual to read on the way as their train car, which surprisingly was an actual train that transported their car, brought them to where they needed to go. But they hadn't talked much on the way.

Shinji had trouble talking to anyone, especially women. He'd spent so much time isolated and without many friends except for Mari, and his first few months free of the ward didn't help much either. Yet Misato seemed friendly... and not in that faked sense of nervousness that people adopted around him when they found out he'd been in a mental ward.

Somehow, Shinji didn't think Misato knew much of his past. He didn't think she knew of his mental health issues.

Walking the halls of NERV after getting rides on the transit system proved to be a nightmare, Misato has forgotten the way and even with a map they'd gotten lost.

 _ **That way**_

Shinji flinched and froze in his tracks. _No... no that can't happen. I took my meds, I took my pills... why?_

"Shinji?" Misato said turning to look at the shuddering boy before her.

"Nothing, I... just got cold is all" Shinji said quickly. Misato treated him pretty normally, and he didn't want to lose that. He didn't want to see her grow stiff around him and nervously try to be friendly to him, the stigma of his past always did that to people.

 _I can last a few hours. I'll have to take my pills again later, probably all the excitement is all. The thing in my head will go away_ he thought desperately.

"This is the wrong way, not there. Over here" Shinji said suddenly.

Misato turned to the boy about to tell him that she knew what she was doing, but he had already started walking off without her. "Hey, don't just- … I think you're right" Misato said as she realized that Shinji was actually going the right way.

* * *

Reaching the elevators that they were looking for, Shinji was surprised when the doors slid open before he could press the call button. Another doctor, he'd gotten used to doctors over the years, wearing a lab coat was already inside.

The doctor, a pretty blond woman, blinked in surprise at the sight of him just as Misato called out to her.

"Hello" Shinji said in an awkward greeting.

The doctor looked him up and down. He wasn't sure if he liked her or not..

Misato, whom had been trailing behind Shinji, stiffened comically at the sight of her longtime friend. "Hey. Sorry we're late, but I got lost. Shinji here actually found the way" she said.

"Always running late, tsk. You do realize we're short on manpower right now?" the doctor said to her friend. The woman shook her head and turning to Shinji.

Shinji watched as the doctor before him smiled artificially, and knelt so he didn't have to look up at her.

"Hello Shinji, my name is Dr. Ritsuko Akagi" she said in a falsely, and very forced, tone.

Misato frowned at her old friend, what was up with that? Ritsuko never tried to be 'nice' to people before.

Shinji didn't respond, he hated it when people did that to him. Treating him as if he could have a breakdown if they weren't careful around him.

 _Just like Dr. Page. Trying to be nice... but it feels fake_. _She knows._ Shinji thought. He recognized the act, the act all doctors put on for him, all trying to be his friend and keep him calm at all cost.

Ritsuko had indeed read the files on Shinji, she knew what his psychological evaluation was over the years.

"He's the third child. This is Shinji Ikari, he'd kind of quiet like his father." Misato said breaking the awkward silence

"I know. Come on, we have little time" Ritsuko said gesturing them back into the elevators.

...

Shinji said nothing as they rode the elevator up several stories. He could tell Ritsuko was being careful with him, a bit stiff, or was that just the way she was. He opened up the NERV manual and pretended to read, he already felt too much like a third wheel when it came to the two women.

"How's Unit 01? Is it operational, it hasn't ever worked before right?" Misato was saying as Shinji pretended to read his manual.

"It's in refrigeration and no, it still isn't working. The possibility of Unit 01 working is 0.0000000-" Ritsuko began.

"I get it, it's a really _really_ long shot" Misato cut in to Ritsuko's minor annoyance.

 _ **Its waiting for you. Don't be scared. 01 will never hurt you, but others might.**_ The Thing in his head stirred.

Shinji flinched inwardly, Misato not noticing as she spoke with Ritsuko about today's events, but the doctor knew what she was doing apparently, she spared him a very controlled glance but said nothing.

 _ **She knows.**_ The thing in his head stirred in agreement. That terrified Shinji even more, and he fought hard not to wince in shock.

The elevator pinged as it reached the floor they were looking for. They stepped outside finding a seemingly large space with no lights at all, once the elevator doors closed again they were engulfed in complete darkness.

 _ **Don't shout, they're watching you.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Need my pills_ Shinji thought even as the lights suddenly switched on revealing a hulking beast, a machine clad in purple armor. A strange mix of artifice and nature.

"A… a giant robot" Shinji said in awe, he brought up the NERV manual again looking for an explanation.

"You won't find the EVA in that manual" Ritsuko said suddenly. Shinji looked up at her, she had been watching him it seemed, wanting to judge his reaction to unit 01.

Ritsuko gestured to the monstrous machine, almost like an Angel in its own way, saying "mankind's ultimate fighting machine. Evangelion Unit 01. Built here in secret. Mankind's last hope."

Misato said nothing and Shinji stared into the Evangelion's face, stared into its eyes and the thing seemed to stare back at him with cold lifeless eyes that were larger than his whole body. It felt like the Eva was watching him.

The boy looked away... unable to hold its gaze.

"Is this my father's work?" Shinji asked. Before Ritsuko could answer, a voice from above called out to all three of them, a voice Shinji hadn't heard in years.

"Correct"

They turned and Shinji gazed unblinkingly at the man standing in the lift above them. Gendo Ikari, his father.

 _No not a lift. A command center_ Shinji thought as he saw his father looking down at him. Now that the lights were on, he could see that there were additional walkways and floors to the space where Unit 01 was stored. Technicians and other staff worked from up above them, but most had turned their gaze towards Shinji. This wasn't an empty space, but a hanger of some kind.

"We're moving out" Gendo said staring back into his son's gaze with cold indifference.

Misato stepped forward saying "what?! But Unit 02's still in Germany? How- wait! Wait! You're going to use Unit 01… but I... Rei can't pilot it."

"Shinji will pilot 01" Ritsuko said as Gendo nodded.

"I… you're serious about this? He just got here! It took Rei months to sync with her Unit." Misato said gaping at Ritsuko and Gendo as if they had lost their minds.

"It's the only way. Shinji Ikari, you will pilot Unit 01" Ritsuko said turning a cold stare to Shinji as she spoke.

"That's impossible, he just got here-" Misato stammered.

"Stopping the Angel is more important than us playing it safe. Even if he can only sit in the pilot seat, it's enough. It's our only chance" Ritsuko replied.

Shinji however, hadn't said a word as the two women argued over him, hadn't said a word even as he realized the stakes of what was happening. He only stared at his father standing above them.

"Why did you send for me?" Shinji said his voice quivering. He wasn't used to raising his voice, wasn't used to speaking to his father at all.

Misato and Ritsuko stopped their bickering and glanced to the young boy as he stared down his father.

"You know why I sent for you. Because I have a use for you." Gendo Ikari said without a hint of emotion.

"After all this time. Why? You... you left me in the ward for all those years and now... and for what? Because I have a use for you?!" Shinji said his hands balling into fists.

"Do not weep like a _child_ , you were well cared for. Doctors and treatments that many would not have had access to. A roof over your head, an education, and specialized care whenever needed" Gendo said.

He sounded so heartless, as if he was reading off a series of conditions on a list to be checked off, conditions that needed to be fulfilled for some trivial task... Shinji looked down at his shoes, he could feel Misato's gaze on him even as his own father looked down at him with indifference.

"Why me?" Shinji asked in a barely a whisper.

Gendo said nothing.

"Why me?!" Shinji said louder, almost shouting at his father.

The ground suddenly shook and the others stumbled, but Shinji barely moved. "The Angel's getting closer, it must know our location." Ritsuko said almost swearing.

 _ **Even if you don't, he'll send out Rei instead. We don't matter to him, Shinji. Never have. We're just pawns in a much bigger game**_ The thing in his head stirred.

This time, Shinji didn't flinch. He knew this was a bad sign, the thing in his head, he needed another dose of his medicine but there was no time. He held everything in, making no obvious reaction to what had happened again. Yet somehow, he thought Ritsuko knew.

"Shinji, I know it's hard but you musn't run away-" Misato began as she knelt down to him trying to calm him down, but before she could finish Gendo spoke.

"Because there's no one else" Gendo called back in answer to Shinji's earlier question.

"Liar" Shinji said slowly, his words seeming to carry over the room bringing an unexpected tension.

Misato blinked in surprise as Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, even other staff members milling about above them froze at Shinji's words. No one had ever spoken like that to the infamously cold Gendo Ikari.

Gendo narrowed his eyes, his voice growing colder, saying "what did you say?"

 _ **You called him a liar**_

"I called you a liar" Shinji said again.

Ritsuko stared at Shinji noticing that the young boy had balled his hands into fists. The doctor considered that, before turning to look at Evangelion Unit 01… and saw that its hands had balled into fists too. Mirroring the boy exactly.

 _Amazing_ she thought.

Gendo Ikari scoffed at his son. "How disappointing. Dr. Akagi, our spare pilot is useless. Prepare Rei instead." The man said.

"Roger that. Re-configure Unit 01's system to Rei and then activate!" Ritsuko called to the other staff above.

 _So he did lie. I knew it._ Shinji thought bitterly. He turned away from his father's disapproving gaze, he didn't want to be here, he wanted to be alone but at the same time he didn't, he felt like he'd been alone for most of his young life.

"Shinji" Misato said still kneeling down at his level, she wasn't sure what to say but she knew that the boy was hurting inside.

For his part, Shinji stayed silent but turned when the doors from another hallway opened and a team of nurses emerged. They pushed a stretcher carrying the body of young girl into the room.

 _ **Rei… she doesn't deserve to be used like that**_

"Rei" Shinji said in barely whisper.

Misato blinked, taken aback. How had Shinji known who Rei was?

The girl in question was still recovering, bandages covered her arms and even her head, one of her eyes covered in the medical wrappings.

 _My father… he's going to send her out like that? How could he be so cruel_ Shinji thought. Misato was saying something to him but he wasn't listening, he only stared at the poor girl in the stretcher.

BOOM

Another explosion sounded off, this time so close that they could actually hear it even deep underground. The force of said explosion shook the ground and ceiling around them, the nurses stumbled back and the stretcher flipped over.

"Rei!" Shinji said rushing forward to catch the falling girl, not noticing that some of the lights above them had been detached from the ceiling. Damaged from the force of the explosion.

"Shinji look out!" Misato cried.

But suddenly Evangelion Unit 01 moved. Its large arm shot out, emerging from the pool of liquid used to store it, and with a single hand, it caught the falling lights before they landed on top of Shinji and Rei.

The room stood silent, the adult seeming to scared to breathe.

Eva Unit 01 held the debris, protecting those below.

"The Eva activated by itself!" one of the technicians cried out in shock.

"That's not possible, that can't happen!" Ritsuko said in awe. The doctor stared at the Eva unit's hand, then stared back at Shinji holding Rei. But Shinji seemed to be in just as shocked as any of them.

"It's him" Misato said in barely a whisper. She was staring open mouthed at Shinji.

Shinji barely paid any attention to them, he only looked at Rei in his arms. He caught her before she fell, and then they'd both needed saving. She didn't look too good, she was wincing in pain at the slightest touch and she barely seemed aware of his presence at all.

 _I can't let her go out there. Was this a plan? Did father want me to see her?!_ Shinji thought angry.

"Fine. I'll do it" Shinji said helping Rei back onto her stretcher.

Misato beamed at him and Ritsuko snapped her attention back to him saying "what?"

"I said I'll do it. I'll pilot Unit 01. I just have to sit in it right?" Shinji said. He didn't look up at his father, but he felt the man's eyes on him all the same.

Eva Unit 01 moved its massive hand, setting the fallen lights down a safe distance from all the people in the hanger. Shinji glanced at it neverously, unsure of all this. Even the adults were staring at the massive thing and its unexpected behavior.

 _About time_ Gendo Ikari thought.

* * *

 _Some time later  
_  
"What is this stuff?" Shinji asked nervously.

He was sitting in the pilot seat of Eva Unit 01's Entry Plug. After he had agreed to pilot the Nerv technicians and Ritsuko had given him an interface headset, but not much else. He'd manage to stay pretty calm until the strange liquid had started pouring into his Entry Plug.

Shinji panicked as the liquid poured in faster, beginning to submerge him. _They're gonna kill me!_ He thought panicking before Ritsuko spoke on the comm system saying "just breathe it in. That's LCL, once it fills your lungs, you will be oxygenated directly."

 _ **Breathe.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji breathed despite the LCL completely submerging his body, the strange orange, or perhaps amber, liquid seeping into his mouth and nose. He managed to stay calm and relax, and his discomfort vanished almost immediately.

...

"The kid's a natural, didn't even flinch once he breathed it in" a technician said impressed.

"Dr. Akagi look at this! His sync ratio just passed 50% and it's still rising!" another technician called out. Ritsuko rushed over watching as Shinji's sync ratio came to a halt at 63.6%.

"That's incredible" the doctor murmured barely believing it.

 _Damn_ Misato thought with a grin. "Prepare to launch!"

* * *

"Have I… have I been here before?" Shinji found himself whispering. He had closed his eyes in an almost prayer like mentally as the NERV staff, as well as Misato and Ritsuko, had done their part to send him on his way.

Shinji hardly noticed as the bolts that restrained Unit 01 were removed, hardly noticed as safety locks were disengaged, and hardly noticed as Unit 01 was transferred to a launch pad.

"Launch!" Misato called, and Shinji opened his eyes.

With a huge mechanical roar, the Eva Unit was shot up from the launch pad. Heavy sparks, metal riding on metal, trailed behind the Eva as it was sent up. The massive machine emerged onto the city above the Geofront, emerged into the night sky along the Angel's path of destruction.

 _There it is, the Angel from before_ Shinji thought.

Being in the Eva was strange, it was like he could feel himself as him in the pilot seat, but also the Eva's body as his own too. He could even 'see' or sense things from the Eva's point of view, despite the display screen in the entry plug, and he shuddered as he stood before the Angel.

"Just try to walk for now." Ritsuko called to him from the comm system.

And that's what Shinji did. He moved Eva Unit 01, the massive machine talking careful steps forward.

 _THUD  
_ _THUD  
_ _THUD  
_ _THUD_

Unit 01's footsteps echoed just as the heavy thud of the Angel's had. Shinji stumbled as he walked the Eva, he faltered, but he did not fall.

"Shinji watch out!" Misato's voice roared in his ear. The comm system was relayed the woman's cry directly into his ear, and he winced at the loud voice even as he saw the Angel coming towards him.

His heart started pounding as the Angel charged him. Shinji raised Unit 01's hand not sure what to do.

The Angel tackled him.

Shinji coughed violently as he felt the wind knocked out of him, felt pain as if the Eva's body was his own. Yet somehow Shinji kept his feet planted and did not fall, as if his feet had acted of their own accord and not his will.

For a brief moment, the Angel did not stop. Then both titans were forced forward with a screech of sparks. Eva Unit 01 and the Angel both slid down the streets of Tokyo-3.

Shinji raised the Eva's hand, balled it into a fist, and slammed it down on the Angel's head, trying to stop them as the monstrous beast carried them both through the city. In response, the Angel stumbled back, but grabbed Unit 01's arm with one hand and 01's head with the other.

"Ack!" Shinji groaned as he felt his own body being pulled as the Angel pulled on the Eva's limbs, forcing them outward as if trying to rip the Eva in half.

Distantly, he could hear the metal plate armor of the Eva rattling as it was pulled. The Angel trying to rip the marvel of human engineering apart with its bare hands. Shinji wanted to scream. The sensation of being torn feeling all too real... despite it not being his 'real' body.

"The pain isn't real. Its only because you're connected to 01. Fight back!" Misato shouted into his comm system.

 _My arm_ Shinji thought. He looked down and saw that his own arm was fine, but he could feel 01's arm breaking. He could actually _feel_ the tendons ripping apart. He let out another agonized scream as he felt his arm being literally ripped off, phantom sensations from the damage the Angel did to Unit 01.

 _ **To live is to suffer. That's part of life. There will always be pain, best get used to it**_

 _Need my meds_ Shinji thought even as the thing inside his head stirred.

The Angel lifted Unit 01 off the ground, and Shinji felt himself lifting his legs and kicking the Angel across it's chest with both of the Eva's feet.

BANG

The Angel flew back, as if hit by a cannon, and the monster was forced to release 01 as it was thrown across the streets of Tokyo-3.

Eva Unit 01 fell on its back, unmoving.

THUD

The sound of the Eva landing on its back echoed throughout the city. Massive puffs of dirt and crushed concrete flew up in response.

Shinji panted out heavy breaths as he felt his real arm from the relative safety of the Entry Plug, it was undamaged. _Phantom pains_ he thought. He had to get used to pain or else he was done for.

He looked at Unit 01's left arm, the arm that the Angel had nearly ripped off. He saw that it was bent oddly, broken and dislocated but still attached.

 _ **Cable**_

Somehow, Shinji felt that he had to get up. Not just to fight, but because of the power cable that was the Eva's power source. Somehow, he knew that if the Angel were to break or disconnect the cable then he'd only have a few minutes to finish the fight.

The hulking figure of Eva Unit 01 stirred, getting to its knees before stumbling up to its feet. Several cars on the empty streets of Tokyo 3 were crushed in the process, the metal popping like soda cans under the weight of the Eva. Shinji looked up, the Eva's head doing the same, and he saw the sheer damage he and the Angel had done to the city.

He hadn't just kicked the Angel back; it had flown back _colliding into the side of a building_ as well as completely wrecking street lights along its path before falling. The building the Angel had hit looked like something out of a cartoon, a rip along its side where the angel destroyed office space and shattered windows across multiple floors.

The offices would have to be closed, people would be out of a job, and it could take months to repair the building.

His heart pounded in his chest as he saw the Angel getting back to its feet. Eerily inhuman, the monster rose.

Shinji had to end this, but he had to be careful not to destroy the city in the process.

"Don't be scared" Shinji whispered to himself.

That was what Mari had always told him when she brought him on another of her adventures in the ward, her adventures that often meant breaking the rules or doing something dangerous. The memory brought a brief smile to Shinji's lips, but he couldn't linger on it. He had a job to do.

He ran towards the Angel, the Eva moving its heavy legs with frightening speed.

The Angel crouched low as Shinji approached it, it raised its arms and strange lance like structures of light erupted from its forearms.

 _What the fu-_ Shinji thought as he was impaled by the Angel's strange lances. The bone-like structures of light striking him in the chest and piercing deep, but not going through entirely.

Shinji screamed as the sensation of being stabbed sent him nearly over the edge. The 14 year old threw his head back in shock, eyes closed tight in pain.

He could distantly hear Misato calling out to him from the comm system, but before he could respond through the haze of pain, the Angel had lifted him off the ground.

"No!" Shinji screamed as he used Unit 01's good hand and punched the Angel across the face.

The Angel stumbled back as Shinji kept punching it, bringing the Eva's fist down onto the Angel again and again. He had lousy technique but the force of the continuous blows forced the Angel back.

Shinji actually cracked the face plate of the Angel, exposing a more organic-looking layer of massive flesh. But the Angel swung its arms and threw Unit 01 back, removing its lance-like bones from the Eva's chest and flinging Shinji away.

Eva Unit 01 crashed into the streets of Tokyo-3, colliding with various city lights, lamp posts, and power lines along the way. Street lights and power lines were torn from ground and went flying wide into the night sky before crashing down with heavy thuds elsewhere. Glass shattered and car alarms started off in the distance.

Shinji brought the Eva to its feet again eve as the Angel ran after him. Its lance-like bones held outward for another stab.

 _Have to end this fast_ Shinji thought.

 _ **To live is to suffer. Accept the pain and make an opening**_

"What the hell are you doing!" Misato yelled into his ear via the comm system.

Shinji didn't even try to move Eva Unit 01 out of the way, he waited for the Angel to reach him and crouched knowing he was about to get hurt. He let the Angel get close and _allowed himself_ to get impaled by the strange lance-like bones… He screamed, and forced Unit 01 to grab the Angel by its wide shoulders.

He forced the Angel down as he brought Unit 01's knee up, and hit it square in the face. The blow shattered more of the monstrous thing's face plate. The Angel stumbled dazed as Shinji brought 01's knee into its face-plate again and again, cracking it more and more, and exposing more of it's flesh.

Shinji struggled as the Angel forced itself back, breaking free of his grasp, but he used 01's damaged hand to grab one of the lance like structures. They had pierced into his Eva's armor, but had never gone completely through, and now he was getting his revenge for his damaged arm.

The Angel did break free of Shinji's grasp, but Shinji ripped out one of it lance-like bones along the way. Angel blood that almost looked like LCL seeped out of its wound as Shinji stumbled back holding the strange lance like bone.

"Shinji. It's forming an AT field!" Ritusko yelled into his comm.

Sure enough, when Shinji tried to strike the Angel he found his Eva's fist repelled by flashes of light that rippled in strange patterns upon impact.

The Angel was dying and doing its best to protect itself.

* * *

Meanwhile in the NERV headquarters, Ritsuko was called by one of her technician saying "Dr. Akagi! Shinji's sync ratio is rising! 68.9% now! He's repairing Unit 01's damaged hand and negating the Angel's AT field!"

Ritsuko and Misato watched nervously as the fight between Angel and boy waged on.

* * *

 ** _This will hurt_**

"This really hurts" Shinji said as blood trailed down his nose.

He didn't know how, but the Eva's damaged hand felt better. Feeling something inside of him, an instinct he didn't know existed, he plunged his other good hand into the Angel's AT Field and found that he could pierce it.

Shinji winced from the strain as he literally pulled the Angel's AT Field apart with 01's good hand; then he used his damaged hand to stab the lance-like Angel bone into the monstrous beast's head.

* * *

"He used the Angel's own weapon against it" Ritsuko murmured in awe.

Murmurs filled the command room.

* * *

Shinji felt resistance even as he stabbed the lance-like Angel bone directly into the Angel's exposed organic-looking layer of flesh where its brain should have been. He groaned putting all his strength into it and forced the bone deeper and deeper into the Angel's exposed flesh.

The Angel tried to resist, it reached upward throwing its arms around Eva Unit 01 and wrapped itself around the Eva.

* * *

"It's going to self-destruct!" Ritsuko and Misato shouted into Shinji's ear via the comm system.

* * *

Shinji released his grip on the Angel's lance-like bone as the Angel drew Unit 01 closer and closer into its embrace. The Angel's arms transformed, stretching and forming into strange threads of flesh that wrapped themselves around the Eva.

"I can't break free." Shinji said panicking as he tried to rip his hands free but found that he couldn't

 _ **Throw it**_

 _I can't_ Shinji thought.

 ** _You can_**

* * *

"Dr. Akagi, it's happening again! Shinji's sync ratio is raising! 70%! Now 75%! It keeps growing!"

"How? That doesn't make any sense?"

* * *

 ** _You can break free_**

"I can break free!" Shinji yelled as blood trailed down his face. He found a strength he didn't know he had, and ripped Unit 01's hands free.

The Evangelion tore through the Angel's flesh, ripping its arms free of its foe, and a shower of Angel blood fell to the floor.

Shinji grabbed the now arm-less Angel and lifted it above himself.

* * *

"Dr. Akagi! Shinji's Sync ratio is at 91%!"

* * *

 _ **Throw him away from the city**_

"I'm throwing him away from the city!" Shinji said nearly screaming as he tasted blood in his mouth and tears in his eyes. His head was hurting so much he thought he would pass out, but he ignored it for now.

Eva Unit 01 swung the arm-less Angel, throwing the beast high into the night sky, throwing it as far from the city as he could manage.

BOOM

The Angel self-destructed before it even landed, exploding into a bright cross shaped figure of fire in mid-air as it soared over empty terrain outside the city.

* * *

Unit 01 slumped to its knees as Shinji breathed out heavy haggard breaths, and he slumped into his seat from inside his Entry Plug. He spat out blood from his mouth, and brought a hand to his face finding more blood, his blood.

He'd had another nosebleed it seemed, a violent one. And his head was throbbing in so much pain he felt tears in his eyes.

"Shinji, you did it! It didn't get much of the city!" Misato cheered into his ear via the comm system.

 _Need my meds. Take your pills Shinji. Take your pills_ Shinji thought weakly, his mind a haze of sensations.

His eyes felt heavier and heavier. His vision grew into a blur of color, his lower face dripping down blood as he blinked.

"Shinji? Hey, is everything alright? Shinji? Shinji!" Misato called after several moments of silence.

The fourteen-year old boy passed out. Still slumped in the seat of his entry plug.

...

Later, that's how they found Shinji. Unconscious and slumped into the seat of his Entry Plug, dried blood covering his face and old tears dripping down his cheeks.

He wouldn't wake until the next day in an empty hospital room.

* * *

 **Little bit of divergence here, and there will be more.  
Mostly told from Shinji's POV but it will switch up a bit later on.**

 **I wanted to make Shinji still an uncertain kid more than anything else, a lonely guy who just wants people to be nice to him like in the series.**  
 **He's been altered and at least for now he doesn't have 'the Beast of Unit 01' or 'Berserk Mode' to help him when he loses control. He has do more things on his own, so I had him actually win his first fight on his own but it wasn't easy.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review**


	3. Katsuragi

**Hey guys, this is not really an action chapter.**  
 **This is more of a character focused chapter with mixing of the original series and** **divergences**

* * *

" _When I was kid, I didn't like adults. They lied, they pretended to be something that they weren't._ _They manipulate people._ _And they always wanted something from me. I only hope I didn't become the thing I hated"_

 ** _– the broken man_**

* * *

 _Five years ago  
_ _Dr. Page's office._

"Okay, Shinji. How are you doing today" the American doctor said with a warm faked smile.

"Fine" Little Shinji lied.

He didn't want to be here, but he didn't want to go back to the mental ward either. Every week he was brought back to Dr. Page's office, back to the same fake smile. And even here they made him wear the white scrubs from the ward.

"That's very good. Now, I hear the nosebleeds have decreased. When was your last one?" Dr. Page asked.

"16 days ago" Shinji answered. He ran a hand across his face as he remembered nearly passing out in the hall when it had happened. The day it happened he had started to see thing again, heard sounds from far off and yet close at the same time. He had been there in the hall, and somewhere else at the same time. Then he'd passed out.

 _ **She knew the answer… before… you ever… walked… in the… room**_

The thing in Shinji's head stirred again, but where once it had been painful and audible, it now came weaker, quieter, and as if from a great distance. The voice was distorted and came in little pieces. Still, the lonely little boy winced at the sensation.

Dr. Page scribbled more notes onto her clipboard, her eyes never leaving him as she did so. She always did that in their weekly meetings, he was like a puzzle to her that could not be solved no matter how hard she tried. Dr. Page smiled artificially at him, and she reached into her coat pocket pulling out a small prescription bottle.

Putting the bottle of red pills on her desk, she said "go on Shinji. It's okay."

 _ **She… doesn't care… for you… never... did...**_

"Can… can I have some water" Little Shinji said slowly. He looked at the pills on Dr. Page's desk. She stood up and reached into a little refrigerator she kept tucked in the corner of her office, and grabbed a small bottle of cold water for her patient.

"Thank you" Little Shinji murmured as he took the water and scooped two of the red pills into his hand.

 _ **Don't… don't take them… Shinji, hide them… under… your tongue… instead…**_

Little Shinji stared at the red pills in his hand. Dr. Page was watching him, she never missed a thing he did. It was unnerving.

 _ **Don't… draw anymore... don't remember... just... forget...**_

Little Shinji slid the red pills into his mouth and took a long drink of water, swallowing the pills. Within minutes, the thing in his head settled down. It was not permanent, the thing in his head was never really gone. It would come back; it always came back.

"Now then, let's continue our session for today. I brought you some paper and your favorite coloring pencils." Dr. Page said in a falsely sweet tone as she pulled the objects from her desk. He always hated this, he did.

Dr. Page called them 'his favorite coloring pencils', but they weren't his. And he didn't want to do this anymore.

Little Shinji looked at the paper and coloring pencils on the desk. He avoided Dr. Page's gaze, and spoke in a quiet tone saying "do I have to?"

"Now Shinji, I'm here to help you. I _want_ you to draw me a picture of your dreams" Dr. Page said looking at him unblinkingly.

 _She always wants something from me_ Little Shinji thought.

The lonely little boy slowly grabbed the paper and coloring pencils, taking his time he flattened the paper and began to draw for what seemed like the thousandth time.

A crude childlike picture of a humanoid figure, with only it's upper half torso, apparently crucified to a cross. Completely white save for its face. The humanoid figure was massive in size, without meaning to Little Shinji had drawn the crude figure of woman in the bottom corner, and the humanoid figure towered over the woman. The creature was at least the size of a building.

"What's that?" Dr. Page asked as Little Shinji continued to draw, seemingly not yet finished.

"Stick with a point on its end" Little Shinji whispered in a low voice.

His face was beginning to pale and his head was throbbing in pain as he forced himself to remember. He moved the coloring pencil back and forth, drawing the 'stick with a point on its end' to be impaled upon the humanoid figure's chest. It was drawn all in red, in stark contrast to the white creature.

Dr. Page scribbled more notes into her clipboard furiously, beaming at her patient as he finished his drawing. "That's it" Little Shinji said putting down the coloring pencils, and looking up at Dr. Page.

Two drops of blood began to drip down from the lonely little boy's nose and they ran down his face. He shuddered at the sensation, the nosebleed and the headaches that lingered after he drew.

Little Shinji watched nervously as Dr. Page finished her notes, before she took the drawing from him. Another of Shinji's many drawings to be held by her. Dr. Page handed him a tissue without so much as looking at him. Little Shinji wiped his face and blew his nose, he didn't want to be here.

"That will do for now, Shinji. I'm very happy to have seen you today" Dr. Page said. She didn't even look up from her notes.

* * *

 _Present Day  
Tokyo 3  
Hospital_

When Shinji woke up, he didn't startle out of bed. He didn't jump, he didn't even flinch, instead he slowly opened his heavy eyes and stared at the ceiling above him.

 _I never did like hospitals_ the young boy thought.

Slowly, he sat up in his bed. His head wasn't hurting anymore, but the last thing he remembered before passing out was the pain, and the tears in his eyes. Shinji raised his arm, the arm that the Eva had taken damage on, and found that, of course, _his_ arm was fine.

"It felt so… real" Shinji murmured, remembering the feeling of his arm being nearly ripped off.

He raised his head looking at the empty hospital room he was in. It was white, these rooms were always so white and sterile, so lifeless even when people occupied them.

He had grown to hate rooms like this. He was used to them, but he never liked them. Even in his time in the ward, he and Mari had drawn pictures and taped them all over his private room, the staff hadn't cared, when had they ever cared about anything other than his medicine. At least at first anyway...

Looking outside the window, he could see that it was still very early in the morning. Probably not even six a.m. yet.

Shinji got out of bed and without a second thought, he opened the door to his room and stepped into the empty hall wearing nothing but his hospital gown.

* * *

When the nurse came into the private room, she had been pulling along a cart filled with food trays. She'd been told their newest patient was still unconscious, and had been planning to leave the tray on his bedside as she'd done for countless others.

That had been before she stepped into the room and found that the patient was no longer in the room.

"What?" the nurse said, startled as she looked around the room.

The nurse walked further in glancing at the small bathroom in the corner. She knocked, but there was no answer. The nurse opened the door, not caring about the patient's privacy for the moment, and found the bathroom empty too.

"Oh. I am so fired…" the nurse said holding up the food tray stupidly as she stood in the empty room.

* * *

Shinji wandered the empty halls of the hospital aimlessly.

He didn't know where he was going, he just didn't want to be stuck in another white room. There weren't many staff around this early, but he did notice two nurses chatting from inside one of the rooms, and when Shinji heard them he froze.

"That poor girl, just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Angel attacks and people always get caught in the crossfire" one nurse said.

"At least she's still breathing. She's lucky to be alive. If the debris had landed a little closer than she wouldn't have survived, shelter can only do so much. God, some days the job weights on you." the other nurse said.

Shinji stood outside, leaning against the doorway as the nurses inside chatted. He froze and felt his heart sink at the news that at least one person, probably more, had been hurt during his fight with the Angel.

The boy wearing nothing but his hospital gown hid around the corner as the chatting nurses left their room. The women headed off down the hallway away from Shinji, and he moved.

He turned the corner once they were gone and stepped inside the room.

Inside, he found a small girl laying in a bed unconscious, a respirator having to breathe for her, and wrapped in blankets. She was alive, but she looked like she was in a coma.

Shinji felt sharp pains of guilt and he nearly teared up as he stepped closer. He looked at the girl's patient chart, the kind that nurses left on patient beds for the doctors to read when they came for checkups.

"Sakura Suzuhara" Shinji read aloud from the patient's chart.

 _ **Some paths cannot be altered**_

He shuddered at the thing in his head, and he felt an emotion that was his and yet not his. Sadness and guilt, but two fold, one from him, and one from something else. Shinji felt a tear that didn't belong to him run down his face. He wiped it off and spoke quietly to the wounded little girl before him.

"I'm sorry…"

Before he turned, leaving the girl to her room.

…

Shinji wandered aimlessly through the halls again, avoiding the hospital staff until he found the staircase.

He didn't really know where he was going so he just walked. He wanted to clear his head, especially after the revelation that even doing everything he could to minimize the damage to the city during the attack, people had still been hurt. He climbed the stairs until he eventually found himself on the roof of the hospital.

Once he was there, he didn't know what to do.

So Shinji took a seat and watched the morning sky. He had only started walking because he wanted to leave that room. He never liked hospitals. But now, thinking about that girl filled him with mixed emotions that he didn't fully understand.

The sun was rising and as it did, Shinji watched the buildings of Tokyo-3 emerge from the thin layers of darkness that had covered the city at the night.

"That building… that's where we fought" Shinji murmured. He could see the small army of construction vehicles and workers in the distance setting up shop. The construction workers were inspecting the building with a large tunnel like 'hole' cut out of its side. The building that the Angel had collided into when Shinji had kicked it.

 _How did I do that? It's like my body knew what to do on its own._ Shinji thought.

 _ **It was all you, you'd be surprised how much you can actually do. I only pushed you in the right direction**_

Shinji flinched and took another deep breath. The small twinges of pain from within his skull came whenever the thing in his head stirred. They unnerved him, and they had been coming back more and more lately.

"I'm going crazy again" he murmured sadly. The lonely little boy put his arms around himself tight, curling into himself as he shuddered at the thing inside his head. This foreign aspect of his mind that haunted him, and had done so since he was child.

 _ **You're not crazy Shinji. You never were.**_

"Need my pills" Shinji murmured.

 _ **Don't take them anymore. They mess with your head.**_

Shinji only shook his head. He looked back up at the buildings being repaired in the distance, and wondered what else had happened during his fight with the Angel.

Strangely, he could remember the whole thing almost the instant he'd woken up. He could remember debris flying through the night sky as the Eva and the Angel fought, remembered street lights and power lines being ripped from the ground and sent flying into the air… where had they landed? What had they hit?

 _ **The others will tell you that it's not your fault. But you won't believe them.**_

"That girl" Shinji whispered slowly.

 _ **You killed the Angel, what would have happened if you had failed? Suzuhara wouldn't even be alive, at least here there is hope for the future.**_

"That doesn't make me feel better. Damn it, I'm talking to it again. I'm not supposed to talk to it" Shinji murmured angrily.

 _ **Next time will be different, you'll see.**_

"Next time?" Shinji whispered to himself… and the thing inside his head. They were going to make him pilot the Eva again weren't they? That was why his father had sent for him.

 _ **Rei**_

 _Even if I don't pilot, they'll just make her do it instead…_ Shinji thought, remembering the image of the heartless nurses pushing a stretcher with a wounded girl towards the Eva.

"Damn him" Shinji said to himself. And to think, he had wanted to see his father again…

 _ **Yes, damn him. You're doing well. Don't trust Gendo.**_

He instinctively reached for his bag, instinctively made to grab his red pills, but of course all he had was his hospital gown and the morning sky above him.

"Shut up. Just… just leave me alone" Shinji said holding his head, it had started to throb painfully the moment the thing in his head had stirred again.

 _ **You really want to be alone?**_

Shinji didn't speak. No one had ever asked him that question before, and his heart seemed to slump at the question for reasons he didn't understand.

 _ **Do. You. Want. To. Be. Alone?**_

"Go away" Shinji said speaking aloud into the empty air, shaking his head and shuddering.

Then, just as suddenly as it had stirred, the thing in Shinji's head vanished. His head stopped throbbing, and no response came. Just like that, no pills at all.

He truly was alone.

Shinji felt the wind blow across his body, felt himself shiver at the cold, but he was used to the cold by now. He knew he should probably leave, but he didn't want to go back to that room again.

* * *

"Okay, he's a small teenage boy. Around 14 or so, he was brought in with a severe nosebleed and reports of trauma. Black hair, and he should still be in his hospital gown" the nurse was saying to the security guards on duty.

She'd given up on trying to find her missing patient on her own and had instead bitten the figurative bullet, and informed her higher ups. They had then proceeded to enlists the hospital security's aid. "Okay ma'am, anything else we should know?" one of the security men said.

"Ah… yes. He's medical records show that he… um… the boy is… well… he's... troubled" the nurse said trying to find the right wording.

The security men looked at her blankly, the nurse sighed and leaned in close to whisper what Shinji's medical records showed.

"He's retarded?" one of the men asked.

 _SLAP_

The security guard flinched as the nurse struck him.

"No! He's not mentally disabled! And even if he was, we do not call people that anymore!" the nurse said growing angry at that term.

"Ma'am, you just told us he spent five years in the looney bin. The mad house." the man said, clutching his cheek where the nurse had slapped him.

"Yes, but everyone deserves common decency. He is... he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia as a child. A _former_ Schizophrenic. Look, the point is that he's missing and we need to find him" the nurse said.

"Alright, alright, I'll go looking around. Only hope the weirdo isn't drooling on the floor somewhere." The security guard said, leaving the nurse and her scowl behind.

* * *

 _Nerv  
_ _Commander Ikari's Office_

Gendo Ikari picked up the phone impatiently.

"What is it? I am very busy" Gendo scowled into the phone.

"Commander Ikari, we have a call from the hospital. Should we patch them through?" the Nerc technician said through the phone. The poor woman was absolutely terrified at bothering the commander of Nerv himself.

"Go ahead" Gendo replied coldly.

There was an audible clicking sound that Gendo detested before a new voice was patched into Gendo's call.

"… Mr. Ikari, this is the hospital calling. I'm sorry to inform you that your son is currently missing"

Gendo considered that for a moment, before replying "how?"

"The nurse found his room empty, we don't think he's gotten very far but we felt it prudent to inform you and to ask if you could come quickly. Given Shinji's history it might be better if a friendly face was looking for him to-"

"No" Gendo cut in simply.

"I… I'm sorry?"

"I'm a very busy man, I do not have time for this nonsense. I trust in the hospital's ability to find a single missing patient, a child at that. I will send someone for the boy in a few hours." Gendo Ikari said.

"Sir… he is your-"

"Is there anything else?" Gendo cut in harshly.

"… no. that is all." the voice on the other line said in barely a whisper.

Gendo hung up the phone.

"That was rude" Deputy Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki said. Gendo looked up to see his 'partner' standing in the doorway of his office.

"I do not have the time nor patience to be kind" Gendo replied as his second in command stepped inside.

"Hmm, a good thing you are the commander then and not the director of public relations. You know they're having a field day with this. They actually have something positive to do for once. I have instructed them not to release your son's name to the general public, but Nerv has a higher approval rating as of the last Angel attack" Fuyutsuki said.

Gendo considered that, that was one of the man's most defining characteristics. Gendo Ikari was very intelligent, he never missed a thing, his cold personality and methods allowed him to see things on a bigger picture instead of smaller more basic problems. A man who looks after the fleet and not a single boat.

"I am aware. Was there something you needed?" Gendo asked.

Fuyutsuki was perhaps the only living person whom could be said to know and speak with Gendo on a regular basis. You could not call them friends, for Fuyutsuki did not particularly like Gendo, but they worked together well.

"Dr. Akagi was asking to see Shinji's files again. His sync ratio during the incident was remarkable to say the least. Though, I suspect there is very little that his files could do to explain his compatibility with Unit 01" Fuyutsuki said.

Gendo shook his head saying "Dr. Akagi is denied access to Shinji's files."

Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow and gestured with his eyes to the very file on Gendo's desk. Shinji's files over the course of five years worth of medical examination, psychological evaluation, blood work, and multiple MRI scans of the boy's brain.

"May I?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"You may" Gendo said as Kozo Fuyutsuki, former professor of metaphysical biology at Kyoto University, reached into the folder containing Shinji's files and pulled out a single photo of Shinji's MRI brain scan.

Holding the image of Shinji's MRI, Fuyutsuki shook his head in _awe_ at the printed results. Gendo had had a similar reaction the day he had first seen the results of Shinji's MRI for himself.

"Truly remarkable. Yet from what we understand of the Eva's, this should have stopped Shinji from being able to pilot" Fuyutsuki said.

"Yet he piloted anyway. Piloted better than most" Gendo said simply, not the least bit impressed despite the contradiction that was Shinji Ikari's brain.

 _Was there anything human in you Gendo? Is there no part of you that truly appreciates what this could have meant? No curiosity? Or is this all just another tool in your arsenal at Nerv?_ Fuyutsuki thought.

Gendo held out his hand, and Fuyutsuki reluctantly handed the only known existing copy of Shinji's MRI results back to his commander.

"Was there anything else?" Gendo asked.

"Yes, SEELE expects to speak with you within the hour" Fuyutsuki said.

Gendo seemed to considered that. The cold man's face unreadable, before he answered.

"I will speak to them"

That was about as polite as a 'goodbye' as Gendo would ever give. Fuyutsuki bowed respectfully and left the man to his office, left the man to study his son's MRI.

* * *

 _The Hospital Roof_

The door to the roof opened and Shinji turned to find a man wearing a security's guards uniform standing in the doorway, followed closely by a nurse wearing a pair of scrubs. The man scowled at the sight of a fourteen-year old patient, sitting alone on the roof of the hospital, and wearing nothing but his hospital gown.

"Here there, don't freak out. Just stay right there." the security man said.

Shinji watched as the security guard called someone on his radio, saying that he'd found the missing kid. The security guard pocketed his radio, then turned back to Shinji. The man didn't put on a fake smile, Shinji gave him that much. The guard did not pretend.

"Okay, you need to come with us." The security guard said stepping slowly towards Shinji.

Shinji got to his feet as the nurse stepped past the security guard and strode towards him.

 _Why do they always do that? It doesn't mean anything._ Shinji thought.

The nurse had done the thing all adults did when they knew about his head problems, she gave him that same fake sad smile, the smile that meant he made them nervous. Shinji noticed the way she walked towards him, the way she knelt and made to grab his hand.

Only Shinji pulled his hand away from the nurse as she spoke.

"Hello there, Shinji. You gave us quite the scare" the nurse said kindly. She was a young woman, maybe younger than Misato, with brown hair and kind eyes.

"I just wanted some fresh air… I don't like hospitals." Shinji said turning from the nurse's gaze.

"I see, I can understand that. But we need you to come with us back to your room. Is that okay? You didn't even eat your breakfast. Aren't you hungry?" the nurse said in a warm friendly tone. She was knelt down slightly as she spoke, as if she was talking to a toddler.

He'd heard the tone in her voice before, and he never liked it.

"Stop that" Shinji said suddenly.

The security stirred and the nurse froze.

Shinji turned and stared directly back at the nurse before him. She meant well, but he still didn't like that tone. He had spent years in the ward, but he had been deemed healthy. Had been deemed responsible enough to handle his own medication, how many patients could say the same? Yet people still treated him different, the stigma that comes from having mental health issues.

Hell, he'd been deemed responsible enough to pilot a giant robot and use it to kill an Angel.

"I'm not a child. And I'm not going to have a breakdown. I'm sorry for leaving my room, I'll go back with you now." Shinji said to the nurse and security guard.

In his head, Shinji imagined himself cool and calm, standing tall before the adults and their attempts to keep him calm. But in reality, Shinji thought he sounded sad more than anything else. He didn't tower over them, and he wasn't cool, he was awkward and shorter than both of them.

"Let's go" Shinji said avoiding their gaze before they could say anything. He started towards the door and didn't bother waiting for the nurse to catch up to him.

The security guard made way for him down the stairs, but kept a close eye on him. Shinji said nothing as they walked down the stairs.

Making it back down into the halls, Shinji stopped at the sight of Rei Ayanami laying in a stretcher being pushed along by the hospital staff. _Always in a stretcher, why is she always like this? Why is she always hurt?!_ Shinji thought.

Rei lay still but awake, as the hospital staff moved her along.

Before the nurse or security guard from earlier could stop him, Shinji followed after them. He didn't really stop to think, Mari had always told him that he thought too much, and instead he found himself in front of Rei's stretcher and the staff blocking their way forward.

"Young man, shouldn't you be in your room?" one of the nurses said. The nurses in question were forced to stop the stretcher before Shinji.

"I… I will be" Shinji said awkwardly. He hadn't thought this far through, and he didn't know why but he had wanted to see Rei again.

The girl in question, only looked up at him with emotionless eyes behind her bandages. She didn't speak, she only stared at him.

"Rei… I… are you okay?" Shinji stammered, before he forced himself to meet Rei's eyes. The nurses whom had been pulling the wounded girl's stretcher paused at the concern in his voice, and they exchanged a look but did not interrupt.

Rei paused at that before answering "my body will recover."

 _The way she talks. So empty and flat…_ he thought.

Shinji scowled saying "that's not the point. They shouldn't have tried to make you do it, but… I"

He found himself losing steam as he remembered forcing himself to pilot Eva Unit 01, he had only done it because he hadn't wanted her to. That had seemed cruel on Nerv's part, and part of him wondered if Gendo had wanted him to see her in that state.

Regardless, he could tell that Rei was in real pain the day of the attack.

"I'm sorry that you got hurt." Shinji said, calming down but finding it hard to look at the girl and her wounds.

"Hey there! Where are you running off to now!" the security guard was calling as he and the nurse from earlier came striding after Shinji.

He glanced back, he knew they'd be angry he'd ran off like that again. He knew they'd force him to stay in his room again.

Shinji quickly turned back to Rei and took her hand in his. He was careful not to hurt her any further in her fragile state. "I hope you get better soon. Goodbye Rei" Shinji said meeting her eyes before he let go of her hand, and turned to head back the way he came.

Unnoticed by Shinji, Rei glanced at her hand and felt a warm blush on her face. A sensation she had never felt before.

As he was leaving, heading back to the security guard and nurse from earlier, he noticed the nurses that had been pulling Rei's stretcher looking at the two teenagers. One of the nurses smirked and she mouthed the word 'young love' to her coworker.

 _It's not like that…_ Shinji thought annoyed. A second later, the security guard muttered "damn teenagers and their hormones."

Shinji scowled but said nothing, stupid adults always thinking they knew everything.

* * *

 _Hours later_

Misato Katsuragi sighed as she signed the paperwork for Shinji's release from the hospital.

The hospital clerk gave her the room number. Collecting Shinji didn't take long, he only changed into some street clothes and collected his things before they headed out.

Amazingly, her car was still in working order despite the damages from the attack. Shinji hadn't seemed to care about the disastrous shape of her car, which was nice she was supposed. _And I only had one more payment left… damn Angels_ the older woman thought as she drove on with her passenger.

Misato was surprised at how quiet the boy was, but then again even during the Angel attack he hadn't gone out of his way to speak much.

"So, I heard you gave the hospital quite the scare? You feeling rebellious? Wanted to go find some liquor and maybe a pretty girl?" Misato teased while she drove them back to Nerv HQ.

That seemed to wake the boy up. He snapped up to attention from the passenger seat and turned to her saying "what? No, I don't- I don't drink."

Misato chuckled saying "I did when I was your age. It's okay, you know. I get it, everybody is a bit rebellious when they're a teen. Good times."

Shinji looked away saying "I'm not a rebel."

"And what's this I hear about you putting the moves on Rei? Nice work, you two be careful now, you may be pilots but you're still pretty young. At least use protection." Misato teased giving him a good playful slap on the arm.

She beamed as Shinji actually blushed and opened his mouth to speak, couldn't find the words, and instead stammered out "no. That's not what happene- I… it's not like that."

 _Dear god, this kid is a comedy gold mine_ Misato thought smirking.

"Stop smirking" Shinji said, but she caught the hint of a smile on his lips regardless.

"Alright, I get it. Young love and all. But seriously, what you did was brave. Rei was in no condition to pilot" Misato said.

"I know" Shinji said looking away again.

 _What's up with that? Every time people try to_ _compliment_ _him he looks away? He killed a freaking Angel but he's shy?! This kid is a COMEDY GOLD MINE_ Misato thought grinning.

"I don't like the way you're smiling" Shinji said looking at her with a soft smile on his face.

 _He never smiles much. I'm glad I can make him laugh_ Misato noted.

"Oh, be afraid Shinji. Be very afraid" Misato teased.

* * *

 _Later  
Apartment Block_

"You can't be serious?" Misato said, frowning at the Nerv officer before her.

Shinji stayed silent.

"I am completely serious. Shinji Ikari has been assigned a place in Nerv's apartment complex. He is to be the only resident. Look, I don't make the rules. I just document what's needed. Can you sign here?" the Nerv officer said.

The man in question held up a clipboard impatiently, a single line of text that Shinji's appointed guardian for the time being needed to sign. Misato held the pen in her hand but hesitated.

She turned to Shinji and saw the boy staring ahead at nothing in particular. She got the feeling that he sometimes spaced out like that.

"I don't mind. I'm used to being alone." was all Shinji had said.

 _Used to being alone? What the fuc- he's a kid_ Misato thought frowning.

"What about his father? Why can't he just live with him? Does Gendo even know about this-" Misato began. Only for Shinji to speak up so quickly that he startled both Misato and the Nerv officer.

"No" Shinji said, his eyes wide.

The two adults stared at the teenager before them.

"I don't want to live with Gendo. He doesn't want me to live with him. No… just… no" Shinji said not meeting their eyes.

"See, the kid is into it. Sign on the dotted line please" the Nerv officer said impatiently.

Misato turned back to the man and scowled.

"I will not" she said.

"Excuse me?" the Nerv officer said confused.

Misato crossed her arms saying "add him to my residence. I was appointed his guardian for the time being anyway. I'll settle any paperwork."

The Nerv officer met Misato's gaze, and the man seemed to sense that she would not back down. The man sighed and nodded saying that he would do as she asked, but that she would need to notify the higher ups.

...

 _Ten minutes later_

Shinji stood watching his appointed guardian, and now roommate, hurriedly talk on the phone. He didn't know what to make of this. Why had she gone out of her way like that? Why had she taken on a burden like him?

 _Now I feel bad that she doesn't know about my health issues. She'll find out sooner or later, and then everything changes…_ he thought.

As Shinji brooded, Misato spoke with Dr. Akagi over the phone so loudly that the boy could here almost every word of their conversation.

"What do you mean you have to cancel? Do you know how long it takes me to get a day off work? And taking in Shinji? What in the world are you thinking!" Ritsuko Akagi practically yelled over the phone.

"I'm sorry to cancel, but we can go bar hopping some other time. It just sort of happened, I already sorted it out with the higher ups" Misato was saying as Shinji stared.

"He was given an apartment. Why didn't you let him take it?" Ritsuko asked over the phone.

"I couldn't leave him there like that. Besides, how bad could it be. I've had worse roommates before. And don't worry I won't be making any passes on him" Misato giggled.

Shinji tilted his head. Misato was a very strange adult indeed.

"Of course you're not! How could you even think of such a thing?! He's a goddamn kid! Have you no shame!-" Ritsuko started yelling over the phone again.

Misato flinched back muttering "some people can't take a joke."

 _I can hear everything you two say_ Shinji thought.

"Misato! This is a bad idea. You don't know how to take care of a kid. Especially a kid like Shinji. Have you even seen his file? Look, you really shouldn't look after someone with his condit- _CLICK_ " Ritsuko said, only for Misato to gasp as the phone hung up.

The line went dead and the phone rang a generic tone in response.

Misato looked up and saw that Shinji had walked over and tapped the end call button. He had moved so quietly that she had never even noticed him until she'd heard the click of the call ending. She blinked at him in surprise.

Shinji had hung up her phone mid-conversation. Ritsuko would not be happy.

"She was yelling" was all Shinji said. The boy turned, heading back for Misato's car. Without even glancing back, he said "don't we need to get groceries?"

Misato laughed. _The balls on this kid_ she thought with a smirk.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

"Well, here we are. Home sweet home!" Misato said loudly. She and her new roommate stood in the doorway, carrying their recently acquired groceries, and by groceries that meant mostly instant food and beer.

Shinji hesitated saying "I don't want to intrude."

Misato sighed "Shinji, this is your home now."

"Okay" Shinji said stepping inside… only to be surprised when Misato flipped the light switch revealing a reasonably sized apartment that was completely littered with trash.

Empty beer cans, trash, various assortments of recyclables, all piled out and littered around the apartment with no trashcan or bin in sight. Shinji blinked in surprise as he took in the mess. "Oh yeah, sorry the place is a bit messy. But make yourself comfortable."

 _A bit messy? This is unlike anywhere I've ever stayed. The ward was always so sterile, empty, and white. Teacher's house was small but comfortable. Here? There's so much trash… It's kinda funny_ Shinji thought _._

"Hey, can you put the groceries in the fridge?" Misato called as Shinji walked further in exploring the place.

"Sure" Shinji answered as he found the fridge.

He opened it to find nothing but beer, ice, and more instant food. _She doesn't have any 'real' food_ he thought with a chuckle. Shinji hadn't spent much time in the outside world, but he remembered watching TV in the ward when the staff let him. And in the TV shows it was the teenagers whom only ate instant food, not the adults.

Without being asked, Shinji cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen up a bit so people could walk through it easier. It was a thing he'd learned to do from his time in the ward, it had been a part of his good behavior that the doctors had noted.

As he was cleaning, he noticed something moving on the floor and turned to see… a penguin walking past the kitchen. Shinji stared at it, surprised when it turned to stare back at him.

' _What are you looking at'_ the penguin seemed to say.

"Misato! You're not going to believe me but there's a… there's a penguin in your kitchen" Shinji called not believing his eyes.

"Oh, that's just Pen-pen. He's our other roommate. Did he give you 'the glare'? That's just how he says hi" Misato called laughing.

"Okay" Shinji said slowly, he wasn't sure what to make of that.

He turned only to see Pen-pen click a button near the fridge, which seemingly opened another compartment a little bigger than the penguin, and he watched as Pen-pen stepped inside before closing the specialized refrigerator compartment.

"I don't think he likes me" Shinji muttered.

…

Shinji didn't talk much as Misato cooked dinner for them, and by cook, he meant taking the minute or two to heat up the instant food, grab a cold beer for herself and a glass of water for Shinji.

"Ah, that hits the spot" Misato was saying as she took another sip of her cold beer.

Shinji watched the older woman across the table from him drink and drink, she truly was unlike any other adult he'd ever known. She even dressed differently than the other adults he'd known.

"What's wrong, don't like the food?" Misato said, noting that her new roommate had barely eaten.

"No, it's not that. I was never allowed to eat food like this. I like it, I guess I just feel bad that you had to buy for us. I don't have any way to pay you back" Shinji said. As he spoke, he looked down at the food wondering how much it had cost.

His entire life since his mother had died had been spent in either the mental ward, Dr. Page's office, or else at his teacher's house. He had no money. Shinji supposed he could try looking for a kind of job where they'd let him work, maybe save up and pay Misato back for the food. But that raised another problem in the boy's mind, how would he keep paying for his food? Misato was nice but it seemed wrong to take her money like that. And his room? Would Gendo pay for that? This was proving to be more difficult than Shinji had first imagined.

Misato laughed saying "this your home, feel free to take advantage of anything here. Except for me of course" she finished with a wink.

Shinji blushed and nearly choked on his food, stammering "what? I wouldn't do that I promise."

 _Comedy gold mine_ Misato thought with a smirk.

 _Honestly, she's worse than Mari ever was_ Shinji thought with a sad smile.

"By the way, you will be getting paid for being a pilot" Misato said snapping Shinji out of his thoughts.

"What? I am?" Shinji said surprised.

"Yup, its being put into an account because you're still too young to hold it all by law. But you're not doing this free. We can get an allowance of some money for you every week or so if you want" Misato said taking another sip of her beer, she'd already finished her instant food.

Shinji considered that before saying "I didn't pilot because I wanted money. I just didn't want Rei to get hurt."

Misato stared at him for a long time after that. Her gaze growing surprising serious, before she spoke again.

"I know. That's pretty brave for a kid, well done" she said honesty.

"Hey Misato… can I ask you something?" Shinji said suddenly. The boy's demeanor darkening considerably as he spoke. The boy avoided her gaze, and stared into his food.

"Hmm?" Misato asked frowning at the change in the young boy.

"When I fought the Angel. There was damage to the city. What happened to the people that got hurt during the fight?" Shinji asked still not looking at her.

"They were taken to the hospital. Nerv keeps a record for public relations and a ton of other reasons. Apart from that, it's really up the hospitals but as I understand it, Nerv does help with the bills" Misato said, paraphrasing one of the only pamphlets she'd read before taking this job.

"When I was in the hospital, I saw a girl that had been hurt during the attack. I know I shouldn't feel bad; I know people will tell me it's not my fault. But I can't help but feel that it is…" Shinji said speaking in a low soft voice.

He never met her eyes as he spoke. He seemed to do that a lot she noticed.

Misato put her beer down. She took a deep breath, she had not been expecting that, maybe she shouldn't have drunk so much beer after all.

"It's not your fault, Shinji. You did the best that you could. All I can say is... next time things will be different. Nerv and the united nations have put a lot of thought into Angel attacks. Last time caught us off guard and we weren't ready" Misato said doing her best to sound mature and wise despite the light buzz she felt.

 _Shit, I'm doing a terrible job at this_ she thought.

 _I've heard this speech before already. The thing in my head was right, on that rooftop earlier. I don't believe it_ Shinji thought.

"You still saved the city. You saved Rei, Ritsuko, me, everyone in Nerv and Tokyo 3." Misato said slowly.

Shinji nodded but said nothing.

Misato sighed saying "shit, I'm not good at this. Sorry Shinji, I'm technically an adult but as you've seen from my apartment I don't always act like one. I understand if you don't like it here."

"I like it here" Shinji said suddenly.

Misato blinked as something seemed to change in Shinji, he looked up at her and met her eyes as he spoke. Never once breaking her gaze, not even to blink.

"I like you the way you are" the boy said suddenly.

"What?" Misato said slowly. She'd been trying to apologize for not being what he expected, and now he had _her_ stammering in surprise. What a strange day.

"You're not like the other ones" Shinji said slowly. He turned his gaze away from her and stared off into space again.

"Other ones?"

" **Adults. I don't like adults. They lie, they pretend to be something they're not. They pretend to like me when they don't. They manipulate people.** **And they always want something from me. I don't like adults** " Shinji said.

Again, he avoided her gaze as he spoke. He just stared off at nothing in particular instead.

 _The way he talks… no kid should sound so mature… so observant_ Misato thought with a frown.

Suddenly Misato felt a wave of guilt wash over her. It made her frown uneasily as she thought about the fact that she did 'want' something from him. She wanted him to pilot Eva Unit 01 because he was perhaps the only one who could at the moment. After all, Shinji had completely broken the sync ratio records for a few seconds in the last Angel attack.

The boy had achieved a sync ratio of 91%. No one, not Rei, and not even the prodigy pilot from Germany had ever reached a sync ratio even close to that high.

"I know you think that's wrong because you want me to pilot the Eva, but you never lied to me about that. You didn't even know until we reached the hangar. I don't like adults… but you're not like that. You don't pretend. You don't lie." Shinji said finally turning to meet her eyes.

"I like you" he said at last.

And in that moment, Misato saw it. Something that didn't make sense. When Shinji had spoken in that moment, his eyes changed from that of a child's, to a much older man's. The eyes of a man tired of the world, a kind of man whom had seen what life had to offer, and was not impressed.

No child should be capable of having such eyes.

"Heh, I don't know why that came over me. But I like it here. Anyway, it's getting late and I should go to bed" Shinji said getting up from the table.

The moment was over it seemed, the flash of maturity gone, and Shinji was once a mere teenager with the timid eyes of youth.

"Night" Misato said staring after the boy as he headed for his room.

 _What a weird kid._ Misato thought, taking another drink of her beer and smiling to herself, her new roommate sure was an interesting one.

* * *

 **Long I know, but I wanted to focus more on Shinji as a character and his new relationships with Misato and even Rei.**  
 **Those files will come up again.**

 **As I've said before, this fic will follow the cannon for awhile before diverging and we're starting to see that now. In the future, I might brush some of cannon events to the side and jump further ahead to tell more of 'my' humble story.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review. I'm always happy to hear feedback.**


	4. Burden

**Hey guys, I'm back. This isn't much of an action chapter.  
Another character focused one, Shinji is still Shinji after all.  
It might appear a bit gloomy, but not forever. Part of Shinji's growth is learning how to overcome the dark, so stick with it**

 **Here's chapter 4 'Burden'**

* * *

" _As you get older, you start to see that_ _the world isn't that nice. Bad things happen, but you can't blame everything on yourself. It's too much for one person to take, too much of a burden to carry, you'll explode if you do. I know that better than anyone"_

 ** _\- the broken man_**

* * *

In the days that followed the Angel attack, and Shinji's incident at the hospital, the young boy fell into a rhythm of sorts. Daily tests and simulation runs with the Eva, closely monitored by Ritsuko and the other Nerv staff, splitting chores with Misato at home, and by splitting that meant mostly Shinji, and heading to school.

Misato kept an eye on him, she was his legally appointed guardian for the time being, but she noticed that there really was something odd about him. For one thing, the other Nerv staff wondered why Shinji kept piloting the Eva even under the simulations.

Shinji never seemed to enjoy piloting all that much. Barely even seemed to care, always following instructions during the tests and at times clearly bored.

Yet the contradiction remained that during the last Angel attack Shinji Ikari had achieved a sync ratio of 91%. The young pilot had only been able to maintain that sync ratio for 12.3434343492 seconds according to the analyzed data via the Magi supercomputers, a truly remarkable feat… for someone who didn't seem to want to pilot at all.

Misato filled out her reports, but her thoughts on her new roommate continued to confuse her.

He was so young, yet at times he seemed mature and well thought, hell even more than she did and she was an adult. Yet at other times, Shinji Ikari was an awkward shy boy who couldn't even meet Misato's gaze. She could make him blush with the smallest tease, but she also remembered his words at dinner when he had first moved in. Shinji didn't like adults, but he liked her. And the way he'd spoken, the way his eyes changed, it was like looking at a different person. What a strange kid.

Misato had even given him access to a weekly allowance of his funds from piloting Eva Unit 01, but the boy had barely bought anything with his new found money. The only thing Shinji spent money on was buying better food for the two of them, not just the instant stuff that Misato basically lived off of. She couldn't deny that he was a good cook, her diet had become increasingly healthier since Shinji started cooking for them.

Shinji did not watch TV or play video games like other kids his age, instead, he only seemed to fall into his routine and stick to it, he even mentioned in passing that he 'didn't mind cleaning'. What kind of teenager doesn't mind cleaning?

So she'd gotten him a phone… a phone that Shinji never used. Not a single call, not from anyone even at school as far as she could tell. The boy seemed to have no friends at all. It made her wonder if she was doing something wrong.

Not that she minded having Shinji around, the apartment was noticeably cleaner with the young boy's presence. And her breakfast meals were indeed a huge improvement when she often found Shinji up and cooking whilst she was still barely getting out of bed.

 _What kind of kid gets up early in the morning?_ Misato had thought.

"When I was his age, I was a mess, hated chores" she muttered to herself.

Misato sat at her desk shuffling through yet more paperwork. She sighed as she heard the phone ring, she glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Ritsuko. She felt herself smirk, ever since Shinji had hung up Misato's call last time, Ritsuko had seemed a bit angry at her. They often passed each other at Nerv headquarters but had barely spoken at all lately.

"Hello, I'm glad you remember that we're friends" Misato teased answering her phone.

"Friends don't _hang up_ on each other mid-conversation" Ritsuko answered with an annoyed tone.

"Hehe, don't tell me you're still mad about that. You were yelling and I think you gave poor Shinji a headache" Misato laughed into her phone.

"... Shinji was there?" Ritsuko asked slowly.

"Yup, look. Shinji hung up the phone. But don't be mad at him, he had just gotten out of the hospital and I get the feeling that those places freak him out. Besides, you gotta learn to take a joke. But then again, that's why you have me, your one and _only_ friend" Misato said, ending with a small tease.

Ritsuko considered that. The silence stretched for so long that Misato put her pen down, and frowned saying "hello? Ritsuko? You still there?"

"... my one and only friend who ditched me on my only day off in weeks" Ritsuko said finally. Misato could hear the doctor taking a whiff of a cigarette even over the phone.

"Oh come on, that's not fair. They were going to make the kid live alone" Misato whined.

"They would have given him an apartment" Ritsuko countered softly.

"Let it go. And besides, I'll take you bar-hopping some other day" Misato said.

"Yes, yes you will" Ritsuko said smugly over her phone.

 _Bet she's smirking that stupid smirk of hers. Miss smarter than everyone in the room, sigh she'll never change._ Misato thought lightly. But then again, who was Misato to judge? Without Ritsuko, she probably wouldn't have made it through college.

"Speaking of Shinji, how are things going with the new roommate?" Ritsuko asked.

"Oh, okay I suppose. He's an odd kid, doesn't act his age for sure. He cleans the apartment without complaining and goes to school, or else to Nerv for testing. Not much else" Misato said with a yawn.

 _He's also a comedy gold mine, so easy to tease. Too bad Ritsuko can't take a joke_ Misato thought with an offhand chuckle.

"Misato... has Shinji done anything strange or abnormal since he moved in?" Ritsuko asked suddenly.

"What? No, strange like how?" Misato said growing serious.

"... nothing, never mind" Ritsuko said.

Misato frown saying "Ritsuko, why would you ask that?"

"... "

"Ritsuko?"

"He went through a lot of trauma during the attack. For those 12.34 seconds, he completely broke all the sync ratio records but ended up hospitalized for it. We need him reasonably healthy if he's going to pilot" Ritsuko said thinking quickly.

 _Piloting, is that all she cares about when it comes to Shinji? I can see what he meant by the 'adults' always wanting something from him._ Misato thought.

"He seems pretty fine to me. Nothing out of the ordinary. He's at school right now, but I'll ask if there are any lingering effects from the attack when he gets home" Misato said.

"Good." Ritsuko said, even as she spoke, once again filling out the forums to request another glance at Shinji Ikari's files.

* * *

 _Hospital Entrance  
_ _Nowhere near school_

Shinji Ikari walked through the morning air and reached into his bag to pull out his prescription bottle of red pills. He was running low, having lost quite a lot of his medicine during the attack, forced to leave his spilled meds on the street before fleeing with Misato.

Dr. Page had always told him no more than five of the red pills a day. She had also told him that if it kept getting worse than to take one, and _only_ one, emergency black pill. Shinji had never liked Dr. Page much, but he knew for a fact that his medicine worked. Shinji placed a single red pill into his mouth and swallowed it without so much as a second thought.

Lately, he only took one a day. He needed to ration what he had.

Normally he'd have just sent for more and explained what had happened via postage. But he couldn't do that with Misato there, she'd notice if medicine was delivered to the apartment and then the questions would start, and then she'd give him that look all adults gave him. The look that said he made them nervous. But, he would worry about that later. Really, Shinji hadn't needed his pills much lately. Ever since the incident at the rooftop, the thing in his head had not stirred even once.

Even still, he took one a day just to be safe.

Shinji took a deep breath, he'd felt so nervous as he had lied to Misato about going to school, even going so far as to put on his school uniform. However, as soon as he'd left the apartment complex he had gone a completely different route.

 _I can't leave it like this… I can't. Don't be scared._ Shinji thought to himself as he entered the hospital.

...

Surprisingly, not one nurse seemed to care or noticed anything odd about a lone teenager walking through the halls by himself. He found the help desk and calmly walked up.

"Hello, uh can you tell me where Sakura Suzuhara is? Uh, her room number I mean" he asked.

The clerk barely looked up as she typed into her computer terminal saying "sixth floor, room 231D. You a visitor?"

"… yes" Shinji said slowly.

"Visiting hours work in shifts. Be done before 3, or else you'll have to wait till 7 before they open again." the clerk said.

Shinji nodded saying "thank you."

The clerk didn't respond, didn't even look at him. Shinji took that as his cue to leave her to her work. So he did, he turned and headed for the elevators.

 _Easier than I imagined_ Shinji thought. His elevator ride up was uneventful, and when he reached the sixth floor he found it mostly empty save for a few nurses taking quick looks into patient rooms to see how they were doing.

"231D" Shinji muttered to himself repeatedly as he walked the halls searching for the room.

The lonely young boy quietly checked to see if there were any other visitors, he didn't want to bother anyone, he wanted to finish his business and leave as soon as possible. Luckily for him, the room was empty save for the lone patient. Shinji stepped inside for the second time and once again felt a surge of guilt kick him deep inside his chest, a different kind of pain than he was used to.

Sakura Suzuhara lay unmoving in her bed, various machines humming as they breathed for her or else delivered various drugs to her comatose body.

"Hey" Shinji said softly, his eyes filled with a weight he couldn't explain. He felt like he'd grown another ten years in as many seconds. The girl was such a frail figure before him, a child younger even than him. The world was cruel.

He walked to her bedside and pulled up a chair for himself, taking a seat beside her. He closed his eyes saying nothing for a few moments, the sound of the machines seeming to echo around him.

"I'm sorry this happened to you." Shinji said opening his eyes.

He reached over and gently, so very gently, took the little girl's hand in his.

Shinji leaned forward saying "I don't know if you can hear me, but it's all my fault. I never meant for this to happen… I… I never meant for you to get hurt. Look, I don't have everything figured out. I've never been good at plans, but I… I _promise_ that I will do everything I can to help you from here on out."

Sakura Suzuhara, the comatose girl before him, said nothing. She was like some kind of lifeless doll, and her hand held very little warmth.

 _I'm sorry…_ he thought. Silence was his answer yet again.

The hospital room seemed to blur before Shinji's eyes, and he slowly let go of the little girl's hand and leaned back. He got to his feet and wiped his suddenly wet eyes of their tears, then turned to leave.

* * *

 _Out in the hall  
_  
Shinji walked the halls again until he spotted an attending doctor checking in on another patient.

He knew a bit of how that worked, the nurses did the grunt work and filled out the patient charts, and then the doctors came in to inspect everything and make any serious decisions or changes as needed.

"Excuse me" he called out.

The attending doctor, a middle age man in a thin white lab coat draped over his pair of scrubs, turned to look at Shinji.

 _White. They always dress in white…_ he thought.

"I wanted to talk to you about Sakura Suzuhara, the patient in room 231D" Shinji said, fighting his nerves and doing his best to appear calm and cool.

"Young man, visiting hours are open. If you want to visit, you can just walk in so long as you do not disturb the staff or other patients." the doctor said. The man was clearly impatient at being bothered by something so small.

"I'm not a visitor." Shinji said calmly. _Not anymore, it's probably better that way from now on_ Shinji thought.

The doctor looked at him expectantly. Shinji took a deep breath and pulled out his Nerv issued credit card, the card that gave access to the funds he acquired from piloting Eva Unit 01, and he handed it to the confused doctor.

"I want you to use this, take however much you need. I want to see that Sakura Suzuhara gets the best treatment possible." Shinji said doing his best to sound mature.

The doctor examined Shinji's card carefully, before slowly and deliberately holding it back out for Shinji to take.

Shinji didn't take the card back.

"It's not a fake, I have money. Use it to pay for her bills." Shinji said losing some of his calm as he did so.

"Young man, I don't know where you got such a well-made fake. But this is not funny, the girl nearly died." The doctor began.

"This is not a joke. I'm being serious. I have money, use it" Shinji said.

The doctor scoffed saying "you're a kid. What? 12 years old?"

"14" Shinji corrected coldly.

"Regardless, _this isn't a movie_ young man. Hospitals have rules, and one of them is how we handle insurance. By law, our government takes into account family income and helps to handle the cost. You may not like it, but miss Suzuhara is under our care, and by law, we will do everything in our power to help her. That is understood by her parents, and they are aware of the bills." The doctor said meeting Shinji's eyes directly.

Shinji flinched back as if struck.

"But- but she's just lying there! There are specialists that could do more for her! And… I don't… know… there has to be something I can do to help. I have money, look for yourself." Shinji said growing frantic.

This just couldn't be. He had to help her, he had to make up for his past mistakes. The thing in Shinji's head stirred at those thoughts but said nothing.

The doctor sighed and forced Shinji to take his card back.

"Young man, I can tell that your heart is in the right place. But whatever you thought you could do with this card is not the answer. Miss Suzuhara's best chance is to stay in the system, to seek outside help from specialists would be incredibly expensive and would risk her losing funds from _both_ Nerv and her family's insurance in the process."

"But… I" Shinji stammered weakly. His eyes felt heavy and watery.

The doctor clasped Shinji by the shoulder and knelt so they were at eye level. Then the man spoke.

"Now, I think if you want to help her then you should pray. Pray for her, and come visit during appropriate visiting hours. There has been much debate on how aware coma patients can be, but at times like these… everything helps."

With that, the doctor let Shinji go and turned to check on his other patients.

Shinji stood there holding his Nerv card stupidly. He didn't know what to say or do, he had thought he could help. That he could make things better, that he could fix things somehow...

But he was just a stupid kid. A teenager trying to play the adult.

Again the thing in his head stirred but said nothing.

* * *

He finally turned and exited into the hallways not sure what to do anymore. He felt so powerless.

"Hey, you!" a voice called.

Someone else had followed after him in the halls of the hospital.

Shinji turned to see another boy around his age, another kid skipping school, wearing a sports jacket over his school uniform, rounding the corner and come striding toward him.

"What were you doing with Sakura?! And why were you talking to the doctor?" the boy said coldly.

Shinji blinked in surprise. "I was only visiting" he stammered.

"Why the hell were you visiting my sister?" the boy scowled, arms crossed and eying Shinji up and down.

The thing in Shinji's head stirred for the third time but said nothing, and Shinji felt another sharp twinge of guilt ripple across his chest.

 _Oh god… her brother_ he thought.

"I… I wanted to see how she was doing. I thought I could help, I thought-" Shinji began, unable to meet the boy's eyes as he spoke.

"Why?" the boy asked again coldly.

"… because I'm an Eva pilot. I was the one who killed the Angel that night" Shinji said stiffly, he looked at the floor unable to meet the boy's gaze.

"I don't believe you" the boy said slowly.

"I am; I don't know why I was chosen, but I was. It's my fault that your sister got hurt. I didn't mean to… I tried to end the fight quickly, but I wasn't good enough" Shinji said somberly.

 _ **Get back. Dodge, dodge now**_ the thing in Shinji's head told him. It causing him to wince involuntary, just as something unseen smashed into his face.

"Ah!" Shinji groaned. He fell down face first into the floor of the hallway.

The boy, Sakura's brother, had punched him. Had punched him with all his weight behind it, and it had hurt very much.

"Stay away from my sister, you've done enough!" the boy said turning to leave without another word.

With another small groan, Shinji got to his knees, then slowly pushed himself to his feet.

Shinji felt terrible, but he walked to the nearest restroom to take a look.

 _Gonna have a bruise. Maybe a black eye._ Shinji thought as he examined himself in the restroom mirror. His face was warm from where he'd been punched, and he winced in pain when he ran a finger across the area.

 _If Mari was here, she'd have run after that boy and kicked his ass… but no. I deserved that._ Shinji thought.

 _ **No, you didn't.**_ the thing in Shinji's head stirred.

Shinji flinched and nearly fell back, having to grab the edge of the sink to stop himself. He shuddered and breathed in harshly, and closed his eyes lowering his head.

 _ **The world isn't that nice. Bad things happen, but you can't blame everything on yourself. It's too much for one person to take,**_ _ **too much of a burden to carry. Y**_ _ **ou'll explode if you do.**_

Shinji opened his eyes and looked at his beaten and weary reflection in the mirror. He reached a hand into his bag and pulled out his prescription bottle.

 _ **Don't. Don't take them anymore. They mess with your head.**_

Shinji slid the top off the bottle and reached in grabbing another of his ever decreasing amount of red pills.

 _ **I'll leave you alone. Just don't take the pills anymore.**_

Shinji froze at that. This had been a record for him ever since he'd arrived in Tokyo-03. After the incident at the rooftop, he had gone 22 days without the thing in his head stirring.

He looked at his reflection and saw that he didn't look too good. Maybe it was because he'd just been punched in the face by the brother of the girl he'd put in the hospital. Maybe it was because he had lied to Misato and skipped school. Maybe it was because he was a kid being made to pilot an Eva, or maybe he really was going crazy again. His sickness that lingered even now, even outside the ward.

And Shinji found that he couldn't stand the sight of his reflection, so he did what he always did. He looked away… and angrily shoved the red pill into his mouth.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

Moments after Misato had finally finished all that damn paperwork, all she had wanted to do was have a cold beer and wait for whatever Shinji ended up cooking when he got back from school.

But instead, the doorbell rang and Misato sighed.

She rose to her feet. Honestly, she didn't know why Shinji even bothered with the damned thing. She'd told him countless times that this was his home now, that he could just come in. She'd even given him a key.

Opening the door, Misato found to her surprise, not Shinji, but another teenage girl in a school uniform standing in the doorway.

"Hello, does Shinji Ikari live here?" the girl asked politely.

"He does" Misato said frowning at the girl.

"My name is Hikari Horaki, class representative. Shinji was not in class today so I came to deliver his worksheets. This place is kinda hard to find." the girl said reaching into her bag.

"Wait? Shinji wasn't at school today?!" Misato said frantically.

Hikari blinked in surprise. "I thought you knew, I just figured he was sick. He doesn't talk to anyone, I had to ask the teachers where he lived because no one knew."

 _That little punk lied._ Misato thought, crossing her arms.

"Thanks for letting me know, Hikari. I'll make sure Shinji gets his work done" Misato said calmly, but deep down she was making plans.

Hikari frowned and handed over Shinji's worksheet for the day. "Are you his sister or something?" the girl asked.

 _I'm too young to be Shinji's mom. I'll take that as a compliment._ Misato thought.

"I'm his guardian. Misato, nice to meet you Hikari" she said.

"Likewise, I hope Shinji is okay but I have to head home" Hikari said glancing at her watch. Misato nodded saying "don't let me keep you."

As Hikari turned to leave, Misato stepped back into her apartment. She closed the door behind her, and immediately preceded to call Shinji on the phone she'd bought him.

* * *

 _Somewhere in Tokyo 3_

Shinji Ikari sat alone on a park bench that he'd found after wandering around the hospital area.

He had drifted for quite a long time to think things over. He'd thought about heading back to school, but when he looked at his watch he'd seen that it was already two in the afternoon. He figured it wasn't worth it to head back.

Instead, he'd taken a seat, and sat listening to his SDAT player, the old music player that he'd been allowed to have in the ward, completely lost to the outside world.

After his only friend had left the ward, he'd done that a lot. He would listen to music and drown out the world around him to make it through the day, to make it through the isolation and loneliness inside the facility.

So it was that when his phone rang, he did not hear it. Shinji sat on the bench staring at his feet, headphones plugged into his ears, blocking everything else out. Four times his phone rang, and four times he did not answer.

Shinji only looked up, and in so doing finally acknowledged the outside world, when a shadow fell upon him sometime later.

Suddenly there emerged a tall bald man in a black suit, wearing dark tinted sunglasses that hid his eyes, and a look of cold detachment planted firmly on his face.

"Uh, can I help you-" Shinji began.

"Shinji Ikari. We're with Nerv. You're going to come with us now." the man said harshly. Shinji watched the man pull out a badge with the initials of the Nerv organization.

"We?" Shinji asked. He glanced around seeing no less than four other men in black suits emerging throughout the park and heading towards him.

"Take off those damn headphones. I called you by name a dozen times but you couldn't hear me" the man said reaching out and yanking the headphones from Shinji's ears.

It hurt.

"Ack" Shinji groaned. He glared up at the bigger man but said nothing.

He only shook his head and stood up following the Nerv agents back to a car parked nearby.

* * *

 _Later  
Misato's apartment_

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Misato said sharply.

She glared down at the teenager sitting on his bed.

After having called Shinji multiple times, Misato had started to dial the number for Nerv security but they beat her to it. She had been pleasantly surprised when they had called her first. The man on the phone had explained that they'd found Shinji and were currently escorting the boy back to her apartment.

However, Misato had not been pleased to discover that Shinji had been found in some random park all alone, and her face had shown it when the Nerv agents had arrived. She could remember the men shoving the teenager into her apartment and reporting what had happened before leaving.

"I didn't mean for that to happen." Shinji said, eyes glued to the floor.

"You 'didn't mean' to skip school? You 'didn't mean' to wander around the city like some crazed teen looking for kicks?!" Misato said putting her hands on her hips.

Shinji winced involuntarily at the word 'crazed' but he didn't think Misato noticed the correlation. If anything she probably thought he was intimidated by her being angry with him, which he _was,_ make no mistake.

"And what happened to your face! You're lucky you don't have a black eye! Did you get mugged?!" Misato continued.

"... no. I got punched..." Shinji murmured avoiding her gaze.

"Punched by who?!" Misato said. Worry crept into her frustrated face.

"I… I went to the hospital to visit that girl again. Her brother was there and he hit me." Shinji blurted out nervously.

"You…" Misato stammered, gaping at the boy before shaking her head and sputtering out "you what?!"

"I went to visit her again. I thought I could do more to help her, I thought I could use the money Nerv gave me to pay her bills. I thought I could get her to some specialists who could do more…" Shinji said looking back up at her sadly.

Misato sighed. She ran a hand through her hair in a mixture of frustration, annoyance, and perhaps a little empathy if she were being honest.

 _He's still a kid, he just doesn't get some things about the real world_ she thought.

"Shinji… the world doesn't work like that. That kind of money is a little beyond your funds. Nerv and the Japanese government already front most of the bills, taking her out of the system is a bad move unless you're really, really, rich" Misato said.

"They just left her in a room with those machines to keep her breathing. She's just lying there." Shinji said speaking in barely a whisper.

"What happened to her is not your fault. I know you want to help, but you already did. You saved Tokyo-03, and for now… for now, that just has to be enough, okay. You have to enjoy that victory, cling to it" Misato said softly.

Shinji looked away, he nodded so she knew that he'd heard her, but he still felt terrible.

"Come here" Misato said softly, and Shinji grunted in surprise as he was pulled from his bed and onto his feet. He flinched as the older woman wrapped her arms around him.

"I… I don't understand. What is this?" Shinji said feeling his face grow warm.

"It's a hug. I'm hugging you, Shinji." Misato said into his ear softly, having to crane down due to their height difference.

 _This is a hug?_ Shinji thought.

He didn't understand this feeling, but he enjoyed it. He felt touched... yet at the same time he felt an emotion that was his and yet not his. Sadness and hope, bittersweet.

But then that emotion was gone just as soon as it had appeared.

"Um, does this mean I'm not being punished?" Shinji asked. He wasn't sure what to do with his hands, so he kept them stiff and to his sides, unsure if he should hug back or not.

"Oh no, you're definitely being punished." Misato teased.

"What?" Shinji stammered.

"Got to do my duty as your guardian and all, but I wanted you to know that I think your heart is in the right place." Misato said.

 _Just great_ Shinji thought.

Misato released him saying "and now we gotta fix up your face, can't have you showing up to school looking like you just got into a fight."

* * *

 _The next morning_

The crowds of children and teenagers heading to school were all astonished at the sight and sounds of a car streaking through the morning traffic. The driver swerving and skittering across the streets before somehow readjusting as the car slid into a parking space.

 _What kind of crazy-_

 _Does someone have a death wish?_

Were among the murmurs of the students as they headed to class.

Two people exited the now infamous car, a young woman in her late twenties followed by a younger teenager, a student at the school, and between their wrist was a pair of handcuffs linking them together.

"Is this really necessary? I promised I wouldn't skip school again." Shinji said meekly at the sight he must have made for his fellow classmates.

It was bad enough coming to school with a bandage planted firmly on his face where he'd been punched, but this was just downright embarrassing. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd felt embarrassed.

The teenager raised his hand, the hand which was handcuffed to Misato's. Shinji had woken to find Misato smirking above him, before telling him to take a shower and get dressed. Once he had, she'd surprised him with the handcuffs saying that she would personally make sure he 'made it' to class.

"Necessary? Probably not, but it sure is funny. And besides, if you skip school again then _I_ promise that the next punishment will be even worse" Misato said playfully.

Shinji groaned, just wanting to shrink into his school uniform and melt away into the crowd. Instead, Misato laughed and strode forward forcing Shinji to keep pace with his head down. The pair walked through the school making quite the scene.

A few teachers laughed at the sight whilst other students merely stared.

Shinji kept his head down wishing he could have been invisible; he didn't like drawing attention to himself and this was the exact opposite.

"Oh. Hey there, Hikari!" Misato said beaming as she escorted Shinji to class, only to run into the girl that had kindly dropped off the work that Shinji had missed.

The class representative of Class 2-A blinked in surprise at the sight of Shinji Ikari literally _handcuffed_ to his guardian.

"… Hello again miss Misato. Hello, Shinji" Hikari said slowly. Shinji managed a meek wave saying an awkward hello.

"Now, I gotta head to work now. But do me a favor and keep an eye on Shinji for me, watch out because he's a sneaky one. If he skips his class again, I want you to call me, okay? Misato said beaming with a bright smile planted firmly on her face.

"I don't have your number-" Hikari began.

Only for Misato to pull a slip of paper from her coat pocket saying "already got you covered."

 _This is terrible… she's unofficially hired a nanny._ Shinji thought as Hikari reluctantly took the paper. The poor girl looked just as awkward about this as he was.

Misato uncuffed Shinji saying "I'll be back to pick you up after school. You'd better be here when I come back."

"I will be" Shinji said his head down.

"Good boy" Misato said patting him on the head before leaving and heading for her car.

Shinji sighed as he heard his legally appointed guardian, and roommate, leaving but he realized that Hikari was still standing there. The girl was staring at him with a frown.

"I'm sorry about all that. I know you dropped off my worksheets, but I didn't mean for you to get dragged into that" Shinji said lamely.

"Are you in trouble or something?" Hikari asked glancing at Shinji's uncuffed hand, and then at the bandage on his face.

"Yeah, I am" Shinji said feeling very embarrassed about the whole thing, no doubt all part of Misato's plan.

Hikari studied Shinji, she'd seen the new kid in her class a few times but very rarely spoke to him at all. Or rather, Shinji didn't speak to others much.

"Are you really the pilot of that thing that killed the Angel?" she asked suddenly.

"What? Uh, yeah. I am, but- how did you know?" Shinji stammered in surprise.

Hikari raised her eyebrows at Shinji's answer, but mostly she kept calm. She gestured to the milling students around the school walking about the halls and heading for class.

"It was a rumor that started going around school today. Supposedly Toji was visiting his sister when he came across the pilot and he hit him, or so Kensuke says. Kensuke is... a strange kid. He likes the military and is a bit obsessive about that sort of thing." Hikari said.

"Oh... " Shinji said. He honestly never really considered if other people knew he was an Eva pilot, but he supposed it was only natural that people would find out.

"Kensuke probably didn't mean to, but he started blabbering about Toji and you. I guess people heard him and the story spread" Hikari said.

 _Toji, the boy who hit me. I probably deserved it..._ Shinji thought.

He winced slightly as he felt the thing in his head stir, but no voice came, no sound at all, it had stirred then vanished again without a second passing. It left him with a strange sensation of being dazed.

"You alright?" Hikari said, frown reemerging on her face.

"I'm fine" Shinji said in a low strained voice, before heading to class.

Hikari watched him go, unsure what to make of their newest classmate.

 _What an odd boy_ she thought.

...

He found the other pilot already sitting at a seat by the window, Rei her name was, and he blinked in surprise. She hadn't been to school ever since Shinji had started, it looked like this was her first day back.

Rei wore the standard issue school uniform, but she carried the injuries that Shinji had seen from the day they'd first met. She had bandages on her face and arm. He ignored some of the other students who gave him curious glances, no doubt due to the rumors spreading about him being a pilot, and headed for Rei.

"Hey, Rei. I didn't know you went to school here too" Shinji said in greeting.

The girl in question seemed to take a moment to register his presence, or perhaps the fact that someone had spoken to her at all. She slowly looked up from the window and turned to him with a blank expression.

"Pilot Ikari, hello. I have been unable to attend school until today" Rei said meeting his gaze.

"I... please just call me Shinji" he said awkwardly.

Rei tilted her head at him but nodded saying nothing.

Shinji wanted to say more but the teacher stepped into class and he was forced to find a seat, he chose one across from Rei who didn't seem to mind... or care for that matter.

The rest of class was uneventful, with the teacher lecturing and lecturing with barely half the class paying attention. Shinji himself dutifully took notes on his school-issued computer terminal about the so-called 'Second Impact', the supposed meteor that had slammed into Antarctica and very nearly caused a global catastrophe. A monotonous event in history, according to the teacher, whose effects were still being felt even now all these years later.

But for a group of kids, it was all ancient history that happened too early for them to remember.

One of the students in the class messaged him, asking him if he really was the pilot that had killed the Angel.

Shinji looked at the message about to answer but suddenly felt an instinct not to.

Maybe it was the stress of the previous day, but suddenly he didn't feel like talking. He ignored the message, along with the next three that came after.

* * *

During lunch break, Shinji found that he didn't have anywhere to sit. He usually sat alone anyway. He was still relatively new to the school and felt some people staring his way, especially Toji's angry glare.

So Shinji kept his distance from the boy who had hit him, instead, he wandered outside the school patio looking for a place to sit and eat his food.

He found Rei sitting by herself at a table, she was using only one hand as her other was still wrapped in bandages. Shinji didn't know why he did it, but he headed over to her and coughed meekly to get her attention.

"Pilot Ikari?" Rei said, completely deadpan as she looked up at him.

"I told you... it's Shinji. Just Shinji" he said uncomfortably.

He had a hard time looking at her. He winced at the sight of the girl struggling to use her fork and knife on the assortment of vegetables she had chosen for lunch.

"Can I- can I join you?" Shinji asked, holding his own tray of sandwiches.

Rei nodded and he took a seat across from her.

She didn't speak to him as he nervously started to eat his sandwich. Shinji felt awkward, yet somewhere inside him, he felt drawn to her but he didn't know why.

"Here, let me," Shinji said after uneasily watching the still injured Rei cut up her food.

He reached over and grabbed her gently by the wrist to stop her. Rei blinked in surprise at the contact and looked away as she surrendered her fork and knife to Shinji, who cut up her food for her before handing them back.

"Why did you do that?" Rei asked suddenly.

"I... it just seemed like the right thing to do. Are you okay? Last time I saw you, you were on a stretcher and you looked... you looked like you were in pain." Shinji said looking away too.

"I am mostly recovered. I have been advised to avoid doing physically demanding activities such as running or swimming." Rei said.

The way she spoke... like she was reading off a list from some report. Deadpan and flat-voiced. Shinji didn't like it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and stared directly into Rei's, their eyes meeting as he spoke.

"You were hurt because they made you pilot the Eva" he said.

It wasn't a question, but a statement.

"Yes" Rei answered flatly. Shinji clenched his teeth but shook himself to calm down. He remembered how bad she'd looked the day he'd first piloted Unit 01.

"Why did they make you pilot? Why any of us? We're just children" Shinji said, his voice shaking slightly.

"Because the Evangelion Units cannot be piloted by adults due to their brain chemistry" Rei answered simply.

"What?" Shinji said in shock.

Rei tilted her head at him, clearly surprised that he had not known this.

"Adults are unable to sync with the Evas. Dr. Akagi has theorized that an adult brain is too developed to handle the process with the Eva. They are unable to establish a connection to the artificial nervous system of the machine, due to having developed too far into their body's own real one. Thus, they are incompatible". Rei answered, summarizing several pages worth of writing by Ritsuko.

 _Their brain chemistry. But given my past... why on earth would they want me to pilot?_ Shinji thought, taking in Rei's words.

RING  
RING  
RING

Shinji looked up to see Rei pulling a mobile phone from her pocket. She answered and shook her head repeatedly before saying "I understand. We will be there momentarily."

Rei hung up her phone then turned to Shinji saying "you did not answer your phone. There is an emergency, Nerv is sending a car for us. We must meet them outside."

Shinji gasped then remembered that he'd left his phone in his backpack with the volume turned down.

Before he could explain, Rei had already gotten to her feet and was gesturing for him to keep up.

"Rei, what is it? Why is Nerv calling us?" Shinji said abandoning his lunch as Rei had done. He struggled to keep pace with the injured girl as she jogged.

 _Wow, she can really move when she wants to_ Shinji thought, breaking into a jog behind Rei just as the school alarm began sounding off.

"ATTENTION: THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ALL STUDENTS AND TEACHERS MUST REPORT TO THEIR ASSIGNED SHELTERS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL" an automated voice began ringing across the campus.

Rei glanced back at Shinji, a dark look on her face as she spoke.

"Two Angels have appeared. The first to come as a pair"

Shinji gulped.

* * *

 **I know cliffhangers are annoying. This chapter originally ended up way too long and so was split into two, I try not to do that.**  
 **But I have gotten criticism for having incredibly long chapters before, and it's still early into the story.**

 **I wanted to show the parallels between the thing in Shinji's head and Shinji himself, about trying to fix things. And his growing relationship with Misato and even Rei, as well as some Ritsuko in the background.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	5. Scream

**Hey guys, I'm back. This is an action heavy chapter.**  
 **It might take awhile for the next update due to my exams, but I digress.**  
 **Special thanks to everyone who reviewed, I appreciate any and all feedback.**

 **Here's chapter 5 'Scream'**

* * *

" _Rei... I never liked it when she screamed. She didn't see herself as a person at first, just as another tool. Something that no one would miss. I understood that, because I felt the same way. That was why, at least in the beginning, I could help her. Eventually, I made her smile"_

 _ **\- the broken man**_

* * *

 _Nerv HQ_

Deep into the underground levels of Nerv, seated inside the Gerofront, Shinji had already put on his plugsuit and interface helmet. He sat nervously awaiting orders. Rei was in another changing room across from his, though he had been told she was only on standby as she had not fully recovered from her injuries.

He took a deep breath and stepped out of his changing room, noting that Rei did the same, before heading towards the monstrously huge Evangelion Unit 01.

Glancing to his side, Shinji saw Unit 00 for the first time. He had never actually encountered another Eva Unit before, but now he was in front of two of them. The massive machines made an intimating sight, but somehow he knew these Units would never hurt them.

 _What a strange feeling..._ Shinji thought. He didn't understand it, but he felt it in his bones. The Eva Units would never hurt him.

"Releasing Unit 01's Entry Plug" Ritsuko's voice called over Shinji's communication unit, or 'comm' for short.

"Let's get this over with" Shinji muttered to himself.

...

He got in the entry plug and it filled with LCL. Shinji remembered to breathe as the strange liquid filled his lungs. He closed his eyes and unconsciously entered an almost prayer like state as the plug re-inserted itself into Unit 01.

Shinji's comm went off again bringing him out of his nerves, and Misato's voice filled his ear.

"Sorry I'm late Shinji. But I'm here now. There are two Angels out there." Misato said doing her best to sound calm.

Shinji flinched, and stammered out "two... two Angels."

"But we're prepared this time. You won't be going in empty handed, remember your simulation training. We'll be sending you weapons, and you'll have some defensive structures up to help" Misato said over the comm.

"Right, just like the simulations. What about the civilians?" Shinji asked over the comm.

"Evacuated into their shelters. We've been over this, Tokyo-3's defenses are fully operational now." Ritsuko said cutting in over the comm.

Tokyo-3 had been built to handle Angel attacks, several of its building and city blocks were retractable, able to sink into bunkers deep underground, and other buildings contained launch ports and weapons caches for the Evas. In addition, defensive structures, or pillars, also surfaced onto the city during an attack to provide Eva with potential cover as needed.

Sadly, the previous Angel attack had come before the city's defenses had been fully operational. Now, the city was ready.

"Shinji, we're sending you up now. Rei is on standby, but she's still recovering. Try to finish this on your own if you can" Ritsuko called.

 _As if I needed to be told_ Shinji thought. He looked through his display to see Rei sitting near her Eva unit calmly.

"Launch!" Misato ordered from the command room.

Shinji braced himself, holding his breath, and Eva Unit 01 shot upward in a huge mechanical roar. In a second that seemed to stretch for an eternity, Shinji and his Eva emerged onto the city above the Geofront.

* * *

 _Tokyo-3  
Surface_

"I don't see anything" Shinji said over the comm as he looked around with Unit 01.

He found the city empty save for its massive defensive pillars and weapon caches. But then he heard them... one had been bad enough, but the sound of two enormous creatures moving through the city was terrifying.

THUD _  
_

THUD

THUD

THUD

Two pairs of gigantic footsteps that reverberated throughout the city.

Shinji raised his Eva's newly equipped rifle, looking for a target but found none.

"To your left" Misato said via the comm.

He turned and saw movement between two pillars that the city had sent to the surface upon lock down. The Angel was a curious thing, snake like, and seeming to slither on the air itself as it moved back and forth between the buildings and pillars. The creature was taller than his Eva, thin and flexible, and with an armored face plate.

Shinji aimed the rifle as the Angel began to raise itself in an upward positing, like a snake coiling to strike, and its belly unfolded revealing strange glowing bone like structures.

 _Like the last one_ he thought.

This Angel however, moved its strange weapons like tentacles, the numerous things spreading out in several directions at once. He fired a shot, then another, and the Angel fled back as it was struck twice in the torso.

"You need to take down its AT Field" Ritsuko called.

Shinji slowly began walking his Eva forward, rifle raised as he hunted for the Angel slithering around the city. He could hear his own heavy breathing as he stalked the city. He moved carefully through the buildings on edge, a chill running through the back of his neck.

"Be careful, there's still another Angel out there" Misato called into his comm.

"... Roger" Shinji said awkwardly. He spotted the snake Angel slithering between two exposed building and fired another warning shot.

He heard movement through the artificial nervous system of Unit 01, and titled his head back to see another Angel. The new creature was beast like, short but stocky, and moving on all fours towards him from an empty street.

The Beast Angel. It looked like a hairless gorilla armored in scales, bulging with enormous muscle, with a faceplate ghost white and menacing.

Suddenly hearing something via the Eva, Shinji turned to see the snake Angel slithering up and unfolding its tentacle weapons nearby.

Nervously Shinji fired two shots in rapid succession, one towards each of the targets.

Both missed.

Shinji cursed as he struggled to keep an eye on both Angels. They circled around him and his Eva like a pair of vultures.

"Don't get boxed in." Ritusko called via the comm.

Shinji began walking his Eva backward, careful not to fall, as the two Angel slowly made their way towards him.

 _Two? Two?! What do I do?!_ Shinji thought. He began to shake as he stepped back, and Unit 01's grip on the rifle tightened as it reacted to its pilot's nerves, reacted to the young pilot on edge at his foes.

The snake Angel suddenly sped up, slithering through the air like some twisted nightmare as it tentacles unfolded stretching out further and further, stretching out for him.

Shinji immediately turned his rifle its way and began firing, he pulled the trigger and didn't let go as the massive bullets collided with the Angel... only for it to slither away before it took too much damage. Shinji took a second to stop firing rounds.

Many rounds flew off into the distance.

 _Shouldn't waste ammo like that_ he thought nervously.

"Look out!" Ritsuko and Misato called over the comm.

The beast Angel suddenly leaped, using all four of its limbs like some twisted cross between wolf and ape out on the hunt. It emerged flying over one of the defensive pillars, Shinji turned the rifle towards it and fired frantically as its shadow loomed over him.

He realized too late that it wasn't enough and tried to step back, but the Angel collided with him full on, tackling him and the Eva to the ground. Shinji felt his world flip as he and Unit 01 were brought to the ground with an enormous thud that echoed through the city and picked up huge puffs of smoke.

CRACK

The street beneath them cracked as both Eva and Angel landed hard.

The beast Angel had suffered wounds in its belly, strange luminous Angel blood appeared to weep from the beast, but it barely seemed to notice as it opened its mouth and strange bright red structures erupted from its gums in a shower of Angel blood. Teeth, it had ripped open its own flesh in a shower of blood to bare its fangs.

Shinji tried to fight, to get up, but the beast Angel had him under its weight. The beast Angel snarled bringing its strange teeth to Unit 01's armored chest and bit in, actually managing to pierce the heavy plate armor of the Eva.

Shinji screamed as he felt the phantom sensitization of teeth beginning to rip into his chest.

 _It's not real! It's not real! My chest is fine!_ Shinji thought furiously as he screamed and forced himself to look down at his own flesh, seeing it was fine.

He could distantly hear Misato yelling his name via the comm but he couldn't focus. He couldn't get up, the Angel was too heavy and it was already beginning to tear into him... or rather into 01.

"No!" Shinji yelled managing to free one of the Eva's hand, ball it into a fist, and swing for the beast Angel's face... only for the Eva's hand to get struck by a tentacle like structure. "Ah!" Shinji cried, feeling like he'd been whipped.

Eva Unit 01's free arm was slammed back onto the ground. The snake Angel emerged, wrapping tentacles around his Eva's arm while the beast Angel kept him on his back.

Shinji lay pinned by two Angels at the same time.

"Shinji! Do what you did last time! Go to sync ratio 91%! Break free!" Ritsuko called.

 _Last time... last time I found the strength to rip an Angel's flesh apart_ Shinji thought frantically. He closed his eyes trying to concentrate through the pain. He accepted the pain for now and fought back, trying to force the Angels off of him.

… and found that he couldn't do it.

"What are you waiting for!" Ritsuko shouted into his comm.

"I... I can't! I don't know why?!" Shinji stammered before breaking into a scream. His eyes watered as felt the phantom sensations of being eaten alive by the beast.

Misato winced as her comm was filled with the screams of a scared little boy in agony.

* * *

 _Command_

"Control center, this is Deputy Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki. Send in Rei with Unit 00 now" a new voice called into the comm.

"She's hurt, you can't-" Misato began.

Only for Fuyutsuki to cut in "Commander Ikari is away, that puts me in charge. Your objection has been overruled, deploy Rei."

Misato scowled but Ritsuko was already briefing Rei of the situation via her comm unit. The pale skinned young girl listened carefully as the entry plug of Eva Unit 00 was opened for her.

"Rei, be careful out there." Misato called signaling her comm to switch to the girl's channel.

"Understood" Rei called back, as she headed for Eva Unit 00.

* * *

 _Back with Shinji and Unit 01  
_  
Above the Geofront, on the empty streets of Tokyo-3, Eva Unit 01 lay pinned to the ground by the Angels. The Beast bit in deeper, trying to _eat_ its way through the Eva's plate armor.

Shinji's hands balled into fists as he screamed. The result was that the boy pulled the trigger of the rifle without meaning too, the recoil of the huge gun moved its barrel and the bullets grazed the beast Angel's stomach.

Sensing it was his only chance, he brought his other hand free out from under the beast Angel's weight and slammed his fist into its face. He had had to let go of the rifle to do it, but the strike sent the Angel stumbled back as Shinji fought the tentacles holding his other arm. The snake Angel brought its tentacles up as it slithered towards him... but Shinji grabbed the rifle again and fired a quick burst into it.

It hissed as the bullets slammed into its torso, and released its grip on his Eva's left arm. Shinji took the opening and crawled backward firing warning shots to keep the snake Angel at bay. Cars were crushed under his frantic movement but he couldn't worry about that.

 _THUD_  
 _THUD_  
 _THUD_

The beast Angel was on the move, running on all fours towards Shinji at a frightening speed. Shinji trained the Eva's rifle towards it and panted as he fired a quick burst at his target.

 _Click_

 _Click_

His rifle was out. The clip empty.

 _Damn it_ Shinji cursed inwardly.

The beast Angel roared as it stumbled back, luminous fluid trailing down its torso, and Shinji brought the Eva to its feet. He raised his rifle like a club... only to stumble back as he was struck by something hard slashing into his side.

Shinji's rifle was cut in two as the snake Angel appeared again, slashing at him with its tentacle like structures.

 _This is too much... fighting two Angels at the same time!_ Shinji thought letting out heavy shudders as he dropped the rifle and stumbled backward trying to get a defensive pillar between him and the Angels and buy some time.

"We're sending you another rifle" Misato said over the comm.

Before Shinji could reply he had to brace himself as the snake Angel appeared and seized Unit 01, its tentacles wrapped themselves around his limbs like living ropes. 01 was brought to its knees as the snake Angel pulled him down.

Shinji fought back, trying to grab a hold of the tentacles and rip them off, but the beast Angel charged forward on all fours again.

 _I can't get free!_ Shinji thought panicking. Once again pinned and facing two Angels.

BANG

One of the tentacles released Eva Unit 01's arm, and Unit-00 emerged from inside the city, rifle up and aimed carefully.

Pilot Rei Ayanami had been deployed.

 _… You shouldn't be out here in your condition_ Shinji thought.

Unit 00 fired another round, aiming carefully and freeing Unit 01 of another tentacle.

The beast Angel snarled as it came to a stop before turning towards Rei and her Eva. Shinji fought to break free, but instead found himself and the Eva being lifted into the air, he gulped bracing himself as he realized what was going to happen.

The snake Angel lifted Eva Unit 01 far above itself, before twisting and throwing him from the battle. Eva Unit 01 flew far away from the city and fell on an open stretch of land. Upturned patches of car sized dirt and grass bounced into the air as the Eva landed, and the massive machine left a crater in its wake.

Shinji groaned as he felt the Eva's phantom sensations of pain from the fall.

The impact caused him to fly up from inside his entry plug, his safety harness kept him from hitting his head on the ceiling, but he landed hard on his back.

The young teen panted heavily as he felt pain, both his own and from the phantom sensations of the Eva, and shuddered at the realities of this fight.

He had to finish this, but it hurt... he didn't want to be here... he didn't want to do this.

"Shinji! Shinji report in! Your power cable has been disconnected!" Misato called via the comm system.

 _My cable!_ Shinji thought fighting through the pain as he widened his eyes in shock and looked at his display seeing that the flight had ripped his power cable out.

He had 5 to 7 minutes of power left.

"Shinji, listen to me. Your cable fell nearby, it's been damage but the Magi calculates that if you reconnect it, you'll get roughly 72.4% power flowing into Unit 01." Ritsuko said into his comm.

On her end of the command center, the doctor was furiously updating the data for the Magi supercomputers to analyze and readjusting for alternatives.

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

Rei fired in small but blind bursts with her rifle towards the snake Angel, and backed up behind the propped up defensive pillars for cover. All the while watching for the beast Angel that was still out there stalking its prey.

"Okay" Shinji said panting as he took deep breathes in and out to steady himself, before making to get up again.

"Careful. There's civilians nearby. Two… there's just two kids. What the hell are they doing?!" Misato called into his comm.

Shinji turned his Eva's head and zoomed in on his display to see two kids from his school cowering in fear below 01's hand. If he had landed just a little further, then the fall would have crushed them into bits.

"Toji…" Shinji said recognizing the jacket.

 _Why?! Why are those two here!_ Shinji thought nearly screaming under the stress, frustration, and pain.

"Command, I am attempting to lure the two Angels away from pilot Ikari and the civilians. I suggest the retreat of Unit 01 and the civilians." Rei said over the comm sounding surprisingly calm despite the situation.

 _Retreat?! But Rei... you can't handle this on your own! Especially in your condition!_ Shinji thought, remembering how she'd struggled to cut her food up at lunch with only one working arm.

"Rei's right. Shinji, open your entry plug and get those stupid kids in there, it's the only place to keep them safe for now. Then retreat, Rei will buy you as much time as she can." Misato said, her frustration audible even from the comm system.

 _Retreat? I can go back and rest? But Rei..._ Shinji thought feeling his body ache, and his mind fill with guilt at his desire to retreat. At his desire to run away and leave all this behind him...

* * *

"Are you crazy? We can't just let those kids into the entry plug? That's completely unauthorized access to the Eva!" Ritsuko was saying back at the command center.

"I'm authorizing it. We can't have civilians caught in the crossfire. Forget the regulations." Misato countered.

"I agree with Captain Katsuragi. Get those kids to the safety of the entry plug." Deputy Commander Fuyutsuki called as he emerged into the command center personally, the older man making quite the scene as he did so.

Ritsuko stared at the old man, he'd almost never entered their workstation personally, nor had Gendo, the two men in charge had often stayed in their stations above them. The other Nerv staff glanced in surprise at the old man's presence but returned to their work almost immediately.

...

"Uh, hello. Command" Shinji called over his comm. He brought Eva Unit 01 into a kneeling position before his cowering classmates.

"Shinji? Is everything alright? What is it?" Misato said, the concern in her voice audible even through the comm.

"I'm okay, and I'm putting my classmates into the entry plug. But I can't retreat, Rei is still out there and I... I'm sorry but I can't leave her like that" Shinji said.

The comm system was filled with the hissing sound of compressed air being released as Unit 01's neck was left momentarily exposed, and the entry plug slid out.

"What?! No, Shinji retreat!" Misato shouted, only for the hiss of the entry plug to drown out her words.

Almost as if Shinji had planned that.

* * *

Shinji opened the hatch and felt the fresh air of the outside brush upon his face as he did so. Panting, he looked down at the two boys on the ground, they were staring opened mouthed at him with traces of tears in their eyes. In shock from the terror of almost dying.

"Get in!" Shinji called to his two classmates.

He felt raw and exposed like this, but even with the entry plug out in the open, and the hatch opened, he operated Eva Unit 01. He picked up his two classmates with its massive hands and carefully brought them to hover over his cockpit.

"Ahh" the boys whined as Shinji brought the Eva's hand to a hover above his seat in the cockpit of his entry plug.

"Just jump, we don't have much time!" Shinji cried.

"Screw it!" Toji said, grabbing Kensuke by the arm and jumping down from Unit 01's hand.

The two boys landed roughly into the entry plug, colliding into Shinji as he braced his own arms over his head. He grunted as the two boys literally landed atop him before sliding off on either side.

Shinji closed the hatch and hurriedly entered commands into his controls, sending the entry plug back into the neck of Eva Unit 01, where it was secured underneath several layers of the unit's armor.

Toji and Kensuke knelt from their spots in the entry plug and watched in awe as they were sealed in Eva Unit 01 along with Shinji. Never mind that they were cramped, as the cockpit of the entry plug was never designed for that many people.

"Shinji! Retreat now!" Misato shouted into his ear via the comm.

He winced at the sound and glanced at his display seeing that he had an estimated four minutes of power remaining.

* * *

 _Back with Rei_

Elsewhere, Rei and Unit 00 were struggling to keep their distance from both Angels as she fought them alone as Shinji had.

Rei's movements were stiff due to her injuries, and by extension, Unit 00 was stiff too. The Eva kept moving, never stopping for fear of being boxed in and overwhelmed as Shinji had been.

Unit 00 used its shoulder to help balance the weight of the rifle, and it leaned more on its left leg than the right. All whilst Rei tried to use the defensive pillars for cover against her enemies.

Rei fired warning shots towards her targets, attempting to lure the two Angels away from Unit 01, doing her best to keep her distance, all so Shinji could retreat along with the civilians.

Only something happened that didn't make sense...

 _Both_ Angels stopped following her. Instead the snake Angel slithered away from her, ignoring her warning shots, as the beast Angel turned on all fours and leaped away heading for the other direction.

"Command, the Angels have abandoned their chase of me" Rei called into the comm.

* * *

The Magi supercomputers chimed in alarm as the multiple processing cores analyzed the available data and projected the most likely outcome of the Angel's change in tactic.

Ritsuko stared at the calculated result frowning.

"The two Angels are heading for _Shinji_ " the doctor called.

"What?!" Misato said hurrying to glance over Ritsuko's shoulder at the results. Sure enough, based on the two Angel's current movements they were indeed heading for Unit 01.

Kozo Fuyutsuki stared curiously at the Magi supercomputers' calculation. They were very rarely wrong, and they didn't seem to be here, but this was curious indeed. Why would the Angels single out Shinji? The old man wondered.

"I am pursuing the Angels." Rei called into the comm as Unit 00 broke into a stiff jog heading towards Shinji and Unit 01.

* * *

"Shinji! The two Angel are coming towards you! Retreat now!" Misato shouted into his comm.

Shinji however was struggling to catch his breath as his two classmates sat unsure of what to. The news that both Angels were coming for him snapped him back to attention.

"No. I'm sorry, but I can't leave this to Rei all by herself." Shinji said. He spotted the remains of the damaged but relatively intact power cable lying nearby.

"Shinji, no! I am ordering you to retreat now!" Misato called into his ear screaming in panic as the Magi showed the snake Angel nearing the boy's position.

* * *

Shots echoed through the city as Rei fired after the beast Angel, aiming for its knees to stop its approach on Unit 01. Rei had tried to stop the other one too, but it had been moving too fast and she'd determined that if she tried to stop both then she'd ultimately stop neither.

Rei knew that Shinji would have to stop the other one on his own.

Experience told her that it was easier said than done.

* * *

 _Back with Shinji  
_  
Before Shinji could reach the fallen power cable, the snake Angel slithered out in front of him, emerging like some twisted nightmare from the line of trees.

The Angel rose, and once again unfolded its belly as strange tentacle like structures came whipping wildly for Unit 01.

Shinji raised the Eva's massive hands and grabbed the tentacles before they could wrap around him again... only the phantom sensations of Unit 01 made his arms feel weak and heavy.

"It's the kids! Their presence in the entry plug is messing with the Eva artificial nervous system interface!" Ritsuko called over the comm.

 _Not helping_ Shinji thought, gritting his teeth as he fought to hold the Angel at bay.

"Ahhhhh!" Shinji screamed as he felt the Eva's phantom sensations burning his hands, as Unit 01's hands were burned from holding the Angel's tentacles. Steam rose from the Eva's burning hands as the Angel tried to yank its tentacles free, yet Shinji refused to let go. Toji and Kensuke watched nervously as the young pilot screamed at the sensation, and pulled the Angel towards himself proceeding to headbutt it.

The Angel's faceplate cracked from the impact and Shinji, knowing the Eva's hands wouldn't last much longer, whirled and threw the monstrous thing back on the floor.

 _93 seconds of power left!_ Shinji thought glancing at the display.

His hands felt like they were raw and exposed, as if the skin had been burned away by acid, his chest felt like it was bleeding, his head was pounding, and his bones ached via a mixture of the Eva's phantom sensations and his own pain.

Shinji pulled free the Eva's prog knife from its slot beneath the armor on his side. The huge metallic blade emerged in 01's hand as he moved for the wounded Angel before him.

The snake Angel tried to slither away, it's tentacles moving to help propel it forward, but Shinji was faster as he raised the Eva equipped knife and stabbed the blade into the thing's head. The tentacles wrapped around his neck trying to pull him off, but Shinji pulled the knife free and stabbed it back into the Angel's faceplate again and again.

He started to scream from the sensation of his neck being crushed... only for the Angel to stop moving.

Shinji had managed to break through and shatter the Angel core.

The snake Angel withered before him, it's strange tentacle like structures dissolving into luminous Angel blood before his eyes, and its body seemed to deflate and crumple on the ground.

Shinji panted heavily, feeling tears in his eyes as the Angel fell dead at his feet.

 _I did it... I killed the Angel_ he thought weakly.

In the haze of pain and aches he wobbled in his seat, almost falling over inside his entry plug, momentarily lost to the world.

"Pilot Ikari, run!" Rei suddenly shouted into his comm. He had never heard Rei shout before. That unsettled him more than anything else, and it brought him back to where he was.

The Beast Angel had arrived and proceeded to leap over the tree line and land atop Eva Unit 01, pulling him and the Eva to the ground in an earth shattering thud.

Shinji weakly raised the Eva's knife and slashed the second Angel across the eyes as he fell, greatly reducing its vision... his last act before he was pinned by the roaring beast Angel.

The beast Angel slammed its fists down into Unit 01, winding Shinji via the phantom sensations as his two class mates cried out in terror.

"Got to fight" Shinji murmured accidentally biting his tongue so hard he bled. He tried to move his Eva... but the cockpit of his entry plug went dark, and a moment later the emergency lights came up. A fine red beam illuminated the cockpit as the Eva ran out of internal power.

...

"Eva Unit 01 is out of power!" Ritsuko called from the command center as the staff, and namely Misato, panicked unable to do anything.

 _I guess... this is... this is it..._ Shinji thought grimly. So tired that he barely even cared.

The beast Angel raised its fists and slammed them down into Unit 01's armored chest a second time, then a third and then a fourth. Shinji winced, eyes wide, as he felt the agony of his ribs cracking under the assault.

He shook from phantom sensations that somehow still lingered, and the beast Angel opened its mouth, baring its strange luminous fangs. The beast Angel craned down to bite into Unit 01's neck... only to slide off if its prey as a hail of gunfire slammed into its side.

Rei Ayanami emerged from the tree line with Eva Unit 00, rifle in stiff hand, having finally caught up to Shinji and the others.

"Pilot Ikari, evacuate." Rei said over the comm as she kept her Eva moving forward unloading round after round into the beast Angel.

The beast Angel slid further back, raising its arms to protect itself even as it fled back from Unit 00. It kept its arms up, using them for cover given it's damaged eyes.

 _Click._

Rei had ran out of ammo. The barrel of her Eva's rifle glowed bright red and smoked under the strain of having emptied the rest of the clip into her target.

The beast Angel raised itself on its wounded limbs and tried to charge forward, using the sound of the empty rifle as a guide, only for Unit 00 to brandish the rifle like a club and hit the Angel over the head.

"Rei..." Shinji called weakly through the haze of pain.

Rei battered the beast Angel with her Eva's rifle again and again, the gun dented further and further from the force of the blows until it snapped in two.

The beast Angel, heavily wounded but still standing, reached out latching onto Unit 00. The Beast pulled the Eva towards itself teeth bared. Rei tried to fight its embrace, but her own wounds and stiffness from days earlier stopped her from escaping.

"Ahhhhhhhh" Rei cried over the comm as the beast Angel sunk its teeth into her Eva, the phantom sensations brought the pain to her nervous system.

"No... no... Rei..." Shinji murmured weakly as he and his Eva lay unmoving on the ground.

He felt tears that were his, yet not his, stream down his face.

Shinji cried as his head throbbed in more pain than he'd experienced in years. He shouted unable to talk as blood ran down his nose. It felt like tiny blades were circling around from inside his skull, cutting through his brain tissue. He hadn't felt this in years, yet piloting seemed to make it worse. He never actually suffered brain damage from an 'incident' but it always _felt_ like he did.

 _ **get up...**_

 _I can't... I can't... need my meds_ he thought.

 _ **GET. UP.**_ The thing in his head stirred again. Harsh but not unkind words.

Through the pain, blood, and tears Shinji felt a strength he didn't know he had fill him.

* * *

 _Nerv Command Center_

"The Magi supercomputers give Rei a 32% chance of survival. We need to drop an N2 mine and salvage what we can." Ritsuko was saying to the deputy commander.

Misato only stared at the vitals of the two Eva pilots projected on the big screen for all the staff to see. And suddenly... Shinji's sync ratio began to change. It started slow, increasing little by little until it started rising fast.

"Look! Shinji's sync ratio is rising!" Misato called out pointing to the screen.

40%

45%

52%

58%

63%

before the ratio stopped at 67%

Ritsuko and the others stared at the screen, watching as somehow, even without any power to move, the Eva's sync ratio with Shinji had increased.

"That's impossible! Unit 01 shouldn't have any power left!" Ritsuko gasped.

"Shinji!" Misato shouted into her comm.

The reply that came back was a strained heavy breathing as Eva Unit 01 pulled itself slowly to it's knees.

"Shinji retreat! Get the hell out of there!" Misato called.

No response came as Eva Unit 01 crawled on all fours, dragging it's massive body through the terrain as Shinji's pained breathes filled Misato's comm.

* * *

Shinji ignored the blood trailing down his face and fought to move the Eva. He wasn't sure how, but he could still do it.

It was incredibly difficult, the Eva felt heavy and stiff, unlike any other time he'd ever piloted in combat or simulation. But he could crawl. He could _crawl_.

Eva Unit 01 came to stop at the damaged power cable. The cable that had come loose when he had been thrown across the city, and now he'd found it again.

Shinji groaned and blood fell into his mouth, it tasted like iron, and he picked up the cable. He forced the Eva to its knees and raised the power cable over Unit 01's body, and re-inserted it.

* * *

"Eva Unit 01's power cable has been reconnected. Power flow is at 71.4% efficiency. The kid is a genius!"

There was a round of astonished cheers throughout the command center. Nerv staff raised their hands in triumph as Ritsuko shook her head in amazement. Mr. Fuyutsuki smirked in respect at the young pilot.

The only one not to join in was Captain Misato Katsuragi. She stood stiff and silent as she heard 01's young pilot breathing heavily and clearly in pain.

She felt her lips tremble at the sound of it.

 _What we make these kids do..._ she thought.

"Shinji, great work! As soon as you can you need to get out of there-" Ritsuko started to say via the comm.

"I can't" Shinji wheezed back into the comm.

"Please, Shinji just-" Misato said pleadingly before Shinji cut in again.

"I won't abandon Rei" the boy said.

* * *

"I won't abandon Rei" Shinji said in a low weak voice.

It took a few moments, but he brought Eva Unit 01 back to its feet. The machine was easier to move now that it had power flowing back through its massive body.

Shinji turned the Eva towards the struggling Unit 00 and the beast Angel. He gritted his teeth and took a step forward, and then another one, and another towards his foe.

Rei struggled against the beast Angel, fighting to break free of its embrace by using her good arm to pry it off with little success. She hissed in pain as the beast Angel bit harder into her Eva's armored torso refusing to let go.

"Rei. I'm here." Shinji called into her comm suddenly.

And then Unit 01 appeared beside her, and the Eva slammed a fist into the beast Angel's neck. The Angel immediately released its grip on Unit 00, winded from the blow.

Rei pushed the monster back using her good arm. Shinji grabbed the beast's head with both arms, together Unit 00 and Unit 01 pried the beast away. The Angel fought back, trying to break free but Rei rushed forward tackling the Angel and bringing it down as Shinji did the same.

Together, Eva Units 00 and 01 pinned the Beast Angel to the ground.

Rei used her good arm and reached for her Eva's prog knife, the massive blade popped out of its socket on her Eva's side.

The Angel snarled bringing its teeth to Unit 00's hand, but Shinji grabbed a hold of its mouth and forced it back. Rei slammed the prog knife down towards the Angels' heavily damaged eye, only for the blade to clang as it came to a halt.

An AT Field materialized into existence above the Beast Angel's faceplate. It didn't seem to have the strength to protect its entire body, only its head. Eva Unit 00 struggled, with Rei fighting to pierce her prog knife through the shield, a brilliant blur of colorfully lights shimmering as the massive blade fought against the field to cut through.

"Together" Shinji called into her comm.

Shinji raised Unit 01's hand, and placed it atop Unit 00's. Both Eva Unit's grasped the hilt of the prog knife.

The Beast Angel struggled under the strain of maintaining the partial shield whilst being pinned by the Evas.

Shinji pushed down on Unit 00's knife, adding his weight to Rei's as they stabbed the blade down together. The knife cut completely through the beast Angel's AT Field and slammed into its exposed and heavily damaged eye. The blade pierced all the way through and destroyed the Angel core.

A perfect strike.

The Beast Angel withered before their eyes as it died, its body twitching before coming to a stop on the ground.

Eva Unit 01 released 00's knife, its hand leaving the other's, as Shinji moved his Eva into a sitting position by Rei's. 01 having been made to look curiously human as Shinji took deep breathes, completely exhausted, physically and mentally.

"Pilot Ikari... Shinji. Shinji, the targets have been eliminated" Rei called over the comm breathing a small sigh of relief. Her Unit stood whilst his sat.

Shinji however, could barely hear her as he slumped into the seat of his entry plug. He tried to catch his breath even as blood and dried tears slid down his face.

The two other school boys, Toji and Kensuke, sat barely holding it together as their hearts pounded from the mixture of terror and elation at having survived. At having seen what battling an Angel was like first hand.

Yet neither could even compare their experiences to that of the pilot, Shinji Ikari himself.

The young boy sat nearly broken from the day's trials unable to even speak. Toji saw the trembling boy sitting in his cockpit, barely holding it together, dried blood trailing down his face, and remembered punching Shinji for trying to help his sister in the hospital.

Toji awkwardly raised a hand and patted Shinji on the back. That was the last thing Shinji felt before he lost consciousness.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _The Vision_

 _ **Rei screaming... I never liked it when she screamed.**_ The thing in Shinji's head stirred

 _Uh... what? What's-_ Shinji thought.

 _ **I couldn't save her... I couldn't save anyone... not Rei... not 'her'... in the end I couldn't even save myself.**_

Shinji didn't know where he was. It was so dark that he couldn't see anything. Some dark void that he went to in the height of his madness.

 _Why... why am I so sad?_ He thought

 _ **Memories**_

 _I don't understand... I... I'm crying right now... why? Why am I crying?_ Shinji thought. He could feel the small feeble tears trailing down his face. But when he brought his hand up in the dark to wipe them away his face was dry.

 _ **You're not. I am.**_

 _I can feel it... I can feel tears..._

 _ **Can't be helped. It's your fault as much as it is mine. I lost the ability to cry a long time ago... you're the one who brought that back.**_

 _I don't understand._

… _**you make me... 'feel'... again. You have no idea what it's like to no longer feel. To go on, to survive but not to live. I... I'd forgotten what it was like.**_

 _I'm sorry but I don't-_ Shinji thought.

 _ **Thank you Shinji. You have no idea what that meant to me...**_

 _I'm talking to it. I'm not supposed to talk to it. Dr. Page told me never to talk to it._ Shinji thought. He clutched his head in the dark. This had to be a dream. This couldn't be real.

 _ **I know. I said I'd leave you alone, but you just had to do this. You had to make me interfere. But you killed**_ ** _Shamshel and_** ** _Armaros_** ** _, that was all you._**

 _Shams- what?_

 ** _The Angels you killed_**

 _Angels have names?_

 ** _Everybody's got a name_**

 _I... this isn't right! I'm not supposed to talk to it._

 _ **Then don't. You can end this, just wake up.**_

 _How is this happening? Am I dreaming? What's going on?_

 _ **You said you didn't want to talk to me. So don't. Wake up.**_

 _What? I... I don't understand._

 _ **Open your eyes, Shinji.**_

 _My eyes are open._

 _ **No, mine are. Your eyes are closed.**_

 _That doesn't make sense!_

 _ **Open your eyes.**_

 _Am I going crazy again?_

 _ **OPEN YOUR EYES**_

* * *

 _The hospital_

When Shinji Ikari awoke, he found himself laying in a hospital bed. Inside another of the white rooms that he so disliked yet again.

He groaned, opening his eyes. His world shifted from an odd blur of various shades of white into a basic hospital room. "Not again" he muttered. Slowly, he raised his aching body into a sitting position and almost immediately regretted that decision.

"You shouldn't move so quickly." A voice said.

Shinji jumped and turned his stiff neck, and regretted it for the ache it caused him, and found Rei sitting on a chair propped up against the wall of his room.

The enigmatic young girl was wearing her school uniform, but her bandages had been redressed and she sported a full plaster cast on her arm.

"Rei? I- wait. Your arm?! What happened to your arm!" Shinji said sitting up even further. His bed sheets slid off him as he did so.

He winced feeling his chest ache again.

"My arm was further damaged by the fight with the Angels. Had it been fully healed, I would have still suffered damage" Rei said. She tilted her head at him and raised her cast for him to see.

"Then, you're okay?" Shinji asked. He remembered how she had screamed when the beast Angel had bitten into her Eva, how it had pulled her into its deadly embrace.

"I am fine" Rei answered simply. It was true, while her recovery from her previous injuries had been delayed by the most recent fight, she would heal and was relatively mobile.

"Oh. _..._ I'm so glad" Shinji said breathing a sigh of belief.

"Your arm is more damaged than mine" Rei pointed out.

 _My arm?_ Shinji thought.

He glanced down to see that his right arm had been placed inside a partial cast, the plaster having been wrapped around him from above his wrist onward to his elbow. To add to that, the nurses had apparently applied some gauze bandage around his chest in multiple layers, wrapping it around his torso.

 _Wait a minute_ Shinji thought as he noticed that he was only wearing a thin hospital gown and that Rei could probably see more than she wanted to. Could see 'below the belt' so to speak.

He felt his face grow warm and he grabbed the bed sheets pulling them over himself again.

"How long have you been here?" Shinji asked now that he was covered again.

"3 hours today. I was told to watch over you" Rei answered simply.

"... Why?" Shinji asked blinking in surprise.

"Because your injuries were more severe than mine." Rei said blankly.

Shinji looked down at his injuries, he barely felt them, no doubt due to the pain killers the nurses had put him on, and shook his head.

"I'm sorry they made you pilot in your condition" Shinji said awkwardly.

Rei studied her fellow pilot and frowned.

"Why did you not retreat? I am expendable. You should not worry for me" Rei said.

Suddenly, Rei felt her face red as Shinji inexplicably took her hand in his good one. She felt the warmth in his hands envelope hers as he intertwined his fingers with hers, and it made her feel emotions she could not explain in words.

"Don't ever say that, Rei. You're not expendable. You're a person, not a tool" Shinji said showing a maturity in his eyes that no child should be capable of.

Rei opened her mouth unable to speak. She blushed and looked away focusing on her hand inside of Shinji's.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I won't do that again." Shinji said awkwardly as he let go of Rei's hand.

"You embarrass me" Rei said suddenly.

Shinji awkwardly ran his good hand through his hair, he was never good with women. How could he be? The last female friend he'd had had been in a mental ward just like him. There was a reason he didn't talk to most people, girls in particular, his age.

"I'm sorry-" Shinji stammered out.

"That's fine" Rei cut in quickly, unable to meet his gaze.

Silence filled the room. Neither pilot knew what to say.

"Uh... How are Toji and that other boy?" Shinji asked to break the silence. He couldn't explain why he had done what he did, but something inside him felt drawn to Rei. Either way, he decided he should probably change the subject, and he genuinely was curious.

"They came to visit, but left after seeing you asleep. Physically, they are unhurt" Rei answered simply.

Shinji laughed in spite of everything saying "I'm glad they're okay."

"Ikari... Shinji, you talk in your sleep" Rei said suddenly.

 _I do?_ Shinji thought uneasily.

" **Who was crying?** You said my name?" Rei said slowly. She looked as uncomfortable as he felt.

Thinking quickly, Shinji ran his good hand through his hair saying "just bad dreams."

He ran a hand across his face remembering the tears on his face in the dream. Or vision. Or whatever the hell it was. But the tears had felt so real... he had felt himself crying... and he'd felt such sorrow that he could not explain... but his eyes were dry now. Why had he cried?

"Were the dreams bad because I was in them?" Rei asked suddenly.

Shinji blinked at her in surprise. _How could she think that?_ he thought.

He stammered out a response, "uh? No! Rei that's... that's not what I meant-"

The door opened, and a nurse entered the room.

The two Eva pilots looked up to see a young girl, maybe a little younger than Misato, beaming at Shinji.

 _Her again_ Shinji thought, remembering the nurse he'd snapped at on the roof.

"Well Mr. Ikari. Little over a month later, and you came back to pay us a visit. I thought you said you didn't like hospital rooms" the nurse said coming in to check on Shinji.

"I don't" Shinji said flatly.

"Then maybe you shouldn't keep landing in the hospital." The nurse said cheerfully. She began to prep a bag of IV and glanced at Shinji's vitals.

 _It's not my idea_ Shinji thought bitterly.

"And hello there, young lady. I'm happy to see you stayed with him all this time. You really have to give your boyfriend a talking to. He keeps getting himself hurt" the nurse said smiling softly at Rei.

Shinji choked and stammered out a hurried "no. It's not like that." _Stupid adults, always thinking they know everything_ he thought.

"We are not romantically involved" Rei answered completely deadpan.

The nurse looked at Shinji and Rei in turn, giving the two teenagers a coy look that clearly said that she didn't believe either of them.

Rei Ayanami found that she did not like this nurse.

"Well then, I'm sorry miss. But I need to examine Mr. Ikari now that he's up. I'm afraid, I have to ask you to leave the room. Every patient needs their privacy" the nurse said surprisingly cheerful in spite of the attack earlier.

Rei got up from her chair saying "I will call Misato and let her know you are awake. She will most likely come to pick you up shortly."

"I... thanks Rei" Shinji said as his fellow pilot left the room.

The nurse pulled the curtain up to give him an extra sense of privacy, then got to work.

* * *

 _An hour later  
_ _Misato's car_

After the nurse had examined Shinji, an uncomfortable experience that he should have been used to by now but wasn't, they'd wanted him to spend an extra night at the hospital. Nerv however, had apparently pulled some strings to get him released early.

Misato picked him up at the entrance after he'd gotten his things back and changed into his street clothes.

Still... something about his appointed guardian was off. Shinji thought she was mad about something; the way she was so quiet. That was strange for Misato.

He sat in the passenger seat watching the night sky as they drove on in silence.

"Why are you mad?" Shinji asked, finally breaking the silence as Misato kept her focus on the road.

"... I'm not mad" Misato said.

"You are" Shinji said, tearing his gaze from the window to look at her instead.

Misato tsked in annoyance. Her roommate was a perceptive kid alright. Misato suddenly changed lanes on the intersection, and went down an unfamiliar road as Shinji frowned not sure what was going on.

She ended up driving to the parking lot of a mostly dead store. Almost no customers or cars in the lot. Misato parked in one of the many empty spots, then turned to Shinji so they could speak.

"You disobeyed orders Shinji!" Misato said nearly shouting at him.

Shinji flinched back as if struck. He had been yelled at by adults before, in his years in the ward, yet he had never thought Misato would too... she wasn't like the other adults.

"I'm sorry" Shinji said doing what he always did when adults yelled at him. He looked away and buried his feelings down and spoke plainly, completely deadpan.

"I'm the one giving orders here! I was put in charge of operations by the commander. You're supposed to obey my orders, Shinji. Do you understand?!" Misato said grabbing him and forcing him to look at her, taking the boy by complete surprise.

"Yes" Shinji deadpanned. He'd played games like this before, but he hated it when it was Misato.

"Are you even listening to me?!" Misato said not buying it. She knew he was just saying whatever words would make her stop yelling. She'd done something similar when she was a kid getting yelled at, though for vastly different reasons.

"Yes" Shinji deadpanned.

"No, you're not getting out of this by saying 'yes' all the time!" Misato said shaking Shinji by the collar of his shirt.

"What does it matter? We killed the Angels. Isn't that enough?" Shinji said softly.

"That's not the point. You get into the Eva with that attitude and you'll end up dead!" Misato said getting more and more frustrated by the second.

" **No one would miss me** " Shinji said flatly.

His voice was empty, no sorrow, no pain, no angst, just pure fact. Something he seemed to have accepted a long time ago, and for some reason that made Misato even more sad than if he had screamed at her, that was just... she didn't even know where to begin with that.

Misato let out a heavy sigh, her anger stifled by the boy's words.

 _ **Tell her the truth. Better that way**_ the thing in Shinji head's stirred.

He winced from the twinges of pain within his skull, but pretended to wipe something off his face to cover it up. He needed his pills but for now that would have to wait.

"I wouldn't leave Rei behind. She's hurt and Nerv made her pilot anyway. I'll just have to do until she gets better. And then... I don't know." Shinji said never once breaking eye contact with his guardian. Funny how he seemed to be two different people at times, Misato noted.

"I... Shinji" Misato sighed taking a deep breath. She comically banged her head into the steering wheel of her parked car.

"Everything okay?" Shinji asked frowning.

"It's fine. Just- just don't say things like that! Damn it, you're a kid! You shouldn't talk like that. You have to care about yourself, don't just go off on your own like that again." Misato said sounding more tired that she would have cared to admit.

Shinji made to speak but Misato put a hand on his shoulder saying "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"You're not mad?" Shinji asked surprised.

" _Sigh,_ no. I think you need to follow orders. But I also think you have a good heart. A heart that's in the right place" Misato said as she restarted her car.

"... thanks, I guess" Shinji said not sure what to make of that. _What does that even mean, 'heart in the right place'?_ he thought to himself frowning.

 _ **It means that she likes you. Stop taking your pills, I'm leaving you alone from here on out**_ the thing in his head stirred again. Shinji held in his flinch but only just, running a hand through his hair awkwardly to cover any strange reactions he'd showed, but Misato didn't seemed to notice.

 _Acting so mature one minute, then a kid again in the next. What a strange boy?_ Misato thought shaking her head with a chuckle.

Misato put her car in drive, and drove out of the parking lot once again heading for the road. They drove in silence, but different than the one before. A comfortable silence between friends? Roommates? Legally appointed guardian and child? Boss? Shinji sometimes had trouble defining their relationship, but he cherished it nonetheless.

Shinji checked his bag pretending to look for his SDAT player while he was really counting his remaining pills. He was running dangerously low... and his problem wasn't going away, if anything piloting the Eva seemed to make it _worse._ It worried him, but he couldn't get more without Misato noticing.

And if she knew then everything would change.

"Is it there? I can swing back by the hospital?" Misato called.

Shinji panicked saying "I found it, just making sure."

He looked up from his bag to see Misato driving them on a familiar road, for now all he could do was enjoy the moment. He'd have to figure something out, and if not, then he only hoped she would try to understand that he wasn't as bad as he used to be. That he wasn't going crazy again, that he wouldn't allow himself to go insane a second time.

"Let's go home. It's been an exhausting day" Shinji said.

* * *

 _Meanwhile  
Nerv HQ_

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi sat in front of her workstation going over the Magi supercomputers' analyzed data from the most recent Angel attack. As well as the data from the previous attack, the first time that Shinji had ever piloted and yet achieved a sync ratio of 91%.

Taking a sip of her coffee, only one of her many cups this evening, Ritsuko glanced over Shinji's vitals from both incidents. How they had changed throughout both battles, how some anomaly had allowed Shinji to do the strange things he could with Unit 01.

On her workstation sat yet another memo from the commander's office, details that her request for a second look at Shinji Ikari's medical files were denied. The boy's files had essentially been sealed by the higher ups at Nerv.

"What effect does mental stability of a pilot have on the Evas?" Ritsuko muttered to herself.

For now, she would have to make do with the Magi's provided data from the attacks and the simulations, but she would look into this further. Why had the Angels ignored Rei and made for Shinji instead? There had to be a reason.

She knew that the boy wasn't receiving his medicine anymore, now that he was living with Misato. And that for whatever reason his guardian had never bothered to look into his past nor had Shinji encouraged her to do so.

"What makes you so special?" Ritsuko murmured at the display of Shinji's vitals in the dark empty room inside Nerv.

* * *

 **This chapter was quite long eh? That's why I had to split the previous one.  
I liked writing the differences between Rei's piloting and Shinji's, with Shinji being less trained and more clumsy, while Rei being more experienced and calm throughout the fight despite her wounds.**

 **Shinji is a complex character, I wanted to show that he doesn't always listen to his own advice because he's human(what he told Rei).  
**  
 **Anyway thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	6. Ripple

**Hey guys, I'm back.  
** **Another character heavy chapter with plot.  
** **Here's chapter 6 "Ripple"**

* * *

" _Time is not linear. Time is simultaneous. To peel back, to change even a single thing is to cause a ripple in a pond. That ripple creates another, and so on and so on. Those changes aren't always good, often they're not, they_ _cascade_ _. But even with all that... some things linger. Remnants. Bonds so strong that they never fade. Not even across time."_

 ** _\- the broken man_**

* * *

 _Morning, Germany  
_ _German Nerv Branch HQ_

The prodigal Second Child sat at the desk, a scowl emerging on her face, as she watched the display screen. Archived footage of the Third Child's first piloting run played across the tv, records of Eva Unit 01 engaging an Angel and utterly destroying it after some initial stumbling.

Asuka Langley Soryu crossed her arms, the computer on the desk continued to play the footage.

The office door opened and Ryoji Kaji stepped in.

"Still going over the archives? Thought you'd have gotten bored by now" Kaji said smirking at the teenage girl in his office.

 _She always sits in my desk. Annoying, but the child prodigy must get what she wants less she throw a tantrum_ the man thought offhandedly.

"Kaji!" the Second Child said beaming up at his arrival, she usually did.

Asuka rose to her feet saying "eh, not much to do after testing. Might as well check out the competition."

Kaji sighed inwardly as the German girl rounded his desk and clung to him. He shook his head saying "nothing wrong with a little fun, but it's not a competition Asuka."

"I'm not worried; I saw Mr. Third Child stumbling. Damn kid couldn't even walk straight for the first few minutes" Asuka smirked. She was putting on a show for herself, Kaji had known her long enough to realize she didn't like anyone being better than her at anything.

Asuka herself had only been able to run sync ratio tests, and simulations to get an idea of piloting Eva Unit 02. She had never piloted under a combat scenario, yet she was Germany's pride, the child prodigy that until recently had held the highest sync ratio ever.

"That 'damn kid' achieved a sync ratio of 91%," Kaji said playfully. The footage that Nerv captured of the incident did not reflect this information, but Asuka had wanted to see the video all the same.

"What?!" Asuka said, not believing it. The teenage girl's shoulders slumped she gaped at the man before her.

"The Third Child, Shinji Ikari, had a record-breaking 91% sync ratio. Now, he wasn't able to maintain it for very long, roughly 12 seconds. But he did it, he's getting quite a reputation" Kaji said simply.

He knew he probably shouldn't have done it, but he felt it was good to take Asuka down a peg or two every now and again. Something to humble her, she was without a doubt a very talented girl with great potential for piloting. However her attitude could be troubling, even Kaji, who wasn't exactly a saint, could see that.

"That bumbling idiot got a higher sync ratio than me?! That's not possible!" Asuka stammered out as she turned to watch the footage again.

Kaji was about to tell her to calm down, that she would have her chance to prove herself when the time came, but Asuka seemed to beat him to it.

"Just you wait, Kaji. When it's my turn, I'll show them how a real pilot gets things done" Asuka said smirking.

 _And there it is. Child prodigy that doesn't back down from a challenge._ Kaji thought.

"I'm sure you will, kid. Eva Unit 02 is almost ready. But until then, you have a meeting with the doc. Get your things, we're leaving now." Kaji said.

"Do we have to go already? 3 hours of sync tests and now the doctor? Why not tomorrow? I heard some of the staff talking about a new restaurant-" Asuka began, swinging her hips back and forth in a way that made Kaji annoyed.

 _You're a child. Stop acting like that_ he thought.

"Sorry kid, rules are rules. Get your things." Kaji said interrupting before Asuka could finish.

Asuka frowned, but it left her face quickly as she nodded and grabbed her things. Probably trying to impress Kaji with her maturity. Something she tended to do when Kaji repeatedly referred to her as 'kid'.

The drive to the facility was relatively uneventful, Asuka only politely asking to control the radio and only listening to German music. Once there, Kaji signed the forms needed and Asuka blinked in surprise as the facility staff led her to an MRI machine.

"Rules. Nerv demanded it" Kaji answered when Asuka gave him a confused look.

The facility personnel led Asuka away, the woman in charge smiled politely at her and went over a quick explanation of the procedure. Explaining that the process was painless and that they were going to scan her brain as if Asuka didn't already understand. As if she was a child and not a college graduate.

"Humph, I know what an MRI is. Magnetic Resonance Imaging, you're taking an image of the anatomy and physiological processes of my brain. I already graduated college you know" Asuka said smugly.

The fake smile fell from the face of the woman in charge of the operation. Whatever the staff had been expecting in the girl, this child prodigy, it had definitely not been that.

"Very well, miss Soryu. Let's get this over with" the woman said.

Asuka was strapped in and the technicians got to work. The child prodigy stayed completely silent throughout the entire MRI. Kaji watched from observatory window.

When the MRI was finished, Kaji turned to the doctor Nerv had brought in, asking "how'd it go?"

"It went fine. We need more time to analyze the data, but I see no obvious problems. Nerv is just being cautious, we all have a vested interest in the health of our pilots" Dr. Page said in answer. Though the American woman barely looked at him.

 _Page... never liked her. Can't get a read on her, it's like everything she does is carefully measured and controlled._ Kaji thought. He had his suspicions about her.

"That all? I think the Second Child would like to leave by now. She's had a long day." Kaji said acting the role as Asuka's caretaker for the day.

"I'm afraid not. I have one final test for the Second Child. I will personally attend to it myself, Nerv has been kind enough to lend me an office, but per doctor-patient confidentiality, I must ask you to give us privacy." Dr. Page said softly.

"I'm sure Asuka won't mind-" Kaji began.

"But the law would. I'm sorry, this test is private. With any luck, I will finish quickly and the two of you will never hear from me again." Dr. Page said smiling brightly at him.

 _Perfectly practiced motions and gestures, all to keep people calm_ Kaji noted.

He glanced back through the observation window, Asuka was complaining to the facility staff as they pulled her from the MRI. _Sorry kid, nothing I can do_ he thought.

"Fine, I'll wait outside." Kaji said, somewhat reluctant.

Page noticed the stiffness in his shoulders as he left. Neither cared much for the other it seemed.

Once Asuka had finished the MRI, she'd looked forward to heading home with Kaji, but instead, she'd found another doctor waiting for her. A young woman with dark brown hair and clearly American.

Without much choice, Asuka was forced to follow the American doctor to an office upstairs while Kaji lingered behind them. Once the doctor and Asuka stepped inside, Kaji didn't follow but waved at the teenage prodigy saying "I'll be waiting when you get out."

"What?-" Asuka began frowning, only for the doctor to gently pull her inside the office before closing the door behind them.

Asuka scowled but took a seat. The American sat across from her.

"Hello there, miss Soryu. I am Dr. Page, and though I've lived in Japan for many years now, I have flown all the way here to speak with you today. I've heard so many great things about you" the doctor said in perfect German, even down to the accent.

Asuka was impressed. She blinked in surprise before answering in her mother tongue, "you speak very good German, unlike most foreigners in Nerv."

"Why thank you. I had heard how intelligent you are, a true lady, but no one had told me how kind you could be" Dr. Page said smiling.

Asuka smirked saying "I am pretty great."

"Indeed, now before you go we have one final test for you. Just a private talk among us women, shouldn't take long." Dr. Page continued.

"What about Kaji?" Asuka asked frowning. She glanced pensively at the door, but she quickly turned back to Page not wanting to show her nervousness.

"He'll be waiting outside. He did ask if he could sit in, but I thought you were mature enough to handle a simple test on our own" Dr. Page said speaking with care.

Inwardly, Dr. Page beamed as Asuka took the bait.

"Of course I can" Asuka said putting on her best smirk.

"Glad to hear it" Dr. Page said pulling out a folder. Picking through the folder's contents, Page pulled out a series of photographs and set them each face down carefully on the desk. Asuka looked confused but said nothing.

Dr. Page considered the photographs before her. Then she picked one and passed it over to the Second Child.

"Look at this picture and tell me what you see."

Asuka took the picture confused.

The photograph in Asuka's hands was a scan of a crude drawing. The image had been made with color pencils from the looks of it, put together by the crude untrained strokes of a child. The drawing revealed a humanoid figure, with only its upper half torso. The creature, whatever it was, lay crucified to a red cross. It was completely white save for its faceplate. And protruding from the humanoid figure's chest was a single red spear.

Dr. Page continued "does it stir anything in you? Make you think of anything in particular?"

Asuka frowned saying "what the hell is this? Looks like something out of a horror movie?"

"A drawing used to test the psychological effects of people's association." Dr. Page lied smoothly.

Asuka shook her head speaking in German, "this doesn't mean anything to me. Just a creepy picture... of a drawing."

Dr. Page took the photograph back and handed Asuka another one.

The new photograph showed another scan of a child's drawing. This time of a sphere with a warped, black and white color pattern that cast a strange menacing shadow over what appear to be city buildings. Oddly enough... the shadow was depicted in a blurry haze, as if it was moving.

When Asuka said she didn't know what to make of it, Dr. Page took it back and handed her another.

"This is the last one." Dr. Page said.

Asuka took the photo growing more annoyed by the minute.

 _What's with these stupid questions? And why would someone take pictures of a drawing? A kid's drawing?_ the girl thought, fighting the urge to scowl.

The last drawing showed a child's rendition of a multi-winged creature with bright intense colors amid a sea of black, hovering over a small blue dot.

"... Is that supposed to be outer space and the Earth?" Asuka said, sounding bored, as she turned the photo back to Dr. Page.

"If that's what you think it is" Dr. Page answered in German.

Asuka slid the photo back across the desk. Dr. Page took it scribbling down notes on her clipboard, and Asuka couldn't help but notice many _more_ pictures in the American doctor's folder.

Putting the pictures back into the folder, Page looked up at Asuka.

"You did very well. Clever girl, the pictures don't really mean anything. They test you by seeing if you would make something up to sound more interesting. But you didn't, you told the truth and saw that the photos are ultimately meaningless. I'm impressed" Dr. Page lied smoothly.

Asuka didn't seem to notice or care much about the lie. She only nodded her head saying "of course I couldn't be tricked into making an answer up. I'm better than that."

"Now then, I have a series of questions for you and then you'll be free to leave." Dr. Page said.

Asuka stirred in her chair trying to get into a more comfortable position.

"I deal with problem children, Asuka. Nerv specifically called me in, so I ask that you please answer my questions truthfully, and to the best of your ability. Kaji nor I will ever judge you based on these answers, do you understand?"

Asuka slapped a hand on the desk saying "I am not a problem child!"

"Of course not, I was only available at the wrong time and at the wrong place. In fact, I'd say you have nothing to worry about. You're already doing much better than any other patient I've ever had" Dr. Page lied.

The compliment seemed to calm the Second Child somewhat. "Fine" Asuka said ready for the questions.

"First, have you ever had recurring nosebleeds? Or else strange headaches that you couldn't explain? Trouble sleeping for extended periods of time? Night terrors?" Dr. Page asked.

Asuka crossed her arms coldly saying "no. Of course not. I'm in great health. Why would you ask that? Nerv wouldn't let a wimp pilot an Eva."

"You're right of course. But it is important that I know those things, so have you ever had any problems?" Dr. Page asked again.

"No." Asuka said coldly.

Dr. Page scribbled down a few notes onto her clipboard before looking back up at Asuka, their eyes meeting as the American asked: " **have you ever heard voices in your head?** "

"What?" Asuka said clearly taken aback.

"Have you ever heard a voice, or voices, in your head that only you could hear? Something that told you things, that knew your name?" Dr. Page continued blankly.

"I am not crazy!" Asuka said slamming a hand onto the desk and standing up.

Dr. Page studied the teenage girl before her in silence, letting Asuka pant angrily for several moments

"Asuka, this is very important. I care about you. Are you telling me the truth?" Dr. Page continued after the emotional teenage girl had calmed a little.

"Of course I'm telling the truth. I'm not crazy! What are you trying to do? Lock me up in a mental ward?" Asuka said coldly.

"It matters, Asuka, because you lied to me, and I asked you to answer truthfully. But you didn't." Dr. Page said suddenly.

Asuka froze.

"I know about your mother" Dr. Page said, her eyes never leaving Asuka's.

"I... you..." Asuka said in barely a whisper, unable to speak properly. The tension that had suddenly filled the office was thick enough to cut with a knife.

"You _did_ , in fact, have night terrors for a time. I've read your file. But you lied to me when I asked about it" Dr. Page said coolly.

"That... that's private. I don't have to talk to you about this! I don't want to!" Asuka yelled.

"Yes, you do. If you do not, then I will give Nerv my recommendation that you are unfit to pilot Eva Unit 02" Dr. Page said.

Asuka flinched back as if struck. Making a choice, Asuka took a deep breath and avoided looking at the doctor. Slowly, she spoke saying "you read my file. You know what my... what that woman did. I had night terrors but they're gone now."

"Thank you for your honesty. Now, tell me. Have you ever heard voices in your head? Voices that only you could hear?" Dr. Page continued.

"No, I'm telling the truth. I'm better than that. I never went crazy" Asuka said fiercely, forcing herself to look back at Dr. Page.

The two women stared each other down. Dr. Page made to scribble more notes on her clipboard, but Asuka reached out and smacked the clipboard out of the doctor's hands.

CLANG

Dr. Page's clipboard slammed into the office wall, before landing with an audible thud on the floor.

"I'm not crazy" Asuka said darkly.

"I believe you" Dr. Page said after several moments of silent staring.

Getting to her feet, Dr. Page gestured to the door saying "I think we're done. I admit that perhaps I pushed too far. But you are clearly not mentally unsound. I assure you that I will not stop you piloting. Thank you for your honesty, you're free to go."

Asuka stormed out of the office, slamming the door closed on her way out.

Kaji met her and gasped at the angry teen storming out. Meanwhile, Page picked up her clipboard and sighed.

"Asuka? Asuka, what happened? Are you okay?" Kaji said following after Asuka as she fled the hallway.

"I'm fine, I want to go home. Please... just take me home" Asuka said near pleadingly. Kaji reached a hand out to comfort her but Asuka shook him off with heavy pant, it sounded like she was almost in tears.

Kaji was left speechless at that.

"... Alright. Let's go" Kaji said, having never seen the Second Child in such a state. He looked back at the office where Dr. Page had set up.

 _There's something very wrong with that lady_ he thought coldly.

* * *

 _Japan  
_ _Tokyo-03_

"Just do it."

"I… I can't"

"Don't be such a wimp. Give it your best shot. Come on, I can take it!"

Shinji Ikari raised his hand, balled it into a fist, and winced from the ache it caused him. He still hadn't fully recovered from the last Angel attack.

"I don't want to…" he said slowly, his face a mixture of nervousness, unease, and awkwardness.

Toji was towering over him. The boy's face stern and ridged, hands held to his side, perfectly prepared for a punch straight to the face.

"Come on Shinji, just do it. It's the only way he can forgive himself" Kensuke was saying from the sidelines.

"But I don't want to punch you" Shinji said lamely, his fist raised but unmoving.

"Do it. It's only fair!" Toji said getting angry. _This damn kid just had to be so... so damn nice... men aren't supposed to be nice!_ Toji thought angrily.

Shinji frowned pulling his fist back, Toji closed his eyes... and nothing happened. "Oh come on!" Kensuke said laughing as Toji opened his eyes to see Shinji's fist hovering an inch from his face.

A look of pure awkwardness emerged firmly on Shinji's face, his fist hovering in front of Toij's face. He stepped back shaking his head and lowered his fist.

"Uh... I don't want to. Really, it's okay, I probably deserved it." Shinji stammered.

The three boys stood in the school courtyard, Shinji had been heading to class when the two boys had cornered him. The boys made an odd sight, with Shinji and the partial cast on his arm, the light bandages on his face and chest, thankfully hidden by his shirt, being cornered by two classmates who apparently _wanted_ to get punched.

"It's only fair. I shouldn't have hit you, alright. Hit me back and we can forget about it" Toji complained.

"Think of it like this, how many times do you get a free pass to hit someone?" Kensuke said oddly cheerful.

When Shinji only shook his head, his frown deepening. Toji scowled and stepped forward grabbing Shinji by the arm.

"Ack" Shinji groaned in pain, his arm hadn't fully healed. Toji raised Shinji's fist up for him.

"Alright, you're going to hit me. Ready?" Toji was saying, the boy literally having to _help_ Shinji punch him.

 _This is so weird_ Shinji thought.

Suddenly a young but harsh voice cut through the air as Hikari Horaki, class representative, and oddly enough Rei Ayanami emerged onto the scene.

"Toji! Kensuke! What are you two doing to poor Shinji?"

Both boys froze. Thankfully, Toji released Shinji's arm. Shinji watched as Toji unconsciously stepped back as the girl with twin pigtails strode for them.

"Hey, Hikari. Hey, Rei" Shinji said lamely.

The class representative nodded her acknowledgment and stared down the other two boys. Rei said nothing, she rarely did.

"What are you two bothering Shinji with now? Can't you see he's hurt?" Hikari said crossing her arms.

"Calm down. It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand-" Toji began only for Kensuke to cut in saying "a while back, Toji hit Shinji. But we're sorry, so we thought it'd only be fair if Shinji hits him back... only Shinji doesn't want to."

"Kensuke!" Toji shouted in frustration.

"Oh, that again. Ugh, boys are such idiots. Hikari sighed.

The class representative shook her head continuing, "Toji, Kensuke, head to class. I need to talk to Shinji." Funny how sometimes she seemed like almost an adult with the other, and sometimes bigger, kids cowering before her wrath.

"Class doesn't start for 15 minutes. And besides you can't tell us what to do outside of class-" Toji began only to groan as Hikari pinched his ear and pulled hard.

 _It's like she runs the school or something. Damn, Toji's just taking it_ Shinji thought. He watched, unsure of what to do, as Hikari pulled on Toji's ear.

 ** _The power of women, Shinji. You don't realize how much they run things._** The thing in his head rasped.

 _Not good, need pills._ Shinji thought, fighting the urge to flinch.

"Go to class." Hikari said firmly.

Kensuke took his friend's arm and led him off towards the classroom. "Sorry about all this Shinji, we'll make it up to you somehow" the boy said as he and a still grumbling Toji walked off. Toji rubbing his ear and shaking his head.

"But you don't have to make it up. I deserved it." Shinji murmured so softly that no one heard him.

 ** _No, you don't._** The thing in his head stirred.

"Crazy girl, who the hell goes around pinching people!" Toji was shouting even as Kensuke dragged him off.

Hikari stared them down until they were gone.

 _Well, that was... odd._ Shinji thought when the two boys had left.

He kept his eyes downcast but then he realized Rei was watching him, the pale skinned girl never saying a word until he met her red eyes with his brown ones.

Immediately, Rei turned away avoiding his gaze, and Hikari spoke up calling Shinji by name.

"Huh, sorry," Shinji said awkwardly.

"I said are you alright? I know Toji and Kensuke can be a handful sometimes. And were they telling the truth? They wanted you to hit them? Rei said it looked like they were picking a fight with you" Hikari asked.

 _Rei grabbed the class representative for me?_ Shinji thought.

"Oh, they're not so bad. I probably deserved to get punched by Toji at the time" Shinji said. He flinched slightly at the thing in his head as stirred, but then it stopped. Gone in a second.

He ran a hand through his hair to cover up the flinch and continued speaking "... but I don't want to hit them. Toji got mad when I wouldn't."

Hikari listened to the story, more bemused than anything else, before smiling.

"Glad at least some of my classmates don't act like idiots." the class-representative said. It was like she was actually impressed.

Shinji did not understand girls, not even close. He felt his face grow warm in spite of himself. He couldn't remember the last time a girl, any girl, had actually smiled at him.

"I... thanks, I think. Um, you said you needed to talk to me?" Shinji said slowly.

"Your guardian called saying that she told the teachers you and Rei are to be excused from physical activities. For the next few days anyway. She especially asked I 'keep an eye out for you' I just wanted to let you know." Hikari said.

Shinji listened, he really did, but he noticed Rei looking at him again. He tried to look at the pale girl and once again she turned away.

"You two should really be more careful. Class is starting soon. Don't be late." Hikari said looking at her watch before waving goodbye to both her classmates.

 _She knows we're both pilots?_ Shinji thought as he waved Hikari off.

"Rei... I... you called her when you thought I was in a fight?" Shinji asked before the girl could disappear again. He didn't know why he did it, he wasn't good at talking to girls, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Hikari chuckled as she left the two Eva pilots, something that Shinji did notice and for some reason found very annoying.

"I had reason to believe you were in danger, and we have been advised by the doctors to avoid physically straining activities" Rei said simply, without emotion.

Rei had bandages just as Shinji had, and although his injuries had been more severe after the incident with the two Angels, she had already been recovering from a previous incident when she'd been hurt again. Though she hid it well, Shinji thought he could sometimes see her wince from time to time.

"Oh. Uh, thanks for looking out for me" Shinji said noting that just as before, Rei never liked to make eye contact when she spoke with people.

His fellow Eva pilot nodded saying nothing as she left him, head for class just like everyone else had. Not knowing what else to say or do, Shinji followed.

Damn it, he wished he was better at talking to people his own age.

...

The school day played out as usual, with Shinji taking his usual seat beside Rei's, and the teacher droning on and on about the history of the world since the Second Impact. Of the strange event that had nearly caused a global catastrophe. Of the Post-Second-Impact world forcing the UN to take action, the founding of Nerv and the JSSDF.

Shinji took notes but he didn't really care, especially with the glances some of his fellow classmates gave him and Rei.

Maybe it was the fact that both of them had bandages on, but somehow Shinji figured that most, if not all, of the class seemed to know that he and Rei were the Eva pilots. Hikari had told him before how there were rumors. Said rumors had spread remarkably fast.

When it came time for the students to do their physical activities for the day, usually swimming for the girls and running for the boys, Shinji was told by his teachers to sit it out.

He noticed Rei had also been told to sit it out too. Hikari had let them know, yet Shinji still found himself glancing upward at his fellow Eva pilot. Both of them had been 'benched' for lack of a better term.

After they were released for lunch, Shinji made his way to an empty bathroom. He reached into his bag pulling out his prescription bottle of red pills. He hadn't bothered bringing the white or blue pills with him, he hadn't needed them as much lately and those were mostly to help him sleep.

"Almost out" Shinji murmured darkly as he grabbed one of the few remaining red pills.

 _Should I? The thing in my head only stirred twice today... but what if it comes back?_ Shinji debated.

Ultimately he put one of the red pills in his mouth and swallowed it. He couldn't explain it, but piloting Eva Unit 01 seemed to make his problem worse and he wasn't taking any chances.

Minutes later, Shinji wandered the school patio for a place to eat the lunch he'd prepared. He spotted Rei sitting alone at the same table as before. The same spot where he'd joined her for lunch the day of the last attack.

He walked over to her saying "hello."

Rei looked up at him, surprised that he had approached her again.

"Hello, pilot Ikari... Shinji." the pale girl said. She tilted her head at him.

"Uh, can I join you? That is... if you don't mind." Shinji said.

"I do not mind" Rei said. Something about her was different, she wasn't so deadpan and though she didn't want to make eye contact she seemed to pay him more attention than any of the previous times they'd spoken.

Shinji took a seat across from her. They made an odd sight, a boy and girl in bandages sitting all alone.

"Here, let me" Shinji said reaching across the table to help Rei cut her food up.

Rei hesitated, before relenting, and letting him cut up her food for the second time. Just as before her injuries had made her hands stiff. It made it difficult for her to prepare for own lunch.

"... Thank you" Rei said slowly after Shinji had finished and handed her lunch back.

They ate in silence for a moment before Rei suddenly spoke. Her voice was almost deadpan, quiet but audible, she said: "why did you do that again?"

"It just- it seemed like the right thing to do. And you saved me during the last attack. I- I don't think I would have made it without you" Shinji said, not really knowing why he did it himself.

Rei considered that seemingly unsure of what to say.

"I never did thank you for that, did I? I'm sorry that you had to get involved, you got hurt again because of me." Shinji said eyes downcast.

Rei tilted her head at him.

"But thank you, for saving me that day" Shinji finished.

"You were hurt worse than me." Rei said quietly.

"They shouldn't have made you do that. You were already hurt. And I took so long to help you at the end. Heh, I'm not a very good pilot. I think I just get lucky most times" Shinji said. He didn't know what else to talk about, their only real connection was the Eva Units.

Shinji's arm ached as he ate his food, the movement brought old pains from the fight back. No doubt Rei felt something similar, but neither spoke of it. An unspoken understanding.

"You... you are kind" Rei said managing to make eye contact with him for a brief moment.

Shinji was going to say that he tried to be, but Rei continued speaking before he could.

"You are kind to _me_. Why are you kind to me?" Rei said looking directly at him, the mask of solemn silence she wore beginning to crack.

Shinji stopped eating to think about that.

He sensed that the answer was important to Rei, even if he didn't fully understand it. Why was he so kind to Rei? Because they were both Eva pilots? Because for some reason he felt drawn to her?

"I think because... you remind me of myself" Shinji said slowly but from the heart.

A long lost memory stirred.

* * *

 _Nearly six years ago  
_ _Mental Ward  
_ _Cafeteria_

Little Shinji sat alone in the cafeteria eating his meal slowly. He'd stopped counting the days since he'd been placed in the ward. The last count had been 64 days in total. 64 days of wearing basically the same pair of plain white scrubs, of speaking only when spoken too, which was rare. After that, he didn't see the point in counting anymore.

The lonely little boy stared into his food barely bothering to eat. He knew he had to eat his food, the staff got mad at him when he didn't. He didn't much care anymore, just another day of being isolated here. Of daily tests, medicine, lunch, and then back to his private room away from the other patients. The days bled into the next with little distinction.

"Hey! You!" a voice suddenly called.

Someone landed in the seat across from him and slammed their food tray onto his table.

BANG

Little Shinji nearly fell out of his chair as a girl, a bit older than him, with long hair that fell past her shoulders, and wearing the same white scrubs, emerged across from him her arms crossed and glaring at him.

"... hello" Little Shinji mumbled quietly.

"What? Why are you talking so low? Speak up!" the little girl said to him leaning across the table to glare at him.

Little Shinji shrank from the girl's glare not sure what to do.

"I..." he began.

"I? I? What? Speak up!" the girl mocked him.

Little Shinji looked for the staff but found them mostly ignoring the patients, they only stepped in when something serious happened. Loud people were not uncommon in a mental ward.

"I know who you are. You're the boy that saw me steal the pudding" the little girl said in barely a whisper.

"I... I didn't tell anyone" Little Shinji managed to mumble.

"Stop mumbling. Speak up" the girl said suddenly standing up, climbing atop the table, and literally _sliding_ herself across to sit beside him.

Little Shinji practically had a heart attack as the girl landed beside him, before grabbing her food tray and sliding it towards her new seat beside him.

"What you say?" the girl asked in barely a whisper. She didn't have her eyes on him though, she kept glancing at the staff in the distance, making sure the two of them weren't being watched.

 _You forgot 'did'. You're supposed to say 'what did you say' _Shinji thought. He did not correct the strange girl though, he was too afraid of her.

"I said I didn't tell anyone" Little Shinji said trembling at the strange girl beside him.

"Good. Have some more" the little girl said suddenly.

Little Shinji felt something brush against his chest. He flinched. But then that same thing did it again.

"Take it, you dummy. I'm trying to be nice" the little girl said eyeing the staff in the distance.

Shinji looked down to see the girl's hand, a cup of stolen pudding in her palm, brushing against his chest under the table. Little Shinji didn't know what to say, he'd already eaten his pudding, it was the only good thing about the food here.

"What? You don't like pudding? I saw you eat yours" the little girl whispered into his ear. The act made Little Shinji jump but the girl put her other hand on his shoulder to keep him from falling out of his seat.

"I... I like pudding" Little Shinji said stupidly. He took the pudding and put it on his food tray.

"Hmm, you don't talk much do you?" the strange little girl asked.

"... no" Little Shinji said in barely a whisper.

"Mari" the little girl said. She pulled out another cup of stolen pudding from somewhere he couldn't see and put it on her food tray. How many cups did she steal?

"What?" Little Shinji whispered.

"My name. My name is Mari; you dummy" the little girl said as she started to eat beside him.

"Oh okay," Little Shinji said awkwardly.

"Dummy, this is the part where you tell me your name," Mari said giving him a jab in his side.

"Ah. Shinji, my name is Shinji" he said wincing from the jab.

"Shinji? What kind of name is Shinji?" Mari said.

"... kind of name is... " Shinji mumbled more to himself than her.

"Why are you _mumbling_? Speak up." Mari said. She reached over, grabbing him by the cheek, and pulled him next to her ear so she could hear him.

Little Shinji almost had another heart attack, he couldn't remember the last time he had this much physical contact in a day, and now a girl had pulled him so close to her that he could smell her hair.

"I said... I said what kind of name is Mari" Little Shinji said stupidly.

Mari pinched his cheek and glared at him, Little Shinji felt himself shrink under her gaze.

But then Mari laughed, he hadn't seen anyone laugh in a long time. Laughter. It sounded so strange in the ward, not the delusions of a patient, but warm... full of life... 'happy' even.

"You're funny, Shinji." Mari said letting him go as he stumbled back into his seat.

"You... you're so uninhibited." Little Shinji said, his voice barely a whisper, not a mumble. He'd learned what Mari would do if he mumbled and she couldn't hear him.

"Uninhabit... uninhubit... what's that word?" Mari said frowning at him.

"Uninhibited. It means you're without restraint. That you don't hold back what you feel" Little Shinji whispered.

"... yeah. I am like that. Hey! Why do you use that word? That's a grown-up word? How you know that word?" Mari asked suddenly.

 _She... she's so full of energy._ Little Shinji thought.

"I don't know. I just do. I... know things. No idea why." Shinji said, his vocabulary was higher than a child his age should have.

Mari stared at him frowning.

"You're weird." She said, taking a bite of her stolen pudding.

Little Shinji's face fell.

"I like you," Mari said suddenly.

"Eh?" Little Shinji stammered as Mari slapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer until they bumped heads.

"Me and you. We're friends now. Okay?" Mari said, whispering into his ear conspiratorially with a wide smile planted firmly on her face.

"Okay." Little Shinji whispering back at this strange girl.

Her name was Mari Illustrious Makinami, and she was Shinji's first friend. She was the one that made Shinji find his voice again. Eventually, she made Shinji smile.

* * *

 _The present_

"I think because... you remind me of myself" Shinji said slowly but from the heart.

"Explain?" Rei said softly.

Shinji thought that over as he ate his lunch.

"I don't have many friends. And when I was younger I was in... I didn't talk much."

 _And we're both Eva pilots. We saved each other that day_ the words went unspoken but seemingly understood between the two injured teenagers.

"I see. Shinji... are we friends?" Rei asked suddenly.

It was only then, now that he had snapped himself out of his memories, that Shinji saw he had Rei's complete attention. He had never seen her like that, red eyes boring into his intently. The rest of the world completely forgotten in her mind, only he existed to her in that moment.

The thing in his head stirred ever so slightly, barely noticeable and yet Shinji felt it. It said nothing, and it was gone in less than a second. But even without it, he would have been awkward, would have felt his face grow warm. No one had ever given him that much attention before.

"I think so. Yeah, we're friends." Shinji said.

"I would like that" Rei said before continuing her lunch.

They sat together in silence, but not altogether uncomfortable. Still, Shinji thought he saw the shadow of a smile on Rei's face.

* * *

 _Later_

After school was over, and Shinji and Rei parted ways, he headed for the school entrance to get picked up. Honestly, he still found the thing a little embarrassing, Misato going out of her way to drive him from and to school.

He had skipped school once, but Misato insisted on driving him to ensure that he attended class. A few students made comments, especially after the infamous 'handcuff day', but Shinji just tried to forget them.

Instead of Misato's car pulling into the entrance, it was a red car Shinji had never seen before. The window rolled down and Dr. Akagi gestured for him to get in.

"Dr. Akagi? Where is Misato?" Shinji asked confused.

"Just call me Ritsuko. Misato's at the apartment finishing up paperwork. You have another test today; it was scheduled last minute. Sorry, but Misato called four times to let you know. You never answered." Ritsuko said.

She opening the passenger door for him as she spoke.

Shinji quickly reached into his bag, pulling out his phone, and saw that Ritsuko was right. Four missed calls, all from Misato.

 _Ah. She's gonna be really mad at me. No one else ever calls me though... need to start carrying it with me more often._ Shinji thought.

"I said I'd help her out by giving you a ride. Come on, Shinji. The sooner the test is over the sooner you can go home" Ritsuko said simply.

Not knowing what else to do, Shinji got in Ritsuko's car and closed door.

"Another sync test?" Shinji asked. He felt uncomfortable as he put his seat belt on, and Ritsuko drove off heading for Nerv.

"No, but it shouldn't take long" Ritsuko answered.

Shinji pondered that as he glanced at the older woman driving, she'd been a big part of his life since the day he first piloted Eva Unit 01. However, he didn't know if he liked Ritsuko. She'd given him that look when they first met by the elevators, that look that meant she knew about his past. That he made her nervous. Only that look had gone away in the days that had followed.

He didn't know what to make of her.

* * *

 _Nerv HQ  
_ _Testing room 01_

"So Shinji, you were very quiet on the drive here. How are you feeling?" Ritsuko asked.

She was wearing her usual lab coat, and from the looks of it, she'd had very little sleep, while Shinji was still in his school clothes. Thankfully, Ritsuko had quickly and silently examined him physically and was now finishing up with blood work.

"I still have aches but I'm feeling okay I guess," Shinji said with shrug. He held out his arm with the partial cast for her to see.

He was sitting on a chair as Ritsuko finished examining Shinji's physical injuries, and came to the same results as the doctors at the hospital had. Shinji was hurt but would recover.

 _Why another physical? The hospital already did that._ Shinji thought.

"Have you noticed any strange sensations lately? Have there been any external stresses in your life since piloting? Have you been feeling unwell or tired lately?" Ritsuko asked. Her voice was plain and clinical.

 _External stresses? You mean besides piloting an Eva?_ Shinji thought bitterly.

"No" Shinji lied.

Ritsuko looked at him curiously but said nothing. She seemed to be stealing herself up for something and debating whether or not to go through with it or not.

"Why couldn't you reach a 91% sync ratio again? During the last attack?" Ritsuko asked finally.

"I don't know" Shinji answered truthfully.

Somehow, he got the feeling that Ritusko didn't like that answer.

"Hmm, and yet you managed to pilot the Eva even after it ran out of power." Ritsuko muttered more to herself than Shinji.

"Only for a little bit, and just to re-connect the power cable. It hurt... it hurt a lot." Shinji countered.

"Pain is to be expected. Impressive, but why couldn't your sync ratio go as high?" Ritsuko said more thinking aloud than talking to him.

 _I know what she's doing. The last-minute test... a physical so we'd be alone._ Shinji thought anxiously.

"You're wondering about the mental stability of the pilot. About _my_ mental stability." Shinji said cutting straight to it. That was what Mari had always done when people tried to question her.

Ritsuko smiled at that, he was an observant lad.

"What makes you say that?" she said as she pulled a needle from her lab coat.

Shinji didn't hold out his arm. Instead, he looked at her unblinkingly before speaking.

"I talked to Rei, she told me you theorized that the Evas are only compatible with kids because of our brain chemistry. And I wondered why Nerv would want someone with my history as a pilot. Someone whom spent 5 years in a mental ward" he said a little colder than he wanted.

In his head, Shinji imagined himself looming over Dr. Akagi, cool and calm, meeting her gaze and not backing down. In reality, he was a 14-year-old teenager, awkward, and his gaze faltered in the face of Ritsuko's cool detachment. Worse, he knew what the reality was.

 _He talked to Rei? How strange, the girl almost never talks at all_ Ritsuko thought.

"I wondered the same thing. Yes, you're right Shinji; I did get a look at your medical files briefly and I know about your past. It's my job to know about the Eva pilots." Ritsuko said gesturing for his arm.

Shinji reluctantly gave the doctor his arm and winced as Ritsuko stuck the needle in.

"Why haven't you told Misato about your past?" Ritsuko asked as she drew blood from Shinji's arm, before withdrawing the needle.

"... because everyone who knows treats me differently. You did, when we first met at the elevator." Shinji answered, meeting the doctor's gaze again.

"True. I didn't know what to expect, and I see now that perhaps I misjudged you." Ritsuko said wrapping a small bandage on Shinji's arm.

"But you didn't tell her either?" Shinji asked.

 _Observant boy, isn't he? Yes, I didn't tell Misato because this clearly means something to you. And as cold as it might sound, we need you to pilot and that means we need to avoid any external pressures or stresses in your life_ Ritsuko thought.

She'd already calculated this the moment she found out that Shinji had been the one to hang up on her call with Misato.

"No, I didn't tell her. Honestly, it's her fault for not reading your file when it was available. For the moment, it isn't relevant. But if that changes, I will tell her or maybe you should. The Evangelions are our only hope, and we take great care when it comes to their pilots." Ritsuko said.

"And yet you have a known Schizophrenic for a pilot," Shinji said giving her a coldly. Funny how his past always sent him on a short fuse.

"A known Schizophrenic with suspicions of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Yes, I know about the voice in your head. About the breakdowns and the hallucinations." Ritsuko said simply.

Shinji flinched back as if struck.

"I know about the suspected personality change. About the other-" Ritsuko began only for Shinji to cut in with barely a whisper, a low pleading voice.

" _Don't_. Don't bring that up. Please." Shinji whispered.

Ritsuko faltered but nodded.

"Okay, we don't have to talk about it. But surely you can understand my concerns. Look at it from my point of view, only a select few people can pilot so it's only natural that I look into them. Any issues a pilot has could affect the Eva."

Shinji narrowed his eyes saying "I'm healthy. Dr. Page declared me sane and responsible enough to handle my own medicine over a year ago."

 _The way he talks there... so stern... so... angry... it reminds me of... his father._ Ritsuko thought.

"Yes, your files stated you were released from the ward almost a year ago. Why don't you just tell Misato that?" Ritsuko asked genuinely curious.

"Like I said... everyone who knows treats me differently." Shinji said looking away.

"Hmm. It must have been bad before you got help." Ritsuko said carefully.

"... You have no idea. It's terrifying. Terrifying to hear a voice that no one else can, to see things that aren't really there... It's one thing to not trust yourself, it's another to not trust your eyes and ears... I don't want to talk about it." Shinji said avoiding her gaze. For the briefest moment, he reverted back to a shell-shocked kid.

The change in him unnerved Ritsuko before she got a hold of herself.

"Shinji... did you know that your father has denied me, and everyone else, further access to your medical files?" Ritsuko said suddenly.

That clearly surprised the boy for he frowned considering that.

"No, I didn't. Why would he do that? He doesn't care about me." Shinji said more to himself than to her.

Ritsuko snapped the boy out of his thoughts saying "then I have a proposal for you, Shinji. Since Misato doesn't know about your past, I'm going to assume that she doesn't know you're being prescribed medicine to deal with your condition. And I'm going to assume that you're running out of your pills and that you don't want them sent directly to you as usual, because then Misato would wonder why."

Shinji stared at her wide eyed, and nodded saying "I'm running low... yeah."

Ritsuko coolly pulled a cigarette from lab coat, put it in her mouth, and lit it taking a long whiff. Shinji watched wondering what she was getting at.

"Then I can arrange to receive your pills from now on. Every week, after your tests, I will give you your medicine for the week. You will get your medicine, and Misato won't have to find out about your past until she needs to." Ritsuko said coolly.

 _Why would she offer that? Why would she help me lie to Misato?_ Shinji thought.

"In return for?" Shinji asked feeling uneasy.

"I'll understand if you refuse, and if you do then the offer still stands, but I would like to ask you some questions about your time in the mental ward. All I want is some answers now that your medical files are essentially sealed." Ritsuko said plainly.

 _Of course, she still worried about the mental stability of her pilot..._ Shinji thought.

"... if I said no, then you'd still help me get my pills?" Shinji said slowly.

"Yes, it's your choice. I won't force you." Ritsuko said.

"Okay, I'll tell you what I can," Shinji said shifting uncomfortably. He didn't know what he was signing up for, but he needed his pills. He had reason to think piloting the Eva made his condition worse.

Ritsuko actually smiled at him, a real smile and not one of the fake things that Shinji has seen for most of his life.

Nerv's head scientist got to her feet saying "that will be all for now Shinji. Next week, make sure to come by my office after our tests are done."

"Can you take me back to Misato's?" Shinji asked hurriedly. He was afraid she'd forgotten that.

Ritsuko grabbed her car keys.

"Of course," the older woman said already heading for the exit. The test hadn't actually been important anyway.

...

Sure enough, after Ritsuko had dropped him off, he saw his new guardian passed out on a desk with stacks of paper around her. Shinji tried to bring her a blanket to say warm, but she woke and was clearly annoyed at how he didn't answer his phone. Yet another lecture.

... somethings never did change.

* * *

 **A little shorter than I initially wanted. But I'm happy with it.  
** **Asuka! Mari! I had fun writing those two.** **I wanted to show the contrast between Shinji and Mari vs Shinji and Rei**

 **If the dialogue in the flashback seems odd, it's because I tried to write them as children and how they don't have a full grasp of vocabulary yet.  
** **Thanks for Reading and please Review**


	7. Ayanami

**Hey guys, I'm back.** **  
This chapter is long, and may get weird but stick with it and it will make sense.** **  
Here's chapter 7 "Ayanami"**

* * *

" _Some bonds are so strong that they never fade. If that's true… does that make me a friend? Or does it make me a monster? My father was a monster, he used his bonds with people to manipulate them… do I? My bond with Rei was special, different than the others. I think I was the first person to treat her as a person, to care about her as more than a tool. Eventually, I made her smile because I understood that she wasn't emotionless, but that she did not know how to express her emotions."_

 _ **– the broken man**_

* * *

 _Night, Tokyo-3  
_ _Geofront, Nerv HQ_

Shinji hurried into the changing room, having already taken his shoes off by the time he opened his locker to grab his plugsuit. Minutes ago, an Angel had appeared, and Shinji and Rei had been pulled from their beds and brought to Nerv HQ.

"Freaking Angels don't let us sleep," Misato had cursed that whole way there.

Shinji didn't have the heart to mention the fact that his guardian didn't have to fight the Angel herself. Changing quickly, Shinji cursed at his injured arm, the partial cast slowed him down, as he could hear alarms going off in the distance.

Across the hall, Rei was changing into her plugsuit. He didn't want Nerv to deploy Rei if they didn't have to, she had had to save him last time and he didn't want her to get hurt again.

"Report to the Eva Units, the Angel is getting closer." A voice called over the comm system.

"On my way" Shinji muttered to himself.

He ran out of the changing room and crossed the hallway into the hangar where Unit 01 waited. "Thank you," Shinji said hurriedly to the technician who handed him his interface helmet. Everyone was running a little off at this hour.

Unit 01's entry plug opened, a hiss of compressed air gushing out, and Shinji climbed in. He remembered to breathe as the LCL filled his cockpit, letting the strange liquid fill his lungs.

"Sync ratio holding steady at 49%. Looking good, Shinji." Ritsuko said into his ear via the communication system, comm for short, as he breathed in.

Shinji nodded, then remembered that no one could see him nod. He answered back "okay, I'm ready."

"Shinji, the Angel has some kind of long range beam cannon. We don't know how, but it can fly and has been soaring over the city heading for the Geofront. Be careful." Misato called into the comm as Unit 01's restraints were unbolted.

Elsewhere, Rei was sitting in the entry plug of Unit 00. Silent to him, but most likely having reported her status to Ritsuko. Shinji glanced sideways on his display to the Eva Unit beside his own.

Opening a channel to his fellow pilot, they still had a minute or two while 01 was prepped for launch, Shinji called "Rei? Uh how are you?"

"I am in reasonable health," Rei answered after a short pause.

"I know, but… your injuries from the last two attacks… I mean. Are you alright to pilot if you need to? Hopefully, it won't come to that." Shinji said awkwardly.

"… I am ready to pilot if needed. Thank you for inquiring, Shinji." Rei said. She tilted her head but no one could see from inside her Eva.

"Oh, uh no need to thank me," Shinji said softly.

"… and you? Are you well Shinji?" Rei called back almost awkwardly, it was hard to read emotions on Unit 00's pilot, but Shinji thought he could at times.

"I think so, arm's still a little slow. But it's not that bad anymore," Shinji said perhaps a little too quickly.

"Stop flirting you two. Prepare for launch." Misato called into both their comm units.

"What? Misato that's not… no I… we're just talking. It's no time to tease-" Shinji stammered. He'd forgotten their comm channels were completely open.

"Understood. However, it should be noted that Pilot Ikari has been ready to deploy for over a minute, yet command has not launched him." Rei said cutting in completely deadpan.

Silence was Misato's answer over the comm.

 _Did… did Rei just defend me?_ Shinji thought.

…

Elsewhere in the command center, Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at Misato muttering "you were listening in longer than you needed to."

"Oh shut up," Misato mouthed back to her longtime friend. So she had a little fun for like a minute, that didn't make her a bad person. Besides, the Angel hadn't bothered attacking anything since Tokyo-03's defensive measures had been activated, various city blocks sinking into underground bunkers, and defensive structures rising atop.

Ritsuko just shook her head.

"Unit 01. Launch!" Misato called.

* * *

"Unit 01. Launch!"

Shinji braced himself as Eva Unit 01 was shot out from the launch pad, sparks flew as the massive machine rose to the surface of Tokyo-03 in a matter of seconds.

The Eva landed in a familiar area of the fortified city, Shinji immediately raised his rifle ready to do his job and get in range to shoot the strange metallic diamond shaped Angel above them…

But before he could even move, a bright light slammed into Unit 01's faceplate. The shot struck the Evangelion through the eye.

"What-" Shinji flinched back, as less than a single second after he'd been deployed he was shot. The phantom sensations of the Eva's artificial nervous system brought the sheer agony of the experience to him.

He had the wind knocked out of him and he wheezed heavy panting breaths, unable to even speak as his eyes widened and he clenched his fists so hard his nails cut into his skin.

"… Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Shinji shrieked at the sensation of a hole being burned _through_ his eye and deeper into his brain.

Unit 01 flailed backward madly in a silent scream, Shinji's pain and confusion mirrored by the massive machine as they both collapsed onto one knee.

Shinji didn't even register what happened next, all he knew was _pain_ … pain and that his head was throbbing without the thing stirring inside.

* * *

 _Command center_

"Shinji!" Misato called into the comm frantically.

The only response that came was Shinji's scream of agony via the comm. Loud, feral, and continuous, the scream did not stop. It ran through the open comm, Misato, Ritsuko, and Rei all wincing as the scream rang in their ears.

Ritsuko entered commands into her terminal, muting Shinji's comm momentarily.

The Nerv technicians were rapidly gathering the data from Unit 01 as the Magi Supercomputers began running simulations based on the ever increasing available information.

"Shinji's vitals are dropping. He's in trouble!" Ritsuko called as she streamed the data onto the main display.

Misato stared at Shinji's ever increasing heartbeat and rapid rise in blood pressure as the trauma of being shot in the eye sent the boy into shock.

"Captain Katsuragi, requesting permission to deploy," Rei called into command's comm channel.

* * *

Shinji screamed until he ran out of breath, his head was throbbing and his eye burned so badly that he felt tears emerge.

Then he was gone…

One moment Shinji was inside the entry plug, and the next he was no longer in Tokyo-03, he was in pitch black.

Shinji panicked as he was suddenly submerged in water.

It was too dark, he could barely see, and he never properly learned how to swim. Shinji trashed around in the water violently, he broke through the surfacing clumsily, flailing and heading forward.

Then he was gone again…

One moment Shinji was in the water, then the next he was on land. He coughed violently not understanding what had happened.

Where was Eva Unit 01? Where was Misato? Where was Tokyo-3?

"What?" Shinji croaked, water in his nostrils.

He stood on a lone stretch of land amid the ruins of a city. The place, whatever it was, lay surrounded by tainted water. A red sea. He felt so cold, his plugsuit was drenched and it stuck to him like a second skin.

 _ **What are you doing?**_ The thing in his head stirred violently.

"Ack!" Shinji flinched from the dual pain of the thing in his head stirring, and the sensation of being shot in the eye.

Then Shinji was gone, no longer there, one moment surrounded by water, then the next he was in pitch black again.

 _ **I'm sorry… I didn't know this would happen. How are you doing this? Stop!**_ The thing in Shinji's head stirred.

Shinji clutched his head and he was gone again.

* * *

 _The real world_

"Shinji! What's wrong!" Misato cried into the comm channel. She had unmuted the boy's comm and opened the channel to only the two of them.

Dead silence met her on the other end.

"He's in shock. I think he's having a seizure," Ritsuko said staring at Shinji's vitals.

"Eva Unit 01 is being fired at again!" one of the Nerv staff called out.

...

Above them, on the surface of the city, Eva Unit 01 sat unmoving on one knee as the Angel fired another shot. The beam cannon struck the massive machine's torso.

Eva Unit 01 toppled over, landing with a heavy thud and sending dust up in a cloud of smoke.

"Direct hit! The boy's not even trying to defend himself!" another Nerv staff called. The Magi supercomputers showed Unit 01's armor would not hold up for long against the Angel's long-range attack.

"He's having a seizure!" Misato snapped back at the poor staff member.

She turned to look at Eva Unit 00, connected her comm to Rei's channel, and spoke.

"Permission to deploy granted!"

* * *

 _Shinji's breakdown  
The vision_

The boy gritted his teeth, his head felt like it was going to explode, he rubbed his eyes adjusting to the light as suddenly he was in a hallway. He didn't understand what was happening. He had been on the surface of Tokyo-03 inside his Eva Unit and then he'd disappeared...

"What are you, stupid?!" a girl's voice called out to him.

Shinji whirled, his head was hurting so much he wanted to scream. Then he was gone again, he was standing somewhere in the city.

Another Eva Pilot in a red plugsuit, a European looking girl around his age, was kneeling on the floor crying.

 _Who?_ Shinji thought, shuddering from the ache in his head.

"I hate her! I hate _you,_ Shinji! I hate everything!" the girl cried out, the anguish in her voice made Shinji's skin crawl.

 _ **Shinji. You have to stop. This is too soon. You're not ready.**_ The thing in his head rasped.

Then he was gone again, suddenly standing on the lone stretch of land surrounded by water again. The ruins of a city visible in the distance.

"No! Not again!" Shinji cried out through the haze of confusion and sheer pain. He had eerie memories of something like this happening to him in his youth. It had been during the height of his madness.

But then the other Eva Pilot, the European girl, was there and… and Shinji had his hands around her throat. Why was he strangling her? Why would he hurt someone he didn't know?

 _ **Stop!**_ The thing in his head stirred… and the other Eva Pilot was gone. Shinji was left panting, his hands strangling empty air.

"Gah! Ahhh! Make it stop! Please! Just stop!" Shinji wailed falling to his knees. _This_ was unbearable, it felt like tiny blades were orbiting around the inside of his skull and cutting through his brain tissue inch by inch. If he could have cried, he would have. But it hurt too much.

Then, the pain lessened. It didn't vanish, but the sensation softened as suddenly Shinji disappeared again.

... he was in the dark barely able to see. He got to his feet and breathing heavy haggard breaths.

There was another person down there with him, a Woman in the Dark.

The Woman said nothing, she reminded him of his mother, and she watched him through the black. She held out her hand to him and Shinji didn't know what to make of it…

 _ **You need to stop. This is too much for you. If you don't you will die!**_

 _I don't know how…_ he thought.

Images passed over Shinji as he disappeared and reappeared again in various locations. Too many to count, he saw things he couldn't explain. People he didn't know, Rei, that other pilot, the ruins of a city... and a little girl, a toddler smiling up at him.

Then the images blurred, his vision darkened, but his head still throbbed.

 _ **I'm blocking them, holding the images back, but you have to help me. Stop looking!**_ The thing in his head stirred.

The image of Eva Unit 01 appeared, towering over him with dark red liquid dripping down the palm of its right hand. Blood. The massive machine had crushed someone to death…

 _ **Stop it. You're going to kill yourself. You have to help me. Wake up!**_

He was in Misato's apartment, the lights weren't working and the power was out. The windows were all open, sunlight pouring in, the only source of light for the tiny home. He was in the kitchen… with two other girls.

Rei, one of the girls was Rei and the other… the other one was the girl he'd seen before. The Eva pilot with the red plugsuit.

 _Rei…_ he thought stunned even through the haze that was his mind.

"Do you think we're the only ones?"

Shinji didn't know whom said the words. Him? Rei? The other girl?

"Maybe others will come back. We did," one of the three said.

"It's been weeks. Weeks and no one else came back. We can't stay here forever." another of the group said.

He looked down groaning in agony to see that he had cooked the three of them a meal. He closed his eyes wincing, yet the images before him did not stop. Closing his eyes never stopped them, for they came from inside his head.

"Ahhh! Ghhh! Stopppppp! Stop!" Shinji screamed. Just as when he was a kid, nothing he did worked. The images continued, they played for him like they were a film of sorts.

He watched as his hands moved and he gave each of the girls a plate. The two girls took the food and started to eat their small meal, the meal he had cooked for them. Together, the three sat alone.

"Thank you, Shinji," Rei said softly.

 _ **Look. Away.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji sank to the ground in sheer terror. He fell on his back, Misato's apartment and the two girls dissolved into ashes around him as he sank down into the void.

 _ **No! Look away!**_ The thing in his head shouted.

Then Shinji was somewhere else, he was running through an empty street, a... a gun in his right hand, a bag of food in his left. Rei was at his side calling for him to hold on.

 _Rei? Why are we running?_ He thought. _My arm... my arm is bleeding? My arm is bleeding! I... I was shot!_ Shinji thought as he felt himself glance at his injured arm.

 _ **Look. Away.**_

Then Shinji was gone again.

… He lay in the empty stretch of land surrounded by water with the ruins of a city visible in the distance. He panted out heavy pained breaths, his arm wasn't bleeding. He hadn't been shot... or had he?

Why did he keep ending up here on this stretch of land?

 _ **Damn it, Shinji! What do you think is going to happen! It hurts, but you don't even try to stop it! Don't just lay there! Make a choice! Look away!**_

 _Never learned... how._

 _ **I don't want to do this to you. It will hurt.**_

He flinched as someone appeared above him. Shinji's vision became blurry and out of focus, as a grown man stood over him dressed in rags. The man grabbed Shinji by the shoulders and hauled him up to his feet.

" **If you won't choose, then I will choose for you.** " The man said, his voice a low hoarse rasp. It was a strange sound, the words slow and sluggish as if he not had spoken aloud in years.

The man's eyes… one was brown like Shinji's, and the other was red.

* * *

 _Meanwhile_  
 _The real world_

Rei ran through the city, firing rounds of Eva Unit 00's rifle into the Angel hovering above the city. None of the bullets pierced through the Angel's massive AT-Field, the strange patterns of light protected the monster from all attacks.

"Captain Katsuragi, my attacks are not effective. And the Angel will not allow me to reach Unit 01." Rei called into the comm.

Even as she spoke, she managed to glance at Shinji's Eva, the massive machine lay sprawled on the ground. After Unit 01 had been shot through the eye Shinji's scream had filled the comm channels, and Rei had wasted no time asking to be deployed.

However, she could do nothing to help her... her friend. The Angel ignored her unless she got too close to Unit 01, instead, the creature fired blast after blast of its particle beam directly at Shinji and his Eva.

The _only_ time Rei was fired at was when she tried to rescue her fellow pilot.

She'd managed to avoid being the blasts, but Shinji had taken direct hits six different times. To that end, Rei had taken it upon herself to get close, then break away, drawing the Angel's attention to her when she could. It worked to some extent, but Unit 01 had taken damage and she couldn't get near enough to actually help.

The pale girl fired another useless round into the monster in the sky, Rei narrowed her eyes as the Angel ignored her.

"You need to get Shinji back. 01 can't take this kind of damage, whatever we come with up to take down that Angel, we'll need both of you." Misato called back into her comm sounding frantic and uneasy.

"Captain Katsuragi, Unit 01 is on the move," Rei called suddenly, her voice cracking as she felt emotions she could not explain at the sight.

Eva Unit 01 sprang up, scrambling to its knees as the Angel fired again.

01 rolled to the side, sending chunks of dirt and pulverized concrete into the air, the beam missed. The blast burned the ground and left a crater in its wake. Unit 01 went on the move, the massive machine rising to its feet before kneeling on all fours.

The Evangelion crawled around like it was alive and not a machine.

"Shinji isn't responding to our calls. I think he muted us or else the comm unit is damaged. Rei, try to cover him!" Misato called into her comm.

Rei fired more useless rounds at the Angel in the sky, as expected it ignored her.

Unit 01, however, sat crouched low, on all fours, silent and wary, the titan waiting for the particle beam to come before rolling off to the side and dodging it.

"Pilot Ikari... Shinji. Are you well?" Rei called switching her comm to Shinji's channel.

Utter silence was her answer.

It unnerved her, why would Shinji not use his comm? Why would he ignore her?

Eva Unit 01 dodged the Angel's attack, again and again, timing it just right every time. It was amazing to watch, the Eva Unit moving with a rhythm she had not ever seen before. But Rei grew uncertain at the lack of communication.

"Command, I believe Shinji is trying to make it back to launch pad. I believe he is attempting to retreat back underground." Rei called into the comm.

"Good call, we're re-opening the launch pad. Try to cover him, his vitals don't look good." Ritsuko answered via the comm.

"The moment Shinji makes it back, jump down too. We're re-opening it, this isn't working and we can't risk losing any of our Evas." Misato ordered suddenly.

Rei moved Unit 00, glancing down at her useless rifle. She did not enjoy this feeling, this moment of being unable to damage her target. Unable even to help her fellow pilot. Forced to retreat.

Unit 01 rolled off to the side then broke into a run as Rei fired shot after shot into the Angel's massive AT Field, her bullets having no effect. Shinji and his Eva crawled over the launch pad and dropped down the way he had been launched.

Shortly after, Unit 00 ran for its launch pad and leaped down, retreating too.

...

Misato and Ritsuko, along with the other staff, covered their ears as Eva Unit 01 landed with a harsh clang. It had returned to where it had originally been shot up to the surface. The sound rattled their ears and bounced from wall to wall of the hangar.

Moments later, Eva Unit 00 fell down landing much more gracefully into a launch pad further down from Unit 01. Once again, the sound reverberated throughout the enormous chamber.

"Pilots successfully retreated," Misato said into the comm with a sigh of relief.

Ritsuko looked over the Magi supercomputers' data, pouring over the predicted outcomes. She turned to Misato saying "it'll take a few hours before the Angel is on top of the Geofront."

Misato nodded but kept her eyes on the display of Shinji's vitals.

"Send a medical team to extract Shinji, we can't have him losing consciousness again," she said.

"I'll go. Maya, take my post at the Magi terminals." Ritsuko said suddenly, the Nerv medical staff already on the move. Maya Ibuki rose from her seat, rushing over to Ritsuko's terminal.

Misato made to follow, only for Ritsuko to grab her by the wrist saying "I'll see to Shinji. You need to talk to the commanders. We need a plan of attack."

Their eyes met, and Misato scowled. She hated it, but she knew Ritsuko was right. She wanted to be there for Shinji, wanted to see how he was doing… but her job called her away.

"I'm sorry, Shinji. I'm sending a Ritsuko with a medical team check up on you." Misato said into the useless comm, sounding like the words hurt her to voice them.

She didn't know if the boy could hear her or not, he had never responded to the comm, never once even attempted to contact them since being shot, but as much as it hurt she had a job to do.

Ritsuko nodded and headed for Eva Unit 01 below.

* * *

 _The Hangar  
_  
By the time Ritsuko reached the hangar alongside the medical team, the entry plug had been released, and the ejected LCL was pooling onto the floor. Shinji Ikari himself emerged from the entry plug, flailing franctically as he stumbled about. He moved on uneven feet, swinging back and forth struggling to stand.

Blood ran down the boy's face, another nosebleed. A violent one. He flailed his arms wildly as he stumbled forward trying to grab onto to something but found only air. He gasped, struggling to breathe as he stumbled in shock.

His movements were frantic, wild, and clumsy in stark contrast to the smooth movements of Unit 01 just minutes prior.

"Hold" Ritsuko called to the medical staff. The team stayed back at her orders. She carefully walked forward hands held out and called Shinji by name.

The young boy snapped to attention at the sound of her voice. He almost fell but Ritsuko caught him by the wrist and held him up.

"I… I was gone. I was _gone_ … where… where did I go?" Shinji panted frantically. He ran a hand along the chest-plate of his plugsuit, it was completely dry, he had never been in the water at all. Yet it had felt so real.

"No. Shinji, you were right here. You never left your entry plug," Ritsuko said seeing the panic attack the boy seemed to be having.

 _Oh god, his pupils are dilated._ Ritsuko noted as Shinji nearly fell a second time, his eyes wild and uncertain. The boy's eyes moved back and forth as if he was seeing things no one else could. Like he wasn't even sure where he was at the moment.

"Shinji, the Eva was shot in the head. You're in shock, the trauma could have made you have a seizure. Breathe. Just breathe and we'll take care of you," Ritsuko said calmly.

Shinji flinched violently as he grabbed his head, pulling harshly at his own hair as he flailed around again.

"Whoa, calm down!" Ritsuko said. Not understanding what had happened, she grabbed the flailing teenager before he fell.

...

 _ **I know it hurts. I know this is confusing but listen. Just this once... take your medicine. Take your pills. Not the red, the black one.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Suddenly Shinji grabbed Ritsuko by the wrist so hard that she hissed in pain. He pulled her close and whispered to her.

"In shock? Maybe… no… hallucinations. Madness. Need my medicine, black pill. Only one, only for emergencies," Shinji whispered quickly. He shuddered as he spoke, his voice quivering as he tried not to break down.

Ritsuko froze momentarily, then recovered as she grabbed Shinji by the shoulders and shouted to the medical team.

"He's in shock. We need to get him stable!"

…

The medical team rushed forward with a stretcher, and though Shinji fought it he was strapped down. They rolled him out of the hangar and Rei watched from the sidelines. She did not understand the feelings in her chest as the sight of her fellow pilot being rolled away.

Everything after blurred to Shinji as he struggled against the straps of the stretcher, the medical team put him in an isolated room and gave him shots, and a variety of other drugs.

 _What's happening? Why won't it stop? Why won't it stop? My head!_ Shinji thought. He struggled frantically against the straps of his stretcher, thrashing wildly. He must have looked insane...

Sometime during his shock and panic, the medical team left him, and Ritsuko reappeared with her hand in her lab coat pocket. She pulled out a prescription bottle filled with black pills.

Opening the bottle, Ritsuko quickly shoved a single black pill into Shinji's mouth, and he didn't even fight it when she covered his mouth forcing him to swallow it.

 _ **You will miss the first time. Don't miss the second-**_ The thing inside his head stirred before it was cut off in an abrupt haze of silence. His medicine had kicked in.

Without waiting for Shinji to respond, Ritsuko injected him with a sedative.

"Rest while you can," she said as Shinji drifted off to sleep.

Glorious dreamless sleep.

* * *

 _Hours later  
_ _ICU, Hospital_

Shinji groaned, opening his eyes weakly. Slowly, he rose to a sitting position wondering what had happened. The last thing he remembered was being shot then... then he had suffered a breakdown for the first time in years.

Just like before, he had holes in his memory. Moments where things jumbled together and he didn't know what had happened. He couldn't say how he had gotten back to Nerv HQ, only that he had. Memory gapes terrified him, missing pieces of his life, he never knew what they meant.

He shuddered at the sensation, of blank spots in his recollections.

 _Another white room. I always hated these white rooms._ Shinji thought, getting over his initial grogginess and trying to think of something else. His hands were shaking, so he clutched them together to steady himself.

"Hello," a voice called quietly.

Shinji jumped in surprise and turned to see Rei standing off to the side of his bed. The pale girl was watching him with almost no expression on her face.

"Rei!" Shinji said, panting from his initial shock. He breathed a sigh of relief at her presence, he had been afraid that he was still in his breakdown and 'disappearing' again.

"Operation Yashima is being prepped. Nerv is sending a car in sixty minutes. We are required to be at the temporary base at Mount Futago, Units 00 and 01 have already been moved and prepped." Rei said. The girl sounded as if she was reading instructions from a book.

Shinji didn't like it.

"Uh, Operation Yashima?" Shinji asked running a hand across his face.

"The plan Captain Katsuragi developed to destroy the Angel. The Commanders approved it. Here, you have been issued a new plugsuit." Rei said simply.

His fellow pilot tossed him a bag. Shinji caught the bag holding his new plugsuit, eyes cast downward the whole time. He stared at the new uniform inside, and Rei observed him quietly.

"Do you require privacy? We must be ready to leave within the hour," Rei asked suddenly.

"No, uh I mean yes I do. It's just... I..." Shinji said unable to put his thoughts to words.

"Are you unwell?" Rei asked. She tilted her head at him, almost frowning.

"I don't think I am," Shinji said. His lips trembled and he remembered flailing in the hangar before Ritsuko and the medical team grabbed him.

"Your body will recover in time. I believe we can request painkillers for you if needed." Rei suggested.

Shinji shook his head. He ran his fingers nervously through the new plugsuit, the fabric was smooth to the touch, then clenched his hand into a fist straining the material.

"I don't want to pilot anymore. I'm sorry... but every time I do I just end up getting hurt. I barely woke up, and they want me to pilot already." Shinji said bitterly.

He never looked up. He couldn't bring himself to look at Rei.

 _If Ritsuko hadn't gotten me my medicine... what would have happened to me?_ Shinji thought, he was afraid to imagine the outcome.

"Such things are expected of us," Rei said not knowing what else to say.

"I know that..." Shinji whined. Damn, he sounded like such a child and he hated that.

Rei said nothing.

"How do you do this? How do you keep piloting? You get hurt every time like I do, but you just keep going?" he said avoiding her gaze. He couldn't stop the hint of astonishment in his voice, he genuinely had no idea how the girl did this.

"... I do not know. It is simply my purpose to pilot." Rei said, her voice shaking slightly.

Shinji wrapped an arm around himself shaking his head.

 _This isn't right... I don't want to go back... I don't want to get hurt... 'it' got worse again. It gets worse every time I pilot._ Shinji thought, remembering his breakdown inside Eva Unit 01.

"You do not wish to pilot?" Rei asked with a frown.

Shinji froze. He knew the Angel was still out there... but piloting was so hard. It seemed to make his condition worse. He had not had a breakdown in years, hadn't had the thing in his head stir for long periods of time now. That had all changed the day he first piloted Eva Unit 01.

Rei seemed to take his shameful silence as a yes.

"Then do not pilot," Rei said suddenly.

Shinji looked back up at her with haggard eyes.

"What?" he stammered.

"Dr. Akagi has said I am compatible with both Units 00 and 01. I will inform Captain Katsuragi that you are too ill for the operation. Goodbye Shinji... I... I hope you will feel better." Rei said, suddenly unable to meet his eyes.

Shinji watched eyes wide as Rei turned and headed for the door.

Just like that, she was walking away ready to pilot while he was not.

He looked back down at his new plugsuit. His hands shook as he gripped it, Rei was going out there with or without him. She whom had been hurt even more times than he had been when piloting.

She always said that his injuries were more severe, but Rei had been injured more times than he had, had been ready to pilot since the day he met her.

"Rei!" Shinji cried. He stumbled out of his hospital bed, the sheets falling to the floor as he did so but he didn't care.

His fellow pilot turned back to face him frowning as she did so. She had a hand on the door but did not leave.

"I... I won't let you go alone. I'll pilot..." Shinji said quickly. He took a deep breath, steeling himself up, before continuing, "I'll do it, I promise."

Rei nodded, the shadow of a smile appearing on her face. She nodded saying "I will inform Captain Katsuragi. Get dressed."

Then without another word, Rei left him to his room.

Shinji turned to his new plugsuit... and then he realized that he was completely naked and had been for the entire conversation since getting out of bed.

When the medical team had stabilized him for the move to the hospital, they had taken his clothes off, and he had been so shaken that he hadn't notice.

"Ah!" Shinji groaned, he felt himself blush awkwardly. Rei had seen him completely naked...

 _Why didn't she say something?!_ He thought, grabbing his new plugsuit angrily.

* * *

 _Mount Futago  
_ _20 minutes til midnight_

After Nerv had ordered the retreat of the Evangelion Units, the Angel had begun its move to siege Nerv HQ. It had flown slowly but menacingly towards the Geofront. Once it hovered over its target, it had produced a drill and began to tunnel into the ground above Nerv HQ.

The Magi Supercomputers estimated it would take 3 hours and 55.3 more minutes until the Angel successfully breached the Geofront.

Nerv had evacuated their personnel, moving the Eva pilots to a hospital, while important staff such as Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi met with Nerv commanders to discuss plans for combating the angel.

After being dropped off, Shinji and Rei passed crowds of Nerv staff having quickly set up a temporary command center of sorts, using many mobile computers that had to be linked together to perform the duties of the old center, as well as the infrastructure of this temporary base.

None spoke to them as they passed, and Shinji thought the Nerv men and women showed them a form of respect as people moved out of their way to let them pass.

"Shinji! How are you feeling?" Misato said rushing over to him the moment he and Rei emerged atop the mountain reporting for duty.

His guardian grabbed him by the shoulders of his new plugsuit and knelt to study his face.

"I'm okay. Glad I woke up in time to help," Shinji said softly. Misato studied his face, she'd remembered his frantic stumbling in the hangar.

 _Don't ask about it. Please, don't ask about it._ Shinji thought as his guardian wrapped an arm around him telling him that she was glad he was okay. He could tell she had questions for him, but the operation took priority.

"He's fine. After this is over, I'll take a second look personally. But now, we have a mission to do" Ritsuko said coolly.

Misato scowled at her friend but nodded and let Shinji go.

"Our Eva Units are prepped?" Rei asked suddenly.

Misato felt a surge of guilt for not asking about her, Rei was so quiet that it was easy to forget she was there at times. Misato needed to work on that, Shinji wasn't the only pilot.

Standing tall atop Nerv's mountain base, Eva Units 00 and 01 appeared as titans of metal looming over the city and the Angel currently drilling its way into the Geofront.

 _I wonder if that's Rei's sense of humor. It's kinda hard to miss the Eva Units when they're right out in the open like that._ Shinji thought offhandedly.

Misato nodded saying "Operation Yashima is gonna to take both Eva Units to work. Shinji, we've set up an advanced prototype positron sniper rifle for 01's use. It will channel almost the entire power generated from Japan into a single shot per round, Magi estimates a precise hit will break through the Angel's AT Field and destroy its core. You're the gunner."

"Okay," Shinji said taking a deep breath.

Misato gave him a reassuring smile and turned to Rei saying "Unit 00 has been equipped with a prototype heat shield. It's built from material designed to survive re-entry into the atmosphere. Rei, you'll be covering Shinji. That shield should hold out long enough to get the kill shot."

"Yes," Rei said as Shinji looked between his fellow pilot and his guardian.

"What? Rei is a better shot than I am, why don't I cover her... and she can shoot the Angel." Shinji said speaking a little too quickly. He didn't want Rei to get hurt protecting him.

Before Misato could calm him down, Ritusko interrupted saying "because the Magi gives this permutation the highest possibility of success. I know you only recovered recently Shinji, but you have the highest recorded sync ratio and we need to be as precise as possible."

 _Highest possibility of success? Yeah right, the Magi gave us a 12.23526% chance._ Misato thought bitterly, both her and Ritsuko had decided not to give the pilots or any other staff the actual numbers for success.

 _More specifically, Unit 01 was already damaged in the previous failed attack. With 00 covering 01, we have a sacrificial shield that can last longer than 01 can. Pure cold logic._ Ritsuko thought even as she took a whiff of her cigarette.

Another thing Misato and Ritsuko had chosen to not tell the Eva pilots and other staff.

"Alright. I get it." Shinji sighed, he did not like this.

"Get going you two," Misato said giving Shinji a reassuring pat on the arm.

Misato moved, trying to give Rei a reassuring pat too, but the enigmatic pale skinned girl only stepped back.

Rei tilted her head, glanced at Misato's hand and blinked. The girl frowned with an expression that clearly asked 'what the heck are you doing?'

Misato awkwardly let her hand fall as Ritsuko chuckled softly. Without another word, Rei moved on with Shinji heading towards the Evas.

"What a strange girl? I was only trying to be supportive," Misato muttered more embarrassed than anything.

Ritsuko only shook her head comically.

…

"Don't be scared," Shinji muttered to himself as he once again stepped inside the entry plug of Eva Unit 01. That was what Mari had always told him when dragging him on an adventure inside the ward. When he had had night terrors and she had comforted him.

He took a deep breath, his hands shaking as he remembered being shot in through the eye and the breakdown that followed. The LCL filled the entry plug and disbursed, his sync ratio was active and the Eva went online.

"You have no reason to be afraid." a voice called into his ear suddenly via the comm.

Shinji jumped as he realized his comm was active, and that Rei had opened a channel for the two of them. When had she done that? He hadn't even noticed.

"I will be protecting you," Rei called to him via the comm.

Eva Unit 00 trailed after Unit 01, together the titans headed for the prepped positron sniper rifle.

"Oh. I uh, thank you." Shinji said awkwardly. He got into position, and Unit 01 grabbed the experimental gun.

Before Shinji could say anything further, Misato opened a channel into his comm saying "alright, remember that the rifle is firing so much energy that the barrel can barely handle the recoil. So don't try to wing it, Shinji. Let the computers do their job and calculate the trajectory for you. The moment you get a green display, fire. With any luck, we can get a clean kill before the Angel notices anything."

"Understood," Shinji stammered and Misato closed the channel to his comm unit.

Shinji moved Unit 01's hand onto the rifle trigger as command gave the order, and the massive prototype gun began powering up for a shot.

 _Huh? Rei never closed her channel with me?_ Shinji noticed. He could hear Rei's calm controlled breathing on the comm as the operation started. He thought it would be rude to close the channel, but he did not exactly mind either. Maybe he was imagining things and Rei was just being extra careful, but she seemed to be paying him more attention than usual.

 _Why would she do that?_ Shinji wondered before shaking his head, he couldn't think about that right now. People were counting on him.

* * *

Back at the temporary command station, Misato turned to the others calling "Operation Yashima is a go!"

 _Come on Shinji. I believe in you._ She thought.

"Warning, we're getting readings that the Angel has stopped drilling into the Geofront. It's... it's powering up its particle beam!" Ritsuko called as one of her assistants showed her the display.

"What? It knew! It knew that we started charging the positron sniper rifle." Misato cursed.

…

"Misato, the Angel stopped drilling. I can see it powering up the particle beam." Shinji said, his voice cracking as he spoke into his comm.

"We know, Shinji. Just stay calm, stick to the plan." Misato called back.

 _It knows what we're doing. It knows._ Shinji thought as he gripped the positron rifle tightly.

"The Angel is acting differently this time. Powering for a continuous shot instead, be careful." Ritsuko called into the comm suddenly.

 _Not helping._ Shinji thought.

He looked at his display, watching as the computers ran their calculations for one precise shot to break through the AT Field and destroy the Angel's core.

 _Come on. Come on. Come on!_ Shinji thought glancing up from the display of calculations and back to the Angel charging it's particle beam.

The Angel turned, even from this distance, miles away from Mount Futago, Shinji could see the Angel starting to aim for him again.

He remembered being shot, remembered disappearing in his madness and the pain, remembered his breakdown. Shinji shook as he glanced down at the computers running their calculations.

"Come on," Shinji hissed at the computers just as the display turned green. He pulled the trigger... seconds before the display turned red again.

 _No!_ Shinji thought as the computer's display stayed red even as the positron sniper rifle fired a single round. The recoil from the sheer amount of energy fired shook Eva Unit 01 backward and Shinji had to struggle to keep his footing.

The round tore through the air striking the Angel on its side, cracking the massive AT Field and actually pushing inward to _graze_ the Angel but not destroying its core.

Shinji had missed.

"Reloading now! Shinji, get into position! Rei, cover him!" Misato called into the Eva pilots' comm units.

 _I missed. I had one job and I failed!_ Shinji thought in disbelief. Anger and shame filled him, but all he could do was wait for the reload.

"The Angel is firing!" Misato shouted into the comm.

Shinji gasped just barely getting over his shock at having missed when the Angel fired its particle beam cannon. Eva Unit 00 stepped in front of him, prototype shield held up, as the beam struck Rei instead of Shinji.

"Rei!" Shinji cried out in panic.

Unit 00 stood struggling against the prototype shield.

"I will hold it back as long as I am able," Rei panted into his ear via the comm system. She had never disconnected her comm from his.

 _Rei..._ Shinji thought, feeling his eyes tear up but he shook them off. He turned to the display for the positron sniper rifle.

 _Come on. Reload faster!_ Shinji thought frantically. The rifle's automated systems rapidly cooled the barrel and loaded another round, powering up for a second shot.

"I won't miss. I won't miss." Shinji told himself repeatedly.

"Reload complete. Shinji, _wait_ for the computers to calculate the proper trajectory. Last time the Angel moved and its calculation was off. This time it won't be." Misato called.

The Angel's beam stopped its continuous stream, leaving behind a smoking Eva Unit 00 with barely any prototype shield left.

"You will not miss," Rei called to him via the comm, she sounded tired and hurt but she held her vigil.

"I won't," Shinji called back.

"Angel is firing again. Brace yourself Rei!" Misato called into their comm.

The particle beam shot out again, heading for Shinji but striking Rei and her shield instead. _Come on! Come on!_ Shinji thought, glaring at the positron sniper rifle display.

"Ahhh" Rei hissed as her prototype shield burned away, the Angel's continuous beam broke through her shield and bits of laser bled through striking her Eva Unit.

The rifle display turned green, Shinji waited for an extra half-second to be sure, and he pulled the trigger from over Rei's shoulder.

 _Don't miss!_ Shinji thought.

The positron round went tearing through the air for a second time, the round cut through the Angel's particle beam, as it followed its calculated path. The round struck the Angel's massive AT Field, shattering it in a roaring crack, and piercing its metallic skin, striking the Angel core.

"Confirmed hit!" Misato cried into the comm.

The Angel's attack stopped, the beam faded away into nothing, and the monstrous thing flew back several hundreds of feet before falling to the surface in an earth-shattering thud. Clouds of dirt flew into the air as the Angel died on the grounds of the Geofront.

"Angel destroyed," Shinji called into his comm with a sigh of relief.

He was about to tell Rei that they did it, but he stopped at the sight of Eva Unit 00 tipping over. Unit 00's metal plating smoked as the massive machine fell. "Rei!" Shinji cried, reaching Unit 01's hand out to grab Unit 00 before it fell.

There was no response on his comm.

Shinji set the positron sniper rifle down on the ground before guiding Eva Unit 00 into a kneeling position.

Not knowing what else to do, Shinji manually ejected Unit 00's entry plug, ripping it out with the Eva's hand. The plug immediately ejected LCL as Shinji placed it on the ground.

 _How can I do this?_ Shinji thought, staring at the sealed entry plug. The Eva's hands could tear open the plug, but Shinji didn't trust his accuracy with them. Highest sync ratio or not, he didn't feel like pushing his luck and he was afraid he'd hurt Rei even more.

He decided he had to do it himself. Exiting the Eva out in the open was never fun, he had to kneel 01 down and eject his own entry plug, then climb the emergency ladder down to the ground, but he did it anyway. He tried to go fast, and almost fell for it, but he got to the ground in one piece.

"Rei!" Shinji called running for his fellow pilot's entry plug.

The metal capsule was smoking hot, just as Unit 00 had been, after having withstood the particle beam cannon. Without thinking, Shinji grabbed onto the hatch and turned it.

"Ah!" Shinji screamed as his hands were burned but he didn't care.

Unit 00's entry plug opened with a hiss of compressed air, the hatch fell with a thud. Shinji flexed his injured hands and stepped into the cockpit.

Rei groaned when Shinji found her slumped against the chair of her cockpit, hair a mess, breathing softly, and blinking in surprise at his presence.

"Hello" she said to him as she woke.

Shinji stared at her, open-mouthed, panting and not sure what to say, and he took in the sight of her.

"You… you're okay?" Shinji asked staring at her.

"I believe so," Rei said simply despite her aches. She shifted in her seat trying to stretch her arms but taking it slow.

Shinji sank to his knees inside Unit 00's entry plug. He could feel tears in his eyes as he took in the fact that she was alive.

"You are crying? Why? Are you well?" Rei said tilting her head at him curiously.

"Because… because you're okay" Shinji said, clearing the tears from his eyes.

Rei blinked at him studying his face. She stayed silent as Shinji rubbed his face and slumped down to sit against the walls of the cockpit with a sigh of relief.

"I am sorry. I don't know what I should feel or do at a time like this." Rei said unable to look at him for reasons she did not understand.

"Just be happy. We won. I'm happy because you're okay. I've never cried because I was happy before. Just be happy, just smile" Shinji said looking up at her and smiling through his teary eyes.

His words seemed to register with her, as slowly, ever so slowly, Rei smiled at him. Smiled at him with such honesty and warmth that he felt he'd known her for years instead of weeks.

"I am happy… that you are okay too." Rei said.

That's how the recovery team found the two of them, sitting against the walls of Rei's entry plug both smiling stupidly at each other.

* * *

 _Days later  
_ _Nerv HQ  
_ _Conference Room_

The dark room was eerily silent as the projected images of twelve stone monoliths loomed over Nerv Commander Gendo Ikari.

He did not speak. He let the silence drift on from the moment he stepped into the call. SEELE had grown increasingly curious at the recent events regarding the Angels, and Gendo often found himself subject to their meetings and debates as of late.

"Ikari. Report."

The voice came from the projected image of Keel Lorenz's monolith. A formality for that man was one of the only SEELE members that Gendo had met personally.

"The Fifth Angel was destroyed by the efforts of the Evas using the prototype positron rifle. All explained in our report." Gendo said simply. He held his head low, gloved hands behind his back, with tinted glasses concealing his eyes. He gave these rich old men nothing to work with, nothing to read.

"Fifth Angel? Fifth?! Ha! He thinks he's being funny." another projected monolith bellowed.

"Arrogant." said another harshly.

"Silence," Keel called and the other SEELE members quieted. The two that had spoken had their projected monoliths darkened to the point of pitch black, choosing to remain silent for the time being.

"You are concerned about the supposed inaccuracy of the Dead Sea Scrolls?" Gendo said. He had better things to do then reassure these old men, he cut to the matter at hand.

"Yes. Such a thing should not be possible, yet... strange anomalies have appeared. We have debated since the last attack, and the matter is troubling. **The number of Angels is wrong.** There are too many. Yet the current incident falls in line with the Scrolls, while the previous attack does not. An anomaly." Keel said, his voice cold and powerful through his holographic avatar.

"You refer to the previous attack when two Angels appeared simultaneously. This time, however, there was only one Angel. Not two. A small divergence but hardly noticeable. I fail to see your... concern." Gendo said coolly.

"The number of Angels is wrong! That should not be possible! And you say you cannot see our concern! Incompetence!" another of the projected monoliths cried.

"I have access to the same information as you. I cannot explain these anomalies anymore than you can." Gendo said sternly.

"Some members suspect your reports of fabricating details. Of lying for some hidden agenda, but our footage shows that is not possible. For whatever grievances certain members of this council have for you, we believe the truth is evident. The Dead Sea Scrolls are not entirely correct." Keel said suddenly.

When the man's voice left the projected monolith, all others grew silent.

 _How sad, all of them are used to having the world at their fingertips. Of being in total control, to be wrong frightens them. They never learned how to adapt._ Gendo mussed to himself.

"The Dead Sea Scrolls cannot be wrong," another voice hissed from the conference call.

"Are you so certain? The scrolls are open to interruption. We study not the incident, but the _pattern_. And that pattern has never been wrong." Gendo said slowly.

"Is that how you would explain these curious circumstances? The tools that we have invested our time and money into... being incorrect?" Keel said sternly.

"Tools that were built by men. Men make mistakes. The scrolls are something else, something beyond us, but we are human." Gendo said.

"For now. The day will come when our humanity ends." A voice far off the side called. Gendo barely spared the projected image a glance, he was growing tired of this pointless meeting.

"Enough," Keel called and once again the other SEELE members grew quiet.

"Yes, the number of Angels is off. But the occurrence and the incidents are not. The Scrolls cannot be wrong, and yet even with these anomalies, they are still not entirely incorrect. The pattern remains. Whatever the matter, our plans move forward. The Human Instrumentality Project continues." Keel said calming the other SEELE members.

"The Human Instrumentality Project continues" Gendo parroted with the others.

"We have made adjustments to the United Nations' agreement surrounding the limit of Evangelion Units permitted in a country. The announcement will appear in the media only after a small delay to give the illusion of debates between nations. Consider this, an insurance policy for any new deviations." Keel said.

Gendo nodded his understanding.

"The Second and Fourth Child will be heading to Japan soon. Their Eva Units are nearly completed, see to it that Nerv is properly prepared." another SEELE member said.

"It will be done," Gendo said hiding his annoyance.

"Commander Ikari. What of the Third Child?" Keel called suddenly.

"What about 'it'? We have it under surveillance." Gendo said simply.

"I trust that when the time comes, you will do what needs to be done. That you will not hesitate despite your personal connection with that... _thing._ " Keel said coolly.

"I will not hesitate," Gendo said simply. No other answer was acceptable.

"That is good to hear. This meeting is over." Keel said.

The moment the words left his projected image, all holograms disappeared fading out of existence.

Gendo straightened his glasses as the lights turned back on. Stepping outside, he found his sub-commander Kozo Fuyutsuki waiting for him. Always more work to do.

* * *

 _Nerv HQ  
_ _Testing Room 01_

"Sync test is almost done. How are you feeling today?" Ritsuko asked.

Shinji thought about that before answering, "normal I guess. I don't have anything to complain about."

The teenage pilot, dressed in his plugsuit, sat in the test entry plug, used only to test his sync ratio with his Unit via the use of a cable that ran temporarily to the entry plug already inside 01. It was impossible to operate an Eva Unit remotely via this method, there were various theories as to why a pilot needed to be present inside the entry plug, but the truth was that it was still a mystery.

 _And yet Misato told me you've been acting strange lately._ Ritsuko thought.

"You don't have to play the tough guy with me. I need to know if you're having any issues, it's important. How are your hands? I heard you got burned when you were playing hero." Ritsuko said calmly.

"Uh, ha. I'm not really a tough guy. I just get lucky I think. My hands are okay, they weren't burned that badly." Shinji said awkwardly.

"Great. Then you can tell me how you're doing. You had a seizure, Shinji. Nearly gave Misato a heart attack too. It's okay if you're feeling unwell." Ritsuko said.

 _See Misato, I can be nice too._ The doctor thought.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm fine, really. Rei got hurt worse than I did, check on her." Shinji said avoiding Ritsuko's gaze.

"I already did. Rei's a soldier, she pushes through everything. If I don't check up on her then she'd never say she was hurt." Ritsuko said with a shrug.

"Oh... " Shinji said thinking that over frowning.

"Alright, if you're sure you're fine. Sync test is complete. You're free to go. Oh, and remember to check your locker before you head out. You don't want to forget anything." Ritsuko said, already moving her attention away from the boy.

 _Hmm, looks normal but a bit low. After his seizure, no... during Operation Yashima he had his lowest sync ratio yet, 37%. High enough to pilot, higher than Rei even, but still low for him._ Ritsuko thought going over Shinji's test results again.

"Thanks Dr. Akagi," Shinji said on his way out.

…

After changing into his street clothes and putting up his plugsuit, Shinji checked his locker finding a pair of prescription bottles and a handwritten note. A bottle of red pills, and a bottle of black pills.

 _That should last you for now. If anything serious happens again you need to let me know. Be careful -_ the note read.

"Thanks, Ritsuko" Shinji muttered taking the pills and note from his locker.

 _Hopefully, it won't happen again. Haven't had the voice stir ever since Operation Yashima_ _... maybe if I'm lucky it'll stay away forever. It won't, but I can always dream._ Shinji thought running a hand through his hair in frustration.

Heading out of the men's locker room, which he always had to himself as the only male pilot, Shinji found Rei waiting for him in the hallway just like he'd asked her to.

"Hello-" Rei began only to get interrupted by the sound of Shinji's phone ringing.

"Ah, sorry Rei. Hold on." Shinji said reaching into his pocket and pulling out the phone that Misato had bought for him.

He'd started carrying it in his pocket set to full volume after one too many times of missing Misato's calls. His guardian was the only one who called him anyway.

"Hello Misato" Shinji called as Rei blinked at him from the background.

"Wow, you actually answered. I keep thinking you'll _forget_ where you left your phone again." Misato said practically beaming.

"Hey, I've never had a phone before. Give me a break." Shinji said defensively. Overall, he'd like to think he'd gotten better at talking to his guardian.

"I told Ritsuko to let me know when your tests were done. I still got some work to do, but give me an hour and we can get something to eat. Celebrate your latest victory. My treat" Misato said.

She was doing that thing again, trying to be nice.

Misato was worried about him, she'd started watching him very carefully ever since his seizure. Helping him do chores, which he often did anyway because he did them better than her. Or else finding ways to spend more time with him if he wanted to talk.

Shinji glanced back at Rei, whom only blinked at him again before he said "oh I'm sorry. I promised Rei that I'd help her clean her apartment. Some other time?"

It wasn't that he wanted to get away from Misato, but there were some things he didn't want to talk about with anyone. He just wanted to forget about his breakdown, not re-live it.

"You're cleaning _her_ apartment?! She blackmailing you or something? Shinji, if you're trying to get the girl you should know that cleaning is NOT a date." Misato teased.

"What? No! It's just something I thought I should do. She saved me, and she's my friend." Shinji said shaking his head.

"Oh... is this about what happened last time? When you gave her the new I.D. Card? Teehee! You're hoping to get another peak, aren't you?! You hormonal teenager!" Misato teased giggling at him over the phone.

"That was an accident! Please don't bring that up again. I... I should never have told you." Shinji sighed feeling his face grow warm. Rei tilted her head at him. To be fair, Rei had seen him naked now too.

"Wait a minute, you're being really awkward right now. Rei's there right now isn't she?! Let me talk to her!" Misato called suddenly. He could just picture her smirking at his embarrassment.

"No, I gotta go. Bye Misato, I'll see you at home." Shinji said, stammering out the words faster than he meant to.

"Ha, alright Shinji. For real though, take her to an arcade or something after. You two deserve some fun after the last incident." Misato said getting serious.

"I'll think about it. Bye." Shinji said. He hung up the phone thinking, _she's always teasing me._

"She is a very strange woman," Rei said suddenly. Shinji jumped at that, she was so quiet that he sometimes forgot where she was until he looked for her.

"I... you could hear that?" Shinji asked.

"The two of you are very loud. Please inform Captain Katsuragi that I am not blackmailing you."

 _Why does this always happen? I only wanted to do something nice,_ Shinji thought with another sigh.

"She was only joking," he said.

Rei did not respond.

"Let's go. Sorry about that. It might take a while but I promised I'd help. I made us some food... I mean only if you want some. I know you don't like meat so I didn't cook any." Shinji said heading for the exit with Rei in tow.

"You apologize too much. I... thank you for helping me, Shinji. I was not aware my apartment was unsuitable until you told me. You are a good friend." Rei said avoiding his gaze.

It was hard to tell with Rei, she was very emotionless at times, but Shinji could have sworn he saw a spring in her step and a small smile on her lips.

* * *

 **Long I know, but I didn't want to split a chapter into two again.  
A lot of things happened in this chapter, but the real undercurrent is Rei and Shinji.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	8. The Sample

**Hey guys, I'm back. Thanks for everyone whom reviewed.  
This chapter is really long, maybe read in parts? My awesome readers have told me they don't mind so I didn't split it.  
Note, some things are brushed over to advance the story.**

 **Here's chapter 8 "The Sample"**

* * *

" _Even the best-laid plans can go wrong. Things you couldn't know. People you didn't expect to see. Things that don't always go according to plan. All you can do is move forward. I hate how much I'm starting to sound like 'him' of all people."_

 _– **the Broken Man.**_

* * *

 _The dream_

Shinji watched as from afar, a silent observer unable to look away, he saw a Giant of Light standing amid a harsh frozen landscape.

People in lab coats and jackets were shouting as the Giant rose, seeming to float over the air defying gravity itself. The 'Giant' whatever it was, was huge, the size of an Evangelion, and though it had no mouth it seemed to scream.

A massive red spear was embedded in the torso of the Giant of Light. The titan roared soundlessly, silent agony in its rage, as it flew higher and higher into the atmosphere. The Angel loomed eerily over the expedition base, strange and alien, like an Evangelion from some twisted nightmare.

It hovered in the sky.

Shinji couldn't see much, he didn't want to, his vision was blurry and out of focus. He wanted to look away but he didn't know how.

Down below, the scientists started to panic. They ran for cover or else for an exit. All of them knew it was pointless...

The Giant exploded leaving almost no traces of its body, and an enormous wave of energy erupted in its wake. A blast that spread _far_ beyond the base of panicked people stationed below... the air itself seemed to burn, the force of the blast moved faster than the sound of its boom. It produced rapidly accelerated charged particles, as a surge of electromagnetic energy caused electronic devices to go haywire. The blast didn't stop, it kept spreading and spreading up into the atmosphere where its effects would be felt across the entire planet. The power of the blast grew as the Giant lost more and more mass in the explosion.

"Second Impact..."

 _ **Stop. Look away, Shinji.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji gasped, feeling something or someone grab him by the shoulder and pull him back... back from the dream where his vision had blurred.

...

He woke with a start, panting heavily in his bed, a fresh layer of sweat on his forehead.

"Just a dream" Shinji muttered to himself.

He sat up, sheets falling to his sides as he did so. Shinji raised a hand to his face and felt blood, another nosebleed.

"Need my pills" he muttered to himself, a bad habit from having spent years in the ward. It didn't happen every night, but he'd been having bad dreams recently. In his nightmares, Shinji relived his seizure after having been shot in the eye. And other times he saw strange things that he tried to forget.

He rose glancing at his phone's display to check the time. 6:30 a.m. Early, but he was already up so might as well get the day started.

Shinji wiped the small trickle of blood off his face, popped a red pill into his mouth and swallowed it. He went to the bathroom, careful not to wake the others, and proceeded to wash his face.

 _I hate this... I hate that I'm still shaken up,_ Shinji thought at the sight of his trembling hand. His hands had started shaking, a kind of tremor whenever he was nervous or scared, it had started ever since Operation Yashima. Rei was stronger than him, she always soldiered on and did her duty as a pilot. But he wasn't like her... sometimes he wished he was.

He clenched his hand into a fist and breathed, calming himself down. The tremor in his hand persisted, and then gradually it faded. Knowing his luck, it would be back sooner or later.

Shinji tried not to think about it. He should start making breakfast or else Misato would cook, better if he did it.

* * *

 _Present day  
_ _Nerv Germany_

"And how are we today, Asuka? Your sync ratio is looking good."

Kaji spoke via the intercom from the other side of the observation window in the testing room.

"Of course it is. Thanks, Kaji," Asuka said beaming. Her Japanese was almost perfect, Kaji noted.

"Careful now, Mr. Kaji. Princess will get the wrong idea. She's weak in the knees for you," the other pilot in the sync test said. The girl had a habit of chiming in even when no one asked her too.

Kaji shifted uncomfortably.

 _That girl is weird, not wrong, just weird_.

He watched as Asuka's face turned red, and he knew a tantrum was coming.

"Shut up psycho! Can't you stop talking for five minutes?!" Asuka shouted at her fellow pilot/rival. The other girl sat across the room; seated in her own test entry-plug.

"Not when you're here, Princess. You're too easy to tease. Need to lighten up," Mari said completely calm.

Asuka proceeded to curse her fellow pilot out in German, calling her several things that Kaji was glad her parents didn't hear.

Kaji tuned them out and glanced down at the display. _40% for Asuka, and 41% for Mari, they're getting better,_ he thought.

From the expressions on the other German Nerv staff, Kaji could tell that this bickering was not an uncommon event. Last week, the Fourth Child, Mari, had arrived at Nerv German's branch along with Eva Unit 03. Unit 03 was nearly finished and was considered mostly operational just as 02 was. For that reason, Nerv had sent 03 to finish its development alongside 02 in Germany. Wherever Unit 03 went its' pilot followed.

The superiors claimed it was logistically easier when the time came to ship both Units to Japan, but Kaji had his own theories about that.

"Oh be quiet psycho! You're in Germany and don't speak German! Who's spoiled now?" Asuka shouted back.

Kaji looked up to see the two pilots still bickering.

 _Asuka is the one who gets angry. Mari never loses her cool,_ Kaji thought. He watched as the other girl hummed to herself mostly ignoring Asuka.

"You're just too easy to mess with," Mari said in that frustratingly cool tone of hers, nothing got to her, no insults, no teases, nothing.

"Alright, you're finished. Both of you are showing improvement. You're free to go," the German Nerv scientist said, speaking in Japanese so both pilots could understand him.

The man looked absolutely fed up with the two pilots, he dared not say anything about Germany's Child Prodigy, but Mari was another story. "Pilot Makinami, please refrain from aggravating your fellow pilots," the man said glumly before turning away not waiting for a response.

 _Poor guy,_ Kaji thought. He chuckled to himself at the thought of the team here having to deal with 'this' day in and day out.

"Good news, both of you, we'll be sending you two to Nerv's Japanese branch sooner than we thought. You should start packing. I don't know how long you'll be in Tokyo-03, but I'm guessing a while." Kaji said.

"I'm good to go already," Mari said still humming to herself. It was kind of true from what Kaji knew of the girl, she didn't seem to want or care for material things in stark contrast to Asuka.

"Great, I can't wait to see combat. You'll see, Kaji. I'll show the other pilots how it's done," Asuka said beaming with a smug smile planted on her face.

 _I'm sure you will,_ Kaji thought. He shook his head. There was a reason Asuka was called a Child Prodigy, but she could get on people's nerves at times.

"Sounds like fun," Mari said flexing her fist at the idea of actual combat.

 _At least that's something they agree on,_ Kaji thought.

...

Making it back to his apartment in Germany, Kaji was glad that no one had followed him. Days now, and nothing had happened, no one had tried breaking in. He seemed to have successfully stolen the sample.

Locking the door behind him, he headed for his closet and he opened the hidden safe he'd had put inside the wall. Kaji breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the black suitcase still in its place. Honestly, doing convert work was prone to make one paranoid.

Plots within plots, roles within roles, it made things hard to follow. He couldn't be sure if he'd successfully stolen the sample, or if SEELE had let him take it after all.

Opening the case, Kaji tensed at the sight of the Adam sample, the strange embryo-like creature frozen in the dura-bakelite. The unnatural bundle of cells stood imprisoned in the same material used to contain an Evangelion Unit if need be.

Closing the case, putting it back in the safe, and locking it again, Kaji grabbed a smoke and breathed in a good amount to relax.

"Needed that," he said grabbing his encrypted phone.

He made the call.

"I have the package. Everything is good to go. Though I did not expect the Fourth Child and Unit 03, you know anything about that?"

"They are acceptable anomalies. You will be heading to Japan in three days, do not be surprised if something happens during transport. Nerv will be sending you an insurance policy in any case. Whatever happens, you _will not_ lose the package," Gendo Ikari said over the phone.

"Roger that," Kaji said playing it cool.

 _Click._

Gendo hung up.

"Not even a goodbye. What a rude man," Kaji said simply.

* * *

 _Japan  
_ _Misato's apartment_

Shinji Ikari stood in the kitchen making breakfast for his guardian and himself, watching the TV news report on the events of the Jet Alone incident.

"The engineers have not found the source of the malfunction which caused the enormous nuclear-powered machine to lose control. Devised as a possible alternative to the Evangelion program, Jet Alone has proven to be a major embarrassment to the United Nations," the reporter on TV was saying.

Shinji didn't know much about politics, he had only been outside the ward for a year before being brought to Nerv, but he thought the media was being a bit mean.

He knew Jet Alone had been a disaster, one that Nerv had had to fix, but the reporter seemed to really pick at the incident and praise the Evas.

 _They should really thank Misato. She's the one who stopped it,_ Shinji thought. He was glad Nerv had never released his identity to the open public, he didn't want the attention although he was pretty sure most of his classmates knew he and Rei were pilots.

"Wark!"

Shinji looked down to see Pen Pen glaring at him expectantly.

"Right, almost forgot. Sorry."

Shinji filled the penguin's food bowl.

"Wark," Pen Pen chirped softly, giving him a look that plainly said, _you're alright_.

 _I think he's starting to like me,_ Shinji thought as Pen Pen ate his food.

He went back to cooking breakfast, listening to the news in the background. They only reported on the failure of Jet Alone and the successes of the Eva Units, before switching to the usual gossip that Shinji didn't much care for.

"Morning Shinji! You're up early!" Misato called emerging into the kitchen.

"Morning, breakfast is almost ready," Shinji said as his guardian opened the fridge and grabbed a cold beer.

His guardian was very unabashed about her love of alcohol, Shinji, however, thought it was unhealthy to drink so earlier in the morning. He frowned as his guardian opened the can of beer, and took a long swig.

"Relax. I know what I'm doing," Misato said, not even needing to glance behind her to know that he was giving her a disapprovingly look.

"So you say. Try to take it easy. You stopped Jet Alone a while back, maybe calm down on the drinks?" Shinji said softly.

"Awe, you were worried about me? I'm flattered," Misato teased as Shinji set the breakfast table.

"Of course I was worried about you. You... you worry about me whenever I pilot, don't you?" Shinji asked nervously.

Misato looked at him like he was an idiot, a lovable awkward, and brave, idiot.

"Yes Shinji, I worry about you," she said.

"Oh. That's good to know." Shinji said, smiling softly without realizing it. No one had ever really worried about him before, it felt... nice.

"So? How are things going with Rei? You two haven't done anything I should know about right?" Misato said, giving him that look when she knew she was making him awkward.

 _Don't fall for it, don't fall for it,_ he thought.

"No. You shouldn't joke about things like that. I helped her clean her apartment, and we hang out because she's my only real friend. We're both pilots... we just have things in common," Shinji said knowing his face had flashed. Damn it.

"Oh, I don't know about that. I've known Rei longer, and she seems different around you. She waits for you after the sync tests are over, all so you can walk her home. Ritsuko told me. Well done," Misato said not entirely teasing him.

"... You're reading too much into it," Shinji said avoiding her gaze.

"Oh right, not like a woman would know these kind of things. Sure, don't listen to me," Misato said mockingly.

"Very funny," Shinji said watching as she took another long drink of her beer. _Not very ladylike,_ he thought at the sight.

"And what do you mean 'only' friend? What about your classmates? What do you do when you're not at home? School? Or at Nerv? I gave you a key, as long as you're home before nightfall I don't mind," Misato said oddly serious for once.

"I never go anywhere else," Shinji said with a shrug.

"Really?"

"Really."

 _What a strange kid... he needs to get out more._ Misato thought, frowning at her charge.

"Just so you know. More Eva Pilots and their Units are on their way to Japan. The UN Pacific Fleet is escorting them over. We've been invited to take a closer look. It could fun." Misato said mixing the truth with a small white lie.

The truth was that Commander Ikari had them delivering emergency power cables to the Eva Units in the paranoid delusion that something would happen _during_ the transport. Gendo wanted an extra pilot on hand just in case, never mind that Shinji piloting a different Eva would likely result in a lower, if not zero percent, sync ratio. Hell, the last time Cross Unit Eva Piloting had been tried... it had ended badly.

"Huh, I never knew there were other pilots. Guess it makes sense. If Nerv wants me to go then I'll go. What do I have to do?" Shinji asked eating his toast without really enjoying it.

 _He's been on edge around the Evas lately. Ritsuko reports his sync ratio's been lower since getting shot in the face..._ Misato thought.

She knew something was bothering Shinji, knew that he'd been avoiding any chances to talk about it, even during the Jet Alone incident he'd been a little shaky with 01, but she didn't know what to do and she worried for him. So she chose her words carefully before she spoke.

"You don't have to do anything. Just meet the other pilots and check out the Eva Units on board the ship," Misato said holding back the truth slightly.

"Okay," Shinji said not really caring, it wasn't like he had any real choice.

 _He's always doing that. He almost never questions orders... just goes along with whatever people tell him to do. Unless Rei's in trouble, then he steps up._ Misato thought getting frustrated at him.

"Hey, whatever happened to those two boys you told me about! Your friends from school, you said you have gym class with them? Don't you eat lunch with them every now and then?" Misato said getting an idea in her head.

"Toji and Kensuke? I talk to them at school. Sometimes they walk with me, but Rei does too and I think she unnerves them." Shinji said slowly.

"Well, unfortunately, Rei has to stay here. At least one pilot in Japan at all times. You should invite your friends, they'll go crazy. What teenage boy doesn't love to see the military and their toys?" Misato said leaning across the table.

"I suppose... yeah. I think they'd like a free trip" Shinji said thinking it over.

"There you go. Damn it Shinji, you should be the most popular kid in the school? Why aren't you?" Misato said shaking her head at him. Hopeless.

"Don't know," Shinji shrugged glancing at his watch.

"School starts in a few minutes. I should head out. Bye Misato," Shinji said. He got up from his seat and headed for the door.

"Bye" Misato called watching him ago.

…

Shinji's walk to school was rather uneventfully as usual.

He met up with Rei and together they made their way to school. Sometimes the two pilots would chat about whatever Shinji wanted, school or else the sync tests, but mostly the two of them just… enjoyed the other's company? Shinji didn't have a word for what they did, they just liked being around each other.

Rei never talked much on their way to school, so Shinji was actually surprised when she turned to him asking "are you well?"

"I'm fine," Shinji said perhaps a little too quickly.

"I suspect you are not being truthful. You have been noticeably shaken for several days now. When piloting, I have watched your hands shake. This does not indicate you being well." Rei said never taking her eyes off of him.

 _The way she does that… that stare of hers. Sometimes I get why she can unnerve people._ Shinji thought, taking in the fact that Rei _watched_ him enough to notice all that. She had seen the tremor in his hand when even Misato and Ritsuko had not.

"I've been having bad dreams is all," Shinji said avoiding her gaze. Even as he spoke, he felt his hand twitch briefly. The tremor. _Damn it._

"About what?" Rei asked after a long moment of silence.

"… it's hard to explain. Rei, do you know about the Second Impact? Ritsuko told me the truth before Jet Alone malfunctioned," Shinji said. He wasn't lying, but not exactly telling the whole truth either.

"That what is written in the history books is wrong," Rei said speaking in a quieter tone. Her voice barely above a whisper.

" _Second Impact_. That it wasn't a meteor. It was when we found the First Angel… it exploded before anyone could study it. That _thing_ killed 2 billion people. And as far as anyone could tell, that's what the Angels are trying to do. Cause another event like that, a Third Impact." Shinji whispered darkly.

His voice shook as he finished the sentence. Such things were difficult for him to understand, death on a scale like that. It had happened a long time ago, but he knew people who had lived through it. Misato, for one. And when it came to the nature of the Angels, Shinji didn't like to think about them at all.

"You have night terrors of failing. Of the Angels succeeding?" Rei asked.

"Something like that. And I guess piloting takes its toll on me. Heh. I'm not strong like you, Rei. Piloting, it hurts, and sometimes I relive things." Shinji said eyes downcast as he walked with his friend.

Rei suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder and gently pulled him to the side. Shinji narrowly avoided walking head first into a signpost. He really had to stop looking downward when he walked.

"You are strong, Shinji. More so than you know. You will not fail… you will not die. I will protect you. And you will protect me. Because… because we are friends," Rei said avoiding his gaze now as the tables were turned and he stared at her.

She took a long time to let go of his shoulder, and he thought he could see her face turn red. He felt his own face flush too.

...

Luckily for Shinji, his school day was rather boring. More notes from the history teacher droning on and on about the Second Impact, not knowing that it was all cover-ups. He knew Kensuke would go crazy if he knew what Shinji did, but he had been told that such things were classified. Truthfully, Shinji was kinda glad he had been forbidden to discuss it.

He ended up sitting with Toji and Kensuke for lunch that day. Rei, of course, followed after him, and somehow the four of them managed to get along.

"So you were there! You stopped Jet Alone! It was on the news, Unit 01 was deployed when that walking nuke went haywire," Kensuke said speaking conspiratorially.

"It wasn't me. It was Misato who stopped it. I just gave her a lift," Shinji said truthfully. He didn't like talking about his piloting life; Kensuke loved everything about it.

"Whatever you say, hero. Seriously, just man up and show some pride. You should be the coolest kid in the school! If I was a pilot I'd be," Toji said smugly.

 _Why does everyone keep saying that?_ Shinji thought, sighing inwardly.

He'd gotten along with Toji a lot better in the last few weeks. Shinji knew Toji was still annoyed that he hadn't punched him, but he seemed to have let it go for now.

"Shinji is not lying. It was Captain Katsuragi," Rei said. That silenced the two boys, Rei almost never talked in their presence. In truth, Rei rarely interacted with Kensuke and Toji, and only spoke when Shinji asked her something.

"Well look at that. Misato is beautiful and brave. Damn Shinji, you are one lucky man," Toji said daydreaming about Shinji's guardian again.

 _I wish they'd stop doing that. A bit immature... or is it? A lot of guys our age are like that..._ Shinji thought.

"You haven't had to clean up after her," he muttered under his breath.

Toji and Kensuke gave him skeptical looks, before letting it go.

"Oh, before I forget. Nerv wants Misato and me to get a look at the other Eva Units, and she said I could invite you two if you wanted to come. Sorry, Rei, Misato said you had to stay behind." Shinji said suddenly.

"I am aware. I do not mind," Rei said as she continued eating her lunch.

Kensuke and Toij only stared opened mouthed at him.

"Are you kidding! We get to see the new Eva Units! Of course, we're going!" Kensuke said practically drooling at the thought of seeing more Units up close.

"Misato's going. Count me in." Toji said smirking again.

"We'll be flying to the UN Naval Fleet that's escorting them to Japan," Shinji said going over the details of what Misato had told him.

The boys listened, much more excited than he had been. He thought it was kinda funny, to be honest, and then his mood soured as the thing in his head stirred.

 _ **You should not have invited them. You live a dangerous life.**_

Shinji flinched, his hand shaking under the table, just as he finished explaining. Toji and Kensuke didn't notice, but Rei certainly did. She watched him out of the corner of her eyes, watched his trembling hand, and she took his hand in her own for just a second before letting go.

Shinji blinked in surprise at the comfort. Maybe Misato was onto something about Rei acting differently around him.

But now Shinji had to worry about his friends tagging along. _I mean... what's the worse that could happen?_ he thought.

* * *

 _Three days later  
_ _Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean_

Asuka Langley Sohryu walked the main deck of the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, the 'Over the Rainbow'. A smirk planted firmly on her lips despite the fact the Kaji was too busy speaking with the Navy Officers to spend time with her.

That annoying psycho, that crazy girl who thought she was a better pilot than Asuka just because she was older, had been ordered to stay below deck. Confined to her room unless given permission by her temporary guardian for the duration of the trip.

"Serves her right," Asuka said grinning to herself.

Mari had a habit of wandering the halls and getting into places she wasn't supposed to, the Navy said she had a 'lack of respect' for the rules aboard their ships.

It was truly a shame that Kaji didn't have time for her, there wasn't much to do on this trip. Days on these slow boats and her glorious Eva Unit 02 locked up, she had even worn the new dress she'd bought to impress Kaji. But alas, she'd show him later.

 _Flac-flac-flac_

Asuka looked up to see a helicopter with the Nerv logo on its side hovering over the ship.

"The Third Child. Wunderbar, it's about time," Asuka said smirking at the sight. She'd been waiting the whole trip for this.

…

Shinji could barely hear anything inside the helicopter. A part of him regretted agreeing to do this, but he had orders. He kept his eyes straight ahead, he didn't realize beforehand but looking at the open stretches of the ocean unnerved him. He didn't know why... it made him uncomfortable.

Misato was up front with pilots, while Shinji and his friends rode in the back. At least Toji and Kensuke were having fun, they lit up at the sight of the many ships and various aircraft stationed below on the carrier. The UN pacific fleet and its flagship 'Over the Rainbow' was amazing to their teenage minds. To Shinji, he found it interesting but not worth the fuss and excitement his friends showed.

"Calm down, guys."

Shinji chuckled at their reactions, but they couldn't hear him over the roar of the helicopter.

Something inside him stirred at the sight of his friends' enthusiasm, something like envy. He wished he could have been as excited as they were. To be that 'happy' about something... anything. The boys were alight with youthful joy and like a wave that washed over him, he realized he didn't have that. Maybe he never had.

 _Whoa? Where did that come from?_ Shinji thought, shaking his head as the helicopter landed aboard the Over the Rainbow.

The moment the doors opened, Toji and Kensuke jumped out and rushed onto the main deck to the amusement of the Navy. Toji ogled over all the guns, and Kensuke filming everything he could with his camera.

Shinji chuckled at the sight, waiting for his guardian to get off before joining her on the main deck.

Misato grabbed him by the shoulder as they boarded saying, "hey? You feeling okay? You were really quiet on the ride over."

"I'm okay, don't like being surrounded by water I guess. Heh, I never did learn how to swim." Shinji said telling a half-truth.

The truth, Shinji thought he had figured out why he didn't like the ocean. He thought that all this water brought back memories of his breakdown, of being submerged in the water, of the stretch of land he had laid upon... of things better left forgotten. His madness.

"Awe, worried you'll fall in? Don't worry, if you do I promise to save you. If you're lucky, maybe you'll need some mouth to mouth." Misato teased him.

"Very funny," Shinji said dryly. He should have known that was coming.

 _SLAP_

The sound made both Shinji and Misato turn their heads. They spotted a European looking girl arguing with Toji and Kensuke about something.

The girl was cursing in another language, German maybe? She'd apparently slapped Toji. Shinji was about to ask what was going on, Toji was his friend after all. But he stopped in his tracks at the sight of the girl shoving passed his friends and striding towards him and Misato.

… _You_ Shinji thought not believing his eyes. His heart skipped a beat, and the tremor in his hands reemerged, he quickly stuffed them in his pockets, stepping away with wide eyes.

"Hello, Misato. How have you been?" the girl called walking towards them, and completely ignoring the glare Toji sent her way.

"Just fine. You've grown since we last met," Misato called back, a very controlled expression planted firmly on her face.

"Uh–huh. And I'm not just taller, my figure's filled out as well," the girl said smugly.

"Let me introduce you two. This is the Third Child, Shinji Ikari, he's the pilot of Unit 01. Shinji, this is the Second Child, Asuka Langley Sohryu, she's Unit 02's pilot." Misato said.

Asuka studied Shinji, and he fought to keep his composure.

"This is the famous Third Child? Mister 'wonder boy'. Commander Ikari's son? Doesn't look that impressive," Asuka said leering at Shinji.

"Shinji? What's wrong?" Misato asked frowning.

He took another step back from Asuka, almost falling over in his haste.

"Yeah, what's wrong tough guy? Never seen a beautiful woman before?" Asuka taunted. She stared him down as he stumbled with wide eyes.

 _How? That's- that's not possible. I saw you... in my... my breakdown..._ Shinji thought.

He couldn't breathe, he was going into shock, the tremor in his hands refused to go away.

Memories of his breakdown came flooding back, images of Asuka in a red plugsuit, of his hands around her throat. Of cooking her and Rei a meal. But that wasn't possible, that was all in his head. This wasn't possible!

He could feel the walls closing in around him, even here out in the ocean. The world around him threatening to contract until he imploded.

"What! Are you stupid?!" the girl exclaimed.

 _Wait... she said that now? Is 'this' another dream... or real?_ Shinji thought as she glared at him. This was confusing and terrifying all at once. He had heard her say those words to him before... but they only just met. Could he trust his eyes and ears?

 _ **Breathe. You're making the others nervous. Just breathe Shinji.**_

The thing in his head stirred again. He felt it moving around inside of him, and he fought the urge to shudder

 _ **This is not a dream. You're not having a breakdown. Breathe.**_

Shinji breathed and managed to stammer out an answer.

"Yes, I mean no. I don't know. Nice to meet you."

"Humph, what a weirdo," Asuka said coldly.

"That's enough you two. Come on, the Navy Captain is waiting for us" Misato said. She had to physically pull Asuka back from the clearly shaken Shinji.

Misato kept a nervous glance on Shinji, watching as he seemed to recover from whatever had happened, but she was definitely worried about him now.

"Damn that girl's a bitc-" Toji was saying as he and Kensuke caught up with Shinji again.

"Wow, you okay man? You look a bit pale?" Kensuke interrupted seeing the look on Shinji's face. The boy's camera momentarily lowered, for him, that was pretty serious.

"I'm fine," Shinji said a little too quickly, his voice coming out in a hiccup.

He shook it off, turning to Toji saying "you? Why'd she slap you?"

"Doesn't matter, girl is insane" Toji muttered.

The three of them followed after Misato and the others, Shinji calming the tremor in his hands.

* * *

They met the Navy Captain in the command room surrounded by officers and crew. The man did not like Nerv using the fleet to escort Eva Units to Japan.

The Captain argued with Misato over the power cables for the Eva Units, but Misato apparently won, forcing Nerv's authority onto the Navy so they'd connect the cables to the nuclear reactor of their ship for the Evangelions.

Shinji hardly paid attention to the argument.

He kept glancing back at the Second Child, glancing back at Asuka.

She noticed him looking and shoved him in the shoulder hard, calling him a 'pig'.

 _I'm not a pig... why would she say that?_ he thought.

...

After the Navy had agreed to connect the emergency power cables to Eva Units 02 and 03, they left the command center and headed for the cafeteria. It would still take a while for them to reach Japan, so they decided to get some food before inspecting the new Evas.

At the elevator, a man was waiting for them and kind enough to hold the doors as they approached.

"Kaji!" Asuka beamed practically skipping on her way to stand beside him.

"Kaji! What?! What are you doing here!" Misato said her face growing red at the sight of him.

"Doing my job. I work for Nerv too, remember. You get the Navy to connect the cables? They wouldn't listen to me," Kaji said holding the door open for Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke while Misato stilled at the man's presence.

"I did. They're working on it," Misato said scowling inwardly as she entered the cramped elevator along with everyone else.

"You always did have the magic touch," Kaji said teasingly.

 _Only you could make that sound dirty._ Misato thought, giving him a slight glare. She hoped Kaji and Shinji were never alone in a room together, she just knew he'd start telling 'her boy' things he shouldn't hear.

"We're heading for the cafeteria," Misato told him as Kaji pressed the button for them.

"Great, I was too." Kaji said inviting himself just as she knew he would.

* * *

 _Mess, or Cafeteria, of the Over the Rainbow_

Sitting at a table of the mostly empty cafeteria, Shinji kept his gaze away from his fellow pilot. He was still bothered by what had happened, and he couldn't explain it. He knew everyone in the group was having a conversation, so he forced himself to snap out of it and pay attention.

"So, you have a new boyfriend?" Kaji was asking Misato.

Now Shinji wasn't that good with people, but he knew his guardian enough to know that she was tense and that Mr. Kaji was the cause of it.

"None of your business," Misato said her arms crossed.

"So cold, I'm hurt." Kaji teased leaning back into a more comfortable position. Toji and Kensuke watched the noticeable tension between the two adults silently, and Asuka only had eyes for Kaji.

Shinji didn't think he liked this Mr. Kaji too much right now.

Turning to him, Kaji spoke up saying "So, you're the infamous Third Child. Nice to meet you, Shinji."

"How did you know who I am?" Shinji asked, keeping his eyes away from Asuka as he spoke. He was still finding it hard to 'ground' himself for lack of a better word, it made his voice quieter than normal.

"Because of your reputation, idiot. The famous Third Child who got a 91% sync ratio. But they say you only did it once, I bet it was a fluke." Asuka said smugly.

 _Why does she hate me?_ Shinji thought offhandedly. He wouldn't look at her, she still unnerved him. She brought back memories of his breakdown.

"Now Asuka, calm down. I'm sure Shinji does his best, the kid who killed an Angel on his first ever piloting run. No training what so ever. You've quite the reputation, Shinji." Kaji said as Asuka seethed from the compliments.

 _He's doing that on purpose... he wants Asuka to be mad at me. Why?_ He thought.

"I... I just got lucky." Shinji said slowly.

"If you say so, luck eh? Pretty damn lucky if that's true. They say you fought two Angels at the same time and killed them both." Kaji said, clearly impressed.

"I had help from the First Child, Rei," Shinji said truthfully.

"Shinji never likes praise. He's a damn good pilot." Toji said surprisingly as he ate his food. Shinji hadn't expected him of all people to stick up for him, maybe Misato was onto something about having more friends.

Kaji nodded at Shinji's friends but turned his attention back to him, a small smirk on his face that Shinji didn't like.

"So, I hear you're living with Misato. Tell me something, is she still wild in bed-" Kaji began.

"Whatever happened to the Fourth Child?" Shinji said interrupting Kaji a tad colder than he meant to.

He didn't know why he had done it, but he just knew this was somehow a way to tease Misato. So he stopped Mr. Kaji with the quickest question he could come up with. From the look Kaji gave him, he knew what Shinji had done. 'Clever devil' Kaji's look seemed to say.

"... She's on board but she's busy." Kaji answered, frowning in surprise at Shinji's actions.

"Humph, busy being locked up." Asuka snorted smugly.

"You know, Shinji's right. We were supposed to meet the new pilots. Where is she?" Misato asked.

"She is in her temporary quarters aboard this ship" a new voice called. The words came in perfect Japanese as footsteps approached their table.

All of them looked up, but Shinji already knew who it was. He hadn't heard from or spoken to her personally in over a year.

"Dr. Page, how nice of you to join us," Kaji said, sounding like he didn't mean it. The American woman pulled a chair from nearby and took a seat beside Misato.

"I'm glad you feel that way," Page said casually.

 _What is she doing here?_ Shinji thought reeling from the sight of her again after all this time.

Page held out a hand to Misato saying "Captain Katsuragi, I'm Dr. Page. Nerv hired me as a temporary legal guardian for the Fourth Child. A pleasure to meet you. I've heard good things."

"It's just Misato. And what have you heard?" Misato asked surprised at the new visitor.

"Of your tendency for philanthropy. I've heard how you have gone above and beyond as Shinji's temporary guardian," Dr. Page said with a smile.

Before Misato could ask anything further, Dr. Page turned to Shinji.

"And to answer your question, Shinji, the Fourth Child has a bad habit of wandering into restricted areas. At the Navy's request, I have asked her to stay in her room until we reached Japan."

"Wait? You know Shinji?" Misato said looking between them.

"Yeah! She was my doctor when I was little!" Shinji said, nearly jumping from his seat as he spoke far too quickly.

Kaji gave him an odd look, Asuka muttered "weirdo", and his friends only shook their heads awkwardly at him.

Dr. Page spared Shinji a completely deadpan glance, not showing any noticeable emotion.

 _Please let me have this. Once people know everything changes,_ Shinji thought pleadingly as his old doctor met his eyes.

"Yes, I was Shinji's doctor. He was a sick child. But that was some time ago. He... recovered. I have had many patients, though I rarely meet them again," Dr. Page said offering Shinji another fake smile.

"Sick? What happened, Shinji?" Misato said frowning at him.

"Uh, I was a small kid. I had problems but I got better." Shinji said starting to calm down.

"Wimp" Asuka whispered to him. Strangely enough, Shinji noticed that his fellow pilot was glaring at Dr. Page. Why would Asuka hate Page?

"Huh. Small world." Misato said.

"Indeed. I'm sorry to interrupt you all, but I need to speak with Kaji. He has not been answering his phone and the Nerv German branch needs to speak with him," Dr. Page said smiling politely at the group.

 _ **She hasn't changed. Those smiles mean nothing.**_ The thing in Shinji's head stirred.

"You never change," Misato muttered to Kaji rolling her eyes.

"Oh, the reception is terrible out here in the water. What do they want?" Kaji said shifting in his seat coolly.

"Something about a possible security leak. There's a phone line open for you below, in the communications room of the ship. As you say, reception on the water is bad." Dr. Page said.

Kaji gave her a blank smile saying, "I better not keep them waiting. Asuka, I'll see you after I'm done. Nice to meet you, Shinji." The man got to his feet, Asuka pining as he did so, and made to leave.

Dr. Page stood up as well saying, "I'll join you."

"That's not necessary-" Kaji began.

"I am sure Nerv will not mind a coworker joining you in a show of support," Dr. Page said. She gave another polite smile, then stood up saying her goodbyes to Misato.

 _She's always doing that. Cornering people into doing what she wants._ Shinji thought.

"Bye Kaji" Asuka said as he left with Dr. Page following closely behind him.

Misato breathed a sigh of relief once Kaji was gone. Shinji didn't know what history they had between them, but the man made Misato uncomfortable and he didn't like that. He had too much on his mind right now, he wanted to get this over with but it would take hours to get back.

The others chatted about Japan, the size of the fleet, and the new Eva Units, Shinji quiet and eating very little. Once they had finished their meal, Asuka parted ways with them saying she would wait for Kaji.

...

Misato took Shinji and his friends back up to the surface for a breath of fresh air. Toji and Kensuke went crazy again at all the military gear, but Shinji stayed back. He'd been feeling very tired all of a sudden… not to mention everything else this strange day.

"Hey. Hey Shinji?" Misato said snapping him out of his daze and shaking his arm.

Shinji opened his eyes, he'd closed them and dozed off without realizing it.

"You okay? Is it the water again? You won't really fall in, just stay inside the railing." Misato said frowning at him.

"I'm fine, just tired is all. Haven't been getting good sleep lately. I… I sometimes have nightmares where I fight the Angels again. Nightmares where I get hurt." Shinji said avoiding her gaze.

"Really? I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say anything?" Misato said concerned.

"It's not that bad, it comes and it goes. I think I'm gonna take a walk. Just need some time to myself, I'll meet up with you again later," he said.

Misato made a face.

"I have my phone if you need to reach me," Shinji countered.

"Are you sure?" Misato said, he'd finally said something about what was bothering him but she didn't want to force him to say more.

"I'll be fine Misato. See you in twenty minutes," Shinji said avoiding Misato's gaze as he headed below again

"Bye," Misato said watching him go. She wished she knew how to help him, she wished she knew how to be a better adult for him.

 **…**

" _ **I'll be fine Misato. See you in twenty minutes**_ " the Other Shinji said avoiding Misato's gaze.

His eyes always gave him away. Luckily, this Shinji looked at his feet when he was uncomfortable. The Other Shinji waved goodbye and headed below.

"Bye," Misato said watching him go.

He would have to be quick, if he stayed too long it would only hurt this Shinji. Other did not want that.

The Other Shinji waited until he was below the main deck before taking a breath, closing his eyes, and feeling outward with his palm raised. Feeling for _what_ was on board. It was here somewhere, Kaji had taken it…

Other found what he was looking for, and opened his eyes. He moved throughout the ship wordlessly, like a ghost, careful not to draw the attention of the crew.

* * *

 _Sometimes later_

 _ **Adam**_ the thing in his head stirred.

"Wha-"

Shinji awoke, his lips moving of their own accord, a slur of surprise leaving his mouth, dazed as he opened his eyes.

He blinked groggily and noticed he was standing up. How had he fallen asleep standing up? He was in one of the temporary rooms assigned to Nerv personnel, but he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there. He was holding something in his hands.

Looking down, Shinji saw a plain black suitcase in his grasp. His right palm pressed lightly on the center of the case.

"What?" he asked in a small panicked voice. How? He'd been with Misato and the others and then... and then this.

He put the suitcase down on the nearby bed and backed away.

Shinji raised a hand to his face and felt a small trickle of blood. Another nosebleed, but it was different this time. Small, not nearly as violent as the ones he'd had before.

 _Need my pills._ He thought, his hand shaking as he hurriedly opened the door and left the room. He didn't even know who was staying there.

Shinji tried reaching into his bag, wanting to grab his meds, but then he remembered that he didn't have any. This was only supposed to be a single day trip; he hadn't needed to pack anything. He'd just taken his daily pills and left the rest at home.

 _No. I brought an extra one just in case,_ Shinji remembered. He reached into his back pocket pulling out the red pill, quickly swallowed it, then moved on along the hallways not knowing where he was going.

This was not good, it was like he was getting worse, not better, over time... it had something to do with piloting. Eva piloting made him worse.

"Whoa there, kiddo. Watch where you're going, eh?" Kaji said suddenly as Shinji turned a corner and almost ran into the older man.

"Mr. Kaji? I- what are you doing here?" Shinji asked awkwardly.

"Heading to my room. Question is, what are _you_ doing here? Shouldn't you be with Misato and your friends?" Kaji said raising an eyebrow at him.

"I… I got lost. And shouldn't you be with Asuka?" Shinji said, stumbling at first but thinking of a fast counter.

Kaji sighed, and Shinji considered how he could explain this or else get away.

"Good point. Asuka is bratty but she can take care of herself. More or less. That what you doing? Trying to hide from her? I don't blame you kid; she's got you pegged as a rival." Kaji said coolly.

The man leaned against a wall as he spoke. Kaji positioned himself so that Shinji couldn't pass until he moved aside. The Jerk.

"Why? What did I do to her?" Shinji asked just wanting to leave.

"You're a pilot. One with a reputation. For Asuka, that's enough. Although they say hate and love often mix, maybe she's into you kid. Just a thought, she could use a boyfriend. And you look like you could use a girlfriend," Kaji said smirking coolly at him.

 _Now he's just teasing again. Hate and love… ugh, he's talking about Misato. I just know he is. Ah, no! I don't want to think about that,_ he thought.

"No thanks," Shinji said. He didn't want to be in the same room with Asuka let alone a relationship. Besides, what the hell did Shinji know about couples? He barely even talked to girls.

"Suit yourself, kid. You better get back to Misato before she has a heart attack, she worries too much." Kaji said letting him pass.

"At least she cares about me," Shinji muttered as he moved on. He didn't know or care if Kaji heard him, he didn't like the man for teasing his guardian like that.

…

"Two missed calls. Misato is going to kill me." Shinji muttered to himself, emerging onto an unfamiliar deck of the Over the Rainbow. He really had gotten lost trying to find his way back.

He was trying not to think about why he had been in that room before, but it was nagging at him. Why had he been there? Why couldn't he remember?!

 _Am I going crazy again?_ Shinji thought frantically. He dialed Misato's number walking around the unfamiliar surface deck of the ship.

 _ **You are not crazy**_ the thing in his head stirred just as Misato answered his call.

"Shinji! Where are you! You said you were going for a walk! But it's been almost two hours! I was about to send the Navy out to look for you! Why aren't you answering your phone?!" Misato shouted into the phone.

Shinji flinched back.

"I got lost. I'm sorry. I just couldn't find my way back and I ran into Kaji," Shinji said. He wasn't sure what to do so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"Kaji?! Shinji, do not talk to that man. If he says anything about me… I want you to forget it immediately." Misato said sounding panicked.

"Okay, its forgotten" Shinji said quickly.

"Ahhh, I'm just glad you're all right. I was only joking earlier about you falling into the water. Don't scare me like that!" Misato said over the phone sounding truly relieved.

"I'm sorry. Look, I'll find my way back I promise. If I need to I'll ask for directions." Shinji said over the phone. He looked around at the Pacific Fleet and back at the ship he was on trying to find a way back to the main deck.

"If you don't show up in an hour then I'm sending someone after you. Damn it, Shinji. You nearly gave me a heart attack," Misato said.

"I'll be there. Bye." Shinji said hanging up his phone.

 _Now to find a way back_ Shinji thought.

He still had no idea where to go. But he was glad Misato knew he was okay, his guardian wasn't perfect but she cared about him in a way that no one else had.

 _Whistle!_

* * *

 _Whistle!_

The sound came loudly yet softly through the ocean air and Shinji jumped in surprise. He looked up to see… a teenage girl standing atop one of the ship railings above him.

"Hey there dummy!" the girl said smirking at him from above.

 _How long has she been there?_ Shinji thought.

The girl was older than him, a brunette with long twin pigtails and a pair of glasses. Dressed in a simple white shirt, a multicolored skirt and plain leggings.

"I'm sorry. I don't-" Shinji began.

"Dummy, do I have to throw pudding at you? Come on!" the older girl said laughing at him.

"Pudding? Pudding… " Shinji said, slowly narrowing his eyes at the girl before he finally saw it. She was tall, obviously, but taller than him. Her hair wasn't falling over her face anymore, and she'd finally gotten some glasses, but it was _her._

He knew her anywhere. He couldn't believe he hadn't recognized her at first.

"Mari?" Shinji said in barely a whisper, his eyes wide and teary at the sight of her.

"Shinji" Mari smile back at him.

"Mari… Mari!" Shinji said slowly as if on repeat before shouting out her name. A flood of emotions came back to him at the sight of her. Memories of the ward, of his only friend, of stolen cups of pudding, of drawing together, of being all alone the day she left…

"Shinji… Shinji!" Mari parroted with a laugh at the look on his face.

He stepped forward unable to believe it. After all these years she was standing above him on the railing, he could barely process it.

"Hey, do me a favor and catch me," Mari called to him as she started moving.

"What?"

"Catch me" Mari called back.

 _Shit. She's really going to jump._ Shinji thought, rushing over to catch her.

"I'm off!" Mari called jumping from the railing as Shinji ran to intercept her fall. He caught her… kind of. Really, she just fell on him and sent both of them rolling on the ground.

"Ah" Shinji groaned as Mari landed on top of him. She was still a bit taller than him, and it made things awkward when they landed. She got off of him and sat atop his chest with a laugh.

"Long time no see," Mari said, beaming down at him.

"Mari. I don't know what to say. I- how? What are you doing here?" Shinji said laughing for the first time in weeks as he sat up with Mari atop him.

"Well dummy, I'm the Fourth Child." Mari said grinning down at him.

"You're the Fourth Child? Mari, you're a pilot?" Shinji said dumbfounded.

"Same as you, Mr. Third Child. I'm jealous. You got to pilot before me," Mari said leaning in close and sniffing him. It was something she had done when they were little too.

"You smell like LCL. That's my favorite smell in the world" she said leaning back and smiling at him.

"LCL smells terrible," he said slowly.

"Then so do you," Mari said and Shinji chuckled. That was just… just something that she would say.

"I don't understand? Why didn't you show up earlier?" Shinji said.

"I was supposed to meet you alongside Asuka, but Dr. Page made me stay in my room. I got bored and went exploring again, then I found your scrawny butt outside." Mari said.

Her weight on his lap was starting to bother him but he didn't care.

"I can't believe this. Of all people… I thought I'd never see you again. After you left the ward I was so alone. I…" Shinji began not able to find the words.

Mari wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him close, bumping their heads together just like on that day in the ward cafeteria so many years ago. She was close, pressing her forehead gently against his, he could feel her breath on him. Warm. A lost connection.

His first friend...

 _BOOM_

One of the ships in the Pacific Fleet exploded. A shock wave rippled throughout the water striking an adjacent ship. The second ship shook as it was struck by something unseen under the water, sending clusters of debris into the air and overboard.

Shinji and Mari looked up to see the remnants of the first ship, and the second ship beginning to sink as the crew raced to their lifeboats.

"What was that?" Mari asked.

"I'd say an Angel. Just my luck," Shinji said bitterly.

His hand started to shake again, the tremor had returned. _Damn it_ he thought, his fingers twitching all the while.

But then Mari took his hand in hers, and it stopped shaking.

" **Don't be scared** " Mari told him getting to her feet and pulling him up alongside her.

Shinji stared at her as she dragged him back inside the ship, where they broke into a run.

"We should find Misato and the others," Shinji said as he ran the hallways with Mari. Alarms started blaring throughout the ship as the Navy took note of the attacks.

"The grownups will know by now. Come on, we need to pilot. Pretty sure that's why Nerv sent us those power cables and _you,_ dummy. They wanted the Units to have power and a pilot with combat experience just-in-case." Mari said smirking back at him.

"I... I never thought about it like that. Wait, what do you want me to do? I can't pilot your Eva?" Shinji said.

"No dummy, you're going to pilot _with_ me. I know where they stored Unit 03. This should be fun!" Mari said.

"Fun? How could piloting an Eva be fun?" he asked.

"Shinji, we drive giant robots for a living. How could this _not_ be fun," Mari said shaking her head and laughing.

Shinji blinked in surprise at her, before a smile worked its way onto his lips. That was just like her, she never held anything back, always excited for an adventure.

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

Kaji quickly made it back to his room and locked the door behind him. He triple checked the black suitcase, making sure the Adam sample was intact and still present in its frozen container. He'd found the case sitting on the bed earlier, instead of where he'd left it last time, and nearly had a heart attack before checking that nothing had been taken.

He hadn't liked it, but he couldn't exactly report it without revealing he'd stolen it.

Kaji grabbed his encrypted phone and called Commander Ikari.

"Report." Gendo said in greeting.

"There's an Angel attacking the fleet. Is it after the sample? Or the Evas?" Kaji asked straight away.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I did warn you this could happen. You have two Eva Units and three pilots aboard. If you need to, take an aircraft and head for Nerv. I will send the fleet any authorizations they need." Gendo said irritably.

" _Humph_ , well I'm flying out of here. I'll be at Nerv shortly," Kaji said.

Gendo didn't bother with a goodbye as the phone clicked and he hung up.

…

 _At the command center of the Over the Rainbow._

"You can't fight the Angel like this. We can help." Misato was saying to the Captain as Kensuke and Toji trailed after her.

The man ignored her calling to his men to fire when ready.

"That isn't going to work!" Misato shouted. The Navy fired their missiles at the underwater beast below. The shots made contact, sending waves of water shooting up onto the surface, but the Angel barely slowed down.

"Sir! Eva Unit 02 is up and running" a Navy technician said getting his Captain's, and Misato's attention.

All of them turned to look and the massive red machine, Evangelion Unit 02, rose from its transport ship. The massive tarp the Navy had draped over it slid off revealing its towering figure.

Misato hurriedly grabbed her comm, thankfully she brought it with her, and turned it on finding that it could connect to Asuka's Eva Unit.

"Hello? Asuka good work!" Misato called into the comm.

"Of course, this is my chance to show everyone how it's done. My first combat!" Asuka cheered into her comm.

"Eva Unit 03 is activating as well!" another Navy officer called out suddenly.

Misato whipped around as elsewhere, Eva Unit 03 rose from atop its transport ship. Another heavy tarp sliding off as Mari's Eva Unit stood parallel to Asuka's.

"You! What the hell are you doing?! You were ordered to stay in your room!" Asuka shouted over the comm.

"What and miss all the fun? Come on, you know me better than that?" Mari called back into the comm.

"Fourth Child? Is that you?" Misato called not knowing who the other girl was.

"I'm Mari. Shinji's here too, he has more experience than us so I dragged him along," Mari called into the comm channel.

"Hey Misato, I'm here," Shinji said via Mari's comm.

"Shinji! Damn, you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days." Misato said.

"Sorry. Misato, the Eva Units don't have the power cables attached. I don't think the Navy had time. Can you bring them to the main deck?" Shinji said.

The Navy Captain scowled seeing that his Battleships couldn't reliably damage the Angel, and nodded ordering his men to get to work with those cables.

"Will do" Misato called back.

* * *

Shinji stood inside Eva Unit 03 with Mari, both of them wearing matching plugsuits. Unit 03 was not as completed as 02 was, and it showed. The Evangelion functioned, and although the plugsuits didn't quite fit, they did their job.

"Look at you bossing the adults around," Mari smirked at him.

Shinji laughed saying "they would have done it anyway."

 _My... 'privates' feel cramped,_ Shinji thought awkwardly as he tried shifting into a better position. The plugsuit Mari had given him was designed for women, there were some areas where it didn't quite fit him. He was still a little flushed from having changed into the suit besides Mari, the girl had no sense of privacy as she had stripped and changed in front of him. Shinji at least had kept his eyes to himself, but Mari hadn't.

Mari had whistled as Shinji had awkwardly changed into the plugsuit, and he blushed so badly that Mari laughed at him. Shinji tried not to think about it.

"Third Child! Psycho! You two better not screw this up! This is my first combat and it needs to be flawless," Asuka called into their comm.

"Calm down Princess, we got this," Mari called back as the Eva Units started moving.

Moving carefully, both Eva Units literally jumped from ship to ship on the Pacific Fleet, the crews had smartly gone below deck of their ships, and the Evas headed back to the main deck of the Over the Rainbow to connect the emergency power cables.

They had limited range out here, the cables ran from the Over the Rainbow to both Eva Units. Shinji didn't like their power source being so exposed, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Mari and Shinji let Asuka go first, Unit 02 attaching its power cables before jumping to another ship and looking for the Angel.

"You're smiling? Why are you smiling?" Shinji asked seeing the look on Mari's face as Unit 03 jumped aboard and connected its power cable.

"It's exciting. We get to fight an Angel," Mari answered looking at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Shinji look out!" Misato called into the comm as the water stirred and the Angel leaped from the ocean. Heading straight for 03.

The Angel was huge, larger than the Evangelions, like some twisted abomination of shark and whale, Shinji flinched thinking they would get crushed but Mari acted almost immediately.

"He doesn't play nice!" Mari said gritting her teeth as she moved 03 and leaped out of the way.

They almost landed in the water, but Mari maneuvered 03 in mid-air, grabbing onto the Angel and reeling herself onto the monster as it landed atop the main deck. Standing atop the Angel's armored back on the Over the Rainbow, and pulling out her Eva's Progressive Knife, Mari stabbed it repeatedly.

"Whoa," Shinji muttered as he almost threw up from the movements. Mari was _fast._

"Trying to get the jump on me!" Mari taunted as she stabbed the Angel and twisted the blade into its flesh, bright luminous Angel blood wept onto the main deck of the ship.

The Angel roared as it flailed trying to get 03 off its back, but Mari held on. It tried to shake her off but Mari was too good, she kept moving or else grabbing a hold of something, all whilst stabbing her blade into the monster's back.

Shinji shook from the movements almost falling over. He would never have done something so crazy, but then again he wasn't as fast as Mari.

"Get off that thing, you can't kill it that way and it's taking the ship down with it!" Misato called into the comm.

 _Misato's right. If this keeps up the ship will sink!_ Shinji thought.

He turned to Mari saying "there's a ship to the right, jump there."

Mari nodded and ran atop the Angel's body before jumping off. They landed with an enormous thud on a nearby ship in the fleet. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief now that they had some distance from the monster.

 _Running on top of an Angel... that's just insane._ He thought, staring at his old friend in awe.

"What's wrong with you psycho! Kaji and Misato are on that ship! You almost sank them!" Asuka called over the comm. 02 stood hunched over on another ship, prog knife in hand, and watching the Angel as it slid off the Over the Rainbow and back into the ocean.

"Princess-" Mari began but Shinji cut in saying "it just kinda happened. Leave her alone."

Mari gave him a bemused smirk and patted his chest affectionately.

"Angel is on the move!" Misato called into the comm.

Shinji and Mari turned watching the display as the Angel moved under the water, sending waves wherever it went, and circling menacingly around the two Eva Units. Shark-like.

 _This is bad, the power cables are exposed like this. If they get cut, or if we get dragged into the water... can't let that happen_ Shinji thought.

"Any ideas?" Mari asked glancing back at him.

"Huh? I've never fought in the water before. But every Angel has a core somewhere. If we destroy that then it dies," Shinji said keeping an eye on the display.

"Well, I didn't see it when I was cutting up its back. Where could it be?" Mari asked.

"Maybe the head. Every Angel is different." Shinji said thinking about the previous attacks.

"Asuka!" Misato shouted into the comm.

Shinji and Mari snapped to attention, Eva Unit 03 turning as the Angel emerged from the ocean. It flew into the air and soared for Unit 02.

"I'll show you how to fight an Angel!" Asuka shouted for them to hear in the comm.

The Angel barely missed, the monster trying to body slam 02 as Asuka sidestepped prog knife in hand.

It wasn't a perfect dodge and 02 stabbed the knife into the Angel's side whilst bracing against it to push back. Asuka grunted from the strain of holding the Angel back, the massive machine's armor denting from the tension as it faced off against the Angel.

Mari and Shinji watched as the ship began to sink from the combined weight of the Eva and the Angel battling atop it. Mari made to jump again but Shinji stopped her saying "we'll sink the ship, too much weight."

"Little help here psycho!" Asuka shouted into the comm in stark contrast to her earlier statements. Shinji and Mari exchanged uncertain glances, what could they do?

 _Wish we had a rifle,_ Shinji thought.

Suddenly, the Angel's massive weight began to overpower 02 pushing it back.

"Can't. Princess, jump off." Mari said as Asuka began cursing in German.

The Angel won, forcing Unit 02 into the ocean as together the two titans fell into the ocean and sank below. The two figures slowly disappearing in the watery depths.

"Now!" Mari shouted leaping off the ship and landing atop the Over the Rainbow just as the ship had started to resettle itself.

"Not again" Shinji could hear Misato and his friends groan over the comm as the ship wobbled dangerously close to sinking.

Mari moved quickly, lunging for the rapidly sinking power cables. As Asuka and her Eva sank, the cable was being whipped back and pulled down with her.

Eva Unit 03 grabbed 02's power cable tethered to the Over the Rainbow, and Mari struggled from the strain as she pulled on it. Shinji joined her at the controls, placing his hands over hers, adding what strength he could, as together they pulled trying to keep the cable overboard.

"Real smooth Shinji" Mari teased him through the strain as 03 began reeling the power cable in just as Asuka screamed into the comm.

Shinji winced, knowing that if Asuka sank deep enough, the cable would sink the Over the Rainbow with it or else be ripped off and leave Unit 02 powerless and at the mercy of the Angel.

...

Below the water, Asuka could barely move her Eva as the Angel nearly swallowed her. At the last second, however, her power cable tugged and she was pulled to the side. The Angel missed her by several feet, a close call for an Evangelion.

"You okay down there Princess?" Mari asked. Shinji and her panted from the effort of reeling the power cable up to bring 02 back to the surface.

"I- Just fine. I had it under control!" Asuka stammered. Inwardly, she breathed a sigh of relief as her Eva was slowly being dragged back to the surface.

"Mari, the Navy radar shows the Angel circling back for Asuka," Misato called into their comm.

"I can't move! The type B equipment wasn't built for the ocean, it's too heavy!" Asuka said. She struggled to move through the water but found her Eva stiff and slow.

"Asuka, your Eva is strong enough to take a hit. Just brace yourself for now. We'll think of something." Misato called into the comm.

...

"We're not going to pull her up in time," Mari said panting as 03 reeled in 02's power cable.

"We can try," Shinji countered.

They exchanged glances, Mari wanted to stop but Shinji didn't. Mari sighed as she kept reeling in the power cable with his help.

…

"Move faster!" Asuka said as the Angel came for her, swerving through the water its mouth opened and teeth bared.

"We're trying," Shinji answered over the comm, his voice strained as he worked with Mari.

Asuka cursed in German as the Angel caught up to her Eva and slammed its mouth shut around the Eva's torso.

"It got me!" Asuka moaned as she felt the phantom sensations of the Angel's teeth around her waist. Then the Angel pulled her along as it swam, dragging the Eva with it.

...

"Told you," Mari chimed in as the power cable ripped back from her Eva's grasp forcing them to let it go.

Shinji and Mari looked at the display as she turned her Eva to see the power cable being reeled out. Once 02 ran out of cable then the entire ship would be tugged along too.

"Any ideas?" Mari asked glancing up at Shinji.

"... maybe. Can I talk to Asuka?" Shinji asked slowly. He really didn't want anything to do with the girl, but he couldn't just let her die.

"Hey Princess, your armor will hold out for a while. Shinji wants to talk," Mari called into the comm.

"What does that idiot want? I blame him for this! Famous Third Child didn't do anything!" Asuka shouted back.

 _She's being dragged along inside the mouth of an Angel. Don't get mad at her._ Shinji thought. Mari just rolled her eyes.

"Uh hello?" he asked awkwardly.

"What!" Asuka shouted back.

"Can you see the Angel core? Maybe in its mouth somewhere?" Shinji said feeling tense, any interaction with her freaked him out. Memories of his breakdown, but she was in danger and he had to help.

Asuka cursed in German, various phrases of idiot and Shinji, but she managed to turn and saw a massive red core inside the Angel's mouth. The core was deep inside where the uvula would be. Swallowing her pride for the moment, Asuka opened her comm again saying "I see it, it's further down where the uvula would be."

"Well, Princess you're already inside its mouth. Can you hit it?" Mari called.

"No, my Eva isn't equipped with guns yet. I'm stuck in between this stupid thing's teeth; I can't get close enough to destroy the core." Asuka said, grunting from the pain brought by the phantom sensations of the Eva.

"Misato, did you get all that?" Shinji called into the comm.

"We did, the Captain and I have a plan. Sorry, you two, but we'll need you to get in the water as backup. 03 is lighter than 02, the water will damage it but you should be able to move for at least a few minutes. We've evacuated the sinking ships and we're going to remotely control them to self-destruct. If Asuka and you two can force the Angel to open its mouth and swallow the ships, then it will destroy the core." Misato said.

 _She always has a plan,_ Shinji thought with a sigh of relief.

"I like her," Mari said listening to the plan.

"We'll get it done," Asuka called growing angry at this stupid Angel trying to bite its way through her Eva's armor. There was nothing anyone could do to help yet, Asuka would just have to soldier on and deal with it.

* * *

 _Later_

The Over the Rainbow moved through the ocean using all the power its engine could muster as it fought against the Angel below. At the same time, 02's power cable was reversed, all in all, it was a tedious battle, but the ship forced the Angel to turn towards them and rise slowly to the surface.

Shinji and Mari stood on the main deck of another ship in the fleet, they'd be diving soon. All the while the remotely controlled sinking battleships moved closer and closer to their target. Shinji only wished he could do more to help, Mari was the real pilot today, not him.

"Go!" Misato called.

"Yeah!" Mari shouted as Unit 03 jumped into the ocean, diving in and heading straight for the Angel. They followed 02's retracting power cable to the monster below.

"You're really enjoying this!" Shinji had to shout through the shaking of Eva Unit 03's struggle against the ocean currents.

"How can you not?!" Mari shouted back.

03 was lighter and faster than 02, it wasn't as tough but that fact made it easier to move through the water. Unit 03 passed the sinking ships and spotted Unit 02's feet poking out of the Angel's teeth. She made a beeline for it.

"Hey Princess, how's it going?" Mari called laughing at the sight.

"How do you think, Psycho?!" Asuka called back just as Unit 03 landed atop the Angel's teeth beside the feet of Eva Unit 02.

"The battleships are almost here. We need to open its mouth!" Shinji called. He couldn't believe _he_ of all people was having to be the mature one here.

Mari moved Unit 03's hands into the Angel's teeth and began prying them open. Shinji joined her at the controls adding his strength to hers again, his hands over hers. Slowly, the teeth parted bit by bit releasing the hold on Unit 02.

"Finally!" Asuka shouted, taking the opening to pull her Eva out and do the same.

Together the two Eva Units forced the Angel to open its mouth with the sinking Battleships ready to self-destruct.

"Almost there!" Misato called into the comm.

 _Something's wrong..._ Shinji thought just as the Angel fought against, not the Evas, but the pull of the tethered 02's power cable. Fighting against the pull of the Over the Rainbow.

The Angel let loose an enormous roar that reverberated under the water, sending waves of bubbles in all directions.

The Angel almost closed its mouth, struggling against the Evangelions, and turned on its side dragging both Evas with it. The sinking Battleships didn't get into the monster's mouth, instead, they collided with the Angel's side. The ships bounced off as the Angel kept moving, trying to fight against the Over the Rainbow.

"It didn't work! The stupid thing turned!" Asuka called struggling to hold on.

The Eva pilots watched crestfallen, as the ever sinking battleships pass them by. Too late to use them now, they sunk below the Angel in the wrong direction.

"What?! We'll have to try again. Just- just try to hold out for now." Misato called frantically.

"We can't stay here forever. The cables could break and the water is damaging the Evas," Shinji said holding onto Mari's shoulder as she struggled to stay with Asuka on top of the Angel's mouth.

"I know, Shinji. We're working on it." Misato called back sounding tired.

 _This isn't going to work... we'll run out of ships in the fleet eventually,_ Shinji thought.

"I have an idea. Asuka, help me open its mouth again," Mari called suddenly. She called the German girl by name this time, that was how Asuka knew things were serious.

"Fine" Asuka said struggling as together, the Evangelions pried open the monster's mouth as wide as they could.

Shinji stared at her, and she glanced back at him offering him a knowing look. A look that Shinji recognized from anywhere, that same look she had given him when they were kids about to do something _adventurous_.

"Oh no. You can't be serious?" Shinji said in barely a whisper.

Mari gave him a weak smile in apology before turning back to her controls.

"What are you doing?!" Misato shouted as the Eva pilots forced the monstrous teeth to part.

"Diving!" Mari shouted as she flung Eva Unit 03 into the Angel's mouth, diving deeper in before Asuka could no longer hold the weight of the Angel's teeth.

 _We're going to die!_ Shinji thought in pure panic as Mari dived further into the creature's mouth, heading straight for the Angel core. Mari struggled against the water inside the Angel's mouth, unsheathing her Eva's prog knife and grasping it tightly.

"Shinji!" Misato called into the comm.

Eva Unit 03 landed atop the Angel core with a thud that sent bubbles rushing through the area. The core by itself was almost the size of an Evangelion, and Mari plunged the prog knife deep inside.

"Just die already!" Mari cried as she forced her prog knife deeper and deeper into the Angel core.

 _She's crazy! She's crazy! She's... Mari_ Shinji thought slamming his hands atop her's on the controls and adding his weight to hers. Unit 03 dived deeper, prog knife piercing through the Angel core entirely.

The Angel slowed, seeming to still for several seconds before the core exploded in a shower of Angel blood as the beast died.

"The psycho did it," Asuka said in disbelief. She let out a heavy breath as the Angel's mouth opened, the weight of its teeth easing off of Asuka as it died.

...

Shinji stared at the display, saw it covered in Angel blood and obscuring their view of the surroundings.

"Ahh ha ha," Mari laughed at the sight of it all. Shinji stared opened mouthed at her, not knowing what to say, and that only made her guffaw with laughter more.

In spite of himself, Shinji started laughing too. He guffawed as his shock left him and that only made Mari laugh harder, which in turn made him laugh harder too. It was just too much, they'd killed an Angel by diving into its mouth. Mari, Mari was crazy.

"My god, the idiots are actually laughing?" Asuka said rolling her eyes as the Pacific Fleet began reeling in the power cables of both the Eva Units.

* * *

Reeling the Eva Units back up took time, but eventually, 02 and 03 were left out to dry atop the main deck of the Over the Rainbow.

Asuka landed first and thus was the first to leave her entry plug. She looked for Kaji but only found Misato, Dr. Page, Toji, and Kensuke waiting for her.

"Where's Kaji?" she asked stepping wobbly onto the main deck.

"He left us. Just took off on an aircraft. He'll be in Japan by the time we get back." Misato said with a sigh.

Toji ignored Asuka, he was just happy to be alive. Kensuke was busy taking more pictures of everything now that the danger was over.

Unit 03's entry plug was ejected, and Misato came rushing over to them as Shinji and Mari stepped out onto the main deck.

Both of them were a bit off as they stepped wobbly onto the main deck, Shinji helping Mari find her footing as they walked leaning onto each other. The plugsuits stuck to them like a second skin, some of the water had leaked into the entry plug due to 03 not being 100% completed.

"Shinji, are you okay?" Misato breathed, surprising him by clutching his shoulders tightly.

"I'm fine. I am." Shinji said getting over the shock.

"And you! What the hell was that? You can't just go charging off without orders!" Misato said pulling Shinji away from Mari as she spoke.

"We killed the Angel. Why are you mad?" Mari said grinning.

"It matters because you almost got yourself killed! Shinji was with you; you could have gotten both of you killed!" Misato said glaring at the Fourth Child.

Mari narrowed her eyes at Misato saying "I wouldn't have let Shinji get hurt. I wouldn't let him die. Back. Off."

Misato was about to respond in kind, Mari clearly ready to do the same, but Shinji stepped between them.

"Stop it. We're alive. We're _alive_. Let's just enjoy that."

Somehow he spoke with more maturity than both older women on either side of him.

Mari sighed but let the matter drop. Misato did the same but kept an arm around Shinji protectively.

"Indeed. We survived. Mari, you were told to stay in your room. Yet I hear reports of you wandering the railings before the attack. And during the attack, you rushed off on your own again." Dr. Page said emerging onto the scene.

"Oh come on. I saved the day!" Mari said.

"I think all our pilots deserve some bed rest. But you and I need to have a talk Mari" Dr. Page said as Shinji watched the exchange.

"You're not my mother, you know. Once we get to Japan, I'm emancipated. A legal adult." Mari said coolly.

"But until then, you are my responsibility. Go to your room." Dr. Page said simply.

Misato was checking on Shinji, but he only watched on sadly as Mari was leaving again.

Before she left with Dr. Page, Mari turned and slammed into Shinji embracing him in a clumsy hug. He stumbled but hugged back, his first friend. Someone he thought he'd never see again

Kensuke was taking pictures on his camera as fast as he could, a beautiful older girl hugging Shinji? That guy got all the luck.

"I'll see you around. We'll talk later, I promise." Mari whispered into Shinji's ear.

"You're a pilot," he whispered back in awe.

"I am," she said stepping away and following after a disapproving Dr. Page.

 _ **Shinji. You need to be careful around Mari. Keep your distance.**_ The thing in his head rasped.

He almost flinched from the shock but held it in frowning heavily.

 _No. I don't,_ he thought.

Asuka smirked at the sight of Mari being ordered away again. The girl had saved them all, but she was still a psycho.

"You know the Fourth Child?" Misato asked suspiciously, snapping Shinji out of his inner thoughts.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you later, right now I just want to lay down." Shinji said.

Misato nodded understandingly and gave him an affectionate pat on the head.

...

The rest of the trip to Japan was uneventful, thankfully. Shinji wasn't allowed to speak with Mari much, punishment for her repeatedly not following orders. Misato kept a closer eye on him, she could tell there were somethings he didn't want to talk about, but she didn't push him.

Asuka still unnerved him, he just tried to forget the memories from his breakdown.

Shinji just couldn't believe the odds; his first friend was a pilot. One day, they'd have a lot of catching up to do, to say the least.

* * *

 _Epilogue  
Japan_

Kaji stepped into Commander Ikari's office, black suitcase in hand, and found the man waiting for him without a hint of an expression on his face.

"That was quite the trip. I appreciate the warning, but next time just tell me you're expecting an attack." Kaji said coolly.

Gendo said nothing as Kaji closed the door and set the black suitcase down on his desk.

"You survived," Gendo said simply.

"I did. Though you should know, SEELE or someone is getting suspicious. They questioned me about a break-in and possible stolen property. I had an alibi, but Dr. Page kept an eye on me. I don't like that woman." Kaji said.

"They believe your alibi?" Gendo said showing no fear.

"As far as I can tell. All this trouble for a sample, hope it was worth it." Kaji said with a shrug.

Gendo nodded and opened the black suitcase. Both of them gazed down at the Adam sample frozen in its container.

Gazing at the strange embryo-like creature frozen in the dura-bakelite.

"Frozen, but alive. It's managed to restore itself this far, amazing. So tell me... is this what the Angel wanted? The Sample?" Kaji said looking at the contents of the suitcase too.

"It's possible. This is **Adam**. Adam, the First Angel" Gendo said.

 _That thing caused the Second Impact._ Kaji thought in awe.

"You did well Mr. Kaji. You're free to go" Gendo said dismissing him without so much as a backward glance.

Kaji shrugged and took his leave of Gendo, he didn't care much for the man and he knew he'd learn nothing more from staying. He'd been paid and there was nothing more to it, but he had his own plans to make too.

 _Adam_ Gendo thought staring down at the frozen sample as Kaji left.

The Director of Nerv frowned leaning down to get a better look as he saw _it_.

A small single crack along the frozen dura-bakelite, a supposedly indestructible material. That was not according to plan.

* * *

 **Really long, a lot of characterization and character interactions more than plot.  
Plot is still there, but I really wanted to show this Shinji's relations with Kaji, Asuka, and Mari. The Other Shinji has different opinions.  
The Adam sample always freaked me out but its part of the story.**  
 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	9. Sohryu

**Hey guys, I'm back with a long character focused chapter.  
This starts only a few hours after the previous chapter, that is an important note.  
Special thanks to everyone whose reviewed and all the new readers whom favored and followed this fic, thank you kindly. :D**

* * *

" _I'm not strong, I'm just lucky most times. That's what I used to think, but Asuka was the one who showed me what you can do when you actually try. She had a willpower that I didn't have at first. That's what friends do, they bring out the best of you. They make you better._ "

 _-_ **the broken man**

* * *

 _Geofront, two in the morning  
_ _Nerv HQ, Commander Ikair's office_

"The Fourth Child... she's wild, uncoordinated, and rebellious. But she's fast. Very fast" Ritsuko was saying over the phone as she re-reviewed the reports and available footage of the attack on the Pacific Fleet.

"She lacks control. No sense of responsibility. She would have sunk the Over the Rainbow if not for the Third Child stopping her" Gendo replied over the phone, speaking for the first time in several minutes.

It had been little over 24 hours since the incident with the Pacific Fleet. And in that time, Ritsuko had been going over the reports and the sync ratios of all three pilots.

 _You really can't bring yourself to call him 'Shinji'?_ Ritsuko thought but said nothing. At times, Ritsuko thought she understood Gendo. They'd shared a bed more than once, and yet at other times she found herself surprised at how cold the man was. It said something that even her notoriously sterile heart could be surprised by Gendo's lack of empathy.

"Indeed, but I noticed something interesting. Their sync ratios, all three of the pilots' had a higher rate during the attack" Ritsuko said flipping through the results. Not that Gendo could see.

"What of the Third Child? He has never achieved a 91% sync again. Why is that?" Gendo called over the phone, he wanted Dr. Akagi to get to the point already.

Shinji's sync ratio during the attack at the Pacific Fleet was confirmed at a steady pace of 44%. Higher than both Asuka and Mari, but still lower than normal for him. For several days now he had been having his lowest sync ratios ever. High enough to operate the Eva, yet not the amazing records he'd set in the first two times he'd piloted.

Ritsuko sighed saying "I'm not sure. I think it could be the trauma from the seizure. Given his medical files, I don't believe counseling would help him. He seems to distrust hospitals and medical staff. However, he seems to do better when working with other pilots. He had higher ratios with Rei, and now with Asuka and Mari."

"Yet even with those bumps in his sync records, the Third Child has never come close 91% a second time" Gendo said coldly.

"... true. I cannot say why. All I can recommend is that we take this information into account. We have four Evangelions now, and our top pilot does better when he's not alone." Ritsuko said.

"I will take it into consideration. That will be all Dr. Akagi." Gendo said about to hang up.

"Yes sir. Is there... is there anything else you needed?" Ritsuko said hesitantly just as Gendo's finger hovered over the end call button.

"Dr. Akagi... tomorrow night. My office at eight" Gendo said after a moment of silence.

"Yes sir" Ritsuko said as Gendo hanged up on her.

She set her phone down and took another whiff of her cigarette, another lonely night at the Nerv HQ. Gendo and her didn't have a very romantic relationship, but people had needs. Even people as cold as the two of them. Or at least... that's what Ritsuko told herself at night.

* * *

 _Gendo's private office_

Hanging up his phone, Gendo turned back to his personal computer and scrolled through the encrypted video files on display before finding the one he was looking for. His sub commander Kozo Fuyutsuki had seen the footage as well, and had reported the curious incident.

No one else besides the two men had access to the file, and though he'd seen it once before he made it a point to listen to his sub commander when the man reported something of interest.

A single video file from the day of the third Angel attack, the day Eva Unit 01 was shot through the head and its pilot went into shock. The day Shinji Ikari suffered his first seizure in over a year. Footage taken directly from a hidden camera inside the entry plug of the Eva.

The footage showed Shinji Ikari screaming in agony as the phantom sensations brought the feeling of being shot through the head directly to his brain.

Gendo watched wordlessly as Shinji flailed around inside his entry plug before slumping into his seat. Watched as Shinji breathed slow heavy breathes, his eyes wide as he went into shock. Watched Shinji lost in his 'madness', seeing what no one else could. It was unnerving, watching the boy's eyes dart back and forth overwhelmed by images only he could see.

"Shinji! What's wrong!" Misato's voice cut into the footage as she spoken into the comm.

The footage showed Shinji as he began shuddering and convulsing violently. Silent, his eyes wide and foaming at the mouth, Shinji in the throes of his seizure. Gendo watched as 01 was shot again and the entry plug shook, sending the boy's body sliding off to the side.

 _Six times he was shot_ Gendo thought offhandedly remembering the old reports.

He watched as Shinji's body was tossed from side to side by the impacts. Then the incident occurred, it was sometime after Rei had been deployed that Shinji has suddenly snapped up in his seat again... his seizure forgotten even as blood and foam trailed down his face

The footage unnerved Gendo as he watched it again, the brief second where Shinji lay convulsing in the entry plug before stilling and snapping up to attention.

 _What was that?_ Gendo thought darkly at the footage. Footage of a strange trance like Shinji wiping the dried foam from his mouth and taking control of Eva Unit 01.

From there, the footage showed a surprisingly calm Shinji pilot the Eva, dodging the Angel's attacks and escaping to the launch pad all while keeping his head downcast.

 _There_ Gendo thought freezing the footage just as 01 made its escape down the launch pad. For just a brief moment, Shinji raised his head and looked directly at the hidden camera with hollow empty eyes. Eyes that no child be capable of having.

As if Shinji was looking through the display and right at Gendo. As if the boy had known the camera was there.

It had taken multiple viewing of the footage to catch that moment, it lasted for less than a second before Shinji looked away and broke back into his seizure where he ultimately recovered long enough for Dr. Akagi and the medical team to stabilize him.

"32 seconds" Gendo muttered to himself as the footage continued, showing Shinji leaving the entry plug in a daze and landing in the hanger flailing wildly before Dr. Akagi calmed him.

32 seconds where Shinji had piloted without answering his comm. Had piloted the Eva as if it were alive and not a machine. A gap where Nerv, even with all their surveillance equipment, did not know what had happened...

* * *

 _Elsewhere  
_ _Misato's Apartment._

Asuka Langley Sohryu got up from her new room in Misato's apartment, it had been a pain dealing with these small Japanese apartments, but she could deal with it, she could deal with anything.

Now if only she could get some sleep, she thought she'd heard something and had woken up laughing inwardly at herself. Asuka did _not_ get scared of the dark. No, she just needed some water to help her sleep. Not that she needed help to sleep at all.

Asuka opened her door leaving her room, damn these Japanese were weird for not having locks, and headed for the kitchen. She ended up stopping in her tracks as she spotted a figure standing on the apartment balcony.

 _What... what is the idiot doing?_ She thought as she realized whom it was.

Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, stood in his night clothes atop the apartment balcony with his back to her and his head tilted upward. Asuka shook her head and loudly opened the door/window stepping outside too. She enjoyed how she could pick on him, the weirdo.

"Hey, idiot! What are you doing?" Asuka said coldly to his back. Ever since she'd arrived in Misato's apartment hours ago, and they'd been forced to live together, he'd been avoiding her or tried to until she'd corner and order him around.

The idiot _ignored_ her.

Asuka glared as she walked around to stand in front of him... and saw that his eyes were closed. He looked like he was praying or something.

Asuka raised a hand to pinch his face, smirking as she said "Hey, idiot!"

SNATCH

Shinji grabbed her by the wrist so fast that Asuka gasped stammering out "Ahh!"

He had moved so fast she could barely believe it... he didn't even open his eyes. It was like she was of so little importance that he barely had to pay attention to her at all. That pissed her off. No one ignored her.

Asuka seethed as she pulled her hand back, only to find Shinji's grip unyielding. She physically couldn't break free.

Shinji opened his hollow empty eyes and spoke in a low quiet voice, saying "hello Asuka. What do you want?"

He still didn't look at her, he kept his eyes forward as he spoke.

Asuka glared seething "let. me. go."

He ignored her again, his eyes focused on whatever the hell he was looking at in the distance. Curiosity got the better of her, and Asuka followed his gaze seeing only the outskirts of the city and the Geofront where Nerv HQ was housed.

 _Weirdo_ she thought.

"Let me go" Asuka hissed as he ignored her again, his gaze fixed towards the distant Geofront and not even bothering to face her.

Then, suddenly Shinji turned to look at her and let her wrist go.

"Idiot" Asuka muttered holding her wrist and glaring at Shinji. Only this time he didn't cower or shrink before her glare. He only looked at her with those brown empty eyes of his and if anything... there was a shadow of an amused smile on his lips.

Was he laughing at her?! Oh, this idiot was getting on her nerves.

 _Why doesn't he say anything?_ Asuka thought unnerved as he stared at her silently waiting for her to speak.

"What are you-" Asuka began in her usual bossy tone.

"Do you want some water? I'll get you some" Shinji said speaking softly in a quiet voice as he turned and stepped back into the apartment.

Asuka stared after him frowning before following him back in. She watched as he grabbed a cup, filled it with ice from Misato's freezer, and started pouring water into it from the faucet. He was so quiet as he moved, probably didn't want to wake Misato.

 _Well the idiot must have woken me up. I knew I heard something_ Asuka thought crossing her arms as she watched him calmly offer her the cup of water.

Asuka took the cup without thanking him and asked "what were you doing there? Spying on the neighbors you prevent?"

"It was hot and I couldn't sleep. Needed some fresh air, but I think I'm good now. I'm sorry if I woke you" Shinji said keeping his eyes downcast.

Asuka took a drink of water and barely noticed as Shinji walked off again heading for his room. She nearly spat out her drink in frustration.

 _How rude! What the hell happened to the spineless loser! He just walked away from me!_ She thought.

"Try not to wake Misato. Remind me to make you something for breakfast in the morning" Shinji said softly as he disappeared into his room.

"Weirdo" Asuka muttered heading for her room, water in hand and quite angry at the strange boy whom had woken her up in the middle of the night.

…

 _Later  
Early morning_

Shinji Ikari woke with groan as he shivered in his bed. He was so cold… why was he so cold?

 _Knock_

He flinched at the sound of someone banging on his door. Shinji slowly rose into a sitting position on his bed wondering why he felt so tired.

"Idiot! You said you'd make me breakfast! I'm gonna be late for school!" Asuka was shouting from outside his room.

 _What? I did? When did I do that?_ He thought frowning.

"… okay" Shinji said tiredly, he just wanted his new roommate to stop yelling at him. She unnerved him, so he tried to stay out of her way and do what she told him to so she'd leave him alone.

He made to get up but fell over landing face first on his bed sheets.

"Uhhh" Shinji breathed as he ran a hand across his forehead and felt sweat. That was odd.

"Hey. Leave Shinji alone." He could hear Misato shouting out to Asuka from outside his room.

Forcing himself to get up, Shinji groaned as he felt his limbs ache. He found his way to his door and left his room heading for the kitchen.

Asuka was already there waiting in her school uniform.

 _Crap… she goes to school with me too. Why me? Why?_ Shinji thought at the sight of her. He still hadn't completely gotten over the shock of finding out she was going to be living with them now.

Why couldn't it have been Mari instead of her, a part of him wondered.

"You look like shit" Asuka said her arms crossed. She watched him walk by and start to make breakfast for her.

"I do? I… okay" Shinji said not wanting to get into another argument with her. She seemed to always want to pick a fight with him or something, and he just wanted her to leave him alone. Better to just agree and let the insults slide.

 _ **She's not insulting you. Not this time**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji flinched and almost dropped the food he'd been preparing for Asuka. Thankfully, he managed to catch himself at the last minute.

"Hey! Be careful!" Asuka said eyeing her upcoming breakfast.

"Sorry" Shinji muttered as he finished making her a simple breakfast of miso soup and a bowl of white rice that he'd gotten good at making. He handed her the breakfast and she took it without saying thanks.

 _Figures_ he thought.

"Stupid Japanese breakfast" Asuka cursed under her breath as she left him.

Shinji watched her walk off with the food before putting a hand to his head and taking a deep breath, he felt like he was going to fall over.

 _ **You should lie down**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Need my pills_ Shinji thought just as Misato entered the kitchen in her night clothes. He made sure to keep his eyes up so she wouldn't tease him again.

"Hey what's up with Asuka? I heard her yelling at you… whoa. How are you feeling?" Misato said frowning in concern as she strode over to him and felt his forehead.

"I… I promised to make her breakfast" Shinji said trying to shrug but finding that his body ached too much.

"Damn, Shinji you're burning up" Misato said removing her hand from his forehead.

"I'll be fine. Have to go to school, Rei is probably waiting for me" Shinji said just as he heard the apartment door open and Asuka leave without so much as a goodbye.

"Oh no. You're not going to school like this" Misato said grabbing him by the wrist. She pulled him along to the breakfast table and made him sit down.

"I'm fine, need to get to school" Shinji was saying as he tried to get up and nearly fell again.

"Sit. Let me get a thermometer. You're not going to school today" Misato said heading for the medicine cabinet in her bathroom.

 _ **Listen to her**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away. I'm not supposed to talk to it_ Shinji thought bitterly.

"Oh come on... I have to have one somewhere" he heard Misato say as she looked through her modest medicine cabinet.

"Misato... you don't own a thermometer do you?" Shinji called hazily from the breakfast table.

"... no. I'm sorry! I'm not used to be responsible!" Misato called back more embarrassed than anything.

Shinji chuckled despite feeling terrible.

* * *

Rei Ayanami stood outside in the street waiting for her first friend to come. He was unusually late today it seemed.

She was already dressed in her school uniform and patiently waiting as she always did. She could have walked to school on her own, but she had come to enjoy Shinji's company. Even in school, he was usually around and she often joined him with his other friends and vice versa.

Yet today he was late. Shinji was never late to the best of her knowledge.

 _He was not injured as far I am aware_ Rei thought, remembering the reports of the attack at the Pacific Fleet. Of the two Evangelions activation at sea less than 24 hours ago.

Minutes passed and still Rei did not move.

More time passed, she calculated she would have trouble getting to class on time. She found herself at an impasse for perhaps the first time in her memory.

If she waited for Shinji to appear, which seemed increasingly unlikely, she'd be late. However, Commander Ikari had ordered her to go to school for a basic education. She did not like this choice forced upon her.

Rei looked up at the apartment complex Misato and Shinji lived in, she wanted to go and find their room number. She felt a foolish urge to demand to know what had happened with Shinji. But Gendo had commanded her to go to school, and she was risking being late as it was already.

With a strange unfamiliar feeling in her chest, Rei turned and headed for school… alone for the first time in weeks.

Yet she couldn't shake the feeling that she was somehow making a mistake. She did not like this, she followed orders yet this time part of her did not want to. How unfamiliar.

* * *

 _Back in Misato's apartment  
Some time later  
_  
"You realize that you have Nerv's head scientist making a house call? Like some private pediatrician?" Ritsuko said irritably.

"Oh come on, what are friends for? And you have to look after the pilots anyway" Misato said, watching over Shinji as Ritsuko held a thermometer inside the boy's mouth taking his temperature.

Misato had been worried that it might be something serious, and had called Ritsuko as the moment she suggested going to see a doctor Shinji said he'd rather not. Misato couldn't help but notice that the boy really did not like hospitals. So she called the smartest person she knew.

The thermometer beeped and Ritsuko pulled the device out to look at the readings.

"38.3 °C he's definitely got a fever" Ritsuko said as Misato paced back and forth throughout her kitchen thinking things over.

"I'm fine. It's not the bad" Shinji said looking between his guardian and Ritsuko.

"Well Shinji, in my _extremely_ over qualified opinion you are not fine. You're sick, stay home, take some medicine and get plenty of bed rest" Ritsuko said standing up.

"How did he get sick? Is it the flu maybe?" Misato said glancing over at Shinji, whom was seated at the breakfast table.

"Probably a cold. Your reports say after the battle at the Pacific Fleet, when Shinji and the Fourth Child emerged from Unit 03, they were covered in water. That Eva was operational but not completed, water leaked in. There's your answer" Ritsuko said simply.

"That Fourth Child!" Misato said scowling as she put a hand on Shinji's shoulder.

 _Don't talk about her like that…_ Shinji thought but stopped himself from saying anything. Misato and Ritsuko just wouldn't understood, and he wasn't sure he wanted them to understand.

 _ **Don't defend Mari**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji nearly flinched but managed to hold it in despite the strange but familiar twinge of pain he felt inside his head.

 _Need my pills_ Shinji thought as he heard Misato and Ritsuko talking about something.

 _ **Mari nearly got you killed.**_

 _Go away_ Shinji thought angrily.

 _ **You don't know Mari. Not anymore. You haven't seen her in years. Keep. Your. Distance.**_

 _Why does everyone hate my friend! Even this stupid thing! Can't I just have one normal thing in my worthless life_ Shinji thought his hands clenching into fists.

 _ **You are not normal, but your life isn't worthless. Don't ever think that, if Misato heard you talk like that she'd slap some sense into you**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away. I'm taking my pills the moment I'm alone_ Shinji thought.

 _ **Shinji-**_

 _Go away._

 _ **Shinji. You realize that-**_

 _Not listening. I'm going to take my pills. I'm not going to talk to it. I'm going to get better. I am not going back to the ward. I am healthy_ Shinji thought over and over again in his head.

 _ **MISATO IS STARING AT YOU. RITSUKO TOO. YOU HAVE IGNORED THEM BOTH. TALK BACK BEFORE THEY THINK YOU'RE GOING CRAZY YOU FREAKING IDIOT  
**_

… _what-_ Shinji thought just as Misato tapped him on the forehead and snapped him out of it.

"Ah! Whoa? What?" Shinji asked. He nearly fell out of his chair startled by the concerned look on both Misato and Ritsuko's face.

"We've been calling you for almost a minute now. You okay?" Misato said concern in her voice as she peered down at him frowning.

"Um. Yeah, I just spaced out. I'm sorry, that was rude" Shinji said speaking a bit too quickly.

 _ **You're talking too fast. Slow down and tell them you think you really are sick. They'll believe it**_

Shinji groaned inwardly but blinked saying "huh, I guess I really am sick."

"That's it. I'm going to the store and getting medicine. Shinji, got your butt back into bed" Misato declared deciding to be responsible in one of those rare moments where her charge actually made her grow up a little.

"Okay" Shinji said sounding defeated

"Ritsuko, my best friend in the whole world. Can you watch Shinji for a minute? I'll be right back" Misato said pleadingly.

 _Ah, I didn't mean to make this into a huge deal. It's just a cold!_ Shinji thought about to say he didn't need a babysitter. That he was fine on his own.

 _ **Be quiet. Let the adults do what they want so they'll leave**_

 _Pills_ Shinji thought longingly even in his fevered state of mind.

"Sigh. Just be quick. I have actual work to do" Ritsuko said as Mistao gave her a quick hug and took off for the store.

Ritsuko watched Misato her go, watched as the apartment door opened and closed, before turning to Shinji and saying "are you alright?"

Shinji shrugged awkwardly saying "I'm sick but it's not the end of the world."

"You spaced out there for a minute. Are you having issues with your head again? You didn't lose your pills did you? I agreed to supply them for you and not to tell Misato, but you have to keep me informed" Ritsuko said now that Misato was gone.

"No, I'm fine. Really. I mean… it's not my head" Shinji said speaking a bit too quickly.

Ritsuko raised an eye at him and crossed her arms.

"I take my medicine. I do. And I haven't had any more problems. I'm better. Honest" Shinji said calming himself as he felt his fever spiking.

"It would be okay if you're having trouble. You had a seizure. And this cold from all the water can't exactly be helping things either. You don't have to play the tough guy, I will understand" Ritsuko said looking him directly in the eye.

"I'm not tough. I've never been strong, I just… get lucky. I don't have problems with my head anymore" Shinji lied doing his best to meet her gaze back.

Ritsuko nodded saying "alright. But if anything happens let me know."

"I will" Shinji said grateful that she had dropped it.

Ritsuko nodded before walking to the TV and turning on the news while they waited for Misato to come back.

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief inwardly. That was close.

 _ **You just lied. Good, you need to get better at that**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji rose to his feet feeling guilty. Ritsuko glanced at him as he headed for his room saying "I haven't had a chance to take my red pill for the morning."

Ritsuko seemed to accept that and turned back to the news as Shinji closed the door to his room behind him, and rummaged through his bag before pulling out his prescription bottle and swallowing his red pill for the day.

* * *

 _Hours later_

"Here you go Shinji. I bought take out, I know you 'don't appreciate' my cooking. How you feeling? Medicine help?" Misato said opening his door and stepping inside without asking.

She was carrying a bag of takeout food, and frowning at him as he lay down underneath his bedsheets.

"A little better. Thanks for the food" Shinji said poking his head out from under his bedsheets just as she set the bag of food beside him.

"Glad to hear it. I'm sorry, I wish I could stay but I have to get back to work. I restocked the medicine cabinet, so if you feel any worse help yourself" Misato said kneeling down so she didn't have to talk down to him like a child.

She noticed that Shinji always appreciated that, being treated as not just a child.

"It's fine, thanks Misato" Shinji said groggily through his fevered mind.

"I'll see you when I got back" Misato said giving him an affectionate pat on the head.

Shinji watched her as she got up and hurried out of the apartment to beat the traffic back to Nerv HQ.

He reached under his sheets and pressed the play button on his SDAT player again, before raising into a sitting position and starting to eat the food Misato had left him. He didn't own a tv in his room, and there wasn't much else to do.

"Is it safe to take more medicine for the fever yet" Shinji mumbled to himself quietly, a bad habit he'd picked up from spending years in the ward.

 _The box said a dose every six hours..._ he wondered glancing at his medicine bottle laden shelf courtesy of Misato.

 _ **Just sleep, that'll help more than anything else.**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Oh great. This again. Time for another red pill_ Shinji thought shaking his head and scowling. Being sick put him in a bad mood it seemed.

Shinji already had grabbed his prescription bottle, today he'd had to be extra careful to keep it out of Misato's sight, and put a single red pill in his mouth. He swallowed the red pill, put his prescription bottle back in its hiding place, and sat back down to continue his meal wishing he could be a normal health fourteen-year-old boy.

Just as he was finishing his meal he heard the doorbell ring.

 _I guess I have to get it_ Shinji thought as he groggily got up, quickly put pants on, and headed for the door.

He just wanted his fever to go away, he just wanted lay down and rest, but when he opened the apartment door and found Rei standing outside he almost forgot his fever.

"Rei?" Shinji said surprised to see her.

"You are unwell?" Rei said without preamble as she took in his features, the complexion on his face, the light sweat, the hazy eyes.

"I.. yeah I have a fever. I missed school today" Shinji said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Do you require medicine?" Rei asked as she glanced down the hallway. Shinji figured she was thinking about the fastest way to get to the store and back.

"No, it's okay. Misato got me some already" Shinji said.

"I see. I waited for you in the morning, but you did not come" Rei said suddenly, he noticed that she avoided his gaze. Both of them did that from time to time, though Misato had said she seemed to do it less and less since meeting Shinji.

 _Is she mad at me? I should have called to let her know I was sick_ he thought. He figured he could read emotions on her better than most, but there were times when even he didn't know what she was thinking.

"I collected your worksheets for the day" Rei said holding out the various papers for Shinji to take.

"Oh I'm sorry! I- I should have called" Shinji stammered but Rei only shoved the papers into his hands.

"Uh, did you want to come in?" Shinji asked awkwardly.

"Do you want me to come in?" Rei asked deadpan.

"I... Rei, I'm not feeling too good right now. I took some medicine already but I should really get sleep" Shinji said avoiding her gaze.

"I understand. Goodbye Ikari. I hope you feel better" Rei said turning to go.

 _Ikari? … I told her to call me Shinji_ he thought frowning.

The thing in Shinji's head started to stir, but he ignored it and shook his head as he walked out into the hall.

"Rei! Wait! I... I know you waited for me and that I didn't call but I'm sorry" Shinji said following Rei out into the hall until she stopped.

"You are unwell. There is nothing to forgive" Rei said turning to him and blinking in surprise.

 _Maybe she wasn't mad at me? I don't understand girls_ Shinji thought.

"Hey, I know I'm sick but why don't you come over tomorrow. So... so you can help me keep up with school" Shinji said trying to think quickly.

Rei only looked at him unblinkingly. He couldn't tell if she was mad, relieved, or bored.

"I could make you dinner if you wanted. It's the least I could do for your help. Besides... I like having you around. It's nice to talk to someone" Shinji said awkwardly.

"I will see you tomorrow" Rei said her eyes seeming to brighten.

To Shinji, it wasn't that Rei was emotionless but that she didn't often show her emotions. If Misato was right, she seemed to change around him and in that moment he believed her.

"Right. Tomorrow" Shinji said managing a soft smile as Rei turned to leave.

He didn't even notice the thing in his head had gone away without a fuss, maybe the day was looking up for him after all.

* * *

Five days, that's how long Shinji was bedridden.

Each day, Rei would come over after school with his worksheets provided by Hikari. He would mostly stay in bed until Rei arrived, then make her dinner while being careful to always wash his hands before handling her food.

At first, Misato wasn't happy about that. She had wanted Shinji to stay in bed and not cook but Shinji had shown a rare backbone saying that might have been sick, but that he could still move around and cook.

In the end, Misato ended up joining them a few times. Toji and Kensuke visited him twice, though they only stayed for a bit, never as long as Rei did.

Asuka hardly cared, only calling him a 'wimp' or else going over to Hikari's house for the night. Those two had become fast friends, how Hikari managed to put up with Asuka was a mystery to Shinji.

It was uncomfortable, his temperature rose and then settled down, his body had been riddled with aches, his head would start hurting but then it would stop randomly. He told Misato about it, and after her initial concern had passed she'd only teased him that maybe he was 'finally' going through puberty.

Regardless, on the sixth day he felt fine.

He surprised both Misato and even Asuka when woke up, took his morning red pill in his room, took a bath and changed into his school clothes, then made his way to the kitchen finding his roommates eating take out breakfast.

"Whoa, you're feeling better?" Misato said as Shinji moved throughout the kitchen grabbing some of the takeout food on a plate for him.

"Humph. About time" Asuka said crossing her arms.

"I feel fine. I only wish I could have gone to school yesterday." Shinji said honestly as he took a seat beside Misato. He'd stayed in bed for days and wanted to move around again.

Now when he had finally recovered, it was the weekend. He still had work to catch up on but at least his fever or whatever it was had vanished. Plus Rei made sure he never fell too far behind.

"Are you sure?" Misato asked standing up and feeling his forehead.

Shinji looked at her, thankful that she actually cared about him, saying "I didn't wake up shivering again so that's good.I swear, if I weren't a pilot I think the school would have expelled me by now."

"Wimp" Asuka muttered under her breath.

 _What did I do to her?_ Shinji thought frowning. He considered responding, it was what Mari would have done, but he figured it was best to keep his distance and hope she eventually left him alone.

"Asuka, stop that" Misato said giving her newest charge an annoyed look.

The German Child Prodigy was about to respond, but then all three of their phones rang at exactly the same time.

Shinji froze. Asuka shot up smirking as she saw the number on her phone's caller I.D. Misato glanced at her phone and sighed just as the alarms start going off in the city.

"Another Angel" Misato said giving him a look that said she understood his frustration, the day he finally got better and he had to pilot. Just great.

* * *

 _The failure_

The battle lasted less than ten minutes, according to the reports from the recovery team.

They reported Eva Unit 02 charging off on her own, telling her fellow pilot to 'cover her', and decapitating the Angel at the shore where it had first emerged.

According to the report, Unit 01's pilot was heard asking 02's pilot to wait for orders.

Instead of the Angel dying from being cut in half, it instead regenerated a complete body from each half. Where there had been one Angel, there now stood two.

From there, the recover team reported that the two Angels completely overwhelmed the two Eva Units, whom were completely uncoordinated and did not work together in the slightest. Reporting that numerous German cuss words and foul language could be heard on the comm.

In the end, Nerv had had to call in the military for assistance and drop an N2 mine. Using overwhelming firepower to take the Angel down temporarily and recover the Evangelions.

Both pilots reported no serious injuries, protected by the Evas' tough armor.

The incident was considered an abysmal failure on Nerv's part, with the military having to come and save them.

...

* * *

 _Later_

"That was an embarrassment to our entire organization!" Sub Commander Fuyutsuki was shouting at both Shinji and Asuka in the general conference room.

On the wall behind the older man were the projected images taken from the footage of the failed assault, the Evas being recovered, and the N2 mine dropped by the military to halt the Angels' progress.

"Sorry sir" Shinji said avoiding the older man's gaze. He never like it when adults yelled at him, so he tried to look away and let them tire out.

"Sorry?! This isn't a game! You two have a job to do, and that is to defeat the Angels! We have not invested our time and money to see the two of you embarrass us! Needing the military to step in! Having to scrap our Eva Units out of the ground!" Kozo Fuyutsuki said glaring at the two pilots.

Kaji watched the scene, more of a support for Asuka than actually needing to be there, and he couldn't help but notice the stark contrast between Shinji and her. Where Shinji stood shy and timid, staring at his feet, Asuka stood her arms crossed and glaring like only a child could.

Misato would have been there too, Kaji knew she would have wanted to be there for Shinji, but she was too busy dealing with the aftermath of the failed assault. As operation leader she ended up taking responsibility.

"But it was his fault! I told him to cover me!" Asuka cried pointing at Shinji.

"Huh? Wait? What? That's... that's not fair. Sir, she ran off on her own without orders" Shinji stammered looking between Asuka and Fuyutsuki.

 _She's trying to blame me! She's the one who ran off! Who didn't even wait for me!_ Shinji thought his hands clenching into fists.

"Oh I see how it is. When darling psycho Mari runs off on her own you're eating out of the palm of her hand! But when I do it you blame me for your failure!" Asuka shouted back at him.

Shinji shrunk beneath her glare.

Now _that_ was the wimp she remembered, the one she could completely walk over and not the freak she'd seen in that early morning days ago.

"The Fourth Child is still being punished for her actions. Detained in her apartment, allowed to leave only for sync test, or have you forgotten Miss Sohryu?" Fuyutsuki said turning his stern eyes to her.

"No... I haven't forgotten" Asuka murmured under the older man's glare.

"The Angel- I mean Angels, are still regenerating from the N2 mine. The Magi Supercomputers estimate we have roughly a week before they becomes active. In that time, the two of you will _learn_ to work together and you will kill it. Dismissed!" Fuyutsuki said putting an end to the meeting.

Kaji calmly moved out of the Nerv sub-commander's path on the man's way out. He already had an idea for the Angels, but he knew Fuyutsuki was in a particularly bad mood at the moment.

"Don't talk about Mari like that" Shinji said suddenly once the sub-commander had left them.

"Hmm. What? You mad that I'm not all over you like that psycho? I see the way she looks at you, damn weirdos. She runs off on her own too. Don't see you telling her anything" Asuka said glaring daggers at him.

"I... just don't talk about her like that" Shinji said not wanting to get into a fight, why was Asuka so violent?

"Shinji. I think you'd better go. Come on Asuka, I know a good restaurant we could go to, maybe cool down a bit. We have our work cut for us" Kaji said getting between the two teenagers before something started.

Shinji still wasn't sure if he even liked Kaji, but at the moment he didn't care. He was just glad that someone had gotten him away from Asuka.

"Bye" Shinji said heading out while Kaji stayed behind to have a word with Asuka.

 _ **Asuka has a point.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji froze just outside the general conference room. There it was again, no pain, no twinge, just the voice alone. That was something that had started ever since he got his fever, he just hadn't noticed it at first because of how he was feeling.

The pain, that little twinge that came when the thing in his head stirred, was now completely gone. Now when it stirred, he only heard the voice and a kind of sense of awareness. Like a feeling of the wind on his face. Small, but not painful.

Shinji shook his head thinking about how Asuka had tried to blame him for the mission failure.

 _ **You're angry with Asuka for going off on her own. But you defend Mari for doing the same thing. That's called hypocrisy. They're both wrong, and yet you only called one of them out on it.  
**_

 _Mari killed an Angel_ Shinji thought slowly.

 _ **And if she had failed? You would have told her 'not to go out on her own' like that. You know you would have**. _

_Go away. Need my pills..._ Shinji thought shaking his head and walking off, trying to ignore the pang of guilt in his chest. The stupid thing in his head had a point.

* * *

 _The next day  
_ _Nerv HQ_

Misato sighed going through another sheet of the stack of papers, formal complaints, inquires, bills, etc from the Japanese public and government. At least she didn't have to deal with the public relations department, they were furious with Misato but they were at least professional enough to let her do her work.

 _Poor Shinji. He doesn't take failure very well. We put so much pressure on these kids and Shinji really feels it_ Misato thought. She'd seen him come home yesterday looking exhausted and avoiding Asuka at all cost.

It was almost enough for Misato to ask if Mari could pay him a visit, she may not have liked the Fourth Child, but the girl could cheer Shinji up. It didn't matter since Mari was still being punished for going off on her on the Over the Rainbow, detained in her apartment except for urgent Nerv business.

"Well, don't you look professional today" Kaji said stepping into her office and closing the door behind him.

 _Him!_ Misato thought glaring at Kaji as he pulled a chair out and sat across from her desk, all without waiting for an invitation. She hated that he would be working here now too, she had to run into him in the halls now whether she liked it or not. And she spotted him trying to hit on Ritsuko the other day, the guy couldn't even go a whole day without trying to seduce a woman.

"I'm busy. Just leave me alone" Misato said glaring at him.

Kaji smirked at her glare, he did that knowing that she'd glare even harder than before. Why was she looking at his lips? _Focus. He's bothering me_ Misato thought quickly.

"I have an idea on how to defeat the Angels. I ran it by Ritsuko and she thinks it's worth a look." Kaji said leaning back in his chair smoothly.

"Go on" Misato said her eyes narrowed.

"I don't think our pilots are gonna like it" Kaji said sliding a folder across the desk to her.

…

"What?!" Asuka said nearly shouting in surprise.

"The two of you are gonna kill the Angel via a coordinated assault. A simultaneous attack on each target's core. You need to learn to work together and sync with the other perfectly. Congratulations, the two of you will eat, sleep, and train together all day, every day, until the mission" Misato said.

Misato was being completely serious, dressed in a plain tank top, her hair pulled back, and with tired eyes. Fashion tended to suffer in the wake of work load. Evidence that she'd been working long hours.

"And to do this… we have to dance along with that music?" Shinji said staring at his guardian like she was a crazy person. But then who was he to judge? He heard things in his head for crying out loud.

"To help the two of you get in sync. The attack pattern is choreographed using the music we've chosen. Match the rhythm perfectly and you will kill both halves of the Angel" Misato said giving both her charges a stern no nonsense look. That's how Shinji knew she was serious.

 _Why did it have to her? Why not Mari? Why not Rei?_ Shinji thought glumly. He glanced to his side at Asuka, whom looked even more revolted than he did.

"The two of you will start tonight. We have six days to prepare." Misato said standing and up gesturing for them to follow her into the living room.

There they found the ridiculous 'training outfits' as well as the patted mats and music system waiting for them.

The two Eva pilots ended up practicing for most of the night under Misato's supervision.

And Misato could say that they were both pretty terrible. Asuka was much to quick for Shinji, and Shinji was much more careful in his movements that her. Either Asuka would go too fast and mess up, or Shinji would fall behind, or else one of them would mess up throwing the other off sync.

 _This... is going to take a while_ Misato thought, shaking her head at the sight of Asuka yelling at Shinji for not being able to keep up. Pen Pen, whom had wobbled over for a laugh, only warked at her as if saying he agreed.

* * *

 _Two day later  
_ _Kaji's office_

"Well my lovely ladies, it's not my fault they have trouble working together. The idea should work, the math checks out under the Magi simulations." Kaji said leaning back into his chair as he spoke.

Ritsuko giving him an annoyed look that plainly said 'don't talk about the Magi like you understand it'. To be fair, she was probably the only one in the entire building that understood the Magi supercomputers.

"But what good is the idea if our pilots can't work together!" Misato said getting just as frustrated as her charges were. She had the decency to hide her frustration at them at home and only be supportive, but on the inside she just wanted them to shut up and work together.

"This is our only option. Eva Units 00 and 03 are not operational. We have to use 01 and 02" Ritsuko added in, taking a whiff of her cigarette.

The three adults had crowded Kaji's office to discuss the operation, and more specifically how to get the pilots in sync with each other and the music after the abysmal reports Misato had turned in so far.

"Are you sure it's Asuka that's the problem? What if it's Shinji? He's a good lad but he seems kinda spineless. Maybe Asuka can give him what he needs, a backbone. She's bratty but she's got spirit" Kaji said.

"Don't bad mouth Shinji. He didn't even want to be a pilot, he did it because... because he had to. And he's more mature than anyone his age has a right to be. More mature than you, a grown ass man" Misato said narrowing her eyes at Kaji.

 _Wow, when she did get so protective?_ Kaji thought.

Surprisingly it was Ritsuko who countered Misato, saying "Shinji is awkward. He's shy, quiet, and falls to pressure quite easily. He follows orders because that's all he knows how to do, the only exception is when someone he cares for is in danger. Then he steps up, but we can't fake that."

Misato crossed her arms looking at her friend in disbelief.

"I like Shinji. He's young with a good head on his shoulders. But you can't ignore his faults either. He does better when he's not alone, we've seen that with Rei and Mari, but he doesn't handle pressure very well outside a life or death situation. Training just doesn't bring that out of him" Ritsuko said simply.

"I know that... I just- I just see him struggling sometimes. Not just now, but through all this. He's not like Asuka, he doesn't rise to a challenge he _avoids_ the challenge. At times he seems so goddamn sad, like something's bothering him but he never talks about it." Misato said sighing.

Kaji thought all that over and realized that it was probably Asuka whom couldn't work with Shinji, and not the other way around. The German prodigy could be a handful, and that didn't bold well for someone like Shinji.

He stood up, signature smirk planted firmly on his face, and spoke saying "alright. I know what's the problem. I don't know Shinji as well as you Misato, and Ritsuko is easily smarter than me."

"Easily" Ritsuko muttered taking a whiff of her cigarette.

"Yes, but I do know Asuka" Kaji continued.

He turned, hands folded behind his neck in a relaxed pose, and continued "we need Asuka to take the first step and actually work with Shinji. Not just boss him around. Knowing her, you can't just tell her not to yell because she'll just get angry."

"Then what do you propose?" Ritsuko said.

"Misato, you're not gonna like. We need the Fourth Child, and to do that we need to get her some time off of her detainment" Kaji said.

"The Fourth Child? That mad woman almost got Shinji killed!" Misato said in disbelief.

"Its not like she can pilot right now. Her Eva's still being repaired" Ritsuko pointed out seeing where Kaji was going.

* * *

 _Commander Ikari's office  
_ _Nerv HQ_

"Absolutely not. I will not have the Fourth Child training with the Third. He has been partnered with the Second, that should be enough" Gendo Ikari said sternly from behind his desk. Tinted glasses covered the annoyed expression behind his eyes.

 _You can't even call Shinji by his name? He's your son!_ Misato thought wanting to shout but didn't.

"It wouldn't be training, not really. Just one day, a few hours at best. Then Mari can go back to her apartment lock down" Misato said standing before the Nerv Commander.

"It would serve as a motivator for Asuka to work better with Shinji. Their personalities don't mix well together at the moment" Kaji said trying to sound professional. He kept his cool, playing the role of employee talking to a superior, but Gendo and him had already done quite a lot of business together.

"So you have said in your report. I suspected 'challenges' when this operation was approved, but to think this was your solution? Playing on the emotions of teenagers?" Gendo said. He spoke as if all of this was beneath him and they should all get back to work instead.

"Sir, those teenagers are Eva pilots. I know Mari is being punished, and she deserves it, but this is a Nerv issue. Your orders were that she could leave her apartment for emergency matters." Misato said.

Kaji gave her a nervous glance. People normally didn't talk to the commander like that.

Gendo starred back at Misato through his glasses thinking things over. They needed to kill the Angel and they only had a few days before it regenerated.

"Very well. One day, no more than two hours, and then miss Mari returns to her apartment to continue her punishment. Katsuragi, you will personally see to her transport." Gendo said.

"Thank you Sir. This will work-" Misato began.

"Dismissed" Gendo interrupted.

Kaji took Misato's hand and dragged her back outside, best not to push their luck. Commander Ikari was a cold man, but they'd gotten approval and that was all that mattered.

Once outside, Misato snatched her hand back angrily. Kaji smirked even as she walked off, some parts of her still hadn't changed.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

"I can't believe this is actually a training session" Hikari said shaking her head at the absurdity of what she, and oddly enough Rei, were seeing.

The sight of Shinji and Asuka, wearing almost matching outfits, playing a strange game resembling twister that involved a mat with various circles inlaid into it. The goal was to apparently earn points by rhythmically pressing the lit circle in time with the music, but they were both terrible at syncing with the other.

Toji and Kensuke had been there earlier, but Shinji kindly asked them to leave because their laughter only made him do worse which in turn made them laugh harder. Showing a surprising maturity, the two other boys had patted Shinji on the back and left him to it.

Hikari had come to check up on Asuka, whilst Rei had apparently arrived before she did to... to be around Shinji? Hikari didn't really know why Rei had come over. She had noticed Rei seemed to change around Shinji. She found it almost... sweet.

"Damn it! Keep up! You're throwing me off!" Asuka shouted bringing Hikari out of her thoughts, as the duo got an unacceptable amount of errors and the machine gave them a failing score.

"I'm sorry" Shinji said for the countless time, he never did good when people yelled at him. Normally he'd just stay as silent as possible until people left him alone, but he couldn't do that here. And Asuka got even angrier if he stayed silent, so he said sorry again and again until they moved on.

"Shinji! Stop apologizing and do better!" Asuka shouted physically shoving Shinji to the ground and straddling him, her hand raised for a slap.

 _I can't hit a girl..._ Shinji thought in panic.

 _ **You should avoid it if you can**_ the thing in his head stirred. Suddenly memories of Shinji's breakdown reemerged and without meaning to, he saw the image of his hands around Asuka's throat flash through his mind.

SLAP

Asuka struck him across the face and he flinched back. It wasn't that hard, it didn't really hurt him, but he was surprised that she'd actually slapped him.

"Asuka just calm down-" Hikari was saying but Rei was faster. The strange pale girl, her face completely deadpan, rose from her seat and rushed over the moment Shinji was first shoved.

Asuka raised her hand for a second slap, but Rei caught her by the wrist and pulled her off Shinji with surprising strength.

"You were ordered to train, not to assault Shinji" Rei said staring unblinkingly at Asuka.

Asuka narrowed her eyes at Rei. Shinji watched the two of them not sure what was going on. He did not understand girls, but he wasn't a complete idiot. He knew there was a potential fight brewing, and that he had to stop it.

Hikari watched as tension filled the air, both girls staring down the other. But then Shinji rose and put a hand on Rei's shoulder saying "its okay. Just let it drop."

Rei let go of Asuka's wrist, and the Germany girl scowled cursing under her breath as she paced back and forth trying to blow off some steam.

 _I'm surprised. Who knew Shinji could be so mature?_ Hikari thought standing up and joining Asuka to help calm her down.

...

"You are injured" Rei said in a low quiet voice. She was looking unblinkingly at the red mark on his face. It wasn't like the stare Rei had given Asuka, this was more concern than anything else. He'd never seen her show concern for anything before.

"Really. It's fine Rei, I just... can't keep up. It's my fault and we're under a lot of stress" Shinji said as Rei looked over his face.

"She should not have done that" Rei said simply.

"I'm not getting any better Rei. I probably deserved to get hit" Shinji said sighing.

 _ **You do that too much. You put the weight of the world on your shoulders.**_ The thing in his head stirred without any pain. With Hikari, Rei, and Asuka all staying in the apartment for the past few hours, Shinji hadn't had time to be alone so he could take his pills. Now it was coming back to haunt him.

 _Need my pills_ Shinji thought as he did his best to focus on Rei. It wouldn't due to lose focus again. He didn't want a repeat of what had happened with Misato and Ritsuko, he needed to stay out of his head and stay grounded in what was happening around him.

Then he realized he was staring because Rei's face flushed and she avoiding his gaze hastily saying "you are improving."

"You don't have to lie Rei. I know I'm not very good" Shinji said offering her a small sad smile. Rei was his friend, one of the few people in the world whom actually seemed to care about him.

The apartment door opened and Shinji turned to see Misato walking in with Ritsuko behind her... and... and Mari.

 _ **Shinji. Be careful around-**_

 _Go away_ he thought angrily.

"Mari" Shinji said in barely a whisper completely forgetting about how close Rei was standing beside him as he walked off. Rei only blinked at him feeling an uncertainty in her chest that she couldn't explain.

"Hey everyone! I'm back. And Shinji we have an idea-" Misato began attempting to give Shinji a pat on the shoulder, only to stutter in shock as the boy walked right past her. Shinji had _never_ ignored Misato before. It left a bad taste in her mouth.

"Hello to you too dummy" Mari said laughing as he embraced her softly. She was dressed in a simple shirt and a pair of jeans, and she embraced him back before they parted ways looking considerably brighter than moments ago.

Ritsuko said nothing but gave Misato a raised eyebrow.

"Where have you been? You said we'd talk after we got back to Japan. Its been almost two weeks and I haven't seen you. I-" Shinji stammered not even sure where to being.

Seeing her again had been like something out of a dream. And then he hadn't heard from her in days and when he'd asked, no one had given him a straight answer.

"The Nerv Commander, your old man, has had me locked in my apartment except for sync tests and grocery runs. Seriously, what did I do to piss him off?" Mari said in answer.

"You went off on your own without orders. Or have you forgotten the battle at the Pacific Fleet" Misato said scowling.

 _My father? Why does he hate Mari so much?_ Shinji thought.

"No, I haven't forgotten how I saved your ass. If that's what you mean." Mari said coolly as she took a few steps into the apartment looking the place over.

Shinji laughed at that. She really didn't hold anything back. Ritsuko tilted her head at that, when was the last time she heard Shinji laugh?

"She was being punished, Shinji. We managed to get her two hours away to visit and see how things were going with you two" Ritsuko said.

Shinji only barely heard her as he followed Mari into the kitchen asking if she wanted anything to eat. Mari shook her head saying "I already ate. But that's so sweet, you haven't changed Shinji."

"Psycho" Asuka muttered at the sight of Mari in their apartment.

"Princess" Mari said in greeting.

Misato was looking over the previous scores Asuka and Shinji had gotten over the last few hours, and was not surprised at the amount of failures. Nor was Ritsuko, but Kaji had said this would help.

 _ **You've forgotten Rei. Don't ignore her.**_ The thing in his head stirred sounding angry. He couldn't remember the voice ever sounding angry before.

 _Go away_ Shinji thought even as he saw Rei looking at him and Mari uncertainly.

"Uh... Rei this is Mari. Mari, this is Rei the First Child" Shinji said awkwardly introducing his friends.

"First Child huh. So it was you whose been protecting my dummy from the Angels" Mari said putting an arm around Shinji's shoulders laughing.

Mari held out a hand to shake but Rei didn't take it.

"... Shinji is not unintelligent. Do not call him 'dummy' " Rei said slowly.

"She's joking Rei. It's not serious. Like a nick name between friends" Shinji said watching as Rei slowly shook Mari's hand.

"I see. Should I refer to you as 'dummy' from now on as well" Rei asked looking only at Shinji. Almost ignoring Mari all together.

"Um- no, that's okay Rei." Shinji said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"And now you've made it weird" Mari said sighing.

"It's not my fault! It's that idiot over there!" Asuka said nearly shouting at Misato and Ritsuko as the adults looked through the previous scores on the machine.

It was so loud that it got all their attention.

Hikari was trying to calm her friend down, but Asuka was in full rant mode.

"He can't keep up. Mister 91% sync ratio isn't so great after all." Asuka was saying her arms crossed as she explained all the bad scores to Misato and Ritsuko.

Shinji only shook his head knowing Misato would defend him when he probably didn't deserve it.

"Hey Princess, it takes two to dance. You ever think _you're_ the problem." Mari said patting Shinji on his chest affectionately as the older girl strode forward on his behalf.

"Oh shut up psycho. I'm not the one who let water leak into the Eva's computers. I'm not the one who can't pilot." Asuka sneered.

"No, you're the one who can't dance with a partner long enough to beat a stupid game." Mari said snapping back coolly. Almost nothing ever got to her, nothing seemed to ever unnerve her, not even Asuka.

Misato was about to step in before a fight broke out, these girls really did not get along, but Ritsuko put a hand on her shoulder whispering "this is going better than Kaji planned. Leave them be."

"What? You think you can do better with this idiot?" Asuka said not backing down as she stood before Mari nearly glaring.

"Yeah, I think I can" Mari said simply.

Speaking as if they were chatting at a coffee shop and not staring the other down. There was a reason Asuka had dubbed her 'psycho'.

"Mari, it has to be me and Asuka. We're the only ones with working Eva Units" Shinji said awkwardly. He felt like he was being tugged along by the two girls, a mental image of both of them pulling him by an arm in opposite directions came to mind.

"But this isn't the operation. This is training. Come on Shinji, when a girl asks you to dance you don't refuse" Mari said turning back and grabbing Shinji by the hand.

 _Wow, that took less than five minutes_ Misato thought.

* * *

"Okay. Seems easy enough" Mari said going over the dance with Shinji on the mat. She had been offered a 'training outfit' by Ritsuko but had refused in favor of her street clothes.

Misato, Ritsuko, Rei, Pen Pen, Hikari, and Asuka all watched from the couch as Shinji and Mari got ready to play the game Kaji had set up for them to train with.

"Begin" Misato called as she pressed the button and the music started.

At first they were doing just as bad as Asuka and Shinji had to the Child Prodigy's amusement, with Shinji not able to keep up with Mari's speed. Whilst Mari was fast, too fast even, she ended up getting ahead of the music entirely at times on the mat.

Asuka was snorting at the low coordination scores. Even lower than hers had been with Shinji.

"Shinji, don't be afraid to take chances. You don't have to be so careful" Mari said pulling Shinji aside after they failed the first game.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not good enough t-" Shinji began, only for Mari to cover his mouth with her hand to the surprise of everyone in the room.

"Don't finish that sentence dummy" Mari said smiling at him with such warmth and understanding that Shinji felt his breathe caught in his throat for a moment. A lost bond that he'd thought gone forever. His first friend.

Rei frowned watching Shinji unblinkingly as Mari lowered her hand telling Misato to set up the game again.

"Okay" Shinji said not being able to stop the smile that came to his lips.

"I get too anxious and jump the gun. I hit the mark before it even comes up, tell me when I need to slow down" Mari said her speed being a weakness here.

On their second game, Shinji and Mari did remarkably better. Shinji taking more risks and trying to keep pace with his partner, and Mari doing her best to match him and not strike her own pace as Asuka had done.

"Too fast" Shinji said once Mari missed a mark just as Shinji hit it. "Thanks" Mari said simply as she slowed down to his speed, letting him lead as he was more experience and was more careful. They balanced each other out, caution and speed. They created rhythm.

When the game was over they had nearly a perfect score matching the music to the dance.

"That's impossible" Asuka said in a barely a whisper, her facing falling. The German girl stood up in awe at the near perfect score on the display screen.

"See, maybe the problem's not Shinji after all. Who knows, at this rate maybe I should pilot Eva Unit 02 instead. I think I could pull off the red plugsuit, do you?" Mari said coolly staring back at Asuka.

"No! That's not fair! I can't stand this!" Asuka said actually sounding hurt and distressed at that. Shinji watched in disbelief as Asuka stormed out of the apartment going for a walk.

Misato got up following after her, but Asuka was faster than she looked.

 _She… she was crying?_ Shinji thought in disbelief. He glanced at the open apartment door, wondering how far Misato would have to chase after Asuka, before he turned back to see Hikari had risen from the couch too.

"That was mean. I don't know you, but that was uncalled for. What the hell is wrong with you?" Hikari said standing up to face down Mari. Mari however, didn't look like she cared. She met Hikari's stern gaze with a cool expression, unfazed.

"Go after your friend" Mari said simply, and Hikari crossed her arms saying "Shinji, make sure to apologize to Asuka later. You and your friend made her cry."

"I… what?" Shinji said not understanding what had happened as Hikari went off after Asuka and Misato.

Ritsuko and Rei only watched from the sidelines as Shinji stared at the apartment door beside Mari, he'd never seen Asuka so upset.

"It's not your fault Shinji. The adults didn't say it, but I'm pretty sure they wanted me to do that." Mari said looking back Ritsuko.

"My, you're a perceptive one" Ritsuko said.

Rei and Shinji only looked between the two not understanding.

"They wanted me to give Asuka a reason to work with you, and not boss you around instead. She needed a rival, a challenge to force her to let go of her pride, me. Give her space and try again later, all joking aside it's up to the two of you" Mari said putting her hands on Shinji's shoulders affectionately.

"I… this was all planned?" Shinji said barely following everything.

"It was necessary. 01 and 02 are the only Eva Units operational rights now, and Mari nor Rei is compatible with 02. It has to be you and Asuka, Shinji. We _need_ the two of you to work together." Ritsuko said coolly.

"And I take it that's my sign to leave. You're taking me back to my apartment aren't you?" Mari said as Ritsuko stood up nodding sadly.

"Tell Misato I took Mari home, bye Shinji. I'm sure you'll do fine in the days to come" Ritsuko said in farewell.

"Figures. Shinji, you can do this. I know you can, once this stupid punishment is over we'll talk more. Take care. Your dad can be a real ass hat" Mari said giving him a quick hug before being pulled along lightly by Ritsuko.

 _Adults… I don't like adults. They manipulate, they always want something_ Shinji thought darkly as he watched Mari and Ritsuko leave the apartment. His first friend, and yet everyone seemed to have it out for her.

"Are you unwell?" Rei asked suddenly getting his attention now that it was just the two of them in Misato's apartment. She had a hand on his shoulder, almost like Mari, but she was awkward and uncertain where Mari was bold and warm.

Shinji took a noticeable step back saying "yeah, I'm fine."

* * *

 _Later_

It was after sundown, Rei and Hikari had gone home, when Shinji saw Asuka after she had stormed out of the apartment. She was still in her training outfit, and she was sitting in a chair on the apartment balcony with a can of soda in her hand.

Shinji hesitantly came outside to join her, not realizing that Misato was watching them from inside the apartment.

"... I'm ..." Asuka murmured under her breath as Shinji sat down on the floor of the balcony beside her. There was a certain mood around the girl as she spoke, like she was angry but holding it in.

"What?" Shinji asked slowly.

"I said I'm sorry!" Asuka said turning to him with narrowed eyes.

Shinji winced avoiding her gaze. "For what?"

"For hitting you! I shouldn't have done that so... so I'm sorry okay!" Asuka said sounding as if every word physically pained her to say it.

"Oh. That's okay, I forgive you" Shinji said simply. He tried to remember they were both under a lot of stress, and seeing her like that, it had almost reminded him of the images he'd seen during his breakdown. Of Asuka crying.

"Thank you" Asuka said through gritted teeth. It sounded like it physically pained her to get the words out.

 _Seriously? How hard is it to say 'thank you'?_ Shinji wondered.

Hesitantly she reached into a grocery bag at her feet and pulled out a soda can for him.

"I'm not thirsty" Shinji said softly.

"Drink" Asuka commanded.

Shinji stared at her. Girls were so strange, he didn't even know where to start.

"Take the soda, you idiot. I'm trying to be nice" Asuka said.

In her own way, Asuka reminded Shinji of the day he first met Mari all those years ago. When Mari had shoved a cup of stolen pudding into his lap and told him to eat it.

Shinji took the soda and opened it. "Drink" Asuka said.

 _This is so weird_ Shinji thought taking a drink of the soda.

"Don't think this makes us friends! Hikari said I should apologize... so I did, alright" Asuka said snapping at him.

"Okay" Shinji said stupidly, not sure what else to say.

 _ **You are friends now, she just doesn't want to admit it**_ the thing in his head stirred without pain.

 _Gah! Go away! Need my pills_ he thought doing his best to stay focused on the person in front of him, he didn't want a repeat of last time.

 _ **I'm leaving you alone now. Don't worry**_ the thing in his head stirred before leaving.

"We have to pilot Shinji. There is no way I'm letting that psycho get inside _my_ Eva" Asuka said.

"Please don't call her that" Shinji said oddly defiant.

"Why do you care so much?" Asuka said back at him.

"I... just don't call her that" Shinji said avoiding her gaze.

"Fine. But it's up to us. Its up to me" Asuka said getting out of her chair, finishing her soda and throwing the can over the balcony.

"Up to you?" Shinji asked looking back up at her from where he sat.

"I"ll show Mari and Misato! It's a matter of honor, I have to avenge myself. I'm better than _her_. We're going to pilot Shinji, and we're gonna kill the stupid Angel!" Asuka said fire in her eyes.

Shinji blinked in surprise at the girl beside him. She was bratty, and she scared him sometimes, but she was determined if nothing else. He could see it in her eyes.

"Get up. We're going to train harder than ever. I'm obliviously too fast for you, so I'm going to slow down for you and you're to keep us in rhythm" Asuka said offering him a hand with that same fire in her eyes, that _will_ that drove her to keep going no matter what.

The willpower that Shinji had never had.

He slowly took her hand and she pulled him up so fast that he dropped his soda, and she headed for the training machine with him in tow.

Asuka wasn't nice to him, she never was. But she seemed to make an effort not to yell at him, not to boss him around unnecessarily, and she slowed down for him. When she cursed, it was directed at the machine and not at him, and she kept pushing through now matter how many errors they got. It wasn't much but it was a start for them. It wasn't much, but she pushed Shinji harder than he'd ever thought was possible... it made him better.

* * *

Five days of training later, and the two of them had been able to get passing scores.

It had taken an absurdly long time for the two of them to get into sync with each other, but they had done it. Asuka insisting on countless hours everyday just to play the stupid game, even going so far as to wake Shinji up extra early so they could try again.

If Shinji hadn't have been so sick of the game he would thought it was amazing the amount of work Asuka put into something once she had reason to. She often had to remind him that they had an Angel to kill whenever he'd slack and ask for a break, even when she was feeling tired too, but instead she kept pushing them forward.

On the night before the attack, when the pressure was at its highest for both of them, Asuka had opened the door to his room and laid down next him. She hadn't said a word, and so he'd pretended to be asleep not sure what to make of it.

In the end, he waited until she was asleep then draped his blanks over her.

...

On the day of the attack, Misato had seen the two of them off whilst Rei and surprisingly Mari watched on from the command center.

Shinji's hand shook, the nervous tremor he'd developed from the stresses of piloting, as they boarded their Eva Units.

"Hey Shinji" Mari's voice called into his ear via the comm, Ritsuko's comm surprisingly.

"Mari? Ritsuko let you use her comm?" Shinji asked in surprise as he got into his entry plug and it began filling with LCL.

"Just this once she did, I'm still being punished remember" Mari said over the comm.

"Yeah, my dad is real jerk" Shinji said bitterly over the comm.

He heard Mari chuckle at that from over the comm before she spoke.

"I just wanted to say... **don't be scared**. The two of you got this." Mari said honestly.

Shinji took a deep breathe and looked down at his trembling hand, watching as it calmed down and stopped shaking. _Mari_ he thought with a small smile.

"Thanks Mari" Shinji said softly over the comm just as Nerv was preparing his and Asuka's Evas for transport to the shore again via plane. The shore where they had previously fought the Angel and had lost.

Ritsuko took her comm back from the older teenager, but Mari was smirking in spite of herself.

...

The battle ended up lasting less than five minutes with Kaji and Misato's strange battle tactics put in place. Eva Units 01 and 02 had engaged the target with the aid of military, as per the plan, with the massive machines moving in perfect rhythm to bring down their targets and destroy both Angel cores simultaneously.

The Nerv public relations department was actually considering releasing some of the footage at the sight of the sheer coordination between the Eva Units.

But of course, both pilots ended up falling to the ground after the Angel had been killed. Falling literally on top of each other.

"Shinji!" Asuka had shouted into the open comm for all of Nerv to hear.

"It's not my fault. It's the ground! It's not level like the practice mats were" Shinji had quickly stammered back over the comm.

And so began the very open bickering, mostly one sided on Asuka's part, between the pilots over the open comm for most of Nerv to hear.

Sub Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki ended up ordering the Nerv PR department not to report anything other than the Angel had been killed. There were no complaints or questions from the PR department on that decision.

* * *

 **Kind of an abrupt end I know. This chap ended up really long.**  
 **There's so many characters to give breath to, but I enjoy the challenge. Lots of character interactions and ideas.  
I skimmed over some action in favor of characters, hope you don't mind but I wanted to focus more on the characters than the action itself.  
I included the overall dance coordination because I think it was good for Shinji and Asuka's ****portrayals** **, but there's slight twists in here too**

 **These last two chapters (8 and 9) mark a certain change in this Shinji. It will have a point.  
Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	10. Makinami I

**Hey guys, I'm back.  
Very character focused chapter with not as much plot, but important seeds  
**

* * *

" _I was never good with people. As a child or as an adult. I like to think I got better, but probably not. I try to do good, but sometimes I end up making it worse. Sometimes I should have left things the way they were. Then again, things rarely go according to plan"_

\- _**the broken man**_

* * *

 _Japan, Tokyo-3  
_ _Movie theater_

Shinji Ikari sat in the movie theater with Toji on his left, Rei on his right, and Kensuke further down. He wondered why he couldn't enjoy the movie the way his friends could.

"Bring it on!" the film's hero shouted. The music swelling up and reverberating throughout the theater as the hero charged towards the monster, gun raised.

"So cool" Kensuke was whispering completely glued to the movie screen. Toji was the same. The boys relishing the violence on screen.

 _Why would they fight in the middle of a city? So many people would get hurt?_ Shinji thought to himself as he watched the military drop bombs on the monsters, probably taking some inspiration from the Angels the Evas had fought.

Come to think of it, a lot of this movie seemed to be taking inspiration from the Evangelion program and Nerv.

The movie's giant robot tackled a building sized monster to the ground, cracking the concrete beneath them both and sending clouds of dust into the air, before dragging the beast through the streets. The monster scrapped against buildings and stores as the hero dragged it along, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

 _It's like their not even trying to save anyone_ Shinji thought. He was never one to roll his eyes, but he had to fight the urge to do so as he watched the 'hero' of the film.

Shinji scooped more caramel popcorn into his mouth, enjoying the strange exotic taste of the western food, it was probably unhealthy for him but it sure tasted good. Westerners and their unhealthy delicious food.

He offered some to Rei beside him. The pale girl looked at him in the dark and wordlessly took a small handful, somehow he thought she wasn't enjoying the film as much as Toji and Kensuke either. They were alike, the two of them.

 _Wait... she said she didn't like popcorn earlier. Why did she eat it?_ Shinji thought remembering back when they had ordered their snacks for the movie.

Shinji did not understand girls. He really didn't, but Rei was his friend so he let it be.

He turned back to the screen and tried to enjoy the movie as the battle waged on.

…

After the film was over, Shinji, Rei, Toji, and Kensuke left the theater to find even more people lining up for the next showing then when they'd arrived.

"And the part where he was dragging the monster through the street" Kensuke was saying eyes wide.

"I don't know. That just seemed silly. Why would he drag it through the street? He'd just damage the city" Shinji said slowly as the four teenagers walked out of the theater.

"Because it was awesome. Come on Shinji, you have to be a man to fight those things" Toji said. The boy smirking before seeming to realize the irony of what he'd just said.

Kensuke only laughed at that as Shinji shook his head. _I'm an Eva pilot remember?_ The words went unsaid by Shinji, or anyone else, but it hung in the air all the same.

"Shinji is correct. Dragging it through the street would only destroyed more of the city" Rei added in suddenly.

"Not you too" Toji said looking between Shinji and Rei.

"It's a movie. It just looks cool. Something to take your mind off things for an hour or two. You can understand that, can't you Shinji?" Kensuke said.

 _Wow, that was actually pretty clever_ Shinji thought in surprise.

"I suppose so. Yeah. It was dumb but it looked cool" Shinji said shrugging as he thought about the dumb action movie again.

"Finally. Damn Shinji, I swear you're like an old man sometimes. Just enjoy the moment" Toji said slapping him on the back.

Shinji almost dropped his popcorn. "Hey, I'm not an old man" Shinji said sounding whiny even to himself.

"Shinji is not an old man" Rei said in her usual stoic tone.

"God, you two are talking in pairs now!" Toji said looking between the two.

"Just let it go Toji. Eva pilots are a little weird, but in a good way" Kensuke said as the four of them walked on.

"Heh, yeah I guess we kinda are. Thanks Ken" Shinji said.

He had taken Misato's advice lately and had been spending more time with his three friends, more time with people his own age instead of just Nerv or school. Though Toji and Kensuke had noticed that Shinji seemed to spend more time with Rei than anyone else.

"Alright then. It's getting dark, we should probably head back. Thanks for coming with us for once Shinji. Seriously, you need to get out more" Toji said holding out a hand to shake.

"Thanks for inviting us" Shinji said shaking Toji's hand and then Kensuke's in turn. Shinji and Toji had gotten off to a rocky start, but somehow they'd managed to become friends. Same with Kensuke.

Maybe Misato was onto something, it was 'good' to spend time with normal people, people his own age, and to do whatever it was that the normal kids did all day.

"Bye" Rei said as the other boys parted ways with them.

That was another thing Misato had been right about, Rei seemed to be much more talkative around him.

"Shinji. Will you... will you walk me to my apartment" Rei asked him as they walked through the semi-crowded streets of the city.

She kept his gaze as she spoke, but he thought she seemed awkward. That was strange. He was the awkward one, not Rei. "Sure. I always do?" Shinji answered wondering why she had asked. It just seemed like the right thing to do for a friend.

"Thank you" Rei said the shadow of a smile on her face.

"It's no problem. I just wish Misato could have given us a ride. Its a long walk" Shinji said as the two walked through the semi-crowded streets of the city at night. If they made good time they could catch the bus.

"I do not mind walking with you" Rei said simply.

 _Still, would have been nice to have a ride. Wonder what Misato is doing after all? Probably more paper work. Last Angel fight did not make the PR department happy_ Shinji thought.

* * *

 _Elsewhere  
_ _Nerv HQ_

When Misato had gotten up today, knowing that she'd have another long night ahead of her, she certainly didn't expect to find herself here. Stuck in a very slow elevator with Kaji, him pressed against her, kissing her, and surprisingly she kissing him back.

She was pressed back against the elevator and in some dark corner of her mind, she admitted that she enjoyed it. Kaji had always been a good kisser.

"No" Misato whispered breaking free of the kiss and gently pushing Kaji back seconds before the elevator opened. The stack of papers she'd been carrying flew from the folder in her hand and scattered over the floor.

Misato hurried out of the elevator, glad that the hallway was empty, and panted out of breath.

"Forget it Kaji. There's nothing between us anymore. Don't ever do that again. This never happened" Misato said running a hand through her hair. Back in college Misato and Kaji had dated for some time before leaving on bad terms, yet Kaji seemed to not care about the past the way she did.

Kaji was kneeling down in the elevator picking up her dropped files, the man wasn't a complete jerk after all.

"You say that, but your lips say something else." Kaji said coolly holding up her dropped files.

"Stop trying to be so smooth" Misato said snatching the files without thanking him.

"Can't be done" Kaji remarked.

 _He hadn't changed. Always has to be the cool guy_ Misato thought narrowing her eyes at him.

Kaji seemed to take it in stride as he smirked at her until the elevator doors closed on him. He didn't seem to be getting off here, and she heard the whine of elevator moving a second later.

 _Somethings should stay in the past_ Misato thought running a hand across her lips.

What she didn't realize was that her Nerv ID card had just been taken from her.

"Damn him. Sigh, I hope Shinji's having a better night than I am" Misato muttered under her breath as she left to turn in her reports.

* * *

 _Elsewhere_

"Goodnight Rei" Shinji said as he walked her to her door. "Goodnight Shinji" Rei said opening the door to her much improved apartment. Shinji had helped her clean it a while back and she had done a good job maintaining it once Shinji had shown her how to. They'd spent a good afternoon one day of just him teaching her how to clean, and helping her do the whole apartment.

Shinji turned to go but Rei called after him before he could, her hand tugging gently on his sleeve.

"Rei?" Shinji asked surprised.

"I... I would like to cook something for you. You are consistently cooking for myself and others, and I want to repay your kindness" Rei said slowly, her face flushed yet keeping her gaze planted firmly on him.

"Oh, Rei you don't have to-" Shinji began.

"I want to" Rei said surprisingly firm as she looked at him unblinkingly. Shinji had never seen her like this before.

Her intensity might have unnerved most people whom only had known Rei as that quiet odd girl. But Shinji thought he knew her better than most, it wasn't that she didn't have emotions, it was just that she didn't often show her emotions. Shinji was perhaps the only person she ever showed her feelings too, some small part of him thought it was... sweet.

"Uh, it's getting dark soon. But some other time, sure." Shinji said thinking things over.

"Agreed. Though I do not have much skill in cooking. Perhaps you would be willing to teach me?" Rei asked almost beaming. Well beaming as much as she could given her usual stoic appearance.

"Okay. When did you want to start?" Shinji asked already seeing himself planning out lessons. Cooking wasn't too difficult, at least not on the scale that he did it, but he'd had a year of practice with his old teacher.

"Tomorrow. After our classes" Rei said.

 _Did she already plan all this out?_ Shinji thought.

He shook his head thinking things over saying "sounds good. We can stop by the store around the corner from the apartments. We should start small, but I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Yes. I look forward to it" Rei said the shadow of a smile on her face.

"Me too. Could be fun. See you tomorrow Rei" Shinji said turning to leave.

"Tomorrow" Rei parroted watching him leave from the doorway of her apartment. She watched him until he disappeared down the stairs. Rei did not fully understand these emotions but she cherished them. Cherished having a friend. Her... her first friend.

…

 _Misato's apartments_

Shinji found the apartment also completely in the dark with no lights on. Misato wasn't home, probably still at work. From the shoe box by the door he could see that Asuka was home, the girl spent a lot of time at Hikari's place, but she'd probably gone to bed already.

That suited Shinji just fine. Asuka could be really bossy at times, and she seemed to 'like' arguing about anything and everything with him, but at the same time she wasn't 'cold' towards him anymore. Ever since the last Angel attack she generally treated him better, as if he wasn't just an enemy or rival anymore.

"Hey Pen Pen" Shinji said seeing the penguin heading to his little room just as Shinji headed for the restroom to take a shower.

"Wark" the penguin said as if saying 'shut up and let me sleep.'

 _I can never tell if he likes me or not_ Shinji thought off-handily as grabbed a change of clothes and took a shower getting ready for bed.

He took another one of his red pills just before getting into bed with his nightclothes. It had been one of the most 'normal' days that he could remember having and Shinji was perfectly okay with that.

Shinji drifted off to sleep in the comfort of his room.

* * *

 _The Dream_

Shinji floated in the dark void.

He knew... somehow he knew that he was dreaming. It was strange, like his senses were dulled but not gone, his body slow and timid, yet his mind active as ever.

 _ **Look.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _What? What is this-_ Shinji thought through the haze of his thoughts in the dream.

He was naked and seemingly floating through the void. It reminded him of being submerged in LCL, like when he had first piloted Eva Unit 01.

 _ **You need to look.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji opened his eyes slowly. He saw that even here in the darkness, there was light. An ambient red light, a tint through the dark that let him see just a tiny bit. Somehow he knew that he wasn't alone.

Something, no. _Someone_ was in the dark void with him. A woman.

He couldn't see her. Could only barely make out her silhouette in the strange ambit light.

The Woman in the Dark whom watched him in his old dreams.

Shinji had seen her before, had seen this woman when he was child and his condition had been at its worst. And he had seen her again the day Eva Unit 01 had been shot through the head and he'd had his first seizure in a year.

"Why are you doing this?"

Who said that? Was it Shinji? Or someone else? He could feel his lips moving, could hear the sound emerged from his haggard throat, but they were words he'd not spoken. Words that were his and yet not his.

The women in the dark tilted her head, staring at him unblinkingly, the shadow of a smile on her lips.

"Why?" he felt himself asking.

The woman in the dark was gone. One moment she was standing far away from him and the next she was somewhere else.

 _Need my pills... need my pills. This isn't good!_ Shinji managed to think through his hazed mind. He tried to wake up but found that he couldn't. Like something would not allow him to wake just yet.

 _Gasp!_ Shinji thought yet his body did not react with him.

The woman in the dark had reappeared behind him. She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him from behind, and trailed her hands down his bare chest gently. Her bare breast pressed softly against his back as she leaned her head onto his shoulder.

" **Oh sweet Shinji** " the woman in the dark said softly as she nuzzled her head against his shoulder.

That voice. It sounded so familiar yet different at the same time. He felt tears in his eyes that where not his, could feel sorrow that ached so deep within him that he almost forgot it was not his.

" **I am doing this because I love you** " the woman in the dark said holding him so gently.

Shinji felt his chest stiffen and his heart throb. No one had ever told him that they loved him...

" **I do** " the woman in the dark said bringing her lips to his neck and kissing him softly. No desire, no lust, no primal urge, but love. So pure and unconditional, so warm.

 _This... this isn't right_ Shinji thought unable to move. His mind racing, yet his body immobile.

 _ **Pay attention**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _But I? She... who is she?_ Shinji thought before having his breath taken away from him at what that the woman in the dark told him next.

" **I love you with all my heart"** the woman in the dark said. She clung to him as if they were one, flesh upon flesh, warmth upon cold.

He knew. Shinji didn't know how, but he knew that woman in the dark was telling the truth. She _loved_ him. She loved him with all her heart, with everything she had. And that fact almost overwhelmed him with raw emotion.

The woman in the dark took his hands in hers, intertwining their fingers together. Soft skin touching rough aged hands. Shinji sobbed at this feeling in his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" he said speaking words that were not his as tears formed.

The woman in the dark disappeared and then reappeared again. She materialized in front of him, her hands holding his with such care.

" **It's time** " the woman in the dark said.

 _I know you. I know you!_ Shinji thought even as his body moved of its own accord and dried its tears, wiping them off his face.

" **Goodbye Shinji. There's no going back. Remember me, that's all I want. Remember me.** " the woman in the dark said stroking his face gently.

"You..." Shinji, the real Shinji, said his voice cracking with emotions he couldn't understand.

The woman in the dark let him go and she floated away in the void. No, she wasn't moving. He was. He was the one floating away in the void.

 _I- Mother... mom!_ Shinji thought as the woman in the dark started to fade away. Shinji broke free of what was binding him! Moving for the first time since the dream had started. He ran after the woman in the dark, leaving silhouettes of his body trailing in his wake.

"Mom" Shinji, the real Shinji, said in barely a whisper as the woman faded further and further away.

 _Please don't_ he thought. Pain welled up in his chest, an old pain. A child's hurt. A lonely little boy running after the only one he remembered ever loving him.

"Don't leave me again!" Shinji shouted tears streaming down his face as he ran trying to grab the woman in the dark.

The woman in the dark was almost completely gone. No matter how far or how fast he ran, it wasn't enough. The woman was just a tiny spec in the distance now.

"Please... I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts." Shinji whimpered as the woman in the dark faded away leaving him all alone in the void.

 _Please... please don't go..._ Shinji thought.

Shinji sank to knees in the dark void sobbing into his hands. Why did everyone leave him? Why did he always end up alone? Memories of his past came flooding back to him, of his isolation, of Mari leaving the ward without him, her leaving him all alone too. Of his father never visiting him. Of the countless days spent in his private room with nothing in his life. Of being released from the ward and sent off to live with his teacher. Of a birthday that he'd spent alone even in the outside world.

"I hate being all alone..." Shinji sobbed under his breath.

 _ **She's not your mother Shinji. Yui Ikari is dead. She's gone and she won't come back**_ the thing in his heard stirred softly.

A man grown was there with him now. Looming over him in the dark.

"Why?" Shinji sobbed not bothering to look up from his hands.

 _ **Why what?**_

"Why are you showing me this?!" Shinji screamed even as he sobbed into his hands.

This hurt. It hurt so much. More than anything he'd ever known. This emptiness inside him, a wound that cut far deeper than anything physical.

 _ **Because you needed to see**_

"I hate you" Shinji whispered out from his heavy sobs.

The man grown said nothing. He only watched Shinji sobbing on his knees in the void.

 _ **This was too soon. I should not have done this**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji felt a rough hand grab him by the shoulder.

 _ **Open your eyes.**_

* * *

Shinji woke with a start, tears in his eyes, his hand trembling, and strangely enough Asuka standing over him.

"… ah ah. Asuka? What- what are you doing in my room?" Shinji stammered through his tears as he sat up wrapping his arms around himself.

"I heard you crying. You were sobbing so loud I could hear it through the walls." Asuka said narrowing her eyes as she stared him down.

The German Prodigy was in her night clothes, her arms crossed, and looking down at him with something almost like concern.

"I did?" Shinji asked stammering out the words and having trouble getting them out. His lips were trembling and he felt drying tears on his face.

Shinji rubbed his hands along his arms trying to get a hold of himself and took a deep shuddering breath. Those emotions had felt so real. And he had been sobbing in his sleep, so loudly that he'd woken Asuka. He wrapped his arms around himself in a hug. He knew it was silly. Hugging himself. But there was no one else, no one to hold him when he was scared and alone, when he was uncertain and lost. No one to hold his hand.

 _And there hasn't been since mom died_ Shinji thought darkly. He felt like weeping again, felt like breaking down into sobs. But he held it in, it wouldn't do to breakdown again. Not here with Asuka hovering over him. Damn, he must have looked pathetic in this moment. A boy crying over his mother.

Shinji closed his eyes tight, fighting the tears and forcing them back. Asuka was watching him awkwardly. She didn't know what to do. She raised an awkward hand trying to think of something to say, but she lowered it finding nothing.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Bad dreams" Shinji managed to stammer out as he felt his hand trembling again. That nervous motion he'd picked up ever since Eva Unit 01 was shot in the head.

"You talk in your sleep. Something about your mom" Asuka said avoiding his gaze. She sounded as if she had to force the words from her gritted teeth. Like she had to fight the urge to mock it. It was oddly… 'nice' of Asuka in her own way.

"I don't want to talk about it" Shinji said a tad too quickly. He was breathing softly, in and out, calming down from the dream he had. He found it hard to focus. It wasn't healthy to dwell on these thoughts and memories, they only made him miserable.

"Tck. I wasn't offering to listen idiot! I- I was only saying that you talk in your sleep" Asuka said starting off on another rant yet stopping herself at the last minute.

If Shinji hadn't been so shaken up he would have marveled at Asuka legitimately trying to be 'nice' to him.

"Right. Sorry" Shinji said holding himself and rocking slightly from under his bedsheets.

"You apologize too much" Asuka muttered looking away from him.

"Where is Misato? If I woke you up why not her?" Shinji asked after several moments of breathing to calm himself down.

"Not home. She left a note saying she'd be working late tonight. Don't you remember?" Asuka said with a shrug.

"Oh right. I- thank you Asuka. For checking on me. Please don't tell Misato, she'd only worry about me and she has enough to deal with. I think I'll be okay now" Shinji said having calmed down enough to speak properly.

"Whatever. It's your business not mine. Just don't forget to make breakfast and pack lunch for us" Asuka said in her usual tone.

"Right" Shinji said trying to wipe the tears from his face. Damn, they just wouldn't stop. He held them at bay, but the tears lingered in his eye. He needed Asuka to leave the room already. He needed to let it out.

"And don't think this means you can come into _my_ room okay" Asuka suddenly snapped at him up but without her usual venom.

"Why would I want to go into your room?" Shinji asked honestly surprised at her words.

Asuka looked at him like he was idiot. "Because you're a boy." Asuka said walking off and leaving him to his room.

Once she was gone, Shinji ran his hands across his face and through his hair in sheer frustration. He sat there for several minutes, his face in his hands, just breathing softly and letting it out. Allowing himself to cry in the privacy of his room. Minutes later, and he was done. The tears had stopped. And Shinji breathed in and out, calming himself.

 _ **Sorry**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji wanted to yell, to shout out, to curse or punch something, but he held it in. Instead he groggily got up from his bed, found his bag, opened it, grabbed a single red pill and swallowed it.

He left his room and headed for the bathroom to wash his face. He sighed as the cool water ran off his face, wiping away the last of the tears.

 _Must have been bad if Asuka didn't tease me about it_ Shinji thought off-handily.

He ended up having a lot of trouble sleeping that night. He was afraid to dream again, but thankfully when he drifted off to sleep it didn't happen again. Such a shame, he'd been having such a normal day before...

* * *

 _Morning  
_ _Misato's apartment_

"Look can't you just assign me a temporary one? I don't know where it is, I must have dropped it somewhere" Misato was saying over the phone as she dressed for work.

Shinji was making lunch for him and Asuka, only vaguely paying attention to Misato's phone call.

"I memorized my I.D. Number, but the card is faster. All right all right, I'll get another card made. Thanks" Misato said ending her phone call.

"Trouble at work?" Shinji asked from the kitchen. He was already dressed in his school clothes, he was usually the first one to get up and it still surprised Misato every time.

"Yeah I lost my ID card. No idea where it fell. But that's nothing, just a small issue. The PR guys are still a bit fussy about our track record, and the city government is 'concerned' about the presence of four Evangelion Units. Typical b.s." Misato said.

"I thought four units would make them happy" Shinji said slowly as he rubbed his eyes.

"In a perfect world. But every time there's a battle there's property damage. Hence the city government complains. It's an endless cycle" Misato said watching Shinji as he stumbled along packing his and Asuka's lunches.

"I can understand that" Shinji said slowly as he finished packing the lunches.

 _Why does he always make food for everyone? Does he even want to or does he just follow orders_ Misato thought as Asuka entered the kitchen in her school clothes.

"Thanks" Asuka muttered taking the lunch Shinji handed her.

"You alright Shinji? You seem a bit tired" Misato said watching her charge pack his own lunch in his bag.

"I'm fine. Just had trouble sleeping. It comes and it goes" Shinji said avoiding her gaze as he headed for the door with Asuka.

 _He never talks about what bothers him. I know I shouldn't push, but I wish he'd talk to someone_ Misato thought watching the two teenagers leave her apartment. One of these days she would make time to sit and talk with Shinji about what was bothering him, but for now she had work to do. Misato sighed getting ready for work.

…

Shinji met Rei where he usually did outside, they walked to school together almost everyday. Only now Asuka was nearby as well. An unusual circumstance due to Shinji rushing to leave the apartment after Misato noticed his tired eyes, he didn't want to talk about it so he had left as quickly as he could.

"You are very quiet today. Are you unwell Shinji?" Rei asked as they walked to school.

"I'm okay. Just had trouble sleeping" he said doing his best to forget the dream. Nothing good would ever come of trying to remember. The days of him holding onto his madness had ended the day he left the ward, and he'd decided a long time ago he'd never go back.

"Bad dreams again?" Rei asked as they walked.

 _Again? Oh yeah, she was there when I woke up in the hospital. She said I talked in my sleep. She remembered that?_ Shinji thought honestly surprised. Rei missed very little it seemed.

"It comes and it goes. I'll be fine. Just a bad night" Shinji said in a low voice.

"It was bad. He was sobbing for his mother." Asuka called suddenly. The German Prodigy glancing back at the two of them.

Shinji blinked his tired eyes at that. His hands clenched into fists, actually angry with Asuka for once. He knew what he had looked like that night, he did not need her rubbing it in. Not this time, he wasn't in the mood to be called a 'wimp'.

"How do you know this?" Rei asked tilting her head at Asuka.

"I could hear him from my room. 'Mom', 'mom', 'I hate being all alone' I had to wake him up to stop" Asuka said glancing back at them.

Only she was wrong, she hadn't woken Shinji, he had woken up to find her standing over him.

"So did you. The night before the last Angel attack, you came into my room to sleep. I heard you call out for your mom too" Shinji said with narrowed tired eyes.

Asuka scoffed saying "you're dreaming, I'm a grown woman. I don't call out for my mother anymore, you idiot. I was trying to help, but fine. Be like that."

Without another ward, the red head walked off storming away from them whilst Rei slowed her pace to match Shinji's as he thought things over.

 _ **She wasn't mocking you. Not really. Asuka doesn't know how to be nice. She doesn't know how to help because she's just as damaged as you are**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away_ he thought bitterly.

 _ **You are not the only one with problems, Shinji. You've seen her try to be nicer, trying to be not as mean. That's a start, don't ignore that.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away!_ Shinji thought his hands clenched into fists.

Rei put a hand on his shoulder snapping him out of his thoughts. He gasped, blinking in surprise as Rei tilted her head at him unblinkingly.

"You are tired and upset" Rei said. It wasn't a question.

Shinji blinked, opening his mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything to say and so closed it again.

"If you stay home then I will collect your worksheets for the day" Rei said in her usual stoic tone.

It was still strange to Shinji, Rei going out of her way to help him sometimes. But they were friends so he figured he shouldn't be surprised.

"No, I've missed enough school already. I don't mean to take it out on you. Besides we were going to have our first lesson today right. You wanted to learn to cook" Shinji said doing his best to get over himself.

"Yes. I want to cook something for you" Rei said managing a small grin for him.

"Then I'd better go. Thanks Rei, we better hurry or we'll be late" Shinji said calming himself.

"We will be on time" Rei said as the two teenagers started walking again and headed for school.

* * *

 _Geofront  
_ _Nerv HQ_

Misato found the memo on her desk and scowled at it.

'Hey, found your Nerv ID Card. Must have dropped it in the elevator that one time that didn't happen'

-Kaji the Smooth

There lying on her desk below the memo, was her Nerv ID card. Now she'd have to call the tech guys and tells them she didn't need a replacement card after all.

"Damn him" Misato said snatching up the card and heading to the employee cafeteria to meet up with Ritsuko.

Misato found her friend already sitting at a table, wearing her lab coat, food pushed off to the side, and going through several reports of some kind.

"We talked about this. Don't bring the work to lunch" Misato said taking a seat beside Ritsuko with her food.

"Can't be helped. What's up with you? Boy trouble? Kaji piss you off again?" Ritsuko asked. Just like that Ritsuko could figure out what was most likely bothering Misato, she knew her friend alright.

"You could say so. I don't wanna talk about it. Let's just eat and I can forget it ever happened" Misato said sighing as Ritsuko cleared some space on the table for her.

But a part of her didn't want to forget and that scared Misato a little.

* * *

 _Back with Shinji_

School went by as usual. With the teacher droning on and on about some subject or other, Shinji did his best to take notes but he mostly didn't care. Maybe he was being mean, but after piloting everything else just seemed small by comparison. Normal, but not altogether boring.

He kept himself busy to past the time since he had plans with Rei after classes were over. Speaking of Rei, she seemed to be in a 'brighter' mood throughout class.

She had even said good morning when walking into class, an act which surprised a lot of their classmates including Hikari.

At lunch, Shinji and Rei joined Toji and Kensuke as usual whilst Asuka joined Hikari. There was still some tension between Shinji and Asuka today, they never really sought the other out in school, but today his friends could see them ignoring each other.

Toji and Kensuke were kind enough not to bring it up, and Shinji was grateful for that. Instead they just kept talking about the film they saw last night.

"Yeah it was good" Shinji said when they asked him about it.

"Come on, don't be an old man. The final battle was almost thirty minutes long, it was amazing" Toji was saying.

"The part with the planes coming in for an air assault with the music playing" Kensuke was saying his eyes wide as he remembered the scene.

"Ha I remember you almost standing up in excitement. Careful Ken you might get us kicked out of the theater" Shinji said only teasing.

"I can't help it" Kensuke said as Toji teased him too.

Shinji chuckled watching his 'normal' friends tease each other back and forth, or else talk about the dumb action movie from before. They really were normal kids, in someways he envied them. The way they could be awkward and yet at ease with each other and other people their age, the way they could get excited and enjoy something as simple as a movie with that much passion.

Shinji wished he could enjoy anything as much as they did, but for some reason he couldn't. At least not the way they did. Shinji was different than them, he didn't ogle over girls the way they did, he didn't enjoy the spectacle of violence the way they did. There was a reason they sometimes called him 'old man.'

"And you Rei? Did you enjoy the movie?" Shinji asked, not wanting to leave her out of the conversation.

Rei looked up from her lunch saying "it was visually pleasing. However, it should be noted that the military tactics used would not be very effective in reality."

 _She doesn't like action movies_ Shinji thought.

"I know what you mean. But Ken is onto something, its good to just forget things and enjoy the show every now and again. I haven't been to the movies much before so I enjoyed it." Shinji said.

"Me too. I had never been until you invited me" Rei said returning to her food.

 _I hear you Rei. The two of us need to get out more_ Shinji thought returning to his lunch.

* * *

After lunch, Shinji and Rei had to part ways due to their schedules. Later, he saw her during physical education swimming with the other girls, whilst him and Toji, and Kensuke ran track.

Of course Toji always came on top with track, but Shinji never took the bait to try to race him. He only shook his head saying "good job, you're the fastest."

Instead he mostly lagged behind with Kensuke chatting about whatever. Once classes were finished and they were let go, Shinji and the others took off. He had already been planning what to teach Rei first, something simple like a plain meal of miso soup and white rice.

Toji and Kensuke walked with him as he headed off to meet up with Rei at the store.

Or at least, that had been Shinji's plan until him and his friends were almost run over when they stepped out into the street just outside their school.

"Ah!' Kensuke said as Toji had to grab him and pull him back, Shinji stumbled back too, as a girl on a motorcycle drove by them going at least 50 miles per hour.

"Crazy woman!" Toji shouted almost cussing as the motorcycle slowed to a stop, and the girl turned around to drive in front of them at a steady pace.

"Mari?" Shinji said in disbelief.

There sitting before them on her motorcycle was Mari dressed in a pair of jeans, a simple t-shirt, black riding shoes, and a brown leather jacket.

"Hey there dummy, how's it hanging?" Mari asked bemused at the expression in all three boys' faces. Shock, awe, and on Toji and Kensuke a sense of being completely dumbfounded.

Her motorcycle hummed softly as she kept it parked so they could talk.

"Mari" Shinji said smiling at her presence as she laughed him at saying "that is my name."

"How? Where did you get that?" Shinji said cracking up with laughter as Toji and Kensuke marveled at the motorcycle before them.

"A dealership. I don't have restrictions on my money, and Eva piloting pays well." Mari said smirking at him.

"It's beautiful" Toji said looking Mari's bike up and down. Damn he wished he could ride too.

"Don't you need a license?" Shinji asked still smiling and in disbelief of how she kept coming into his life seemingly at random.

"I do have a license dummy. I'm 17, I can drive what I want" Mari answered like it was most obvious thing in the world.

"She's so cool" Kensuke was whispering to himself in awe. The otaku shook his head, camcorder out and recording everything.

 _I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I think Ken is embarrassing me._ Shinji thought awkwardly.

"I had to ask around to find where you went to school. Come on Shinji. Hop on, you're coming with me. My punishment is over and I have free reign at long last" Mari said patting the seat behind her on her motorcycle.

"About time, I thought my father would never let you free" Shinji said.

They hadn't been able to see other each much since she arrived in Japan, just that one time during the last Angel attack and that was really it. But finally, _finally_ they could catch up.

His first friend.

"Sorry boys, Shinji only." Mari said glancing at the dejected boys. Though of course the invitation was only for Shinji, she didn't know Toji or Kensuke, and there was only room for one passenger anyway.

 _ **Don't go with her**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji stilled at that. _What the? Why does everyone hate my friend!_ He thought.

"Go on Shinji. We don't mind, you lucky lucky man" Toji said patting him on the back completely jealous.

 _ **Shinji. Do not go with her**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji took a step forward taking in the motorcycle before slowly slide his leg over and getting on behind Mari.

"Uh... Mari. What do I hold on to?" he asked awkwardly.

 _ **Shinji don't-**_

 _Go away. Need my pills_ he thought.

Mari glanced back at him like he'd just asked the silliest question. "Me, dummy." she said a coy look on her face.

"What?" Shinji asked unable to stop laughing. This wasn't how he thought the day would go, but he wasn't complaining either.

"My hips Shinji. Hold onto my hips. Wrap an arm around my waist if you feel like you're gonna fall" Mari said getting serious once she saw he really didn't know what to do.

 _ **You should stop. Tell her some other time**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji ignored his head and awkwardly put his hands around Mari's waist.

"You're gonna fall like that dummy. Here" Mari said laughing as she took his stumbling hands in hers, and wrapped them around her waist.

"See you around Shinji" Kensuke said camera still in hand and recording everything.

"Bye Ken, Toji" Shinji said as Mari put her bike out of park and drove off with him in tow.

Kensuke and Toji watched the coolest girl they knew drive off with most awkward guy they knew, and shook their heads.

"Hey Ken" Toji said staring off at the disappearing Mari and Shinji.

"Yeah"

"You ever notice how many pretty girls Shinji knows" Toji said.

"Oh yeah. Misato, Rei, Asuka, and now Mari. I notice. Oh do I notice. Some guys get all the luck" Kensuke said smirking behind his camera as he recorded them driving off in the distance.

"Damn. What do those girls see in him" Toji sighed.

…

"Oh my god! This is so scary!" Shinji shouted holding on for dear life as Mari drove her motorcycle in and out of traffic lanes, swerving through cars like they were nothing.

"I know! Isn't it awesome!" Mari called back grinning, though she couldn't look back at him while driving.

Mari swerved, turning into another lane and following it around the block, her bike almost pressing to the street floor. Shinji tightened his grip on her and had to fight the urge to scream like a little girl but Mari knew what she was doing, they never actually touched the floor.

 _ **Shinji. You had plans for the day**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away_ he thought bitterly.

 _ **You're forgetting something. You promised that you would teach Rei-**_

 _Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_ Shinji thought fiercely. And amazingly, the thing in his head went away.

Couldn't he just enjoy a single day with his first friend? Why did everyone he know try to stop them from speaking. His father, and even Misato at times.

"Whoa there, quite the grip you got Shinji. You trying to put the moves on me?" Mari called teasingly as she drove on through the streets of Tokyo-3.

"Hmm. Sorry, just not used to this" Shinji stammered out.

He hadn't realized that his hands had clenched into fists whilst he had been arguing with the thing in his head.

"Its cool. Anyway, I know this really great place in the inner city where we can catch up. You'll love it, or at least I will and you can watch me love it" Mari said smirking.

Shinji snorted with laughter at that. There was just something about his first friend that brought out his lighter side, something that had always made him laugh with the smallest of things.

* * *

At the same time, Rei Ayanami stood waiting for Shinji outside the store where they had agreed to meet up after class.

He was running late. But still, Rei waited. Waited and waited for him, for her only real friend.

Shinji didn't come. Nervously, Rei got out her phone and called him. But Shinji never answered, the phone would ring until going to voice mail every time.

She waited and Shinji never came. Rei had started to hate these strange feelings that overcame her at times like this, this pain that was not physical, this gloom that she would carry in her chest.

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

Kaji took a seat at a booth of the small diner he was in. He calmly ordered a cup of coffee, mostly keeping to himself, as a woman took a seat in the booth beside his and began reading the newspaper.

He took a long drink of his coffee when it arrived, and winked at the waitress as she was leaving. Kaji smirked at the flush the woman had on her way out.

"Don't be such a man whore" the woman sitting in the booth beside him said.

"I'm not. Just being friendly. Can't a man be friendly?" Kaji asked coolly taking another drink of his coffee.

The woman sitting in the booth beside him stood up and quietly joined him at his booth, sliding in with her own coffee and newspaper.

She was from the Japanese Ministry of the Interior, and together they were investigating Nerv and possible connections to SEELE. She was a bit older than Kaji, dressed like an average woman going about her day, but he knew she had a gun in her purse all the same.

"What was so urgent that you had to meet in person?" the woman said. They didn't use names in public or in private. Better that way.

"Been looking into things. Nerv has good security so it hasn't exactly been easy. I found somethings but I can't follow up on them. I need some help on you and your boss's end" Kaji said simply.

"Go on" the woman said taking a sip of her coffee.

"I've done some work for Commander Ikari that I can't explain. 'Taken' property for him that he did not own, and delivered it to the Geofront. Almost got caught. But I've been looking around what files I could get into on Nerv's databanks. They're very interested in the Eva Pilots" Kaji said oddly serious.

No witty charm or smooth remarks this time.

"So you said in your report. And why wouldn't Nerv be interested in their Eva Pilots." the woman, the agent, from the Japanese Ministry said.

"Because there's almost nothing on them apart for the Second Child. She has records from Germany and their all there. But the First Child's records are blank, as if she was just born one day and became a pilot. That's strange. The Fourth Child is some girl from a rich family, but she's the oldest pilot and Dr. Page of all people was her temporary guardian during the move back to Japan." Kaji said.

The waitress came back asking if they needed anything. Kaji accepted a refill, and waited for the waitress to leave before continuing.

"Dr. Page? She's no doctor but she has a lot of pull with the right people" the agent from the Japanese Ministry said slowly.

"Exactly. But more than that. The Third Child, he's the son of Commander Ikari. Nerv has been watching him more than any of the other pilots" Kaji said in a low voice.

"Commander Ikari's son? That bastard let his own child pilot an Eva even knowing the risks?" the agent from the the Japanese Ministry whispered coldly.

Kaji nodded saying "there's no love lost between the two as far as I can tell. They don't talk, and they're not on good terms. But here's the thing, I swiped the Nerv ID card off his legal guardian and made a copy card."

"Did she suspect anything? You're taking a lot of risks lately" the agent said narrowing her eyes at him.

"She doesn't. I know her actually, and I already returned the original card. But I went digging with the copy I made. The Third Child, his files are protected. They're more encrypted than any of the other pilots' files. And almost _all_ of the boy's medical files have been sealed. I tried using his guardian's Nerv ID, but even she isn't allowed to see those files." Kaji said.

"So what's so special about this boy and his medical files? Why go through all that trouble just for him?" the agent asked coolly.

"I don't know. But Nerv has put a lot of effort to keep anyone from seeing those files. They're more interested in him than any other pilot. I did some digging on my own, my sources and not his guardian's ID, and all I got was a name. The name of a foreign, and privately owned, facility based here in Japan" Kaji said taking a sip of his coffee.

"I take it you need help from our end to get details, since we have resources you don't" the agent said not really asking a question.

"Yes. I don't know the Third Child that well, but there's something about him that has got Nerv's attention. During his first ever piloting run against an Angel, he achieved a 91% sync ratio." Kaji said.

The agent nearly spat the coffee out of her mouth. "What?" the woman whispered in awe.

"91%. He did it for a few seconds, but he's never been able to do it a second time. Anyway, far as I can tell the Third Child spent a few years in that facility. I want to know what he was there for. And I think you will too" Kaji said eerily serious.

He slid a folder filled with various papers across the table and the agent took it, hiding it under her newspaper.

"We'll look into it. Good job, you're doing better than I thought. Try to keep a low profile and get as much on them as you can" the agent said.

Kaji got to his feet saying "don't worry. Everyone underestimates me."

He left the diner and lit a cigarette, taking a deep whiff, as he headed back out into the city. There were a lot of unanswered questions, but he would take his time.

* * *

 _Tokyo-3 Inner city_

"You get used to it. The thrill of the ride, it'll put hair on your chest" Mari was teasing as Shinji and her got off her bike.

"Heh, I thought I was gonna fall off a few times" Shinji said chuckling more at himself than anything else. He knew Mari wouldn't have let him get hurt on purpose.

Mari parked her bike carefully, before turning around saying "I'd not let you fall dummy."

"Where are we?" Shinji asked as he followed Mari into the inner city. He'd never been to this part of the city before, it was busy and there seemed to be a lot going on.

"A place I know with good music. We're going to dance, and then we're going to catch up" Mari said leading him down an alley where they emerged on a street leading up to a park.

A park where people had set up a concert for the public. It was probably the strangest and most wonderful thing Shinji had ever seen. People were already packed in getting ready for public event, a stage had been set up with lights and speakers.

"Uh I don't dance" Shinji said nervously.

Mari took his hand saying "the hell you don't. I seem to remember a certain Angel that was killed by a pair of dancing Eva units."

 _Damn, she's got me there_ Shinji thought as he was dragged along by Mari to the park.

"Don't be scared. It's just a place to have fun and let off some steam" Mari said. She held his hand as they entered the park with the other crowds of people. There were people ten years older than him there, as well as some closer to Mari's age, and some adults already packed in.

The music started playing and within minutes people had started dancing along or else enjoying the show as lights flashed on and on displaying strange and beautiful patterns in time with the music.

"Don't just stand there dummy. Dance with me" Mari said shaking Shinji by the shoulder as he took a second to watch all the people moving.

"I don't know how" Shinji said. He stayed close to Mari as the concert started drawing more and more people into the open area of the park.

"Come on, it's not rocket science. You just move along with the music. Rock your head to the beat, like this" Mari said.

Shinji tried copying her but she just laughed at him.

"I'm hopeless" Shinji said grinning in spite of himself.

"You gotta stop worrying so much. Just enjoy the moment. Who cares if you look ridiculous, just do it" Mari said dancing in time with the music. Rocking her head in time with the beat and then moving the rest of her body seemingly at random.

The crowd of people did the same, but Shinji only stood still and watched Mari dance for a moment. She really was beautiful, so full of life. The same girl he remembered meeting back in the ward, the girl who had brought back his smile.

Slowly, Shinji started doing the same and Mari beamed at him. Maybe she was onto to something, maybe he should just learn to enjoy the moment and not overthink things.

Mari never left his side, always dancing with or beside him amid the crowd of other people dancing, milling about, or else watching the free event.

Shinji lost track of time as he danced with Mari. He wasn't as good as she was, but she often took time to show something else he could do. This wasn't a formal dance, or a coordinated event like the Angel attack plan, it was just people letting off steam. There weren't any real rules, and no one cared if he was bad so he learned to do his own thing or just follow Mari's lead.

Mari didn't mind. In fact she seemed happy to take the lead.

"See, I knew you had it in you!" Mari said having to shout through the concert as they danced.

"Yeah! I just never knew I did!" Shinji said having to shout back.

They danced for what seemed like hours in the free concert. The light show going on and on in the background while Shinji found himself enjoying the night surrounded by people he didn't know, and dancing with his very first friend.

It was something he'd have never done on his own. Something that he wouldn't have even thought to try, but then again Mari had always been the adventurous one. The one to try new things and to drag him along too, not that he minded either.

Later, after Shinji was so tired that he was almost falling over, Mari had taken him out of the 'dancing pit' for lack of a better word and gotten them drinks at a nearby booth. Together they managed to find some chairs to sit in while the concert started to died down around them.

"So after leaving the word I was sent back to my family. They're wealthy but I don't see them much. I tried to contact you, but the ward wouldn't let any of my letters through and my folks found out. They weren't happy, they wanted me to leave all traces of the ward behind" Mari was saying.

"I did wonder why you never tried to contact me for all those years" Shinji said taking a drink of his water. His feet were so tired but he couldn't remember the last time he'd been so... been so 'happy'.

Mari poked him on the head saying "I did try! I tried a lot! I missed you, you know."

"Ack, I know I know. I missed you too" Shinji said rubbing his forehead where she had poked him.

"Anyway, a few years later some men in suits came and I had to undergo some tests. They said I was compatible with the Evas, and I was shipped off for a sync test. I scored really well with the sync tests, and months later after a lot of training simulations, here I am. Then I ran into your scrawny butt on the Over the Rainbow." Mari said continuing her story.

"I'm not that scrawny, am I?" Shinji asked slowly.

"You're kidding right? I got more muscle than you" Mari teased. She grabbed him by the arm feeling his nonexistent muscle. Then she flexed her arm showing him her muscle.

"Come on, I've only been outside the ward for about a year and a half now." Shinji said defensively. But he knew she wasn't being serious, and neither was he. They were just poking fun at each other.

"Still, I gotta admit. I was impressed watching your first run on Unit 01. The way you used the Angel's own weapon against it. That was cool" Mari said smirking at him.

"You saw that?" Shinji asked honestly surprised.

"Yup, the Nerv branch in Germany let us look at some of the footage. Though I gotta say Shinji, you don't know how to punch for shit. You were just throwing your hand at the Angel's face. No technique at all. It did the job though, well done." Mari said beaming at him.

Shinji scoffed saying "I'm not much of a fighter."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You handle it better than I thought you would. You're not the little kid I met in the ward all those years ago" Mari said oddly serious.

"Yeah, well you're not the little girl I caught stealing pudding all those years ago either" Shinji said.

"I was only _borrowing_ them. Besides, you ate it too" Mari teased and they both laughed.

"I really appreciate this Mari. I was having a bad day earlier but I can barely remember why anymore. My friend Kensuke told me I need to lighten up more, but I didn't really get it until now. All people can do is go on with their lives, and let off some steam when they need to" Shinji said.

Mari blinked at that.

"Wow, that was mature of you. You sure I'm the older one?" Mari asked. She hadn't put anywhere near that amount of thought in it, she'd just wanted to have fun, but she'd take the credit all the same.

"I'm pretty sure. You are taller than me after all" Shinji said chuckling.

"And stronger" Mari said smirking as she flexed her muscle teasing him again.

Shinji only shook his head, he really had missed her all these years. He looked up at the night sky wondering just how had time flown by so fast. One moment he'd been leaving classes and the next he'd been dragged along on another adventure with Mari. He could barely believe it was dark already.

"It's late. Can you drive me back to Misato's apartment?" Shinji asked.

"Of course, I'm not gonna leave you stranded here. But just in case, you have to promise that we do this again some time" Mari said getting to her feet.

"I'd like that. Or anything really. I missed our time together" Shinji said honestly.

He put his drink down and got to his feet wobbling as he felt his tired legs start to give out on him, he just wasn't used to spending hours at a concert or else out in the city like Mari was.

Before he could fall Mari caught him by the hands, and pulled him up so he didn't fall.

"Sorry about that" Shinji said looking at Mari as she held him by the hands.

Only Mari didn't answer back right away. She only stared down at him with a warm look in her eye that he couldn't quite place. Her lips parted a minuscule amount, but said nothing, and Mari leaned in ever so slightly. It was like they were frozen in time for a moment.

Her lips an inch from his.

"Mari?" Shinji asked leaning backwards slightly, not sure what was going on.

And just like that, the moment ended and Mari stopped.

She sighed and lowered her head, bumped her forehead to his like when they had first met all those years ago in the ward.

"Oh Shinji, you're so mature for your age. More mature than me sometimes. But in many ways you're still such a kid" Mari said sadly.

 _What did I do?_ Shinji thought frowning

"Hey can I ask you something?" Mari said suddenly as she let go of his hands.

"... okay" Shinji answered. He didn't know what he had done, but he didn't like seeing Mari sad.

"You really don't remember, do you? You never brought it up. Not even when we were alone" Mari whispered oddly serious.

"Remember what?" Shinji asked frowning.

"It's okay" Mari said sadly shaking her head at him.

The older girl, almost a young woman really, smiled sadly at him. Her eyes piercing into his with such warmth, and something more. Something Shinji didn't have a word for.

"You did tell me this would happen" Mari said as she pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. In someways it reminded him of the hug Misato had given him, but in other ways it was different.

"You told me you wouldn't remember. That you wouldn't remember what you did for me" Mari said into his ear.

"What?" Shinji asked his breathe catching in his throat as Mari rested her head into his shoulder, having to bend her knees slightly since she was taller.

"It's okay. I remember, even if you do not. I can't ever repay you Shinji, but you did it without ever wanting anything in return. You did it thinking you'd never see me again, but you did it anyway." Mari said her voice trembling with emotion. A rare moment of vulnerability.

"What are you talki-" Shinji stammered even as Mari rubbed the small of his back gently. He didn't know what else to do so he wrapped an arm around her to, embracing her back.

"You're only one who could ever understand what that meant to me." Mari said holding him close.

Shinji didn't understanding everything. He didn't fully understand Mari was talking about, but he knew this was important to her. Knew that she'd never show this side of herself to anyone but him, and being around Mari made him feel... almost like he was happy.

His first friend. And so he hugged her and let her lean into him, basking in the warmth that she brought to him. Funny, how two people so different could end with such a strong bond.

" **You're the one who fixed me Shinji. You're the reason I left the mental ward** " Mari whispered into his ear.

A memory stirred in Mari's mind as she spoke basking in Shinji's warmth. Not Shinji's memory, but Mari's.

* * *

 _Three years ago  
_ _One week before Mari was released from the mental ward_

Little Mari stood in her room shuddering and unable to speak as she stood immobile and confused. She tried to move, to speak, to do anything, but found that she couldn't.

" _ **I will not remember this**_ " the Other Shinji said. His hand resting softly on her face, his fingers tracing the features of her forehead.

Her friend had sneaked into her room, somehow getting past the lock, and woken her in the middle of the night. But something was wrong with him. Shinji's eyes were different. His eyes were so empty and hollow, cold.

Not the eyes of the soft spoken boy that Mari made friends with.

"Shinji" Little Mari managed to whisper as he held her head gently.

" _ **I hope we never meet again. Goodbye Mari**_ " the Other Shinji said his hollow brown eyes boring into hers.

Little Mari started coughing violently as Shinji released her head. She started to shudder and almost fell, but Shinji caught her and guided her to her bed. Other Shinji made sure Mari was seated on her bed, careful not to hurt her, before he stood looming over her.

" _ **Stay here. No matter what happens, stay here. You will be better when this is over**_ " Shinji said as a small trickle of blood started pouring down his nose.

 _You're bleeding_ Mari wanted to tell her Shinji. But she couldn't speak. All Little Mari could do was watch the blood trail down Shinji's face.

Mari wanted to fight it, wanted to ask him what was going on. She wanted her friend back, but he left there in her bed shuddering as if she was cold when she wasn't. Without another word, the Other Shinji turned and left her room, closing the door behind him on his way out and disappearing.

Little Mari was there laying in bed, unable to move for several minutes before jolting up as if waking with a start. Blood trailing down her nose and onto her chin.

She shot out of her bed and scrambled onto her feet, bedsheets flying as she did so, and nearly fell to the floor in her hurry.

"Ack" She cried her head wobbling.

She didn't understand what had happened. "Shinji" she moaned calling out for him.

Little Mari wiped the drops of blood off her face as she pushed open her unlocked door and stepped outside into the hall.

"Shinji" Little Mari moaned again.

 _Need to find him. Need to find him!_ Little Mari thought. She didn't remember everything that had happened, but she didn't much care at the moment.

"Shinji" Little Mari moaned wandering the halls of the empty ward looking for her only friend. She heard commotion coming from the cafeteria and ran off as fast as her legs could carry her.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" a voice screamed into the night. A voice that made Mari's heart stop… her only friend was screaming.

"Shinji!" Mari cried running towards the sound and slamming into the cafeteria doors, forcing them open, as she slipped inside.

Only the ward staff had beaten her to him, two nurses, a security guard, and a few other staff members had already rushed in. They'd been working the night shift when they'd heard the scream too.

11 year old Shinji Ikari sat on his knees in the middle of the cafeteria, dressed in his plain white clothes, silent and still, his eyes wide as the nurses knelt down to check on him.

"What's wrong with him? He doesn't respond to anything? How did he get out of his room?" one of the nurses was saying.

"Shinji" Little Mari said in barely a whisper.

One of the ward staff turned and spotted her as she started jogging to her friend.

"Hey?! What are you doing out of your room at night!" the staff called as Mari ignored them.

She tried to run past the staff but they grabbed her by the arms pulling her back. "Shinji" she moaned.

"He's bleeding. He's having a nosebleed… and… and he has blood in his _eyes!_ " the ward nurse holding Shinji said panicking.

"Shinji!" Little Mari called fighting against the staff as they dragged her back.

"Get her out of here. Call Dr. Page and get her down here! There's something wrong with patient Ikari-" the ward nurse started saying but was interrupted by screaming.

11-year old Shinji opened his mouth and _screamed_ in pain _._

"Ahh! Gah! Ugh!" he screamed, his eyes wild and unnerved, holding his head so tightly he almost pulled the hair from his scalp.

"Shinji!" Mari shouted breaking free of the stunned staff.

The 11-year old boy shot up from the floor, breaking free of the nurse's grasp, and flailed backward. Shinji's blood soaked eyes moving back and forth, seeing things that no one else could…

Mari reached Shinji first, faster than even the stunned nurses, and grabbed onto his wild arms trying to keep him steady.

"Shinji! What's wrong! Why did you-" Mari said holding onto her only friend for dear life when he cut her off with another pained scream.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Shinji screamed in pain that no child should endure.

He was moving so violently that he nearly threw her off of him, despite the fact that she was older and bigger than him, yet Mari clung to him while the staff got their act together.

"What can I do? You have blood in your eyes! Shinji! Please Shinji! Please come back! Come back!" Mari was sobbing as Shinji flailed around. It broke her heart to hear 'her Shinji' screaming in pain, no one as kind and pure as him deserved this.

 _Look at me!_ She wanted to scream, but Shinji only looked elsewhere. Seeing images that only he could perceive.

"Dummy, you got lost again! Just come back" Mari cried pulling on Shinji trying to keep him from falling.

Shinji didn't seem to hear her.

"Come back! Come back to me Shinji!" Mari sobbed hugging Shinji close, wrapping her arms tightly around him as he flailed nearly falling over.

" _ **Go away**_ _ **. You cannot help us.**_ " the Other Shinji whispered in her ear. Whispered in a voice that was his yet not his.

Mari gasped as Shinji broke free of her embrace, the young boy pulling her arms off of him as he stumbled back trashing wildly, nose bleeding violently and screaming.

Before Mari could run to him again, the staff grabbed her by the arms pulling her back for a second time.

The other staff that had rushed in at the sound of screaming cornered Shinji, and grabbed him. The nurses had somehow gotten a stretcher into the cafeteria.

Shinji stopped screaming and started foaming at the mouth, barely able to breathe let alone scream. He was having a seizure and the nurses were doing everything they could to save him.

Mari cried, sobbing at the sight of Shinji nearly dying, as the staff pulled her away.

"He's having a seizure! Strap him in! We're transferring him to a hospital. And someone call Dr. Page! She'll want to know ASAP" a nurse called.

"Shinji!" Mari shouted through her tears struggling against the staff as they pulled her back.

"Get her back to her room!" the same nurse called.

Mari had tears in her eyes as the staff simply picked her up by the arms and dragged her off, back to her room where they locked the door again.

 _Shinji… what did you do?_ She thought slamming a fist uselessly on the door. "Shinji" Mari sobbed, the image of him strapped to a stretcher and wheeled out of the ward stuck in her mind.

She sunk to her knees hugging herself tight. Her only friend was hurt and she couldn't help. She stayed like that in her room the whole night.

...

The next day she looked for Shinji, but she couldn't find him. She asked around but the staff only looked at her nervously or else said he was in the hospital.

Days later Mari was given a series of test and medical examinations. Test and examinations that she had always failed, but this time had passed.

One week after Shinji's incident, Mari was deemed healthy and released from the ward.

* * *

 _The present_

Mari gasped as she felt a rough hand grab her by the shoulder, and push her away.

The Other Shinji broke their embrace and turned away from her.

" _ **Don't bring that up. You shouldn't talk about that Mari. The past is the past**_ **"** the Other Shinji said looking away from her.

Mari stilled at that. Something about Shinji's voice, something cold.

He parted from her looking off somewhere in the distance wordlessly. Keeping a noticeable distance between them that she did not like one bit.

"Okay, I won't talk about the ward anymore" Mari said uneasily.

" _ **Hmm**_ " the Other Shinji grunted, nodding slightly but never once looking at her.

 _Why won't you look at me!_ Mari thought her hands clenched into fists.

Mari took a deep breath and calmed herself. She slowly reached out a nervous hand for him but he stepped away from her. The Other Shinji putting more distance between Mari and this Shinji.

"Shinji" she called out nervously.

He ignored her.

She called out to him again, and again he ignored her.

"Shinji-" Mari called.

"Ahh" Shinji moaned snapping out of it. He rubbing his eyes and stumbled back briefly, shaking his head in confusion.

He blinked in surprise at where he was standing. _How did I get here? I thought I was standing next to Mari?_ He thought nervously.

"Sorry, I kinda spaced out there for a second" Shinji said turning to face her. He wasn't sure what had come over him.

"I thought you were mad at me" Mari said slowly.

"What? I could never be mad at you Mari" Shinji said honestly surprised that she'd ever think that.

"... You're still so weird" Mari said cracking up with laughter. But it was a nervous laughter, trying to defuse something that Shinji didn't quite catch.

"So are you" Shinji said smiling softly.

"Yeah, but I make it look it good" Mari countered smirking.

She was relieved that things were back to normal, she'd been nervous and worried just seconds ago. That only made Shinji laugh more which in turn made her laughter more too. They made such a weird sight that a few people give them curious looks but neither cared.

"Come on, I better get you home before mama Misato throws a fit" Mari said as the two of them headed back for Mari's bike.

* * *

The ride back home was uneventful, well as uneventful as it could be with Mari swerving in and out of traffic lanes and Shinji hanging onto her for dear life.

However, when they reached the apartment block, and Mari came to a steady stop near the entrance to drop Shinji off, they found Rei walking towards them.

Rei must have waited nearby, watching for them, to meet them there.

"Hey First Child" Mari said in greeting. Mari stopped her motorcycle just a few feet in front of the strange pale girl.

"Rei?" Shinji said in surprise. What was she doing waiting for them at this time of night?

"Hello Shinji. Where have you been?" Rei asked speaking in a low tone that... that Shinji did not like. Rei was watching him unblinkingly as he clung to Mari, he had to whilst he was on Mari's bike with her.

"He was with me. Just catching up again after all this time" Mari said.

Shinji let go of Maris waist and slowly hopped off the motorcycle as Rei watched silently.

"It was pretty fun. You should have seen it Rei, there was this concert at the park that Mari took me to and it was amazing" Shinji said beaming at the memory.

"Shinji said he didn't know how to dance. Can you believe that? He killed an Angel using a danc-" Mari began only for Rei to interrupt her.

"I was talking to Shinji. Not you" Rei said completely deadpan and without emotion.

Mari scoffed at that eyeing Rei with bemused surprise more than anything else. Nothing, or very few, things ever seemed to get to Mari. It was something people found either admired or were unnerved about when it came to her.

"Well, aren't you a mean one." Mari said coolly.

Rei ignored the older girl.

 _What was that about?_ Shinji thought looking between the two girls. Only Rei never even glanced at Mari, she kept her attention solely on him.

"I'll see you around Shinji. We'll have to do that some other time eh?" Mari said patting him on the shoulder affectionately. Her hand lingered on his shoulder a second longer than it needed to.

"Yeah, some other time" Shinji agreed as Mari started her bike again and drove off.

He waved Mari goodbye before turning back to Rei.

"Hey, is everything okay? I know Mari is a little strange, but she's a great friend to have" Shinji started to say but stopped at the look on Rei's face.

She looked so sad and he didn't know why.

"Rei? What is it? What's wrong?" Shinji said slowly.

"I waited for you. I waited for you for hours and you never came." Rei said her voice emotionless, but looking at him like she was going to cry.

Shinji didn't know what to say. He'd never seen her like that before. Her emotionless demeanor held in place, but nearing a breaking point if you looked at her eyes.

"Rei? I- what are you talking about? Rei?" Shinji stammered, but before he could finish Rei walked off without him. Completely bypassing him, Rei's shoulders slumped as she walked past him wordlessly.

Shinji tried to follow after her, to tug on her sleeve, but she ignored him and kept walking.

"Rei" he called out to her as she kept on walking without him.

Shinji was left standing outside the apartment block stupidly as he watched his friend leave.

 _ **Cooking**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Gah! What the hell?_ Shinji thought holding his head.

 _ **Rei wanted to cook you a meal. You promised to teach her. Forgot about that, didn't you? Check your phone**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji slowly reached into his bag and pulled out his phone. Seven missed calls, all from Rei. He must have not been able to hear it during the concert at the park. And he'd never bothered to check it afterwords.

 _I promised to meet up with Rei after class... to teach her to cook_ Shinji thought feeling his throat constrict as he realized he had completely forgotten about her.

Shinji broke into a jog after his friend, he knew the way to her apartment and it wasn't too far from Misato's after all. He found Rei more than halfway to her apartment. He tried to talk to her but she ignored him.

Saying "I'm sorry I forgot. Mari showed up and I just... I didn't mean to"

or else

"Mari is my oldest friend and I hadn't seen her in a long time. I didn't plan that, it just happened. How about tomorrow? Some other time? I'll make it up to you. Rei. Rei. Rei?"

Shinji ended up following a stoic Rei all the way to the door of her apartment, but she never once glanced back at him.

"Rei-" Shinji said as she opened her apartment door and stepped in without glancing back. She closed the door on him before he could say anything further and he heard the lock click.

Shinji let out a heavy breath in frustration. He banged his head against Rei's door. If she minded she didn't say.

 _ **Girls do not like to be ignored Shinji**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away. Need my pills_ Shinji thought reaching into his bag and grabbing a pill. He swallowed his red pill and stood there stupidly outside Rei's apartment.

Not knowing what else to do Shinji headed off back home. He was on a sort of auto pilot as he made his way back to Misato's apartment, took a shower, and went to bed.

"I'll make it up to her. How mad could Rei be?" Shinji mumbled to himself. Though he wondered if 'mad' was the right world.

 _Ugh. Why do I have to be so bad with people_ Shinji thought. He just knew he'd have trouble sleeping again.

* * *

 **All the character focus/drama will have a point.  
As for the dream with the woman in the dark. She was actually mentioned and 'shown' in the very first chapter of this story. She also appeared through Shinji's visions when Eva Unit 01 was shot in the head and he had a seizure. I'm sure some readers know whom 'she' is.**

 **I did say those files on Shinji would come up again.**

 **Poor Shinji, he's not really all that good with people. Girls in particular.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	11. Abnormal

**Hey guys, I'm back.  
** **Thanks to everyone whose read and review! This fic has gotten a lot more view and reviews lately, so thanks to everyone.  
** **Long chapter, so long that I had to split it.**

 **I hope you all enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

 _"I was never good at facing my problems. I wanted to run away and forget. Took me a long time to learn, but I did. I mustn't run away. I struggled because I was afraid, I was never brave and strong like the others. But that's the thing. You can only ever be brave when you are afraid._ "

\- _**the broken man**_.

* * *

 _Nerv HQ  
_ _Deep underground_

"Well, after several scans we can say that the sample was altered" Deputy Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki said looking over the frozen embryo.

"So it seems. If Kaji noticed the crack along the frozen dura-bakelite, he did not mention it. How was the sample altered?" Commander Gendo Ikari said.

The two older men stood deep underground in a private lab of sorts, the staff had been re-assigned some time ago and only Fuyutsuki himself was allowed access to the equipment. Ever since the 'Over the Rainbow' incident, when Gendo had noticed the crack along the sample's container, he had had Fuyutsuki personally studying it.

Fuyutsuki had added another layer of frozen dura-bakelite over the previous containment, an extra precaution that Gendo approved of. Adam was essentially 'immortal' from what SEELE and Nerv had found out over the years. Even after the Second Impact, the recovered scraps of the First Angel had reassembled and begun rebuilding itself.

SEELE's solution? Allow Adam to regrow enough for a decent sample then freeze it to keep it contained. No cellular activity allowed. That said, Adam was still considered dangerous.

"A minuscule loss of mass. 75.26 grams lost from the recorded weight listed in the records that we managed to 'obtain' from SEELE. That's tiny, almost too small to be visible to the human eye." Fuyutsuki said.

"A piece, however small, of Adam's flesh went missing during the transport." Gendo said coldly.

"Do you suspect Kaji? Surely he would not be so foolish as to release Adam without a method to keep it contained." Fuyutsuki said.

"I do not believe he would have taken a piece of the sample, and then delivered the rest to us. He may not know a piece was missing, though as long as the whole is contained it will make little difference." Gendo said gazing over the Adam sample. The Adam sample that now held two layers of frozen dura-bakelite.

"We will investigate to be sure. For now, Adam is contained. I will begin preparing the necessary measures for the operation." Fuyutsuki said grimly. He knew what was asked of him, but Gendo almost seemed eager to do somethings himself, having already chosen the hand for the implant.

Gendo flexed his gloved hand. "See that it gets down. Take as much time as you need, the sample is imperative."

Without so much as a goodbye, Gendo Ikari turned and left Fuyutsuki standing in the re-purposed lab with the frozen sample.

 _How rude_ Fuyutsuki thought turning to leave as well.

* * *

 _Elsewhere_

"Alright. Sync test complete. Both of you are looking good. Mari, congratulations on your high scores. Rei you're doing fine but you dipped a bit today." Ritsuko said into the comm, as she looked at them through the observation window.

"Dr. Akagi, am I free to go?" Rei asked into the comm.

 _That's odd. Rei almost never asks for anything_ Ritsuko thought.

"The tests for today are over. Rei, Mari, the two of you are free to go" Ritsuko called over the comm.

She was surprised at how quickly the sync test had gone. 40% for Rei, and 46% for Mari which was a little higher than Shinji's to the surprise of all the staff. Shinji's ratio had been lower lately, but no one else had ever even come close to the 91% miracle that Shinji achieved for roughly 12 seconds on his first piloting run.

"Cool. Thanks Dr. Akagi, any word on how long before I can pilot again?" Mari asked over the comm as she stretched her limbs. She had trouble sitting down or staying still for long periods of time.

"Eva Unit 03 is operational to some extent, but Nerv likes to be careful just in case. Unit 01 and 02 are the front line for now, but the two of you are there if needed. It shouldn't be much more of a wait" Ritsuko said over the comm.

She didn't even looking up from the printed results that her assistant Maya Ibuki handed to her. She heard Mari sigh over the comm before exiting the testing plug.

"There's something odd about that girl. She's the oldest pilot, but she actually 'likes' it. She's not afraid at all" Maya said thinking aloud.

Ritsuko turned to her saying "all the Eva pilots seem a bit odd, don't they? I have a theory about that, but for now we have our pilots."

"Yes ma'am" Maya said.

 _If you only you knew. There is something to be said that the two pilots with the highest scores were both once patients in a mental ward_ Ritsuko thought. She'd kept her promise to Shinji and not told anyone who didn't already know. For now at least, it didn't seem relevant. But a part of wondered why Shinji had never told her that Mari was a fellow patient of his.

...

 _Locker room_

"So, First Child. You ever going to tell me what you're so pissed about? Or, are you just gonna silently narrow your eyes at me every time we have tests" Mari said coolly.

"I do not understand what you mean" Rei said slowly.

The two girls were in Nerv's female locker room, changing back into their street clothes after the long period of sync tests. Yet Mari noted that Rei seemed to ignore, or else silently glare, her way the whole time.

That was nothing to Mari, she'd had to deal with Asuka when she was in Germany after all.

"Pissed off. It means you're angry. Angry at me." Mari said oddly cheerful as she pulled a shirt on.

"I am not angry" Rei said without emotion. The strange pale girl kept her gaze firmly planted in her locker, not even bothering to look at the other girl as she spoke.

"Liar. You're not used to this are you? Not used to being upset with someone. I can see it in your face." Mari said sliding her pants on and moving to lean against the locker next to Rei's.

"I am not upset with you" Rei said again completely deadpan.

"Then why are your hands clenched into fists?" Mari called just as the other girl finished dressing.

Rei tilted her head at that and glanced down to see that Mari was right. Her hands had clenched into fists during their talk. Rei couldn't remember having ever clenched her hands into fists before, why would she do that?

"... I do not know. Desist. I do not wish to speak with you" Rei said after a moment of silence.

"Too bad. The higher ups have paired us together for now" Mari said.

"I will follow orders. I will work with you, but I do not have to be your friend" Rei said simply.

"Right. Personally I'd rather be paired with Shinji" Mari said honestly.

Rei felt her hand clench again and she slammed her locker closed harder than she meant to resulting in a soft BANG.

Mari pretended not to notice.

"I mean Shinji and I work pretty good together. But no, the Commander paired him with Asuka of all people" Mari continued.

"I do not wish to speak with you any further" Rei said completely deadpan, but her hands gave her away. They were shaking until the pale girl got a hold of herself and calmed down.

Mari put herself between Rei and the exit, saying "that's fine. I don't want to talk to you either, but you were being mean to my dummy the other night. I don't like that. Don't be mean to Shinji."

Rei blinked in surprise at that, watching as Mari crossed her arms coolly.

"He... Shinji is not your dummy. Do not call him that. He is not unintelligent." Rei said feeling something in her heart twitch. She did not like these feelings that the boy could stir in her, she did not understand them.

Mari didn't even blink saying "you're right. He's not an idiot no matter what Asuka says. Don't see you telling our German friend anything about that though. Whatever your problem with me is, you leave Shinji out of it."

"I am... I am not mean to Shinji" Rei said. She decided that she did not want to continue this talk.

So Rei strode forward, ignoring Mari's hand to stop her, and brushed the other girl off walking straight past her and leaving the room.

Mari watched Rei leaving with a shake of the head. "What an odd girl" Mari muttered.

* * *

 _Later_

Rei made it out of the Geofront and back to her apartment faster than she realized, the movements seeming to blur to her. Off handily, she wondered if it was like that for Shinji when he appeared to be momentary lost to the world for a short span of time.

Then, just as she reached the hall to her apartment she spotted him waiting for her.

Shinji Ikari sat against the wall to the side of her front door. He looked like he'd been there awhile, enough time for him to slack against the wall listening to his SDAT player.

"Rei. Uh, I grabbed your worksheet for the day" Shinji said getting to his feet. He put away his SDAT player, and pulled her worksheet from his bag. Her sync test had taken her away from school, and only Shinji ever seemed to notice her absence.

Wordlessly, Rei took the worksheet from his outstretched hand.

"Listen. I know I messed up the other day, and I wanted to say that I was-" Shinji started stammering awkwardly as Rei passed him by.

"Thank you for the worksheet" Rei muttered under her breath interrupting him. She opened her front door and stepped inside.

Shinji hovered outside not sure what to say. "I'm sorry. I... can I came in for a minute" Shinji said awkwardly.

"No. Shinji... please leave" Rei said not looking at him. She closed the door behind her and locked it before he could continue.

She heard him bang his head against her door in frustration, before sighing and leaving. He was probably heading home. Rei glanced down at the worksheet in her hands, and noticed that it had already been done.

Shinji had done her homework for her. He hadn't even mentioned it. All she had to do was go over the material, nothing more.

Rei frowned at that. Even now, he still thought of her. It made her feel... warm.

* * *

 _The next morning  
_ _Misato's apartment_

Shinji Ikari packed Asuka's lunch, yes he still made the damn girl a lunch and no he didn't entirely know why. Then he left it on the table for her. Shinji left a quick note as well for Misato, and headed out the front door of the apartment already wearing his school clothes and carrying his bag.

He waited outside the apartment block where Rei usually met him on the way to school. He'd gotten up nearly an hour and half earlier to get there before she did.

Sadly, that meant getting little sleep and leaving without saying goodbye to Misato or even Asuka.

 _Okay. Tell Rei I'm sorry again. Tell her I'll teach her today or whenever she wants. Yes, that is the plan. The plan that is the plan. My plan to plan to… to keep my friend_ Shinji thought.

He checked the time on his phone. He was really trying to remember to keep his phone in his pocket, that way he wouldn't miss calls on the rare occasion that 'someone' actually called him.

"Where is she?" Shinji mumbled to himself as he waited for Rei to show up. They always met here, they always walked to school together from this spot near the apartment block.

After several minutes of waiting, Asuka appeared dressed in her usual school clothes.

"Shinji" Asuka muttered in greeting. She'd obviously grabbed the lunch he packed for her, but she was giving him an odd look and he wasn't sure what he had done or hadn't done.

Still, she didn't snap at him. He blinked in surprise, he thought they were still ignoring each other or else arguing. He was never sure what was going with his roommate.

"What are you doing?" Asuka asked, stopping to watch him. She figured correctly that he had been waiting for a long time.

"Waiting for Rei" Shinji answered truthfully.

"Thought she waited for you, not the other way around" Asuka said still not snapping at him.

"… I think she's mad at me. It's a long story" Shinji said.

"… well I didn't offer to listen" Asuka said, but she didn't have her usual bite to her remarks. Like she didn't really mean it.

 _Why did you even stop to talk?_ Shinji thought wanting to ask. But ultimately deciding not to.

"Bye" Asuka said keeping a cold detachment in her voice as she walked off.

"… bye" Shinji said slowly.

Once she was gone, Shinji waited.

He waited and waited for Rei but she never came. Shinji checked his phone, if he kept waiting he would be late to school.

Shinji waited longer.

Minutes later, he checked his phone seeing that if he started jogging he'd probably still make it to class on time. Shinji winced looking at the time on his phone's display, and back at where he was waiting for Rei.

Shinji sighed and slid to the floor taking a seat to wait just a bit longer.

 _Oh I am going to late!_ Shinji thought ten minutes later.

Shinji waited and waited. He thought about going to Rei's apartment and seeing if she was sick, but that would take even more time.

 _Misato is going to be mad_ Shinji thought checking the time again. Class started five minutes ago.

 _ **Just go**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji scowled and reached into his bag, grabbing a single red pill, and swallowing it. Nonetheless, three minutes later he got up and let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm in trouble now" Shinji said as he broke into a jog and started heading for school. His plan had failed.

Rei never showed, and now he was going to be late.

* * *

 _School_

Shinji had a small layer of sweat on his face and torso as he made it to his classroom. He hurriedly slid the door open making quite the scene as he stumbled into class.

"I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to be late but I-" Shinji said in-between pants, he'd jogged the whole way there and he really was not in great shape, but their teacher cut him off.

"Mr. Ikari! Take your seat and stop disrupting the class!" the teacher said clearly annoyed at Shinji's bursting into the class panting and sweating.

The rest of class, most of whom hadn't been paying attention to the lecture, snapped up to attention and snorted in laughter at Shinji as he hurriedly found his usual seat. Shinji embarrassingly kept his head low, not wanting to think about the scene he'd caused, but he caught Toji snickering at him good-naturedly.

He found his seat and quickly sat down, pretending not to notice the few girls in the class that fanned there hands as he passed. He must have smelled, but there was nothing he could do about it. He'd been jogging.

"Rei?" Shinji said having to keep himself from shouting, his voice ending up as a kind of shrill high pitched whisper. He just assumed she was either sick or else at Nerv doing another sync test.

Rei Ayanami sat in her desk, determinately staring ahead at the lecturing teacher though she didn't even have her notebook out. She was completely ignoring him. But Shinji thought he knew her better than most, he got the feeling she knew he was there. One of her hands had clenched into a fist when he whispered her name, and that honestly scared him a little.

When did Rei clench her fists? That surprised him in a way he didn't like.

"Mr. Ikari. Don't disrupt the class again or it will be detention" the teacher called to the amusement of the entire class.

Hikari was shaking her head at him.

"Sorry" Shinji mouthed to Hikari, but she only rolled her eyes at him.

 _I waited for you_ Shinji thought, wanting to talk but knowing he couldn't with the teacher lecturing to the class. Even the other night, he'd waited outside her apartment.

Shinji sent her a message via the school terminal. Rei never responded.

After the class was released for lunch, he tried calling after her so they could talk but Rei was faster.

The strange pale girl rose from her desk the moment the class was released, and headed for the door before Shinji could even speak. _So fast... she never walks that fast_ Shinji thought

Shinji muttered hasty apologies to Toji and Kensuke as he walked off after Rei.

"Rei" Shinji called following her out into the hallway. A few other girls in his class gave him strange looks as he did so, but he didn't want to focus on them, he had a friend to get back.

"Rei. I just want to talk. I'm sorry. I-" Shinji said following her through the hall.

"I do not wish to speak with you" Rei said avoiding his gaze, though he noticed a tremor in her voice. Students moved out of her way as Rei strode forward, like some kind of strange parting of the sea, leaving Shinji behind.

He froze in his place in the hallway. He opened his mouth to speak, couldn't think of anything to say, and so closed it. _Come on..._ Shinji thought frowning as Rei disappeared among the crowd of students leaving for lunch.

Hikari and Asuka passed him up. The class representative giving him a curious look but saying nothing, Asuka didn't seem to care, as they walked by him.

Other students passed him but Shinji was too wrapped up in his own thoughts. "Hey man, you alright?" Toji said seeming to appear at the stunned Shinji's side.

"Oh. Yeah, I just... don't wanna talk about it" Shinji said slowly. Kensuke was there at his side too. Shinji really did have to stop spacing out like that.

He headed off to lunch with his two friends wondering what he was going to do. Toji and Kensuke did notice that Rei did not sit with them. Kensuke was observant enough not to bring it up, and kind enough stop Toji from mentioning it, Shinji was grateful for that.

* * *

The next day, Shinji waited for Rei again but the girl seemed to be taking a different route to school and he was almost late.

Once again, she ignored him the whole day. Toji and Kensuke managed to cheer him up a little. He did like his friends very much, he really did, but he was closer to Rei since they were both pilots. That, and when they had first met he'd felt 'drawn' to her in a strange way that he didn't fully understand.

Walking home from school that day, he was surprised when Mari showed up again on her motorcycle. The scene almost exactly mirrored the last time she'd shown up.

With Toji and Kensuke staring in awe at older girl in the brown leather jacket on her motorcycle, Shinji brightening up at the sight of her, and her waving him over.

"Hey dummy. Hop on, we're going out" Mari said smirking at him.

"Mari" Shinji said smiling. She did always seem to randomly show up in his life, that was how they'd first met after all.

He bid his friends farewell, the other boys still shaking their heads at how someone like Mari was friends with someone like Shinji.

Shinji wasn't the smartest guy in the world, definitely not, but he wasn't exactly unintelligent either. He knew Mari was too 'cool' for him. And that it baffled Toji and Kensuke why she liked him so much, yet somehow they were friends.

He awkwardly got on Mari's bike, he still wasn't used to riding the way she was, but with the day he'd been having he could do with some cheering up.

"Go Shinji!" Toji said, fist raised in 'manly' support, as Mari drove off with Shinji in tow for a second time. Shinji laughed waving them off.

However what poor Shinji did not realize, was that while Rei was indeed taking a different route on her way to and from school, the girl did see him on his way home. Which in turn meant that Rei saw from afar as her only friend in the world drove off with Mari after school.

Rei did not like these emotions that the boy could bring out of her.

…

"Hey, why so glum? I found this great place but you're being a real downer" Mari said noticing how quiet Shinji was being as he held onto her.

"Just problems with my friend Rei" Shinji said truthfully.

"Strange girl. If it bothers you that much I can drop you off?" Mari said turning a corner as she drove through the streets of Tokyo-3.

He thought about that for a moment, but no. He needed something to keep his mind off of things.

"No. I think you're just what I needed Mari. People tell me I spend too much time in my head worrying. Come on, I'd love to hang out again" Shinji said. It honestly felt like when he was kid and Mari would sneak into his room and take him out on an 'adventure' within the confides of the ward.

"Good decision dummy. I love this bike, but gas isn't cheap and I want to take you somewhere" Mari said taking the chance at a red light to glance back and smirk at him.

Shinji found himself smiling softly at that. Being around Mari usually cheered him up.

 _ **You're ignoring your problems. You mustn't run away**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Shut. Up._ Shinji thought bitterly his hands clenching into fists.

"Rough hands Shinji. You putting the moves on me?" Mari said snorting with laughter.

"Sorry. I'm not used to the bike" Shinji said feeling embarrassed as he unclenched his hands.

He wasn't lying, not really. Yes, the thing in his head had been getting worse ever since he'd started piloting, but he really wasn't used to riding with Mari either. Mari never seemed to care, she teased him but she never held anything against him.

* * *

 _Hours later_

After another night of wandering the inner city of Tokyo-3 following Mari's lead, Shinji was _tired_ and he could honestly say that he'd do it again. He just wasn't used to being out and about like she was, and though they didn't always know where they were going, Mari had a knack for finding something to do.

Currently, Shinji was in danger of peeing in his pants as _he_ drove Mari's bike with her holding onto him for a change.

 _Man up. Man up..._ Shinji thought struggling to keep himself together with Mari sitting behind him, her breath on the back of his neck as she cheered him on.

"Don't be such a girl. You got this!" Mari was saying in between laughs. She freed one of her hands from his chest and helped him steer as they got closer and closer to the apartment block.

Thankfully, with Mari's help, Shinji managed to steer her bike to the apartment block before letting her use the brake to put the bike into park.

"Ahhh, I thought I was going to crash a few times" Shinji said panting between laughs as Mari laughed with him. "Calm down, I wouldn't have let you crash" Mari said as they got off her bike.

"Shinji! What the hell were you doing on that bike!" Misato's voice called sounding quite angry.

Both Shinji and Mari looked up to see Misato walking towards them, clear disapproval planted firmly on her face as she joined them outside the apartment block. She was dressed in her usual jacket and shorts, with that strange cross necklace she seemed to always carry.

"Uh Misato? Mari drove back most of the way, then she thought I should try it down here closer to home. Less traffic" Shinji said. Though he mostly mumbled at the sight of his guardian's disapproval.

"Do you even have a license for that thing?" Misato said to Mari crossing her arms.

"Yes, I do have a license. Relax lady, I wouldn't let Shinji get hurt. So I let him drive like block or two, what's the worse that could happen?" Mari said. Choosing to ignore Misato's disapproval all together.

 _You're making it worse Mari_ Shinji thought rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"What's the worse that could happen? You two could get an accident! That's the worse that could happen. Damn girl, I don't know how you're allowed so much freedom. You're not even wearing a helmet! Don't ever take Shinji riding with you again" Misato said.

"What? Misato?!" Shinji said almost jumping at her words. Mari was his friend, his first and oldest friend, and everyone seemed to have it out for her...

"I think Shinji can make his decisions" Mari said crossing her arms.

"And I'm his guardian. No helmet, no riding." Misato said.

Mari sighed, not bothered in the slightest that Misato didn't 'approval' of her. Sometimes Shinji was honestly freaked out how nothing ever got to Mari.

He looked between the two women in his life, not sure what was going on.

"You're no fun. I have a feeling you were a bit wild when you were younger, but fine. Be like that. I'll see you around Shinji, when the grown ups aren't around" Mari said patting him on the back affectionately.

Misato scowled.

"Bye Mari" Shinji said sadly as his first friend hopped back onto her bike and drove off into the night.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Shinji turned to see Misato gesturing for him to follow her. "Yes Ma'am" Shinji said sighing as he followed her back to the apartment.

* * *

"You better not go riding with her without a helmet Shinji. I mean it. And what's wrong with you? I called you four times and you never answered" Misato was saying as they made their way back to the apartment.

"You did? Oh... I must have not heard it" Shinji said feeling a pang in his chest. He reached into his bag and pulled out his phone. Sure enough. Four missed calls.

 _ **I did try to tell you**_ the thing in his head stirred.

Shinji had to fight the urge to scowl. Ever since that day he'd gotten sick after the attack on the Pacific Fleet, the thing in his head had not caused him pain when it stirred. The twinges from within his skull had left and never came back. But not the voice. That never truly went away.

 _Need my pills. Can't take one with Misato here... damn it_ Shinji thought.

 _ **I know. That's why we're talking**_ the thing in his head stirred.

That almost made Shinji trip and fall, the sheer panic that emerged in his throat at those words. That... he didn't want to think about it.

 _ **Don't get angry. Misato will know something's wrong. Listen. You don't know Mari. Not anymore, it's been years since you knew that little girl in the ward.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji glanced to his side at Misato walking with him back to the apartment. How he wished he could take his medicine!

 _ **If nothing else, you needed to stop forgetting about the rest of the world when you're with her. You just ignore things when you're around her. That's bad. She'll make you forget your problems, but that's running away from them. You mustn't run away. Consider that.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away. I'm not crazy. I'm not going back to the ward. I'm healthy. I'm aware of my problem. I take responsibility for it_ Shinji thought to himself firmly.

 _ **Consider the fact that I have never done you wrong. That my words have only ever been to help you. I'm leaving now. Calm yourself.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji paled at that, visibly shaken. Misato noticed, he felt her hand on his forehead checking his temperature but Shinji jumped back.

"I'm fine" he said a little too quickly. Before Misato could ask him what was wrong, he hurried forward and unlocked the front door.

"Shinji..." Misato said slowly. She wished he would just talk to her.

He opened the door saying "did you want me to cook dinner again?" Misato knew he was avoiding their talk again, but she didn't push him.

"No. She ordered us take out again. It got cold because we were waiting for you" Asuka's voice called out from the kitchen.

Shinji blinked in surprise as he took in the sight of Misato's kitchen. Asuka dressed in her usual relaxed, 'at home' clothes, sitting at the dining table with Pen Pen and clearing eating without them.

"Asuka?! I told you to wait" Misato whined, sounding more like a teenager and not the adult that she was.

"I was hungry. If he would just answer his stupid phone we wouldn't have to wait so long" Asuka said finishing the last of her food. Shinji noted that Pen Pen had gotten into his food and looked full, Shinji didn't think he'd be eating that food after all.

 _Pen Pen? Sigh. I can never tell if he likes me or not_ Shinji thought.

"Why were you all waiting for me?" Shinji said confused.

"No idea. Misato said she wanted to tell us something." Asuka answered surprisingly.

"Take a seat Shinji" Misato said putting a hand on his shoulder and guiding him to the table.

Once Shinji was seated, Misato turned to her two charges and took a deep breathe. Shinji only wished Pen Pen hadn't gotten into his food, he still had about half but he wasn't sure if it was safe to eat it anymore.

"Okay children. I know you're all looking forward to the school trip to Okinawa-" Misato began.

"School trip? What?" Shinji asked confused again.

Misato and Asuka both looked at him as if he was joking. "Don't you pay attention? It's all everyone at school was talking about today. The school trip." Asuka said.

"I was late today. I... I must have missed it" Shinji said slowly.

 _Why were you late?!_ Misato's quick glare plainly said as Shinji sunk visibly into his chair.

"As I was saying. I'm sorry guys, I really am, but neither of you can go" Misato said just letting the news out.

"Okay" Shinji said simply. That was what she'd been waiting to tell them? He thought it was something serious.

Asuka however, snapped up out of her seat, slamming her hand to the table saying "what? Why can't we go?"

"Because you're pilots. Right now, the two of you are the only ones with fully operational Eva units. You're on standby in case an Angel appears" Misato said simply.

Asuka whirled at him saying "Shinji! Why don't you say something?! Misato likes you better, you tell her to let us go!"

"But it makes sense. We can't go because the city needs us here" Shinji said slowly. He understood Misato's decision, he really did. No one knew where the Angels came from, they just appeared. All they could do was defend the city.

"Asuka I don't play favorites. And besides, it will give you two some time to catch up on your grades. I finally had time to look at your report cards, I'm disappointed in both of you" Misato said teasingly.

 _Ah. I need to pay more attention in class_ Shinji thought offhandedly.

"This isn't fair. It's the stupid language. I can't read the Japanese correctly!" Asuka was saying in defense of her grades.

"Great. So you know what you need to work on" Misato said simply.

Shinji got to his feet saying "thanks for telling me Misato. I think I'm gonna go to bed."

Asuka turned back to him as if accusing him of giving up without a fight, which he did since he didn't really care to be honest. Maybe that made him a bad person, but he couldn't deny Misato's logic.

"Night, Shinji" Misato called as Asuka sunk back into her chair clearly defeated.

 _He took the news rather well._ Misato thought taking a sip of her beer. Misato ended up letting Asuka go to bed and doing the dishes herself, she had to stop making Shinji do all the chores around the house. Though, Misato admitted that Shinji was probably better than her at cleaning.

* * *

 _Nerv HQ  
_ _Gendo's Office_

"The geologists noticed some strange readings. They were checking for possible tremors and earthquakes before they called Nerv in. They took some aerial shots of the volcano, but they can't get a close enough look." Ritsuko was saying to the people in the dark room.

The meeting had been called together quickly, with the available data hurriedly put together by Ritsuko and her team ready to answer any questions.

Ritsuko hadn't gone home yet, but most of the people in the room had already left or were in the process of leaving when the call had come through asking for assistance. Her assistants Maya Ibuki, Makoto Hyuga, and Shigeru Aoba all looked at her with tired sleepy eyes, but none complained. They knew their work was important.

"What are the chances of it being an Angel" Fuyutsuki said into the silence.

Ritsuko and her team had passed the files around for their commanders to see, having already presented the potential problem brewing in the volcano.

"Magi calculates a 50% chance the geologists' readings are the result of an Angel" Maya said doing her best not to sound sleepy.

"It will be a nightmare if that thing wakes up. Mount Asama has a city and a few small towns nearby, we'll need to evacuate the area. People won't be happy, but it needs to be done." Fuyutsuki said slowly.

"Not yet. I want a team to head out there and send a probe. Confirm the presence of an Angel inside the volcano, then we'll ordered the evacuation." Commander Gendo Ikari said speaking for the first time in the meeting.

"Yes sir" Ritsuko and her assistants said.

"How soon can a probe be shipped off?" Gendo asked.

"It can be there by tomorrow morning. We'll need to send some staff of course, luckily the geology team based there is happy to work with us" Ritsuko said.

"See that it gets done. Send Captain Katsuragi to oversee things once the probe is delivered" Fuyutsuki said giving Gendo a knowing look.

"Yes sir" Ritsuko said as her visibly tired assistants had to fight the urge to sigh, another long night.

"Leave us" Gendo said sternly.

Ritsuko and the others left the room. They knew better than to question their commander, and they had work to do.

Fuyutsuki waited until they were gone, before he crossed his arms saying "you already know what it is, don't you? This was part of the collection, wasn't it?"

Gendo nodded.

"May I see?" Fuyutsuki asked.

Gendo seemed to consider that before pulled out his personal laptop from his suitcase. Booting the machine up, and accessing his private files that were heavily encrypted. No one but the commander himself could access the pictures.

Fuyutsuki had to fight the urge to gasp at the file Gendo pulled up for him to see. A high resolution scan of a crude child like drawing.

A drawing of what appeared to be an Angel sleeping inside a volcano. It was drawn in coloring pencil, obviously done by the hands of a child, but there was no mistaking what it was. A volcano that held a sleeping Angel.

"This collection has never been wrong Kozo" Gendo said sounding unnerved. A rare feat for the infamously cold Gendo Ikari.

"Almost like a second set of the Dead Sea Scrolls" Fuyutsuki said in awe.

"Indeed" Gendo said in a low voice. "Have the Evas prepared. Team one will be sent when the Angel's presence is confirmed. Team two will remain on standby in Tokyo-3." he continued.

* * *

 _The next day_

When Shinji and Asuka got up in the morning, it was to find that Misato was gone. She left a note for them saying she had been called away on Nerv business. That it was probably nothing, and for them to work on their falling grades.

Not knowing what to do. Shinji and Asuka would have gone off their own, but someone from Nerv called saying that they were ordered to report to the Geofront for standby 'just in case'.

Just another thing to ruin their day. Shinji didn't mind not going on the school trip, Toji and Kensuke had each called him to say goodbye. With Toji joking that he'd have fun for the both of them, but Shinji took it all in good spirit. Asuka would have usually gone to Hikari's house, but since the class rep was on the school trip she wasn't home.

Even still, Shinji thought he heard Asuka talking to Hikari on the phone.

...

Inside Nerv HQ, Shinji decided to wait out the strange 'stand by' orders by the pool. He figured correctly that most staff were too busy during the day to be by the pool, but what he hadn't figured was that Rei would be using the time off to swim.

All Shinji had wanted to do was sit somewhere quiet and do his homework. He wasn't even dressed for the pool, just his normal street clothes. Instead, he had to try doing his homework knowing that Rei was nearby swimming, but mostly ignoring him. He thought about talking to her, but he wasn't sure if he should.

 _Rei_ Shinji thought watching her swim nearby. But he shook his head going back to his homework.

 _I wonder what Mari is doing right now? No, I really should do my homework_ Shinji thought shaking his head.

He sighed. Leaning back and stretching his arms. Shinji just couldn't stay focused enough to do his homework. Maybe he should go for a walk, or find somewhere else quiet. But then he noticed Rei was watching him...

The strange pale girl had just gotten out of the pool, water dripping down her blue swimsuit, and was panting from her swim. She noticed him looking back at her and she turned bringing a towel up and drying her face before moving to sit at a nearby bench.

 _I really shouldn't do it. I really shouldn't do it. I... I'm doing it_ Shinji thought awkwardly standing up.

Shinji joined her at the bench saying nothing. He was the first to admit he wasn't the smartest guy in the world, but he wasn't entirely unintelligent either. He had to be careful if he wanted to keep his friend.

Rei didn't say anything. She glanced at him but didn't leave. The strange pale girl ran the towel over her head drying her hair as they sat together in silence.

 _What to say... what do I say..._ Shinji thought wracking his brains but finding nothing.

"Thank you" Rei said suddenly.

Shinji blinked in surprise saying "what for?"

Rei brought her towel down to her lap, and kept her head low gazing at her fingers as she spoke.

"For grabbing my worksheet. For doing my homework. I- you did not have to do that" Rei said slowly. It was like she was choosing her words with care, unsure of herself for perhaps the first time in her life.

"I don't mind" Shinji said not knowing to say.

The shadow of a smile appeared on her face for just a second, but it left in the blink of an eye.

"I doubt Misato would agree to you doing my homework for me" Rei said.

 _Did... did she just tell a joke?_ Shinji thought before slowing managing a soft smile. He couldn't really remember her ever making a joke.

Rei noticed him smiling and he thought he saw her flush before looking away.

"I know I said it a lot of times already, but I really am sorry about what happened. I didn't mean to forget. I know you're mad, but I just... I didn't mean for that to happen" Shinji said speaking softly. He was doing his best, he really was, he just wished he was better with people.

Rei was still listening. She didn't leave the bench. He took that as good sign, and when she turned to finally look at him with her piercing red eyes he thought it was an even better sign.

"You were with the Fourth Child that day. Why?" Rei asked suddenly.

"Her name is Mari" Shinji said softly.

Rei said nothing, so he continued.

"She just showed up after class looking for me on that motorcycle of hers. Mari said her punishment was over, and that she wanted to catch up. I was just so, 'glad', to see her that I sort of blanked out and forgot everything. I wasn't thinking, I was just surprised that she was there in front of me. She told me to 'hop on' and I did. Off to another adventure with Mari. Hours later, I realized that I'd forgotten you. And I felt really terrible. I did, I started running after you. You ignored me and I probably deserved it." Shinji said.

"I waited for you" Rei said never breaking eye contact.

"I know. You called me, but I wasn't paying attention and I didn't hear it when I was with Mari. I don't have many friends Rei, I'm not used to people calling me. I know that's not an excuse but- but I never mean to do that." Shinji said finding it hard to meet Rei's unblinking gaze.

"I... can I ask you a question?" Rei said never looking away from him.

Shinji thought he was going to start sweating. Man, now he understood what Toji meant when he'd said that Rei could be 'unnerving'. Rei could be intense when she wanted to be.

"Of course" Shinji said fighting the urge to gulp at her unblinking eyes.

"The Fourth Child. Mari. What is she to you? You know her. Your actions around her imply that you have known her for an extended period of time" Rei said.

 _Mari? Why does she want to know about Mari?_ Shinji thought awkwardly.

"Mari is" Shinji began thinking that over slowly. What was Mari to him anyway? He took a second to think about that whilst Rei kept her vigil of staring at him unblinkingly.

 _Rei is like the world's unofficial staring contest champion_ Shinji thought for a second. Damn, he couldn't think like this. Why couldn't Rei just blink, just once for him.

He turned his gaze off to the side. Not entirely looking away from Rei, just taking a second to gather his thoughts and not think about her staring at him like that.

"Mari is my friend. My first and oldest friend. I know that seems odd, she's older than me. And the two of us are very different people, but we met when we were young. I... I was very lonely when I was a kid. I didn't really have anyone. One day just bled into the next. All things considered it wasn't horrible, I had food and a roof over my head, but not much else. Everything in my life was pre-planned. I had trouble telling the days apart to be honest. But then, Mari came into my life. She was, well she was _loud_. She was loud and I was quiet. She was always full of energy while I was struggling to keep up. Somehow we became friends. She would steal extra pudding for me" Shinji said chuckling at the memory.

 _ **Shinji be carefu-**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away!_ He thought.

"We were so different, even as kids. But I guess we were both so lonely that we accepted each other pretty quickly. She told me that I was 'weird' but that she 'liked me anyway'. Mari started dragging me along 'little adventures' and I started to talk more. Not just mumble under my breath, but _talk_ " Shinji said slowly.

Rei was looking at him but he wasn't sure what she was thinking.

Shinji snorted in a small laugh saying "there was this one time, when she started stealing color pencils. And then, she made me draw pictures with her. Loads and loads of them, anything and everything, then we covered the walls of my room with them. When I asked her why, she just said my walls were boring."

 _Rei doesn't know I was in the ward. She doesn't know about the white rooms and the staff. Damn, those staff. They made me throw away all those pictures we drew. Made me rip them off my walls even as I cried_ Shinji thought bitterly.

But he couldn't let Rei see that, so he held it in taking a deep breath.

"I guess Mari showed me a different way to live. Then one day she... she moved. And I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't even know she was moving. I remember being, well, _alone_ after that. Then we met up again on the Over the Rainbow, and I thought I was in a dream. I never thought I'd see her again. She still shows up every now and then, and every time it's like going off on another adventure. She makes me try new things. Things I'd have never done before. She brings something out of me that no one else seems to" Shinji said finishing his long winded answer.

Rei turned her gaze from him, head held low.

"... I see. Goodbye Ikari" Rei said getting up from the bench and wrapping her towel over herself.

 _Wait? What?_ Shinji thought looking up at her as she started walking off.

"Rei, I- what's wrong?" Shinji said concern in his voice. She looked sad again. Why did she look sad again? What did he do?

"Nothing is wrong. I am not mad at you" Rei said walking off without him. Her eyes were downcast, head held low, yet she walked on without him.

 _What did I do? I told her to call me, Shinji? I... why is she so sad? I don't like it when Rei is sad..._ Shinji thought.

He stood up his hand held out. He thought about trying to follow her, but every time he'd tried that she'd just ignored him. Maybe he shouldn't follow her after all.

"What did I do?" Shinji whispered to himself.

 _ **Girls are different than boys, Shinji. It's the 'way' you spoke. You were smiling like an idiot the whole time you were talking. From a certain view... you just made it worse.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

… _go away. Need my pills_ Shinji thought glumly.

As much as he hated to admit it. He thought the thing in his head had a point about making things somehow worse. She wasn't mad at him anymore, she was sad. What the hell did he do?

* * *

 _Mount Asama_

"Captain Katsuragi, the probe can't take much more of this. The pressure and the heat, it's too much" Shigeru Aoba said as he watched his display screen nervously.

Aoba along with a few other Nerv staff headed by Captain Katsuragi were in the main research station for Mount Asama, kindly lent to them by the geology team based out here. No one in the room had gotten much sleep, having to report here as soon as the probe had been delivered.

"If it breaks Nerv will pay for it. Send it deeper" Misato said staring at the readings on the display.

"Yes ma'am" Aoba said sighing. He pressed a few buttons on the control panel and the probe sank deeper and deeper into the volcano constantly relaying images as best it could.

"There! That shadow! Start analysis" Misato said staring at the display screen.

"On it." Aoba said punching the commands into the control panel. The display showed a series of hazy images before distorting as if being melted.

 _Probe won't survive this. But as long as we get a reading_ Misato thought.

"Reading received. Spectrum analysis revealed a Blue Pattern. The object is confirmed to be an Angel" Aoba said staring at his screen in shock. The probe had been destroyed, the heat and pressure finally proving too much for it. But thankfully its readings had managed to make it through to them.

"I'm calling it in. A-17 procedures in effect. We need to get the civilians here evacuated ASAP" Misato said reaching for her phone.

* * *

 _Back at Nerv_

"You're not even looking!" Asuka said resurfacing from the water.

She'd gotten bored swimming by herself, and spotted a glum looking Shinji doing his homework. So she'd decided to see what he was doing. Boring Shinji didn't seem to want to talk, so she started swimming again. She'd done a backward dive telling him to watch, and the idiot had ignored her.

"I'm sorry Asuka. Just a lot on my mind" Shinji said finally looking at her.

 _Don't be mean. Don't be mean_ Asuka thought fighting the urge to yell at him.

RING RING RING. The siren went off over the intercom for all of Nerv to hear.

"ALL EVA PILOTS AT ATTENTION. PLEASE REPORT TO THE COMMAND CENTER IMMEDIATELY" the robotic voice called over the intercom.

Shinji and Asuka shared a confused look before getting ready to leave. Asuka was surprised when Shinji grabbed a towel for her and helped her out of the pool.

…

After changing into their plugsuits, all four Eva pilots reported in at the command center where Ritsuko was waiting for them along with sub-commander Fuyutsuki and various staff. Misato was on call on the display screen behind them, looking like she was in some research station .

"Shinji!" Mari called striding towards him wrapping an arm around his shoulder affectionately.

"Hey Mari" Shinji said smiling at her presence. Rei was watching him as he did that, and he didn't know why.

"Settle down psycho" Asuka said, just as Fuyutsuki called for order.

That man did not like dealing with a bunch of teenage pilots, but Nerv had no choice.

"Alright. As you know, you have all been placed on stand by. The reason for that was last night we received a potential sign of an Angel appearing to be 'sleeping' inside of the volcano on Mount Asama. As of the last hour, we have confirmed that it is indeed an Angel. We are sending two pilots to the site, one team to attempt a recovery of the Angel for use as a sample. The other two shall remain here on standby to protect the city." Fuyutsuki said grimly.

"I'm going." Asuka said volunteering.

"That has already been decided. Team One, Eva Units 01 and 02, are being sent on site. Units 00 and 03 will remain here. Dr. Akagi" Fuyutsuki said, turning for her to continue.

Ritsuko nodded saying "Eva Unit 02 has the thickest armor. But it's not enough for the depths of the volcano. It's being equipped with a D-suit to handle the extra heat and pressure."

Ritsuko turned to Misato, whom disappeared on display to be replaced by the images their probe had managed to take before breaking. "This is the Angel. It's several hundred meters into the volcano. Asuka you'll have to be careful even with the D-suit but I'll be on the comm with you the whole time." Misato's voice said through the display.

"As you can see, the Angel is not fully developed. It's not an adult. It appears to be in a chrysalis form that predates the adult stage. If for any reason it becomes active, your mission will no longer be to capture but to kill it." Ritsuko continued.

"I understand" Asuka said looking eager.

"No fair, I'm stuck here while you two have all the fun" Mari said sighing.

"Heh, I wish I could stay here" Shinji said. He just knew he'd be dragged along for this, he always was.

"Me too" Rei whispered her head held low.

Shinji blinked in surprise turning to her, but Mari patted him on the shoulder saying "it won't be so bad. Don't be so mopey."

 _Yeah. I have to stop doing that_ he thought as the meeting was called to end.

* * *

 _Hours later  
_ _Mount Asama_

Shinji sat inside the entry plug of Eva Unit 01, the Eva standing tall as a titan out in the open, as cranes were being prepared to lower the D-suit equipped Unit 02.

Apparently, Asuka had almost backed out of the operation after seeing the special plugsuit needed to pilot with the D-suit. But then surprisingly both Mari and Rei had offered to take her place and pilot 02, Asuka had absolutely refused to let anyone but her pilot 'her Eva'.

"Alright Shinji. You're here as backup today. If all goes well you won't have to lift a finger." Misato said into his ear via the comm.

"Roger that" Shinji said.

Still, he felt uneasy with the military (JSSDF) forces stationed nearby. They were here as 'clean up' in case Nerv failed, in that scenario they would drop an N2 mine down the volcano. The damage to Japan's landmark would be irreversible, but Shinji knew they'd do it if they had to.

Shinji watched the cranes lift the D-suit equipped Eva Unit 02. It was a strange sight, 02 hadn't been modified, but rather had a massive heat resistant suit placed over it, almost like a human would put on clothes. The red Eva appearing to wear a kind of grey 'bubble' suit.

"Be careful" Shinji called into Asuka's comm. They didn't always get along, but they didn't hate each other either.

"Pshh. I got this. Just you watch Shinji" Asuka called back surprisingly.

"Operation launch. Beginning the descent" Misato called into both their comms.

The massive crane began lowering the D-suit equipped Unit 02 into the volcano. The cranes were pumping coolant into the D-suit via four massive pipes connected directly to the suit. A fifth power cable relayed power to the Eva itself that was intertwined with the cooling tubes. And all the cooling/power cables were held in a series of thick support cables that together, could hold the weight of an Evangelion.

 _ **This was a bad idea. Try to keep your distance no matter what happens.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _What the-_ Shinji thought. The thing in his head didn't cause him pain anymore, but there were times it still startled him.

 _ **When it goes wrong, and it will go wrong, don't get too close. You will only make it worse.**_ The thing in his head stirred. It seemed worried, it had never seemed worried before.

 _No, I'm not supposed to talk to it_ Shinji thought shaking his head.

"I lost my progressive knife. The D-cracked and it slipped out" Asuka said sounding a little strained. The heat and pressure were a lot to deal with, even with all the equipment.

"Asuka. Are you okay?" Shinji asked nervously. He was starting to get a bad feeling.

He made to step closer, and maybe peak in over the volcano's edge to get a better look but the thing in his head stirred and made him freeze.

 _ **Stop. Don't get too close. You'll make it worse**_ the thing in his head stirred.

"Calm down Shinji! I got this" Asuka said. Though she honestly seemed surprised at his reaction, she hadn't meant to yell but it didn't have her usual bite.

"Asuka, you holding up alright?" Misato called over the comm.

"I can keep going. Let's continue" Asuka said confidentially over the comm.

"Continuing descent" Misato called over the comm.

Ritsuko's voice cut in over the comm, Shinji had almost forgotten she was there in temporary base with Misato.

"Once you make contact you'll have one chance to capture it Asuka. The currents won't let you try again" Ritsuko said over the comm.

"I understand... I see it. I see the Angel! I... it looks like a shadow. Half the size of an Eva" Asuka called into the comm suddenly.

"Target in sight. Asuka, just put it in the cage and we'll take it from there" Misato said into the comm system.

 _ **Keep back. As Asuka starts to ascend with the Angel, step further and further back.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji started getting nervous, his hand starting to twitch, that nervous tremor he had developed since 01 had been shot in the head, as he listened on the comm.

"I getting ready to deploy the electromagnetic cage. I- ah! The Angel's moving!" Asuka said into the comm.

…

Down below within the depths of the volcano, Asuka shivered as the Angel stirred and opened a single eye. A single eye that looked directly at her and her Eva.

The Angel started to move, completely ignoring the heat and pressure that had proven a challenge even to an Evangelion. It twitched erratically, limbs flailing, as if in sick mockery of a newborn baby emerging into the world.

"It's awake! And its moving" Asuka called into the comm even as Misato ordered the staff to slow her descent into the depths of the magma.

Asuka kept her eyes on the very _mobile_ Angel as it convulsed changing form from that of a strange embryo like shape to something else. Changed into something monstrous, stretching its flesh and becoming something reptile like and wrapped into a humanoid frame that was seemingly immune to both the pressure and heat of the volcano.

"The Capture has been called off. Asuka, drop the cage. Be ready for anything" Misato called into the comm.

Asuka released her grip on the cage, watching it sink into the magma currents, before reaching for her prog knife. Then she remembered it had fallen during the descent. She cursed in German.

"Shinji is dropping you his knife. Keep your distance and watch for it" Misato's voice called into her ear via the comm.

 _Come on Shinji. Don't you let me down too_ Asuka thought. She could feel the crane above trying to reel her and her Eva back up, but the Angel was starting to 'swim' through the magma towards her.

…

Shinji rushed forward, Eva Unit 01 lumbering through the open field and heading for the volcano. "I'm dropping it now" he said.

Unit 01 raised its massive hand, knife held in palm, and he threw it down following Ritsuko's orders where to throw. He watched it sink further and further in. He could feel the heat from the volcano below, and he suddenly had a terrible feeling in his chest.

…

"I'm dropping it now" Shinji's voice called into her comm.

Asuka was starting to sweat, the heat was starting to seep into her Eva. She wanted to look for the knife, but she knew Misato would tell her when it was approaching, so she kept her eyes coolly trained on the Angel moving around in the magma.

Only... the Angel halted mid dive. Where once it had been swerving and diving through the currents for her in its strange new form, now it stopped.

The abnormal Angel floated menacingly amid the magma. And Asuka saw it turn its 'head' upward, strange yellow eyes wide and unblinking. The Angel stared straight up.

 _Shinji... it's looking right at Shinji and Eva Unit 01_ Asuka thought. She wasn't sure how she knew, but she did. The Angel was looking right at Shinji. It _knew_ he was up there.

…

 _ **The Angel knows you're here. It's looking right at you.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Shut up. Shut up._ Shinji thought feeling uneasy. Like a pair of eyes were on him. Unit 01 lingered over the edge of the volcano, unsure of what to do.

* * *

"Angel is on the move" Asuka said into the comm suddenly.

Unit 02 moved stiffly through the magma as the crane brought her higher and higher, closer to the weapon coming her way.

Unfortunately, the Angel was moving too. Appearing to swim through the magma and heading straight for Asuka.

"Need that knife!" Asuka shouted into the comm. Unit 02 braced for impact and then swung over, using the crane's cable as leverage to slam into the Angel before it could tackle her.

The best defense was a good offense.

"Ick" Asuka grunted as her Eva collided head first with the Angel. Not wasting time, she grabbed a hold of the struggling Angel and threw it off her further down into the magma current.

The abnormal Angel clawed at the faceplate of Unit 02's D-suit as it was thrown, scraping across the heavy gear and leaving long gashes in the material.

Asuka saw the alarms on her display. The D-suit was damaged, and though her Eva had the most armor of them all, even it had its limits. Heat and pressure could wear and tear almost anything. Anything except an Angel apparently.

"Knife is right above you Asuka!" Misato called into the comm.

 _Thank you Shinji! You beautiful idiot!_ Asuka thought smirking as she raised her Eva's hand, and caught the prog knife just as it descend within her reach.

With reflexes that rivaled Mari's, Asuka brought the prog knife up seconds before the Angel dashed through the magma for her. Sparks emerged, even through the magma, as Asuka slashed the Angel across the torso.

 _Skin's too tough. Can't cut it_ Asuka thought. The Angel didn't even flinch from the cut, it only shrugged the cut off and then latched onto Unit 02's D-suit.

…

"Should I dive in too?" Shinji asked into the comm. Unit 01 mirroring his nervousness as he paced around the volcano's edge.

 _ **Not yet. You wouldn't survive for long at the depth Asuka's at.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"You wouldn't survive at the depths they're at. Sorry, Shinji. Sit tight for now" Misato said into the comm sounding worried.

* * *

Asuka stabbed the prog knife into the Angel's back again and again. She was holding onto to it as it held onto her Eva. The two thrashing around in the magma, her Eva's D-suit breaking slowly from the strain, despite the fact that Unit 02 was bigger.

"Bring me up faster! D-suit is falling apart and the heat is seeping in!" Asuka said grabbing a hold of the Angel and throwing it off of her again. Once again, it slashed its claw against her Eva's faceplate as it was thrown.

"We're doing our best. Asuka you can't let the Angel leave the volcano. You have to kill it before we can bring you out" Misato said over the comm.

"I'm trying!" Asuka said punching the Angel across the face when it tried to tackle her again.

"Asuka. The military is preparing to drop an N2 mine. They can't let the Angel get to the surface. Even Commander Ikari agreed." Ritsuko said into the comm, sounding just as worried as Misato was.

"What?! I'm doing the best I can here!" Asuka said getting frustrated.

The abnormal Angel had stopped fighting her for a moment. It once again stopped mid dive, and floated aimless in the magma. Eerily staring up at something on the surface.

…

Shinji looked down into the volcano, wishing he could do something to help, when suddenly he felt a chill run down his spine. He felt like something was watching him.

…

The abnormal Angel swam through the magma currents, raising higher and higher, clawing its way up and ignoring Asuka entirely.

"It's heading for the surface!" Asuka shouted into the comm. Thinking quickly, she moved her Eva's hands, wrapping the crane cable around her Eva's torso and trying to reel herself in faster. Trying to bring herself to the surface faster than the Angel.

* * *

"I don't care! You are not using an N2 mine with Asuka still down there!" Misato was shouting into the phone.

"We will not allow that _thing_ to reach the surface!" the military commander shouted back over the line.

...

* * *

Asuka grabbed onto the Angel's foot and dragged it down, pulling it down so she could throw it back into the depths of mama below.

But the Angel clawed at her faceplate again, wrapping itself around Eva's upper torso. The D-suit was almost torn to shreds, but they were almost at the surface. Asuka might not need the suit for long.

"Ah!" Asuka groaned as the Eva's phantom sensations brought the pain of being kick in the face to her. The Angel had trampled over her Eva's faceplate as it leaped upward.

Asuka grabbed it again, stabbing its torso with the prog knife but doing little damage. The two titans battling it out in the magma, all the while the crane brought them both to the surface. Their constant thrashing ripped one of the crane's support cables and Unit 02 wobbled.

 _It's going to cut me loose!_ Asuka thought panicking as she struggled against the Angel. Fighting in the magma was hard, it slowed her down and made her stiffer than normal.

CRACK

Harsh and loud, the sound of another support cable snapping apart from the strain of the battling Eva and Angel. The crane was struggling to lift the weight both Unit 02 and the Angel with the damaged support cables.

"I will not die here!" Asuka shouted punching the Angel in the stomach.

CRACK another of the crane's support cables tore.

Unit 02 and the Angel were sent wobbling dangerously lower into the depths. The crane could barely support Unit 02 as it struggled to pull Asuka up with only one remaining support cable attached to the massive machine.

 _No... I... no_ Asuka thought eyes wide as she looked at her display seeing the last support cable, the thin line that kept her from falling into the depths of the volcano, starting to rip.

Suddenly a shadow appeared over Asuka's display screen, and for a horrifying second she thought it was another Angel come to drag her down into the depths forever.

Eva Unit 01's foot slammed into the Angel, sending the strange reptile yet humanoid monster down into the magma.

"Shinji!" Asuka said in disbelief. The boy had dived into the volcano without a D-suit.

* * *

"Shinji! What the hell are you doing! Get out of there!" Misato shouted into the comm. The displays at the temporary command center showed his Eva taken massive heat damage from the magma.

…

"The military has launched an aircraft over the area. A bomber. They're going to drop an N2 mine! Everyone get to cover!" Ritsuko shouted into the comm for everyone to hear.

Staff and pilots alike.

...

* * *

"Asuka! I can't take this for long. Grab on!" Shinji shouted into the comm. Eva Unit 01 hung loosely, one fist impaled into the wall of the volcano, with its other hand stretched out for Asuka to take.

Shinji winced from the strain of the phantom sensations. It felt like someone was pouring boiling water on him. The heat would get to him eventfully, but he couldn't let Asuka die. He had to try.

"Shinji" Asuka said in barely a whisper. Her eyes were starting to tear up, but she wiped them off and reached her Eva's hand up.

Eva Unit 01 took Unit 02's hand just as the last remaining support cable ripped. Asuka and her Eva would have fallen into the depths if not for Shinji holding onto her hand.

"Ahhhhh!" Shinji screamed from the strain of holding onto Unit 02. The phantom sensations made it feel like his arm was being ripped off. Yet he never let go, he held on for Asuka's sake.

…

"Shinji! Get out of there! There's an N2 mine coming your way!" Misato called into the comm, even as Aoba tried to get her leave the workstation.

…

Shinji struggled from the strain of holding Unit 02 and Asuka up one handed, but he managed to do it. He planted his feet on the walls of the volcano, and used them as leverage so he could climb up with his free hand.

Asuka helped him. Using her Eva's feet and one free hand to help plant themselves with every step they took up the volcano walls and towards the surface. All the while, neither letting go of the other. Their Evas' hands linked.

 _Can see the surface._ Shinji thought as he and Asuka climbed.

"It's back! It figured out how to climb too!" Asuka shouted into the comm. Shinji glanced down just in time to see the Angel reemerge, somehow taller than it had been before, and latch on Unit 02's leg.

"Gah! Ahhh!" Shinji roared in pain as the Eva's phantom sensations brought the weight of _both_ Unit 02 and the Angel down onto his arm. But he held on, held on even as Asuka struggled to fight the Angel off of them. Asuka kicked and stabbed the Angel, but it refused to let go.

 _ **The military is nearing. They don't care if you live or not. They're dropping an N2 mine**_ The thing in his head stirred.

He glanced at his display, raising his Eva's head, and saw the aircraft approaching the volcano entrance.

"I can make it" Shinji said grunting with the effort as he climbed. He was so close. The entrance was right there!

"I will not die here!" he heard Asuka say into the comm firmly. She knew the military bomber was approaching with an N2 mine. If they didn't make it, then the blast might not kill them but it would send them into the depths of the volcano and trap them there.

"Shinji!" Misato's voice called into the comm as the bomber started diving near the entrance for an N2 strike.

"I'm scared" he heard Asuka whisper. Time seemed to slow for him, he could hear Asuka trying to kick the Angel off of them, could see the bomber overhead opening its bay doors.

 _I'm scared too. I... I am_ Shinji thought his breath catching in his throat.

 _ **Then be brave.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _I'm not brave. I'm just a boy in over his head_ Shinji thought.

 _ **A man with no fear is not brave. You can only ever be brave when you are afraid. You can save yourself. You can save Asuka. You can. Be brave.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

* * *

"Shinji's sync ratio is raising!" Aoba called into the comm. He hadn't abandoned Misato, and he hadn't known what else to do but man his station even as the other staff followed orders and evacuated.

"60%.

72%

81%

88%

... 91%!

91%!

92%!

Oh my god!

95%!" Aoba was shouting in disbelief at the display.

* * *

"Asuka hold onto the walls!" Shinji shouted. The thing in his head was stirring like crazy, but he couldn't worry about that now.

He moved his hand dragging Asuka and the Angel with it as he did so, and slammed Unit 02 and the Angel holding onto its leg, into the wall. Asuka didn't think about it, she slammed a fist into the volcano wall to help hold them up.

Shinji pulled his Eva's other hand out of the volcano wall, balancing himself on the shoulders of Eva Unit 02 as Asuka momentary held both of them up. Asuka hissed from the strain, as Shinji raised his Eva's hand just as military dropped their N2 mine into the volcano.

A brilliantly bright AT Field erupted into existence from Unit 01's hand. Forming a barrier of strange lights in the pattern of a collage of protective octagons.

The N2 mine crash landed on top of Shinji's AT Field.

BOOM!

The explosion went wild above them, but never reached them. The blast-wave contained above them by the AT Field. Shinji stared at it in awe.

The blast held back by the brilliants lights that danced in time with the destructive force just feet above him. It was strangely beautiful to watch. To see the destructive power of man held back by something that he did not understand and could not hope to explain.

Then Shinji was gone...

* * *

One moment he was fighting to save Asuka, holding up his hand and somehow stopping the N2 mine from killing them or else trapping them in the volcano, and the next he was somewhere else.

He was in the dark void.

The place he went to when he dreamed. Inside his madness. The place where he had seen the Woman in the Dark. Only she wasn't here this time.

Shinji Ikari stood in the dark void, plugsuit on, his hand still held outward, and breathing deep heavy breathes in disbelief. If he wasn't in so much shock he would have been utterly terrified. Was he having another breakdown? Another seizure? No, the flashes of images that he could never explain did not come. Not this time.

Someone was standing behind him.

They stood back to back. A man grown standing behind him, but not facing him in the dark. Shinji gasped for air too afraid to look. He didn't want to. Neither did the older man it seemed. Together they stood silent and still, neither facing the other.

The older man reached a hand back, and took Shinji's unraised hand in the dark. Rough aged hands, with tiny scars riddled amid the flesh, grasping the soft and unscathed hands of the young. Shinji held his breath, eyes wide.

" _ **They will say you made a mistake today. For what it's worth, I disagree. You're a good man, Shinji.**_ " The man grown said. Not the voice in his head, but words that came from a _living_ breathing man.

* * *

Then Shinji was back. His madness gone.

He was inside the entry plug of Unit 01, struggling to handle the heat from the magma, and he'd just saved Asuka and himself from an N2 mine.

The bomb had finally stopped, and only smoke remained above them on the scorched grounds of Mount Asama.

Shinji felt his sync ratio falling. Whatever burst of strength he'd had moments ago was fading, his head was throbbing so much he felt tears in his eyes, but he couldn't wait.

He could only have this power for so long.

"Asuka! Ahhh!" Shinji shouted using his free hand to lift _both_ Eva Unit 02 and the Angel clinging to 02's leg.

Knowing he didn't have much time, Shinji threw them both over the edge of the volcano and out onto the surface. They had been less than three stories away from the surface when the military had dropped their bomb on them.

The two massive beings went flying into the air as they surfaced through the magma and landed with a heavy thud on the surface. Shinji groaned feeling the weight leave his arm as he toppled over falling into the depths of the volcano.

His arm moved of its own accord, and Eva Unit 01 slammed its free hand into the volcano wall to stop him from falling. He hung loosely by his Eva's arm impaled into the volcano wall.

"Misato... is anyone there?" Shinji groaned forcing himself to climb up. Climbing up and flinging himself and his Eva out of the magma and over the volcano.

He flew lightly through the air and landed with a heavy thud on the scorched grounds of Mount Asama.

Shinji could hear Asuka breathing softly through her comm. He had done it. He had saved them both. He didn't know how he had done it, but he had.

Slowly, he crawled forward bringing Eva Unit 01 to its knees on the open, but burned, terrain.

"No... no!" Shinji said in horror at what he saw.

Eva Unit 02 lying nearby, D-suit ripped to shreds but the Evangelion intact, and the abnormal Angel rising to its feet.

The abnormal Angel stood on its strange hind legs. The thing had changed again, and it was eyeing him with strange yellow eyes, looking like a cross between reptile and wolf with a humanoid frame.

Shinji raised his Eva's hand in a fist.

The abnormal Angel stared, tilting its head at him. Almost unsure of itself and him. It stood almost at the size of an Evangelion now, and it crouched low stalking towards him. Slowly, ever so slowly, it stalked towards him.

Shinji stepped back, the Eva raising the other hand in a boxer's stance.

But then the Angel turned and ran away. Ran away into the tree line of a nearby forest that been damaged by the blast from the N2 mine.

The Angel left them... for now.

Most of the surrounding area was in bad shape, but thankfully N2 mines didn't leave behind any nuclear fallout like the nukes of old. The AT Field had mostly adsorbed the blast it seemed, with little remnants spraying outward into the surrounding area.

"Why did it run? Why did it hate me so much?" Shinji whispered to himself.

 _ **It didn't hate you. The Angel was afraid. Afraid of you. Fight or flight, you saw it make a choice. The Angel is afraid because it knows the two of us are here. It doesn't understand us. We always fear what we don't understand.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"Shinji. I... the Angel! The Angel got away!" Asuka was panting into her comm. Eva Unit 02 struggling to its knees.

"Yeah..." Shinji said barely breathing. He hurried over, the Eva's massive feet thudding across the burned terrain as he grabbed Unit 02 and helped Asuka up.

The two Evangelions stood, with Unit 02 leaning on 01, amid the scorched terrain of Mount Asama. Asuka panting into the comm. She couldn't believe they'd survived that either.

"Hello? Shinji? Asuka? I... what happened?" Misato's voice called into the comm.

Luckily most of the staff had cleared the area when the military had sent their bomber out. Shinji didn't know where Misato and the Nerv staff had gone, but he figured they were safe. The staff ran drills in case something like that happened, an N2 mine being dropped.

"I... I screwed up. I let the Angel get free" Shinji said into the comm.

 _I try to do that the right thing. But I always make things worse_ Shinji thought in panic. The Angel was loose somewhere in the surrounding area, and the blast hadn't been entirely contained. Smoke and ashes filled the air around them, the Japanese landmark would never be same after today.

* * *

 **Really long, but it was originally longer.  
** **I try to have a bit of everything in this story, character interaction and development, plot, and sometimes action and sci fi. It can take up a lot of space.**

 **I know some readers probably expected Rei to turn all scary on Shinji. I'm still new to anime but I believe the term is 'yandere'. However, t** **hat wasn't how I was approaching Rei at all. Generally, I'm not a fan of** **yandere. Sorry.**

 **The way I approached Rei is like a machine or A.I. from one of Isaac Asimov's stories, learning and coping with real emotions for the first time. Struggling with how to express them, especially to her only real friend Shinji.**

 **And man, are Shinji and Asuka gonna have their work cut out for them. I like writing Shinji because he is flawed, all of the Eva cast is.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	12. Sohryu II

**Hey guys, sorry for the long delay. Too busy with life.  
This is second 'half' of the super long split.  
If pacing seems odd, it and the previous chapter, was supposed to be one chap but it was way too long.**

 **Thanks for all the new readers and followers, I hope you enjoy the story.**

* * *

" _I always had trouble with Asuka. Our relationship had its highs and lows. It was like that for years. Deep down... we were alike, her and I. Two broken people. At times, I miss her. I do. She was stronger than me, always was. Smart and tough. But to be tough does not mean you do not feel. People like to be cared for. I, of all people, know that better than most. I know what's it like to be alone even when surrounded by other people. It hurts no matter how 'tough' you are. I can still remember the feeling of her hand in mine. Another ghost that has_ _haunted_ _me for all my days."_

 _-_ _ **the Broken Man**_

* * *

"I... I screwed up. I let the Angel get free" Shinji said into the comm.

His voice was shaky and awkward. He had only been trying to save Asuka. He didn't always get along with her, she did tend to boss him around for no reason, but he didn't exactly hate her. He hadn't even thought about it when he'd dived into the volcano after her, he'd just done it.

"The Angel is free?!" Misato's voice called into the comm.

Shinji winced at the mixture of panic and shock in her voice. He didn't know where she was. She must have evacuated with the other Nerv staff before the N2 mine was dropped. She and the others must have been hold up somewhere far back.

"Shinji. Shinji, can you hear me?" Ritsuko's voice cut into the comm.

Shinji was barely listening.

 _That hand. That hand... it felt so real. Rough and aged, flesh riddled with tiny scars. The hands of a working man._ Shinji thought.

He was sitting in the entry plug of Unit 01. He'd been there the whole time, and yet he remembered when he'd disappeared and had gone somewhere else. Gone to that place in the dark reaches of his mind, the place he went to in his darkest dreams filled with madness.

Someone had taken his hand in theirs. He remembered.

"Dr. Akagi. We can hear you. Shinji pulled us out after the explosion" Asuka was saying into the comm breaking the silence.

 _That hand. Whose hand was that?_ Shinji thought his eyes wide. He felt his lips trembling at the memory of being back to back with someone or something in that dark part of his mind. It sent a chill down his spine.

"Be brave. You can only ever be brave when you are afraid" Shinji whispered to himself. He lifted his hand up staring at it, repeating words that the thing in his head had spoken to him.

Asuka was talking for the both of them. Exchanging information with Ritsuko and Misato about what had happened.

To Shinji, he seemed to hear as if from a great distance. Lost in his own thoughts. ' **The Angel was afraid. Afraid of you. Fight or flight, you saw it make a choice. The Angel is afraid because it knows the two of us are here.** ' that was the other thing that 'it' had told him.

 _Two? Two of us? That doesn't make sense..._ Shinji thought his lips trembling.

"Shinji" Misato's voice called into the comm bringing back to the world around him.

He blinked. He couldn't do that, he had to stay focused on the people around him or they'd think he was crazy.

"I don't know how I did it. I just... I just did it. I made an AT Field. The Angel ran off; I don't know where. Power cables are damaged." Shinji said. He took a moment to re-center himself. He was inside Unit 01. Asuka and Unit 02 were leaning against him. They were standing on the scorched surface of Mount Asama.

"I'm just glad to know the two of you are safe." Misato said into the comm breathing a sigh of relief.

"The military isn't going to be happy. The Angel is loose and we have no idea where. We need to get emergence power cables here now. We're going to need both of you" Ritsuko said into the comm.

"I'll call it into Nerv. We'll get the two of you emergency generators and power cables. For now, just... just try to be ready if the Angel comes back." Misato said in the comm.

"Roger that" Shinji said softly.

There wasn't much they could do right now. Asuka's power cable had been torn apart with the other support and cooling cables that the crane had been supplying. Shinji's power cable had been damaged from the N2 blast and stopped working. Both Eva Units had only a few minutes of power left.

The Angel had disappeared, but if it came back and they were out of power...

 _ **It won't come back. Not for a while, not until it gets stronger**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _I'm not supposed to talk to it._ Shinji thought slowly. Part of him was still afraid of his madness, but there was another that wasn't. Something had changed in that volcano, and Shinji didn't know what. He shouldn't be listening to 'it' but it had helped him after all.

He was left with very mixed feelings about the thing in his head.

 _ **Yet here we are. You need to stay focused. I'll leave you alone. Check on Asuka.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji shook his head trying to get a grip over himself. Eva Unit 02 was still leaning on 01 for support as they stood on the scorched surface.

"Shinji" Asuka called into his ear via the comm. He turned Unit 01's head to look at 02. It was just a human reaction to someone calling his name, but the Evas mirrored their pilots.

"I... you saved me. You... saved me. You jumped in knowing you might not get out." Asuka said in disbelief. Her voice emerging into his ear via the comm. She sounded like she might have been in shock, but there was more to it. Something he heard in her voice that he couldn't quite place.

"Yeah" Shinji said stupidly. He didn't know what else to say.

* * *

 _Elsewhere_

"Oh shut up. You just tried to _bomb_ a pair of teenagers. A pair of teenagers whom are two of only FOUR pilots we have right now!" Misato was saying over the phone.

"The Angel got loose! Those freaks blocked an N2 mine!" the military officer said angry over the phone.

Misato and Ritsuko had already contacted Nerv and they were sending supplies for the Eva Units, unfortunately that meant using the military for transport. The same military that had tried to bomb them, tensions were high to say the least.

"You really want to argue over this now?! We have more important things to worry about!" Misato nearly shouted into phone.

Aoba winced at the sound of them arguing. He had stayed behind with her, and he'd had to force her to eventually leave their station. The two of them hadn't gotten far but luckily the blast had been most contained and no one had appeared to have been hurt. All thanks to Shinji Ikari, though few would see it that way.

"We're transporting what you need. Under protest! Now, my men have to go look for the Angel that you Nerv people let loose" the military officer said roughly over the phone.

Aoba sighed as Misato finally stopped arguing with the military.

* * *

 _Later_

The Japanese military had been coordinating with the UN for support of the satellite network to fight the missing Angel.

The Angel was found several dozens of kilometers from Mount Asama. 'It' had fled into a nearby burned forest before making its way across the surrounding area. None could say what it was doing, only that it passed by a small town but notably did not inflict much property damage.

Instead, the Angel spent several minutes sitting in the middle of an abandoned street before once again taking off. Crashing through several store walls of a general shop on its way out. Thankfully, the A-17 procedures had already evacuated the surrounding areas, otherwise there would have been widespread panic.

Currently, the military had chosen to ignore Nerv's recommendation to only track the Angel, and instead sent two attack bombers to engage the enemy. The military reasoning was the fact that the Angel did not seem to be 'full grown' and was still smaller than an Evangelion.

"I have the target in position" one pilot called to another.

The Angel saw, and mostly likely heard, the military's approach and immediately ran off into the woods outside the town it had been sitting in. The abnormal creature moving on all fours like some strange wolf and reptile hybrid packed in a humanoid frame.

"Firing" one piloted called to his superiors via the aircraft's comm.

 _WHOOSH_ _!_

The attack bomber fired a single missile at the moving Angel scoring a direct hit. A cloud of fire and smoke engulfed the Angel. The Angel did not even flinch from the blast. It stood still seeming to consider that it had just been struck by something.

"Firing again" both pilots said each firing missiles into the target.

BOOM

Four missile slammed into the Angel and exploded upon impact, each after the other. Once again, the Angel did not flinch.

"Target is still standing! Our missiles aren't hurting it!" the frantic pilot called to his superiors by the comm.

The Angel stood on its hind legs, appearing to stand like a human would, yet leaner and on strange elongated limbs.

CRACK

The Angel ripped a 20-foot tree from the woods it had fled to, literally uprooting it with a single swoop of its hand, and both pilots immediately flew back. The Angel lifted the uprooted tree over its shoulder and threw it at one of the two attack bombers.

"Ejecting!" the frantic pilot shouted as he reached under his seat in the cockpit and pulled the black switch. In an explosion of white smoke, the pilot and his seat were ejected out into the air, literally being shot out of the cockpit, moments before the uprooted tree slammed into the attack bomber. The attack bomber whirled down and crashed landed into the ground in a brilliant explosion of metal and fire.

"Falling back!" the other pilot said hurriedly retreating as the Angel uprooted a second tree.

The ejected pilot flew through the air in his seat, the parachute deploying and letting him drift through the air and glide down to the ground below. The man hurriedly unbuckled himself from his ejected seat, fumbling with his hands to get free.

The Abnormal Angel ignored his presence and went on its way further and further into the woods.

The poor pilot breathed a sigh of relief, he'd thought he was going to die. He pulled out his emergency comm and radioed in his position.

* * *

 _Mount Asama_

Eva Units 01 and 02 stood still and silent, like titans from some myth, on the surface of the once famous landmark as the sun shined above them. They stood like guardians to the hurriedly set up base and crowd of workers below.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're safe" Misato was saying.

She was kneeling down to his level and running a worried hand over his face and checking him over.

"I'm fine. Really, I am. Thanks Misato" Shinji said gently batting away her hands. It wasn't that he was mad at her or anything, but he had a lot on his mind and he didn't want her fussing over him. Still, a part of him liked that she cared about him.

He was standing on the scorched, but cooled, surface of Mount Asama. He was still in his plugsuit, as was Asuka, and both Eva pilots had been given permission to leave their Eva Units for the time being.

The military had tried, and failed horribly, to stop the Angel. But they had gotten a lock on it, and with help of a few satellites they were currently tracking its' movements and relaying the information to Nerv in real time. Nerv had taken the time to regroup and set up the base of operations whilst supplies were on their way.

"Damn Shinji, what were you thinking? Diving in without a D-suit? Are you crazy?" Misato said shaking her head at him.

Shinji winced inwardly at the 'c' word but held it in. "I couldn't let Asuka die. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing" Shinji said in a low awkward voice.

Asuka turned her head watching him out of the corner of her eye as he spoke. She had been real quiet ever since exiting her Eva, standing around looking bored despite being in shock earlier, with her arms crossed. Asuka had changed out of the special D-suit plugsuit and into her standard red one instead, changing suits inside of her entry plug before exiting, as the D-suit itself had been ripped apart by the Angel whilst she'd fought it in the depths of the volcano.

Misato sighed saying "I know Shinji. I know. Just... damn you're going to give me a heart attack one day."

"I don't mean too" Shinji said honestly. Nerv staff, and Ritsuko and her assistants were out and about setting up or else talking about what to do. He felt weird just standing around with Asuka while the others worked, but there wasn't anything he could do until the power cables and generators arrived.

Misato patted him on the head, running a hand through his hair saying "just take it easy for now. The military is tracking our Angel and we can go mobile if we need to."

 _ **They can, but you and Asuka can't. The Evas are stuck here until they get power. Don't worry. The Angel will not come yet, not until 'it' regenerates more. It wants to get stronger. It is confused.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji kept his cool, the only sign of him being unnerved being that tremor in his hand that he quickly covered up. What he didn't see was that Asuka noticed the tremor in his hand but said nothing.

"Here. Eat something for now" Misato said handing him a small bag with the Nerv label on it, he hadn't even seen where she'd gotten it from. Too wrapped up in his own thoughts.

Shinji took the bag as Misato walked off to speak with some of the other Nerv staff working around the base they'd set up around the stationary Evas.

 _The Angel is afraid of me... the Angel is afraid because it doesn't understand_ Shinji thought milling over those words. Asuka was watching him as he unzipped Misato's bag and found a ration box inside, it was a full meal that didn't need to be cooked.

Shinji's stomach growled, he hadn't eaten in several hours. He smiled at the fact that Misato had thought about him 'not eating enough'. She really did care about him.

 _Sigh, that reminds me. Need to fix things with Rei too_ he thought. She cared about him, she really did and he had made her angry and then sad. Just another thing on his mind, when the hell had his life gotten so weird and complicated.

He turned to see Asuka leaning against the foot of her Eva Unit 02, looking bored, and pretending that she hadn't been spying on him and Misato.

 _Misato gave me the food. Misato gave me the food. I cook lunch for Asuka almost every day. I cook for her enough... I don't have to share... I don't have to share... damn it... damn it!_ Shinji thought his head held low.

He walked over to her and she glanced at him as he approached ration box in hand.

"Idiot- Shinji" Asuka said. She stuttered as she spoke, starting with her usual fiery demeanor but catching herself at the end. Changing to a 'polite' tone.

"We should eat. We don't know how long we'll be out here" Shinji said awkwardly. He avoided her eyes as she stared at him. Damn, why did he have to be so nice? Why couldn't he just get over himself and be more selfish.

Asuka slowly reached a hand out and wordlessly took the ration box from him before he could open it. _Oh great, she's not gonna share. Sigh, fine. I'll let her have it_ Shinji thought.

He turned and starting walking away, he really was too nice.

"Hey! Where are you going?!" Asuka called after him.

He turned back to face her and found the ration box colliding with his forehead.

"Ack" Shinji winced, it hadn't hurt but it had surprised him. "What was that for?" Shinji said rubbing his forehead as he stumbled back. A few Nerv staff give them confused looks.

"What are you looking at?!" Asuka said glaring at the people whom had given the two of them looks. The Nerv staff quickly moved on.

 _Even adults don't want to mess with her_ Shinji thought as he rubbed his forehead.

"Why did you walk away?! I thought we were gonna share" Asuka said avoiding his gaze. She was still holding onto the ration box.

She didn't really sound mad. It was like she was pretending to be mad. Why would someone _pretend_ to be mad? Shinji did not understand girls at all.

"I thought you took it. It's fine, keep it. I'm sorry for... for whatever I did" Shinji said. He didn't know why this always happened between them, but he didn't want to argue.

"You apologize too much" Asuka muttered under her breathe.

"... sorry" Shinji muttered.

She scowled at him saying "there you go again!"

 _Why does this always happen to me?_ Shinji thought fighting the urge to groan.

"You said 'we' should eat. We're the Eva pilots. It was _your_ idea to share. So we're sharing!" Asuka said grabbing him by the shoulder and dragging him back near her Eva Unit.

 _This is so weird_ Shinji thought as he was tugged along.

...

The two Eva pilots mostly ate in silence, sitting beside Unit 02, and awkwardly sharing the food inside of Misato's ration box.

 _ **You didn't check on Asuka. You really should ask how she's doing.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Asuka's tough. She's fine. She wouldn't want anyone checking up on her_ Shinji thought.

 _ **To be tough does not mean you do not feel. Deep down, people like to be cared for. Shinji, 'you' of all people, should see that. You know what is it like to be alone even when surrounded by other people. It hurts no matter how 'tough' you are.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _I shouldn't be talking to it. I shouldn't be listening to it._ Shinji thought. He glanced down at his hand again.

When he'd gone away again, when he'd disappeared into what Dr. Page had called his 'madness', he had felt someone or something take his hand. He didn't know what to make about that.

"Pervert. Why do you keep staring at your hand?" Asuka asked breaking the silence suddenly. She seemed mostly bored as they ate together, in contrast to the awkward Shinji.

 _Pervert? Why would staring at my hand make me-? How does a hand make someone perverted?_ Shinji thought frowning.

"It's a bad habit. It happens when I get scared or nervous I guess. Piloting is hard for me." Shinji said telling a partial truth.

 _Wimp_ Asuka thought. The word at the tip of her tongue but she stopped herself from saying it at the last second, and what came out was a strange mumble. Shinji didn't seem to notice

Turning to Asuka, he said "hey. I uh... are you okay?"

"Of course I am" Asuka said stubbornly.

 _She's in a bad mood. What happened? She was almost nice earlier. Maybe she got over her shock?_ He thought.

"I know... I just wanted to check. You were down there longer than I was. And... and I had to stand on top of you near the end" Shinji said slowly.

"I was. I fought the Angel down there. Then I had to hold you up while the damn thing clawed at my feet." Asuka said. She seemed to be struggling with something, but Shinji didn't have any idea what she could struggle with.

 _Is she mad at me again?_ He thought.

 _ **Think about what just happened. Misato was here. What did she not do?**_ The thing in head stirred.

 _I'm not supposed to listen to it. I'm not. But I- … Misato barely asked about her_ He thought.

"I know Asuka. I know. I'm sorry" Shinji said.

"Stop. Apologizing." Asuka said through gritted teeth.

Shinji sighed and hung his head. The two of them could work together, they did before, and there were times where she could push him to work harder than he thought, but there were other times where everything he did seemed to make her angry at him. Honestly, why couldn't he work with Mari or Rei instead?

He was just tired of this. He didn't want to fight. Didn't want to argue. He turned to her and met her eyes, neither looking away from the other.

"I'm glad you're not hurt Asuka. I was worried about you." Shinji said truthfully despite his tired eyes and haggard voice.

He turned back to his rations. He wasn't good with people, girls in particular.

Asuka didn't say anything for a moment. Her lips trembled and she ran a hand across her mouth, pretending to wipe food off to cover the movement, not that Shinji noticed.

"When you dived in. How did you do that? Dr. Akagi said your sync ratio rose again. Mr. 91%, ... how did you do that?" Asuka said struggling to get the words out.

Shinji thought about that for a moment, he didn't fully understand what he did but he felt he owed her an explanation.

"I really don't know. I wasn't going to let you die Asuka. So I jumped in, and when the time came I just sorta did it. I was really scared at the time." Shinji said sighing.

"Thanks" Asuka said softly, almost a whisper.

He glanced up at her, and he thought he saw the glimpse of a smile on her face. He couldn't remember her ever smiling at him.

Shinji blinked in surprise. He let out a small chuckle saying "you would jump in for me, right?"

When Asuka didn't answer right away, Shinji scoffed and shook his head at her.

"Maybe" Asuka said teasingly, finally giving him her answer.

The German girl was giving him a coy look, like she was trying to get a raise out of him.

"I'll take what I can get" Shinji said with a shrug.

 _Wonder what Mari and Rei are doing? Bet they're working together better than this._ Shinji thought.

* * *

 _Nerv HQ_

"Hey! Come on! We can help them! Send us over there. The best defense is a kickass offense!" Mari said thrusting her hands into the air in frustration.

She was still dressed in her plugsuit, being on standby at this stage meant that they had to be ready at all times, and it had been hours since they'd heard the news about the incident at Mount Asama. Her Shinji had saved Asuka's ass.

"No. You're wearing on my patience. Get out of my way" Commander Gendo Ikari said. His voice low and cold.

Mari made to follow after the infamously cold Commander Ikari, but the man side stepped her in the hallway and left her behind without so much as looking at her.

"The Commander is a very busy man. I understand you are worried for your fellow pilots, but we are in constant contact and they are fine. Their job is to eliminate the Angel there whenever able, your job is to defend the city if it reaches the Geofront." Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said calmly. The older man noticeably easier to talk to then Gendo.

"This blows" Mari said shaking her head. The Sub-Commander raised an eyebrow at her language, then turned to leave muttering a polite goodbye.

Mari let out an exasperated breath and walked off, she had trouble standing or sitting still for long periods of time. _So much for cornering the Commanders and trying to help my Shinji_ she thought.

She wandered the halls of Nerv once again, there wasn't much to do until further orders came. They were ordered to stay in the compound just in case the Angel made its way to Tokyo-3.

Mari found herself in the hanger again, and once again found her 'partner' sitting just outside her Eva Unit 00. Most of the burn damage had been repaired or replaced, but it was considered 88% operational. Useable, but the higher ups preferred Units 01 and 02 at the moment.

…

Rei sat before her Eva Unit 00, dressed in her plugsuit, and unsure of why her hands felt uneasy and restless as of late. She had been sitting for hours, barely moving since the news of the incident with Shinji and Asuka and the standby orders.

She was aware of Mari's presence, was aware of the approaching older girl, but she had not expected the girl to 'slide' over into a sitting position and bump into her where she sat crossed legged on the floor.

"Ah" Rei muttered as the older girl collided into her side.

"You've been sitting for hours. What the hell are you doing?" Mari asked.

Rei scooted over to create space between herself and her 'partner'. "We were ordered to be on standby." was all Rei said, never once looking at Mari.

"Jeez, how are your feet not asleep?" Mari asked.

"It is not an issue. Please leave, I want to be alone." Rei said.

Mari scooted closer to Rei on the floor. Rei scooted further off to the side to create more space.

"Desist" Rei said as Mari made to scoot over, to sit beside her, again.

"Fine" Mari said not scooting over, but leaning back and turning to Rei's side. She raised a foot and placed it on top of Rei's shoulder.

"Desist" Rei repeated narrowing her eyes.

"I did" Mari said raising her other foot and placing it atop Rei's head. Using Rei as a foot stand to relax her feet while she rested her hands behind her hand. It made a comical sight considering that they were both Eva pilots.

Rei slapped the other girl's feet away and sent Mari sliding over on the floor. "Whoa" Mari said catching herself and bringing herself back into a sitting position, Mari was very _fast_ and quite nimble.

 _I should not have done that_ Rei thought glancing at her hands.

Mari laughed saying "ahahah, it's always the quiet ones." Nothing ever did seem to bother her.

Rei stared at the strange tremor in her hand. When had that started?

"Hey, I'm sorry alright. I was only messing with you" Mari said getting to her feet and stretching her long limbs.

"Why would you do that?" Rei asked not taking her eyes off her hand.

"Was bored. Worried about my Shinji but unable to help" Mari said simply.

"Shinji does not belong to anyone. He is not property" Rei said in barely a whisper.

"No, he doesn't. Not to me anyway" Mari said sounding sad. Rei lowered her hand and went back to watching her Eva Unit 00 that stood towering over both pilots at the moment.

Mari broke the silence saying "you're not used to this, are you? Being worried for someone else? Being restless because you can't do anything to help. That's why your hands are restless, you know. My dummy has a similar problem. A tremor in his hand."

 _He is not your dummy..._ Rei thought but said nothing.

Mari sighed at Rei's silence.

"Well, miss Rei Ayanami. If I ever figure out how to deal with this, not being able to help, I'll let you know." Mari said.

Then without another word, Mari turned and left her partner sitting in front of her Eva Unit. Mari had trouble staying still and so went back to wandering the halls.

* * *

 _Somewhere near Mount Asama_

The abnormal Angel stirred from its sitting position out under the sun. It had grown taller, having 'regenerated' or further formed into a more 'adult' Angel in the time away. Now the size of an Evangelion.

The strange beast rose to stand on its hind legs. Torn between two focal points in its alien mind, one close and nearby, the other far away.

It felt the call from its progenitor, far away and underneath another of the Lilin's areas of convergences. Yet it also felt the _thing_ that it did not understand. Not a constant presence like the call of its progenitor, but a memory and a stirring that made it feel... fear.

The Angel turned and headed off towards the last location it had seen the 'thing' that it did not understand.

Far above in orbit, various coordinating satellites tracked its movements and the information was quickly and frantically relayed to Nerv.

…

 _Back with Shinji and Asuka_

 _ **The Angel is coming Shinji. It's coming for you. For us.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji blinked. He had been laying down beside his Eva Unit 01, just waiting on standby for further orders from Misato or Nerv.

His comm went off, and Misato's voice emerged into his ear.

"Shinji! Asuka! Get inside your Evas. The Angel is on the moving. No need to transport the Eva Units now, it's heading straight for us." Misato said into the comm.

"On my way!" Shinji heard Asuka say via the comm.

He rose to a sitting position and saw the girl in the red plugsuit running to her Eva Unit. Shinji got to his feet and started towards Unit 01.

"All Nerv staff evacuate again! The Angel is coming to us! The Angel is coming to us!" Misato was saying into the comm on an open channel for all the staff.

Shinji saw her in a Nerv truck with Ritsuko and a few others. She offered him a small smile as she and the others had to leave the area.

Getting inside his entry plug, and powering up 01 again, he saw that the display said he had full power and the cable was holding. His sync ratio was at 52%. The highest it had been in over a month.

"Shinji. Asuka. The two of you are looking good. Sync ratios are holding steady. We're forwarding over some data to your displays. The Angel is running for your position." Ritsuko said into the comm, opening a channel for only Shinji and Asuka.

"Thanks Dr. Akagi" Shinji said as Asuka did the same.

* * *

 _Later_

Shinji and Asuka strode throughout the area, always keeping in sight of the other. The data sent to their displays showed that the Angel was nearly there. Both Eva Units had been refitted with emergency power cables that ran far away to massive generators, prog knives, and guns.

"Asuka, I see the Angel. It's coming straight ahead from that tree line" Shinji said doing his best to keep his voice calm.

The Angel was now the size of an Evangelion, having grown nearly a third in mass since the last time they'd seen it, with strange elongated limbs, seemingly both reptilian and wolf like, yet wrapped in a humanoid frame. Its 'skin' for lack of a better word was darker than Shinji remembered, and its strange yellow eyes peered out from its faceplate.

 _Almost like... like its looking right at me._ Shinji thought as the Angel emerged from the tree line of the forest that it had originally fled from.

 _ **It is looking right at you.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Not helping._ Shinji thought.

Asuka and Unit 02 raised its pallet gun and fired a burst of rounds into the Angel's sides as it stalked forward.

Shinji watches the sparks fly across its body as the Angel only barely seemed to notice the bullets crashing into its hardened skin. It wobbled but kept moving towards him.

"Don't ignore me!" Asuka was saying as she fired rounds into the Angel.

Shinji raised his own pallet gun and fired a burst of rounds into the Angel just as Asuka did, the two of them sustaining a continued burst on their target. He wasn't as good of a shot as Asuka, some of his bullets missed and went flying off into the distance crashing into trees and other smaller hills along the mountain path.

"It's not working" Shinji said into his comm.

The Abnormal Angel had raised its hands as it stalked forward, ignoring Asuka and heading for Unit 01, bullets crashing into it as it stalked.

Asuka ran out of bullets first, and she didn't ever bother reloading, as Shinji let the pallet gun fall to the ground when it clicked empty. Unit 01 reached down grabbing the prog knife that Nerv and the military had sent via the supply run.

The Abnormal Angel broke its stalking and was in a full run.

Asuka had Unit 02 pull out its handgun and fired rounds into the Angel's back as it ran.

Shinji crouched, prog knife in his Eva's hand.

The Angel leaped into the air, coming straight for him like something out of a nightmare. Shinji brought his Eva's massive hand up, prog knife at the ready, and slashed the Angel across the side just as it descended on him.

Sparks flew as the prog knife scratched the surface of the Angel's skin but did little damage. _Damn it_ Shinji thought as the Angel brought Eva Unit 01 to the ground.

The two titans fell with a massive thud that echoed through the area, dirt and gravel went flying up in a massive cloud of smog.

"Ahh!" Shinji shouted as the Eva's phantom sensations brought him the pain of his chest being cut and clawed out. The Angel was on top of him, biting into 01's faceplate, running its claws across the machine's massive chest trying to cut its way in. Shinji could hear, actually hear, the metal plate armor scraping as Unit 01 took damage. He hissed from the phantom sensations and clutched at 'his' chest despite the fact that it was fine.

 _ **Are you just going to lay there? Fight back.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _'There will always be pain. Best get used to it' That was something else the thing in my head told me once... on my first piloting run._ Shinji thought.

Shinji grunted from the pain and brought 01's hand up and punched the Angel across the face.

It flinched but the hardened skin protected it from most of the blow.

Unit 01 punched again and again as the Angel pinned him to the ground, trying to cut 01 apart as if wanting to see what was inside. Shinji tried to slide out, to get out from under, to get away, but the Angel wouldn't let him. It kept shifting its weight to keep him pinned.

"Damn it" Shinji hissed. Eva Unit 01 raised its massive hand and grabbed the Angel by the 'throat', trying to choke it out.

The Angel stared down at him with it's strange yellow eyes. It raised a clawed hand to 01's arm trying to yank it off, but Shinji held on.

"Stop ignoring me!" Asuka shouted as Unit 02 appeared tackling the Angel off of Unit 01. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief as Asuka sent the Angel rolling away, Unit 01's hand fell back down as the Angel was pushed aside. He hadn't known if he could have gotten the thing off of him.

He took the moment to get Unit 01 onto its feet again.

Shinji turned seeing Asuka fighting the Angel on all by herself, she was doing a much better job at it then he had been. The Angel was quick on its feet, trying to corner and bring Unit 02 to the ground, but Asuka kept pace with her foe.

Asuka slashed and stabbed, prog knife sending sparks and sparks across the Angel's skin. She moved in time with the Angel, almost like a boxer bobbing and weaving, never giving it an opening to pin her. He saw the remnants of her Eva's Handgun on the ground in two pieces. The Angel had cut the gun in two sometime during their scuffle.

"The Angel's skin is hardened. We thought that might have been an effect of the heat and pressure of the magma, but it seems to be permanent. Try looking for weakness such as the eyes" Ritsuko said into the comm.

"Roger" Shinji said into the comm as he started moving.

* * *

…

Asuka cut the Angel again and again, sending sparks flying as she fought the Angel one on one. She be damned she if lost to that thing a second time.

The Angel suddenly pounced forward, crouching on its hind legs, and slamming its head into Unit 02's chest. The phantom sensations made Asuka loose her breath for a moment, but she gritted her teeth and brought her knee into the Angel's faceplate as payback.

SCRATCH

The Angel's clawed hand ran across Unit 02's head, leaving long thin cuts across the armor. Asuka hissed and punched it across the face.

Unit 02 appeared, stupid Shinji had finally gotten off his ass, and tackled the Angel. Shoving the massive Eva's body into the Angel's and sending both of them sliding off into the ground, grass and gravel being dragged along as they slid through the terrain.

Shinji actually brought the Angel to the ground, prog knife in his hands aiming for its eyes, and Asuka was impressed. But of course, the Angel flipped them somehow and stalked off keeping a wary eye on him.

"What happened?! You had it!" Asuka said into Shinji's comm.

"I don't know. It wiggled free and flipped me." Shinji said sounding a bit winded from the moments, he wasn't used to moving as quickly as she or Mari was, and he wasn't as nimble as they were.

"Can't you do anything right?" Asuka said not really meaning it.

"I was trying to help!" Shinji said getting a bit annoyed.

"So was I!" Asuka shouted back.

"THERE IS AN ANGEL IN FRONT OF BOTH OF YOU! Stop playing house and pay attention!" Misato's voice called into both their comms. They both winced at the shouting woman in the ear.

 _Don't be mean. Don't be mean._ Asuka thought over and over. She didn't shout back at Misato like she wanted to, and focused on the Angel in front of her.

Her eyebrow rose dangerously as she realized that the Angel stocking them was hardly paying her any attention at all. It's strange yellow eyes peering at Unit 01 and stupid Shinji the whole time.

"Why does this thing hate me?" She heard Shinji whisper, he had obviously forgotten that the channel was open and that she could hear him.

 _Why does it hate him and not me? I was kicking its ass earlier?_ Asuka thought.

The Abnormal Angel uprooted a large piece of rock from the ground, and hurled it at Unit 02.

Asuka swerved her massive machine, dodging the rock and gravel, even as the Angel leaped for Shinji.

"Hey! We need a plan to fight this thing! Prog knife won't work!" Asuka shouted into the comm for Misato and Ritsuko to hear.

She strode forward, red Evangelion moving to help her partner. She slammed into the Angel just as it nearly brought Shinji and Unit 01 to the ground again. _Fight me! Come on, fight me!_ Asuka thought shoving the Angel away from Shinji.

"Ahhh!" Asuka shouted in pain as the Angel head-butted her and brought its claws running down and around her Eva's throat in a harsh metallic screech, the metal armor being cut. Its' claws reaching even towards the spine of the Eva as it cut her.

"Asuka, the Angel doesn't realize where the entry plug is. Don't let it get to the spine or back to the neck! If it can cut through the armor it can eventually reach the entry plug!" Misato's voice said into her ear via the comm.

 _As if I don't know that_ Asuka thought trying keep her distance from the Angel even as it stalked closer and closer. Sometime in their scuffle, she had dropped her prof knife, not that it had been very effective.

Then Angel pounced forward trying to claw at her Eva's throat again, but an AT Field materialized in front of her Eva.

The strange protective octagonal pattern of lights stopping the Angel before it could cut at her again.

"Shinji?" Asuka said in barely a whisper.

Eva Unit 01 was standing behind her, hand raised over her protectively. Asuka didn't take the time to think as the Angel was stopped. It stood leaning against the AT Field, putting its weight into it, claws screeching against Shinji's shield as it tried to break through and get at Asuka.

"Shinji. Drop the Field! I got this!" Asuka said.

The AT Field disappeared, and Asuka kicked the Angel across the chest with all her Eva Unit's weight. The Angel went flying back and Asuka stumble nearly falling over. Unit 01 caught Unit 02 before it could fall, and Asuka felt the phantom sensations of Shinji's hand on her back.

She got her Eva to its feet and standing on its own as fast as she could.

"We're working on a plan. You two are doing good, just hang in there. For now, try to pin it to the ground and take out its eyes." Misato's worried voice called into both their comms.

The Angel was getting to its feet again as Units 01 and 02 stood beside each other watching it carefully.

"Hey Shinji" Asuka said in a low voice over the comm.

"Yeah?" Shinji asked panting. Maybe the AT Fields tired him out?

"You... you've killed more Angel than me. Where do you think its core would be? How could we kill it?" Asuka asked surprisingly serious.

"... Somewhere underneath its' hardened skin. Maybe through the eyes or else the chest. But we can't get to it" Shinji said thinking that over.

The Angel was on all fours now, stalking them like some strange hairless and armored wolf, moving much quicker than it had before.

"I have an idea." Asuka said slowly thinking it over.

The Angel leaped forward trying pounce on both of them. Once again Shinji raised Unit 01's hand, palm up, and an AT Field erupted into exists before them. The Angel slammed against the field, and it hissed as it was forced stumbled back.

SCREECH

The Angel clawed and clawed at the AT Field trying to cut through, but Shinji held it up. Protecting both himself and her.

 _Have to time it just right_ Asuka thought.

"Shinji! Drop the Field again!" Asuka said.

The AT Field vanished just as the Angel had stumbled back, and once again Asuka used all her Evangelion's weight to kick the Angel across the chest and send it flying. Once again. Unit 01 caught Unit 02 before it could fall. Asuka felt Shinji's hands on her back before she settled into a standing position.

"What?" Shinji asked, never taking his eyes off the clearly pissed off Angel getting to its feet again.

It stalked the two of them as they each circled the other. Both Units staying close together. They were at a standstill at the moment, neither group able to best the other.

"The cooling tubes that my D-suit was using are still laying around somewhere. The crane got destroyed by the N2 blast, but if the tubes are still intact or else their supply is still there, we could use it. We could use all of it at once, freeze the Angel's hardened skin so it cracks open." Asuka said her eyes unblinking and determined.

Shinji seemed to consider that, before saying into the comm "Misato? Ritsuko? Did you get that?"

"We did. Asuka... that might work. Ritsuko says the tubes are still intact; we're sending their location to your displays." Misato's voice said into the comm.

Asuka looked at her display, the tubes weren't too far away, but they were a bit further back where they had originally been stationed.

 _Gonna be tricky to get to them_ Asuka thought glancing back up at the Angel stalking them on all fours.

"Hey. I... I'll draw it away. You get the tubes; I'll cover you" Shinji said into the comm. He spoke in a nervous shake, a small undertone in his voice, but he seemed determined enough.

Asuka stared at Unit 01 standing beside her.

"... okay" Asuka said sounding stupid even to herself.

She slowly positioned herself behind Unit 01, making sure to follow Shinji's movements. Taking a deep breath, Asuka stepped away from Shinji and his Eva, and broke into a run heading for the cooling tubes. She heard the Angel leaping behind her, heard the strange whooshing sound of an AT Field erupting into existence, and she heard the slam of the Angel being held at bay.

Asuka and Unit 02 rushed through the base, reaching the remains of the destroyed crane that had first been used to lower her into the volcano, her footsteps pounding into the ground with heavy thuds as she ran.

02's hands lifted the remains of the crane up, shoving them off to the side, and scooping up the cooling tubes that once been fed into the D-suit for her Eva Unit via long cables. Asuka took them into her Eva's hands and stood up turning to Shinji and the Angel.

She gasped at sight of Unit 01, AT Field gone, grappling with the Angel, its claws slashing at the torso and neck. Shinji and his Eva down to one knee as he fought not to get pinned whilst the Angel loomed over him.

"I will kill you!" Asuka shouted as she threw a single cooling tube at the Angel.

The cooling tube, massive in size and filled with concentrated liquid nitrogen, collided with the Angel, crashing into its side. The container exploded in a brilliant shower of insulated material, shattering as the colorless clear liquid wept free washing over the Angel's torso.

"Hzzz" The Angel hissed as its hardened skin froze, icing over, and deteriorating as it struggled to move and by doing so only made it worse.

Shinji took the moment to punch the Angel on its now frozen shoulder.

CRACK!

The Angel's hardened skin cracked and it slumped back confused. "It's not enough! Asuka its still moving!" Shinji into the comm. The Angel slashed at Unit 01's faceplate sending the Eva stumbling back.

Asuka was running for the Angel, yet she threw another tube at the Angel and watched it smash into her target. Shinji was up again, and stabbing his prog knife into the frozen skin of the Angel, breaking it further and further as the monstrous beast grew more and more rigid and frozen by the second.

"Almost there!" Asuka said watching as the Angel struggled to move with its partially frozen skin, limited mobility, and Shinji stabbing it.

The Angel batted Unit 01 back having to use its whole body, and in doing so cracking the hardened skin along its chest.

Asuka was close enough now, using both her Eva hands, she threw all four remaining cooling tubes into the struggling Angel's torso. Two of them broke upon impact, the freed liquid freezing over anything they touched, and in so doing cracked open the other two tubes.

All four cooling tubes broken, the Angel soaked in liquid nitrogen, Shinji and Asuka watched as the Angel struggled to stand with its frozen and freezing skin, yet still it did not fall.

Shinji slammed his prog knife into the Angel's chest with all the strength he could muster, breaking completely through the frozen Angel skin. Asuka was at his side then, and Unit 02 slammed its fist into the frozen skin too.

The Angel roared as the frozen skin along its chest fractured and then shattered... revealing strange internal organs that lay underneath all the armored skin.

"The core!" Asuka said seeing the massive red orb where the 'heart' of a humanoid being would be.

She moved, and in a last ditch effort the Angel thrashed its damaged, mostly skinless, arm at her to bat her away, to put distance between them. But Unit 01 caught the Angel arm and yanked it down, giving Asuka the opening she needed.

Unit 02 reached inside the Angel and grabbed the core with its hand alone, no weapons needed, and Asuka yanked it free crushing it in the palm of her Eva's hand simultaneously.

"Die" Asuka said watching through the display as the frozen and fractured Angel stilled.

Shinji and Asuka panted, watching as the Angel slump down dying. Its frozen armor like skin shattering as it fell to the ground with a shove from both Eva pilots. Together, they watched most of its body shatter into frozen fragments, the Angel's corpse losing its strength and durability when the core was destroyed.

"... you did it. Asuka, you did it. The Angel is dead!" Misato said into the comm sounding both parts relieved and awed.

"Ha! Of course I did it!" Asuka said managing a smirk even as Shinji in Unit 01 slumped into a sitting position.

 _Hey! No_ _nosebleed!_ _Damn, I thought for sure that would happen again._ Shinji thought managing a small laugh. A laugh that Asuka heard over the comm and found incredibly annoying. Shinji took a deep breathe from inside the entry plug of 01. Then he noticed something odd from the phantom sensations of the Eva.

Shinji raised Unit 01's hand saying "my arm is a bit frozen."

Asuka blinked and turned her Eva to see, and sure enough along the side of 01's arm and even torso were the lightly frozen over metal plating that made up the Unit's armor. Somewhere in the fight, the liquid nitrogen had gotten on Unit 01 too. The repair teams would not be happy.

 _That's wasn't my fault!_ Asuka thought.

She shook her head mulling that over and losing track of time for a minute.

"I'm okay Misato. Really, part of the job. None of it got in my entry plug" Shinji was into the comm as Asuka replayed the play in her head.

 _Of course everyone cares about 'dear' Shinji. Stupid Shinji, everybody's favorite._ Asuka thought scowling.

"Asuka" Shinji called to her suddenly.

"What?!" Asuka said almost shouting into the comm as he called out to her.

"Are you okay?" Shinji asked. Such a simple question, yet he was the only one to ask.

"... I'm fine. Sorry about your Eva's hand" Asuka said muttering under breath.

"That's good. Ah, I think we deserve a long nap" Shinji sighed into the comm. Completely missing the obvious as usual.

It was almost comical how Unit 01 mirrored his movements. The Evangelion Unit taking a seat on the ground, hands behind his back and resting his knees. Asuka watched him and his Eva, and shook her head fighting the urge to laugh at the idiot, and finding it quite hard indeed.

* * *

 **More character interaction than action or plot this time, due to the splitting.  
I tried to write a kind of banter between Asuka and Shinji, in many ways there alike just as the 'Broken Man' said. She's just as damaged as Shinji is.**

 **Rei and Mari are fun to write, and its good to show what 'Team Two' is up to whilst 'Team One' is away.** **The military isn't happy about what Shinji did, that will come up.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	13. The Closest Thing To Family

**Hey guys, thanks to all the new readers, I'm glad people are enjoying this humble story.  
It might be a short while before I post after this chap. Busy with life.** _ **  
**_ **Chapter's a bit 'slower' than other chaps, but it's worth it.**

" _What does it mean to have parents? A family? I never really had parents myself. Maybe when I was young, but not for long. My father_ _abandoned_ _me to chase after ghosts, and in many ways he truly was a monster. And my mother? Well… my mom made her choice. And she didn't choose me. She left me behind too. In the tragedy that was my life, I did learn something. That maybe your family doesn't have to be your blood. Maybe family is the people in your life that guide you, that won't abandon you, and whom have your back."_

 _-_ _ **the broken man**_

* * *

 **Author's note: This chapter begins during the events of Mari's flashback from chapter 10. But from Shinji's POV**

 _The past  
_ _Roughly three years ago...  
Night of the cafeteria incident with 11-year-old Shinji Ikari._

"Shinji! What's wrong! Why did you-"

 _What's happening?_ He thought. It was pitch black, he could only hear things as if from very far away. And... and his body would not respond when he tried to move.

"What can I do? You have blood in your eyes! Shinji! Please Shinji! Please come back! Come back!"

 _Blood in my eyes? Why would there be blood in my eyes? That voice... I... that's Mari's voice?_ Little Shinji thought.

He felt himself screaming. Screaming in pain. He was in so much pain... but something was odd. Like someone or something was holding him back, like they were pushing his mind away so he wouldn't get overwhelmed.

But he could still feel his body moving. He could feel himself thrashing around wildly, but he didn't know where he was or what he was doing. He felt his hands pulling on his hair so hard that he thought he would accidentally rip the hair off his scalp.

Why was he screaming? Why was he in pain? And why didn't he feel most of it?

 _ **I take the pain for you. I won't let you feel it Shinji. I can take it. I am... I am used to pain.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Gah?! No! I take my medicine! I do what Dr. Page tells me to do!_ Shinji thought panicking.

" **Go away. You cannot help us** "

Shinji felt his lips move as the words came from his mouth, but they weren't his words. It was like someone else was speaking through him. Was he having another breakdown?

"Dummy you got lost again! Just come back" he heard Little Mari shouting.

 _Where am I? Why can't I see?_ Shinji thought.

"He's having a seizure! Strap him in! We're transferring him to a hospital. And someone call Dr. Page! She'll want to know ASAP" Little Shinji heard someone shouting. They sounded like an adult, maybe one of the nurses at the ward?

 _ **Shinji. You need to sleep now. Stop questioning it. I will take the pain so that you do not have to. You will see things while you sleep. You can't look at them. Do not look at them. Do not remember. If you're not careful you will get hurt. This can kill you. Promise you won't look.**_

 _I'm scared. I'm getting worse. I'm insane! Make it stop!_ Little Shinji thought.

He could feel himself being thrown onto a stretcher. Could feel someone, perhaps the ward staff, strapping him in and rolling him away.

 _ **Don't look. Sleep, Shinji. Just sleep. Close your eyes.**_

 _I want my mom_ Little Shinji thought. If he could cry, he would have. He was so scared and alone, why did have to be this way. Why did he have to be insane?

 _ **You're not crazy.**_

 _I-_

 _ **CLOSE YOUR EYES**_

And Shinji knew no more.

…

 _The past  
_ _Shinji's vision_

Images flashed through Shinji Ikari's mind. The 11-year-old boy kept his eyes closed, but that never worked. They came from inside his head. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to look away.

He saw things he couldn't explain. Things he didn't want to understand. The images came in a blur, in no real order, and they made no sense.

Images of a city in ruins. Of a monster roaming an empty street. Of a dark shadow in a sea of red. He was in one place, and then he wasn't. Then he was gone, before he disappeared again and was somewhere else. His madness had returned.

 **There was a boy, a young adult really. No… he _was_ the young adult, and he was walking with a red headed girl about the same age. Her hand was in his and though he couldn't see her face, she was laughing. Another girl, a pale young woman with white blue hair around their age, joined them linking her hand with his too. **

**Together the three of them walked with linked hands before stopping at a patch of farm land.**

 **The two girls were talking to him about something, but he couldn't hear them. Little Shinji didn't want to hear them, he didn't want to see this. He was shaking his head, agreeing to something.**

" **Stupid Shinji" the red head teased him. She jabbed him in the chest laughing as he stumbled back laughing with her. The other pale girl chuckled softly and started jabbing him in the chest too, a small smile planted on her lips.**

" **Hey, no fair. Two against one" he laughed, hands raised as the two girls jabbed at him.**

 **But then Little Shinji was gone again.**

 **There was a man, an older man, a man grown digging a grave under the sun. He was crying. Sobbing silently as he dug his shovel into the dirt again and again before breaking down and falling to his knees. He clutched a ring tightly in his hands...**

Then the image changed and the man had grown a beard and was dressed in rags. The man walked along an empty road while a woman was shouting at him. The man never looked back. The man still had the ring on his finger.

 _Stop. Stop. Stop! Make it stop!_ Little Shinji thought. Then was gone again.

There was a Woman in the Dark looking at him. She reminded him of his mother.

 _ **Yui Ikari is dead. Shinji, she's gone and she won't come back.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _I hate you. I hate you so much..._ Little Shinji thought.

The Woman in the Dark was smiling at him. She held out a hand for him to take.

 _ **You promised not to look.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Then Little Shinji was gone... asleep. He wouldn't wake until more than a week had passed.

...

 _The past  
_ _Two days after Mari was released from the ward_

"Ah" Little Shinji Ikari gasped as he woke. He opened his mouth almost spiting as his mouth muscles moved for the first time in several days, or at least that's what it felt like to him.

He blinked his eyes, breathing hard, as he realized he was laying down in a hospital bed. He was in another white room with an observation window on the side, he couldn't see what was on the other side but anyone on the other end could see him. There was a stand with an IV bag nearby with a wire leading back to his arm.

Little Shinji tried to sit up, but felt his limbs being held in place. "What?" he managed to stammer out in panic. Shinji looked down in horror to see that he was strapped to the bed.

All four of his limbs, arms and legs, strapped to the table. What had happened? Did he have another breakdown? A seizure?

Someone had been taking care of him. He was dressed in a white patient's gown that he didn't remember putting on.

He lay there unable to move for the longest twenty minutes of his young life, until the door opened and another nurse dressed in white emerged. She walked into the room holding a clipboard not really paying attention.

"Hey? Uh can you-" Shinji began. Finally! Someone was here! He could get out of the straps!

CLANG.

The nurse dropped her clipboard and jumped back, clearly startled, as she took in the sight of the 11-year-old boy looking up at her and actually talking.

"Hey? I- don't leave me like this? Please? I-" Shinji called as the nurse took off running. The nurse completely leaving him tied down as she even forgot to close the door.

 _Help?_ Shinji thought struggling against the straps.

Sometime later the nurse returned... with Dr. Page carrying a briefcase. Of course Page would be there. Together the two women entered the room.

"And I stepped in to check on him, and he poked up his head up and spoke" the nurse was saying as the two women entered his room.

 _Liar. You didn't look up from your clipboard. If I didn't speak, you would've walked out again... stupid adults. Why do they have to lie?_ Shinji thought mildly annoyed.

"You can leave. Close the door behind you." Dr. Page told the nurse. Shinji watched as the nurse left them and closed the door.

Dr. Page walked over to him and took a seat on his bed beside him. She did not move to undo the straps on his limbs.

"Hello Shinji. You gave all of us quite the scare. How are you feeling?" Dr. Page asked giving him another fake smile.

"I um- I feel tired. And sore. Um, Dr. Page can you... can you undo the straps?" Shinji said looking up at her pleadingly.

"Not yet" Dr. Page told him calmly. She leaned in closer and Shinji flinched as she put a hand to his forehead.

"Did... did I have a breakdown again? Another seizure?" Shinji asked. He was struggling to look up at Page while being strapped to the bed.

"Yes. You were found outside your room in the cafeteria past curfew. You started screaming and the nurses found you mid-seizure." Dr. Page answered calmly.

Shinji felt his lips trembling, he wasn't getting better. He shuddered and took a moment to breathe before asking "I... was it bad?"

"Yes. Probably the worse breakdown you've had so far. We don't know why. You've been more or less asleep for nine days. I ordered a few MRI's, brain scans, done and we found plenty of activity so I knew you weren't brain dead. You were in a 'coma' of sorts. I was afraid you'd have another seizure and hurt yourself, so I ordered you strapped to the bed." Dr. Page said. She gave an apologetic look as she spoke, one that Shinji didn't think was real.

"Could that happened again?" Shinji said his voice shaking a bit. He hated the seizures when they came, he'd gone over a year without it happening until now.

"I don't think so. But the MRI's showed unusual brain activity while you were... out. Tell me Shinji, did you see anything? I suspect you did, the MRI makes me think so." Dr. Page said sweetly.

 _She's gonna make me draw again_ Shinji thought fighting the urge to groan. He knew there was no point in lying, Page watched his every move when they spoke. Watching for every reaction.

"I... don't remember most of it. I try not to... it hurts" Shinji said speaking in a low hurt voice and looking away.

"I want you to try" Dr. Page told him.

"I... I remember the Woman in the Dark. But I can't see her. And, flashes of things that don't make sense." Shinji said sadly.

Dr. Page smiled. She undid the straps on both his arms, letting him sit up and get more comfortable. Shinji noticed that Page did _not_ remove the straps on his legs however.

 _She won't let me leave until I draw for her!_ He thought bitterly.

Page brought her briefcase up. Opening it, she pulled out more paper and 'Shinji's favorite coloring pencils' despite the fact that he didn't own them, Page did.

He sadly took the paper and pencils trying to remember. Getting something in his head, he flinched at the pain from inside his skull, that happened whenever he tried to hold onto to what he saw. Remembering made him feel like tiny blades were cutting through his brain tissue...

Dr. Page watched him as he drew with the coloring pencils. He struggled to breathe as he drew, blood starting to drip down his nose, yet Page wouldn't let him leave until he gave her something. When he finished, he shuddered and handed her the paper.

Page took it, and handed him a tissue paper.

Shinji took the tissue paper and wiped the blood off, breathing softly. Page undid the straps from his legs saying "there is a private restroom in the corner of this room. The door does not lock, but it does close. We value your privacy."

"Thanks" Shinji said awkwardly.

"Of course. I will send some food for you, and we can see about getting you back to the ward as soon as possible." Page said.

 _Back to the ward. Yeah, sigh. Hope Mari isn't too worried about me._ Shinji thought as Page got off his bed.

She said goodbye and left him to 'his' room.

...

An hour or so later. Dr. Page stood on the other end of the Observation Window of Shinji's room. Stood on the other end of the two way mirror, where they could see Shinji but he couldn't see them, with Gendo Ikari himself.

"He is... healthy?" Gendo asked. The man was dressed in his usual Nerv attire, gloved hands crossed behind his back. He stood watching 11-year-old Shinji Ikari sitting on his bed and listening to music on the SDAT player that Page had returned to him when she brought him his food.

"I believe so. His brain activity has returned to a 'normal for him' state. As usual, he has trouble remembering what he saw. He managed to draw this" Dr. Page said. She held up Shinji's drawing.

Gendo took the picture wordlessly and glanced down to look at it.

 _The inside of a volcano. With a shadowy figure in the magma._ Gendo thought as he examined the drawing.

Gendo Ikari handed the drawing back to Page, and looked through the observation window at the lonely little boy on the other side, his son. There was no emotion on his face, none that even Dr. Page could see.

Page watched Gendo looking at his son through the two-way mirror that was the observation window. She had been instructed to never mention Gendo's presence when he visited.

"Would you... would you like to see him? I can tell him that you were worried for him." Dr. Page said studying Gendo.

"No. It is better for the both of us if we have as little as contact as possible" Gendo said.

The man turned from the observation window, turned his back on his son, and left with Dr. Page trailing after him. She would follow the rules; she would not tell Shinji that his father had been here.

…

A day later, when young Shinji Ikari returned to the ward personally escorted by Dr. Page herself, he looked for his first and only friend. But Shinji couldn't find her upon his return. He looked for Mari everywhere but she was nowhere to be seen.

He looked for her in the cafeteria the next day but couldn't find her, he looked all over the ward but he couldn't find her. He asked the staff and they'd avoided his eyes telling him that Mari had been released from the ward. She was there and gone just like that. He hadn't even been able to say goodbye.

Little Shinji had sat alone his private room trying not to cry for days.

* * *

 _The present day  
_ _Nerv HQ_

Shinji and Asuka walked along the surface of the Geofront in their Eva Units. The military had been 'kind' enough to transport them, Misato, Ritsuko, and the Nerv staff back to their base.

"Opening launch pads. Climb down heroes" Misato called into their ears via the comm with a smirk on her face. She and the others had already returned to Nerv, but Shinji and Asuka still needed to get the Evas back into the hanger. It was faster if they just piloted them back in.

Shinji and Asuka found a crowd of Nerv staff as well as Eva Team Two waiting for them in the hanger as they descend and placed their Evas inside.

"Releasing entry plugs" Misato called into the comm, stepping onto the hangar herself along with Ritsuko.

Minutes later, Shinji and Asuka were both walking down the hangar in their plugsuits, Eva Units safety locked in alongside the others.

"Look at you!" Misato was cheering as some of the gathered crowd of staff applauded them.

 _Why are they clapping?_ Shinji thought awkwardly as he walked down with Asuka.

"Some of us didn't get far enough when they dropped the N2 mine. You guys really saved our asses, and then you two killed the Angel" Aoba said clamping Shinji on the arm. The man wasn't exactly smiling, he was known for being grumpy, but he seemed brighter than normal. Shinji watched him walk off more confused than anything else, but in a good way.

Then people from Nerv where thanking him for what he did, for stopping the N2 mine and killing the Angel. Shinji didn't know what to do. He felt awkward, he hadn't expected this.

"Asuka killed the Angel" Shinji said slowly. He wasn't used to have a crowd of people around him, even when they were praising him.

"Of course I did!" Asuka said smirking at the praise they'd gotten.

"Yeah, yeah, we read reports. Well done princess" Mari said pushing the crowd still wearing her plugsuit.

"Was there ever any doubt psycho?" Asuka said smirking at her rival. Mari returned the smirk. Now they both had an Angel kill. They'd debated this earlier, and Asuka and Shinji's dance plan attack didn't count.

More Nerv staff that were at Mount Asama thanked him, but he waved them off saying "Asuka killed the Angel, not me." He did his best to avoid the crowd, he was grateful but he just didn't know how to act in a situation like this. And besides, Asuka really had killed the Angel. She seemed to be enjoying the spotlight as even Misato patted her on the back.

 _That's fine. I don't want it and she deserves it_ Shinji thought seeing Asuka smile at the attention.

"I am glad you are unhurt" Rei said suddenly.

Shinji flinched back as Rei appeared behind him, having made her way through the crowd, still wearing her plugsuit.

"Rei? Man, it was pretty scary there." Shinji said turning to face her only to frown as he saw her face.

She had that same emotionless deadpan look on her face, the one she'd had during their first days together. But Shinji knew her better now, she was hiding under a mask of calm. She was sad. Why the hell was she sad?

 _I don't understand girls... one day she's mad at me and now this. Damn it, I miss my friend_ Shinji thought. When did his life get so complicated?

"I was... concerned for you" Rei said almost awkwardly. The strange pale girl seeming to struggle with what she really wanted to say.

"I... I was worried about you too" Shinji said just as awkwardly.

Rei blinked at that saying "I was in no danger. We were on standby while team one fought the Angel." She tilted her head at him but said nothing further.

 _Huh. She's got a point._ Shinji thought. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, he'd just said the first thing that came to mind. She probably thought he was weird now, but then again maybe not.

"Rei, um. Can we talk? Somewhere privately?" Shinji said awkwardly.

Rei was giving him that same deadpan look again, the one that meant she was thinking things over. She opened her mouth to speak saying "I- "

"Shinji!" Mari called slamming into side and wrapping him in an embrace.

"Ah! Mari! What? Ha!" Shinji said laughing as the two of them nearly fell over.

"Hey dummy. I hear you stopped an N2 mine. I thought I was the badass here, not you." Mari said wrapping an arm around his side. She was taller than him and he struggled to regain balance, but Mari didn't let them fall.

Shinji laughed saying "don't worry, you're still way cooler than me."

"Aww That's so sweet, you're gonna make me cry." Mari teased pretending to wipe away imaginary tears.

"Things got pretty hectic there. I wasn't sure I could stop it at the time." Shinji said honestly.

"Don't say things like that dummy. Now come on, you have to tell me all about it" Mari said.

 _ **You're doing it again. You've forgotten something. Someone.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji blinked as Mari asked him questions about the Angel fight.

 _Forgetting something... I... Rei!_ Shinji thought. He'd just been talking to Rei! Quickly, Shinji turned looking for her. But she was gone, she must have walked off when he was talking with Mari.

"Rei..." Shinji whispered sadly.

He felt a hand slap him light across the cheek. "Huh?" Shinji asked completely taken aback by that. Mari was laughing at him.

"Dummy, I was asking you a question. You didn't hear a word I said did you?" Mari said shaking her head at him.

"Sorry Mari, I was looking for Rei. She was mad at me earlier, but now I don't know how she feels." Shinji said.

"She walked off. She could have just waited her turn to talk to you. Honestly Shinji, if things are that complicated why do you want to talk to her?" Mari said smoothly.

"Mari. Because she's my friend" Shinji said a little annoyed.

He looked around for Rei, but couldn't find her. He was surprised when Mari never responded, she was never this quiet. He turned back to her seeing her looking at him unblinkingly.

"Good answer. Shinji. Good answer" Mari said sounding oddly serious for once.

Shinji blinked, for a moment there he thought Mari looked sad too but then it was gone.

 _Wait? Did Mari want me to say that Rei was my friend there. Wanted me to defend Rei? Or did she want me to leave Rei alone? Or... did Mari want to talk to me more than Rei? And did she get sad right now? Gah! Why is this so complicated! There's no answer! Girls say one thing but it could mean a million other things._ Shinji thought.

 _ **You're learning. Girls are smarter than boy in that way.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Now this too? Why does this happen to me._ Shinji thought groaning inwardly.

"Alright. That's enough now. I need to get those two home. Shinji, Asuka, you two need to change back into your street clothes." Misato was saying. She had started dispersing the crowd in the hangar, and calling for both her charges.

"Sigh. Mama Misato ruins the fun again. We'll talk later Shinji. I want to hear all about Mr. badass 'I can stop an N2 mine' Shinji Ikari" Mari said patting him on the back.

Misato was at his side, Asuka's hand in hers, and she took him by the hand too saying "to your locker rooms. The sooner we get home the sooner we can sleep."

…

 _At the same time_

Gendo Ikari stood still and motionless as the lights turned off, engulfing the room in total darkness. The projected images of stone monoliths encircling him.

SEELE

"And who are _you_ to call us!" one member said. The voice emerging from a stone avatar in a snarl.

"Silence." Keel said. And when the man spoke, all others listened.

"Thank you for answering the call. An issue has arisen." Gendo said keeping his head low as he spoke. He gave SEELE nothing to work with. No body language to read at all. He stood still and stiff, eyes hidden behind tinted glasses, and gloved hands held behind his back.

"Explain." Keel said. His voice sounding impatient.

Gendo nodded saying "the JSSDF or military is angry about the most recent incident. The Third Child stopped one of their-"

"Your child. Your _freak_ " another SEELE member interrupted.

Gendo bared his teeth in a cold smile.

"Yes. Shinji stopped an N2 mine, he disobeyed orders to rescue his partner. I suspect the military is afraid that their precious N2 weaponry has met its match. They're starting to see just how powerful the Evangelion Units really are." Gendo said.

"And they are taking action?" Keel said. Not a question but a statement.

Gendo nodded saying "their Generals are requesting a tribunal, a hearing of sorts, to review the incident. The JSSDF has no real authority over Nerv, but we rely on their forces as back up and for transportation. Sad that our organizations still squabble like children, but this is an issue."

"You are going along with this? You're not brushing them off?" Keel asked. His voice sounding amused from the projected image. Unseen by any, the old man smirked at Gendo's position, forced to gravel before them.

"We have enough tensions between our organizations already. I meant to appease them by working with them. They will want Shinji Ikari punished. They may demand he, and perhaps the other pilots, be placed under their control or else no longer allowed to pilot. This interferes with our plans." Gendo said.

Keel seemed to consider that, not that Gendo could tell. Gendo stood still even as he felt the cold eyes of SEELE watching him, their projected images circled around him. Always looming over him, yet he never showed any fear.

"We will not allow the military to get the Eva Units, or the pilots, under their control. We will not let it come to that. Go then, Gendo Ikari. Put on a show for them, cooperate with them. Let them have their hearing, defend your organization as expected. They will not interfere with our plans. They _will_ settle for less and they will _not_ stop aiding Nerv." Keel said. His voice grim and stern.

"This is the part where you thank us" another SEELE member said coldly.

"Thank you" Gendo said simply. Forgetting one's pride and ego was necessary whenever speaking with SEELE.

And with that, the projected images dimmed before dying down and fading away. The lights turned back on and Gendo left the secret conference room.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _Misato's Apartment_

Shinji Ikari sat on the bed inside his room. He sat staring at the single red pill in the palm of his hand, he usually took one before bed to be safe.

But something had changed in that volcano. He didn't know what to feel about the thing in his head. And he hated to admit it, but he was having second thoughts about his medicine. It seemed to be working less and less the longer he piloted, and he wasn't supposed to listen to the voice, but sometimes he had.

"Take your pills Shinji" he muttered to himself quietly. He rose and hovered the red pill over the bottle that it came from thinking things over.

Shinji almost put the pill back in the bottle, but at the last minute he changed his mind and swallowed it. He went to bed then, wishing his life hadn't gotten so complicated. Minutes later, Shinji thankfully found sleep.

...

However, the Other Shinji stirred.

His eyes opened and the Other Shinji rose from the bed, and carefully he left the room quietly walking through the apartment in the dark.

Stepping into the bathroom, he closed the door behind him and turned on the lights. The Other Shinji looked at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes always did give him away.

" **Sorry Shinji.** " he said.

The Other Shinji opened his mouth and reached two fingers in, pressing at the back of the throat and inducing Shinji's gag reflex. The Other Shinji vomited up the red pill that Shinji had swallowed earlier, vomited it back up and into the toilet.

 _ **Sooner or later, the two of us will have to stop playing this game.**_ The Other Shinji thought.

The Other Shinji flushed the toilet. Then washed his hands in the sink, before turning off the light and leaving. He grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen, and drank it washing the taste of vomit out so Shinji wouldn't notice it in the morning.

Walking to the apartment balcony, the Other Shinji took a long deep breath. Breathing in the night air he closed his eyes, raised his hand up, and reached out with his senses. He tried to check whenever he could, and when it was safe.

 _ **I'm getting stronger. That's good. Took long enough.**_ The Other Shinji thought. He allowed himself a small smile. Before stepping back inside and returning Shinji's body back to his bed.

* * *

 _The next day_

Less than one hour into the school day, Shinji and Asuka were pulled out of school by Misato. She wouldn't tell them why. Only explaining that they'd learn more once they got to Nerv.

"Any ideas?" Asuka whispered to him. That was still weird to him, Asuka talking to him without bossing him around all the time. "No" Shinji said with a shrug.

They knew something was wrong when Misato drove like a normal person on her way to Nerv.

Once they reached the Geofront and entered Nerv HQ, Misato held Shinji's hand as they walked. Shinji didn't know why but Misato seemed anxious and nervous, and that made him nervous. Misato had tried to hold Asuka's hand too, but the Germany prodigy had flat out refused and snatched her hand back.

"Misato. What's wrong?" Shinji asked as the three of them walked into the conference room.

"I- Shinji, no matter what happens I want you to know that I'm proud of what you did." Misato said turning back to him. Her eyes meeting his before all three of them walked in to find Commander Gendo Ikari, his sub commander Kozo Fuyutsuki, Kaji, and Ritsuko already gathered there.

"Kaji? What is all this?" Asuka asked glancing around at the gathered higher ups.

"We'll explain. Asuka take a seat. Shinji, you too." Misato said softly, avoiding their eyes as she spoke.

Asuka glanced at Shinji and he shrugged not knowing what else to do. Asuka rolled her eyes, of course stupid Shinji wouldn't know anything. The two pilots took a seat before all the adults.

Shinji felt nervous about sitting before his father, they hadn't spoken since the first time he'd piloted Unit 01. Yet Gendo didn't look at him, in a way Shinji was glad.

Fuyutsuki cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"While we can all agree that the incident on Mount Asama went about as well as it could, all things considered. There are those that disagree. The JSSDF is demanding a hearing considered the actions of the Third Child, you Shinji. They are requesting a psych evaluation and they are demanding you answer to them." Fuyutsuki said calmly and clearly.

Silence filled the room. Misato hung her head. Kaji crossed his arms, and Ritsuko took a whiff of her cigarette.

 _A psych evaluation? If they- if they look into my past, they'll see I was a mental patient. If they drag Nerv into this... Misato... Misato will find out_ Shinji thought piecing things together quickly. He was in shock. He... he had tried so hard to keep that a secret for as long as possible. Ritsuko was avoiding his gaze. If that happened, everything would change. Everything changed when people knew his past.

"What?!"

It wasn't Shinji whom shouted. It was Asuka.

"Those ungrateful idiots! We're the ones who killed the Angels when they failed!" Asuka shouted. The angry girl had jumped out of her seat fists clenched.

Kaji put a hand on her shoulder saying "Asuka, calm down. Get back in your chair."

Asuka scowled but did as Kaji told her.

"Wh- why? What did I do?" Shinji asked stammering out the words. He looked to Misato for reassurance, not Gendo, but Misato wouldn't look at him.

"You disobeyed orders Shinji" Gendo said suddenly.

All eyes turned to see the commander of Nerv himself moving to stand before his son. Gendo looming over Shinji in his seat.

"You dived into the volcano when you shouldn't have. You risked both Eva Units, and you let the Angel get loose onto the surface. You stopped the military's attempt to contain the Angel. And you yourself said that Asuka killed the Angel and not you. They are very angry with you, and so am I." Gendo said.

He was doing his part, putting on a show, Gendo didn't care what people thought of him.

Shinji flinched back as struck. He slowly looked back up into his father's eyes, both staring the other down. Father and son, yet neither truly knew the other. Once, that would have made Shinji sad or perhaps mad, but now... now he didn't know what to feel.

Misato's hand clenched into fists. She couldn't believe that a man would glare down his son like that for trying to help.

"Shinji! Don't just sit there like that! Defend yourself. Your dad is a prick." Asuka said scowling from her seat. Kaji was keeping a hand on her shoulder to stop her outbursts.

"Be quiet, girl." Gendo said never taking his eyes off of Shinji.

Fuyutsuki cleared his throat and Gendo backed off, walking back to the corner of the room beside Ritsuko as the sub-commander continued. Ritsuko glanced at Gendo not sure what to say, she knew he was cold, but that was... she didn't know what that was.

"The military is fast tracking this. The hearing is in two days. Asuka you will be present to tell your side of the story. Shinji, you will have a chance to defend yourself. No matter what they say, they do not have direct power over any of you. But we need them, so we are working with them on this." Fuyutsuki said.

Shinji only stared blankly at his hands. He didn't look up but he nodded to let the adults know he had heard them.

"Shinji. I'll be with you every step of the way. I'll take you there and I'll be by your side the whole time" Misato said stepping forward and wrapping an arm protectively around Shinji.

"You won't be alone. I'll be right there with you." Misato said into Shinji's ear. That only made Shinji feel worse, the closer she was the sooner she'd find out. He nodded, his lips trembling, but he never looked up. He ran away, he ran away into this shell of his. Looking at his hands and never talking. Funny, was that how Rei had once been?

"No, Captain Katsuragi, you will not." Gendo said suddenly.

Misato and Asuka looked up at the Nerv Commander. "What?" Misato asked not believing the words.

"You will not be taking Shinji to the hearing. I will personally escort him to and from there. I will be beside him during the proceedings. It is my duty as Nerv Commander" Gendo said.

Misato rose saying "you are a busy man. I request permission to escort Shinji to the hearing and-"

"That request is denied." Gendo said interrupting before she could finish.

"You?" Misato stammered. The word 'asshole' on the tip of her tongue. Ritsuko moved to Misato's side whispering to her that 'it would be okay.'

"Dr. Akagi. Captain Katsuragi. The two of you will be called upon to explain what happened. You will be allowed your say. That is all. This meeting is over" Gendo said.

Then without another word, Gendo Ikari turned and left the room, the door slamming shut on his way out. Fuyutsuki nodded politely at them, before taking his leave of them too.

"How are we letting them do this?! We're the ones who have to pilot. We're the ones who have to kill the damn Angels!" Asuka asked getting to her feet.

"Asuka, Nerv needs the military's support for our operations. Commander Ikari is doing this to appease them. It's not the end, they don't have direct authority over us." Kaji said.

Shinji tuned them out as they argued about what was happening. He was lost in his own thoughts. He had only tried to do the right thing. Misato was saying something at his side. Something about how she'd still be at the hearing, but he hardly paid attention.

Suddenly Asuka was in his face. "Hey! Defend yourself! Don't them walk all over you!" she screamed into his face.

 _Why is she mad? She's not the one in trouble?_ Shinji thought blinking in surprise as she grabbed onto his shoulders and shook him.

Kaji grabbed Asuka and gently pulled her away. "It'll be alright Shinji" Kaji said glancing over at Shinji.

Shinji looked up at Kaji as he spoke. And he saw the way Kaji looked him up and down, saw the nervous twitch in his eye and Shinji spotted it. _The look._

 _Kaji knows. He already knows I was a mental patient. How? How did he find out?_ Shinji thought.

That only made him feel worse.

* * *

 _Two days later  
_ _Day of the hearing_

Shinji, Asuka, Misato, and oddly enough Pen Pen sat in silence at the breakfast table. In the past two days, Shinji hadn't been able to focus on school so Misato had pulled him out and Hikari had delivered his worksheets.

Asuka had spent the days telling Shinji to 'man up' and not to 'let them walk over him.' She was being oddly 'supportive' of him. He wasn't sure why.

Toji and Kensuke had asked after him, but he hadn't been able to tell them much. Mari had called him saying that she was 'sure he'd pull through.' He hadn't heard from Rei.

As Shinji thought things over, Misato's phone rang and she answered. Dimly, he heard her talking over the phone with someone, before hanging up and getting to her feet.

"It's time. He's waiting outside for you. Asuka and I will be taking my car and... and we'll see you there." Misato said.

Shinji nodded getting to his feet as Asuka did the same. Together the three of them left the apartment.

Out in the parking lot they found Commander Gendo Ikari waiting for Shinji standing aside a Nerv issued car, with an American woman beside him.

"Dr. Page?" Shinji asked in surprise.

"Hello again, Shinji. Your father requested I come along to help. I've been informed of what's happening and I have worked for Nerv before" Dr. Page said giving him that fake smile.

Asuka glared daggers at the woman for reasons Shinji didn't understand, but he nodded saying "okay... but why did my... why did Gendo need you?"

"Because they will ask about your condition. And who better to defend you than your doctor." Gendo answered simply.

"Condition?" Asuka and Misato asked glancing at Shinji. _Please, please just don't tell them. Let me have that. A few more hours_ Shinji thought.

Dr. Page raised an eyebrow at the two women, she realized that Shinji had never told them.

"It doesn't matter. Let's just get this over with." Shinji said avoiding their gaze. Misato put a hand on his back reassuringly as he got in the Nerv car with Gendo and Page.

Misato wanted to go with Shinji, to be by his side during the hearing, but she and Asuka weren't allowed to. They had to go separately.

…

Walking down the military base was not a pleasant experience for Shinji. He was a 14-year-old teenager being called upon by grown men and women in the military for a hearing that he didn't fully understand.

Besides that, walking with Gendo Ikari and Dr. Page on either side of him made him feel nervous. They were just about the last people he wanted by his side during all this mess.

Page broke his line of thought saying "how have you been Shinji? It has been sometime since we've spoken."

"Oh. We spoke on the Over the Rainbow" Shinji said slowly.

"Yes. But not much. How is piloting for you? I understand that it can be quite stressful" Page asked.

 _Stressful? I'm a kid having to fight monsters_ he thought. "It's hard" Shinji said truthfully. He didn't like talking to Dr. Page much.

"I see. Remember Shinji, I am still available should you ever want to talk. Just in case you've forgotten my work phone number, take my card" Page said handing him a business card.

Shinji awkwardly took the card and pocketed it.

"Ms. Page. We are here on official business, not to catch up with your patients." Gendo said. He spoke softly, but there was a harsh undertone.

"Of course, Mr. Ikari. Now Shinji, remember that you have card." Dr. Page said sweetly.

"Yes Ma'am" Shinji said avoiding her gaze. Teacher had given him that number when he'd first left the ward a little over a year ago. He didn't want to call her though, he never particularly liked Dr. Page despite the medicine she and the ward prescribed to him.

 _Do Dr. Page and Gendo not like each other? I guess they must know each other but still... there's tension between them_ Shinji thought. He looked between his father and his doctor, noticing that they rarely spoke to each other let alone him.

* * *

 _The hearing_

The hearing was in room inside a military base somewhere Tokyo-3. Nerv had let them hold the hearing on their playing field. They were packed inside a room where Shinji sat alongside Gendo and Page, before three high ranking officers. All three of them part of the military police or MP, ironic considering Nerv was technically not under their authority.

Misato, Ritsuko, and Asuka were at a table beside them. Shinji could see them, but he couldn't talk to them as they were basically across the room from him. Other military, soldiers he guessed or else why would they be there, were sitting behind them.

"We are gathered here today to discuss the Mount Asama incident. Where the Third Child known as 'Shinji Ikari' disobeyed orders, and his actions resulted in the Angel getting loose on the surface." the leading MP said.

And so the procedure began. Misato and Ritsuko were called to give their version of the events at Mount Asama, and then Asuka.

Asuka told them of how she bravely went into the volcano with the D-suit, of how the Angel awoke before she could capture it, of how she fought it, of Shinji jumping in to 'lend a hand', of the N2 mine, and of Shinji's AT Field. Then she told them of the Angel's escape before coming back stronger for one last fight where she'd killed it.

"And you, what have you to say Shinji Ikari?" the leading MP said.

Shinji looked up, he hadn't been allowed to say anything during the entire process so far.

"I only wanted to save Asuka. I wasn't going to let her die. I... I couldn't just stand there" Shinji stammered out. Misato was staring at him while Asuka glared at the MP.

"So you do not deny that you purposely disobeyed your orders and leaped into the volcano. That you stopped the N2 mine which would have contained the Angel inside the magma?" another MP asked.

 _It would have destroyed most of Mount Asama, but it wouldn't have killed the Angel._ Shinji thought. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew that even in that 'child' state that the Angel would not have been killed by the N2 mine. It would have only been delayed until it woke again.

Shinji didn't answer. What could he say before the military officers? He knew enough about adults to realize that they had already made their judgments of him.

"Speak Shinji" Gendo said.

"I did" Shinji said slowly.

The three MP officers in charge of the hearing exchanged glances before one of them pulled out a single file from the papers at their desk.

"If Shinji Ikari were a soldier in the military we would consider a court martial, and at the very least a psych evaluation. The stress of combat as such. From the files we are able to gather regarding the Third Child, it has come to our attention that he has an underlining mental health condition, one that would not have allowed him to ever enter the military. And now this hearing questions how someone with such a condition was ever allowed to pilot an Evangelion" the leading MP said. The man stared accusingly at Shinji, as if Shinji had somehow sneaked into the position of pilot.

 _You think I wanted this?_ Shinji thought.

Misato was staring at him. He knew she was wondering what the man was talking about. But he couldn't look at her. Today was the day things changed for him.

"Shinji's condition has been resolved. It has little to no bearing on this incident, or piloting in general" Gendo said surprising the entire room.

"Little to no bearing? **Your son spent** _ **five years**_ **in a mental ward and you allowed him to pilot one of the most dangerous weapons ever built** " the leading MP officer said coldly.

Misato rose from her seat, staring in shock at Shinji. He glanced back at her, seeing the look she gave him, and he turned away closing his eyes as if struck. He wished he could disappear. Wished this could be just a bad dream.

Ritsuko pulled Misato back down to her seat. Asuka was starting at Shinji too, eyes wide but her face unreadable.

"Bear in mind, Shinji's files were given to you as a courtesy." Gendo said.

"Yes, and yet most of his files are sealed and as such missing from your reports. We are unable to actually see much about those five years." the leading MP officer said coldly.

"Page." Gendo said simply.

Dr. Page rose from seat saying "hello sir, are you a doctor?"

"... no" the MP said like it was most obvious thing in the world.

"Then quite frankly, those five years are not your concern." Page replied calmly.

"Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder all in one patient? I think that makes it our concern as he is an Eva pilot" the MP said coldly.

"Shinji was my patient, and as he is _not_ a member of the military, the contents of his file are of a private nature. General knowledge was given to you as a courtesy. _Not_ his conditions dealing with said illnesses nor other medical files." Dr. Page said offering a polite smile.

It was true. None could see anything of Shinji's file other than what he was once diagnosed with. They could not see his MRI's or blood work.

"I have brought Dr. Page to explain Shinji's condition for the court, as his files are sealed and in the case of the files given to you, missing. As well as her position on his mental healthy and sanity." Gendo said simply.

Shinji glanced at his father. He wondered if his father did care for him at all, or did he only care about the pilot of Eva Unit 01.

"Shinji suffered from mental health issues as a child. A condition that he spent five years in the ward getting treatment for. I personally oversaw most of the treatment. The worst days are passed him, and of as now he is currently as sane as any of you in the room. He was released from the ward for a reason. He is responsible. Enough so that he handles his own medication without fail. To repeat Commander Ikari's words, his condition is not relevant to the incident." Dr. Page said.

"You say he is cured then?" the leading MP said.

"Cured is a strange word. One that oversimplifies a complex condition, but for your purposes Shinji Ikari is reasonably cured. The medicine prescribed to him is preventive." Page said.

"And yet you say he takes medicine. That doesn't sound like cured to me. And then his actions have me questioning just sane he is." the leading MP said.

"I am not crazy" Shinji said his voice low and hard, and carrying across the room. All eyes turned to him as his hands clenched into fists.

He knew Misato was looking at him, but he couldn't look back. He just couldn't.

"I'm not crazy. Not anymore. I got better." Shinji said through gritted teeth.

 _ **Just breathe Shinji. This is all a show. They choose the 'crazy' angle because it was the easiest to use. This isn't really about you. It's about the Evangelions. Just wait it out, and you'll be okay.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"Young man, I find it hard to believe you're qualified to make that kind of statement." another MP said.

And something in him just snapped. It was too much, Misato knew now, Asuka knew, he could feel their eyes on him. And the way everyone was looking at him. Like he was crazy, like he might have a breakdown. Like he made them nervous.

"More than you" Shinji said his voice low and dangerous.

"Excuse me?"

"You think I didn't know what I was? I knew. I was aware that I wasn't alright in the head. You think I just heard voices in my head and thought that was okay? You think I didn't notice when I started to see things that were not really there? Of course I knew! It was fucking terrifying!" Shinji said almost shouting.

He had gotten out of his seat and was standing with all eyes on him. Memories of being a kid and bleeding from his nose, clutching his head so hard that he pulled hair out, of seeing things that he couldn't explain. Of the nightmares, of things better left forgotten.

And memories of Asuka. Of somehow seeing her before ever having met her, and of saving her when she was down in the volcano.

"I got better. I did. I did what I did to save my friend. What would you do? Could you really just _stand_ there and not try to help. Could you let your friend die?" Shinji said staring unblinkingly at the leading MP officer.

 _ **Be very careful. You're pushing things, but you just made them uncomfortable. You have a point and they know it.**_

Shinji breathed. He wasn't supposed to listen to it. But with Gendo and Dr. Page being his only allies at the moment, he figured why the hell not. He had lost his cool, maybe he should stop now.

Gendo put a hand on his shoulder and shoved him back into his seat.

Then Gendo rose from his seat saying "Nerv understands your concern. And as punishment for his actions, I am willing to have further tests done to reevaluate his condition. I will also agree to a form of house arrest for a specified time period, as well as increased briefings for the military on our operations whenever necessary."

Dr. Page gave Shinji a look that plainly said 'leave this to us'. Shinji didn't know how, why, or when but his father and his doctor had planned this.

So Shinji sat there as Gendo went back and forth with MP in the hearing. His outburst had put them on the spot, and he could see shame on some, but not all, of their faces. He sat there looking at his hands and lost in his own thoughts as the hearing went on to a close.

The MP's agreed to Gendo's conditions for Shinji's punishment after a few back and forth negotiations. The military had tried to get the Evas under more of their control, but they had been denied.

Dr. Page would be the one to conduct his psych test as she already knew him and his illness, thought she admitted that she doubted it was an issue. For a period of two weeks Shinji would be under house arrest, school and Nerv only, as well as mandatory classes about following orders.

Shinji's punishment was agreed upon almost exactly as Gendo had intended, almost like the military had been set up to lose from the start.

And Shinji himself hardly cared, he knew he should have cared more but he didn't.

He only cared about that look Misato and Asuka had given him. They knew now, they knew and there was no taking that back.

* * *

 _That night  
_ _Misato's apartment_

Shinji was the last to get back to the apartment. He'd had to get lectures from both Dr. Page and his father about his outburst, and then about his punishment. This was what he got for saving Asuka's life.

When he walked through the door, Asuka was in her night clothes having just taken a shower and changed. She met his gaze and stilled at his presence.

"Asuka" he said as he stood in the doorway.

"... night" Asuka said looking at him carefully. Not nervous, almost nothing made her nervous, but she regarded him more carefully. She knew now, and she seemed to be keeping a distance from him. _Too bad, we had just been starting to get along_ he thought.

"Asuka. Nothing's changed, I'm still the person I was yesterday" Shinji said walking past her after closing the apartment door behind him.

"I know. I... I'm sorry you got punished" Asuka said regarding him almost awkwardly. They had been sort of getting along better before, now it wasn't that she was mean again... just different.

"Thanks" Shinji said as went to his room and grabbed a change of clothes so he could take a shower.

He didn't see Asuka for the rest of the night, she probably went to bed. After taking a shower and changing into his night clothes, Shinji found Misato waiting for him outside his room.

She was dressed in her pajamas and looked at him wordlessly as he stepped out of the bathroom.

 _And now you know._ He thought.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I- I understand if you want me to move out" Shinji said avoiding her gaze. His eyes felt heavy and he didn't know if he wanted sleep or not, but he felt so tired.

Misato stared at him and shook her head saying "no Shinji. I'm not going to make you move out. What's wrong with you?"

"You already know. Crazy, remember?" Shinji said gesturing to his head and waiting for her to move so he could go to his room.

Misato sighed saying "Shinji we need to talk. Just for a few minutes, alright. I talked to Ritsuko, and then I found these in your room."

She held up a Shinji's medicine. The various prescription bottles in her hands.

 _You went digging through my room_ he thought.

"What's there to say?" Shinji asked bitterly.

Misato walked to him, grabbed him by the wrist, and dragged him to the kitchen. Shinji didn't resist and let himself be seated in the breakfast table beside Misato.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Misato asked staring at him with a frown planted on her face.

"Because once people know, that's all they see. It changes how people look at me, how they act. I don't know. Misato, you were the first adult who didn't treat me like I was going to have a breakdown at any minute. I didn't want to lose that." Shinji said honestly. He still wouldn't look at her.

"And Ritsuko helped you cover up your medicine? Helped you hide it from me?" Misato asked in shock.

"I asked her too. I didn't want you to know." Shinji said softly.

Misato took his hand in hers saying "Shinji, you should have told me."

When he didn't respond Misato wrapped an arm around him in a hug. "I'm not going to lie; I'm upset that no one told me. But Shinji, I've watched you for months now. I'm not going to abandoned you."

"Misato" Shinji began.

"That Page woman, your doctor, she said that you were released for a reason." Misato continued.

Shinji leaned into her embrace saying "I got better. I really did. When I was younger it was a lot worse. It was so bad I had to be in the ward."

Misato released him from the embrace saying "but you're not like that anymore?" She was nervous and a bit freaked out, but she was trying. She was trying and that's more than Shinji could say for 99.9% of the adults he knew.

"When I was younger, it was bad. I heard voices in my head. I saw things that weren't there. I had nightmares. I had seizures. I had nosebleeds and headaches." Shinji said sadly.

"But not anymore?" Misato asked.

Here Shinji felt conflicted. For a long time now, he'd had a sinking suspicion that piloting the Eva made his condition worse. The voice had come back, but things had changed. Whenever it stirred, it no longer brought him pain from inside his skull, that hadn't ever happened in the ward. But lately the voice had actually helped him, it helped him keep his cover, and it even helped him save Asuka. He wasn't supposed to the listen to it though.

 _ **Make a choice Shinji. Misato is getting more and more nervous the longer you wait. No matter what your answer, Misato will still care about you. I promise.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"No, I don't hear things in my head anymore." Shinji lied.

Misato breathed a sigh of relief. She believed him.

"How are you so calm about this? I was afraid of this for so long. I thought... I don't know what I thought but you're so calm" Shinji said slowly.

"I'm freaking out on the inside. Shit, that was rude wasn't it? I'm sorry. Shinji, I've known you for a while now. You're more mature than me sometimes kid. You probably did save my life when you stopped the N2 mine too." Misato said running a hand through his hair.

"What?" Shinji asked in shock.

"I tried to stop them from dropping it. I stayed behind to argue over the phone until Aoba had to drag me away. We might not have made it if you hadn't have used the AT Field. How the hell did you even do that?" Misato asked.

"No idea. I just didn't want Asuka to die. And now everyone's mad at me." Shinji said.

"Well, I'm not mad at you. I just want you to be honest with me." Misato said. _Good god, it's the same line I've used on all my ex-boyfriends_ she thought in momentary horror.

"This is hard for me too Shinji. But you seem fine to me, and you said you don't have 'it' anymore. That you take medicine, and that's not so bad" Misato said. She was starting to ramble, she was nervous but she was trying. Damn it, she was trying for him.

Shinji gestured at the prescription bottles in her hand, and she handed them over. He opened them and pulled out the red pill telling Misato what it was for. "I take these mostly. But I also have blue, white, and black ones." He began. Explaining his medicines.

"Jeez" Misato said looking over his meds. "It's not so bad. But they taste terrible." Shinji said.

"Well you don't have to hide them anymore." Misato said.

 _She really doesn't care_ Shinji thought. He felt his eyes watering. It was probably because the stupid lights were too bright or something. Damn those stupid lights.

"Shinji. Hey, why are you crying?" Misato said concerned as he wiped his eyes clean.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just... you're the closest thing to a mother I have." Shinji said smiling sadly at her with slight tears in his eyes.

Misato felt her heart break at those words. When had she grown so motherly? The answer was when she appointed herself Shinji's legal guardian. But then she realized something.

 _I'm the closest thing to a mom he has? Oh god, he's so screwed! I'm terrible at this! I... I need to step my game up. His father is a dick. I'm all he has_ Misato thought.

"Is this what's been bothering you? I've seen you Shinji. Something's been bothering you for a long time now. Something you didn't want to talk about." Misato asked.

"Hmm part of it. My life's gotten really complicated since piloting. I had bad anxiety when piloting for awhile. Than I had a nightmare with my mom, or at least I think it was my mom. Then Rei was mad at me." Shinji said stumbling through everything that had been bothering him lately.

"Rei was mad at you? I've never seen her mad at anyone." Misato said shocked.

"Oh yeah. I promised to teach her to cook. We were going to meet at the store after school, but I accidentally forgot about her when Mari showed up on that bike of hers and-"

"You _forgot_ Rei to go hang out with Mari?!" Misato said grabbing him by the shoulders.

"I didn't mean to do it- ah!" Shinji said just before Misato poked him in the forehead.

"You never blow off a girl Shinji! Especially for another girl." Misato said poking him in the forehead a second time.

"Ah. Stop! I know! I know. I said I was sorry. I did her homework for her and we talked. Then she asked about Mari and now she's sad. I don't like seeing Rei sad. And I... I just don't know what to do. Everything is so complicated. Girls say one thing but it's like they're speaking a different language" Shinji said rambling frantically as Misato poked him.

 _When did all this happen?! I haven't been paying attention to what's going on in his life. How could I miss all this?_ Misato thought.

"Oh Shinji. In spite of everything, you really are a normal teenager. You even have 'girl problems' now" Misato said managing a laugh.

"I- huh. I have 'girl problems' now. That's normal?" Shinji asked.

"That's normal" Misato said grinning at him.

"That's normal" Shinji said slowly. "I said that already." Misato said laughing at him.

Shinji laughed saying "I have a normal problem. I don't think I've had a normal problem before."

Misato burst out laughing. That was just so _him_ , her boy was a comedy gold mine without even trying.

"Some of us are trying to sleep!" Asuka's voice shouted out from the thin walls of her room.

Misato and Shinji stopped laughing. They exchanged a look then turned to glance at Asuka's room.

"Sorry Asuka. Go back to bed" Misato called.

"Idiots" the two of them heard Asuka muttering.

Misato turned back to Shinji and patted him on the arm. "Don't worry. Mama Misato is here for all your girl problems Shinji. It's not too late into the evening so here's what you're going to do. You're going to take my phone and call Rei. You're going to tell her that you're sorry and that you miss talking to her, and go from there."

"Why do I need to use your phone?" Shinji asked frowning.

Misato sighing saying "so you can say you stole my phone for the night. It implies that you took a risk to talk to her. Teenage girls love that. And you know she'll answer if she thinks it might be Nerv related."

Shinji thought that over saying 'okay' very slowly. Misato pulled out her phone and handed it to him. He took it and noticed Misato watching him eagerly.

"Um. Misato... can you leave the room?" Shinji said.

Misato sighed. She'd been wanting to watch this. "Just go to your room. Make sure my battery doesn't die and give it back in the morning" she said getting to her feet and heading for her room.

 _She wanted to watch me call Rei? No way, she'd tease me about it forever if she listened in._ Shinji thought. Somehow that thought made him smile. No matter how much things changed, some things stayed the same. Maybe you make things into bigger problems than they really are.

* * *

 _Shinji's room_

Shinji dialed the number on Misato's phone and waited. His breathe was caught in his throat and he felt his heart beating but he didn't know why.

"Captain Katsuragi? It is late. Does Nerv require me?" Rei's voice called from the phone.

"Rei, it's me. It's Shinji" he said.

There was a short pause and Shinji thought she hung up on him.

"Shinji? I was told you were no longer allowed to use your phone or any other. Punishment that Nerv agreed to at the hearing" Rei said slowly.

… _Can't believe I'm following Misato's advice_ Shinji thought.

"I know, but I wanted to talk to you" Shinji said softly. He wasn't exactly lying, just taking a tip from Misato. And he really did want to talk to Rei, he missed her at times.

"You could get in trouble... Shinji." Rei said almost in a whisper. On the other end, Rei felt her face warm at the thought. She shouldn't feel 'touched' but she was. This was confusing to Rei but not altogether unpleasant.

"Can we talk?" Shinji asked.

"We are talking" Rei said. Shinji could imagine her blinking at his question, she did that when she was confused at something people told her.

Shinji smacked himself in the face sighing. "That's not what I meant, I mean 'talk' like how we used to. Rei, we haven't really talked about what happened."

"I am not angry at you." Rei said. He could hear the hint of sadness in her voice, most people would miss it but he'd gotten to know her better.

"No, you're sad Rei. I'd never seen you like that before. I don't like seeing you sad." Shinji said honestly.

On the other end, Rei was staring unblinkingly at the wall, phone in hand. She had so much trouble dealing with the strange emotions Shinji brought out of her. The feeling inside her chest that only he brought out of her. She felt her lips moving to form the shadow of smile and she wasn't entirely sure why.

"I'm sorry about forgetting. I am, really. Rei, I miss talking. I miss my friend" Shinji said sadly.

"I... miss you- I mean that I miss our talks too" Rei said sounding just as awkward as Shinji felt.

He breathed a sigh of relief, holding the phone back so Rei wouldn't hear it. "Listen, I'm under a kind of house arrest, but let's have lunch at school again. We can talk more then" Shinji said.

Rei was silent over the phone for so long that Shinji double checked to make sure he hadn't accidentally hung up on her or something.

"Can we talk now?" Rei asked suddenly over the phone.

"We are talking" Shinji said parroting Rei's earlier words.

"Like we used to talk." Rei clarified.

"Oh, okay. What about?" Shinji asked awkwardly.

"Anything. Everything. You lead." Rei told him.

So Shinji spoke, spoke about anything that he could think of. He told her how Pen-Pen seemed to hate him sometimes and like him other times, of how the penguin had gotten into his food and no one had stopped him. She had almost laughed at that. He told her he could still teach her how to cook. That he could bring her lunch and tell her how he made it. He asked Rei what she liked. How she was doing, and if she needed help with her homework (which of course she didn't, she was smarter than him).

The two of them ended up talking for hours. It didn't seem to matter what about, they just wanted to hear the others' voice.

* * *

 _Elsewhere,  
_ _At a secret locution_

The room was empty save for the projected images of five large stone monoliths surrounding a lone human in the dark. Not the secret meeting room at Nerv, but a separate one. Hidden somewhere in Tokyo-3.

"The hearing went as expected then?" Keel asked. The man's voice emerging from the projected monolith marked SEELE 01.

Dr. Page, Agent of SEELE, nodded her head.

"They agreed to the Third Child's punishment almost exactly as Gendo had intended. The Evas and their pilots remain outside of the JSSDF's authority and control" Page answered.

"As Commander Ikari claimed. Still, the matter remains. Do you believe the man can still be trusted?" Keel asked. The other SEELE members murmured in the dark at Keel's words.

"For the moment, I believe so. Though I have my suspicions about him. I have doubts if Commander Ikari is working for us, and not himself instead. He remains a mystery. A hard man to read." Page answered.

The SEELE members seemed to consider that. No words coming from the projected monoliths as they loomed over Page in the dark.

"Precautions are being taken should he deviant from our plans. Now, tell us about _him._ The Third Child. You will be conducting his psych evaluation." Keel said.

"He is truly a unique case. Over the years I have never seen anyone else like him. Not even the other Eva pilots. The Second Child, Asuka, had no reaction to the drawings and her MRI showed no signs of what Shinji had. I managed to look at the First Child's records and she is the same. As is Mari." Page said.

She shook her head marveling at her memories of treating her 'favorite patient'. "The other pilots aren't like him" another SEELE member murmured.

"Shinji Ikari is the only one?" Keel asked, an edge to his voice.

"He is the only one." Page confirmed. She reached into the folder she had been holding, and pulled free a photo of a drawing. She held it up for them to see, though they'd already seen it in her reports years ago.

"The most recent Angel asleep in the magma" Keel said. The crude childlike drawing catching his eye, it was unnerving how accurate yet crude the drawings could be. Yet the drawing itself was only one of many in a collection, all drawn by Shinji.

 **The second set of Dead Sea Scrolls 'drawn' by Shinji Ikari as a child. The many drawings were out of order, and consisted of things with little context, yet as time went by they were growing increasingly more and more accurate. Every single Angel that had appeared so far, had been drawn by young Shinji at some time.**

Shinji himself did not retain the memories for long after an 'incident', and after a certain point he was no longer able to draw for them at all. As if someone or something had finally stopped the boy from having his visions. In the five years at the ward, Shinji had drawn every Angel, as well as other strange images, and things that even SEELE did not understand.

"You will keep us posted. On Gendo and his child." Keel ordered before his projected image fade away into the dark.

Page nodded as SEELE disappeared and she left the dark room returning to her office.

* * *

 **Do you think that was the first time Other vomited up the pills? Fruit for thought.  
The hearing was longer than I intended, but there's more tension between the JSSDF and Nerv in this fic. They've already see how powerful the Evas are. And poor Shinji, so many things this boy doesn't understand.**

 **Things are different with him and Asuka, but she hasn't forgotten that he cared about her. Things are changing for Shinji, his roommates 'know' now and he's trying to work out relationships whilst questioning the thing in his head. Plus, Other is getting stronger and Page is back in Shinji's life.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	14. Intent

**Hey guys, I'm back. Been busy.  
Thanks to all the new readers!**

 **This chapter is really long, I have a habit of overwriting, but I'm satisfied with this one.**  
 **I suggest reading in parts if it seems too long.**

* * *

" _Why do we act one way or another? Why do we lash out? Get angry? Scared? Why do we push away the people who mean the most to us? Humans are not logical. Our emotions are strong and they conflict with our reason. That's what it means to be 'human'. Everyone struggles with it. Even me. It seems we can never really do what we intended. Never say what we really want. Maybe the world would be a better place if everyone was honest with each other, honest with their intentions."_

\- _**the broken man**_

* * *

 _1:32 a.m.  
Asuka's nightmare_

"Mom! Mom stop!" Little Asuka shouted.

She was visiting her mother in the mental ward in Germany. Her mother was having another incident, screaming at everything and everyone.

"No! No! Give me my daughter!" Asuka's mother shouted. She was dressed in a white patient's gown. Dried food and spilled drink littered down the woman's outfit. That's how Asuka remembered her mother. An insane woman whom had thrown tantrums in the mental ward in Germany.

Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu slapped Asuka in the face. Throwing the child prodigy back.

Asuka felt tears in her eyes.

"Liar! Lair! You're a fake! _He_ sent you! That cheater! Unfaithful! Everyone leaves me!" Kyoko Sohryu said her eyes wild and mad. She wasn't even looking at the crying Asuka on the floor, her eyes were firmly planted on the door to her room.

Already Asuka could hear the German staff rushing to get the door open and stop the insane woman. The woman that had once been Asuka's kind and loving mother.

Kyoko scooped the fallen and ragged doll off the floor. One of Asuka's old toys her mother had bought her when she was a baby.

"Shh. It's alright Asuka. It's alright. You still love me, don't you? I love you too. I do. I do." Kyoko Sohryu said rocking the doll in her hands back and forth. Holding the doll as if it was her baby.

Asuka got to her short feet crying "it's not. I'm your daughter! I am!"

Asuka's mother ignored her. Kyoko turning away from Asuka all together as she rocked the doll back and forth, cooing at the small toy as if it were a real baby.

"Mama" Asuka cried watching the utterly insane woman that was once her mother.

"Just do it. Come with me. Die with me. It'll be much better. It will. I've seen it Asuka. I've seen it" Kyoko said whispering to the doll. The doll she pretended was Asuka.

"Mama!" Asuka cried sobbing into her small dress. Why couldn't her mother just come back? Why did her mama have to leave. Have to go insane?

The German staff finally got the door open and pushed their way in. They grabbed Asuka and gently took her outside the room of the mental ward.

Kyoko Sohryu screamed at the staff as they held her down, taking away the 'Asuka' doll and giving her a sedative.

 _Mamma... Mamma... please come back. Please. Sob. Please don't be insane._

…

Someone was shaking her by the shoulder.

"Ah!" Asuka gasped jumping into a sitting position on her bed. Only to find Shinji Ikari looming over her with hollow empty eyes in the dark.

" **Breathe. You were having a nightmare. I couldn't sleep and heard you thrashing around** " The Other Shinji said.

Despite the tears in her eyes, despite the panic and shock of dreaming of her dead mother again, Asuka lashed out at Shinji.

"Leave me alone! Get out of my room!" Asuka shouted.

She raised a hand to slap him.

SNATCH.

Other Shinji grabbed her by the wrist, her hand an inch from his face. He'd stopped her without so much as blinking.

"Go away!" Asuka screamed. She raised her free hand and tried to slap him again.

Other Shinji grabbed her wrist as Asuka forced herself out of bed. Standing up and forcing Shinji to move with her, all the time he held her by the wrists.

She tried to kick him but Other Shinji stepped back and blocked with his knee. Then Other Shinji pushed forward forcing to her bed again. Other held her down as she thrashed and thrashed, old tears in her eyes as she fought to break free but couldn't.

" **Asuka. Breathe.** " Other Shinji said softly.

And Asuka did. She breathed. She allowed herself to calm down. Letting herself come down from the panic and despair of her dream. Of the memory of her mother in the mental ward in Germany.

" **Are you done?** " Other Shinji asked calmly. Still holding her down on her bed.

Asuka avoiding his gaze. And slowly nodded.

Other Shinji let go of her wrists and stepped back. Letting Asuka get a hold of herself. Asuka breathed, never meeting Shinji's gaze as she wrapped her bedsheets around herself.

"... I told you, you weren't allowed in my room." Asuka muttered darkly.

Her voice shaking as she slowly got over herself. God, how pathetic she must have looked like this. Dreaming about her insane mother. No, that wouldn't do. Asuka Langley Sohryu was not weak. She was strong. She was a child prodigy. She was one of the best Eva pilots.

" **I know. I'm sorry. I heard you and couldn't just stand there.** " Other Shinji said simply. The way he spoke, so calm and soft spoken but sure of himself. Very different from the 'wimp' she knew during the day.

Asuka didn't know what to say to that. She only knew how to taunt. How to tease and mock. This was hard for her. So she looked away not saying anything as she pulled her bedsheets tighter around herself.

" **I'll get some water. It'll help you sleep** " Other Shinji said.

He turned and left the room. Asuka briefly considered holding the door closed, stupid Japanese didn't have locks on their doors, but ultimately decided against it.

Other Shinji returned with a cup of water and handed it to her.

"Thanks" Asuka muttered under her breath as she accepted the cup and took a long drink.

Other Shinji didn't move. He lingered in her room watching her in the dark with hollow empty eyes. Letting her take her time as she processed things and got over her nightmare.

" **It's alright.** **Happens to everyone, Asuka. Happened to me too, remember? We deal with too much for kids our age. Both of us almost died at Mount Asama.** " Other Shinji said softly.

He didn't move to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, like Misato or Kaji wold have tried to, no he knew Asuka better than that.

 _Yeah, your stupid ass had to save me_ Asuka thought darkly. She took another drink of water, wiping the stupid tears from her face. She did not cry. Not anymore. Never again.

"Shinji... get out" Asuka said slowly. The last thing she needed was another _insane_ person in her life.

Other Shinji bowed his head low but nodded and turned to leave.

Before he left, Other called after her saying " **Asuka you talk in your sleep.** "

 _Oh great. This is his 'revenge' for last time isn't it. When I walked into his room when he was crying for his mother._ Asuka thought glaring up at him. If this stupid boy wanted a fight then he'd get one. She was in no mood for this.

" **I'm sorry. I miss my mother too.** " Other Shinji said softly. He looked at her with such sadness that he took her aback, her anger disappearing just as soon as it had emerged.

"I... don't talk about things you don't understand!" Asuka shouted throwing a pillow at him. Why did she lash out? Why did she always push people away? She didn't know. It was all she knew.

Other Shinji raised a hand and caught the pillow. Gently, he slid it back to her on her bed.

Asuka was panting up at him from her bed. She stopped the tears from coming. Asuka Langley Sohryu did not cry, she was an adult not some stupid kid like he was.

" **Goodnight** " Other Shinji said turning to leave her room. Closing the door behind him.

Once he was gone, Asuka sat there in the dark. She hated this, no one should see her like that. She should not be whimpering like some stupid kid. Asuka never felt more alone than when she wrapped her bed sheets tighter around herself and went back to bed just trying to sleep.

* * *

 _Hours later  
_ _Breakfast time_

 _SLAP_

"Ack. Hey! Pen pen, what was that for?" Shinji asked.

He'd just stepped into the kitchen to find Misato sitting at the table, and Pen pen wobbling over to slap him across the foot.

"Wark" the penguin said glaring up at him.

This was something Misato had been trying ever since the hearing. Trying to be 'normal' and having them all eat breakfast together at the same time. Unfortunately that meant waiting for everyone to gather in the kitchen.

"Don't mind him Shinji. He's just cranky" Misato said.

'Food' Pen Pen seemed to say glaring up at Shinji. "Sorry" Shinji whispered scooping up Pen Pen's food bowl and filling it for him.

Asuka entered the kitchen, stepping around Shinji as she did so, saying "we still doing this?"

"Yes." Misato said simply.

Asuka avoided Shinji as she took a seat at the table. Shinji watched her keeping a small distance between them as he took his seat. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and she gave him the 'look'.

His roommates knew about his past in the mental ward now. And Asuka didn't seem to take it well, she was cold to him. Colder than usual. And she looked at him as if watching for signs of breaking.

 _Stop looking at me like that_ Shinji thought sadly.

Their was tension between them that hadn't been there before. She wasn't afraid of him, he didn't think Asuka was afraid of anything. But she treated him different. Even after the hearing when she had grudgingly thanked him, the tension had been there.

"Take a seat Shinji. You always cook for us. So I made breakfast for once" Misato said grabbing Shinji''s hand and guiding him to his chair. Before handing Asuka a plate of food.

"... thanks" Shinji said slowly. He was a better cook than Misato but she seemed to be trying to 'play mom' more with them all. Insisting that they all eat together. Even Pen pen. So that was why the penguin had slapped him.

Ever since the hearing, their gatherings were awkward. Asuka seemed distant and didn't want to talk to either of them. Shinji just wanted things to go on 'normally', and Misato apparently wanted to 'be there' for her two 'kids'.

"So Shinji... you take your medicine already. Everything okay?" Misato asked. She did that now, she _asked_ about him and his meds. It made him feel very weird.

"You mean his crazy pills" Asuka said from the table.

 _Crazy pills? That's not how they work_ Shinji thought.

"Asuka! Do not call them that!" Misato said snapping at the German girl.

"It's what they are." Asuka said stubbornly.

 _Sigh. I wish I could have saved Asuka without the stupid military getting mad at me. Then this wouldn't have happened._ Shinji thought.

Asuka and Misato were arguing again. Misato trying to treat the issue as just another chore really, something not too serious. While Asuka... Shinji didn't know how Asuka treated things now. She called things the way they were.

"It's fine Misato. Let it go" Shinji said in a low grumble. He wasn't in the mood for arguing.

Misato gave Asuka a look that said 'we're talking about this later'. And Asuka scoffed returning to her breakfast.

They finished breakfast in silence. Misato reminding Shinji that he had to come home right after school, no more outings with Mari, or Toji and Kensuke, or even Rei. Commander Ikari had agreed to the punishments and Shinji was under house arrest. Only allowed to leave for school or Nerv related reasons.

…

After breakfast, Shinji had packed lunches for Asuka and him before heading off to school. "Thanks" Asuka had murmured before taking off.

 _At least she said thanks_ he thought bitterly.

Shinji waited for Rei at the usual spot on the way to school, Asuka having passed him up long ago. And to his relief, Rei had showed up.

The pale skinned girl emerging onto the street in her school clothes.

"Hello Shinji" Rei said offering up a small, awkward, smile.

"Rei" Shinji said smiling at the sight of her.

"I uh... ready to head for school?" Shinji asked awkwardly. He was glad to have his friend back. He thought she was still upset or sad about what happened, but Rei had met up with him again so that was a start. They had talked for hours on the phone last night.

"Yes" Rei said moving to walk with him.

Together, they two of them started walking to school. They were in no rush, they had plenty of time, and they were... comfortable with the others presence.

"Are you well? I was informed that the hearing resulted in your punishment" Rei said softly.

"I'm okay. I'm under house arrest. Can't leave except for school and Nerv" Shinji said sounding a bit sad even to himself.

"... I am sorry." Rei said turning to look at him.

"It's not your fault. I disobey orders" Shinji said frowning. He knew his father... _Gendo_ was angry at him for risking both Eva Units. But he couldn't just stand there. He couldn't let Asuka die. All things considered, they were lucky. Eva Team One had killed the Angel before things got too out of hand.

"This is... difficult for me. I cannot... explain it." Rei said. She stopped walking, and Shinji stopped to face her blinking in surprise.

"Is everything alright?" Shinji asked.

"Rationally, I know it is not my fault. I am aware that you disobeyed orders... but I... I feel 'bad' that you are being punished. I... I cannot explain it." Rei said slowly. She was staring at him unblinkingly, her red eyes meeting his brown ones, but then she looked away unsure of herself.

Shinji watched her and he thought she was struggling with something more than just him.

Rei gasped her face feeling warm, as she felt Shinji take her hand in his.

"Thank you. Rei. I'm... glad that you care about me. Even when the higher ups are mad at me. I missed my friend" Shinji said slowly.

Rei stared at her hand in his, and the shadow of a smile emerged on her lips.

" **Emotions are different than reason. They conflict. It's hard for everyone. Even me, it's okay to be confused Rei. Sometimes, just let yourself 'feel'.** " The Other Shinji said softly.

Rei looked up at him considering that.

"Ah" Shinji whispered blinking as he stepped back, his hand leaving Rei's. Rei frowned at the lost of warmth, her fingers trailing after Shinji's as the boy stepped back.

Shinji laughed awkwardly. "Sorry, don't know what came over me" he said.

"I do not mind" Rei said. She rubbed her fingers where Shinji's hand had been. It felt warm, even now.

Shinji felt himself blushing. God, he was glad Misato wasn't around to tease the hell out of them.

Rei tilted her head at him saying "we should head to school."

"Yeah. Let's... let's go" Shinji said awkwardly. Rei didn't seem bothered at all.

* * *

 _Nerv HQ  
_ _Cafeteria_

"And Asuka still treats him like a freak" Misato was saying with a sigh. She was sitting slumped in her chair, eating with Ritsuko during their lunch break.

"Is that all you want to talk about? I like Shinji, but I swear you're starting to sound like a 'mom'. Never thought I'd see the day" Ritsuko said softly.

"Tell me about it. The poor boy actually told me I was the closest 'thing to a mother he ever had'. Sigh, what I did I get myself into? I'm not cut out for this" Misato said glumly.

"You did offer to take him in. He had a perfectly good apartment set up for him" Ritsuko said coolly.

"I couldn't just leave him all alone. Besides, _you_ helped him too" Misato said looking up at her friend with narrowed eyes. She wasn't exactly 'mad' just annoyed.

"He asked me not to tell you. It was in his files, just a small paragraph really, but it was there. Mute point now, everyone will know soon. Gossip spreads" Ritsuko said with a shrug.

 _Still wished Shinji would have told me about his meds. Then again, I had time to get to know him. Would I have treated him differently if I had known from the start?_ Misato wondered. A small dark part of her thought that maybe she would have.

"I helped get the pills because he needed them. And I need our pilots to be in the best possible shape, his mental health is a concern of mine." Ritsuko said. Defending herself from Misato's unspoken accusation.

"Whatever. You could have told me" Misato said offhandedly.

"I was asked not to. Sigh, when did you start 'maturing'. I remember a certain party girl I had for a roommate in college." Ritsuko said raising an eyebrow.

"And I remember having a real 'stick in the mud' for a roommate. Never wanted to have fun, didn't like parties or drinking. What happened to her?" Misato countered coolly.

The two of them weren't really fighting per say, just getting things off their chests while seeing how the tables had turned.

Ritsuko gestured to her saying "we both got jobs. And now you're the mature one, and I want a day off to go bar hopping."

Misato sighed saying "we could really use some time off."

With everything that had happened with the incident at Mount Asama and the hearing for Shinji, everyone had been busy lately.

"Trouble in paradise my lovely ladies?" a voice called.

With an audible thud, a man took the seat beside Misato.

"Kaji" Misato scowled. Of all the people just milling about in the cafeteria looking for a place to sit, Kaji just had to swing by.

 _There's plenty of empty tables. Jerk_ Misato thought.

"Hello to you too. How's Asuka been doing?" Kaji asked smiling at the ladies before him at the table.

"Distant as always. Cold to Shinji." Misato said keeping a cold eye on Kaji.

"Give her time. Asuka's had... a troubled past and-"

"I know." Misato said interrupting. She had done research on Asuka when the girl had first moved into the apartment, and she paid extra attention lately because of Shinji's revelation.

"... I misjudged you." Kaji admitted. Oddly serious for once.

"Not for the first time" Misato said wishing he'd leave already.

Ritsuko watched the exchanged with an annoyed expression. _It's like I'm not even here_ she thought.

"Charming as always. So, what's this about reminiscing about our college days" Kaji said smoothly.

All three of them had been in college at the roughly the same time. And for years Misato and Kaji had dated before separating on bad terms.

"Lamenting our old free time" Ritsuko cut in. Kaji nodded his head, never once taking his eyes off Misato.

"You looked pretty stressed. Maybe you need a night out?" Kaji said smoothly.

"Not with you" Misato said a little too quickly.

"Pass" Ritsuko said.

Kaji rose and mockingly raised his hands saying "I accept defeat. But the offer stands, you know where to find me." Then without another word, Kaji walked off.

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at Misato now that Kaji was gone. "What happened between you two?" Ritsuko asked, she knew her friend.

"Nothing" Misato said nearly spitting out her food.

"Misato" Ritsuko said.

"... we kissed... once" Misato said sadly.

 _These two. Love and hate, and always pinning over each other_ Ritsuko thought.

"You need time off. Tonight, you're going bar hopping with me"

* * *

 _School_

"So, the love birds have made up" Toji said teasingly.

Shinji almost tripped from the shock. "Please! Do not call us that" he said.

Kensuke laughed as he struggled to keep up with Shinji and Toji, the three of them running track together with the rest of the boys during Physical Education. Shinji slowed down for Kensuke's sake, letting himself fall back so they ran side by side. Toji grudgingly did the same, he liked to 'win' and be best at everything, but he would sacrifice that to chat with his friends most of the time too.

"But it's true. Rei kept looking at you during class" Kensuke said.

Shinji shook his head saying "you're imagining things." "Nah, I saw it too. She's a bit creepy sometimes but she's got her eye on you" Toji said. The boy gave Shinji a playful jab in the side.

"Seriously. What do all these girls see in you?" Toji muttered shaking his head. It was ridiculous how many pretty girls Shinji knew, something Toji wondered about often.

"We're just friends. And Asuka... well she's my partner. I have to work with her" Shinji was saying as they jogged.

"How's that working out for you? She's a bit crazy." Kensuke said struggling to keep up with Shinji and Toji. Well, more Shinji than Toji. Toji was always the fastest of the three.

"More like the devil. Nice to look at but nothing else" Toji said mockingly.

 _There they go with the 'c' word again_ Shinji thought mildly annoyed.

"She's not so bad." Shinji half lied.

"So, was that you two at Mount Asama then? It was on the news. An Angel appeared inside the volcano and got loose?" Kensuke said. The obsessive teen never seeming to miss any scrap of news about the Evas or the Angels.

"Can't talk about it" Shinji said looking away from his friends.

"Knock it off Ken. Shinji's a tough guy but he doesn't have to talk about it" Toji said coming to Shinji's defense. _Thanks Toji_ Shinji thought. The two other boys had seen what piloting was like first hand, and they knew it wasn't exactly 'fun' for Shinji.

"Come on, they said the military used an N2 mine?" Kensuke said praying for any little thing.

Shinji said sighing saying "they tried too, but I stopped it. They would have hit Asuka so I stepped in. I'm not supposed to talk about it. I got in trouble for it."

"You got in trouble?" Toji asked while Kensuke stared eyes wide at Shinji.

"House arrest" Shinji said. He did not mention the psych evaluation.

Kensuke tripped and fell to the ground. Toji and Shinji helped him up saying "you alright?"

"Fine. But Shinji, they put you under house arrest? Seriously?" Kensuke asked.

"Yeah" Shinji said with a shrug.

"We were going to invite you to the arcade after class was over. Ken even said you could bring Rei too if she wanted to come." Toji said. Shinji looked between his friends in surprise. The three boys standing together in the middle of the track field, other classmates passing them up.

 _I really should hang out with them more. Heh, they're the most 'normal' friends I have. Even inviting Rei too._ Shinji thought.

"Can't. Some other time?" Shinji said with an apologetic look.

"Yeah, we get it" Kensuke said. "Stop looking so damn 'sorry' all the time. You're being punished, it's not like you blew us off" Toji said slapping Shinji on the back.

There was the sound of a whistle being blown and the three boys looked up to see their track coach glaring at them. "No breaks! Back to it!" the old man shouted at them.

Sighing, all three boys picked up their old pace and started jogging with the others. Still, as they jogged Shinji looked up. Where above them, the girls swam in the school pool. He noticed Rei was looking back at him.

…

After classes were over, Shinji said goodbye to his friends and headed off to see Rei before he had to leave. Having to rush out against all the other students heading home or else to after-school clubs.

Asuka passed him by as he did so, she glanced at him as he passed by.

"Weirdo" Asuka muttered.

"Tsk" Shinji scowled. Fine. Asuka could be like that if she wanted too but Shinji didn't care about her right now, he wanted to talk to Rei. Hikari frowned at their exchange but said nothing as Shinji passed both girls up.

"Shinji" Rei said in greeting when they were both outside the school. The two of them stopping to chat just outside the entrance.

Shinji had his first meeting with Dr. Page today, he would be 'escorted' by the Nerv security staff but he wanted to speak with Rei before he had to go.

"Uh, listen. I know you said you wanted me to teach you how to cook" Shinji began.

"I already said I was not mad anymore" Rei said tilting her head at him.

 _I... I don't believe you_ Shinji thought looking at her with a frown. He thought she was still bothered by what happened, but she was talking to him again so that was good.

"It's okay if you are, I deserve that." Shinji stammered.

Rei stared at him unblinkingly not responding.

 _ **That means she agrees. Stop stalling and continue.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away. Please._ Shinji thought.

"Well, I'm under house arrest so I can't be there in person. But I thought I could write you instructions, and you could practice." Shinji said.

Rei seemed to consider that but said nothing.

Not knowing what else to do Shinji just kept talking.

"It's the not the best way but it's something. I can answer any questions when we're at school and-" Shinji started rambling.

 _ **You're rambling. She gets the point. Let her choose.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"I would like that. One day, I will make lunch for you... and bring it to school" Rei said slowly, the shadow of a smile on her face.

Two men in black suits emerged onto the scene heading for Rei and him, he knew the Nerv security guys were mad that he hadn't been there on time waiting for them.

"You have to go. I do not like that, but I understand" Rei said turning to look at the approaching men.

"I'm sorry. About all this. Stupid hearing-" Shinji began.

"You did what you thought was right. That was... brave" Rei said just as one of the men dressed in black grabbed Shinji by the shoulder.

"I... thanks. Bye Rei" Shinji said as the man in black pulled him along. Rei watched him being taken off, 'escorted' to the car that would take him to the first session of his psych evaluation. She wondered if she would have done what Shinji had if she'd been at Mount Asama.

Some dark part of her thought that she would not have, and that made her feel... guilty. Guilty, and yet she felt 'warm' that Shinji would have and did disobey orders to save his partner.

…

"I can walk. I can." Shinji said managing to tug his arm free.

"You were supposed to meet us outside the entrance" the man in black said coldly.

Shinji was accidentally making a scene, with a some of the students staring at the sight of him being dragged along by two grown men in black suits. _Sigh, Hikari did say most people knew I was pilot already._ Shinji thought.

All the same, he wished they didn't have to make a scene.

Shinji got in the Nerv car alongside the two men dressed in black, and awkwardly stayed silent as the men drove him to Dr. Page's office.

* * *

 _Dr. Page's Office._

Shinji had hoped to never step foot in an office like this again. Strange that this place had been set up just for him. Yet, it was not located at Nerv HQ at all. It was a single lone office in a small building that had been rented as a result of the hearing. So far, Shinji was the _only_ patient. The room was lightly decorated, a couch on the side, two chairs and a desk.

Page smiled up at him from her desk as he stepped in. That same fake smile that he'd seen for years. The one that said she was intent on keeping him calm.

"Hello Shinji. Take a seat" Dr. Page said gesturing to the chair across her desk.

"Hello" Shinji said softly. He moved to sit across from Page.

 _ **Don't react to my voice. Be careful. Page is watching you. She sees everything when she's in a room with you.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji stilled at that. His hand hovering over the chair. Once again, there was no longer any pain from inside his skull when the voice stirred. But it startled him at times. And this... this was unusual.

Page looked at him curiously.

He pulled the chair out and took a seat. _She knows something happened. Not good._ Shinji thought.

 _ **Yes, she does. Do. Not. React.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji didn't know how much power Page had over him anymore, her presence and tests had been a condition of his punishment, and he harbored a deep seated fear of being sent back to the ward.

"Now then, how are you doing? I trust you have been taking your medication?" the American doctor said in flawless Japanese.

"Yes Ma'am. I'm doing okay, all things considered" Shinji said simply. Regardless of the thing in his head, his strange thing inside him, he was never sure if he liked Dr. Page or not.

Page shook her head, expression one of complete understanding.

"I know it must be hard. Made to pilot an Evangelion, forced into situations that many adults would not be expected to handle. And the JSSDF's hearing. I know you are not here of your free will. But I promise to make this as painless as possible for the both of us" Dr. Page said.

"Okay" Shinji said stupidly. Maybe he was being a 'stupid teenager' but a part of him thought Page didn't have clue what he dealt with. He would never say that her face, she was his doctor after all.

"Now then. I'm not going to ask about the incident at Mount Asama. I know you did what you did to save your friend. May I ask, what is your relationship to this Asuka?" Page asked.

"My relationship?" Shinji asked blinking in surprise. He had not expected that.

Page nodded.

"Asuka is... my partner in Eva Team One. She lives with us in Misato's apartment. We're not exactly friends... at least I'm not sure anymore. But we can work together." Shinji said slowly.

Page scribbled down notes on her clipboard, saying "and Rei?"

"She's my friend" Shinji said quickly.

Page looked up from her clipboard at him. "Your friend. I see, tell me Shinji. What is your relationship with Mari? I understand you two were close during your years in the ward." She said.

"... Mari is my friend too. I hadn't seen her in years. Was surprised when she showed up. We don't get to see each other much because she's older, and my house arrest..." Shinji said awkwardly.

Page scribbled down more notes. "Why uh... why are you asking about my fellow pilots?" Shinji asked awkwardly.

 _ **She's breaking down your calm demeanor. Getting you awkward and easier to answer leading questions.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Please. Go away. I don't want to take a pill in front of her, she'll only report it._ Shinji thought.

Page smiled at him saying "Shinji. You are a teenager, no a young man. A young man under a tremendous amount of pressure. And teenagers are known to be 'hormonal'. I ask because I want to know what stresses and 'reliefs' you have in your life."

"Stresses and reliefs?" Shinji asked frowning.

"Yes. Shinji, understand that what you say stays between us. I am legally forbidden from discussing this with anyone. Now, please answer truthfully. Are you still a virgin?"

Shinji's face went red a tomato as he blushed.

"I... uh yeah. I'm still a virgin. I mean... I'm 14 years old. I've never even kissed a girl" Shinji said stammering through his speech. His hands had gotten sweaty, and he felt himself look at the floor as he spoke.

"Why, aren't you quite the gentlemen. I'm happy to hear how well mannered you are." Page said.

 _ **Don't get distracted. She's getting information and breaking you down at the same time.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji didn't react. He didn't want Page to see.

 _ **You've gotten better a lying. Now is the time Shinji.**_

"Enough of that for now. How has your condition been treating you lately? Does the voice still bother you?" Page asked looking at him unblinkingly.

 _ **If you tell her, she could try to send you back to the ward.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"I- Not as much. Lately, it's gotten a lot better. I take my medicine." Shinji said forcing himself to meet Page's gaze as he spoke. He could feel himself stiffen as he spoke.

It wasn't that he was 'unaware' of his problem. Shinji knew he wasn't healthy. Knew that piloting Eva Unit 01 seemed to make his condition worse. Yet, sometimes he did listen to the voice and sometimes it 'helped' him. He couldn't explain it. He had mixed feeling at the thing. But for now, with the hearing and the military angry with him, he thought it was best to kept that a secret.

"That's good to hear" Page said her eyes beaming. She looked genuinely happy with Shinji's answer, but a part of him thought she was faking it.

"Thank you. I mean... it's your medicine" Shinji said. He did his best to offer up a smile, trying to fake one the way she always did. He didn't know why he did it, but he didn't want to be here and he figured it was best to keep Page happy.

"Now then, have you had any strange dreams lately? Night terrors? I'm told you had another seizure sometime ago, did you suffer any strange images again?" Page asked him.

Images flashed through Shinji's mind. Not like the 'breakdowns' he'd suffered in the past. No, this was just him remembering the stranger things he'd seen in his sleep.

He remembered floating in the dark void that he called 'his madness'. He remembered the Woman in the Dark. The strange woman whom appeared to him. Always with her hand outstretched but never within his grasp, always kept at bay.

And her words... the way she'd spoken to him.

" **Oh sweet Shinji.** **I am doing this because I love you. I do. I love you with all my heart** "

Not the voice in his head. But something else. Something different.

That dream was the only time he'd ever heard the Woman in the Dark speak. It unnerved him, she reminded him so much of his mother. He tried to forget it, yet the memory lingered.

He remembered other dreams as well. Remembered the Giant of Light that had exploded. Remembered seeing Asuka in his head before having ever met her.

"No. I don't always sleep well but I don't have the 'breakdowns' anymore" Shinji lied again.

"During your seizure? When Unit 01 was shot in the head?" Page asked giving him a curious look.

 _How do you know so much?_ He thought.

 _ **It's her job, Shinji.**_

"I don't remember much of it. I remember stumbling back down the launch pad and into the hangar. I was in a lot of pain. It's hazy. Phantom sensations made me feel it in my skull. Dr. Akagi said it was too much for my brain and then, seizure." Shinji said frowning as he remembered that day.

Dr. Page put down her notepad, gazing up at Shinji with a concerned look that he thought was faked.

"Are you sure you didn't see anything? Try to remember. Anything at all" Page said. Her face all concern for her patient, devoting her entire attention to him.

Without meaning to, Shinji remembered that day. Remembered being shot in the head, remembering seeing things that he couldn't explain. The memory of Asuka yelling at him before he'd even met her.

 _She could send me back to the ward. Or 'try' to._ Shinji thought fighting with himself over what to say.

 _ **Page has her suitcase. She wants you to draw for her. Remember how much that hurt?**_ The thing in his head stirred. A warning.

Shinji felt his heart skip a beat. The walls of Dr. Page's office seemed to be closing in on him, he grabbed the handles of his chair tightly without meaning to. He was panicking, he needed to calm down. No, he'd decided he wouldn't draw anymore. Never again.

"I'm sorry" Shinji said quickly.

Page tilted her head at him.

"I really don't remember anything. My seizure knocked me into dreamless sleep." Shinji said calming himself down. He let go of the chair and hoped Page hadn't noticed.

"That's good. You're showing so much improvement Shinji" Page said in a falsely cheery tone.

Shinji nodded breathing softly. He was not prepared for her questions at all. It been over a year since he'd seen her as a patient, and he'd forgotten how intense these sessions could be.

"We're almost done. Why don't we talk about recent events with your piloting career. How they made you feel" Page said.

The rest of their session involved her asking about the pressure and stresses of piloting. Of how he followed orders and how he 'felt' about those orders. Page, true to her word, never once mention the incident at Mount Asama. As well as other 'tests' involving her asking him questions, tests that he did not fully understand.

Almost an hour later, and they were done.

"Well, I think that's enough for today. See? That wasn't so bad was it? I'll be sure to send your guardian Captain Katsuragi the date of our next session. It shouldn't be more than a few days" Page said softly.

 _Just great. Another session. Sigh. I hate the military for making me take this psych evaluation. And of course Page wants multiple sessions._ Shinji thought bitterly.

He got up from his chair and politely shook Page's hand. That was one of her traditions with Shinji they'd developed over the years. She tried hard to be a 'comfortable' factor in his life, but in truth he had mixed feelings about her.

Shinji opened the door to leave the office, and found the two Nerv men dressed in black waiting for him. Waiting to 'escort' him to the car and take him home.

He sighed following the two men out the office. He hoped these sessions would be over soon.

 _Oh Shinji. All these years. And you're still my favorite patient_ Dr. Page thought with a smirk. She scribbled one final note on her clipboard.

SUBJECT SUSPECTED OF LYING.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

Shinji was dropped off and 'escorted' to the apartment door by Nerv men in black, the two men silently making sure he went inside. _Jeez. You'd think I was a criminal or something_ Shinji thought as he went inside and men finally left him.

He locked the door once they were gone.

Shinji sighed turning on the lights of the dark apartment. He glanced at the shoe box seeing it empty as he placed his own shoes inside.

"Hello. Misato? Asuka? Anyone home?" Shinji called walking through the apartment.

There was no response. He paced back and forth through the apartment looking for anyone but finding it empty. Pen Pen was asleep in his special compartment beside the fridge it seemed. Well, Shinji was never sure if Pen Pen liked him or not so he didn't bother the penguin.

He stood stupidly in the kitchen wondering where everyone was. Shinji spotted a note on the table, and quickly read it.

 _Hey Shinji, went out with Ritsuko. I'll be home later. I left some money on the table if you wanted to order any take out. Asuka is at Nerv for another test. Oh, and there was a package for you. I left it in the fridge. See you later._

 _\- Misato.  
_

"Figures" Shinji sighed. Misato was trying, she really was for his sake, but she was still human and she wanted to hang out with her friends too. Shinji understood that, even teacher had wanted time away from him.

Shinji opened the fridge and found a small box with his name on it. _That handwriting... I know that handwriting_ Shinji thought allowing himself a small smile.

Slowly, he grabbed the box and opened it.

Inside was a pack of boxed up pudding and a note. Shinji laughed as he grabbed the note and read it.

 _Hey dummy! Don't be sad. House arrest sucks! But here, have some pudding for old time's sake. I'd get you beer but I don't think I could get it past 'Mama Misato'. I'm sure she read this before you did, so telling her I was joking. Or maybe I wasn't. Up to you dummy._

\- _Mari, the coolest girl you know.  
_

Stupidly, Shinji felt his heart warm and a tear in his eye. "Mari" Shinji laughed as he took one of the boxed puddings and returned the box to the fridge.

And so Shinji ended up making some pudding for himself. It wasn't the healthiest dinner, but it brought back old memories that he didn't mind reliving.

He sat there in the kitchen eating his pudding all alone. He missed Mari and Rei. He missed Kensuke and Toji. He missed... he missed having a life outside the apartment, school, and Nerv. Shinji had only had a small taste of that, but it had been taken from him.

He missed going on adventures with Mari. But he was stuck here. Gendo had told him that if they had too Nerv would put an ankle monitor on him, so he had to behave and not abuse Nerv's trust in him.

 _Trust. As if._ Shinji thought bitterly.

He wondered what the others were doing while he sat alone in the apartment.

* * *

…

 _A bar somewhere in Tokyo-3_

"And then we're in a elevator and it just happened. Stupid Kaji. I told him not" Misato was saying, her words starting to slur as she spoke. She was 'buzzed' not drunk.

"Bet you enjoyed it. Better to stay out of relationships. They're just not worth the hassle." Ritsuko was saying only lightly 'buzzed'. She never allowed herself to get too far into the alcohol.

The two friends sat at the bar drinking their troubles away for the night. They had work tomorrow, but they'd done this kind of thing before.

"Says you. I can tell you have a man in your life." Misato slurred back at her. The bartender gave them curious looks but turned away to help other customers.

"People have needs." Ritsuko slurred with a shrug. Gendo was a cold man, perhaps even colder than her but people had needs and relationships were just too much work. At least, that's what she told herself.

Misato laughed drunkenly at that. "Reminds me our college days. God, miss those days. Everything was super easy."

"Easy because I gave you all the answers" Ritsuko slurred back at her.

They both ended up laughing at that. Misato always joked that she might not have made through college without her friend/roommate Ritsuko. It was something they teased each other about but nothing serious.

"To old times" Misato said raising her beer as Ritsuko did the same.

…

 _Nerv HQ_

"Okay. You're at 51% sync ratio. Good job Asuka, you're improving a lot" Maya Ibuki said from the observation window.

"51? That's still not high enough. What was that stupid Shinji's record last test?" Asuka asked from the testing entry plug.

Asuka briefly wondering where Dr. Akagi was, but Maya had explained that Ritsuko had taken a day off and that she was left in charge of the sync test for now. Asuka thought the woman was a bit meek, almost like Shinji, and she was a quiet girl in stark contrast to Asuka herself.

"Uh. Shinji was in here yesterday. His last reported sync record was 55%" Maya said. She'd paused at hearing the way Asuka spoke of her 'partner' but answered the question nonetheless.

"Damn it" Asuka cursed under her breath.

"Is everything alright?" Aoba asked from his terminal. Normally he wouldn't care to ask, but he felt someone should since Ritsuko wasn't here and it was just him and Maya now.

"It's fine. I want to go again. Run it one more time" Asuka said. She stretched inside her red plugsuit and settled down in the testing plug. She had to get a higher score. She would not be beaten by anyone, let alone _him_ of all people.

But it was so damn hard. The stupid boy not only had the best records in the tests, but also in the field. During the Mount Asama incident she overheard Aoba and Ritsuko saying that Shinji had achieved a sync ratio of freaking 95% and maintained it for almost a full minute.

Ten minutes later and Maya called back "your sync ratio is holding steady at 50%"

"What?! How could it go down?! That doesn't make sense?" Asuka said growing frantic.

"We have a lot of theories on that. It's a complicated process. The Eva interacts its artificial nervous system with their pilot's 'real' one. Stress, psychology, biology, tons of reasons. Asuka you're doing fine. It's nothing to worry about." Maya said quickly.

Aoba glanced at his co-worker and he just knew they were gonna have long night here.

"No, I want to go again" Asuka said firmly.

Aoba sighed as Maya sadly shook her head and began running the procedure again. They ended up doing the sync test many times. Asuka's sync ratio fluctuating up and down with her highest ever being 53%.

Maya had thought that would have been enough, but Asuka insisting on trying something else. The German prodigy wanted to try making an AT Field.

"Theoretically... you need at least a 50% sync ratio" Maya said slowly at Asuka's request for one more test. Aoba comically slumped into his chair, another long night.

"Great. I can hold a ratio over 50%" Asuka said firmly. It was true, 53 was her highest so she knew she could do it.

Maya sighed.

In the end, Maya had had to call Ritsuko and ask her opinion. Ritsuko, despite being partially drunk, had not only authorized the test but had practically beamed at it saying that it would be a great source of data for future tests.

And so Asuka had left the test plug for the real entry plug, and piloted Eva Unit 02 in a controlled setting deep within Nerv HQ under the Geofront.

The massive red Evangelion holding its hand out, palm raised, just as Shinji had done, Asuka mirroring the movements as best she could.

"Ready? Three. Two. One. Go" Maya called into the comm. She and Aoba were sitting at an observation station a good distance away to be safe. The testing rooms for the Evangelions were so massive, as they needed to be, that they needed to use communication modules just to hear each other.

"Now" Asuka said. Her grip on the Eva's controls tight, teeth clenched, her expression one of pure determination and willpower.

And a thin bright AT Field erupted into existence before Eva Unit 02's raised hand. A strange barrier of light weaving patterns of protective octagons. But something was wrong, the shield was not stable.

"Come on" Asuka hissed.

The AT Field shuttered in and out existence as she struggled to keep it up. Finally, the AT Field went 'solid' forming a shield similar to the one Shinji had made.

It had taken Asuka nine tries to get it done.

"Amazing..." Maya said in awe.

"Running test. Small blunt bullets, non-piercing, and moderate firepower" Aoba said pressing the controls on his terminal.

Twin turret guns, each the size of a small car, fired a small burst of rounds at Unit 02's AT Field. The rounds were not strong enough to damage the Eva at all, but they packed enough punch to test the AT Field. A single round was strong enough to break a wall down.

"Bring it" Asuka said managing to smirk as the bullets slammed into her AT Field. Not a single round got through, each shot exploding upon impact with her AT Field.

"Experiment was a success. I'm marking it down. Well done." Aoba said. That was amazing, he knew that, but he was just so tired and he wanted to go home.

The AT Field faded away and Asuka lowered her Eva's hand, turning in the massive testing room to 'face' the observation station below. "My AT Field. It was thin... and it wasn't as bright as Shinji's. Why?" Asuka asked panting over the comm.

"Shinji's AT Field is stronger." Maya answered with a shrug.

"... could my Field stop an N2 mine?" Asuka asked frowning as her Eva loomed over the Nerv staff below.

"What? No. N2 mines have enough force to level a mountain. Even Angels get hurt by them, and they've _almost_ been killed by them. Why are you worrying about that? The JSSDF would never attack Nerv" Aoba said starting to get annoyed. Why did this girl have to keep them here so late, it was really irritating him.

Asuka didn't answer. She only sat in her entry plug remembering Shinji actually stopping an N2 mine. He had just 'done it'. He'd told that he hadn't really know how, that he'd just done what needed to be done because he couldn't let her die.

"I'm tired. I think that's enough for today. I... thank you all for letting me run this test" Asuka said slowly into the comm.

Aoba and Maya breathed sighs of relief.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _Misato's apartment_

Asuka unlocked the door to the apartment with a heavy sigh. She hadn't been herself ever since leaving the girl's locker room at Nerv. She'd taken a shower there already, but she hated that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get as far as she wanted. She'd have to try again tomorrow.

Stepping inside, and closing the door behind her, she took off her shoes and put them in the show box by the door. She knew without looking that Shinji's would be there too. The idiot was under house arrest for disobeying orders... for... for saving her life.

Asuka shook her head. It wasn't a good idea to think about the stupid weirdo, that insane boy whom had been her roommate for more than a month already.

Walking into the kitchen to see if Misato had got them take out again, she found Shinji Ikari cleaning of all things.

He had apparently cleaned most of the apartment and was now doing the kitchen, judging by the stack of plates at the sink he'd already done the dishes too.

"Hey" Shinji said in greeting as she walked in.

"You cleaned the house?" Asuka asked standing off to the edge of the kitchen. Her eyes hollow and her arms crossed. Stupid boy just had to prove he was 'better' than her didn't he?

"Not much to do under house arrest. Misato went out and Pen Pen's asleep. Just needed to past the time" Shinji said. He was running a soap soaked rag back and forth on the breakfast table, cleaning it after having done most of the kitchen.

"You cleaned the house for 'fun'. Weirdo" Asuka said.

Shinji looked up at her from the table, he stopped running the rag up and down its surface, and almost glared.

"Yeah. I guess so." Shinji said before getting back to his cleaning.

"Did Misato leave any food behind?" Asuka asked crossing her arms.

"She didn't. I made some pudding. You can have some if you want or I can make you something." Shinji said. He didn't exactly sound enthusiastic about it

"No" Asuka said stepping back as Shinji passed her by on his way to put the cleaning rag up. He glanced at her as she did so. Scowled but said nothing.

"Misato left some money for take out. Here. Take it" Shinji said grabbing the money from the table and moving to hand it to her.

Asuka shifted uncomfortably as Shinji stood before her, holding the money out for her. Slowly, Asuka raised her hand to take the money Misato had left them, but Shinji didn't let go of it.

Something in Shinji just snapped. This just wasn't fair and he'd had enough. He didn't want spend everyday with his roommate looking at him like he was freak...

"Please. Stop that" Shinji said looking at his feet as he spoke. Avoiding her cold gaze.

"I don't know what you're talking about it" Asuka said lying as she tried to grab the money for take out.

"You've been doing it all day. At breakfast. At school... even here. Even now. Just... stop it okay" Shinji said avoiding her gaze. His other hand was shaking.

Asuka had a suddenly flash of her nightmares, of the memories of her dead mother in the throes of her insanity.

"I'm not doing anything. Stupid Shinji, give me the-"Asuka began.

"Stop looking at me like that!" Shinji shouted. His gaze now firmly locked onto hers as he ripped the money out of her hand and threw it to the floor.

Asuka flinched back as if struck. Eyes wide. She wasn't afraid, not really, just shocked. She'd never seen the spineless loser actually get angry.

Shinji was panting, his hands clenched into fists. The money Misato had left them forgotten on the floor as the room filled with so much unfiltered tension.

"You're crazy." Asuka whispered without meaning to.

"No. No, I'm not. Not anymore." Shinji said in a low almost dangerous voice.

Asuka said nothing. She didn't know what to say. She had hurt him with those words. She hadn't meant to do that. She had never meant to treat him like this. She... she didn't know why she did it. She knew nothing else.

"I take my medicine. All this time you've lived here and you never cared until now. You _know_ me. You were never nervous before, you never even cared about me" Shinji said.

"That's not true. I... I care-" Asuka began.

"Liar. I don't know what I did to you. I know you hate me. But please just stop that. Don't look at me like that." Shinji said.

"I don't hate-" Asuka whispered, so low that Shinji couldn't hear her.

"Fine, you don't have to be nice to me. We don't have to be friends. Whatever, I don't care anymore. I know you hate me but I saved your life! The least you could do is treat me like a person and not a time bomb! I'm _not_ insane anymore. I knew what I was. I was never so far gone that I couldn't see that. I knew I was messed up in the head!" Shinji said shouting.

Asuka seemed to shrink before his words and cold stare. Back into the kitchen wall as Shinji called her out. He was angry, she'd never seen angry before. And a part of her wanted to lash out, to punch him in his stupid face, but another part told her that he was right.

She didn't know what to do. So she stood there, unable to act.

"I saved your life" Shinji said darkly for a second time.

All of this, the military getting mad at him, the house arrest, the sessions with Dr. Page, all of this started because he choose to help Asuka when no one else could.

Some dark part of him thought that maybe he should have left her in that volcano. That he should have obeyed orders and evacuated with the others when the N2 mine was being dropped.

 **But no,** in the end he would have saved Asuka again. Every time he would have made the same decision because it was right thing to do.

Shinji scowled and walked off. Leaving Asuka in the kitchen alone. Not bothering to say goodbye, as he went to his room to cool off. He couldn't remember ever being so angry. Something in him had just snapped. He saved Asuka's life and she repaid him by looking at him like he was a freak.

...

Back in the kitchen, Asuka stared at the kitchen floor unable to process her emotions.

"I did thank you. I did. I told you after the hearing" Asuka whispered. But it was too little too late, Shinji was gone and she was all alone. Why did this always happen.

She left the kitchen and headed for her room. The money Misato had left them for food completely forgotten on the floor. Asuka didn't end up eating dinner that day. And later, when Misato made her way home she would wonder why the kids had thrown the money on the floor.

* * *

The next day at the apartment there was so much tension around the kitchen that no one spoke for several minutes. Misato could tell something had happened between Shinji and Asuka, but neither seemed willing to talk about it and they ate breakfast in silence.

Misato had tried talking to Shinji but he hadn't been in a good mood.

She'd had to see them off wondering what the hell had happened whilst she was gone. Misato took that as a lesson that maybe she shouldn't have gone drinking with Ritsuko after all.

She went off to work reminding them that they had sync tests scheduled for today. All four Eva Pilots were to report to the Geofront after school.

…

 _Hours later_

When Shinji, Rei, and Asuka arrived at the Geofront for their sync test, they found Mari there first.

The oldest Eva pilot had arrived before all three of them, and she was currently fiddling with the terminal that unlocked the main entrance to the train cars that brought them to Nerv. It was key-card locked, only Nerv personal could even open the door.

"What are you doing psycho! Open the door" Asuka said in greeting.

Mari kicked the terminal saying "stupid thing won't turn on." "Let me try" Asuka said brushing Mari off to the side as she tried to swipe her card.

"Hey Mari, how's it going. Thanks for the pudding you sent me" Shinji said as Mari scoffed at being brushed aside.

"Fine. And I knew you'd like it dummy. Just for old time's sake" Mari said moving to give Shinji a one armed embrace that he returned.

"Your note made me laugh, thanks for that" Shinji said smiling up at her.

"House arrests sucks. I know, same thing happened to me remember? I didn't want to leave you empty handed out there. My advice, try to stay busy." Mari said.

"What note?" Rei asked suddenly. She was watching both of them as they talked, and Shinji didn't know why he felt awkward but he did.

"Mari left me some pudding. It's a long story. We used to eat that a lot as kids" Shinji said with a shrug.

"I see" Rei said completely deadpan.

"Gotta take care of my dummy" Mari said giving Shinji an affectionate pat on the chest.

Rei nodded slowly at that, her eyes downcast.

Shinji looked between the two girls wondering what was going on. It seemed like both Eva teams had problems.

"The terminal won't turn on! Something's happened" Asuka said. She'd been trying just as Mari had to open the door, but the terminal was completely dead. No power and as such their Nerv cards were useless.

Shinji glanced back at Asuka. The German prodigy met his gaze for a moment before they both looked away. Tension, tension, it was everyone in this group of teenagers.

He walked past Asuka muttering "let me try." She moved out of his way, and when he tried swiping his Nerv card into the terminal nothing happened.

 _ **The power is out Shinji. You need to find another way in. You need to get to your Evangelion Units.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"Power's out. Anyone know another way in, I don't like this. The eggheads that built this place made to last." Mari said growing serious.

"The Geofront has many underground tunnels that lead to and from various parts of the city's surface. Perhaps we can find a way to others and see what has happened" Rei said thinking things over.

"Right. I'll lead the way" Asuka said before Mari could.

"Do you even know where you're going?" Mari asked crossing her arms.

"I'm the leader." Asuka said walking off without waiting for a reply.

Shinji sighed as he exchanged glances with Rei and Mari.

 _ **You need to hurry Shinji. An Angel has appeared. It's coming.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _What? An Angel? How... how would that thing know?_ He thought starting to panic.

 _ **I've never been wrong before.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"Look! Tokyo-3's going into defensive mode. An Angel must have appeared!" Asuka said pointing to the parts of the city visible in the distance.

The four Eva pilots looked and saw the buildings sinking down into bunkers underneath, no doubt the civilians moving to their nearest shelters according to their drills.

"They're gonna need the Evas. We need to get to Nerv" Mari said walking forward with Asuka to find another way to Nerv.

Shinji and Rei followed after them. They needed to stick together in a time like this.

* * *

 _In Nerv itself_

"The power is out. That should be impossible. Three back-up generators." Sub Commander Fuyutsuki said darkly.

"We're working on it. Gonna have to use manual labor for mostly... everything" Ritsuko said.

A lot of Nerv staff were handing out flashlights to each other. Ritsuko and her team had been about conduct an experiment with the Unit 00 when suddenly the whole compound lost power.

Commander Gendo Ikari stood still and silent in the darkened room of the hangar, listening to his Sub Commander speaking with the staff.

 _This was sabotage. There is no way for this to happen naturally._ Gendo thought.

Gendo stood watching over the Eva Units looming over them in the darkened hangar.

"Where is Captain Katsuragi? I have a feeling we will need the Evas." Gendo said suddenly.

Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki turned to look at him as he spoke, the other Nerv staff quieting at the sound of their commander's voice.

"We... don't know. She could be in any number of places. Some doors can't be manually opened." Ritsuko said.

…

"Hey! Someone let me out!" Misato shouted.

She was stuck in an elevator, having been heading up when the power went off trapping her inside unable to safety open the doors.

Misato tried the emergency phone but it was dead. She'd just have to wait until the power came on or someone came to get her.

…

"Out of the way!" a voice called as a car drove past the massive hangar of Nerv. A staff member from above whom had gone to the surface to see what was going on.

Gendo turned as the man got the attention of the higher staff.

"The whole city's lost power. Tokyo-3 is stuck in the middle of its defensive mode. Some buildings made it down into the bunkers but not all." the man was shouting.

 _And the people should be fine inside their shelters. For now at least_ Ritsuko thought.

"And an Angel has been spotted inside the city. It's what set the alarms off just before the power died. Just about the worst time for power failure" the Nerv man was shouting for people to hear.

 _An Angel! Now of all times! We need the Evas!_ Ritsuko thought.

Murmurs began filling the heavily occupied Nerv hangar. It was one of the only places in the entire Geofront with working lights after all.

"Silence" Gendo called and his voice made all others listen. A useful trick he'd learned from Keel of all people.

"We will begin prepare the Evas manually. The pilots are nowhere to be found, but they'll get there. They know their duty. I will assist in the operation myself" Gendo said. He took off his glasses, put them in his pocket, and began ordering the Nerv technicians around.

…

 _Meanwhile on the surface of Tokyo-3_

The strange spider like Angel stalked the surface of the city. It had four long and sharp limbs that moved its relatively small body forward. Its limbs the length of entire buildings as it took long strides towards Nerv.

It met no challenge or threat along its path. It did not care for it knew the Lilin posed little threat to it.

* * *

 _Somewhere in the complex_

They'd found a way down into the man made tunnels. They didn't know the entire way but they knew one path would eventually lead them to Nerv HQ.

All four Eva pilots strode through various tunnels of the enormous complex. Asuka still didn't talk to Shinji, and that was fine with him. She was intent on being 'the leader' and leading them through the tunnels but Shinji thought she didn't know where she was going.

Up and down they went through the maze of tunnels. Shinji knew that some exits led further down while others led back onto the surface, but this was just insane. They had no idea where they were going, and they had to reach Nerv.

Mari didn't seem to mind. She just hummed to herself as they walked, occasionally arguing with Asuka about which path to take. Rei mostly stayed silent, she seemed almost awkward staying near the back with Shinji.

"Shinji" Rei whispered to him softly.

He turned to Rei, both of them were walking in the back whilst Asuka stared shouted at Mari to stop humming.

"I believe we are going the wrong way. I read the maps before. It's been some time but we should have taken left not a right some time ago" Rei whispered softly to him.

"Whoa. Rei? Why didn't you say anything earlier?" Shinji asked blinking in surprise.

"I was not sure. And you were humming along with Mari. I did not want to intrude" Rei said looking away for a brief moment.

Shinji shook his head. He liked Rei, he liked her a lot, but sometimes he wished she would just speak her mind.

"Asuka. I think we're going the wrong way." Shinji called.

Asuka stopped walking and Mari followed suit as both girls turned to look at him. Mari with a plain expression on her face, ready to listen. Asuka looking more annoyed than anything else.

It was the first time they'd really spoken since their fight in the kitchen last night.

"Well, if the Golden Child. Mr. 95% thinks it's the wrong way that we should listen, right?" Asuka said crossing her arms.

 _ **Some girls don't like to be wrong Shinji. She doesn't mean to lash out. Truly, she doesn't.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"Rei said she studied the maps a while back. It's been a while for her, but she thinks we should have taken a left instead of a right awhile back." Shinji said crossing his arms too.

He didn't want to argue. He didn't want to fight. Some partner of his. He saved her life and here they were arguing during the middle of something serious.

Mari stepped between them saying "hold on. What 95%?"

"It was my sync ratio when I stopped the N2 mine at Mount Asama" Shinji answered with a shrug. He didn't take pride in it because he didn't know if he could do it again, he really hadn't known how it had happened.

Mari was beaming at his side saying "dude! 95%! I didn't know you had that in you."

Shinji couldn't help himself as he laughed softly at Mari as she raised a hand, fist up. Shinji 'fist bumped' Mari's hand with his, a small smile emerging onto his face.

"That's my boy" Mari said smirking at him.

Rei was watching them but said nothing.

"Oh my god! Get a room you two!" Asuka shouted to Shinji and Mari.

"We are missing the point. I believe we are going the wrong way" Rei said interrupting everyone.

Shinji was about to agree saying that this was not the time to be arguing, but then his head started hurting so much he thought was going to fall over.

 _ **The Angel is near! It's knows you're here Shinji! It's coming for us! For you! Get back!**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"Whoa, you alright?" Mari said growing serious and holding Shinji up as he almost fell over.

Asuka didn't notice as she argued with Rei saying "I'm sure we're close. Look, let's just see what's on the other side of this door."

Rei wasn't paying attention, she moved to Shinji concerned as he held his head.

Asuka opened the door ahead of them and found to her surprise, the surface of Tokyo-3. Asuka groaned as she stepped outside trying to get a better look of where they were.

Only she stopped dead in her tracks, breath caught in her throat at the sight before her.

The Angel, a strange spider like creatures with four massive and long limbs carrying a single body the size of an airplane. It turned from where it stood and looked right at her.

It was covered in black plate-armor like skin with strange 'eyes' covering its main body whilst its legs bent bringing it closer and closer to her.

"Angel" Asuka hissed as she hurried back into the tunnel and slammed the door shut.

" **Asuka. Get back.** " The Other Shinji said. Other Shinji reached forward and shoved Asuka hard to the side... moments before a strange black limb came crashing through the door.

BOOM

The door exploded open in a spray of metal and concrete. Shrapnel being sent in all directions. The limbs narrowly missing Asuka by her hair as Other Shinji rolled to the side after shoving her away.

"Oh my god!" Asuka shouted in German. She slammed into the floor as the tip of the Angel's limb lay inside the tunnel with them.

"Ah" Shinji moaned as he came back to himself. Blinking as he realized that the Angel had just tried to crush them.

"Rei! Don't just sit there! Move!" Mari said tackling Rei off to the side as the Angel moved its limb back and forth trying get at them. Both girls landed near Asuka, on the other side of the Angel's limb.

Shinji lay across from them. The Angel's limb between him and the other pilots. Separating him from the others.

 _ **You can't stay here. MOVE.**_

"Shinji! Take my hand!" Mari shouted jumping to her feet, she was _fast_. She started moving just as the Angel started retracting its sharp limb from the opened tunnel.

 _ **Jump back now.**_

Shinji paused for a half a second... the thing in his head had helped him in the past... so instead of taking Mari's hand he shoved her back and jumped the other way.

BOOM

The Angel's limb came crashing back into the tunnel. Breaking more of the wall and tearing an even wider hole into the tunnel. A second earlier and it would have impale both Shinji and Mari turning them into fine paste. Like a massive spear ripping apart their tunnel to get at its prey.

"Shinji" Rei whispered her eyes wide.

He landed on his face in the dirt from the collapsing tunnel. Shinji hurriedly got to his feet just as the Angel began retracting its long limb again. He was panting, his heart pounding in his chest, as he tried to think of how to get back to the others.

Mari poked her head out to get a look at the Angel, trying to help him time it right to get back to them.

" **Mari. Get back.** " Other Shinji said.

Mari stepped back just as strange acid began seeping in, burning its way through the ceiling of their tunnel. Rei was watching him as Shinji ran further back as the acid burned its way inches from where he had been standing. The acid didn't stop, it fell the ground and kept burning. Forming another barrier between Shinji and the others.

"I... Shinji just run. Run! We'll find a way to help!" Mari started shouting.

 _ **Run Shinji.**_

"I- I'm gonna run" Shinji said lamely. Panting as he felt himself having a small panic attack, an Angel literally feet from them outside. Thankfully it was too big to fit inside their tunnel, unfortunately that didn't stop the Angel from trying to crush or burn them out.

 _It shoots acid. It's trying to burn us to death_ Shinji thought barely able to think.

 _ **Matarael. Strange, he's stronger this time. Before, he was the weakest of his brethren.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

"Run!" Asuka shouted at him.

 _ **Run**_

Acid began burning through the tunnel ceiling just as the Angel's limb came crashing through the tunnel wall, ripping another hole into twisted metal and concrete.

And so Shinji ran. He ran away in the only direction he could, deeper and deeper into the tunnels. He only hoped he could find somewhere deep enough that the Angel couldn't reach him or else another way to the city's surface where he would be an ant hiding from an elephant.

He heard Mari calling after him. Telling him that she'd come back and find him. That he would be okay. Shinji didn't look back as he ran. He couldn't look back, not with the sound of collapsing walls behind him.

…

"We have to go after him" Rei said in a low voice, getting to her feet.

"Yeah. That acid is still burning the floor. We need to find a way across" Mari said. She took a deep breathe and poked her head out of the massive hole in the tunnel wall, seeing the Angel walking further down. Leaving Asuka, Rei, and Mari behind, completely ignoring them and... heading for Shinji.

"It's following him. The damn thing is following him" Mari said panic in her voice.

"We can't follow after him" Asuka said slowly.

Mari and Rei both turned back to stare at her. Mari pissed, and Rei in shock. The only sound coming from the collapsing tunnel that had once been part of the massive maze they'd tried to navigate.

"We can't help him like this! It's an Angel!" Asuka shouted, grabbing Mari by the shoulders.

Mari stared open mouthed at her.

Asuka took a deep breath letting Mari go. " **We... we need the Evas.** That's the only way we can help Shinji" Asuka said.

Swallowing her pride, Asuka turned to Rei saying "you think you know the way back to Nerv. I was wrong."

Rei nodded saying "I believe so."

"Lead the way. We're gonna have to run so I hope you're in shape" Asuka said.

The three girls nodded as Rei took the lead running back the way they came. Ahead, the path Shinji had been forced to take, was blocked to them by the lingering acid. They would have go back to that wrong turn they made and correct their mistake.

* * *

 _Some time later_

Shinji ran and ran. For minutes perhaps or maybe even hours. The adrenaline made him process time strangely. He couldn't breathe. He could hear the Angel moving, could hear the acid burning through the ceiling, could hear the limbs as they came crashing through the walls.

He hoped the Angel wasn't smart enough to cut him off ahead, if it blocked his path forward and there were no turns he would be trapped. Luckily, it was too big and he was too small, the Angel couldn't know where he was exactly.

Shinji ran and ran. He took turns when he saw them, never knowing where they led. And eventually he came to a single door. Not knowing what to do, Shinji opened it and rushed out hoping that it wasn't a dead end.

Instead, Shinji found himself on the surface of Tokyo-3.

He emerged onto an empty street. Something was going on with the city's power, some of the buildings hadn't completely sunk into their bunkers, but Shinji didn't care at the moment.

He walked along the surface barely able to breathe, he wasn't in good shape. He'd only outran the Angel because it couldn't know his exact location and because of the adrenaline following through his veins.

He ran along the empty streets, the street lights completely dead and deprived of power, as he turned a corner and found himself amid a tourists district. Stores and various empty restaurants were before him like a scene from one of Kensuke's stupid post apocalyptic films.

Something was wrong with the city. Why hadn't this city block sunk below with the other defensive procedures? It was like the power had cut off mid process.

Shinji didn't know where to go from here. The city was a big place, a lot of places to hide but he didn't know if it was safe to stay in one spot. He could pick a store to hide in or else keep going?

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

Shinji's heart stopped. He turned around and saw the Angel emerging from a pair of tall half deployed defensive pillars. The pillars that were meant to provide cover for the Evangelions.

 _ **Breathe. Just run. Run.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Its eyes... why does it have so many eyes?_ Shinji thought in horror. The strange Angel looming over him, its long limbs suspending its airplane sized body in the air. Its 'torso' littered with what looked like white eyes.

 _ **Only one of the eyes is real. Shinji. Run.**_

Shinji started backing up as the Angel loomed over him. He started panicking and he tripped falling onto his back as the Angel approached.

The Other Shinji stirred. Taking control as he rose from the floor standing tall and silent on his feet.

" **Forgive me Shinji. This is going to hurt you. But it is the only way.** " Other Shinji said.

Other Shinji closed his eyes and raised his head. Hands spread out open towards the sky. From an outsider's perspective he appeared a man deep in prayer to some god or other.

 _ **I have no tomorrow. But there's still hope for the future.**_ Other Shinji thought to himself, not to the 'real' Shinji. A small prayer of sorts that Other told himself.

The Angel stood frozen on the surface of Tokyo-3. Watching the Other Shinji as he stood completely fearless.

Other Shinji turned his hand towards the general direction of the Geofront, to where Nerv was settled underneath. **He spread out his senses. His hand pulsed and twitched, as if something unseen was bursting forth.**

 **...**

Far far away. To the Geofront and underneath to Nerv, to the deepest levels of the hidden floors, to the secret lab holding the Adam Sample.

The Adam Sample, the strange embryo like being that was the remains of the First Angel, stirred.

The frozen flesh stirring, twitching back and forth within its prison. If Adam could have screamed, he would have. The strange small thing twitched and flailed in sheer pain. If Adam had a mouth he would have shouted his agony.

CRUTCH

A single long crack emerged in the two layers of frozen dura-bakelite that was its container. Adam twitched, fidgeting as if in seizure.

 **…**

Other Shinji opened his eyes to find the Angel Matarael before him. The Angel having used its limbs to lower itself down to his level. It stood less than 10 feet from him.

Matarael stood frozen and unsure of itself for the first time in its existence. It felt... fear. Utterly terrified of what was standing right in front of it.

Other Shinji walked forward unblinkingly. His eyes turning red as blood started seeping into them. Other stood on the very edge of seizure. Pushing Shinji to his limit.

Matarael felt the urge to attack. To impale Other, to crush him, to spit acid and burn him to death yet the Angel found that it could not. Much like a human, it stood frozen in fear.

Other Shinji calmly walked to the Angel hovering in front of him. Other raised a hand and placed it on the Angel's 'real' eye. As if holding Matarael in place. And then... Other Shinji spoke.

* * *

 _Nerv Hangar_

"Here we are" Rei said panting as she led them through the air vents of Nerv. She found the panel she was looking for and putting her foot onto it, she braced her hands on other side of the vent.

Rei kicked the panel open, ripping it from its bolts and sending it flying to the floor.

"Whoa! We got something over here!" a voice called from below.

"We found Nerv. Good job Rei" Asuka said panting as she crawled through the vent from behind her.

Rei nodded and jumped down landing in the middle of a terminal station inside Nerv's hangar. A group of startled staff gasped as Rei emerged onto the scene.

"Rei" Ritsuko said in relief as she spotted the source of the commotion. The staff were pointing their flashlights at the First Child.

Rei turned and helped Asuka as the German girl jumped down. Before Asuka had even gotten proper footing, Mari jumped down too landing beside her and rolling.

"We're here. We need the Evas up and running now!" Mari called getting to her feet. Her eyes wild and frantic, serious for once.

"They're ready for launch. We don't have power but we prepped them manually. Entry plugs are ready with your plugsuits are inside them." Ritsuko said emerging onto the scene.

"Ritsuko. Where's Misato?" Asuka asked quickly as she took in the state of the hangar. Little to no power, barely enough to keep the lights on. And the Nerv staff all carrying flashlights as teams of people moved to unbolt the Evas by hand.

"We don't know. Power's out and there's a million places she could be trapped in. Look, there's Angel out there and-" Ritsuko began.

"We know. The four of us ran into it on the way over here. Shinji got separated and it went after him. We're suiting up now. No time for chit chat" Mari said. The wild girl jumping over the railing and running off towards her Eva Unit 03.

 _What?!_ Ritsuko and the other stunned Nerv staff thought.

"All hands. We're deploying the Evas now" Commander Gendo Ikari said, his cold voice echoing across the hangar. If he cared for his missing son at all, no one could say.

Asuka and Rei did the same, jumping over the railing and running after their Evas. All three girls got into their entry plugs and quickly changed into their plugsuits from the privacy of their machines.

It took some time to get the Evas deployed manually. And every second felt like an hour to Asuka. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes as she sat inside Unit 02.

 _Shinji... I'm sorry_ she thought.

"Deploying now!" Ritsuko called into the comm.

The Evas were not shot up from their launch pads, but rather were completely unbolted from their shackles and turned 'on' with the use of battery packs.

"Let's go!" Asuka shouted into the comm. Taking charge as leader of the hastily made Eva team.

All three Evas climbed up their launch pads landing atop the surface of Tokyo-3.

"The Angel is big. Shouldn't be hard to find the ugly bastard" Mari said as Eva Unit 03 flexed its arms. Always ready for a fight.

Rei stood beside Asuka in her Eva, Unit 00 beside 02.

"Let's head out. Stay in contact" Asuka said into the comm, as the three of them started spreading out to find and kill the Angel.

To find what happened to Shinji.

Asuka reached a hand up and momentarily turned off her comm so no one could hear her.

"Stupid Shinji. This time... _I save you_ " Asuka whispered.

* * *

 **Super long, it's a bad habit.  
The next few Angel battles after this will not be as focused, but this one is important.  
**  
 **Just a quick clarification. Asuka's mother was in a completely different mental ward than Shinji, there is no connection.**

 **I try to write Asuka as unwillingly 'projecting' her feelings about her dead mother onto Shinji this chapter because of them both being 'insane' so to say. Their relationship has its ups and downs, I hope that's true to the characters.**

 **It might seem odd that Shinji finally snapped at Asuka here, but he's altered in this timeline and I wanted to write that argument/fight from Asuka's pov more than Shinji's. It's already been established that this Shinji hates the stigma that comes from his 'condition' and it kinda goes into his whole thing about being 'accepted' and people being nice to him. So I tried to focus more on Asuka.**

 **Asuka doesn't exactly hate Shinji, she just doesn't know how to be nice and tends to push people away.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	15. Bonds I

**Hey guys, I'm back. FAST update I know.  
I probably won't update this quickly next time.  
**

 **But for now, I hope you enjoy it.  
Thanks to all the new readers and reviewers. I really do appreciate feedback.**

* * *

" _Why we care about others? Why do we form bonds? Maybe because it's the least we tiny humans can do for each other. Everyone craves that. People like to be cared for. Everyone has to learn to stand on their own, but that doesn't mean you have to go it alone. A lot of people don't see that. Their pride or guilt, or sorrow, or depression blinds them. Is it really that hard to see?"_

 _- **the broken man**_

* * *

"Spread out! The Angel could be anywhere inside the city" Asuka said into the comm.

Three Evangelions Units, 00, 02, and 03, tall as titans moving through the city. Spreading out like the salvage crew of a plane crash did, people fanning out and combing the area for anything important.

All three of them were equipped with extra battery packs, and those things had been a pain for the Nerv technician crews to install manually but the men and women had got it done. The three Evas had about 37 minutes of power. They had to be quick.

"It was chasing after Shinji, remember? What do these stupid things have such a 'hard on' for my boy?" Mari said into comm.

The way she had spoken... Asuka could tell that Mari was actually losing her cool for once. She put on that tough edge to herself, that wild, uncaring, and no fear at all face she showed to the world, but now Mari was worried. Asuka could hear that slight shake in her voice at the end.

"We do not understand the Angels. They attack and we defend. This conversation is pointless. Let us save Shinji" Rei called into the comm.

"Yeah, there's a good chance he made it up the surface. If he made it to the city he could hide. He'd be like an ant to the Angel" Mari said thinking things over.

"The surface of the city is more dangerous. The Angel has shown a willingness to destroy buildings and infrastructure to reach its prey." Rei said over the comm completely deadpan.

Mari scoffed saying "well then he might have found a way deeper underground. Maybe he got deep enough so the Angel couldn't follow."

"Dangerous as well. The Angel was not afraid to destroy the tunnels as it moved. It could inadvertently trap Shinji underground, and with no power in the city he would have no way of contacting anyone." Rei said darkly.

"Jeez, Rei it's like you want him to be doomed! Excuse me for showing a bit optimism! And I thought you liked Shinji?!" Mari said angrily over the comm.

 _Damn, that hit a nerve_ Asuka thought.

"I like Shinji. I do not want him to be doomed. I do not believe he is dead. I do not want to believe that." Rei said over the comm, she sounded almost hurt when she spoke.

"You have funny way of showing it" Mari said into the comm coolly.

"For the sake of the mission we must consider all possibilities. The Angel is serious threat." Rei said.

"I know, I've killed an Angel before. I'm ready for it" Mari said into the comm.

The three Evas already starting to distance themselves from each other as they spread out, each heading out as 'wings' of their searching formation that would comb Tokyo-3 for the Angel and hopefully Shinji.

"Knock it off, both of you. Spread out and look for the Angel or Shinji. If we can we'll evacuate him while the others provide cover" Asuka said into the comm.

"Roger" Mari said, not ever bothering to bicker with Asuka. _That_ more than anything showed Asuka how much Mari cared.

"Understood" Rei said into the comm.

"Sorry Rei, lost my cool. Won't happen again" Mari said to her Eva partner via the comm as they went their separate ways.

Eva Units 00 and 03 took off in opposite directions, Mari heading to the left, Rei to the right, with Asuka going straight down the middle with Unit 02 heading for the center of Tokyo-3 itself.

Memories flashed through Asuka's mind no matter how hard she tried to stop them, the memory of Shinji saving her during the Mount Asama incident.

 _Eva Unit 01 disobeying orders and diving into the volcano, kicking the abnormal Angel aside, and grabbing Asuka and her Eva before she fell into the magma currents. Shinji impaling his Eva's free hand into the volcano wall, and screaming into the comm as the strain of holding Asuka made it feel like his arm was being torn off._

 _Of the two of them climbing the volcano walls together. Of the abnormal Angel latching onto her foot and Shinji refusing to let her go despite the added weight and pain. Of the N2 mine being dropped, of Shinji stopping it with the AT Field... of throwing her to safety knowing that it would release the abnormal Angel on the world._

 _And memories of their fight._

" _You're crazy" she had whispered to him._ Why had she whispered that to him? She knew that those words cut him deep. Far deeper than anything physical.

"Shinji couldn't have gotten too far from the tunnel." Mari was rambling into the comm.

"We can't forget the Angel was chasing him. Even if he got away, 'it' wouldn't be far behind" Asuka said darkly.

"The best option is to kill the Angel first. Remove the threat as fast as possible and then search for Shinji" Rei said blankly. Always the most logical. But she seemed... 'empty' without Shinji. No emotion left in her, not the girl Asuka had seen following after stupid Shinji all the time.

"Agreed" Asuka said into the comm.

* * *

 _Minutes later_

"I'm at the tunnel where it found us" Mari said into the comm suddenly.

Eva Unit 03 kneeling down to inspect the broken tunnel. Her Eva's flood lights were on, the twin bulbs on either side of the massive machine's head. Mari was slowly checking the inside, her hands shaking as she looked for blood. Look for signs that Shinji had been killed...

Mari breathed a sigh of relief when she found none. Whatever else, Shinji had survived that. He must have made it further down.

Now the question was, where was Shinji? Where was the Angel?

"I'm following the wreckage. I'll see if I can traces the Angel's movements from there" Mari called into comm.

Eva Unit 03 rose, getting to its feet. Mari switched off the flood lights and started moving.

…

"I have found the Angel's point of entrance into the city. It seems to have come from the sea and made its way to shore. I will follow its path from here" Rei said into comm suddenly.

Eva Unit 00 investigating the wreckage. She and her Eva were almost on the opposite side of Mari's location. If something happened, it would take Rei time to backup her partner and vice versa.

…

In the middle of Mari and Rei's respective locations, Asuka moved carefully through the city. If something happened here, Mari and Rei could arrive as backup in minutes. And if something happened to Mari or Rei, then Asuka could backup either of them faster than the other. Good planning on Asuka's part, all three of them able to search independently whilst still having back up available.

 _Looks like the city lost power mid defensive procedure._ Asuka thought.

Her Eva walking through the half sunken buildings having been unable to reach the safety of their bunkers. Some of the smaller buildings had been lucky, having made it in time. While the civilians inside of the less fortunate buildings would have to hold out until the situation was over. Too dangerous for them to leave and search for another shelter.

"Shinji..." Asuka muttered turning off her comm so the others wouldn't hear her.

 _Stupid Shinji. Who are 'you' to make me care about someone else! Someone... not me._ She thought.

Asuka shook her head, turning the comm back on. She shook her head, she couldn't worry about something that stupid right now.

Eva Unit 02 moved through the city with as much stealth as an Evangelion could.

"Defensive pillars were deployed. Not all of them made it completely up. Jeez, what a terrible time for the city to lose power" Asuka muttered into the comm.

"Yeah. I see them too. How does something like that even happen?" Mari asked sounding pissed off.

"Focus on the mission. You only have so much power." Ritsuko's voice called into the comm.

"Roger that" all three girls said into the comm.

Asuka continuing moving through the ghost town that was Tokyo-3 in the middle of its defensive deployment, searching for the Angel.

"Good news. We found Misato. She was stuck in an elevator, but we're getting a comm to her and she's on her way" Ritsuko called suddenly.

"Understood" Rei said from her end.

Asuka scowled. Some 'guardian' Misato was, out drinking when Shinji... when they had fought, and stuck in an elevator when they needed the woman most.

…

"We got you!" the Nerv men said, having to psychically pull open the elevator doors. Misato squeezed through the opening the men had made for her. Once she was through, the men let the doors slam close. Someone was handing her a comm and Misato took it with a relieved sigh.

She started heading for the hangar with the others, putting the comm on as she did.

…

"Asuka? Can you hear me?" Misato called into comm.

"I can hear you" Asuka said almost hissing at the older woman from the comm.

"I've been briefed. We can't give any real support out there without power. We're relying on you three to be our eyes and ears. Take out the Angel first. Then, I will personally help look for Shinji" Misato said. She'd almost had a panic attack when she'd heard Shinji was 'missing', but now she was in work mode.

"We already had the same plan" Asuka called back into the comm.

Misato had to fight the urge to snap at the girl. Now was not the time for attitude.

…

 _Six minutes later_

Asuka moved through Tokyo-3 wary about her ever declining power. Eva Unit 02 stepping through the mostly empty streets until suddenly stopping near the center of a tourist district.

"I spotted the Angel" Asuka called into the comm slowly. Almost whispering.

Misato heard the edge in Asuka's voice and she leaned into the railing, she'd made it to the hangar with the others, as Ritsuko and the others listened in.

Asuka moved her Eva behind one of the half sunken buildings, crouching low so as not to be seen the strange spider like Angel.

"The Angel... something's _wrong_ with it" Asuka said slowly into the comm.

"Hey there princess, be careful. I'm on my way" Mari called into the comm.

"I am heading to your location" Rei called.

Asuka shook her head grateful to have the back up, not that she would ever admit it.

"Something wrong?" Misato asked as Ritsuko and the others frowned exchanging curious glances.

…

The Angel Matarael 'stood' with its long massive limbs having brought it to a hover a few feet off the surface of the city. Shinji Ikari was gone. The boy having vanished without any of his fellow pilots having gotten there in time to help... without any of them having witnessed him at the tourist district.

Matarael leaned on its right limbs to 'hold' itself up. It slumped threatening to fall over, but managed to keep itself standing. The Angel wobbled as it struggled to hold itself up with its strange long limbs, almost falling over a second time.

Slowly, Matarael moved raising itself higher into the air. It tilted its strange torso, suspended by its long limbs, and opened its mouth hidden under its 'eye'.

"Tell us what you see" Commander Gendo Ikari's voice called into the comm.

* * *

 _Nerv  
_  
Gendo had taken Ritsuko's comm from her to speak with Asuka. Ritsuko was giving the man an annoyed spurned look but she said nothing, he was her boss after all.

"...sir?" Asuka asked slowly.

"Do not engage, child. You are our eyes and ears. This could be important, now report" Gendo called coldly.

* * *

 _Tokyo-3  
_  
Asuka hid Unit 02 behind the building, watching as the Angel struggled to walk.

Matarael walking along the empty street before stopping abruptly. It opened its strange mouth and let out a strange red-orange liquid fall from its mouth. Kneeling over as it did so. A strange wail emanating from its mouth. Like it was groaning... in pain.

"I... The Angel is vomiting. It's... the Angel is vomiting blood" Asuka said into the comm in a low voice.

Asuka watched memorized by the strange behavior. The Angel wailing like a wounded whale.

"... repeat?" Misato asked.

Asuka shook her head at the sight of it. Watching as Matarael wailed and stumbled to stand properly.

"The Angel is 'vomiting' blood. It's like its wounded or sick." She answered slowly.

"We saw it shoot acid before. Are you sure it's blood? What if it's another weapon?" Mari called via the comm.

"It's not a weapon. The Angel is... hurt" Asuka said barely believing the scene before her eyes.

 _What on earth could hurt an Angel besides an Evangelion or an N2 mine? This doesn't make sense_ Asuka thought. This... this was scary. The Unknown. Perhaps something even the Angels feared.

She shook her head. Asuka Langley Sohryu did not get scared! She was a child prodigy, one of the best Eva pilots, a college graduate, practically a grown woman, and she owed her Eva partner a rescue after all. Now was not the time to be afraid, not that she ever was.

"It's moving. I'm going to engage" Asuka said. Her expression one of grim determination.

The Angel was 'breathing' hard as it moving. Having vomited the last of its blood out it seemed, as it moved. _It's heading for Nerv again_ Asuka thought seeing it turn.

"We're on our way. Try not to kill it without us. I have a score to settle with that _thing_ " Mari called into the comm. She sounded pissed.

"Asuka wait for back up, don't go running off-" Misato started saying into the comm.

The Angel turned seeing Asuka's Eva as she started moving out from behind the building.

"It saw me. Too late, I'm engaging!" Asuka shouted. Eva Unit 02 reaching for its Handgun, they hadn't had time to grab a pallet gun, and moving.

The Angel tried to move but Asuka was quicker. She fired off four bullets and watched as three of them made impact. The Angel twitching from the blows as the massive bullets slammed into its torso and limb, but at the last moment it threw up an AT Field.

A brilliantly bright 'field' of protective octagons emerging to protect it from Asuka's last bullet. The Angel hiding behind its shield as the last bullet was blocked.

Asuka fired twice more.

 _BANG_

 _BANG_

Only for both shots to be stopped by the AT Field.

Asuka slowed, Eva's Handgun raised as she moved walking closer to the weakened Angel.

The Angel dropped its AT Field and raised itself higher into the air via its strange long limbs, like a spider with limbs ten times longer than normal in proportion to its body. It aimed its 'eye' at Asuka even as she fired two more shots.

 _It can shoot acid. Is that how it does it?_ Asuka thought as she started moving to the side.

Acid came shooting out of the Angel's eye, gushing outward and arcing for Eva Unit 02. "Crap" Asuka muttered gritted her teeth and rolling her Eva to the side even as some acid reached her Unit.

"Ahhh" Asuka hissed as the phantom sensations brought the pain of being burned to her arm.

She dropped the Handgun, the massive tool falling to the ground with a heavy thud, but she kept moving until she got her Eva behind another building for cover.

Asuka flexed her arm. Pain was only pain, nothing more nothing less.

"I'm here princess" Mari called into the comm suddenly.

 _BANG_

 _BANG_

 _BANG_

Eva Unit 03 emerged onto the area from an empty street that Asuka couldn't see. Mari firing round after round into the Angel.

The Angel brought its AT Field up to protect itself. The shining lights absorbing most of the bullets, but Mari managed to score a hit on one of its limbs. The Angel stumbled but did not lower the AT Field.

"Rei. Where are you?" Asuka called into her comm.

"I am nearby. I heard the gunshots." Rei called into the comm.

Distantly, Asuka thought she could hear the heavy thuds of Eva Unit 00 running through the city.

"Psycho. I lost my gun." Asuka called into the comm.

"I see it on the ground. It got burned by the acid, it's unless right now anyway" Mari called into the comm. Moving Unit 03 behind a building, taking cover so the wild girl could reload.

Asuka tried to move out from under cover but the Angel spotted her and shot up another 'burst' of acid her way. She moved Eva Unit 02 back to cover, the acid narrowly missing her.

"Careful princess. That stuff burns through anything." Mari called as the two girls watched the street burning before their eyes. The side of the building Asuka was taking cover on got hit, and already she could see the acid burning through the walls.

Mari poked her Eva out of cover and fired off a few more rounds.

The Angel brought its AT Field up again and Mari cursed as her shots were blocked.

 _Something's wrong with the Angel. It's hurt._ Asuka thought. She watched as Mari went back into cover, and the Angel dropped the AT Field in order to vomit out more blood. The Angel wailing as it do so, brought down and almost kneeling from its illness.

It looked nasty. What the hell had happened to the monster before them?

The Angel wailing as it struggled to stand. Vomiting strange luminous Angel blood as it did so. The monster shuddering as it recovered in time to stand up and bring forth its AT Field.

 _BANG_

 _BANG_

Mari fired two more rounds, both of which were stopped by the Angel's AT Field.

"Damn this thing. If I could get close I'd rip it apart with my bare hands" Mari said hissing into the comm. She sounded pissed.

Asuka made to move out from cover, and was forced back as the Angel shot more acid her way. Eva Unit 02 ducking behind the building as acid came pouring down nearby. Missing but keeping Asuka at bay.

"Hey Misato. You think an AT Field could block that acid?" Asuka called into the comm.

* * *

 _Nerv_

Misato turned to speak with Ritsuko before replying "as long as it was kept up, sure. But the acid will 'slide' down it given enough time so it could pool at your feet if you're not careful."

"I got an idea." Asuka said into the comm.

"Asuka? … If you're thinking what I think you are, can you do it? I don't want you putting yourself in danger needlessly. Be sure you can" Misato said.

* * *

 _Tokyo-3_

Asuka shook her head, not that anyone could see, saying "I can do it."

"I will be there in less than a minute." Rei called into the comm for Asuka and Mari to hear.

"You got a plan?" Mari asked Asuka.

"Meet me half way. I can cover the both of us. Rei, when you get here shoot it as much as you can. Unload the clip." Asuka said thinking things over.

"Alright princess, we're counting on you." Mari called. "Understood" Rei said.

Asuka poked her head out from cover. Seeing the Angel wail as it was forced to drop its AT Field, it 'knelt' over to vomit more Angel blood.

"Now!" Asuka shouted into the comm. Unit 02 running out from cover and heading straight for the Angel. If Asuka had had her Handgun she would have been firing away, but she'd dropped it earlier and the acid had damaged it beyond repair.

She could hear Mari and Eva Unit 03 running out from cover behind her.

The Angel brought itself up again and shooting acid at her, the strange burning solution 'weeping' from its 'eye'.

Asuka raised her hand putting everything she had into it, and _her_ AT Field erupted into existence. The brilliantly bright light of protective octagons forming into a wall or shield in front of Eva Unit 02.

The acid landed atop the AT Field, but the field held as Asuka ran forward. The Acid was sliding down the field, but Asuka was careful as she ran. Mari was behind her, letting Asuka's AT Field cover the both of them as they ran together heading for the Angel.

"Badass, princess" Mari called into the comm. Unit 03 raised its Handgun from behind cover and fired two shots.

Both shots hit the Angel and it stumbled back. Before Mari could fire a third, the Angel brought its own AT Field up to protect itself.

"I am in sight" Rei called into the comm. Eva Unit 00 emerging some distance behind the Angel just as Asuka and Mari charged the monster down.

"We got it's attention! Wait for it!" Asuka called into the comm. The Angel had stirred trying to shoot at Rei, only to be distracted by Mari firing at it. The Angel could not hold the AT Field up and shoot acid at the same time.

"Trying to run away!" Mari shouted into the comm. Then the Angel, knowing it was outnumbered and in danger of being cornered and overwhelmed, began moving as fast as its long legs could carry it. Heading away from them and the city.

Mari ran out from under Asuka's cover and fired another shot.

The Angel's AT Field blocked the shot. But Asuka came running around another building in her Eva, AT Field still raised. The Angel turned to her, putting its own AT Field in front of it for protection.

"Not this time" Asuka hissed into the comm. She slammed into the Angel's AT Field with her own. The Eva and the Angel struggling, locked in a standstill. _AT Field vs AT Field_.

Brilliant purple lights, almost 'spark' like, erupted into existence from where the Angel's AT Field collided with the Eva's AT Field. The two intersecting fields each straining the others, each trying to break apart the other.

"Rei!" Asuka shouted into the comm.

 _BANG_

 _BANG_

 _BANG_

 _BANG_

Rei fired four controlled shots from her Eva's handgun. The strange pale girl may not have had the highest sync ratio, but she was the best shot out of all four Eva pilots.

 _That's the thing about AT Fields. They're like a 'wall' or 'shield' they don't cover your entire body._ Asuka thought smirking. Even back at Mount Asama, Shinji had only saved them by raising his AT Field above them so that the N2 mine wouldn't hit them. Stopping the bombing by creating a protective 'tarp' over them. But down here on the ground, Asuka knew an attack from three sides couldn't be stopped not even by an AT Field.

Rei had shot the Angel in the back.

The Angel wailed as all four of Rei's shots hit the mark. It dropped its AT Field as it stumped nearly falling over. Asuka dropped her AT Field, the strain starting to get to her. But then Mari was at her side in Eva Unit 03.

"Not so tough now!" Mari yelled punching the Angel across the torso.

The Angel wailed as Asuka joined in, Unit 02 punching it in the stomach and forcing its 'eye' upward. No way for it to aim its acid at them. Together, Asuka and Mari grabbed a hold of the Angel and held it up for Rei.

Rei unloaded the entire Handgun clip into the Angel's back. The bullets being surprisingly effective now that the Angel was weakened. It started bleeding the strange luminous Angel blood as it wailed, struggling to free itself from Units 02 and 03.

"I'm out" Rei called into the comm, holstering her Eva's Handgun and running for them.

The Angel roared using its long limbs to bring itself higher and higher before body-slamming itself on both 02 and 03. Mari and Asuka were both brought the ground in an earth shattering thud.

"Don't let it get away!" Rei said into the comm as her Eva ran for them.

Before the Angel could make its escape, limping away from the Evas as fast it could, Mari was up and on her feet. Eva Unit 03 having recovered already. Mari was _fast._

"No you don't!" Mari shouted using her Eva to grab onto one of the Angel's long limbs and pulling it back even as it tried to run.

 _SNAP_

In a shower of Angel blood, Mari _tore_ the Angel's long limb completely off its torso. Then using it club, Mari brought the limb down on the Angel's head. Again and again, Mari used the Angel's own flesh against it. Payback for what it had done to them back in the tunnel.

Asuka was at her side, Unit 02 grabbing another of its long spider like limbs and pulling it back too. No escaping for the Angel.

Rei and Unit 00 emerged onto the scene again. Prog knife in her Eva's hand as she back-stabbed the Angel where she shot it previously. The massive blade finally breaking the armored plating and bringing the Angel down to the ground where Asuka and Mari were reading for it.

"Die!" Mari yelled. The girl always up for a fight. Asuka smirking as the two of them planted their Eva's feet on the Angel's remaining limbs, with Rei forcing it down with her Eva's prog knife.

Mari and Asuka both equipped their Eva's prog knives and both stabbed down into the exposed flesh underneath the Angel's now broken plate armor. Neither knew the exact location of the Angel's core, but with both their prog blades piercing deep within its torso they made contact. Both Mari and Asuka smirking, despite the situation, as they felt it.

The Angel core been destroyed in the entire process, the monstrous thing dying with a final wail of pain before falling over on the empty street. Dead.

Asuka and Mari were panting, Rei only breathing softly in small controlled breathes.

"Angel has been destroyed" Asuka called into the comm. De-facto leader of their hastily assembled Eva team.

The three Evangelion Units stood looming over the Angel corpse. They had done it, they had killed the Angel even with limited power and with a city that had been left powerless.

But something was odd. The Angel had been wounded, hurt, or sick.

 _That 'thing' was sloppy. Disoriented. And vomiting blood. Why was the Angel sick?_ Asuka thought looking at the corpse.

Rei saw on her display the ground beginning to darken. She and her Eva looked up to see clouds in the sky, it was getting late and it looked like it might rain.

"That's great news. Good job, all three of you" Misato's voice said into the comm. She sounded more tired than anything else, and she was worried about Shinji.

"Requesting permission to search for Shinji" Mari called seconds before Rei could.

* * *

 _Nerv_

Misato was about to answer yes, absolutely yes, but she paused when Ritsuko put a hand on her shoulder and she turned seeing Gendo looking at her. Sub-commander Fuyutsuki at the man's side.

"We need the Evas back here." Gendo said simply. His voice cold and detached.

"They have limited power. Perhaps a small search, before returning?" Fuyutsuki proposed.

Gendo seemed to consider that for a moment.

Misato scowled. _He's your kid. Your son. You have to care. You have to, even a little_ she thought.

"Ten minutes" Gendo said simply. Then the man walked away saying that he would be contacting the UN and the JSSDF for aid restoring power as quickly as possible. Fuyutsuki nodded politely at the assembled people in the hangar, before following after Gendo. The two men rarely without the presence of the other.

…

"I'm sorry. Commander Ikari says you can search for ten minutes. Then it's back to base." Misato said over the comm. She sounded just as upset as the three pilots.

"Understood" Rei said in a flat empty voice.

"I... we should spread out again. Call for him from the eternal intercom. Phones are down remember" Mari said a slight edge to her voice.

"Calm down psycho. I... I'm sure stupid Shinji is just hiding somewhere" Asuka said without her usual bite.

"The city is a big place" Rei said blankly. Whether Rei was in denial about the dangers, Asuka didn't know. She just knew that without Shinji, Rei seemed to lose more and more of her emotion.

"Yeah. Let's split up. If we can't find him in time, we have to return to base." Asuka said softly under her breathe. Why were her hands trembling. It was only stupid Shinji.

"We'll find him. Even if it takes all day. We're already working on getting power for the city. We'll have teams of people looking if that's what it comes to" Misato said firmly.

 _Oh Shinji. Where are you?_

Where was Shinji Ikari?

* * *

…

 _Elsewhere on the surface of Tokyo-3_

A lone boy walked the empty streets in the powerless city. Blood trailing down his hollow empty eyes, a somber expression planted on his face, head hung low. He appeared to be weeping tears of blood.

His hands felt numb, his arms heavy, his legs carrying him forward as he breathed slow haggard breathes that made his lungs ache.

The Other Shinji forced one foot in front of the other. Forcing himself to walk despite the pain, to keep going. _**Pain is a part of life. If you never learn to move past it, you will never accomplish anything**_ he thought to himself.

The hospital was two block away. He was almost there. Even without power, there would be medical staff whom could help Shinji. He had to reach it, or get close enough to be found. He had to made sure Shinji had help in case the boy couldn't recover. Pushing it this far was dangerous.

Other wheezed as he stumbled forward. Walking as if every step cost him.

With a groan Other Shinji stumbled and fell to his knees on the empty street. He nearly fell over but he put out his hands to stop himself.

" **I... I have no tomorrow... but there's still hope for the future** " Other Shinji whispered. A prayer of sorts he told himself.

It had started to rain lightly. Droplets of water streaming down as the skies cried overhead.

" **I've come so far. Done so much. Too much. Unforgivable things. No going back. I can't stop. Not now.** " Other Shinji whispered to himself.

He could see the reflection of Shinji's body in a puddle of rain before him. Blood trailing down his eyes like tears. That wouldn't do. No one could know.

 **With a groan, Other Shinji forced himself up to his feet. Deliberately he ran forward and tripped on purpose sending him flying head first into the street.**

 _WHACK_

Blood was on Shinji's forehead. A fresh cut and bruise. A wound to the head and eyes that would have to act as cover for what Other had done.

Other forced himself to get up and keep walking. He was holding so much back, letting himself feel it so Shinji did not have to. But he could not last for long. He had limits. And today he was pushing them. For both himself and Shinji.

" **Ahhhh. I'm sorry Shinji. I've taken you as far as I can. You need to do this part. All I can do is take the pain for you... even that isn't enough. Pain is everywhere, I can't take all of it from you.** " Other Shinji whispered as he fell to his knees again. The hospital was so close. So close.

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

There was the sound of enormous footsteps nearby. The boom echoing throughout the empty city.

"Ahhh" Shinji moaned coming back to himself. He didn't know what had happened... he remembered the Angel coming for him... and then this.

 _What? I- ah... gah... ah!_ Shinji thought as his head starting hurting so much that he couldn't even scream. He was on his knees. How did he get there? And he nearly fell over as his body started convulsing. He was on the edge of seizure. He didn't know how, but he knew that he was close to another breakdown.

Shinji tried to look up... but then he was gone again.

* * *

 _The vision_

Shinji re-appeared somewhere else. The deep dark void that for years he had called 'his madness.' And he wasn't alone.

The Woman in the Dark was looking at him. Smiling softly at him though he could not see her face. Her hair had grown long, her bangs covering her face as she smiled down at him. She reminded him such much of his mother.

The Woman in the Dark held out her hand to him.

"Mom" Shinji whispered his heart aching. A bond that had been severed, a phantom pain that cut deep till this day.

Then he was gone again.

...

 **He was somewhere else**. Images flashed before his eyes. Things he could not explain and did not want to understand.

There was a Giant of Light looming over him in the dark. The size of an Evangelion, the Giant roared in agony falling to its knees just as Shinji had. It hated him. Shinji didn't know how, but he knew that the Giant of Light hated him. It wanted him dead.

 _You! Who are you to do this!_ The Giant seemed to shout despite not having a mouth.

The Giant roared with no mouth. Flailing to a sitting position and wailing.

 _Who are you_ Adam seemed to say.

Shinji did not understand. His head hurt too much, he didn't want to see this. He wanted to go away and forget it. Forget all this.

 _What are you! What. Are. You._ The Giant seemed to say looming over him, but never able to reach him. How it hated him.

"Stop... please... just stop" Shinji hissed through gritted teeth.

 _WHAT. ARE. YOU._ The Giant seemed to say, glaring at him with nonexistent eyes.

 _ **Look away Shinji. Look away.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

* * *

 _The real world_

Shinji was back on the surface of Tokyo-3. He was on his knees and it was raining. His head didn't stop hurting, it kept throbbing and he wanted to scream.

He forced himself into a sitting position in the rain and looked up in horror to see things that didn't make sense.

It was like his 'madness' was bleeding into the real world. Images of a ruined city merging into the Tokyo-3 of the present. Shinji fell to his knees again, having to use his hands to stop himself from falling over.

Only when he looked at his hands, they weren't his. His eyes showed him the hands of much a older man.

He gasped not understanding.

Two conflicting worlds bleeding into each other. Two vastly different sets of imagery that his eyes were giving to his brain to process, but it could not differentiate which was 'real' and which was not.

 _ **Ground yourself out Shinji. It's the only way. You know already what's real and what's not.**_

"I can't. It hurts" Shinji said hissing in pain as he sat up holding his head and closing his eyes. It felt like his head was a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode. Heating up and thrashing around, fighting to break the confines of his skull. Like tiny blades cutting through his brain tissue.

 _ **You are the strongest that you have ever been. No more tricks or excuses. You can do it. Ground yourself.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji opened his eyes to see the madness was still merged with the real world around him. It wasn't real, it couldn't be. But his eyes showed him both as if they couldn't tell which from which.

It was scary, to see things he knew weren't real. To see things that were wrong.

"Mari" Shinji whispered through the pain. She had always been the brave one during their years in the ward. The one to take him on adventures. The one whom had always held his hand saying 'don't be scared.'

 _ **Mari's not going to be around to hold your hand forever.**_

"Someone help. Misato... Rei... Mom... mom. Gah. I need my pills" Shinji whimpered as he felt like he was head going to explode. He closed his eyes tight just wanting it to end.

 _ **No one is going to hold your hand through life Shinji. You have to learn to stand on your own. You can do it. You don't need your pills. Ground yourself. Focus on what's around you.**_

 _I can't_

 _ **You can. How do you know unless you try?**_

And so Shinji tried. He opened his eyes and forced himself to his feet. Focusing on what he 'knew' was real and holding the madness back. It was hard, but the images started to fade. He held his hands in front of him and saw the hands of a 14 year old boy. _His_ hands.

"Ahhh" Shinji panted as it stopped.

The madness went away. The images of a ruined city vanished. His eyes showed him only the Tokyo-3 of the present. He was panting, breathing hard haggard breathes that made his lungs ache as the world returned to 'normal' for him.

He had done it. He had fought off the 'madness'. Even the voice was gone... for now. Somehow he knew the voice would come back, it always did.

Shinji felt water on his face and realized that it had started to rain lightly. The tiny specs of water getting his attention now that he was 'back'. He brought his hands up and wiped the blood from his face, using the light rain to help wash it away.

He had come back from a breakdown _without_ seizure. He had pushed away the madness for the first time in his entire life. And yet he felt no joy. He felt... empty and alone. Sad, even. Why?

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

"Shinji!" a voice was calling out on a speaker of some kind.

Shinji turned to see Eva Unit 03 walking carefully through the empty streets. Mari's voice projecting out of the Eva's external intercom. The Evangelion having turned onto the street moments after he had driven the madness away.

 _Mari_ he thought. He started walking towards the Eva in the rain, doing his best to wipe his dirt and blood filled face a second time.

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

Unit 03 was walking towards him. The Eva coming to a stop in the rain, standing before Shinji in the middle of the street.

Shinji awkwardly waved as Unit 03 knelt down, and the entry plug was ejected. Moments later Mari came jumping out and landing with a roll, not even bothering to wait for the ladder to deploy.

She ran after him in the rain. She was wearing her plugsuit and she looked so worried, Shinji had never seen her like that before.

Mari pressed the button on her comm as she ran, saying "I found Shinji. Use my Eva's location to find us. I found him. I found him!"

Shinji could distinctly hear Ritsuko's voice on the comm answering Mari, saying "roger that. You're Eva's low on power but some of Nerv is back online. We'll send for the two of you."

"We'll be waiting" Mari hurriedly said into the comm before turning it off.

"Shinji!" Mari said nearly shouted as she almost ran into him. She grabbed him by the shoulders looking him over, her eyes wide.

"I'm okay. Mari, I'm fine" Shinji said slowly. He was still in shock really, but he felt remarkably calm about the whole thing. Mari was the one freaking out, which Shinji thought she wasn't even capable of.

"How are Rei and Asuka? Did they make it out? The Angel?" Shinji asked.

Mari shook her head at him saying "here you are bleeding in the rain, and you're asking about the others? Oh Shinji, that's just so... _you_. Angel's dead. Asuka and Rei are fine, they're were heading back to base when I called this in."

Her voice was shaking and Shinji put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her. He'd never seen her like this before.

Her hands were on his face, he could feel her warmth through the plugsuit, and she was looking at him worryingly. At the wound on his head.

"I... I remember falling onto the street when I was running. Stupid thing to do really. Everything is a blur, thought I would have a panic attack" Shinji said. He was still getting over himself, he still remembered driving off the madness. And his entire body felt numb but he didn't know why.

He winced as Mari lightly ran her finger across his head injury. Mari caressing his face as if making sure he was really there.

"I'm okay Mari. I am" Shinji said.

He put his hand atop her's and squeezed gently, Mari's hand never leaving Shinji's cheek. He smiled at her. He was happy to see her. She was okay. She wasn't hurt. Back in the tunnel, when the Angel had first attacked them Mari had wasted no time in trying to get Shinji back. She had tried to grab him and bring him back before the Angel had separated them.

Mari hugged him with so much strength that that Shinji almost fell again, she was taller than him after all, but she kept them from falling. "I was so worried about you, dummy." Mari whispered into his ear.

Her voice was shaking.

"It's alright. Don't be scared." Shinji said softly as he hugged her back. His first friend, the one who had held his hand when he was a child and nervous of the world around him. The two embracing in the rain with the kneeling Eva towering over them.

Mari sniffed at that. Was she crying? Shinji thought Mari never cried. He didn't like that... he didn't want Mari to cry. When they were kids, he was the one who cried never her. He was always the weaker of two. But maybe everyone had their vulnerabilities. He hugged Mari tighter saying her words back to her, "don't be scared."

"That's my line, dummy" Mari said in a small shaky laugh. She let him go and took a step back to look him over again.

"You're that one taught me that Mari. It's gotten me through a lot" Shinji said offering her a small smile despite the shock running through his veins, the wound on his head, and the rain over both of them.

Mari patted his chest affectionately, looking into his eyes with such warmth and concern that Shinji felt unworthy of it. All this out of her? And for _him_ of all people?

 _I'm not worth that much._ Shinji thought his eyes downcast.

Almost like she could read his thoughts, Mari put a gloved hand on his cheek forcing him to look up at her. _You are to me_ Mari's eyes seem to say as she held him.

Then she leaned in... pressing her lips to his.

Shinji's eyes widened. His felt his hands trembling. This was... nice. So warm and gentle, he never realized how cold his body was until Mari had kissed him.

Time seemed to slow for him. He felt Mari's lips moving against his, uncertain and careful, but then Shinji moved his lips with hers. He didn't know what he was doing... he was probably terrible. 14 and he'd never even kissed a girl until now, but she brought things out of him. Mari had been his first friend in the world, and been the one to bring him out of his shell. In the end, she had been the one to find him in the middle of all this mess.

Mari's hands were running through his hair, pulling him deeper into their kiss. Shinji tried to respond but Mari was a much better kisser than him. Hesitantly, his trembling hand found its way to her hip.

He didn't know how it had happened. Maybe this was there between them all this time and he was just too stupid to see it, it wouldn't be the first time he missed something completely obvious. Maybe it was all the shock, stress, and danger of the day, but it had happened. Shinji had been so emotionally lost in his life that he never even considered something like that. He... he had always thought he'd end up alone in one form or another. So he hadn't dwelt on it. He accepted it and had moved on with his life in both the ward and the outside world.

But this was different... this made him 'feel' something he'd never felt before. Another thing Mari had brought out of him.

 _Uh... I'm running out of breath_ Shinji thought awkwardly. Mari seemed to realize that as she pulled back laughing as he let out a small gasp. Breathing in the cold air.

His face was red from blushing so much. Mari was laughing with him in the rain as he ran a finger across his lips were she had kissed him. He was breathing softly, his heart was pounding softly in his chest and he was grinning like an idiot. Why was he grinning?

"It's raining" Shinji said stupidly. He looked up realizing that everything had happened between them had happened in the middle of the rain with no shelter. Neither of them had cared or noticed until then.

Mari shook her head, her eyes beaming as she grinned at him running a finger along her lips just as Shinji had. She took his hand in hers saying "come on, we can wait in the entry plug."

And so Shinji followed Mari back into the entry plug of Eva Unit 03, Mari bringing them both inside her Eva. Her hand never leaving his.

Shinji was panting in shock from everything that had happened. He didn't know what to make of it. Distantly, he could hear Mari using the comm again. Telling Nerv that they were both inside her Eva, and Nerv responding that the military was coming to give them a ride.

Mari gave his hand another squeeze. Just like when they were kids and going an adventure within the confines of the ward. Maybe some bonds are just so strong that they can't be shook... these shared experiences that formed connections, these action and reactions that made people come together, that made them care for one another.

* * *

 _Later, Nerv HQ  
_

 _Stupid Shinji. All that work I put in and it's the psycho who finds him? Eh, he's probably still mad at me._ Asuka thought shaking her head.

She was still in her plugsuit, and waiting in the hangar with the others as Unit 03 was docked alongside the other Evas. Rei was standing beside her, the quite girl never saying a word but her eyes staring unblinkingly at Unit 03 as the entry plug was released.

Misato, Ritsuko, and a few others were gathered around as well. Nerv had gotten most of its power back, Gendo had working with the JSSDF and the UN to get power back to the whole city as well and things were moving quickly it seemed.

03's entry plug opened revealing Mari and Shinji huddled together inside. Mari's plugsuit sticking to her like a second skin due to the rain whilst Shinji was soaking wet with damp hair.

Misato came running after him towel in hand. Asuka watched the scene from afar, watched as Mari helped him walk out and Misato wrapped Shinji in the towel. Telling him how worried she had been, about how she was getting ready to go out there and look for him herself.

Rei started walking over to him as well, almost smiling at him. Mari kept an arm around Shinji as he walked, protective and warm. The people in Shinji's life gathering around him as he returned.

Asuka frowned at that. No one treated her like that- **no**. Asuka wasn't like stupid Shinji, she didn't need people fawning over her whenever she was hurt. She shook her head ignoring the feelings in her chest.

Asuka turned to Ritsuko saying "hey where's Kaji? I thought he'd be here too?"

"No idea. No one has been able to find him, but to be honest we haven't looked very hard. Everything is still a mess right now with the power only barely coming back. He'll show up... he always does" Ritsuko said with a sigh.

...

"I am so... 'glad' to see you. I can not not explain it in words. Shinji..." Rei was saying. Struggling to say what she wanted.

"I know Rei. It's fine, I'm okay" Shinji said putting a hand on her shoulder as Misato tried to pull him along to the infirmary.

"You are cold" Rei said frowning, she felt his skin through her plugsuit.

"I got him Rei. It's okay" Mari said bringing herself closer to Shinji to help keep him warm.

Rei watched unblinkingly as a smile form on Shinji's face from their contact. "He needs the infirmary. Everyone will get a chance to talk to him later" Misato was saying. Just as protective of Shinji as Mari was.

Misato pulled Shinji away from the others. Shinji's hand trailing after Mari's as they were separated. "We'll talk later. I promise" Mari called watching Shinji leaving with sad coy smile. Misato 'insisting' on the medical staff providing a wheelchair when Shinji probably didn't need it.

When Shinji and Misato passed Asuka, the German girl only looked at him, their eyes meeting for a moment. Neither one knew what to say to the other. There was still tension between them.

"I'm glad you're okay. I still owed you one for the volcano" Asuka said slowly, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Yeah. I... thanks Asuka" Shinji said slowly.

 _No one is keeping score. This isn't a competition, we're just supposed to help each other_ Shinji wanted to say. The words hanging in the air between Asuka and him, before Misato and the medical staff moved Shinji onward to the infirmary.

Still tension between them. Maybe one day there wouldn't be, but this was not that day

* * *

 _Chapter epilogue  
Deeper into Nerv_

"There is no way for this to happen naturally. Find me the whereabouts of Dr. Page during this incident." Gendo said as he and his sub-commander walked the halls of the 'hidden' floor. When the power had gone out, this floor had sealed itself off. The card readers that opened the rooms locking with their small independent power sources that last for a minute at best, more than enough to lock anyone out.

"One person alone could not have done this?" Fuyutsuki said.

"No, but the people she works for have much more at their disposal" Gendo said coldly.

"... you suspect SEELE" Fuyutsuki asked in a low whisper.

Gendo nodded saying "I can't prove it, and even if I could it would make no difference. The Angel was coincidence, there's no way they could have known the exact date. Not even with the second set of Dead Sea Scrolls."

"So, they are making plans for us 'just in case'. Precautions should we not follow 'their' plan. Testing our defenses" Fuyutsuki said darkly.

Gendo nodded as they rounded the corner and found the entrance to the secret lab down here. The lab where the Adam Sample was 'stored'. Fuyutsuki has been surprised and worried when Gendo had insisted they needed to make sure it was still there. The Nerv Commander suspecting that someone would try to steal it.

With a swipe of his personal Nerv keycard, Gendo opened the doors to the lab, the lights turning on as he did so. Power had been restored first to the 'hidden' locations before the primary ones throughout the Geofront.

Fuyutsuki stood back in shock at the sight that met them in the lab.

Adam still imprisoned within the two layers of frozen dura-bakelite, but with a long single crack running diagonally across the material.

Gendo pressed his gloved hands to the dura-bakelite, inspecting the crack along the Adam Sample's container. The crack had cut through two layers of the supposedly unbreakable material that could imprison an Evangelion...

* * *

 **Well there you have it. Shinji can fight off the 'madness' but it's hard.  
**  
 **I liked writing the banter and teamwork of Asuka, Rei, and Mari. The Angel** **Matarael never really stood a chance, for more than one reason.**

 **The next few Angels might not take up as much screen time.**

 **I was a bit nervous writing this chapter. _That_ scene. I didn't want it to be super romantic and fluffy because Shinji is not, he is very much an observer at times but he's still a person and he's never felt that before. He likes it, he likes it a lot. He's very emotionally damaged. His relationship with Mari is complex, she is very important in his life, and he is very important in her life.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	16. Makinami II

**Hey guys, I'm back. Wish I could update sooner but I'm a college student and I get busy.**

 **This is a _very_ character focused chapter. Long, but stick with it. It's worth it.  
Here we are, **_**Makinami II**_

* * *

" _There are days I feel so old. Maybe I am too harsh, but the young are so foolish. They do not understand. They are so short sighted. Unable to see the long road ahead. 'This' is my fault. I tried to do the right thing, to help. But I made things worse. Even I can't plan for everything"  
_

\- _**the broken man**_

* * *

 _Somewhere in Tokyo 3  
_ _Night_

"Would you look at that? Hard to believe how big these Angels can get" Kaji said with a small whistle.

"Hard to believe it takes an N2 mine to even wound them. Let alone an Eva to take them down" the agent from the Japanese Ministry of the Interior said calmly. She was staring up at the corpse before them.

Kaji and her were standing amid a rather spread out crowd of people milling about the night, most of them having just recently been released from their shelters. The power for most of the city was still out, but small sections of the city had power along with some street lights up and running.

The two spies stood watching the corpse of the strange spider like Angel, with two of its long legs torn out from it's body, lying unceremoniously in the middle of a junction near the 'heart' of the city. Crews of construction teams were 'cutting' the Angle corpse into pieces so the military could air lift them out, or else haul them off to Nerv for research. The process took hours, but the damage to the streets would take time to repair, traffic would be 'difficult' for weeks to come as people would be forced to take different routes. _  
_

"I've had reports from Nerv. The Second Child reported that the Angel was vomiting blood when she found it. It was sick and disoriented." Kaji whispered to his 'partner'.

"How is that possible?" she asked turning to look at him with wide eyes.

"Your guess is as good as mine. There are too many things we don't know. Plot within plots, secrets within secrets, this job makes you paranoid" Kaji said coolly.

The agent turned to stare at the Angel corpse again, stare even as some people got over the shock of the monster lying dead in their city and started heading home. _  
_

"Any idea what caused the power outage?" Kaji asked.

The two of them started walking off. Looking like just another pair of friends or a couple heading home after the danger was over, blending in with all the others.

"No, it wasn't us if that's what you were thinking. Turning the power off wouldn't help us get answers from Nerv" the agent walking beside Kaji said.

"What was so urgent that we had to meet. If the power hadn't gone out, I'd have had to find an excuse for taking off from work." Kaji said smoking a cigarette.

Others had started joining the two of them on the streets, people leaving the shelters and going about their nights as best they could.

"We did some digging like you asked to. I believe that there's a cover up around the Third Child." the agent said darkly.

"A cover up?" Kaji asked.

The agent nodded, shivering in the cold night air. Kaji would have offered her his jacket, but he knew his fellow agent wouldn't have accepted it. She was the scariest woman he knew, and he glad to have her as a partner because of it.

"I don't think Shinji Ikari has a mental illness." she said.

"... what? The hearing? They-" Kaji stammered, honestly surprised at that.

"We have contacts in the medical industry who looked at Shinji's hospital files. We discovered they've been altered by the facility he spent five years in. Any hospital doctor can look at his files, but when they look at his supposed MRI, well... we have reason to believe that those MRI's don't belong to him. Someone _switched_ his files out. That way even doctors would go along with their story of schizophrenia. Nerv or SEELE, we're not sure which, has the 'real' ones." the Agent said.

"Mighty illegal. Tampering with medical files like that" Kaji said.

The agent smirked saying "when has that ever stopped them? Whatever Shinji Ikari is, he is not insane. We're looking into it, but right now we have a job for you."

Kaji shook his head and hurried to keep pace with her as they walked the dark streets of Tokyo-3.

"Nerv has found something in Antarctica. Whatever it is, it's big. They're arranging transport for it soon, when it arrives we want you to find out what is. We don't wanna risk getting too close, but you're already working for Nerv and Commander Ikari." the Agent said turning to look at Kaji.

"I'll get it done, but give me time. I don't want to tip anyone off, I'll do it my way and it'll be safer for it" Kaji said smirking.

The agent stopped walking and had to grab Kaji by the wrist to stop him from moving on.

"Be careful. Whatever happened with the power is going to put Nerv on edge. Whatever their reasons, it's very likely that Nerv and SEELE do not have the same goals. There's tension there." she said.

"I know. I'll be careful." Kaji said oddly serious for once, dropping his charming persona.

The agent then let him go and went off on her way.

* * *

 _Nerv Infirmary_

"Damn. It's like you went out of your way to deliberately hurt yourself as much as possible when you fell"

That was what the medical staff had told Shinji after examining his injured head. They cleaned the wound and wrapped bandages around his forehead, then gave him some eye-drops for the trauma to his eyes.

"How could you not close your eyes when you fell? What kind of idiot leaves their eyes open as they slam into the pavement?"

That was the second thing the staff had told him. If Shinji wasn't so stunned over what happened in the last 24 hours, he would have thought the medical staff didn't like him. His first kiss... he was still in awe of it. He had a habit of running his fingers across his lips. But then he stopped when Misato asked him if his lips were busted or if he was in pain.

"No. I'm doing okay" Shinji said for the countless time. He was sitting up on the infirmary bed, Misato had wanted to send him to a hospital for further inspection, but Shinji and the medical staff had said he didn't need it. Shinji felt fine.

Misato was sitting by his bedside having brought him some food, and having waited by his side as he ate.

"I was really worried about you, you know." Misato said running a hand through his hair and feeling the wrapped bandages around his forehead. Misato sighed adding "keep this up and you're going to give me wrinkles."

"Everyone gets old. I think you'll be okay, you're a very pretty lady Misato" Shinji said with a shrug.

Misato gave him a raised eyebrow and Shinji realized that maybe he shouldn't have said that. His guardian laughed at him remarking that he was such a 'gentlemen'.

"Uh, is... is Mari still here?" Shinji asked suddenly.

"No, we let the pilots go home. Nerv sent an escort to make sure they made it home, the city is still out of power for the most part. Better to be safe." Misato said with a shrug. Misato knew that she probably should have checked on Asuka, but she was better with Shinji and he was the one whom had been hurt.

Shinji nodded feeling disappointed. He wanted to see Mari again and... and he didn't know what else.

"Hey, you sure you're alright" Misato asked noticing his change in mood.

"I don't feel any pain. I feel... numb to be honest. Shock maybe? But I'm calm." Shinji said slowly, having to think about what he was feeling to answer.

"Don't be doing the tough guy act on me, if you're in pain it's okay." Misato said.

"I feel fine. Just tired, can we go home?" Shinji asked.

"Alright. I think you deserve a long night's rest after everything that happened. Let's head home" Misato said smiling softly at him.

Shinji got to his feet, noticing that Misato seemed to watch him in case he stumbled and fell, and started to follow after her.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

"Home, sweet home." Misato said as they entered the apartment.

Shinji started for his room almost immediately, he felt so tired and he didn't know why. Asuka must have gone to bed since she didn't stick around to greet them. Misato knew something was up with them, but neither kid wanted to talk about it.

"Goodnight Shinji. Try to take it easy" Misato called after him.

Once inside, Shinji collapsed on his bed completely forgetting to take his pills.

…

When Shinji Ikari woke up, his head wasn't hurting. And for once, the 'thing' in his head did not stir.

"No dreams... no... anything" Shinji said slowly. He awkwardly got up realizing that he still felt 'numb' around a lot of his body.

He got up, took a shower being careful to protect his bandages, got dressed, and went to the kitchen to start making everyone breakfast. Shinji remembered to put food in Pen Pen's bowl, and he was setting the table when Asuka walked in already dressed in her school uniform.

"Heard you fell" Asuka said in greeting, staring at the bandages wrapped around his forehead.

"I don't really remember it. It's a blur, I ran for a long time" Shinji said not meeting her eyes.

He still remembered their fight in this very kitchen. She had saved him, well Mari and Rei too, but he'd heard how Asuka had taken charge.

Shinji fully expected her to mock him about running away, but the taunt never came. He looked up at her in quiet surprise only to find her avoiding his gaze. Well, that was odd.

"You okay? I... we need someone around the house who can actually cook" Asuka said seeming to struggle to get the words out.

 _Did... did she just say I was good at cooking?_ Shinji thought.

He ran a finger along the bandages around his head.

"It doesn't hurt" Shinji said truthfully.

Asuka nodded then took a seat at the breakfast table, and grabbed a plate of food Shinji had made without saying thanks. She started eating without waiting for Shinji and Misato to join. And when Shinji told her that they were supposed to eat together now, Asuka shrugged and kept eating anyway.

"Just eat. We don't have to do what Misato says just because she's the oldest." Asuka said.

"... she's trying to be a better 'parent'. She wants us to eat together" Shinji said slowly.

Asuka shrugged saying "not doing a very good job."

Shinji was about to respond that Misato was the best parent he had had in years, but the words got caught in his throat. Old memories stirred when Shinji thought about the lack of adult figures in his life, but he tried to let that go. He had Misato now, and she cared about him in a way that no other adult had.

Just then, Misato walked into the kitchen saying "Shinji?! Sigh, I told you to take it easy. I could have made us breakfast."

"I was already up." Shinji said simply.

Misato walked over to him, glancing at his bandages, checking if the wound had started bleeding again but it hadn't. Shinji felt fine and no one seemed to believe him.

"Jeez, stop babying him already." Asuka muttered from the table.

"Asuka, not now. And you're eating?! We're supposed to eat together now" Misato said rolling her eyes at the girl.

Asuka sighed and stopped, waiting for Shinji and Misato to join her at the breakfast table.

It ended up being another awkward meal between the three of them. Shinji was still under house arrest, and though he wanted to go to school Misato told him that he was being given the day off because of his head injury.

And once again, Shinji found himself all alone inside an empty apartment. Asuka having left for school, and Misato having gone to work.

In moments like these, Shinji realized just how much he had started to change since coming to Tokyo-3. He had 'friends' and sometimes went out with them, and then he had Mari too. Mari to take him on some crazy adventure just like they were kids in the ward again. To... to kiss him.

He wasn't exactly outgoing, even with the changes, but he'd been more 'alive' in a sense. Now, he was back to being a shut-in with too much time on his hands.

Not even the thing inside his head stirred. That should have made him happy, right? No voice telling him to do things, offering 'its' input when he didn't ask for it. But no...now he really was alone.

* * *

 _Lunch time  
_ _Elsewhere, school_

"Excuse me" the strange pale girl said.

Asuka and Hikari turned to see Rei following closely behind them as they left the halls heading for a place to eat.

"First Child?" Asuka said slowly. Rei and Asuka never really talked, to be honest Rei only really 'talked' to Shinji. In fact, it was making a small scene. Asuka was considered one of, if not, the most beautiful girls in the school, and rightfully so in Asuka's mind, and was considered one of the popular kids whilst Rei... was not.

"How is Shinji? He was not in class today?" Rei asked staring unblinkingly at nothing in particular as she spoke to them.

"You saw the idiot leave the entry plug with the psycho, he hit his head and got hurt. 'Mama Misato' made him stay home" Asuka said with a shrug. Why did everyone always ask about freaking Shinji of all people. It's like people went out of their way to 'baby' him.

 _We killed the Angel and our reward was to go to school the next day. Stupid Shinji falls and gets the day off_ Asuka thought. She told herself that she was annoyed with the boy, but in reality she was finding it hard to be angry at him. The idiot just had to be so... so 'nice' to everyone.

"Then he will need his worksheets for the day. Please remind him to do his work, as he is under house arrest I can not help him." Rei said talking to Hikari more than Asuka.

"Hmm, that's so sweet of you Rei. Always checking on Shinji. I'll get his worksheets together before classes are over" Hikari said. She gave Rei a knowing smile.

Rei only tilted her head at that.

 _I swear, if it wasn't for the idiot actually getting her to talk then I'd think she was just a doll_ Asuka thought offhandedly.

"Thank you" Rei said before turning to leave.

"What a strange girl." Hikari said watching Rei leave, before turning to Asuka and asking "Shinji's under house arrest?"

Asuka crossed her arms at the twinge of guilt in her chest, she knew Shinji wasn't all that bad but everyone went out of their way for him and it really started to tick her off.

"It's a long story. Can't tell it though" Asuka said remembering the events at Mount Asama.

Hikari flashed a small grin at her saying "a secret thing? Well, as long as Shinji is okay. So, miss super secret awesome Eva pilot, where should we eat?"

Asuka smirked at that. Hikari was just about the 'nicest' person she knew, and somehow she was still cooler than Shinji. Maybe 'cool' wasn't the right word, but Hikari was a strange mix of mature beyond her years, at times super serious, and yet every now and again teasing with her friends.

"Outside" Asuka answered as she and Hikari walked on.

…

 _After school  
_ _Nerv Testing Room_

"Alright. Hold your Eva's hand up and focus" Asuka was saying over the comm.

Eva Unit 00 raised its hand whilst Units 02 and 03 watched on.

"You're doing fine Rei. Just focus" Misato said over the comm.

Rei tilted her head at that, but did not reply.

"Unit 00's sync ratio holding at 50%." Ritsuko said standing behind the safety glass beside Misato. Shinji and now Asuka's work with AT Fields had driven Commander Ikari to demand that all pilots began training to use them.

A brilliant flash of protective octagons erupted into existence before Rei and her Eva. Only the shield was not stable, the light flickered in and out as the AT Field struggled to maintain its form.

"Focus wondergirl" Asuka said into the comm. The German girl watching with her arms crossed inside her Eva.

"Come on Rei! Hold it together!" Mari shouted into the comm. The older girl seemed to be in a really really good mood lately, and Asuka did not know or care why.

"I am trying. Please do not distract me" Rei called back into the comm, glancing at Mari and her Eva in particular.

Asuka and Mari watched as Rei struggled to hold the AT Field into existence.

…

"Maya. Fire the testing rounds" Ritsuko said turning to her assistant as Misato watched the pilots.

"Firing two rounds." Maya said entering commands into the terminal.

…

Twin turret guns, each the size of a small car, fired a small burst of rounds at Unit 02's AT Field. The rounds were not strong enough to damage the Eva at all, but they packed enough punch to test the AT Field.

BANG

The bullets slammed into the AT Field and broke it. Rei's AT Field shattering as the first bullet struck, when the second bullet came it broke through and slammed into Unit 00's chest.

Rei grunted softly from the phantom sensations, but said nothing as she lowered her Eva's hand.

"Hey, you stopped one bullet" Mari said into the comm.

Rei chose not to respond as she frowned looking at the empty space where her AT Field had been.

…

"Don't worry, Rei. We'll work on it" Misato said into the comm from her end. She had been trying to be a better 'adult figure' for Shinji, Asuka, and Rei lately. But there were times when Rei was harder to deal with than Asuka, the pale girl almost never spoke unless Shinji was with her.

"Shinji should be here. He might have been able to help them more than Asuka" Ritsuko said coolly as she and Maya watched the playback. Re-watched Rei's AT Field break.

"He's hurt" Misato said, leaving no room for argument. Shinji was to stay home and get better, all whilst still being under house arrest sadly.

"The boy stopped an N2 mine. None of the others have done anything like that. Not even close" Aoba said shaking his head. Of the three pilots here Asuka had the highest sync, with Mari very closely behind. Yet Shinji was a whole other story, a record breaking 95% sync during the Mount Asama incident.

"Yeah but the boy is... was you know... sick in his head" Makoto Hyuga said from his work station.

"You stop that right now." Misato said slamming a hand down on his workstation and glaring at the man.

Hyuga's face flushed as he realized his mistake and nodded saying "sorry, sorry. I know Shinji does his job, he's a good pilot."

It was only natural, now the JSSDF had their hearing and they were more informed of Nerv's dealings, people had started to talk. And people were finding out about Shinji on both sides, it was another reason Misato didn't want him to come back just yet. She knew it was a very sensitive topic for the boy

Misato left Hyuga fumbling with his controls whilst Maya shook her head.

"Let's give Rei a break. Try with Mari"

* * *

 _Deeper into Nerv  
Secret lab where the Adam sample was kept._

"Gendo, perhaps we should re-think this. Adam is not as unresponsive as we all, SEELE included, believed. He or _it_ has shown unexplainable behavior. To continue is-" Kozo Fuyutsuki said.

"No. I have come to far to stop now. We continue. We take further precautions with Adam, and if needed be we can 'weaken' him." Gendo said.

The two men stood staring that long crack along the first two layers of frozen dura-bakelite. After the 'incident' during the Angel attack, Gendo had ordered Fuyutsuki to add another layer to Adam's prison.

Three layers of frozen dura-bakelite, with the previous crack 'filled in'. Yet the strange embryo like being unnerved Fuyutsuki. There was too much that no one understood about the Angels, let alone the first.

 _This is dangerous_ Fuyutsuki thought.

Gendo leaned in, watching the strange bring imprisoned within the supposedly indestructible material.

How strange. The embryo had moved and changed its stature since the last Angel attack. Almost as if... Adam was angry. Furious, even.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _Misato's apartment_

Shinji sat down on Misato's couch watching TV and not really pay attention. It was just so... boring. He had already cleaned the apartment, and then re-cleaned it a second time, and finished his homework that Hikari had brought him. He'd even fed Pen Pen.

Now he didn't know what to do. Before the house arrest, he'd normally spend time with Rei or Toji and Kensuke, or else Mari would show up and take him somewhere.

 _Mari... she kissed me and it was like I suddenly realized that I'd been out in the cold for years. Like I'd forgotten what it was like to be warm_ Shinji thought. He ran a finger across his lips again.

Just then the door to the apartment opened and Shinji jumped up from the couch in surprise blushing at his own thoughts, as Misato and Asuka stepped inside.

"Hi Shinji! We're home!" Misato said in greeting. Asuka trailing behind her, she nodded at Shinji noticing that he'd cleaned the _entire_ apartment again.

"You're not a maid." Asuka said softly as she walked past him.

 _Too much time on my hands. Just like the ward._ Shinji thought with a sigh. "I know Asuka, but there's not much to do." Shinji said sounding pathetic even to himself. He was an Eva pilot for god's sake.

 _Stop trying to make me feel bad_ Asuka thought with small scowl that she hid from the others.

"I ordered us pizza. You don't have to cook tonight, Shinji" Misato was saying.

 _But I wanted to cook. I would have given me something to do._ Shinji thought glumly.

Shinji nodded even as Misato continued on saying, "sorry we're so late. Traffic is a nightmare. Nerv and the military are still in the process of moving the Angel corpse. A lot of people are gonna be late to work for the next few days."

"Will I have trouble going to school?" Shinji asked. He couldn't believe he actually looked forward to school, but his friends would be there.

"No. Hey, I need to talk to you Shinji. It's about Nerv, eventually you'll have to go back for sync test like the other pilots" Misato said.

 _I could see Mari again. I could... and I'd see Rei too_ Shinji thought having to stop himself from putting a finger to lips again.

Misato put a hand on his shoulder as she knelt so he didn't have to look up at her, she knew he appreciated that.

"After the hearing... it's not a secret about your... your... illness. People gossip and now people at Nerv know too. I just wanted to let you know before you walked in again." Misato said oddly serious.

Shinji felt his shoulder's slump. He didn't like to talk about his past in the ward, and he didn't want people know but now they did.

"Listen, if anyone bothers you or treats you wrong I want you to tell me Shinji. I'll make sure they stop." Misato said doing her best to smile at him. She really was trying to be more responsible with him, she wasn't perfect but she was trying.

"It's okay, Misato. I'll be okay." Shinji said honestly.

Misato patted him on the head affectionately. "I need a shower. I'm leaving the money for the pizza on the breakfast table" she said walking past him.

Shinji watched her go, then he went back to watching useless TV without realizing that Asuka hadn't left the room.

"You're an Eva pilot" Asuka said suddenly and Shinji jumped having thought she'd gone to her room, but apparently she'd lingered.

"... what?" Shinji asked slowly.

"You're an Eva pilot. Stop caring what other people think. None of them could do what we do... so don't care about what they say." Asuka said avoiding his gaze.

There was still tension between them, they hadn't really talked since their fight and the Angel attack. But they could still be in the same room together.

"... thanks Asuka" Shinji said slowly.

"Whatever." Asuka said without her usual bite. Then she walked off without saying another word. Shinji really did not understand girls.

Later, they had another weird awkward dinner. But at least it was pizza.

…

The next morning, Shinji was up and ready for school when Misato grabbed him by the wrist before he made it out the door.

Asuka glanced at him on her way out, but said nothing. Asuka left both her roommates behind as she headed to school having grabbed her lunch from the day. The lunch that Shinji still made her every school day.

"You're supposed to be taking it easy." Misato said to him as Asuka left.

"Can I go to school tomorrow? I feel fine" Shinji said almost pleadingly.

" _Sigh._ Shinji, I want you to take it easy for now. Two more days, that's all I want" Misato said.

"I know... but I miss my friends" Shinji said awkwardly.

Misato sighed again, running a hand along the freshly re-wrapped bandages around his head. She worried for him, and the medical staff had agreed that he should relax for a few days.

"Sorry Shinji. I'll try to be home sooner so you won't be alone." Misato said shaking her head at him.

"Fine" Shinji mumbled.

"Come on, it's two days. Just play some video games or something" Misato said beaming down at him.

"... I don't know how" Shinji admitted.

"What?"

"I don't know how to play video games. I've seen them on TV but I've never played. You know why." Shinji said meeting Misato's gaze. _The ward._

"Toji and Kensuke me invited to an arcade once, but I couldn't go because of the house arrest." Shinji continued.

Misato closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Shinji... I'm sorry" Misato began.

"For what?" Shinji asked confused. It wasn't her fault and it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Just- that this happened. Two days. Then you can go back to your friends" Misato said.

 _But two days and it'll be the weekend. I'll have to wait til Monday to see my friends at school._ Shinji thought. "Alright" he said in defeat.

Misato asked him to remember to feed Pen Pen as she left for work, Shinji waving her goodbye.

And so once again, Shinji watched Misato leave the apartment too. Left alone with almost nothing to do. He could try just leaving on his own, but Nerv had warned him that if he ever sneaked out then they'd get him an ankle monitor.

* * *

 _Two days later_

Shinji was going insane... again. This was just maddening, he would finish his homework that Hikari was kind enough to bring, then try to find something to do around the house. He couldn't keep re-cleaning the place, and he was never sure if Pen Pen liked him or not so he kept his distance.

Even Asuka didn't come home after school since she either went to Hikari's house, or else went with the other Eva pilots for testing. Something about trying to get all of them a working AT Field.

Shinji would watch TV until he couldn't stand it anymore, it made him feel like he was somehow getting dumber, and then he'd sit outside on the apartment balcony just enjoying the fresh air.

Not even the thing in his head stirred. It was almost like a record, not a single strange dream or voice telling him things for two days. He took his medicine, but he had started to think that they were losing their effectiveness until now. It made no sense. That should have made him happy, but it didn't.

When Misato and Asuka would come home he'd finally have someone to talk to, mostly Misato but still. This more than anything else, made Shinji realize how much he had changed since coming to Tokyo-3.

When night came and it was time to go to bed, Shinji was grateful that at least once the weekend was over he could go back to school and see his friends. Maybe Mari would show up like she sometimes did and they could... could talk.

Shinji felt himself flush at what he had started to think about.

He shook his head and got ready for bed. Shinji took his medicine again just to be safe, and managed to get a few hours sleep before something woke up.

…

Shinji groaned lightly, opening his eyes and getting out of bed to find that his phone was vibrating.

He wasn't really allowed to use his phone these days, Misato had let him get around that once by allowing him to use her phone. But that was it really.

Slowly, Shinji checked his phone to see it was about 2 in the morning and someone was messaging him.

 _Psst. You up dummy?_

Shinji blinked not recognizing the number.

 _Mari? It's 2 in the morning. What's up?_ Shinji messaged back.

 _Good you're awake. Go to the apartment balcony._ Mari messaged him.

Shinji frowned thinking that over. No... she wouldn't do that... would she? Shinji carefully put his phone down and opened his door. Quietly, he moved through the dark halls of Misato's apartment and just as he reached the door to the apartment balcony... he found Mari sitting on the railing outside.

He gasped as she waved at him through the glass door. She was dressed in her usual street clothes and brown leather jacket.

Shinji quietly rushed over and opened the door saying "Mari? What are you doing here?"

"Came to see you dummy." Mari said smirking at him. She was sitting dangerously on the railing... did she somehow climb the apartment block?

Shinji felt a rush of emotion flood his chest. He didn't fully understand it, but it warmed the heart to see her again.

"Mari. I'm not supposed to have any visitors." Shinji said smiling up at her in the night air.

Mari shrugged, not seeming to care, saying "I missed you dummy. The house arrest blows."

Shinji chuckled at that as Mari thankfully got off the railing and headed to him for an embrace. He hugged back, the two of them standing on the small apartment balcony in the dead of night.

Mari wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him close, bumping their heads together just like when they were kids. Shinji would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed, he thought she was going to kiss him again and he'd felt his heart start pounding. He wasn't good at this... how did he bring up their kiss without making it weird.

"Hey, let me stay the night. Like when we were kids and I'd sneak into your room. I'll sneak out in the morning." Mari said her hand on his face.

"I... uh... okay" Shinji stammered as Mari leaned in closer so their faces were almost touching.

"Great!" Mari said whispering loudly.

He wasn't supposed to have visitors, especially at this hour, but it was Mari. And besides... who would know?

Quietly, Shinji led her back to his room and closed the door behind him as she turned on the light.

He felt awkward being dressed in his night clothes but Mari didn't seem to care.

Shinji turned and gasped as Mari pressed her lips to his again. His second kiss did not fair any better than his first, Mari was _much_ better at it than him.

When she finally pulled away they were both breathing heavily. "I've been waiting days to do that again. Dummy, it's rude to make a girl wait" she said smirking at him as he came off his high.

"The house arrest and my injury" Shinji started to stammer.

"I know. I drove by your school one day and asked your friends, found out you've been staying home these past few days" Mari said gesturing to the bandages wrapped around his head.

Before Shinji could say anything, Mari put a hand to his head asking "does it hurt?"

"No. I feel fine but nobody believes me" Shinji stammered as Mari nodded and dragged him to his bed where she joined him. Damn, Mari moved fast wasting no time at all. It was unnerving... and it made his heart pound in ways he didn't know it could.

"Heh, mister tough guy. I was really worried about you, you know? When you were separated from us... when the Angel attacked. You saved my life, you pushed me back when I tried to grab you. Another second and we'd have been crushed." Mari said unusually serious.

"You saved my life too. All of you did, the Evas." Shinji said amazed at the way Mari looked at him. It reminded him of their first kiss in the rain. So much warmth and care, just for him.

 _I'm not worth that much._ Shinji thought again.

 _You are to me_ Mari seemed to say with her eyes, as if she knew what he was thinking.

"I was scared. Scared that you were hurt or else... I'd never been scared before" Mari said sounding so vulnerable that that Shinji felt his lips tremble. All these years and he'd just assumed that nothing ever got to Mari, but she was human and she could get scared too.

"You were brave Mari. You piloted the Eva and did your job anyway." Shinji said.

"I did my job, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was terrified-" Mari began.

"The only time we can ever be brave, is when we are afraid. I'm not like you and the others, Mari. I get scared all the time when the Angels come. But I do what I have to anyway. It's alright. You're stronger than I'll ever be" Shinji said raising a trembling and nervous hand to her face and cupping her cheek gently.

She leaned into his touch.

It was true, during his early days of piloting Shinji had developed a tremor in his hand that he'd struggled to control. An anxious trait from his fears of piloting and fighting the Angels, he liked to think he'd gotten over it but at times he felt it could come back.

"Damn Shinji, there are days I forget that I'm older than you" Mari said in a low voice.

"You're still way cooler than me" Shinji said managing a small laugh even as he fought to control his breathing. Being around Mari like this, lying in his bed with her, it brought things out of him he'd never experienced.

Mari moved his hand away from her face and gently rolled on top of him on the bed, she brought her lips to his again as Shinji kissed back. It was almost overwhelming for him, Mari was just so wild... and full of life.

After each long kiss, Mari pressed a smaller gentler one upon his lips, almost like a signature of hers. A loving mark.

 _God_ Shinji thought reeling from this. Where had this been all his young life?

Slowly, and very reluctantly he pulled back to breathe. Mari let him, resting her hands on his chest and panting just as he was.

"Mari. I- what are we?" Shinji asked slowly.

"Right now, we're making out on your bed. Stop trying to ruin the mood, dummy" Mari laughed.

"But what we are?" Shinji asked again breathing softly.

"I like you. You like me. Why do we have make things complicated?" Mari said leaning in for another kiss.

"I just... I just want to understand. I've never done this before and you're- you're beautiful and strong, and cooler than me. And I just... why me?" Shinji asked, having to fight the urge to let Mari keep kissing him.

"You charmer, you. _Sigh._ You think too much Shinji. Just live in the moment for once. Why can't you just enjoy what we have?" Mari said sounding distant.

Shinji flushed saying "I don't know... you always told me I was weird."

Mari giggled saying "and cute."

"Cute?" Shinji parroted feeling his face flush.

Mari ran a hand gently across his cheek saying "Shinji, you get it. You get me."

Shinji tilted his head not understanding. Her hand on his cheek made his skin tingle, it was... pleasant.

"You know what it's like to be on the outside after years being locked up. Know what it's like to be alone. We handled it differently, but you _get_ it" Mari said softly.

Images flashed through Mari's mind, memories of her time at the ward. Memories of how she left the ward... of Shinji getting into her room at night and staring at her with hollow empty eyes that no child should have.

…

" **I will not remember this** " Other Shinji had told her. He held her head with such care, like he was afraid she would break if he moved wrong. All this time, and she still didn't understand what had happened. She remembered being unable to move as Shinji held her.

" **I hope we never meet again**. **Goodbye Mari** " Shinji had told her softly. Those words had broken her heart, how could 'her' Shinji say something like that? But now she thought she knew, he didn't want her to be stuck in the ward like he was.

" **Stay here. No matter what happens, stay here. You will be 'better' when this is over** " Shinji had said as blood started to trickle down his nose. Then he had left her there in her room, guiding her gently to her bed before he left.

Mari remembered finding him in the cafeteria, remembered her heart breaking into a million pieces as she saw Shinji's seizure. Saw the blood in his eyes, heard his blood curdling scream. She'd tried to help him, to bring him back, but nothing she had done could help him. At the time, the 11 year old boy had been lost to the world.

" **Go away. You cannot help us** " Other Shinji had whispered to her. Those would be the last words she'd heard from Shinji for years... she remembered him screaming again, and the ward staff had pulled her away so they could help Shinji. She had watched tears in her eyes as her Shinji had been strapped to a stretcher, foaming at the mouth as he lay near death.

But Shinji has asked Mari not to talk about the night, so she wouldn't.

...

Mari turned to lay beside him as they lay on his bed. "You understand. And I really did miss you when I left the ward. There's no one like you Shinji, and you're the best person I've ever known."

"I'm not" Shinji said blinking in surprise.

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You're not my first, Shinji. Not the first boy I've been with. But you're the only one I've ever cared about. It's hard living on the outside after spending years away." Mari said

"I know. I really do" Shinji said in a low voice.

"If people find out that you spent years in a mental ward, they treat you different. Adults and kids alike." Mari said slowly.

"Like you're a time bomb waiting to go off. Like you make people nervous. And some people want to help, they really do, but they talk to you like a baby. Well most of them, then every now again someone treats you like a person and it's wonderful." Shinji said.

"And everyone thinks they understand, but they don't. Even the little things like-" Mari began.

"Little things like having a birthday, like going to a normal school or talking to people your own age. It's like discovering a new world that you were never a part of" Shinji said finishing her words.

"Yes and no. My folks weren't like your dad. Commander Ikari is a real asshat, but my folks were just so distant that I never really knew them unless they were judging me." Mari said.

"It's hard. Living on the outside." Shinji whispered taking her hand. It was like they were kids again, holding each others hand, and yet something was different this time. But it wasn't bad at all, in fact it was 'nice'. Shinji had no other word for it.

"No Shinji. It's different, but that's what's amazing. The freedom to do what you want. Do you remember the ward? Remember how the days just sorta 'bled' into one another. How the staff wanted to schedule everything and anything? How empty our lives were until we met each other?" Mari said slowly.

Shinji nodded remembering how they'd met and become so attached to each other.

"I'm glad we're both out of the ward. It's not easy, but it's better. Mari are you okay? If there's something you want to tell me, you can." Shinji said squeezing Mari's hand seeing her struggling with something.

"Let me tell you" Mari said beginning her story.

* * *

 _Years ago_

In the days following Shinji's incident, Mari asked the staff again and again about her friend. No one would tell her what happened to Shinji. The staff only looked at her nervously or else said he was in the hospital.

Days passed and Shinji still hadn't returned to the ward. Dr. Page met with Mari and refused to answer any questions on Shinji. Instead, the doctor made Mari do a series of stupid tests. Looking at stupid drawings, and finally made her get an MRI.

Dr. Page herself had taken an interest in Mari, and Mari _hated_ her for never answering her questions.

"How is Shinji? I want to know! You're his doctor! He told me!" Mari had shouted after one too many tests with Page.

"Shinji is alive. He's in a 'coma' of sorts. We believe he will wake up one day. That's all we know, now back to _you_." Page had told her. Page had never once spoken of Shinji again, all she had talked about was Mari from that day onward.

Later, Page told Mari that she was 'cured'.

That the ward had already contacted her parents and told them the good news. That Mari would be free to leave the ward soon.

Mari had stared at Dr. Page saying "that's impossible. I was told I couldn't be fixed. That I'd be... here... for life."

"We were wrong. You should be happy. Now I have other business to attend to. I will see you off when you leave" Page said before walking away.

Mari had sat alone at lunch for the first time in years. Eating her stolen pudding and staring at the seat beside her. Imagining Shinji sitting with her, but the boy never came back.

When the day came for her to leave the ward for good, Mari wasn't happy. She had wanted to leave for so long, longer than she could remember, but not like this. Not without Shinji.

Mari was given a change of clothes, and what little belongings she had was packed for her by the time her family sent a car for her. It was the first time in years since she'd worn anything but the plain white clothes of the ward.

"You should be able to live a mostly normal life now. Congratulations, I hope for your sake that we never met again" Dr. Page said to her on the day she left.

"... okay" Mari said not caring.

Neither did Page it seemed.

"Can I visit Shinji when he's better? When he wakes up from the coma?" Mari said before Page could walk off again, Mari was never one to hold back her feelings.

"Why would you want to visit a mental patient?" Dr. Page had asked Mari in surprise.

"Because he's my friend" Mari said scowling.

"No, you may not. Your driver is waiting for you" Dr. Page said simply.

"Why not!" Mari said grabbing Page by the wrist and not letting go until the older woman turned to look down at her.

"Because your family doesn't want you coming back. And I think you are a bad influence on my patient. You're young, you'll find friends your own age on the outside. You should be happy, you're healthy now. Forget Shinji Ikari." Dr. Page said pulling her hand free and giving Mari a fake smile.

"Have a good life" the woman said walking off.

Mari watched her go with hateful eyes. "Bitch" she muttered forced to turn and head outside where her driver was waiting for her.

"Goodbye Shinji..." Mari had said looking back at the ward as her driver drove on, the facility growing smaller and smaller in her window.

…

 _The outside_

Mari spent two days living at her family's house before her parents came to see her. Her mom and dad were very busy people, and they'd seldom visited her in the ward. She thought that... they did care for her in a sense, but that they did not _know_ her. That they did not have time for their daughter.

She was given an allowance and they hired a nanny to watch over her until the school year started. Mari felt so alone even outside the ward. She had no friends to play with, and no one but the nanny to talk to.

Mari didn't like being stuck in the house, so she forced the nanny to take her to a park. She'd stay there for hours playing by herself, or just sitting on the swings. She liked being 'out' and exploring the city where her nanny would let her, always trailing after Mari with a watchful eye.

It was fun, to finally see the world even if only her small part of it. But it wasn't the same without Shinji. More than anything, she wanted her friend. Every time she tried to contact the ward, she was denied. Her parents found out and they'd argued.

They didn't want her having any more contact with the ward. They wanted her to forget her past and move on. Her parents tried to schedule her life for her, they had plans for Mari now that she was 'healthy'.

They sent her away to a private school. Mari didn't like that, didn't like being 'scheduled' and handed off to other adults. So she rebelled, stupid thing to do really. But she did it anyway, she didn't want people controlling her anymore.

At the private school, some kids overheard the teachers talking about Mari's past in the ward. Kids can be the cruelest people on earth, and they started treating her different and giving her strange glances, and so she rebelled even harder.

Mari ended up getting a repetition for being 'wild' and almost fearless. They called her an aspiring 'adrenaline junkie' when she got her first motorcycle. She dated boys and one girl, in her time, but she had trouble connecting to people for long. Her relationships were cheap fickle things, a rush of psychical pleasure after the ward had made her think she would never get to experience these feelings.

Yes, Mari was wild for she had decided that she'd had enough of being 'controlled' and 'scheduled,' she decided she would live on her own terms.

This was where she and Shinji had ultimately differed upon being 'free'. Where Shinji had chosen to stay back, to watch as an observer, before being forced to interact with others by the Evas, Mari had done the opposite.

Life was so short, so Mari decided she would spend it being happy. She would go on adventures just like she'd promised to do with Shinji, and she'd enjoy every moment of her freedom, not worry for the future like all the stupid adults in her life. She would not sit back and watch, no she would embrace the world, she was done playing things 'safe'. Let the pieces fall where they may.

When she was 16, her parents came to the school and pulled her out indefinitely. They could not believe what had become of their daughter, could not believe how wild she had become since leaving the ward. She had fought with her parents again, the only times they would visit her where when 'acted out'.

Mari proved too much of a hassle for her parents, so they reached an agreement. Mari would be emancipated after being home schooled the rest of her high school degree. After being emancipated, Mari would be considered a legal adult and out of her parents hands. On her own.

She finished her home schooling, and was in the process of being emancipated when the Marduk Institute came knocking at her door. Mari had been told she had the potential to be an Eva pilot, and given a series of tests. They offered her a job after seeing her remarkable sync ratio results.

From there, she spent months training before sent to Germany where she met Asuka to train with a fellow pilot. Then she met Shinji again on the Over the Rainbow, and it was like seeing a missing part of herself. Her only real friend that she'd ever known.

* * *

 _The present.  
Shinji's room_

"I... I'm sorry. I never knew your parents were so... distant" Shinji said. He wished he hadn't brought this up. He never knew just how damaged Mari was too. No one was without weakness, and just like him Mari knew what it was like to be 'alone'. They'd handled it in vastly different ways, but that was how it always was between them. She was the wild one, loud and full of life whilst Shinji had been quiet and 'lost'.

Mari laughed darkly saying "look at us. The kids of terrible parents."

Shinji thought back to his own father, to Gendo, and realized that he felt almost nothing for the man. He did not know Gendo and Gendo did not know him.

"Yeah"

 _But not you, mom. I know you loved me. I remember you used to hold me as a baby... I miss you so much. Oh mom_ Shinji thought having to close his eyes so he wouldn't cry.

"I know I shouldn't complain. My parents weren't all that bad, they just didn't care the way I wanted them to. Maybe that makes me a spoiled brat, but it hurt. They used to think it was the mental illness coming back, made me take exams but I was already fixed. It became a vicious cycle, them trying to control my life without ever knowing me. I felt alone even when they did visit on the rare occasion. There are worse parents out there. But I'm _me._ I'm not going change, I will live my life on my own terms. I will enjoy life, what's so wrong with that?" Mari said speaking to herself more than Shinji.

"You're right, I get it. That's amazing. I'd be too scared to do what you did Mari" Shinji said feeling older than he really was.

Mari smirked at him and punched him on the arm softly. "You just need the right push" she teased.

 _I don't think she's ever told anyone those things before. It's not just our parents, it's everything. I understand Mari, I do._ Shinji thought sadly. Maybe it was a good thing that they'd found each other after all these years.

"Did you think about me, after I had left?" Mari asked suddenly.

Shinji smiled sadly saying "all the time."

"You know, after I left the ward I started to have strange dreams." Mari said suddenly and Shinji looked at her with wide eyes.

"Strange?"

"Just one dream really. It was so vivid I could've sworn it was real. **I remember a grown woman lying in a field. She was bleeding, hurt but I don't know how or why... it's hazy. She'd been running from something and she thought she was going to die. I think in the dream... I** _ **was**_ **the woman. Then a man grown appeared, standing over her as she lay dying. He knelt down and picked her up.**

 **'Don't be scared. I've got you' the man told her. He carried her to safety and saved her life. He cared for her and brought her food, treating her wounds. He was like a guardian angel. He saved her, and did not care who she was or what she did. He didn't judge her, he saved her because it was the right thing to do. He didn't even care about a reward. I remember seeing the two of them living together, and sharing a bed.** " Mari said smiling softly.

Shinji stared at her, not understanding as he felt his head stir. Not the voice, not the thing that lived there, instead this reminded him of when he'd had the strange flashes he couldn't explain.

" **Then the dream ended.** " Mari said.

She was staring at Shinji unblinkingly as she smiled warmly at him.

 _The man reminded me of you_ the words went unsaid but understood between the two.

"... just a dream" Shinji said slowly as his head throbbed.

Mari shrugged saying "maybe. Maybe not. It sounds crazy, but it felt so real. Years now, and I still remember the dream as if it was yesterday."

Shinji closed his eyes as images flashed through his mind. He saw _it._

 **In his mind's eyes he saw it.**

* * *

…

 **Shinji saw flashes of a strange man walking across a field, heading for a figure he'd spotted in the distance. No... Shinji _was_ the strange man.**

 **He was kneeling down beside a woman. She was hurt, bleeding and near death. He looked her over, checking her wounds.** **She blinked and looked up at him, she was terrified. She knew she was dying, he could see it in her eyes. He knew that look because he'd had it before too.**

 ** _There are still good people._ He thought fiercely. He refused to let the world break him, refused to lose his humanity. He clung to it, to that thought. Everyone else could be broken, but not him. He was still a good man.**

 **Carefully, he picked the girl up. Scooping her into his arms even as she trembled, she was afraid of him. In their world, she had every right to be.**

" **Don't be scared. I've got you" he told her as he started to carry her. He knew he could barter for some bandages and medicine back in town.**

 **The woman stared at him with wide eyes, at this kind stranger whom stopped to help her.**

 **More images flashed by Shinji's mind, he saw the man bandaging the woman's wounds, saw 'him' feeding her by spoon as she struggled to chew, saw him putting a wet rag to her forehead.**

" **Everything's going to be alright. Hey, what's your name?" the man asked.**

" **... Mari" the woman whispered.**

…

* * *

 _The present  
_  
Shinji opened his eyes, having grounded himself and left the images behind, and looked down to find his fingers intertwined with Mari's. Neither could say whom had reached for the other, only that they had.

Mari rolled over so she lay beside him, and gently pressed her lips to his. Then Shinji felt it again, the warmth, the explosion of sensations that traveled throughout his entire body. He wasn't good at kissing, and Mari didn't seem to care.

He pulled back breathing heavily, feeling himself grinning stupidly.

"What are we? Where do we go from here" Shinji asked in a whisper. _Friends? Something more? A couple?_ He couldn't stop the hint of excitement from of his voice, the things Mari brought out of him.

"Why does it matter? We make each other happy. I feel something between us. You feel it to." Mari said.

"I... I really like kissing you" Shinji said breathing heavily.

Mari smiled coyly at him, looking at him expectantly. Shinji leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, he didn't 'think' about it he just did it. Living in the moment like Mari did. He felt his confidence raising as Mari moved her lips with his, letting him lead for once.

* * *

 _The morning after_

Shinji woke to find an arm slung across his waist. He turned his head to see Mari cuddled beside him, still wearing her clothes from the night before. He smiled at her sleeping form, her long hair falling over her face as she slept. She'd forgotten to sneak out before morning, and he'd forgotten to remind her, but he didn't feel bad at all.

 _ **What. Have. You. Done.**_

Shinji flinched. The voice had come back! The thing in his head had stirred again after all this time.

 _ **Shinji. What is Mari doing in your bed? And you 'looked'. I've told you so many times not to look at those flashes. Yet you did it again!**_

The voice sounded stern. Almost angry even.

 _This again... how did-_ Shinji thought.

 _ **I sleep for a few days to heal, and when I wake up I find this. Shinji, what are you doing? What the hell are you doing?!**_

 _Gah! I thought maybe you were gone for good. Guess I always knew you'd be back_ he thought.

 _ **Haven't you wondered why you weren't in pain? That was me. I took your pain for you. I helped you stop the seizure last time too.**_

… _that doesn't make sense_ Shinji thought.

 _ **Hmm. Doesn't matter. I see you're still a virgin. Good, you're too young for sex.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _I... how did you know- what is 'that' supposed to mean?_ Shinji thought with a flicker of annoyance.

 _ **It means you would not handle it well. Not at your age.**_

 _Why I am arguing with this thing? Why does it even bring this up?_ Shinji thought shaking his head.

 _ **Why are you doing this? Why Mari?**_

 _She makes me happy_ Shinji thought. He looked over at Mari and gently brushed the hair out of her face. She leaned into his touch grumbling something.

 _ **That... I- what did you say? Why did you say that!**_ The thing in his head stirred. It was almost painful, like the old days at the ward, when the he felt the twinges of pain from inside his skull.

 _Mari makes me happy. And everyone hates her, even this stupid thing in my head. Can't I just have one good thing in my life. Can't I just have something as normal as a friend... or girlfriend... or whatever the heck we are. I don't know! We make each other happy! What's wrong with that!_ Shinji thought his temper flaring.

 _ **You... you fool**_

 _Go away. Please._

 _ **Oh Shinji, there are days you make me feel so old.**_ The voice sounded tired and weary, it had never sounded like that before.

 _I shouldn't even be talking to you_ he thought.

 _ **Tell me, boy. Who are you to be happy, hmm? What makes you think you deserve that?**_

Shinji gaped at that, not sure what to say. He was arguing with the voice in his head for god's sake, that was not a good sign.

 _ **Who are you to be happy? Unhappiness is more common that happiness. When I was your age, I had friends, people in my life, perhaps even a flicker or two of 'love' though I did not see it. Now all of them are dead.**_

The voice was harsh and cold, not even angry anymore but sorrowful. Bittersweet.

 _Now all of them are dead... what? That doesn't make sense, the thing in my head isn't alive. It doesn't have its own life-_

 _ **How long are we going to play this game Shinji? How many times have I helped you? How many times have I been right? It's been years, and now you're finally starting to wear on my patience.**_

Shinji heard footsteps approaching his door, and panicked. He shook his head and turned back to Mari. He shook her saying "Mari! Someone's coming!"

Mari stirred waking slowly as she opened her eyes.

The door to Shinji's room opened, there was no lock, and Asuka stepped inside saying "hey! Wake up already! Misato says we have to eat together and I- ah!"

Asuka gasped as she took in the sight of Mari yawning and sitting up in Shinji's bed with him, his bedsheets over the both of them.

"Pervertieren! Du Idiot! Ah! Sie sind nur ein anderer Junge, nachdem alle!" Asuka shouted.

Mari waved at Asuka as she yawned again.

"Asuka. This isn't what it-" Shinji stammered but Asuka left not even bothering to close his door as she ran out cursing in German.

Shinji blinked watching her leave.

Mari laughed saying "she called you a pervert."

"Mari? You speak German?" he stammered.

"A little bit" Mari admitted with a shrug. "Then why didn't you tell Asuka? All this time, you've understood what she was saying when she was angry?" Shinji asked dumbfounded.

Mari smirked saying "I thought it was funny. She still doesn't know."

Shinji laughed at that. "I love you" Shinji said not able to help himself, that was just so... so _her._ "I love you too dummy" Mari said.

 _ **You do not know what those words mean. You do not understand what 'love' is. You waste your breath. Taking away the value in those words.**_

 _Go away. Please._

 _ **We will talk about this later. I can't even look at you right now. You idiot.**_

Shinji blinked as he felt the thing in his head fade away, gone for now but it would be back. It always came back.

They heard footsteps coming, and Shinji really started to panic as Misato stepped inside followed by Pen Pen.

"Shinji? What is going on- ah! What is _she_ doing in your room?!" Misato shouted.

Mari waved again as she and Shinji got out of his bed.

"This is not what it looks like. Just let me explain-" Shinji started to say.

"Relax, miss 'mama Misato' alright. Shinji didn't pop his cherry last night, but he could have. Oh, he could have. Just saying." Mari said winking at Shinji and slapping his ass.

Shinji blushed thinking _not helping, Mari. Not helping at all._

Misato crossed her arms saying "Shinji, what the hell is going on." She was glaring directly at Mari.

"She came over to see me. Nothing happened... like that anyway. Just sleep. But not like that! Sleep, as in rest. Not... not sex" Shinji said talking very quickly his face as red as a tomato.

Misato stared him down with a disbelieving look.

"He's telling the truth. Have some faith in the boy" Mari said.

"Not him I'm worried about" Misato muttered darkly. Shinji watched his guardian and his girlfriend... ish, stare each other down. He did not know what was happening.

"Mari, go home. I need to talk to Shinji. I will be talking to your parents after-" Misato said.

"I'm emancipated. A legal adult. If you can even reach them, it wouldn't matter" Mari said crossing her arms.

"... go home Mari" Misato began but Shinji stumbled over grabbing his guardian by the hand and pleading "can't she stay for breakfast. Please?"

"Shinji-"

"Nothing happened. I promise. Just- let her stay for breakfast" Shinji pleaded.

 _Oh god, I've become such a 'mom'. Can't deny him anything when he begs_ Misato thought sighing inwardly.

"Ahhhh. Fine. Mari, you can stay. But you ever sneak in again, I will add locks to Shinji's room" Misato said clearly not happy about it.

Shinji sighed in relief as Mari seemed honestly stunned at that. She totally expected to be kicked out, it's what she was used to, but Shinji surprised her.

…

"Pass the juice orange" Mari said in a very good mood.

"... why are you here?" Asuka muttered.

" _Sigh._ Here. I'll get it" Shinji said reaching over and re-filling Mari's glass for her.

They were all sitting at the breakfast table. Shinji sharing his breakfast with Mari since Misato hadn't made enough food. Asuka shaking her head at the whole thing, seemingly at a loss over what happened.

Misato didn't look too 'excited' either but she had put it past her and was just trying to have their 'family breakfast' for the day.

It ended up being mostly okay. Not the most awkward breakfast they'd ever had.

Still, that 'thing' in his head... what it had said bothered him. Those words had been nagging at him since he'd heard them.

 _ **Who are you to be happy? Unhappiness is more common that happiness. When I was your age, I had friends, people in my life, perhaps even a flicker or two of 'love' though I did not see it. Now all of them are dead.**_

The thing in his head wasn't alive... but Shinji had seen strange things that he couldn't explain. He didn't want to tell Page about them. But it gnawed at him. He couldn't deny it, there were things he didn't understand. In some ways that frightened Shinji, but for now he had Mari, Misato, and his friends.

Maybe he could just enjoy the moment for once.

* * *

 **Did you expect to see Mari in the Other Timeline? I think some readers suspected that whilst others did not. Was I too subtle or was it obvious(not just this chapter but all of them)?**

 **Mari is an interesting character despite not having much growth in the films. I know this isn't exactly what she was there, but this is my take on things. My reasons for why she is the way she is. Our past shapes us. Nature AND nurture. Not versus. Like Shinji said, it's not just her parents but everything.**

 **Mari has, and is, changing Shinji. In turn, Shinji will change Mari.**

 **I do apoglize for the length of this chapter. Eva has so many wonderful characters that it's a challenge to write them all. Certain chapters focus on some more than others, but all our pilots are all important characters. We'll see a lot more of them not just Shinji and Mari.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	17. Ikari

**Hey guys, I'm back. Long wait this time.  
Life gets in the way, I didn't want to rush things because that makes me write worse.**

 **And thanks to all the new readers! 'Unravel' has gotten a lot more view lately, so truly thank you all for reading.**  
 **Hope, you'll enjoy. Here's chapter 17 'Ikari'**

* * *

" _Does a father deserve special treatment for caring for their child? It is the duty of the father to be there for their child, but does that mean you expect anything less. Such a simple responsibility to anyone mature enough to sire children. Yet the world is full of terrible parents. So what about the reverse, what does a terrible father deserve? Punishment? Or something else?"_

 **- _the broken man_**

* * *

 _13 years ago  
_ _Ikari household_

"Yui. Is everything alright?" a younger Gendo said.

The younger Gendo stood nervously in the doorway of the kitchen/breakfast room, watching his wife as she sat at the breakfast table rocking a baby back and forth. She was still dressed in her night gown, Gendo had woken in the early morning to her missing from their bed.

He watched apprehensively as Yui hummed softly to the bundles of blankets in her arms, hummed to the baby Shinji Ikari.

"Oh, Gendo. Stop trying to hide from him. How will he learn to love you if you never see him? What are you so afraid of?" Yui said turning to look at him from where she sat.

Her voice was so soft, feather light, and her eyes still filled with a warmth that took Gendo's breath away. The look Yui got when she was with her son.

"I don't know. I... I don't think he likes me like he does you" Gendo said awkwardly. Yui waved him over and he slowly stepped inside and moved to join his young wife.

" _Hum hummm._ Oh Shinji, you are so loved" Yui whispered to the baby in her arms.

Gendo watched the baby looking up at his mother, watched as the baby raised a hand and gently tapped Yui cheek. Baby Shinji giggled only as a infant could, oblivious to all the fears and problems of the world as his mother rocked him back and forth.

 _She's so beatuiful_ Gendo thought watching his wife.

"Here Shinji, go with your father" Yui said sweetly as she held the baby up.

"I don't think I should. He prefers you, his mothe-" Gendo began seeming to shrink from the baby's curious gaze.

"Take him" Yui insisted. _Men, so mucho and tough until they have a baby in their arms. Then they try to run away like children_ Yui thought with a small smile.

Gendo nervously took his son from Yui and held the babe up in his arms.

"Hello Shinji." Gendo told his son.

Shinji looked at his father with tiny eyes that were wide at his presence. Gendo didn't know what to do, he was never good with children. He was never good with people, yet somehow he'd made things work with Yui.

"Wah! Wah!" the baby Shinji in Gendo's arms started to cry. Gendo shrank back from the babe in his arms, flinching as if struck, he didn't know what to do. There was a baby crying in his arms and he knew it was his fault, he should never have taken the boy into his arms.

"Take him, please" Gendo said to his wife as she watched on frowning at her son crying.

"Gendo. You have to try. He's a baby. He doesn't know any better-" Yui began.

"Please." Gendo pleaded, as his son cried in his arms.

Yui sighed and took her son from his father's arms. Gently she rocked Shinji back and forth and humming so sweetly to him, within moments he stopped crying.

"Oh, I could just stay with him forever" Yui said smiling as her son calmed in her arms.

 _She is better with him. That's where he belongs, not with me. It's better if I keep a distance, ever watchful. Forgive me boy._ Gendo thought his face a mask of repressed emotion.

"A babe is always closer to their mother. Don't draw away from him, Gendo. You have to promise me that you'll _try_. Be his father." Yui said turning to look at her husband now that Shinji had quieted.

Gendo avoided her gaze saying "I will try."

He had wanted Yui, she had been and still was the only thing he remembered ever wanting. The only light in his lonely life. But he had never wanted children, had never wanted a family.

Yui had been the only exception, and now the two of them had a son and Gendo didn't know how to be a parent. He had been an orphan, had grown up to be withdrawn and distant. But he was clever, and he'd risen through the ranks of the organization that would one day be re-structured as Nerv under SEELE and the UN.

Yui reached a hand over and gently grabbed Gendo by his cheek.

"No. You are his father. You will love him as I do. Promise me Gendo. Promise that you will care for him. Promise me or I will never forgive you." Yui said, a slight edge to her voice.

Gendo tried to look away, but Yui forced him back. Forced him to look at her and _their_ son.

"I... I promise" Gendo whispered to his wife.

 **But as the years passed, and Yui died... young Shinji would find that his father did not keep that promise.**

 _..._

 _Present Day  
_ _Antarctica_

There was knock on the door of his private room, and Gendo stirred silently as he woke from his dream.

"Yes. What is it?" Gendo called as he rose from his cot. He was still dressed in his business attire, having slept in his clothes, and he'd hung his heavy duty coat on the rack nearby. Inside the transport ship it was warm enough that he didn't need it.

"Sir. We'll be at the site in a few hours. The team sent word that they're almost done digging." a voice called from the other side of the door.

"That is good news. Now leave me be, I have several calls to make." Gendo said raising up from his cot.

"Yes sir" the man on the other side side and Gendo heard the heavy footsteps of the sailor leaving him.

Gendo stretched as checked his phone for the time and saw three missed calls, always more work to do. Yet he needed to see that _object_ himself. If Nerv was right, and they had found 'it' then Gendo had to be sure. He and his sub-commander had gone out with the transport ship personally.

Stuck for days on a boat as it traveled through the arctic, not a pleasant experience. Work would have to wait for a few more hours, Gendo was tired and he felt on edge from the memories his dream had stirred.

What would Yui have thought of the years since her death. Of her son? Of her husband? Gendo wondered what she would have thought about the promise he'd made her 13 years ago.

* * *

 _Meanwhile  
Nerv HQ_

"We're counting on you, all of you. Shinji, Asuka, you two will bare the blunt of the impact. Mari, Rei, you're on the supporting role. Eva Teams One and Two." Misato said sternly into the comm.

She hadn't gotten much sleep, but she was wide awake and her eyes were fierce as she stood in the command center.

Days ago, an observatory had spotted a massive object in space headed for earth... and _changing_ course for a direct impact on Tokyo-3. An Angel attacking from space, just when they thought things couldn't get any weirder. An Angel suicide bomber, the impact would be so strong that even the Angel itself might not survive it. Yet it came for them anyway with a force that could flatten Tokyo-03 and the entire Geofront all in one go.

 _Shinji, you're the key here. You have the strongest AT Field on record. Asuka is close, but our best bet is you_ Misato thought staring at the teenager walking towards his Eva. Misato didn't tell him that, nor Asuka, she needed them to work together as much as possible. This was not the time for arguments, and Shinji had a habit of stepping up when he needed to all on his own.

"I understand Misato" Shinji called into the comm, doing his best to sound calm. He really was getting better at piloting, at times she could see the nerves he carried but he always did better when working with the others.

"Roger that" Asuka said doing her best to psych herself up. Putting on that smirk of hers, but having trouble pulling it off. This plan was a bit crazy even for her, her attitude and drive got her far but it wasn't perfect.

All four of the Eva pilots had left the locker rooms and were heading for their Eva Units, their comms already on and connected.

"You will do fine" Rei said into the comm talking to Shinji.

"No fair, you guys get to have all the fun. I'll see you up top Shinji, you've done crazier things than this. Don't sweat it" Mari called into the comm.

"Yeah, yeah, Mr. 95% Shinji the Hero. Blah, blah, blah. I have to catch the stupid Angel too, you know!" Asuka said into the comm sounding mildly annoyed.

Even she was on edge. Asuka had gotten better with her AT Field, but this was leagues above anything any of them had done. She had a slight shake in her step as she headed for her Eva.

"Entry plugs being released. Stand clear." a voice called on the intercomm. All four pilots standing before their Evas, spread so far apart that they had to use comms just to speak to one another.

Asuka tilted her head as Mari suddenly spoke into her comm.

"Princess, if there's anyone whose good enough to catch an Angel from orbit, I'd put money on that person being you" Mari said. Surprisingly 'supportive'.

"Damn right" Asuka muttered managing to smirk at that.

Shinji only shook his head, even as Mari opened a private channel to his comm whispering "I'd put more money on you though. You got this dummy."

"Thanks Mari" Shinji whispered back on the private channel, a small smile on his face, before closing it. They, all four of them, had work to do. All the Evangelions were being deployed today.

…

"We made some last minute adjustments to your interface helmet Shinji. Ritsuko thinks she found a way to help you guys stay in sync with the Evas, only a 2% increase but everything counts. All the Evas have been equipped with extra battery packs in case something goes wrong. Command is just being careful" Maya was telling Shinji as she handed him the interface helmet.

She had run over suddenly calling out to him and Shinji had stopped to see what she wanted.

There were a few Nerv technicians leaving the hanger as well, no doubt having just finished last minute jobs for the operation, and Shinji noticed them giving him strange looks. Either a confused baffled expression or else shaking their heads in disbelief as they passed him by, and lastly those whom looked at him with mildly curiosity.

"Thanks Maya. Hey, have- have you guys heard anything about me recently?" Shinji asked Maya even as he took the new interface helmet.

Maya froze at that, and Shinji caught the awkward glance she made in Misato's direction, before Maya spoke saying "um- no. What do you ask?"

The older girl was speaking a little fast and clearly avoiding what Shinji had already concluded.

 _Misato did tell me gossip was spreading. Sigh, I guess I should have known. Surprised it took so long for news at the hearing to spread_ he thought darkly.

"Everyone knows about my five years in a mental ward, don't they?" Shinji asked blankly.

Maya winced even as Eva Unit 01's entry plug was released and began its descent onto the hanger for Shinji to climb into.

"... people talked about the hearing... and Misato told us not to mention it." Maya said meekly.

Shinji stared at the entry plug waiting for him, taking that in. _I have Misato. I have Mari. And I have Rei, Kensuke, and Toji. That will have to be enough. I guess I can understand, who in their right mind would want a former 'insane' person as an Eva pilot._ He thought.

"Shinji? Is something wrong?" Misato's voice called into his comm.

"No. I'm fine." Shinji said as he stepped inside his entry plug, with Eva Unit 01 looming in the distance.

"I- don't take it so hard Shinji. It's just talk, most of us know you're okay. I mean- we remember all of you've done." Maya was starting to ramble as Shinji got inside the entry plug.

"Thanks. Maya, you're needed at command. Better get going, thanks for the helmet" Shinji said as the entry plug closed, sealing him inside as it started to retract into Unit 01.

Maya only stared at the young teenager, the Eva pilot, before shaking her head and breaking into a jog for command, laptop in hand. There were times she didn't know what to think about Shinji, times where he sometimes seemed older than he really was.

…

Still, Shinji frowned as he sat in his entry plug. There was something that had been bothering him lately... what that thing in his head had told him.

That line... about 'it' saying when it was his age it had had friends but now all of them were dead. Yet it had left him alone ever since that morning, never once stirring or else talking to him again not that Shinji was complaining.

 _No, that 'thing' isn't alive. It can't be. Gah, there's point to this. My problems will only make me do worse and I need to focus. This is gonna be hard_ Shinji thought taking his head. His problems could be dealt with, for now he had a job to do and he couldn't dwell on anything else.

"Launch!" Misato called.

All four of the Evas were shot up from their launch pads in a shower of sparks, the massive machines heading for the surface.

* * *

 _Minutes later  
_ _The surface_

Shinji sat inside the entry plug of Eva Unit 01, controlling his breathing as he stood sentry in his 'station' on the outskirts of Tokyo-03.

"Remember, you have to catch the Angel as it falls. I don't need to tell you what happens if it crashes onto the surface. You can do this Shinji, I know you can" Misato said into the comm.

"I can do it" Shinji replied into the comm.

 _I can do this. I stopped an N2 mine once... even if I don't know how I did it._ He thought.

"We've got your back dummy. Don't fret so much, we'll be here to help" Mari called into the comm.

Shinji felt himself smirk at that, Mari seemed to read his mind sometimes. She knew him pretty well, considering their earlier years together.

"Thanks Mari" Shinji said softly.

"Stop flirting. We have an Angel to stop" Asuka called into the comm sounding more annoyed than actually mad.

When the observatory in Japan had spotted something moving towards Earth in space, they'd immediately called in Nerv. The strange object had started changing direction and trajectory, accelerating even, as it made to crash land into the Geofront. Somehow, Shinji wasn't a scientist, Nerv had managed to do some long range scanning and saw a blue pattern confirming the object in space was in fact a _massive_ Angel.

The largest Angel ever on record. Nerv estimated that if the Angel made contact with the surface, it would completely destroy the Geofront, Nerv HQ, and Tokyo-03. Misato had had the crazy idea to 'catch' the Angel with their AT Fields, and even more insane was the higher ups had let her go through with. A lot of people had been evacuated whilst a bunch of others had stubborn refused to leave the city, faith in the Evas perhaps.

"Sorry Asuka. Rei, are you doing okay?" Shinji said noticing that his friend had been quiet lately.

"I am fine." Rei said into the comm. Her voice its usual flat monotone, how strange. Shinji had thought she had stopped talking like that.

"Come on Rei, we can do this. Don't be scared" Mari called into the comm.

"I am not scared" Rei answered into the comm, a slight edge in her tone that only Shinji could hear.

 _What was that about?_ Shinji thought.

…

 _Nerv temporary base far outside the city_

"This is utterly insane, you know that right?" Ritsuko was saying from where she stood by Misato watching the display screen.

"The Evas can do it." Misato countered calmly.

"You sure you're not letting your vengeance cloud your judgment. We all hate the Angels, but this is really pushing it" Ritsuko asked not as Misato's co-worker but as her friend.

"... I'm fine, Ritsuko. The past is the past, all we can do is move forward" Misato said remembering her father. Her father whom had died to save her during the Second Impact.

Ritsuko sighed as she glanced at the display screen showing the path of the Angel headed for them from space. "Shinji is our best bet, he's shown the strongest AT Field out of all the pilots."

* * *

 _Back with the Eva pilots_

"Angel is closing in. Uploading the information to your display screens." Misato's voice called into the comm for the Eva pilots to hear.

 _ **It's coming. It's not afraid of you. No, this Angel hates you. It knows the two of us are here**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Damn it. I was doing so well, it hadn't bother me for awhile! I'm not supposed to talk to it. Stupid thing wants me to be miserable_ Shinji thought.

 _ **Stop being a cry baby. We disagreed, get over it. I'm trying to help you**_

 _Shut up_

"Shinji! It's closing in on your location!" Misato's voice called suddenly.

"I am on way" Rei called into the comm, moving to his location to assist.

"Hold on" Mari called doing the same as Asuka started moving as well without comment.

Well, this saved Shinji the time it would take him to move to the impact location. Now all he had to worry about was actually stopping the damned thing, easier said that done. Eva Unit 01 turned its head up, and raised its arms, both of them, as the massive machine braced for what was coming.

Shinji gulped as he saw the flicker of light in the night sky, the Angel that was essentially acting as a suicide bomber.

"Almost there idiot. Hold on!" Asuka shouted into the comm. Shinji could hear Eva Unit 02's footsteps from far off.

Shinji remembered the day at Mount Asama, remembered stopping the N2 mine, and tried to do what he had done there for a second time.

"A man with no fear is not brave. You can only ever be brave when you are afraid. Be brave. Be brave" Shinji whispered to himself closing his eyes.

"Now!" Misato said into his comm.

Shinji opened his eyes and a massive AT Field, far large than anything Shinji had ever made before, erupted into existence. The massive field forming a 'cap' like shield over both himself and most of the surrounding area in a several mile long radius.

BOOM!

The Angel crash landed on top of Shinji's AT Field... and amazingly Shinji _held_ the Angel back.

…

"He's doing it. He's actually holding the Angel back" Maya said staring at the display screen.

"Sync ratio holding at 76%." Ritsuko said.

Misato smiled. _That's my boy Shinji. Knew you could do it._

"Asuka, give him a hand" Misato called into the comm.

...

"Asuka, give him a hand" Misato called into the comm.

"I know!" Asuka shouted back even as her Eva emerged onto the scene where Shinji and his Eva were standing with the AT Field.

Shinji was gritting his teeth and breathing hard from the strain. This was strange, it took a lot out of him to do this and he knew he could not keep it forever. The strange lights that formed an protective pattern was not easy to maintain. But he wasn't alone, all four Evas had been deployed.

"Careful there idiot" Asuka muttered into the comm as her Eva joined his and raised its hands.

Asuka's AT Field erupted into existence alongside Shinji's. The two AT Fields holding the Angel back, and Shinji sighing as some of the strain was taken off of him.

This power was amazing to behold, Asuka and him holding back what was essentially a sentient meteor that had come crashing down for impact only to be stopped by the two of them. The strange Angel from orbit seemed to glare at the two Evas as its suicide dive was foiled.

Together, Shinji and Asuka held the enormous Angel back. The monstrous thing forced to 'hover' over them as it fought their AT Fields.

Eva Units 00 and 03 emerged onto the scene, the two titans rushing over to help their comrades. Eva Teams One and Two together.

"I see its core. We'll make an opening for you two" Shinji said even as he fought alongside Asuka to hold the Angel back.

Rei and Mari equipped their Eva's prog knives. Asuka reached her Eva's free hand over, 'peeling' back an opening in the AT Fields.

Eva Team Two leaped at the chance, Rei and Mari bringing their Eva's prog knives into and through the opening to the Angel above them. Together, they broke through to the Angel's core and it stilled and wailed as the blades pierced its weakness.

Shinji felt the sudden lax in weight above his AT Field via the Eva's phantom sensations, and struggled to topple the wounded and dying Angel over. Asuka joined him and together their Evas pushed the Angel's corpse aside moments before it exploded, a final act of mad suicidal attack.

Yet the Angel's final act of vengeance was wasted, Shinji and Asuka held the explosion back with their AT Fields, containing the blast as the mysterious Evangelions once again bent the laws of physics.

…

"I... I can barely believe it. They actually stopped what amounted to an meteor strike, a kamikaze, and held back the Angel's self destruct." Maya was saying slowly as the Nerv staff watched the footage on the display screen.

 _Hard to believe these four teenagers wield so much power. And Shinji out of all of them is arguable the pilot with the most potential. Amazing_ Misato thought to herself. Watching Eva Unit 01 with an odd sense of 'pride'.

"We're breaking new ground here, this will be one for the physicists to analyze for decades to come." Ritsuko said shaking her head at the footage. The scientist in her awed by the sheer magnificence of the Evangelions.

* * *

 _Two hours later  
_ _Tokyo-03_

Shinji was always surprised how 'normal' the city got after just a few hours since an Angel attack. The people filling the streets again, and the restaurants and stores re-opening, and people going on with their lives. Then again, maybe that was they could do. Just go on.

He was sitting with the others in a semi-crowded restaurant. Feeling a bit tired from the attack, but he was hungry and just glad not to be stuck in the apartment again.

"It's not steak, but it'll have to do" Misato was saying as she and the four teenagers placed their orders.

The ramen place was surprisingly open so quickly even after an Angel attack, and filled with a decent amount of customers. Misato was relieved she'd found a restaurant that was open this late that wasn't a bar.

Some of the Nerv guys hadn't wanted Shinji to go, he still had a few days of house arrest, but Misato had politely told them to "piss off, he just saved the city. Let him eat with us."

So Shinji sat beside Mari, with Misato making sure to sit beside the both of them, and Asuka and Rei sitting further down as they ate their food.

"I'm so jealous. My AT Field doesn't even come close. You've stopped an N2 mine and now an Angel. Damn, what's next?" Mari was teasing Shinji as he ate his ramen.

Shinji laughed saying "no idea. I wish we didn't need to use the fields, they always tired me out."

"Oh come on dummy, where's your sense of adventure? We kick Angel ass for a living" Mari said jabbing him in the rubs teasingly.

"Hey?!" Shinji said in surprise more than protest when Mari reached into his bowl with her chop sticks and grabbed some of his ramen.

Mari laughed at him even as he reached for her bowl with his chop sticks, only for the older girl to move her bowl out of his reach. Shinji laughed moving to stand on his stool to reach even higher surprising both Mari and Misato as he nicked some of her ramen and put into his mouth.

 _ **You're making a fool of yourself**_

 _Be quiet you_ he thought.

Misato pulled him back down by the sleeve of his shirt glaring at the laughing Mari. Asuka only shook her head muttering "jeez, get a room you two."

"We already did, remember?" Mari teased Asuka. Asuka only muttered something in German that Shinji didn't understand. But Mari did, she chuckled at whatever Asuka had cursed.

"Sorry Misato" Shinji was saying as Misato gave him a curious look. Misato had noticed that Shinji often behaved differently when Mari was around, and she wasn't sure if she liked that or not.

"Yeah yeah, can't help it. Still coming down from the rush, happens every time we pilot" Mari explained managing to be calm for Misato's sake.

Misato started to reply, but Shinji stopped paying attention when he noticed Rei eating her food and silently staring at her bowl.

"Rei? Is everything okay?" Shinji asked leaning in so he could speak to her from across Misato. His guardian was talking to Mari about something, but he could only focus on so many things at once. Especially in a decently crowded restaurant.

"I am fine" Rei replied, taking a moment to turn and look at him.

"Is it the ramen? I know you don't like meat but the noodles are good-" Shinji started to say.

"The food is very good, I am simply not hungry. I... I am glad to be here... with you... all of us." Rei said struggling over her words.

 _I hear you Rei. The two of us need to get out more_ he thought.

 _ **You still don't get it, do you?**_

 _Go away!_

"That reminds me, I still need to teach you how to cook. I'm really sorry about waiting so long. I can teach you make ramen if you want" Shinji said.

Rei seemed to consider that, the strange pale girl tilting her head at him, before nodding. "I would like that" she said slowly.

"Great. I can- … ah Mari!" Shinji said laughing as his girlfriend-ish, partner... whatever they were, started to grab food from his bowl again.

Rei watched the two of them laughing as they got each other back, the pale girl noticing that her only real friend in the world seemed to smile more when he was around Mari.

"You have your own bowl" Shinji was laughing even as he got her back by taking a few noodles of her ramen.

"Yeah but I want to eat _your_ ramen, dummy" Mari teased him nonchalantly.

"He's a growing boy. Both of you act your age" Misato said putting a stop to their little game, and hardly believing she of all people had to be the mature one.

Mari touched his arm noting his lack of any real muscle saying "yup, a growing boy. You should order him a second bowl."

"Hey, I'm only 14." Shinji said in his defense.

"Wimp, I'm stronger than you" Asuka said from further down.

"... probably" Shinji admitted partly glum/joking, tonight all of them seemed to filled with an energy they couldn't explain. Even his tension with Asuka seemed to be at all time low. That said, there was reason the two of them sat so far apart from each other. He still didn't know if he and Asuka were friends exactly, but they were partners so they had to spend time together.

Regardless, maybe Mari was onto something about the 'high' after an successful Eva piloting run.

"Shinji is not weak. He has taken down Angels. We all have." Rei added in suddenly.

"Whatever" Asuka muttered rolling her eyes as Shinji nodded his thanks to Rei.

"My boy stopped a freaking nuke! That's hardcore! … and you should really buy him another bowl of ramen Misato" Mari said going through various stages of excitement, teasing, joyful, and semi seriousness in the same breath.

"If you plan on taking his food again, then that's a 'no.' Order another bowl yourself" Misato told Mari. Shinji's guardian crossing her arms as at the coy look Mari was given her.

"Fine. Waiter!" Mari called pulling out her Nerv issued credit card, unlike the other pilots she had no restrictions on her funds. Mari was free to spend her money the way she wanted to, the benefits of being emancipated.

Shinji laughed at the look on Misato's face, obviously she hadn't expected Mari to actually order a second bowl.

He was just 'happy' that they were all getting along more of less. He missed 'this', being around other people more or less his own age too. Being out and about, not stuck in the stupid apartment all day and night. He felt more normal despite the events of the past few hours.

 _ **For what it's worth. Enjoy this moment for now. It is hard, but 'this' cannot last.**_ The thing in his head stirred. Sounding tired for once.

 _Ah! Why do you hate me!_

 _ **I do not hate you. I have never hated you.**_ The thing in his head stirred. The strange voice coming out tired and haggard, weary even. That alone unsettled him.

 _You just want me to be miserable. Ugh, I'm not supposed to talk to it._

 _ **Yet you are talking to me. How long will you keep denying what I am? Deep down, you know that I have never been wrong. You know that Page is wrong about you. It's why you never liked that 'doctor'.**_

"Thanks Mari" Shinji said as the waiter placed another bowl of ramen on the table for him and his girlfriend. He had chosen not to talk to the thing in his head at the moment, maybe life would be better this way.

Apparently, choosing to ignore the thing in his head was the wrong decision on Shinji's part.

 _ **And who says you deserve a better life yet? Hmm, what makes you think you've earned that yet? Tell me boy, what makes you so special?**_

 _I fought the Angels. Leave me alone-_

 _ **That is your duty. What you're supposed to do. You're saying you would not fight the Angels unless you were given a reward? You would not save a life unless you were given special treatment?**_

 _What?! That's not-_

 _ **Would you give special treatment to a father for caring for their child? It is the duty of the father to be there for their child. Shinji, I'd have thought you'd understand by now. A man who does a good deed only in the expectation of a reward is not a good man.**_

 _I- that's not the same!_ Shinji thought.

 _ **I thought you were a good man. Was I wrong? Are you truly that selfish?**_

 _You're impossible! That's not fair!_

 _ **Why not?**_

 _I'm a kid!_

 _ **You sure whine like one. Crying over trivial things.**_

 _You- gah! Just leave me alone! Why can't I just have this!_ Shinji thought getting angry.

 _ **Because you are not like other people. It is hard, but you are different. Different even from the other pilots. You have a long road to walk.**_

 _You just hate me..._

 _ **No... I have never hated you. You are still too young to understand, but you will one day. You will. Ah, the young are so foolish. So short sighted. Go then, I will leave you be. Enjoy the moment... while you can**_

 _What is that supposed to be mean?_

 _..._

Meanwhile, two very patient women had been trying to talk to our Shinji.

"Earth to Shinji. Hello. Hellllllooooo" Misato said tapping Shinji on the shoulder.

The boy did not acknowledge her.

"He's been doing that since he was kid. _Giggle_ he gets lost in his head or something. Wonder what he thinks about when he's in 'Shinji time'." Mari said sighing.

Misato waved her hand in front of Shinji, still he did not notice. Mari leaned into his ear, and shouted "Shinji!"

"Gah?!" Shinji jumped nearly falling from his chair.

Mari burst out laughing as she remembered a certain scrawny kid almost falling from his chair, remembered that day in the ward cafeteria so long ago. From the look on Shinji's face, she could tell he remembered too.

"Sorry. I blanked out there for a second" Shinji said awkwardly.

Mari put an arm around his shoulder saying "you gotta learn to relax more."

* * *

 _Elsewhere  
_ _Antarctica_

"After all this time, and we found it. " Kozo Fuyutsuki said in awe.

"Indeed" Gendo said slowly.

 **The Spear of Longinus.**

The massive alien object that had stopped the Second Impact from destroying all life on the planet, and that had been lost for all these years until now. It was, for all its mystery and power, rather 'simple' in its design. An enormous staff with a long sharp point on its end. Entirely red, and almost as tall as an Evangelion when propped up. The research team had dug it out of the ice and freezing cold water, the water that had turned dark red ever since the events of the Second Impact. Almost no ocean life remained here anymore, another side effect of the incident all those years ago. Now they'd re-discovered it.

The two men stood below deck of the transport ship, the massive spear held in a shipping container that had been left partially open so it would fit inside. The spear that had pierced the torso of the First Angel Adam, and that had saved mankind from his wraith during the events of the Second Impact.

"With this, we have our contingencies." Fuyutsuki said admiring the strange object before them. The Spear was massive, longer in its height than even an Evangelion but relative thin.

It was made of some unknown material that was 'unbreakable', and of a substance that did not match _any_ element on the periodic table.

Truly a work of something not human, forged with knowledge that dwarfed mankind's understanding of material sciences, mechanical and electrical engineering, as well as physics. The Spear had no known source of power, yet reports of the Second Impact claim that it had vibrated upon striking Adam, and that a strange humming sound could be heard before the First Angel had exploded.

It did not rust or take damage, and the Spear was also resistant to temperatures on both extremes, neither heating it nor cooling it would ever damage it, the strange material always cool to the touch with no exceptions. Not even the force exerted by the Second Impact had left a dent on its surface. The Spear's mere existence laughed in the face of all known facets of mankind's science and knowledge.

 _So beautiful, the researchers whom first found it spent years trying to study it with little results. Then they found the First Angel... waking him in the ice. At the time, no one was sure that the Spear could even stop Adam. The research team was running out of time, Adam had woken and they did the only thing they could think of. They launched the Spear against Adam. Those brave men and women saved the entire human race that day on a gamble_ hethought.

Fuyutsuki could not say if he would have been brave enough to do what those researchers had. Choosing not to turn and run, but to sacrifice their lives in the hope that they could stop Adam.

So many had died that day, all over the world, and Adam was not defeated. Only delayed. For the First Angel was truly immortal. Unable to die, the only solution being to contain him and stop his regenerative powers.

"Yui always wanted to see it in person. She would have marveled at it." Gendo said in a soft voice. His expression hidden behind his tinted glasses.

Fuyutsuki glanced back at the man. _A rare moment of emotion..._ hethought but said nothing.

"We have it, that's all that matters" Gendo said flatly.

He turned to leave. The Nerv Commander reached into his pocket telling Kozo to go on without him for now, that he had a certain phone call to make. A cargo plane would be meeting them to take the Spear, along with Nerv's commander and sub-commander, shortly. But, it would take them time to get make back to Tokyo-03.

* * *

 _Back with Misato and the gang.  
_ _Tokyo-03_

"Yes sir, thank you sir" Misato was saying into her phone.

 _Who is she even talking to?_ Shinji thought even as he was finishing his second bowl of ramen with Mari 'helping' him.

"A few hours? Nerv will prepare a landing strip for you and your plane. I- yes sir. Of course" Misato said stilling at whatever the other person had told her on the phone.

Asuka was going on and on about she hadn't even been scared when they'd stopped the Angel with their AT Fields, choosing not to mention that Shinji had managed to hold it back _by himself_ for almost a minute. All whilst an out of place Rei calmly nibbled at her food and Mari listened on rolling her eyes.

 _What a strange day. Never thought the four of us would be hanging out like a couple of normal teenagers._ Shinji thought the shadow of a smile on his face.

Mari had grabbed his hand softly under the table while Misato wasn't looking, and Shinji squeezed her hand back too. He had never really thought he'd have things like this in his life, but his life had changed a lot these past few months.

"Shinji. It's your father. He wants to talk to you" Misato said turning to look at him, slowly getting the words out of her mouth. She was holding her phone anxiously for him to take.

The table went silent, even Asuka stopped bragging, as Shinji took that in.

Nervously, Shinji took Misato's phone and put it to his ear. "Hello" he said in a low quite voice, the palms of his hands sweating.

 _Am I in trouble again? What does he want?_ Shinji thought.

"Hello... Shinji. I've had reports of the incident tonight. I heard that you held the Angel back by yourself for sometime. Impressive. Good work" Gendo said over the phone.

The man's voice, almost emotionless. Like he was reading a script he'd prepared before hand, and Shinji froze not sure what to say. Maybe if he was younger he'd have jumped at those words, his heart might have raced and he might have even smiled, but there were times Shinji did not feel his age. Times where he almost felt older. Tonight was such a time.

"... Thank you... sir" Shinji told his father. He spoke in almost the same tone, flat and as if reading from a script.

 _CLICK_

Gendo had hanged up on his end.

Shinji handed the phone back to Misato and returned to eating his second bowl of ramen. Everyone was staring at him, so he froze with a few noodles stuck in his mouth mid bite.

"What?" Shinji managed to say with his mouth full of food whilst the others stared at him.

"What did he want?" Misato asked.

"Are you being punished again?" Rei said with a tilt of her head.

"Is he mad at us?" Asuka scowled.

"He's being a dick again isn't he?" Mari asked her eyes growing cold.

The four women speaking at the same time and making it hard to understand, but Shinji got the gist of what they were asking.

"He said 'good job' and then he hung up" Shinji said swallowing the rest of his noodles.

"... that's it?" Misato asked slowly.

"I don't think he meant it. I don't think he cares about me, not really." Shinji said not looking at the others. His eyes empty and flat, without emotion, almost like his father really.

The awkward silence continued Shinji as returned to his food. "Don't worry about it, we're eating dinner" Shinji added as he noticed Misato still looking his way.

"Forget him" Asuka said scowling slightly before returning to her food. Asuka hadn't forgotten the last time Gendo had called her 'child', brushing her off like she wasn't a prodigy and one of the best pilots.

Shinji managed a small chuckle at that as Mari patted him on the shoulder, and together they went back to sharing his bowl of ramen.

Misato was watching him eat his food with Mari, but Shinji was okay. Really, he was. He knew which people cared about him. Either way, trust Gendo to ruin the mood on a night out.

…

Gendo sat with Fuyutsuki in the private cabin aboard cargo plane, having booted up his personal laptop and opened the encrypted files. He clicked the file he was looking for and gazed at the scanned drawing displayed on his computer.

 **A crude drawing of the Spear amid a sea of red and white, ice and the 'affected' water. Another prediction proven true over the years.**

Shinji had been very crude in his drawings as a child in the mental ward, often not understanding what the drawings were or what they meant. The boy had called the Spear a 'stick with a point on its end' and could not explain what its relevance was. Still, the child had successively drawn a second set of the Dead Sea Scrolls that was arguably more accurate than the one SEELE had spent years and untold resources piecing together and translating.

"How many times will you be right, Shinji?" Gendo whispered to himself. Staring at the drawing of the Spear.

* * *

 _Several hours later  
_ _Misato's apartment_

It was the dead of night when the Other Shinji stirred. The dead of night when he departed from Shinji's room to find his place on the apartment balcony. He was careful not to wake Misato or Asuka, he always tried to be as fast as possible.

Other stood on the balcony, feeling the soft wind brush against his face and reaching out with his senses. It had to be today or someday soon, or else Gendo wouldn't have left on his trip.

To an outsider, the Other Shinji appeared to be praying on the balcony. For over an hour the Other Shinji stood still as a statue, until suddenly... Other snapped his eyes open wide.

Seeming to come to life as he breathed in and out. _It_ was near.

" **Hello old friend. You will not remember me, but I remember you** " Other Shinji whispered into the cold night air. His hand raised.

…

Elsewhere, a cargo plane was gliding down and preparing to land at Nerv HQ. The cargo plane carrying the Spear of Longinus...

The pilots suddenly found that the guiding systems and other instruments on their plane started to distort and go haywire. They still had control of the plane, but these 'disturbances' made them go on edge as they did their best to stay in contact with their team waiting for them on the ground. Their radios suddenly filled with static and sharp hisses, the signal having trouble getting through.

In the cargo bay, the Spear stirred almost as if it was _alive_. It started vibrating, and a strange humming sound began to emanate from the strange material. The sound could heard from almost the entire plane.

Gendo rose from his spot in the aircraft cabin, Fuyutsuki stirred as he heard the strange sound as well.

"Disturbances in electromagnetism... humming... the Spear..." Fuyutsuki said an edge to his voice as Gendo came to the same conclusion.

"Attention. We're experiences some issues with the guidance system. Do not be alarmed. We are already in the process of landing at Nerv HQ. Please remain seated" one of the pilots said into the intercomm for the crew to hear.

…

Other Shinji let out a haggard breath as he felt the tingling sensation in the tips of his fingertips. At long last Nerv or SEELE, he didn't care which, had recovered the Spear.

 _ **Took them long enough** _ Other Shinji thought. The boy Shinji had been stupid enough to draw them an actual picture of the Spear's location and it _still_ had taken them years to find it.

 _ **The boy keeps making mistakes. I could stop him. It would be so simple. Perhaps I am too harsh, but then again... I need to be. I can never decided how much to intervene, it's still too soon. I could make things worse if I'm not careful**_ the Other Shinji thought, considering recent events.

He lowered his hand.

...

Then as suddenly as the disturbances had started, they vanished. The pilots breathed sighs of relief as their guidance systems started to function properly again, and they ended up landing the plane as usual.

Once they'd landed, Gendo acted quickly and used his authority to immediately inspect the Spear. Unfortunately, the Spear was just as much a mystery as it had always been. In the end, there was nothing to inspect as the strange object was very difficult to study. Ultimately, the Spear was placed in storage.

 _Adam and now this. Too many things we do not understand._ Fuyutsuki thought as he departed with Gendo.

...

When morning came, Shinji would have no memory of the Other Shinji's actions.

* * *

 _The next day_

Shinji found a pleasant surprise on his way to school. He'd woken up later than normal, why had he been so tired lately? And he'd almost forgotten to make lunch for himself and Asuka, but he had managed to even though she'd had left before him as usual.

But then Mari had shown up on that bike of hers, driving at a slow steady pace when she'd spotted him walking around the spot where he usually met with Rei on the way to school.

He smiled softly as she drove her bike in a u-turn to trot beside him as he walked, the hum of her bike's engine helping him wake up.

"Hey there dummy" Mari said smirking at him as she drove at his pace.

"Hey there yourself" Shinji said. He was trying to be... what was the word? _Smooth,_ but somehow he thought he hadn't quite gotten it down. The two of them made such an unusual sight, Shinji in his school uniform and Mari in her t-shirt, brown leather jacket, jeans, and on her bike. They looked like complete opposites.

"Come on, you can do better than that" Mari said proving his thoughts.

"I really can't" Shinji admitted with a soft chuckle, feeling a little embarrassed but knowing the tease for what it was.

"One of these days, I really need to teach you how to flirt" Mari said teasingly.

"Hey, I'm still new at all this" Shinji said sounding a bit whiny even to himself. Mari was very 'sweet' with him at times, but he was under no illusions of their 'experiences'. Mari had 'done' far more than he had, he knew Misato thought that was a bad thing but Shinji didn't care. Mari was Mari.

"I'm just messing with you. There was a time where I couldn't flirt for shit either, a time where I couldn't kiss to save my life. You're not doing so bad." Mari said offering him a quick smirk of her lips that almost made Shinji trip.

"Gah" Shinji stumbled as Mari brought her hand out to help him as she laughed. _She did that purpose... damn she got me good_ Shinji thought starting to laugh even as his face went warm.

That movement of her lips had made his heart start pounding as he remembered the night they'd spent in his room, 'making out' for the first time. He really was glad Misato hadn't walked in on them until morning, otherwise she'd have never let him live it down.

"I don't suppose you're here to give me a ride?" Shinji asked having 'calmed down' by then.

"I could do that, but then we'd have even less time to chat" Mari said simply. He hadn't thought of that but it was true, there was a reason she'd only been keeping pace with him when her bike was _far_ faster..

Mari seemed to slow her bike down as she got oddly serious and almost sad, a rare thing for her, as she spoke in a lower voice saying "we don't see each other enough." She sped up her bike again almost passing Shinji up, but keeping pace with him.

"If it wasn't for this stupid house arrest we could... could... I don't know. Just _see_ each other more" Shinji said feeling a surge of anger towards his father and the military.

" _Giggle._ You just want to make out again" Mari said coolly.

Shinji blushed saying "maybe... just a little."

 _ **You're letting what's in your pants do the thinking for you. Stop that.**_ The thing in his head stirred. A warning?

 _Go away_ he thought.

Mari was laughing with him again, man he was glad Misato hadn't seen that.

"Come on, you think they'd make a fuss if you missed another day of school?" Mari asked.

Shinji paused at that, thinking it over. He really wanted to skip school and spend the day with Mari instead, but he knew Misato would get after him. And even worse, Nerv. Gendo had told him that if he did anything like that, then they'd put an ankle monitor on him.

"I really _really_ want to." Shinji began.

"But-" Mari interrupted with a knowing look.

"But I can't. With the house arrest... skipping school would make things worse. And I don't think I could take being cooped up in the apartment anymore, I can only clean so many times. Besides... school is... important. I should go whenever I can" Shinji said thinking over his words carefully.

Mari momentarily marveled at how 'mature' her boyfriend, semi-sibling, whatever they were, could be at times.

"You're such a goody two shoes" Mari said coyly. Shinji frowned at that adding "you say that like it's a bad thing?"

"Nah, I think it makes you... cute" Mari said looking for the right word as they moved in pace with each other down the side walk.

"Cute?" Shinji said. He wasn't sure if that was compliment or not. Mari seemed to know what he was thinking, and reached a hand over to run through his hair.

"It means you're better than me, dummy. I like that about you" Mari said softly, no tease or smirk on her face as she spoke. She was only ever 'real' with him, no one else.

Shinji slowly smiled saying "you're still way cooler than me." He gestured at the motorbike she was riding to keep pace with his meager walking speed.

"Oh definitely. _Way_ cooler than you" Mari teased, going back to her 'normal' self.

"You don't have to rub it in" Shinji said with a chuckle as he shook his head. "I know, but I wanted to" Mari said punching him playfully on the arm.

 _ **Listen. Rei is waiting for you up ahead. Don't ignore her again**_

 _Rei- what?_ Shinji thought.

 _ **She's been up ahead waiting for you the whole time. You didn't notice because you don't pay attention when Mari's around.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _What happened to 'I'll leave you be'. Leave me alone_ he thought.

"Hey Rei" Shinji said in greeting as Mari 'hovered' behind him on her bike.

"Shinji" Rei said looking at Mari and then at Shinji in turn. The strange pale girl was dressed in her school uniform and Shinji thought she seemed very... 'stiff'. Something about the way she was talking to them.

"Hey Rei, what happened? You don't greet your Eva partner?" Mari said smiling at the younger girl, she had a habit of smiling when Shinji was around. Shinji did the same in Mari's presence.

"Hello, Mari" Rei said slowly.

"Still don't like me. Eh, fine. Just saying, we are Eva Team Two. Least we could do is be friendly." Mari said with a soft sigh. She had parked her bike so they could talk.

Shinji looked between the two girls, Rei tilting her head at that and staring unblinkingly at Mari for a moment before turning to Shinji. "We are running late. It is better if we find the bus stop, and ride the rest of the way" the strange pale girl said.

Mari watched Rei as the pale girl spoke. "Rei's right. I'll see you around Shinji, house arrest is almost over" the older girl said wrapping an arm around him in a light hug.

"Bye Mari" Shinji said beaming up at her as Mari started her bike up again. She leaned in and rested her forehead atop his for a brief moment, just like she used to when they were kids, before starting to drive off.

Shinji would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed, some part of him had hoped for a kiss goodbye but maybe he wasn't suppose to do that. Damn, he wished he knew more about relationships. Is it the guy or the girl's job to start the kiss? Maybe it was better this way, something were just 'awkward' with other people around, even if Rei was his friend. Speaking of Rei, she was watching him with that curious look of hers. He never could tell what she was thinking when she did that.

Suddenly Shinji was brought out of his thoughts when Mari shouted back from her bike as she drove off, calling out not to Shinji but to Rei, beaming and with a playful smirk planted on her face.

"Oh! And Rei, keep your hands to yourself. That dummy over there is taken." Mari called teasingly as she drove off waving Shinji goodbye.

Shinji gaped at his 'girlfriend' and her parting words, feeling slightly embarrassed at the whole thing. Mari just liked to play with him like that sometimes, but to drag Rei into it too? Whatever happened to that thing about somethings being 'awkward' with other people around?

Shinji did not understand girls at all. As for Rei, she only tilted her head at that. Seemingly unsure what to make of Mari's words either.

"Mari is a very strange" was all Rei said. Her voice empty and flat.

"She's not so bad. She's just teasing, been doing that since we were kids." Shinji said sighing as he shook his head.

"... we are running late Shinji" Rei said avoiding his gaze as she grabbed a hold of the sleeve of his shirt and started walking for the bus stop.

"Hey- Rei I can walk" Shinji said surprised as Rei tugged him gently along. Shinji only managing to pull himself free once he kept pace with her.

Hurrying along, the two of them made it just in time to reach the bus as it stopped. A part of him did wonder why Rei was in such a hurry to get to school, but she was his friend and probably just looking out for him.

 _ **You just don't get it. Do you? Even now after all the good you've done for Rei. And now you do this to her, how cruel.**_ The thing in his head stirred, even as he and Rei got on the bus.

 _Go away or I'm taking my meds_ Shinji thought, hurrying forward and saving a seat for him and Rei. He wouldn't let this ruin his day, it was already off to a good start.

* * *

 _School_

"Shinji's in a good mood today. Its so strange to seem him like that" Hikari said watching her semi-friend from a distance as they were let out for their physical education classes. Track for the boys and swimming for the girls.

"Mmm" Asuka muttered as she and Hikari headed for the changing room with all the girls.

Rei walked past them wordlessly, that girl was always so quiet Hikari noticed. She'd have thought the strange pale girl would be glad that Shinji was in a better mood, he seemed to be her only real friend.

 _It's rude to pry. Not my business_ Hikari thought as she followed after Asuka.

…

"Seriously. Did you get a peek at Misato in the shower or something? You been beaming the entire day" Toji said as he ran track with Shinji and Kensuke.

"What? No, of course not" Shinji said a bit taken aback by that.

"He's got a point Shinji. Was it something to do with the Evas?" Kensuke asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement as he imagined the massive machines. Despite seeing how hard piloting could be, the boy had never completely given up his fascination with them.

"It's personal. I'll tell you later" Shinji said. He wasn't entirely sure where to begin with 'relationships' or even how to describe them. He figured he'd tell his friends later, for now he was just glad to be out of the house and able to see his friends again.

Toji and Kensuke shared a look. _Pilots, always gotta be the weird ones_ the boys thought as they exchanged glances.

"Hey?! What was that about?" Shinji asked with a raised eyebrow seeing the exchange between the two boys.

"Its personal" Toji and Kensuke said, parroting Shinji with a small grin.

Shinji shook his head grinning at that as they jogged along with the other students. Class had pretty boring as usual, so he was glad to get some fresh airs with the others. He even 'raced' with Toji for once, and of course lost.

Toji left Shinji lying in the distance. The faster boy smirking back at them as Shinji stayed back with Kensuke. It wasn't even close, Shinji may have been a 'good' pilot but he wasn't exactly an athletic like Toji was.

In the end, Toji had helped Shinji up and together the three friends had gone to rest on the bleachers when the coach called them back. It didn't really matter that Shinji lost, he hadn't actually thought he could out run Toji, it was just good to be back with people his own age.

…

From there, the rest of the day went about as usual. Shinji eating lunch with his friends whilst Rei joined them like she usually did. She never really seemed to talk much, just liked to listen and sit beside Shinji until she was asked a question.

But things took a turn when Shinji was called out of class in the late afternoon near the end of school, Misato had come to pick up him. Checking him out of school, at least he'd stayed most of the day. He'd missed enough school already.

Shinji sat waiting for Misato to finish the paperwork in the chairs outside the main office. He had already gotten his things together and packed them in his backpack, he sat listening to his SDAT player wondering what was going on.

When Misato left the office she gestured for him to follow her "let's go Shinji. I'll explain on the way."

"It's not an Angel is it?" Shinji asked nervous as he got up, put his SDAT player back in his backpack, and followed after his guardian. Misato was still dressed in her usual work clothes, shorts, and jacket, but she carried herself like she going to court or something. Stiff, and she had that look that meant she was worried about him.

"No" Misato said as the two of them left the through the front door. _Of course it's not an Angel, Rei and Asuka would have been checked out too_ he thought.

They made it to her car and Misato was unlocking the doors for them when she told him.

"Gendo wants you to meet him at your mother's grave" Misato said suddenly.

"... what?" Shinji asked. Misato got in her car and Shinji was numb as he walked around and got into the passenger's seat.

"I know it's sudden and a terrible thing to just spring on you, but he's the commander and things always go his way. Shinji, did he mention anything about this earlier? On the phone when we were celebrating the other night?" Misato asked.

She started her car and got them out of the parking lot as they spoke.

"No. He just called, said 'good work' then hanged up. We don't speak much... you know-" Shinji stared.

"I know. Gendo is a cold man" Misato interrupted. _More like a massive dick who can barely remember his son's name at times_ she thought.

 _My fath... Gendo wants me to meet him at mom's grave. I- mom. Mom_ Shinji thought struggling to get a handle on all this. What a terrible idea to spring this all on him.

"Shinji?" Misato asked frowning at him. She'd thought he'd be annoyed at being forced to leave his friends at school again, but the boy was doing that thing again were he didn't talk about what was bothering him until forced to.

"I never been there. I've never even seen the grave." Shinji said slowly.

 _This is such a strange day. Was going great until Gendo had to interrupt... but it's mom. It's mom... and I don't think I can refuse_ he thought.

Misato glanced at him not sure what to say. She had to pay attention to traffic but somehow she thought there had to be a reason Gendo was doing this. Right? Shinji knew Misato was thinking the same thing as him, if Gendo wanted to 'be better' or else 'get closer with his son' then it was probably too little too late.

Or was there something else to this? Did Gendo just suddenly remember he had a heart, somehow both of them doubted that. Either way, Gendo was commander of Nerv. People followed his orders and even the house arrest was 'bent' so Shinji could meet with him.

"... then go for your mother." Misato said softly.

She'd been reading more of the files on Shinji since the hearing, and she knew that his former doctor, Page, had noted that he had a strong attachment to his deceased mother. Most of the files were sealed though, Nerv was so paranoid that even Misato couldn't see most of his medical files. Only basic overviews of his past and known traits.

"Yeah... I'll go to see mom." Shinji said slowly.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _At Yui's grave_

Shinji met his father at the graveyard as ordered to. Gendo had dressed in his usual black attire. Did the man ever anything else?

He wished he could have been here with Misato instead. She was more a parent to him than Gendo had ever been, Misato wasn't perfect but she tried. That was more than could be said for most of the adults in his life.

But no, Misato had parked out in the lot and told him she'd been 'ordered' to stay behind. Shinji would have to go meet his father on his own. He wondered if it was 'right' to be mad at his father for that, but Shinji was.

He wanted to be here, to see his mother's grave after all this time. He'd never really known he'd wanted it until now when it was happening. But come on, Gendo was a grown man. Couldn't the man have told him days in advance and when there was no school. To just take him away like that annoyed Shinji.

In the end, Shinji came to see his mother. Not his 'father'.

Shinji walked the along the empty field of graves in the massive yard. He'd spotted his father standing over a lone grave in the distance, and started heading for the man.

Gendo said nothing as he approached. The man barely even looked at him as he arrived, figures. Shinji turned from his father's detached gaze and instead focused on the tombstone of his mother.

 _Yui Ikari.  
_ _Beloved wife and mother_

Shinji stared at the grave markers, and felt his hands trembling as he reached down to trace the engravings.

He had never been here before. Never been allowed to visit the grave of his mother. Shinji had started to develop his 'condition' shortly after his mother had died in some science experiment that he didn't know much about it. Shinji struggled to remember his mother even after all these years, but those memories that he could still hold onto were cherished and worth more than anything in the world to him.

"Mom..." Shinji whispered kneeling down. His voice trembled when he spoke, he couldn't help it.

This lost bond. He remembered his mother's touch so vividly even now, remembered her cradling him as a baby. From the few memories he had of Yui Ikari, he knew that she had loved him. Truly loved him as only a mother could love her son. Holding him with the gentle hands that only a mother could have.

Gendo said nothing as Shinji felt long buried emotions resurface. Only watched his son in his display of open sorrow.

"You don't have many memories of her, do you?" Gendo asked at last. The grown man standing still as a statue over his son, his expression hidden behind tinted glasses.

"A few. I know she loved me. I know she did. But I- I can't see her face anymore... I don't even have a picture" Shinji said managing to get the words out. His lips trembled as he spoke.

He was anxious of being alone with his father, they had no real love for each other. But this chance had been too good to leave behind, for him to see Yui's grave.

"Why did you spring this on me so fast?" Shinji asked not really looking at Gendo, but distant and cold much like the man before him.

"Because I felt you needed to see her." Gendo said plainly. Even now, he spoke plainly with barely a hint of emotion. But Shinji heard the undertone in his father's voice, proof that even Gendo Ikari was human. Human only for Yui and no one else... not even his son.

"I- what she was like?" Shinji said staring at the grave of his mother. He couldn't bring himself to face his father even here.

"Yui was the most brilliant person I ever knew. She was smarter than me, smarter than most people actually. I learned many things from her" Gendo said simply.

Shinji closed his eyes and placed a hand on the grave, trying to feel something, anything. But his mother was dead, and he only felt the cold stone.

"I can't believe she's really here. That she's been resting her all this time. It's hard to remember her face, why can't I remember." Shinji said slowly. That severed bond, that feeling of warmth from the memories of his mother... it wasn't here. He could remember it, could cling to it, but this was just a grave no matter how much he wished otherwise.

"Burying memories is how mankind survives, but there are things a man should never forget. Yui taught me that one irreplaceable thing. I come here once a year to remember those words." Gendo said simply.

 _So cold. Coming here to remember a lesson and not the person? So cruel. He had to have cared about her... I heard it in his voice moments ago._ Shinji thought.

"Do have any pictures of her?" Shinji asked slowly. He had never asked his father for anything, but if there was something he would have wanted, that would have been it.

"None. Even this grave is just a decoration. There is no corpse. Nothing remains anymore." Gendo said simply.

 _There's not even a corpse? What happened to you mom? Why would no one tell me? Even in the ward no one could tell me, and he never visited_ Shinji thought darkly.

"How can you do this? How can you just... just cast everything away?" Shinji said shaking his head in disbelief.

"I keep everything in my heart. I'm satisfied with that." Gendo said sternly.

Shinji stood and turned away from the grave to look at his father instead. The two of them had the entire graveyard to themselves, the privilege of Nerv and its commander.

"Why didn't you ever visit me in the ward?" Shinji asked suddenly. He didn't cry, didn't stumble over his words. He was flat and empty just like his father. He wanted to know. What had he done to Gendo? Why had his father never cared for him?

Gendo shifted his hands behind his back, remembering the day he _had_ visited Shinji in the ward. The boy had been 11 years old and in a coma of sorts, and having woken after about a week. He and Page had been talking behind the observation window, with Shinji none the wiser.

"There was no point. What could I have done to make things better? What could have I said? It was better that way. You're old enough to know that by now" Gendo said simply. Logical, so cold in stark contrast to the few memories Shinji had of his mother.

 _What would I have even said to him? Maybe he's right and it was better that way, but damn... that had hurt. Teacher tried to make me feel better, but at the end of the day that nice man was still collecting a check for all his work_ Shinji thought.

Shinji looked away unable to meet his father's gaze, so he turned to the grave and remembered his mother instead.

"Our time is up. I am very busy man. Continue your work with the Eva. Goodbye Shinji" Gendo said suddenly.

 _That's it? All this trouble for a few minutes out here? All I get is a few minutes with mom? What did I do to you Gendo_ Shinji thought.

A helicopter was flying over them, the sharp chirping of the aircraft filling the air above. No doubt Misato was watching from the lot, annoyed at Gendo using his power to get personal flights.

"Bye" Shinji said. Well, what could he expect from his father? He didn't watch Gendo turn to leave, didn't even bother to watch him head for the helicopter as it started to land nearby.

Gendo started heading for the helicopter when suddenly a voice stopped him in his tracks.

" **You never learn, do you Gendo?** " The Other Shinji said suddenly. His voice cold and with an edge that carried across the graveyard.

Gendo stilled, no child should have a voice like that. Sorrowful and cold, bittersweet.

The man turned to glance at his son looming over Yui's grave.

" **Tell me, do you actually believe any of the garbage that comes out of your mouth**?"

"Excuse me?" Gendo said a flicker of annoyance in his tone.

" **Do you really believe any of the crap you just said? I don't think you do. I think you're a liar. Lying even to yourself. Telling yourself that you're 'happy' and 'satisfied' with only the memories. But you're not.** " Other Shinji said. The boy turning to meet the gaze of Gendo Ikari with empty hollow eyes that unnerved the older man.

"Boy-" Gendo began.

" **You wall yourself off from everything and everyone. Ignoring your own son to chase after a ghost. As if you were the only one to ever feel pain. Don't make me laugh** " Other Shinji said harshly.

Gendo felt his hands clench into his fists. How dare this 'boy' mock him. He felt himself losing his cool for once, something that even SEELE had not been able to do to him.

"What are you?" Gendo asked coldly.

" **You know what I am, father. I'm your son.** " Other Shinji said simply. His voice eerily calm as he stared at Gendo unblinkingly.

Before Gendo could reply, the Other Shinji raised a hand and pointed his thumb to the grave behind him. " **And I am the son of Yui Ikari too.** " the Other Shinji added coolly.

The air around them in the graveyard seemed to still as the two stared each other down. Gendo often wondered what had happened to Shinji. What had caused the condition and strange outbursts, but to see it in person unnerved him.

The Other Shinji pointed a finger at Gendo and taunted " **but let's talk about** _ **you**_ **.** "

 _What are you?_ Gendo thought darkly as he felt the urge to flee, but managed to resist it.

" **Poor you, you lost someone close to you. Ha. Everybody's lost someone. You think you're the only person whose known lost? Whose felt pain? Everyone has felt pain.** " the Other Shinji taunted. His eyes unblinkingly and cold.

"I would not expect you to understand-"

" **Understand what? Pain? I've felt pain. More than you can even imagine. Yet 'Gendo Ikari' just** _ **has**_ **to be so special. So** _ **important**_ **. Using everything and everyone around him. Closing himself off from the world. Telling himself that he does not need 'emotions' and that it is better to be alone rather than to get hurt or hurt others. Choosing to bury himself in his work and scheme away for years. Chasing after the ghost of a woman whom he knows never truly loved him. Lying to yourself. When really, you're scared Gendo. Scared of the truth.** " Other Shinji said coldly.

He never shouted, never even raised his voice. Yet Other Shinji's voice carried above everything.

Gendo Ikari walked over, hands balled into fists, and loomed over his son. "Be quiet boy. I-" he began before Other interrupted him.

" **You know that you will never see her again. Don't you get it Gendo? Yui Ikari is dead. She's gone and she won't come back. There is _nothing_ you can do to change that.** " Other Shinji said softly.

Gendo flinched back as if struck. Almost panting at the coldness behind Other Shinji's words.

"Shut up" Gendo whispered harshly to his son. His breath controlled and still, his facade of stoic reserve breaking at these words.

" **How pathetic.** **Grow up, Gendo. Yui wasn't perfect. She was human, not the idol you pretend she was. All these years and you haven't grown. Haven't learned to move past the pain, clinging to less than a memory. Making excuses for everything you've done.** " Other Shinji said.

"Shut up!" Gendo said. He raised a hand trying to slap his son hard across the face.

 _SNATCH_

Instead Gendo froze as the Other Shinji snatched his hand midstrike with a surprising amount of strength. It was incredible how fast the boy had moved, his hand having appeared where it was in the blink of an eye. Gendo tried to pull his hand back but found Other Shinji's grip unbreakable.

"Ghh" Gendo hissed in shock.

" **You will never see her again** " Other Shinji said softly. At the same time he reached his thumb across Gendo's palm and felt no strange bumps or irregularities.

 _ **Still normal. Afraid aren't you? You haven't transplanted Adam into your hand yet. Gendo, you idiot. You're messing with dangerous forces that you do not understand.** **All of you are wrong. SEELE or Nerv, it makes no difference. You all know nothing.**_ The Other Shinji thought darkly.

Shinji stepped back blinking in surprise, he'd dosed off for a second or something. Next thing he knew _his father had tried to slap him_... and somehow Shinji had caught the man's hand before it reached his face.

He stumbled back shoving his father's hand away in shock.

"You tried to slap me... you-" Shinji said in disbelief as he stared at Gendo.

Gendo himself seemed to shrink as his hand was released, slumping his shoulders and wincing back as if he'd been the one hurt. He had lost his cool. Something that hadn't happened in years. And then there was Shinji... all this time and the boy still surprised him. This strange thing that was Shinji Ikari, the thing that even SEELE did not understand.

"We will never speak of this" Gendo said turning his back on Shinji.

The Nerv pilots were staring at the scene from afar, the helicopter waiting patiently for Gendo but the pilots having seen the entire thing. Having seen what appeared to be father and son arguing before father had tried to strike son.

"You did not see anything. This did not happen." Gendo told the stunned pilots as he entered the helicopter. The pilots nodded slowly and went back to their jobs, the small aircraft taking off as it fast as it could.

Shinji staring at his father left him again, watching as Gendo flew away after having tried to slap him.

…

Misato was angry as hell when she heard what had happened, heard that Gendo had tried to slap his son. She was grateful that boy had stopped his father, but that was a whole new low for Gendo in her book. What kind of man was he to do that?

Shinji only shook his head trying to move on as Misato ranted. There was no love lost between him and Gendo, but this had been something else. Something worse. But Shinji would be alright, he had Misato, Mari, and the others.

And for Gendo? In the hours that followed he kept himself at a further distance to the people under his commander, more so than usual. He isolated himself, unnerved that the boy had managed to shake him so deeply. Had shaken him to his very core despite Shinji being a child.

 _Yui... what would you have made of this. Of what has happened to your son_ Gendo thought darkly as he went through his day.

* * *

 **Sort of an abrupt end. I know.**

 **I struggle a bit writing this chapter because I really wanted to focus on the character interactions whilst moving the timeline a bit further.**  
 **Showing more of Shinji's growth as well certain characteristics about Other. And some implied contrast between the changing Shinji vs Gendo.**

 **The whole taking food from each others plate thing is inspired by an old girlfriend of mine, she would take my fries hehe. And I thought it would be good to show some of Mari's effect on Shinji.**

 **I like to think Shinji is growing to be less mopey. I do have bad habit of overwriting, there was a version of this chapter that was literally twice as long but the pacing would have been bad so I altered it. Overall, I am happy with this chapter.**

 **There is still that tension with Shinji and Other. Their relationship is complex and there's still more to to it. Other is always interesting to write.  
Anyway, I've rambled enough.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	18. Ikari II

**Hey guys, back again.**  
 **I do sincerely apologize for the long wait between chapters, life got in the way.** **But I'm back.**

 **This is a very character heavy chapter(LONG) that moves the timeline up a bit at the same time. Stick with it, maybe read in parts if too long.  
Seriously, it might be better to read this chapter in parts.**

 **Thank you all for being patient with me, and thanks to the new readers for checking this fic out.**  
 **Here is chap 18: Ikari II**

* * *

" _In a better world, everyone would have the right to happiness. That's not the world we live in. Not the one you live in. Unhappiness is more common than happiness... and we have a job to do. There is no one else. You are not like the others, Shinji. You are different and your life has been hard. You have inherited a legacy of pain... "_

 _\- the broken man_

* * *

"Alright. Rei, sync is looking good. Just follow your orders and you'll be set" Ritsuko said into the comm.

Eva Unit 00 loomed over the lone scientist in the deepest parts of the Geofront, the hidden chambers inside Nerv known as Terminal Dogma. In the Eva's hand stood the Spear of Longinus, massive and mysterious, it had the power to potentially kill Angels and Evangelions alike.

"Understood" Rei said flatly. She was sitting in the entry plug of her Eva going through the motions and following Gendo's orders. She gripped the Spear tightly in her hand as the doors to Terminal Dogma were opened, the massive heavy doors parting as Nerv's secret was laid bare before her.

Rei did not care about it, did not even fully understand what it was. Gendo had given her orders and she would follow them, and she had lingering thoughts that caused her to have a strange emptiness inside her chest.

 _Shinji.._ Rei thought with a twinge she could not explain. A feeling in her heart, she blinked and pushed the thoughts of her only friend away.

Lilith, the Second Angel lay ahead nailed to a red backdrop that was the size of an Evangelion. Lilith was a tall humanoid being with flesh that was ghostly white save for a strange faceplate.

To Ritsuko watching below, the being was awe inspiring. The Second Angel whom had battled the First so long ago, the source of LCL, and the only Angel ever to be used for mankind's progress. The scientist staring at the beings imprisoned deep down in Nerv.

To Rei, the Second Angel was just another mission that she wasn't given details of.

"Go on Rei." Gendo suddenly called into her comm.

Rei did not bother to respond, instead she moved her Eva forward Spear in hand. Eva Unit 00 lifted the Spear up ready to impale it in Lilith's torso... but she stopped suddenly.

A strange tingling sensation in the tips of her fingertips.

Ritsuko frowned at the laptop in her hand, watching as the display seemed to distort and whine as if under a magnet. _Electromagnetic disturbances... the Spear_ Ritsuko thought glancing up at Rei and her Eva in shock.

"What is this?" Rei asked as she felt via the phantom sensations a soft humming. The Spear had started to vibrate.

"Rei. Do it now" Gendo called into the comm suddenly, watching from afar in his own private station above.

The strange pale girl did as commanded and stabbed the Spear into Lilith... and as the 'blade' sank into Lilith's flesh the vibration stopped.

"You will not speak of this to anyone. Not your fellow pilots. Not anyone else at Nerv. No one" Gendo said into Rei's comm.

"Yes sir" Rei said plainly. She wanted to go home already, she had school tomorrow and she wanted to get sleep.

Ritsuko was watching the Spear in fascination but Gendo got her attention, calling into her comm saying "assist Rei so she can go home. Then if you are free, meet me in my office."

"Yes sir" Ritsuko said glancing back at the older man watching from above. So it was another of those nights it seemed, well who had time for proper 'relationships' anyway.

…

Gendo watched the impaled Lilith from behind his tinted glasses. Nervously he looked down at his encrypted laptop and at the file opened. Another scanned image of Shinji's drawings.

A crude childlike picture of a humanoid figure, with only it's upper half torso, crucified to a cross with the spear impale in its flesh. Completely white save for its face. A drawing of Lilith.

 _Right again Shinji... how? Why did it have to be you?_ Gendo thought, his hand beginning to shake as he remembered the incident at the graveyard. The way the boy had spoken, how he had made Gendo lose his cool for the first time in years, and how quickly the boy had moved to stop Gendo's strike...

Another night with Dr. Akagi would calm him, he hated this feeling of weakness. He needed to 'relieve' it and purge himself of his nerves.

 _Forgive me Yui, I do not care for her. Only you, only ever you_ Gendo told himself.

…

And later that night, Ritsuko would find herself wondering just how things had come to this, being used and pushed aside. She might not have been a very warm person, but to say Gendo could be a cold man was an understatement. She told herself that relationships took too much time and effort to work, that it was just not worth it. Yet part of her started to doubt that too...

* * *

 _Morning  
Misato's Apartment_

Shinji sat at the breakfast table with his 'roommates' as Misato raged in hushed mumbles and Asuka only continued eating her food.

"Trying to hit a child... his own kid... damn him. He'll get away with it too, he has connections and power." Misato was grumbling to herself.

"Misato, stop. I'm okay. Just let it go... I don't think we'll ever talk again and maybe that's a good thing" Shinji said watching his guardian's unease.

"Sounds like a perk to me, your old man is a prick" Asuka muttered. She did not like these forced 'family meals' that Misato was still making them do, but she did add in a comment every now and then when conversing.

"Humph, I guess he always has been" Shinji said with a soft grunt. If he was younger, that might have hurt him but he was older now and knew there was no connecting with his father. Even without the slap it had already been too little too late, or had Gendo even wanted to connect at all? The man was a mystery and who knows what he had been truly planning with their meeting.

 _Still... how did I catch his hand mid-strike? I-_

 _ **You caught it because I helped you. I've helped you a lot over the years.**_

 _Damn it. 'You' just had to come back._

 _ **Gendo is a lost cause. You're right to let him go. He is a walking failure.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji suddenly rose from his chair getting the attention of the others. "Hey, I'm gonna take my pills for today. Where did you leave them? I'll put them in my room, need to refill the prescription bottles."

Misato blinked in surprise but she straightened up in her chair saying "they're in the top cabinet, a re-fill of the red pills. The black ones are still good I think."

Ever since the hearing, Misato had taken charge and switched the delivery of the pills from Ritsuko's office to hers, where from there Misato took them home with her. It unnerved her to know that Shinji had to take medicine, but she reminded herself that Shinji was a good kid and very responsible for his age. Condition be damned, he was more than healthy in her book. She let him handle his medicine once she brought it him, she wanted to let Shinji know that she trusted him.

"Thanks" Shinji said heading for his meds.

 _ **Boy, we've talked about this for so long now. Don't take those pills. They mess with your head. They damage you far more than I ever could. This game of ours is making me lose my patience. Trust me, don't-**_

 _Says the voice in my head. Need to take to meds_ he thought bitterly.

 _ **That medicine weakens you. It weakens you in every way. I've tried to protect you from them but you still won't listen.**_ The voice said sounding tired and annoyed.

Shinji shook his head, shaking off the thing inside his head as moved on.

Asuka was watching Shinji as he went for his pills, frowning as she remembered the insanity that had over taken her mother years and years ago. Shinji did not seem to be that far gone, but she was still unsure of how to feel about the whole thing. The German girl scoffed as she felt Misato's eyes on her, a warning.

 _Don't call them 'crazy pills' again._ Misato seemed to say.

"I already apologized" Asuka muttered under her breath. Jeez, Misato always had to play favorites. Everything just had to be about Shinji.

…

Shinji stocked his re-filled meds in his room and swallowed his red pill.

 _There, at least a few hours of quiet_ he thought with small sigh of relief. He put his prescription bottles back up and headed for the restroom. He needed to brush his teeth before heading to school. He wouldn't let anything ruin the day for him. He only had four days of his house arrest left. Four more days and he was free, things were looking up for him.

 _Four more days. Four more days until freedom_ he thought on the verge of humming to himself. Shinji put a hand on the restroom door, pulling it open and stepping inside.

Then something happened... and Shinji was standing in the restroom blinking in front of the sink with the water running. He had a funny taste in his mouth... almost like... like... vomit.

 _What just happened? Did I space out again-_ Shinji thought when suddenly a knock at the door interrupted his chain of thought.

"Hurry up! I need to brush my teeth too." Asuka said from the other side of the door.

"Sorry Asuka" Shinji said hurriedly getting out his toothbrush and going as fast as he could.

* * *

 _School_

"Hey Rei, don't fall asleep in class" Shinji whispered to his friend.

Asuka had beaten him to school as usual, and he still packed a lunch for her still without really knowing why, and on the way over Shinji had found Rei to be unfocused and sleepy.

"I had another test at Nerv, the process took several hours into the night" Rei had told him when he had asked.

Still, Shinji thought maybe Nerv was pushing her a bit too hard. Rei had seemed a bit 'cranky' this morning, once again insisting on taking the bus once Shinji arrived at their meeting spot with Mari driving beside him. Shinji had thought they would have made it to school on time, but Rei had insisted on taking the bus and Shinji was forced to part ways with Mari.

"I am sorry. I will be fine" Rei whispered to him as she blinked and rubbed her eyes. The strange pale girl really did seem tired today. Shinji was about to respond in another hushed whisper when suddenly he caught Hikari glancing his way and hissing, 'be quiet'.

'Sorry' Shinji mouthed back as he was forced to leave Rei alone during lecture.

The rest of the school day went by as usual, with the teacher droning on and on whilst the class halfheartedly took notes before being released for physical education and lunch in turn.

Shinji wanted to talk to Rei, but it was hard to get his friend alone as the day went on. He really liked Toji and Ken, they were his friends too, but he had known Rei longer and they worked together as pilots. There was something he needed to get off his chest, and it was probably too late but he felt he needed to tell Rei himself.

So he waited until class was let out, he'd have quick window to talk to her in private. All the pilots had a test today at Nerv, so he couldn't take too long.

"Go on without me guys, I wanna talk to Rei" Shinji said to Toji and Ken. The two boys shrugged and went on their way as Shinji called out to his fellow pilot. Asuka glanced at him as he stayed behind but said nothing.

"Hey Rei. Uh, do you have a minute " Shinji said once the two of them had managed to leave the classroom amid the crowd of rushing students trying to do the same.

"Yes, did you need something? Help with the school work for today?" Rei said flatly, blinking tired eyes at him. The strange pale girl tilting her head at him as she walked beside him, her eyes only on him. She tended to do that more lately.

Awkwardly gesturing for Rei to follow him out in the patio, Shinji lingered with Rei as the other students passed them by on their way home or else for the after school clubs.

Taking a deep breath, Shinji turned to Rei saying "uh... how much do you know about the hearing?"

Rei tilted her head at him wondering why he would ask that.

"I know that you were placed under house arrest. Punishment for disobeying orders and diving into Mount Asama to save Asuka, thus letting the abnormal Angel loose." Rei said speaking flatly as if reading a report. Before the strange pale girl continued "though that it was some time ago... did something else happen?"

 _The military completely left out the fact that Asuka and I killed the Angel when they failed to_ Shinji thought with a flicker of annoyance.

"No, nothing's changed. It was a while back but it was supposed to be 'private'. Misato told me that... that gossip was starting to spread and I know you probably heard by now... but I just- I wanted to tell you in person" Shinji said doing his best not to sound awkward.

Rei nodded still listening but unsure of where Shinji was going.

"When I was a kid, I had 'problems'. They got worse and I was placed in a mental ward for five years because of it. But I was deemed healthy about a year and a half ago" Shinji said getting the words out his mouth as his fast as he could. Better to get it out fast.

"And I still take medicine for it. But I have it under control. I was deemed responsible enough to handle my own meds. And I know it's unnerving for people to know someone like me, with 'head' problems... but I don't like to talk about it so I never told you and I-" Shinji said starting to ramble again as he tried to get the words out.

"Shinji, I know." Rei said interrupting him.

 _Of course she knows by now. I should have told her after the hearing. But the house arrest and I... damn. She must have overheard someone at Nerv chatting about it_ Shinji thought.

"Shinji. I have known about your time in the ward since after you first piloted Eva Unit 01." Rei said blinking up at him curiously.

That stopped him in his tracks, taking his breathe away just as he'd been about to continue.

 _What? How- she-_ he thought.

"You knew? All this time and you knew about my condition?" Shinji said in a whisper.

All the times he'd been with his friend, piloting, studying together, or helping her clean her apartment... and she had known since his first piloting run. He felt the thing inside his head stir but it went away a moment later without speaking.

"Commander Ikari told me. He briefed me on you because we were the only active pilots at the time" Rei said blinking in surprise at the emotions on Shinji's face.

"Wait. What? You talk to my father?" Shinji said confused.

"At times. Not very much, he is very busy. He took an interest in me because I was the first pilot. But not lately" Rei said simply.

 _Gah... that's just weird. Never mind, Gendo doesn't matter. Have to stay focused_ Shinji thought still in shock that Rei had known all this time.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Shinji asked.

"I did not think it was relevant. You had an illness and sought treatment, you were released. It is the same as treating any other injury." Rei said simply. She did not understand why her friend seemed so 'consumed' with his past issues.

"I- Rei, I don't think anyone has ever put it like that before" Shinji said seeing her logic, and still in awe over how she had not cared about his condition at all. She really was a good friend, he just had never noticed how much until now.

Rei gasped as Shinji smiled and embraced her lightly. Not a full hug like with Misato or Mari, but a warm embrace that startled Rei and sent her face blushing red.

He wouldn't really have done something like that normally, but he was working on his people skills and he considered Rei one of his closest friends. How strange, even a month or so ago he would have never done something like this.

"I do not understand. What is this?" Rei asked feeling something in her chest that she could not explain, a quickening that made her feel 'pleasant'.

"It's a hug. You really are a good friend Rei" Shinji said softly. Funnily enough, this reminded him of his moment with Misato long ago. In my ways, Rei really did remind him of himself sometimes.

"A hug" Rei parrot slowly, nervously allowing herself to feel this new found sense of warmth.

"I struggled with people knowing about me for a long time. But you knew and you didn't care. Thank you for that" Shinji said pulling away and wondering if maybe he shouldn't have done that.

Rei had surprised him and she was one of his closest friends apart from Mari. In his early days of piloting, he had felt drawn to her, maybe it was because they were the only pilots at the time, or else because she had reminded him of himself, but he had managed to make friends with Rei. What little people skills Shinji had, he could thank Mari for. Hugging Rei had felt like the kind of thing Mari would have done for him.

"I... friend. You are a good friend too" Rei said getting the words out as she avoided his gaze, a soft undertone to her voice. Having stopped her hands from trailing after Shinji once the boy had pulled back.

Shinji was about to ask what was wrong but his phone vibrated and he checked it quickly to see Misato had sent him a text message.

 _Hey, remember to report to Nerv after school. There's a planned sync test involving all four of you. Asuka said she was on her way -_ Misato's message said.

"Nerv is waiting for us. We better get going." Shinji said checking the time on his phone. He really needed to get going before the Nerv men in black came looking for him again, they seemed to keep a respectful distance to the other pilots but definitely not Shinji.

"Yes. We have orders" Rei said softly, seeming to shake off whatever it was that had bothered her.

Together the two of them headed for the exit, where a Nerv car was parked outside waiting for them. Asuka having already beaten both of them two it.

...

Shinji found the men in black already heading for him when he and Rei arrived at the entrance. They did not look happy that he'd taken so long to get out of class, but nodded as he and Rei joined Asuka in the car.

 _ **You should have hugged Rei sooner. Much sooner. She cares about you more than you realize. Right now, you are being cruel. You are hurting her**_ the thing in his head stirred.

 _Gah. Go away. I need to stay focused for the sync test_ Shinji thought nervously as he took a seat in the car.

 _ **That test is going to be cancelled. Nothing you will be able to do about it.**_

Shinji shook his head, trying to clear his mind whilst they drove on and on. Thankfully the thing in his head didn't bother him the rest of the drive over.

* * *

 _The incident_

Shinji was happy to see Mari again, but it was short lived. The older girl had driven to Nerv on that motorbike of hers, beating the rest of them there. He tried to chat with her leading up to the test, they weren't always brought in together like this. All four Eva pilots brought in for a group sync test. But something had gone wrong, and instead all four of them been suddenly and violently ejected from the test plugs and left isolated from each other and the rest of Nerv. Only able to communicate via the comm.

Inside his ejected testing plug, Shinji's head had started stirring and he scowled as the voice told him:

 _ **There is an Angel inside the Nerv computers. Don't panic, Ritsuko will kill him. You're going to be stuck here awhile.**_

He'd been having a good day until that moment, he'd tried to brush off the thing inside his head as usual but found that once again 'it' was eerily right. All four of them had been stuck there whilst Nerv went under lock-down.

Ritsuko told them to remain calm and not to leave the entry plugs, her panicked but steady voice coming out over the comm system. Misato had been trying to tell them that something was going on when the comm system had been shut down.

Hours later, when the incident was over and Misato personally helped collect them all from their entry plugs, she debriefed them.

A strange Angel that existed as a kind of 'living' organic computer virus had indeed 'infected' the Nerv computer systems. It had tried to initiate the self destruct system whilst the Magi supercomputers tried to fight it off and apparently was losing for most of the fight.

Ritsuko, proving herself to truly be what Kaji called 'the smartest person at Nerv', acted quickly and somehow edited the Magi systems and 'tricked' the Angel into being killed. It was the first time an Angel had ever been successfully killed without the use of an Evangelion.

Shinji had known Ritsuko was smart, but that was just incredible. Yet he noticed she seemed less and less happy these days... maybe there was a reason Misato tried to take her out 'bar hoping' lately. She wasn't as 'kind' as she had been during the early days, more distant than the woman whom had helped get his medicine before the hearing.

* * *

 _Aftermath of the incident  
Gendo's office_

"And so the Angel exhibited strange behavior, even accounting for its abnormal structure. It appears that the 'living virus' tried to infect Eva Unit 01. Somehow, the Eva appears to have repelled the assault and Shinji's sync ratio spiked during the incident. Shinji seems completely unaware that it happened at all. Whatever it was, it dissuaded the Angel from trying to infect the other Evas." Ritsuko was reporting to her boss.

Gendo Ikari listened patiently, barely seeming to acknowledged her as he nodded saying "and from there it tried to take control of the base's computer systems. Tried to activate the self-destruct."

Ritsuko sighed saying "indeed, I managed to modify the Magi systems to counter-act the new threat and destroy it by-"

"That is enough for now. I will look at the full report later, you are dismissed" Gendo said in his usual cold tone.

 _That's it... I just killed an Angel. The first time that's ever been done without the Spear or with an Evangelion. And after last night... nothing? I- you..._ Ritsuko thought her mind a mess of frustration and mixed emotions compiled with the stresses of the day.

"Yes sir" Ritsuko said having to bite back a part of herself that would have responded very different to her 'lover'. _Relationships take too much time and effort... better to have someone than nothing_ she had to tell herself as she walked out of Commander Ikari's office.

…

"Misato, I'm fine. Really. We were locked up in the plugs for the whole thing." Shinji was saying.

He was dressed in his street clothes, having been allowed to shower and change after being let out along with the others. Asuka, Mari, and Rei were all standing around in the hallway with him as Misato and some other Nerv staff checked up on them.

 _You really don't know? Damn Shinji, there are days you really surprise us all. Ritsuko said we weren't allowed to mention it until we knew more. Maybe the Angel just couldn't get into Unit 01... eh better to leave the science to the scientists._ Misato thought.

"As long as you're sure. And here I thought the day was a tad boring before all this mess" Misato said turning to check on Rei and Asuka. She didn't bother checking on Mari, the girl was basically an adult both legally and physically.

 _Now she decides to check on us? Humph, always Shinji, Shinji, Shinji, stupid Shinji. It's all everyone seems to care about. He's not the only pilot_ Asuka thought mildly annoyed crossing her arms.

"It was pretty boring really. Some Angel, a living computer virus? Wow, so scary" Mari was saying sarcastically as she appeared beside Shinji and leaned on his shoulder comically. Shinji almost slid down but managed to catch himself and chuckle at Mari's grin.

Misato raised an eyebrow noting that girl really did seem to brighten his mood, though she liked to think Shinji was growing less and less mopey as time went on.

"The Angel almost destroyed the entire base. Something that none of the others have come close to doing before." Rei added in softly from the sidelines.

" _Sigh._ Just trying to lighten the mood" Mari said shaking her head.

"Can we leave already? The Angel's dead and I'm sick of being stuck here." Asuka cut in glancing at Mari and Rei in turn. She thought she knew was what between the 'psycho' and the 'weirdo' and she just wanted to leave. Being stuck in the plug for hours was bad enough.

"Yeah, I'd rather go home too" Shinji said followed by a chorus of agreement from the others.

Misato laughed at that. These teenagers may be the wielders of some of the most powerful weapons on the planet, but they were still teenagers. They didn't like waiting around and doing nothing.

"Alright then, I'm taking you home. No Mari, you can't 'tag along'. Shinji is still under house arrest. Rei, I can give you a ride." Misato said firmly.

Mari sighed leaning further into Shinji as the boy reached a hand up to grasp her hand in his. "Bye... uh it was really nice seeing you again... not that we saw each other much... with the Angel. And... you know what I mean." Shinji said awkwardly as he was forced to part ways with Mari.

 _Damn. The boy really cannot flirt._ Misato thought with a small chuckle.

* * *

 _Four days later  
The last day of Shinji's house arrest_

Kaji stepped into the break room to find Ritsuko and Misato chatting near the coffee pot, his two friends looked a bit worse for ware but considering what had happened recently they had good reason to be.

"I don't want to talk about it. Just stupid boy problems, it makes me feel like I'm just another stupid college girl bimbo. I have work to do before tonight, if you want to make me feel better than buy me a drink at the ceremony" Ritsuko was saying, cigarette in hand with a trail of smoke behind it. Annoyed expression planted on her face.

"Ritsuko... _sigh._ I'll buy you a drink later, sorry for bothering you." Misato said in defeat as her friend nodded and walked off brushing past Kaji with a small nod of recognition.

Kaji glanced behind him as she left.

 _That's strange, is it connected to the Commander's new found layer of coldness? Gendo's been sterner than usual for a while. No one knows why. Could be nothing, have to keep an eye out_ Kaji thought, the inner spy in him looking for anything that might be important.

"She'll be fine. Smartest damn woman I've ever known, but cold. The wedding will give her a chance to blow off some steam" Misato said looking after her friend as well.

"With three assaults on Nerv in the last month and a half, I think we all need an excuse to blow some steam off" Kaji said in agreement. Kaji and Misato could still be friendly with each other, even if admittedly he did like to tease her at times.

"I didn't even want to go. But now looks like I have to, promise is a promise" Misato said with a halfhearted sigh.

An old college friend of theirs was getting married and the three of them had been invited. Rude not to show up, but Kaji figured Misato wasn't too pleased about him showing up there too.

"What did you want, Kaji?" Misato asked crossing her arms and seeming to realize 'who' she was talking to in the breaking room.

He flashed a playful smirk saying "who says I wanted anything from you? Can't I just enjoy the company of a beautiful woman?"

She rolled her eyes at him saying "no."

"Fair enough, I wanted to ask your permission to take Asuka out for a bit. Haven't seen her in a while, thought I'd check in with her." Kaji admitted letting the teasing drop.

Misato raised an eyebrow saying "sure, thought you weren't..."

"Weren't fond of Asuka? At times she can be bratty, but I admit to thinking of her as a little sister or cousin. Believe it or not, I am responsible when I need to be." Kaji said reaching for his own cigarette.

Misato actually smiled at that, before reaching over and plucking the cigarette from his hand before he could light it.

"Bring her back to the apartment before nightfall, and don't smoke in front of her. Might give her ideas that it'll make her more 'grownup'. See you at the wedding ceremony" Misato said as she left the break room.

Kaji watched her go, chuckling at his lost cigarette.

* * *

 _After school  
The last day of Shinji's house arrest_

"Kaji!" Asuka said beaming at his presence.

"Hey kiddo. Long time no see" he said picking her up from the school entrance and opening the door of his car for her. She hadn't seen him in awhile, and it showed.

"I was starting to think you'd forgotten me" Asuka said adopting a more 'playful' attitude than most people ever saw her in. Yeah, she tended to act differently around him. Crush and all that, so he'd always kept himself at a bit of distance from her. Watchful, but also separate. She had a bad habit of liking older boys, the ego that comes with being a prodigy he supposed, and he was definitely too old for her.

"Never. Hop in, we're holding up the line." Kaji called glancing at the line of cars behind him.

"Where are we going?" Asuka asked as she got into his car.

"Thought I'd take you to the mall. Catch up, see how you've been doing." Kaji said as he drove.

Her parents had asked him to keep an eye on her. It's not that they didn't trust Misato per say, just that Kaji had often come off as more professional when they'd met him. He had been Asuka's temporary guardian during her move to Japan, and he'd been very busy lately. Nerv work, as well as his 'other' job.

"Great. Misato never takes us anywhere" Asuka said smiling softly as he drove.

 _Ha. Misato probably doesn't want to be rude to Shinji. Trying to be such a 'mom' lately, what has that boy done to her?_ Kaji thought shaking his head at the thought. Misato a mother figuratively? What had the world come to.

"What's so funny?" Asuka asked looking up at him expectantly.

"Nothing kiddo, just thinking about the past" Kaji said. All the while picturing the younger Misato he had known drinking too much and partying up the day before exams, then the two of them begging Ritsuko for help so they wouldn't fail.

He ended up spending the day being dragged around the mall by Asuka, he thought he'd be nice by buying her a gift or two... but damn. Asuka liked her things. He did not expect that much money to go by so he quickly, but he was the adult so fine. She wasn't too bad.

"Misato treating you okay? Seems to trying more lately" Kaji said walking beside Asuka through the mall. He really wanted to get a cigarette but Misato had made him promise not to smoke in front of her, she had a point so he didn't.

"Alright I suppose, I'd much rather live with you Kaji." Asuka said taking a bite of the ice cream Kaji had gotten her.

 _Not gonna happen kiddo. Too many things that could happen to me in my line of work, don't want you getting caught up in that anymore than you have to. And you'd never outgrow your crush that way, better to stay with Misato_ he thought.

"She tries to boss us around. Makes us all eat together. And stupid Shinji is always the favorite. He gets _everything._ " Asuka was saying as they walked.

"I'm sure she doesn't play favorites" Kaji said not sure if he believed it or not.

"She does, goes out of her way to do things for him" Asuka countered.

"Asuka. Do you hate Shinji?" Kaji asked sighing. She had habit of running her mouth off like that, but she didn't always mean what she said. Asuka could be difficult, she was a prodigy, Eva pilot, and also a teenage girl.

"I... no. Not really... he's just so... so awkward and stupid. Taking his pills and cleaning for fun? Who cleans for fun?" Asuka said lowering her eyes and avoiding his gaze.

Kaji watched Asuka trying to read her. He knew he probably shouldn't have done this, but had wanted to know and asking Misato might have made her suspect something. He wasn't lying per say, he had wanted to check in with her again, but Asuka was very strategically placed.

"Asuka, has Shinji been acting strange lately? Have you noticed anything?" Kaji asked suddenly, taking the German girl by surprise.

"What?"

"Is Shinji alright? He hasn't done anything strange has he? Nothing out of the ordinary?" Kaji asked again.

Asuka briefly flashed back to the strange nights she'd seen the boy... seen Shinji Ikari standing with his eyes closed on the apartment balcony. The boy whom had helped her when she'd had her nightmare. And the way he would speak to her, different than the boy she knew during the day.

But at the same time, some small part of her flickered with frustration. Everything just had to be about Shinji. Even Kaji was asking after him all of a sudden. Why did everything have to be about Shinji? Why?!

"Who cares. It's just him." Asuka said bitterly as she turned away from Kaji's gaze.

Kaji grunted softly at that. "Alright, just checking up him. Hey, I know a new place that opened up recently. Come on, I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

He played it off cool, letting Asuka enjoy the rest of her day with him. She'd let the matter go pretty quickly and relaxed as time went on. Still, Kaji thought he shouldn't have asked her about the boy. Even if she did know anything, he'd been too direct and all the attention Shinji got was bothering her. Damn, he really let a good chance slip him by. Nothing to do about it now.

The boy's curious case would have to wait for now.

* * *

 _Hours later  
The last day of Shinji's house arrest  
Small house party_

The time had come, he had seen it on tv for years, but now it was his turn. How hard could it be? He was Eva pilot, this should be easy by comparison. Less controls, no physical pain for him.

It was time to play a video game for the first time.

Shinji pressed the button labeled 'start'. That had to be right one, it was labeled start. He selected his character on the selection screen as Toji did the same with a smirk on his face. Once the game started Shinji flat out died in less than a minute.

Damn, it was just so complicated, there were so many buttons on the controller. By the time he had an idea to to try something, Toji had already beaten him to it and taken him out.

Shinji sighed as he lost again... and again... and again. It was sort of funny even as his girlfriend laughed beside him, resting her head on his shoulder as he learned to play video games.

This had been Misato's idea, his house arrest was officially over tonight at 8:00 p.m. and she'd surprised him with this little get together she'd planned for him. Misato had invited his friends from school, and reluctantly his girlfriend Mari, to the apartment. It was still a bit early, but Misato had pushed the Nerv people saying it was Shinji's last day under the house arrest and that technically this little get together wasn't breaking the rules as the boy was still locked in his apartment.

Misato had gotten Shinji a gift it seemed, a simple video game console. A bit old, but it was like having an arcade inside the apartment. He might not have been very good, but it was fun to have his friends over and play all the same. So the five of them sat in the living room with the video games, and two nearly empty pizza boxes laying beside them.

"Man Shinji, you suck. It's like you never played a game in your life" Toji was laughing as Kensuke watched on from the sidelines.

 _I guess it shows_ he thought rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He shrugged looking at the scoreboard, zero wins for Shinji and three for Toji.

Mari placed her hands over his and gently pried the controller away from him saying "here dummy, watch how it's done."

Before of the other boys could comment, Mari had already started another round of the game. And to the surprise of all the others except Shinji, Mari flat out beat Toji and then Kensuke in turn. His girlfriend was very skilled and could learn things very fast, though he suspected this was not the first time she'd ever played a video game. She had been on the 'outside' longer than he had.

"I can't believe it. Girl is a damned demon" Toji said in shock.

"You just gotta practice. Come on dummy, you pilot an Eva. How hard could 'street fighter' be?" Mari said laughing as she handed him back the controller and pressed a soft kiss to his check. She did that to embarrass him, she knew he wasn't all that great with public affection but he felt himself laugh at Toji and Ken staring at him.

 _Seriously! What do girls see in him?_ Toji was wondering. The boy couldn't believe that Shinji of all people had gotten a girlfriend before he had, and Mari of all people too. A 17 year old.

Rei was watching them as Shinji awkwardly laughed feeling his face grow warm. He noticed his friend watching and he offered her a controller. "Did you want a turn Rei?" he asked.

Rei seemed to consider that before answering in a small voice saying "no thank you. I prefer to watch."

…

Asuka sat in the kitchen eating her supper, that Shinji had made for them before learning that Misato had planned a small party for him, and scowled as she tried to do her homework. The only thing that gave her trouble was all the Japanese symbols, everything else she could do.

 _Can't those idiots be quieter?_ Asuka thought mildly annoyed at all the racket Shinji and his 'friends' were making in the living room. She glanced over seeing Shinji play a round of the stupid arcade game with his girlfriend now.

Asuka managed a small smirk as she noticed Mari completely beating him. _Serves him right_ she thought.

…

Misato poked her head out of the doorway of her room, smiling softly at Shinji laughing even as he lost the game until he managed to get lucky and beat a very reluctant looking Rei, whom had been forced into playing by Toji and Ken.

Rei smiled awkwardly as the tables turned and she managed to beat Shinji the next round. She heard Ken and Toji saying that those two were so bad they could only really play against each other. The boys were sort of right, Shinji and Rei were absolutely terrible gamers. But neither seemed to care.

 _It's nice to see him having fun for once. Boy's earned it._ Misato thought.

Stepping out of her room, already dressed in her formal clothes for the wedding she was going to, she called out "Shinji, hey let me talk to you for a minute."

Shinji glanced around at his friends muttering quick apologizes before rising from his seat on the floor and heading for Misato. Toji and Ken taking turns trying to beat Mari, but finding little success.

"All dressed up already?" Shinji asked genuinely surprised to see his guardian in formal clothes. The two of them stood in the hallway to Misato's room, the sound of the others gaming in the background.

"I can dress up when I need to Shinji. How you feeling? Arrest is almost over, I thought the little get together would cheer you up." Misato said putting a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Great. Thanks for setting this up. And uh, do I owe you for the video games and pizza? I don't use my Nerv money for much but I can pay it back-" Shinji began.

"No. Shinji, just be a teenager and have fun. That's all I wanted for you today." Misato said stopping him before he could finish his offer.

Shinji was grinning at her and was about to respond when suddenly an outburst from the living room, or 'gaming area', caught their attention.

"Sorry boys, I'm unbeatable" Mari was saying as Toji slumped into the floor having lost again.

Misato turned her attention back to Shinji as he stared at the 17 year girl in the leather jacket, and she watched as Mari turned to flash Shinji a smile before turning back to the game eagerly awaiting his return.

"So... you two doing okay? She's not forcing you to do anything you don't want to right?" Mari said carefully managing her tone.

Shinji turned back to her saying "what? No, Mari is... well... my girlfriend. We have fun together and I... she was my first kiss." The boy had started to blush and Misato raised an eyebrow saying "anything else."

His face grew an even darker shade of red as he shifted awkwardly saying "we haven't done anything like _that_."

"Good. She's a wild one" Misato said glancing at Mari before turning back to Shinji.

"She was my oldest friend, somehow we've always made it work" Shinji said surprisingly calm in his defense. That honestly surprised Misato.

"Well now, Shinji? Why didn't you say you liked older women? I'm insulted" Misato teased adopting a mock offended look.

Shinji only shook his head, he just knew she was going to tease him about that eventually. Better to let her have her laugh, she was only teasing.

"Hey, whatever happened to Rei? You two were pretty close and well... she only really talks to you" Misato said.

Shinji blinked in surprising saying "Rei is my friend. One of the closest. She always has been."

 _Oh Shinji... you really didn't see it did you? You still don't. Sigh, I wish I had more time for this. Teenagers._ Misato thought glancing at the poor strange girl with blue white hair.

"I'm heading out already, I'm meeting Kaji and Ritsuko there too. We might be a while so don't wait up, if you need anything just call. I know you have plans with Mari after the party, but just... go slow Shinji. You're young" Misato said patting him on the arm as she headed out.

"Bye" Shinji called as Misato waved him off on her way out.

"Asuka, I'm heading out! Don't wait up!" Misato called out as she left.

* * *

 _At the same time_

Asuka scowled again as she heard Mari practically screaming "Sorry boys, I'm unbeatable!"

Of course Misato just had to throw stupid Shinji a party on the one day Asuka decided to actually study. Everything for Shinji. Always him.

The German girl was surprised when Rei of all people came into the kitchen, but then she saw the girl walking towards the facet with a glass in hand. She was just getting more water, what a strange girl. Always getting water when they plenty of good soda pop.

 _Jeez, she looks so sad. Get over him already_ she thought. Normally Asuka didn't talk to Rei much, the pale girl was very quiet but this was starting to bother her. How could Shinji not see it? Asuka wasn't the exactly the 'nicest' person, she did realize that, but even she could see what the boy was doing.

"Hey, wonder girl. You don't have to keep moping." Asuka called.

Rei blinked in surprise at that. Looking up at Asuka with a frown, Rei hadn't seemed to have noticed Asuka was there at all. So caught up in her thoughts that showed all over her face.

"I am sorry. I do not know what you mean" the strange pale girl said. She tilted her head at Asuka, seemingly surprised that they were speaking. The last time they'd talked had been during the power out incident, when Asuka had asked her to lead them back to Nerv, and when fighting that spider like Angel.

 _She always does that_ Asuka thought off-handily at the sight of the head tilt and 'blank stare' number 1267 or whatever high number it was by now.

"Jeez, Shinji is just a boy. Stop pinning for him. You're worse than the psycho getting all over him. Just move on. " Asuka told Rei from the breakfast table. Asuka's homework laying mostly unfinished and unworked on as Rei stared at her before seeming to shrink at Asuka's words.

"We do not normally converse. I do not understand. What are you talking about?" Rei said blinking in surprising and looking at her feet.

Asuka rolled her eyes saying "Shinji. You keep looking at him, it's so obvious. Don't be such a doll, he's just a boy. Plenty of others out there wondergirl. Surely at least one of them is better than stupid Shinji. Move on"

"Shinji is not unintelligent. And he is my friend... I do not want to move on." Rei replied her voice low and barely above a whisper. Before Asuka could respond, the strange pale girl walked off towards the party again waiting for Shinji to come back.

 _He is happier these days_ Rei thought sadly as she left the kitchen.

 _Humph, this is what I get for trying to 'help'._ Asuka thought shaking her head.

"Asuka, I'm heading out! Don't wait up!" Misato suddenly called out. Asuka glanced up seeing Misato all dressed up in her former clothes and wearing that fancy perfume of hers.

"Bye" Asuka called turning back to her homework.

She ended up not getting much work done, with Shinji and the little party that Misato had thrown for him distracting her.

* * *

Shinji cleaned up the area in the living room mostly by himself. Toji, Ken, and Rei had all left already. It wasn't that he didn't missing hanging out with them, it was just that he wanted to spent some more time with Mari, and he was minutes away from the house arrest being officially over. Literally 10 minutes til 8.

"Hey, I'm gonna gas up my bike. Meet me outside when I came back" Mari was saying as she started to pull her leather jacket on again. As the little get together had gone on, she'd taken it off adopting a more causal look that he thought she looked pretty in. Well, he thought she looked pretty in almost anything.

"Yeah, just let me know when to head outside" Shinji said as Mari waved him goodbye for now, heading for the door and making sure she had her bike keys.

Shinji glanced back at his phone, nine minutes til 8. Nine minutes until he was free to leave the apartment. He grabbed the left over pizza just as he heard Mari close the door behind her.

Grabbing the glasses and plates, he headed for the kitchen carrying everything as best he could. He almost dropped it all when he noticed Asuka looking up at him from the breakfast table where they usually had their 'family meals' that Misato insisted on having.

"Careful" was all Asuka said as Shinji hurriedly caught himself before he dropped anything.

"yeah yeah" Shinji said managing to carry everything to the sink, as well put the left over pizza in the refrigerator.

He didn't realize Asuka was looking at him until he turned around to find her struggling with something. He blinked in surprise at the sight of her sitting at the table, homework littered about, and trying to say something. That was strange, Asuka usually spoke her mind.

"Asuka?" Shinji asked confused.

 _I... I'm sorry. Sorry for getting you put under house arrest_ Asuka thought. Why couldn't she just say the words. This had been her fault... sort of... but mostly Gendo's. Yes, mostly the commander's fault. Not hers. Not hers.

"I was trying to study, you couldn't lower the volume?" Asuka said instead. Crossing her arms and getting frustrated that she couldn't say what she wanted to say more than anything else.

Shinji rubbed the back of his neck saying "uh, sorry. I guess I forgot you were trying to study. I'll tell Toji and Ken to keep it down next time."

He was trying to stay neutral, things between him and Asuka were still confusing to say the least. They had 'fought' in this very room before the power out incident.

Part of him felt he should offer to help her with her homework, but another shameful part of him didn't want to at the same time. She was a prodigy, she'd be fine he thought.

"I uh... did you want to play? I'm leaving in a few minutes and Misato said she got the console for us" Shinji said glancing at the living room.

"No I don't, it's just a stupid game" Asuka said glancing back at her homework that had mostly gone unworked the entire night.

 _ **She wanted you to invite her over. During your party.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Gah! You! Just... that's just wrong. Asuka hates me._

 _ **Asuka doesn't hate you. Shinji, she sat at the breakfast table for almost two hours trying to do homework when she knew she wouldn't get any work done. She wouldn't admit it, but she wanted to be invited over. People like to be cared for, people like to be thought of and included. You, of all people, should understand that.**_

 _Sigh, please go away. This day was great until you showed up. You just want me to be miserable._ Shinji thought.

"Hmm, so Mari was in the mental ward with you... wasn't she? She really was psycho..." Asuka said slowly., completely taking him by surprise.

Shinji stopped in his tracks, frozen at Asuka's words. How had she known? Shinji didn't bring it up because he knew it was like when people knew. Mari had done a much better job here in Tokyo-3 of keeping it a secret.

"You two have history. Like childhood friends. Doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. Was she... was she worse than you?" Asuka asked out a mixture of curiosity and something else she couldn't quite make out.

Shinji's eyes fell and he spoke up saying "no, and don't call her that. Mari was better than me. She didn't have problems on the scale I did. There's a reason she got out first."

Asuka was about to respond when Shinji suddenly took a seat at the table across from here.

"Please Asuka, don't go telling people that. Neither of us like to bring that up. Just... just don't tell anyone." the boy said to her, oddly serious. Almost like when he was piloting.

 _It's not that hard to figure out_ she thought.

"Fine, if it means that much to you. Still, you and the psycho?" Asuka said giving him a knowing look. And bringing him out of his thoughts and back into the kitchen, she changed topics so quickly it was a little unnerving. Maybe Shinji had a habit of making problems bigger than they really were. He just hoped Asuka would keep her word and not tell anyone.

"Yeah, I guess." he said with a shrug. Was it really that hard to believe? Shinji knew he didn't have the best people skills, but it was getting a bit embarrassing how everyone kept bringing that up.

Asuka shifted in her seat saying "you know she's a bit wild right? She had a boyfriend or two when we were training in Germany. She's got more 'experience' than most. Bet Mamma Misato doesn't like that."

That was Asuka's way of teasing him, or was it? Shinji wasn't sure, she was hard to read these days not that he ever understood her at all.

Shinji looked away, thinking that over. Yes, he knew Mari had a past. She had told him about that, about how she decided to live life on her own terms and do what she wanted. Mari had wanted to experiment and she had, but that was the past. Shinji would be lying if he said it didn't make him self-conscious or uncomfortable at times that Mari had had other relationships before him. Even as recently as her time in Germany with Asuka. But he, of all people, would never judge her for the choices she had made in her life.

"I... I didn't know that. But I don't care. Mari is Mari" Shinji said surprisingly calm as he looked back at up Asuka.

The German girl studied him curiously. He thought he might have surprised her because she didn't seem to have a response to that.

"Why do you care Asuka? It's just me." Shinji asked softly. He was getting tired of always tiptoeing around Asuka. Sometimes they be could friendly to each other, other times not so much, and everything else in between.

"I don't care!" Asuka suddenly snapped, her arms crossed. Surprisingly defensive.

 _ **She does care. You're her friend even if she doesn't want to admit it.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _Go away_ Shinji thought with a flicker of annoyance.

 _Why do I care?_ Asuka thought, not that she would ever show it. She shook her head getting the thought out of her mind, and neither of them spoke for a moment. Not the tension that preceded a fight between the two, but something else.

RING RING, Shinji's phone rang.

She watched as the boy answered as his phone with a soft smile.

"Hey Mari, I'll go wait outside." Shinji said into the phone. Looks like the psycho had gassed up her bike and was coming to pick him up.

Shinji sighed as pocketed his phone and got to his feet glancing up at her. "I'm heading out, don't know how long I'll be gone. Bye Asuka." he said.

Asuka said nothing as he left the kitchen heading for the apartment door. Leaving her all alone in the apartment for once.

She thought about calling Hikari or else going over, but her friend was probably asleep right now and it was rude to just barge in. Asuka glumly glanced down at her mostly untouched homework and got back to it. She wondered why being alone made her so glum, she was a prodigy and she could take care of herself. Asuka did not get lonely, at least that was what she told herself.

* * *

 _The inner city_

Shinji clung to Mari as she drove through traffic, swerving in and out of lanes with that small smirk of hers. Mari loved the rush of riding her bike almost as much as Eva piloting.

"So you're free!" Mari called glancing back at him just as they past an intersection.

"Yeah! I don't know how you managed being locked up! My dad can be a real... a real" Shinji started to say, having to shout to be heard over the roar of the motorbike and the wind, but unable to find the right word.

"A real asshat!" Mari called back at him grinning to herself, unable to take her eyes off traffic but still chatting all the same.

"... haha Yeah! Uh, an asshat!" Shinji said laughing as Mari drove them through traffic. He had to admit, he sort of liked the motorbike now. He could see way Mari loved it, the air brushing across your face, the sense of mobility and flexibility.

If he wasn't so scared of crashing, he'd have been more willing to drive. But no, Mari was the one with the license not him.

"He ever tries to hit you again, give me a call and together we can show him what Eva pilots are made of!" Mari shouted back at him, only 'half' joking.

Shinji had to cling to her hips tighter as she turned a corner and her bike went dipping low, almost touching the street but never caught reaching it. Mari knew what was doing.

He managed to laugh at her words, of course Mari would say something like that. But no, he was not one to get into fights even if Gendo maybe deserved a smack to the head.

"Hey! Wait til we get off, plenty of time for that later you horn dog" Mari teased him just as he realized that he was still keeping a tight grip on his girlfriend's hips.

"Uh sorry! I-"

"Don't be sorry! Right time and place is all!" Mari teased him as they drove on.

He shook his head smiling softly at her words, things were looking up for him.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

And whilst Shinji was enjoying his 'freedom' with a night out with Mari, Asuka was left alone in the apartment with nothing to do but stare at her homework and feed Pen Pen when the strange little bird strode up to her expectantly.

She still didn't know why she felt so glum, and why had she cared so much about stupid Shinji anyway. He was just another stupid boy, and Rei was pinning over him like some little doll, all whilst the psycho was all over him. And Misato had thrown him a party of all things... Shinji, Shinji, _Shinji. Everything_ had to be about him.

Eventually she gave up on doing her homework for the day, she'd get it done later. She just couldn't focus on the work and it wasn't helping if she just sat the table staring at the worksheets. Instead she went to bed, or tried to.

...

Later on in the evening, a sleepy Asuka was woken by the sound of a doorbell.

Thinking it was Shinji, she opened the door with a scowl on her face ready to berate the boy for waking her up so late at night, and telling him off for staying out so late.

Instead, she found Kaji looking down at her with a very drunk looking Misato hanging on his shoulder.

"Kaji" she beamed despite being tired.

"Hey kiddo, give me a hand will you? Just got to get her to her room. Drank too much is all" Kaji said as he entered the apartment dragging Misato in with him. Asuka helped him with Misato, even as the older woman muttered a hurried thanks, and together they managed to leave Misato on her bed before closing the door and letting her sleep.

Kaji, still dressed in his formal clothes from the wedding he and the other adults had been to, sighed once he'd closed Misato's door for her.

"Hey, where's Shinji?" Kaji asked.

 _Always Shinji_ Asuka thought with a scowl.

"He's out with his 'girlfriend'. Don't worry about him, hey did you want stay here tonight? I'm sure Misato wouldn't mind" Asuka said watching as the man was already moving to leave.

"Sorry kiddo, I got work tomorrow. I'd never live it down if I came in looking like this" Kaji said heading for the day and waving goodbye.

"Come on, you can do it. Hey-" Asuka said clinging to Kaji's arm before stilling as she smelled something on him. Asuka's face fell as she realized what it was, and Kaji gently shook her off his arm. It was perform... Misato's lavender perform... that one she'd been wearing tonight. Her and Kaji... they had...

"Later Asuka. Take care of Misato, alright." Kaji said as he left her standing in the apartment all alone.

She stared at the door stupidly, hearing Kaji's footsteps growing further and further away from the closed apartment door.

 _Of course he'd want a woman, and not a girl. But Misato... she... and him... I... no. No! I'm not some useless doll pinning over a boy like Rei. I'm not!_ Asuka thought as she stormed off towards her room feeling stupid tears in her eyes.

She was Asuka Langley Sohryu, not a doll like Rei.

* * *

 _Mari's apartment_

"The first time you visit, and you decide to clean for me? Shinji, you're not a maid" Mari was saying as she joined him on her apartment balcony over looking the inner city of Tokyo-3.

"Bad habit I guess" Shinji said as he moved over so Mari could lay down beside him.

"You gotta learn to stand-up for yourself, don't let anyone take advantage of you... except for me of course" Mari said relaxing beside him and giving him a playful jab in the ribs..

Shinji chuckled saying "can't help it."

The two of them had grabbed a bunch of blankets and made a makeshift futon/bed on the balcony so they could watch the night sky together. It beat being inside all the time, that was Shinji had done for most of his arrest. He was bit tired, but 'happy' for a lack of a better term.

Together they'd spent hours just exploring the inner city and walking, chatting about everything and nothing. Before heading back to her apartment, he'd never seen it before and he was actually surprised. It was bigger than Misato's apartment thought only barely.

He knew Mari didn't have restrictions on her money from Nerv, but he didn't realize how much piloting actually payed until he saw Mari's place.

"Something's bothering you dummy, what's wrong?" Mari said sighing as they lay down together on the blankets outside with the night sky above them.

Shinji shifted saying "just something Asuka said. She knows both of us were in the ward together."

"Not that hard to figure out. Especially with everything that's happened lately, you worry too much dummy. I've dealt with it before, and you dealt with it now. You know who you care about and who cares about you" Mari said turning over to face him.

"Yeah... I do" Shinji said turning back to face her too. His eyes meeting hers.

He couldn't believe how much had happened since he'd first arrived in Tokyo-3. From piloting to fighting Angels, to making friends, to having something like a parent for once, and now to having Mari in his life again. And, he thought he had changed too. He wasn't as sad and quiet anymore, he knew he still had a long way to go but despite everything life was good for now.

Mari smirked up at him saying "is this you trying to flirt?" Shinji blinked saying "I guess... I'm glad we're together again."

He felt himself blush, he wasn't good at this like her. He was about to apologize but Mari ran a hand through his hair saying "awe, you're so sweet."

She found his awkwardness and honesty 'cute'. He really was nothing like the other boys she'd dated, he never said silly things like that just to get what all boys wanted, with Shinji he actually meant what he said no matter how corny or awkward.

"We did promise, remember?" Shinji said holding up his hand.

"I do, pinky swear and all" Mari said reaching for his hand and taking it in hers. A memory flashed before Shinji's mind, him and Mari sitting atop the bed in his private room. Pinky swearing that they'd both get out one day. And somehow they not only had, but they'd managed to find each other again too.

"Going out on adventures, somehow I don't think this what we thought of when we were kids." Shinji said softly.

"Kicking ass in a giant robot, I'm okay with that" Mari said smirking.

Shinji smiled. She was always more bold than him, but he thought he was the only one who ever saw the other side of Mari. These quieter moments. He squeezed her hand a little tighter feeling a bit bold like her.

Together they stayed there looking up at the night sky, chatting and just enjoying the others company. Watching the night lights before they started to go out, leaving the stars above. Making out late into the evening and into the early morning, leaving Shinji's heart pounding as he experienced this... this thing called 'life' that he'd never known before. They fell asleep there, on her apartment balcony and wrapped in blankets together.

* * *

 _Morning after_

Shinji woke slowly, prying open his eyes and sitting up. He'd stayed the night at Mari's place and Misato probably wouldn't be happy about that. It took a few moments to process that as he untangled himself from the blankets he and Mari had been lying on.

He rubbed his eyes seeing it was morning and the sun was up. Shinji turned to wake Mari up, telling her good morning... but Mari was gone.

The blankets were gone.

The apartment was gone.

… it was like something out of a horror film, one moment he'd been getting out of bed about to wake his girlfriend when they suddenly disappeared. The darkness seeming to envelope everything around him. He wasn't moving, everything else was. Everything disappearing before he could even shout in surprise.

The entire city was gone and he was in the dark void again.

"What? No... no! Not again!" Shinji said panicking as he felt something in his head stirring. He closed his eyes tight, holding his forehead as his madness returned.

He started breathing heavily and he opened his eyes again to see that nothing had changed. Shinji stared wide eyed at the dark void all around him.

" **Shinji**... " a voice called, a feminine voice.

He stopped breathing as he felt someone sitting behind him. Hands wrapped themselves around him, hugging him from behind as the figure nestled up against his back.

The Woman in the Dark.

She trailed her hands down his bare chest gently. Her bare breast pressed softly against his back as she leaned her head onto his shoulder.

" **Oh sweet Shinji. I am doing this because I love you. I do** " the Woman in the Dark said holding him so gently. The woman brought her lips to his neck and kissed him softly. No desire, no lust, no primal urge, but love. So pure and unconditional, so warm. She reminded him of his mother... but that couldn't be right... it couldn't be.

"What? I... no this is wrong." Shinji said in a barely a whisper, too scared to even breathe. One moment he'd been with Mari in her apartment, and now this.

He reached his hands down, trying to pry the Woman in the Dark off of him. But her words startled him and he stopped.

" **Why do you want to die?** " the Woman in the Dark said suddenly. Holding him tightly, breathing softly against him and basking in him.

 _I... I don't want to die. That's crazy. Who would want to die-_

"I don't want this. I didn't ask for any of this. I... failed. I'm tired... so very tired."

Shinji felt his lips moving, his mouth forming the words, but he didn't say them someone else did.

Suddenly he was gone again, the Woman in the Dark disappearing as quickly as she had emerged...

There was an older man sitting on a broken down country side, the ruins of a highway visible in the distance. The man had a beard and long dark unwashed hair. Dressed in rags and sitting before a small camp fire. He was alone... so very alone.

The man... no Shinji _was_ the older man in this dream.

"Was never fair. I was a kid. I was just a goddamned kid... to leave that up to me... me? How could they have been so cruel? Why me? Why not someone stronger? Why not Asuka? Why not Misato?" the older man said into the empty night. His voice tired and on edge, tittering towards a breakdown.

 _Asuka? Misato? That impossible-_

The older man rose staring into the night sky with hollowed empty eyes, not yet broken but hanging on by a thread. His lips shook as he looked at the stars above with such sorrow.

"Why did you leave me? Why would you do this to me? Why! You had a choice! Did you ever really love me at all! Did you ever even care?!" the older man shouted through his sobs. Shouting into the night, the camp fire casting his shadow behind him.

And Shinji saw it, saw the moon. The moon with a streak of red crossing it and the night sky around it. Almost like a scar on the moon itself, so large that it was visible in the night sky from down here. What on earth could do that?

The older man was given no answer. No reply even as he had shouted into the night sky. Of course, why would she answer him now? She'd never answered him since that day.

The older man stood staring into the night sky, looking at the stars above, waiting and waiting. But silence was his only answer. He stood there alone in the dark and the cold air, in the dirt and the ruin. He was tired, so very tired.

"There is no hope here... nothing... nothing but this" the older man said sinking to his knees in the dirt. Clutching his hand and tracing the mark on his ring finger, the ring he had had was gone. Long gone by now. Yet he still felt for it, longing for it...

…

" **Why do you want to die?** "

Shinji heard the Woman in the Dark whisper to him.

"I don't know if I was ever really happy at all" the older man whispered into the dark.

He paused, lost in his own thoughts. His eyes wide and lost in the memories of better days, saying "but if I was... it was with them... with _her_."

…

Then the vision changed and the man was younger than Shinji had seen him before. No beard, but stubble and with short cropped hair.

The man was lying down on the grass, watching stars in the night sky like Shinji had been doing with Mari before the madness had returned. Someone was lying beside him smiling, she was shorter than he was. Much shorter.

"Hey, look there. That cluster of stars, the before people used to call that Orion. I learned about it when I was a kid. Back when we had these things called schools, it was one of the only things I liked to learn about. The stars." the man was saying softly. He was smiling in spite of it all. Managing to keep going even in all this mess.

The little girl beside him laughed saying "a hundred years ago?"

She had his hair... she... she... she had his brown hair but her eyes were red. Her skin was pale white. A child that reminded him of...

"Hey, I'm not that old." the man protested, but his eyes gave him away. He wasn't mad, not really, he was getting older and she liked to remind him of that. A little game between the two of them that brought a twinkle back into his eyes.

"You're not a fossil" the little girl laughed at him.

"Not yet anyway. Better not tell Aunty that joke. She's not as nice as me" the man was laughing as the girl beside him laughed too.

The girl reached a hand across and he took it in his own, she couldn't have been more than seven years old. The man sat up pulling the girl with him as he got up.

"Come on, let's get back inside" the man said walking with the girl following after him, her hand in his. He ran his free hand through her long brown hair, ruffling it even as she giggled playfully trying to shrug him off but never able to. That giggle... it made Shinji's chest feel a thousand times heavier. It made him feel old... made him feel... pain.

Shinji felt his heart ache at the girl's presence. He, our Shinji, sank to his knees from this pain inside his heart. This sorrow that he could not explain. This... love. The love only a parent could know.

 _She... that girl... she's... she's my... my..._ Shinji thought struggling to even think.

 _ **My daughter**_ the thing in his head stirred. Its voice hoarse, sorrowful, and filled with pain.

…

Then he was gone again, Shinji disappearing and reappearing somewhere else.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

Shinji stood eyes wide in the dark void of his madness. He was on that same stretch of land with the ruins of a city in the distance. Why did he keep getting drawn here?

He was crouched on his knees, having fallen over from the pain in his heart, that sorrow that he'd felt deep down in his bones. Panting as he got over the strange visions from before.

" **Breathe, Shinji.** " The voice from inside his head said.

Shinji flinched in shock, panting as he knelt on his knees from the trauma.

" **Just breathe Shinji. Take a moment to breathe. I didn't want this, but you would never listen to me. I had to drag you in so we could talk. It's dangerous for you to see those things. You're stronger, but you're still not ready. This place is safer, you can handle it better than the others** " the voice said.

No, the voice was the same but it wasn't coming from inside his head anymore.

Shinji flinched, he was not alone here. There was an older man standing here in this other place with him, standing far back as if giving Shinji his space.

" **I know things have been hard for you. They were hard for me too. No one ever said life was easy** " the Other Man said softly.

Shinji trembled as he slowed and turned to look, his breath catching in his throat as he was too scared to even breathe.

" **Don't look at me. Shinji, you're not ready.** " the Other Man said. His voice was empty and cold, the absence of warmth, and so very tired.

Shinji flinched and stopped in his tracks, stopped to look at the floor and found it to be the ruins of concrete. Pavement maybe? This place had been inside a city, or else nearby, and he didn't understand how that was possible.

The Other Man was sitting far back from Shinji, sitting atop the edge of the 'pavement' where the ocean met the land under this dark sky. The Other Man gazing at something far away and not even looking at our Shinji as he spoke. Perched on the edge of this strange place with his feet in the dark water.

" **Deep down, your instincts tell you not to look at me. Smart. Once you see me, truly see me, then you will know the truth. And then, there will be no going back. You may never forgive me for what I've done. I accept that, I would understand your rage. But it's still too soon... I've made mistakes along the way and 'they' know more than they should.** " the Other Man said.

"I... I don't understand. How is this happening? What is this? Am I-" Shinji stammered too shocked to think clearly.

" **You're not dreaming Shinji. This place is a fragment of a time gone by. A memory.** "

Shinji blinked in surprise.

 _A memory? But I've never been here before-_ Shinji thought.

" **I never said it was your memory.** " the Other Man interrupted.

Shinji flinched back as it struck. This could not be happening. Whatever this was, it wasn't right. This was not a good sign.

The Other Man sighed softly, feeling like such an old man, and running a weathered and beaten hand across his face. His mannerisms had started coming back... how strange but not unpleasant.

" **This always happens. I try to help, to do the right thing. But often I make things worse. Look at you, you're terrified Shinji.** **I've been alone too long, isolated, and detached. I had forgotten what it was like to 'feel'. Forgotten how to talk to people. Maybe if I was better we would not be so divided** " the Other Man said darkly.

Shinji trembled and instinctively reached a hand into his pocket for his medicine, for his pills. But of course, there were none. This was in his head. How had this happened? Shinji had taken his medicine. He had. Why did this 'thing' inside his head, this madness, hate him? Why did it want to stop him being with Mari?

" **I don't hate you Shinji. If I really** _ **really**_ **wanted to stop you, I could. It would not be difficult. But I want you to understand.** " the Other Man said. He rose from his perch stepping out of the darkened water, and as he did so Shinji stepped back.

" **In a better world, everyone would have the right to happiness. But that's not the world we live in. Not the one you live in. You are not like the others, Shinji. You are different and your life has been hard. You asked me what's wrong with being happy? The answer is that it will make you complacent, it can make a man do things they normally wouldn't. Don't you see, the pursuit of happiness can make you selfish. Can you make do things you shouldn't, even when you know it's wrong. That's the thing... no one thinks they're the villain, no one thinks they're a bad guy. Everyone tells themselves that they're the hero of their story, but... life doesn't work out like** **that.** " the Other man said deep in thought.

Shinji watched as the Other Man changed, his hands balling into fist and his voice adopting a bitter tone of pure hatred.

 **"Gendo does everything he does for the sake of being happy, deluding himself into thinking he deserves a better life. As if, what makes that man think he's so special? He doesn't see himself as a bad person, as a failure of a parent, as a pathetic old man putting his own 'happiness' over everyone and everything else, even his own son.**

 **That is his greatest sin, putting himself above all others. He's a walking failure who deserves what he gets. His time will come, you'll see.** " the Other man said breathing hard before calming himself. The man's weathered hands relaxing and curling back from the balled fists they had been moments ago.

Whatever Shinji's feelings towards his father, this man before him hated Gendo. Hated Gendo more than anyone he'd ever known. The Other Man sighed heavily, still keeping himself at a distance from Shinji as he spoke.

" **The two of us have a job to do, a mission, and Mari... she can ruin things. You hate me for saying that, but it's true. Shinji, happiness can be selfish, you don't realize what you're risking. I've tried to be patient with you, I know it's hard, but we have that job to do. No one else can do it.** **I told you, unhappiness is more common than happiness. Poor boy, you have inherited a legacy of pain, and because of it you may never have a normal life."** the Other Man said sounding almost sad.

Shinji stood there panting softly at the Other Man's words.

When the Other Man did not continue his musings, Shinji shook his head and closed his eyes tight, trying to ground himself out and leave this madness behind. He did that once before, when he'd been separated from the other pilots and Mari had found him in the rain. He'd managed to push the madness away that day, he could it again. He could do it again.

" **This isn't like the last time.** _ **This**_ **is not a crack in your mind, not a conflict of our memories. No, this is me trying to talk to you. You can't push me away Shinji. Just as you've gotten stronger, so have I.** " the Other Man said softly.

There was no menace in his voice, as if the Other Man was simply stating a fact. Yet Shinji found it unsettling regardless. The Other Man had barely looked at him the entire time Shinji had been here... but this was bad. He needed to leave.

 _No... I can make it go away. I can make it go away!_ Shinji thought closing his eyes tight.

" **Boy, closing your eyes won't make a difference. This is your mind. You can't stop 'thinking' anymore than you could stop your heart beating.** " the Other Man said tilting his head at the struggling Shinji.

 _Mari... I want to go back to Mari. This isn't real_ Shinji thought grunting in pain as he fought to leave this place. He needed his medicine.

" _ **Sigh.**_ **We cannot be this divided. Shinji,** _ **please.**_ **Listen. I promise I will let you go when I'm finished.** " the Other Man said.

Shinji opened his eyes but it was no use, opened or closed, he was still stuck here. He felt himself shuddering from the fruitlessness of all this.

 _What are you?_ He wanted to ask.

The Other Man tilted his head and spared Shinji a small glace, the older man never allowing Shinji to see his face completely. But Shinji saw it... one of the Other Man's eyes was red. Mixed eyes under a mop of greying hair, one red and the other brown.

" **You know what I am. You're not insane. You never were. I don't want to fight you Shinji. I don't want this divide between us, but you are so stubborn. You've fought my guidance almost every step of the way... I've tried to be patient with you but I'm not perfect. Seeing all of this again can be hard for me. It brings back old scars. You make me 'feel' again and that's not always a good thing** " the Other Man said.

"You... you're the thing inside my head. I'm not suppose to talk to you. Whatever you are, its wrong. Please, just let me go. If you really _really_ don't hate me... then let me go." Shinji pleaded. He was breathing hard, forcing himself to 'talk' to _it_ as best he could. It was terrifying, but he had to be brave. After all, the only time you can be brave is when you are afraid.

The Other Man grunted at that, still keeping his distance from Shinji, hiding his face, as he said " **be brave.** **Those are the words that I gave you. It's a lesson I took too long to learn, but you're doing much better than I ever did.** "

"Those words... back at Mount Asama. You helped me... why?" Shinji asked slowly, the tremor in his hand returning after almost a month and a half of being free of it.

" **Because I'm not your enemy. The Angels are a problem. They hate you because of me, I scare them. But they're not our greatest threat. No,** _ **our**_ **enemy is called SEELE.** "

"SEELE?" Shinji parroted in confusion, afraid to even look at the Other Man in the distance.

" **You don't know them yet, but you will. A group of old fools trying to bring about what they don't understand. So sure of themselves, so... afraid of death. They want more, but who says they deserve more? What makes them so special? What makes Gendo so special? Selfish monsters they are.** " the Other Man said darkly. The tint of hatred in his words.

"I took my medicine..." Shinji said thinking aloud.

" **That medicine isn't what you think it is. It weakens you. It weakens you in every way. I've protected you over the years, but it hasn't been easy with you fighting me the whole time.** " the Other Man said.

"Please... whatever you are... just let me go. I'm not going crazy again... I'm not... I can't be." Shinji pleaded and panting like he'd just run a mile.

" **You're not listening. You are not crazy, you never have been. I exist. I am not a figment of your imagination. Shinji... time is running out. Soon, you will know the truth. But for today, listen.** " the Other Man said.

Shinji nodded slowly, the Other Man refusing to continue until the boy had acknowledged him in some form.

" **Remember my words. I am not your enemy. Our enemy is SEELE. Soon, you will learn the truth.** _ **Sigh.**_ **Two Angels are coming for you. Once they arrive, we'll met again.** " The Other Man said looking at Shinji with almost pity.

"I don't understand" Shinji said in a small quiet voice.

" **A promise is a promise. Goodbye Shinji. Open your eyes** " the Other Man said and with a jolt Shinji was pulled away. Leaving the void behind... and leaving the Other Man all alone in the dark once again.

…

Shinji woke with a start.

Almost jumping out of the blankets as Mari stirred from the sudden movement. Shinji panted, a layer of fresh sweat on his forehead, as he sat up. He was back. He was back in Mari's apartment, back on the balcony with his girlfriend.

"Whoa there... next time just set an alarm clock" Mari yawned. The older girl stretching as she made to sit up, then took in the shocked sight of her boyfriend.

Shinji held up his hands looking at them as if to make sure they were real. Slowly, he placed his hand on the blanket feeling the material. Making sure it was really there.

Mari put a hand to his forehead, checking for a fever but finding none. Shinji blinked in surprise at her touch.

"Shinji... what's wrong?" Mari asked glancing up at him with a concern looked on her face. What a way to wake up.

"I'm fine. Just... sometimes I have bad dreams." Shinji said feeling his hand tremor come back. He flexed his hand seeing it before breathing, letting himself calm down.

Mari took his shaking hand in her sighing softly. "Nightmare?" Mari asked as she intertwined his fingers in hers.

"Yeah, they come and they go." Shinji admitted with a shaky voice, breathing slowly and catching his breathe.

Mari gave him a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he slowly did the same to her. She of all people would never judge him.

Once he had calmed down, they ended having breakfast in her apartment as he tried to forget the dream or whatever it was.

Still, those words had lingered. The things he kept seeing in his dreams. That... that little girl and her father... the old man... and the thing in his head. Then there were those words. Those words:

 **I am not your enemy. Our enemy is SEELE. Soon, you will learn the truth.**

And

 **Two Angels are coming for you. Once they arrive, we'll met again.**

Shinji would try to ignore that, try to forget what he saw, he never wanted to remember. Thing was, the older he got the harder it was to ignore what was in his head. He doubted it would be that easy this time. Time was running out.

* * *

 **LONG CHAPTER, I know. I wanted it to be a very character based chapter.  
Problem is, there are a lot of characters, and side ish characters like Misato, Kaji, and Ritsuko are still important. They don't get as many scenes as the main trio but there's still things going on for them. **

**I wanted to show more of our Shinji's growth and change due to Mari, as well as Mari being 'softer' with Shinji as it's a side she doesn't really show anyone else. As well as moving the timeline a bit forward, I had to skip some things to make it all fit. I wanted to play around with the idea that for once Shinji was being 'happy' whilst Rei and Asuka were having trouble. And Asuka actually being jealous of Shinji at times, as well as other emotions she still working through.**

 **That scene with the Rei hug was actually a long time coming, I've been meaning to put that into the story for a while not but could never make it fit. If the pacing feels off, that is probably why. Rei knew about Shinji's past for almost the whole story.**

 **And we finally had a direct scene between our two Shinji(s). There's still more to come, their relationship is complex to say the least. I had a lot of fun writing that as well as the newest glimpses into Other's past.**

 **Did you expect Other to be a parent?**

 **Thank you so much reading and please Review!**

 **Cheers!**


	19. No Time Left

**Hey guys, I'm back. Hope you're enjoying the holidays.  
This chapter is a bit different than the others, focuses more on a relationship.  
For those whom do not like this relationship, I urge you to keep reading as there is more to the story. **

**Here we are, chapter 19: No Time Left.**

* * *

" _Looking back on it... these first months of Eva piloting were a good time in my life. They weren't perfect, not by a long shot. With all the pain, the battles, the seizure, meeting Rei and Asuka, the house arrest... bad times as well as the good. Despite it all, I had grown. I wasn't as mopey as I had been, I had started to learn to live in the outside world with Misato's helping hand. I had made friends and even something more. I had finally seen the sparks of love that I'd been too blind to see for years._

 _Hmm, Mari and me having our time to be together. Living, truly living. It's funny... since day one I knew that piloting was never easy, but I would never see just how hard it could be until after the changes._

 _ **'He** ' told me what was coming, but I didn't listen at the time. I think I didn't want to listen. He scared me. So I tried to ignore it, to live my life. But I always heard his words in the back of my mind. A warning, despite his cold demeanor and his flaws. A warning that changes were coming. A message from the Other Man._

 _He told me that 'we' had a job to do, that there was no one else to do it. And that two Angels were coming for me._

 _Have you ever had something coming your way? Something you'd have given anything to avoid? Did you notice that time seems to fly? As if all the clocks in the world decided to start running faster. That it's hard to be in the moment. Heh 'be in the moment'. That's where Mari came in, she's always been my anchor. The one to ground me just as I grounded her._

 _I love her. I really do."_

 ** _\- Shinji Ikari_**

* * *

 _Two months after Mari was released from the ward  
_ _Cafeteria_

 _ **You should eat your food**_

Little Shinji stared at the food on his plate with blank lonely eyes. He was in the cafeteria sitting alone like always did these days. Ever since his only friend in the world had left.

Mari.

She had left the ward without him. Not even a goodbye. Almost a year know and no messages, no letters, no calls, no visits... nothing at all. Had she even cared about at him at all? She had been his friend, his first and only friend. Now she was gone and he was alone again.

 _ **Shinji, you're a growing boy. You need to eat something. Even if its just the pudding, you need to eat**_ the voice in his head told him.

Little Shinji blinked at the voice in his head, the manifestation of his insanity, nagging him to eat his food. Slowly he grabbed the pudding off his plate and peeled off the lid.

He managed a small sad smile as he took a bite of the pudding, feeling like he was going to cry at the memories in his head.

… _**You won't be here forever. One day, you will leave the ward. I promise**_

"Need my pills" Little Shinji whispered softly to himself. Closing his eyes, he imagined that Mari was sitting beside him, stupid grin planted on her face and whispering conspiratorially to him about something. About plans to steal more pudding for the two of them, or else of sneaking into his room at night.

 _ **Shinji, there is more to life than a girl. You have to eat something. Just take a bite. Just one. It will help.**_

Little Shinji put a spoonful of pudding into his mouth and swallowed, enjoying the sweet taste amid the sea of blandness that was the ward food. He sat there eating his food all alone, eating because he did not know what else to do. He ate, then left to take his meds.

Just another blank day among the countless others for Shinji. Dressed in white, locked in because he had to be. No one for company but the thing inside his head.

…

 _Elsewhere_

Mari stood in the park smiling as the wind blew across her face. The nanny was chasing after the wild girl, a pre-teen really, as she explored and explored. Her curiosity never seeming to end.

She'd already played basketball with the other kids until she'd gotten bored, most boys didn't like losing to a girl but that only made her laugh at them more. They'd stopped playing with her after that, little boy's and their egos, and so she'd gone exploring again.

"Mari! Get back! Your parents will hear about this!" the nanny was saying as Mari ran off again. Watching as butterflies flew past them.

"They won't care. They're never home!" Mari shouted, taking off with a shrug.

In the two months since she'd been released, mom and dad had come home exactly once. Mom had been too tired to talk to her, and dad had spent the entire time on his phone. When she tried to press them, to spend time with her parents, they only brushed her off saying that she should focus on studying, saying that she 'had a lot of schooling to catch up on'.

 _Stupid adults_ Mari had thought at the time.

She tossed her recently purchased skateboard to the ground, and took off down the path enjoying the simple toy for it was. Enjoying the fresh air after years of being confided inside a single building.

"Mari be careful!" the nanny called as the girl went sliding down a steep path, sliding down on the skateboard and using the added gravity to go faster. Other kids at the park panicked and moved out of her way as she did so. A few young boys watching in awe at the brave little girl, the girl without fear of heights it seemed.

"Mari!" the nanny called as the little girl lost her 'supervisor'. Mari skating on and on, enjoying the cheap thrill for what it was.

...

Later, Mari sat on a park bench with an ice cream cone in hand. Her parents gave her an allowance, but nothing she bought ever made her happy in the end. Not the skateboard, not the ice cream, not the roller skates in her room. They were just 'things' and she went to the park to forget, tried to have fun by herself. Sometimes she could, other times... she couldn't.

Even now, she imagined her friend sitting beside her on the bench. Imagined him eating ice cream with her. Going on adventures. The shy little boy who was a little too honest at times, whom wasn't embarrassed at losing to a girl at anything, whom had always been her friend. What was the point of all these things if she had no one to share them with?

"Young lady" a stern voice called getting Mari's attention.

The nanny had finally caught up to her, took her long enough. Mari had been ready to go home for a while now, so she had waited for the older woman to find her.

Looking up at the older lady, Mari saw the narrowed eyes and cold glare.

"You can't go running off like that! Come child, we're leaving. Your parents will hear about this" the nanny said with a fresh scowl. Mari tuned the woman out until the nanny reached down and grabbed Mari's hand, pulling her along as they headed back for the car.

 _Sigh. The nanny will quit and mom will just hire another one._ Mari thought, dropping her ice cream and forced to follow the woman back.

Within the week, that nanny had quit. As time went by Mari had stopped bothering to learn the nanny's names until she was shipped off to boarding school.

* * *

 _Late Morning  
_ _Mari's apartment  
_ _Moments after Shinji's vision_

If she was honest, Mari did not expect her morning to start off with being rudely awoken by a stirring in her blankets.

She felt the sudden change in warmth as the blankets had been torn off her sleeping form, the sound of a small gasp waking her.

 _Shinji. What did you do?_ She managed to think with a slightly annoyed yawn.

Mari rolled over from the spot on her apartment balcony, expecting to see Shinji tripping over himself or something very 'him' like. Probably hurrying to get back as he had stayed the night.

"Whoa there... next time just set an alarm clock" Mari yawned. The older girl stretching as she made to sit up, then took in the shocked sight of Shinji.

The boy panting as he woke with a fresh layer of sweat. He was holding up his hands, before slowly placing one on the fabric of her blanket as if feeling the material to see if it was real.

She put a hand to his forehead, frowning as he hadn't seemed to have noticed she was there with him.

"Shinji... what's wrong?" Mari asked concernedly.

"I'm fine. Just... sometimes I have bad dreams." Shinji said slowly. The boy shaking his hand as if getting the feeling back. Now, she was worried.

Mari took his shaking hand in hers, sighing softly. "Nightmare?" Mari asked as she intertwined his fingers with hers. His hands were softer than hers, it wasn't a surprise. What was, was the tremor in his hands, the shake that lingered in her boy.

She'd had a few strange dreams after leaving the ward, but nothing like what he had. She remembered seeing him on that night all those years ago, seeing Shinji screaming in the cafeteria with blood in his eyes... lost to the world and seeing things no one else could. Mari was no fool, she knew whatever issues she had had were _nothing_ compared to his.

Her Shinji had been troubled in ways Mari just wasn't. She didn't like seeing him like that.

"Yeah, they come and they go." Shinji admitted with a shaky voice, breathing slowly and catching his breath.

 _Oh boy. Shit, I wish I was better at this. Shinji... it's okay_ she thought.

Mari gave him a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he slowly did the same to her. She of all people would never judge him. She didn't know what to do from there, so she held up and let him calm down.

"It's okay. Hey, let's just get some breakfast." Mari said softly.

…

Moments later, she was awkwardly watching as the boy stood in her kitchen getting ingredients together for a more 'western' type breakfast as she had mentioned in passing that she enjoyed them.

God, when was the last time she had ever felt 'awkward'? This was new for her, and that surprised her, having a boy in her apartment and cooking for her? It was so different from any 'fling' for lack of a better word she had had. Even with the older boys she'd known in her time.

 _Damn, I'm being just like Asuka. Bossing him around. No, I can't do that. He just had a nightmare and now he's cooking for me._ She thought.

"You don't have to" Mari said uneasily from her seat at the breakfast table.

"No, it's okay. I want to. I don't mind, this is something I'm actually good at." Shinji was saying as Mari watched him from the table.

The young boy stood in his girlfriend's kitchen and was already at work making them breakfast, he'd already put the pan on the stove and grabbed what he needed.

"You don't have to. After last night... Why don't you let me-" Mari began, her eyes on Shinji's hand watching for the tremor but finding it gone for now. She wasn't used to this, 'caring' about someone else.

"It's fine. Let me cook for you." Shinji said already starting up the stove so he could make them scrambled eggs.

Mari's time in Germany had left her with a certain pension for more 'Western' food and Shinji knew how to cook that too. Westerners had a habit of eating more 'stuffy' food than Easterners, but even Shinji had to admit that the west did have really good food even if it was a tad unhealthy at times.

Mari momentarily noticed the difference between their cooking. Like comparing a stick figure to a painting. Where she would have microwaved her food or else threw what she wanted into the pan and let it cook, Shinji instead took his time with it. His hands moving with care despite the nightmare from before, almost like he was an adult really. So simple and yet not simple, cooking was.

Shinji made the two of them bacon with scrambled eggs and side of toast. A 'simple' breakfast but somehow more tasty than anything Mari had ever made herself.

It helped him to calm down, his hand tremor had gone away and it was kind of... 'nice' to be here with her. Shinji only wished his condition hadn't ruined the mood last night, but that was just his life.

They sat at her breakfast table in silence, eating the food that Shinji had made for the two of them along with some orange juice that Mari had pulled from the fridge.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mari asked suddenly. A hesitant edge to her voice, unsure of whether to push or not.

Shinji stopped eating to consider that. He knew he had worried her, hell he had worried himself, and that was something that had always gone unspoken between them. Their conditions, it was almost like a pact they had had since they were kids. In-between their games and adventures, a pact that they need not discuss their illnesses.

Shinji put his fork down and stared at his hands again. How strange, he'd never really chosen to talk about this with anyone before. The facts had been forced out by the hearing, because of how he had saved Asuka, and now people knew. The people at Nerv, his fellow pilots, and all the adults. Yet he was doing okay all things considered, but they only ever knew the surface level. Not the intricacies of his madness. He didn't like to talk about it, but Mari was different.

"Sometimes I have nightmares... or dreams. It's hard to tell the difference, they're not all bad but they're not all good either." Shinji said slowly, deep in thought.

He remembered the Other Man telling him to 'be brave' moments before he'd found the strength to summon the AT Field and save Asuka and himself from the N2 mine, remembered the voice talking to him during his first piloting run. Remembered the voice pushing him to get up and fight when Rei had been struggling against the Beast Angel and Unit 01 had been without power. Remembered the Woman in the Dark and the visions from last night.

" **Why do you want to die?** "

The whispers from the Woman in the Dark. Not the thing in his head, but the woman from his childhood dreams/nightmares.

Mari looked up at him frowning in concern, saying "that doesn't make sense."

He laughed sadly, flexing his hand and thinking of the things that he could not explain, and that a part of him did not want to understand.

He sighed saying "no it doesn't. It makes no sense at all... but I... I _see_ things. See another life that isn't mine. Flashes of things. Like when I was kid, but not as rushed. Mostly I try to forget... I try to live in the moment but lately... I don't know."

Shinji half expected the thing in his head to stir, to tell him not to talk to Mari or else some other nonsense about him being young and foolish. That was the strange thing about 'it', the voice rarely yelled. It was so strange, the voice soft and yet at times bittersweet. Tired more than anything, and yet capable of getting frustrated and perhaps even angry with him.

But no, the voice did not come. And Shinji felt himself breathe in relief.

"I take my medicine, I try to be responsible. But ever since I started piloting I've had these dreams. It makes wonder if I'm go-" Shinji began with sad empty eyes.

Mari reached over and grabbed his hand, shaking him from his thoughts as he looked up at her in surprise.

"You're fine." she breathed in a hushed worried tone. Surprising him with her grip, as if afraid he'd disappear if she let go. The words unsaid but filling the room with an unexpected tension.

"Shinji... don't talk to Page again. Don't tell her those things. I- you know what she's like. She'll try to send you back to the ward if you do." Mari said as their eyes met.

 _No. Never again. I'm not going back there ever again_ he thought. He knew it was childish, thinking of that place as a prison, yet he couldn't help it. He had tasted the outside, had been free for over a year now and never wanted to go back.

Shinji felt his lips curve into a small smile at the feeling of his hand in Mari's, he shook his head saying "I'm fine, just a bad night or two."

Mari let him go and sank down into her seat looking relieved.

He laughed softly saying "sorry, didn't mean to worry to you."

"No, it's alright dummy. Just... damn you looked like a lost puppy for a second there."

"... a lost puppy?" Shinji said feeling himself lighten up at that.

"Yup. No wonder Momma Misato is over protective" Mari said in a soft tease, glad that things were going back to normal.

Shinji laughed at that too. Whatever it was, it had seemed to pass. They were just two teenagers sitting in an apartment eating breakfast. It was nice.

"Thanks Mari" Shinji said looking up at her and meeting her eyes again.

"For what?" Mari asked frowning.

 _For holding me when I had woken from the nightmare, for being there with me._ He thought.

"For being you" he said honestly.

Mari seemed to consider that, the earnest look in her boy's eyes. She had forgotten how mature Shinji could be. And Shinji blinked in surprise at the sight of Mari glancing away, the shadow of a blush on her face.

 _Wow. Mari blushing? She's the one whom cornered me in my room to make out, and she's the one blushing? What has the world come to?_ Shinji thought with another soft smile.

"I'm still human. No one's perfect. Usually not good with emotional shit. Jeez, there are days I forget I'm older than you." Mari said seeming to read his thoughts. Mildly embarrassed more than anything else, though she admitted that she liked the sensation.

That was thing about her Shinji, he really did mean what he said. He wasn't just putting the moves on her, she suspected that he didn't really 'know' how to, and yes the boy was inexperienced. But this side of their relationship seemed to come naturally for him.

 _How... what was the word she called me? When she said I was such a 'goody two shoes'? Ah, she called me 'cute'. That's what she is right now_ Shinji thought even as Mari shook her head.

She knew what he was thinking.

"Don't say it" Mari said shaking her head. She couldn't believe that had actually happened to her. Shinji was about to respond that he liked seeing that side of her too, when suddenly a loud noise got their attention.

RING  
RING  
RING

Shinji and Mari looked up from the breakfast table, towards the blankets where they'd been lying outside on her apartment balcony. Shinji's phone was ringing.

"I better get that" he said already knowing whom it was. Mari glanced at her own phone at the table, checking the time and seeing it was past 10 in the morning.

"Shinji?! Where are you?" Misato's voice called out from his phone as he answered.

He winced slightly at the suddenly loud voice, before saying "hey Misato. I'm at Mari's place. I spent the night and I-"

"You spent the night?! What happened to being careful? Shinji! I... sigh, just- we talked about this." Misato was saying as Shinji listened. He glanced behind him on the balcony as Mari joined him, standing beside him as he talked with his guardian.

"Nothing happened. Nothing like _that_ anyway. I just wanted a night out with Mari. And... and the house arrest is over." Shinji said calmly.

'Misato' Mari mouthed to him. Shinji nodded and she rolled her eyes.

"Don't do that! I woke up to find you weren't in the apartment and no one knew where you were. Ugh, Shinji just-" Misato had been saying on the phone.

Until Mari snatched his phone away from him leaving a very confused Shinji gaping at her.

"Hey! Miss Momma Misato! Lots of bad reception around here!" Mari said pretending to yell and adding in obviously human made sound effects of a bad phone connection.

"Mari! Your reception is fine! Don't-" Misato started to reply.

"Sorry! Can't hear you! I'll give Shinji a ride back to the apartment. He'll see you later. Bye!" Mari said into Shinji's phone before hanging up with a click.

Shinji stared at her in shock before she tossed him his phone back.

"She was yelling. And we didn't finish our breakfast" Mari said with a shrug as she headed back into her apartment. He stared after her before laughing as he followed her in shaking his head.

Mari was Mari after all.

* * *

 _Misato's Apartment_

"Mari! Your reception is fine! Don't-"

 _Click_

"She hung up on me... ah that girl" Misato scowled.

She was sitting on the breakfast table, phone in hand, tired expression planted firmly on her face, and eating a hastily made meal with Asuka.

Asuka barely even looked up from her bowl of cereal as Misato sighed putting her phone down. Why cereal? Because with Shinji gone this morning Misato had had to cook and Asuka didn't trust her with anything more than cereal. Misato choose not to take that as an insult, but only just.

 _Ugh. I drank too much last night. And what happened with me and Kaji... no. Better to leave that night forgotten. Ah, what did I get myself into? It was the drinks, and then to hear Shinji spent the night at a girl's house? When did he become such a teenager... sigh... no that's not fair. I wanted him to be more normal._ Misato thought with a heavy head.

"Asuka, you're really quiet today. Something up?" she asked glancing at her other charge.

"No" Asuka said softly. The girl taking another bite of cereal and choosing to stare at her food without so much as a glance at Misato.

 _Cold shoulder today hmm. Hope I wasn't that bad as a teenager_ Misato thought. She would have to check up on the girl later, for now she needed to get over her hangover.

Asuka grumpily ate her cereal, of course stupid Shinji had spent the night with his 'girlfriend'. They were so weird together.

 _Honestly... it's like he's the girl and she's the boy. Her giving him rides everywhere and him spending the night at her place. How the hell did that happen?_ Asuka wondered. Then she blinked and shook her head. Why the hell did she care who Shinji dated?!

"Listen, I got work today but I won't be there the whole day. If you want I can take you out or-" Misato started.

"No, I... I have plans with Hikari" Asuka cut in. The young girl seeming unwilling to meet Misato's curious eyes.

 _I swear, it's like the kids are avoiding me. Teenagers_ Misato thought. "Alright then, well then I gotta go. See you around Asuka" Misato said finishing her meal and getting to her feet.

Misato waited for Asuka to say goodbye, but the words never came and the girl only nodded at her on her way out. One of these days, Misato would have to sit down and talk to Asuka about a lot of things. But not this day.

...

Minutes later, and the apartment door opened as Shinji emerged onto the scene. The boy closing the door behind him on his way in, and immediately heading for his room to grab a change of clothes so he could shower.

Asuka sat in the living room playing that stupid video game that Misato had bought for them, and no she did not want to invite Shinji over to play. If she wanted a partner then she had Hikari.

"You weren't here to make us breakfast" Asuka said in greeting as he awkwardly passed through the living room. He'd blinking in surprise at the sight of her playing but quickly got over it.

"Sorry. I was at Mar-"

"I know. Sigh. Forget about it." Asuka said turning her gaze back to the game.

Shinji blinked in surprise. Never sure what was going on with Asuka, but hey she wasn't mad at him or anything. This was one of those good times between them, better not push his luck. He shrugged and continued on his way.

He grabbed a change of clothes, and took a quick shower before getting dressed and moving to his room to catch up on his school work. He'd had much rather spent the day with Mari or at the arcade with his friends, but he had to do it or else he'd fall behind again.

...

Meanwhile, Asuka smirked taking some small joy in seeing her high score displayed on par with Mari's on the stupid video game. She was neck and neck with the older girl, and she almost laughed at how pathetically low Shinji's score was. Even Rei had had a higher one than him.

 _Well of course I could play the stupid game better than them_ Asuka thought with a small grin. That always made her feel better. Proving that was good at something, better than most, and that she was a prodigy. Almost an adult. She continued playing.

...

* * *

 _The Signal_

Deep down in the hidden layers of Nerv, the First Angel stirred in the limited confines of its prison. A shadow of his former self, most of his power denied to him. Yet not defeated. Perhaps unable to truly die. It had taken all this time for him to gather what power he could. He could not act on his own... Imprisoned but not without means.

Adam stirred, the strange embryo like being tilting its head ever so slightly. It had no mouth, and yet it screamed. No sound audible to human ears, but a frequency that reached out and beyond the confides of the space down in Nerv. Reached out far and wide.

A calling. For Adam had never been defeated, only weakened.

* * *

 _The next day  
_ _Nerv Test Room_

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Shinji asked into the comm. Normally he just followed orders, but he'd heard stories of something bad happening the last time Nerv had tried this.

"Not really no, but you have the highest sync on record" Ritsuko answered into his ear via the comm.

Seeing the unconvinced look on the boy's nervous face, Misato grabbed her own comm opening up a channel between her and Shinji.

"She's just messing with you. We wouldn't do this if we didn't know what we were doing" Misato said hurriedly. Misato glanced at Ritsuko mouthing the words 'what's wrong with you?'

Ritsuko, for her part, seem to realize that she probably shouldn't have been so blunt and cold. She'd been acting harsh lately and no one knew why, just another thing Misato had to worry about it seemed.

'Sorry' Ritsuko mouthed back to her.

"Alright. Just... you guys can eject me if something goes wrong" Shinji said slowly into the comm.

"Of course, we got your back. Just relax, think of it like Unit 01" Misato said into the comm forcing herself to sound calm and collected even while her insides were writhing with worry.

The last time Nerv had tried this, Rei had ended up in the hospital and they'd had collect Shinji to pilot 01 on Gendo's orders via the backup plan. That had been what caused Shinji's very first piloting run in Unit 01.

Cross Pilot Evangelion Testing. Putting an Eva pilot in a different Unit and trying to form an operational sync ratio.

Shinji stared back at the hulking figure of Eva Unit 03 with a frown. This was so weird, but he didn't have much say in the matter. Rei was watching from afar, keeping her eyes glued to the Eva and that made Shinji nervous. He had a feeling his friend knew more than he did.

"Opening Entry Plug" a voice sounded on the intercomm.

With a hiss of compressed air being released, Unit 03's Entry Plug was opened and Shinji hurried forward stepping inside. Letting the Plug be re-sealed inside the Eva before he touched the controls.

Misato had made a change to the operation almost last minute. Instead of Unit 00, she had changed the test so that Shinji would try to pilot Unit 03. Misato had a suspicion, more of a woman's intuition than a scientific one, that Shinji would have a higher sync with Mari's Eva than the others. Apart from Unit 01 of course.

...

"You behave now! Okay girl, be nice to my dummy" Mari was saying.

The wild girl actually 'talked' to her Eva and that tended to freak out some of the Nerv staff, but Mari had a high sync ratio and a good combat record so they kept their thoughts to themselves.

Mari stood in her plugsuit, hovering just outside the testing area where Shinji had nervously made his way to her Eva.

...

"Starting Sync: 12%" Maya said standing beside Ritsuko by the main display.

 _Please... do not hurt him_ Rei thought watching the Eva with a blank expression. Hiding her nerves with a mask of detached calm. She remember the incident with an Eva going berserk after trying to pilot it. She did not pretend to fully understand the Evangelions, at times they seemed to have wills of their own.

"Raising. Raising. 22%. 25%. 32%. 41% I... 51%... 52%... sync holding steady at 55%" Maya continued to the stunned room of Ritsuko and her team, Misato, and the handful of Nerv engineers and technicians on call for this experiment.

All of them had been expecting another incident with a 'berserk' Eva, but the boy had done it. Shinji had synced up with an Eva Unit that was not his own.

...

"Right on!" Mari called into his comm.

Shinji opened his eyes marveling at this strange sensation. It was not at all like piloting 01, this was strange. He could feel the phantom sensation of 03 'running' through his nervous system but it was more rigid than 01 was. Like his movements would be slower if he actually tried to pilot 03.

"It smells like her... smells like Mari... I- and someone else" Shinji started to mumble. He felt himself dousing off and distantly he could hear a woman humming.

He had closed his eyes again.

...

"Sync ratio raising again. 56%. 58%. 60%" Maya reported to the surprised staff.

…

A woman humming to him. That sound... it was familiar and yet different the same time. A lovely lovely voice humming to him.

Someone had grabbed onto his hand. But whom?

" **Why do you want to die?** " whispers from the Woman in the Dark.

 _ **Stop.**_ The thing in his head stirred. Shinji flinched feeling a hand on his shoulder, as if a figure was pulling him away from something.

With a jolt Shinji opened his eyes flinching as he realized what had happened. _Need my pills_ he thought shuddering at the sensation.

He looked down at his hand seeing it was empty. Who had grabbed his hand?

…

"Shinji? Hey, answer your comm" Misato said starting to get worried.

After a tension filled moment of silent, Misato sighed hearing a response.

"Sorry, dozed off. I'm fine" Shinji half lied.

Misato breathed a sigh of relief. She checked her comm twice to make sure that it working when he hadn't answered her calls.

* * *

"He better not be trying to pilot my Eva" Asuka mutter to herself, forgetting that the comm was still open.

"Uh, you're fine Asuka. Only Unit 03 today, we figured you wouldn't want anyone else inside your Eva" Misato said hurriedly into comm.

Asuka blinked in surprise, realizing that Misato had heard her.

"Of course" Asuka said smirking. No one else could pilot her Eva, the very thought of stupid Shinji touching her beloved machine was just wrong.

…

Leaving Unit 03, he found Mari waiting for him on the hangar beaming at him. She patted the bolted down hand of her Eva.

"Good girl, he's a bit scrawny so go easy on him. I'm so proud of you" Mari said running her hand affectionately across the Eva.

Shinji ran a hand through his hair trying to shake off what had happened earlier. He couldn't help but feel a mixture of dread and suspicion lately when his condition came back. No matter, he could push it aside for now. He forced himself to focus on his girlfriend and not whatever the hell went on in his head.

"I'm not that scrawny, am I?" Shinji said managing a grin as she beamed back at him.

Mari jabbed him in the chest playfully, smirk planted on her face, saying "yes, yes you are."

…

Ritsuko studied the records again, noting how data showed a spike, a high point in the sync, before dropping down to a steady rate. Perfectly operational, and that had honestly surprised her. She'd thought Shinji would sync with Unit 03, but not to that extent.

"How did you know he could do that?" Ritsuko asked turning to Misato.

Misato seemed to consider that, crossing her arms as she observed Shinji and Mari chatting below, watching Mari playfully jabbing the boy in the chest.

"Woman's intuition" Misato answered.

…

The rest of the testing at Nerv went about as usual, Misato knew that the higher-ups like Gendo wanted more experiments run. But this was already pushing it, they had to take things slow or else they'd have another berserker Eva incident. Ritsuko and her team had proved cross piloting was possible with the Evas, and that was enough for now.

Misato had to almost pry Shinji and Mari apart from their 'chatting' session so they could continue, but she tried to remember that they were young.

Next they had all four pilots practice with their AT Fields, Shinji had the highest record with the field with Asuka and Mari tip toeing over each other's records, and Rei having the weakest field. Misato and Ritsuko had them spend two hours testing their fields before letting them go.

…

Shinji stood in the shower of the Nerv locker room for male Eva pilots. As the only male pilot he had the room to himself, and he'd gotten used to spacious room with its many unused lockers.

He let the water run down his face, unable to stop the lingering thoughts about what happened. It made him wondering about his condition. He'd taken his meds once reaching the locker room, but he couldn't stop the feeling... a sense of dread and he wasn't sure why. The strange thing that had happened to him when inside Eva Unit 03, and the nightmare he'd had the day before.

The memory of the voice in his head talking to him. When the Other Man had spoken to him.

Shinji shook his head. "Just nerves from piloting another Eva. Nothing more" he told himself in the mirror.

 _There's no point in all this worrying. This always happens, I make problems bigger than they really are_ he thought getting dressed.

Outside in the hallway he found Mari waiting for him. Both of them dressed back in their street clothes, her in her jeans, shirt, and brown leather jacket and Shinji in his simply trousers and shirt. He'd already told Misato he'd be going out after testing was done, and that it is was the weekend so it'd be fine.

"You alright?" Mari asked seeing his troubled face.

"I will be. Just... me being me. Ready to head out?" Shinji said as the two of them walked side by side.

"Always" Mari answered with a small smirk.

 _I have to live in the moment. Not spend so much time lost in my own head. Like Mari. She knows how to live... I want to be like that too_ he thought managing a soft smile as he walked with his girlfriend to her bike.

"You're in a really good mood all of a sudden" Mari said with a raised eyebrow.

"Just you being you" Shinji answered softly. Maybe that wasn't the right way to say it, he wasn't good with words. The adults in the ward had told him that he'd had a higher than normal vocabulary as a kid, but Shinji still felt like he often didn't how to say what he wanted. Especially when it came to girls.

Then he remembered, Mari was Mari. She understood him alright.

"You are _so_ weird. But I like it" Mari said laughing at him, the two of them getting on her bike. Shinji choose to take that as a compliment, which it was coming from her. She liked to tease him sometimes. She made sure he held onto her before taking off.

Together, driving off into another night out.

Shinji enjoying the breeze as the wind flew against his face. He couldn't live his life worrying about whatever problems he might, or might not, have. He chose to live his life instead.

He smiled.

* * *

 _Three Weeks Later_

Surprising, how 'normal' life could be without his piloting. For three straight weeks, no Angels occurrences, only the occasional sync test, one meeting with Page, and nothing out of the ordinary. Not even the thing inside his head. Ever since his nightmare or dream or whatever it was with the Other Man, it had left him alone. Silence.

Shinji had been able to go on with his life. At times he felt the nagging feeling at the back of his mind, the words the Other Man had told. He tried to move on but the words lingered. With Mari's help, he found himself able to push his worries aside. Found himself able to live his life.

School, home, time with his friends, time with Mari, Nerv tests, and so on and so on. It might have seemed boring at first glance, but Shinji didn't mind. Him visiting the arcade with Toji and Kensuke, working with Rei to finish their homework faster, and spending nights with his girlfriend.

That was still such a strange word for him, he never thought he'd have that. A girlfriend. Perhaps that was depressing, but he hadn't honestly considered it. Mari was so full of life, in many ways still the same kid who wanted to go out and on adventures, whilst in many ways she was not.

More experienced than him in more ways than one. Passionate, and sometimes leaving him breathless with her lips pressed against his. He'd gotten better at kissing to, not a lot, but just a bit.

Mari often had to wait for him to get out of school or else sync test at Nerv, as she didn't have school she had more free time than he did, and yet they made it work. When they weren't out somewhere in the city, they were either at her apartment or else at Misato's.

He was better at being more 'at home' so to speak. Sometimes cooking meals for the two of them or else staying up late to watch a random movie that they sometimes didn't watch.

Shinji never stayed the night at Mari's apartment a second time. Misato saw to that, checking up on him in the late hours to make sure he was home whenever she had to stay late at Nerv.

Tonight was one such night, Misato staying late at Nerv. Asuka apparently spending the night at Hikari's place, she'd been doing that a lot recently like she was determined not to be alone. Shinji had noticed something bothering Asuka, but the German girl probably wouldn't want to talk to him of all people about it.

Asuka had Hikari, and so Shinji left it be. Focusing on himself.

So Shinji and Mari had the apartment to themselves. They'd stayed in for the most part this night, Mari watching some crappy movie on Misato's TV whilst Shinji finished his stupid homework. Then the two of them just played the video game console Misato had gotten him.

They enjoyed each others company, even simply being around each other and in-doors which was a rare feat for Mari of all people. Two mostly empty plates lay on the floor near the couch where they'd been gaming. He'd made dinner for Mari and him, but he'd putting off cleaning the dishes long enough.

"You are so bad at this" Mari was laughing at him. Their score was an overwhelming majority of wins on her side. He held up his hand in defeat, shaking his head even as he reached down to grab their plates and headed for the kitchen.

It was a habit he'd learned from teacher back when he'd lived with that kind man, to always clean up after eating.

"You don't always have to clean up. I swear, it's like Misato and Asuka have a free maid. Just let them do it" Mari said good-naturedly as he went back to it. Cleaning up the dishes in a hurry.

"If I don't, then no one will. It's like Misato and Asuka never learned to clean or something" Shinji said finishing up.

Mari leaned against the kitchen wall giving him a coy look. _Just like me then? You basically cleaned my apartment when you first came over_ she thought.

"Uh, not you though. You're fine. Just..." Shinji said starting to realize what he had implied.

Mari shook her head saying "it's cool. I'm not very organized. You're allowed to be better than me at something." She made a mocking voice as if hurt by his words.

Shinji rolled his eyes before drying his hands and heading back to her.

Then his phone beeped, Misato was calling. She liked to check up on him on nights like these, when she had to stay late and left him and Mari the apartment to themselves.

...

Mari paced the kitchen as he answered, telling Misato that yes he remembered the rules and that yes his girlfriend wouldn't be spending the night over, and that he wasn't supposed to spend the night at Mari's place either.

He could feel Mari's eyes on him as he spoke with Misato, he knew his guardian meant well but at the same time why couldn't he just be with his girlfriend.

Shinji sighed sadly.

"She wants me to get going." Mari said seeing the look on his face.

"You know how Misato is." Shinji said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He really wished they'd let Mari spend the night. He didn't like nights like these to end so soon. But the adults just had to have their way, there was no getting around that. No matter how much Shinji might have wanted to.

"It's not so bad, I'm not locked up anymore. And I made us dinner, something I actually know how to do" Shinji said sadly. Mari gave him a curious look, he could tell that she didn't want to leave so soon either. Misato's rules.

He made to walk her outside, he usually did when they spent the night at Misato's place. But Mari lingered in the hallway looking tentative. The 'cool' girl he knew standing uncertain as he thought he knew what she was thinking about. Her spending the night with him. More than making out.

 _That_. They'd not done that yet, and though the adults in his life, and even the thing inside his head and warned him not to, he couldn't help but feel a desire too. The passion and life Mari brought out of him, and something else beyond the physical.

"Or I could stay" Mari said slowly.

 _Misato won't be back for hours. She wouldn't know..._ the words hung between them. Shinji felt his heart race even as Mari pulled him back in the hallway. His hands in hers.

"I know you're still new at this dummy. But I like you. I like you a lot. Hell, I probably love you. Why wait Shinji? It's been three weeks." Mari said to him sweetly.

Strange. Usually it was the other way around, with the boy confessing to the girl and pushing them towards the next step. Shinji didn't care, they were who they were. If he was honest, he was at times intimated by Mari's experience yet another part of him _liked_ it. Liked feeling alive with her, the rush of sensations from where their skin touched.

 _But Misato... and we're both young. And Mari is beautiful_ he thought even as he looked down at his and Mari's hands breathing softly.

"I thought of it. Of course I have. It's just..."

"Just what?" Mari asked giving him a bemused look.

 _Our age. My age... why do I even care about that? I guess it just never came up. Maybe it was about the ability to choose. I... I doubt I'd be very good_ Shinji thought awkwardly. His heart was racing again from the nerves and excitement. The possibility that they _could_ if he wanted to. Hell, Mari wanted to.

"Shinji. We're Eva pilots" Mari whispered, leaning in close to rest her head against his.

 _The Angels... yeah we have dangerous lives_ he thought. He glanced up at Mari seeing the way she looked at him. The warmth that she didn't fully understand herself.

Feeling a bit more bold, a habit he'd picked up from her, he reached up and kissed her. Not with the passion that Mari had often engaged him with, not a wild flurry of sensation that sent his heart pounding. This was slower, gentle.

It surprised Mari, not like the other boys she'd been with. No this was so very _him,_ so very Shinji.

More than physical, the voice had once told Shinji that he didn't know what love was or what it meant but Shinji disagreed.

Yes, he was young and inexperienced. Yes, he and Mari had only been dating for three weeks now. But he knew enough to know that he wanted Mari in his life. They had been a kind of constant for the other despite their years apart. Their relationship was unusual, and they lived unusual lives.

For once, it was Mari whom was stunned and overwhelmed with sensation. Audibly gasping in the sudden warmth the inexperienced Shinji had brought to her lips. That was the thing about her Shinji, he really meant what he felt and did.

She squeezed his hand tighter as they parted from the kiss, both taking the time to breathe at the rush they gave each other.

"Can I kiss you again?" Shinji asked almost breathless. He couldn't believe how bold he'd been, almost like Mari herself. He kinda liked it... being bold.

Mari brought her lips to his and together they awkwardly made for his room, stumbling slightly in the hall before finding their way to the door.

"Next time don't ask." Mari breathed into his ear as she pulled him along, bringing his hand down to her hips. He barely had time to close the door.

Together, they ended up on his bed. Mari pulling off her shirt and helping Shinji undress as he did the same for her with nervous but steady hands. Mari was so beautiful, Shinji thought. Athletic and well muscled with a flat firm belly. Almost like the body of a dancer. He helped her unhook her bra as she slowly helped him get his shirt off. He moaned as he felt her hand run down across his bare chest. Reaching lower and lower...

* * *

 _In the mind of Shinji Ikari  
_ _The Other Place_

A lone figure sat in the remnant of another time gone by. A small stretch of land with the ruins of a city visible in the distance.

The Other Man turned his gaze from Shinji and Mari, turned his gaze away from the real world, instead taking the time to prop himself up against an old and faded wall before sinking to the ground to sit.

 _ **I could stop him. Could take over and push Mari away. I- it would only make things worse.**_ The Other Shinji thought glancing down at his hands.

He tilted his head down, still not looking what at his counter-part was doing. Giving the boy his space for the time being. He did _not_ approve, and he had no desire to watch what was happening.

The Old Man closed his eyes feeling his frustration, his emotions had started coming back and that wasn't always a good thing.

 _ **Intervening would only divide us more. He would never listen to me, no matter how many times I've been right. Unhappiness is more common than happiness... I know that better than anyone. Time is running out. His and mine. Ah Shinji, why did you have to do this? Why did you have to choose Mari?**_ Other thought to himself.

Alone, so very alone in the dark place. This scar from another time. His home for lack of a better word in the void.

The Old Man opened his eyes running a weathered and beaten hand across his face. Forcing the sorrow from his heart, it was refreshing to 'feel' again. But with those feelings came only pain. He hadn't thought the boy and him would have differed so much.

He stopped himself before the memories of his daughter came flooding back, those memories hurt too much. That was the thing about love, it was both a strength and a weakness. Beautiful to have, and agonizing beyond belief to lose. Other stopped the tears before they came, he knew what'd gotten himself into. There was no going back.

He glanced down at his right hand, noticing the two missing fingers for the countless time. The sight had once unnerve him, but he'd gotten used to his 'bad' hand over the years. His bad hand with three remaining fingers, empty stumps at the edge of his knuckles where the other two had once been. The pinky and ring fingers missing from that hand...

Occasionally they still hurt, almost like the phantom sensations from an Eva. Like he could feel his missing fingers curling when his hands turned into fists. He coped with it by curling his good hand, breathing softly as he did now.

Other tilted his head up.

The Woman in the Dark was watching over him in the distance. Hovering in the void as she observed him, her face hidden under her long hair. The Woman swayed back and forth, watching over him humming as she hovered around. Her body mostly hidden.

Her voice as soft as silk.

Other Shinji looked back at her with hollowed empty eyes, both of them. Red and brown. He heard the Woman whisper to him, another memory.

" **Why do you want to die?** "

Her words still lingered in his mind after all these years.

" **Be gone.** " Other whispered, sorrow in his heart, and looked away.

With a wave of his hand... the Woman in the Dark vanished. Only a remnant. Nothing more.

He really was alone in here. With only the faded yet painful memories and the cold to keep him company. Other traced the ringer finger on his good hand, the hand that still had all his fingers, and felt the mark on his skin were the ring had once been.

What he wouldn't give to have that stupid ring back.

This was all wrong, this was not supposed to happen. The boy wasn't supposed to have chosen Mari, but he had.

The Old Man rested his face in his hands, so many things he had tried to change only for it go further than he had wanted. T'was his fate he supposed.

 _ **Time is running out Shinji. Enjoy it while you can.**_ He thought sadly. Keeping his gaze away from the boy, for he knew that tough times lay ahead.

Other sat there for hours, waiting and waiting in the dark and the cold.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _The real world_

Shinji lay down breathing softly under his bedsheets with Mari. He felt at ease, there was no other word for it, and so very... 'alive'. Maybe he should have felt bad for disobeying Misato's rules... but Mari and him were...

They were both so young and they lived dangerous lives, perhaps it was better for them to live in the moment and be happy.

Mari lay curling around him, her legs resting against his as he came down from his high. She had a hand resting atop his bare chest and looked up at him breathing softly like he was. He hadn't meant to wake her, but she opened her sleepy eyes all the same. He didn't think she minded.

Shinji didn't think he was very good the first time, nor the second, but he thought he was getting better by the third. He felt his face flush at that, where had that come from? Like a part of himself he'd never known he had. Mari had noticed and his heart raced at the realization that she like it. She liked the effect she could have on him.

"You're worrying too much about that." Mari said propping her head up on one of his pillows and looking at him. Seeming to know what he was thinking. _Boys, always so obsessed with their 'performance'_ she thought.

"I wasn't very good the first time... " Shinji whispered.

"No one is." Mari said teasing him softly. _I wasn't_ she thought.

Shinji chuckled at that. He reached down taking Mari's hand in his own. After they had finished, they'd fallen asleep under his bedsheets before waking hours later.

"This is nice" Shinji said simply, holding his girlfriend's hand.

He thought he could see Mari roll her eyes at such a dorky statement, but nestling against him all the same. Shinji had to think about the right word for what they were doing... after their love making. 'Cuddling' that was the word. They were cuddling.

"What time is it? What if Misato comes home?" Shinji said in a small moment of panic. He wasn't much of a rule breaker and they'd just broken one of Misato's big ones. Still, he didn't regret it.

Mari whined softly as he reluctantly forced himself to leave the warmth of his bed and his girlfriend, getting up and finding his pants. He checked his pockets and found his phone glancing at the time, already past 11 p.m.

"We'd better clean up. Misato might be heading home soon" Shinji said looking back at Mari, noticing that she had sat up on his bed. The sheets falling to her side revealing her bare breast, she gave him a coy look as he blushed again and awkwardly kept his eyes on her face.

 _What's wrong with me? After what we just did and I got embarrassed again? Damn, but it's Mari. She's beautiful_ Shinji thought even as Mari smirked playfully at him.

She rose from his bed and moved to where he was standing, his heart starting to race again, and before he knew it Mari had wrapped an arm around him. Embracing him from behind. Flesh upon flesh.

"Glad to know I still got it" Mari teased him. She had noticed him noticing her, and she approved.

Shinji was left at a loss of words, her standing next to him like that, leaning on him as they stood undressed. Still she sighed softly next to him, saying "this _is_ nice dummy." Parroting his words back at him.

She rested her head against his shoulder, hugging him from behind, and saying "took you long enough to put the moves on me."

Shinji smiled softly at that, reaching a hand up squeezing her's gently before letting go. She pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder, and he breathed out pleasantly. The two teenagers standing there softly, their clothes scattered across his room, Mari leaning on him gently. Alive, so very alive.

They had both better get dressed just in-case Misato came home. Or Asuka.

"Gonna take a shower. I'd invite you to join me, but I think we'd waste all the hot water. And besides, your roommates would be mad" Mari said coyly.

Shinji felt his face grow red and almost couched, damn she was doing that on purpose. He was still new to all this, but it... was pleasant. Very pleasant. Not just sex but something more, something he didn't really have a word for. Like they were a real couple and not just a bunch of horny teenagers.

…

 _The Other Place_

Other Shinji stood in the remnant, glancing back at the real world. Glad that the hormonal teenagers were finally done, he had absolutely no desire to watch these 'kids' live out their passions.

He'd had to wait and give them their privacy. Other watched the Younger Shinji with curious eyes, watching through the boy's eyes. He tilted his head spotting something.

…

Mari had opened his door and was already walking off towards the shower, having not bothered to get dressed as she did so. He figured she should use the shower first, so he'd stayed behind to get somewhat dressed just in case. Shinji was pulling his pants back on, when he glanced back up watching Mari from the open doorway.

Shinji was glad they had Misato's apartment to themselves, Mari sure was 'free' for lack of a better word. Why couldn't he stop looking at her? His eyes lingering on her shapely form walking through the empty apartment. She was only heading for the bathroom to take a shower-

 _ **Do you see it? Mari has a scar on her back. It's tiny, but it's there.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji flinched and had to fight to urge to gasp in shock. Three weeks of silence and now the voice had returned. Just like that, so sudden and ready to ruin the moment.

 _Gah. This stupid thing inside my head is a pervert._ Shinji thought with a flicker of annoyance.

 _ **Says the underage boy whom just had sex three times in his guardian's apartment.**_ The voice stirred, an equal flicker of annoyance in its tone.

Shinji blinked at that, feeling more embarrassed than anything else. He could just imagine what Misato would have said if she knew he'd broken the rules. Wait, Mari was his girlfriend he shouldn't have to justify that to anyone. Rules be damned. And she was... Mari was really pretty. 'Hot' was what Toji had called her once.

 _ **Stop thinking with your penis. Look at the scar. Why is that there?**_ The voice said annoyed at Shinji's lack of focus, or rather the boy's focus on another matter entirely.

 _ **Sigh. Still not listening are you?**_

Something happened... and Shinji blinked. Finding that his head had moved and he was staring at Mari's bare back... where a small almost imperceptible scar lined her back. Faded and thin, a small line barely an inch long.

 _What the-_

"Its rude to stare" Mari called back, smirking in the knowledge that he had indeed watched her go. He was so easy to tease, so 'pure' and she almost felt bad for making him blush. Almost.

Shinji coughed and quickly looked away. "Hey! Don't you need a towel!" Shinji called keeping his eyes glued to his bedsheets. He would need to wash them. That was the part the movies never seemed to show, the 'clean up' after the 'romance'.

"Always the gentlemen" Mari called back as she got in Misato's restroom to use the shower. Maybe Shinji was imagining things but that walk from his room to the shower seemed to have taken a really long time.

 _ **Tsk. You're letting your hormones do the thinking for you. Be careful Shinji... you were too young for sex. Don't lose your head.**_ The voice told him.

 _What? Hey! Stop talking nonsense. Just let me live my life! Jeez. I... hello._ Shinji thought.

The voice did not reply. The thing in his head had stopped stirring, seeming to disappear after its final message to him.

 _Figures. It just had to have the last word_ he thought shaking his head.

He quickly grabbed a clean towel for Mari just as he heard the water start running. He left it there for her by the shower door before heading out. He felt himself grinning like an idiot even as he grabbed a change of clothes for himself whenever Mari was done in the shower. He felt silly but shook his head all the same.

 _Can't believe that just happened. Was so sudden and I- we..._ he thought. Life was good for once.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

The Old Man rose from his seat in the ruins. On edge as he stared off into the distance, feeling outward with his senses. His red eye twitching.

 _ **Time ran out. The Angels are here... Adam, you bastard.**_ Other thought.

…

 _Elsewhere_

The citizens of Tokyo-03 had been having about as normal of a night as was possible, when of course things took a dark tone. Something unexplainable and without warning... another incident.

A dark sphere hovering over the city, at least twice the size of an Evangelion, casting a shadow that grew ever larger as the object approached. Phones started to malfunction and all across the southern part of the city, tv screens, computers, and radios flickered in and out.

The Angel had appeared without any warning, it had not come from orbit, nor the sea, it had simply appeared hovering far above the city. Appeared as if folding space around itself to emerge where it had, a form of teleportation. Before beginning its descent and by the time people took notice, it was almost too late.

A menacing sphere like construct that cast moving shadows below it as it hovered over Tokyo-03. The people started to panic at the instantaneous appearance of the Angel.

The city-wide drill had been started in a hurry, but various parts of the city had trouble sounding off as the electronics for miles around the Angel started to malfunction.

The Angel's shadow moved of its own will, spreading out as if alive and enveloping objects below. Seeming to absorb whatever the shadows grabbed, cars, people, street lights, all of them vanishing out of thin air.

In their panic, the military(JSSDF) launched two attack helicopters into the sky. Nerv had been called and was in the process of deploying, when the JSSDF tried to assault the Angel.

Firing missiles at the hovering structure over the city, only for the pilots to stare in horror as the missiles changed trajectory and went wild. The miles changing direction and instead firing off into the city before exploding elsewhere.

 _We had locked onto the target... the computer had calculated the shot!_ The panicked pilots had thought unnerved at the electromagnetic disturbances surrounding the Angel.

The 'living shadows' began moving, seeming to climb the very buildings reaching for the helicopters as the two terrified pilots made to retreat back to base.

… only one helicopter made it back.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

 _ **Shinji. Go to the balcony. You need to see.**_

Shinji blinked, he was sitting in the kitchen with Mari having just finished taking a shower and getting dressed after having waited his turn.

Mari tilted her head at him noticing something was wrong.

Whatever he was going to say was drowned out by the sound of the city alarm going off like a massive bullhorn. The ringing sounded loud and hard, but disrupted. The boom flickering in and out of existence as he and Mari covered their ears.

Together they ran to the balcony and both stared with wide eyes at the sight outside.

Like something out of an apocalyptic invasion movie, the Angel hovering over the city. A floating sphere of menace. Larger than an Evangelion, the sphere's surface warped black and white in strange colored patterns.

They watched as the city lights flickered in and out of existence around the Angel for several miles. Leaving entire blocks of the city in the dark.

 _ **Leliel**_ The thing in his head told him.

…

Elsewhere, Asuka scowled at the Angel hovering over the city. Hikari started at it dumbfounded, having never seen an Angel except for on tv and even then only the ones that were dead.

…

Rei woke and looked up from her bed hearing the sound of the city alarm and wasted no time in getting dressed before heading out the front door. Phone in hand and struggling to call Nerv to get a ride, the Evas were needed.

…

"We need to get to Nerv. Come on, I'll drive" Mari said clamping a hand on his arm. They ran back inside, Mari grabbing her brown leather jacket and motorbike keys.

Something was wrong with the electronics, Shinji tried answering his phone when Misato's call came but the connection was bad.

"Shinji! - We... need- Eva... Angel is-" Misato's voice came thru his phone. The static was so bad that Shinji winced from what sound managed to get through.

"On my way!" Shinji shouted before hanging up. He only hoped his message made it through to Misato.

 _An Angel that large? That can't be good, and it's messing with the power. What are these things? How can they do what they do?_ Shinji thought rushing down the stairwell and heading outside the apartment block Mari at his side the whole way.

 _ **I'm sorry Shinji, this is it. This is his vengeance.**_ The thing in his head suddenly stirred.

Shinji fought the urge to scowl. Of course the voice had come back just as Angel appeared, and now it wouldn't leave him alone. He couldn't worry about that right now, he had an Angel to deal with.

 _ **No Shinji. Not one Angel, but two. Two Angels. Not just Leliel, but another. The other one is hiding... even from me. But I can sense it. There's two Angels. Be very careful.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

 _What? Two Angels... I- no there's only one. Ah! Doesn't matter, we have four Evas now._ Shinji thought shaking his head.

 _ **This is his revenge for what happened before, for what I did to Matarael. He hates the two of us. He is a shadow of what he used to be, but he called them here and warned them. He gave them knowledge.**_

 _What? What the hell are you talking about?_ Shinji thought even he got on Mari's bike with her and the two of them drove on. The wind brushing past him as Mari drove on and on through the panicked streets.

 _ **Adam. The First Angel. He did this, he sent those two after us. He's made them stronger. Warned them. Adam is very very angry.**_

…

Deep down in the hidden layers of Nerv, the strange embryo like being stirred from within the confides of its prison. Tilting its head and moving the thin gap across its face, the beginning of its mouth that had never been allowed to fully re-grow, forming a surprisingly 'human' like expression.

The First Angel smiled darkly.

* * *

 **This is the first time the opening quote was from Shinji and _not_ the Broken Man.**

 **I hope that's not too confusing. It's something that's been coming for a while now. Different levels in the story that have different quotes from either of our two Shinji(s). An opening not from Other, but our Younger Shinji himself!**

 **As I said, this chapter focused on a relationship. There was another time jump this chapter, but I picture it like a montage scene. Readers can fill in the blanks for that time jump though I try not to do them too much. I wanted to write Shinji being more changed of course, but still that somewhat awkward kid put in more 'adult' situations. I didn't want to focus as much on the sex itself, but more on the intimacy and smaller more personal moments. How Mari is to Shinji and how he is to her.**

 **I try to write Shinji as a good guy, an earnest guy who means what he says despite being young and somewhat damaged and inexperienced. Their dynamics are interesting to write, as Shinji is at times a more 'feminine' character and Mari is at times a more 'masculine' character(as in tropes).  
**

 **Adam hasn't forgotten what happened with** **Matarael (spider like Angel from chapter 14 and 15).**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	20. In Plain Sight

**Hey guys, I'm back. Wanted to update sooner but I had finals.  
Special thanks to all the new readers!**

 **This chapter begins sort of fast paced and changes through out.**  
 **Action packed and revelations await. Long, but stick with it.  
Here's chapter 20: In Plain Sight**

 **Note: opening quotes may now alternate authors.**

* * *

" _What's the best way to hide? I thought about that for a really long time. I had to plan for the worse case scenario, where I would fail... if you had died Shinji. I needed to hide in plain sight. You see, that's the answer. The best way to hide is right out in the open."_

 ** _\- the broken man_**

* * *

Tokyo-03 was pure panic as the Angel appeared in the sky. The massive sphere like construct hovering over the city, disrupting the electronics in the area as it moved. The alarm was bellowing, people clearing the streets as they headed for shelter. They city taking on the appearance of a ghost town as people fled to safety. Yet the living shadows beneath the sphere got people in its wake, not all the citizens made it to their shelters...

Nerv was in contact with the military(JSSDF) about how the Angel had appeared so suddenly. No warning, it had simply emerged over the city. No one had the answers.

…

"Damn it. Roads are blocked by the shadow things. Have to find a different route. Hang on Shinji!" Mari called. The older girl bringing her motorbike to a stop before revving the engine and starting it up again, drifting along the street and turning around in a whirl of sparks.

Shinji held onto his girlfriend for life as Mari turned the bike around, finding a different way to Nerv. The strange black shadows that moved covering the highway up ahead, the Angel hovering miles away over the city menacingly.

 _ **Don't let those shadows touch you**_ The thing in his head told him.

Shinji clung to Mari as the wind blasted by his face. Mari driving on and on.

…

Asuka slammed the breaks on the car, sliding into the parking lot and bumping into a street light in the process. She knew how to drive, she was a prodigy after all.

 _Sorry Hikari, I dented your father's car. Nerv will pay for the repairs_ Asuka thought as she ran out of the car, not even bothering to close the door. She'd used her authority at Nerv, which she didn't actually have, to obtain the car from Hikari's dad in this emergency.

Making her way to the Nerv locker rooms, grabbing a comm unit along the way, she briefly wondered what was taking the others so damned long.

"Alright, alright, I'm here. Misato, what's the plan!" Asuka shouted into the comm after quickly changing into her plugsuit.

Rei emerged into the locker room as Asuka was leaving, still dressed in her street clothes, but the quiet girl surprisingly fast as she headed for her plug suit. The two girls exchanged looks before going their separate ways. Asuka would be first to deploy it seemed.

"We're not sure yet. The JSSDF has been doing recon but they can't close without their comms jamming. The Angels seems to redirect their missiles too. We're sending you out to investigate. We'll work from there" Misato's voice answered on the comm. Pure relief in her voice that one of the Eva pilots had made it.

"I am here as well." Rei said into the comm as she began changing into her plug suit from the locker room.

Ritsuko glanced at the display screen being fed the video stream from the military's recon data. She pressed a few keys on terminal equipping Eva Unit 02 with what she thought Asuka might need, and one new item to be used as a last resort.

Misato watched from the observation window as Asuka stepped onto the hangar, entry plug being released as fast as humanly possible.

"Launch!" Misato said into the comm once Asuka was inside her Eva. With a rush of sparks, Eva Unit 02 was deployed onto the surface.

Upon reaching the Geofront, Asuka wasted no time as Eva Unit 02 sprinted off toward the Angel floating in the sky. New weapons locked and loaded.

…

Rei stepped out of the locker room in her plug suit, heading for her Eva and wondering where Shinji was. As if the world somehow answered her thoughts, the boy's voice came over the comm.

"We're here. Mari and I are here, we're heading to the locker rooms" Shinji's voice said onto the comm.

Rei turned as if expecting the boy to emerge onto the hangar, but he did not.

"Rei, no time. Get to your Eva." Misato said into the comm. She felt for the girl but now was not the time for any teenage angst.

* * *

 _Later  
_  
Shinji head into the locker room, parting ways with Mari as they both ran for the plug suits.

"See you on the other side!" Mari called to him as she disappeared into the locker room.

"I uh, you too!" Shinji called back, now sure how to respond to that.

Mari rolled her eyes at that, somehow managing to keep a bit of her humor even in this dangerous situation. That was Mari alright. "Such a dork" she giggled as they parted ways.

 _ **Stay focused. There are two Angels out there, one of them is hiding.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji scowled hurriedly changing into his plug suit.

Distantly, he heard Misato's voice on the intercom. "Unit 00 launch!". Followed by the roar of sparks as Rei was deployed onto the surface.

 _Good luck out there Rei_ Shinji thought. He'd be joining Asuka and her shortly.

 _ **Adam is very angry. He sent them for us. For you. One of them is nearby. Be careful.**_

Shinji walked out of the locker room him with his plug suit on, interface helmet in hand as he was putting it on. He headed for 01 with a strange feeling crawling down his spine, just nerves he figured. But why? Mari joined him already fully dressed in her plug suit.

"Asuka and Rei are already deployed. You'll serve as backup for now, we need to know what we're dealing with here." Misato's voice said into both their comms.

"Roger that" Shinji said answered into the comm as they entered the hangar.

"Exciting, isn't it? We get to work together for once" Mari said smirking at him.

"Yeah" Shinji said, shadow of a grin on his face. Whatever it was, they'd face it together. He reached over taking her hand in his for a moment, she smiled at him.

"Entry plugs released!" a voice called onto the intercom as Eva Unit 03 and 01 were prepped for deployment.

"Mari. You first" Misato called into the comm. Shinji watched her go waiting his turn as his entry plug lay on the hangar floor.

 _Don't know why everyone is panicking, the Angel in the sky hasn't attacked anything_ Shinji thought with a frown.

 _ **Get down!**_ The thing in his head stirred so hard that Shinji flinched, grabbed his forehead in pain.

BOOM

The wall of the Nerv Hanger exploded, breaking apart with no warning. The shock wave reverberating throughout Nerv.

Whatever had been going through Shinji's mind was abruptly wiped away as his senses went into overload, his ears ringing from the crash, the cloud of smoke and debris flying through the air.

Shinji found himself flying back from the shock wave of the explosion, tossed away as if he was a rag doll. Debris smacked him on his head as he flew back, a sickening snap barely audible within the roar of the explosion. Shinji's skull... fracturing from the impact.

He landed on the floor hard. Barely able to hear from the ringing in his ears. Everything in his body ached, down to his bones, as he struggled to get to his feet before stumbling to his knees.

Weakly, he opened his eyes to see a massive hole in the wall of the hangar. Bits of concrete and steel littered about the launchpads and clouds of ash filled the massive chamber.

 _ **Get to your Eva**_

Shinji felt himself panting, breathing deep hard breathes as he struggled to center himself in the chaos. In his head it felt like hours, in reality it couldn't have been more than seconds.

THUD

THUD

THUD

"All Nerv staff evacuate the area!" Misato's voice was calling frantically on the intercom.

 _ **Shinji. Get to your Eva**_ the thing in his head stirred.

"Shinji!" he heard Mari calling out from somewhere. The comm? His comm unit was still working. Last he'd seen his girlfriend she'd been boarding her entry plug.

"BREACH! Nerv has been breached!" Ritsuko's voice rang on the intercom.

A figure was emerging from the gaping hole inside the wreckage of the hangar. Taller than even an Evangelion with a large, bulky body and prominent armored core.

The Angel was almost humanoid, tall and armored like a mixture of what the Beast and Abnormal Angels had been, with long retractable arms along its side. A strange contradiction of unfolding flexible material and yet tough and spear like at the same time.

Face-plate dark and grey, the monster looming as a silhouette in the cloud of ash before slithering its way inside Nerv.

 _ **Zeruel... he was one of the strongest Angels last time. Something's different here. He's stronger than before. Angrier.**_

Shinji weakly got to his feet, feeling something warm on his forehead. _Blood._ He'd been hit by the shock wave of the attack and somehow he knew his skull has been hit badly. He could feel the warm red liquid dripping down his face.

Zeruel stood almost in the heart of Nerv, looming over Shinji and the command center. The onlookers watching in awe and terror at the sight of mankind's enemy before them.

 _The Angel... it hates me. It hates me. It's looking right at me_ Shinji thought numb from the shock and fear as the monster turned its massive head towards him.

Deep red eyes visible from the faceplate, staring at the boy with absolute _hatred._

…

 _The Other Place_

Other rose to his feet from the remnant that was his place in the void. The Old Man staring back out from within the mind of the boy. Mixed eyes, one brown and the other red, meeting the Angel's gaze head on.

Staring back at Zeruel with hollow empty eyes. Each aware of the other.

" **Shinji. Get to your Eva. Now!"**

…

 _ **Shinji. Get to your Eva. Now!**_ The thing in his head stirred.

The boy stumbled to move, still numb from the impact of the explosion and wound on his forehead, gritting his teeth from the effort just to move.

Misato stayed behind in the command center trying to call for back up or help from whatever what was available. The other Nerv staff screaming as they backed away heading for the exit or else too stunned to leave. The enemy right in front of them, within the actual compound.

The Angel moved for Shinji, ignoring all others in the hangar.

"Screw you!" a voice called out an another speaker.

Eva Unit 03 leap from its launchpad, breaking free of its bolt early with an enormous screeching roar as the metal hinges bent and broke.

Mari drove her Eva's fist into the Angel's face-plate with all 'her' weight behind it, using the Eva's momentum to drive the blow even further. The wild girl screaming her head off as she felt the phantom sensations bring her the pain of her hand breaking from the impact.

The Angel stumbled back even as Mari grappled with her foe, Unit 03 tackling Zeruel and forcing the monster back and onto a spare launchpad.

"Misato! Launch!" Mari called out from the Eva's external speaker system, not even bothering with the comms anymore. Her voice booming out from her machine.

Misato snapped to attention slamming her fist on the command key, and with another roar of screeching metal the two titans were sent flying to the surface of the Geofront.

 _What? Mari!_ Shinji thought wincing as he almost fell over again.

 _ **Get in the robot Shinji!**_

He gritted his teeth, shaking his head and running on shaking and unsettled feet for his entry plug. The damned thing had almost tipped over in the explosion, but it was still operational.

Misato watched him with worried eyes, seeing the blood falling from the boy's face but knowing they had no other choice.

* * *

 _The Geofront_

"Trying to get the jump on us!" Mari was shouting as she punched the Angel again and again.

Phantom sensations making her feel like she was slamming her fists into a brick wall, her hands aching as she felt the pain of her fingers breaking. Pain, nothing that Mari couldn't handle.

Zeruel grappled with Mari and her Eva, shrugging off the punches as an adult shrugs off the pitiful tantrums of a newborn. An annoyance at best.

BOOOOOOM

Mari flinched from the phantom sensations as the Angel caught her fist mid strike with its hand, twisting her Eva's arm and threatening to snap the machine's limb in two. She hissed trying to drove her free hand into her foe's chest...

Instead Zeruel slammed its faceplate into Unit 03's.

CRUNCH.

The force of the blow leaving cracks along the armor plating of the Eva, debris flying and strangle LCL like liquid gushing out as the Evangelion was sent stumbling back.

"Gah" Mari wheezed feeling the wind knocked out of her. Her Eva's faceplate bent and dented, liquid flowing down its face... like blood from an internal wound.

Zeruel by contrast stood still and silent, unscathed.

* * *

"Mari. Fall back" Misato's voice called into the comm. She was speaking frantically into her comm as Maya ran to keep pace, laptop in hand relaying what information Nerv still had.

They'd started evacuating the area after prepping Unit 01, though the Eva seemed to be having trouble forming an operational sync. Ritsuko, who connected to the command center wirelessly via her laptop, was running with them as a group heading for the surface.

 _Two Angels! As if this day couldn't get worse!_ Misato thought.

"Rei. Asuka. Back her up. Shinji! I know you're hurt but you _need_ to get the Eva up and running."

…

Shinji sat panting inside his entry plug, the plug having been inserted into Eva Unit 01, yet both pilot and machine still and unmoving. Unable to sync.

"Come on... come on" Shinji wheezed, blood dripping down his face. He was hurt badly, he knew his skull been cut and possibly even fractured but he was still conscious. And as long as Shinji was conscious he had to _try_.

He winced from the pain struggling to keep 'awake' in the haze that was threatening to overtake him. He could barely keep his thoughts straight.

 _ **I will take your pain for you.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Just like that, the pain from his wounded forehead vanished. Numbing as if his body had been ordered to ignore the sensations from the skull fracture. It was strange, he _knew_ that he was hurt badly. Knew that he needed medical attention, but it would have to wait, and that he'd lost quite a bit of blood. Yet no pain. The haze fading.

His mind seeming to clear as Shinji found his eyes widening in surprise. How was this possible?

 _Mari's in trouble. No time for this. Need to help!_ He thought shaking his wounded head and steadying himself.

Shinji grabbed the controls of the Eva and forced himself to keep going, trying to form a sync with his Eva.

* * *

 _On the surface_

Mari raised her Eva's hand, an AT Field erupting into existence as she backed away on unsteady feet. The brilliantly bright protective pattern forming a 'wall' between her and the Angel.

Zeruel raised one of its strange retractable arms, and launched it as if throwing a spear. The arm reaching out and striking Mari's AT Field with such force that Unit 03 was sent back. The Eva's feet sinking into the ground before leaving a trail of dirt and mud in its wake as it was sent gliding backward.

"Ahh! Damn it" Mari hissed. Her AT Field flickering out of existence for a brief moment before she willed it back.

BANG

Sparks flew across the Angel's faceplate as Rei appeared piloting Eva Unit 00, emerging from the other side of the buildings. Having made the effort to grab a rifle for the Eva. Rei was smart, keeping her distance until she knew more about the Angel they were dealing with and covering her partner at the same time.

BANG  
BANG

Rei fired short continuous bursts, landing direct hits across Zeruel's faceplate and armored torso with no effect. The Angel standing tall as a titan and unfazed even as the bullets bounced off its skin. Mari watched, panting from inside her entry plug, and trying to think of a way for them to stop this monster. It was armored like a tank, fast, and showed no signs of a weakness for them to exploit.

Zeruel's faceplate lit up, bright beams beginning to form from within its eye slits. Charging up an energy projectile of some kind.

Rei's mind flashed back to her early days of piloting, back when Shinji has used the advanced prototype positron sniper rifle against an earlier Angel, and she calculated that their current foe had something similar.

 _That's what it used to break into Nerv._ Mari thought, knowing that Rei had the weakest AT Field out of the four of them.

Rei began swerving as Zeruel fired... only for Mari to leap forward. Unit 03 letting the AT Field drop and tackling the Angel, Mari slamming her open palm atop the faceplate.

Forcing Zeruel's head back as the shot went wild. A bright beam of light roared past them, missing Rei by a margin, and instead colliding with various buildings in Tokyo-03. The shot burning through entire floors of empty office space and towers.

 _Can't get hit by that thing. Eva might not be able to take it_ Mari thought with a grimace as she forced herself to keep moving.

Grappling with the Angel again, using her speed to stay ahead of Zeruel. Fighting like a boxer, punching, bobbing and weaving, trying to overwhelm her foe.

That tactic did not fare any better than the last time, Zeruel shrugging off the blows until wrapping its strange arms around Unit 03 in a bone crushing embrace. The Angel wasted no time lifting the Eva up and throwing the massive machine...

Mari's world went flying as her Eva was tossed like a rag doll into the night air, flying directly into the oncoming Rei whom had been trying to help. The two Evangelions collided with a massive thud that sent both of them rolling to the ground.

* * *

"I'm on my way. _This_ Angel is on the move. And where the hell is Shinji!" Asuka was shouting into the comm. Unit 02 turning and heading back to the Geofront.

Asuka had tired shooting the sphere in the sky, but something strange kept happening. Every bullet she fired never made contact. It wasn't that she missed per say... or even that the bullet had no effect... but that the bullets never hit _anything_.

The rounds seeming to disappear, vanishing into the thin air before they ever reached their target. None of the city's surrounding defensive structures were hit, no distant thuds audible in the silence of the night. Nothing.

 _Damn thing ignored me and the JSSDF. How the hell do we fight it?_ Asuka thought, turning away from the sphere and heading to backup Mari and Rei.

* * *

Zeruel raised its retractable arm, selecting its target with a cold detachment. Its true enemy was elsewhere.

Rei raised her Eva's rifle and tried to fire, only to scream as the Angel launched its 'spear-like' arm at it. The Angel's weaponized limb striking through the rifle and impaling itself into Unit 00's torso.

"Ahh" Rei screamed in pain. The phantom sensations relaying her the pain of being impale through her torso, her rib-cage feeling like it just been fractured. The rifle fell in two pieces to the ground, rendered useless from the strike.

Mari forced her Eva to its feet, wincing at the sound of Rei's scream.

Zeruel's eye slits began lighting up, charging its long range weapon for another shot, aiming directly at Rei and her Eva. The Angel looming over Eva Team Two.

Mari withdrew her Eva's prog knife and slashed at the Angel's spear-like arm, striking the limb at a downward angle with an audible clang. Using all her Eva's weight behind the blow, gaining leverage and pulling the Angel arm back. She knew couldn't severe the arm, but Mari succeed in yanking the spear-like limb from Rei and Unit 00.

Rei cried out in pain over the comm, but Mari wasted no time in shoving Unit 00 to side and rolling her Eva away. The beam of destructive energy went flying past them, searing the air around them as it went by.

BOOM. An explosion sounded off somewhere in the distance from the city. Not good, Mari only hoped a shelter hadn't been hit... only hoped no one had died.

 _Dodged it. That's a start. Need to kill stupid thing._ Mari thought. Her Eva wasn't in perfect condition anymore, damaged and the phantom sensations made her bones ache. But no matter.

"Rei. Fall back" Mari called into the comm, seeing her partner's Eva leaking strange luminous LCL like liquid from its torso. The wound Unit 00 had suffered was slowing Rei down, the girl barely able to catch her breath.

Zeruel retracted its arm again, aiming at the weakened Rei and Unit 00. Mari gripped her prog knife tight and rushed out heading for the Angel.

 _Can't let it fire..._ Mari thought. Seeing the Angel charging up for another shot, the eye slits of Angel's faceplate lightening up again, giving their foe a demonic look.

Zeruel was smart, it tried to spear Rei again with its arm. Only for Rei to throw up her Eva's hands as an AT Field appeared. Unit 00 went flying back, the Shield shattering upon impact. Slowing the blow but unable to stop it completely.

 _Eyes... that's the only weakness. Got to get its eyes_ Mari thought timing it right and rolling off to the side. Her Eva leaving a trail of crushed dirt in its wake, moments before the blast would have hit her. Zeruel had missed.

Another explosion sounded off in the distance as the energy beam hit another building.

"Just die already!" Mari screamed, reaching the unprepared Angel and stabbing her prog knife directly into the Angel's now eye slits. Sparks flew as Mari pressed the knife in deeper and deeper, using her free hand to shove the Angel back.

Tackling the Angel as the two titans went gliding back. Mari had found at least one weakness, the eyes.

Zeruel snarled at the knife in its eye, but did not fall. Standing its ground even as Mari grabbed onto the armored core in the Angel's chest.

Mari let out a blood curling scream as she continued her assault, stabbing the Angel through the eye and trying to crush the armored core at the time. Luminous Angel blood seeping from the eye slits of Zeruel's faceplate, giving it the appearance of weeping blood from one eye.

Zeruel began charging another shot, choosing to ignore the knife in its eyes. It tried to reach its arms up and get the troublesome Eva aside, but Mari was too fast. Shoving and grappling with it even as it charged and charged its blast, light gathering throughout the faceplate as Mari stabbed deeper and deeper.

…

"Launch!"

Shinji heard a voice on the comm say. It had taken nearly four frustrating minutes to sync with his Eva once the pain had 'vanished'. Misato and the others having evacuated outside and operating command remotely.

Eva Unit 01 launched up to the surface with a whirl of screeching metal. Shinji not even bothering to wipe the blood that had slid down half his face. Determine to save his friends and girlfriend.

…

 _Come on! Almost there!_ Mari thought twisting her prog knife deeper into the Angel's eyes. The light from the charging energy blinding her display.

Unit 01 arrived onto the battlefield. And Shinji stared in shock at the scene that met his eyes, Unit 03 grappling with Zeruel. Prog knifed stabbing into its eyes even whilst it charged for another shot.

 _Mari no!_ Shinji thought.

Zeruel stood its ground, refusing to yield and instead glaring at Unit 03... before firing.

BOOOOOM

There was a flash of light that seared the air itself. Blinding Shinji, Rei, Unit 00 and Unit 01 momentarily as the shock-wave echoed into the night menacingly. An earth shattering explosion at point blank range directed at Mari.

Once the flash had ended... Mari stumbled back in her Eva. Unit 03 fumbling over barely able to stand as the smoke cleared.

 _Unit 03's arm was gone._ Not blown off, but completely obliterated along with the prog knife. A stump of twisted metal and strange burnt flesh remained from the shoulder of the Eva.

The blast hadn't stopped there. Blacked plate armor had been shattered and blown off the Eva, and 03's helmet was a blacked burnt mess.

Mari didn't breathe. The phantom sensations threatening to overwhelm her at the pain of her nerves being fried off. The pain of an eye being seared into dust, burning the skin around it, and the ache deep in her bones. Like an explosion had gone off right in front of the teenager.

Her eyes wide, Mari fighting the pain and assuring herself that her real arm was fine. She was going into shock, the sensation being too much even for her.

Mari tried to fight back, to raise her Eva's remaining arm and fight but found her limbs stilted and weak.

Shinji watched from his display opened mouth in horror.

...

Zeruel retracted both its arms and proceeded to impale them both in Eva Unit 03's chest, the spear-like limbs piercing completely through the burnt plate-armor and breaking the power cable in two.

Mari gasped from the phantom sensations, eyes wide in agony as the Angel lifted her Eva off the ground.

Like a form of torture, Zeruel held the impaled Evangelion high into the air before tossing Mari aside and reclaiming its weaponized arms.

Unit 03 landed with a heavy thud far away. Unmoving.

Shinji screamed.

* * *

Zeruel turned to face him just as Eva Unit 01 was upon the monster. The Angel tried to spear him like it had with Mari and Rei, only for Shinji to get there first.

Shinji slammed his Eva's fist into the Angel with all the strength he could muster, not caring as the phantom sensations made him feel like he'd punched a brick wall. Somewhere in the haze of rage inside him, he felt the pain of his fingers being broken from the attack.

 _You hurt Mari!_ Shinji thought enraged. Cutting lose for perhaps the first time in his life.

He slammed his fists into the Angel again and again, not caring that his hands were aching with each punch. Not caring that his head wound had started weeping blood down his face again, all that mattered was that the Angel was still standing.

Zeruel seemed to laugh at him, taunting him with its eyes, as his attacks did nothing more than push it back.

Shinji cried out in pain as Zeruel stabbed Unit 01 through the chest, the spear-like limb cutting completely through the armor and shattering his power cable. A warning message came up on his display, telling him he'd have limited time before the back batteries died.

He glanced down at his chest, the phantom sensations bringing him the pain of being impaled. But he couldn't stop. Unit 01 grabbed a hold of the arm impaled in its torso, and Shinji pulled the Angel forward slamming into the thing with a headbutt.

Rei had started moving again, she had grabbed a pistol for the Eva and was shooting for the eyes as she ran to help her friend.

Zeruel ignored the pain in its eyes, the only real weakness it had, and lunged. Dragging Shinji and the impaled Eva Unit 01 with it as it slithered away.

Heading back into the city and away from the other pilots.

…

"Shinji!" Rei called out into the comm. Her heart pounding at the sight of Shinji being dragged off.

She glanced back from her displace screen at the unmoving Unit 03 and unresponsive Mari, then back to her only friend being dragged off into the city.

Rei closed her eyes in frustration, fighting the orders that had been instilled into her by commander Ikari, and turned heading after Shinji.

"We're sending a recovery team for Mari. Back up Shinji! Asuka is on the way!" Misato's voice called into Rei's ear via the comm.

Good... Rei wouldn't have to explain her choice to her superiors.

* * *

 _The empty city  
_  
"Stupid Shinji. Had to get yourself captured. Why the hell do these things hate you so much" Asuka scowled.

She had grabbed the big guns for her Eva, having arrived at Nerv and been deployed first. Only to find that she'd missed the entire fight because of it.

Above them all, the sphere in the night sky began moving. The Angel from before finally on the move, the 'living shadows' moving frantically with it as it floated above the city.

 _No... that's impossible. The Angels have never done that before... working together as a unit? How?!_ Asuka thought as she realized what was happening.

The Angel flying above them was heading for its comrade, heading for Shinji.

…

"Ahh!" Shinji hissed in agony.

Zeruel was dragging his Eva around, digging its spear-like limb deeper and deeper as it literally hauled Shinji throughout empty Tokyo-03. Slamming him into buildings as it pulled the Eva back and further into the city, away from his fellow pilots.

 _It's taunting me. It hates me._ Shinji thought seeing Zeruel glaring at him, blood weeping down from the eye Mari had stabbed.

Zeruel was almost smiling as dragged the impaled Unit 01 through the empty streets.

 _You hurt Mari!_ Shinji thought gritting his teeth. He accepted the pain, diving forward as the spear went deeper into his Eva's torso, and slammed a fist into Zeruel's mouth.

In response, Zeruel lifted his Eva off the ground and slammed him back down with such force that it left a small crater in the street. Shinji's eyes went wide as the spear in his Eva's chest slide down, slicing through the Eva's 'flesh' and plate armor, like it was gutting him from the inside.

Once again, the pain vanished from Shinji's body. The agony being re-directed elsewhere. He should have gone into shock by now, the pain of being struck in the internal organs was unimaginable, yet Shinji struggled to fight on.

Zeruel held him down, its eyes beginning to light up once again. Charging for a shot to Unit 01's head at point blank range.

Shinji saw what was happening and raised his hand, an AT Field erupting into existence over his Eva. He put everything he had into the Field, summoning the power that had let him stop an N2 mine on the Mount Asama incident.

He had to close his eyes least he go blind as Zeruel fired over him, the destructive energy meeting its match against the AT Field. Shinji felt his hand burning and knew he won't be able to hold the Field up for much longer.

Then as suddenly as it had come, the heat faded. The blast had been stopped for the first time. Zeruel roared in frustration. It dragged Shinji through the street violently, spear still impaled in 01's chest. Unable to shoot him.

…

Unit 00 came stumbling after them. Rei's heart filling with dread as she moved her aching muscles, forcing her Eva forward and unsure of what to do. Her friend was held prisoner by this monster and although Shinji had blocked one blast... she doubted he could keep it forever. Not with 01's power cable destroyed.

She was useless here. Rushing in would have the same result as last time, Mari had been unable to take on the Angel. Their foe seemed impervious to all of their attacks.

 _I am replaceable. Shinji is not. I will save him. I will_ Rei thought. She did not know if it would work but she knew how to prime the self-destruct sequence. If she could isolate the threat away from her only friend... maybe it would work.

But before she could begin, another figure joined them.

…

Shinji felt his eyes growing heavier and heavier, his body seemed to be ignoring the pain via the Eva's phantom sensations but he was hurt badly. His head wound hadn't been treated, and the trauma from these attacks were still affecting his body.

His comm was crackling in his ear, the other Angel was nearby and distributing their communications again. He flinched at the sound in his ear.

"Shinji! Just hold on, Asuka is coming and the JSSDF is mobilizing to step in as back up" Misato's voice came frantically through the line.

Zeruel flung him around again, slamming Unit 01 into a building in a thunderous clang that brought down walls of concrete. Shinji grunted, grabbing onto the spear in his Eva's chest and pulling it free with a gasp.

The Eva's phantom sensations came flaring up, but once again the pain was re-directed elsewhere. Unit 01 stumbled back, now free of Zeruel's arm.

"Hey idiot! Move out of the way!" a voice sounded off in his comm unit.

Shinji stumbled back just as Asuka and Unit 02 emerged from around a building. The red Eva unit armed with big guns. Reinforcements had finally arrived.

...

Zeruel glanced back at Asuka and Unit 02 with annoyance. It was getting tired of these distractions. How many of the Lilin and their creations would stand against him?

Asuka glared and fired her Heavy Hitter, the Evangelion sized missile launcher. An N2 missile locked and loaded. Nerv's latest weapon for the heavy class Evangelion.

The Angel didn't even move, simply stood there as the missile came flying for it. When the explosion came, it sent shock-waves that shattered windows with a thunderous roar. The power of a small nuclear age missile but without the dangerous radioactive fallout.

Zeruel went flying back in a cloud of ash. Disappearing from sight and leaving the three Eva Units standing in the middle of the utterly devastated section of the city.

Shinji blinked up at Asuka in awe. Panting as he felt the blood loss starting to get to him, managing a small smile at the sight of Unit 02. Asuka was smirking too, she'd always wanted to use that gun.

Rei only stared at the spot where the monster had stood. Unable to process what had just happened, what she'd been willing to do. Thankful that Asuka had arrived when she did.

"Tsk. Looks like we're even now idiot" Asuka said lightly, putting on a confident tone but without her usual bite. Her Eva moving to stand beside Shinji's.

 _For what?_ Shinji thought offhandedly. There were times he really did not understand Asuka, but he was just glad she'd shown up to save him.

Shinji checked his display screen, he only had about five minutes of power remaining.

"I'm calling it in. Misato, threat #2 has been dealt with. The Angel in the sky is still active. No idea what the hell it's doing. Nothing seems to touch that thing" Asuka said into the comm for all of them to here.

 _ **No. Zeruel is not dead.**_ The thing in Shinji's head stirred. The voice sounding strained, breathing slow and softly.

THUD

THUD

THUD

Shinji and the others turned, all of them turning opened mouthed, at the sight that came to greet them.

Zeruel walking for them again. Smoke gliding off the armored skin and hulking body, black burn marks littering what surface skin was visible. Yet not a single wound.

Like death itself, Zeruel came for them. Hateful red eyes visible from the slits of its blackened but unscathed faceplate.

Asuka raised the heavy hitter again, loading another N2 missile into the chamber. Her hands shaking and her fingers unsteady as the Angel came for them.

"Asuka? Shinji? Rei? What's happening? We can't see where you are. We can't- szzzz what- _crackle_ " Misato's voice came over the comm. The connection was bad, breaking in and out as if being jammed.

 _ **Leliel... Shinji tell the others to run**_

Above them, the massive sphere structure hovered over city. The Angel having made its way to join Zeruel in the fight against the Evas. Wherever the hovering sphere went, communications were disrupted.

"Negative. Threat #2 is still active. Both Angels are coming for us" Rei said into the comm, managing to get a message through the static.

Shinji blinked, shaking his head and forcing himself to stay awake. He spotted Zeruel moving its arms and he acted quickly. Stepping in front of Asuka and her Eva.

"Ugh. Rei... he's back. Take cover." Shinji wheezed from the strain.

An AT Field erupted into existence moments before the spear came striking for Asuka. Zeruel's arm colliding into Shinji's AT Field, but held back. Shinji grunting from the effort of holding the strike at bay. He'd saved Asuka but Rei was too far for him to shield, she needed to find cover.

Asuka and Unit 02 stumbled beside him. 02 raising the Heavy Hitter whilst 01 covered the both of them. "Drop the shield! Shinji I got this!" Asuka said into the static filled comm, N2 missile locked and loaded.

"No... too dangerous" Shinji wheezed in despair. He could see Zeruel charging up that energy blast again, the eyes beginning to light up. He couldn't drop the shield.

" **Asuka. The shadows. They're coming for us. Don't let them take you.** " the Other Shinji said into the malfunctioning and static filled comm.

"What-" Asuka began. Only to be silenced as Zeruel fired on them, Shinji's AT Field stopping the blast head on. Struggling against the force of the blow. Other Shinji covering Shinji and Asuka.

" **Asuka. Rei. Run.** " Other Shinji said into the comm softly.

"The shadows are moving!" Rei said cried into the comm steadily. The flying sphere above them tilting as the living darkness underneath began to move as if it was alive.

The comm was going crazy, crackling with interference as the shadows came for the three of them.

Zeruel stood its ground, watching calmly as its partner arrived. The shadows running down the empty city streets and moving for Eva Unit 01.

Shinji blinked struggling to keep the AT Field up. Zeruel staring him down as it came for him and him alone.

"Retreat! All of... you... ju!... get the... HELL OUT OF THERE." Misato's voice roaring into the comm through the static.

Rei jumped back landing atop a defensive structure, narrowly dodging one of the shadows as it moved through the streets.

Asuka shivered at the sight of 'living shadows' coming for them and shouldered her gun and grabbing Shinji's Eva by the arm.

Before she could start hauling him back with her, Zeruel fired another shot that Shinji's AT Field blocked. The impact sent both of them stumbling back.

The shadows reached Unit 01 before Shinji could do anything. The dark liquid like things wrapping around his Eva's legs and pinning him to the ground.

Zeruel stopped moving. Watching as Shinji struggled to break free.

"Stupid Shinji! Come on!" Asuka shouted. 02 grabbing 01 and trying to pull Shinji free.

 _I... I'm sinking into this... this thing_ Shinji realized darkly. The shadows were literally pulling him through a void of some kind. His Eva disappearing slowly bit by bit as the Angel's shadows sucked him in.

Rei and her Eva had jumped onto a building to avoid the shadows. Only to watch in terror at the sight of Shinji being taken once again.

Zeruel let the shadows take him, the Angel willingly stepping into the shadows and disappearing from the surface as if stepping through a trap door. The Angel leaving for the moment.

 _That's how he attacked Nerv. Those two work together... one to fight and one to transport..._ Asuka thought before turning back to this stupid stupid boy that... that had saved her again with that AT Field of his.

Shinji wheezed as the Field broke. Fading from existence even as he struggled to hold onto the street, trying to fight the shadows pulling him away.

"I'm done for... Asuka go." Shinji said panicking as Unit 01's lower torso vanished into the shadows.

"Come on! The other one left!" Asuka shouted trying to pull him free.

Shinji's eyes went wide as he saw the living shadows coming for Asuka next. The strange substance twisting and turning to grab onto her too.

"Go!" Shinji shouted into the frantic comm. He shoved her aside with his Eva, sending Eva Unit 02 stumbling back.

The shadows left Asuka alone, returning to Shinji and bringing him down into whatever lay on the other side.

"Shinji..." Rei said in a small broken voice.

Asuka scrambled on her Eva's feet, but it was too late.

Shinji and 01 were gone.

The Angel above them starting moving again, flying past them as it headed off. Rei and Asuka stood back in shock as the Angel left them both behind, shadows trailing its wake. Asuka made to follow but the shadows stirred, heading for her once again and she was forced to jump back.

Hurrying, Unit 02 dropped the guns and climbed atop one of the city's defensive structures as Rei had been forced to do. Both girls unable to do anything except wait for the Angel to leave.

"Report. Asuka! Rei! Shinji! Fall back! Retreat back to the Geofront!" Misato was shouting into the comm.

...

Misato was standing with a group of evacuated Nerv staff on the Geofront surface. Ritsuko and her assistants were with her, as well as a handful of other important Nerv staff. The group standing about a mile away from the breached Nerv, and watching the city from a safer distance.

"It's the Angel in the sky. It's interfering with the comms. And Asuka said her bullets never even hit it... never making contact. Almost like... almost like it was folding space around itself" Ritsuko said. The scientist in her working with data that she had, her eyes trained on the moving sphere in the sky.

"Damn it... comms are still messed up" Misato scowled.

...

"The Angel took Shinji." Asuka said into the comm, her voice unsteady and shaking. The Angel in the sky having moved far enough so that a connection could be made through the comms.

"What?" Misato asked stunned.

Briefly, Asuka and Rei reported what had happened. About the seemingly unstoppable Angel built like a tank, and the living shadows that came for them. The monster that had dragged Shinji into the darkness before leaving with the sphere in the sky.

"Rei and I are on the move, heading for-" Asuka began.

"Negative. Fall back, we don't know enough to fight this thing" Ritsuko cut into the comm. She shared a glance with Misato, they'd both decided to retreat until the military had joined with them. The JSSDF was mobilizing to lend support.

Misato stared at the Angel flying over Tokyo-03.

 _Shinji. Why is it always you?_

* * *

 _Four hours later_

Asuka and Rei stood outside of their Evas on the surface of the Geofront, nearby the breached and heavily damaged Nerv base. They'd both been ordered to retreat, with Shinji and Mari both out of commission for the time being.

Shinji MIA with no one knowing what exactly had happened to him. Mari in a tent with a medical team looking her over. Misato's recovery team had pried the girl from her Eva to find her unconscious with several wounds from her fight with Angel threat #2.

The scene could be described as 'operational chaos' with groups of people working together and coordinating littered through the area. Commander Ikari was present, and the JSSDF had mobilized around them to secure a safe zone so they could work under military protection. Aircraft flew overhead circling around to keep an eye on them, ready to fight or else move the Nerv teams elsewhere if needed.

 _JSSDF... humph. Military always complaining until they forget how much they need us_ Asuka thought. Watching the mobilized soldiers encircling them, the aircraft hovering over the Evas, and the various stations they'd set up to monitor the situation.

Asuka turned to look as the medical team left the tent, pulling along a stretcher with the now woken Mari. The wild girl could barely keep her eyes open, tied down to the stretcher as they wheeled her out.

"Lay off. I can pilot. I can. Ah... Need to save my dummy. Just give me some meds and I'll be fine" Mari said struggling against the restraints.

"No. You won't be. Unit 03 isn't operational at this time. Damage was too severe. Just take it easy, we're working on a plan to get Shinji" Misato half lied. Putting on a braver face while on the inside she was full of dread.

Mari couched as they dragged her away on the stretcher, head wrapped in bandages, and an IV bag attached to her wrist. She was alive but hurt, she'd lost blood and suffered at least a fractured bone or two. Asuka and Rei watched her go.

"Save him" Mari managed to call out to them, her voice heavy and weak from the strain of her injuries, as she was pushed towards one of the helicopters. Misato seeing Mari off and taken away for treatment.

...

"Stupid Shinji. He shouldn't have charged off like that, thinking he could take that Angel on his own. Should have waited for me." Asuka grumbled mostly to herself. She'd heard Rei's report about how Shinji had flown into a rage upon seeing Mari hurt.

Asuka crossed her arms, she'd been able to push the Angel back but not much else. Zeruel was too tough. She honestly didn't know what the hell they were going to do, but maybe if stupid Shinji had waited for her they could have thought of something. He had had the only shield that could withstand the Angel's attacks.

"... he saved you. Three times now." Rei said suddenly. The quiet girl having spoken for the first time in almost an hour. Apparently she'd overheard Asuka grumbling to herself.

 _Ah. I'd forgotten how much Rei was attached to the boy. Damn him, he doesn't even realize what he's doing to her. Shinji the asshat. Shinji has to be everyone's hero. Everybody just has to fall in love with the golden boy_ Asuka thought with a scowl.

"And I saved him back. Jeez, stop being such a doll all over him." Asuka said.

Rei narrowed her eyes at her.

"You pilot only to hear the approval of others. Nothing more." Rei said blankly, her eyes icily cold. _Shinji is better than you_ Rei's eyes seem to say as she stared Asuka down.

"I don't need anyone's approval but my own!" Asuka shouted back.

Footsteps approached behind them and Asuka and Rei looked up to see an adult heading their way.

"Knock it off you two. Kiddos, this is not the time to fight" Kaji said appearing onto the scene looking just as exhausted as the other Nerv staff.

The older man glancing between the two girls as they stepped back, parting just a bit further than before.

"Misato needs to count on both of you. You're all we have left" Kaji said to each pilot in turn, and crossing his arms disapprovingly.

"I will obey orders" Rei said flatly. Voice devoid of any emotion what so ever, as if she was once again the girl they'd seen months and months ago.

Asuka nodded, playing the cool leader for Kaji's sake.

 _Just great. Teenagers and their drama. Damn it, Shinji. We could have really used you in a time like this_ Kaji thought. Turning to gaze at the sphere in the sky.

...

* * *

 _In the Darkness created by Leliel_

Shinji woke with a small start again, he'd been falling in and out of consciousness since being dragged down into this place. Inside the entry plug of 01, the red emergency light illuminating the cockpit as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

Dried blood ran down the left side of his face, his skull fracture had messed him up badly. He felt like he was going to die. The events of the last few hours... how long had he been here? The events since being dragged down here seemed to blur in his memories.

He remembered the other Angel, Zeruel, the thing in his head had called it. Zeruel attacking him in this dark place, of Shinji struggling to hold out even as his power ran out.

The thing in his head stirred, and suddenly the memories came flooding back...

...

Other Shinji raised the boy's hands, blood running down his face, the pain that Shinji felt being redirected towards Other because he could take it, and facing off against Zeruel.

Zeruel roared as it fired another energy blast at him in the darkness within Leliel. Other Shinji summoned the AT Fields... plural. Not one shield, but two. One from each hand of the Eva.

Other having wrapped the Eva's hands over the massive machine's chest, and by doing so forming a 'cocoon' of AT Fields that protected the entire Evangelion. The memory continued, Zeruel roaring in anger as it fought and fought. Unable to break the shield but with Other not strong enough to attack either. A waiting game between the two.

" **The boy is under my protection. You cannot have him** " Other Shinji said sternly. His lips did not move, no audible sound but an unfamiliar language that was of the mind.

Zeruel roared at the words of the Other Shinji, frustrated and outplayed. Unable to break the shields that Other had crafted for himself and Shinji.

Then Shinji heard it in the memory... the deep voice that spoke in a language that wasn't human. A language that he could somehow understand. Not the thing in his head. Not Other Shinji. But the Angel's language.

" _DANGEROUS THING. ABOMINATION. LILIN THAT IS NOT LILIN. STARVE. DIE_."

… words from Zeruel. Not an audible sound emoting from its mouth, not a human form of speech but alien. As if the words came flooding directly into the mind.

Other Shinji held his pose in the memory, wrapped in the AT Fields and protected from any and all attacks but unable to fight back.

Zeruel walked off in the dark, the shadows moving around the mighty warrior. Forming a 'gateway' as Zeruel dropped through and left the darkness.

" _STARVE_ "

Words from the other Angel. Leliel. Flooding into the mind. Then the memory ended with Eva Unit 01 wrapped in the AT Fields, motionless in the dark. Shielded but trapped.

...

In the present, Shinji shook his head. _What? I- that was me? But I don't remember- how is this happening? I... the Eva's power ran out. How-_

 _ **It was me. I saved you.**_ The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji raised a weak hand to his blood covered face. He needed his pills... no he needed to save Mari. She'd been hurt and he'd failed. He failed! He couldn't do anything! He was trapped here in this... this _thing_ with no power. Yet the AT Fields remained, standing vigil to protect him even here.

The thing in his head stirred.

 _ **The Evangelions are not simple machines. They are 'alive' in a sense. Clones of the First and Second Angels, with cybernetic implants. Controls to tether them. Pilots to sync 'with' the soul trapped inside.**_

Shinji glanced at his display that was somehow still on, the screen flickering in and out of existence and displaying a power percentage of 0%.

 _ **I needed to wait for you to wake up again. Shinji, we have to kill these two Angels. No one else can. They're stronger than they were before.**_

 _What the hell does that even mean? Why am I going crazy again? Eva piloting... it makes my condition worse. It always has._ Shinji thought in despair.

 _ **You're the pilot Shinji. You have the power just as I did. I've gathered my strength, but I need you to do your part. I've done what I can to protect you this way... but time ran out. Things have moved forward.**_

Shinji shook his head leaning into his seat, putting a hand to his face in his despair. Why didn't he feel any pain? He had to figure something out. He couldn't just sit here. Waiting to die with only the madness in his head for company.

The boy lowered his hand to find the entry plug was gone... Eva Unit 01 was gone. Shinji was gone.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

Shinji gasped in terror, unable to breathe, his eyes wide as he was once again inside the void of his mind. The place of his 'madness'.

" **You are not insane, Shinji. You've been lied to for almost your entire life** " a voice called. Not a mysterious thought from within his head, not the stirring from inside his skull. This was the voice... from a living breathing man.

Shinji was not alone.

The boy shook in terror. It was just like the nightmare from before, that Other Man was here in this place with him. The small stretch of land with the ruins of a city visible in the distance, dark water touching the cracked and corroded pavement where they stood.

" **Time ran out Shinji. I- I'd hoped it wouldn't be this soon. But here we are. We have a job to do, there is no one else to do it** " The Other Man said. His voice tired and sorrowful.

Shinji breathed weakly, realizing for the first time that his skull fracture was gone. There was no longer any blood on his face. This was the mind, not the body.

He remembered his last 'chat' with the thing inside his head, this Other Man whom would talk to him. This thing that seemed to have a will of its own.

Shinji turned slowly and his eyes widened further at the sight of the Other Man... standing right behind him. Steps away. No longer keeping his distance, no longer hiding his face from the boy.

Mixed eyes, one brown and one red, met Shinji's. The Old Man with a mop of greying hair, dressed in rags, and standing before Shinji. His face weathered and beaten down, and with hollow empty eyes devoid of any warmth. Only sorrow. A broken man.

The Man stood so close that Shinji could see his own reflection in the mixed colored eyes before him.

Other Shinji looked down at his counter part, gazing at the reflection of his broken and battered form in the eyes of the boy before him. Brown eyes, not broken, similar but different to the ones of Other's youth.

After all these years, the two of them finally face to face.

"You" Shinji whispered in awe of the Man. _The thing inside my head..._ he thought.

" **You're hurt Shinji. You had your skull fractured in the attack, and you've lost a lot of blood. You're dying. We have to get you out of here** " the Other Man said, looking over the younger boy. His voice soft and plain, simply stating the facts.

Shinji felt himself teetering on the edge, he was losing his mind. That had to be it. The skull fracture had messed him up... no... it was the Eva piloting. It was his lack of medicine. He was going insane again. At the worst possible time, he needed to save Mari. He couldn't be struck in his head at a time like this.

Insanity or not, Shinji could handle it. Could work with his condition.

" **You're in denial. We can't play this game anymore** **Shinji.** " Other said shaking his head.

Shinji involuntarily stepped back, pure reflex, as Other stepped forward. The Other Man raised a hand, trying to calm the boy.

" **You don't have schizophrenia. The doctors whom treated you know that you don't have it, but they diagnosed you to cover up their research.** **Deep down you know the truth, that's why I couldn't let you see me until now.** " the Other Man said.

"Truth?" Shinji asked running a hand through his hair. It was unnerving to feel his head devoid of any injuries when he _knew_ he'd had a skull fracture in the real world.

" **I'm more than just some 'thing' in your head** " the Other Man said.

Shinji thought back to the memories he'd been shown earlier, of the flashes of his body acting all on its own without him being conscious. And other things began to piece together in his memories, the times where he couldn't explain what had happened. When he'd blink dazed and confused to find himself somewhere he didn't remember arriving. Gaps in his memory.

"It was you... you... you took control" Shinji whispered realizing part of the truth.

Other looked away, closing his eyes for a brief moment. As if ashamed of his actions, but committed nonetheless. Before turning back to Shinji and saying " **I did. I needed to prepare you. To protect you.** "

"Protect me?! What?! You- took control! I- " Shinji began.

" **I had to. You will understand, I promise you Shinji. You. Will. Understand. It's alright if you hate me, it's alright if you never forgive me. I would not blame you.** " Other Shinji interrupted simply. The Other Man never yelled, he spoke with a calm stern voice that carried through this place.

Shinji stumbled back, his forehead hurting as he felt the thing inside his head stirring in the real world.

"Gah!" he shouted in pain, falling to his knees.

…

Evangelion Unit 01 lay motionless in the cocoon of AT Fields, the protective bubble holding onto existence as _it_ started.

Sync ratio raising.

76%  
78%  
82%  
85%  
90%  
91%  
94%  
96%  
97%  
98%  
99%

…

Shinji winced as the other Man knelt down beside him, raising an old battered hand and resting it on the boy's head. Shinji's pain vanished and with it gone, he could think clearly.

His sync ratio was raising to unheard of levels. It blew his mind, he was still in sync with Unit 01 despite being out of power.

" **You already know pieces of my story. I didn't want you to see any of it until you could handle it, but I messed up. You saw flashes of things you shouldn't have seen yet, flashes of my memories. That was dangerous. I tried to stop you from looking, your brain cannot process that much information when it conflicts with the time-line. Every time my memories bled into yours, you almost died. You weren't strong enough... but you are now.** " the Other Man said softly.

Shinji looked up as the Other Man removed his hand from Shinji's forehead.

The Other Man was missing two fingers on his right hand...

" **Your life has been hard Shinji. Mine was too. This is where everything changes. I had to wait years and years for this moment** " the Other Man said.

"Wait for what? Why are you doing this? Why me?" Shinji asked still in shock. His voice trembling. Aware that he achieved a 99% sync ratio with his Eva out in the real world.

" **For us to talk. Face to face. Where no one could overhear. Where you could learn the truth. Shinji... these are your first steps.** " the Other Man said.

Somewhat roughly, the Other Man stood and grabbed Shinji by the arm to haul him up to.

" **You haven't made it easy for me. You're so stubborn. Ignoring my guidance. I wish we weren't so divided, but all of this my fault. I created all of this but I can't control it. All I can do is work with I have.** " The Other Man said.

The Man looked away shifting as he seemed to struggle with the words to use, he had been alone for so very long now. He wasn't good with people, perhaps even worse than Shinji had been.

Finally, he looked back at Shinji and spoke.

" **Despite our differences... I am sorry for what I've done to you. For what I've put you through. It was the only way.** " Other said his voice full of sorrow.

The Other Man's hands curled into fists as he continued **"SEELE did this to us. They would ruin the world and everyone in it, all for a chance at immortality. But they're wrong. They've always been wrong.** "

"You're the reason I was put in a mental ward...and all you have to say is sorry?" Shinji said slowly. He didn't want to believe this, he'd been told never to talk to the voice. But this was something else, somehow deep inside he knew that this was happening. He was talking to a person... a person inside his head.

"I **t's not enough. I know. But first, we need to save you. Nerv and the military are planning on dropping all their N2 mines on Leliel. Unit 01 would survive but you wouldn't.** " Other said suddenly.

"What? But you're not real... you're just-" Shinji stammered in shock, not understanding. His heart skipping a beat at the thought that Nerv... that Gendo would sacrifice him so readily.

The Other Man shook his head interrupting Shinji.

" **I am real. I have always been real.** "

Shinji felt himself take a step back in whatever this place was. He was never sure what this man was or what he wanted. At times he was cold, and other times sorrowful and haunted. Broken, and Shinji had seen him get frustrated before.

The Other Man sighed. How best to describe this? Years now and he'd never quite figured this part out. Talking with his counter part was not easy, it brought back old pains and lost emotions.

" **Shinji... I am not limited to the inside of your skull** " the Other Man said.

Shinji took that in, unable to process the words until the gravity of it hit him. He stared eyes wide at the broken man saying "you- you-"

" **I have a body** " Other Shinji interrupted him mid-stammer.

Shinji stared at the man, remembering the strange gaps in his memory, the things that he couldn't explain. That this man whom could take over...

" **Yes, and no. I have a body. Not your body, but** _ **mine**_ **. Separate from your own. Independent of yours. As much as I've tried to protect and guide you... I needed to be sure I could act. I needed a way to help you beyond my words.** " the Other Man said sadly.

Other looked away again, once again struggling with the words. Hard for him to admit, he carried so many sins in his heart. Another harsh truth that the world had made him confront in the darkest of hours.

" **And... and I needed a way to act if I had failed you. If they, Page, Gendo, and SEELE... if they had killed you I need a way to live on. To survive without you.** **A worse case scenario** **. So I did** _ **it.**_ **I hid in plain sight for all these years. Being in two places at the same time**." the Other Man said.

…

Shinji Ikari lay semiconscious in the entry plug of unit 01. The display screen showing a power level of zero and an abnormal high sync ratio that rose to that final step.

 **100% sync with the Eva and raising beyond.** The boy unmoving in his seat, the controls untouched... as the Evangelion began to move. AT Fields dropping within the dark void that Leliel had made their prison.

The boy's body breaking apart as Shinji was absorbed into the Eva.

* * *

 _Geofront_

 _SLAP_

"If that's your plan than I have just decided to veto the operation! We are not sacrificing Shinji!" Misato cried out in a mixture of frustration and horror.

Ritsuko stumbled back, stung by the blow.

The scientist scowled saying "there is no other way! That Angel in the sky is folding space! It's the only explanation for the things it's done! The Angel literally exists in a pocket-dimension only explained by the highest theories within physics. It warps reality in small degrees to capture objects or else move its comrade across distances. There is no other way! We have to overload its defense with raw force."

Both women on edge as they stared each other down. Before both turned to look in the distance, where the two Angels stood within in the city and its defensive structures.

Leliel and Zeruel stood in the city, Leliel in the sky unmoving as it starve their true foe out from within the pocket-dimension. Zeruel acting as guard, letting no aircraft get close enough to strike. Allowing no assault to get by him. Partners.

 _With the electronics messing up we can't hit it long range. Need a jet to get close and fire manually._ Misato thought. She understood that, she did. But this was too risky.

"Ma'am, we need the Evas. With the pilots acting as vanguard, an all out assault on threat #2 will give us the window we need to drop the N2 mines on the sphere in the sky" the JSSDF general said. The older man coming between the two women. He didn't like this anymore than they did. All efforts to attack the Angels were met with failure.

Nearby, Gendo stood watching everything with a cool collected expression. _Why do the Angels not attack? Why do they wait? Are they trying to kill Shinji? Why?_ The commander of Nerv thought.

"Enough. We have no choice in the matter. I am ordering the operation forward. The combined efforts of Nerv and the JSSDF will surely succeed." Gendo cut into the bickering leaders before him.

Misato glared up at him. _You're own son... you didn't even try to save him!_ She thought furiously.

…

Asuka overheard the news and scowled. Heading to her Eva, she felt a heaviness in her heart that she couldn't explain. A coldness that threatened to overwhelm her.

 _I am not crying over him! I am not! He was... was my friend... he saved me and I saved him. We're even now! I am not crying!_ Asuka thought.

Rei stood in shock before the orders given her. A protest caught in her throat, the words begging to be released into the world. That she would not obey, that she would not doom Shinji to a death by N2 mine. Her hands shook even as Gendo turned to her.

"You have orders, pilot. Report to your Eva!" Gendo called coldly. Misato glaring at the older man the whole time.

Rei nodded. "Yes sir" she said flatly, her lips trembling as she did so. She'd never hated herself more in that moment, this battle inside her soul. Her nature and training demanding that she follow command and yet her heart screaming not to.

…

 _The Assault_

Eva Units 00 and 02 marched in union towards the Angels. A small fleet of military aircraft following in their wake, N2 mines armed and loaded. Asuka equipped with the Heavy Hitter and four missiles, and Rei equipped with another shield for her Eva. A tall sheet of metal designed to survive nukes.

 _Threat #2 isn't going down easy. They're just hoping to overwhelm that monster with N2 mines til it falls? I have a bad feeling about this..._ Asuka thought. She kept her mind away from the boy and his stupid awkwardness. The boy whom made her breakfast everyday, the one whom had saved her life more than once. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't. She was... she was only following orders.

Asuka Langley Sohryu did not cry,

"Hold! Somethings happening! There's movement from with inside the sphere!" Misato's voice called into the comm.

Zeruel stood watching the marching Eva pilots and their air support with mild annoyance, waiting for them to come and be slaughtered.

Suddenly the Angel snapped to attention, looking to the sky where his partner was starving out their foe as Adam had commanded.

There was a strange booming sound that echoed across the empty streets, like a whale being torn apart from the inside...

Leliel screeched as a single hand tore through the sphere. The massive hand protruding from the sphere ripped its fingers down in a slashing motion, and luminous Angel blood came rushing out as Leliel was cut open from within.

Zeruel watched with uncertain eyes as its partner died, falling to the floor with a soft thud that should not belong to such a massive being.

Asuka and Rei watched transfixed as out of the corpse of Leliel emerged a lone figure into the night sky. The being leaping out of the prison that had once held it.

Evangelion Unit 01.

"Shinji..." Asuka and Rei said into the comm. Too stunned to move. The JSSDF held their position, the trained soldiers unsure of what to do without the Evas marching with them.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

"I... I don't understand. You did that. How? How am I seeing that while I'm here in my mind? How is the Eva moving without me piloting it?!" Shinji said eyes wide.

The Other Man tilted his head in a motion that reminded Shinji of Rei.

" **Shinji, why do you have such a high sync ratio with 01? Why do you have power that the other pilots do not?** " Other asked him calmly.

The two of them standing in the memory together, face to face. Past... and future.

"You... you're inside the Eva." Shinji whispered.

…

 _ **THUD**_

The earth shook as the Evangelion leaped from within Leliel's corpse, landing hard on the ground in the late night air.

Silent and deadly, Eva Unit 01 stood. More alive than machine. No roar, no yell, no _sound,_ the beast only stood tall with its deep red eyes opened for the first time.

Not a mad dog, not a berserker... but _intelligent_.

Eva Unit 01 raised its massive hand, the armor plating falling off in pieces, and grabbed onto lower half of its faceplate. The Evangelion started walking forward eerily silent, walking through the morning mist like some kind of ghost, as it reached its claws into the faceplate.

 _CRACK_

With a thunderous sound of twisting metal, of bolts being ripped out, of steel being torn, the lower half of Unit 01's faceplate came tearing off.

"Hhhhhh" Evangelion Unit 01 hissed into the morning air, its mouth finally free from the armor that had held its jaw. The Other Shinji breathing out into the morning air, moving after all these years.

In the distance, Asuka stumbled back in her Eva at the sight of the flesh revealed underneath Eva Unit 01's armor plating. Misato and the Nerv command center watching in just as much awe from the safety of their base.

"Hhhhh" Evangelion Unit 01 hissed as it opened its mouth wide as if flexing muscles long since used. A alien face of twisted flesh, strange and beautiful, revealed to the world. The Evangelion was not human but not Angel either. All this time hidden underneath the plate-armor. Not a machine, a living being.

The massive titan knelt down placing the remains of the faceplate down onto the empty street. So careful not to crush anything in its wake.

Zeruel roared at the loss of its partner.

01 stood like a human, walking forward on two legs before coming to a stop. The Evangelion closed its massive eyes, raising its head. Hands spread out open towards the sky as if prying. Other Shinji gather his strength.

Asuka flinched at the sight... just like the night she'd found Shinji standing on the apartment balcony. Eyes closed, head raised, hands spread out as if in prayer. Same movements.

…

Deep down in the hidden layers of Nerv, the embryonic form of the First Angel stirred. Enraged at what had happened, at the abomination calling upon its power.

Adam was struck by something invisible, in its mind the Giant of Light fall to its knees in agony. Adam roared even without a mouth, raged and raged before being struck down. Silenced... for now.

...

Zeruel came rushing after 01, its footsteps thundering across the city as it made for him.

BOOM

Zeruel fired off a shot of its devastating energy blast... and 01 simple raised a hand. AT Field roaring into existence and blocking the blast effortlessly. Other opened the Evangelion's eyes breathing out the morning air. This was not like piloting.

01 turned facing Zeruel as it came for him. Other Shinji lowered the Evangelion/his hands breathing softly with this new body of his.

Zeruel launched an arm his way, trying to spear him like it had so many others. Seeming to know the movements even before Zeruel did, 01 tilted its head to the side. Zeruel missing by inches.

Zeruel fired its other arm and again, 01 dodged with minimal effort. Like an afterthought even as the Evangelion made its way to meet Zeruel head on.

Silent, unblinking, and terrifyingly 01 came for Zeruel.

When the monster tried to spear him again, 01 side stepped dodging before reaching a hand up and grabbing the Angel's arm.

Other Shinji tugged with all his might and Zeruel came flying towards him. The Angel taken aback by the strength of Other as it was sent flying across the empty streets. 01 raised an AT Field and Zeruel slammed head first into the shield, cracking its face-plate and shattering the armored skin upon impact.

01 released Zeruel's arm as the Angel slide to the floor bleeding from its cracked face-plate. A skull fracture. Then, as easily as an adult lifts a toddler, Other Shinji grabbed Zeruel and lifted the monster into the air with one hand.

"Is that... is that Shinji?" Asuka whispered in awe. Transfixed by the terror and power 01 held.

Other Shinji threw Zeruel off into the distance. Far away from the city and instead onto the Geofront near Nerv HQ. Where their battle would endanger no one else.

Asuka and Rei stood transfixed by the scene, in utter awe at the sight before them. A helmet-less Eva Unit 01 facing Zeruel and winning. The JSSDF unsure of what to do, hovered over Units 00 and 02 even as Nerv began to get clear readings and the comms went back up with the death of Leliel.

In mere moments, Evangelion Unit 01 was on the Geofront with the wounded Zeruel. Silently and utterly terrifying in a 'human' posture quietly moving for its target.

Zeruel began charging up another shot. But 01 raised a hand gathering the mysterious AT power around its hand. Different this time. Not a field, not a shield, but a weapon. No longer defending but attacking.

An AT Blade erupted into existence, an extension of solid light from the end of 01's hand.

Other Shinji stabbed the AT Blade into Zeruel's chest before the Angel could fire, and the blade went completely through. Piercing the armored skin and cutting all the way through Zeruel's back.

The light in Zeruel's eyes died... the energy blast faded before having ever fired as the Angel lay impaled and bleeding out on the Geofront. Zeruel moaned weakly, brought to its knees by the abomination that was Other Shinji.

"My god... what is it?" Asuka said not caring that her comm was on, not caring that she sounded like a scared little girl at this thing in the distance.

…

Ritsuko stared at the display on her laptop not believing the readings even as her team around her panicked at how close the Angel had landed from their mobile base.

"The sync ratio. We're getting the readings now that 01 is outside again. Shinji is synced at 400%! That shouldn't be possible! He shouldn't have any power left!"Ritsuko was saying frantically checking the data display.

Misato stood eyes wide at the scene playing out a mile or two away from their base. Her sweet boy, the Shinji she'd seen grow from an awkward lonely boy... inside the Evangelion as it _destroyed_ the most powerful Angel that Nerv had ever seen.

"The Evangelion is free! It's broken the confines of the plate-armor... it won't respond to any of our controls!" Ritsuko said panicking at the readings.

…

Evangelion Unit 01 raised its free hand, gathering the energy around itself. As a second AT Blade emerged from the hand. Similar in length to a prog knife, the AT Blade shined dark red in the early morning.

With a single swing, Other Shinji beheaded Zeruel.

The Angel fell to the floor with a massive thud that sent crushed dirt flying. The monster that had held its own against all four Evas defeated in mere moments.

Zeruel's head landed elsewhere, while the Angel's body lay unceremoniously on the floor.

…

" **This is the power that we yield. It is dangerous, Shinji. Only ever used in a last resort. Only when the situation requires it. If you were not absorbed into 01... this would have killed you.** " the Other Man said softly. Both his eyes were red now. The brown eye overridden.

Shinji looked down at his hands from within the Other Place, he could feel the power within him too. This bond he had with the thing inside his head, whether he wanted it or not.

…

Unit 01 pulled the corpse of Zeruel up so it was laying face up. Other Shinji reached the Evangelion's hand inside the Angel corpse, prying free the armored skin as it reached passed the internal organs... and ripped free the S2 engine from within.

...

Asuka covered her mouth at the sight of 01 dissecting the Angel.

...

Evangelion Unit 01 opened its now freed mouth wide, showing massive teeth and a surprisingly human like tongue as it brought the S2 engine into its mouth.

01 swallowed the S2 engine whole, absorbing the alien power source completely. No longer would the Evangelion be dependent on a power cable, no longer requiring a battery pack. It would be truly autonomous, self-sustaining with unlimited power for its operation.

Other Shinji breathed heavily into the morning air with the massive lungs of the Evangelion. Feeling the S2 power supply already taking effect.

* * *

"What the hell is that thing?! Is it a threat?! Do we engage?!" the military was screaming into the comms. At a loss for what to do. Both Angels had been eliminated.

Nerv was just as a frantic on the comm, with Asuka and Rei standing by in silence. Finally, Rei managed to stammer out a confused and scared whisper. "Shinji... what has happened to you?"

…

"Do not engage!" Gendo was calling into the comm. His rank and authority putting an end to that danger before it started. The older man breathing heavily and unable to stop the excitement in his heart, he turned away from the comms, turned to stare at Unit 01 in all its glory.

 _Yui... Yui my love. It's you. You saved Shinji. Oh... all this time I knew you were still in there_ Gendo thought in awe of the Evangelion. **Never realizing that he was wrong.**

…

Evangelion Unit 01 walked passed the Geofront, the Nerv team at the mobile command center scattering as only Misato and Ritsuko remained in awe of the being looming over them as the sun began to rise.

Deep red eyes looked down at them, intelligent eyes. Aware of their presence. 01 knelt down to the two women and what terrified remnants of Ritsuko's team was left standing.

And the Eva spoke.

"Hzzz... SAVE HIM " the words strained as the Evangelion's mouth moved slowly.

Ritsuko and Misato stepped back in shock.

"HELP. SHINJI." the Eva said.

Its voice booming and with a controlled sense of feral power about it. As if speech did not come easily to the Evangelion. Deep, and tough as steel.

Ritsuko stammered over herself. Everything she knew about the Evas coming into question. Misato only trembling at the thought of what had happened to Shinji.

 _Help Shinji... help Shinji!_ Ritsuko thought.

Then without another word, Unit 01 left them. Heading to the damaged Nerv HQ, and stepping inside as carefully as it could. Reaching the hangar and planting itself into a launch pad. Closing its eyes and tilting its unarmored head down as if in sleep.

...

" **Shinji. These are your first steps. Everything changes now.** " The Other Man said to Shinji.

* * *

 _Epilogue_

It was hours into the next day, the awakened Evangelion Unit 01 was bolted in pace, chained up, with teams of scientist and engineers surrounding the thing. Nearby construction workers doing their best to repair the damage done to Nerv by Zeruel.

Ritsuko typing away and running diagnostics on the computer systems, accessing the systems inside the Eva and peering into the unknown. 01 had freed itself of their control, and now Shinji had vanished. Absorbed into the Eva with no idea how to get him out.

Misato watching the massive titan, appearing to be sleeping, with a tense worried face. Running a hand through her hair. Rei sitting nearby watching the Eva. Mari in the hospital, Asuka brooding and alone away from the base.

 _Shinji... what happened to you? What happened to you?_ Misato thought on the verge of tears.

…

 _The Other Place_

"You killed the Angels."

" **We killed them** " the Other Man corrected.

Shinji stood with uncertain eyes in the void from inside his mind. Time seemed to move differently here. He was unable to go back. Unable to leave. The boy lost and confused as he stood in the other place, somehow aware of what was happening on the outside whilst being in here. His body, wherever it was upon being absorbed into the Eva, was still messed up. Shinji having suffered a skull fracture during the attack, but he didn't care. Shinji wanted to leave. He wanted to leave this place and... and-

" **Not yet Shinji. You need to learn the truth. The Unraveling.** " the Other Man said. Interrupting Shinji's thought. Looking at the young boy with pity more than anything else. It was a lot to throw at someone, but it needed to be done. There was no one else to do their job. Other had come so far just to reach this moment.

"You did all this. You saved everyone. And you... you were inside the Eva all this time. I- the visions I've seen. The pills I take. Everything comes back to you" Shinji said slowly. Very nearly in shock from all the revelations of the day. Putting together the pieces that plagued him all his young life. The thing inside his head.

" **Yes. Ironic, Page and her superiors have theorized about my existence. They call me the 'Other', but I was the original. All of this... everyone here... are the 'others'. Is that your tragedy? Or mine?** " the Other Man said slowly. A sad smile on his weathered face, a brief moment before it faded too.

Shinji sank down to his knees. This was all just too much, he was just a kid. Just a goddamned kid dealing with things no one should have to.

" **I was just a kid too. Then they took everything from us. SEELE, they stole the world and all the lives living in it. Shinji... you need to see. I'll show you. No more flashes. This time, we start from the beginning. With our mother.** " the Other Man said.

Shinji blinked, and shook his head in the other place. Nothing made sense anymore. At least before... he could box everything strange in his life to his condition. But now he was forced to accept the truth, this thing was real. He was not insane.

"What. Are. You." Shinji asked looking up at the strange old man before him.

The Man had done Shinji no harm, had saved him, Asuka, Rei, Mari, and everyone at Nerv. He had shown Shinji a power he didn't know he had. He was the reason Shinji had such a high sync ratio with the Eva. The Man was in two places at the same time.

He lived in Shinji's head, and also inside the Evangelion.

The Other Man turned to look at Shinji, both of his red eyes glancing down at the shocked boy before him. Other wished he was better at this, wished he could have comforted Shinji the way his parents never had. Other wished for a lot of things, for him and for his counterpart, but he wasn't a child anymore. He was old enough to know that people don't always get what they want, that sometimes... life was hard.

" **I am Shinji Ikari** " the Other Man said softly.

* * *

 **After 20 chapters, Shinji has met his future fully.  
This chapter was very 'action packed' but there are various character moments littered about too. I wanted to show Zeruel being stronger than he was before, him coming alongside ****Leliel as Adam's wrath. Then showing the unlocked Eva Unit 01's power.**

 **Did you suspect the revelation about Other Shinji being in two places at the same time? It was actually foreshadowed in the first chapter and in chapter 2. About 2 to 4 lines actually.**

 **Shinji will be changed after these events, and next we will see The Unraveling. All I want to say is... it is probably not what most readers are expecting. It is a very _human_ tale in spite of the science fiction and fantasy elements. I'm very excited and nervous for the next chapters. It's probably the most 'out there' I've gone, so please give it a chance when it comes.**

 **For now, what did you think of the chapter?**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	21. The First Ones

**Hey guys, hope you're enjoying the holidays,  
Note: This chapter briefly shows our current timeline before jumping away to the 'Other'.**

 **This is the First in a small series of chapters detailing the life of a different main character.**  
 **I'm very excited and nervous to write these chapters. I hope you don't hate it.**

 **Very character based chapters that do not follow the Younger Shinji that you have been reading about for 20 chapters. Please remember, this is not the same kid.  
Here's chapter 21: 'The First Ones'**

 **This part of the story is very _human._ Filled with highs and lows, sorrow and glimmers of joy.  
** **Please keep an opened mind.**

* * *

" _How long can one person hate another? I'd say it would depend on the people involved, and their relationship. But hatred is a fire that needs kindling. Given time, the fire can go out. It can start small, something as simple as a genuine apology. Something as simple as a helping hand. These tiny acts of kindness are the first steps to reconciliation._

 _I think somewhere along the line... Asuka might have forgiven me. In the end, she did not hate me. That was probably more than I deserved_ "

 _ **\- the broken man**_

* * *

 _The Current Timeline  
_ _Japan, Tokyo-03_

Misato drove through the repaired streets open to the public on her way to Nerv.

Tokyo-03 seeming to morph as she drove through the various lanes. One moment an average city, albeit with many shops and stores temporary closed after the attack, and the next moment changing into the remnants of a war-zone in a violent country.

Entire blocks closed off, buildings with all their windows shattered, glass debris littering the empty streets, and craters left in the middle of the closed off sectors. Collapsed towers visible in the distance. Office buildings with massive burns through the concrete, the lucky ones still standing. Other buildings had entire sections of floors missing with only ashes and the barest of support pillars remaining, unsafe for anyone to work in.

The damage Angel threat #2(Zuerel) had done to the city. The city block where Eva Units 00, 01, and 03 had all fought Zuerel and lost, completely closed off. The damaged area considered almost unrepairable.

 _Everything's changing now_ Misato thought darkly. Seeing the nervous faces of the drivers beside her, that small spark of uncertainty at the sight of the wrecked sections of the city. Reconstruction teams going all out, but the process would take months, if not years, to get the city back to what it was.

Her way to Nerv was unusual to say the least.

Upon reaching the breached remains of the hangar, Misato found the Nerv staff having to work around the repair teams even as nonessential personnel were given time off. The hangar losing much of its impressive demeanor with the massive hole in the wall.

Misato didn't think she'd ever forget the terror at the sight of Zeruel standing inside the hangar, looming over the tiny humans in their own base.

Walking passed a group of arguing construction workers, Misato found Ritsuko and a mix of scientist and engineers going over a variety of readouts.

Dr. Akagi working with no less than three computers, the main terminal, and an array of laptops set aside by her and her team.

"Any luck?" Misato asked hesitantly.

There was still tension between Misato and Ritsuko, left over from the willingness on Nerv's part to sacrifice Shinji to get 01 back. Fortunately, things had been taken out of their hands when Unit 01 had 'awoken' and killed the two Angels on its own.

Ritsuko looked up at her with tired, sleep deprived eyes, and instead of answering she gestured above them to the launch pad and the infamous subject within. The team trying to access the computer systems inside Shinji's entry plug, as well as the internal controls hidden within the 01's plate-armor.

"The eyes blink. I observed it once, only for a moment. The subject blinked" a slow quiet voice called, a voice that nonetheless carried over to the adults.

"Rei? How long have you been here? You should go home" Misato said feeling a swell of pity for the girl, as she took in the sight of the First Child sitting below. The pale girl staying out of the adult's way.

"I am fine. Captain Katsuragi, watch the eyes." Rei said simply. Still, something was up with the girl. Her voice a little too controlled, too processed and her expression too withdrawn. Not allowing herself to feel.

"She won't leave. Let her stay, she doesn't bother anyone" Ritsuko muttered as she worked.

 _At least we stopped Mari from camping out here. Damn girl near leaped out of the hospital bed when she found out_ Misato thought.

Nerv's Eva teams were scattered for the moment. Mari still recovering, and Asuka off spending time alone or else at Hikari's place now that school was temporarily canceled. Rei spending far too much time watching the recovery process.

"Entry plug is completely empty. Save for Shinji's plug suit and a small sea of LCL. That's all we can get from the internal computers. The Eva doesn't respond to our commands" Ritsuko said, all the while never turning her gaze from her computer screens.

 _It doesn't need a power supply anymore. Whatever Unit 01 did... it can run completely independent of a power cable now_ Misato thought. Shifting uncertainly at her uselessness here.

Regardless, Misato was putting off what everyone in the room was keenly aware of. The looming presence that captured the room in a thick tension upon entry. The 'subject', for lack of a better word, under constant surveillance.

Nerv had to almost threaten the military not to simply destroy 'it'. The JSSDF wanted to drop an N2 mine on the creature's exposed head, and see if that worked. Constant arguing between organizations kept the subject safe for the moment. Kept Shinji Ikari and his Eva alive... for the time being.

Misato gulped inwardly, and looked up.

Evangelion Unit 01 stood chained and bolted into the launch pad above them. The strange alien flesh laid out for all to see, a humanoid face revealed underneath the massive plate armor. Almost 'Angel like' in its nature. The Eva appearing to be deep in slumber, arms shackled and under heavy observation.

01's eyes were closed. Yet the two women in charge remembered the intelligence they'd witnessed in those massive red eyes, the awareness in them. The words the Evangelion had _spoken._

 _HELP. SHINJI. –_ words from Eva Unit 01 itself. The first recorded speech from an Evangelion Unit. Ever.

"Watch the eyes" Rei called again quietly.

Misato turned to her, before looking back at the Eva.

01's eyes were closed as the creature slept. It took a while but Misato thought she saw it, the eyes hidden underneath the flesh of the creature's eyelid... moving. As if 01 was seeing something that no one else could.

Then the moment was gone, the slight movement vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.

 _Scary... what does that even mean? And why has Nerv been covering this up for all this time? What in the world 'are' the Evangelion?! And Shinji, oh Shinji. What happened to you?_ Misato thought darkly.

…

Gendo watched the footage of hangar from the safety of his office. Gazing at the sleeping Evangelion. An obsession of his that been developing ever since Nerv had been breached.

 _Yui. You saved our son. You absorbed him into the Eva. Why? Why did you not speak to me? Why did you choose Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi?_ Gendo thought.

He stared at 01's face. Begging for answers but knowing he'd find none. Not until Dr. Akagi could crack the mystery and somehow free Shinji before the boy was too far gone.

"What do you see Shinji?" Gendo whispered aloud. His eyes glancing over the empty entry plug locked within the Evangelion.

* * *

 ** _..._**

 _The Other Timeline  
_ _Memories of the Other Shinji  
_ _During the events of the End of Evangelion_

"I'll kill you... I'll kill you... I'll kill-"

Eva Unit 02 lay in a pile of its own blood and filth, body ripped apart and impaled upon on the grounds of the Geofront.

"I'll... kill... you..." Asuka whispered, her eyes wild and frantic as she lay in the damaged entry plug of Unit 02. Covered in her own blood, Eva out of power with multiple spears impaled throughout its body. Internal organs of the Eva ripped out with the phantom sensations making sure Asuka felt every second of it on top of her own injuries.

The Mass Production Eva leaving her behind as they went about their mission. The twisted Evangelions, ghost white, flocking together as a menacing herd of destruction.

"I'll kill you... " Asuka whispered, before she died there.

Died all alone in the wreckage of her Eva.

…

Shinji Ikari screamed.

Screamed with all the air in his lungs. Asuka had just died. Misato was dead. The JSSDF had attacked Nerv. The monstrous 'white' Evangelions had come for him. Everything was falling apart.

Those monstrous things had grabbed him, Unit 01 was not responding to the controls. Shinji was unable to act, unable to do anything. Sobbing at the futility of it all.

"Mom... mom help me" Shinji sobbed. All this time, and he never realized that his mother had been inside the Eva. Yui Ikari having been inside 01 for all his time as a pilot. The one whom had saved him during his first piloting run.

"Please mom... why won't you help me?!" Shinji cried. The Eva acting of its own accord, allowing the Mass Production Evas to take 01 to the sky.

…

 **Lilith** emerged above the clouds. Pale white and wearing the face of Rei, eyes deep red, voice cooing out in a mixture of pleasure and curiosity at the events transpiring. Angelic in her appearance, inhumanly beautiful and looming over the wreckage of the Geofront.

So large that even Unit 01 was but a bug in the palm of her hand, Lilith smiled down at Shinji. The Second Angel looking directly at him as the Mass Production Evas crucified Shinji and his Eva, beginning to form the inverted Tree of Life. The process of Third Impact proceeding with no delays despite all their efforts.

Shinji screamed. Losing whatever sanity he'd been holding onto, the Angel with the face of Rei smiling down at him. Massive and completely _aware_ of his terror and confusion.

All of them, Lilith, the MP Evas, Shinji, and Unit 01 drifting higher and higher into the atmosphere before entering low orbit over the planet itself.

The inverted Tree of Life overlooking the Earth alongside Lilith.

Instrumentality began.

* * *

...

 **"Third Impact. Instrumentality. It had different names for different people. It... it is hard to describe. Like a dream that feels more real than reality, a place where you are forced to face yourself and those around you. All the souls freed from their bodies and bound together by Lilith, or the Rei hybrid, or whatever you would call her.**

 **My mother taking the chance to assume full control of the Eva.**

 **And me... SEELE's chosen. Their last act to make me their ultimate pawn. Me, the vessel of the Third Impact. The last act of a cruel, unjust world.**

 **I saw things in the throes of Instrumentality. Saw the inner hearts of those I had loved. I saw whom those people really were. Misato's past... her pains... her weaknesses.**

 **Asuka's pain. Her disgust at me. Her loneliness.**

 **My father and his selfish dreams.**

 **SEELE and their madness.**

 **My own heart, I saw my own self hatred. My desire for people to be nice to me. My fear of being alone. My fear of failure.**

 **I saw it all. I saw the human race for what it was, the individual and the whole. The sorrow, the emptiness inside us all. The hope that remained in those that would listen. The words 'I love you'.**

 **Lilith showed me all of it, the best and worst of humanity.**

 **The part of Rei that was still there, whatever remained of the girl whom was my friend, saw my pain. She saw my fear and my despair. Rei saved me, even then. Her feelings for me were what made Lilith stop. The Second Angel peering into my mind.**

 **Lilith gave me a choice. To accept the joining of all souls, or not to. To go back, and return to what remained of our world.**

 **It was difficult, the pressure, the weight of that choice in my frantic mind. I was just a kid, and I bore the weight of the world. I rejected Instrumentality because I believed that it was better to live with others, even if it meant being alone or being hurt. It took me a long time to understand that belief.**

 **The reality was... neither choice was really an option. Both were just as damning. Both answers an evil of equal magnitude. The madness of SEELE, their obsession with ascending into a higher being. Of becoming immortal. Their fear of death.**

 **I made my choice, and Lilith undid what they had planned. No... not Lilith, she didn't care about me then. It was _Rei_. Rei was the one who stopped it, the one who gave me the choice.**

 **Instrumentality faded. Yet the damaged had already been done. A global calamity. All that Lilith did before falling apart from the effort, using everything she had to respect my choice. Dying, even as I was brought back.**

 **But I wasn't alone at first.**

 **Mother was there as Instrumentality faded. Even she hadn't predicated this outcome. I- I find it hard to relive that moment.**

 **I never forgot what my mother told me that day. Ironic, in the days that followed I would see her words tested. Can you really have a chance at happiness so long as you are alive? I used to think so. Back when I was young" - the broken man**

* * *

 _The last moments of Instrumentality  
Shinji and his mother_

"Do not worry, darling. All living creatures have the power to come back. So long as the sun, the moon, the earth exist _everything will be alright_. " the soul of Yui Ikari said.

Yui appearing as a specter that hovered over her son, hovered over him whilst he drifted further and further below.

Shinji floating amid a sea of LCL, the dying echoes of Instrumentality allowing him a single moment with his mother.

"Mom" Shinji whispered, reaching out to her. Longing for her touch again, the source of some of his brightest memories. Perhaps the few moments in his life where he thought he might have been happy.

Yui reached out to him, gently cupping his cheek. Her appearance unchanged after all these years.

"I still don't know if I can ever be happy. If I made the right choice in coming back" Shinji whispered, closing his eyes

"Sweet Shinji, everything will be alright. After all... you are alive. So you will always have the chance to be happy. Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. The hope to go on." Yui's last words to her son.

"Goodbye... mother" Shinji whispered, tears in his eye as his mother began to fade.

Shinji watching as the dream ended, and Yui left him behind in the real world. His mother taking the lone Eva and drifting off into space, Spear of Longinus in hand. The boy closing his eyes, and waking to a broken world and an uncertain future.

* * *

 _..._

 _The world  
_ _Several days later_

The Aftermath of the Third Impact was not a saved world. Actions have consequence, Lilith and Adam released and the gathering of all souls ... before Shinji rejected Instrumentality.

Countless craters littered Tokyo-03, most of the outer city and factories reduced to rumble. Some of the inner city left standing but abandoned. The Geofront and by extension Nerv was gone. Completely wiped out, nothing but ashes remained from when Lilith had risen.

All over the world, pockets of scorched earth and collapsed highways, rubble, and clouds of LCL that had fallen into the oceans. The moon itself left with a ragged scar, a red dash across its surface. Blood from Lilith as she died.

The lost boy lay on the floor of the wreckage. The small stretch of land, the remains of Tokyo-03 visible in the distance, the tide coming in from the LCL contaminated sea.

Shinji Ikari lay eyes wide and lifeless, in shock and unsure of what was even real anymore. He'd been alone in this place for days. He thought he'd seen Rei hovering over the water, but then she'd vanished...

He was losing his mind.

Shinji rose on awkward unsteady feet. He refused to turn and look at the severed half of Lilith's petrified head nearby. Remnants of Lilith before the Angel had died.

Shinji refused to look at the corpses of the Mass Production Evas lingering in the distance, slowly breaking apart by the tide, but the ghost white forms lingered. Slowly decaying.

The boy looked up in the sky, seeing the stars visible in the night. The red stained moon, and the small shining star moving away from him.

Eva Unit 01... Shinji's mother leaving them behind.

"Ack"

The sound of strained breathing snapped Shinji out of his shock and despair. He turned and nearly fainted at the sight of the only other person on the planet.

 **He wasn't alone anymore.**

Asuka was lying on the beach with him. Dressed in her plug suit, unmoving with her eyes wide, and unable to speak from the trauma of 'dying' before Third Impact.

Shinji knelt leaning over the girl's body, tears welling up in his eyes. He'd heard Asuka as she died, as she had screamed at him over the comm for not helping her fight. And she was back... or was she?

 _Is any of this real? Are you real Asuka? Or I am still alone. Have I lost my mind?_ The fragmented thoughts of the lost boy on the edge of his sanity.

"Please. Be real" Shinji whispered on the verge of sobs.

Asuka did not respond. Silent and breathing softly, eyes wide, her bones aching in pain. Revived, but not healed from all her wounds.

Shinji waited for her to respond but she never did. He couldn't take it anymore, Shinji wrapped his hands on her throat.

 _Be real! Please! I don't want to be alone! BE real!_ Shinji thought. On the verge of breaking down, he'd been all alone here in this broken world filled with the corpses of Lilith and the Mass Production Evas.

Shinji stopped, gasping as he felt a hand on his face. Asuka's hand. The girl weakly looking up at him, using all her strength to slap him across the face. Her effort barely managing a tap. Without meaning to, Asuka had proved her point. She was real. Shinji wasn't alone.

Shinji let her go in horror at what had he done. He had almost strangled Asuka. How far gone had he been in his breakdown? So far that he'd almost choked Asuka just to see if she was real.

He fall back sobbing. Asuka was real. She was _real._ He wasn't alone after all. He wasn't seeing things anymore. _Days,_ Shinji had spent alone in this little stretch of land, where the red sea met the ashes of the former city. Alone. Until now... that simple fact brought him to tears.

Asuka watched the sobbing mess of a boy with disdain. Her muscles aching to their core, her last memories being of her death and Instrumentality.

"Disgusting" Asuka whispered. Her voice less than a whisper, weak and strained.

…

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry" Shinji panted again and again. Snapping out of it as he came back from the edge of his sanity.

The air smelled liked blood, the LCL that had fallen into the sea. Shinji only noticed it when he heard Asuka scowling softly.

He rose to a sitting position on the stretch of land amid the wreckage of the Third Impact. Asuka was looking back at him, breathing softly and glaring with cold judgmental eyes.

"I-..." Shinji began. He didn't know what to say. So much had happened, Asuka being in a coma and leaving him to pilot alone. Her Eva being used against him when Kaworu had come. His own failures during the JSSDF assault on Nerv... his failure to help her as she fought the Mass Production Evas to her death, the strange ghost white monsters proving unstoppable.

Shinji looked around him, realizing that he couldn't stay here anymore. Days he'd spent lying on this bit of land lost in his despair and wondering if he'd made the right choice. Every now and then leaving to scramble for food or clean water, before coming back because he didn't know where else to go.

"You're hurt" Shinji said slowly, looking over Asuka as the girl lay beside him in her plug suit. Eyes filled with concern as he panted, getting over himself now that he knew he wasn't alone in this broken world.

 _What do you think, idiot?!_ Asuka's eyes seemed to say. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, in indifference, to the boy and his recovery from madness. She may have been brought back, but her wounds had not been fully healed. Like some sort of cruel joke.

Shinji got to his feet and ignored the disgusted look on Asuka's face as he reached down and scooped up her limp form. Straining from the effort, Shinji hauled Asuka into his arms and began to carry her. Asuka mortified at having to be carried by _him_ of all people.

"I died..." Asuka whispered in her small weak voice.

Shinji shook his head as he carried her. _We came back... Rei... it was Rei. She saved us all._ He thought.

Asuka's eyes widened as she took in the sight of the ghost white figures in the distance, decaying in the sea but still lingering, the monsters that had killed her. The Mass Production Evas.

"They're dead. They died during the Impact" Shinji said, in between his panting as he carried the girl in his arms.

Asuka nodded weakly as Shinji walked. They passed the grave marker Shinji had set up, Misato's pendant nailed to the marker. Asuka eyeing the marker as they passed.

 _So Misato died too... damn._ Asuka thought darkly.

Then she blinked, eyes wide at the destruction that surrounded them. Asuka gulping in shock as she took in the wreckage before them. It seemed to go on forever and forever, like the entire world was a war zone. The Geofront gone, Nerv gone, entire streets broken and in pieces, abandoned cars and trucks left out in the cold.

She'd only just been revived. How long had Shinji been here in this nightmare by himself?

* * *

 _The ruins of Tokyo-03_

Shinji climbed the stairs of the apartment complex breathing heavy hard breathes. He had never been in great shape, and now his muscles were reaping their revenge.

Passing the ruins of the city was scary, seeing that the Geofront and the surrounding area had been reduced to ashes. Another scar left from the Third Impact.

Most of the inner city was left standing. Empty but still standing. Clothes littered the streets, the people having been taken by the throes of Instrumentality before Shinji had rejected it. It was a stunningly cold sight that reminded the two teenagers of how completely alone they were.

The door to Misato's apartment was unlocked.

Shinji slipped inside, almost falling to his knees, Asuka stirring in his arms in protest. _Wimp_ her eyes seemed to say.

 _Why does she hate me? What did I do? I'm trying to help_ Shinji thought awkwardly, kneeling on the floor of the apartment to catch his breath.

He rose again, Asuka weakly clinging to him as she almost fell, and he made it to her room. He brought Asuka to her bed, letting her fall gently from his arms and helping her get comfortable.

"Idiot" Asuka breathed.

Shinji sighed heavily and slumped against one of her walls to catch his breath. Climbing all those stairs while carrying her had taken a toll on him.

 _I'm not alone. I'm not alone._ Shinji told himself again and again. Rocking himself in comfort, getting a hold of himself. He just wished Asuka was strong enough to talk more, but then again... maybe not. She seemed to be mad at him, and he didn't know why.

She kept staring at him, and when Shinji finally looked up to meet her gaze as she lay on the bed, she was scowling at him.

"Uh, I'll get you some water." Shinji said hurriedly getting up and leaving her room. He made sure to keep the door open so he could check up on her, he didn't think there was any power left in the city, let alone the apartment.

Luckily, the faucet was still running.

When Shinji returned with the water, Asuka drank the entire cup in one swing. Breathing softly once she was done, him keeping an eye on her unsteady hands.

"Are you in pain? Asuka?" Shinji asked seeing the way she winced with every breath.

 _Am I in pain?! I feel like I was just stabbed to death by those other MP Evas! I feel like whatever brought me back didn't heal me! There's no blood but my muscles feel like they were cut open! My arms feel like they weigh a ton each! And all I have for company is you!_ Asuka thought.

She managed only a grunt.

"Uh, there was a store near the apartment. I'll buy some- I'll get some pain meds" Shinji said getting to his feet and hurrying out of her room again.

Asuka was left laying on her bed. Moving her legs weakly, they felt stiff and sore, heavy, she wouldn't be walking on her own anytime soon.

…

Shinji helped Asuka take the pain meds, brought her whatever she needed. Food, more water, blankets, spending the whole day playing 'nurse' for her before letting her rest in her bed.

He wrapped the blankets over her as best he could, before stumbling back as Asuka had weakly shoved him across his face.

Asuka using what strength she had to push him away. Almost like she was slapping him.

So Shinji had let her sleep in her room. He left her door slightly open so he could keep an eye out for her, but he let her rest and wondered why she hated him so much.

He'd been in bad shape earlier, so many days spent alone in this nightmare. Alone with only his thoughts and despair for company. He'd thought when Asuka had appeared, when she turned out to be real and he wasn't losing his mind, he thought he'd be 'happy'. Happy that he wasn't alone.

But he wasn't.

Asuka didn't want his help. She pushed him away and kept what distance she could.

So Shinji stood on the apartment balcony, lost in his own thoughts again. Remembering the times he'd spent here with Misato and Asuka.

 _Misato... I let you die too. I'm so sorry_ Shinji thought hanging his head as he relived everything that had happened. Everyone was gone, it was only him and Asuka.

He spent the night there on the balcony. A young boy in an unsure world, with only a girl whom hated him for company.

* * *

 _Morning  
Misato's apartment_

"No"

Those were the first words Asuka said when he'd awkwardly offered to help.

"Asuka... you can't walk yet. I can-"

"NO!" Asuka shouted at him.

She was on the floor of the living room, half way to the restroom to take a shower. Shinji regretted telling her that the water was still running even if the power was out.

Shinji felt his face turn bright red, it wasn't like that. He only wanted to help her because she couldn't move yet. He didn't fully understand it, but Asuka seemed to have come back hurt. She wasn't dying, but when she pulled part of the tattered plug suit off he had noticed multiple bruises. Dark purple things that made him wince every time he saw them.

Asuka gritted her teeth, running on willpower alone, and managed to get into sitting position. She glared up at him as he stood nervous not knowing what to do. He hovered awkwardly in the hall.

"You stay out. Alright! This isn't a goddamned peep show for you" Asuka told him, her voice low and dangerous. Eyes narrowed coldly at him.

"Of course! Asuka... I was only trying to hel-" he stammered.

Asuka shook her head before getting to her feet slowly, leaning on the wall for support, and heading for the shower.

"You want to help?! Then grab some clothes for me. Leave them by the door" Asuka said, panting from the effort as she made it the restroom.

He did as he was told, only grabbing a shirt and pair of trousers for her and leaving them by the door. He heard the water running, but he stood still and silent at the sound of something heavy falling. Followed by a soft grunt of pain.

The sound repeated, Asuka falling whenever she stubbornly tried to stand on her own.

Shinji winced at the sound of her hurting herself again and again, before he rushed to the door and called her name.

"... no" Asuka told him through the door.

…

Minutes later, and Asuka finally called out to him. Shinji looked up, he'd been sitting against the wall outside, head hung low. Too worried about her to just leave.

"... I need your help." Asuka whispered through the door. On the other side of the door, she was staring at her feet with hollow empty eyes. Reduced to this in her current state, reduced to asking _him_ for help to take a shower. It killed her inside to do this.

Shinji slowly opened the door, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.

"Keep your eyes closed!" Asuka barked at him. She was lying on the restroom floor, bruised legs hanging limply as she keep her eyes on him the entire time.

Shinji closed his eyes tight and held them closed through the entire process. Helping Asuka to stand and start the water again, she insisting and doing everything herself, only allowing him to act as her crutch and then later to wash her back. He kept his eyes closed, feeling Asuka's glare on him the whole time.

* * *

Later, the two of them sat at the breakfast table. Asuka in her change of clothes, Shinji still in the same outfit he'd been wearing for days. His eyes were sore from how long he'd kept them shut.

They'd opened the windows to let some sunlight in.

Shinji had made them a meal. It wasn't much, their options were limited with no power but he managed to put something together with the canned foods he'd found. At least there was water... for now.

When he'd offered to help her with her food, Asuka had thrown a piece of rice at him.

They ate in silence. Neither knowing what to say to other. Shinji hated it. He wasn't alone anymore, but he might as well have been.

"I know what you did" Asuka said to him finally.

Shinji looked up in surprise. Seeing Asuka's narrowed eyes staring at him from across the breakfast table.

"What?" he asked nervously.

Asuka seemed to struggle with the words, her expression a mixture of rage and disgust as she spoke. Almost hatred.

"You _masturbated_ over me... over my comatose body. You fucking pervert!" Asuka shouted at him. Plates flying into the air as she slammed her fist into the table. Her voice razor sharp, the rage and disgust filling the room and leaving Shinji with no air to breathe.

THUD

Her plate came crashing to the kitchen floor. Shattering upon impact.

Shinji froze, his eyes going wide before falling as he hung his head low. Unsure of what to say. This moment something he'd been dreading in the back of his mind. A deep fear of his, the most shameful he'd ever felt in his life.

He opened his mouth, hiding from her glare and seeming to shrink into his chair. Sinking in shame from the crippled girl glaring at him from across the table.

"I'm... I'm sorry" he managed to mumble. His voice distant as if someone else was speaking, like he was on autopilot, unable to look at Asuka.

"You're sorry? You think I care?!" Asuka shouted back at him.

Asuka scowled, gritting her teeth and using all her strength to grab the fork on the table and fling it at Shinji.

SMACK

The boy flinched as the fork struck him the head. He didn't even try to dodge it, just let himself be hit by it. Eyes glued to his hands... the one that had... the one that had...

"I didn't mean to" he whispered sadly.

He really hadn't, he wished he could say it was stupid teenage hormones, or else just an act of momentary insanity, but the truth was he didn't really know. All he did know was that had hated himself after the act. He remembered feeling that he was the lowest human on earth in the moment, the shame and despair in himself.

Asuka didn't care. She only glared at him from across the table. The tension in the room so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Shinji didn't deny it, didn't offering up anything else. What could he say? That he was sorry? He already said it and he meant it. He knew it was a terrible thing to do, monstrous, 'disgusting'.

He ate the rest of his meal in silence, unable to look up. Asuka did the same. The only people on the entire planet.

One hating the other.

* * *

 _Two days later_

"I stole it from a hospital that was left standing in the rubble. There was loads of food and medicine there... and bottled water. It says it's good for a long time. More than year even. The water I mean" Shinji said, more mumbled than anything else.

Asuka was sitting out in the parking lot of Misato's apartment block. Neither of them really knew why they had stayed there, maybe because it was the closest thing to a home they had, maybe because it had once felt safe there, but that had been a lifetime ago.

Shinji pushed the wheel chair across to her, carrying the crutches in his free hand as he did so. Asuka keeping her cold eyes on him the entire time.

They hadn't spoken much since that night in the kitchen. Shinji couldn't blame her, he could only blame himself. He propped the crutches up against an abandoned car for her.

"I'm heading back to get supplies. I um... be careful while I'm gone" Shinji mumbled meekly as he felt Asuka's glare on him.

Asuka nodded as she pulled herself up and planted herself on the wheel chair. This was what had been happening since she'd been revived, Shinji having to play nurse for her and her wounds.

She didn't thank him as he walked away, head hung low, wishing he could take back what he'd done in the hospital so long ago.

"I hate you" words soft as a whisper.

Shinji couldn't tell if Asuka had actually said it or not, it didn't matter if she had. He knew it was true.

He walked through the empty city, passed the abandoned cars and clothes littered throughout the streets, passed the ruins of damaged buildings and shattered windows. Stealing supplies from the empty hospital he'd found earlier, feeling more alone than ever.

He hated being alone, but maybe he deserved to be alone. Maybe he didn't deserve to be happy at all.

* * *

 _Eight days after Third Impact  
_ _A park somewhere in the city._

Past the dead trees surrounding them, the park was still a decent place. The damage from the Third Impact minimal here, almost like how it must have looked before all this mess started.

Shinji pushed the wheelchair bound Asuka through the paved paths in the park before coming to a stop. He moved to help Asuka but she shoved him aside. Slapping him across his face.

SLAP

The sound of her hand striking his face echoing through the morning air.

He stumbled back, rubbing his face where he'd been struck.

"Sorry-" Shinji stammered.

"Stop saying that" Asuka interrupted. Her bite cold but lacking the venom that had been there on that night in the kitchen so long ago.

It was eerie how accustom the both of them had gotten used to the ruins of Tokyo-03, the absence of people and the both of them avoiding the sight on the outskirts. The ever decaying corpses of the white MP Evas that had killed Asuka.

Asuka got on the crutches all on her own. She'd been getting stronger everyday, the use of her legs coming back with each session ever so slowly. But she still had a long way to go.

Shinji followed her along as she began walking the paved paths, getting exercise and re-training herself to walk.

She never complained about it, she just gritted her teeth and went to it. Refusing to roll over and die, or even to sit back and let Shinji take care of her. He admired that about her, Asuka's willpower to keep going no matter what.

Asuka was stronger than him. She always had been.

When she fell over, he ran to her side calling her name. Asuka landed face first onto the ground, dirt and dead leaves tangling in her hair.

"Stay away Shinji!" She cried out when he touched her by the shoulder. He'd only been trying to help her up.

Shinji stepped back as if struck again. She was panting up at him with wild eyes, disgusted at him.

"Please, Asuka... just... just let me help you" Shinji said avoiding her gaze. Her eyes never left him, always cold as ice. Accusing eyes. Judgmental and unforgiving.

Yet Shinji never abandoned her, never threw her to the wild in this broken world, he stayed by her side. Glares and all. He never denied what he'd done. Accepting whatever punishment that came from his perversion in that hospital room a lifetime ago.

"Idiot. Help me up" Asuka grumbled up at him.

Shinji hauled her up, letting Asuka lean against him as she wrapped one arm around him to steady herself. Together, they walked along the paved paths in the park. Him helping her to get the use of her legs back.

…

 _Later_

Shinji and Asuka sat at a park table, small camp fire running as Shinji cooked them another meal of stolen canned food and what meat he could find that was still good.

They'd both been coming to this park for days, each time to help Asuka walk. Her glares softening over time, Asuka allowing him to help her a little bit more everyday.

"It's funny. My parents would have never let us do this. Cooking out in the open like this? All on our own?" Asuka said suddenly. Her voice soft and low. More thinking aloud than anything else.

Shinji looked back at her, blinking in surprise. That was more words than she'd spoken to him in days.

"Misato wouldn't have minded" Shinji said, allowing himself a small smile at the memory of the crazy woman whom had taken it upon herself to be their temporarily guardian.

Misato, not the best motherly figure, but a great 'cool' big sister, for them he supposed. Letting them eat junk food all the time and trying to be there for them in spite of everything.

"You're right, she would have joined us out here. I- did you bury her?" Asuka said suddenly.

Shinji stopped mid stir, the soup he'd been cooking over the camp fire bubbling softly, the air seeming to fill with an unexpected heaviness.

"Nothing left to bury. The military blew up the entire floor even before Third Impact" Shinji said softly. His voice detached and sorrowful, another ghost that he'd failed to save. Another death that he'd carry with him for the rest of his days.

 _You put up a grave marker for her... thank you for that_ Asuka thought. Watching the pitiful boy cooking in the empty park, not another soul besides them anywhere. The park so silent that every little crackle of the fire felt like a thunderous roar booming throughout the cold air.

Asuka shifted in her seat on the table, wrapping the blanket Shinji had draped over herself tighter. Shifting her aching legs to a more comfortable position.

" **Why did you do it, Shinji?** " Asuka asked suddenly.

Shinji stopped stirring their meal, a stiffness entering his shoulders as he stared at the soup as if memorized by it, avoiding the question. Running away from his problems like he always did.

Asuka tilted her head at him, looking at him with hollow almost empty eyes.

" **Why did you bring us back?** " Asuka asked again.

She raised her hands gesturing to the empty park, and beyond to the ghost town that was Tokyo-03, and even further beyond to what was the empty world. Not another soul for as far as the eye could see. No one else on the entire planet.

" **There's nothing here!** " Asuka shouted in agonized frustration.

Shinji slumped down crossing his arms and hanging his head low, wrapping his arms around himself as he thought about that.

For all their fights and trials as Eva pilots they were just kids, kids all alone in a foreign and empty world with no idea of what they were doing. They slept apart, barely able to talk to each other most of the time. Shinji having to care for Asuka and cook them meals, gather/steal supplies, all the while simply existing in this cold lonely place.

"I don't know. I just made a choice" Shinji said weakly, gazing into the camp fire. He ran a hand through his hair before continuing "I saw things during Instrumentality."

"I did too. I saw visions before I woke up on that beach with you" Asuka added sternly.

Shinji numbly shook his head, that made sense, that was how she knew about what he'd done to her in the hospital.

"Lilith or Rei... or whatever the hell she was. She showed me so much, _too much_. And then she gave me a choice, to let all the souls join together. Or to reject it. My mom was there, watching me as I chose." Shinji said, tearing up at the memory of his mother.

He turned to face Asuka at last. Not caring about the tears in his eyes, she already hated him and there was nothing he could do to change that.

"I rejected _it_ because I thought it was better to try and live, even if it meant being hurt. Or being alone" Shinji said softly.

Asuka held his gaze, stone cold eyes staring unblinkingly at his watery frail ones. Iron staring at feather. So different and yet so similar. Breaking.

"Maybe I was wrong" Shinji said at last.

He turned back to his camp fire and their soup slowly cooking as he added another stir here and there.

 _No one came back but us. Not Misato. Not Rei. Not Kaji. Not even Ritsuko. No one_ Asuka thought darkly, knowing Shinji was thinking the same thing.

"Maybe you were" Asuka muttered darkly.

She glanced down at her stupid legs, over a week now and she could stand for a few minutes on her own but not much else. Bruises were fading but she needed crutches, or else to lean on Shinji, just to walk.

"I'm sorry" Shinji whispered again.

 _Sorry... that's all you ever say. Sorry. Sorry. That's all you ever say! It doesn't mean anything! All of this is your fault!_ Asuka thought. Finally snapping.

She slammed a fist on the table.

"So you're sorry! So what?! Huh?! What difference does it make!" Asuka shouted at him.

Shinji flinched as if struck. The distance between them, a few feet at best, might as well have been miles with Asuka's wounded legs. She couldn't have hit him if she tried, yet the stupid boy flinched as if struck, cowering at her words.

"You... you left me to _die_ Shinji!" Asuka said. Her hands shaking.

Shinji was crying again.

"I know. I'm sorry" Shinji said sobbing silently. He remembered listening to her die over the comm, remembered Misato giving her life to get him to Eva Unit 01. Only for him to be too late anyway.

"Stop saying that!" Asuka shouted at him. Seething as she gripped the park table so tightly that wood splintered.

Silence. Only the soft crackles of the camp fire and their dancing shadows proof of their presence. Their yells echoed around the empty park.

"I fought with everything I had. I almost won! Those... those things killed me! They killed me and you just sat there crying! You were useless!" Asuka shouted at him. Shinji took the words in silence, his head hung low, face covered in his hands and wearing a sunken expression as he wrapped his arms around himself.

Tears were in her eyes.

"Then you brought us back to this..." Asuka said, sobbing silently. Tears sliding down her face. The empty world around them seeming infinitely more cold than it had been moments ago. Indifferent, uncaring, broken.

"I was alone. I was all alone, Asuka" Shinji said in a sad broken voice.

She looked up at him as he spoke, eyes narrowed, daring him to defend himself.

"Rei had 'died'. _Our_ Rei was gone. She activated the self destruct on Unit 00 to save us, and you were gone. You just left, Asuka. _You left me._ You ran off... and you tried to kill yourself in that bathtub the Nerv security found you in" the boy said.

"I didn't run away! I-" Asuka said growing angry at the accusation.

"You did." Shinji interrupted softly.

 _…_

The memories flashed by both of them. Arael, the Fifteenth Angel attacking Nerv. The luminescent bird like creature swooping down and attacking Asuka's mind. Probing into her darkest moments, then pulling on them.

Shinji watching helplessly as Asuka yelled in agony. Forced to relieve the worse moments in her life, scarred mentally, and left changed forever.

'Their' Rei launching the Spear of Longinus at Arael, killing it and saving Asuka.

Shinji watching the crying Asuka as she screamed in agony, sobbing that she hated Rei, hated Shinji, and hated everyone.

The days following where Asuka lost her sync ratio with Unit 02, lost the ability to pilot at all.

Memories of Asuka running away and being found days later in a coma. Rumors that she had tried to kill herself before being found.

Asuka laying in the hospital in a coma.

Misato ordering her comatose body placed in Unit 02. Asuka left safe in her Eva as the JSSDF launched their assault on Nerv, before she'd awoken in time to fight the enemy.

...

Shinji smiled sadly at her, understanding her pain and shame better than anyone. He of all people knew what it was like to hate yourself, to be lost, and to run from your problems.

He shook his head before continuing "You ran away. I know you did because I did the same thing. I ran away. More than once. I never wanted to be an Eva pilot. Never wanted any of this."

Shinji breathed out heavily, stifling a cold laughter at his own worthlessness. An old truth.

"I know what's it like when your life feels empty, without a purpose. Like you don't have meaning. Like all the world is out to get you. Wondering why people just can't be nice to you." the boy said distantly. Speaking to Asuka or himself? Who could say.

Asuka shook her head not wanting to admit it. No, she was _nothing_ like him. She'd fled... she'd hid from the others after that Angel had probed her mind. But she hadn't ran away like him... she hadn't. She shook her head in denial.

"You were gone and I was so alone. Then Kaworu came, the last Angel disguised as a boy. He was my friend. He was good to me. So warm and kind... he said he loved me. And I think he meant it. He loved humans, wanting to be like us, wanting to be more than what he was. But then I had to kill him. And I was alone again." Shinji said speaking in a low broken whisper.

"You made friends with an Angel?! They're the enemy!" Asuka shouted. How she wanted to reach out and slap him across the head, but the distance between them might as well have been miles with her wounded legs.

Shinji shook his head again.

"Maybe, maybe not. Rei was part Angel too. Even before all this. She was part of Lilith the whole time" the boy said softly.

 _How do you know this?_ Asuka's bewildered and raged expression seemed to say.

Shinji shrugged despite his shame. _Lilith showed me_ his eyes seemed to say.

"When Lilith came, she reabsorbed Rei into her. Rei was... I don't know... a clone? A vessel? The soul? She was part of Lilith... but Rei was my friend and yours too" Shinji said turning to face Asuka sadly.

Asuka stared at him wide eyed, the visions she'd seen after 'dying' and amid Instrumentality. Visions of Rei.

The boy turned away from her, not a dismissal, only deep in thought.

" **I let you die.** I'm sorry for that... really I am. I know that I'm worthless, Asuka. I never pretended to be anything else. But you left me behind too. That doesn't make it even or fair, not with what I did to you. I let everyone down when they needed me." Shinji said, his sad tear filled eyes never leaving the camp fire. He didn't sob, he only spoke with calm reality of what he was.

Asuka breathed out heavy heard breathes. No longer seething, the anger fading but not gone. Replaced by pity... and perhaps something else.

"Everyone's dead... and all this" Shinji said. He raised a hand gesturing to the empty world around them.

" **All this is my fault.** " the boy said at last.

Neither spoke for several moments, only the bustling of the wind among the dead trees and the crackling of the fire proof that the world existed at all.

Finally, Shinji rose to his feet and poured some soup in a bowl for Asuka. Serving her a plate of the soup and a side of canned food that he'd managed to make for them.

"We should eat. It's getting dark and the apartment is a good walk away" Shinji said, serving himself a bowl of soup and a plate of canned food as well.

He let Asuka have the table, he ate on the park grounds. Neither of them speaking to the other, chewing their food out in the cold with only the camp fire for warmth. Asuka glumly eating from the confides of her wheelchair.

Shinji barely touching his food at all, numb to the world around him.

Of all the people to be left alone in the world, it just had to be them two.

* * *

 _Ten weeks after Third Impact_

It took time, but eventually Asuka started walking on her own.

She told Shinji to stay back and let her fall if it happened, she needed to pull herself back up or else she'd never get over this.

" **Maybe, to live means to suffer. Pain is a part of life, idiot. If you never learn to move past it, you will never accomplish anything** " Asuka had told him when he'd protested.

Shinji had raised an eyebrow at that. That was surprisingly insightful of Asuka, she probably had a point. Shinji would have to remember that.

They didn't talk about the day in the park. Never bringing up the day where they'd aired their grievances out to each other, instead trying to be as politely distant as possible.

Shinji keeping a watchful eye on Asuka as she walked and walked without the use of crutches more and more.

They'd stolen a generator from one of the empty stores somewhere, gotten it working after several tries, and hauled it back to Misato's apartment. From there, they'd managed to get some power back so long as they kept refueling the generator, and it put them in a better mood.

Having cold drinks again or else lights at night.

Now, Asuka was walking down the abandoned street. Shinji had taken the time to clear the place of the clothes that had been littered about, the only remains of the people before Instrumentality, and it was mostly undamaged.

Shinji followed slowly, his eyes never leaving her wobbly legs. Yet he knew Asuka was smirking, it was so natural for her that he didn't think she realized she was doing it.

Asuka made it all the way across the street, smugly raising a fist into the air as she leaned against the wall for support upon crossing.

Shinji almost smiled at her. Asuka almost smiled back, but caught herself at the last minute. Their eyes met.

And then the moment was gone, Shinji turning away a second before Asuka did. Whatever it was, it passed. Neither could say what they were to each other anymore. Too much pain, to much shame on Shinji's part. Too much anger on Asuka's part.

For what it was worth, in that small second those issues had passed. Almost like the days before all this, but then reality came crashing back down again.

"That was good, Asuka. Do you want to cross back? Or should I get the wheelchair?" Shinji asked politely.

Asuka played it off coolly between her strained panting, saying "don't need the stupid chair. Just watch, I'll be running before long."

Shinji nodded politely, keeping an eye on the girl as she continued her 'self made physical therapy'. He chose to sit down on the street while he waited for her. Why not, it wasn't like there was any traffic anymore.

* * *

 _Nineteen weeks after Third Impact_

"That's a lot of soda" Shinji said slowly.

Asuka turned to him with an annoyed expression. Carrying bags of groceries taken from the store, with a single bag devoted entirely to soda pop that was nearing its expiration date.

"Who cares, end of the world remember? Not like the adults are around to ground us. Not like we can't afford it" Asuka countered rolling her eyes at him.

133 days after the world had ended, and somehow the two of them were still living on. Surviving, if nothing else, on the abundance of materials left behind by the old world.

Asuka was walking again, no more wheelchair, no more crutches. Shinji kept an eye on her in case she fell, but she was doing fine actually. Better than fine, Asuka was almost back to her old self again.

Shinji shrugged before scrambling as Asuka suddenly tossed him a soda. He caught it, but almost dropped his bag of canned food in the process.

"Drink up, idiot" Asuka said softly. She didn't glare at him these days, didn't slap him whenever he tried to help, actually spoke to him every now and then.

Shinji watched with nervous bemused eyes as she walked on. Asuka putting the soda in the shopping cart they'd grabbed, before she pulled out a soda for herself and opened it.

He allowed himself a small laugh as Asuka took a long drink, relishing the soda for what it was. The drinks weren't all that great when warm. The power in the store had gone out long ago, but maybe it was important to hold onto the little things.

Shinji took a long drink of soda himself, wiping the small smile off his face before Asuka could see it.

 _I was worried she'd leave once she could walk again. But she stayed. I guess in the end, we're all each other has in this world_ Shinji thought. A melancholy thought in this small moment of bliss, of the simply joy of a soda.

He joined Asuka walking through the aisle of food in the store, putting more supplies into the shopping cart with her. Neither of them speaking as they quietly took what food that hadn't expired yet, relying on canned goods and carefully packaged breads.

On their way back to the apartment, Shinji noticed Asuka looking at him blankly. He turned wondering what she was thinking. She wasn't glaring at him, not really, and she was not as cold to him as she had been during those first few days after Third Impact.

Asuka looked away before he could ask what was wrong.

…

 _Misato's apartment._

Asuka opened the door, letting Shinji do most of the heavy lifting to get the supplies inside, before closing the door behind them. She didn't bother locking up behind them, there was no point when they were only people there.

The apartment was littered with portable generators and fuel canisters stacked against the further wall from the bedrooms. Somethings were too big to power this way, the lights in the apartment itself, but lamps could work, the refrigerator could work, and even the microwave. Power only in small bursts, and with the stockpile of fuel Shinji and Asuka had spent days taking from the abandoned stores littered throughout Tokyo-03.

 _I wouldn't have thought of that. She's always been smarter than me_ Shinji thought passing the portable generators in the corner of the kitchen. Asuka had been the one to think of that weeks and weeks ago, powering what appliances in the apartment they could.

He made them a meal with what supplies they had, the two of them eating silently.

 _Whatever happened to Pen Pen? Is he still out there somewhere?_ Shinji thought offhandedly. Glancing at the kitchen and remembering Misato's pet walking throughout the apartment.

Shinji ate alone at the table. Asuka choosing to eat in the living room a polite distance away. Things were still so confusing between them these days. They didn't really fight anymore, but they didn't exactly 'play house' together either.

He couldn't blame her. He guessed they stayed together in this apartment because there was no one else.

* * *

 _Night_

Shinji slept in his old room, force of habit more than anything. Lying on his bed on the floor, struggling to sleep like he always did. Ever since Instrumentality he never slept well, too many images in his head. Left overs or else guilt from his many failings, he didn't know which. Visions that plagued him in his sleep.

He nearly jumped out of bed when his door opened, followed by soft footsteps.

 _Gah... Asuka? What the-_ he thought.

Asuka slumped down on the floor beside him, having brought her own small mattress with her. Lying down beside him.

"This doesn't mean anything" Asuka whispered to him in the dark.

The two of them lying in his room, each facing away from the other.

 _Just like before. Back when the Seventh Angel, Israfel, attacked Nerv. When Asuka and I had to pull off a synchronized assault._ Shinji thought. Remembering how she had sneaked into his room to lay beside him in the dark, the pressure of the next day driving her to seek companionship. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

Shinji nodded, facing away from her in the dark for her sake.

"I still think you're a pervert" Asuka whispered to him coldly. Gritting her teeth as she spoke.

"... I know" Shinji whispered back softly. That was still lingering between them and maybe it always would. He didn't blame her.

"Don't make this more than it is. I'm just tired of being alone." Asuka whispered to him shakily.

 _You don't have to explain Asuka. I hate being all alone too._ He thought. Shinji wished he could reassured her more, but he felt like anything he said would make things worse. He was never good with people.

Together they lay there in the dark of his room, the last people in all the world. So much history between them, highs and lows, shame on Shinji's part, disgust and anger on Asuka's.

When neither of them could sleep, Asuka finally spoke up.

"Today is my birthday, you know." she whispered softly into the night.

Shinji stirred at that, face hidden in the dark. Asuka determinately not looking at him, but he heard the strain in her voice. The sorrow.

" At least I think it is, the calendars are bit off since we lost track of some days after... after everything" Asuka added suddenly.

He hung his head, sighing softly, before brightening up as best he could. Putting as much joy into his voice that could, he wasn't faking it, it just took time to stop hating himself.

"Happy birthday Asuka" Shinji said sincerely.

He turned to face her in the dark, even if she didn't turn to meet his gaze. He understood, he wouldn't want to look at the boy who caused all this either.

"15 years old. Humph, never thought I'd spend a birthday like this" Asuka mused aloud in the dark.

"I'm sorry" Shinji whispered to her sadly.

"Stop. Saying. That." Asuka whispered coldly. Her back to him the entire time.

Shinji shifted uncomfortably.

 _It's true, I really am sorry. If I could fix things, undo everything, I would. I'd give my own arm if I had to. None of this is on you. My fault, not yours. I wish... I wish you could have lived a better life Asuka. One you deserved. Not one stuck here with me._ The boy thought.

"You think anyone else will ever come back? The way we did?" Asuka whispered to him. Unable to hide the loss of hope in her voice.

"It's possible." Shinji half lied. The truth was he honestly didn't know. In the throes of Instrumentality his mother had told him that people could come back, but so far it was only them two. **133 days of being alone.**

"Why didn't they came back, Shinji? Misato... Kaji... Hikari... anyone... why didn't they come back?" Asuka whispered. Her voice hiccuping as she fought the tears.

She was crying, and Shinji didn't know what to do. He only lay there in the dark with her, hanging his head low.

"Maybe they didn't want to come back. Or maybe they just didn't know how to. I- there's too much that we just don't understand." Shinji said shaking his head sadly.

He sighed, continuing "we were just kids Asuka. We were never meant for all this. Even the adults weren't meant for this. All of us, we were... we were just pawns in a bigger game. In the end everyone lost."

Asuka shook her head.

"I miss them. Misato. Kaji. Hikari. Even Rei." the girl beside him whispered as the tears slid down her face.

"I miss them too" Shinji said. Eyes lost in his sorrows before he recovered himself. Memories of his time as just a normal kid. What he wouldn't give to wake up and find all of this had been a nightmare. To wake up and see Misato again, his friends at school, to see Rei again...

"You know I never got to say goodbye to my dad. I... before I ran away... before the coma... he called me on the phone and I hung up on him. I was playing some stupid game at Hikari's house, and I just hung up on him. That- that's the last time I ever spoke with him" Asuka said. Her whispers so low that he could barely hear it. Asuka's voice trembling as she spoke.

He didn't know how long Asuka had been holding that in. Letting her sorrow bottle up until she couldn't take it anymore and the pain came gushing out all at once.

"Your parents loved you Asuka. They did. They knew you loved them too." Shinji whispered to her in the dark softly.

 _Your father loved you the way mine never did_ he thought sadly.

Asuka wiped the tears from her eyes but it was no good, she just couldn't stop. No matter what, she had loved her father. She had. And she missed him in spite of everything. Missed her mother too. Even her step-mother. Missed Kaji and Misato.

Shinji put a hand on her shoulder. Asuka flinched at the contact, before calming down once she realized Shinji was comforting her.

He let her cry silently into the pillow. Felt old tears in his eyes well up too, but he let Asuka have what she needed. He didn't whine or complain, letting her have her moment of weakness undisturbed.

Asuka reached a hand up, and took his in the dark. His hand in hers. Squeezing lightly, their fingers intertwined. Two lost souls crying silently into the night.

* * *

 _Next day  
_ _Afternoon_

"I don't forgive you"

Shinji looked up at Asuka from the park grounds. He'd been drawing on the pavement with some chalk they'd taken from a store. Why not draw? It wasn't like there were any rules at the end of the world.

Asuka was leaning against one of the better trees still standing, one that had a little green on it, surviving in this empty world just like they were.

Shinji frowned at that, nodding his head. Asuka's words so soft that he almost hadn't heard them. He didn't know why she brought it up, he already knew that.

Asuka shifted her stance on the tree, crossing her arms, looking at him with that curious gaze of hers. Not the icy glares of old, not the judgmental eyes, something Shinji didn't have a word for.

"... okay" Shinji said softly, accepting his fate. Drawing random things on the park pavement.

Asuka signed in frustration and shook her head saying "let me finish, alright."

Shinji looked back at her to find Asuka struggling with the words. This wasn't another shouting match then, not another argument. Things had changed ever since last night, the night they never talked about.

"I don't hate you" Asuka said, getting the words out quickly. Having trouble admitting them to herself let alone to Shinji.

Shinji looked at her for a long time, before getting to his feet and turning away.

"Maybe you should hate me. For all that I've done" Shinji said flatly.

He stood there awkwardly, watching as the only other person in the world looked him over.

"Ugh! Stop that! Just stop it!" Asuka said shaking her head at him in frustration.

"Stop what-"

"That! Stop being so damn nice! So... so... understanding! I'm try to say something and you can keep doing that! It throws me off!" Asuka said in outburst. She let out a heavy breath, running a hand down her face in frustration.

"Uh, okay... I'll stop" Shinji said slowly, having no idea what she meant.

"Jeez. Whatever happened to that annoying awkward boy who couldn't talk his way out of anything" Asuka seethed more to herself than him.

 _I had to face myself in Instrumentality. See whom I am from the inside. That changes you... and I can't say I understand it fully either. For better or worse, I know what I am_ Shinji thought darkly.

He was still a kid in many ways, awkward, confused, and damaged. Perverted... he was once, but he liked to think he wasn't anymore. Shinji liked to think that maybe one day, he'd grow to stop hating himself so much.

"I don't hate you" Asuka said, taking a moment to catch her breath.

Shinji nodded. Letting Asuka take all the time she needed.

Asuka shook her head again, looking at him with uncertain eyes as she spoke.

"I don't forgive you for what you did in the hospital. For masturb- for... for doing... that. I don't know if I could ever forgive you. But I don't hate you. I... I shouldn't have been so hard on you. Alright, I'm sorry I slapped you." Asuka said. Getting the words out at long last.

She knew that he was all she had in this world. That he had been playing nurse for her all this time. 134 days in this mess, and he hadn't complained. Never even bothering to 'try' to defend himself. Accepting that what he had done was wrong and shouldering the shame in silence.

Shinji seemed to consider that. Asuka feeling her breath catch as he took in the words.

"You don't have to apologize Asuka. I forgive you" the boy said simply. And the crazy thing was... Asuka could tell he meant it.

He offered her a small smile, before letting it fade as he went back to drawing on the park pavement.

* * *

Hatred is a fire that needs kindling. Given enough time, it can fade.

After all their time together, and their talks in the park, Shinji and Asuka started to live in rhythm with one another.

The distance between them growing smaller and smaller over time. Asuka breathing easier around Shinji, the two of them approaching a glimmer of 'happiness' at the end of the world.

"You realize I did graduate university, right? I was a child prodigy remember? It's just an idea" Asuka was saying.

"I don't know anything about cars. Even if we could get one working... then what? All the roads are clogged full of abandoned cars and the highways are ruined." Shinji said thinking it over.

The both of them walking along one of the empty streets of the ghost town that was Tokyo-03. They're wore jackets they'd stolen from one of the empty stores nearby. The weather was changing as time went on, getting colder, and so they'd had to get some new clothes.

"Shinji the killjoy. It would be _fun_. You remember that don't you? Come on, haven't you ever wanted to drive? Ask me nicely and maybe I'll teach you" Asuka taunted him in a good spirits. Smirking her signature smirk at him.

 _Huh. I guess I never thought about it but Asuka passed her driving test back in the day. Benefits of being a prodigy, but she was still too young to get a license_ Shinji thought.

"I doubt we could get one of the cars up and running." Shinji said allowing himself a small laugh as Asuka shook her head at him.

They'd managed to do okay, all things considered, at the end of the world. But they were just kids, some things were beyond them.

Shinji looked up at the skies, marveling at the small bits of snow, actual _snow_ , falling from above. Little spots of the white powder drizzling down on them. Not altogether unpleasant.

The Second Impact had been a cataclysm that shook the world, changing the global weather patterns and altering things in an irreversible manner. At the time, putting Japan in a period of perpetual summer.

It seemed only fitting that the Third Impact would have a similar effect. The world around them changed in ways they could not fully understand. The global weather patterns changed for a second time for all they knew.

For now it was mild. The raising cold and the appearance of snow. Shinji worried what else would come as time went by, but for now at least... he allowed himself to enjoy the change in weather.

 _Snow. Real snow_ Shinji thought.

"Shinji? Shin- Hey?! Are you even listening to me?!" Asuka said starting to get annoyed.

The boy nodded, tuning her out, and calmly replying "of course."

Asuka sighed.

 _Stupid Shinji, not even listening to a word I said. Just standing there with that stupid smile of his_ she thought. Nonetheless, feeling her lips curve into a small smile as well.

The two of them standing in the lightly snowing city. Almost like they were just regular teenagers out and about again. It was good to take a moment and enjoy the little things.

Shinji let the snow fall from his fingers, smile fading as he looked up. Suddenly... everything changed.

His eyes widened and Asuka blinked in confused.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

Shinji stood, eyes wide and transfixed on the movement up ahead among the abandoned cars on the ruined street.

"Do you see that?" Shinji said, voice shaking as he raised a finger and Asuka followed his gaze.

"I- my god... oh my god" Asuka whispered in awe, brought to a stop as Shinji had been.

There up ahead, _someone_ was moving. Walking through the wrecked city streets, passing by the abandoned cars and shivering out in the cold.

A teenage girl walking through the ghost town. Pale white skin in stark contrast to the dark greys of the world around her, completely nude and shivering in the ever cold weather.

"Rei!" Shinji shouted breaking into a run.

The pale girl stopped in her tracks, turning with a surprised and confused expression on her face as she heard someone calling her by name.

"Shinji..." Rei whispered through the cold. The first words she had spoken since being brought back from Instrumentality.

Asuka broke into a run too, the two making a bee line for the pale girl out in the cold. Shinji already unzipping his stolen jacket as he ran through the light snow.

Shinji got there first, Rei stumbling towards him with wide eyes. Nearly falling into his arms as she shivered in the cold.

"I got you" Shinji panted, wrapping his jacket around her as best he could. The boy felt his face growing red, getting over his shock and realizing that Rei needed clothes.

Asuka slid across the snow riddled street, coming to a stop beside Shinji and Rei. The German girl stripping her jacket off and wrapping it around the freezing Rei too.

"You... you came back!" Asuka said in awe.

Rei nodding lightly, shaking as she pulled the two jackets tightly over her upper body. Legs trembling as she stood, blinking at them in just as much awe.

"I came back... I do not know how. I... how long have you been here?" Rei asked.

Shinji and Asuka exchanged a concerned look.

" **One hundred and thirty five days** " Asuka said.

* * *

 **Kind of an abrupt end I know. Other's back story is too long to fit into a single chapter.**

 **Chapter was 'slower' and filled with smaller more personal moments at the end of the world.**  
 **This part of the story is very _human._ Filled with highs and lows, sorrow and glimmers of joy.**

 **I wanted this first part of the Other Timeline to focus on Other Shinji when he was young and 'Other' Asuka.**  
 **  
This Shinji is still damaged but a bit changed after what he saw in Instrumentality. He's still the boy that did 'that' in the End of Evangelion. But it is 'my' version of it so things are a little bit altered for the overall story of Unravel, but I don't think too much was changed from the film's version. I wanted Other Shinji to be human, and to be human is to be flawed.**

 **As for the Third Impact, it is incredibly difficult to explain so I instead wrote it via narration and used it as tool to explore the characterization of Other Shinji looking back on it.**

 **There is more to Other Shinji's tale, and something I hope readers think about is just how old Other Shinji is in the current timeline with the Younger Shinji.  
**  
 **I am incredible nervous and excited about writing these chapters. I hope you don't hate it.**  
 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	22. Together

**Hey guys, sorry for any delays**  
 **Been busy moving to a new place and school and what now.**

 **This is the second part of the other timeline chapters.  
Please keep an open mind, here's chapter 22 'Together'**

* * *

" _What is it that brings people together? Shared experiences? Pain? Trauma? Sorrow? Happiness? Maybe a bit of everything really. It took me a long to learn that your family doesn't have to be your blood._

 _Asuka and Rei taught me that._

 _I understood Rei's pain and sorrow, her feeling of being 'nothing' and without purpose. Lost, just as I was. I think I was able to help her in the beginning. "_

 ** _\- the broken man_**

* * *

 _Memories of the Other Shinji  
_ _Misato's apartment  
135 days after Third Impact  
_

With the sun down, and the clouds out at night, there was little to no natural light in the apartment turned shelter in the broken world.

Electronic lamps running on a stockpile of batteries illuminated the place as Shinji brought yet another blanket to the shivering girl in the living room.

Rei sat in one of the couches snuggling into herself to get warm. She accepted the blanket eagerly and began wrapping it around herself almost instantly.

"Thank you Shinji" Rei said, breathing easier now that she was inside.

"They're only blankets" Shinji said stupidly. He was about to continue that they'd find her some clothes that would fit better tomorrow, when Asuka's voice cut him off.

"Almost done! Try not to freeze to death for another minute or two"Asuka called suddenly. The German girl was inside the kitchen trying to make some hot chocolate for Rei, but Shinji had stayed behind to check on Rei. They'd found her wandering the ruins out in the cold and they were worried about her.

Asuka had given the poor girl a change of clothes that were a bit too big for her, and Shinji admitted it was strange seeing Rei wearing one of Asuka's outfits, but he was more in shock at seeing her again.

Rei broke the silence by tilting her head at him, giving him that curious look with those red eyes of hers, as she said "you have been here for 135 days? Why so long... I do not understand"

"Give or take about a week, it was hard to keep track in the first days" Shinji said after taking a moment to think about it. He didn't know how long he had been alone on that stretch of land before Asuka appeared, was it three days? Four maybe?

 _That nightmare blurs together and I can't remember how long I was alone for_ Shinji thought darkly. First Asuka... and now Rei...

"You are staring" Rei observed, speaking in her usual low voice. Wrapping the blankets tighter over herself as she turned to meet his stare with one of her own.

Blank red eyes meeting his brown ones. It took him a few seconds to get used that again. That stare of hers.

 _Forgot how intense Rei could be... she almost never blinks... funny, I missed that about her_ Shinji thought.

"Sorry. It's just- I don't understand. I was the first to come back. Then Asuka a few days later... it's hazy and I wasn't in the best state of mind at the time. And now, _you_ " Shinji said. Beaming at her, mouth open to continue but unable to find the right words to say.

Rei seemed to consider that. The sound of Asuka rummaging in the kitchen echoing from out in the hall.

"I remember _it._ Remember you. Lilith... and your choice" Rei said slowly.

Shinji nodded slowly saying "I thought... I thought you had died."

He breathed a heavy sigh and smiled at her. He was just so 'glad' that Rei had come back. After everything she'd done for them all. Rei had been that one that saved him at the end.

She tilted her head at him once more. Struggling with the words, and Shinji thought he must have been seeing things because it looked like Rei was blushing.

" **I wanted to see you again** " Rei said at last. Turning her head away from him, seeming to have struggled for an eternity to say those words.

Shinji blinked in surprise. It took a moment to process what Rei had told him. And... and he didn't know how to respond to that. Part of him relived to see her again, and another part of him noticing that his heart had started beating faster at her words.

"Please do not ask me to explain. I am tired. And I am cold" Rei added softly.

Thankfully, Asuka burst out of the kitchen carrying a cup of hot chocolate. Stepping into the living room she handed Rei the warm liquid.

"There wondergirl, don't go freezing on us just yet." Asuka said smirking.

 _She's just impressed that she made the hot chocolate without my help_ Shinji thought shaking his head with a soft smile.

He awkwardly got to his feet, letting Rei have the couch. He wasn't sure what had just happened between them, but Rei needed her rest.

The strange pale skinned girl took a long drink of the hot chocolate, seeming to savor the warmth of the drink. Before breathing out and looking up at Asuka with a blank expression.

"You are being unusually kind. What has happened to you?" Rei said blankly, tilting her head at the German girl.

Asuka's eyebrow twitched at that.

Shinji almost gagged. He suddenly felt an almost irresistibly urge to laugh, but he held it in for Asuka's sake.

"What is that supposed to mean?! I can be nice when I want to!" Asuka said, her face growing warm for a moment.

Rei chose to ignore Asuka's outburst, tilting her head at the German girl for a second time, before glancing at Shinji then back to Asuka.

 _What is she doing?_ Shinji thought feeling himself stifling a laugh. Damn, when was the last time he'd laughed like that?

"I suspect Shinji has been influencing you" Rei said in that blank tone of hers. No emotion in her voice, but simply deducing a conclusion based on the available data.

"No one is influencing me! I can be nice all on my own!" Asuka shouted her face growing red.

Rei blinked at Asuka in surprise, the pale skinned girl seemingly at a lost as to why Asuka was reacting so emotionally.

Shinji stood up, awkwardly moving between the two girls, and holding up his hands.

"Uh... Rei is tired. We should let her sleep." he said.

Asuka looked at him with comically narrowed eyes. _I can be nice!_ Her eyes seemed to say.

When he didn't nod right away, Asuka only got more flustered.

Rei only took another drink of hot chocolate.

"Fine" Asuka said crossing her arms as she shook her head.

"... you can be nice when you want to" Shinji offered lamely.

"Oh shut up Shinji!" Asuka said flustered as she stormed off.

Shinji sighed, glancing back at Rei sipping her hot chocolate.

He left Rei to the living room. None of them really knew why they kept staying in Misato's apartment. Even Rei didn't question it. The apartment was more of a home to Shinji and Asuka than her, but they'd managed to settle her in for the night.

* * *

 _Morning_

The windows in the apartment had been opened. Sunlight pouring into their home, the only source of light since the power was out.

Rei moved awkwardly as she entered the kitchen, wearing another of Asuka's outfits, and taking a seat at the breakfast table. Asuka was already seated across from her while Shinji hurriedly cooked them a meal with what limited food that they had. Mostly canned food.

"So you came back too, wondergirl. Do you know how? We don't know how or why we did" Asuka said, the girl wasting no time to start investigating.

 _Give her a minute to breathe Asuka, jeez_ Shinji thought as he got their plates ready.

"I... I do not know. I remember things... flashes" Rei said slowly. The pale skinned girl frowning as she seemed to consider something, her expression stoic.

Shinji handed them their plates of food, joining them at the table.

"Do you think we're the only ones?" Asuka asked, exchanging a glance with Shinji.

For over a hundred days it just been the two of them. But the fact that Rei had come back changed everything.

"Maybe others will come back. We did" Shinji said slowly. Part of hopeful, part of him thinking it was unlikely.

"It's been weeks. Weeks and no one else came back. We can't stay here forever." Asuka said. The German girl glancing down at the stack of generators and stockpiled fuel on the far side of the apartment.

 _Months, it's been months. And yeah, we been over this dozens of times Asuka. The food has an expiration date for a reason. But leaving? Where would we even go?_ Shinji thought. It was something the two of them had talked about lot lately, but neither of them ever came to complete answer.

Rei choose not to answer Asuka's question right away, instead glancing down at the food Shinji had cooked for them before looking up at him.

"Thank you Shinji" Rei said softly.

"It's no trouble" Shinji said awkwardly. He was getting a little uncomfortable at how much Rei kept thanking him for everything he did. Asuka hadn't exactly been the 'easiest' person to live with all this time, but they'd made it work. And besides... Asuka had had reasons for being upset with him in the beginning.

Asuka took a bite of food before turning back to Rei, her curiosity getting the better of her. There were so many things she wanted to ask.

"Yeah, yeah, Shinji makes good food. But Rei, what did you see? What happened?" Asuka said, choosing to call the girl by her name this time.

Rei thought about that for a moment, the girl tilting her head at the sight of her own hands.

She gazed at Shinji unblinkingly, Asuka waiting patiently as Shinji rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly at the whole thing.

 _Rei never blinks... ever..._ Shinji thought nervously.

"I remember Lilith raising. Lilith, flying over the clouds and leaving the Geofront in ashes... I remember- " Rei turned to look at Asuka.

Shinji's eyes widened as he realized what Rei was about to say.

"I remember your death" Rei told Asuka, before turning back to Shinji. Leaving the German girl on edge as she remembered her 'battle' with the MP Evas.

"And... and the dreams." Rei said slowly. Having trouble finding the word for it.

"Instrumentality" Shinji said, thinking intently.

Rei nodded.

"The visions. Seeing the people... all of them" Shinji and Rei simultaneously.

Shinji and Rei staring at each other with wide eyes. Shared experiences from the Third Impact. Memories from both sides of the experience.

…

Shinji screaming as he was brought into the Instrumentality, Lilith/Rei finding him in the confusing of his mind and giving him a moment to talk.

Seeing the best and worst of humanity's gathered souls, the individual and the whole. His mind flooded which the images and emotions of mankind. So much... too much.

Then Shinji's choice and the death of Lilith.

...

Asuka looked between them both, not understanding a single word either had said.

 _I remember you, Rei. Remember how you saved me. Giving me my choice_ Shinji thought.

 _I saw your pain. I did not want to see you in such pain. The people... I did not understand their souls. I did not understand their sorrow. Data without context. But you were different Shinji... I never saw it like you did._ Rei thought.

Shinji shook his head.

"I didn't understand it at first. Lilith showed me... I have trouble describing it" Shinji said staring down at his hands.

He looked back up at her saying "you saved me, Rei."

Rei tilted her head at him.

"You were the one who saved me. " Rei said, her lips trembling as she spoke. A rare moment of emotion from the stoic girl. Like she was almost smiling at him.

 _What? I didn't do anything. I only-_

"What are you idiots talking about?!" Asuka said looking between Shinji and Rei with an exasperated expression that snapped the two of them out of it.

 _Are they reading each other minds or something?! What are they on about?!_ Asuka thought.

She wasn't mad at Shinji per say, okay maybe a little, but neither of them were making any sense. In fact, Asuka was sure the two of them had forgotten she was in the room with them.

 _Tck. Freaks. How dare they forget that I'm here too!_ Asuka thought crossing her arms.

"Sorry Asuka. Rei and I... we were... we were on opposite sides of it" Shinji explained hurriedly.

Asuka still narrowed her eyes at both of them, feeling more 'left out' than anything else.

They mostly enjoyed a reasonable breakfast after that. It frustrated Asuka to no end that neither Shinji or Rei knew anything else. Neither could say why they'd come back, why it'd taken Rei so long while Shinji and Asuka had been the first ones, nor could they explain what they'd seen.

…

In the days that followed, Shinji and Asuka helped get Rei settled in. Taking her to the abandoned stores and getting her some clothes.

"I do not know what to wear. What is appropriate?" Rei had asked upon entering the store.

Shinji had frowned at that while Asuka only sighed in frustration.

"Whatever you want. Seriously, just pick something" Asuka had told her.

When Rei had only tilted her head at the German girl, Asuka had gotten after her saying that 'how could you not know what you like?!'

Rei had had no answer to that. Throughout her entire life, everything had been provided to her by Nerv and Gendo. Rei had never actively chosen anything for herself.

When Shinji had nothing to offer he just shook his head, trying not to laugh as Asuka started grabbing clothes and throwing them into Rei's hands out of frustration.

…

Living with Rei was... odd.

Often, she seemed aloof of general etiquette and seemingly unaware of basic house rules. Rei leaving a mess at times when she did not clean up after herself in the apartment, plates of food, clothes thrown to the floor, etc.

Shinji found it funny, while Asuka did not. In the end, he took the time to help Rei clean up, and it reminded him of the old days with Misato and Nerv and piloting, and to her credit, Rei put in the effort to learn.

Rei listening carefully to his words when he explained things, or else when he'd explain how he and Asuka had managed to survive for so long in the Post Impact World.

Still... Shinji noticed she had a habit of staring at him for a second longer than normal. And, if he was honest with himself, a part of him liked it. Having someone who didn't shout at him all the time, okay Asuka didn't yell at him everyday, in fact she'd gotten 'nicer' as time went by, but Rei was good company despite how little she spoke.

 _Sometimes she seems so sad. Lost. Just like I was in the beginning. Why? What happened to you Rei? I'm sorry for whatever it is. I wish I could help you... but I can't even help myself_ Shinji thought often. Feeling that same sense of being lost. He'd dealt with it in his own way, choosing not to dwell on old wounds and living day by day with Asuka.

But Rei wasn't like him... she couldn't do that even with their help.

It was the little thing that gave it away, Rei sitting motionless for several minutes at time seemingly at lost of _what_ to do. Staring blankly at a wall or else 'waiting' for Shinji or Asuka to gave her a job, to call her so they could eat, or else join them for a supply run. The quirks of one whom does not know what to do with themselves.

Shinji would often 'check up' on her asking what she was doing.

"Nothing" Rei would answer flatly. Her voice empty and hollowed out. Her red eyes peering up at him with something he didn't have a word for.

That made Shinji more sad than anything, but Asuka had told him not to be a creep about it. Claiming that 'that's just how wondergirl is, leave her alone'.

It reminded Shinji of the days before, when he'd first met Rei. She had been a tool set aside by Nerv, given orders and expected to follow them, and Rei had. Until Shinji and the others, without meaning too, had awoken something in her. Allowed Rei to develop feelings on her own. Feelings which allowed her to reject Gendo. Allowed her to save Shinji and give him his choice at the end of the world.

But she wasn't 'fixed', Rei was still struggling on the inside. A soldier without orders.

...

More snow began falling as the days passed, no longer the white powder that drizzled down on them every now and then, but rather a light 'sheet' of white that began to liter the roads.

The three of them had to take the time to go searching for 'winter' clothes. It was absurd, for so long Japan had known only the perpetual summer following the Second Impact. _Third Impact_ was a completely different game, the summer having faded somewhere during Shinji and Asuka's 135 days of being alone, and now the cold winds were raising.

It took them almost two weeks to find winter clothes.

A warehouse that had been a supplier for Nerv expeditions on the edge of the city. Traveling that far scared all three of them, seeing the 'wasteland' for lack of a better term beyond Tokyo-03.

The trees all dead, the empty plains that stretched onward seemingly without end, and the snow that had started to blanket the roads leaving the city. **None of them knew what was beyond and they weren't sure they wanted to find out...**

* * *

 _200 days after Third Impact_

"I've actually seen snow before. So shut up, this _will_ be fun. I did this back in Germany" Asuka was saying smugly. Smirk planned firmly on her face.

 _Ah, she's right. The West never experienced the eternal summers the East did. No wonder Asuka's been dealing with the cold better than us_ Shinji thought. Wondering why Asuka had never mentioned it before.

Shinji and Rei watched her with blank expressions, the three teenagers standing in the cold and wondering why they weren't inside trying to get warm. They were wearing at least three layers of clothing before topping it off with heavy duty jackets that were too big for them.

Asuka's face fell when they didn't share her excitement, before she shook her head at them and gestured for them to follow her into the park again.

 _We will have fun!_ Her determined expression seemed to say.

Asuka's idea for them had been to skit around the icy paths in the park and enjoy the blankets of snow while they were still 'small'.

It wasn't all bad, the German girl having fun making a 'snow angel' whilst Shinji just watched on unsure of what to do. He could feel his teeth chattering in the cold, he'd never experienced weather like this in his entire life.

Neither had Rei it seemed.

The two of them stood watching Asuka running around in the snow, apparently having the time of her life.

Shinji felt something his chest elate at watching Asuka enjoying the snow. He didn't know what was wrong with him but he just couldn't enjoy it the way Asuka did. He had too much on his mind, they all did. Plans for what to do as it got colder and colder.

He turned to see Rei staring off into space again.

 _She's still doing that. Like she doesn't even 'know' what to do without orders. Ah- damn you Gendo. Damn you to hell._ Shinji thought closing his eyes tight.

Shinji remembered his father and felt his hands clench into fists.

Remembered Gendo Ikari and his obsession. _Him_ creating Rei and using her a tool, becoming attached to her due to her resemblance to Yui. Remembered everything Gendo had done for his goals, even willing to sacrifice all life on earth, including his own son, all for the sake of his imagined 'happiness' with Yui. The man deluding himself into thinking he could see her again.

Shinji had learned the truth about his old man during Instrumentality. Shinji had seen what his father was and he understood him. And Shinji _hated_ him for it. He hated what Gendo had become. What Gendo had did to Rei. Not once, but three times.

Three different versions of Rei that Gendo had used for his own ends. When one died, Gendo had used Nerv's resources to transfer the memories to the next version of the pale skinned girl. Never once caring what kind of damage that did to a person. Leaving Rei alone in a pathetic apartment, never treating her like a human being, never once trying to teach her anything about living. Far worse than the rejection Shinji had faced.

 _Both of us... scarred by Gendo. He really was a monster._ Shinji thought darkly.

He took a deep breathe and decided to talk to Rei. All this wallowing in the past only made him angry and hurt, filling him with old wounds he didn't even know he had.

"Rei? Is everything okay?" Shinji asked suddenly.

Asuka's chants of joy at the snow audible as the German girl played nearby. The only sound in the silence that followed his question. Rei avoiding his gaze in this empty empty world.

He strode over to the quiet girl standing alone on the snow.

Rei finally turned to look at him with those red eyes of hers, tilting her head at him like she usually did when he approached her these days.

"I do not know what to do?" Rei said simply. Her eyes blank and her expression lost even after all the days they'd spent together.

Shinji frowned at that.

 _Rei you don't have to do anything. I- We're just... surviving out here._ He thought.

Shinji glanced back at Asuka, the girl rolling up balls of the white powder and throwing them at a row of cans she'd set up.

"Bulls-eye" Asuka chanted nearby, her aim being true and knocking the cans down on the first throw.

 _At least Asuka's having fun_ Shinji thought.

"I have no purpose here" Rei said in a low quiet tone.

Shinji looked back at her and blinked in surprise at how sad she sounded. Her eyes glued to the floor and head tilted downward. Seemingly lost in this new world.

He stared at her for a long moment, face falling and wishing he knew what to say.

 _Damn you Gendo... SEELE... you took everything from her the day she was born_ he thought darkly.

"Maybe you don't need a purpose Rei. You're- you're not a tool. Just..." Shinji said struggling with the words.

He was never good with people. In this moment Shinji wished he were better, that he could help Rei. Comfort her the way no one ever had. Teach her that there was value in her life.

When Rei did not answer he continued.

" **Gendo is gone** " Shinji said. Rei winced as if hurt by the mere mention of his name.

"He is dead... " Rei said in barely a whisper.

"Gendo was a monster in the end. We saw him for what he was. He rejected me, but what he did to you was worse. You saw it even before Instrumentality, you rejected him" Shinji said firmly.

Rei nodded.

"I remember Shinji. He shot Dr. Akagi and gave me to Lilith. I remember being... being angry at him for the way he looked at me. For all his orders. I told him that I would not be his doll. Not a puppet for him to control." Rei said slowly. The memories coming back to her.

Shinji frowned seeing the lost expression on her face again.

 _I have no orders anymore. What am I without orders?_ Rei thought. A crisis she had never foreseen having. Unfamiliar territory, her only tethers to the world being the boy whom had saved her, and the girl whom lived with him.

Shinji didn't need her to say it to know what she was thinking. He'd seen her soul in Instrumentality too, just as he was sure she'd seen his. He knew her pain just as he had known Asuka's.

Yet the memory of Gendo still lingered over her. A manipulative sad failure of man ordering her around like she wasn't even human. The man having stripped any chance of a real life away from her.

"He's dead and he doesn't have any hold on you. Rei... " Shinji sighed, the anger making his voice tremble.

Rei nodded unable to meet his gaze.

"You're not a tool. It's okay not to have a purpose. You don't have wait for orders" Shinji added sadly, pleading to her. Wanting her to be free after everything she'd been through. Wishing he could make things better but feeling like he couldn't, just like everything else in this nightmare they lived.

Rei tilted her head further down, hair covering her expression as she glanced at him with sad empty eyes.

"If I am not a tool anymore... what am I?" Rei whispered suddenly. Her eyes on the verge of tears, her voice shaking a way he'd never heard her speak in before. Raw. Lost and vulnerable.

"A person. A human being." Shinji answered.

He sighed when she did not respond, only keeping her sullen expression on him.

" **It's okay to be lost Rei... I am too** " Shinji said unable to meet her eyes. This was hard for him too, it hurt to talk about these things.

Asuka had been hard enough, admitting his failures and mistakes, accepting his punishment, owning up to his flaws, and being honest in understanding nothing here. Opening up and telling Asuka that he was sorry for everything. The truth was that Shinji wasn't sure if he wanted to be alive anymore. Wasn't sure if he had made the right choice in coming back at all. Maybe he never would.

Rei was different. In many ways she was like him, just as lost and confused as he was if not more so. She had the same guilt he did.

The guilt of the Third Impact.

Shinji the vessel via SEELE's last orders, and Rei the instigator via Lilith's actions. Bringers of the end times.

And more than, the shared scars of seeing all of mankind, the individual and the whole, amid Instrumentality. They shared the scars that been left to them by Gendo Ikari.

The man looming over both of them even now. A shadow that pulled on their wounds from beyond the grave.

" **Just live your life.** That's it. I... we're alive Rei. And maybe as long as we're alive, we have the chance to be happy" Shinji said. Echoing his mother's words.

He didn't know how it had happened, or whom it was that had reached for the other, but Shinji noticed that somewhere along the line they'd held hands.

Shinji could feel the tremors in Rei's hand as she considered his words carefully, battling some inner demon from her years of being little more than a tool. He ignored the rush of his rapidly beating heart, the sensation of Rei's fingers intertwined with his.

"... are you happy?" Rei asked suddenly, her voice a whisper as soft as silk. So low that it barely carried over to him at all.

Shinji froze at that.

"I... I don't know" Shinji admitted uneasily.

He avoided Rei's glance, unsure of himself and the world he'd unintentionally made 200 days ago.

Shinji took a deep breathe, suddenly feeling like he was older man and not the teenager he really was. Hell, he even spoke differently these days. Seeing all the things he had had changed him.

"I used to think so... at least I wasn't miserable all the time. Now, everything's different. I only know that we're here now Rei. You're not alone." Shinji said slowly.

Rei tilted her head at him. "I am not alone" she whispered slowly.

Shinji laughed sadly, saying "we're all lost here but at least we're together."

Rei looked up at him in surprise. Staring at him unblinkingly, and he felt the urge to step back. The intensity in her eyes unnerved him at times. Making him feel like he was the only thing in the world when she looked at him like that.

 _I said the wrong thing... I'm sorry Rei. I can't fix anything. I only wanted to help. My father did this to you. He made you think you were just a tool. But... but you BEAT him. You did Rei! You rejected him at the end!_ Shinji thought.

"We are together" Rei said slowly, her eyes never leaving him.

Slowly, Rei curved her lips at him. A small smile forming as she nodded ever so slightly.

He felt his face grow warm.

...

Then the moment was forcefully broken as something white collided into the side of his face, sending him stumbling back and Rei tilting her head.

"Ah!" Shinji gasped in surprise.

He and Rei turned to see Asuka smirking from a good distance away, rolled up balls of snow at her feet and currently holding another one.

Asuka had thrown a snowball at him.

Rei looked between them as Shinji shook his head in disbelief saying "what was that for?!"

"It's a game idiot! Stop being such a killjoy!" Asuka shouted back at him.

Shinji was about to reply when suddenly something soft collided into his chest, smearing his jacket with snow. He turned in surprise to see Rei, her hand extended, having just grabbed some snow and flung it at him.

"There! Wondergirl's got it!" Asuka said.

"What now?" Rei asked, the shadow of a smile Shinji had brought out of her lingering even as she spoke.

"Hit him again!" Asuka shouted.

 _What?! Wait a minute why are they-_ Shinji thought.

Only to flinch as Asuka threw another snow ball his way.

"Gah" Shinji grunted even as Rei knelt down and rolled up a ball of snow for herself.

He looked between the two girls in panic, Asuka smirking and Rei with that small soft smile, just before they both threw snowballs at him.

"No fair" Shinji cried out as he started to jog away, trying to hide behind a dead tree.

 _Two against one_ Shinji thought even as Rei managed to get him on his back.

He lunged to the ground, grabbed some snow and hurriedly tossed it at Asuka. The German girl cursed as he manged to get her across her torso.

Rei hit him again before he could hide, and so he ran further into the park with the two girls chasing after him. Snowballs in hand.

He found himself laughing at the whole thing, really laughing. Not a chuckle or a shadow, but actual laughter. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed this hard, or Asuka, or even Rei. It just happened.

The three of them playing in the snow, finding a glimmer of joy in the coming winter that had felt so omnipresent and menacing in the days before.

Asuka laughing her head off while Rei only joined in with a bemused expression, the first hints that maybe she wasn't all that broken after all. They were all lost here in this empty world, but at least they were lost together.

"Rei! Go after Asuka!" Shinji managed to shout even as the two girls pelleted him with snow, all three of them laughing in the cold.

"Hey! Wondergirl we're on the same side don't-" Asuka had stammered before eating a mouthful of snow as Rei hit her.

Shinji laughed harder, thinking that the mental image of that would never leave him. Then Rei got him in the head too and he was sent stumbling back.

It was fun. Who would have thought the three of them could have had fun at the end of the world? Even if, only for a day.

* * *

 _One year after Third Impact  
Winter continues on, light but ever present_

That day in the park ended up being one of Shinji's fondest memories. The three of them finding joy in something as simple as a snowball fight.

Sadly, it did not last.

With the raising cold winds they were forced to stay indoors more. None of them knew how to fix AC equipment, and even if they had, they had no power source big enough to run them.

Shinji, Rei, and Asuka were forced to huddle up for warmth in the apartment on the worse days. Making due with an old portable heater they'd stolen from a warehouse somewhere.

On the better days, the three of them would get up and try to clear the snow so they could travel as needed. Stealing/taking more supplies from the abandoned stores and warehouses in the inner city.

The outer city and the outskirts of Tokyo-03 were a lost cause, too much damage, too far, and the roads beginning to disappear in layers and layers of snow and ice.

It drove Shinji and Rei to shivers just being outside, Asuka handled it better than both of them. Calling them both 'wimps' before charging out into the snow. Shinji and Rei exchanged grim looks before charging out after her.

The first winter Shinji had ever seen in his life.

…

"You are moving too much"

"Ack, you're too rough. Rei why don't we canel-"

"Stupid Shinji, your hair's too long. It looks hideous!" Asuka shouted him down before he could finish.

15 year old Shinji Ikari sat in the chair, Rei working behind him and occasionally tugging on his head to get the best position. A stolen pair of clipper clutched in her calm but rough hands.

Rei had decided that Shinji needed a haircut. He had the sinking suspicion Asuka only agreed so she could watch the spectacle.

For so long they'd gone with making due, cutting their own hair sloppily when it needed to be done, but apparently Rei had started reading up on it. All this because Shinji had mentioned how he missed the hair cuts Misato had used to give him.

 _I didn't mean you had to spend a month reading and practicing. I was just saying_ Shinji thought, glancing up Rei.

Rei hummed softly to herself as she went to work, cutting his hair and looking calm, content even here in this home of there's, and Shinji couldn't bring himself to be annoyed for long.

Asuka glared at him.

 _She spent all that time practicing on those stupid dolls. All for your dumb ass. You better be nice to her_ Asuka's glare seemed to say.

When it was over, Rei handed him a mirror she'd taken from the restroom. The pale skinned girl looking at him intently as he glanced at his reflection.

 _Huh. It's pretty good._ Shinji thought looking at his crop of brown hair freshly trimmed. It resembled his old hair to an uncanny degree. It reminded him of better times, not perfect by means but better nonetheless.

Asuka jabbed him in the rubs and he coughed.

 _I know! Asuka, I was Rei's friend before you were!_ Shinji thought fighting back a scowl.

"Do you like it?" Rei said tilting her head down at him.

"It's perfect. Thank you Rei" Shinji said smiling softly at her.

Rei blinked in surprise as she held his gaze. Her face flushing and slowly her lips curved in that shadow of a smile she got when she was 'happy'. Such a rare sight for her, the last time Shinji remembered her smiling had been at the park all those days ago.

"You're not gonna start making out are you? Jeez, get a room" Asuka teased suddenly.

Shinji almost fell out of the chair, and Rei only tilted her head at Asuka. A questioning look growing on Rei's face.

"I do not understand. Define 'making out'?" Rei said simply. She looked at Shinji expectantly and he blushed looking away.

Shinji hurriedly got up saying "nothing important Rei, but you said you wanted more practice right?"

"Yes" Rei answered simply.

Asuka glanced his way, her mouth open as she realized what had just happened. She tried to pull away but Shinji grabbed her by the wrist saying "your turn."

"My hair is fine-" Asuka began.

"Rei spent all the time practicing for us." Shinji interrupted, a grin planted on his face.

Asuka gaped at him, Rei watching her expectantly. Those two had always gotten along back in the old days, but one year after the end of the world changed things. Spending all this time together with only the three of them, it... brought them closer in a sense.

 _Why you little- sigh. Damn you Shinji_ Asuka thought scowling inwardly.

Asuka took the chair as Shinji took his turn to watch the show.

He laughed at the bizarre sight of it all.

Rei giving Asuka a haircut? What had the world come to? He had honestly never expected to see something like this.

"You're too rough. Wondergirl stop-" Asuka complained.

"Stop moving. You are making it difficult" Rei added simply and firmly. Echoing her earlier words to Shinji. Rei was like a soldier on a daring mission, her voice an authority onto and in of itself on cutting all of their hair.

 _Is this... is this what a normal family is like. Laughing and bickering? Living together and getting on each others nerves one moment and helping each other the next?_ Shinji thought.

His memories of a 'home' were nothing like this, and a part of him wished it had been.

Shinji's face fell, and he looked away from the ongoing scene of Rei cutting Asuka's hair. The 15 year boy old stood and grimly looked outside the window.

Misato's old glass framing holding for now, even as winter continued out into the city.

Snow, more and more of it. Light sheets of the white powder littering the empty streets. Almost half a foot of it now.

And ice, _ice_ in Japan of all places. Freezing over the windshields of abandoned cars, masking the pavements in a frosty coating.

Shinji didn't how long they could keep this up. Surviving here in a ever growing winter that slowly crept on them with each passing day.

…

"Rei seems different. What'd you do to her?" Asuka asked him one day.

The three of them were out looking for a replacement generator. One of the ones back home had broken and none of them had the engineering skills to fix it. Luckily, the broken world had an abundance of material and supplies... for now at least. Who knew what would happen as the years went by?

They'd timed it right so that the sun would be up and the weather at its warmest despite the strange winter. The snow had stopped falling for now, it would come back later but for now they had their window to take what they needed.

Shinji blinked in surprise, having just found a replacement for the generator that had broken. He'd begun hauling it towards their cart when Asuka had surprised him.

"I haven't done anything" he said slowly. Asuka watching him as he struggled with the generator.

 _Rei, I'm so glad you came back_ Shinji thought offhandedly. His back straining as he struggled with the manual labor so common in this world of theirs.

"She still talks funny" Asuka said deep in thought, the girl putting a hand to her chin and mulling things over.

"Rei's always been like that" Shinji said looking away, feeling another surge of mixed anger and sadness at what had been done to Rei over the course of her life.

 _She talks like a machine. Always 'can not' but never 'can't'. Always 'proper' and stiff. Another side effect from Gendo... she never had a chance at a normal life._ He thought darkly.

"That too... but she looks different these days. Not so... so lost. And she's starting to talk normal for once. And did you hear her humming earlier? When she cutting our hair? Where did that come from?" Asuka said still thinking things over.

 _It's like she discovered that she had emotions after all_ Asuka thought.

 _Maybe that's how Rei has always been. The real her buried down deep by Nerv and my bastard of a father._ Shinji thought.

"I think that's always been there. Rei's human, Asuka. She just didn't know how to show it. Why are you complaining?" Shinji said. The boy grunting as he heaved and began hauling the generator to the cart.

Asuka shook her head letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Not complaining, idiot. Just noticing is all. She used to spend all that time stuck in her head, just like a certain boy I know, and now she's cutting our hair and talking and-" Asuka began, making a list and counting them off her fingers.

"Do you require assistance?" a calm voice called suddenly.

Asuka nearly jumped out of her skin in surprise, stumbling over in her shock as Rei appeared standing behind her.

 _How long had she been there?_ Asuka thought, panting awkwardly. She hadn't heard Rei's footsteps at all, and she felt a sense of guilt wash over her that she choose to ignore. Asuka Langley Sohryu could talk about whatever the hell she wanted to.

"Thanks Rei, I'd really appreciate it" Shinji said in-between pants.

Rei joined him on the other side of the generator, and together the two teenagers lifted the thing up and onto the cart. Asuka watching the two of them as they both took a moment to catch their breath.

Asuka frowned seeing the look the two shared, Rei giving him that unblinking but soft gaze. Shinji almost oblivious to it as he smiled up at her saying "thank you."

 _Weirdos_ Asuka thought.

It took Asuka a moment to realize that Rei and Shinji had started without her, the two pushing the cart through the snow and heading back to the apartment. The cart's wheels straining as it cut a path through the wintered streets of Tokyo-03.

She scowled and ran after them, adding her strength to theirs and pushing. Asuka and Rei on either side of Shinji as they fought through the weather.

"Rei? Why are you smiling? This is hard work" Shinji said in between pants, his face starting to turn red from the cold and physical labor. The teenagers slowly but surely pushing the cart through the snow.

Rei began to tilt her head at him, but instead turned to face him as they pushed. It was such a small thing, but it took both him and Asuka by surprise. So much so that they stopped moving.

"We are together" Rei said simply. That small curve of her lips visible for a brief moment, a smile, before she put her back into it and began to push the cart again.

Shinji and Asuka exchanged looks.

Asuka rolled her eyes as he nodded his head in agreement, smiling softly too.

"Stop smiling like a bunch of idiots and push" Asuka said, unable to stop the laughter in her own voice.

Their laughter echoing out through the empty city. The only people in all the world, the empty cold city that seemed slightly less harsh even for a moment.

The three went back to it. Couldn't have heat without the generators and they had a good trek back to the apartment.

The three of them forging a life out here. Always together and facing whatever the world through at them.

* * *

 _15 months after Third Impact_

When **they** appeared the sun was barely raising.

Shinji hadn't even been awake for it.

The 15 year old boy had been sleeping, dreaming more like, of things he wished he could forget. He saw images in a rush of flashing scenes and figures he had no context for.

Mental Scars from Instrumentality he figured, night terrors that came and went as the days passed in this Post Impact World.

In his night terrors, he saw things he couldn't explain. Strange sights that haunted him, flashes of those whom had died. Thankfully the visions didn't come every night, perhaps once a month at worse, and he usually got over them after a good meal with his 'family' out here.

Instead, he woke to a hand on his shoulder. Someone shaking him as he groaned.

Shinji opened his eyes to find Rei knelt over him, frowning and with a worried expression. Her eyes watching him carefully. She was in her night clothes, having come to check on him upon waking.

"... Rei" he said slowly, groggily sitting up from his bed on the floor.

Rei sat beside him, her hand never leaving his shoulder.

"The dreams again?" Rei asked, still frowning at him in concern.

He rubbed his eyes nodding, he felt guilty now. She must have heard him tossing and turning in his sleep, moaning into the early morning.

Rei turned away avoiding his gaze.

"I am sorry" Rei said suddenly.

His room was silent, and almost pitch black except for the light from out in the hall seeping into his open door. Outside, the two of them could hear Asuka getting up.

"It's not your fault. I'm fine Rei. They come and they go" Shinji said looking down at his hands.

 _Images of a figure reaching out to me. Watching, always watching. Reaching for my hand... like I didn't escape Instrumentality completely. Some scars linger_ Shinji thought darkly.

The sound of humming, eerily beautiful in his dreams.

Rei looked back at him, worry in her eyes and Shinji smiled awkwardly. She sat beside him, keeping him company and letting him calm down and breathe easy.

Shinji didn't want anyone to worry about him. Didn't want to bother Rei or Asuka with it, they'd suffered enough thanks to his many failings. There was no need to add to their troubles.

Yet Rei came to him anyway.

He suspected she wanted to help but that she did not know how to, did not how to comfort him as no one had ever comforted her. In a way, he was relieved as he wouldn't have known how to react to that. She stayed with him in the dark, being beside him after his nightmares had passed.

 _Why is she so kind to me? I don't deserve that. I don't deserve those looks she gives me. Rei... I let you die too. I could understand Asuka's rage... but you... you are so sweet and warm_ Shinji thought.`

He felt his hand reaching over for hers, he didn't know how or why he did it, and a part of him thought Rei saw it but did not mind at all.

They flinched as Asuka emerged into his room, knocking on his door even as she stepped inside, her mouth open about to say something.

Asuka stopped mid-speech, blinking awkwardly at the two of them. The German girl having realized that she'd walked in on something and she didn't know how to feel about it. A mixture of guilt and nerves filled her but she pushed it aside.

"Uh. Water is acting up again. Doesn't always come out of the sink" Asuka said lamely.

Shinji rose, Rei trailing beside him, and together the three of them headed to the kitchen.

"Trouble sleeping again?" Asuka asked him as they walked.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine" Shinji said, making a measured effort to sound calm.

...

More than year after Third Impact, and they were running into more and more problems. They'd been lucky that the water and plumbing systems had lasted as long as they did.

But now the water was failing them. The faucet divulging water only occasionally and never the steady flow they'd had months ago, but bursts that came and went.

"Something to do with the pipes maybe. Winter?" Asuka was saying as they checked the kitchen faucet. Finding it stubbornly refusing to give them a steady stream of water.

"Or perhaps the system is failing. No one has been maintaining it, and the three of us lack the skills to do so. Even if we did... the city is too big for the three of us to maintenance the entire system." Rei said.

Shinji glanced at her, it astonished him the lack of emotion in her statements in a time like these, Rei simply stating the facts based on her available information.

"That's a cheery thought. Those water bottles we found stockpiled in the Nerv warehouse are still good... for now." Asuka said shaking her head.

"But they have an expiration date and-" Shinji began.

"The cold will make some supplies last longer. But I believe- I think we should start planning for the future" Rei said. The pale skinned girl taking a breathe as she spoke, choosing to change her speech patterns in subtle ways. Her steady and slow growth.

Even Asuka smirked at that, it was a start. But the moment was short lived as the reality of their situation was starting to hit them with every passing day.

"Alright. I'm calling it. Supply run. Everyone get dressed" Asuka said, taking on the leadership role again, not that Shinji or Rei minded.

Whenever they went outside, they went together.

…

It happened purely by accident, but it was an inevitable incident nonetheless.

The three 15 year old teenagers, pulling a cart along the snow as they moved through the ruins of the empty city.

Asuka had pulled their map out, and was checking the makers they'd made for good spots.

In the year since 'returning', Shinji and Asuka, and then Rei, had survived by looting the vast materials and supplies left behind by the old world.

Shinji had been about to point out that they'd mostly cleared the area out, and they'd have to go further into the city to get anything when _it_ happened.

"Hello!"

The sound stopped all three of them in their tracks. Shinji eyes wide, Asuka looking frantically at them as if check they'd heard it too, and Rei stopping to look bewildered and turn to scan the area.

"Hello!" the yell came again.

"Is anyone out there!"

"What happened!"

"Why is it so cold? How is there snow?"

A collection of voice shouting into the emptiness that had been their broken world for over a year. The sound cutting through the air like a roar of thunder. Some older and rough from the cold winds, others soft and younger, trembling in the cold.

"More people" Asuka whispered in disbelief.

She exchanged glances with him and Rei, the three of them staring eyes wide in the middle of the empty street.

Together, they broke into a run. Staying close even as they ran towards the sound,

"Hello! We're here!" Shinji shouted into the cold morning.

The three rounded a corner entering an unfamiliar city block, one that been filled with restaurants and clothing shops in the old world, a place of little value in the Post Impact one, and there they stumbled onto the scene.

A group of people were shivering out into the cold, wandering aimlessly through the abandoned streets, eyes wide and confused. Lost and scared they traveled together in the unconscious desire for the power in number, especially in face of the cold and world before them. Survivors whom had made it out of Third Impact.

No children.

All young adults or else older.

Wandering through.

One of them, a man in a light grey-white jumpsuit with the Nerv logo was stumbling towards the strange sound as the three teenagers came upon them.

"Shinji? Asuka?" the man in surprise.

Shinji ran towards him shouting as all eyes turned to him, all these people having returned from ravages of Instrumentality. A crowd beginning to form as the teenagers arrived.

Asuka trailing behind him, astounded at the speed Shinji displayed in his rush to see others.

Shigeru Aoba stood watching them in the cold. One of technicians at Nerv, a part of Ritsuko's team, and one of the people who had routinely run sync test for them back during their piloting days.

"You came back... my god you came back too" Shinji panted in shock. Feeling self-conscious at the fact he was wearing a jacket whilst the others were not.

"Came back? What are you talking about?" Aoba said in confusion.

The crowd of on-lookers gathering around the two, not sure what to do in this place. A group of strangers at the end of the world gathering before the only people whom knew each other.

"Young man what's going on?" a older woman, maybe 40 said confused.

"How are we here? The military was evacuating the city and-"

"It's so cold!" another stranger said rubbing her shoulders together to keep warm.

Shinji looked between them all, seeing their terrified and lost faces, just like the one he'd had when he had first returned and he was alone.

"Aoba, don't you remember? Third Impact." Shinji said panting in the cold, frowning as he looked at the group of new arrivals. At least thirty people in total.

"What? I remember the JSSDF attacked Nerv. Misato was taking you to Unit 01. Asuka was fighting the MP Evas, and- and I saw _her._ There were so many of them." Aoba said. His long hair mostly unchanged since they'd last seen him.

It was remarkable, as if the man had been outside of time whilst Shinji, Asuka, and Rei had managed to survive out here.

The grown man shuddered at the memory, more out of fear than out of cold, shaking his head and continuing "I knew if they got me I'd die... but then... this."

The crowd of people parted just as Asuka pushed her way through, clearing a path for Rei as well. The two girls joining them even as the newcomers looked at them even more confused than before.

"Ah!" Aoba shouted.

The others flinched and Shinji covered his ears in pain, as the Nerv technician/scientist leaped back slamming into a wall in his haste to get away.

"Aoba, what-" Asuka began.

"Her! Rei! Rei's here to kill us!" Aoba shouted. The man staring at the bewildered Rei with absolute terror.

Rei frowned at him, opening her mouth to say something, even as the eyes of all the newcomers came on her.

Shinji could tell by the look on their faces that some had seen her before, whilst most had not.

 _Instrumentality... they saw visions as they were 'taken' and their souls were gathered. Lilith peered into their minds, showed people the ones they had loved as they were taken... and those whom had been alone...with no loved ones... they saw Rei_ Shinji thought darkly.

Asuka watched in shock as two of the newcomers broke into a run and vanished into the streets, running in fear of the pale skinned girl.

Rei watched the remaining people nervously, her blank expression taking in the sight of those who did not know her and those that did.

Asuka moved in front of her, acting a shield just as Shinji reached Aoba and grabbed him by the arms.

"That wasn't her. That... that was the Angel. It was Lilith. That wasn't Rei" Shinji said slowly.

Aoba watched Shinji nervously, still shaking at the sight of Rei.

"I remember you... you attacked me." one of the newcomers said, a young man in his twenties and wearing a faded postal worker's uniform. He stood watching Rei and had to fight the urge to run, the memories of the giggling figures that had stalked him into oblivion before he'd appeared here with the others.

"That was not me" Rei said, her eyes downcast, and unable to meet their gaze.

Shinji moved to stand beside Rei as Asuka did the same, the both of them forming a human barrier between Rei and the newcomers.

"Lilith... the Angels... all that was the Angels. Third Impact" Aoba started muttering. The scientist in him beginning to piece things together.

Asuka nodded at him, glad to have at least one person who got it.

These people didn't understand anything. With the exception of Aoba, none of them had worked for Nerv, none of them had been involved with their piloting lives or the fight against the Angels, barely a news story to them. These gathered newcomers knew nothing except that the military had been ordering them to evacuate the city as SEELE launched their attack and Instrumentality came.

They understood nothing. All except for Aoba.

 _But Misato? Kaji? Ritsuko? Where are they? Why didn't they come back?_ Shinji thought darkly. Breathing heavily as he and Asuka stood beside Rei, the three of them together always.

"Come on, we'll explain the best we can. But all of you need jackets. Winter is here now" Asuka said suddenly.

The words were so strange to the newcomers, such a foreign concept. After over a decade of eternal summer, and now Japan had winter. They wouldn't have believed it had not been for the cold.

* * *

 _Nerv apartment block_

Getting the newcomers settled in was no easy task.

They all had questions, and they understood so little of the Evas, Nerv, SEELE, the Angels, and the Third Impact.

Many adults had trouble believing Shinji, Asuka, and Rei had survived for as long as they had on their own. They were relieved to get inside where it was warm, but Misato's apartment had no where near the room for all of them.

And... Shinji, Asuka, and Rei had a kind of 'ownership' of the place by now. They didn't want to share it, so they'd selfishly clung to it. Helping the new survivors find places in the remaining apartments.

So many people... it was unnerving given all this time.

About 30 or so, all of them generally adults. From that nice poster worker, to simple office workers, a nurse a bit older than Misato had been, a group of construction workers, and that old lady whom had lived blocks and blocks away in government housing. The elderly woman had wanted to return home, but Shinji and Asuka had explained that her home was gone.

Nothing but ashes after the JSSDF's assult on Nerv and the rise of Lilith, that most out of the outer city was rubble where nothing seemed to grow. A wash of grey and cold, utterly lifeless... near the site where Shinji had found Asuka.

The poor old woman hadn't taken it well... no one had taken it well that they were the only people on the entire planet. That their loved ones were gone. It was a lot to throw at them, but Shinji had been the one to do it.

Each person's terrified expression, pained frown, sorrowfully eyes, lost look in the eye, and cough was another stab to the gut for Shinji. All this because of his choice...

Aoba was more understanding.

"15 months... damn" Aoba muttered under his breathe.

He stood outside in the hall with Shinji and Asuka, catching up on all that had happened. Rei waited inside, a lot of the people were scared of her. Hell, Aoba was scared of her no matter how many times Shinji told him not to be.

"We have a problem" Shinji said speaking to the older man, and struggling over the fact that all the adults couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that he and the girls had survived for all this time.

"The water isn't working anymore. System is breaking. Maybe the pipes are freezing or something, but we just don't know" Asuka said her arms crossed.

Aoba shook his head, taking a whiff of a cigarette in a way that reminded them of Ritsuko. The man had found a pack in another apartment, as Shinji and the others had never bothering looking for such things.

"How have you been getting water?" Aoba aske, running a hand through his hair.

Shinji exchanged a look with Asuka.

"We've been finding water bottles but we're getting close to expiration dates on those things" Asuka admitted darkly.

"Might still be a 'safe' for a while. Just not as fresh. We're gonna have to think of something." Aoba said.

 _Yeah... we are... there are so many people now. Before it was only the three of us_ Shinji thought somberly.

* * *

…

" **Things started to change after that. With more people back in the world... we had to start making a community again. It was hard at times. Just feeding everyone was a nightmare. From three to three hundred. That's a lot of food and water needed. I stayed with my 'family' through it all. No matter what the adults said, we stayed together. " - the broken man.**

...

 _21 months after Third Impact_

The Arrivals didn't stop after that.

People started to come back, returning to the Post Impact World in small droves. More and more people everyday.

Lost and confused, not understanding what had happened. As if ripped out of time and into the here and now. Some remembering the image of the Rei(s) chasing them down before their soul had been gathered.

Many were afraid of Rei. Many did not know who she was. Close to three hundred people by the twenty first month.

A fraction of what had been the city population before, but people nonetheless.

The water system stopped working for a time. But some of the adults that came back were engineers, plumbers, and city workers. Around forty or so out of three hundred, those special few with the skills to fix and mend what was left of the broken infrastructure.

Working with what they had, the adults managed to rig up the system to get some of the water running but it was never the same.

More and more, Shinji, Asuka, and Rei found themselves surviving under the rule of a new society being birthed in the Post Impact World. The adults in charge and trying to forge a life for their new community.

It was a vastly different pace for them.

...

16 year old Shinji Ikari walked through the streets with the others, a team of ten people out scavenging for more supplies. All of them wearing makeshift jackets that had been sewed and stitched together, each of them carrying a bag and a list of things to look for.

The community having put together a few teams of people to get what they needed, and sending people out to find fertilizer and seeds for plants.

Winter hadn't faded... and no one could say why. All this time, and still the cold never faded. But they had to start getting food another way, the left overs of a Broken World wouldn't last forever. So they were planing to make a green house and start planting.

Asuka and Rei walked beside him, Rei wearing a baseball cap over her head and covering her hair, keeping her head lowered when out with them. People were still afraid of her, and so Shinji and Asuka kept close. Always together in the face of whatever came their way.

Upon returning to the community, Shinji carried bags of fertilizer alongside his family and the scavenging team. The lot of them entering the 'settlement' for lack of a better word, and bringing their finds with them. Passing the other adults as they returned.

The adults gave him strange looks, the boy whom claimed had seen the Third Impact up close. The boy who lived with two girls, the apartment all to themselves. Probably the youngest people in the entire planet.

"Ignore them" Asuka whispered to Rei as they walked back into 'town', the collection of apartments, huts, and housing that the survivors had made over the months. A few glancing at them as they passed.

Shinji and their team deposited their gathered supplies, then went there separate ways. A kind older woman thanked him as he left with the girls, sometimes they treated him like. Beaming up at him because he was one of the youngest people on the planet.

Shinji tried not to let it bother him. Asuka only shook her head, and Rei blended in with them trying to keep a low profile.

...

"Damn Shinji, you're getting taller" Aoba said in greeting. The man stopping to speak with them as he and the girls passed through the halls of the re-settled Nerv apartment complex.

"Took him long enough" Asuka said.

It was true, all three of them had grown taller. Asuka being the tallest by a few centimeters, Rei and Shinji being eerily the same height.

Asuka had let her hair down in the last few months, tying it back in a pony tail while they were out scavenging and letting it down when back here. Rei had kept her hair short, tucking it inside her cap and choosing to keep a low profile as many were afraid of her.

Shinji had mostly stayed the same, growing taller, and the world around them making him thinner as food became harder and harder to come by. Rei and Asuka had told him once that he was starting to grow the outline of stubble, but he didn't think so.

"Can't stay a kid forever" Shinji said softly, glancing back at Asuka before turning back to Aoba.

They were all trying to keep the mood light, they had enough problems to deal with. And with most of the earth's population being total strangers until a few months ago, it was nice to see the familiar faces again.

"Everything alright out there?" Aoba asked, leaning against the wall. Aoba's faded Nerv jacket being a welcoming sight, someone who understood things better than most

The man gestured outside, to the areas they'd been sent to scavenge. .

 _We're running out of stores to keep looting from. Stockpiling it in makeshift refrigerators is a good idea but it won't last forever. The adults are always ordering us around. And now we're trying to farm inside a city? Well... who knows_ Shinji thought feeling a sense of dread at the thought of the future.

Instead of voicing his thoughts, Shinji simply said "we found food."

…

Their 'home' was still Misato's apartment, and being back was a relief.

Rei sighing as she took off her cap, letting her noticeably blue-white hair out. The pale skinned girl taking her jacket off and stretching , glad to be back. It was the little things with her that showed her growth in all this time. The small sighs she would make when she was tired, her soft smile when they came home.

Shinji closed the door behind them and locked it.

They started getting ready for dinner, the three of them having fallen into a rhythm of life despite everything. Shinji heading for the kitchen whilst Asuka grabbed plates for them and Rei cleared the table.

Life was hard, and the future was uncertain at best. But they were together, and maybe they could curve out a glimmer of happiness in that.

* * *

 **Shinji is now 16 years old.**

 **As I said, Other's story has highs and lows. This was more focused on Rei, and the growing 'family' between our three pilots. The world forcing them to grow closer, Shinji's shared pains with Rei, Asuka being the one whom made them have fun.**

 **The chapter's ending is a big shift from the previous parts, but I wanted to show a glimpse of how things start to change as time goes by and more people come back from Instrumentality. In the first chapter of Unravel, the Broken Man mentions that other people came back too.**

 **Next chapter will be another time jump, showing the societies that develop in the Post Impact World and Shinji, Rei, and Asuka's place in it as well their relationships. These chapters are very different from anything I've ever written and I hope it's not too far 'out there' for readers.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	23. The Fall

**Hey guys, after a hiatus I am back.**  
 **Basically, I needed some extra cash got a job.**  
 **I am now a tutor, it's decent pay and helps one work on their fundamentals. Due to my tutoring schedule I may take a bit longer to update. BUT I will ALWAYS update.**

 **Now with that out of the way. Chap 23 is long. It has character moments, but it more of driving plot chapter.**  
 **I hope you enjoy. I'm very nervous and excited about these chapters.**  
 **Special thanks to all the new readers. I'm floored by the surge in popularity, I am humbled by all of you readers :D**

 **Here's chapter 23 'The Fall'  
Maybe read in two sittings.  
**

* * *

" _When I was a young man, I used to wonder if I had made the right choice. I would look up at the stars at night and look for my Eva. Look for my mother and ask her what I should do._

 _Three years of hard work and my family and I had managed to carve out a piece of civilization in the ruins of our city. No... that's not true. We helped in the beginning but the adults are ones whom made it all work. They all started coming back in droves._

 _First it was around 300 people but more and more kept returning. Entering this broken world and struggling just to survive like everyone else._

 _'The Boss' came back and organized all of us, making the system in which we lived. He wasn't perfect but at least he tried._

 _Funny, the adults were the ones who got the community up and running. Fitting that they were the ones whom ruined it in the end._

 _Cities are relics of the old world. A melting pot of hundreds upon hundreds of people. They rely on infrastructure and supplies from elsewhere being fed in to survive. Take that away and things eventually fall apart. Food starts to run low with too many mouths to fed._

 _My family and I hadn't been a part of what went wrong. We were just bystanders in the end of it, those were hard days. Rei saw it first... and then one day it was just too late. Such a waste"_

 _-_ _the broken man._

* * *

 _Memories of the Other Shinji  
Three years after Third Impact_

 _The vast expanse of space  
_ _Far from Earth, the Moon, and the Sun._

The marvel of mankind's boldness and technology floated through the emptiness, unscathed even after all this time. Never a simple machine as many had believed it to be, but 'alive' with a soul sheathed inside.

Eva Unit 01 flew through space observing from a distance. Everlasting and eternal, proof of mankind's existence til the end of days and beyond.

Yui Ikari hummed to herself in the dark, the stars shinning bright and keeping her company. So much power within her new form.

Spear of Longinus in hand, the Evangelion lived on past the meaningless concerns of the human race and the planet of their birth. Beyond the concerns of Earth.

The Evangelion lived on, directionless and drifting somewhere in the dark among the stars, the closest humanity had ever come to reaching immortality. Humming in vastness of space.

…

Shinji Ikari stirred in his sleep.

He lay flat on his back, muttering in his sleep. Eyes flickering back and further underneath his closed eyelids, seeing the visions that no one else could.

Scars of Instrumentality that haunted him even now.

The sound of a woman's humming in his ear. Flashes of mankind flooding through in a blur. Memories that were not his, sorrow and pain, joy and glimmers of hope, disgust, hatred, anger, love, Shinji felt them all.

So much... too much.

The image of a figured shrouded in the dark, reaching out to him.

" **Who are you?** "

The images changed, the shadows fading in a flash as images came rushing in. Scenes that had already come to past, the sins of his failures set in stone. Misato dying as she sent him on his way to the Eva, only he'd been too late to save anyone. Flashes of his father shooting Ritsuko in the chest.

A lone figure engulfed in a sea of dark waters. Immobile and undying...

Flashes of another place. Far beyond, where an Evangelion drifting through the space between planets.

Shinji woke with heavy tired eyes, another night gone by with little sleep. It took its toll on him, but he had no right to complain when everyone was struggling to make ends meet. Everyone had their problems in the broken world, why would he be any different?

He ran a hand along his face in frustration. What good was it to dwell on such things? There was only pain and failure behind him. Yet the dreams came to him anyway.

The young man rose from his bed, he was getting too tall for the old thing now, he'd have to go scavenge a longer one soon, and he aimlessly left his room.

In only his night clothes, a simple shirt and boxers, he headed for the apartment balcony. Careful not to wake his family on his walk. The balcony was where he allowed himself to breathe, a chance to relieve his burdens.

Stepping outside and breathing the night air, he glanced up at the morning sky.

It had finally stopped snowing a few months back. Still unnaturally cold, with ice that seem to liter the streets and windows, traces of winter that still had not faded.

He was getting used to the cold now, and he blinked with soft haggard eyes at the sight of the rising sun in the horizon. Shinji was relieved that he'd gotten at least five hours of sleep.

Below the tiny balcony was the ever struggling piece of humanity that had come back from the Third Impact. No longer that puny collection of 300 people but rather a whole new community that had started to stretch out beyond the city block.

Someone had done a count, and the record was a little over a thousand two hundred people. 1200 survivors eking out a living in the ruins of their city. So much had changed since Shinji had first come back with Asuka and Rei.

All this was his doing. He glanced down seeing the street mostly empty, save for a few stragglers here and there heading home. No one stayed out too late and no one stayed out too early in the morning, rules from the Boss.

Someone below waved at him, the movement catching his eye, and Shinji frowned seeing that older woman whom always spoke to him after a scavenging in the inner city.

He waved back, leaning on the balcony rails. The kind old lady waved back and he noticed a few other survivors milling about on the grounds below, heading for some assigned duty or other, or else on their way to their homes.

Shinji and his family where 'known' by the community, or at least the little block of it where they lived, as the girls and him were probably the youngest people on the planet. Shinji Ikari, the boy whom lived with two girls in that apartment above.

The kids that survived for over a year on their own in the broken world.

Shinji watched the older woman continue on her way, no doubt heading to speak with the plumbers about the problems with the pipes again, before turning back inside himself.

He halted on his way in.

Shinji felt his eyes soften and he turned to look at the skies above. The stars had mostly faded with the rising sun, but a few lingered here and there. Directionless and drifting.

"Mother. Are up there watching?" Shinji whispered aloud.

He stared pleadingly up at the stars and found no answer. He could see a distant speck of light drifting directionless above... and he felt it in his bones. Eva Unit 01 was up there, drifting. His mother was up there.

 _Hey mom. I'm 17 years old now. It hasn't always been easy down here. But I survived with Asuka and Rei. I wish I could talk to you. I wish for a lot of things. We made a community but sometimes it just feels like... I don't know._

 _Oh mom..._

 _Did I make the right choice? All these people came back but I- it's so hard out here. And the nightmares still haven't stopped. Why am I still haunted by my failings? Will the visions ever stop? Do I even have the right to be happy at all?_ He thought.

Shinji stared pleadingly at the skies waiting for an answer. Looking out into the expanse of the stars and wondering if she was looking down at him.

The answer was only silence.

Shinji hung his head low, and headed back inside. Somehow, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore so he went about his day anyway.

* * *

"You're up early again"

Shinji looked up from the boiling pot to see Rei watching him from the kitchen entrance.

Rei had gotten taller, oddly the both them stayed at the same height throughout all these years, and she'd kept her hair short and tucked back. Easier for her blend in when she wore her baseball cap. Her face had started to fill out, her skin frame developing as she neared adulthood.

Shinji had gotten dressed without taking a bath, no need to waste water on a bath everyday, and had started making breakfast for them after failing to fall asleep for an hour or two.

"I'm fine" he said, offering a soft tired smile at the pale skinned girl watching him.

He turned back to the food. Not much but enough for the three of them for now, the Boss assigned him and the girls more food than the others. If Shinji was honest with himself it was still strange being 'allowed' a set amount of food, but the Boss was the boss and he made the rules.

Rei frowning, her arms crossed as she looked him over. That was strange, but pleasant in its own way, the little things she'd learned. The tiny gestures and movements that reflected her humanity.

Asuka yawned, entering the kitchen wearing her stolen pair of pajamas, and blinking sleepily at the both of them. The German girl was now an inch taller than both Shinji and Rei, with longer red hair she let down in the early mornings.

"He lying again?" Asuka yawned at Rei.

"I'm not lying. I'm fine-" Shinji began.

"Shinji is lying again" Rei interrupted softly.

He stopped cooking and sighed. Turning to the two women standing in the doorway to the kitchen, both of them eying him and calling him on his bs. It was almost impossible to hide anything from each other when they all lived together.

Asuka and Rei shared a glance, then Asuka sighed barging her way into the kitchen and shooing him aside.

"Hey I can still-" Shinji stammered.

"I'm not a completely useless in the kitchen. Move" Asuka said shoving him softly.

"Don't make too much. Boss says we have to ration out-"

"The Boss can shove it. _I'm_ making breakfast for you and wondergirl so enjoy it." Asuka interrupted, moving her hand in a nagging motion at his words.

Shinji moved aside even as Asuka took his place in the kitchen.

Rei was tugging at his sleeve so he'd move. Shinji felt his face grow warm, all the things they'd started to do for him when his nightmares came. Letting him take it easy... well easier. He sat at the breakfast table with Rei even as Asuka took over his job and made them breakfast.

* * *

 _Ruins of Tokyo-03  
_ _Inner city, former military base of the JSSDF_

Shigeru Aoba grunted as he and the others made their way inside.

Breaking into this place had been unusual to say the least. Him and the ten man team, all wearing stitched and sowed together jackets and cloaks, had managed to cut down the old fence and step inside. Scavengers through and through.

The JSSDF had been a large organization, the military force under the Japanese Ministry of Defense had been well funded with a large support network as well as bases throughout the country.

Tokyo-03 only had three bases in the city... but with the Third Impact only one was still reasonably intact. The base closest to Nerv had been destroyed along with the Nerv HQ and the Geofront, and another on the outskirts had collapsed onto itself with the rooms and buildings inaccessible.

Leaving the one Aoba and the others had broken into.

The place was abandoned just like every other building had been, but the military had apparently 'locked up' after leaivng for their assult three years ago. It felt strange to walking the halls where the men had tried to kill him had once lived. But Aoba shook his nerves aside.

"This is all they have. Whatever else was taken with the platoon when they assaulted Nerv. The military boys kept a tight record on their toys." the leader of the scavenging group, a tall man in his forties said.

"And food" another group member said.

"What else did they leave behind?" Aoba asked peering through the various doors.

Aoba got his hopes up only to be dashed away as he checked the garage only to find the lot empty. The JSSDF had gone all out on their assault against Nerv. Every. Single. Vehicle had been taken. All of them ashes along with the rest of the Geofront now.

 _Of course. Everything has to be hard_ Aoba thought with a shake of his head and a scowl. He turned and trailed after his follow scavengers, stepping inside the military base's storage rooms.

"Need to start counting. It's gonna take multiple trips to get all this back home" someone was saying.

Aoba walked further inside the storage rooms, moving alongside two other scavengers as they eyed up the aisles of military rations. This food wouldn't last forever, but it would last a hell of a lot longer than what they normally found.

 _Beyond that there's always the canned food. After awhile it'll make you sick but you 'can' eat it_ Aoba thought.

Something caught Aoba's ear. A bit of commotion from the team leader, an order that Aoba hadn't known about until now. From the sound of it, no one had known except for their team leader.

"Boss wants these guns. Grab ammo too" the team leader called as he passed Aoba, and walked further along the storage aisles.

Aoba frowned. He didn't like the sound of that, but the Boss was the boss. There was a reason the community had lasted as long as it had.

He glanced around seeing the others start grabbing the weapons and ammo crates, he shouldn't shake the feeling that wasn't the going to end well.

* * *

 _The community inside the ruins of Tokyo-03  
The Hub_

"Alright, check everything in. Everything gets put into storage. Everyone gets a fair share." an old man was saying to the incoming scavengers. The man acting as one of the several 'storage officers' at the row of kiosks set up as check in for any scavengers.

The scavengers passed by dropping off their finds at the tables set aside for it in the chilly cold morning. Other adults going through and figuring out ways to store the food up in their homemade refrigerators and shacks, packing up medicine nearing its expiration date, or else other goods. All of thanks to the Boss and his engineering crew.

Across the street from the group of scavengers checking,, an odd eyed man was cooking something over a fire. With a sign propped up claiming, 'fresh rat. Will trade meat for valuables/foods'.

The streets between the apartments that had first been settled had sorta just filled in and become the hub for people's business as the months and years went on. The center for community business.

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei pushed passed the small mob of people milling about in the street.

Back when the others had started to return, Shinji and the girls had helped the survivors settle into the empty apartments. But as more and more people came back, there hadn't been enough room and so people had started taking other buildings and settling them too.

On and on the little piece of civilization stretched, block after block, extending even beyond the Nerv Apartment Complex now. All the survivors that Shinji had brought back nestled together for one reason or another at the hub.

A little over a thousand people.

 _Still not used to this. I brought them all back... but there's so many people now._ Shinji thought even as he made his way through.

Rei stayed close, her distinctive blue white hair hidden under her baseball cap, and avoiding people's gaze as she moved with Shinji and Asuka.

"Aoba!" Asuka called as they made their way past the crowd.

The man still wore his faded Nerv jacket, and he turned to them as they approached. Apparently he'd just gotten out of checking in with his team, and he waved at them in greeting.

"Find anything good?" Shinji asked trying to mask how tired he felt. Rei had told him to lay down but he'd refused saying that he would do his part just like everyone else. Yet anyone who got close enough could see the shadows under his eyes, the lack of sleep sometimes caught up to him.

Aoba definitely noticed, glancing at Shinji's eyes and forced 'cheery' expression. Thankfully, the man didn't bring it up.

"Hmm. That's how you say 'hi'? Damn boy, even Ritsuko started with a 'morning'." Aoba said making an effort to keep the mood light.

Things weren't so bad actually, the cold was still there but the snow was gone and apart from the icy winds nothing was freezing over again. A month before had been pretty bad, and now that things were starting to look up finally, people were decidedly choosing to stay on the bright side of things.

"As if. You were too busy checking out Misato to notice us back in the day." Asuka said but the taunt was without her usual mirth.

The pilots and Aoba hadn't exactly been friends back during their Nerv days, but they were each some of the last connections to old their lives. For both sides, and shared memories were a rarity in this new world.

"Jeez. Can't let an old man have some fun" Aoba said without missing a beat.

"You're like thirty. That's not-" Shinji began.

"Shinji, Mr. Aoba is twenty nine" Rei cut in. Shinji chuckled softly, glancing back at her. Rei had a habit of correcting people and though some would have found it annoying, he understood that she was trying to help.

Aoba raised an eyebrow at that but said nothing.

"Twenty nine, yeah. Now come on, did you find anything? We're not scheduled to go out until next week" Shinji said rolling his tired eyes. He was never great with banter, except for maybe his roommates, but Aoba seemed to enjoy their growing annoyance.

The former Nerv employee held up his hands in mock surrender, pushing aside his long hair as the wind blew.

"Raided a JSSDF base. Lots of long term supplies, military rations, but that won't last forever either. Now, the greenhouse are where it's at" Aoba said after a moment.

Asuka rolled her eyes. All the adults kept going on and on about the stupid greenhouse, she wanted to shake them by the shoulders and say 'congratulations you figured out how to farm, well done'.

"Any chance we'll get more rations then. We're running things a bit tight." Shinji said awkwardly.

Aoba shrugged, of course he didn't know.

Rei was watching them, seeming content to watch Shinji and Asuka speak with a familiar face. She noticed some of nervous glances that came her way, and she stepped aside so Asuka's body hid her from the crowd.

"Hey guys... can I come over later. There's something I want to talk about to you about." Aoba said, rubbing his hands together nervously as he did so.

Asuka and Rei exchanged looks with Shinji. A wordless conversation between the three pilots.

"Did something happen? Is it important?" Asuka asked glancing at the nervous movement of Aoba's hands.

"No, no" Aoba said a little too quickly.

The former Nerv man shook his head and spoke in a low voice saying "I have an idea and I wanted to run it by you three."

"Okay. Uh, yeah. Sure... if it's alright with you two" Shinji said glancing back at the girls.

Asuka and Rei were about to respond when something caught all their attention.

Yelling, and frantic movement from up ahead in the crowd of people in the hub. It took Shinji a second to realize that storage officers were yelling at someone and another figure was running.

"Hey! Stop right there!" a voice called.

Aoba turned just as Shinji started walking over to see what the commotion was.

"Hey!"

"Whoa!"

People cried out as they were pushed aside, a young man in his twenties running through the crowd clinging to a bundle in his arms.

"Thief! Thief! Stop! You don't get to take what you want!" one of the storage guys was shouting as people started to take notice.

The adults in the crowd began murmuring and many stepped back not wanting to be caught up in the 'chase', the confusion and movements of the swarm of people separating Shinji from the girls and Aoba.

 _Someone stole food? What the hell? We're supposed to-_ Shinji thought moments before the people in front of him parted in panic.

The adults, a collection of men and women in ruffled slightly dirty clothes, parted as the thief ran forward pushing his way out.

Only they hadn't seen Shinji standing behind the group and so instead of making it out towards the 'open' street, the thief ran headlong into Shinji.

"Ah!" Shinji groaned as he and the man almost ten years his senior tumbled to the ground.

The bundle of supplies came spilling forth onto the eroded pavement.

Shinji started to get up, noticing that people were stepping back as the thief was struggling frantically to his feet. The crowd seemed fearful of the thief and they spread out forming a circle of confused people that boxed Shinji and the thief inside.

"Hey! Move aside! We gotta work together! No hoarding!" a storage officer shouted, trying to push his way through the crowd.

Shinji groaned, getting to his feet and dusting off his pants. He glanced around at the thief that had ran into him scrambling to grab his supplies, the man looking for a way out.

 _Where would he go? There's only the community?_ Shinji thought.

"Hey, you have to give that back. I know it's hard but-" Shinji started to say, trying to calm down and act like an adult. Then he realized that most of the adults just stood there not knowing what to do and he groaned inwardly.

A hand reached in from the crowd, an man in a plumber's uniform trying to grab the thief, only for the thief to swing a punch his way.

The plumber swerved back and fell into the crowd once again.

"Back off! It's not fair! I do my part in the greenhouse! I go out scavenging with the others! Why does the boss get to tell me how much food I get?! Screw you! All of you! No one put you charge!" the man screamed as he finally realized that he was corned in by the crowd along with Shinji.

There was a tentative moment where the crowd watched the man as he pivoted back and forth arms raised like he wanted to fight. The thief trying to keep everyone at a distance despite having no where to go.

"Shinji. Shinji! Where are you?! What happened?" Rei's voice called out. The girl's voice muffled by the confusion of the crowd gathered around them.

"Over here!" Shinji called back.

"We're coming! Why did you do now?!" Asuka's muffled voice came out.

 _I didn't do anything. Asuka... sigh_ Shinji thought.

"Back off!" the thief shouted trying to scoop down and grab his stolen community supplies, but having to shove someone off.

 _At least the adults decided to help_ Shinji thought.

"Hey. Just calm down. We'll get more food, we always do. It's hard for everyone but you can't go stealing... uh stealing-" Shinji said before losing his footing at the glare the thief sent his way.

"The hell you say?!" The thief yelled at him, shoving Shinji back and sending the teenager stumbling back again.

"Hey! Back off! He's a kid!" one of the storage officers said, pushing his way into the 'box' amid the crowd where Shinji and the thief stood.

 _Teenager_ Shinji thought with a small flicker of annoyance. But he let it go, there was no time to worry about stupid things like being called a kid.

Shinji watched as the thief paced back and forth with wild eyes, the uncertainty and fear in them as the crowd seemed torn. Some adults wanted to help, wanted to rush in and grab the thief, while others seemed hesitant to step in. The result was that everyone was stuck with no where to go.

The thief unable to run and Shinji trying to ease his way back out and regroup with the girls, but unable to. Everyone was too frozen in the scene. So very... very nervous about the future. Lost in a broken world. It was surprising to see in the grown ups, but they were people too.

"You're the pilot boy from the news! Angel Killer! Didn't you say this is all your fault?! You're the one who brought us back to this!" the thief shouted glaring at Shinji.

 _I know. I made this world and brought all of you back... I-_ he thought before shaking his head.

"I did... I brought us back. I didn't-" Shinji stammered.

"And you get more food than us. Why the hell do you get more food than us!" the man shouted, reaching forward and ripping Shinji's supply bag free.

The bag tore and its contents spilled free. A variety of canned foods assigned to him by the storage officers, a small amount of medicine that was nearing it's expiration date, and a bar of soap. More than double with the frantic man had been assigned before he'd tried to steal more supplies for himself, taking away from the community stockpiles. Shinji's supplies laid bare for everyone to see.

"Back off!" the storage officer whom had ran into the crowd shouted. The thief being forced back as he was almost grabbed.

The elderly woman whom was kind to Shinji and the girls, stepped forward putting a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. She seemed to think she was his grandmother or something, always beaming up at him or else asking how he and the girls were doing.

"The boy lives with his friends. Young man, those supplies are for three of them." the elder woman said.

That was something that he still hadn't gotten used to. Some of the elderly people in this little society they'd put together treated him like he was special. Looking out for him and Asuka and Rei, making sure the three of them were eating enough and sometimes trying to donate their assigned food to them instead. It was a kindness that Shinji felt he didn't deserve.

 _Don't get involved lady. He's angry and he might hurt someone_ Shinji thought. Glad someone had tried to help but worried about the kind lady all the same.

"Let us through! Hey, move!" Asuka's voice sounded off. Rei following close behind as the two girls forced their through the crowd of onlookers.

"And there she is! The witch!" the frantic thief yelled just as Asuka and Rei emerged onto the scene. The girls shoving their way into the 'box' with Shinji and the storage guy.

Rei froze as all eyes turned to her. The crowd actually stepping back as Rei emerged onto the scene, baseball cap having fallen in all the commotion, leaving her short white hair plain for everyone to see.

"Leave her alone" Shinji said stepping forward and unintentionally slipping free of the elderly woman's reassuring grasp.

The storage guy whom had chased after the thief, stepped forward making to grab the man before things got out of hand again.

It didn't work, the thief shoved back shouting "don't you touch me!"

Everyone was stunned. Nothing like this had happened in all this time post Third Impact. In the early days of the community, everyone had been too busy working on getting the power and water back on, at least marginally so, and no one had time to process their grief.

Some had come back as early as three months ago. Emerging onto a world without their loved ones, where everyone had seemingly agreed to form a community in the ruins of their old city. Where they were forced to work together and share everything by adding their goods to the stockpiles.

A world where the Boss and his men made the rules. Where everyone was 'assigned' rations depending on household size, age, and what people contributed. Seemed fair enough, but not always.

"Get off me!" the thief shouted, pushing another onlooker back.

Shinji watched in horror as the thief turned to point at Rei and shouted.

"And to make shit worse we're living with this _thing_ in our back yard! Don't you remember the little girl that killed us! Now we're giving her food! Our food! What the hell is wrong with you people?!" the thief shouted.

"That wasn't her!" Shinji said stepping forward angrily.

The thief punched him in the face.

Shinji couldn't say exactly how it had happened. One moment he'd been charging over to defend Rei and tell this idiot to be quiet and give back the food he'd stolen from the community, the next second Shinji was falling with blood on his lips.

Then he was tackled to the ground, hard. A fist slamming into him.

"It's all your fault! Everything is!" the thief shouted attacking Shinji again and again.

Shinji tried to fight back, but he was 17 and his attacker had almost ten years on him. He'd never been particularly strong, never really a fighter only an Eva pilot, and as he tried to punch back it was useless.

Asuka shouted and Rei moved, her eyes wide, as she ran for them and shoved the thief off of him. Using all her weight behind it, Rei forced him off of Shinji.

Shinji stumbled up, grabbing Rei by the hand to pull her back, he'd never meant to drag her into a fight. A fight that they'd probably lose.

Asuka was at his side, fists up and ready for anything.

Before the attacker could move again, Asuka rushed and slammed her fists in his face. Hard. Surprising how strong a 17 year angry girl could be.

The thief fell to the floor again, lips busted from the hit.

Some of the adults in the crowd, finally deciding to act, got involved calling out that the thief was an 'asshole'. Shouts of 'he just hit a kid!' and 'leave them alone!'

BANG

* * *

The gunshot cleared the air like a roar of thunder.

Everyone stopped, Shinji, Asuka, Rei, the crowd of onlookers, the storage guys, and the thief. Everyone froze at the sound of a gunshot ringing through the ruins of Tokyo-03.

An actual gun that had been fired.

The Boss had arrived.

Aoba was watching from the sidelines, having rushed over to see what was going on and whom had attacked Shinji, and he cursed at the sight that met his eyes.

A group of men dressed in military gear with faded JSSDF insignia pushed the crowd apart, parting the onlookers in a sea of movement as a single man in his early forties strode over.

Gun in hand, the Boss walked through the crowd and stopped just as he and his armed soldiers surrounded the thief.

Now the center of attention, the military man looked over the scene. Glaring down at the terrified thief, glossing over Shinji and the girls, before turning to the crowd with a stern look.

"No fights. No riots or protest. Everyone contributes." the Boss said sternly.

Former JSSDF battalion commander, Lieutenant colonel Hashi, now known by many as simply... 'the Boss'.

Boss wore his old military fatigues today, seeming to make something of a statement, as he stepped onto the scene.

"It's not fair... you don't get to take my finds. I scavenged it. I did! I did-" the thief started to stammer. The man's eyes glued to the gun in Boss's hand.

Japan's history with guns were an odd thing, long before all this, even before the Second Impact, before the Angels and the Evas, guns had been outlawed throughout the country, only the military allowed access to them. And the military relaying heavily on the UN for support instead of actively deploying.

That changed after Second Impact came, and the UN underwent massive restructuring with the result being the Japan was forced to revamp their military. The JSSDF taking a more active role in the global stage with the UN.

Hearing a gun fired still sent shock waves of fear and uncertainty through everyone's mind. Even now after the Third Impact, it would take a while for people to snap out of it.

The Boss knew this.

"You stole from the community." Boss said sternly, glaring down the thief as all the fight left him.

"I-"

"No. We have enough problems just surviving out here. Lot of mouths to feed. Take him away, we'll figure out what to do with him later" Boss said, gesturing to his group of armed men. Soldiers that had come back months and months ago along with the other adults.

The 'police' for lack of a better term.

Shinji watched the whole thing in silence. Watched as the former JSSDF grabbed the thief and hauled the struggling man away. And he suddenly realized that the 'police' all had rifles. Where had they gotten guns? When everyone had started coming back they hadn't had any... whatever had brought the soldiers back hadn't restored their gear. So where?

 _What are we going to do? Do we have to make a jail now? What then? I... when did this get so complicated. We were just trying to make a living out here_ Shinji thought darkly.

"Alright! Nothing to see here. Everyone please get back to business." Boss said, his rough military voice seeming to demand authority as the crowd started to disburse in murmurs.

Rei tugged on his arm and Shinji was hauled to his feet as Asuka turned to check on him. Aoba was making his way through the disbursing crowd to them.

"Third Child, should have known you'd be involved in this. What happened?" Boss said turning to loom over the three teenagers.

Asuka scowled at the man.

...

Shinji explained things as best he could, the thief running into him by pure chance, the confused crowd that formed a box aroundthem with no where to go. And the 'fight' that had broken out.

Throughout it all, the Boss listened calmly. His face unreadable as he nodded occasionally, seeming to fit pieces of the story together that even Shinji didn't know. Two men in military gear and rifles lingered beside the Boss through it all. 'Body guards' it seemed. When had this happened?

"Stupid man made me waste a bullet" the Boss commented once Shinji was done. The man glancing at his handgun with a look of minor annoyance.

Before any of them could add anything to that, the Boss turned back to them and spoke.

"You kids seem to make trouble wherever you go."

"Hey! It's not our fault!" Asuka started but the Boss shook his head at her. Shinji and Rei grabbed her by the arms to calm down. There was a lot of tension between Asuka and the remnants of the JSSDF.

"Do yourself a favor kids, try to lay low. Lot of people don't understand. Most of the survivors who came back weren't soldiers, they weren't part of Nerv, or whatever the hell you claim started all this mess.-"

"SEELE" Shinji interrupted.

He'd told the truth to the Boss so many times now that it seemed like it wasn't even worth the effort to correct the old man anymore. No, Nerv hadn't been trying to end the world. That was SEELE, and they'd had used the JSSDF as their puppet to stop Gendo's madness and to unsure _they_ won.

Obviously, everyone lost in the end. Shinji hadn't even been able to save anyone. All he'd done was make a choice that brought them here.

"Right. SEELE, the people who really ran the old world and were the bosses of _my_ bosses. Sure, whatever kid." Boss said, voice more annoyed than anything else.

The soldier in him never really believed Shinji and that would probably wouldn't change.

"It's true" Asuka said coldly, crossing her arms as she did so.

 _Asuka! Stop it... you'll only make it worse_ Shinji thought.

The Boss turned to the German girl staring at her with contempt.

"As for you Second Child, you're lucky we let you stay here. Stop trying to pick a fight." the Boss said.

Shinji tugged on Asuka's arm tighter, stopping the rebuke that was threatening to come bursting out. The Boss had been commanding the assault on Nerv when Asuka had piloted Eva Unit 02 and fought them off.

Boss had lost a lot of soldiers that day, and Asuka had actually died. Shinji was worried that inevitably something would go down between those two... but Boss was an adult and he had seemed to 'get' the situation despite his attitude.

All of civilization was a little over a thousand people, and they needed all the able bodies they could get just to support the community they'd carved out for themselves. Shinji and the girls didn't rank highly in the society that the Boss had led them into. The man didn't exactly trust them either.

 _Cold and commanding, he organized the adults with the necessary skills to make all this. People would have died with him taking charge... but still don't like him_ Shinji thought bitterly.

Finally, the Boss turned to Rei, looking the pale girl up and down. Shinji flinched, fear creeping down his neck as he noticed the twitch on the Boss's pistol grip. The man's fingers dangerously close to the trigger.

"And you... First Child. Save everyone the trouble and keep your head down. Stay. In. Doors." Boss said sternly, pointing his finger at her with the last of his words.

Rei stared at him unblinkingly.

"I understand" Rei said in barely a whisper.

"No." Shinji said stepping forward. In the split second he did so, one of the armed soldiers shifted. The guard ready in case Shinji tried anything. A ludicrous thought as Shinji knew he was only a 17 year old boy and the JSSDF were grown men and trained soldiers.

"No?" Boss said raising an eyebrow at Shinji.

"You don't get to punish Rei. Leave her alone-" Shinji started before Rei yanked him back.

"I will lay low. I promise" Rei said flatly, tilting her head as if bowing.

The Boss didn't reply. He simply turned on his heel and left with his soldiers. Leaving Shinji scowling in the hub with Asuka and Rei at his side, Aoba approaching them with a disapproving look on his face.

"Aoba. Keep those kids in line" Boss barked in greeting as he passed by.

"Yes sir" Aoba lied without missing a beat. Asuka glaring at him as he did so. Shinji only watching their 'leader' walk off with his men in disbelief.

When it was just the four of them again, Aoba put a hand on Shinji's shoulder. The last remnants of Nerv and the Eva pilots alone in a new world.

"Calm down. Let's get you guys home. Need to treat your face before the ghost of Misato comes back to haunt me" Aoba said.

* * *

 _The Apartments_

"Ick" Shinji grunted.

"Stop moving" Rei said, her hands working gently on his face with the medicine and bandages. Deep frown planted on her face and sadly doing her best to patch him up.

"Yeah. It's your fault for getting involved. Stupid Shinji, should have stayed out of it" Asuka was saying from across the breakfast table.

"The guy ran into me..." Shinji mumbled under his breath.

He winced as Rei applied more of the medicine to his bruised face, her hands soft and gentle as she started to apply a bandage here and there.

Aoba stood back, leaning against the kitchen wall, and watching the black eye that was beginning to well up on Shinji's face. Part of him felt guilty for not helping earlier, but the crowd had been in the way and people were afraid of the thief when the man had started throwing punches.

Shinji winced just as Rei was finishing up. He had a few cuts and bruises but he'd be okay. It was nothing compared to what Eva piloting had been like.

"Thanks Rei" he said gently.

Rei smiled softly at him, her hand lingering on his bruised face before she let him go.

Asuka rose from the table, and turning towards Aoba, she said "alright. What do we owe you?"

Aoba shook his head saying "nothing. You kids got enough problems-"

"It's alright. If I hadn't gotten involved this wouldn't have happened. We should have some extra supplies around here somewhere." Shinji said.

"There's some leftover meat from yesterday. I'll grab it" Asuka said heading for the pantry.

Aoba shook his head saying "guys, stop."

"It is only fair. Food traded for medicine. It is not breaking the rules" Rei said softly, staying beside Shinji on the table and watching over him. The words went unsaid but everyone was thinking it.

 _The Boss can't stop it. It's our assigned supplies, we can do what we want with it._

Technically, bartering wasn't illegal. If there even was such a thing as 'legal' in this world now. And Aoba had given them some of his own medicine after everything that happened. He might not have been the nicest guy back at Nerv, but he liked to think he a was good guy underneath it all.

"Just take it. We're even now" Asuka said, shoving the boxed up meat into Aoba's hands before he could protest.

 _Still the same. Just has to get her way. Sigh, Asuka is still Asuka._ Aoba thought with a small chuckle. Forced to accept the payment for the meds he'd given the kids.

"For what its worth, I thought you took things pretty well." Aoba said stepping forward to take a seat on the table across from Shinji and Rei.

Shinji laughed sadly, gesturing at the bruises on his face. "I just got beat up. I'm not a fighter. Never was. Eva piloting is different."

"Pshh. You just lay there getting beat up. Seriously Shinji, you gotta learn to fight back" Asuka said scowling at Shinji, but more at the fact that he got hurt than anything else.

"I thought he did the right thing. Boss would have taken him too if he'd fought back" Rei said.

Asuka rolled her eyes saying "oh stop holding his hand already."

Rei only tilted her head playfully at her.

 _Jeez, always has to back Shinji up. Supporting him with everything_ Asuka thought mildly annoyed with those two. The quirks one developed after living together for a long time.

Rei smiled, and Aoba was so shocked he almost fell out of his seat. He'd _never_ seen that girl smile at anything.

"You are welcome to hold his hand too Asuka" Rei said still smiling at Asuka.

"I already punched the guy who hit him. What more do you what?" Asuka said crossing her arms, but smirking slightly as the memory that played back in her mind. The stupid thief stumbling back in awe at the fact that she'd punched him. Shinji was _her_ idiot, and no one messed with him.

"Guys, you've done enough. It's cool. Really. It is." Shinji said awkwardly. The boy getting between the girls and their banter.

 _Wow. They really are... like a family_ Aoba thought. Glancing between the three teenagers he could see the subtle tugs and flows in their relationships, the coy teasing they gave each other as well as the genuine support they lent to one other.

Aoba was brought out of his thoughts as Shinji turned to him, bandages forgotten for now, saying "what did you want to talk about?"

"I uh... I had an idea. But I have some questions first" Aoba said, clearing his throat as he spoke.

"We don't know anything else. Been over this a thousand times, Shinji doesn't know why you all came back so late. Rei wasn't that _thing_ that killed you and the others. No, wondergirl isn't a monster. Deal with it" Asuka said with a tired sigh.

Aoba nodded. Honestly, it had taken a few weeks for him to even be in the same room as Rei. The memory of the haunting little Rei's chasing him to his death lingered, and it unnerved him to see the girl sitting across him so calm and collected.

Regardless, he waved away the usual questions and continued.

"I know. There's a lot of things we don't understand about the impact. Why the weather is so unnatural. Three years of winter? And why did all the plants die? If it weren't for the green house... humph. Either way, I have a theory" Aoba said slowly.

"A theory" Shinji said awkwardly, trying not to sound skeptical.

"I'm scientist remember" Aoba said allowing himself a small lopsided smirk.

 _A scientist with no equipment. No data or staff. Not even a lab_ Aoba thought before pushing that aside too.

"I think the earth's orbit was changed. Only thing I can think of that explains it. Prolonged winter is strange... but it's not consistent with itself. There hasn't been snow for months now. And the cold winds are dying down. I think we'll eventually reach a period of spring and even summer again... one day" Aoba said clearly have put a lot of thought into this.

"And how long would that take? Another two years?" Asuka said with an annoyed groan.

 _No weather satellites to work with. No data to model and make predictions off of. All I have is a guess_ Aoba thought darkly.

"Truly, we can't know. Months? Maybe another year from now. But the cold winds are dying down. And I'm curious." Aoba said folding his hands under his chin, deep in thought.

Shinji and the girls exchanged looks.

"You three were the first ones to comes back. So you know more than I do." Aoba said with a shrug.

"Not really" Shinji said sorry to disappoint Aoba.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Give yourself more credit Shinji." Aoba said glancing over all three of them and the apartment, the place those three kids had survived on their own for over a year.

Before Aoba continued "when you came you said everything was dead. All the plants and trees. Ashes in the air from the battles at Nerv and the sea contaminated with whatever the red stuff is. And all of you just took what you needed from the city. Just like we're still doing" Aoba said more thinking aloud.

"But?" Asuka asked with a frown.

"Do you know what's out _there_. Past the city or the ashes of the Geofront?" Aoba asked.

Shinji shook his head feeling a chill run down his spine.

"No. Nothing grows around the Geofront anymore, like the place just died, and... and everything past the city is just empty." Shinji said rubbing the back of his neck.

"It seemed unwise to venture that far. We don't know what's out there" Rei said softly

Aoba nodded saying "are you sure? Shinji... _you_ saw everything first hand. And I know you see things in your sleep. People talk, alright. What happened to the rest of the world?"

Shinji looked away, eyes downcast. _So people know about my nightmares. Figures._ He thought bitterly.

"I don't know" he said in barely a whisper.

"You were there when it happened. Try to remember, what did you see?" Aoba asked.

Shinji closed his eyes, lips trembling as he brought up the old memories again.

Images of what he saw in his dreams. The end of Third Impact.

…

Shinji remembering screaming as he and his Eva drifted in orbit over the Earth. The unnerving sight of all the souls Lilith had gathered, floating pillars of light hovering from all over the planet... and when the Angel had died she let them loose again. To come back or not to.

The process emerging as an eerie series of flashes across the entire world. Explosions that rippled across the continents laying waste to buildings, the land itself, and leaving Angel blood falling into the ocean.

Remembered seeing the scars on the planet itself as he drifted among the stars with his mother... before he'd woken to find himself on that small stretch of land. Where he'd sat there all alone for days on end, with nothing but the clothes on his back and regret over all the people that had died. He hadn't handled it well. Not until Asuka had came back.

...

"Shinji" Rei said softly in his ear.

He opened his eyes to find Rei hovering beside, her hand on his and watching him with concerned eyes. Shinji swallowed, shuddering as he realized that he'd started to tremble in his seat from the memories. He hadn't realized that his hands were shaking until he stopped.

Asuka was glaring at Aoba like he'd personally hurt Shinji.

"It's okay" Shinji said before something happened.

He wiped the sweat from his brow, and breathed. It took him a moment to calm down, the memories weren't pleasant.

"Aoba it was everywhere. Whatever happened... it hit the whole world. Not just gathering the souls but- but whatever scarred the land. Like Second Impact but different. I really think we might be all that's left" Shinji said darkly, shaking his head and unable to meet anyone's gaze.

Aoba sighed, and got to his feet realizing he'd made Shinji do something he didn't like.

"I don't know about. It's a big country, could be others somewhere. Thank you Shinji. I know that it wasn't easy to remember. That's all I was curious about." the man said.

"Why did you want to know?" Shinji asked suddenly. Feeling more sweet on his forehead.

Aoba paused at that, before seeming to decide he'd tell the truth.

"I'm curious." the man said with a shrug.

Rei blinked at him and Asuka shifted in her seat.

"One day... I think I want to see what's out there. An expedition maybe" Aoba said slowly, allowing himself a grin at the look they gave him.

"You're crazy" Asuka laughed.

"Maybe. Mute point by now, Boss has us all focused on the here and now." Aoba said with a shrug.

"It's dangerous, Aoba. I don't know if I like the Boss but he keeps things going." Shinji said, reaching a hand up to find his nose had started bleeding. Just a few drops, but the sight unnerved him. Remembering those last moments of Third Impact was hard.

Aoba noticed it and frowned, feeling guilty more than anything else for that.

"I know, Shinji. There's a reason I work with him and his men." Aoba said. He reached a hand across and Shinji shook it.

They were going to invite Aoba for dinner but he calmly refused, saying that Boss had a job for him and the others tomorrow. The former Nerv man didn't stay long after that. He said his goodbyes and polity left them to their apartment.

Shinji was grateful for that. He knew that man was still a scientist at heart, and he'd traded them the medicine but his mental scars were unpleasant and the less time he dwelt on them the better.

* * *

 _Days later  
_ _Greenhouse 4_

The greenhouses were big, they had to be, with so many people having come back. As if a small park had been enclosed in a 'dome' and its soil twisted and turned to grow crops.

Working shifts in the one of the dozen or so greenhouses was something of a mixed bag for Shinji. On one hand it involved less traveling out through the ruins of the city, looking for anything that was still there after 3 long years of looting.

On the other hand, farming meant he could sleep in and work later, but farming was boring tedious work where he spent the shift being ordered around. They either tried to coddled him or else gave him the most physically demanding jobs, it depended on who was in charge that day and that depended on the Boss's schedule.

All in all, it wasn't so bad most days. Asuka hated it but Rei didn't seem to mind. And with the Boss 'ordering' Rei to lay low it was actually the better choice. With everyone busy tending to the plants people didn't have much time to chat, unlike the scavengers whom spent most of their time traveling the ruins on foot.

"College degree. Eva pilot. Prodigy" Asuka was muttering under her breath.

Shinji only shook his head stiffing his laughter as he dug the shovel into the ground again. Digging where the manager told him to dig whilst Rei trailed closely behind to help.

"Farmer" Rei whispered in response to Asuka's list.

Asuka scowled.

Shinji and Rei laughed quietly under their breath. She'd kept her hair short again, with her hood up and a scarf wrapped around neck. Hiding her unusual features and laying low just as Boss had ordered.

He was still angry at the Boss for that but it was just another reality they had to face, some survivors were terrified of Rei.

Human nature Shinji supposed, but what could he do? He could be there for Rei, that's what he could do. So they stayed close whenever they went out to work or else mill about, in rhythm.

Sometimes Rei liked to hum to herself as she worked, a strange new habit that'd developed over time. And Shinji found he rather enjoyed it. It was soothing.

He liked working with Rei. He found a calmness there that kept his more melancholy thoughts away.

Still, he had something he'd been meaning to say to her.

"I'm sorry about the other day." Shinji said suddenly, taking the moment to stop his work and look at her.

Actually look at Rei. He tried to do that whenever he spoke with her these days. So many avoided her gaze so Shinji made it a point to meet it head on, to make sure she understood what he didn't have words to explain.

Rei looked up at him, holding his gaze with a perplexed look.

"For what?" Rei asked tilting her head at him.

"For the crowd. The thief. Rei... I know it can be hard... people are afraid" Shinji said letting the words out with a heavy sigh. He could still remember the way people had called his friend 'witch' that day. He remember the very first day all the other had started coming back, many running at the sight of his longtime friend.

It made him uneasy and Shinji was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Rei's touch until it had happened.

Rei surprised him. Reaching a hand out to cup his face softly.

"You're the one who was hurt. Not me." she said frowning and running a hand down his bruises.

Hands could be such expressive things. Rei's were still soft and gentle despite the edges that had began to wear away at their hands in this harsh world. Her fingers were warm and Shinji felt himself surprised at the intimacy.

He hadn't know Rei was capable of such displays. It made him smile, seeing how far she'd come.

Shinji slowly pushed Rei's fingers away, feeling his face protest the sudden lack of intimacy, as he shook his head.

"Doesn't hurt anymore. It's not so bad" he said truthfully.

"I know they are scared. They a reason to be-" Rei began.

"Rei stop it. They're wrong-"

"Shinji." Rei said stopping his sudden outburst.

He stood frozen as he realized that she'd put a hand on his shoulder. Rei may have been quiet but when she had something to say he would listen.

"I remember what happened the day. The end of the world. I saw it just like you did, but from the other side. People saw images of _me_ hunting them as their souls were taken." Rei said, her voice low and haunting. Guilt ridden the way his had sounded so many years ago.

Yet she never looked away, never cast her gaze aside, never lost in her thoughts. Not anymore. In her way Rei was stronger than him... he loved that about her.

"I cannot change what they saw. All I... all I do is move forward" Rei said seeming to think about that for a long time.

Asuka was watching the two of them with a raised eyebrow. If they kept this up someone would notice they'd stopped working.

"How do you do that? Just... keep going" Shinji said shaking his head in awe.

"I don't know exactly... these days can be hard but we are together. Always. I am happy that I am here with you. I really am." Rei told him.

Then she smiled at him. Her face seeming to brighten in stark contrast to her pale skin, a joy he'd never seen before reaching her eyes in its own subtle way. A gentle warmth that no one else ever saw.

A memory flashed through his mind, that day more than three years ago when they were only kids forced to pilot the Evas. When Rei had protected him from the Angel's laser attack, using her Eva as a living shield to cover him. Shinji remembered rushing to her freed entry plug, burning his hands as he stepped in, and Rei's smile that day.

"Uh I'm happy that you're here too" Shinji said awkwardly. Managing an nervous but sincere smile at her in turn.

 _It's like they forgot I'm here too. Sigh... freaking lovebirds_ Asuka thought with annoyed groan.

Shinji glanced her way managing to awkwardly recover. "And you too Asuka. We're both glad you're here too" the boy said with a small laugh.

 _Better be_ Asuka thought with a small smirk as she nodded coyly.

"Yes. You have become much nicer over the years Asuka." Rei said with a soft grin, not quite the smile reserved only for Shinji, but a human moment all the same.

"You two are never going to let that go. I _can_ be nice" Asuka said crossing her arms at their teasing.

"If you say so" Rei counted with a teasing tilt of the head. Only she could make a head tilt a tease it seemed.

Before the banter could continue, someone finally noticed they had stopped working and the moment was ruined. In Asuka's mind, it was because every adult's mission in life was to take away their fun.

"Hey! No time for games. Back to work" the manager called. A somewhat 'stocky', well as much as one could be in a world with limited supplies, man shaking his head at the three of them. Boss had put him in charge of greenhouse 4 and that meant he had to keep people working.

"Yeah. Yeah." Shinji answered back mildly annoyed.

The three fell in line, working with the others in this little piece of artificial farmland the adults had put together.

When their shift was over, Shinji and his family left without saying goodbye. Making there way to over to nearby patio of a ruined restaurant a few blocks away. The three of them had a habit of eating there after their shifts.

Rei pulling out the food they'd prepared earlier, and handing them their plates. None of them mentioned it but things had started to change lately.

There were two soldiers in military gear in the greenhouse today. They hadn't talked to anyone and mostly stayed out of the way, but their presence loomed over them. Armed men tended to attract attention.

And no one knew what the Boss had done with the thief after all.

* * *

Greenhouse 4 wasn't the only place they saw changes.

Boss had started equipping his old soldiers with their gear after months of focusing solely on construction and maintaining the community with 'skilled civilians'.

Shinji couldn't say exactly when it had started. Only that it was suddenly there.

The hub had men with rifles and military gear stationed throughout. Mostly former JSSDF themselves, but a select few others that been given the faded uniforms. They kept a watch over things, forming a looming presence over the place as they lingered near the storage officers.

Soldiers patrolling the stockpiles so blatantly that even the storage guys found them unsettling.

And the strange thing was the rations. The assignment food handed up to the survivor depending on age, and group size per house. They were cutting down.

"What's this?" Asuka asked one day while they were in line. The hub much quieter these days with the soldiers patrolling the street.

"Your supplies for the week" the older man said with a shrug. Pushing their supply bag towards the three of them. Rei looked the bag over frowning. A little over half of what they got last week. Maybe three fourths in all, reasonable but surprising all the same.

"Did something happen. Hey, there's three of us and-" Shinji began.

"You're holding up the line. Move" the storage guy told them. Expression tired and the man's eyes downcast in that exhausted way that meant he'd seen this same scene all day. Apparently everyone was getting reduced supplies this week.

Asuka scowled but before she could say anything, the two guards made a show of lingering nearby their booth. Faded JSSDF insignia standing out in the crowd of people, separating them from the visage of the scavengers, survivors, and normal civilians.

 _Seriously? They're bringing guards over this?_ Shinji thought as he shook his head.

Ultimately, they were forced to move. Rei wordlessly grabbing their supplies whilst Shinji tugged on Asuka's sleeve to get her moving.

"Next" the storage officer called and the line moved on without them. More and more people complaining about the reductions.

* * *

When the announcement came, it surprised a lot of people. It shouldn't have. It was only natural, but humans are creatures of habit and they'd all been going through the motions making the community work for so long that changes were unexpected.

Out in the streets that made up the hub, the Boss took it upon himself to gather everyone out in the open.

The city was running low on supplies. Three years of looting, with the last year and half in particular, having taken more than half what the city had. Over a thousand people scavenging in what was left of the burned and battered Tokyo-03 took its toll.

Boss stood before his former soldiers when he spoke, his expression stern.

"The outer city and outskirts are a wasteland. Destroyed during the assault on Nerv, the Angel attacks, and the Impact. The roads are clogged with abandoned cars and we can't move all of them out of the way. But that doesn't mean that we stop. You've all noticed the reduced supplies." the Boss said getting their attention.

Speaking with a military grade megaphone. The unofficial official leader, major, sheriff, and judge of the community addressing his people. Faded military fatigues giving him a distinct look apart from the rest, even among his fellow revived soldiers.

The Boss paused, making sure people listen carefully when he spoke next, no doubt a tactic he'd learned from his career as a high ranking lieutenant colonel.

"I am preparing a mission to Tokyo-02, a series of waves for different teams of scavengers. It's the closest neighboring city from here and it's far... we forget how _big_ a country is once we lose our transportation methods. No planes or subway system, even roads and highways for our cars... and a few hours drive suddenly becomes days or weeks on foot.

My men are working on that. Getting a few cars up and running, but first we need bigger stockpiles. I know things haven't been easy, building this home of ours, but we made it work. So I know it's hard to ask for you all to make do with reduced rations, but be patient. And have faith on us. We will survive"

With a last lingering look on the gathered survivors, the Boss turned and left just as the round of questions came roaring his way. Confused people wanting to know more, some understanding, some not so much, rushing forward.

Only the crowd was stopped before it formed by a wall of former JSSDF. In addition, a select few 'new' recruits in faded military gear.

Shinji only stayed back with his family, watching the scene play out beside Rei. Asuka scowling at the whole thing.

Rei crossed her arms.

Watching things with a frown, uncertain at all this for reasons she could not explain. A 'gut feeling' perhaps.

Shinji held her hand, neither of them could really say when it had happened. It just had, and Rei breathed easier with him at her side.

Together, the three of them turned away from the scene and headed back to the apartment.

* * *

Boss didn't let them to go on the mission to Tokyo-02.

When asked why, the man had looked down at them with an unreadable expression.

"I don't like to use the term 'breeding pool' but it's true. You three are probably the youngest people on the planet. I can't risk you. So no" - the Boss's order for them to stay.

Asuka had been more angry at the word he'd used than anything else. Shinji and Rei had had to hold her back least she punch the Lieutenant colonel in the face.

* * *

 _The Apartment_

Working shifts at the greenhouse wasn't the same these days. Shinji always felt the presence of the armed soldiers and the growing anxiety from the other survivors.

Now that scavenging inside the inner city wasn't worth that much, with most things having been taking in the three years since returning, most people worked in a greenhouse anyway. It meant a lot more strangers in their lives.

Strangers and reduced rations. That's what their weeks were like now. They felt more isolated then ever now, and they weren't sure why.

"We have to make it last" Shinji said putting little food they had on the table.

He was starting to get thinner and that didn't help his sleeping problem at all, he knew they were all irritable lately. Less food to work with and Aoba gone with the others on the mission to Toyko-02.

Asuka rained herself in, nodding her thanks as she accepted the scraps of food for what it was. Rei calmly took the food and doing her best to look pleased despite Shinji's best efforts.

They eaten twice over the course of 50 hours. Trying to conserve their rations like Boss had told everyone to. It might not have been much, but the three of them were given more than most.

There was a lot less banter or laughs these days. All they could do was wander aimless through the community, work in the greenhouse, or stay at home. They tried to make the best of it, but it was a losing battle.

"Don't worry" Asuka said that night.

When Shinji and Rei had looked up at her curiously, Asuka had only shaken her head in a determined fashion.

"Aoba went on the mission. He's probably in Tokyo-02 by now, probably picking up souvenirs for us. And loads of food." Asuka said doing her best not to sound hollow.

"Yeah" Shinji said softly.

Aoba was their friend. He and the others would be back soon, they'd make it work.

"You'll have to get after him for taking so long" Shinji said managing a tired soft smile.

* * *

 **It was suppose to work.**

The teams of scavengers going to Tokyo-02 in waves, always coming and going in a chain to have a steady stream of looting. But it hadn't.

There was a privileged class of people living in the community now. The Boss's men and women. They had first rights to the food and medicine, for what else could the Boss pay them with? Leaving whatever was left of the supplies for everyone else.

It just wasn't enough for everyone. Even with the greenhouses doing their part, crops can only grow so fast, and with limited space that had been hard won among the dead soil... it was as good as could be expected.

Throughout it all the Boss kept telling everyone to be patient. That they were working on getting supplies to everyone but Shinji wasn't sure if the man believed his own words.

Over a thousand people where a select hundred or so got first dibs, almost half of the supplies added to the stockpiles and guarded, leaving the other nine tenths of the community getting what remained of the last half.

Aoba did what he could. Sharing his food with them when he could, perks of having joined Boss's men and all, but the problem lingered... for everyone.

Looking back on it, Shinji couldn't say exactly when or where it had started. Only that it had. The resentment and dissent settling into the community as the days and weeks past.

The Boss's men patrolling the community, from the hub to the apartments at night, to the greenhouses, to the streets, armed men and women walking around better fed. The other adults whispering in small clusters after their shifts in the greenhouses, leaving Shinji and the girls out of it save for strange almost pitying looks.

Former JSSDF, or civilians, all the adults didn't take them seriously. By now, Shinji and his family didn't care as much. They only wanted more supplies than the small rations assigned to them by the very system they'd helped to create.

Rei was the one whom noticed it first. The looks between the Boss's men and the others. Not all of them for sure, but enough. In a community of over a thousand people squeezed into a few blocks of their ruined city, only a hundred or so were former military or else new recruits, and that left almost ten civilians to every one of the Boss's soldiers.

In the end, with the contempt for Boss's rule rising what happened was only natural. Yet the youngest people in the world never realized it until it actually happened. They thought the adults were supposed to be the mature ones... but people are people.

* * *

 _The riot_

The gunshot went off in the middle of the day.

BANG

The sound echoing throughout the streets of the barren city just like it had all those months ago when a thief had tried to steal food.

Everyone froze.

The moment hanging in the air before another gunshot rang out. Then another. And another.

BANG

BANG

BANG

People started to leave the greenhouse, nervously stepping outside to watch from afar what all the commotion and danger was.

Shinji stood with the others at the sound. Rei and Asuka at his side looking just as concerned. They'd just been leaving the greenhouse with the others when it had happened.

 _What the-_ Shinji thought.

Suddenly the three of them were pushed aside by the Boss's men. The armed soldiers pushing their way through the crowd of survivors that had been working their shift.

"We're going to check it out. Everyone remain calm. Stay. Here." one of the soldiers said to the gathered people.

The manager nodded stiffly, just as confused as everyone, as the soldiers ran past. Rifles shouldered and pistols at the ready, the Boss's men making for the sound of gunshots.

"I don't like this" Rei said in a low voice grabbing Shinji by the arm.

Asuka stepped further out looking towards the inner city blocks that made up their community.

"Alright. Don't panic. The Boss's men are handling it. We should all just get back to work. Nothing to see" the manager said. The man tried to sound calm but his voice shook at the end.

Shinji stepped out with Asuka, Rei still tugging at his arm, as the three looked ahead into the distant streets.

"What happened?" one of the adults said.

Nearby, the other greenhouses were emptying too. People stepping outside to see what had happened even as more soldiers ran through.

"There's smoke. **Something's on fire** " Asuka said suddenly. Her eyes wide in shock. She pointed at the apartment complex.

Shinji's eyes widened too. He looked out for where Asuka was pointing and saw it. A pillar of smoke rising into the distance.

There was a fire in their homes or the hub. Maybe both.

"Fire?!" another greenhouse worker shouted taking in the sight too.

"They told us to stay here" The manager said panicking as he too saw the smoke. The poor man running his hands through his balding scalp.

"That's our homes. We have to help!" someone said.

Everyone started moving despite the manger's best efforts. Shinji and the girls stayed close even as many others took off.

"We have to put the fire out!" another voice called. The smoke growing thicker in the distance.

Shinji exchanged glances with Asuka and Rei, grim frowns on all their face. They took hands and started off too. They had a home to save.

...

Upon reaching the hub they found out what had happened.

They were out of breathe by the time they made it back, and the sight that met them when they got there made them think this was some nightmare they were yet to wake from.

Rioters.

Men and women, all survivors that Shinji and the girls had helped settle in the community along with the others, grouped together in clusters as they moved about the hub.

Bottles of alcohol wrapped in paper fuses in their hands and a lighter at the ready. Molotov cocktails.

The fire wasn't limited to the apartment complex. But to the new JSSDF base that Boss had set up his office and 'barracks' in. The building was burning as the rioters shouted and threw flaming bottles on the place, letting the fire spread.

Nearby the storage officers were shouting to stop... a large group of people having broken through and pried open the refrigerated stockpiles. The makeshift storage containers the Boss and his men had literally built for their long term food and medicine.

"Stop!"

"It's _our_ food. Boss can't keep hording it for him and his men!" another voice shouted.

"Our food!'

"Not his" others were shouting.

The storage officers were pushed aside as people beat them back.

A soldier was laying on the floor with blood pouring down his face. A man standing over him with a lead pipe. Gun knocked free.

Shinji took in the sight with fearful round eyes. The other greenhouse workers whom had arrived before and after him all stood frozen.

Then like a dam breaking, many of them ran forward grasping for the supplies out in the open.

More soldiers were arriving on the street.

Boss himself emerged from his burning building, his home and office, alongside two men with guns.

"Stop this! You're break the refrigerators! We need to put out _your_ fires! You idiots will burn the whole community down!" Boss shouted.

He fired his handgun in the air and many flinched. Many did not.

Shinji took it all in and thought how... how _wasteful_ it all was. All their hard work put into the hub and the stockpiles... all of it ruined. The doors pried open and fire running along their home and the other buildings too.

 _These stupid people set fire to their own homes?! What the hell happened?!_ Shinji thought.

The rioters hadn't known what they were doing. They'd started out flinging their 'bombs' at the soldiers to keep them back, and at the 'barracks' in protest. But something had gone wrong... a bad throw... a shot fired, a stray bottle... _something._ And now things were on fire.

Boss ran with his men towards the rioters breaking into the stockpile. Shouting at them to 'grow up'.

Putting himself in the middle of it, Boss grabbed a young man and tossed him back. Shoving people away from the broken doors of their storages. People protested.

Cursing at him. Shouting at him. Boss tried to put them down peacefully. Telling them that if they stopped they'd been shown leniency. But his words were drowned out by shouts of the rioting people.

Boss raised his gun to fire into the air for silence, but before he could pull the trigger a man tackled him. Boss and his assailant both went flying to the ground. The gun went off and someone fell clutching their leg and yelling.

The soldiers took action, stepping in to save their commander.

BANG a shot went off. Then another and another.

"ahh!"

Two people in the crowd fell.

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei found themselves standing the middle of it all... alone. Abandoned by their fellow greenhouse workers whom had either ran to their homes to stop the fire or else _joined_ the rioters in their struggle with the soldiers.

It was pure chaos in the worst of possible times. Stupid, wasteful, and so every human. Ten people to every soldier in the community, with most of Boss's men spread out across the city... there was no contest even with the guns.

"Stop! Stop!" the kind old lady cried, storming out of her apartment on the ground floor, the old frail form wobbling out at all the commotion.

"Hey! Stay back it's not safe!" Shinji cried out. He ran forward, Asuka and Rei following, the lady had always been kind to them.

The elderly woman went to check on the storage officer on the ground, the poor man having been beaten by the rioters storming of the stockpiles. She was calling for help when the crowd of rioters was suddenly pushed back, the sea of people engulfing her and the injuried man as gunshots rang out.

A soldier with a rifle fired into the air to push them back. But he was running out of bullets.

Rei tugged on Shinji's arm.

"Too dangerous. Stay back" Rei said eyes wide with fear.

She was right. The soldier ran out of bullets and the rioters rushed him, the stampede of people engulfing the scene once again.

People were running in all directions. Some leaving, some helping but which side? Boss had been lost somewhere in all the commotion and without him to call the shouts the scene turned bloody. The end of the world all over again.

 _What do we do... I- what do we do?_ Shinji thought.

The three Eva pilots held hands again. Momentarily apart from all the violence, the adults on both sides of this stupid waste of a fight having forgotten them...

Just a bunch of lost souls witnessing the collapse of their home. It was so pointless, the riot had only made things worse for everyone.

"Asuka!" a voice called.

The three teenagers jumped and were surprised to see Aoba pushing his way through to them. Fighting his way out of the burning apartment complex, bag of home supplies in hand. Had he _ran_ into a burning building for supplies?

Aoba pushed his way past the crowd of survivors fighting it out. He wore the faded fatigues of a plain JSSDF uniform, a sign of his cooperation with the Boss over the years. Only now it seemed he had abandoned it all for the three of them.

"We've got to go. Come on!" Aoba said making it to them. Bits of ash clung to his hair from the burning apartments, giving his hair a greying look that seemed to age him.

"Aboa. They... they broke into the stockpiles and stole... the Boss... he... he was hit and" Shinji stammered trying to fit everything into a single sentence but failing. His words were on edge and he was in shock along with the others.

"I know. Rioters. It's not just the hub. Doesn't matter anymore. We have to leave. All of us, come on" Aoba said taking the time to grab each of them by the shoulder.

Asuka stumbled back. Doing her best to hide her fear even as the riot continued all around them, the smoke rising and the sight of the burning apartments threatening to bring tears to her eyes.

BANG

BANG

BANG

Gunshots rang into the air as the fires and smoke started raising higher and higher.

Asuka flinched as something went whizzing past her head and made her ears ring softly. A bullet flying inches by her before striking a window across the street.

The glass shattered and Shinji flinched too. Rei holding his hand tight. All of them jumping in alarm.

"Anywhere but here! Come on, I'm taking you with me" Aoba said grabbing a hold of Asuka before looking at Shinji and Rei pleadingly.

Rei was the one whom snapped them out of it.

"We have to go. Now." the pale skinned girl said, tugging on both Shinji and Asuka's arms.

Before they knew it, Rei was pulling on them to run as Aoba nodded at them and took off with them in tow.

Shinji and Asuka snapping out of it and joining Aoba as he lead them away.

They left the hub behind... left the chaos in the streets and the horror of the ruined supplies. The fire that had spread to the stockpiles. Months worth of canned foods, medicine, some crops, and all manner of necessities burning. Gone forever.

* * *

Shinji didn't know how long they ran. Or where they were running to. All he knew was that Asuka and Rei were holding tightly to his hands and he to theirs. Following Aoba as he lead them down unfamiliar paths.

This mutiny hadn't been isolated to the hub and the apartments. Whomever had organizated this had started it across multiple parts of the community. There were people looting the greenhouses...

Boss's men had figured out what was happening. They defended themselves and their stations, but they were badly outnumbered. Those like Shinji and his family, whom hadn't known what was coming, were caught in the crossfire.

People were dying.

Shinji shook his head at it all.

What was the point? Such a waste. Everything falling apart.

Shinji had to look away from the sights of violence and despair, keeping his gaze firmly locked on Aoba as the man lead them away.

Other Soldiers spotted Aoba and openly gaped as he ignored them and ran past with the teenagers in tow.

…

"Here. We'll have to be fast. I won't be the only one with the same idea" Aoba said.

The four of them stumbled through the gate of a strange building far from the hub, maybe a forestation in the old world. A police station? It didn't matter any more, the Boss had reclaimed it and started using it for something.

The door had been locked, actually locked. With a heavy kick, Aoba broke the door open and ran through. Running a hand behind his back and grabbing a concealed pistol he'd kept tucked between his belt and back.

Asuka and Shinji blinked in surprise, Rei barely noticing as Aoba went first. The former Nerv man walking through the station, pistol raised as he gestured for them to follow.

Inside was a garage... with cars.

Eleven in total. All of them having been pushed inside long ago or else having been there from before. Faded and old, metal frames rusted and looking like they'd been carefully pieced back together.

"Cars? Boss had cars all this time?" Asuka said nearly shouting in shock.

"No. Boss had me and some of the others fixing them again. After three years the gas had gone bad, shit just goes bad after a few years alright. Impact messed the engines up. Barely got them running yesterday. Only half work." Aoba shouted back as he rummaged through a cabinet and pulled out a set of keys.

Rei blinked as Aoba handed her his bag of supplies saying "put it in the car", before heading to the front hood for some last minutes checks. He had been a scientist, and something of mechanic under Nerv and from his pre-college days, that was why he'd been chosen to work on the repair jobs.

Shinji watched mesmerized as Aoba tinkered with the engine under the car's hood, before seeming satisfied and closing it. That was Aoba's plan. To steal a car and take it far away from this mess.

"If people had waited... this would have made a big difference" Rei said glancing over the semi-working cars.

In the early days of the community everyone had been too busy getting the infrastructure working that no one had the time to fix vehicles... and now that they finally did, it had been too late. Cars would have made the trips easier, would have allowed them to take more supplies with them every time they went out... all of this wasted.

"Shinji help me with this. Asuka, you can drive?" Aoba said working quickly as he headed for the garage.

Asuka took a moment to snap out of it again. It was a lot to take in all at once, the riot, the fall of their home, and the Boss's secret project that they hadn't known about. But Asuka handled it well.

She shook her head saying "of course. Child prodigy remember." Asuka's smirk was forced, but she was shaking her nerves and that was still impressive.

Aoba tossed her the keys and Asuka caught them.

Shinji went with Aoba as together, the two of them began hauling the garage door open. The two of them grabbing the bottom and lifting.

No power, everything was manual labor it seemed.

Shinji's back ached but he got it. The garage doors lifted and together Aoba and Shinji got it open all the way, exposing the open ruins of Tokyo-03.

Asuka got inside the car, inserted the keys and turned. The car engine whined but wouldn't start. She tried again and again even as Rei got in the passenger seat, putting her seat belt on... even now in a time like this. Rei was Rei after all.

"Where are we going?" Shinji asked again. Feeling his age as the uncertainty ate at him from his core, he was only a 17 year boy at the end of the world. What would they do?

"There's more out there. Has to be, I had my theory remember? We can get at least as far as Tokyo-02 and-" Aoba began. Only to stop mid-speech at the sound running footsteps.

Four of the Boss's soldiers were running through the alleys heading for the station just like they had been minutes ago. Aoba was right, he had not been the only one with that idea.

"Get back inside!" Aoba shouted a second before the gunshot rang out.

Shinji flinched running back inside. Asuka turning the car keys in the ignition as the engine whined.

"Traitor! Those are ours!" one of the soldiers called. Pistol raised and chamber smoking as the man ran for them.

Aoba doubled over, falling over in a sitting position as he raised his own gun.

BANG

BANG

BANG

Aoba fired three shots.

The soldiers split apart swerving out of the way and looking for cover. Shinji's heart started pounding in his chest. This was so tense and unflinchingly _real_. Nothing like the dangers of fighting the Angels, nothing like Eva piloting, everything here was grounded and gritty. The bullets firing through the air loud and crackling, the sensations his own instead of from an artificial nervous system.

The gunshots came from both sides.

Aoba was trading shots with the men outside, crawling his way to the car as he did so.

Asuka got the car running with one final turn of the car keys. She almost shouted but flinched at the sound of the gunshots.

Shinji slammed into the car, running as fast as he could, and was taken aback when Rei opened the back door for him. The girl having crawled her way back from the passenger seat to help him.

Wordlessly, her eyes round and filled with worry and panic, Rei grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in.

"I'm in!" Shinji called.

Asuka put the car into drive and started forward slowly.

Shinji reached across from Rei and opened the back door. The both of them stumbling forward as Asuka started moving out of the garage.

Aoba was still crawling backward, gun raised.

"Hold on!" Shinji called his voice little more than squeak. His hands shaking as he reached out alongside Rei.

Together, Shinji and Rei grabbed Aoba and pulled him inside. Hauling the older man's body in as he groaned in pain. Blood ran down his chest.

They hadn't even managed to close the door when Asuka floored it. Slamming her foot on the gas pedal.

BANG

CRACK

The windshield of their car dented and split as a bullet came crashing into it. Asuka flinched, ducking her head down and crying out.

She hit the gas hard. Flooring it again.

The men outside cursed and swerved out of the way as the car emerged onto the city streets.

Shots fired out after them. Hitting the frame and one of the back windows. The glass shattered and Rei and Shinji flinched, crying out as debris went flying in the back seats.

"Gah!" Aoba groaned as the glass hit his face leaving thin cuts across his cheek.

Still, Asuka drove on in spite of it all. Before her breakdown, she had been quite possibly the best Eva pilot for a reason, she could get things done when she needed to. So she drove on, leaving the madness behind.

"Give it back!" one of the man called.

"Traitor!"

"Damn kids! That's ours!"

Shouts from the Boss's old men in an order that had fallen apart all over again.

Someone tried to shoot their tires out but Asuka swerved out of the way and escaped. Aoba groaning weekly in the back seats with Shinji and Rei.

Rei reached out and slammed the back door closed with a heavy thud.

* * *

 _In the car_

"Now what!" Asuka shouted back panting, her hands trembling but steady enough to drive.

Their stolen car whizzing passed the once empty streets. All around them there were signs of the mutiny against the Boss for the community. People running, looting, fighting, or else trying to hide.

The fire from the hub and the apartments visible just as they passed it. Smoke seeming to consume the streets that had been their courtyard for three years.

"Head north. Follow the roads but don't get on. I-" Aoba said before letting out a heavy cough.

Shinji glanced at the man and gasped.

Aoba had been shot... more than once by the look of it. There was blood staining his faded clothes and he was breathing hard. He might have been going into shock for all they knew.

Rei put her hands on Aoba' chest hard, trying to stop the bleeding whilst Asuka drove aimlessly.

People noticed the car, how could they not, and shouted in surprise and awe but Asuka ignored them all.

"Tokyo-02. Get as far as Tokyo-02 then keep going. There's... _pant..._ there has to be somewhere we... _you_ can go. We can't be the only ones left..." Aoba wheezed.

Blood was coming out of his mouth, seeping through his lips as he spoke.

"Aoba" Shinji said panting in shock. His chest feeling like it would explode as he sat with Rei in the back, doing his best not to throw up.

The former Nerv man laughed harshly.

"Did you see me, eh Shinji? I was a soldier there... heh..." Aoba said darkly. Blood stained smile on his lips.

Shinji looked at Rei not sure what to do. Rei wouldn't meet his eyes, only stared ahead at Aoba and his wounds.

"Don't know where I got that from. Three years ago... when Nerv was attacked I was useless... couldn't... couldn't do anything... just... just died like everyone else..." Aoba rambled between heavy pants.

"You were brave. You helped us defend Nerv all those years ago. You were... Aoba you-" Shinji stammered, grabbing a hold of Aoba's hand.

Aoba tried to squeeze Shinji's hand in a returning gesture but his fingers were weak and shaking.

"Shinji..." Rei whispered her lips trembling.

The pale skinned girl lowered her head as Aoba stopped moving. His eyes falling as he suddenly took a single heavy breath.

Asuka glanced back at them as she drove. Wide eyes falling to her family in the back seat with the wounded Aoba.

"I have to stop somewhere. Get help and-"

"NO!" Aoba snapped. His eyes whipping back to life as he shouted. Groaning, he shook his head at them.

"You were shot. We have to-" Shinji said his voice shaking.

"No. Keep driving. If you stop someone will take this car from you. Keep going. Just... keep going" Aoba wheezed.

Shinji looked up from his cramped spot in the back seats, looked at Asuka up in the driver's seat with wild confused eyes.

"He's right" Asuka said solemnly. Smirk gone... having faded somewhere along the drive.

Rei never took her hands off of Aoba's wounded chest. Keeping pressure on it through everything, the car bumping over the rough roads as Asuka drove on and on.

"... I'm sorry" Aoba wheezed suddenly.

Shinji turned back to him.

"No. I'm the one whose-" Shinji began.

"I was on the team that brought the guns" Aoba interrupted.

Silence filled the car.

Rei and Shinji bobbing in the back seats unsteadily as they passed road after road.

Aoba laughed coldly. Blood falling down his lips.

"Didn't know at the time. Thought we were getting food... and we were but it was about the guns. Boss thought he had it all figured out. I should... should have fought him on it. Should have known guns would make things worse... ah! I should..." Aoba said shaking his head. Grimacing from the pain.

"You didn't know what would happen. No one did." Rei said shaking her head.

She looked back at Shinji before turning to Aoba.

"The rioters were the problem. This world was the problem... guns made it worse but it's not your fault" Rei said tilting her head sadly at the former Nerv man.

Aoba didn't seem to hear her. He closed his eyes saying "just keep going. Get as far away as you can. There has to be more. Others. More... whole world out there... just keep going."

That was the last thing he said.

The rest of the car ride was done in silence. Aoba's quiet breathing fading over time. Shinji sat back helplessly with Rei, the both of them watching the wounded man unable to do anything but sit.

Asuka looked away, focusing on the road and what was in front of her. Taking them past the city limits and the ashes of the Geofront.

Taking them past the decaying corpses of the Mass Production Evas. The ghost white monstrosities lying in the open waters near that small stretch of land where she and Shinji had first returned. They never looked back.

Driving on and on in silence.

Aoba had stopped breathing.

* * *

 _Sometime later_

Night had fallen

Past the ruins of what had once been Tokyo-03, and then the ruins of the community the survivors had pieced together, there lay the abandoned roads of the old world.

The roads were clogged and barely drivable. Littered with abandoned cars that hadn't been moved in three years. People going about their days when the end of the world came. People trying to evacuate the city in a mad dash as three years ago the JSSDF had launched their assault on Nerv.

In a sense... it felt like that all over again.

Everyone lost in the end.

Asuka drove alongside the roads before slowing, and coming to a stop somewhere in that massive stretch of land between two cities.

Together, all three of them lifted Aoba's body out of the car.

Respectfully, they laid his corpse out in the dirt outside. Dried blood had stained and soaked his clothes. His eyes were closed... they had been for quite some time now.

Inside the trunk of the car they'd stolen, they found a few blankets. It wasn't much but they draped one over Aoba's body.

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei stood over the body of their friend.

Somberly they watched the remnants of their old life, the long haired man that used to run sync test on them, check out Misato, complain about the long hours, play guitar in his free time, the man whom had tried to look after them upon returning. _Shigeru Aoba._

The man whom had given his life to get them outside the city after the mutiny.

"Thank you Aoba" Shinji said sadly.

Asuka opened her mouth to say something but the words got caught in her throat and she looked away as if struck.

"Goodbye" Rei said sadly.

They couldn't bury him. They didn't have any shovels and it was dark and getting cold. This was all the funeral and respects they could pay.

Shinji hung his head low.

 _Everything we've been through and we're back to square one. On our own... not even a home anymore. And Aoba... he... ah! Why?!_ Shinji thought.

He gazed up at the night sky looking for her. Looking for Evangelion Unit 01 drifting somewhere up with the others stars above, but he couldn't find it again.

 _Mom... oh mom... what are we supposed to do?_ Shinji thought pleadingly.

He wiped his eyes before the tears started.

Rei took his hand and Asuka put an arm on his shoulder. The three of them leaning into each other, forming a family hug of sorts. Their heads bumping together softly. They were all each other had.

"We stay together. Always." Rei said sadly, feeling lost again. Wandering in a cold and indifferent world. She rested her head on Shinji's shoulder

Shinji squeezed her hand, and then Asuka's.

"Yeah. Always together, I promise. Okay Rei, I promise we'll make it through this" Shinji said the emotion in his voice choking him up.

This was so much for a kid to handle. He'd thought he'd seen everything about the End of the World, but he had been wrong.

"Aoba was right. We keep going." Asuka said at last.

They paid their respects, and turned to the car once more.

And so they left their friend's body there. Driving into the night with an uncertain future. Together, but so very alone.

 _I am 17 years old... and I feel like I've aged another ten_ Shinji thought.

* * *

 **I hope you didn't hate the chapter, it is very different from previous ones.  
Really long, but I didn't want to split it up into two parts again.  
I wanted this to be one big continuous tale. With the ending supposed to be jarring and a major shift in tone for both the readers and the characters.**

 **Shinji and the gang just weren't aware of the mutiny. They didn't really see it coming except for the early signs of resentment, but to them it came as a harsh shock crashing down on their grim reality. What happens years after the end of the world.**

 **They spent so much time in their old homes but now that's gone. Again.**

 **I could go on and on about these chapters, they could be an entire novel onto themselves.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	24. The Road to Haven

**Hey guys, warning here.**

 **LONG CHAPTER. I have placed Headers labeled 'Parts' to help with the reading. To leave readers with a good breaking point if they need it.  
If it gets too long, by all means read in more than one sitting. Look for the Headers called Parts, and you can take brakes.**

 **I didn't want to split this chapter. There's a lot that happens.  
Thanks to all the new readers. Here's chapter 24: 'The Road to Haven'**

* * *

" _We wandered for a long time after the Fall. Never staying in one place too long. Managing to find a camp for a bit, but we couldn't stay. I saw the world I had made. The real consequences of what my choice had done. Not just to the world... but to the people that survived._

 _Through it all I had Rei. And Asuka too. My family. Oh... how I miss them._

 _The road to Haven was long and treacherous. Bitter and cold, filled with highs and lows. It took 'years' for us to even reach it. Funny, we didn't even know to look for it until towards the end._

 _I've seen the best and the worst of humanity. But the world isn't always so black and white, not as simple as saying everyone is broken. I learned that on the road to Haven._

 _I wish I had more time with my wife. I really do." - **the broken man.**_

* * *

 _The Other Timeline  
Memories of the Original Shinji_

 _Little over three years after Third Impact_

 **Part 1:  
** **Journey** **onward**

The road to Tokyo-02 was silent.

Their car moving through wasteland at a steady pace, the sun beginning to rise and revealing the crumbling infrastructure visible in the distance.

Asuka driving with a watchful eye on the gas levels. Rei and Shinji sitting in the back with sullen expressions.

None of them had gotten much sleep since the Fall. But they kept moving just as Aoba had told them to do. When Shinji asked Asuka if she wanted a break, the girl refused.

He understood. Asuka just wanted something to do, something to keep her mind busy so she didn't have to think about what had happened. But they needed to figure things out. They couldn't just drive aimlessly forever...

"What are we going to do once we reach the city?" Shinji asked breaking the silence. His voice slow and reluctantly forcing them to accept reality.

Asuka paused at that, taking her eyes off the road momentarily to look back at him from the driver's seat. Rei looked up at his words, having been lost in her thoughts since Aoba's death.

"... keep going. That's what Aoba said we should do" Asuka said in more a grunt.

Shinji saw the her shaking fingers as she drove. Asuka hid it well but she was still in shock from everything that had happened. He couldn't blame her, he was too. His heart may have stopped pounding but he could feel the adrenaline running through his veins, the terror of the violence they'd witnessed.

Nothing like their piloting days. Up close and very personal, almost no clarity as things just fell part and broke into chaos. They were not soldiers, but they'd been able to act as needed. Fighting the Angels was not like fighting humans.

Shinji swallowed hard, fighting back the gulp that threaten to come back. He could see the corpse of their friend in his mind's eye, the poor man left with only a blanket over his body as they'd been forced to moving on.

"We need to supplies" Rei said suddenly. The first time she'd spoken in hours.

Shinji and Asuka glanced at her, she was looking at her hands. The hands that had tried to stop Aoba's bleeding.

Asuka nodded.

"We have some things in the trunk. Water bottles, a fuel tank, blankets, backpacks, and... and ammo." Shinji said slowing at that last part.

Rei glanced down at the floor of the car and reached down grabbing Aoba's gun, bringing it up for Shinji to take.

 _I- Why me?_ Shinji thought with a flicker of panic.

He hesitantly took the gun, realizing as he did so that Rei had put the safety on.

"So it's settled. We'll stock up on what we can. But I think we should keep moving, we need to get as far as possible from those _idiots_ that burned our home down" Asuka said her voice cold and distant.

He could hear the hate in her words towards the end, but a small tremor of sorrow as well. So much gone to waste, three years of work all burned away in a single day.

* * *

 _Tokyo-02_

The city was in worse shape than Tokyo-03.

It might not have had the ashes of the Geofront or wreckage that was Nerv, or even the corpses of the MP Evas, but the city just felt _wrong_.

All the trees were dead.

The streets littered with old faded clothes and abandoned empty cars, more wreckage than working vehicles and rusting in the open air, where people had been taken by Instrumentality.

Whatever Third Impact had done hadn't stopped at Tokyo-03, even the small patches of dirt they could see at parks or else in select areas were greying and stiff. Dead soil, unusable for farming.

The buildings intact but faded and eerily silent.

Shinji didn't like it here.

Asuka had parked the car in the parking lot of an old marketplace. Convenience stores and old restaurants littered the block along with little shops here and there, all abandoned.

 _Did anyone come back here?_ Shinji thought, sitting in the back with Rei as they watched the area.

"I... I don't think we should linger. Just grab what we can and let's go" Asuka said, doing her best not to sound worried.

"We might not be alone here" Rei said suddenly. Her voice catching them by surprise by how worried she sounded.

Shinji and Asuka turned to look at her. She was right of course, the Boss had sent teams of scavengers to Tokyo-02 in waves. Forming a chain of coming and going crews, traveling by day and camping by night, for supplies. News of the riot and the mutiny might not have reached them yet, but the car would be a sign to what was left of Boss's men that something was up.

In the end, Asuka left the car running whilst Shinji and Rei got out. They debated on who should get Aoba's gun and ultimately decided Shinji and Rei would take it. Asuka had the car after all.

Shinji was surprised when Rei handed him the gun again, but he took it and grabbed the full clip from the trunk. Reloading after a few clumsy tries.

Together, Shinji and Rei headed out for the stores. Supply bags in hand and breathing softly, unnerved at how quiet everything was. What was happening to them? The three of them had spent over a year on their own, but somehow this was different.

Out in the wastes.

Shinji walked through the store ales beside Rei, grabbing all the canned food he could and stuffing it inside the ever heavier bag. He kept a hand on the gun, it made him feel better even if he wasn't a trained soldier.

They cleaned out the first store, headed back to the car, and deposited it into the trunk and back seats. Before heading out again, Asuka watching them trying to keep her cool as she kept her hands on the wheel.

It was on their sixth or seventh trip that it happened.

Shinji was walking through a general store, grabbing some spare clothes for them, Rei elsewhere looking for bottles of expired water. That was their mistake. They should have stayed together.

When the sound came it startled Shinji, he jumped and almost fired Aoba's gun. Almost.

The sound of the car driving off with a screech of wheels, followed by a yell and footsteps from outside.

Shinji flinched.

 _Asuka!_ He thought in panic.

He needed to get Rei and find out what happened. Asuka wouldn't just drive off like that, she wouldn't leave them behind, there must have been a reason. And those yells...

Shinji was turning to look for the store exit when the man stepped inside.

A former JSSDF. A tall somewhat younger man, late twenties maybe, wearing faded military gear. An escort for the scavengers whom traveled between the two cities.

"You, boy" the soldier said giving Shinji a curious look. The man's eyes lingering on the gun in Shinji's hand and supply bag swung over his shoulder.

Shinji stumbled back, shocked at having run into one of the Boss's old teams so quickly. How? Damn, it should have been obvious. Someone must have seen them driving. They stood out regardless of how long it took the others to catch up to them.

"Why do you have one of Boss's cars?!" the man shouted.

The question made Shinji tighten his grip on the gun.

"Boss gave it to me. I- on a mission" Shinji lied quickly. Damn, he was terrible at lying. He really needed to get better at that.

The soldier took another step forward, blocking the exit as more shouts echoed out from outside. Taller and menacing as he reached for his gun.

"Don't lie to me, boy. You stole it. Stole it from the Boss. _How?!_ What's happened?" the soldier said, stern voice seeming to echo through the store. Loud and commanding, clearly expecting an answer instead of Shinji's stammers.

"No. There was a riot and... " Shinji began just as he spotted Rei sneaking through the aisles, the girl apparently looking for him.

"You're coming with me. And we're getting that car back" the soldier said grabbing Shinji by the wrist.

"No. I'm not going with you" Shinji said trying to sound firm as Rei met his eyes from behind the soldier. The girl staying deathly silent as she considered how to help.

The soldier drew his handgun and Shinji raised his, heart pounding and breathless as he did so.

Rei was quicker than both of them. She raised a fist and slammed it into the back of the soldier's head with all the strength she could muster, the man stumbled forward dropping his gun.

Shinji ran forward, swerving around the man just as Rei started to run with him. Both of them heading for the exit.

He didn't make it for before the soldier, escort of the scavenger teams, grabbed him. Pulling him back and slamming him into store aisle. Shinji groaned as canned food and various clutter went flying, the simple shelves lining the aisle tipping over as he struggled with the soldier.

"What happened to Boss?!" the man shouted.

Shinji awkwardly punched the soldier in the face, in a sickening flap of flesh slamming flesh the soldier grunted before slamming him into the shelf.

His back ached as he felt the wood being pressed into him as he was slammed into the shelf. Gagging from the sudden pain.

CRACK

The wooden shelf splinted and began to break from the blow. Shinji punched the soldiers again, but the man brushed it off as he yanked Shinji aside. The two of them struggling through the store knocking aisles over, but it was a losing battle. Shinji was 17 and his attacker was a grown man.

It wasn't long before Shinji was stuck in a choke hold, struggling to breathe as his eyes started to water. Feeling himself fading even as he tried to aim Aoba's gun somewhere, _anywhere_ but the soldier was too good.

BANG

BANG

Shinji fired the gun twice, each bullet hitting the floor harmlessly as he struggled with his attacker.

Rei had grabbed the soldier's dropped gun, and was following the two of them as they struggled through the store unable to get a clean shot. She stood eyes wide, moving the gun left and right, unwilling to risk firing in case she hit Shinji as the two men struggled.

The soldier knew what he was doing, he used Shinji as a living shield against Rei and the gun...

Shinji gasped, losing air his face turning purple.

He slammed an elbow into the soldier's gut.

The soldier grunted but shook it off.

Shinji ran forward trying to shake the soldier off, but it was no use. The older man wouldn't let go, even as Shinji slammed the both of them into wall. The soldier would not release him... Shinji's vision starting to fade even as Rei started for them with her gun raised.

Suddenly, the sound of car screeching through the streets got their attention. The soldier glanced away, his arms still locked around Shinji's neck, but the moment was all he needed.

Shinji fired the gun managing to aim this time with the lapse in his attacker's concentration.

The bullet went through the soldier's boot. Shinji gasped as his attacker yelled in pain, releasing him in the shock from being shot.

"Ahhh!" Shinji cried breathing out at long last. He slammed the butt of his gun into the soldier's face, shoving the man back, before stumbling towards Rei.

Rei was at his side, one hand reaching for him, the other with the soldier's gun raised and pointing directly at the wounded man. Shinji took her hand, supply bag somehow still wrapped around his wrist, and together they headed for the exit.

Coughing the entire way, throat aching as he ran.

Others were starting to come in. The soldiers shouts of pain had gotten his team's attention, and Shinji could see two scavengers through the window heading for the door.

BANG

Rei fired the soldier's handgun, and the window shattered from the impact. The scavengers outside flinched and leaped back taking cover.

Shinji ran with Rei, the two of them leaving the store through the back and emerging onto the parking lot of the marketplace.

Outside the old scavenger team that went between the two cities was spread out. A group of men and women wearing stitched together traveling cloaks, and two others in faded JSSDF gear.

 _Need to find Asuka?! She... she must be circling back for us!_ Shinji thought. He tugged on Rei's hand and they ran away from the adults just as they were noticed.

"Stop right there!" a voice called after them.

Rei glanced back to see nine people running after them, and she ran even harder than before. Her heart pounding as she forced herself to keep going beside Shinji.

They made it onto an empty street, Shinji ignoring the yells of those giving chase. The confused, scared, and desperate remains of the Boss's operations.

BANG

Another shot rang out and Shinji flinched, his hand shaking free of Rei's as he almost fell. Gritting his teeth he kept going, running and turning a corner into an empty street.

His arm felt numb...

Shinji glanced to his side and saw in horror... the blood running down his arm.

He'd been shot.

"Hold on!" Rei called to him. She tugged on his uninjured arm even as he started to wobble.

With a roar, Asuka and the car emerged onto the scene. The slightly rusted, cracked windows, and banged up car coming for them. Stern faced and with wide terrified eyes, Asuka swerved into a hurried park.

Rei slammed into the back door hard, prying the door open even as Shinji stumbled forward.

The scavengers and soldier escort were catching up to them.

"That car doesn't belong to you!"

"Give that back!"

They called, one man had his gun raised again.

Once Shinji and Rei were in, Asuka slammed a foot on the gas pedal. Driving off with a screech of wheels even as another gunshot rang through the empty air.

"Shit!" Asuka cursed as she drove off. Glancing at the rear-view mirror she panicked at the sight of nearly ten people chasing after their car.

Thankfully, the soldiers playing escort were smart enough not to shoot the tires out. They wanted their car back, not to ruin it. In the end... that was what saved them.

Shinji breathed hard, his arm starting to burn up as the pain started to flood his nerves. It had taken a moment for the shock to fade, and now he was feeling everything. He couldn't believe it, he'd been shot!

Rei watched with wide terrified eyes as the men gave chase before easing. It was lost cause and the Boss's men knew it. You can't _outrun_ a car.

…

"Let them go. Nothing out there but wasteland" a panting soldier said.

The group of scavengers watching the car drive off. Some among the group cursing, another gasping from all the running, and many turning to go after the man who'd been shot in the store.

 _They won't last a week out there_ one man thought bitterly.

The scavengers turned away, regrouping and returning to their supply run. Never knowing what had happened in Tokyo-03, unaware of riot and mutiny. They had a home to get back too, they needed to know what had happened to Boss and the community...

…

"Shinji. Breathe. Just breathe" Rei was saying.

He lay on his back atop a series of food bags, panting as he saw the blood on his arm again. The bullet was still in there, latched in amid his flesh.

"Where was he hit?" Asuka said, her voice shaking as she drove on and on. She was still shook up over what had happened.

Asuka had waited for Shinji and Rei to come back, when she'd noticed the men emerging onto the lot. The scavengers trying to circle around and take the car.

Asuka remembered turning the car into drive and taking off just as they started to gather around her, one woman trying to step in front before having to swerve out of the way. Asuka hadn't known what had happened, she'd just known to get out of there. Known not to let them in, and she'd started to circle back for Shinji and Rei when she'd heard the gunshots.

"The arm" Rei said reached forward and rolling up and old shirt, wrapping it around Shinji's wound tight.

"I'm okay" Shinji panted. His arm stung and the sight of his blood made him uneasy, but he'd seen wounds before. His old piloting days had seen him face greater pains.

"Stupid Shinji! You're not okay! You were shot!" Asuka shouted at him from the driver's seat.

"It's not his fault. Stop yelling" Rei called back. No glare, not bite in her words, only a calm declaration that Asuka was not helping.

 _Drive. Just get us out of here_ Rei's expression seemed to say, before she turned back to Shinji in the back seat.

Asuka didn't argue..

But go where?

No one, not the even scavenging teams, ever went further than Tokyo-02. Too much ground to cover without a car. The unknown.

 _Can't go back. Can't go back... home is gone._ Asuka thought darkly.

* * *

 _Beyond_

They drove for over a day.

Shinji slipping in and out consciousness, the pain in his arm raising and falling depending on the time of day. It stung him at times, like he had a fever, and he'd sweat before passing out again. Rei pouring a minuscule amount of water on a shirt and placing it over his head.

Time lost meaning for him. Shinji losing track throughout the days, he vaguely remembered Rei sleeping curled up against him.

Remembered Asuka driving through more and more wastelands. Then... suddenly a searing pain that woke him with a yell.

Rei had cut the bullet out of him. Shinji didn't even know when she had, sometime when he'd been unconscious. He'd simply woken with a yell as Rei was pouring alcohol over his open wound, hissing as the liquid burned him before Asuka yelled at him to 'be a man!'

He'd live, but his arm still hurt.

Rei had wrapped a bandage tight around it, having had to grab the supplies in the trunk, and had offered a sigh of relief at his improvement.

…

More days of driving in the wasteland. Gassing up whenever they could at random pit-stops or gas stations along the barren lifeless roads. Always empty.

There were reasons the community in Tokyo-03, not even the Boss and his men, had never ventured further than Tokyo-02. It was nothing but dead lands for miles.

A fact Shinji, Asuka, and Rei were learning the hard way.

It was unnerving, just like Tokyo-03 and 02 had been. The land itself seeming to wither, the plants dead, and the air so very empty.

Yet they drove. Asuka switching places with Rei or Shinji in the driver's seat. Days past this way.

...

When the car started to whine loudly... they stopped by an another abandoned gas station, a pit stop for truckers, and found it truly empty just like all the others. No survivors or even stray animals.

They stayed a night there, keeping both guns at the ready just in case.

Sleeping within arm's reach of each other, being on their own like this made them nervous. So they stayed together, always together. The next morning they gassed up the car with what they could, before moving on again.

Nothing grew in this space and it was no home.

…

There were things they just didn't know. Stories without context... people with unknown reasons for acting the way they did.

Once, while driving pass a city in the distance they spotted smoke towering over the buildings. Ash littering the skyline of a burnt series of buildings. A fire? How? Other survivors rioting just like Tokyo-03?

They'd never know.

Another time they passed by a bridge and spotted a group of actual people, _survivors_ , seemingly fighting over something. Ganging up over one victim on the road. The gang dressed in rags like homeless men and using pipes and other tools as they ganged up beating a man bloody.

When the ragged men spotted the car, they abandoned their victim and chased them. Asuka cursing as the gang ran after the car,

It was insane... one man throwing a hammer at the already damaged windows. It crashed into the car shattering more glass.

Rei flinching beside Shinji as he winced.

Asuka driving on.

Shinji glanced at Aoba's gun in the back seat. They had thirty four rounds... if it came to it... could he? But he saw Asuka shaking her head.

You can't outrun a car and so the three of them left the ragged men behind.

…

That incident wasn't the only one. Just the first.

It might have made them monsters but they never stopped to help anyone. The strange unusual sights they came across driving through the wastelands.

The violence that seemed to erupt after the End of the World. More than once they spotted roads leading to other cities. More than once they spotted people wandering just as lost, desperate looks in their eyes, and people chasing them for the car.

…

"No more cities" Asuka said one day among the wastes.

Shinji sat up, blinking in surprise, and wincing from pain in his arm. The wound was closing but the arm ached when he moved too quickly and he was developing a scar.

Rei stirred beside him in the back seats of their car. Shifting to hear Asuka as she drove them. They were all a little shaken after the incidents they'd seen traveling out here.

"It's dangerous." Rei added thinking intently.

Asuka nodded saying "Aoba was right. People are... they might try to take the car or... or our supplies again."

 _Or throw hammers at us. Or shoot at us with stolen guns... what happened to people. It's like everyone broke one day. Why? Because of me... I brought us back to this_ he thought bitterly. Glancing down at his bandaged arm. The arm where a grown adult had shot him.

"Wherever we go, we stay together." was all Shinji said. He wasn't the leader here, there really wasn't one. They just 'talked' and made a decision.

"Yeah... you idiots wouldn't last a day without me" Asuka said managing a forced smirk.

It was a nice thought, trying to add some levity to things, and it sort of worked. Shinji smiled meekly at that, glancing at Rei before taking his seat again in the back.

Rei took his hand as they sat. Breathing calmly and intertwining their fingers with a gentle squeeze as Asuka drove them through the wasteland. Staying away from the major roads and trying to avoid people as they traveled.

...

Shinji watched the stars at night when it wasn't his turn to drive, watched from the back window and wondered where his Eva was among the evening sky.

Rei slept softly beside him when she could, resting her head on his shoulder. Humming softly as she curled into him. Finding comfort in his company for reasons he didn't fully understand, but he didn't mind. They'd been through a lot.

 _Aoba... Aoba how far do we go? What's out there?_ Shinji wondered more than once.

…

The car started to give out after a while.

No matter how much they tried to refuel the car with abandoned gas stations between cities, it didn't work. None of them were mechanics and the car itself had had to be repaired and fixed up to get them this far.

All in all it made for long strenuous days were Rei tried to keep them all in a good mood. The pale girl had a habit of humming softly, soothing them in their darkest days where the car started to whine and slowly die with every passing day.

…

They left the car where it had finally broken down. In the middle of a clogged road somewhere empty just like all the others.

Asuka checked the handguns, reloaded the clips with the ammo in the trunk, and handed one to Shinji. Rei watching his wounded, but healing, arm with a frown.

"I'll be okay" Shinji told her even as the three of them were forced to continue on foot.

The ruins of another city were visible in the distance, but they headed around it. Wary of what, if any, people might be there.

Three young adults wandering out in the wastes. They'd covered a lot of ground by driving almost nonstop, but now they traveled on foot.

* * *

When it happened... it took them all by surprise. Rei tugging on his arm as Asuka glanced up debating whether or not to shoot it.

A bird flying above.

It was so surreal, Shinji gazing above with wide sleep deprived eyes.

That was the first sign that Aoba had been right again. The bird.

Soon it was other things. Signs of life beyond the wastelands that extend from Tokyo-03 and onward for miles and miles finally seemed to be ending.

Grass.

Real faded _green and yellow_ grass. Small patches of it reappearing among the grey wastes that been the scorched earth of Third Impact. _Life_ seem to coming back with each passing step they took.

It made them giddy just to see it. So much people take for granted until it's gone.

There was more beyond the wastes.

* * *

Journeying through Japan took it's toll on them. They never stayed in one place too long, Shinji's arm having healed long ago. But none of them having had a bath in weeks. Eating less as they rationed food more and more. Living off what they could.

Avoiding other survivors for fear of the incidents from before.

When they spotted an airplane laying in an empty field of grass, it took them all by shock. Not an armored military aircraft, but a single commercial flight. The kind they'd seen coming and going over Tokyo-03 a lifetime ago.

Big and tough, the marvel of human ingenuity lay broken and split across its middle. The airline number having faded long ago. It lay in pieces near an old forest that somehow survived the end of the world.

Long skid marks that deepened into trenches lay where it had crashed, the tough metal having cut into the earth itself upon its descent.

"What the heck happened?" Asuka said in awe.

Shinji and Rei followed closely behind, taking in the sight and moving to inspect it.

Their hair was unwashed and showed signs of dirt mulling in, clothes wrinkled and tattered, shoes worn out and breaking, weary from the endless walking.

"It crashed" Rei said simply. Funny, something so bizarre and traumatic reduced to two words.

Shinji ran a hand along the hull, feeling the rusted metal. Feeling his chest tighten, he walked along the side finding the gaping hole where the plane and split... and he stepped inside.

"Shinji? Hey what are you doing?" Asuka asked frowning as Rei followed.

"Hey!" Asuka shouted slightly annoyed. Shinji and Rei stepping into the airplane from where it had split.

 _We don't know what's in there?!_ Asuka thought reaching for their spare gun. She rushed in after her 'family' ready for anything.

Shinji stumbled through the plane, finding it completely empty save for the clothes of those taken during Instrumentality.

" _ **It was me... I did this**_ " Shinji whispered under his breathe.

* * *

Images flashed by his. Memories that were his and not his. Scars from the Third Impact that lingered in his mind.

Flashes of people being taken, of this plane and its passengers screaming as they 'vanished'. The pilot disappearing with a yell... the plane left empty with not a soul on board. The controls unmanned as the plane descended and eventually crashed.

His mind wheeled in horror as the images continued. Him making his choice to reject Instrumentality... much later when people started to come back... the passengers came back near where they had been taken.

When the waves of survivors had started to return, these people had emerged into existence thousands of feet in the air... materialized up in the clouds only to fall to their deaths miles and miles away from where this plane lay...

He could see them falling... he could only watch as they came back only to die all over again.

How many more? How many times had something like this happened? People coming back in the air, in the water, in places were they could not survive... came back only to die again anyway.

Shinji had killed them... he hadn't known... he couldn't have known...

* * *

Rei was at his side, hand on his forehead.

"Shinji?" she asked, Asuka watching from the sidelines with a concerned frown.

Blood was running down his nose, dripping down his face as Shinji's eyes fell. The horror of what hed seen forming another 'scar' in his mind. Another sin that he'd bare for the rest of his day.

Rei grabbed him by the wrist calling his name.

And Shinji snapped out of it, shaking his head and wiping the trickle of blood from his face. Breathing heavily as he blinked surprised to feel a layer of sweat on his forehead again, the visions that came and went. Haunting him even now.

He held up a hand saying "I'm okay. Sorry- I just... doesn't matter."

Asuka and Rei exchanged looks. They didn't believe him.

"We should stop for the day. Let's make camp, maybe find food in the forest" Rei said glancing around the empty aircraft. Keeping her hand on his, grounding Shinji in the here and now... he was grateful for that. He thought Rei would never know how much that meant to him.

Asuka was watching him with a curious expression.

 _What do you see Shinji? Why are you haunted?_ She thought.

…

They found berries and other food in the forest.

Even animals, birds and insects living among the trees. Even a bear that kept its distance far away among the trees, a warning for them to be careful out here.

Shinji and the girls didn't venture too far in, afraid they'd get lost, but they did find a forest stream. A source of water that they took advantage of.

Taking the chance to bathe after months of travel. Shinji waiting patiently behind the trees for his turn before Rei surprised them by grabbing him and dragging him to bathe too.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Asuka shouted at them, covering herself and kneeling down further into the water. The sight of Rei tugging an embarrassed Shinji into the stream with them making Asuka want to punch the both of them.

"It is faster this way" Rei said simply. Seemingly immune to the shame and embarrassment Shinji and Asuka felt.

"Rei... just... just keep that way and I'll keep to my side" Shinji said determinedly looking at his feet as he walked along the shallow end of the forest stream.

"You better not look!" Asuka shouted his way.

 _I wasn't! Jeez... sigh Rei never did care about these kind of things. Should have expected it._ Shinji thought awkwardly.

So that was how they bathed. Rei and Asuka keeping to their side and Shinji keeping to his, Rei uncaring about the situation whilst Asuka sent silent glares his way. Shinji knew he wasn't perfect, but damn what did they think he would do?

He didn't look their way. Not once.

Shinji waited for them to get out and get dressed again before he left the stream, Rei tilting her head at his hesitance but saying nothing. Asuka was still seething but thankfully ignored him for a few hours.

 _It wasn't my idea_ Shinji thought.

Finding water was a luxury, and they refilled their old water bottles and luckily found extras in the crashed plane.

* * *

 **Part 2:  
** _ **Camp**_

 _Two days later  
Four Years After Third Impact _

_At camp_

Staying in the forest was a decent experience. Almost a year of traveling and they'd found a new 'home' these past two days.

Living off what grew there, and being careful in case they accidentally eat something poisonous, and learning to make fires with what they had. In the end, Rei had been the one to finally get one started.

Shinji and Asuka watching in awe as Rei made fire using only wood and stone.

The three of them sat or lay down on the forest grounds and piles of blankets they'd set up, keeping warm by their fire. Eating their precious canned food cooked for once, and thoroughly enjoying a _warm_ meal.

Asuka lay on a blanket dozing off, near sleep, and breathing softly. Seemingly calm for the first time in weeks, at ease for once.

Still... Shinji sat apart from Asuka and Rei at times. Lost in his thoughts and staring at his hands, his arm aching again as it did from time to time. The bullet scar aching amid his skin softly despite all this time.

The visions hadn't come back for days, yet the memories that were not his own remained. The flashes of what happened to that plane and its passengers. It weighed on him. Everything clung to him these days, things he might never wash his hands of.

Rei joined him, sitting down beside him with an empty can of food in hand.

"You're not hungry" Rei said, not a question.

Shinji glanced her way offering a soft smile. The two of them sitting together and watching the shadows dance as the fire stirred along calmly. The shockingly rare peaceful night being good for all of them.

"I'm alright. Just a lot on my mind" Shinji answered.

"Your dreams again?" Rei asked.

He stilled. Shinji didn't like that they knew. They were his problem, not theirs. They had enough to deal with already.

"Yeah" Shinji said in a low voice, looking away and shuddering despite the warmth. Almost four years now and the visions hadn't stopped, they came and they went without warning.

 _The plane... oh god... that damn plane_ Shinji thought darkly. Feeling his chest tighten at what he'd been forced to see... to see the people he'd brought back only to die anyway.

He hadn't told the girls about it. What would that have done?

Rei signed softly, scooting closer to him before he'd realized it.

She'd really changed after four years. Rei's hair was no longer short. All that time in Tokyo-03 trying to lay low and hid her features... and now wandering out in the open world she'd stopped caring.

Her figure had grown out, becoming more and more adult like, not that scrawny girl he'd met so long ago. Rei had let her hair grow out, almost shoulder length now. She wasn't that quiet girl whom couldn't decide what clothes to wear anymore. She'd saved his life back in Tokyo-02 and she checked up on him when she thought something was wrong.

He'd changed too.

Shinji kept his hair short, and his stubble had started growing more and more. He doubted he'd ever grow a real beard, he just wasn't 'manly' per say. Shinji was no Kaji, that was for sure. But he'd gotten taller and though his ragged and dirt stained clothes didn't show it, his body had filled out more too.

"What are you thinking about?" Rei asked him, glancing at him with gentle eyes. Warm. Eying his features the way he'd been hers.

Shinji coughed awkwardly. He found it unnerving to see the expressive side of Rei, but not unpleasant. He... he liked seeing that side of her.

"You. Me. All of us. Everything that's happened" Shinji said shaking his awkwardness. He wasn't that 14 year old kid anymore.

"It's not your fault" Rei said suddenly.

Shinji blinked.

"What?"

"Shinji. It's not your fault. I can see it in your eyes. You keep blaming yourself for everything" Rei said turning to face him with those unblinking red eyes of hers.

"I don't." Shinji stammered unable to keep her gaze, it hurt to be called out on things. Shame at his own self hatred and his failures.

"You do" Rei corrected with a tired sigh.

 _I made this world. I... all of this was me. I couldn't stop SEELE or my father! Tokyo-03? I couldn't stop the Boss and the rioters from burning our home down. I was just a stupid kid watching the world burn a second time. Didn't even see it coming. Here! Here at this damned forest I see more death. Faces that I erased. Me! Always me! Misato, Kaji, Ritsuko, Aoba... ah-_

 _Aoba died and I just ran to the car while he was shot! I- I should have done more but I was just a stupid kid in a firefight!_

 _And Mom... oh mom. What are we supposed to do down here?! You just left with the Eva! You just left!_

All the thoughts and images from the past few years running through his head as Shinji closed his eyes tight as if in pain. No, that wouldn't do. He had to push it down again.

Rei put a hand on his shoulder.

Shinji froze, slowly opening his eyes as Rei leaned in closer to him.

"It's not your fault. You are not a God, Shinji. Everything that's happened just happened. No one could control it" Rei whispered.

Shinji sighed heavily.

"I know Rei. I do. I'm just... guilty. Haunted" Shinji said in barely a whisper. Lost in his own thoughts again. He knew Rei meant well, he loved her for that. He really did, but maybe he was just broken. Carrying the weight of a thousand failures.

Rei watched him before closing her eyes and taking a small breathe. Seeming to steel herself for up something. It was a strange sight. Shinji had never known her to do anything like that, and it caught his eye even as she suddenly avoided his.

He watched the pale skinned girl staring at the flames of their camp fire as he had done moments ago.

"I have them too, Shinji. I have dreams that I cannot explain. Memories that are not my own." Rei said suddenly.

Shinji stared at her open mouthed.

"You- you do?" he said in awe.

Rei nodded, gazing at the dancing flames of their camp fire.

"Dreams of _him._ Of Gendo killing Ritsuko. I can see... I have dreams from when the world ended... where I see you suffering. I can remember you screaming as Asuka died and you were taken. I remember wanting to see you again, Shinji. To stop your pain. I- I remember chasing Aoba as he died. I remember it all..." Rei said, her voice shaking.

 _All this time... I knew she had some memories like I did... but all that... Rei..._ he thought. He never would have guessed that Rei had lied, he didn't blame her. Part of him wished he'd lied when people had asked him what had happened all those years ago.

Rei _had_ remembered everything after all. Had remembered Third Impact in all its horror, had carried the guilt just as he did.

"I do not want these memories. That- that was not me. I _didn't_ kill Aoba. But I see his face... I see his death... both of them" Rei continued, her calm mask breaking as she shuddering looking like she wanted to cry.

Shinji took her hand. He didn't know what to say, and maybe that was okay. He pulled her close wrapping his arm around her in a hug, being there for her the way she was for him.

"It's not our fault Shinji. The past is the past" Rei said shuddering even as Shinji comforted her.

The instigator, and the vessel of Instrumentality, sitting together and taking comfortable in one another, living on with guilt that came and went. A curse they would probably carry for the rest of their days.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know Rei. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? I would- would have... I don't know. I'd have been there for you" Shinji said shuddering with her by the camp fire.

Rei smiled sadly. "Why didn't you tell us about your visions?" she asked softly.

In the end, Asuka and Rei hadn't needed to ask him. His grunts at night and his 'incidents' had more than given it away.

"I didn't want you to worry" Shinji said somberly.

"And I didn't want _you_ to worry" Rei parroted.

Shinji laughed, he couldn't help it. Rei laughed with him. Soft and song like, her laugh was beautiful. Such a rare thing for Rei. Her life having been broken more than his had ever been.

"We are an odd pair, you and I. Worrying for each other but hiding our pains from the other." Rei said in a small chuckle, watery eyes shinning in the fire light. Damn, she'd been close to tears before he had hugged her.

"... it's not your fault Rei" Shinji said, whispering her own words back to her.

Rei found the irony in it too. She beamed lightly up at him, traces of tears still visible. Hauntingly beautiful in its own way. So very human in the end.

"We have to let it go Shinji. The past only hurts" Rei whispered softly at him. Letting herself 'feel' and accept her own pains and visions for the first time.

"I know." Shinji said taking a deep pained breathed before continuing, "but it's hard. They come and they go... haunting us."

"We are free, Shinji. The past is the past. Gendo and SEELE are gone. The Angels are gone. The Evas are gone. It's just us... and... and we are together." Rei said the emotions in her voice catching him by the heart.

 _I am not alone. Not anymore_ Rei's eyes seemed to say. A pain that Shinji had felt just as well.

Looking back on it, Shinji couldn't say where the idea had come from. Maybe it just always been there building up and Shinji had been too stupid to see it. Maybe Rei had seen it but didn't know to respond. He hadn't.

Shinji kissed her.

It wasn't something he'd practiced. He just leaned in and pressed his lips to her.

Rei's eyes widened and she froze, unsure as her lips met his. Then slowly, she curved her lips to match his. Movement for moment, soft and warm. Hesitant just as he was.

When he pulled away to breathe again, he found that his skin was warm. His heart thumping in his chest, not the chest breaking adrenaline from a firefight, but something more, something so... so _alive_. A mixture of joy and sorrow, excitement and contentment. A paradox of emotions that he didn't care to explain.

Rei shifted to face him better. Smiling as she leaned her head closer to his. They sat together, Rei in his lap, arms on his shoulders, his hand nervously on her hip, basking in each others' warmth. Red eyes meeting brown, breathing softly from the emotions pulsing through their veins.

"Why did you wait so long to kiss me?" Rei said breaking the silence with a gentle ease.

Shinji panted offering only a weak grin. Laughing at himself more than anything else. Why had he waited so long? They'd lived together for years now. Rei had come to his bed when he'd had night terrors, had shaken him awake and held his hand on the worst nights. He'd held her hand after the Fall and they were all on the run.

"I... I don't know. I just- just felt I didn't deserve anything like that. And I was scared" Shinji answered.

"Scared of what?" Rei asked tilting her head at him.

 _That you'd leave. That I break apart our family at the end of the world. I don't know... a million different things_ he thought.

"I honestly have no idea anymore" Shinji answered, shaking his head at his own stupidity.

Rei grinned up at him, reaching a nervous hand to his cheek and pulling him closer to press her lips to his again. Shinji wished he was better at this, wished they weren't two teenagers, no two _young adults_ at the end of the world finding a glimmer in the dark. Wished they could have had better than this, but by god... he embraced it. The only one whom understood his pain, and he the only whom understood her pain.

They lay on the blanket kissing softly, Rei running a hand through his hair with a soft, pleasant, hum.

Meanwhile,

Asuka stirred sleepily wondering what the ruffling of leaves was about. She grabbed the soldier's gun Rei had stolen, reaching to sit up and look for the threat...

Only to see the new couple on the forest grounds gently embracing each other. Asuka's grip on the gun laxed and she rolled her eyes with a small laugh.

 _About time. Love birds have been pining over each other for 'years'. Practically have their own language by now_ Asuka thought.

She shook her head and turned back to her blanket, rolling over and giving her two idiots some privacy and going back to sleep.

* * *

The next day Shinji woke to find a body laying peacefully beside him. Rei asleep and curled up against him, her small breathes calm and low in his ear. He watched the pale girl sleeping on the blanket with him and didn't want to disturb her.

She really was beautiful he thought, light skin and blue white hair that made her stand out, ever growing in character, and kind. So very kind and understanding.

He would have laid there longer, letting Rei sleep, but Asuka had other plans.

"Oh good. The lovebirds are finally awake" a teasing playful voice called out.

Shinji groaned inwardly, someday he'd laugh about this but not today, as Rei stirred woken by the outburst. The pale beauty stretching as she uncurled herself from him, opening her eyes slowly and smiling softly at him.

"Morning Asuka" Shinji said in a slightly annoyed expression.

Asuka smirked and plopped down and took by the old camp fire. The thing having gone out sometime during the night.

"Good morning" Rei said glancing at Asuka and tilting her head.

Asuka looked at the two of them, her eyes moving from one then to the other, with a coy expression planted on her face.

"Well, while you two were busy enjoying yourselves I refiled our water bottles. You're welcome. Now, someone needs to make breakfast." Asuka said crossing her arms.

 _She must have been waiting for us to get up. Oh, sorry Asuka._ Shinji thought. He was glad that she hadn't kicked him awake or anything, though he suspected that was more for Rei's sake than his. Asuka was still Asuka.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll do it" Shinji said getting up even as Rei trailed a hand after him, her fingers brushing against his as he left.

She sat up from their blanket and watched him work, seemingly at ease at the whole thing, Asuka rolling her eyes at both of them again.

…

Their little camp in the forest was strange. Packing supplies in the old plane, living off the plant life and the forest stream, rationing out the canned food carefully.

Shinji spending his nights with Rei, Asuka politely giving them their space or else watching them with amused eyes. Teasing them about the whole thing as she'd say 'alright, I'm going for a walk. Try not to burn the camp down while I'm gone'.

Time passed and they turned 19. But their days in the forest didn't last.

In retrospect, they should have suspected it when the silence came. The thing about forests is that they're noisy, animals and bugs going about their business, leaving them alone as they kept their distance, but still a presence.

One day, that stopped. Like the remaining animals felt a danger that Shinji and the others didn't.

Snow.

The cold winds were raising again.

Shinji standing there with Rei at his side, her hand in his, Asuka coming to join them as they shivered in the suddenly cold air. The white powder beginning to fall from above in small tiny little pellets.

Like specks of dust they came. The signs of change. Small pellets of ice forming in the forest stream...

* * *

 _The shelter of the crashed airplane_

"We have to leave."

Asuka was one to say it aloud. Breaking the illusion that their little 'camp' would last forever, that they could live off the plant life. There was no telling how long the cold would last this time.

"And go where?" Shinji asked glumly.

He and Rei sat together in one of the airline's overturned seats. Asuka sitting across from them, shuddering in the cold even with their blankets.

"Further. Aoba was right once, maybe he'll be again." Asuka said as Rei rubbed her hands together with Shinji's.

None of them had any jackets, there hadn't been time to grab anything in Toyko-03 when it fell. _God, hard to believe the Fall was over a year ago_ he thought.

Shinji met Asuka's gaze and thought about it.

He'd been wrong before. He'd thought whatever had happened had been all over the world, and in a sense that was right. But in another it was wrong. Whatever had killed the trees and soil, had contaminated the seas, and scorched the earth from Tokyo-03 to Tokyo-02 hadn't been everywhere. The three of them had found this forest.

They had found _life_ clinging to existence out here in the middle of nowhere.

"Ground zero. That explains it" Rei said seeming to read Shinji's mind.

Asuka looked between the couple, wondering how the hell they could communicate without speaking like that. And shivering in the cold.

"Tokyo-03 and 02... they were the starting points for all this. This forest is proof that the damage didn't hit everything. That there is more than the wastelands" Rei said simply.

"We found life here... how far until we find it again" Shinji said darkly. **It had taken them months and months of travel by car and foot to reach this place.** Who knows how far they'd have to travel again?

 _What if there's more wasteland? I can feel it, I don't know how but I do. Maybe the world isn't all dead... but it's not all 'alive' either_ Shinji thought.

A searing pain erupted in his head.

"Gah" Shinji gasped, clutching his head. Hand starting to shake again. A tremor he was starting to develop.

Images began to flash through his mind, things he didn't want to see... destruction on a global scale. Remnants of the Third Impact as it was rejected and the process scarring the world itself.

It felt like tiny blades were cutting through his brain tissue... he saw bits of land seemingly untouched by the Impact, he saw other scars on the earth. Wastelands scattered throughout. A mixed and twisted puzzle of lands... he saw flashes of the world.

When Shinji opened his eyes, he found Rei and Asuka staring him. Rei holding his hand as the tremor faded and he caught himself.

"You... you okay?" Asuka said stepping closer and watching him with concerned eyes.

"I'll be fine" Shinji said shrugging it off. He had Rei, and even without words he knew that she was there for him and he was there for her. He could feel it as she squeezed his hand gently.

Before any of them could worry more, Shinji shook his head saying "Asuka's right. We have to leave. I-"

He hesitated there. What could he say? That his visions had just shown him things he couldn't explain but _knew_ were real. That they hurt his head... it didn't matter. They had bigger things to worry about than his silly issues. He needed to toughen up if they were to live in this world.

"There has to be more places like this. Places we can live in." Shinji finished, the two girls noticed his pause but choosing not to comment.

"So it's settled. We leave." Rei said looking up at Asuka and nodding.

They didn't really have a leader. They were more of a family than a group. Shared experiences bonding them through it all.

Shinji wiped the small drips of blood from his nose before they could notice, playing it off as if he was merely cold.

They slept together in the broken airplane, their shelter from the elements. In the morning, they gathered all the supplies they could and took off into the unknown.

* * *

 **Part 3:  
 _Wanderers_**

 _Further into the world_

The snow that came was light specs of white in the air for days. Shinji, Rei, and Asuka traveling through the barren world. The forest having long disappeared on their journey as the cold started to return.

Plants emerging in the strangest of places as they traveled. Pockets of grass appearing in one place, and wastelands appearing in the other. Generally, they followed the signs of life looking for a new home.

Living off what they could.

That was things about the End of the World. Cities just didn't work, too many mouths to fed, thousands of thousands of people gathering in one place was a relic of the past, but three wanderers? It was possible to find food for them if they rationed it carefully.

Eating expired canned food when they could find it, shooting a bird or two when they could and crudely cooking it. The cold winds chasing them wherever they went.

The roads icing over. What trees remained cracking as their branches froze with each passing day, the three of them taking shelter where they could. Abandoned cars, under brides, abandoned pit stops.

Even that came with its own challenges. They weren't alone out there after all.

Several times, they ran into stray dogs or else other survivors.

Most were not friendly.

...

BANG

Shinji grunted firing Aoba's gun, panting out in the cold weather along the empty road. Plant life beginning to disappear under a light sheet of snow.

"Gah!" the ragged man cried out. Dropping his shovel and falling to the floor, Shinji never lowering the gun.

Asuka crawled away stumbling to her feet and running back to them, Rei helping her back up whilst Shinji kept the gun trained on their attacker.

The looter screamed and cursed, struggling to stand with the bullet in his knee.

Behind him, two other men stood frozen unsure of what to do. Guns made a big difference in a fight, even in their hands and not soldiers.

"Get out of here!" Shinji shouted at the ambushers.

So much for trying to do the right thing for once. Trying to help an old man out in the cold begging for help, claiming his weak joints hurt and that he couldn't move. He'd moved alright, had tried to grab Asuka as he whistled for the others signaling this little ambush.

Taking advantage of people's good will, Shinji should have learned from when they had the car. There were things they just couldn't know... stories without context, and desperate people set up little tricks like this.

"Just wanted food" the man on the ground was moaning.

"Screw you!" Asuka shouted reaching over to kick him in the face.

The other two ambushers kept their distance, younger men, all frightened by Shinji's gun. When Asuka pulled her gun out and pointed it at them too... they finally took off. Running away from a fight they couldn't win and leaving their partner behind.

 _This... this what these people became... disgusting_ Shinji thought darkly. He was dressed in ragged clothing himself, wrapping layer upon layer of clothes over himself to stay warm. Asuka and Rei were the same, and it made it easier for them to conceal their guns.

Shinji and the girls left the man screaming on the road. Walking around him entirely, steel faced and ignoring the wounded ambushers cries for help.

* * *

Traveling on foot was never easy. Stray dogs started to appear, roaming around in packs through the wilderness that reveled itself more and more before being covered in snow. Kept at bay by a bullet or else with sticks. Never a pleasant task but somehow the three managed it.

They always slept together now, laying close with the two guns at the ready. Very careful not to waste any bullets. Never trying to hunt with them, saving every shot for incident like the ambush.

In that... Shinji saw the worst in humanity.

…

More months passed as they traveled ahead of winter. Shivering out in the cold, panting as they traveled further and further. The world beginning to wear them down as the days passed... the light beginning to fade from their eyes.

...

It was easy to judge the whole world broken. To claim that everyone was broken, looking out only for themselves, willing to do anything survive. To steal from another living human being, to ambush and kill for loot, to lose any semblance of humanity.

But the world is not always so black and white. That was something Shinji learned when they stumbled across the Inoue family.

It had happened purely by accident.

Them voting on whether or not to cross a bridge or else take another route on their journey forward, unwilling to go back where the snow and ice lingered.

Ultimately decided to cross and finding the biggest surprise of all, a traveling family of survivors resting up past the bridge.

Dressed in the ragged and somewhat dirty clothes of travelers, they stood out in the cold resting just off the road. Three in all.

A man and his wife with their son.

A child... an actual child.

Asuka saw them first. Pointing them out just as the family up ahead spotted them and rose to their feet, the father rising to his feet warily as they approached.

Shinji felt himself reach for Aoba's gun, but didn't pull it free. Asuka did the same whilst Rei watched carefully.

"Hello" the father said. A middle aged man looking them over with just as much surprise.

"Hey" Shinji said panting from the cold air.

The two groups stood in silence for a moment. Sizing each other up in the winter air, curious and uncertain of the other. From their expressions, he figured they'd had similar experiences as Shinji, Rei, and Asuka. Strangers were almost never good news.

"You come from the community in Omiya-02?" the man said at last.

Shinji blinked in surprise. So these people had come back from Omiya city 02? Another densely populated city in the old world. Another community of survivors.

"Tokyo-03" Rei answered calmly, looking over to the wife whom kept a hand on her son's shoulder. The boy must have been 12 years old at the most.

The father raised his eyebrows at that, letting out a low whistle.

"That's a _long_ way off... how the hell did you kids make it that far?" the father said.

"Makio" the man's wife snapped.

Makio, the man's name was, glanced back at his wife before turning back to them.

"We found a way." Asuka said crossing her arms. She couldn't help but feel uneasily, their experiences from the months since leaving the forest hadn't been kind to them. It made her deeply mistrustful of anyone not in her 'family'.

"Uh... we don't want any trouble. Just passing through" Shinji said gesturing at the empty road laying ahead.

"I see... well then... good luck out there" Makio said awkwardly moving aside. The middle aged man making a show of stepping aside to let them pass.

 _That's something. Maybe not everyone's broken out here_ Shinji thought, still on edge but letting it fade.

"Bye" Asuka said starting forward. They were just going on their way when they were stopped by Makio's wife. The woman calling out to them.

"Why don't you stay a bit? We can... we can trade" the middle aged woman called out.

Shinji stopped in his tracks, Rei already turning to face the family.

Makio argued quietly with his wife, having their conversation in unease whispers.

"They're barely adults. Kids stuck in all this mess"

"Let them pass. We have our own problems"

That was about all Shinji could make out from their whispers. He glanced back at Rei and Asuka, none of them knowing what to make of it all.

Finally, the wife strode over calmly extending a hand.

"Please. My name is Kioko. We've had a hard time out here, can't imagine what it's been like for you. It's not much, but you look like you could use the rest. We... we have food and we can share and if you're willing too as well" the woman said.

Makio sighed behind his wife, keeping a hand on his son's shoulder. The boy was awfully quiet, Shinji couldn't imagine what it must have been like for the kid. Having to see all this darkness out here.

"... okay" Shinji said slowly.

* * *

Makio and Kioko Inoue. With their son Ichiro.

They were oddly enough good people. It shouldn't have been such a surprise but somewhere in the back of his mind Shinji had thought there were no good people anymore.

Makio had been doctor before the world ended, with his wife Kioko having been a nurse working in the hospital with him.

"We came back in Omiya-02. That's where we were taken. Returned in the hospital wards with a few of our coworkers." Makio was saying, telling his story.

All six of them sitting further away from the road and silently agreeing to share a meal.

"First weeks were hard. Hundreds and hundreds of us cramped into the city. Just coming back. Someone started organizing us and we lived in our old home for awhile." Kioko said, her son staying close as he listened nodding his head as he remembered too.

"But it went wrong" Asuka guessed.

"Yes... of yes. Too many people... things just fell apart. Fights started to break out and we left. Just ran away. Been living out here as best we could but it's not easy." Makio said finishing his family's tale.

 _Cities... too many people. Just doesn't work anymore_ Shinji thought bitterly.

"But we're not alone out here. People _trade_ every now and again. People finding ways to make a living and maybe a bit more" Makio said his eyes starting to brighten.

"Really?" Rei asked genuinely surprised. From everything they'd seen, the world wasn't all the nice anymore. If it ever had been.

"There are rumors among the traders out here. A settlement out in the rural country side. Almost untouched by the Impact. Surviving on its own. They call it Haven. A village between a series of mountains" Makio continued.

Shinji held Rei's hand as Makio and Kioko told their story. The two sitting together even as Asuka sat beside them, listening but unsure of what to make of it.

"That's where we're heading... we're trying to find Haven. And... and maybe you should join us" Kioko said suddenly. The middle aged woman seeming genuine in her concern for them.

Makio stared at his wife, not sure what to make of it. This family had oblivious been through a lot just as Shinji and his had. This world tended to make one selfish, often with good reason, and here Kioko seemingly going out of her way to help them.

"... why?" Asuka asked. Crossing her arms, deeply mistrustful despite the good will they'd all earned by being civilized and talking at camp.

Kioko glanced over Shinji, looking him up and down, before turning to Asuka and Rei. Two _young_ women out here in this broken world. So few people had come back, a fraction of what once had been, and very few children and youngsters returned.

Shinji understood.

Traveling through the wastelands and the pockets of life scattered about, they found few if any women either. They weren't sure why. There were women, but less than the men. Maybe because Japan had had more men than women in the first place. Maybe there were more women out there, but they simply hid because of what the world had come too. The men that roamed the wastes... the violence and desperation that had broken out.

* * *

They decided to travel with Makio and Kioko Inoue and their son. Two families traveling through the lands in search of Haven. Usually avoiding other groups of survivors.

The Inoue family were kind, sharing with they could and surprised but glad that Shinji, Rei, and Asuka had guns to defend them if needed.

Makio was a doctor and he knew certain things about making it through the day, he claimed it would help them get into Haven. That he could work for his keep.

Shinji was inclined to agree. Skills would be the new currency now.

Weeks passed, Shinji and family growing at ease with the Inoue. The boy speaking softly with them every now and again.

There were a few close calls as they ascending into the higher terrains. Towards the mountains and the wilderness up there. The roads seeming curving in and out of steep grounds, creating a disconcerting effect of randomness as you ascended. Things simply 'jumping out' at you once you climbed up the road.

And that was how they found Haven. Or rather the guard post at the entrance.

Climbing up the steep grounds and following the road up the mountainous lands, before stumbling across the blockade. The structure emerging into existence just as they climbed high, a thick 'wall' surrounded by forests on either side. Fences lining the sides to block entry forward.

It had stopped two days ago, the land was slippery as Shinji, Rei, and Asuka trudged up the hill with Inoue family. Struggling through the area as they met the outpost standing sentry.

A 'gate' of some kind that had been built into the wall along the only road leading to this old farming settlement. A high base and walls with 'guards' stationed on top, seeming to emerge onto the scene as the group stumbled through the forest roads.

 _Wow... just kinda jumps out at you. One moment the wildness and roads, and the next... the entrance to the village_ Shinji thought.

His short-lived surprise and delight ended when a gun was pointed at them.

The Inoue family stumbling in just as much surprise, Makio rising his hands up in a peaceful gesture. His son scrambling behind him as his wife did the same.

Shinji glanced at Rei and found she had grabbed one of their guns, but hadn't pulled it up yet. Asuka already had hers out.

"No Asuka" Shinji whispered, reaching a hand over and carefully lowering her wrists.

"Whoa! Calm! Calm... peace my friends." Makio said holding his hands up.

From atop the outpost, three grown men in old farmer's garb had hunting rifles pointed at them. Watching their group with distrustful eyes.

 _Hunting rifles... and so many of them... how?_ Shinji thought. From what he knew of his country's history, hunting licenses were rare.

"Why are you here?!" one of the guards called out harshly.

"Um. We came to trade. Maybe find a place to live... I- I'm a physician and my wife is a nurse. We can work for our stay or else-" Makio began.

"Anyone can say they're a doctor. Doesn't mean anything. Haven worries about our own first. We don't need any stragglers wandering in" another guard called.

Asuka was seething, glancing over the three men and their rifles. Their time traveling the various wastelands and oasis of Japan had left her hardened. Willing to fight if it came to it.

Shinji disagreed. They had to be better than that. He'd seen things were not so black and white, Makio and his wife were proof of that.

He walked forward calmly, Rei grunting her disapprove as he tugged free of her hands.

"Wait. Please, we've came a long way. I've have been traveling since _Tokyo-03._ Just hear us out." Shinji said walking towards the gate slowly.

"Tokyo-03? Seriously kid?" a guard said blinking in surprise, the man's grip on the rifle lightening up ever so slightly.

 _Yeah. Only took about two and a half years, but we've come a long way_ Shinji thought.

Makio was watching him, he could see where Shinji was going with this but him and his family had returned much closer to Haven than Shinji and the girls had.

"Seriously. It hasn't always been easy out here" Asuka said gesturing at the wilderness around them that proceeded the settlement up ahead. Rei only had eyes for Shinji and the men with guns, watching in case something happened.

Kioko held her son close, looking up at the guard pleadingly.

Whatever the guards had been expecting to defend Haven from, it most certainly hadn't been this.

The third guard started to move, speaking up for the first time during the entire ordeal.

" **They're good people. Those three are at least.** " the man said with a rough but at ease voice. The sound of a man who'd seen his fare share of fights.

The other guards looked at him in surprise as he slung the rifle over his back, and reached over hopping down from their man made gate-wall outpost. The third man landed with a soft thud as the Makio and his family stepped back.

Shinji stared at the man in confusion.

"You know these people?" another guard called out nervous from up high. The two farmers exchanging hurried glances.

"I know these three. Shin right? No, that's not it" the man standing before them said. He wasn't dressed in the farmer's garb like the others, he wore a light coat over a pair of fatigues and was maybe a year or two over thirty.

Now that the guard stood on the ground with them, Shinji could see that he wasn't Japanese. Not completely.

The man had a western look to him. Mixed ancestry, maybe American-Japanese with the way he spoke, a certain accent at the edge. He had the blue eyes of a foreigner from the west, and the jet black 'sleek' hair of the East. A scar, a thin line, running across his cheek.

"Shinji" Shinji corrected.

"Right. That was the name. Then... Asuka.. and the 'witch' Rai" the man continued.

"Rei" the pale skinned girl corrected with a tilt of her head.

 _The witch... the witch... he... this guard was at Tokyo-03 with us_ Shinji thought barely believing it. That was the only explanation. He must have been one of the survivors that had helped them set up their community before the Fall.

"You're JSSDF" Shinji said slowly. Breath catching in his throat.

"A soldier" Asuka added staring at the man in awe.

Shinji was unsure of what to make of that. Their various encounters with the military had been mixed. From the Boss, to the Fall, to the scavenger attack at Tokyo-02.

"And you three are Eva pilots. Boss told me about you. He didn't like you much, but how did he put it? 'We need ever able body we can get', doesn't matter now does it?" the man with a shrug.

Makio looked between them and the former soldier, before glancing up at the guards post above uneasily.

The former JSSDF calmed them, raising a hand in peace.

"Name's Clayton. But call me Kay. Everyone does." the ex soldier and mixed Japanese said reaching a hand out.

Shinji hesitantly reached over and shook Kay's hand. The others doing the same whilst the Kay learned all their names.

"Come on. I'll take you to Haven's mayor" Kay said turning to bang on the gates.

"Hey! You don't get to decide that!" one of the guards above shouted.

"We got a doctor willing to work for Haven, can't pass that up. And I owe those three, they helped me way back when in the city" Kay shouted back impatiently.

With a bewildered look between the two guards, they sighed before opening the gates. Prying open the thick welded metal and wood, carefully stretching the barbed wire between the gaps. Telling them all to be careful as the gates parted.

* * *

 **Part 4:  
** _ **Haven**_

Haven was like nothing they'd seen in the Post Impact World.

The old village it had been was hit by the Third Impact, but indirectly so. The mountainous terrain and high steep grounds that surrounded these 'flat lands' protected Haven from the worst of it.

A river or stream flowing in the distance, and a few old fashioned water wells, relic from before the Impact, and a granary visible.

Old housing and simple buildings were littered about once you reached the actual village via the road. Some rubble that had broken down and collapsed in on itself, lost of population meant less manpower to maintenance their homes. But new shacks were starting to emerge, as well as people.

Farmers and other rural villagers and town-folk. A few children here and there, actual children maybe ten or so, clearing a the yards of snow beside their parents.

 _Kids... real kids... I- so few of them came back. Almost five years and I think this is the first time I've seen a kid_ Shinji thought in awe. Rei and Asuka watching in awe too.

Makio holding his wife's hand with their son looking at the other children.

"Keep up" Kay called as he escorted them into town. Rifle still slung over his back.

"How did you escape Tokyo-03? And you got here before we did? It took us over a year" Asuka asked as they walked, watching the former soldier with suspicious eyes.

"Same way you did. Stole a car. Boss died and everything fell apart, no point in staying. Haven kept my car, use it when they need to." Kay answered with a shrug, not bothering to glance back at them.

 _So that's how he 'got in'... he gave them his car and agreed to work for his keep_ Shinji thought.

"Our car broke down. Not long after we escaped... got as far as we could and then just- just moved on" Shinji said shaking his head at the memory.

"Really? Pity, mine broke down too. Took me a few days but I got it working again" Kay said, this time glancing back to gave them a pitying look.

"We were teenagers at the time. Didn't even know what was wrong with it" Shinji said, too tired to be jealous or angry that Kay had kept his car working.

"Hmm" Kay said in agreement. He had nothing more to add.

"We did the best we could" Rei said leaning on Shinji's shoulder momentarily. She knew that Shinji would blame himself for somehow not magically knowing how to fix the stupid car.

"Thanks Rei" Shinji whispered glancing back at her as they walked side by side.

Heads were turning as they passed. Villagers taking notice of Kay bringing these 'outsiders' into their home after everything that had happened. Maybe 100 or so in total, such a small population that managed to survive out here in rural Japan even Post Impact. Tending to their farmlands as best they could in the good weather, and holding out in the cold when the snow fell. Everyone pulling together and helping out. Adapting to life after Third Impact.

Rei tagged on his arm, her expression warm and surprised at the sight of it all. Nothing like the community from Tokyo-03.

"Before you lot get smart about the farms, we survive okay in the winter. We hunt too, people know what they're doing here" Kay called glancing back them.

* * *

Meeting the mayor of Haven was a unique experience.

She was an old woman in her sixties. An old farmer's wife who'd lost her husband years and years ago, before becoming the 'leader' of Haven after the End of the World. She was 'tough' there was no other word for it.

Old enough to have lived through the hell of the Second Impact, the wrath of Adam the First Angel, and now the Third Impact. Having had to pull through in her youth after Second Impact threw her home into chaos with almost no support from the government or military.

She was a short old lady that liked to get right to the matter of things. Bossing Kay around like a sergeant and calling the shots despite her frame, getting the group to meet inside dinning room of her tiny house of all things. Kay standing guard but mostly ignored.

"So, you came looking to trade or for a home. Which is it?" the mayor said.

"uh... excuse me?" Makio said glancing at his wife in confusion.

"Which?" the mayor said again. Looking them over with world weary eyes, calm but with a steely fire underneath. A survivor through and through.

"A home" Rei answered before anyone could continue.

The mayor looked to her saying "yes, you're not the first and you will not be the last. People coming back before it just stopped. Everyone lost in the wastes and trying to find food and shelter. People stealing and looting, violence breaking out. Worse than my youth ever was."

 _The way she talks... she's seen all this before. Not an exact fit, but the chaos is right. The looting and the violence_ Shinji thought, seeing the flicker in her eyes. Old memories from the woman.

"My husband is a doctor. A physician" Kioko cut in, looking to Haven's mayor.

"Hmm. Yes, a doctor. We haven't had a town doctor since we came back. Little medicine but a doctor would help" the mayor said seeming to weight things and siding more with Kioko and her husband.

Before Makio could even answer, Kioko nodded saying "and I was a nurse. I can help him and-"

"That's enough, dear. You've made your point" the mayor said holding an aged hand up to stop Kioko, and offering a soft smile. It was good to know such a weathered face could smile at all, Shinji thought he liked the mayor. Rough edges and all.

"If we take you in, we expect you to pitch in. This isn't like one of those communities in the cities, everyone helps out and we are our own police. Everyone knows everyone. During the worst days of winter, there are caves we hold out in. If we decide to go, you will 'join us'. Then when it's safe, and winter has passed, we'll all work to repair any damaged in the village" the mayor said. Speaking softly but clearly, making it known that Haven had rules.

"We understand" Kioko said firmly, clutching her bored looking son close. Makio watching the exchange awkwardly, he'd barely said a word through the entire negotiation.

 _The power of women... it's like they run things_ Shinji thought watching the exchange.

Rei and Asuka sat anxiously beside him, wandering what the old woman would think of them. Haven seemed to be only 'real' settlement they'd seen to actually work in this world.

"And now to you three. Kay says that you were... pilots?" the mayor said turning to them with curious eyes, beady little things among the wrinkles of her face.

"Eva pilots" Asuka cut in.

"And you say you know them, Kay?" the old woman said glancing back at the soldier leaning against the wall.

"Um-Hum. Way back in Tokyo-03 before it went to hell. Most cities did, too many people in one spot. Not enough food or meds after a few years" Kay answered with a shrug. Rough voice standing in stark contrast to everyone in the room.

"Well, 'Mr Sheriff' what can you say on their behalf?" the mayor asked pointedly.

Kay sighed, glancing over the Eva pilots.

"They're good people... for the most part. When we all started to come back from whatever the hell Impact was, they helped us. Got us settled in as best they could. Well, before the Boss came and organized everyone." Kay answered.

 _We lasted over a year on our own. The First Ones to come back_ Shinji thought.

"Hmm. Young man, ladies, you are young. Not many youngsters came back. I'd say we need more people like you, but you realize that my offer to your friends there still applies to you. You'll have to work if want to say." the mayor said looking them. Glancing over Rei and Asuka more than she did Shinji.

"That's fine. We don't mind earning our keep. I mean... right?" Shinji answered before looking back at Asuka and Rei.

"We'll work" Asuka added with a shrug.

The mayor looked them over again, the dinning table growing awfully silent.

"You three look like you've been through a lot. And Kay vouches for you, I think that is enough for me. You are welcome to stay in Haven." the mayor said.

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief.

And with that, they found a new home. A rural village between the mountains and the wilderness, a seemingly 'safe' spot in the broken world.

* * *

Living in Haven wasn't easy at first.

There was a lot of work to do. Helping out as the villagers grew to learn their names and whom they were, Makio and his family taking their position as village doctor and nurse.

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei starting to build a small shack for themselves. Surprisingly, the other villagers helped out. The mayor herself giving them a bag of rice after the first week claiming that they looked like they needed it. Kay lending a hand and teaching them the basics of how to build a shack, coming in to check up on them every other day or so.

In this, Shinji saw the best in humanity.

Months passed and the winter grew harsh, driving most of Haven into the caves for the duration. Kay and a small band of hunters going out to inspect the village every now and then, or else hunt for extra food.

Shinji, Rei, and Asuka sharing a corner of the cave. Living off the water springs inside just like the villagers did. Surviving out in the wilds. All with the guidance of the mayor, the tough old woman whom had lived through _two_ global catastrophes. Second and Third Impact.

When winter came and went, Shinji and the girls returned to the village with everyone else. Helping to drive the snow out and repair what damages the ice had done. Working on their little shack with help from Kay and their fellow villagers.

Shinji spending his nights with Rei, Asuka giving them their space. After their long travels in the harsh world... Shinji found himself at ease and calm with Rei, and her him. Finding comfort in each other, his visions fading away into distant memories. Learning each others' bodies in those warm nights, Rei breathing softly as she slept curled up against him. Her hand in his. Their bare chest touching as they slept at times.

Forging a life in Haven.

Asuka somehow growing distant in ways Shinji didn't understand.

* * *

One night, Asuka pulled them aside. Saying that they needed to talk, taking them out back so they could sit and chat. The three of them speaking in the fields of Haven.

"What are we?"

The question surprised Shinji. He blinked in confusion, stretching and feeling the familiar ache in the arm that had been shot, whilst Rei only tilted her head.

Asuka sighed looking pointedly at the two of them. She crossed her arms, now dressed in the farmer's garb that was common in Haven.

"I have eyes you know. I see when the two of you wander off for some 'loving'. I'm not blind." Asuka said at last, seemingly annoyed that she had explain things.

Shinji cringed awkwardly. He was tired from working, and he'd never really thought about it but he and Rei did want their 'alone' time every now and then. It was nothing against Asuka, all that traveling they'd done and they'd stayed together, having been through too much to separate.

"You did not have a problem before" Rei said not seeming to be embarrassed at all. Then again Rei didn't seemed to be embarrassed by anything, that's just who she was. Responding quite frankly whenever Asuka teased them about their relationship.

"Because we were traveling alright. It... it was different. Here... here I feel like an outsider with you two." Asuka said shifting uncomfortably.

Shinji thought that was ludicrous. All the crap the three of them had survived since they were 14 year old kids thrust into piloting, all the time they'd spent together... how could Asuka think she was an outsider?

"You're not." Shinji said quickly.

"Shinji. Asuka feels uncomfortable being with us given our relationship." Rei said turning to him with a bemused expression.

"I know Rei, it's just... just-"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here" Asuka snapped getting their attention.

Shinji and Rei turned back to her and Asuka signed again, raising a hand in apology. She hadn't meant to snap at them.

"Do you want me to leave?" Asuka said avoiding their gaze.

"Leave?" Shinji and Rei said together. Both of them frowning.

"I understand. You two lovebirds need your space and I can find a different shack to work on. Probably one nearby too and-" Asuka began.

Shinji strode forward grabbing Asuka by the shoulders.

"Asuka you don't have to leave. What's wrong with you? No one is kicking you out" Shinji said speaking firmly and calmly.

The German girl stared at him for a moment.

"This is our home now. You're always welcome to join us and-" Shinji began.

Asuka smacked him on the head. Harder than he thought she'd have meant to.

"Gah" Shinji flinched stumbling back and holding his head, Asuka suddenly glaring comically at him.

Before Asuka could act again, Rei stepped between them grabbing Asuka by the wrist.

"Do not hit my boyfriend." Rei said, somehow managing to make that sound sweet before she turned back to check on Shinji. The pale skinned girl actually made Asuka flush with embarrassment.

Asuka hadn't meant to do that. It had just sorta happened.

 _I'm fine Rei. I am_ Shinji thought even as Rei checked up on him.

"What was that for?!" Shinji asked as Rei stood beside him shaking her head at whole situation, there were times where she was the more mature of the three.

"I am _not_ your second girlfriend. That is _not_ going to happen. I like you alright. I think you're family after all the shit that's happened but never like that. _Never_ like-" Asuka started.

Rei put a hand on Asuka's mouth stopping the German girl in her tracks.

 _Let Shinji speak_ Rei seemed to say as she smiled politely at the seething German girl

"What are you talking about? I'm with Rei!" Shinji said rubbing his head where Asuka had hit him.

 _Did Asuka think I was offering... no... that's just wrong... no. When I younger I was attracted to her... but that was years and years ago. After what I did in that hospital that door was closed. No coming back from that. Did she really think I'd want... I haven't thought about her like that since I was 14. I'm a different person now._ Shinji thought torn about between laughing or else ranting again.

"I don't know!" Asuka shouted back feeling more embarrassed than anything else. She was being stupid, every guy thought perverted things like that, two girls, but she'd forgotten that Shinji was not like most guys. Hell he was hardly manly at all.

 _I know what your thinking. What's wrong with that. I am who I am, sigh... Asuka_ Shinji thought seeing the train of thought in her awkward eyes.

A nearby villager was watching them from her shack with a heavy frown. Having no idea what was going on with the three.

"What are you looking at?!" Asuka called out her face still flushed.

The villagers sheepishly went on her way, giving the three of them their privacy as she headed back indoors.

Shinji shook his head at the whole things.

"We would miss you if you left" Rei said finally. The voice of reason and the only one not embarrassed.

The pale skinned woman offered a soft smile, grabbing Asuka's hand in a sign of family affection, something that completely surprised the German girl.

"I have enjoyed your company. I'm sorry if Shinji and I make you uncomfortable. But I didn't mind you living with us. Shinji and I need our space but we've lived together so long now that... hmm.. I will miss you if you leave" Rei said before letting Asuka go.

And leaving the German girl in shock. Rei really had changed over the years, maybe it was the bond with Shinji or the loss of Gendo controlling her life, or the lack of orders, maybe all three but she'd grown so much.

Shinji put a hand on Rei's shoulder breathing softly at the whole thing.

"You don't have to leave Asuka. Only if you want to. You're... you're like a sister I never had" Shinji said thinking that over. His relationship with Asuka wasn't always easy over the years, highs and lows, but somewhere along the line he liked to think they'd become family.

All three of them. Different forms of love bonding them together.

Asuka stood silent at that, watching as the couple stood before her letting her choose.

"... Your sister huh? Well... your much _much_ cooler and smarter sister" Asuka added with the ghost of her old smirk, the one from before all this mess. It was good to see that again.

 _Rei is smarter than both of us_ Shinji thought but said nothing as he shook his head and nodded. Rei stifling a quiet laugh under her breath thinking the same.

"Alright. Enough 'family' talk. Anymore and I'm gonna throw up, we have a shack to build and a village to resettle" Asuka said matter-of-factly.

Haven had been good to them, breathing a kind of life back into their souls after the world had worn them down.

Shinji took Rei's hand as they followed Asuka back indoors.

* * *

Asuka stayed with them.

Almost like a sister that happened to live with them, or from Asuka's view _her_ brother and sister in-laws whom lived with her. It depended on whom asked. But they made it work. It was never uncommon for families to share households in the east.

Their lives were at times hard, manual labor during the day and resting at night just like everyone else. Farming rice and what they could, the town hunters going into the forest for hours and coming back with meat, the settlement of Haven surviving on its own. Self-sustaining.

...

 **Years would pass.**

That little shack the three of them worked on became a true home alongside the others spread out through Haven.

Shinji settling into his role as farmer and hunter over time. It was a life he'd have never imaged for himself, but he made it work. He had Rei and Asuka. An extended family and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he was growing to be happy. So strange that something as small and simple as life out there with his loved ones was all he needed.

He found himself and others aging with the time too. His shoulder broaden again as he grew into true manhood, better fed, and his hair growing longer with the traces of a beard emerging. Shinji's face growing leaner as he reached his mid twenties.

Once he was older, Kay started dragging him into more of the town operations. Bringing Shinji along during the trading missions outside Haven.

Amazingly other settlements emerged among the wastelands in the patches of life spread out here and there. Cities had been utter failures in the broken world, but villages and towns had started to become the norm for survivors.

There was violence amid the roads if one wasn't careful. So escorts were assigned and Kay took point on trading missions outside of Haven. Shinji found he didn't mind, he was only ever gone for a few days and Rei always met him by the porch outside their shack with a warm smile.

Asuka only shaking her head at the sight of the two of them fawning over each other, yet inwardly admitting that she was happy for them.

Then one day things changed and it all started in the morning when he woke to an empty bed.

He rose wandering where Rei had gone, and was surprised to see her leaving the outhouse out back with a heavy frown.

"What's wrong?" he asked as she approached him in her night clothes.

Rei hugged him tight and Shinji hugged back not understanding. Pulling her close as he thought she might have been crying.

Makio, by now the official doctor of Haven, looked her over as Kioko assisted. And when they made the discovery they were told together.

 **Rei was pregnant.**

* * *

They were scared at first. Shinji not knowing what to do, they had always been careful when making love. Rei seemed conflicted, having never imagined herself as a mother. From what Rei had told him, she didn't think she could bare children after everything Nerv had done.

But life finds a way.

So he'd held Rei as she cried into his arms. Mixed emotions running through her, from fear to joy, sorrow and love, the burdens of parenthood.

"You'll be a great mother Rei. I know it. It's just like you said, we're free now. This is our life" Shinji told her. Comforting her as she cried, joy and sorrow mixing.

…

Shinji decided he would marry Rei sometime after the first month.

He hadn't known why it had taken him so long, but he did. Shinji taking the time to talk to Kay about an idea he had and the former solder raising an eyebrow but ultimately agreeing.

It took time, but eventually somewhere along the trade routes Kay found it. The rings. Not gold or diamond, nothing fancy, but a pair of wedding rings all the same.

He would end up bartering quite a bit for it, but he got it with a little help from Kay.

That night, when he returned home from the trading mission and found Rei waiting for him on the porch, growing belly and all, he'd proposed.

For a second or two that felt like an eternity to him, Rei had simply stared open mouthed at the cheap metal wedding ring. Then slowly, she'd smiled and said yes. Asuka eavesdropping on the whole thing, having helped Shinji get the barter he needed for the rings.

…

The wedding ceremony was small.

The three of them gathered together, given the day off by the mayor, a few attending such Makio, Kioko and their son. Kay stayed for a bit, but he was busy as town sheriff.

Shinji wished he could have given Rei more. Wished he could have give her that white dress that girls seemed to have on their wedding days. But there were none, instead the mayor had lent Rei the closest thing she'd had. But Rei didn't care, she only cared that he was there with her.

Asuka giving them their wedding rings as they each placed one upon the other in the Christian-style weddings of the west.

"I do" Shinji said smiling

"I do" Rei answered in kind, her belly having grown and grown. Their child growing with each passing day, the next step in the life they'd carved out for themselves.

…

The day after their wedding, Shinji went back to work. There was nothing to be said for it. Shinji spent his day in the fields farming before coming home after a long afternoon.

Rei was waiting for him like she always did with that same warm smile. He cooked for all of them, never wanting Rei to do too much on her own in her state. Rei taking it easy as even Kay and the mayor let her rest.

"You are my wife" Rei told him one day.

Shinji blinked in surprise, standing in the kitchen and making the three of them dinner in the house they'd made here in Haven.

"What?" he said thinking he must have misheard. Asuka looked up from their little dinning table, bemused at the whole thing.

Rei smirked at him playfully, gesturing at his apron.

"You cook for me and clean the house. You wear apron and you worry over every little thing. You are my wife" Rei said again, eyes beaming as he frowned. Teasing him in a way he never would have suspected, it was funny actually. Rei's own unique sense of humor.

It took a moment for Shinji to realize the joke and he felt his face flush as Asuka suddenly burst into laughter.

"Husband" Shinji corrected awkwardly.

"Wife" Rei corrected again, shaking her heads with a small smirk.

Asuka was laughing even harder.

 _They are never going to let this go_ Shinji thought shaking his head.

"It's okay" Rei said suddenly walking over to him and hugging him from behind, resting her head on his shoulder and breathing softly. Running her hands gently down his chest affectionately.

He felt her swollen belly pressing against his back, and imagined their child listening in on mom's little joke on dad.

"I work out in the fields farming... and Kay takes me hunting with him now-" Shinji began.

"Doesn't count. I do those things too" Asuka cut in with a smirk. The joke was too good not to join in on. And besides, Rei would have done those things too but she was with child.

Shinji sighed and shook his head, squeezing Rei's hand gently before turning back to the meal he was preparing. Not minding his wife's presence behind him at all.

"You are a very good wife" Rei teased him, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his neck.

"ha ha very funny" Shinji answered. Ignoring Asuka's snickering in the background, and simply enjoying the hums of his wife as they stood together.

* * *

 _Months later  
_ _12 years after Third Impact_

 _ **Fatherhood**_

The day his daughter was born... was the day Shinji said goodbye.

 _Rei... I never liked it when she screamed_ Shinji thought.

He was standing beside her, holding her hand tight as she nearly crushed his. They were in Haven's clinic, Makio and Kioko coaching Rei through the birth.

Rei screamed and screamed, pushing her child into the world in a process that took hours. Shinji never leaving her side. Asuka watching on but giving them space.

 _Hold on Rei. Hold on_ Shinji thought watching as his wife was in labor. He could see her strain from the pain, the sweat the came pouring off her forehead. His hand never leaving hers.

He felt it down to his bones, the excitement, sorrow, and joy that came as their child was being born. So many conflicting emotions running through him and his wife.

But something was wrong.

Rei clutching his hand even tighter than before, Makio calling for more meds saying that there was heavy bleeding. The birth was messy and ugly, dark and terrifying, delivery in a world without modern medical infrastructure. His wife screaming before being reduced to low shallow breathes, where the only thing he could do was be there for her.

Shinji would never forget the moment the baby's cries erupted into the room. Tiny little lungs giving everything they had as Kioko wrapped the fragile little thing in a towel.

"It's a girl. You have a daughter" Kioko told the couple, smiling as she handed the babe to her parents. Makio carefully cutting the umbilical cord, and frowning heavily at something only he could see.

So few children seemed to be born after the Impact, it was miracle as Shinji and Rei held their daughter he could feel something in him change. A new beat to his heart, such love.

"She's beautiful" Rei whispered, panting from the ordeal and her face sweating. Arms stiff and weak, but holding her daughter with her husband.

Their daughter was such a little thing, like a tiny bundle of pale flesh, beady red eyes, and hints of her father's black hair emerging from her scalp.

"I love you. Oh Rei, I love you so much" Shinji said resting his head against hers as they held their daughter.

"I love you too... Shinji I lov..." she whimpered, smiling gently at her daughter before her eyes closed.

Asuka hurried over calling at Kioko. Shinji didn't ever hear Asuka calling out for help, didn't hear Makio calling out to Rei before checking her vitals as best he could.

Everything seemed to void in that moment, like someone had turned off the volume and time slowed to a fraction of what it was. He felt Rei's grasp fall, her fingers sliding down and onto the bed, watched in disbelief, numb, and horror as the light left her eyes.

"Rei? Rei?! Rei!" he screamed feeling his heart breaking, felt the shattering in his chest, clutching his crying daughter as tears started to fall from his eyes.

 **One life given for the birth of another.**

* * *

Rei was buried in a plot in Haven set aside long ago by the original settlers. Shinji dressed in black, eyes lost and unfocused, face devoid of emotion as he stood over her grave. Fingers tracing the wedding ring on his hand.

The grave was crude, yet beautiful in its own way, engravings marked her name and years through life. With the caption: _Rei Ikari._ _Beloved wife. Pilot. Farmer. Mother._

26 year old Shinji Ikari stood there over his wife's grave... numb to the world day after day. Sometimes spending hours there before heading back.

The villagers gave him his space, or else gave him sad comforting looks, a pat on the back, and Kioko as well as some of the other village women helped out where they could. Donating milk and finding baby clothes and bottles for him and his daughter, extra blankets, and even a little old wooden crib.

Not even two weeks since her death and Shinji could still hear and see Rei whenever he walked the fields at Haven, sat in the kitchen, or woke to an empty bed and a crib nearby with his daughter's cries. He could close his eyes and see that same warm smile Rei had reserved only for him...

It made his heart ache in longing for what it could never have.

"Shinji"

The voice surprised him and he turned to see Asuka dressed in her field clothes walking through the grass towards him, his daughter in her arms.

Asuka was watching him with uncertain worried eyes. Glancing at the grave of her friend and the girl she'd grown to think of as perhaps a sister.

Shinji took his daughter from Asuka, and held her in his arms. Watching the curious red eyes that met his face, the tiny little hands that touched his cheeks.

"Akane" Shinji whispered softly to her.

Akane Ikari, the daughter of Shinji and Rei. Named for the color of her eyes.

He smiled sadly at his daughter. Fighting back the tears, she reminded him so much of Rei.

"Hey girl, you doing alright?" Shinji said, his voice cracking with raw emotion, and holding her close. Rocking her gently the way his own father never had for him.

Throughout this sorrow and pain, of life without Rei, of raising a motherless child, Shinji had sworn to himself that he would be the father that Akane deserved. The father that Gendo had never been for him. He would love and cherish her, that greatest gift a man can have.

 **You see, you never learn what love is until the day you become a parent. Everything changes after that. You are reborn the day your child is. Your life is no longer only about you.**

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Shinji" Asuka said watching him hold his daughter and wipe the tears from his eyes.

He pressed a soft kiss to his daughter's head, the baby girl not understanding but laughing in childish wonderment as he did so.

Asuka put a hand on his shoulder, careful not bother the baby girl in his arms, and held him gently.

"It's not your fault" Asuka told him. Rei's words echoing in his mind as Asuka spoke.

"You're not a god, Shinji. Somethings are out of our control. It's not your fault. Rei was happy, she was _happy_ with you. You know how amazing that was? To see her smile at you, to see her holding your hand and laughing. Rei was the happiest she'd ever been when she was with you." Asuka continued hugging the both of them gently.

Shinji nodded, the tears starting to fade as he did so. Though he didn't think he'd ever fully heal from the loss of his wife, he had a daughter to take care of. To love and raise.

"You're not alone, alight. I'm here. Makio, Kioko, Kay, and the mayor are here. People will look out for her too. Like that stupid saying, takes a village right?" Asuka said managing to bring another small laugh out of Shinji.

A short breathe of levity amid the bitter reality.

"Auntie Asuka" Shinji said in barely a murmur, grateful for all Asuka had done since the birth of his daughter. For being there for her when he couldn't, when the memories of his wife were too much to bare and he needed air.

Asuka nodded looking down at little Akane Ikari, running a hand across the baby girl's soft skin.

"Hey Akane. I'm not your mom, but I love you anyway." the German girl said softly, smirking down somberly at the little girl that reminded her so much of Rei.

The two stood there for a moment in that small plot of land in Haven, holding Akane under the morning sun. Shinji holding his daughter, humming to her like her mother had once done.

"Thank you Asuka" Shinji said glancing up at her. Both of them walking off and heading for their home. It may not have always been easy... but life moved on.

Asuka patted him on the back, walking beside him as they headed back. Other villagers nodding his way as they past, respectful, good people willing to help. Haven, the kind of settlement that lives on after the end of the world.

Akane Ikari stretching in her father's arms and giggling to herself as she played with his beard, blissfully unaware of all the tragedy and heartache that had led them here.

* * *

 **Well there you have it. Shinji's daughter, Akane Ikari.**

 **SUPER LONG, but I didn't want to split it. We're almost done with Other's story. But I wanted to really show aspects about his life. The world he made when he rejected Instrumentality, the long term effects of that. His highs and lows, this was a mixed bag. A bit of both for him.**

 **Did you expect what happened to Rei? Did you catch the early signs of a certain something about the Younger Shinji?**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	25. A Man Grown

**Hey, guys. I'm back. Been busy with life stuff.  
This Chapter takes place in BOTH timelines, but only briefly in the Current Time.**

 **To answer some questions, some things in the lore have been altered for Unravel. Some reviews mentioned the plane scene was wrong, and in a sense it is. But my version of Instrumentality is different. People still 'reform' and come back but near where they 'died'. I may cover it more in another chapter.**

 **Anyway, long chapter here. Use the headers if you need a break as stopping points.**

 **Chapter 25: 'A Man Grown'**

* * *

 _"I've seen the best and the worst of humanity. At times I've walked a middle ground between those two lines. I've done things I'm not proud of it. Done out of necessity._

 _Asuka was the same. She was always stronger than me. Willing to fight when I wasn't, ready to do what needs to be done. I still remember the feeling of her hand in mine. There are days I miss her, I really do._

 _I don't think Asuka would have liked Mari much. Asuka probably wouldn't have saved her._

 _But that's the thing, other times... when I faced those decisions, between doing what was 'right' and doing what needed to done... I tried to be better. For my daughter. I... I can't explain it very well. I just- I just wanted more for her. I wanted my daughter to have a world that wasn't broken, a place that still had good people. I needed to believe that... to show her by my example."_

- _ **the Broken Man**_

* * *

 **Part 1: The Here and Now**

 _The Current Timeline  
_ _Misato's Apartment_

Breaking into place, no scratch that, sneaking in was easier than Kaji thought. The Nerv men dressed in black, security that watched over the resident, were too organized for their jobs. They did everything according to schedule, including breaks. Gaps where he could be unseen.

 _Misato still hasn't changed. Busy at work... sitting at her desk catching up on useless paperwork. Trying to keep her mind busy. Poor girl wants to help Shinji but nothing she can do but wait like everyone else._ Kaji thought.

He felt bad for the boy, the last time a pilot had been absorbed into the Eva they had lost said pilot.

In any case, Kaji didn't wear a disguise. That sometimes drew more attention to yourself, and the best way to hide was in plain sight. He simply and calmly made it to the apartment and picked the lock. For all their technology at base, Nerv had gone cheap for the apartment complex, no card reader, just a simple lock.

Wearing gloves, Kaji carefully entered Shinji's room and began searching for where the boy had stowed 'them'. From his previous conversations with Misato, he'd deduced that Shinji had been handling his medicine himself.

Finding what he was looking for, Kaji pulled out a simple zip lock bag and collected what he'd sneaked in to grab.

The red pills.

The black pills.

Samples of Shinji Ikari's medicine sent from the ward and Dr. Page's office.

Kaji didn't take them all, just small amounts, enough for his partner and staff to examine.

Having gotten what he'd needed, Kaji carefully put the prescription bottles back where he found them and rearranged everything the way he'd found it. Always careful with his gloves, no fingerprints or any sign that he was there at all.

…

"I left them at the dead drop. Samples of the kid's meds. I've been investigating around Nerv what with the chaos from the reconstruction efforts. I'll have more for you next time" Kaji said into the encrypted phone.

The spy sat in his car amid a parking lot, speaking with his partner over a secure channel and taking the chance to grab a smoke.

"Understood. I'm working on my end, might have found something but it's too early to tell. There's too much surrounding Shinji Ikari for this to be coincidence. That boy is caught up in too many threads. Be careful out there. Tensions are high with what's happened. The Eva taking another pilot into itself? Madness. Do you have any intel on the object Nerv brought in over a month ago?" his partner, the tough business like woman whom he'd been assigned to, said.

Kaji paused at that, barely believing it himself. He'd had to go digging, physically sneaking around and 'borrowing' employee security cards to find out.

"They found the Spear of Longinus in the arctic" Kaji said at last, voice flat and empty, devoid his projected charm.

"... you're sure?" his partner asked from the other end.

"Uh huh. I don't know where it is now or what they did with it. But somehow they found that thing, the weapon that stopped Adam from wiping us out. Years and years... and it turns up now? I don't like that, eh partner." Kaji said holding the phone close.

"No... not at all. Could it be a weapon for the Evas? Something to stop the Angels?" his partner asked, her voice calm but with an edge that told him she didn't believe it either.

 _Wishful thinking._ Kaji thought.

"I don't think so. I'll keep you posted" Kaji said. He was pushing things already, and he needed to back to Nerv. Spy work was never easy, by its very nature it demanded layers upon layers of plans, and performing operations whilst maintaining his cover as a Nerv employee.

His partner was about to respond, when a loud bellowing sound interrupted. The alarm sirens going off for the first time in over a month.

An Angel had appeared. Just their luck.

"You hear that? I gotta go. I'll keep in touch. Over and out" Kaji called into the phone. He thought he heard his partner say something but the sirens drowned it all out.

She hanged up first. And Kaji put his car into drive, leaving the parking lot with all the other civilians hurrying to leave and find a shelter.

 _Asuka, Rei, it's up to you two._ Kaji thought as he drove on.

* * *

 _Nerv HQ_

"Sync tests are canceled for today. An Angel's been sighted. Report to the launchpad" Aoba said getting to his feet. Maya did the same. Ritsuko was already there having been working non-stop on getting their pilot back from 01.

Asuka scowled from inside the testing plug. As if they didn't have enough to deal with.

Rei nodded and stood up heading for the exit.

Eva Team 3, Units 00 and 02, being deployed. The only operational Evangelion units at the time being.

"Hey wondergirl, keep your head in the game. It's only the two of us this time." Asuka called as the girls ran down the hall heading for the hangar.

"I will do my duty" was all Rei said.

 _Girl almost never talks anymore. Stupid Shinji had to get stuck in a time like this... ah! Forget it, everyone is counting on me_ Asuka thought.

…

Stepping inside the hangar was... scary these days. Not that Asuka ever got scared. Not at all. With Evangelion Unit 01 standing still and silent as a statue in its launchpad.

Bolted in and imprisoned. Unmoving and unresponsive to all commands. Having absorbed its pilot after display an astounding sync ratio and power. Over a month and no one had been able to get idiot back.

Asuka pointedly ignored the Eva, pushing the feeling in her chest away, the memory of Shinji saving them before being taken, and stepping into her entry plug. She had a job to do.

Rei's eyes lingered on 01 but a voice on her comm brought her back to reality. Commander Ikari ordering her to her Eva.

"Two Angels out there. Be careful." Misato said over the comm.

 _I always am. Was never defeated, not even by that freaking tank of an Angel last time_ Asuka thought firmly.

"Launch!" Misato called.

Eva Units 00 and 02 were sent flying up to the first in a shower of sparks.

* * *

 **Meanwhile...**  
Eva Unit 01's eyes twitched under the thin layers of flesh than made up its eyelids. The marvel of human engineering protecting the two inside, one young and lost in dreams, the other old and tired, driving the dreams.

Somewhere from within the Eva, among the void where souls lay inside, the old man with battered and weathered skin, a face framed by a mop of greying hair and with a pair of red eyes, stood in the void.

In the Other Place, the old man was not alone.

A young boy lay unmoving, his body nothing but a pool of LCL like liquid in the real world, but here, where his soul took physical form, he lay back. The boy's eyes distant and lost. As if Shinji was dreaming but awake at the same time. Witness to a life not his own.

The Other Shinji stood over him, directing the dream as needed.

Shinji watching and feeling the Broken Man's memories and experiences just as his future self had when living it. Not a melding of the minds, they were each Shinji and yet they were each their own separate entities.

Other Shinji breathed out a single heavy, a nearly ancient, breath. Like his lungs were an aged and rusted bit of machinery eking out an operation. Straining from the effort.

The Broken Man taking a moment to rest. This process was not easy.

" **Hm. Two Angels have come.** " Other Shinji said thinking aloud.

 _...let go... need to help..._ thoughts from Shinji the boy.

Other Shinji let out a another heavy breath, eyes closed deep in concentration.

" **If it comes to it, I'll step in. But you continue. This is more important, Shinji** " the Broken Man answered. His voice rough, bittersweet, tired and somber.

Asuka and Rei would have to handle this for now. Two Evas and two Angels. If Other was right, then those 'things' out there on the surface would be weaker than normal. He had to continue with the boy, that was more important.

 _Why?_

 _Why?_

 _Why are you showing me this? How are you here?_

Thoughts from the present Shinji as he lay unable to move.

The boy lost in everything he had seen. This life that was not his.

" **One day soon, you will understand. We're almost done** " The Broken Man whispered to his counterpart. Having heard the thoughts of his younger self.

It was painful to do this, to reopen his wounds and 'feel' again. To use this power, but Other had known that this day would come.

Shinji turned his head weakly, managing to face the Broken Man.

Their eyes met.

 _I don't like this... let me go. Let me go... I want to see Mari. I want to see my girlfriend. I want to see Misato and... and I want MY life back._

 _Please... make it stop._

Shinji thought to the Broken Man.

The Broken Man shook his head somberly, hearing the words from the boy.

" **You won't be here forever, boy. We still have a job to do. But for now, you need to see... to see what we become. What the world became. What it turned people into. I've seen the best and the worst of humanity. That's what awaits us if we fail. For all I know it could be worse this time. But you need to see** " the Broken Man told Shinji.

Other raised his hands again and Shinji froze, the dream enveloping him again gently. A strange cloud of almost LCL like mist enveloping the boy. Slowly, what Shinji once called 'the madness' taking its time and letting him in carefully. Guiding him through the memory. No more nosebleeds, no headaches, here Other knew what he was doing. Allowing Shinji to process the memories slowly bit by bit. Not a rush of isolated moments.

And Shinji was lost in the Other Memories again. Lost to the world around him and even the void. The Broken Man breathing heavily again from the strain. The toll it took on him.

Nearby, a shadow was looming over both of them. Less than a memory, a fragment of something long since passed. A figure that had emerged from the void without a sound. Her very presence chilling both men to their core.

 **The Woman in the Dark**

She watched them from afar. Face hidden by her long hair, smiling up at both Shinji(s) from the shadows. The Broken Man unable to banish her whilst driving Shinji's dream forward, forced to live with pain she brought him.

The Old Man shuddered as if cold, eyes lowering somberly, as the Woman appeared behind him...

" _ **Shinji**_ _..._ " she whispered, voice soft as silk.

She wrapped her arms lovingly around his chest, hugging the Broken Man from behind, trailing her hands down his chest. The Woman in the Dark tracing the old wounds and faded scars hidden by his clothes, gently tugging his shirt and revealing... _a long faded scar running down the side of his neck_. A stab wound.

Her bare breast pressed softly against his back as she leaned her head onto his shoulder. The Woman in the Dark pressed a soft kiss to his neck, tracing the old scar.

The Broken Man felt his arm ache, the old bullet wound tingling amid his flesh even now. Side effects from bringing his memories back. And her too... the Woman in the Dark.

" _ **I love you"**_ **The Woman whispered.**

" **Stop.** " Other Shinji told her in barely a whisper. Eyes trembling.

The Younger Shinji lay unmoving, stuck just as Other was, both Shinji shuddering at _her_ presence. The boy frozen in the dream and unaware of the woman from his visions.

 **All these years and the Woman had never been talking to Shinji the boy... no, she'd been talking to the Broken Man. Since the very beginning.**

The Broken Man winced as if in pain, the Woman in the Dark holding him even now.

" **I'm sorry. I... I never loved you. You're not** _ **her**_ **. Just go** " the Broken Man pleaded. He lowered his bad hand, the one with only three fingers, and pried the Woman's hands off his chest.

The Woman did not respond.

" **Leave me. I need to show him** " Other Shinji said softly, the Woman in the Dark clinging to him despite his protest.

The Woman didn't answer, only a remnant that haunted him even now.

" _ **Why do you want to die?"**_ **The Woman in the Dark whispered to him.**

" **Be gone** " Other said gritting his teeth as if ripping off his own arm... and the Woman in the Dark vanished as if she'd never been there. The figure breaking apart and fading away in a black mist.

Other let out a heavy tired breath, feeling like he was over a hundred years old. Head hung low, red eyes falling to his Younger Self.

 _Forgive me Shinji. Doing this takes a toll._ Other thought.

The Broken Man raised his hands upward again, as if praying, and the dream continued... taking the Younger Shinji further into the memories.

* * *

 **Part 2: Parent  
 _  
Memories of the Original Shinji_**  
 _13 years after Third Impact  
Haven_

The man grown walked along the faded pavement. Carefully striding along, crouching as he did so, hands stretched out and guiding the little girl as he did so.

"Come on. Come on Akane. You can do it" Shinji the father whispered, more like cooed to the little girl as they moved together.

Akane giggled, her tiny feet moving back and forth as her father walked her along. Taking her first steps with a helping hand. Such a little thing, pale white skin and red eyes from her mother, and plain brown hair from her father.

"There you go" Shinji whispered to his daughter. Holding her hands as she put one foot in front of the other.

"Dadda" Akane chimed, laughing at seemingly nothing in particular. The simple life of a child, and Shinji smiled sadly at it. She understood so little, about the world and its many pains and joys, and perhaps for now that was a good thing.

Slowly, ever so carefully, he let go of his daughter's hands, letting her walk on her own under his watchful eye.

Akane struggled, wobbling even as Shinji crouched closer, ready to catch her if she started to fall, but he was being overprotective again. Asuka always told him he had a habit of being overbearing, that one day he'd smoother his daughter with attention.

"Walk" Akane mumbled to herself, putting one foot forward and then the next and the next.

Shinji laughed softly, watching and staying close, letting her walk on her own after a few days of guiding her every now and then.

"Walk" Akane said laughing again.

"Yeah. You're walking, girl. I'm so proud of you" Shinji said softly, watching Akane walk gingerly through the faded pavement.

 _She's so smart. Just like her mother_ Shinji thought, watching Akane walk on her own after only a few days of practice and guidance on his part.

The father guided the daughter onward, calling her by name and gesturing for her to follow. Leading her up ahead to the small pot of land set aside by the original settlers of Haven.

"Akane. Here" Shinji called, crouching low with his hand held out.

The little girl took his hand as he led her forward, led her to the small slab of stone with faded engravings.

 _Rei Ikari. Beloved wife. Pilot. Farmer. Mother._

"This is mom" Shinji said in barely a whisper. Faded sorrow lingering even after 14 months. He didn't think that would ever go away, and he had to move on. Akane needed him and he'd promised himself that he would be a better father than Gendo ever was for him.

Akane looked up at him. Wide, curious red eyes gazing at him, no fully understanding but able to sense the emotions of her father.

"mama" Akane whispered, following her father's movements and placing tiny hand atop Shinji's. Both gently stroking the grave.

"That's your mama. She loved you... she loved you so much" Shinji said, blinking back the tears before they started.

Akane seem to consider that, baby like mind of hers not fully understanding, yet reaching out like her father did. Running her little fingers through the stone and seeming to find something there too.

"Mama" Akane repeated again, frowning at the grave.

Shinji wished he could have stayed longer here, with his wife and his daughter, but the sun was starting to rise again. He'd have more work out in the fields, farming was equals parts boredom and work, hours of back breaking labor, and hours of rest with nothing to do but spend time with the family.

He ruffled his daughter's hair, smiling softly as Akane seemed to understand that it was time to go for now. She turned away from the grave, almost like she wanted to say goodbye but lacked the words for now, and turned to him on her little legs.

"Up up" Akane laughed, the little girl taking her father's hand as he lifted her up. Carrying her by wrapping an arm around her small frame as she tugged at his shoulders. Almost hugging him as he brought her back towards their home in Haven.

…

 _Passing of time  
_ _Fatherhood_

When Shinji was a kid... when he was young and foolish, he heard the saying that everything changes the day you become a parent. It was more of a western saying than an eastern one, but he'd grown up with that idea from old films and television.

At the time so long ago, he hadn't really understood it. Or maybe he never cared to. When you're young you don't think about life that way. Not really. Simply... things you cannot truly grasp until you're ready.

But now he was older. And he saw it.

Spending time with Akane, regardless of how tired he was from working in the fields, always making time to be there for his daughter. Teaching her how to walk and then to run, letting her dip her small feet into the river stream near the fields of Haven, guiding her as best he could with Asuka's help.

Teaching her to read and write from the beginning. Staring with her name.

Akane. Spelled (あかね). "Ah-kah-nay." It was remarkable how quickly she'd been able to learn. Shinji was good at that, teaching her the basics.

Asuka... well there were things she knew that he just hadn't. Together, they braided Akane's long hair. Asuka used to tease him about playing 'Mr. Mom', but he didn't care. Asuka had always had a habit of teasing him, and so of course Akane picked up on it and joined in.

Akane Ikari was special, perhaps every child is special in their parent's eyes. As she grew, he noticed how smart she was.

The little girl whom started reading by age three. Whom could talk to him in simple but meaningful ways as a child. At times she was distant, almost like her mother had been, confused at her own emotions and thoughts, and at other times alive and vibrant. Grasping things quickly and able to match wit with Asuka at times.

 _What Rei should have been like... the life she never got to live as a child_ he thought.

As for him? Well, he got older.

Older than Misato had ever been. Years of working in the fields making him leaner and skinny, never built like warrior, but bits of muscle underneath his skinny frame, farm strength they called it. He saw the most in his hands, his hands changed. That was thing he noticed a lot.

The hands of a working man, tiny little scars from field work, taking shape. Akane didn't like it.

She would ran her fingers across his skin and shake her head. Disliking the rough texture than ran along his hands. Asuka had something similar, working out in the fields just like he did.

Hunting alongside Kay and the others, farming in Haven, house work in their shack, and parenthood. That was Shinji's life now. Asuka and him taking turns going on trading missions, one always staying behind with little Akane.

The outside. Shinji didn't want Akane to see that yet. To understand just what the world was. Not all bad, but not all good either.

The world outside Haven was a strange mixed bag. Other small settlements had appeared along the long stretches of livable land, and the other areas, the wastelands where little seemed to grow, where the scars of Third Impact lingered even after all these years... it was dangerous.

When Shinji or Asuka went on the trading missions, they went in groups with Kay. Trading rice and other goods with a few farming communities scattered about miles apart from each other.

Fending off looters and other threats. The world outside Haven could be a dangerous place.

It was something Shinji didn't like to talk about with his daughter. But she was curious. She had seen the scar on his arm. She asked him about it once. When she was a bit older, around eight or nine years old.

* * *

 _18 years after Third Impact_

"You were shot dad... Auntie wouldn't tell me about it... but you were. The scar on your arm" Akane told him one night.

Shinji was laying down in the backyard of their little shack. Laying stretched out beside his daughter and looking out at the stars at night.

 _Such a little thing but she saw it anyway. Picking up on it and realizing what he was... she's so sharp_ he thought. Turning to look at the curious red eyes that stared at him unblinkingly. Long hair draped behind her on the grass, the little girl dressed in a simple field gown and watching him with a maturity behind her age.

"Yes" Shinji told her softly.

He was dressed in his simple field clothes. Mostly clean, old dirt stains and the standard wear and tear lingering but well fitted.

Calmly he raised his arm, and rolled up the sleeve of his shirt. Revealing the small faded ring of twisted flesh, the scar from Tokyo-02. Shinji remembered running through the parking lot with Rei, god... they'd just been a couple of kids in the wastelands then... barely surviving, remembered being shot as the scavengers chased them. Rei grabbing his hand so he wouldn't fall, the two of them making it to Asuka and the car before driving off.

Akane's eyes widened and she hesitantly ran a small finger across the scar.

It didn't hurt anymore. Not really. Sometimes it ached when he had bad dreams, but it was nothing really. Just another part of life. He'd actually been lucky, getting shot in the arm instead of somewhere vital.

"Why?" Akane asked her lips trembling at the sight.

Shinji sighed sadly. Running a hand through the light stubble where his beard had once been, shaving was a pain but it needed to be done. Funny, manual labor and field seemed to age him quicker than normal. But even then... it was better than what was _out there_.

How to explain this. His daughter was smart, and curious. She wanted to know what was beyond Haven, but she just didn't understand what it had taken him, all of them really, to reach their little slice of life here at all. The hardships and struggles, the joys and sorrow, the wandering, the violence and empty landscapes.

"... because they wanted what we, your mother and I, as well as Asuka, had. They wanted our car." Shinji told her at last.

"The car... the moving machines. We have some here. Three." Akane said slowly. Still not understanding but grimly curious.

"Yes. I know it's strange to think of it like this, but out there... it's rough. People managing eek out a living but it's not easy. Lot of days with an empty stomach. And people get desperate. They want... they want to take things. To survive. Auntie and I saw that, along with your mother. The world can be a harsh place, but it's _can_ also be good. Haven is good. We're good people, us right here, right now." Shinji told her seriously.

Akane listening to his every word. Trying to imagine her father when he was younger, wandering out there on the road to Haven.

"But come on, we don't need to talk about that Akane. The past is the past. We have a home here, I have you and you have me. I'm so grateful for that. You've no idea" Shinji said, reaching a hand over to rest on her shoulder affectionately.

Akane seemed to consider that, hearing the story of her parents and Auntie's road to Haven, getting a glimpse into the world via her father's tale. Thinking it over, she glanced back to their little shack. It wasn't much from what she understood of the old stories from _before_ , but it was all she'd ever known.

"You don't have to do that. Akane, it's okay to just be a kid once and awhile. You gotta enjoy that, I wish I had" Shinji told her again softly.

Akane rested her head on his hand. Humming softly, a habit she'd inherited from her mother, and listening to her dad. Allowing herself to stop analyzing things and just be a kid, she liked it. She wished the other adults were like her father.

They lay there out in the backyard, staring at the stars and Akane could almost imagine the stars were looking back. Vast and endless, the stars ever outside their reach and mysterious.

Shinji stared at the stars above and wondered if Eva Unit 01 was up there... if _his_ Eva was still floating through the darkness... if... if his mother was still drifting and directionless among the expanse.

 _Mom... you have a granddaughter now. Do you watch me from up there? Us? All that time you were there watching over me at Nerv. Inside my Eva, helping me fight the Angels. Then... then after... You never told me why you left... you just left..._ he thought.

Shinji stopped that train of thought. There was no point on dwelling on it, he was with his daughter now and he couldn't whine about his missing mother anymore.

"I used to do this when I was younger." he said suddenly.

Akane glanced up at him.

"Hey, look there. That cluster of stars, the 'before people' used to call that Orion. I learned about it when I was a kid. Back when we had these things called schools, it was one of the only things I liked to learn about. The stars." Shinji added softly. He was smiling in spite of it all. Managing to keep going even in all this mess, living out in Haven.

 _What would Auntie say... giggle... I know what she'd say_ the little girl thought.

Akane laughed saying "a hundred years ago?"

Shinji rolled his eyes.

 _Asuka what have you done to my daughter? You've turned her against me?! Ah! Figures. Auntie Asuka just has to tease the boring old man_ Shinji thought with teasing smirk.

"Hey, I'm not that old." Shinji mockingly protested, but his eyes gave him away. He wasn't mad, not really, he was getting older and Akane had learned to poke fun at him like Asuka did. A little game between them that brought a twinkle back into his eyes.

"You're not a fossil" Akane giggled again.

 _Fossil... just like Auntie and Mayor told me about it. The really old stones. Dad's not an old stone yet ha!_ She thought.

 _I'm 32 not 80. Jeez, kids making me feel like an old man_ he thought with small shake of the head.

"Not yet anyway. Better not tell Auntie that joke. She's not as nice as me" Shinji said as Akane laughed again. The little girl imagining Asuka's red face and twitch of the eyebrow at the thought of being called 'old'. Akane liked Asuka, but she knew not to poke a dragon in the eye.

Akane took her father's hand again, and Shinji sat up pulling the girl with him as he got up.

"Come on, let's get back inside" he said walking with the girl following after him, her hand in his.

Shinji ran his free hand through her long brown hair, ruffling it even as she giggled playfully trying to shrug him off but never able to.

* * *

 _Outside of Haven  
_ _Settlement far along the roads_

Asuka stayed behind with the car. Watching as the others went about and traded with the people in this little town about a half dozen or so miles away from Haven.

She was 32 years old now. Dressed in a tattered brown duster coat, a simple field shirt and old jeans, with her gun holstered on her belt.

Asuka was bit taller than Shinji now, still lean but now with bits of farm strength lining her muscles that made her shoulders broader. Not the feminine athletic body she'd have wanted in the old world, but that was a time long since past. She had rougher skin that made her sad at times, she was still beautiful but with a torn edge. The world around them having worn her down over the years, even the field work at Haven had taken its tool.

Her hands were like Shinji's. Rough with tiny little scars from manual labor and field work.

 _Getting older. Humph, never thought it'd be like this._ Asuka thought letting the feelings fade as she paced around the settlement out here.

The place was small, less than half of what Haven was, but some people living here were able to process and refine some basic medicines and even gas for the car. Trading was more than just exchanging goods, it was a sign of humanity that lingered after the end of the world. A kind of reassuring presence that remained everyone that not everything was broken. There was a slice of life to be had out here, and not just the violence that broke out in the wastelands.

Or at least that's what Shinji used to say. The two of them took turns going with Kay and the others on the trading missions. More than anything else it was about keeping up communication and a semblance of humanity.

Still... Asuka had to admit she didn't mind it that much. Leaving Haven every now and then, even if it was dangerous at times.

 _Is that... it is. Akane is gonna love this_ Asuka thought suddenly. She spotted something odd among a trader's modest wooden table.

"That thing? Eh, they're not worth that much" the local man said. He was a bit older than Kay even, almost in his fifties, dressed in ragged worn clothes that hung loosely on him.

"I'll take it, alright. It's for my niece" Asuka said reaching for her own bag. Bartering out small amounts of rice for the piece of jewelry.

 _The things I do for you girl... you're lucky I like you_ Asuka thought with a small smirk.

Once their trading was done, she followed Kay and the others as they headed back with their supplies. Finding their spots in the three cars Haven had managed to keep running. The first was the one Kay had used to buy his way into the community after the Fall of Tokyo-03, and the other two were ones that the Mayor and a group of farmers had gotten working again.

The cars weren't much to look at. Just working pieces of rusted metal, wheels out here on the edge of life and wastelands, with crates attached to the top for extra storage.

Together they drove off. Asuka keeping an eye out for looters or an ambush, Kay doing the same as another farmer from Haven drove the car.

Strangely enough, no incidents.

* * *

 **Part 3: Homestead**

 _Haven_

When Shinji dreamed... they weren't really dreams. Not anymore. Once, his dreams were more like faded memories of a better time. Memories of his wife, and Asuka, walking side by side with him their arms linked, as they went fishing in the stream.

But now... his dreams were like wounds.

Scars in his mind that may have healed, but left him changed. Tossing and turning in his sleep, grunting, and lost... haunted.

He saw things... saw flashes of the world dying the day he failed. Saw the people that died that day and beyond. Misato's dying moments before getting him to the Eva, Ritsuko being shot, Aoba cowering in fear, and so many others. He saw the people being taken by Instrumentality. Saw the scarred and battered world. All of it his fault.

A lone figure standing amid a sea of black. Stumbling underneath the water, wounded and weary, strange dark masses visible nearby. Incompletely somehow, unable to act.

Shinji Ikari awoke with blood on his face. Shadows under his eyes, and his arm aching, the arm that had been shot so many years ago.

Breathing out heavy slow breathes, he got up and went to the bathroom mirror. Cleaning his face and staring at his reflection in the rusted and cracked glass.

 _Another nosebleed. Years now and this thing comes back every few months. Ah... when will it stop._ Shinji thought feeling tired and much older than he really was.

Before, when he'd had Rei, the dreams had stopped. He'd been calm. Now that was gone and had been for almost nine years.

 _ **32 years old... I'm older now than Misato ever was**_ Shinji thought.

Moments like that he felt his age. Another night with little sleep, it was nothing to get all worked up about. Just another facet of life these days.

"Daddy! Daddy they're coming back!" Akane's voice came calling from down the hall of their little shack.

"I'll be right there. Don't go running off on your own!" Shinji called back.

"Ah, okay" Akane called back in an annoyed groan. Kids, always ready to go running off on their own.

Shinji took one last look in the mirror, rubbed his bloodshot looking eyes again, and took off in search of a coat.

…

"We're back" Kay called, the middle aged former soldier called, mixed American-Japanese accent always catching the guards attention.

It was early in the morning, maybe 6 or so, and the daylight was just starting to creek it's way over the mountains surrounding Haven.

Asuka watched the makeshift gate to Haven opened, and they drove in, each car going in after the other in a straight line. The only way they could all fit through the entrance on the old road. This was the only road into Haven anymore, everything else had been blocked off.

Asuka sat with the cracked and dented window open, letting the cool Haven air take her again. Home, who would have thought a farming settlement in the mountains would be where she ended up?

 _Not so bad, though. Better than most_ she thought as they drove on.

The townspeople met them as always. Gathering around the parked cars as Kay and the mayor started handing out some basic goods based on request, and taking others to the town storage. About a third of Haven gathered here.

Makio, the town doctor, and his wife were there taking stock of the medicine. Asuka waved at them once before moving on.

She spotted Shinji and his daughter walking over, hand in hand, Akane bobbing along, the girl a bundle of energy, while Shinji smiled politely at his fellow neighbors walking slower.

"Just go. The boys and I can take it from here" Kay called, the older man glancing back at her and her 'family'.

* * *

"Auntie!" Akane called as Shinji gently released her hand, letting her jog forward to greet Asuka.

"Hey little girl, the old man giving you trouble?" Asuka said reaching down to give Akane a one handed hug. One which Akane returned gleefully.

"No. He's not a fossil yet. That's what I told him" Akane said, speaking firmly and simply as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Asuka raised an eyebrow at that, and Shinji just shrugged.

 _Getting witty again. I'm not sure if she gets that from her mother or from me. Definitely not her father. Hmm, I like it_ Asuka thought running a hand through the little girls hair.

"Any trouble out there on the roads?" Shinji said in greeting. The grown man, clean shaven, moving to towards her so they could talk.

"No. Really strange... last time when it was your turn did you have any?" Asuka said, growing serious for a moment.

"... no. Even Kay said it was weird. No looters or ambushers, not even a runner coming for the cars. I thought we were just lucky at the time" Shinji said crossing his arms, thinking intently.

Akane looked between her father and her auntie, frowning at an unspoken second conversation happening that she couldn't follow.

 _I don't like it_ Asuka thought.

 _Maybe we just lucky the last few times. But that doesn't feel right_ Shinji thought.

Asuka looked at her 'brother' for lack of a better word, up and down, taking in the shadows under his eyes and tired demeanor.

 _Nightmares again, huh? Nosebleed and headaches. That's not good Shinji-_ She was thinking.

Shinji could see the thoughts and the question in her eyes and he shook his head.

 _I don't wanna talk about it_ he thought. Asuka watched him intently, seeming to know.

Before little Akane could ask what was going on, Shinji changed the subject. Patting Asuka on the arm saying "well I'm glad you're back. Still gotta fix that fence."

"Pfft. You're the man now, that's your job" Asuka said teasingly. She had to admit, Shinji would probably always be a bit scrawny but working in the fields and the farm had given him that farm strength. Never built like an athlete, but with an underline of muscle that was noticeable.

"You're stronger than me. I already did about half the job, and whatever happened to the 'I can do anything you can but better' attitude, Asuka?" Shinji countered dryly.

Asuka shook her head, and glanced down at Akane saying "see, the old man is too smart for his own good."

"Because it works" Akane said grinning up at her auntie.

 _Yeah... damn boy knows it works_ Asuka thought.

"Come on, I'll make us breakfast back home. You tired?" Shinji said.

"Haven't slept since yesterday, need food and sleep _now_. Oh and before I forget, Akane I got you something" Asuka said.

Shinji raised an eyebrow, pleasantly surprised, and Akane tilted her head up at her.

Asuka rummaged around in her duster coat pockets, before pulling out a simple piece of faded jewelry. A necklace, nothing special, 'fake' gold that was little worn out but still caught the eye.

 _Where the heck did you find that?_ Shinji thought smiling softly as his daughter took it slowly, eyes wide.

"Pretty" Akane said eyes wide as she ran her hands along the small jewelry. Asuka reaching down to help her put it on.

 _Thank you Asuka_ Shinji thought watching his daughter cradle her new necklace in her hand, holding the rare and precious thing even as they walked.

He put a hand on Akane's shoulder as the three left the town square.

* * *

After making them all breakfast, and letting Asuka get a few hours sleep, Shinji found himself out near the fields with some of the others. The crops growing just outside their front yard, well... collective yard was a better term.

He kept mostly to himself, chopping some wood for the broken fence, and keeping an ear out for Akane as she played nearby.

"Ah" he panted, raising the ax and bringing it down on the wood. Carving out good solid stumps for the fence posts that needed to be replaced. That was one of the benefits of living in-between a series of mountainous terrain with forests, there was a steady supply of wood.

Distantly, he heard Akane playing with the other kids from the neighbors. Kids, actual kids, such a rare thing in this world. Even in Haven, there were only about twenty or so kids, and different ages, the youngest being around Akane's age whilst others like Ichiro who were almost twenty.

Shinji could hear Akane showing off her new necklace to her friends, two other girls that were a bit older than her. Every now and then, he glanced up from his ax to check up on her.

"You could have waited, you know that right?" a voice called after Shinji had moved onto the fence.

He turned to see Asuka striding sleepily towards him, having slept for a few hours, and watching him closely.

"You were asleep. I didn't mind, not really." Shinji said with a shrug. He'd almost finished fixing the fence by now, carefully replacing what fence posts that had started to break. Last winter had messed up a lot of the wood here, something to do with the rain water freezing inside the cracks and expanding.

Asuka watched him finish up the last one, watched as he worked. Hammering in the new fence post, and adding in the wire to connect to the chain of fence posts around the patch of crops.

 _Never would have thought he'd be the handy man, still surprised by that_ Asuka thought with small shake of her head.

"So what was all that about wanting help earlier?" Asuka called out once Shinji had finished.

He chuckled softly at her saying "I was only playing. Come on Asuka, just take the break. You were tired."

"Says the man who looks like he's gonna fall over any second" Asuka said gesturing at the shadows under his eyes.

Shinji didn't met her gaze, he leaned on the fence railing and just watched the kids playing some silly game out in the fields. Asuka saw they were playing version of tag or something, apparently Akane was scary good at it, the little girl sometimes disappearing among the crops and popping up to 'tag' another kid before laughing it off.

"I'm fine" Shinji said breaking the silence.

"You're not. You haven't been since... since Rei. I know it's hard alright. I miss her too." Asuka said, her eyes falling at the mention of _her_.

Shinji still wouldn't look at her, but Asuka saw him run a finger along his wedding ring. Nearly seven years after her death and the poor man still wore the ring every day.

"... yeah" Shinji said in barely a whisper, eyes distant.

 _Oh great, now I've reopened old wounds. Gah, was never good at this crap._ Asuka thought feeling angry at herself but Shinji patted her on the arm.

 _You're fine, stop beating yourself over it_ Shinji seemed to say without ever speaking to her

That was thing about Shinji over the years. Asuka had noticed that after Rei... he was distant at times. Not cold, not like... nothing like Gendo... but 'apart' from everything and everyone except for Akane. In the world but not _of_ it. Shinji almost never smiled unless for his daughter these days. At times he grew very quiet, when his issues came back, and this cloud of... of silence lingered until it passed.

"If it keeps coming back, go see Makio. He wouldn't judge, everyone knows we came all the way from Tokyo-03. We saw things out there in the wastelands, people... people understand" Asuka said hesitatingly.

When Shinji didn't respond, Asuka sighed adding "stop being a wimp and see the doctor. Akane and I will drag you there if we have to."

Shinji only took it stride, turning to her with an amused look.

"Glad to know you care. I was starting to worry you only stayed for the food" Shinji said softly.

"Pfft. You wish your food was that good" Asuka muttered. _You know I care you freaking idiot._

She signed and joined him at the fence, leaning on the railing and watching the kids play. The two of them watching over these kids and their game, the sun starting to set as they did so. It was... 'calm' that was only word Asuka could use to describe it.

"Thanks for the necklace" Shinji said suddenly.

"Akane's cute, thought it would look good on her" Asuka answered.

"She missed you while you were gone. Or maybe she just missed the two of you ganging up on me with the 'old man' thing" Shinji said lightly.

"I'll just bet she does. Don't take it too hard, she misses you when it's your turn to go." Asuka said smirking back at him. Asuka wasn't Akane's mother, and Akane knew that, but she loved that little girl like she was her own.

"She doesn't like it when I leave... last time she didn't even see off. Just stayed in her room until I had to go. I... I just don't know if I-" Shinji began.

Asuka punched him in the arm.

"Ah! What was that for?!" Shinji said startled as he almost slipped off the fence.

"You're a good dad, alright. Stop second guessing yourself... she's a kid. You're doing great, damned Shinji... don't you remember how overbearing parents could be? How much it annoyed you as a kid?" Asuka said.

Shinji stared at her silently.

"Jeez, I wish my dad had cared as much you do." Asuka muttered turning away and feeling a bit embarrassed at that.

Shinji thought about that for a moment, watching his daughter play with the older kids. Leaning on the wooden fence beside Asuka.

"I never had really parents, Asuka" Shinji said suddenly. Eyes lost, bittersweet yet with a touch of warmth reserved only for his daughter.

He felt Asuka's gaze on him, her frown, her uncertain eyes on him as he looked away.

"You know what Gendo was like. At a certain point I just never saw him anymore. Not until the day I piloted Unit 01. He was a bastard. Maybe he always was. And mom... Yui... well I thought she died. But I was wrong. Years and years she hid in the Eva." Shinji said slowly, still not looking at Asuka.

 _Mom just left... she just left me twice_ He thought with a pang in his chest. Before pushing it away and looking towards his daughter, his old pains and hangups didn't matter anymore. He was a father.

Akane was laughing softly, playing around with the other kids. Something so simple, children allowed to be young and foolish.

He had very few memories of his parents together. Maybe... _one._ A moment where the two of them were in the kitchen. Yui making supper whilst Gendo read his newspaper, how strange. Yui had been smarter than Gendo. Shinji remembered his father having no interest in his small son playing alone nearby, remembered Yui humming to herself.

Remembered his mother's 'death' and the years after, his own father abandoning him and teacher caring for him on payroll until he became an Eva pilot.

Everything that happened after that, the Angels, the pains, Third Impact, this broken world and all it's turmoil and dangers before Haven.

"I don't want her to be like me. I want her to have what I never did" Shinji whispered, more to himself than the still and listening Asuka. _To have what her mother never did_ he thought silently.

Asuka seemed to consider that, thinking intently. She saw his point, she really did.

"I get it. I really do Shinji. It's just... You really have to be serious all damned day, don't you" Asuka said with a tired sigh.

Shinji breathed a soft laugh, calling it a chuckle would be generous.

"Afraid so. Maybe I really am getting old" Shinji said with a shrug. Broader shoulders aching from the manual labor.

"Me too Shinji, me too" Asuka said softly. Glancing down at her own hands and seeing the same tiny little scars on her flesh from the fieldwork, the same ones that Shinji had. The dirt that bite into the edge of her fingernails, those little black smudges that never truly went away, the life of a farmer and hunter.

"My folks weren't all that great either, but my dad loved me. I know he wasn't perfect, took me a long time to accept that... and... mom... well... you know." Asuka shifting uncomfortably.

"Your mother loved you too. Even in the state she was in, ever with her soul trapped in Unit-02. During the Impact, I heard her. Calling out. She was pleading for you not to die. In that moment, whatever part of her that was left, would have given anything to keep you safe. No matter what she became in the end, split apart, a broken mind... it didn't matter. She loved you" Shinji said.

Asuka stared at him, feeling her eyes grow watery before rubbing them softly. She wasn't that little girl anymore but she felt it. Somehow, Shinji was right.

She wasn't good at this emotional crap like he was. It was strange to think of this man standing before her when she could still remember that awkward boy she'd met years and years ago.

"Shinji... thank you" Asuka said with a genuine heartfelt breath of air.

He turned to her saying "nothing to thank me for. But if you want... maybe when you sneak out to meet your boyfriend you could be a little quieter. I think Akane is starting to notice."

Asuka blinked at him saying "you know about that?"

"I can hear you leave the shack at night. Nothing wrong with it, just... there's things Akane's too young to know about it" Shinji said simply.

"Humph, excuse me for having a life. It's nothing serious yet, just another guy out here. A bit older but not much. Sorry if I woke you" Asuka said slightly flushed at the whole thing.

Shinji waved off the apology.

"You know... you don't have to be cooped up by yourself. There's a woman or two whom would say yes, some ladies like the single dad thing" Asuka continued teasingly.

 _I don't want anyone else._ He thought.

"Playing match maker? Never thought you were the type, I have my 'sister' and my daughter, don't need anymore women in my life" Shinji said getting to his feet and stretching.

"Oh ha ha, bite me. I can be nice when I want to" Asuka said laughing at the old joke.

Shinji raised his voice, striding over to the fields, and called out "hey kids, it's getting dark! Come on, get back inside before your parents come looking!"

There was an audible groan from the kids playing outside, but Shinji held firm waving them over.

Akane came striding over still wearing the necklace her Auntie had gotten her. Behind her, Ichiro Inoue, now almost 20, was herding the younger kids back to Haven. Makio, Ichiro's father and the town doctor, emerged onto the scene about to call the kids back only to find that Shinji had already done it.

The town doctor laughed, nodded respectfully at his son for helping the other youngsters back to their homes.

"Thanks!" Makio called waving over at Shinji and Asuka, the two of them waved back. Akane joining in before meeting up with her father.

Shinji taking her hand again, young soft skin brushing against the rough and aged flesh of the adult, and together they headed back inside. Asuka rolling her eyes at 'parent Shinji' taking charge but smirking all the same.

* * *

 _Dead of night  
_ _Haven_

Asuka rose from her bed, listening carefully, and slowly putting on a pair of trousers and a shirt. Carefully she opened her door and went down the hall of their little shack, listening carefully as she poked her head outside the door.

 _There's something going on..._ she thought.

Pushing the door open further, Asuka briefly stepped outside scanning the dark and staring out into the crop fields. She didn't think most people would have heard it, but she'd had trouble sleeping and started to hear the soft crunching sound of boots on branches. People walking in the fields without knowing the familiar paths through.

 _There_!

Asuka spotted a figure moving under the night sky, seeming to pull corn and other corps from their fields. Their hard earned and maintained food was being stolen.

She gritted her teeth and slowly went back inside.

…

"Uh... what..." Shinji slurred waking up quickly as Asuka entered his room. The woman already dressed and carrying one of Haven's hunting rifles. The one they kept locked in the back by Kay's orders.

"We're being robbed. Someone is stealing our crops. Get Kay and the others" Asuka whispered to him.

"You're sure?" Shinji whispered back getting to his feet in only his night clothes.

Asuka nodded, hefting the rifle up and heading out again.

Shinji's eyes widened and he hurried after her. He whispered her name but she kept moving, a determined look on her face somehow visible in the dark.

"Asuka. I- hey. Don't go out there alone. We have to-" Shinji whispered to her.

"They're not getting away without our food. We farmed this land, it's up to us to protect it. Where did they even come from" Asuka whispered back.

The two of them were already at the door when Asuka smirked at him, just like she used to when she was a pilot, saying "This is what we do. I got this."

Shinji was about to respond when she pushed the front door open and silently started jogging up towards the fields just outside their little shack. The same ones where Akane and the kids from earlier had been playing in.

 _Can't let her go alone._ Shinji thought, putting a hand on the door and about to run out after Asuka in the dark... when a sound stopped him.

"... dad" a small voice suddenly called out.

Shinji turned to see Akane walking out from her room, sleepily eyed and tired, she looked up at him wondering what was going on.

"Akane. Stay inside, okay. Daddy has to go but I'll be right back." Shinji said kneeling down and putting his arms around her.

"Dad you're scaring me" Akane whispered to him.

That was the thing about kids. They might not understand everything but they could still 'feel' the tension in the air. They knew when something was wrong by watching their parents.

"Don't be scared. If you hear anything, go out through the back and call for help. Okay, get Kay. You remember Kay, he's the sheriff" Shinji said patting her on the shoulder doing his best to reassure her. Inside he was just as worried as she was.

"... okay" Akane whispered back as he reluctantly let his daughter go, closed the door behind him, and went after Asuka out in the fields.

 _Stay inside Akane... please just stay inside_ he thought.

He felt vulnerable and exposed running through the dark like this. Staying as quiet as he could, and then he saw what Asuka had seen.

A lone figure in the dark moving through the crops, plucking the food free and stuffing it into a bag. More figures out in the dark.

Thieves stealing their crops at night.

 _Should have brought the ax... something... anything_ Shinji thought.

BANG

A gunshot came ringing out in the dark and the silence. The air seemed to still... the wind breezing past the crops as someone shouted and a figure fell to the ground.

"That's our food" Shinji heard Asuka saying as she as emerged onto a scene up ahead. She was scanning the fields as she moved, checking for other looters as she cornered the one she'd shot.

The commotion was starting to wake people. The gunshot so close that their neighbors must have heard, Shinji prayed that Akane listened and went out back to get Kay.

Asuka turned to glance his way, nodding to let him know that she saw him, before turning back to the wounded thief.

She kept the rifle raised, moving carefully through the crops, and examining the man she'd killed.

"Where did he-" Asuka was cut short by the sound of a gun going off.

BANG

BANG

BANG

BANG

The world stopped for a second. Asuka standing rifle raised, inspecting the dead thief, and then she was stumbling back... falling over as the breath left her lungs.

A second looter was in the fields... another thief... another attacker.

Asuka pulled the trigger on the rifle as she fell, aiming in the general direction of her shooter as she fell, old Eva training kicking even as she bled out.

"Gah!" someone nearby screamed as their arm was grazed by the rifle.

The rifle slipped from Asuka's grasp and she fell to the ground like a dead leaf. Eyes wide as she lay on the ground.

Shinji shouted and ran forward.

The second looter stepped out from his hiding place in the fields, looming over Asuka and cursing at the blood running down his arm. The man raised the handgun aiming for Asuka's head. Asuka glaring up defiantly at him as she winced in pain... blood beginning to weep from her chest.

 **Shinji tackled the man.**

"Ah!" the man cried out in surprise. Having been so focused on Asuka that he hadn't noticed Shinji at all.

Now the two of them grappling out in the fields. Shinji punching the man's ribs and shoving him back.

The man raised the handgun and Shinji put his hand over the barrel pushing it aside. **The trigger was pulled and Shinji screamed.**

BANG the gun went off _inside_ his grasp.

It felt like his hand was on fire. A splash of blood came flying out in the dark, his muscles screaming in agony as Shinji gritted his teeth.

He punched the man in the face, hard. The gun fell from both their grasps, and Shinji stumbled back wobbling on his feet as the thief did the same.

Shinji looked down at his hand in the dark, tears in his eyes, at the mangled sight that met his gaze.

The twisted and mangled flesh that had once been his hand and fingers.

 _Asuka... Asuka..._ he thought even as he witnessed his deformed hand bleeding heavily.

"Help! Help! Kay!" a voice called off distantly.

Akane's voice, she was somewhere far back away from all this. Safe for the moment and shouting for help, calling out to the neighbors even as they stirred from the gunshots.

The second looter was reaching for the handgun, kneeling down to scoop it off the ground, instead Shinji ran forward kneeing him in the stomach.

The man groaned before bringing his fist to Shinji's side.

They fought, grappling with each other amid the crops, Shinji screaming as the attacker yanked on his wounded and bleeding hand.

...

Asuka moaned on the ground, clutching her chest and nearly weeping from the pain and blood. She cursed and rolled herself over. It felt like she weighed a hundred pounds more, she was so cold, numb and going into shock. But she was a soldier and she wasn't out just yet.

"Ah!" she screamed reaching a bloody hand over and once again grabbing the hunting rifle.

...

Shinji surprised his attacker, punching him with his bad hand. The impact making him wince as he felt what was left his fingers scream in agony.

BANG... Asuka pulled the trigger on the rifle. Aiming from the ground and shooting the second thief in the leg. The round broke through the thief's ankle... and it exploded in a flash of blood, bone, and tissue. The man screamed and fell to the ground with Shinji on top of him.

Pinning the thief to the ground and beating his face in, Shinji shouted out in pain and anger. Asuka... Asuka his friend, his sister, his family shot and hurt on the ground whilst this... this monster of man came to steal their food. Shinji brought his fists to the man's face again and again, not caring that his right hand was bleeding and possibly missing fingers...

* * *

"Auntie and dad went running off- and- and- the gunshots" Akane was stammering. The little girl panicking and struggling to get the story straight.

"Okay, okay, leave it to Kay and the others, you did the right thing coming here sweaty. Just stay here with me where it's safe" Kioko Inoue, the wife of the town doctor, said calmly.

After alerting what people she could, she'd ran off to the doctor's house and told the story again. Makio and his son had ran out with the others after hearing the commotion.

"It's alright. Everything will be okay. My husband is rounding the others up to, just stay here." Kioko said holding Akane's hands as the little girl looked frightened.

* * *

Kay came running through the fields, rifle in hand, former JSSDF training kicking in as he took point with the others following behind. Sheriff of Haven leading a band of hunters and concerned farmers out to set things right. They were making a lot of noise but it couldn't be helped, better to be strong with numbers then few and spread out.

He came across the scene, Asuka laying on the ground in a pile of her own blood beside their hunting rifle, the body of a dead thief nearby, and Shinji... beating the life out of another thief. Pining the man down as he brought his fists to the man's face.

"Shinji! Shinji! We got this! Makio needs your help" Kay said reaching a hand over and pulling Shinji off of the beaten and bloody, but still living, thief.

"I... Asuka was shot... and my daughter she-" Shinji stammered, clearly in shock. A few of the other farmers, concerned and armed neighbors, reached out to steady him.

"Akane is safe. She's with Kioko. Leave this to us" Kay said gesturing to the hunters behind him to keep a look out for any other surprises in the dark. The men obeyed raising their rifles and crouching down in cover scanning for any other attackers.

It wasn't just Kay and the hunters whom come, it was their neighbors. Only the men, coming to help after hearing the gunshots and Akane's cries for help.

Shinji ignored the crowd of people as he stumbled back, nearly falling to where Asuka lay. He knelt down to find her breathing hard and looking up at him.

"Ahhh... hehe... saved your ass one last time... stupid Shinji..." Asuka said through blood stained teeth.

Shinji looked her over with wide eyes, panting out and breathing hard at his own blood loss, his hand screaming at him even now. He put pressure on Asuka's chest, feeling her blood coat his good hand as he did so.

Asuka winced harshly at that. Four bullets to the chest...

"Ahhhhh! So this is it huh?! A stupid farm out in the mountains? Gah, after all this... oh... Shinji I... I did not want... I-" Asuka started mumbling. Her voice slurring as she tried to speak with blood running down her lips.

"Don't talk. Save your strength... just... someone help" Shinji called out to the stunned neighbors, his voice raw and harsh with emotions.

Two of the gathered neighbors knelt down to help Shinji with Asuka. The men gasping in shock at the wounded woman, no one sure what to do.

...

Kay tied the surviving and beaten thief up, lifting the prisoner up and over his shoulder, and began organizing a look out party to check on everyone.

"Those two weren't the only ones. Overheard a few things on the way here. Keep an eye out, be careful" Kay was telling the gathered hunters and farmers.

...

Makio, the town doctor, came pushing through the crowd of people. Finding the wounded Shinji and Asuka, and ordering what men could be spared to help.

"Get her up gently. We have to take her back to my house. Someone start grabbing towels!" Makio said checking Asuka's pulse.

Shinji held onto Asuka's hand the whole time, his good hand nested in hers. His bad one aching from the bullet that had torn through his flesh, screaming and screaming to him in agony but he ignored it.

"Asuka... Asuka hold on. Makio's here. You're gonna pull through this" he said to her again and again.

Asuka only looked at him with fading eyes, almost tearful, as she weakly squeezed his good hand one last time... her fingers trailing gently against his.

Years and years later, he would still remember the feeling of her hand in his.

* * *

 **Part 4: Goodbye  
** _  
That same night  
_  
He sat there in Makio's home, the doctor treating her whilst Akane waited beside him. Kioko bandaging his mangled and deformed hand whilst her husband did what he could for Asuka.

Akane was crying beside him. The little girl staring at her father's missing fingers, her Auntie lying in the other room.

Shinji ran his good hand through her hair softly, whispering that everything would be okay. He said those words again and again... he thought if he said them enough that he'd even believe them.

An hour later Makio left the makeshift operating room, head hung low and delivered the bad news.

Asuka was dead.

Just like that... no warning or reason. A life just taken in the middle of night over crops.

Not just any life... but **Asuka.** The greatest of all the Eva pilots, the most skilled and fiery, the most proud and the strongest of the three. She had fought and killed the Angels... and in this cold cruel world she was killed by a stranger.

Akane cried into his shoulder for the whole night. Shinji letting her, resting his head over her's gently and holding his daughter close. His bandaged hand cool and calm thanks to the painkillers, but still twinging out in pain.

He just felt numb. It wasn't fair... Asuka was just gone. The last piece of his old life. He thought he'd been over this before... but it was like opening a fresh wound all over again.

After Third Impact, he had been alone. Alone for more than week in the barren and cold wasteland that stretched from Tokyo-03 to Tokyo-02 and beyond. He'd sat there in the rubble, a 14 year old traumatized boy, on the verge of mental breakdown for days... the corpses of the Mass Production Evas looming over him. He had made grave markers for Misato and the others.

Then Asuka had came back too. He hadn't been alone anymore... and she'd been hurt from her fight with the MP Evas. Angry at him for what he'd done in the hospital room so long ago...

Shinji had spent 135 days alone with Asuka in their old city. Her hating him every step of the way even as he cared for her and her wounds. And slowly... day by day... truth by truth... that hatred had faded... and they'd formed a bond. Almost like he had with Rei. But different. A different form of love and affection, not romantic but just as strong.

Asuka had been the last piece of the old times. Misato, Ritsuko, Kaji... they'd never came back. Aoba had came back only to die again in the end, their old city had fallen, and the three Eva pilots had traveled for years out among the roads and wastelands of Post Impact Japan before finding Haven.

Now Shinji was the last. The last Eva pilot... the last...

He closed his eyes and ran his hand reassuringly through his daughter's hair. He cried too, weeping softly and quietly before wiping the tears away. He had to be strong for his daughter and so he was, he let her grieve even as he did the same silently.

* * *

 **Shinji ended up losing two fingers.**

The handgun having blown them partially off, mangling his flesh and tearing apart his bones, leaving bits of skin hanging on by a thread. Ultimately Makio had had to amputate for risk of infection. Cutting off what remained of his pinky and ring fingers.

He'd been 'lucky' that he hadn't been wearing his wedding ring that night. He couldn't stand the thought of losing it… especially now.

Shinji spent the next few days in a daze and numbed sense. Akane wincing every time Makio changed his bandages and she saw what remained of his right hand, the three fingers and ugly scars, the stumps, at the end of his knuckles.

He was numb to it all. Occasional twinges of pain from his non-existent fingers made him wince, phantom pains from his missing flesh, but some wounds cut deeper than anything physical.

Tensions were high after the attack. There had indeed been more thieves, a lot of them actually. Hard to say exactly but maybe two dozen. Loads of their crops had been stolen, taken from the farm lands after all the work they'd put into growing them. Rumor had it that Kay acting as Haven's sheriff was interrogating the prisoner Shinji and Asuka had captured.

There was a militia being formed by decree of the mayor and Kay, no one opposed it. And every night there were patrols through the fields, and people checking up on each other in the middle of night in their homes and shacks to make sure everyone was okay.

There were other incidents. More nights were looters and thieves sneaked into Haven and stole food, medicine, and other goods. Kay and the other hunters/militia defended their lands but it was a lot of ground to cover. Mostly, Shinji stayed inside with his daughter at night.

Even still, amid all the crisis, Asuka was given a funeral. Damned straight, Shinji would have done it all by himself if he'd had too but no. People helped each other in Haven.

The funeral was nothing special. Just a small ceremony at the plot of land set aside by the original settlers, the graves.

Asuka was buried beside Rei. Her tombstone to the left of her.

People said a few words. Shinji had had his words but he kept them private, too lost in his thoughts and unwilling to 'bleed' in public so to say.

Akane took it hard. She had known the loss of her mother, but she had never truly _felt_ it. Akane had almost no memories of Rei, but she'd had plenty of Auntie Asuka. It was her first real experience with death and just like her father, it left her numb and distant.

After the ceremony, father and daughter stood looking over the grave.

"Asuka's gone" Akane said suddenly.

The lonely little girl watching the grave glumly. The tombstone beside her mother's, the simple yet oddly beautiful engravings.

Shinji stilled, glanced down at his daughter beside him. The wind blowing again, sending his ragged and dirt stained clothes rippling softly with the breeze.

 _That face... just like me. When I thought mom had died. I- I had no one. Gendo... Gendo just left me alone and told me to stop crying_ he thought somberly.

His fingers were hurting again.

His missing fingers. Like he could feel them curling softly alongside the remaining flesh, a phantom pain that came and went.

"She died" Shinji said, the words out coming soft and bittersweet, and resting his good hand on Akane's shoulder. It surprised him how much those words hurt. Another pain he'd carry throughout his days.

Akane closed her eyes as if in pain, letting her father hold her gently.

"Hey, hey come on. Look at me. It'd be okay." Shinji said, calmly turning and putting both his hands on Akane's shoulders.

The young girl opened her watery eyes, tears still lingering amid the red, and looked up at him as he knelt for her.

"I know it hurts. It hurts so much... like a piece of you is gone. That it's not fair. No warning... no... anything. But that's the way the world is, girl. It can be hard. Auntie Asuka knew that. Just like your mother did. Just like I do." Shinji said, shedding his own sorrow so he could be strong for Akane.

"I miss her... I miss my aunt" Akane croaked, brown hair blowing in the wind as her tears were held back. Holding the necklace Asuka had gotten her tight, close to her heart.

"I miss her too. Oh Akane... everything Asuka and I went through. I will miss her til the end of my days." Shinji said. Gently wiping the tears from her eyes.

Akane nodded her understanding, eyes still pink and bloodshot from crying.

"Everybody dies sometime, kiddo." Shinji said sadly, bittersweet in his comfort. Death was never easy to explain or comfort. He hadn't had anyone for him, so he'd be damned sure Akane had him.

"Even you?" Akane asked her lips trembling as she did so.

Shinji felt his heart crack at that... the fear and haunting sorrow in her eyes, the tremble in her lips, the shaking of her hands. A child whom comes to truly understand death, to see the mortality of her parents.

He brought his bad hand up, gently cupping her face.

Akane hiccuped and ran her fingers along his, wincing as she felt his missing fingers. The scars from his fight with Asuka's murderer.

"Death is a part of life. I'm gonna die. You're gonna die, years and years from now when you're old and I'm gone. It's not fair, but... we have to keep going. Your mother taught me that years and years ago. Because maybe it's not how we die but how we live that's important." Shinji told her. Comforting her the way no parent ever had for him.

A father always wants more for their children than what they had.

"Sounds like something mom would have said" Akane said smiling through her tears.

Shinji smiled back at her, hiding his own tears, being strong for her.

"Yeah. Your mom was so much smarter than me. Wise, and kind too. She had a hard life, and she was happy despite it all." Shinji said his own voice trembling.

"It's just hard... I- why does it have to hurt so much dad? Mom... and now Auntie?!" Akane asked him, wrapping her arms around her father in a hug. Gasping out in small hushed breathes as she cried.

"No one ever said that life was easy. That it was fair. I wish I could make it better. That I could bring them back... but I can't. I wish I could give you a better world. For you to never know this pain, these hardships. I would give anything so you'd never have to feel alone again. But I can't, Akane. It hurts me so much to tell you that." he said. And he meant it... he'd given anything to give her a better life.

He held his daughter close, and grimly looked ahead to see Kay the town sheriff standing off in the distance, giving them their space and waiting patiently.

Akane smiled up at him, tears beginning to fade as he held her in a father's embrace.

Kay had found out where the looters were from and how they were sneaking in at night. Interrogating the prisoner, Kay had discovered that the group was camped out somewhere in the forest lining the mountains. Apparently the looters had climbed the mountainous terrain from the other side, having learned the hard way that all the roads to Haven were blocked, then traveled all the way around mountain to hide in the woods before sneaking down at night. Kay knew where they were camped, old recon training kicking in, having found traces of their camp in the woods.

 _So this is what we've become. Defending our home from looters, going out to take care of them once and for all_ Shinji thought darkly. Still clutching his daughter close.

Akane knew Kay was waiting for her father. She looked up at him pleadingly.

"I don't want you to go... I want you to stay here with me. Dad, please... you're hurt" Akane pleaded silently.

He looked down at his mangled hand. It wasn't fully healed but it was functional. Three working fingers was enough to pull a trigger. Part of him wanted to stay with Akane, to leave it to Kay and the new formed militia. Another part wanted revenge for Asuka, and a small part knew he had to go... he was a part of Haven now.

"I know, girl. I know. But I have to go. This is our home and we have to make it safe." Shinji answered sweetly.

Akane let out heavy breath after heavy breath, before taking a step back and exhaling hard. Drying her tears for good. Her hands never leaving his bad one. Ten fingers interlocking with three.

"Be safe" Akane said managing a smile that reminded him of Rei so much.

"I will be. I'm coming back. I promise. And I always keep my promises remember?" Shinji said.

"Pinky swear" Akane said holding up a hand. Like she used to when she was just a little girl.

"Pinky swear" Shinji said taking her pinky with his and swearing.

Nearby, Kay stood along the path leading to the plot of land for their graves. Respectfully keeping his distance and giving the family their space.

But Shinji knew it was time to go, and with one last ruffle of her hair, he let his daughter go. Walking off to join Kay and re-group with the others.

Akane watching her father the entire time.

* * *

 **Part 5: Militia**

The woods

 _Somewhere along the mountainous terrain surrounding Haven_

"No one goes off playing hero. I'm a soldier but you all are militia, stick to the plan. Don't get too spread out and if it comes to it, retreat and head back." Kay told the gathered team of hunters and farmer, Haven's militia sent out. A larger force defending Haven whilst they went on the attack.

Shinji gripped Aoba's old handgun tightly with his good hand. All these years and he still kept that gun, a memento from the man who'd given his life for Shinji and his family. He couldn't use a rifle in his state, but he could still shoot with his left hand. Shinji may not have been JSSDF like Kay, but he'd been a pilot, had fought the Angels and some of that experience helped him here and now.

"We hit them hard and fast. Break up their camp, send them running. Don't wander off, stay with the militia." Kay told the group of men.

In his mind's eye, Shinji could imagine Asuka standing there beside him. Hunting rifle in hand, ready to go out and do what needed to be done, always strong. Always the soldier at heart... and now she was gone.

He shook it off and followed Kay, the dozen or so men moving quietly through the woods.

* * *

 _The assault_

When they came across the looters and their camp, Shinji was surprised to see women among them. Only four out of maybe twenty five or so, but women. Mostly adults, and it startled him. That women were part of this, a part of the violence that had taken place.

The looters sat there in there ragged clothes, eating the stolen crops, gathered around a meager camp fire. They were wearing clothes that belonged to the farmers at Haven, drinking out of bottles that had once been inside their community storage. Everything stolen.

Kay raised a hand, the signal for them to stay back behind the treeline even as he slowly crept forward. None of them had been noticed yet, hiding behind the tree line even as the looters camped out without a care in the world. Thinking themselves smart for keeping the fire small, for hiding out in the woods. For taking such drastic measures to get around Haven's main gate and passed the blocked roads into town.

When the gunshot rang out, it took a moment for the looters to realize what was happening. And by then, Kay had already fired again and again. Three shots, three kills, military precision.

Shinji and the others ran out, spreading out but never too far, using the trees as cover as they ran through the trees. The looters had weapons too. Handguns taken or stolen from elsewhere.

BANG

A farmer running beside Shinji gasped and fell to the ground with a hole in his neck.

Shinji fired his handgun twice in the general direction of the looters, taking cover behind a tree even as another shot came whizzing past his head. It left his ear ringing but no matter.

Kay kept a reasonable distance, circling through the area and seeming to disappear among the trees and forest, rifle going off occasionally.

The looters were scrambling, they'd only had a few weapons it seemed. They panicked. Breaking up and scattered even as Kay and the others started picking them off.

Shinji leaped from his cover and spotted a grown man in his thirties lifting a rifle towards him... a hunting rifle from Haven... how much had these people stolen from them!

Shinji was quicker. He shot the man before the rifle could go off.

"Gah!" the thief cried as he dropped the rifle. Shinji shot him twice more, before running forward and taking cover again.

The camp was in ruins, the men and women scattering as Kay and the Haven militia made short work of them. Outnumbered, but the surprise and weapons giving them the edge.

BANG

BANG

Gunfire from both directions. Haven's militia vs the breaking group of looters caught unaware.

Shinji grunted as he was tackled by another looter, a man roughly his own age, the two of them shifting back and slamming into a tree trunk. His back ached as he collided into the hardened wood, but the attacker was on him and Shinji had to act.

He tried to raise the handgun again, but the man grabbed his wrist slamming him further into the tree trunk, forcing the gun away. Shinji grunted in pain as his attacker brought a knee into his chest. Knocking the wind out of him.

Shinji used his bad hand, reached forward and jabbing a single finger into the man's eye.

"Ah!" the man cried as Shinji got the handgun free, centered the barrel in the man's chest, and fired twice.

BANG

BANG

Shinji slipped free of the dying man's grasp, panting as he stumbled forward looking for more cover.

 _Always get to cover. Move through battlefield carefully, never wander. Cover to cover. Be smart_ Kay's instructions drilled into militia over and over again.

Through the haze of chaos unfolding around him, he saw Haven's militia moving the way he did, running cover to cover and always staying in sight of each other, nearly half of the looters dead whilst the survivors ran in all directions.

Kay was there, trained soldier moving through the place with JSSDF efficiency, firing his rifle, breaking up the camp and leading the militia.

"Shinji to your right!" someone called.

He turned in time and reacted more than he thought. He saw a figure running at him with a knife in hand, the blade rusted and brown, but sharp nonetheless, and Shinji shot them...

"Ceasefire! They're gone. No chasing, that's enough for today." Kay was calling, reloading his rifle and carefully scanning the area. Two hunters following his lead.

Shinji stood panting, his eyes wide in shock, hands shaking at the sight before his eyes... the attacker he had shot and killed.

The figure running after him with the knife.

It was a boy. Just a kid... barely even a teenager at best. Maybe 12 years old? Not much older than Akane even... he... he had killed this boy.

He almost dropped Aoba's gun, a bitter taste raising in his throat. Turning, he looked around seeing the bodies of the looters inside their camp. Those men and women whom had stolen food, medicine, clothes, and even weapons from Haven and who knows where else. Dead.

It left him numb and cold. He hated them for what they did to Asuka. He hated himself for having had to kill a kid... even one whom had tried to kill him... how could a parent ever do that another child?

...

Kay was ordering them to regroup, apparently they'd lost two men and three others were hurt. Haven's militia moving through the looter's camp carefully. Shinji stiff and silent, watching the bodies.

In the end he followed along, eyes lost and something in him breaking that day...

The camp destroyed. Taken down, what goods were still viable taken back to Haven. Less than half of the looters remaining and scattered, lost somewhere along the mountainous terrain that was unfamiliar to them. Driven from Haven by force.

* * *

When Shinji returned home there was no joy in his eyes. So he'd killed some looters and thieves, so what? Asuka was still dead. Nothing changed for him. His fingers were still gone.

Haven was safer for now, but they were still cautious. The militia still checking up on things at night, taking shifts, swapping nights, and the children never stayed out once night fell. Not anymore.

Akane had hugged him when he'd came back. Running to meet him along with the other townspeople, and though he'd reassured her, she'd seen the change in his eyes once again. That distant look Auntie Asuka had told her about it.

…

"Dad... are you hurt?" Akane asked him next morning.

Shinji had been sitting on porch of his little shack. Silently watching the fields again, the fields were Asuka had first spotted the band of looters... and the fields where she had been shot.

"I'm fine." Shinji answered, colder than he'd meant to.

Akane frowned at him, silent and worried as she approached still in her morning clothes.

"Is it your hand again? Does it still hurt?" Akane said speaking softly and innocently, taking a seat beside him on the porch.

He glanced down at his bad hand. Sometimes he could almost feel the missing fingers, the occasional twinge of pain.

"No. I'm sorry Akane, just have a lot on my mind" Shinji said wrapping an arm around his daughter and holding her close. Akane didn't resist, ever since the attack she had been a bit clingy but he never minded that.

Akane hummed softly, sitting there at the porch with him, reminding him so much of her mother.

He wondered what Rei would have made of all this. What... what this broken world had made them all into. That boy he had killed, that boy must have had a mother and father just like Akane. That wasn't right... in his worst nightmares he could imagine Akane in the camp... Akane the kid holding that rusted and battered knife... Akane the kid that gets shot by a grown man. Faceless and features... a brutal reality in the world left behind by the Impact.

 _It's easy to forget what it's like out there. My family and I basically won the lottery by making into Haven. All the violence we saw on the way here... that city we saw in the distance with smoke looming over... another failed attempt to survive out in the wastelands... and then those men whom attacked us... god that was almost ten years ago. But I remember it all the same._ Shinji thought.

He thought about that a lot lately. Just everything that had happened. This was his life now. It was almost impossible for him to remember that lonely little boy he'd been a lifetime ago.

 _Do you know about this, mom? Did you ever think this would happen? If you had... would you stayed? Would you have helped us?_ Shinji wondered to himself. Gazing up at the stars in the night sky with Akane at his side.

The stars seemed indifferent to the world below, cold and uncaring, infinitely far away from the earth and the people living on it still.

* * *

 **Part 6: Humanity  
**  
Shinji wished that raid on the looter's camp had been the end of it. But it wasn't, the Haven militia had stopped two more attempts at night. The surviving and wounded looters still trying to get food and medicine before learning the hard way that it would never happen again.

The militia were sent on patrols now. Never going alone, and only scanning the area for suspicious looking things or signs of another camp. Kay having gone alone on another trading mission, moving very quickly on his own, and coming back with more ammo. Most of it 'homemade' so it say. Carved metal with gunpowder poured in, not the most elegant solution but it worked.

People asked Shinji again if he was okay to patrol, if his hand still gave him trouble, but Shinji always shook his head saying he'd do his part.

It was one of the patrols when he stumbled upon _her._

Shinji had been walking along the patrol through the rough terrain that edged towards the outskirts of Haven. No real roads there, but empty fields that they just didn't have enough manpower to farm, the place wasn't really part of Haven. Just a plot of land that no one worked, but it was close enough to investigate.

He carried a hunting rifle now, his bad hand having healed enough for him to use it moderately well. Kay was somewhere nearby, scouting out the treeline, the place where the steep forest terrain began to overlap with the land down here at the outskirts.

When Shinji spotted dried blood on the ground.

Kneeling, he noticed a trail. A trail of blood. Not fresh but not entirely 'old' either. Thin and noncontinuous, more like a wound that keep weeping blood drop by drop. He considered calling out to Kay for help, but Shinji didn't spot any other tracks and followed it by himself. Decided that it if went too far he'd double back for reinforcements.

...

At the end of the blood trail, Shinji stumbled upon a woman lying on the plot of unused land. A bit older than him even.

The woman was lying down, face up, having collapsed some time ago. Weak and barely breathing, blood staining her shirt. Staring up at the sky with weak distant eyes, unable to get up from her wounds.

He shouldered the rifle, keeping his good hand on the handgun holstered on his belt, and knelt down beside the strange woman. Shinji looked her over, checking her wounds.

 _She was stabbed... bleeding and near death_ he thought.

The woman blinked and looked up at him, she was terrified. She knew she was dying, he could see it in her eyes. He knew that look because he'd had it before too.

The woman stared at him, weak, bleeding, and barely able to move after all this time. Dressed in blood stained rags and dirt stained hair. She was in bad shape, must have been running from something or someone.

What if she was part of the looters that raided Haven? Part of the group that killed Asuka? What if... what if she was the mother of that boy he'd killed?

Kay would have shot her. Would have put an end to it right then and there.

But parts of Shinji were conflicted. Years from now, what if this woman was Akane? Huh? He didn't know this woman's story. He couldn't.

 _Is that what we are now? Killing each other just like that. Over food or the suspicion of thief? Are we all truly that broken?_ He pondered.

Shinji didn't like it. He didn't want Akane to live in a world that was broken, a world without good people. What if it was her lying there wounded and dying, would someone have helped her?

"Ahhh... no-" the girl wheezed, weakly trying to speak with him. Trying to plead for her life. She raised a trembling hand, dried blood covering her fingers, and tried to wave.

 _Please no... please... don't..._ the woman seemed to say. Trying to plead with him. Begging him with her eyes to just let her go. To leave her be. She looked at him as if he was death itself, and Shinji didn't like it.

 _There are still good people_ he thought fiercely. Shinji refused to let the world break him, refused to lose his humanity. He clung to it, to that thought.

Carefully, he picked the girl up. Shinji scooping her into his arms even as she trembled, she was afraid of him. In their world, she had every right to be.

"Don't be scared. I've got you" Shinji told her as he started to carry her. He knew he could barter for some bandages and medicine back in town. Makio would know what to do.

The woman stared at him with wide eyes, at this kind stranger whom stopped to help her. She couldn't understand 'why'? Why had this man helped her?

* * *

Kay was not pleased.

"Who the hell is that?" the sheriff said. Rifle gripped tightly and staring down the wounded woman in Shinji's arms.

"Someone who needs help" was all Shinji said. The woman barely conscious even as he carried her.

Kay looked the wounded girl over, checking the bloodstains and tilting his head.

"Stabbed maybe a day or two ago. Probably infected. Shinji, we don't know who this woman is. Why are you trying to help her?" Kay asked.

The former soldier didn't budge even as Shinji tried to move forward.

"... I'm just tried of the violence. She's hurt and we can help her, maybe that's enough of a reason." Shinji said somberly. His voice dry and worn out.

Kay considered that for a moment, shouldering his rifle.

"If you do this Shinji, she will be your responsibility. She dies, you bury her. She lives, you'll question her or else I will." Kay said.

 _I was JSSDF. I get people to talk. I don't like it anymore than you do, but that's the world we live in_ Kay seemed to say. The unspoken words between them.

Shinji nodded. And Kay gestured for him to follow. The two men returned from the patrol and heading back to Haven as fast as they could.

…

Getting the wounded girl to doctor Makio wasn't easy. She stirred sometimes, dropping in and out of consciousness, trying to talk at times but her throat was raw and dry. Her voice rough and barely a whisper.

She had a fever of some kind too. Her forehead warm to the touch.

It caused a small fuss. The mayor glancing at them, but saying nothing even as a few of the other farmers crossed the arms. Not completely hostile, just unsure.

Akane ran up to him asking what was going on. Shinji told her what he could just as Makio stepped out of the crowd of onlookers, grim expression planted on his face. Another tough day for the town doctor.

* * *

 _Haven_

True to his word, Kay wanted Shinji to take responsibility for the woman. He visited every now and then, Shinji and Akane kind enough to feed the man. But the former soldier was more interested in staring down the woman. Acting as a kind of guard whenever he came.

According to Makio, the woman was underweight. Having been living off scraps for sometime, stabbed twice, the wounds getting infected and showing the very first stages of festering. Another few hours and she might have been too far gone.

Shinji had had to barter for some of the medicine the woman needed, it wasn't a big deal, just more runs for the trading missions. The mayor being more understanding of why Shinji did what he did than he would have expected.

…

Sometimes, the woman would wake up in a daze. Shinji doing his part to help Makio, following the doctor's instructions, and getting the man personally if needed. Looking after the woman. Bandaging her wounds the way Makio and his wife had taught him.

Feeding her by spoon. Putting a wet rag to her forehead to help with the fever.

When she was better and she could talk more, he put her at ease. Letting her know that they were caring for her as best they could.

She was still scarred. Not of him, just... just the world... even as she healed and her fever went down.

"Everything's going to be alright. Hey, what's your name?" Shinji asked her one day when she was awake. He'd been helping her eat, now that she was strong enough to move a bit, able to sit up slightly.

The woman looked up at him with unsteady eyes. There was a quiet strength in there, he could see it, but was she also hurt and lost. Lost just like so many others these days.

Weakly, she answered him.

"... Mari"

"Mari huh? I'm Shinji" he said holding out his hand.

After a moment of hesitation, Mari reached out and shook his hand weakly.

The door creaked open behind him, and Shinji turned to see little Akane stepping inside carrying another blanket for their 'guest'.

"And this is my daughter, Akane" Shinji said offering a small smile.

"Hello" Akane said, draping the blanket over the resting Mari. Looking over the woman with a curious gaze, before returning to her father's side. Clutching the necklace around her neck.

"When you're a bit healthier we need to talk. Nothing serious, just some basic questions. Need to know what happened to you out there." Shinji said.

Mari nodded slowly. Still confused and in awe of this man and his daughter. The people who had helped her without cause or reward in mind.

Shinji got to his feet, leaving Mari the food and the spoon, and took his daughter's hand.

"Just take it easy for now. Rest." Shinji said before turning to leave with Akane.

Mari watched them go. Eating what food she could before curling into herself under the blanket and trying to get some sleep.

* * *

 **Part 7: E** **pilogue  
** _  
The Current Timeline_

Eva Unit 01 lay still and motionless within its launchpad. The Other Shinji haven't needed to step in after all.

All around the hangar, Nerv teams were working. Up in the command center, Ritsuko and Misato were working. Using the comm and reading the data analyzed by the Magi supercomputers.

Up on the surface of Tokyo-03, the city had gone into it's defensive mode. The buildings descended into the safety of the bunkers below, the defensive structures raised.

Asuka kept the AT Field up.

Gritting her teeth as her Eva held its own against the strange Angel glaring at her. The Beast roaring as it clawed uselessly at the shield.

 _Now_ Asuka thought. Pushing forward and slamming her AT Field into the face of the Angel, bringing the monster down.

Eva Unit 02 raised the pallet rifle, the gigantic machine gun, and emptied the clip into the Angel's faceplate. Breaking it and revealing the luminous Angel tissue beneath. The core exposed.

Asuka raised the Eva's boot and lowered on it on the Angel core. Crushing the red sphere with a sickening splat. Putting an end to the fight once and for all.

"One down" she called into the comm.

"Good job, be careful. Rei might need backup" Misato answered back into the comm.

Asuka turned and found the wondergirl locked in combat against the second Angel, the strange beast _virtually identical to the one Asuka had killed._

She raised the rifle, reloaded, and began firing in slow steady burst. Aiming for the Angel's legs, at this range they couldn't tear apart the armor but they didn't need to.

The second Angel stumbled, the monstrous figure like a hairless gorilla armored in scales, bulging with enormous muscle, faceplate ghost white and menacing. Rei raised up her own AT Field and battled the Beast back using all the Eva's weight in the blow.

The Angel went flying back, and Asuka and Rei came running after it prog knives raised. Together they stabbed the beast through it's faceplate, crushing the Angel core beneath and killing it.

 _Eva Team Three. Not so bad after all. We get the job done_ Asuka thought allowing herself a small smirk now that the threat was dealt with.

Misato was congratulating them over the comm, but it just wasn't the same without stupid Shinji. She could hear it in Misato's voice, she still worried over the boy. The victory felt hollow for their captain.

"I do not like this" Rei said on the comm suddenly. Her voice stiff and nervous, a rare thing for the calm and detached soldier.

Asuka turned her Eva to look at her. Surprised more than anything. The pale skinned girl hardly said a word these days, spending most of her time at school, sync tests at Nerv, or else staring at the launchpad where Shinji was trapped inside Eva Unit 01.

"What?" Asuka asked.

"... these Angels. I have seen them before. The Beast Angel. Shinji and I killed one months ago. And today, they are the same. Down to the color. Copies. Duplicate Angels. It is unnerving" Rei said eerily thoughtful on the comm.

Asuka felt a chill run down her spine. She glanced at her Eva's displays and saw Rei was right. During the fight she hadn't had time to think about it, but now she saw _it_.

These Angels were exactly the same. Same height, structure, weapons, even the same face-plates. And apparently Shinji and Rei had seen this Angel once before... months and months ago before Asuka had arrived in Tokyo-03. The Beast Angel.

 _What the hell is going on?_ Asuka thought.

* * *

 **Hope the timelines switching wasn't confusing. Multiple threads in this chapter.  
As for Asuka... I know some readers will be mad about that but it's about the world they lived in. The fact that even she could be killed like that. I wanted that sense of unfairness and bitterness over her death. The greatest Eva pilot killed in a shooting. And the effect it had on Original Shinji.**

 **What did you think of Akane? She's smart for her age, but she's still a child.**  
 **Next chapter, Other Mari.**


	26. Eyes

**Hey guys, I'm back.**  
 **Been busy with school and work. As exams are approaching, I find myself tutoring more and more students in the middle of cram sessions. Such is life.**

 **Anyway, here is Chapter 26 'Eyes'. This chapter was split into two because of it's length and change in tone and themes.**  
 **This part will be heavily Character based, whilst next Chapter will be much more Plot.**

* * *

" _They say that eyes are the windows into the soul. That what you can, and can not, see in them will tell you more than anything else could. Your life's story written for all to see._

 _I've done things I'm not proud of. Not always out of necessity, but out of another kind of 'need'. The absence of intimacy leaves you cold. I learned that the hard way. People have wants, people have needs, and maybe that makes me a sort of monster._

 _The kind that my bastard of a father was... but maybe not. I like to think that I was better than him. That I actually did 'care'. But not in that way, never that way ever again."_

 _- **the Broken Man**._

* * *

 **Part 1: The Present**

The Current Timeline  
Tokyo-03

Hospitals sucked.

That was the first thought that Mari had when she woke up.

17 years old, wearing nothing but a hospital gown, with bandages wrapped around her head and with a single black eye. Mari had woken alone in her room, the tv left on and playing the news.

One of the talking heads on the tv screen was reporting on the damage done to the city.

"The devastation from the incident, the coordinated attack from two Angels, has left the city reeling. Yet in spite of it all, there are signs of hope and reconstruction. Nerv and the JSSDF pulling their resources to aid in the efforts."

Mari watched the tv before groaning as she sat up, her muscles aching, and stretched as best she could. It was so bland in here, the curtains closed, the beds cool and lifeless.

 _Another white room. I always hated these rooms. And the doctors, white, they always dress in white_ she thought.

She scowled remembering the incident from before, remembered Zeruel. The breach of Nerv and her battle with that Angel. Her Eva's arm being blown off. Impaled, and thrown aside like she was nothing.

 _Hurts the ego more than the body_ Mari thought laughing to herself, despite her injuries.

She didn't know what had happened since the breach at Nerv. But she was alive and here in this room, so it must have worked out alright. She got to her feet, stretching despite the aches in her bones, and ripped the cord to the IV bag off.

Mari felt fine... well... a little shitty but nothing she couldn't handle.

"Shinji... where did you go dummy?" she whispered to herself. Maybe it was bit romantic, but she'd had liked to think he would have been there for her when she woke.

Instead she'd woken alone, so very alone, in the white rooms she and Shinji had grown to despise as the years had gone on.

…

Mari spent the rest of the day getting yelled at by the hospital staff, for 'wandering' the halls aimlessly.

"Was just looking for some food" had been Mari's only response. Well, food and some news. No one told her anything.

At least until Misato came to visit.

Mari was emancipated, a legal adult in the eyes of the government, and her relationship with her parents was strained. She had no one but Shinji whom cared about her, so it was a surprise to say the least when his guardian came walking into her room.

Misato entering where that same red jacket of hers and annoyingly short shorts. She knew Shinji liked the woman a lot, but Mari could never Misato as the 'mothering' type.

"Hey, want some pudding?" Mari said in greeting.

 _What is it with this girl and pudding? Her and Shinji too?_ Misato thought, frowning at the words.

Mari sat watching the talking heads on the tv, eating the crappy hospital food, and relying mostly on the pudding to get her through the day.

"No. Mari... how are you?" Misato said, the older woman standing in the doorway. Wincing as she took in the sight of the wounded girl. The Eva pilot that had faced Zeruel head on, one on one, and had lived to tell the tale. Had actually wounded the nightmare of an Angel by stabbed the monster in the eye.

"Feeling like shit, but I'll be alright. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Anyway, what happened?" Mari said turning the tv off and sitting up in her hospital bed.

Mari raised an eyebrow as Misato tossed her a bag of clothes. A pair of simple jeans, shoes, and a shirt, nothing special.

"It's a long story. Come on, get dressed and I'll debrief you" Misato said.

Something about miss 'mama' Misato's tone was freaking Mari out. The slightly pauses in her voice, the hesitant look in her eyes.

...

Leaving the hospital was simple enough, Mari signing herself out, emancipated and all that, Misato leading her to her car. Misato watching Mari the whole way, as if worried Mari would fall.

 _Pfft, I got it._ Mari thought more amused than anything. Misato seemed to be going out of her be nice to her, and that made things weird.

"I called your parents" Misato told her once they were in the parking lot.

Mari flinched back, stunned.

"You did what? I... you have no right!" Mari said actually getting angry.

Misato fumbled for her keys, and glanced up at Mari with annoyed look.

"They're your parents, kid. They happen to care what happens to you. Expect a call from them, let them know you're okay" Misato said. Mari crossing her arms while she found the keys, and opened the passenger door for her.

 _Stupid adults, always thinking they know better_ Mari thought.

The car ride was awkward to say the least. Misato took Mari to her apartment first, letting the girl take a quick shower and get some footing so to say.

To make matter worse, Misato had been right, her father called.

Mari answered the phone and was immediately met with a lecture. A disapproving voice telling her about the dangers of piloting, of the madness of it all.

Mari listened to the old man drone on and on.

"Dad! Dad, _shut up_ and let me talk!" Mari had finally shouted.

That had stopped her father in his tracks, she could hear his labored breathing on the other end, and sighed continuing before he started up again.

"I'm okay. I am, you can stop pretending you care so much" Mari said into her cellphone.

"I _do_ care. Don't think that just because we let you-"

"I. AM. OKAY." Mari called back into the phone. Shutting her father off a second time. The phone shaking in her hands. Damn Misato, it been months since she'd spoken with her old man.

"My life, I chose this, okay. I'm not a kid anymore. Jeez. Tell mom... I'm alright too. Bye." Mari said hanging up her phone.

Misato was listening in from outside. It was kinda hard not to hear, but Mari didn't care so long as 'mama Misato' didn't try to 'fix' her life.

...

From there, Misato took her back to Nerv HQ for debriefing. The place had seen better days, the reconstruction efforts nearing the end of the operation, but the base had been breached and that had changed things forever.

She was briefed on what had happened while she was recovering. Eva Unit 01 breaking free of its plate armor, killing the two Angels, and absorbing Shinji into itself.

Mari sat through the briefing wordlessly, eyes growing hard as she learned of Shinji's fate.

She was told of the next incident, of the two Beast Angels and Eva Team Three's successful response to them. Asuka and Rei handling the matter.

Looked like Mari had been 'out of the game' for a bit. But now she didn't know what to do. Misato had been kind to her, in that woman's own way, but now Mari was useless.

Her Eva was out of commission for the time being. Too badly damaged during the fight with Zeruel.

...

After another sync test, the first since she'd left the hospital, she'd spoken with the technicians and asked to see the footage from that night. It had been hard, but Misato had given her clearance in the end.

So she'd sat there... watching the recordings of her boyfriend and his Eva. The night he had been taken from her.

"The eyes" Mari said, her voice still and low. Barely a whisper as she watched the recordings from the control panel, Maya and Aoba leaving her alone as they worked on their own problems in the command center.

The footage showed Eva Unit 01 leaping from the corpse of the strange sphere like Angel, that being that had trapped objects inside itself, with living shadows that reached out for prey.

Showed the 'awakened' Evangelion handle that tank of an Angel, Zeruel, and behead it. The AT Blade, a power no one had ever seen before.

But it was the eyes that unnerved Mari.

She had overheard some of the staff theorizing that a part of the pilot(Shinji) had been in there, directing the Eva to save them. But Mari doubted it. The eyes were wrong.

Her Shinji was not as cold as that. The Eva had broken eyes... intelligent... somehow human but not human.

Nothing like the boy she... that she loved. How cruel that that this happened, things had been going good for the both of them. They had been together, and it had been... been wonderful in its own way. A relationship unlike anything she'd ever had known. An affection.

Shinji had given her his virginity, he had been awkward and clumsy, but everyone was on the first. She hadn't cared at the time, she still hadn't, only that she had had Shinji. That they'd been together, and had _lived_ life on their own terms _._

The thought brought a sad smile to her lips. That dummy.

Her Shinji had always been strange. She had liked that about him, even when they had been kids, but other times he seemed like two different people.

The smile fell from her lips.

Memories flashed through her mind.

...

She was 14 years old, and Shinji was 11. Both of them living inside the mental ward.

The boy had sneaked into her room somehow, eyes distant and somehow not his, and had touched her forehead.

" **I will not remember this** " the Original Shinji had told her head gently, running a hand across her forehead.

Mari gasping, unable to move, confused and wondering what had happened to her only friend in the world.

" **I hope we never meet again. Goodbye Mari** " he had told her, hollow empty eyes boring into hers.

That was night when her Shinji had had a seizure so bad that he'd been hospitalized. And in the days that followed... Mari had been deemed 'healthy' and was released from the mental ward.

She never even got the chance to say goodbye. Dr. Page dismissing her just like that. Denied visits and any contact.

And then, years later, when the two had reunited. When Mari had taken him to that park so they could dance.

She had hugged him. Whispering to him that she remembered. And in that instant, something had changed. A coldness that the boy hadn't had before.

Pushing her back, his hand on her shoulder, breaking their embrace. The boy turning away from her, avoiding her gaze... yet she had glimpsed that same look. Those eyes from when she was just 14.

" **Don't bring that up. You shouldn't talk about that Mari. The past is the past** " the Original Shinji had told her.

...

Watching the footage of the awakened Eva... it reminded her of those eyes. The stiffness in the Eva's movements. More alive than machine, yet somehow cold and empty.

"Shinji... oh dummy... what happened to you?" Mari whispered somberly. There was nothing she could do, and she hated it. Nothing but wait for Dr. Akagi and the recovery teams to figure something out.

* * *

 **Part 2: Lingering Pains**

 _The Other Timeline_ _  
Memories of the Original Shinji  
18 years after Third Impact_

The village resting in the flat lands between a series of mountains, known as Haven, was peaceful this night. A welcomed development in the face of the previous week. Looters and thieves making their way from a camp hidden in the woods, stealing food, killing one inhabitant, and wounding several others.

Yet, Shinji Ikari lay restless within his bed. When he dreamed... they weren't really dreams anymore. They were scars. Phantom pains that haunted him.

Shinji dreamed he was 14 years old again. Sitting at a ramen restaurant with the others, another lifetime ago. A place not without trial and pain, but somehow better. _Whole._

Misato was there. Wearing that old jacket of hers and ordering them food. He sat at the bar stand with Asuka and Rei at either side of him. Shinji could remember this day, and he knew that it had long since passed but he didn't care.

"Stupid Shinji" Asuka was saying. Youthful and strong, unmarked by the strains of the Post Impact world. Fiery red hair that matched her personality, always the best, the greatest of the Eva pilots.

Rei sipping quietly at her food, she never did like eating meat, staring into her bowl with odd curiosity. Glancing up at him from the corner of her eyes... quiet but not silent. Isolated but not alone. Pale white skin and white blue hair, a 'thing' created for a purpose, yet a being that had begun to develop a will of her own. A comrade, a friend... the woman whom would would day become the love of his life.

Shinji sat there in the ramen house quietly. Looking at them with old tears in his eyes.

In his dream, he was still a kid, but his hands gave him away. He was missing two fingers, and the skin of his palms was littered with tiny little scars from years of fieldwork.

 _I'm sorry_ Shinji thought. Asuka and Rei deaf to his pleads.

The walls of the restaurant were gone. Vanishing with a flicker. Leaving only the four of them. Shinji watched, sorrow filling his heart, as Misato turned to ash before his eyes.

Asuka and Rei, 14 years old, followed. Dissolving away into nothing even as he tried to stop it. Shinji's hands catching only ash. The dirt slipping through his fingers even as the world around him crumbled into nothing. Dust in the wind.

The dream changed.

He wasn't 14 anymore. He was 32, dressed in ragged and dirt stained field clothes, kneeling down in an empty stretch of land, the ruins of Tokyo-03 visible in the distance. Covered in the ashes of his family. Asuka, Rei, Misato... all of them dead. All of them faces erased and gone... just like that. No meaning or rhythm to it.

If he could have cried, he would have. But the tears just wouldn't come. Everything was just too much.

The corpses the Mass Production Evas towered over him from the red sea. Ghost white monstrosities that lingered long after their purpose, the horror of another lifetime, headless and deformed they laughed at him.

Cold, strange sounds that shook the earth itself. SEELE's folly, their greatest creation and their worst failure.

And above, visible in the night sky... a lone star shining in the expanse. Evangelion Unit 01, drifting further and further away, beyond the little planet and its problems. Yui Ikari drifting far far away.

Shinji could feel pieces of himself breaking along the years. He sat there numb and lost to the world in his dreams... alone in the dark and the cold.

He felt a tug on his hand, and he turned to see little Akane sitting beside him. Pale white skin and red eyes, just like her mother, but with his hair. Small hands intertwined with his. Shinji held his daughter close, shielding her from the cold cruel world around him.

The wind blew and ashes flew in its wake, uncaring at Shinji's plight. At his attempts to keep his child warm.

His head started to hurt. Like blades were cutting through the brain tissue underneath his skull. And the dream changed.

Shinji screamed as images flashed through his mind. The Impact, Gendo shooting Ritsuko... the broken and scarred world he had made...

A lone figure surrounding in a sea of darkness... incomplete somehow.

He woke to find himself sweating and his hand aching so much he thought it was on fire.

Shinji grunted and sat up in his bed. Blood running down his nose, bad hand shaking as felt the nerves trying to connect with the missing flesh. Three fingers where there should have been five.

He pushed himself off of his bed and gasped as he let himself breathe.

 _Another nosebleed, another incident. It never goes away, not truly. Always comes back sooner or later_ he thought darkly.

His hand was aching. Like he could feel the heat from the bullet that had cut through his flesh, even now, weeks after the attack.

Shinji stood there in his room panting as he held his bad hand, flexing the remaining fingers. Another nightmare, another night with little sleep.

* * *

"Are you still flexing your fingers the way I showed you?"

Shinji nodded, raising his bad hand and flexing the remaining fingers as instructed.

Makio, the town doctor, watched the fingers moving and nodded his approval. The man came over every now and then to check up on his patients. Shinji, and the strange girl they'd found laying in the outskirts on patrol.

"Do the routine at least twice a day. With any luck the phantom sensations will fade…" Makio began, the older man thinking intently as he inspected the mangled hand.

"But?" Shinji said.

"Hard to say. Every case is a little different. Your nerves are still firing, trying to reestablish a connection despite the fingers being gone." Makio admitted darkly.

 _So the pain might never go away. The twinges are okay, but every now and then the pain swells up. Like my hand is on fire, like the bullet is tearing through my flesh all over again_ Shinji thought.

"And your dreams haven't stopped, have they?" Makio asked. Looking at the shadows under Shinji's eyes, the man was a doctor, nothing got passed him.

"No. They come and they go, been having them for years now" Shinji said dryly.

 _I see my failures again and again. I made this world... all of this is on me_ he thought darkly. Maybe that's what the dreams where. His own self-inflected punishment.

"I can try to dig up some sleeping pills. Besides that, all I can say is try not to dwell on things." Makio said shaking his head somberly.

Shinji sat there, speaking with Makio about his hand and his nightmares. The doctor giving him advice here and there but sadly unable to offer more. Medicine had its limits in the Post Impact World, only the very basic of drugs being made, and without electricity any serious surgery or operation was out of the question.

Shinji heard a slight 'creek' in the floor out in the hall of their shack. Makio raised an eyebrow but said nothing. The good doctor seeing the look in Shinji's eye.

 _Akane. She's taken to listening in on my doctor's visits. Worried about me_ he thought.

"I understand. Thank you, Makio" Shinji said. Reassuring the doctor that he would be okay, and that he realized the limits of Haven's medical operations. All Makio could offer were old pain meds, but Shinji turned them down in favor of the 'guest' staying with him and his daughter.

Makio sighed softly. The man and his wife and been the reason Shinji had found Haven at all, all those years ago when Shinji and the girls had stumbled upon the family across that bridge. In that time the good doctor had watched them all age… well… now only Shinji.

What some last minute advice on Shinji's 'guest', Makio took his leave. The man patting Akane on the head on his way out, neither the doctor nor her father surprised to find her eavesdropping on their earlier conversation.

"That's rude you know? Akane, didn't I tell you to stop eavesdropping?" Shinji said, more bemused than annoyed or upset. Standing in the doorway with an awkward looking Akane out in the hall.

Shinji raised his bad hand again, letting his daughter see the empty stumps were his pinkie and ring fingers once were. It was easier to talk about his hand with Akane than his nightmares. He had no doubt that Akane knew he had troubling sleeping, but he didn't want her burdened by her old man.

Akane stared at them again. She tried not to look at his bad hand, but every now and then she'd get a glance at them and just stare.

"I know dad… but I hear you at night. I know it hurts. Auntie would have made you take the meds" Akane said, her voice trembling slightly over the mention of Asuka.

More than two weeks since her death and Akane still shuddered at the memory, clutching her necklace close to her. Akane was doing better, the girl able to laugh again, but death changed people. Shinji and his daughter. Asuka was another ghost that haunted him, but Shinji was getting used to that, as terrible as it was to admit.

It didn't make it easier, it was just a fact.

"You let me worry about that. It's my job to look after you, not the other way around" Shinji said crouching down so he was eye level with his daughter.

Akane tilted her head at him, red eyes watching him unblinkingly, before seeming to slump as she shook her head saying "okay." Pouting slightly, whilst mature for her age, she was still a little girl.

Shinji put a hand on her shoulder, his good hand, stopping her before she walked off to her room.

"You don't have to be so serious all the time, eh girl. Leave it the grown ups to take care of that. You're a kid. You gotta enjoy that, alright" Shinji said softly.

"But you're serious all the time. Like… _everyday._ " Akane countered.

"I'm old" Shinji told her.

"No you're not. We talked about this. You're not a fossil. Not yet" Akane said offering up a small smile. The first one Shinji had seen since the funeral.

Shinji sighed saying "I may not be a fossil, but trust me… I'm getting old. I _feel_ old."

Akane crossed her arms at that but said nothing.

"Go and play. But don't go too far. Always stay within in the neighborhood." Shinji told her, reaching down to ruffle her hair.

Akane signed and before taking off, still dressed in her morning gown and sleeping pants. The girl had a habit of playing outside in the morning before coming back in for launch.

Shinji watched her go and was left standing in the empty hallway. It shouldn't have bothered him, but it did. He glanced down at Asuka's old room.

Mari was staying there, still recovering after Shinji had saved her. His guest for the time being. The room brought back old memories every time he stepped in. Of the years gone bye in haven, of building this home. Of his family.

 _They're gone. That's that. It's not good to dwell on it. Nothing good would ever come of it_ he thought before shaking it off. Heading over to check on his guest.

* * *

Mari was pretending to be asleep when Shinji stepped in. Covering herself in the blanket and keeping her eyes shut.

He stood there watching over her, before saying "I know you're awake."

Mari opened her eyes and sighed.

The older woman was getting better with each passing day, and eating a decent amount of food was doing wonders for her. Whenever Shinji had helped change her bandages, he'd seen the thin marks on her stomach and the small outlines of bone underneath her flesh, she'd been underweight. In the process of starving.

She'd still had some fat, the moderate amount every human had, but the world had taken it's toll on her. Lack of food and the harsh climate had weathered her.

"Nothing gets past you" Mari said, caught in the act. No skipping the doctor's regimen with Shinji on watch.

Mari winced as she sat up in her new found bed, the blanket sliding off her shoulders and revealing the old farming clothes she'd been borrowing. The dirt stained white clothes fit her a bit loosely, but it was all they had to spare.

Shinji looked her over as she winced, keeping an eye out for another 'incident' the strange woman seemed to have.

Apart from her injuries, Mari seemed to have a medical issue of some kind. She didn't bring it up and Shinji never asked but he noticed. Times where Mari would stop doing whatever she was doing, and 'freeze' as she murmured harshly under her breath. Like a kind of migraine but worse. Mari couldn't move until it was gone.

The effect left the strange woman breathing hard once it passed, but then it was gone for another day or two. Mari seemed more embarrassed by it than anything, but she was hurt.

"Comes with being a parent. No kid wants to do chores" Shinji said dryly. He saw Mari chuckle softly under her breath, wheezing slightly from the ache in her ribs.

Shinji kept an eye out for her. Mari seemed okay this morning, though Makio had a few ideas on her condition. But that would come later, for now they needed to work on her stab wounds. Let her stomach and chest repair itself, and stay flexible so she could walk.

Mari smiled softly at him and his stance. She found it oddly sweet how he looked after her every morning, watching in case she ripped her stitching. The man she knew as Shinji Ikari seemed to always carry an air of a 'parent' or else 'a good man' in everything he did. She hadn't thought that existed anymore.

"I'm sure Akane manages just fine. From what I see she's like a mini you, walking around like a grown up" Mari said with a small laugh. Making small talk, she did that from time to time. Now that she started to talk again she would chat about anything. Speaking but never really 'saying' anything of worth. Avoiding certain topics.

The poor woman looked like she hadn't smiled in a long time. Given what life was like outside of Haven, he couldn't blame her at all. He was glad that she could laugh after all she'd been through, glad to see the sparks of humanity lingering in the wounded woman.

"How's your ribs? Think you can handle a little walking" Shinji asked, gesturing at the bandages underneath her shirt.

 _Just knew he was going to do that… damn… why couldn't he let me sleep_ Mari thought fighting the need to sigh.

 _Because it's for your own good. You need to walk everyday. Doctor's orders._ Shinji thought, crossing his arms and seeming to know what Mari was thinking.

...

Getting Mari up and about was easier these days. The stab wounds were properly bandaged with little to no traces of infection, but she still ached in pain for hours at a time, moving stiffly if at all. Wincing as she took steps.

Shinji helped her along, letting her wrap an arm over his shoulder as he lead her out back from his little shack. Being carefully not to move too quickly, and letting Mari take steps on her own.

"Ah! Motherfu…. Nothing" Mari stammered, wincing as she stumbled and her weight shifted badly. Her still aching ribs protesting the entire time.

"Language" Shinji told her. _I have a kid, don't talk like that around here._ He thought.

Mari sighed, no longer able to keep it in. "Sorry" she mumbled.

"Don't be. Just try not to swear" Shinji answered back with a shrug.

Mari nodded again, feeling slightly guilty, letting Shinji help her along with her workouts. It still hurt like crazy, but this unusually kind man seemed to understand better than most.

It was odd for Shinji, helping Mari get back on her feet. It reminded of him of his first 135 days after Third Impact, back when it had been just Asuka and him surviving out there in the city. Those days where Asuka could barely walk, where he'd had to care for her despite her hating him. Hating him for a long time, before that hatred faded and they'd become family.

Perhaps it was a sign of him getting older, but he found himself reflecting on his past more and more. More faces washed way within his lifetime. So much... gone.

Mari seemed to notice that too. Seeing that Shinji had a past, a shadow in his eyes that she could not follow. Even now, as the two of them walked, she could _see_ it. The lingering shade that haunted the man whom had saved her.

She was still a stranger to him even now. A stranger to all of Haven even. The town sheriff had a habit of showing up to 'inspect' the household. Checking up on Shinji and making sure Mari didn't try anything.

The idea made Mari flair up in anger. She wasn't without sin… but damn that sheriff, 'Kay', for judging her so quickly. For deciding she was trouble without a second glance.

 _As if I'd do anything to Shinji. That man is a fucking saint. He saved me. Took me in and treated me better than anyone has in years. Doesn't beat me. Doesn't boss me around. Jeez, we're not all broken out there._ Mari had thought to herself more than once.

She spoke up, shaking the old thoughts, and bringing Shinji out of his past. The poor man had a habit of wandering in that head of his.

"You've done this before... playing nurse. What were you... back before the Impact?" Mari asked suddenly.

She was panting slightly, flexing her legs and careful not to strain her chest and accidentally tug on her stitches.

"I was a 14 year old kid." Shinji said with a shrug. Letting Mari slide from his shoulder and prop herself up against a tree. Technically it was true, he had been a kid before the Impact.

Mari sighing, either at his answer or the relief from walking, and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't be a smart ass. Come on, what were you? A volunteer at a hospital?" Mari asked.

Shinji tilted his head at her. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you" he said.

The two of them stood there, Shinji calmly standing but keeping his distance from the recovering albeit friendly woman resting against the tree.

"The world ended 18 years ago. I think I could believe it. Let me guess... your parents were doctors?" Mari said, actually managing a smile as she tried to guess his past. It was reassuring to see that she could smile, for days Shinji had only seen her limping, or moaning weakly as her wounds healed. Sleeping most of the day.

 _Does it really matter anymore. Angels are gone. Gendo and SEELE are gone. No one cares anymore_ Shinji thought.

He consider it for a moment before deciding on the truth.

"I was an Eva pilot" Shinji said. _The Eva pilot that failed to stop Third Impact... whom made a choice and made this world_ he thought darkly.

Mari laughed. Looking at him expectantly, smiling as she waited for the real answer.

When Shinji shook his head, Mari's face fell. Not in fear but in shock.

"No shit?" She asked.

 _Language_ he thought.

"No shit, I piloted an Evangelion Unit." Shinji said, parroting her earlier words. He spoke dryly, simply a fact. He didn't bolster, didn't brag, he didn't think it was something to be proud of at all. It had been harrowing experience, fighting the Angels, but it had also been where he'd found his family.

Mari was looking at him with round eyes. Bits of beauty visible there, the light behind those eyes having been beaten down by the world but not extinguished. She stood in awe of him, seemingly picturing him inside an Eva and going off to fight the monsters.

"You fought the Angels. Damn Shinji, that's hardcore" Mari said more talking to herself than him. _Imagine that, a younger Shinji fighting monsters in a giant robot. I... I'm jealous_ she thought.

 _She sees me as a young hero, a stupid cocky kid from a manga, towering over the Angels. No Mari, it was nothing like that. 'I' was nothing like that_ he thought.

"I was a kid. I still had school and chores. It wasn't fun and games, Mari. It was hard at times, very hard, and dangerous" Shinji said darkly. He hadn't really considered it too much when he was 14, but Shinji was older now. He wouldn't want Akane piloting, it wasn't right to put kids into the Eva.

Mari heard him but a part of him thought she would never see it like he did. There was a shine in her eyes that he'd never seen before. She might have been the kind of person whom enjoyed piloting. There were people like that, Asuka had been like that, but not Shinji. Never Shinji.

"You know... I got tested for that. The Marduk Institute screened me and everything, but they let me go. Heh, think I scared them away" Mari said, smirking to herself in a way that seemed to erase a few hard years off her face. He thought she might have been pretty before the End of the World.

It was both strange and pleasant to see how far Mari had come in her recovery. Talking, walking, and so much more 'alive' than when he'd first found her.

"Really?"

"Really."

 _35 or so. Hmm, she must have been what... 17 years old? 17 when Asuka, Rei, and I were 14 and piloting_ Shinji thought.

"Heard about the Evas on the news, but it never went anywhere for me. Bad luck" Mari said with the smallest of shrugs.

 _No Mari, good luck_ Shinji thought.

He knew she was avoiding her physical therapy but he let her have the break. The woman had been through enough, he didn't want to push and he hoped she would tell him about her past when she was ready. He only hoped Kay would understand that.

"Think you can handle a bit more walking? Doctor's orders remember" Shinji said.

Mari gave him a coy look before relenting. He reached over helping Mari steady herself, before getting her moving again. Mari noticed that he never pushed her for her story, never bothered to question her.

Shinji Ikari truly was a kind man in her eyes.

* * *

 **Part 3 : Fault**

At lunch time, Shinji found himself sitting outside again with Mari and pouring her a bowl of stew.

Mari unusually quiet as she ate, sitting on the porch and staring at the food again. It was hard for her to accept such kindness.

Shinji didn't seem to want anything from Mari, and that was so different than anyone she'd ever known.

He didn't threaten her, didn't ask for a reward of any kind, whether physical or monetary, he just took care of her as her wounds healed. Making sure she got enough to eat, that alone was a miracle. Years surviving out in the wastelands had taken it's toll on her.

Yet apart from his daughter, this kind man was often distant. Never cold, but apart from the world. Isolated, as if alone. Lost in thoughts or memories she could not follow, Shinji almost never smiled unless for Akane.

Mari sat there, resting on the porch whilst Shinji cooked. Keeping the blanket Akane had given her close, wrapping it over herself again despite being reasonably warm. It felt good to have such things again. Food, clothes, and yes… moments of peace.

She glanced at the man's bad hand, watching as he sat taking another bite of stew. Three fingers on his right hand where there should have been five.

"I… does that ever hurt?" Mari asked in a low murmur. Her voice strained as she flexed her own fingers.

Shinji glanced up from his bowl, more surprised than anything else.

"Sometimes. It's not so bad, at least I still have the hand" Shinji answered.

"How did it happen? Was… was it an accident" Mari asked. Forcing herself to keep calm even as her insides were screaming at her to stop asking questions. To not bring it up, knowing that she would not like the answer her savior gave her.

 _You already know what happened..._ Mari thought to herself.

Shinji glanced down at his bad hand, before he looked away with a shrug, seemingly pushing whatever thoughts he had away.

"I got shot. During the attack, I tried to push the gun away. Looter pulled the trigger just as my hand was on the barrel." Shinji said. Letting the facts out without emotion. It surprised her that he was able to do that.

Inwardly, she winced as if in pain. Why did she ask? Of course that would have been the answer. Everything came back to that night.

Her lips trembled in a mixture of shame and guilt, sensations Mari had not felt in years. She covered it up by taking another gulp of the warm stew. Her hands trembled even as Shinji continued.

"Bullet tore through my fingers. Cut through the bone. Felt like my hand was on fire at the time, screaming at me, but I was able to hold it together until the doctor patched it up" Shinji said.

The man never even took his eyes off the food, eating calmly and speaking of it like it was nothing. What must he have been through in his life that he could brush off losing two fingers?

"I'm sorry" Mari said turning her eyes away from him. Lost in this feeling in her chest, like a weight had appeared and punched her in the gut. Shinji didn't notice, or if he did, he didn't seem to care.

"Not your fault" was all Shinji said.

 _No… but… but I was there_ Mari thought.

…

 _Night of the looting and Asuka's death_

"Just be quiet. Grab what you can and keep going. Don't you dare freeze up again." Norio hissed quietly at her through the dark.

"This is bad idea… they have guns and-" Mari whispered back through the dark.

"I have a gun too" Norio said glaring at her through the dark. The older man dressed in rags, dirt and ash lining his clothing and hair, pointed his pistol at her.

Mari stepped back hands held up in the dark, glaring at him.

They stood in the fields, bags swung over their shoulders, stolen crops packed. Mari forced along just like the others.

 _If you don't pull your weight than no food for you. Don't like it. LEAVE!_ Words from Norio and the gang of looters. Words repeated again and again over the months Mari had been 'taken' and 'invited' in with them.

"Alright. Alright Norio" Mari said calming herself, staring down the man and his gun with steady eyes. That always unnerved Norio, her ability to stand up and face death head on, the only captive to do so. But he had the weapon. And his fists packed a hell of a punch when it came to it.

Her 'captor' lowered the gun. "We keep going" Norio said gesturing for her to keep grabbing crops to steal.

 _How many days we go without food? Huh? How long have we lived off scraps and expired canned crap! These stupid farmers have the golden life. Not our problem they couldn't share it –_ Norio's words every time she protested.

Mari scowled inwardly. Ripping the crops from the ground and packing them into the bag, her captor and her moving through the fields under the cover of night.

BANG

A single gunshot ripped through the air.

"That's our food" a woman's voice came out from somewhere outside. Haven wasn't defenseless after all, one of the looters had been shot.

"We have enough. Let's just go-" Mari began to whisper but Norio took off after the gunshot. The man seemed to hate Haven and everyone whom lived here, jealous of the life the people had carved out for themselves after the End of the World.

Mari crept along in in the dark, breathing quietly. Knowing what the others would do to her if she came back without Norio.

BANG

BANG

BANG

BANG

Four shots. Norio pulling the trigger four times on the woman whom had shot one of his men.

Mari hid in the dark along the crops. Watching as Asuka lay bleeding, watching as Shinji tackled Norio and pushed the gun away… never knowing their names. Watched as Norio's gun went off in Shinji's hand, as Shinji and Norio fought.

The two men a flurry of twisting movements as they grappled and punched in the dark. Mari witnessed Asuka with her last moments grab the hunting rifle and shoot Norio's foot. Saw the splatter of blood as Norio's ankle exploded and he sent falling to the floor.

Mari watching in horror as Shinji beat Norio's face in with his fist again and again.

Frozen in fear, Mari lay on the ground. Hiding in the fields. If she went back to camp without Norio the others wouldn't be happy, they might even beat her despite the food she'd stolen for them.

Kay and the other hunters arrived on the scene, pulling Shinji off of Norio's battered and beaten form.

 _What would Haven do to me? Would they kill me? Would they help me? I- I don't know_ Mari thought.

In the end, she crawled away. Using the cover of night to sneak through the fields and make it back to the woods. Mari was glad that the bastard Norio was gone… but afraid of what the others would do to her when she made it back to camp, stolen crops or no.

What else could she have done?

…

"Can I have some more?"

Mari glanced up, returning to the here and now, to see little Akane sitting next to her father with a bowl in hand. Necklace tired firmly around her neck, the girl never went anywhere without it.

"You just ate one bowl" Shinji said with a bemused expression. Mari watched the pair, fighting the feelings of guilt in her chest. The overwhelming urge to run, the feeling that she did not deserve the kindness this man had shown her.

"I'm a growing girl." Akane pouted. Raising the bowl up.

Shinji smiled softly. The only time he ever smiled it seemed. The light in his eyes reserved only for his daughter, Mari noticed that. She wondered what had happened to him. What had made this kind man so distant and isolated at times.

God… Mari felt like such an intruder here.

"Fine. But only one refill." Shinji said taking her bowl and moving to get his daughter a second serving.

Akane spotted Mari watching her, and turned with a raised eyebrow.

"Is there something on my face? You're doing the adult stare, something's bothering you" Akane said tilting her head at Mari. The little girl watching her curiously.

 _I didn't kill your auntie... but I didn't save her either... I'm sorry_ Mari thought.

"No... nothing's wrong. Just... just hungry too" Mari said stumbling over her words. Playing it off like her ribs had started to hurt again.

"Could have just said so" Shinji said, refilling her bowl of stew along with his daughter's.

Another kindness Mari didn't feel she deserved.

* * *

 **Part 4 : Mari's place in Haven  
**

Mari decided to tell Shinji and the others at Haven her story, though not the whole truth. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't afraid of what they'd do if she told the complete truth. But Shinji could only keep the Sheriff's suspicions at bay for so long. She knew she had to tell them something.

Shinji was there when it happened, helping Mari to the mayor's house. Kay standing guard with his rifle, lingering in the background but clearly present.

"Just tell them what you told me" Shinji whispered as he helped her take a seat across from the mayor.

 _Tough as nails old bird. Mayor is old enough to have to lived through both Second and Third Impact... damn... one kickass lady_ Mari thought. Sitting across from the elderly woman, trying to be calm whilst all eyes in the room were on her.

"I was trying to sneak into Haven. I admit that. I was starving... I just wanted food. I tried to steal your crops but I failed" Mari half lied, mixing the truth with fiction despite the nagging feeling in her chest.

Shinji saved her again, speaking for her whilst the mayor stared at her. Adding to her story, and making Mari feel even worse. Why was this man so kind?

"It was a different incident than the night than with the looters. Maybe a day after we attacked their camp out in the woods. She stumbled upon a few of the stragglers that got away, they stabbed her and took what supplies off her they could." Shinji said. Defending Mari from the gazes of Haven's mayor and sheriff.

That part was actually true, to a certain extent. The truth flashed through Mari's mind in a whirl.

…

 _Mari making it back to the camp in the woods. Bringing the stolen crops, panting as the looters asked where Norio was. Punishing her for losing one of their men. Mari glaring as she was called out for returning late and on her own._

 _The attack on the camp._

 _Shinji... he had actually been on the assault team and she didn't realize it at the time. But they were both there that day. Mari had ran away, panting the entire way as gunshots went off around the camp. Haven's militia vs the looters._

 _Mari escaping with a few others. Hiding deeper into the woods with nowhere else to go. The others yelling at her that she had betrayed them. Mari yelling back that she almost died too._

" _You're a mole! You lead them to the camp!"_

" _I almost died! We shouldn't have stolen that food! I told Norio too! They... they have guns" Mari shouted back._

 _Five surviving looters in all. Mari trying to argue that it was pointless to stay. That they couldn't live off stealing from Haven._

 _A fight broke out. One man stabbed her._

 _Just reached over and plunged the knife into her. Calling her a traitor and a rat._

 _Mari screamed. Before fighting back, falling to the floor with her attacker as the other looters ran. The whole group having fallen apart. Fear cannot hold people together forever._

 _Mari barely survived, managing to bash her attacker's head in with a rock._

 _Weeping softly as she stumbled alone through woods, bleeding heavily... stabbed twice before she had taken down her attacker. Wandering through the outskirts of Haven._

 _Trying to hold herself together for what seemed like days before collapsing in the middle of nowhere... where she would later be found by Shinji._

 _..._

Lying to Shinji was the hardest thing Mari had ever done.

"And you believe that story?" Kay asked suddenly. Completely ignoring Mari, with cold military eyes only for Shinji.

"I do" Shinji said.

The mayor spoke up, catching them all by surprise.

"How long did you wander out in the wastes outside Haven?"

The old woman was looking at Mari curiously. A mind still active despite her age, Mari seeing the harsh wisdom beyond those eyes. Like the mayor could read most of Mari's life post Impact with just a glance.

"... 18 years" Mari answered slowly.

"And in all that time. You did _things._ Things you weren't proud of. Stealing? Looting? Perhaps falling in with some bad people or else wandering alone. That sound about right?" the Mayor said. Stern old eyes never leaving Mari.

 _She knows what its like... she's seen all this before. Second Impact_ Mari thought.

Mari only nodded, feeling the weight in her chest grow as Shinji looked her way. Concerned frown planted on his face.

"Shinji, you've looked after her all this time. You tell me, can she stay here? Is she willing to work for her keep." the Mayor said looking to Shinji. The rest of them forgotten it seemed.

 _Is she trustworthy?_ The words hanged in the air unsaid.

"She is" Shinji said before bowing his head respectfully to the mayor, and turning to Mari to continue. "If you pull your weight, help out the village, than you have a home here" Shinji said to her. Eyes earnest with a soft warmth to them. It never quite reached out, held back by something cold and distant within him, an old sorrow that she couldn't follow, but in spite of everything Shinji was still a good man.

"I will work for my stay" Mari said. The words coming as if spoken from a different person. It wasn't that she was insincere, it was that she couldn't stop feeling disgusted with herself.

In what kind of world did she deserve this?

…

"What happens now?" Mari asked on their way out.

Shinji walking beside her on the way back to his little shack. A few neighbors staring as the two of them passed, not outwardly hostile, merely curious at Mari's presence. By now word had started to spread that she would be staying, and gossip spreads fast in small settlements.

"Now you focus on your treatment. We'll sort out living arrangements later." Shinji said, his face softening as little Akane came running up from the porch.

Mari watched him greeted his daughter, the man kneeling down and chatting with Akane about something or other, the little girl tilting her head at him in that way of hers.

 _Living arrangements? Do… will I have to leave?_ Mari thought. Feeling cold in her chest all of a sudden. Standing there watching the kind man with his daughter.

* * *

Shinji didn't kick her out the house. Instead he keep treating her as his guest and helping her find her footing in Haven. Getting her to start doing simple tasks before heading off with Akane to work in the fields.

In the passing days, Mari found herself almost at full strength. The steady supply of food and sleep having done wonders for her. It felt like something out of a dream. The closest the thing to the old world that existed.

Haven didn't have electricity, according to Shinji they never really had. It was too hard to maintain a grid and no one had the knowledge and skills needed. The village was like stepping a hundred years back in time, but it was a true settlement after the End of the World.

Mari found herself sweeping floors, feeding the chickens at the town pen, helping where she could, proving she could stay. Funny, she'd never thought she'd liked a life like this. When she was younger she'd always been about adventure, going out and trying different things, wild and trying to enjoy life… as well as she could in spite of her medical condition.

The 'mini seizures' that had plagued her as she got older. Those moments where she froze in pain, head throbbing in agony, barely able to move before it passed. Mari tried to hide it, but she was sure Shinji had seen it at least a few times. Her condition.

Shinji was always good to her. Akane more curious than anything. The little girl trailing after her father, necklace clutched tightly in her hands, tilting her head at the oddest things.

When it came time to decide, Mari found herself anxious.

Walking slowly through the fields of Haven, the fields she had once crept through stealing crops, she found Shinji finishing up his work out there. His daughter heading home as the sun started to set, her father telling her to 'go on, I'll catch up.'

He spotted her as she stood off to the side waiting for him to finish up. Mari standing there dressed in the field clothes of another woman, someone she never learned the name of. Auntie.

 _32… but he looks older than me now._ Mari noted, seeing the sweating and tired Shinji Ikari look up from his crops to meet her gaze.

"Something up?" he asked.

Mari shifted uncomfortably as the kind man rose, stretching ever so slightly. A world weariness present in his movements.

"I… I just wanted to talk about where I can stay. If… if I can just stay with you… just like these last few weeks" Mari said. Getting the words out in a stammer. It was so out of character for her, feeling guilty and unsure of herself.

Shinji shifted, more curious than anything else.

"Wouldn't you want your own place? It would take time, but we could get you a shack of your own." Shinji said after a short pause.

 _And live alone out here? I'm still an outsider Shinji. The others just don't understand what's it like out beyond Haven. The wastelands. I know you're not a native. Knew since I laid eyes on you. You've known loss and it shows. You don't judge because you've seen more than most_ Mari thought.

Amazingly, Shinji seemed to hear her thoughts. Seemed to know what she thinking and agreed. The way he held himself, the way Shinji met her gaze.

 _I have to tell him... I have to tell him... it's what 'he' would do._ Mari thought. Seeing Shinji considering things, about having her live with him and his daughter. Shinji had already done so much for Mari... and she'd lied to him. It couldn't go on.

"Wait... I... I need to tell you something... the truth" Mari said suddenly, before Shinji could answer her previous question.

Mari found herself shaking, part of her screaming to run away. That this was a bad idea, that she could get killed if Shinji knew the truth. But another part of her, some small light that had never quite faded, told her that Shinji was a good man. And if he ended up hating her than maybe she deserved to be hated.

" **I lied. Back in the town hall. There's more to my story** " Mari said, hands shaking but voice firm and steady.

"... I know" Shinji answered slowly.

Mari gasped. She looked up to see him watching her with unreadable expression on his face. His eyes having gone distant again. Somewhere else where she couldn't follow. It made Shinji Ikari look older than he was.

 _He knew I was lying to the Mayor and Sheriff Kay. He knew the whole time_ Mari thought in awe.

"You were at the looter's camp. During our assault, I saw you there, in the fire fight, running for your life. I just didn't remember right away. Four women were in that group, Kay killed two, we buried everyone who died that day, and the surviving looters must have escaped further into the woods." Shinji said, his words cutting like a knife through Mari's ribs.

Shinji didn't accost her, didn't lash out, didn't rage. He simply spoke the words and let them carry. Fact, nothing more.

"Whatever happened to you, it wasn't us. Not Haven's militia. We didn't use knives during the assault. After that, there were two incidents at night. Looters trying to steal food again, but no one reported stabbing an assailant. _Sigh._ I take it that after you and the survivors escaped the camp... a fight broke out and you were stabbed." Shinji continued somberly.

Mari stood there in shock, dread filling her every nerve. Asuka's old clothes feeling like they weight a thousand pounds on her, guilt laid bare.

"How long did you know?" Mari asked eyes wide.

Shinji sighed again, glancing at his shack where his daughter was waiting for him. Before turning back to Mari.

"I think I suspected when I first found you. And over the days, I pieced together that much" Shinji said.

"That's not all. Shinji, you've been good to me. Better than anyone has in years... there's more and you need to know." Mari said unable to even look at him. Eyes planted firmly on the soil at her feet.

"We've all done things we're not proud of Mari. That's the world we live in now. _I_ shot people on my way to Haven. I killed people to defend it." Shinji said darkly.

"No, this is... this is something I need to tell you. About your friend... about Akane's Auntie." Mari said.

Shinji shifted, stumbling back, as Mari's words.

Mari told him the truth. That she was there the night Asuka died. She was there when Norio shot the German girl, there the night Shinji lost two fingers... she was there stealing crops as ordered.

Shinji listened to her tale. Mari couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze, so she didn't. Telling the truth once and for all.

When it was over, Mari wasn't sure if Shinji wanted to hug her or punch her. She waited there, wondering what he was thinking.

"Why did you join the looters, Mari?" Shinji asked. Face unreadable, eying her curiously. Almost pityingly.

"It doesn't matter. Norio was a piece of crap, a bad man who beat me more than once, but I still ran with the looters. I still tried to steal your crops." Mari said. Harsh words leaving her mouth, almost biting her own tongue.

She heard footsteps approaching and looked up to see Shinji striding over to her. She took an involuntary step back but Shinji stopped her. Placing his bad hand on her shoulder not ungently, and guiding her to look at him.

Actually look at him. Three mangled fingers resting on her shoulder.

 _He... he doesn't hate me. How the hell does he not hate me?_ Mari thought barely able to believe it.

"You're sick, I've seen it" Shinji said softly.

Mari watched him with trembling eyes.

"That's why you ran with the looters. Isn't it? The incidents where you 'freeze', where your head hurts and you can barely move. That's why you stayed with Norio, safety in numbers out in the wastelands" Shinji said softly. Eyes piercing into her very soul.

Mari laughed coldly at first. Eyes darkening as she told him the truth for a second time.

"I've been sick for a long time, Shinji. Before the Impact, the doctors told me I had a few years to live, but I just kept on living. Surviving. Even now, I'm still here... and my illness holds me back" Mari said darkly.

There was no point in denying it. Shinji and even Akane had noticed Mari's incidents, like tiny seizures that held her prisoner in her own body for minutes at a time.

" **When I was a kid... I had problems. I was 'too adventurous'. The 'loss of inhibition' doctors called it. I did dangerous things... like climbing things when I shouldn't. Liked trying to drive a car. I liked the rush even before I was ten years old. Always hyper. It started small but my folks were worried, thought I had 'mania'. So they sent me to get 'help' at a mental word.** " Mari told him.

Shinji standing stunned at her words.

 _Hyperactive, always a ball of energy. Loud and without fear. The polar opposite of depression... took them too long to see what it was. Mania and abnormal behavior_ Mari thought.

" **It was pretty lonely in the ward. I spent almost eight years there. I was sick, but it was worse than anyone realized. The ward doctors found the cause when I was older. Around 16 or so. Saw the signs for what they were, that I started to have seizures. I had brain tumors. It had been there for years, tiny little things, hidden deep. A ticking time bomb in my head... by the time they found it... too late** " Mari admitted at last. All warmth gone from her voice.

"... I'm sorry. I- I didn't know" Shinji had told her. He hadn't expected that. Instrumentality may have brought her back, but it didn't seemed to have cured her. The 'incidents' Mari had.

Mari shook her head at him, waving off the pity.

" **The doctors said the tumors were inoperable. And no amount of money could change that. So they tried to keep me comfortable. Said I wouldn't live long. I- I tried not to talk about it. I just tried to live my life... to go on little adventures in the** **ward** **"** Mari continued with a sad smile.

"And they let you out. You got better? No... that's not it" Shinji said slowly.

" **Stupid doctors said I had a year to live at best. They told my folks that when I was just a teenager.** **But I proved them wrong.** **I NEVER died. I just kept on living** " Mari said, small smirk emerging onto her face. Faded and worn, but an inner strength in there too. A will to keep going.

" **I made them take me off the chemo, and they let me go.** **I was doing okay out in the real world. Had those little 'incidents' but I was careful. Had medicine for it too. Then the Impact came... and well... 18 years later and here we are** " Mari said at last.

Even now, without any of the chemotherapy treatments, without any medicine, she was alive.

 _18 years of surviving out in the wastelands of Japan. Wandering in search of a piece of life. It must have been hard in her condition. The mini seizures slowing her down, a prisoner in her own body for minutes at a time... no wonder she had to join a group. Mari survived the end of the world and her condition._ Shinji thought darkly.

"My condition is hard for me to talk about. It's just something I've grown to deal with. Never let it slow me down. If I can still have fun then it can't all be bad" Mari said offering him up a weak smile in spite of everything.

Mari was a strange woman. Able to shoulder all that but somehow keep that attitude of hers. That was crazy... just moving on like that. A part of him admired that in her.

The smile fell from Mari's face, the outsider sighing softly as she shifted on uncertain feet.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to lie to you. About the looters... about... about Asuka and your hand. I thought you'd turn me over to the sheriff if you knew, and I... you've been good to me. I just needed to tell you the truth." Mari said at last.

Shinji stood there considering all he heard. He had guessed most of Mari's story, but even still a part of him understood. A part of him wanted them to be better. A world with good people in it, where Akane could live without the terror and brutal pragmatism they had.

Mari flinched as she heard Shinji's footsteps, the man walking back towards his little shack and his waiting daughter.

 _So that's it... no goodbye... I understand Shinji. Thank you... for everything I-_ Mari thought.

"You can stay. I'll tell Akane, just... just don't tell her about your past. We'll have to clean Asuka's old room a bit, but I think you'll be fine" Shinji said, his back to her.

Mari stood there in awe once again. Shinji Ikari truly was unlike anyone she had ever known.

"Thank you... Shinji" Mari whispered, slowly coming to her senses and following after him.

 _Why?_ The words went unsaid, but Shinji could feel Mari's eyes on him the entire time. He wasn't in mood for talking, he had mixed feelings about what Mari had told him.

 _I don't hate you Mari. You did what you had to do. To survive. And all this because of a choice I made when I was 14 years old... so no... I can't blame 'you' at all_ Shinji thought.

That was what truly haunted Shinji, the world he had made so long ago. He could never speak truthfully about it, not anymore. Not since his wife.

* * *

 **Part 5: Only Human**

The following days, weeks, and even months were somewhat strained at first. But gradually, ever so slowly, they settled. Homey, even.

Mari joining Shinji and Akane for breakfast and lunch more and more. Akane glancing at Mari every now and then, whilst the older woman pretended not to notice. Mari making small talk with Shinji, sipping at her drink, catching Akane watching her again.

"Don't be rude Akane" Shinji said one day. Never yelling, never cold, only ever calm with his daughter. Yet his words carried all the same. Akane pouting as she behaved.

It made Mari feel bad. She knew it was hard for the girl, a 'stranger' coming in to live with her and her father.

Mari grew more and more into their little family there in Haven. Going out of her way to be helpful, helping Shinji cut firewood, mend fences and doors, feed the town chickens, stepping out in the fields to help with the crops.

"You're doing it wrong" Akane would tell the older lady, Mari watching bemused as she worked alongside Shinji.

The little girl with red eyes running after Mari to _correct_ her, telling Mari that she was 'farming wrong' or else 'doing it the hard way', all the while the shadow of a smile appeared on Shinji's face.

More often than not, Akane was right, there were things Mari just didn't know how to do. She had grown up in a mental ward, then lived out in the city for little over a year before the Impact came. She didn't know the first thing about farming

"Don't be dumb. You're a grown up" Akane would tell her repeatedly.

"For a kid you're pretty smart" Mari would answer back, mildly annoyed but reminding herself that Akane was a child.

"I learn from watching my dad, and auntie." Akane would say proudly.

At least Akane did, until she started getting older and Shinji surprised the both of them one day by dropping a smaller shovel at his daughter's feet.

"Time to pitch in" was all Shinji said with a bemused look in his eye. Akane gaping at her father in shock.

"But I was going to play-" Akane started.

"You can show Mari how its done. You learned from watching me, right? Plenty of time to play later" Shinji said with a knowing look in his eyes. All his lessons were like that, never shouting or reprimanding, only a calm response meant to teach.

Mari had to fight the urge to laugh at the pouting look on Akane's face.

The little girl groaning as she took up the shovel and followed after her father. The other Haven farmers snickering at the look on Akane's face, Mari happy to see that side of the man whom saved her.

…

Akane still griped with Mari, but only showing her to how to do things the 'right way' instead of just picking on her. The girl had learned her lesson about being too 'pushy', and Shinji let her off light on chores as usual.

Mari was grateful for it. It was like having a home again. Akane growing on her, and Mari growing on Akane, and Shinji watching over them. Or so Mari had thought.

Shinji himself was still distant at times. Haunted by so much sorrow at times. Isolated and detached from the world, even as he worked everyday, cooked for them, spent time with his daughter and read stories to her, a lingering shadow in his eyes. It only ever lifted for Akane, no one else.

When the bad times came, when Mari had her seizures, Shinji would come to her and pat her on the back gently. Holding onto her shoulder as she strained her brows, and murmured softly her breath, the pain inside her head stopping her in her tracks.

Akane was scared by it, the little girl watching her with wide eyes until Mari recovered. It was… nice… the two of them looking out for her, letting her now she wasn't alone. Then when it passed, and she assured them she was fine, they continued on. Never made a big deal about it.

The town doctor had told them there was nothing he could do, and Mari was fine with that. She knew she should have died years and years ago, but nothing beat her down. Mari had lived 18 years beyond what the Pre-Impact doctors predicted, and she was determined to live life her way as long as she could.

* * *

 _20 years after Third Impact  
2 years after Mari moved in_

Shinji didn't know how it happened. He was out in the fields one day, resting up, Akane off playing her with friends, and Mari had come to join him.

Sitting beside him on a tree stump and handing him a bowl of stew. She'd gotten better at cooking since moving in with them.

They talked a bit, Mari at ease with him, laying her head against his shoulder. Shinji listening but not adding much, he wasn't much for talking unless he had something to say these days. Something even Akane teased him about.

When suddenly, Mari had kissed him.

It had been such a little thing. Just a touch of the lips on his mouth, a curious test, a fleeting moment of intimacy... that Shinji did not return. Lips were curious things indeed, they said as much about a person as their hands and eyes did, the movements, the gentle or rough presses that occurred when kissing.

Mari's was gentle, not as gentle or full of joy and the hope for fulfillment that had been Rei, no Mari was a different kind of gentle. Hesitant, worried, loneliness that bit at the curve of her lips.

It stunned Shinji.

He would be lying if he said he hadn't been lonely himself. He hadn't had any physical contact like this since his wife died, the intimacy that comes was such things, not simply kiss or even sex, the subtle sensations of pleasures that emerged from the nerves under his skin, the sensations that lived in all humans.

His wedding ring, old and tattered clunk of metal, weighed heavily on him. And he didn't kiss back, Shinji simply sat there frozen... before turning away.

The air around them stilled. Mari watching on with soft hollow eyes as Shinji turned away.

"I'm sorry" Shinji said, his voice barely a whisper.

Mari glanced down, somehow that small gap between them and their seats seemed much larger, like a universe stood between them.

"No, I'm sorry... I've just wanted to do that for a long time now" Mari told him. Sad smile emerging on her lips.

Shinji watched her, seeing that glint of hope falling from her eyes, not gone, but fading, another road her life could have taken... yet refused.

…

"You two are quiet today. Is that a grown up thing now?" Akane asked, the ever aging girl looking between Shinji and Mari at the dinner table of their little shack.

She'd gotten taller in two years, sharper too, catching things much quicker than she had when she was younger.

"No I-"

"Everything is-"

Shinji and Mari said at the same time. Akane looking between the two again. It would have been funny, it should have been, but it wasn't. Too much uncertainty, too much misunderstanding and mixed feeling to find any humor in it at all.

…

Akane learned not to bring it up, but quietly she asked her father if something was wrong.

"No nothing's wrong" Shinji would tell her. And he saw that look in her eyes that said she didn't believe, but she respected him enough to let it go.

He loved his daughter for that.

…

"If hurts that's much... you can forget that it happened. It was a spur of the moment thing, I couldn't help it." Mari told him one day.

The two of them were doing laundry. Washing and folding clothes by hand, hanging the outfits outside to dry when needed, speaking privately away from the neighbors.

Shinji paused at that. He'd been avoiding Mari the past four days, the weight of his wedding ring ever present. His heart aching along with that weight.

"I'm not mad" Shinji told her softly, unable to look at her. He wasn't angry, truly he wasn't. He had trouble looking at her. 34 years, old and he was still bad with people.

"I never said you were" Mari told him sweetly. Oddly soft with him. She'd harden in the years she'd lived with him.

Tougher, that quiet strength that bite back against her illness, her ability to survive and keep going, learning to farm and pull her weight. 37 years old, and she was still beautiful in her own way, worn and torn down but never broken.

Mari sighed and put a hand to his cheek, forcing him to look at her. He stopped folding the old dirt stained shirts.

"I know you're still haunted. By Akane's mother, and 'Auntie Asuka', I'm not blind. _Sigh._ I'm haunted too, Shinji. I had people in life before the Impact. People I loved and cared about." Mari said sadly.

"I'm sorry" Shinji said, unsure of what to say. He wasn't the only one whom had known pain, everyone has a story, everybody has lost someone.

Mari chuckled somberly at him.

"It's not your fault" Mari added.

 _That's the thing though... Mari, it was my fault._ Shinji thought. Images of that day replaying in his mind, the Mass Production Evas, the Geofront in ashes... his choice at the end.

"I didn't mean to do this to you. I was lonely, still am I guess. It's okay Shinji, I understand" Mari said, letting his face go and walking off to finish the laundry.

He stood there in silence, Mari humming to herself softly as she washed clothes. Unsure of what to say and do.

His face still warm from Mari's touch, not the warm intimacy that been Rei's and Rei's alone... but something else. Not unpleasant, distant warmth.

…

Shinji wasn't perfect

He had never claimed to be. Loneliness is a part of being alive, and it can drive people together when they shouldn't. There's a difference between love and that loneliness. That desire to have _someone_ to hold. That human need for warmth. For relief.

When they slept together... it wasn't special. Not really. Just another night.

It had happened almost by accident. Mari helping him mend an old door, her hand on his. That pause when their fingers met.

Then, later Shinji lay in his bed… Mari tucked in beside him, naked under the bedsheets, an arm curled around him… and he couldn't sleep.

He lay there, Mari curled around him, breathing softly. Taking comfort in him, resting her head on his bare chest, even whilst he was lost. He had missed this... sex, sleeping beside another warm body, sharing a bed. But it was wrong.

The weight of his wedding ring, rusted piece of torn metal that it was, was crushing. It hurt, the cool feeling that clung to him even now. The memory of Rei even whilst he had slept with another woman.

Nearly ten years since her passing, yet she lingered in Shinji's mind. Her smile, her lips, her hands, the way cuddle with him… like another phantom pain. Sensations he had denied himself for years, he hadn't wanted anyone else… or so he'd told himself.

But Shinji was only human. And Mari was lonely too… the way she used him just as he used her.

…

They didn't talk about it the morning after.

Mari waking to find Shinji standing with lost eyes, cradling the wedding ring in his hands, and keeping his back to her. She sat up in his bed, the sheets falling from her shoulders, and called to him softly.

Shinji answered in a grunt. Pocketing his ring, it stung him to do so, it burned him deep to his core. And turning to meet her gaze.

"Akane should be getting up soon. She'll be wanting breakfast" Mari said simply, looking at ease and relieved no matter his mixed feelings on it.

Sex had that effect on people, it brought you a kind of high, but it was fleeting. A temporary pleasure when done like this. Love is different from sex.

Mari smiled sadly at him. Leaving his bed and reaching for her bra, getting dressed whilst he politely looked away, hands shaking from what he had done the night before.

…

In the days that followed, they ended up sleeping together again.

He never initiated it. But he did _respond_ in kind. He was still guilty. Mari was much more comfortable with the situation than him. Easier to separate different aspects of their lives.

Akane didn't know. At least not yet.

The two of them keep their activities quiet. Mari and Shinji simply going on with their days as normal, Shinji looking after his daughter. Mari pulling her weight in Haven, acting as a kind of 'second auntie' for Akane.

Yet Mari wasn't blind. She knew that he was conflicted. Knew that Shinji was haunted by the memory of his wife… that it might have only been his need for intimacy that drew them together. That Shinji may not have loved Mari the way he had with Rei.

"I'm sorry" Shinji told Mari one day.

Their little shack quiet in the dead of night. Akane sleeping in her room down the hall.

"For what?" Mari asked, curling against him underneath his bedsheets.

Another night of sex, another night of Mari sharing his bed, curling around him for warmth. Shinji laying there getting off the high, shame filling him for his 'need', for his loneliness that drove him here with Mari.

"For using you" Shinji admitted darkly. He looked ahead, away from Mari even as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Mari sighed again. Shinji Ikari just always had to be so serious, his daughter had gotten that right about him it seemed.

" **I used you too.** I'm lonely Shinji, I missed this. Missed sex, sharing a bed, and having a… a _partner_. My condition slows me down, but if I wasn't willing. You would know" Mari said.

She raised a hand and mockingly knocked him over the head.

Shinji didn't take the bait. Didn't laugh. He only tilted his head at the mocking blow. Mari's face falling from his lack of humor.

"Do you want to stop?" Mari asked, unable to stop the hurt in her voice. The silence in Shinji's room carrying.

For as long as Mari had known Shinji, he had been cold at times. Never cruel, but detached. Isolated and alone at times. Like now. Part of him was here with her in bed… and another part was somewhere else she couldn't follow.

Shinji's answer came slowly. A croak, a rough and audible cracking of his voice.

"Yes- … no. I… I don't want to stop. But maybe we should. Better that way" Shinji answered. Head lowered in the dark.

"Maybe we shouldn't" Mari countered.

She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her bare breast against his back, and breathed softly against his neck.

"I'm not _her._ I'm not your wife. I know that. But I like you. I think I might even love you, Shinji" Mari said smiling sadly in the dark.

Shinji flinched at that. Wincing as if struck.

"Why?" he asked, voice trembling.

"Because you are a good man. I think you are the last good man in all the world. You saved me, didn't want a reward. Didn't give a shit at all. Never judged me, even when I probably deserved it. And you care for your daughter like no one I've ever seen. You're the most… 'human' man I've ever known." Mari said, leaning against him. Her naked body pressed against his.

"I'm not" Shinji said softly.

"You are." Mari countered again.

 _I don't know if I can ever love you Mari. I… I still love my wife. Doesn't matter that she's gone. I love her and I always will_ he thought darkly.

"I don't want to stop, Shinji. I think I'm happy here, and I never thought that was possible after the world ended. Please Shinji, let me have this. Let me be happy… and maybe..." Mari began her voice calm and steady, but hurt underneath. The quite strength in her emerging yet again, letting her speak frankly when Shinji could not.

"Maybe one day, you would love me too" Mari said, small tears forming in her eyes. It might have been pathetic, pinning after a man whom was still in love with a dead woman. His wife even. But Mari didn't care anymore.

She had lost everything in the Impact, had been through so much, and somehow found peace, and a semblance of a life, _a real life_ , with this kind man and his family. She wanted to be there with him too, a family where she had none.

 _I don't know… I just… I forgot what this was like… I had forgotten how cold I was, how alone I'd been since Rei, until you kissed me, Mari._ Shinji thought.

"Maybe" he answered back. Head hung low even as he squeezed her hands in his.

"Nothing wrong with finding a bit of happiness, Shinji." Mari whispered sweetly in his ear.

Tugging on him, gently pulling him back to his bed and under the sheets with her. Shinji letting Mari share his bed for another night.

* * *

 **Part 6 : Ikari**

Akane didn't like them being together. Not at first.

She was young but not blind.

One day, whilst sitting at the breakfast table she was sullen and silent.

"You're not my mother" Akane told Mari suddenly.

Shinji looked up to see his daughter and Mari exchange glances. Akane cool and calm, her mother's eyes staring back at Mari. That same unreadable expression planted on her face. For Shinji, he recognized that look.

"I never claimed to be" Mari was telling Akane later that day. The woman having started to give Akane her chores for the day, only to be rebuffed with the same line.

"You're not my mom"

It hurt Mari… those words. For all this time Mari had been as another aunt in the girl's life. Now things had changed and Mari could see it.

"I know Akane, I know. I'm-"

"Sleeping with my dad" Akane interrupted Mari coldly. The little girl, almost ten years old now, crossing her arms and walking off without another word.

In the end, Akane ending up skipping her chores. Lashing out in that way that kids do, young and foolish, stubborn in their own right. Shinji would have gone after his daughter, but he let her have her space for now.

Mari had had another of her seizures that night. Shinji finding her in the hallway, unable to move, and muttering curses under her breath, her head in agonizing pain that left her powerless for several minutes.

Shinji held her, letting Mari know she wasn't alone, and helping her once it had passed. He did care about her, he really did.

"Akane hates me… she does, doesn't she?" Mari asked, wiping blood from her eye and accepting the water Shinji had brought her.

"No… she doesn't hate you. She's a kid, and kids don't like change. I didn't." Shinji told Mari.

His 'lover' for lack of a better word, breathed heavily. Apologizing for what had happened, saying that she couldn't control it. That, it just happened.

"I know. Listen, I'll talk to Akane. Thank you… for being patient with her" Shinji said softly.

Mari looked up at him uncertainly. In many ways, she understood Akane's feelings, Mari knew she was a strange whom had stumbled into their lives one day. Taken Auntie Asuka's room without warning, and now… this.

* * *

Shinji found his daughter sitting by the river stream under the night sky. Dipping her pale feet into the shallow edge. He knew he'd find her here.

The river stream where Shinji had used to fish with Rei and Asuka, and later where Akane used to watch her father and Auntie Asuka. It must have been one of Akane's earliest memories.

He sat down beside her wordlessly, neither of them acknowledging the other. Funny, neither of them were good with people. They could just sit there avoiding their troubles for the whole night if it came to it, running away into their own private space. Running away from their problems.

But Shinji wasn't a kid anymore.

"You shouldn't be out this late, girl" he said breaking the silence.

Akane snorted, shaking her head at him.

"I know how to hide. If anything happened, the militia would take care of it. Dad I-"

"That's not the point" Shinji sighed. Running a hand down his face.

 _So this is the beginning of a pre-teen? That age where you start turning into a teenager and rebelling, acting like you have everything figured out when you don't… ahh… teenagers…_ Shinji thought.

He held up his bad hand, letting his daughter focus on the three fingers where there should have been five. Akane's eyes widened, red eyes lowering, faltering at the guilt in her chest.

Images flashed through her mind… of her running to her father that night to see him holding his own blooded and deformed hand. Of seeing the remains of his missing fingers before Makio had amputated them and disinfected the wounds.

"Wanting some space is normal, but you mustn't run away Akane. Trust me… it doesn't solve anything. And staying out here all alone isn't safe" Shinji said, lowering his bad hand. Keeping an eye out for the tree lines in the dark, no attacks in months but you could never be too careful.

"I- ahhhh… I'm sorry" Akane pouted. Her eyes glued to her feet, unable to meet his gaze.

 _She really is my daughter_ he thought.

"Do you really hate Mari that much?" Shinji asked, changing the subject. He already reprimanded her for staying out this late, no need to rub it in. He wasn't that kind of parent.

"I… I don't hate Auntie Mari. Not really… okay. Happy now, dad?" Akane admitted crossing her arms and looking away.

"No one is going to replace your mother. No one can." Shinji told her.

"You're still sleeping with her" Akane murmured under her breath.

Shinji crossed his arms at that, mirroring his daughter or perhaps the other way around.

"Where did you hear those words? You're too young to know what that means" Shinji said, a hint of stern reproval in his voice.

Akane pouted, tilting her head at him. Matching his gaze for one of her own. Never of them blinking. She lost, and Akane sighed again.

"I overheard the neighbors talking about it. People gossip, dad. Like the old stories" she answered in defeat.

"You're right, word spreads fast in a village. There's barely two hundred of us, and it seems my neighbors are nosy." Shinji said.

Akane tilted her head at that. Curiosity getting the better of her, 'barely two hundred' seemed unnatural for her. She'd lived her entire life Haven, never understanding just how 'small' that really was.

 _There used to be more. Tens of thousands, even millions, of people living together in the cities. But that was a lifetime ago._ He thought.

"Are you mad at me, uh girl?" Shinji asked turning to face her.

Akane seemed hurt by those words. Wincing back in the dark, her feet shifting in the water where they sat by the shallow end of the stream.

"No. Dad… ah…. I'm not mad at you" Akane said huddling into herself. In truth she might not have even known why she was upset. Kids are like that sometimes, they lack the maturity to properly understand why they feel what they feel.

Hell, even adults struggled with that.

"Then why are you lashing out?" Shinji asked.

"… I see the way you are with Mari. You- you don't have the look" Akane muttered darkly. Accusingly.

"The look?" Shinji asked curiously.

" **You don't have it. That** _ **look**_ **you used to have when talking about mom… in your eyes... you don't have it when you're with Mari.** " Akane said slowly. Taking her time to answer him.

 _Akane… you're too smart for your age._ Shinji thought. Looking at his daughter somberly.

"It's not right. People shouldn't… shouldn't… not when they don't have… that" Akane said, struggling with the words. Her Auntie Asuka would have been better at this. Would have known the right words, the way to say it. She wasn't always good with emotions like this.

"Do you love her?" Akane asked finally, her lips trembling. So young, yet so old.

The words surprised him. Taking him aback. A question he had asked himself before, yet had always avoided the answer.

… _no… dear god... I don't love Mari. And that makes me a terrible person. Please don't judge me, girl. It hurts… growing up… getting old. Being alone. I hope that you will never know this kind of loneliness, the need that it creates_ he thought darkly.

The memory of Rei and her smile, reserved only for him, lingering in the back of his mind. Always.

Shinji put a hand over his daughter's head, ruffling her hair gently.

"Akane. You see much more than anyone gives you credit for." Shinji began, speaking truthfully and from his heart. Eyes falling as he continued "but there are things you're not old enough to understand."

"Like what?" Akane asked, her anger fading. Looking at her dad wanting answers.

"One day… when you're older. I'll tell you. Because maybe you're right, but the world isn't always so. Whatever you think of Mari, she's not your mom and she knows that." Shinji told her.

Akane looked away, nodding slowly. She might not agree with it, but she loved her father enough to let it drop. She didn't hate Mari, she never had. Yet a part of her knew that she was right, her father didn't have that look with Mari. Regardless, she was done acting out. Lesson learned.

"I want you to know, that I love you. Very much." Shinji said holding his daughter close. Pulling her into a surprising embrace.

Akane blinking, having not expected that, but relenting and letting her father hug her.

Letting her go, he held her hand and rose. Bringing her out of the stream with him.

"Come on, time for bed" Shinji told her. Leading her back to their home under the night sky.

His daughter was much smarter than people realized. And her words stuck with him, a truth that he had been forced to face in the unlikeliest of places.

In some dark corner of his mind, a representation of his own guilt, the weight of his old wedding ring, the manifestation of self-judgment... he saw a figure in his mind.

His father. Gendo Ikari.

Looking down at him, cold stern eyes looming over him. The worst man that Shinji had ever known... and the image of Ritsuko and her doomed relationship with that man.

 _Who are you to have judged me, eh boy?_ The image of Gendo told Shinji. Taunting him from beyond the grave.

… _Screw you old man_ Shinji thought. Pushing such thoughts from his head, they weren't real. Only his own self-hatred. But he was only human, he never claimed to be perfect.

He walked hand in hand with Akane, opening the door and entering his home. Seeing her to bed, and tucking her in, before leaving to join the woman he didn't love.

* * *

 **Very Character based chapter. Next chapter will be Plot based.  
I enjoyed showing the different versions of Mari. Other Mari is very different from Young Mari. And poor girl, her boyfriend was absorbed into the Eva.**

 **Akane can be wise beyond her years at times.**  
 **Speaking of the Original Shinji, do you agree with his own self-judgement/hatred in the form of Gendo, or is he too hard on himself?**  
 **It wouldn't be Eva without messy relationships after all.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**  
 **Coming soon, Chapter 27 'The Broken Man'.  
**


	27. The Broken Man

**Hey guys, I'm back. Quick update this time.  
**

 **{**  
 **For the reviewer 'Mac' . First, thank you for reviewing. I appreciate it.**  
 **Now, to your questions.**

 **For Mari's condition. My friend, I ask that you suspend your disbelief. You have already suspended it for massive alien beings with an unlimited power source(S2 engine) which makes no sense, and a world where SEELE and Nerv exist with only young teenagers being able to pilot clones of said alien beings. Please, I'm not asking much.**

 **As to your question, 'what exactly is the point of these incredibly long flashbacks to OG Shinji's life after 3I?'**  
 **\- To show the backstory of the Original Shinji, his character development, and the plot that led to the new timeline, The Unraveling. My friend, The Broken Man is NOT a plot device. He is a full fledged character with his own arc, his own feelings and development. And to also show the Post Impact World, there is more that happens.**

 **If you have any further questions, feel free to message me. :D**

 **}**

 **This is the plot chapter. A lot happens. May seem slow, but stick with it.  
Here is chapter 27 'The Broken Man' **

* * *

" _I am older now than anyone I've ever known. Older than both my parents, older than Misato or Kaji._

 _Funny, I never really had any kind of 'real' parent, Misato tried but she was only human. I understand that now. I do. For I've lived enough to know what those words mean._

 _A longer life isn't always a better one. In the end you just get tired. Tired of the struggle, of the ups and downs, the highs and the lows. That's what my life always was in the end. The world giving and taking, more taking than giving. Any happiness brief and blissfully, before that too died._

 _Always alone in the end. That was always my fate, eh? Last of the Eva pilots, and for a time the last human on the planet. Like I was doomed to be the last. To be alone. Damned since the day I was born._

 _I did not want to live this way."_

 _\- the broken man._

* * *

 **Part 1: Sign**

The Other Timeline

 _Memories of the Original Shinji  
_ _27 years after Third Impact_

There were good times, and bad times, as the years passed in Haven. Shinji's new 'family' living as best they could in the village. They had a few run ins with another set of looters here and there, but Kay and the militia always kept them at bay.

Shinji going out with the village men to defend their homes, Mari staying behind with his daughter, watching over her until he returned.

It was a point of conflict for her, Mari always wanting to make up for her past, Shinji trying do right by the both of them. Caring for his lover, and for his child. Never forgetting the haunting image of his father, taunting him from beyond the grave, years ago.

Akane got older, reaching her teenage years, becoming more involved, going hunting with her father, taking on more responsibilities. Shinji and Mari getting older, 41 and 44 years old.

Life had always been mixed for Shinji. A series of high points and low points, giving and taking from him. Taking more than giving, in his view. One tragedy to the next, pulling himself back and trying to forge onward with his life. Trying to find another glimmer in the dark, a place where he might be happy in his life.

But like the rest of his life… happiness was fleeting and hard times lay ahead.

…

The father and daughter walked carefully through the woods, that small forest like area that blended with the steep mountainous terrain surrounding Haven. Rifle in hand, whilst Akane carried her bow and arrow, notched and eyes on the look out.

"The deer keep moving further and further away. I don't get it" Akane was saying, chatting as she stayed close to her father. Pale white skin, her mother's eyes and her father's hair, 15 years old and already trying to act like a grown up.

Shinji trekking along, noticing it too.

It was getting harder and harder for them to hunt these days. All this time they'd managed to do alright, never hunting enough to drive off the game completely, but maybe the deer were finally learning. Somehow, Shinji doubted it.

Just a bad feeling... like the animals knew things that humans did not.

"We might have to call it a day, girl. Kay doesn't like us staying out so late anymore. Can never be too careful" Shinji called after her. His voice a bit deeper and rougher with age, and the beginnings of grey in his hair, rougher skin, deeper scars on his hands.

Akane tilted her head at him. Red eyes beaming at up at him, braided hair up behind her so it wouldn't get in the way while hunting, and fighting the urge to roll her eyes at him. She'd recently started to get annoyed with that term, like she wanted to prove she wasn't a kid anymore.

 _It's a term of affection, girl. You're 15, not 30_ he thought.

She looked more and more like her mother with each passing day, yet full of life. Not bound by the conditioning of Rei's early years.

"You worry too much, dad." Akane said shaking her head and turning to scout ahead.

Shinji gripped his rifle tight at the sound of a bird moving through the trees.

 _Got away_ he thought disappointedly, as the bird flew off further into the wilderness.

 _THUD_

An arrow flew through the air, striking the bird just as it had disappeared. Shinji turned to see his daughter smirking, bow held tight, arrow having flown true with a shot that would made her auntie proud. That was worthy of her mother.

The bird landed with an audible thud, and she turned to him trying to hide her expression. Her anxious want of his approval, to acknowledge that she could help him now. That she could hunt with the best of them, that she was almost an adult.

Shinji managed a weak smile, saying "good shot... girl."

Akane chuckled softly under her breath. Her old man was never going to let that go, and maybe that was okay after all. She had proved her point.

He followed after her in search of the bird she'd shot down. What they found surprised them, the bird lying where it had fallen, arrow through its chest... and a sliver of frost beside it. Ice.

"Sorry little guy." Akane was saying, nodding to the bird she'd shot. Shinji stopping at the sight, and looking up just as his daughter noticed it too.

The frozen water along the tree branch. Just a smudge of white along the faded green. A chill wind breezing by them, sending Akane shivering before she shook it off.

"Only ice. Winter's coming, but we already knew that" Akane said turning back to the bird she'd shot.

Shinji watched the minuscule ice along the tree branch, and couldn't shake the feeling in his bones. Seeing it here in Haven so soon made him anxious, and he didn't know why.

… he remembered those times when winter came. The first time had been harsh, but they'd managed in Misato's old apartment, and then later... after the Fall... on the road to Haven the cold had chased them for months at a time. Harsh and unforgiving, always at their backs...

"Akane" Shinji called, pulling her attention back to him. She looked up, her prey in hand, bow sheathed over her shoulder.

"We should head back… daylight is running out, and its getting colder" he said, his voice distant and off somehow.

Akane knew her father did that from time to time. Of the world, but not 'in' it. With the only exception being her.

"But we need meat. You go, I'll catch up later and I-" Akane began.

"No… we should get back inside" Shinji said, and something about his eyes made Akane pause.

She'd seen that look in her father before. When he remembered things from his youth, bad things, harsh times before he had found Haven.

"Alright." Akane said slowly, carefully. Uneasy at her father's tension. Before playing it off by shrugging and adding "but you have to tell Mari why 'this' ", she held her up bird.

"was all the meat we could get" Akane said gesturing at the small frame that was her catch. A feeble offering, a single meal at most.

Rice for dinner again.

"Leave that to me. We can handle a few days without meat" Shinji said, relived that she had listened to him without a fight. He turned gesturing for Akane to follow, and together they trekked out of the woods heading home.

Yet he felt it. An ache in his bones that wouldn't leave. It made his bad hand hurt.

…

Shinji dreamed that night.

Only his dreams had stopped being dreams a long time ago. They were like scars, and had been for years. Visions and nigh terrors that ate at him when they came. Coming and going as they pleased, he hadn't had a good night's rest since his wife died.

Shinji was… he didn't know where he was. Somewhere dark.

As if submerged in the water. Deep into the ocean. Pitch black.

Then Shinji was gone.

He was standing on an abandoned shore. There but not there. As if watching from a distance, yet seeing it with perfect clarity.

A figure was visible… a lingering shadow of a man. Incompletely somehow. The same being that Shinji had glimpsed before. Never quite understanding what it was.

The being was wounded. Crouching low before raising up, flailing, as if reaching higher for something, raising through the dark abyss to the shore... One arm missing.

The figure in the dark roaring silently.

It had no mouth, and yet it screamed.

An incomplete shadow landed upon the shore, jerking in agony as it forced itself forward. Contaminated water from the red sea, dripping down its abnormal form. Standing for the first time in what seemed like years... it rose to its mangled and deformed legs.

Half its face missing, hardened bone peeking out along the cracks of its flesh, exposed muscle somehow visible in the dark.

The being flailed. Reaching out its hands, raised as if in prayer, and... and a blinding light emerged. Hurting Shinji's eyes as he tried to look away. He could feel his skin tingling at the sensation, as if the light was burning him and the lands around him.

The dream just wouldn't end. Was it a dream at all?

The figure was gone. The shadows blown to smithereens, ripped apart, the form tearing away to reveal what was underneath. Growing in size, seeming to regenerate into something 'more' than it had been moments go.

A Giant of Light emerging. Standing tall over the shore, the size of an Evangelion. Unfolding itself into 'being', materializing at the scorched earth where the shadow had risen.

Half its face missing. No eyes at all, but deep empty sockets and the crude lining of its mouth. Left arm almost whole, exposed muscle visible amid the glowing white of its skin. A pale stump where it's right should have been.

 _It can't be... an Angel... no... they died..._ Shinji thought. Unable to move, unable to wake, trapped in this dream. In this night terror.

 **The Giant of Light breathed harshly, the air itself seeming to cool around him, the 'being' taking slow deliberate steps through the shoreline.**

THUD

THUD

THUD

The earth shook as the Angel moved.

Adam turning its glowing white deformed face, turning its head to look down at him. It was like witnessing a force of nature itself. Raw power displayed in a grizzled frame. Like watching the beating heart of a dying star.

The Angel _seeing_ Shinji with its non-existent eyes, watching him through the deep eyeless sockets planted on its cleaved and unhealed face.

And Shinji could feel it... the absolute _hatred_ of the being looming over him.

The wind blew and a harsh chill crept along Shinji's back. As if all the warmth in the world was being drained away, stolen.

Shinji stumbled back in the dream. Finding himself on the shore as well. Landing in the barren mud, he could feel the damp surface on his hands. Could hear the air itself hissing as the Angel breathed, seething.

Adam raised a hand, a balled fist, the weather changing with a hiss of air that bit at Shinji. The grounds beginning to ice over, frost emerging and cracking stone...

Shinji's head hurt. Like tiny blades were cutting through his brain tissue. It made him want to scream, he tried to stand but fell to his knees in agony.

Someone or something was standing behind him. Watching him as the Angel loomed over him.

"Shinji!"

 _Stop... stop... ack! Make it stop!_ He thought, his head felt like it was going to explode.

…

Shinji woke to find Mari leaning over him. Worried and concerned face pressed just above his, eyes wide, her hands on his face.

"... What happened?" he panted in the dark.

Warm liquid was running down his face. Blood. His blood. Another nosebleed, and a violent one at that.

"You were screaming" a voice called, emerging from the darkened doorway. Akane Ikari moving to her father's side, Mari looking him up and down just as shocked as Shinji was.

There was sweat on his forehead, and Shinji sat up breathing softly. Mari and Akane watching him carefully.

"You're bleeding..." Akane said, hands over her mouth at the sight of his face.

He raised a hand shaking off their help, and instead got out of bed and washed his face. The blood wiping away even as he breathed slow deliberate breathes.

"Shinji… it looked like you were having a seizure? Shinji, I know what it's like-" Mari began, concerned edge to her voice. The two girls following him into the bathroom even as he calmed himself.

"I'll be fine" he cut in. Leaning against the wall for support, heart still beating harshly in his chest. The memory of the Angel looming over him, fresh in his mind.

"Dad you need to see Makio what if its-" Akane said, the teenager shaking her head at him and moving to his side.

"Just need some air" he said, cutting her off. Avoiding their gaze. Akane tilting her head at him, seeing that same _look_ in her father's eyes. The look that told her that he was remembering something from his past. Something that scared him.

Mari tried to follow, but Akane stopped the older woman. Letting Shinji step outside and breathe quietly by himself. He loved his daughter for that, and so much more.

 _Just a dream… nothing more… can't be real… not an Angel…. It can't be. They're all gone now. Evas and Angels, SEELE and Nerv, it's been almost thirty years._ Shinji thought. His bad hand shaking, a small tremor that started when he'd woken.

He sat there on the porch, knowing Akane and Mari were worried for him. Yet that wasn't what bothered him.

It was the snow.

He looked up when the first pebble landed on his head. Looked up to see the small bits of white powder falling from the night sky. Snow emerging from the evening.

A cold chill seeping into the village that sent Shinji on edge.

Akane stepped out to join him, staring open mouthed at it. None of their winters had been that bad in a long time. No snow for years. Not since she was just a little girl. The abnormal climate of the Post Impact world.

* * *

 **Part 2 : Winter**

That had been the first sign. The ice forming along the trees, and the snow falling from the night sky.

It only get colder and colder. Snow falling, coating the mountainous terrain and woods in a sheet of white, beginning to flood into the village of Haven itself. Covering their crops, an act that the community spent hours every day dealing with, shoveling the snow clear.

Mari kept saying that it would clear up just like all the other times. The other families in Haven said the same, everyone going about their days in the snow. But Shinji wasn't so certain.

And he didn't sleep well since that night. Since the night terror.

Mari was afraid he was like her. That he was getting 'sick', and after her pleading he finally went to see doctor Makio. The good man hadn't been able to find anything, given their limited resources, but he believed Shinji was relatively healthy.

That still didn't stop Mari worrying about him. Akane, having known her father longer, knew that he would shake it off. Her father always did.

Her concerns were his, the weather.

Akane noticed the changed in Shinji even before Mari did. The anxious look in his eyes… It wasn't long before that look appeared in the others' faces as well.

The winter just didn't stop. Two weeks past and the snow just kept coming. Akane huddling up with her father and Mari, just to stay warm at night. The three sleeping with their clothes on.

...

The tremor in Shinji's hand re-emerging at night, a cold reminder, yet he tried to forget what he saw. The figure of a Giant of Light. Just a nightmare.

For if he was wrong… no… he couldn't consider that. And all Haven ever saw was the harsh winters of their world. Nothing that couldn't be dealt with. It just couldn't be what Shinji had seen in his nightmares. It couldn't.

That's what Shinji liked to tell himself.

His thoughts made no difference in the eyes of winter.

…

The river stream started to freeze. The main source of water and fish for Haven.

The entire village seeming to disappear under the sheet of white, snow and ice emerging from the harsh winds that swept through the lands. Even with the mountainous terrain shielding the village, the cold came at them.

What animals remained in the woods started to vanish, the creatures leaving in search of someplace warm but finding none.

The crops started to fail. You can't farm with frost coating itself over the soil.

It wasn't long before the mayor and the sheriff began calling for everyone to prepare to hunker down in the caves. To retreat from the village until the winter had passed, bringing as much food and supplies as they could.

In her entire life, Akane had only ever experienced 'this' once. Haven's population hiding out in the caves for safety. Mari had never done it all. Both of them listening to Shinji as he told them what to pack up, leaving their shack, their home, to take shelter with the others.

The entire village emptying out of its people. The homes abandoned.

* * *

 _One month into winter_

Living in the caves was not a pleasant experience. There was room enough for them, but it could be cramped at times. Haven may not have had electricity, but the caves were like stepping even further back in time. The stone age.

No washing clothes, no bathing, and the fires never quite kept the cold at bay.

Shinji and the sheriff Kay would leave the caves every few days or so, and see how the surface was doing. It was not a pleasant sight.

The winds that met them were so harsh that it nearly blew them back. When it died down, the two men would climb out again to find the land covered in frost, icy snow that seemed to wipe away the feeble attempts man had made for 'civilization' after the end of the world.

"How is it out there?" Mari would ask him when he returned.

Shinji huddled for warmth beside his daughter, his lover, and what passed for a camp fire. Shivering from his scouting of the outside, he looked up at her.

"It'll get better" Shinji lied. His voice shaking from the cold.

Akane and Mari didn't say it, but he thought they could tell what he was lying.

"Here dad, have some stew. Take some of mine" Akane said offering what food she could

"Thanks girl, but you keep that. Don't worry about me" Shinji told her instead.

She made a face at him but didn't argue. Knowing her father well enough to know it wasn't a fight she could win. He wouldn't take her food from her, and that was that.

The hardest winter Haven had ever known.

And five months into it, the worst possible thing that could happen… did.

Shinji should have been more careful. Seven years since she had moved in with them, and it finally happened. Taking root just before the winter had started again. All this time... He'd been so careful, or so he had thought.

 **Mari was pregnant.**

She came to him, nervous and anxious, shuddering in the cold, and pulling him aside to talk. Akane sleeping back at their corner of the caves. And when Mari told him, Shinji had frozen.

Standing on unsteady feet. Grounding himself as he took a deep breath, Mari clung to him and he let her. Worried and afraid for the future. Of the winter that had raged on for over a month, with no sign of stopping.

…

"I'm going to be a big sister…" was all Akane had said when she'd found out. 15 years old, and she was already planning out how to help with the newest member of the family. A bright spot for Akane, in the bitter cold that ate at them everyday.

Makio, the town doctor, and his wife did what they could to help. Pleading with the other village folk in the caves for extra food. Mari needing to eat for two.

Shinji and Akane doing what they could to keep Mari warm. Bundling up their blankets and cuddling with her to share body heat at night.

…

 _Five months into winter_

Things were bad. Leaving the caves was like entering a whole other world.

Haven almost washed away by the climate, frost littering the fields were once crops had thrived. So much work undone in a matter of months… 'home' being stripped away from them.

Sickness was the hardest part.

It had started during the first onslaught of this particular _horror_ of winter. Humans were never meant to live in the cold for extended periods of time. Only technology allowed mankind to survive such terrains, and Post Impact... that tech was a relic of the past.

By the fifth month people were severely sick. The caves providing what shelter it could, but it just wasn't enough after so long.

Intense fever, hypothermia, and the signs of frost bite that even Makio had fallen victim to. With Haven's doctor bedridden and resting near one the camp fires, it fell to his wife Kioko to tend to them.

Shinji tried to make the best of the things. Always looking after Akane and Mari, the three of them huddling together in their little corner of the caves.

Mari suffering the worst. Carrying a child within her, eating what food was given to her, and dealing with her condition. Her small seizures that plagued her even now. The poor woman unable to move for several minutes until it passed, her head throbbing in agony.

There was nothing Shinji could do. So he held her until it passed. One hand in hers, and the other in his daughter's grasp.

* * *

 **Part 3 : A Father's Burden**

Akane got sick too.

It started small, an uncontrolled shiver here and there, the stiffness in her limbs, her pale skin showing signs of exposed blue. The early symptoms of severe Hypothermia.

"Dad… I don't… I don't feel well" she told him one day. Before collapsing and falling into a deep fever, just like so many others. Shinji catching her with wide eyes, holding her close and bringing her to the camp fires.

"Akane!" Shinji had cried out.

Mari gasping as she went to his side. Putting a hand to Akane's forehead, Mari's pregnancy slowing her down.

…

Shinji was the one who decided that he had to do something.

There was another settlement, much smaller than Haven, that they had traded with many times. A small collection of houses that made medicine from the ingredients they could get from nature, whatever remained in the households, or what was traded. It wasn't much, but it was something.

Mari tried to stop him.

Standing up to him even whilst showing the signs of her pregnancy. Her belly swollen and visible underneath the layers of clothes she wore.

"Shinji, you can't go… you'll die out there" Mari was saying, shuddering and holding herself close. Pleading with him, eyes wide, and tugging on his arms.

"I have to try. I can make it. Just get there and come back. I can do it" Shinji said, breathing heavily, the heat from his breath visible in cool air.

He'd been arguing with her for some time now. Mari didn't like it, but Akane was sick just like all the others and she needed help.

Shinji knelt beside the bedridden form of his daughter, resting uneasily underneath the blankets, forehead burning up a storm, and shaking. Mari stood watching over him, rubbing her womb, near tears as she watched the girl she'd come to see as family. Watching the father comfort his child.

"I'm gonna get you help, eh girl. Medicine. You're gonna be okay. I promise." Shinji told Akane, running his hand through her hair gently.

Akane stirred in her sleep. Calling out to him weakly, opening her feeble red eyes and looking at him.

"Dad-" she began weakly.

"Don't talk. Save your strength" Shinji told her, whispering close to her. His voice shaky. Heart heavy with a pain that was not physical, a father's burden.

He lay there, at his daughter's side, until she fell asleep again. Mari resting on the girl's other side, wrapping her own blankets over the poor girl.

Shinji didn't say goodbye. He _was_ coming back, so there no point in it. He just got up, face grim but determined, and left.

Mari watching him go the entire time. Tears welling up in her eyes. Caring for the unborn child in her womb, and the sick teenager at her side.

…

Kay wasn't happy about him leaving. The older man, former JSSDF, trying to stop him as he made for the cave's exit.

"I'm going to get medicine. For my daughter. For everyone. As much as I can carry" Shinji told him.

Others were watching the exchange. Watching from their huddled spots in the cave, cowering together for warmth, eyes on the two men near the exit.

"And trade what? What could you give them for those meds? Hmm?" Kay told him harshly. Arms crossed, standing vigil by the exit.

"I'll figure it out" Shinji said, clutching the meager supplies he had grabbed for himself. Heavy jacket weighting him down, unwashed hair growing unkempt.

 _You'll die out there._ Kay's eyes seemed to say.

 _I have to try_ Shinji's unsaid response.

The two men at an impasse. The two most capable out of all Haven. The Soldier, and the Eva pilot, neither backing down.

"Let him try." a voice called suddenly.

The gathered Haven folk turned, the crowd parting to reveal the mayor. The beady old lady whom had lived through both Second and Third Impact. The mayor sitting by the fire, glancing up at Shinji and Kay, age old wisdom, earned from pain, visible in her eye.

"We need all the help we can get. That young man has survived _more_ than anyone I've ever known. Let him go." the mayor said, her ancient voice carrying across the shelter.

 _If anyone can do it, Shinji can_ her words seemed to say. Then she turned away again, huddling by the fire, old bones freezing.

Kay watched her in disbelief. How bad must have it been for her to agree to this?

"Thank you" Shinji said, breathing harshly as he nodded respectfully to the mayor.

Then, before anyone else could protest, he left. Leaving the shelter of the caves, Mari watching him with teary eyes, as he disappeared into the great white beyond the cave entrance.

* * *

 _The Outside_

Leaving the shelter was hard.

Shinji emerging onto the surface of what once had been the forested land that edged along the mountainous terrain, the higher ground overlooking Haven.

The wind had died down for now. But the air was harsh, so cold that it stung his face. Even with his heavy jacket, stitched and sown together by him and his daughter, two shirts wrapped around himself underneath, he shivered.

Trekking through the snow. 41 years old and he felt like he was 60.

 _Asuka wouldn't have let this slow her down. And Rei would have just soldiered on. I can do this... just the cold_ Shinji thought.

Forcing himself further and further. Stumbling upon the village of Haven itself, only to find it disappearing underneath sheets of snow and ice at least 3 feet high. It would take work to rebuild and clean up once winter was gone.

He passed his shack, his home for years, on his way out. The place empty and cold, yet he didn't linger. There was no time for such things.

The image of a Giant of Light, half its face missing, looming over a shore, haunting him as he walked on.

 _Nonsense... just a stupid nightmare. Have enough to deal with. Akane needs me_ he thought. Pushing the image of the Angel away.

Winter was real. The dreams were not.

The cold was real, it hurt.

…

Outside Haven was even worse.

It was unlike any battle Shinji had ever known.

There was no 'monster' for him to fight. No creature that he could kill with his Evangelion. No villain for him to focus on beating. This was a force of nature and its wrath. He was little more than an aimless man, alone and vulnerable, struggling to keep moving.

Shinji found the old settlement, the brewers whom had made their own form of medicine, as well stocking those from the old world.

The place was barren. Beaten down by the weather. The roads along the group of houses icy and frozen over, no one visible in any direction. Abandoned?

No, Shinji found the brewers whom had lived here. The men and women, maybe 20 or so, huddled up in a lone room with as much protection as they could muster. Yet there were all dead.

Every single one of them was dead. Pale exposed blue skin, death from a mixture of frostbite and hypothermia. These people hadn't had a cave to run to for cover. They hadn't had the supplies to hunker down and in the end... it had cost them their lives.

"I'm sorry" Shinji told them. He had wanted to bury them but he didn't have the time, and the weather was so bad that it might have killed him in the process.

Shinji found what medicine that brewers had been storing up, their only valuables worth trading, and took as much as he could. Stuffing the bottles into his pack. Crude base medicines, but they were all they had. There were no drug manufacturing plants anymore, no pharmacies, nothing 'new' being researched and made. This... this was all anyone had.

He started showing signs of frostbite on his way back to Haven.

Wandering the icy roads, trekking through the snow, his skin stinging him as the wind whipped across his face. A lone figure walking along the ghost white climate.

…

When Shinji returned to the cave, he must have looked like a corpse. Eyes wide, face red from the exposure to the elements, and shivering uncontrollably.

Kay had been dumbfounded to find him alive at all. The man calling for the others to help, as Shinji hauled himself back into the relative warmth of the cave. Medicine in his bag.

The trip had taken days, but Shinji had done it.

"God, Shinji... you need to lay down. You have _frostbite_. Worst than anyone here" Kioko, the town nurse and wife of Makio, said. Eyes wide and looking at what skin was visible, harsh and raw, yet Shinji didn't seem to care.

"Later... my daughter. Where... where is she?" Shinji said. Voice shaking as he spoke. A crowd of Haven farmers forming around him in awe. Grateful beyond relief for the medicine he'd managed to bring them.

Kioko was trying to help, to bring him over to the others to be treated, her eyes concerned at just the sight of him. At this... this _walking corpse_ that was Shinji Ikari.

But he shook Kioko off.

"Shinji" a voice from further within the cave called.

The crowd of freezing farmers parted slightly, and Mari emerged onto the scene. Looking disheveled, her pregnancy more prominent than ever, and looking at him with tears in her eyes, small smile planted on her lips. So happy that he had returned.

"Akane?" he asked, voice still shaking.

Mari nodded and Shinji breathed a heavy sigh of relief. He grabbed the medicine for his daughter, and handed the rest to Kioko, letting the town nurse treat what patients she could whilst he tended to his own.

She led him to the bedridden Akane, the teenager huddle underneath all the blankets they could spare. Just like so many others in this harsh winter.

Mari tried to help him, to look at his wounds just as Kioko had, but Shinji shrugged it off. Mari frowning as he knelt down beside his daughter and gently shook her.

Akane stirred, red eyes opening slowly, fever running high and looking at him weakly.

"Dad" She moaned, her voice barely above a whisper. Long and unkempt brown hair falling over her face as she rolled over to face him.

"Hey girl, I'm here" Shinji said, feeble tears in his eyes, voice hoarse and raw.

"Are you okay? You're hurt dad" Akane whispered to him, her voice strained and shivering as she spoke.

"Don't worry about me. You're sick, but I got you some medicine" Shinji told her, holding up the bottles he had taken from the dead settlement.

Akane nodded slowly, and Shinji cracked open the crude bottle. Mari at his side and kneeling down to join the father and daughter.

"You've been so strong Akane, just take the medicine and rest now" Mari was saying. Running her hands down the poor girl's forehead.

"Here. Just swallow it, that's all it takes" Shinji said guiding the bottle to his daughter's lips. Watching with tearful eyes as Akane held up her hands and swallowed the medicine.

"Taste awful" Akane whispered, trying to laugh things off but lacking the strength.

Shinji laughed for her, a forced chuckle and on the verge of tears, he shook his head saying "I know, always hated medicine as kid too."

Akane reached for his hand and he took her his, three fingers intertwined with five.

"Listen to Auntie Mari, Just rest, I'll be here when you wake up. I promise" Shinji said lying down next to her and getting under the blankets. Holding her close and adding what warmth he could.

Mari did the same. Smiling weakly at him.

Akane murmured something under breath, but Shinji shushed her. Letting her rest and pulling her close.

" **You have my whole heart. You always did.** " Shinji whispered to her. Holding her close and praying that everything would be alright.

The three of them huddling together in the cave.

…

Nothing he did mattered in the end. That seemed to be the theme of Shinji's life, pointless and directionless, nothing he ever did made a difference at all.

The world was cruel and unkind, just as it always had been.

Akane had died...

Shinji woke and found her still and lifeless. She wasn't breathing, and Shinji had tried to wake her. Shaking her and pleading for her to wake up.

"Akane... Akane!... girl... no... no" he had pleaded. Tears falling from his eyes, hands shaking as he shook her. Trembling at the silence that met him.

Praying that this was a nightmare. A false reality that could be undone. That the pale skinned girl with her mother's complexion would open her eyes, and everything would be alright. That he would wake up and find Akane humming to herself just as her mother had. That she'd tilt her head at him and they'd laugh at the fuss he was making, that she'd roll her eyes at him. A young girl on the verge of womanhood, so curious and bright. She couldn't be gone. She couldn't be.

He would wake up and this would be over. Akane had her whole life ahead of her. A life he would get to see for a while longer. He still had so much love to show her, lessons to teach her. _This_ just couldn't be reality.

But it never came.

There was no waking, because he wasn't dreaming. His dreams were like scars and this was far worse.

 _It's not supposed to be like this. I- no... I made it back! I got the medicine! I did! It's a nightmare... it has to be. My child... my heart..._ The stumbling thoughts of a broken man.

Akane was gone. Just like that. Had died in her sleep.

Shinji wept for her, holding her body close, running his hand through her lifeless hair. Mari waking, and unable to do anything but cry with him. Holding Shinji as he wailed.

The weight of his wedding ring... beyond crushing.

* * *

 **Part 4 : Broken**

The days and final months of winter passed in the blink of an eye to Shinji.

He wasn't aware of it, time passing by, he ended up getting sick himself from his journey outside, but he did not care. It didn't matter.

Nothing mattered anymore.

 **No parent should bury their child.**

He sat there numb to the world. Mari trying to be there for him, she did try, she really did. Yet he found it hard to care. She tried to make him eat, but he always give her his food. She was pregnant and needed to care for their child.

Mari knew he wasn't well, she wasn't either. She had grown to love Akane as a mother would, despite any tension the two might have had. She could see the emptiness in Shinji's eyes, the sorrow that ate away at him more and more.

If it wasn't for the child growing in her womb… she thought he might have stopped eating all together

…

How cruel that winter finally started to fade after so much death. The Sun showing its face again, shinning above and clearing the grey clouds that had hidden it for months.

This winter had been hard and brutal to them. The coldest they had ever known since the Impact. More than half of Haven's population had died even whilst using the caves for shelter.

From 200 to 74.

The mayor had died, tough old lady that survived two different Impacts, only to be beaten in the end by the climate. Makio, the town doctor, had died. Leaving the duties to his wife Kioko and her son.

So many families cut down by those long long months.

Kay had survived, old soldier leading them through at the end. Taking up the leadership role and keeping them alive in the final days of the winter.

When they started to leave the caves, the snow had started melting, the ice and frost vanishing with each day it seemed.

Shinji following Mari, her leading him by hand, out with the others. Returning to the village, and starting to rebuild. To clear away the snow and ice, to reclaim their homes.

"Leave that to me. Just take it easy, Mari" Shinji said. Speaking for the first time in days, his voice low and hollow. Like something was gone, taken from him and it would never come back.

Mari stood there watching him anxiously as he went to work clearing out their old home. Shoveling the snow off and repairing what needed to be fixed. It took days, but he wouldn't let her help him.

Said he was worried for their baby, but Mari thought it was more than that. That Shinji needed something to keep him busy. That he was haunted now more than ever, sometimes drowning in sorrow, his eyes lost where she couldn't follow.

…

It took time but the village started to recover, the fields being re-worked. Crops planted once again, the river stream flowing once more, homes reclaimed, and families moving on.

Shinji spent most of his time alone. Wandering off on his own to work, always needing to keep busy, never allowing himself to think. Always helping out here and there, until Mari came to take him home late into the evening.

So it was that he found himself climbing the steep grounds leading up to the small plot of land set aside so many years ago… Haven's graveyard.

The engraved words had been submerged in frost, but Shinji numbly wiped them away. The small pellets of ice shattering as his fingers moved across the stone.

 _ _Rei Ikari. Beloved wife. Pilot. Farmer. Mother.__

The grave had survived the winter well enough. Old and cracked along the edges, the sight of it nearly brought him to tears.

"Hey… Rei" Shinji said, his voice straining. He hiccuped and felt his breath grow hard. It had been years since he spoke her name allowed.

He used to visit every now and then, with Asuka and Akan… but somewhere along the line he had stopped coming back. Too busy.

"I know I haven't come by in a while. I wanted too… I think I've just been avoiding you. Humph, still haven't changed. Still running away from my problems." Shinji said, fighting the tears even now.

His face fell, and he tried to smile weakly but it just wouldn't come.

"I miss you… I miss you so much, Rei" Shinji said through watery eyes.

The grave was silent as ever. Perhaps they never really existed for the dead, but for the living, for those left behind to mourn, and to remember. Yet sometimes that was not enough. Where no amount of memorial could ever be enough.

He hiccuped struggling with the words.

"I… tried to do the right thing. I did, I really did. I raised her the best I could… I raised our little girl. Akane was..." Shinji began, only to stop midway. Unable to stop the tears as they dripped down his face.

He stumbled to his knees, planting his bad hand on the grave. Breathing hard, and unable to stop.

"She was beautiful. And so smart, so curious, just like…. just like you. I wanted her to have the life we never did… I wanted so much for her… but… I failed..." Shinji sobbed.

Again, the grave was silent. Nothing but a heap of stone with cravings engraved onto its surface.

"Rei… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Shinji wailed. The words come out in sharp breathes that shook him to his core.

He clung to the grave, weeping in the morning light.

Even now he could see them. Could remember that smile his wife had reserved only for him. Could remember the day Akane was born. The same day that Rei had died. He saw them both, in a world that didn't exist, a world where they had both lived, and had known each other. Where he stood watching mother and daughter walking hand in hand.

But it was only a fantasy.

Rei had never lived long enough to see her daughter grow, had never been there for her first steps, for her first words. It had been Shinji, and Shinji alone. The closest thing Akane had had was Asuka.

Now they were all gone. Rei, Akane, Asuka, and with their passing he felt gone himself. Like his soul had been ripped out.

"I'm sorry" he whimpered over and over. As if that would somehow make it better.

Weeping, he removed the aged and torn wedding ring from his finger... and placed it atop his wife's grave.

He didn't deserve it. Not anymore.

* * *

...

Everything seemed to blur after that for Shinji. Helping Mari along with her pregnancy. Making sure she ate enough and got plenty of rest, watching for any seizures she had. But his heart just wasn't in it.

He only ate because he knew that his son would need a father to watch over him. It wasn't that he didn't care about Mari, he did, a part of him always had, but he had never truly loved her. Not in the way she had loved him, and no matter how much tried to deny it… that was the truth.

When the birth came, Shinji was there holding Mari's hand the entire time. He tried to feel something, anything, but it was just numb again. Mari crying out as Kioko, the town nurse, performed the delivery and saw the babe through.

There was nothing to be done in the end, just like everything else in his life. The world was cruel and uncaring.

Shinji's son died before his first breath.

The first sign was when he didn't cry. The babe emerged into the world without such much as a wail, quiet and small, hairless and without a pulse. Dead before he was even born.

…

Mari cried for weeks afterward.

Shinji wished he could have cried with her, but something in him was just broken. He sat with Mari, holding her, trying to comfort her as she had tried for him so many times. Their relationship turned empty after that. Shinji working during the day, replanting and re-soiling the crops, and coming home at night wordlessly to a still recovering Mari.

Entire days passed where he didn't speak. Like all the light had been drained from his eyes.

…

"I'm sorry"

Those were first words Shinji told Mari the day he left.

Both of them were sitting at the breakfast table. Their little shack, their home in Haven, fully repaired but empty. The two of them often sharing meals in silence. The place lifeless and bland.

Ghost haunted its hall for Shinji. Memories of those he had loved, all of them gone... every piece of the home feeling like a stranger.

Mari looked up at him. She had recovered from the still birth, and was doing fine physically, but mentally she was hurt. Haunted by the death of their son.

"For what?" Mari asked. Sorrowful eyes looking up at his. She wasn't like him, wasn't broken, underneath all the pain she was still alive deep down. He could see it... that quiet strength in her... and he couldn't follow.

Shinji looked away, and spoke.

"I'm leaving"

He spoke the words and let them hang. Flat and empty, just like the rest of him.

Mari didn't understand, she looked at him in disbelief. Worn edges of her eyes peering into him, searching for an answer.

"I can't do this anymore, Mari. I'm leaving Haven... for good. Alone." Shinji said, letting the words carry across the table.

"That's not funny" Mari said, an edge to her voice. Hurt like never before.

"Not a joke. I can't live here anymore... it hurts too much. Everywhere I am haunted by them... so I'm leaving. You can have the house. You'll be alright. Village is still standing" Shinji said looking up at her with hollowed out empty eyes.

Mari stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. Her eyes growing cold.

"So that it?! You're just giving up?!" Mari screamed.

He didn't even flinch, he let her rage.

"We have a life here?! You're just going to throw it away?! You think you're the only one in pain?! I lost my son too! You idiot! You'll die out there!" Mari shouted. Raising to her feet, tears in her eyes, face red.

He barely even looked up.

"I already feel dead, Mari." Shinji cut in. His voice low and somber, a whisper that set his companion on edge as she looked him over. Seething as she watched him.

Shinji slumped into his chair, forty two years old and feeling like he was a hundred.

What had happened to his life... was there even a point where he had been happy? Where there hadn't been some tragedy? Where he hadn't had dreams and visions that rocked to him his core? Where maybe he had been whole?

" **Part of me died with my wife, Rei. A second part with Asuka. I- and my daughter held me together. Kept me going...** " Shinji began, tilting his head and looking down at his bad hand. Aged and tattered thing that it was. Three fingers where there should have been five.

He could feel Mari's gaze on him. Uncertain and hurting.

" **And when Akane died... whatever was left of me died with her, and my unborn son** " Shinji said, his voice choking on the emotions.

Soft years welled up in his eyes, but they did not fall. Shinji sat there a broken shell of a man lingering in a home filled with ghosts.

Mari was looking at him with wide uncertain eyes.

"Our son, Shinji. _Our_ baby boy" Mari cried. Tears streaming down the woman's face.

The woman he had slept with for years, had helped raise his daughter with, but had never married. That selfish part of him, that longing to have someone, _anyone_ , to hold him, bringing him to her. Allowing her to love him whilst he had only ever cared for her. She had never been Rei... and it had never been her fault. It had been _his._

 _I know... I tried Mari... I did. But I can't stay here anymore. I never meant to hurt you... I never did love you the way you loved me... I'm worse than my father ever was_ he thought.

In whatever reminded of his mind, the ghost of his father emerged again.

Tall and silent, Gendo Ikari loomed over his son. Cold eyes, gloved hands, stern expression, looking down at Shinji. Scoffing silently at him, worse than laughing at him.

 _Who were you to ever judge me, eh boy?_ The image of Gendo called to Shinji. Taunting from beyond the grave, just as before. Just like all those years ago.

The image of Ritsuko hovering in Shinji's mind. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi confronting Gendo, and the older man shooting her. Leaving her behind. Old patterns, different but all the same. Broken.

 _Go away old man... I already know what I am_ he thought darkly. A feeble reply to the manifestation of his guilt. No strength left in him.

"I'm nothing now. I'm sorry, Mari" Shinji said flatly. The images fading, the ghosts of his past leaving as he pushed them away. Cursed thoughts that plagued him, his own self-judgment.

He rose to his feet, Mari crying as he headed for the door and walked out.

"No" Mari cried out running after him outside, her footsteps slamming against the porch.

The two of them stepping outside to the recovering village.

"Ack!" Mari cried and Shinji stilled, glancing back at her.

Her condition had started up again. Mari's seizures, she stood still and frozen where she had ran. Cursing under her breath, head throbbing in pain, unable to move until it passed.

Shinji watched her as she struggled with her seizure. She was a survivor, he saw her fighting it, steadying herself even as the seizure died down. Mari would survive, with or without him.

"Stay here, Mari. Where it's safe. You deserve better than me" Shinji told her, watching her with sad eyes before turning his back and walking off without her...

 _Stupid boy, hating me all these years_ Gendo's voice called to him again. Cold and mocking.

Shinji walked off.

In his mind's eye, he saw it again. Gendo shooting Ritsuko, killing her and breaking whatever heart she had left in a single act.

Shinji didn't look back, he just walked on. Remembering Ritsuko and her tragedy. But this was different, Mari could live without him. She'd find a way. It was better like this, his entire life had only ever been one tragedy after another.

 _I should never have slept with her. I was selfish. I used her... should have made her move out once she was better. All I ever do is make things worse_ He thought.

Mari recovered, stumbling to her knees panting. Shouting at him, her heart being shattered like glass.

"Screw you, Shinji! I loved you! I gave you everything! You just threw it all away! You think you're the only one whose known pain! I lost our boy too! Shinji!" Mari called out after him.

Sobbing as he left her, the neighbors in Haven coming out to see what was going on.

Haven, less than half of the people remained but they would pull through. Kay was with them, at least that's what Shinji liked to think.

 _You're better off without me. In the end, a_ _ll I ever did was cause you pain_ Shinji thought, steel faced, leaving everything behind as Mari cursed his name.

He never looked back.

Running away just like he always had. No supplies, no preparation, he simply left.

* * *

 **Part 5 : Alone**

Shinji couldn't say for how long he wandered out there in the wastelands. Abandoning Haven, hoping that he could leave his demons behind with it.

He traveled the barren and near lifeless lands outside the village. Living off what he could. Aimless, directionless, and drifting. The world still reeling from the worst winter it had seen in decades, the worst since the Impact nearly thirty years ago.

What grass remained nothing but a faded yellow blur on the grounds, still recovering from the cold.

As for Shinji himself, his hair greyed even more, living out among the waste, somehow surviving. Homeless. Living off of very little, it aged him even more.

He avoided people. Not speaking once, not a single word.

Staying away from what roads remained, and what remnants of humanity lingered. He saw packs of people, other survivors of winter, struggling to get by. Looters, travelers, gangs, merchants, passing him by but never stopping. In turn, he never stopped for them.

The dichotomy between Haven and the wastelands outside. The world Mari had lived in before he had found her wounded and dying so long ago.

Shinji didn't know why he did these things, choosing to forage for supplies. Eking out an existence out here with nothing and no one but himself. Thinning even more, his clothes fitting him looser and looser.

Maybe a part of him didn't want to live anymore. Or maybe it just was nature, that ingrained programming that tells you to eat and seek warmth and shelter. Shinji didn't care. He just... survived. He breathed and ate, slept and made camp fires. Trying not to think.

At least until one night... when things changed.

He was older now, dressed in hobbled together rags, barely recognizable at all.

A gang of looters stumbling onto a sleeping Shinji as he lay underneath an abandoned bridge. Old rusted brick almost collapsed upon itself, holding together somehow.

He woke to find them gathering around him.

The gang, a mixed group of four older middle aged men, dressed in rags just like everyone else in the wastes, and two women, one a teenager and the other her mother, approaching him with steeled eyes. Cold as iron.

Having spotted him sometime ago.

"Hey! Old man! What do you have on you!" one of the men called.

 _Again. People can be so cruel to one another. Taking what they need at the expense of others. 'Just doing what they have to' they claim. So this is the world I made_ Shinji thought numbly.

Old Man Shinji sat up, crawling up from his pile of rags to meet the gang. Hollow empty eyes looking at them as if barely acknowledging their presence.

"... rags" Old Man Shinji said. His voice hoarse and raw. Empty.

The gang before him were all thin. Winter had been brutal on them. Worse than what he had had in Haven and its caves. He could see the early signs of starvation in the men, and the women barely clinging to what they had.

"Food, you have food old man?!" another man said sharply.

Shinji tilted his head slowly at the other man. They seemed... uneasy at how little he cared about them looming over him.

"Leave him alone. He's just an old man." one of the women, a younger girl around 15 or so, said. The poor child dressed in rags too big for her.

"Be quiet" one of the other man whispered back at her. Doing what they had to do, that just how people worked these days.

"Go away. I don't have anything you want" Shinji whispered at last. Lowering his eyes again. Leaning against the cold pavement of the abandoned bridge.

Suddenly, one of the men lurched forward, grabbing Shinji by the shoulders and hauling him up. Shaking Shinji as the man dragged him out.

 _I must be twenty years older than you, boy. I don't want to fight. Don't even care anymore_ Old Man Shinji thought.

There were shouts, but Shinji didn't hear them. All he heard was the man whom had grabbed him, shouting at him for what he had. Reaching a hand into Shinji's ragged and torn jacket, looking for something to steal.

Shinji punched him. Numbly reached his fist up and across his attacker's face. It was just reflex, something his body told him to do when attacked.

More shouts, and Shinji stumbled back as some of the others joined in. Shoving him aside and punching him too.

Shinji spat out blood from his busted lip, barely caring at all, and was about to fight back as reflex demanded… when he was stabbed.

He didn't see the knife until it reached him. One of the men plunging the blade into his neck… digging it down into his throat.

Shinji gagged weakly, his hand reaching up for the blade… until he was kicked aside. Falling to his back, he landed hard as two of the men stood over him. Reaching down, they rummaged through his jacket for what he had. One of them pulling the rusted knife free, yanking it out of Shinji's throat.

The two women were screaming in horror. They hadn't wanted it to go like this.

Shinji lay bleeding out, his arms stiff and heavy at the open wound in his throat.

One of them was rummaging through his things by the bridge. Taking what little he had, and leaving him there.

"I'm sorry" one of the women whispered to him. The girl around Akane's age, crying at the sight of him.

"Sorry" she said again, before turning with the others in the gang and leaving. Running off in search of somewhere to live. Leaving him behind to die.

All that… for a pile of rags and some crumbs in his pockets.

Shinji groaned, pulling himself up, holding the wound on his neck. The place he'd been stabbed… and tried to stand. To find something, anything, to stop the bleeding.

But he only fell over again.

Funny, he had wandered for so long now. Barely living, perhaps a part of him wanting to die, and yet when it was actually here… he fought. He tried to cling to life even as it left him.

"Ack" Shinji croaked as he stumbled to the ground for a third time. Blood pouring down his shirt. So Mari had been right in the end, he would die out here.

"Ahhhh" he tried to scream. To breathe, lying on his back and looking up into the night sky.

 _So this is it…. Just another lost soul in the middle of nowhere._ He thought.

He had lived through so much it seemed, and yet not at all. Eva piloting, the Angels and SEELE, his father and Nerv, Third Impact, the fall of Tokyo-03, the road to Haven, the harsh winters… and now this.

Shinji looked up into the sky, to the expanse of stars visible in the early night sky, and wondered if his mother was watching from far away. From wherever Yui Ikari was with the Eva. Wondered what she would have made of all this.

Shinji looked for her, but all he saw where pale white dots. Just another star amid all the others. Somewhere out there… Eva Unit 01 drifting without a care in the world.

He started to bleed out into the barren pavement.

' _So long as you are alive. You will always have the chance to be happy' That's what you told me, mom. I used to think that was true. Back when I was young._

 _What bullshit..._

 _Ah mom… are you up there watching? Is this what you wanted for me? To die out here with nothing and no one. Old and alone… You just left._

 _Maybe I deserved this, eh mom. My entire life was failure. Everything I ever touched died. Turned to ash. Maybe I never deserved to be happy at all._

 _Rei… Asuka… Akane…. I'm sorry…I couldn't save any of you. In the end, I couldn't even save myself._

 _I did not want to die this way. Alone… I always hated being alone. -_ the rambling thoughts of a dying man.

Shinji wheezed bleakly, his vision growing dark.

" **No…** **I… I did not want to live this** **way** " Shinji whispered as he lay dying.

He gasped, struggling for air, eyes falling. The world turning to black.

And Shinji died there.

Alone, in the cold, by an abandoned bridge. With no one and nothing. Just another lost soul forgotten in the world that a 14 year old traumatized boy had made with a choice, almost thirty years ago

* * *

 _The Current Timeline  
_ _Somewhere in Tokyo-03  
_ _Meeting room_

The offices were bare, plain, and modest. Government agencies were never known for any kind of flair.

Kaji stepped into the room alongside his partner. Agent Kunizuka, her name revealed at last. It was unusual for them, meeting together like this and coming in.

For so long, the two spies working independently of each other. Pooling their resources and working from their respective ends. Now, things were different. No more codes, but a debriefing.

Kaji shifted uncomfortably in his 'real' work clothes, Kunizuka shifting beside him just as the other agents stepped in. The gathering of the task force investigating Nerv, and the connection to SEELE, for the first time in months.

Their director stepped in, a cold stern man that brought a series of files with him.

 _Why now? Why bring us together now of all times?_ Kaji thought.

"No doubt, you are all wondering why the debriefing is being held. I assure you all, it is better this way. For the last several months, each and every one of you has performed impeccably. Gathering intel, investigating leads, operating in small teams. But now… things have changed. Uncovered information that raises more questions than ever" the director began.

All eyes were on the man. Kaji shifting uncertainly. For all his work in the Japanese Ministry of the Interior, infiltrating both SEELE and Nerv, this wasn't on him. He hadn't caused this. Not entirely. It must have been on his partner Kunizuka's end.

"We have uncovered evidence of a conspiracy of disinformation and cover ups, regarding the Eva pilots. Thanks to the actions of two of our agents in particular" the director began, glancing pointedly to Kaji and Kunizuka.

"We now have proof that SEELE and Nerv have been hiding things from both the public, and our own government. Possible even the United Nations. In all this mess, plots within plots, one thread keeps popping up. Tying them all together.

The Third Child. This 'Shinji Ikari' with the highest recorded sync ratio. This unusual 14 year old boy that was absorbed into his Eva. Whose Eva Unit in question, displayed behavior that had never been seen before."

Kaji felt his partner glance his way, but Kaji only bit his lip. He knew there was something strange about the boy, Misato was too soft on him, didn't realize the anomalies surrounding her charge.

Murmurs of confusion filled the task force meeting room. Agents from various fields considering things.

"This 'Shinji Ikari' was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia and hints of dissociative identity disorder. All this while only a child, the doctors writing that the trauma of his mother's death in an experiment that turned fatal, trigged something in him. His father having sent him to a private mental ward for five years, before being released a year ago. Then made to pilot an Eva.

 **We now know this diagnosis to be a lie.**

 **The Third Child is not mentally ill. We suspect he never was. That his father, Gendo Ikari himself, worked with SEELE to falsify records and place him in a facility they could control. That they monitored him for reasons that will become apparent.** "

The director paused, glancing down at the display screen at his table. Entering in a few commands, he turned on the projector, the lights in the room dimming automatically, as a single image was presented before the room of agents.

A single image projected onto the wall behind the director, an MRI. A brain scan.

" **This is the 'true' MRI of a ten year old Shinji Ikari. It took weeks, but members of our task force were able to hack,** **infiltrate** **, or else steal this information.** " the director said, an edge to his voice.

Kaji rose to his feet. Open mouthed at the sight of the real MRI, no more fakes, no more falsified records that had been fed to the hospitals. The MRI ordered by Dr Page herself.

The brain scan showed a series _foreign constructs woven in along the boy's brain tissue._ A second set of _something_ living alongside him… lying underneath the boy's skull.

Kunizuka, Kaji's partner in the agency, pulled him back down. Grim expression planted on her face at the sight of the MRI. The… the… abomination laid bare for them to see. This _infection_ within the Third Child. This second set of DNA.

"Our analysis department does not know what that is. Our doctors claim such a thing should be impossible. That this 'construct' has woven itself along the boy's brain to such a degree that it is inoperable. It is literally a part of him now, down to the genetic level. Hiding itself, Page and her medical team's reports calling him ' _chimera_ '. Two separate sets of DNA residing in one body, one foreign and almost undetectable.

For years, _it_ has been with him.

And his father knew. Dr Page and SEELE knew. They all did, and they covered it up. After years of MRI's, tracking the boy and the construct's growth, they were able to analyze the data… and discovered a blue pattern" the director called at last.

 _Blue pattern… all this time… and Shinji has been right in front of all of us. Piloting an Eva. Living with Misato and Asuka. All this time… and Gendo knew. If Ritsuko had known…. If she had known she would have asked for samples. If I had known… I'd have shot him._ Kaji thought darkly.

" **There is Angel DNA inside Shinji Ikari. That construct has been with him since he was a child, growing as he did. Like a benign parasite. It does not seem outwardly hostile, yet we should be wary of the boy.**

 **One of our agents succeeded in taking samples of the boy's medicine, his pills sent to him by the ward, and discovered that it is toxic. Dr Page's medicine was designed** **specifically** **to target the brain. The chemicals within damage brain tissue and with it, the 'thing' inside Shinji's head.**

 **Yet Shinji's brain is healthy. The boy is healthy.**

 **The Angel DNA, this construct living alongside him, has consistently repaired the damage. _Every single day for_ _over_ _five years_. To a degree that should not be medically possible. No long lasting effects on the boy what so ever. The Third Child simply continued living without ever realizing what his pills were. Poison. **

**And the boy has almost never been sick since he was a child. From the mental ward's reports, they suspect this… _thing_ … has been protecting him. **

**For reason unknown, they never tried to cut it out of him. Perhaps his father cared more for him than we imagined, but we believe there was another reason. SEELE and Page wanted this boy for something, they gave him medicine which slows the Angel construct down… but never killed it."** the director continued.

 _I took those samples, stole Shinji's pills so we could analyze them. Does he even know what he has inside him? All this time… he was sitting there with an Angel inside his head._ Kaji thought darkly. Remembering all the times he had crossed paths with the 14 year old boy, all the times he'd left him alone with Asuka and Misato…

"As of this moment, we are refocusing out efforts. Focusing on the Eva pilots, and the conspiracies that both SEELE and Nerv have spun around them. The fact that the Spear of Longinus was recently rediscovered, and unreported to the UN. We will issue your various new priorities" the director said. Finishing the debriefing for now, and moving on.

Kaji listening, but his mind tracing back everything that had happened in the last months with the Eva pilots. The Spear's reappearance, Shinji and the Angel in his head, the boy and his Eva's anomalies, and the number of Angels being wrong.

* * *

 _The Other Timeline  
_ _The Wastelands of Japan.  
_ _Out among the roads, far far away from Haven._

It had rained.

The feeble bits of dirty water having come and gone in the hours since the incident. The cold unforgiving world moving on long after the old man's death.

Not a soul for miles. No witnesses to the scene.

The corpse of Shinji Ikari lying on the ground. Empty lands, desolate roads, an abandoned bridge and lifeless scenery was his grave. The wasteland, the scars from Third Impact, surrounding the corpse. Fitting, that he died alone. Died alone and in the dark. Forgotten among the broken world he had created thirty years ago. Last of the Eva pilots... so very alone even in death.

Grim, dark, and oh so very cold, the air stilled.

In the early dawn _she_ emerged. Slim and tall, unweathered by the world. Above such things.

Her feet touched the ground with a soft thud. The midnight blue sky, the night fading into morning, seeming to darken at her very presence, the stars seeming to hide from her. Seemingly unaffected by the cold. Naked and calm, she moved.

Approaching for the first time. Eerily, _inhumanly,_ beautiful. Wearing a face that was not hers, undamaged by the world and its many trials. Ageless and untouched.

 _ **The Woman in the Dark**_ strode forward. Humming softly to herself, red eyes and pale white skin standing in stark contrast to the night sky.

She stopped just before reaching the dead man. Tilting her head down at him, curious at the pale dead eyes that met her gaze.

" **Oh sweet** **S** **hinji** **.** **"** The Woman in the Dark whispered, her voice soft as silk yet like a low roar. Beautiful and powerful, like thunder in the sky.

The Woman in the Dark reached down running a pale white hand down the side of his face. Feeling the cold and lifeless skin.

His eyes had never closed, only narrowed. Such sorrow in his last moments. Such pain, and haunted by old regrets and failures, a man whom had been broken. Beaten by the world around him and the life he had lived.

She traced the stab wound that had killed him, letting the old blood smear her fingers. Watching the faded red liquid drip down. The Woman ran her other hand down his chest, under his ragged shirt, checking for more wounds on the dead man.

 **Lilith, Second of all Angels, smiled softly. Red eyes shinning in the dark, as she reached down bringing her lips to the corpse of Shinji Ikari… a kiss of life.**

* * *

 **Did you guess whom the Woman in the Dark was?  
There were a few good theories out there. It was hinted out several times, and I hope it puts certain older scenes in more perspective. Not just when 'she' appeared, but instances with the Broken Man. It is different from the lore, I know. I've changed things for the sake of the story.**

 **What did you think of the scene at Rei's grave? Of Shinji saying he was sorry? I honestly had to take a break after writing that scene.**

 **Did you expect Original Shinji to die? His death was almost meaningless on purpose, just another end in that world. Just an aspect of a harsh time. His struggle to make difference but finding that nothing he ever did really mattered in the end. That horrible feeling that he was and had nothing, broken long before his last breath.  
**  
 **I had a hard time writing this chapter. It is probably the darkest I've ever gone. So much to cover, but it needed to 'fit it' properly. The truth of Young Shinji's pills at long last, Kaji's discovery, Akane, Other Mari, the Angels, and the Broken Man... so many plot points. Hope it wasn't too much.  
**

 **Anyway, thanks for Reading and please Review.  
Cheers.**


	28. The Return

**Hey guys, I'm back :D  
Why so long? I finished my exams and was on vocation. Went to a wedding. Partied with the family.**

 **Yes, this arc is just about to finish. I know it is long and I thank each and every reader whom has stuck around this long. I promise that THIS ARC is important. It matters, it all matters. The Original Shinji is a main character alongside the new younger Shinji.  
**  
 **I had a trouble writing this chapter. A lot happens, on screen and off, and things were cut out to save space.**

 **Here's chapter 28 'The Return'**

* * *

" _My parents and SEELE tried to manipulative powers that they did not understand._

 _The whole world paid the price for their actions. SEELE took the world from us, their madness failed and I was left what the mess they made. It all fell to me. So I decided to change it. To fix everything._

 _I've seen death, and I am not afraid of it. Not anymore. Death is easy, it is living that is hard. My mission is all I have left, and it was only thanks to her._

 _Thanks to Lilith. She had the last remnants of my wife buried within her. Rei, the newest drop in an ocean of consciousness, but the most important. It was Rei whom saved me in the end, even after she died she never stopped loving me. That was what changed Lilith._

 _Lilith became my teacher."_

 _\- the broken man_.

* * *

 **Part 1: Lazarus**

 _The Other Timeline  
_ _Memories of the Original Shinji.  
_ _Hours after his death._

Death is not pleasant.

The void that lies beyond. It is, by its very nature, empty. You are only aware of it after you've experienced it. After you've left it. It is the coldest feeling you will ever know.

For you are alone here. No one can help you and it is a journey that is yours and yours alone.

Shinji found himself opening his eyes to the dark. Like a separate universe where the stars had never been born. Where no light had existed at all.

 _What is this place? -_ the Broken Man thought.

He was drifting in some dark abyss... some _nothingness_. Yet he was aware of it. Dimly, as if waking from a long dream.

 _I... what is my name? I can't remember... I am 14 years old... no... that's not right... I'm not 14 anymore. I had a wife... her name... her name was... R- something with an 'R'. I can't... I can't see her face anymore..._ the thoughts of the undying.

It was so cold here. Empty.

He could feel the sorrow in his heart at that. When did he get a heart? This pain... a forgotten dream that refused to return.

His wife. What was her name? What was her name?! How... how could he forget?! What was her face? What did she look like? Why was it all gone?!

If he could have, the Broken Man would have sobbed. Would have cried. Would have wailed at the ghost of a memory. At the blanks in his mind. Pieces of him that had been stripped away. Taken.

But here, there was nothing.

 _Re- Ri- I can't remember her name. There was more. My wife and I... we had... we had a daughter... I had a daughter... Akan- her name... what was her name... my daughter had her mother's eyes... why am I crying? When did I get eyes?_ The Broken Man thought.

A lost soul out in the dark. The pain of having lost his own name...

Then, the Broken Man gasped as if being grabbed.

" **Your name is Shinji Ikari.** " A voice called out to him. Soft yet powerful. Female, and eerie. Inhumanly beautiful.

He screamed. His voice hoarse and raw. _Her_ voice hurt him. Stung him with its sheer power, like the Sun itself was speaking to him. Like a hurricane was breathing down his neck. Like a tsunami had grabbed him. Raw and powerful, a force of nature.

" **Do not fret, beloved. You are Shinji Ikari. And you will remember.** " Lilith called again. A promise.

The Broken Man couldn't see her. He couldn't see anything. Whom was talking to him?

Something or someone clung to him in the dark and _pulled._ Dragging him out... **it hurt.**

Like emerge from a well deep in the void. Beyond cold, the absence of warmth. The Broken Man found himself dragged out.

Forced into the light. And the Woman in the Dark had been right. He _remembered_. His life and his death. It all came flooding back to him. The pieces of his mind being stitched back together. Woven into their place, restored and held together by invisible threads. His soul brought back to his body.

 _My name... my name is Shinji Ikari. I am almost 50 years old. I remember everything... and it hurts_ the mangled thoughts of a corpse brought back from the abyss.

* * *

Shinji screamed. His voice low and rough. _A hole_ in his throat sealing itself, the flesh closing around the wound that had killed him... yes... he had _died._

That didn't make sense.

He had been stabbed. Shinji remembered bleeding out on the pavement. He remembered dying.

Cool hands were pressed to his face. The sunlight bared down above him. Blinding him save for the shadow of a 'figure' kneeling beside him. A woman.

A Woman in the Dark smiled down at him. The stark contrast of the blinding sun and her shadow hiding her face from him, the sun overhead and overwhelming his revived eyes.

 _She_ leaned in pressing her lips to his, a chaste kiss that was there and gone, and he saw it... red eyes... pale skin and silver white hair.

 _Rei... oh Rei..._ Shinji thought. Tears in his eyes... before the pain was too much and he fell unconscious. His wife. His love... kneeling beside him in the blinding sun.

Yet he never realized that he was _both_ right and wrong in that moment.

Death is not a pleasant experience. Returning from its grasp takes a toll.

...

 **Lilith sat beside him.** Naked and untouched by the world, unweathered, unbroken, above the trials and torments of the world. With the body of a 26 year old Rei, the age the woman had been when she died. Lilith taking this form and finding it... pleasing.

Watching over Shinji as he healed. The wounds closing, regrown flesh forming around the injuries, scars emerging onto his body. The wounds of the mind woven and stitched together once more, scars of the mind that would take their toll on him. Far more painful than anything physical.

The Second Angel stood.

Shinji Ikari lay on the ground where he had been killed. Resting, for the journey back to the land of the living had not been easy.

The old man breathing softly, _alive_ but unconscious. Last of the Eva pilots.

Lilith stretched her arms, dark featherless wings forming around her. Thin things that protruded from her bare back, constructs of the dark. This form was not easy for her, but she found it to be one that her beloved would have appreciated.

" **Goodbye for now. Rest, my husband."** The Angel said to him. Her words carrying across the air.

Then she rose, drifting through the landscape, flying away. A leaf in the wind. Her figure disappearing into the sky.

There and gone, just like that.

…

 _Later_

Shinji awoke to find himself covered in old blood. His blood.

His eyes opened slowly. Groggily. Damaged.

"He's alive!" a voice called out.

There was the sound of footsteps as Shinji lay breathing softly. The world was a distorted mess, his eyes still readjusting to the change in light. Adjusting... to having been brought back.

"Does anyone have any water? Get him some water!" a voice called.

"He's covered in blood! Grab some blankets and we can-" another voice began.

A flurry of sensory awareness that was only barely catching up with him. His brain processing everything his senses told him. That he was not alone.

That a group of people were surrounding him.

Dressed in rags, just like everyone else in the wastelands. Yes... that's right. Shinji had been stabbed by a gang. Or had they been a gang? He remembered some of them shouting to stop, to 'leave the old man alone' before he had been killed.

"Ahhhh" Old Man Shinji groaned, sitting up slowly. Dry blood staining his ragged and dirty clothes. The substance clinging to him even now.

"Holy!" a voice called.

And the people surrounding him stepped back, taking a collective gasp as Old Man Shinji rose. Shock and awe, fear and confusion, painting their faces as he moved.

He raised a trembling and battered hand, feeling the fresh scar on his neck. His throat where he'd been stabbed.

 _Blood is still there... but the hole is gone. Healed, new flesh covering up the gap, closing the wound, and leaving a scar. That's impossible. I- I saw **her** _ Shinji thought.

"Rei..." he whispered.

The people were watching him with wide eyes. To them, they had seen a blood covered old man lying beside an abandoned bridge, only to witness him sit up like it was nothing.

"hey mister... are you alright?" one of the ragged man asked.

Shinji ignored him.

Ignored all these people, these strangers that stumbled across his corpse... no... that wasn't right. They hadn't been there when he died, they had found him after. When he'd come back...

… _how this possible? How could I come back? Why? Why me?! Why not Rei?! Why not Akane?! Why not Asuka?!_ Old Man Shinji thought. Seething under his breath as he panted.

"Hey-"

Old Man Shinji grabbed the hand that reached for him, and he rose dragging the man with him.

"I don't want trouble. I got nothing you want" Shinji said coldly. His voice raw and rusty, his throat dry and rough.

"NO. No... we're not bandits. We only wanted to help" the ragged man was saying. The group that had found Shinji raised their hands, the universal symbol for 'calm', and backed away slowly. Calling for him to 'take it easy'.

These people were uneasy around him. Something about his eyes unnerved them, the light that had long faded. That weathered look that told him he didn't care about his life anymore.

Shinji only barely listened to them. His mind reeling from everything.

"It can't be... Shinji? Shinji Ikari" a familiar voice called out suddenly.

Shinji let go of the man he'd been holding, and the group parted as another stepped forward. Unwinding a series of rags he'd wrapped over his lower face for warmth.

A familiar man. A young boy that Shinji had known in Haven, a boy that he'd seen grown into an adult, and had played with his daughter Akane years and years ago.

Ichiro Inoue, the son of Haven's doctor Makio. The son that had traveled with Shinji and his family on the road to Haven, just a boy at the time. Ichiro had lived in Haven with his parents for years, befriending little Akane after she was born.

Only Ichiro wasn't a kid anymore. He was almost 40. It made Shinji feel old to see him.

"Shinji? I'd heard that you left Haven. Just... just walked away one day after we reclaimed our homes from winter" Ichiro said staring at the older man in disbelief.

"... I did... I left" Shinji whispered. Feeling like he was a hundred years old.

The group of travelers that had found him settled down, everyone calming and taking a moment to breathe.

Ichiro shook his head saying "what happened to you? Is that your blood?"

Shinji looked down at his ragged clothes, once again taking in the fading blood stains that covered his shirt. His eyes lost, confused and broken.

"... I think so" Shinji answered in a barely a whisper.

…

"How are you so calm about this?"

Ichiro was looking at Shinji, at the friend of his father's. Confused and bewildered at how little Shinji cared about the blood on his face.

Shinji wiped away at it. The water soaked rags, lent to him, cleaning the old blood off. Holding an old rusted knife to use as a mirror.

"Its only blood" Shinji murmured. Turning his head sideways, the faded red leaving his face. The stains on his clothes couldn't be washed out, but Ichiro had given him an extra layer of rags for warmth.

"So you've been out here all this time? Since Haven?" Ichiro asked.

The two men were standing off to the side from the travelers camp. The others that had found him were uneasy at his presence.

The group of travelers sat camped out further along the roads, further down from the abandoned bridge that had been Shinji's grave.

"All this time? I- don't know. I stopped counting the days." Shinji whispered distantly.

He wasn't all 'there'. He was still lost. It showed in Shinji's eyes. Pieced back together by the Woman in the Dark. Whom had that been? Rei? No... it wasn't right... someone or something else.

Ichiro raised his eyebrows at Shinji's words. Mouthing the words to himself, 'you stopped counting the days?' Eying this broken man that wore the face of Shinji Ikari.

"Shinji... you've been out here for over a year. How? How could you not know that?" Ichiro asked in disbelief, shaking his head at this... this walking corpse of a man before him.

 _I tried not to think. I did not want to. So I didn't_ Shinji thought. He gave no answer and Ichiro gave up in the end. The man could not believe he found Shinji after all this time.

"Why are you here, Ichiro? Haven is far off." Shinji said lowering the rusted knife. Turning to face the man, the child that Shinji had known on his road to Haven.

Ichiro shook his head, eyes darkening, and sighed.

" **Haven is gone** "

Shinji looked up. He almost felt something at that. A phantom pain in his chest for his old home, but more than anything he was confused.

"What?" Shinji asked in disbelief, his voice low and hard.

" **Just... just fell apart. About a month after you left, we got raided. Survivors from that freaking winter, that** _ **nightmare**_ **, out there starving and they came for our food. Only... we were weak. From 200 of us down to 74. The mayor dead.**

 **Kay did his best but he's only one man. And Mari... well she got worse. My mom tried to treat her but she was just... just broken.**

 **Our home is gone.**

 **It just went to hell. We tried to defend ourselves, but we were farmers not soldiers. We managed to hold our own... lasted a few months.**

 **But then _it_ came. And we had to leave" **Ichiro said gravely.

 _Kay... Mari... I'm sorry. Are you still out there? Are you alive?_ Shinji thought darkly. Feeling another piece of him being torn.

Even in death he had let people down. How fitting.

 _'It came'... what? What destroyed Haven?_ Shinji thought bitterly.

Ichiro shook his head. The man was horrified, grave worry planted on his face that seemed to age him another twenty years.

"What came?" Shinji whispered, eyes shifting at the question. Part of him knew the answer, but he didn't know how he could have known it.

 _My dreams... I saw it before. The monster. The Giant of Light_ Shinji thought.

" **The Angel came.** " Ichiro said.

* * *

 _Fall of Haven  
33 days after Shinji Ikari abandoned his former home_

The village was a shadow of its former self. The community having lost more than half of its population during the winter that had come and gone.

Bandit raids, militia defense, and a recovering food supply had stripped the village of its privileges.

The old soldier, Kay, patrolled the houses, rifle in hand. Ichiro and a handful of what was left of the village men keeping pace.

Ichiro watching his mother, Kioko, in the distance checking on her patient.

Mari sat at the porch, empty eyes, glum expression planted on her face. Kioko, taking her husband's role as town doctor, listening to her heartbeat. Trying to make small talk, but the poor woman had stopped talking the day Shinji had left.

Ichiro paused, watching his mother comfort Mari.

 _Why did you leave Shinji? How could you do that?_ He thought.

BANG

BANG

BANG

Gunshots echoed across the distance. Kay didn't flinch, didn't even bat an eye, he simply turned towards the sound as the rest of the militia did the same. Ichiro reached for his rifle, that forest like terrain along the edge of the mountains and flat lands, that was where the shots had come from.

"Everyone! Get inside!" Kay was shouting.

Ichiro spotted them. The bandits, they always hid in the woods before creeping down to raid, running... running as they emerged from the tree line. Just specs in the distance. Running and shooting.

BANG

BANG

The bandits' gunfire echoed across the air, as a lone figure began to emerge far above the running crowd of men and women.

The bandits weren't raiding... they were running away from _something._

A massive fist planted itself on a mountainous top, a thunderous clap of rock being crushed ripping through the land, and a Giant of Light emerged from the wilderness...

 **Adam towered over the forests and mountainous terrain. Looming over the village in the flat lands below. The size of an Evangelion.**

The First Angel was missing half his face. No eyes at all, but deep empty sockets and the crude lining of its mouth. Left arm almost whole, exposed muscle visible amid the glowing white of its skin. A pale stump where its right hand should have been.

Adam turned its deformed face down to the humans below, like puny ants they fled, foolish Lilin firing their weapons at him. Small scraps of metal propelled by combustion, bullets, collided with his ever recovering flesh.

Does an Elephant feel an ant bite? Does a god feel pain?

The First Angel raised a hand, tearing a tree from its root, ripping it straight from the grounds, and flung it at the ever running humans, the bandits that raided Haven in the days following winter. Adam paying them almost no mind.

THUD

In a flash of upturned gravel the former bandits were gone... just disappeared underneath the collision of wood on flesh and dirt. Smudges of red oozing out from underneath the thrown tree...

Kay was staring wide eyed at the Angel. At Adam striding his way through the terrain, crushing trees and leaving deep craters in the ground in his wake, the bandits were just gone.

The entire mountain shifted under the First Angel's movement.

Ichiro stood unable to move. Breathless and in shock at the sight before them.

An Angel... a living breathing Angel was coming for their town.

The townsfolk were leaving the homes to see what had happened, to see what had made such thunderous and unearthly noise, only to stand frozen along the countless others. In fear of the vengeful Angel looming over them.

"Don't waste your bullets! We need to start evacuating!" Kay was calling to the others.

Another tree came flying through the air, landing atop the mayor's old house. The old wood breaking under the strain as the tree tore through its roof.

THUD

The house collapsed upon itself. The earth shook, and the dirt was sent up in a shower of pulverized soil.

"Ah!"

"Angel!"

"Run!"

The voices of the villagers in Haven. Trees flying through the air and raining down on what buildings they had managed to repair in the aftermath of winter, weeks of work undone in _seconds_ , their homes destroyed for no reason at all. The whims of a Cruel Angel.

Mari rose ever so slowly, stumbling back as Adam loomed over them all.

"We can't stay here!" Kioko was sobbing. The town doctor grabbing Mari by the wrist and dragging her along, running.

CRUNCH

Adam's foot came crashing down on the town pen, the entire shack torn apart as the chickens let out a single panicked cry before they were killed. There herd, so painstakingly cared for, destroyed in an instant.

The First Angel striding _through_ the village. Panicked militia firing uselessly at the Giant of Light, most gave up and ran.

Mari stood frozen in fear, unable to process the reality around her, the Angel looming over them all. Kioko grabbing her by the wrist, tears running down her face, and dragged Mari with her as she ran.

 _That... this is what Shinji fought_ Mari thought with hollow dead eyes, forced to run alongside Kioko.

"Mom! Mom! Hurry!" Ichiro was shouting. Calling for the two women to hurry up, to join him and the others as they ran.

 **That was last time Ichiro would ever see Mari or his mother again.**

Adam raised a fist, clenching his hand tight, and the air itself _withered_. Like all the warmth was being sucked out, stolen.

The grounds of Haven iced over, frost materializing and cracking stone. The cold seeming to bite at the villagers, their very skin seething from the Angel's wrath.

As if the First Angel had brought Winter with him. Yet somehow less than before... contained... a miniaturized version that he could control. Smaller than before, but just as deadly. As if the Angel was saving his strength.

The wind below and snow began to emerge, frozen particles in the air materializing and whipping across the village. Entire groups of people disappearing underneath the contained Winter.

Homes crushed and broken. Pulverized shacks, frozen fields and dead soil. The unnatural cold had whipped away most of it, and Adam had taken what was left.

The wrath of the First Angel.

Bodies littered about the ruins. So little had survived, so little had managed to run, for Adam had never cared about them at all. Only smiting down that which stood in his way. The First Angel looking for something, _someone_ , but arriving too late. Only tracing a lead.

 **Haven was no more. Shattered and barren.**

 **A world with Angels but no Evas.**

* * *

Shinji stood there, tilting his head slowly, as Ichiro finished his tale. The Fall of Haven.

"Mari?" Shinji asked in a pitched whisper.

Ichiro shook his head, his eyes crazed and fearful.

"Never saw her again. Kay, my mom... all of them gone. We don't know what happened to them. My group and I have been on the run for months" Ichiro said.

Shinji turned to look at the camp of travelers. The people that had found him after he'd been brought back to life. The Survivors of Haven.

 _On the run for that long... the Angel hasn't been chasing them then. Why did it even show up? Why Haven? Why now?_ Shinji thought.

"Shinji... I- my father told me stories about you. He said you were an Eva pilot. That you fought those _things_ before. Is there any hope that we can-"

" **No. Just run. It took N2 mines or an Evangelion to stop the Angels.** " was all Shinji said. Not even looking at Ichiro anymore.

He could hear Ichiro breathing harshly at his words. Still, Shinji watched the survivors of Haven. Men and women whom had lived through hell on earth. They had actually stopped to help him. They were different than the people that had killed him.

Old Man Shinji closed his eyes. His death feeling less and less important the more he learned. He wasn't some hero with a sacrifice, he was just a man whom had died like any other.

…

"You don't have to leave, Shinji?"

"I would only slow you down. I'm old, and my hand hurts" Shinji said glancing down at his bad hand, three fingers where there should have been five. His voice low and rough, like gravel.

Ichiro groaned. He was a good man, just like his father Makio, trying to do the right thing.

"Come with us. Maybe we can find a new home. We could find or build a boat and leave this nightmare behind. We have to try." Ichiro was saying.

 _Leaving Japan... I don't know if they could make it. The red sea seems to stretch on forever. Maybe they could find a home out there, here or somewhere else. An island or a shore. But not with me. Everything I ever touch falls apart._ Shinji thought.

"Good luck, Ichiro. Thank you... for stopping to help me" Shinji said.

Ichiro shook his head at this mad man. It was like he wanted to die out there, with a freaking Angel on the loose somewhere. Roaming around the wastelands for reasons of its own.

 _They're good people... please... let them make it. Let them find a home._ Shinji thought.

They said their goodbyes, the last remnants of Haven leaving without him. Ichiro and the others, men and women, even a teenager here and there, walking off into the distance. He knew their faces, if not their names, and wished them well.

Old Man Shinji, alone again.

* * *

 **Part 2: The Woman in the Dark**

 _ **Why didn't you go with them?**_

That was how it first started. Just a simple sentence. A word here and there from inside his head. A foreign voice that echoed across his mind. Female, soft as silk yet with an undertone of power.

He froze mid-step. Turning to find only the desolate roads and the wastes, there was no one behind him. Yet he heard a voice.

 _ **You should have gone with them**_ **the voice called.**

He flinched in surprise. A twinge of pain streaking by his head, and he winced bringing the wrinkles on his face to life.

 _What?_ He thought. A voice in Old Man Shinji's head.

Running a hand along the scar on his neck, the wound that had killed him, he turned looking with hollow empty eyes but found nothing. Was he going insane? Had he ever really died at all. No, he had. He remembered it. Remembered forgetting his own name. Shinji shook it off, walking onward.

...

 _Night_

The camp fire was a meager thing.

Night had fallen, and in the days since his 'resurrection' Shinji had wandered looking for… looking for what? Truth was that he didn't know what he was doing. Why him? Why had he been brought back and no one else?

He sat on the broken down country side, the ruins of a highway visible in the distance. His beard and long dark unwashed hair keeping him warm. Dressed in the rags Ichiro had given him, resting by his camp.

 _How can there be an Angel out here? That's impossible_ he thought darkly. In his mind's eye he could picture it, the Giant of Light destroying Haven.

Shinji looked up at the night sky. Just as he'd done countless times since the Third Impact.

Looking for his Eva, his mother, Yui Ikari. Drifting out in the expanse of the stars above.

 _Mom… I still feel like everything is my fault. The world… everyone who died… the fall of Tokyo-03, of Haven… and then I died. Only the universe decided to punish me even more. Brought me back to this. AGAIN_ he thought bitterly.

"Was never fair. I was a kid. I was just a goddamned kid... to leave that up to me... me? How could they have been so cruel? Why me? Why not someone stronger? Why not Asuka? Why not Misato?" he said into the empty night. His voice tired and on edge, tittering towards a breakdown.

 _14 and I had to choose the fate of mankind?! In what world is that fair! And I was wrong! All these years and the world went to shit. Then an Angel came back anyway! It killed Haven! Mari... oh Mari. And where were you, eh mom?!_ He thought bitterly.

Old Man Shinji rose, staring into the night sky, his heart hanging on by a thread, on the edge of breaking again. His lips shook.

"Why did you leave me?! Why would you do this to me? Why! You had a choice! Did you ever really love me at all! Did you ever even care?!" he shouted through his sobs. Shouting into the night, the camp fire casting his shadow behind him.

A man reduced to a child crying for his mother in the darkest of days.

The moon hovered over him with a streak of red crossing it and the night sky around it. A scar on the moon itself, so large that it was visible from his camp. Another scar from the end of the world.

Shinji was given no answer. No reply even as he had shouted into the evening. Of course, why would Yui Ikari answer him now? She'd never answered him since the day she left him behind.

He waited and waited but silence was his answer. He stood there alone in the dark and the cold air, in the dirt and the ruin. He was tired, so very tired.

 _I died. Isn't that enough_ he thought.

"There is no hope here... nothing... nothing but this" Shinji said sinking to his knees.

Clutching his hand and tracing the mark on his ring finger, the wedding ring he had cherished for years. Long gone, left at his wife's grave. Yet he still felt for it, longing for it. So he'd been brought back from the dead, so what? It didn't change anything.

 _ **Why do you want to die?**_ **The voice inside Old Man Shinji's head called.**

 _Ahhh. Now this… this 'thing' in my head. Trying to sound like my wife… no… just no. Why won't it leave me alone._ He thought.

 _ **Why do you want to die?**_ **The voice repeated.**

"I don't know if I was ever really happy at all" Shinji whispered into the dark, giving answer to the voice.

He paused, lost in his own thoughts. His eyes wide and in the memories of better days.

"but if I was... it was with them... with her." he whispered. He could imagine his wife, with Akane and Asuka by his side. A better world where they had all lived. A world his daughter could have known her mother. Where he could have grown old with Rei, and not like this.

Rei's smile, reserved only for him, how he loved her even now. Didn't matter that she was dead.

THUD

THUD

THUD

The sound boomed across the terrain. Like the earth was shaking.

 _ **Run**_ the feminine voice in his head called.

Shinji opened his eyes and rose. Turning to face the sound.

 _ **Run. He is coming**_ the voice called to him.

Shinji stood there in the dark, hollow dead eyes facing the road ahead.

 _ **If you stay… you will die**_

THUD

THUD

 **A Giant of Light** emerged onto the scene. The dark fading away as the Angel stepped into to view, brushing pass and breaking through the abandoned highway.

BOOM

The highway broke along the center, Adam simply walking _through_ the structure. The twisted steel and concrete falling to the ground with a harsh thud. Clouds of dust rose as the chunks of concrete fell.

Shinji didn't even flinch. The wind blew across his face, the ripples from the First Angel's appearance in the night.

Adam had seemed to appear where it stood, its heavy steps audible even from a distance. The light from its skin illuminating the land. How the hell could _that_ be stealthy?

"So... you're an Angel." Old Man Shinji said eying up the Giant. Hollow eyes meeting the monster with no fear.

Adam was missing half his face. A single eye was growing deep within a socket, the other eye was still gone. A deep gash where its right eye should have been. It was still missing one arm, the skin ending before the elbow with a stump. Recovering, but not fully healed.

"Over 30 years without an Angel... and you show up. Why now? For me? Or where you always there in the shadows? Waiting? Waiting for what?! To come here and wreck our homes?! To destroy us even now?! Do you really hate us humans so much?" Old Man Shinji shouted.

His dark and narrowed eyes meeting the near God-like being looming over him. The size of an Evangelion.

 _ **Run. He will kill you if you stay**_ the voice told him.

 _Maybe I deserve to die. Who ever said I deserved to live? Who am I to be alive? To be happy? I failed everyone!_ Shinji thought back.

Adam scanned the horizon, searching the sky for something unseen. On the hunt... for what?

Finding nothing, the First Angel turned to its massive head to Shinji.

THUD

THUD

Adam glared down at the lone human, a single eye visible amid the deformed flesh that was the First Angel. In the process of repairing itself, not yet whole, but getting stronger with each day.

Shinji breathed out heavily. Why the hell was this taking so long?

"What are you waiting for? Do it" Shinji hissed to the First Angel.

Adam glared down at him, searching for something. Their eyes met, old foes that had never truly met face to face before.

"Do it!" Shinji shouted glaring up at the Giant.

Adam's torso shook. The Giant of Light shuddering oddly in the moon light. A strange booming sound ripped through his ears.

The First Angel was _laughing_ at him.

Adam raised a hand.. and Shinji stood there. Waiting. He didn't even close his eyes as death came for him again.

 **The First Angel slapped him.**

Those words did not properly convey what happened. Adam's hand came down, its fingers striking Shinji across his torso, and Shinji _flew_ through the air.

 **Bones cracked, muscle was torn, his leg bent backward breaking as it twisted, and the wind was knocked out of him.** Hit by the force of a moving train...

All the while, Shinji kept his eyes open, watched as he had been hit. Watched as he flew through the air and the pain began to overwhelm him. Every nerve in his body screaming at him, internal bleeding, crushed bones, and he knew it would be over soon.

It was like this moment was moving in 100th the normal time, slow, his brain hyper focusing on his last moments.

Then he was stopped. His body coming to a halt mid-air... a Woman in the Dark materializing in the open. Hovering as she caught him. Shinji turned and saw her again, the woman whom had brought him back to life. She wore his wife's face.

She wore Rei's 26 year old body. Yet she was different, inhumanely beautiful, skin perfect and unmarked by the world. Ageless and unweathered. Silver white hair and red eyes, naked, and with strange featherless wings protruding from her back.

 **Lilith** held the mangled and broken body that was Shinji Ikari. Hovering as her arms wrapped around him, and Shinji blinked seeing red. Lilith ran a pale hand across his bleeding face, holding him close as a mother holds a child. As a lover holds her partner.

 _You're not her... not... Rei_ Shinji thought even as he coughed blood.

Adam roared, massive fist reaching out for Lilith and Shinji... only to find both of them gone. Lilith flying away in a flash, carrying Shinji with her.

The First Angel had found his target at long last.

The Giant of Light seethed, turning with a speed that rivaled Lilith herself. Finding Lilith even as she flew onward, dark pale wings moving her and Shinji through the night.

Adam raised his fist, and the air _hissed_. The ground started to freeze over and particles in the air began to still, an unnatural winter, as if all the warmth was being sucked out. Stolen.

Lilith raised a hand back to Adam... and Adam flinched. Struck by some unseen force. The cold dying down before Adam, as Lilith made her escape.

The First Angel abandoned his winter, instead Adam reached for them again. His massive fist coming to encircle them, and again Lilith dodged. Looping past Adam even as the First Angel started to hover off the ground. Wings of Light emerging on Adam's back, a stark contrast to Lilith's.

 **The First Angel hunting the Second.**

And Shinji died there. Died in Lilith's arms. His eyes having never closed.

 **The two Angels soared through the heavens, the Giant of Light and the Woman in the Dark moving through the expanse of the night sky.** Like two Gods in the ancient paintings of man.

Adam was bigger and stronger, but Lilith was smaller and faster.

* * *

 _A day later  
_ _Hideout_

Shinji lay there. Resting on the grounds of a cave. His torn and ragged clothes clinging to his body, old blood staining his rags for a second time. Eyes gaunt and watery as he blinked in the dimly lit cave.

 _ **Rest, I have not repaired all the damage yet**_ The voice in Old Man Shinji's head whispered.

"Ahhh" he moaned through gritted teeth, slowly rising to sit up. His bones screamed at him, his ribs shouted at him to stop, his arms clenching as he forced himself to move.

 _ **17 of your bones are still fractured**_

"Go away" Shinji whispered. Breathing harshly as he forced to sit up.

 _'She' brought me back... again. The Woman in the Dark. Isn't dying once enough._ He thought bitterly.

" **...** **Why do you want to die?** " a voice called, a feminine voice. Not in his head, but from behind him. In person, no longer telepathic.

His eyes widened and he caught his breath as he felt someone sitting behind him. Hands wrapped themselves around him, hugging him from behind as **she** nestled up against his back. She must having laid beside him the whole time.

Lilith trailed her hands down his bare chest gently. Her bare breast pressed softly against his back as she leaned her head onto his shoulder. And his pain went away, his nerves made numb and his bones quieting their aches.

"Stop. Why are you doing this to me?" Shinji said flinching at the sensation. His voice shaking.

Lilith's hands, the movements, the... the love that carried over with her touch. It reminded him of Rei. It brought back memories of his wife hugging him too. So many nights where Rei had rested her head on his shoulder.

"I didn't ask for this. And I'm tired... so very tired." Shinji whispered, wincing as Lilith clung to him.

" **Oh, sweet Shinji. I am doing this because I love you. I do"** Lilith said holding him so gently. The woman brought her lips to his injured neck and kissed him softly. No desire, no lust, no primal urge, but love. So pure and unconditional, so warm.

" **I love you with all my heart"** Lilith whispered in his ear. She clung to him as if they were one, flesh upon flesh, warmth upon cold.

"Stop" he pleaded again.

" **I do not want you to die** " she whispered to him.

And in that moment, Shinji heard it... the echo of his wife. Rei's voice inlaid with the woman clinging to him. Like somewhere in this stranger... the love of his life was buried within.

"Gah" Shinji shouted, prying Lilith's arms off of him. Breaking her embrace and rising to his feet as he stumbled in the cave.

He almost fell the moment he got up. His leg wasn't right. It bent oddly, and _bone_ was sticking out. Pale white visible along his thigh. More damage from where Adam had stuck him.

Lilith was there in the blink of an eye. Moving so fast he couldn't follow her. Seeming to appear in front of him wearing his wife's smile... the one Rei had reserved only for him.

" **I have not finished healing you. You are quite stubborn, I find it amusing."** Lilith said steadying him with a hand on his shoulder.

She was thin, slim and lean, but with just a single hand she lifted him off the ground and placed him back down. Shinji gasped at her strength and he saw it.

Lilith's shadow was _big_. Like her real self was much larger than this human form she took. Like she could be the size of an Evangelion if she wanted to be.

 _The hell is wrong with you... put some clothes on._ He thought bitterly.

 _ **No. I find them uncomfortable.**_ Lilith answered his mind and Shinji flinched again.

She tilted her head at him as he watched her in surprise. Amused at his reaction if nothing else. Curious more than anything. She could see inside his mind. Reading his thoughts and even answer them with her own.

Was this how all Angels spoke? Was that why they never appeared to communicate? Maybe the Angel's language was a telepathic one. Not vocal.

"I know what you are. I saw you the day the world ended. You're Lilith. Not my wife, stopping wearing her face." Shinji said in-between pants. Surprised at how angry he felt seeing this... this _Angel_ using a mirror image of Rei's body for her own.

Being in the presence of Lilith was strange. He could feel the power that radiated off her body, and the raw force of what she was. Like standing before the heart of a storm, like being comforted by a new born star.

" **You say that as if it is an insult? You wound me, husband"** Lilith said, the shadows seeming to dance around her as she wished them too.

"I'm not your husband!" Shinji shouted harshly.

" **No? Should I call you my wife instead?"** Lilith called to him... with _Rei's_ voice.

Shinji stumbled back, his ribs aching, and Lilith tilted her head at him. The Second Angel smiled sadly at him. It was incredible how _human_ she had become since returning.

 _That joke... how does she know that joke?! That- that was between me and Rei!_ He thought. Remembering a better time. When his wife had been pregnant with Akane, when she teased him about his apron. About their marriage and the joy it gave them.

" **I had grown to enjoy Rei's sense of humor. A perk she developed once she was free of your father, and allowed to live. She learned it all on her own, and with you it blossomed. It is delightful. Warm.**

 **Even now, I can still feel it.**

 **But I see Rei's voice only hurts you. I will not use it anymore, beloved." Lilith told him.**

Lilith's voice was different than his wife's. Rei had been quite and calm, and by the end warm and compassionate. This _thing_ in front of him was older, with an inhumanly perfect voice, hardened by an alien wisdom.

Shinji sat there panting, watching as the Second Angel stood over him unblinkingly.

"How did you find me?" Shinji asked slowly.

" **I never lost you. Our bond was never broken, Instrumentality, and so I watched you all this time** " Lilith answered sweetly.

"You tried to make me go with Ichiro and the other Haven survivors... why?"

" **I believed they would help you. I had hoped that by keeping a distance, Adam would not have found you. But... I was wrong. No matter. We are together"** Lilith said, almost smiling at the end.

Slowly, he reached up to the scar on his neck. The memory of his first death still fresh in his mind.

"If you really do love me... if there really is a part of Rei in you... can you bring someone else back? Not twice. Just once" Shinji said looking away. Eyes falling as he breathed slowly.

" **I can not bring Akane back to life. Only you, no one else** " was Lilith's answer.

 _Lucky me... always me_ he thought bitterly. Shinji closed his eyes and sighed, the sorrow in his heart cutting far deeper than anything physical. For one beautiful moment, he thought he could have changed things. Could have given Akane another life. Hope for the future.

Only to see it dashed away just like everything else in his life. It seemed he was doomed to walk this broken earth forever. With the return of the Angels. Of Adam and Lilith.

" **Instrumentality may have been rejected, but it did not go away completely. You are still connected to us, to me, and to your Eva. So long as Unit 01 survives, I can bring you back. The Gift of the Eva"** Lilith said to him softly.

As if she thought that would make him happy. As if that would somehow make things better.

 _No. Not a gift but a curse. The Curse of the Eva_ Shinji thought.

 _ **Nerv never understood what they built. They did not know I could bring you back using that bond. You call it a curse, fine. I will not argue. But for me it is a gift. What wife does not long for her beloved?**_

"What father doesn't love their children? What kind of gift lets them live on while their daughter lies in the dirt?!" Shinji spat.

How strange. Talking back to an Angel, his younger self would have never believed it. Then again, he wasn't that little kid anymore.

Lilith tilted her head at him again.

" **I mourn your daughter as you do. You say that I am not your wife, yet Rei is inside me. She was my vessel and through her _I_ have been reborn. I have learned and developed just as she did. The lessons you taught her are ones that I have taken as well.**

 **I did not know Akane, but you did. I watched you from a distance, watched as you raised her and loved her. A part of me grew very fond of you for that. Not only the part that was once Rei.**

 **Rei is not me, but it is incorrect to say that I am not her. She was a piece of a larger whole. A piece that was allowed to live on her own, in ways that _I_ never could. Through _you_ she found love, and through _her_ I experienced emotions for the first time.**

 **I can still feel her soul, the latest addition to my consciousness. Her love for you lingers. And I have come to care for you as well, Shinji Ikari.**

 **For you are unlike any man left in all the world. I have seen your life from Third Impact until this very moment, and I have not seen anyone like you at all. 'A good man' as Rei would have called it." Lilith said.**

The Second Angel beamed down at him. The dark seeming to radiate off her pale skin, her eyes never leaving him as if she really did love him.

 _Humph. If I was really 'a good man' then I wouldn't have hurt Mari. What did my mother say 'as long as you are alive you will always have the chance to be happy' what bullshit. Not if you hurt people when you only wanted to help. Not when everything goes to shit and life won't even let it end_ Shinji thought bitterly.

His hands had clenched into fists. This was just too much to take in. He had died twice and been brought back twice, he was face to face with an Angel after over thirty years, one that wore his wife's face. The Angel that literally had his wife's soul inside her. And for what? What was the point of all this?!

"Ah" Shinji coughed suddenly. He felt something in his mouth and gagged as blood began to slip out.

He tried to catch it, to stop it, but he started coughing up more blood again. He looked at his hand in confusion as the blood poured down his fingers.

Lilith was beside him in an instant. Moving with an inhuman speed. Seeming to flicker in the dark.

" **Your internal bleeding cannot wait anymore. I need to finish healing you.** " was all Lilith said.

Before Shinji could protest, the Second Angel reached a hand over and tore his shirt open. Then she put her hand atop his chest... and he could feel her sorcery working on him. Her Angel powers reaching inside him, touching his organs, his cells, and repairing them.

The sensation made him gasp. Like he could actually feel his wounds healing in real time. Lilith was repairing his internal bleeding but he was still in pain. He wanted to shout but he lacked the strength.

Then Shinji passed out.

* * *

For what seemed like an eternity later, he slept.

Only to wake to Lilith shaking him. The Woman in the Dark kneeling beside him, cool hands pressed against his shoulders.

"Ahhhh. What did you-" he began.

" **I healed you. We are under attack and must leave.** " Lilith answered immediately.

 _Under attack? From what-_ he thought before Lilith lifted him as if he were a child. Pulling him to his feet and yanking him off the ground as she hovered several feet into the air. The shadows danced around the both of them, engulfing Shinji and Lilith as they moved. A cloud of shadows that surrounded Shinji and Lilith.

They were flying. Actually flying. Lilith's strange power floating them up and allowing her to maneuver the both of them. Shinji held on weakly, still hazy from being woken after what must have been days of sleep. Lilith found no trouble lifting him.

Upon leaving the cave, both of them soaring out, Shinji wincing as Lilith flew outside... they were met with a scene out of his nightmares.

 **The Giant of Light was outside.** Adam loomed over the surface, single eye scanning the skies, clenched fist bringing the call of Winter with him.

Shinji glared at the First Angel, seemingly invisible to him, as Lilith flew them away. Down below, the grounds began to frost over. The air itself seemed to hiss as particles froze, and harsh winds that ate at his skin emerged onto the scene.

 _The dark... those shadows that radiate off of Lilith... they're stealth. The Woman in the Dark... its all to hide herself from Adam's gaze._ Shinji realized. The First Angel could not see them.

Adam searched for them, seeming to know they were there despite Lilith's sorcery.

BANG

BANG

The sound of gunshots. Shinji looked down and saw a crowd of fleeing humans running for their lives. A single man, the foolish idiot whom thought he could kill an Angel with a gun, firing with trembling hands.

Adam brought a hand down on the human, brandishing his arms and slicing into the ground in a wide arc. Leaving a deep crater in the ground... killing dozens of people in his wake. And the worst part was that Adam didn't have to... the humans could not have hurt him yet he killed them anyway.

"Stop. You have help them." Shinji called weakly.

He wasn't sure if Lilith could hear him. The wind blew by as she flew the two of them to safety.

" **I cannot. Adam is stronger than me.** " Lilith answered. Flying off into the distance even as Shinji struggle to break her grasp.

Shinji watched helplessly at the scene below, at the ever shrinking image of the First Angel destroying yet another settlement after the end of the world. Witnessed Adam slaughter what poor ragged survivors of Third Impact and last Winter.

Ragged and beaten down, the people had lived through tough times, only to see it all end like this. Surviving for thirty years only to be slaughtered by a cruel Angel's wrath.

All of it gone... destroyed... just like Haven.

* * *

 **Part 3: Change**

 _Two days later  
_ _Thousands of kilometers away_

Traveling for days, Shinji lay limp in the Second Angel's grasp. Wondering how all this had happened. Adam... the return of the Angels.

Lilith set them down softly on the outskirts of some abandoned city. Landing with a soft thud, the dark mirage that clouded over them fading, her power that let her hide from Adam disappearing for the moment.

Shinji stood there panting softly. Barely believing it. In two days so much had happened.

 _Those people... they all died. Just like Haven._ He thought.

" **We should be safe here. For a time. The humans whom tried to settle here failed and left years ago. Adam is... persistent.** " Lilith said, seemingly not bothered at all by the deaths they had witnessed.

 _What does he even want? I thought the other Angels were trying to rescue him_ Shinji thought darkly.

 _ **He is taking his revenge. Even if it were not the case, he would not tolerate mankind's existence. He comes for us, but I will protect you.**_ Lilith answered in his mind. Small smile on her lips.

Shinji shuddered softly at the sensation, at Lilith speaking directly into his mind. It was not pleasant.

"Why are you doing this?" Shinji asked for a second time. His eyes distant and lost. Feeling his strength come back, but withered and old.

True to her word, Lilith had healed him. His internal bleeding was gone, his bones had been reset, pushed back into his flesh and leaving grizzly scars. But he was still broken on the inside. No amount of mending could change that.

Lilith turned to look at him, tilting her head in confusion.

" **I told you. I do not want you to die.** " Lilith said, smiling up at him.

She approached him arms held out, hands reaching to cup his face, but Shinji stepped back rejecting her touch.

" **I love you. Why do you want to die so badly**?" Lilith asked, honestly confused by his rejection.

 _Maybe I don't deserve a life anymore. Doesn't matter. People are getting hurt out there... good people. Mari... Ichiro and his mother... what hope do they have with Adam on the loose? What hope does anyone have in a world this broken. Why do I even care anymore... don't know. I think Asuka would have cared. She would have tried to fight Adam. Me? I just ran..._ Shinji thought.

 _ **Why can't you just be happy? You are alive. I brought you back, Shinji. I took this form because I thought it would please you.**_ Lilith's voice told him from inside his head. Speaking to him telepathically.

Shinji winced.

 _Ahhhh. Still not used to that. If you really can hear my thoughts, Lilith, then why didn't you help us earlier. When my daughter was dying where WERE you?_ Shinji thought. Cold broken eyes meeting ageless red ones.

Lilith tilted her head at him.

" **I told you. I kept my distance to protect you. Adam had risen at long last. You saw it in your dreams, your visions. He brought the worst winter you had ever seen. The winter that almost destroyed Haven, that took Akane from you, Adam did that."** she told him blankly.

The words hit Shinji like a bomb shell. A low punch to his gut. The fact that his worst nightmares had been right. He _had_ seen Adam bring forth winter in his dreams, had seen it the night before the snow had started to fall.

He felt his knees go weak. His lips shudder and his eyes tremble.

 _Akane... I'm sorry. If I had known... there's nothing I could have done. I'm just an old man now. I don't have my Eva. I haven't had it for thirty years_ Shinji thought glumly.

He let out a slow heavy breath. Lilith waiting calmly for him to speak, unblinking red eyes never leaving him.

"I saw him. The scars of Instrumentality... that's why I can see those things. Why I had visions... all this time... I was seeing your memories. And more... I saw Adam repairing himself under in the ocean. A figure surrounded in darkness, incomplete somehow. So many years I never realized what it was. What _he_ was doing." Shinji panted out with horrified eyes.

If Shinji had known... what could he have done? Gone looking for the First Angel below the red sea? Gone hunting for him in his weakened state? No... surviving in the Post Impact World had been a challenged on its own.

"You really want to help me? Go kill Adam. That monster destroyed my old home... killed so many people. Do you Angels hates us that much?" Shinji said darkly. Looking up at Lilith almost pleadingly.

He wasn't sure how he still cared anymore. But just this once, he felt a flicker of something inside him. A part of him that had allowed him to be an Eva pilot. A part that had let him fight the Angels to save mankind.

" **I cannot kill Adam. He is stronger than me."**

Shinji rolled his eyes, feeling like he was a hundred years old. Arguing with Lilith was like arguing with a machine that had learned to talk. In some ways harder to talk to than Rei had been in the beginning.

"Leave me alone. I'd never asked any of this." Shinji said in barely a whisper.

Lilith opened her mouth to speak, more confused than anything, as Shinji rose to his feet. Walking off in the distance, drifting and not caring where he ended up.

Odd, he'd never confused an Angel before.

Lilith made to walk after him. Perfect pale white skin standing in stark contrast to his battered and weathered face, her form ageless and untouched, but he stopped her.

"Stop following me" Shinji said, his voice empty.

She blinked her eyes at him. Almost sad. And in small dark part of his mind, Shinji had a flash from his memories. Of walking away from Mari, of leaving her behind.

He never looked back.

In a flicker of movement, so fast his eyes couldn't keep up, Lilith was in front of him. Red eyes inches from his own and he stopped in his tracks.

" **You will die out there** " Lilith said, eyes wide and concerned.

 _Just like Mari_ he thought. Reliving the moment he had abandoned that poor girl, left her behind, the image of her screaming at him as he walked away.

"You shouldn't have brought me back." Shinji said unblinkingly.

Lilith opened her mouth to speak but found no words. It was like he had hurt her, like he had actually wounded an Angel without an Eva. As if those words had broken her heart.

A cold breeze came upon them. Light, as if from afar. Small particles of snow falling from the sky. Remnants from Adam'a wrath, even this far away. Shinji and Lilith stood there in the early snow, unmoving as they came to terms with reality.

" **What can I do?** **What will make you happy? I do not want you to die. Husband-** "

"I'm not your husband. And there's nothing you can do. The Angels walk the earth again and it's too late for this world. It always was, we just didn't know it" Shinji said somberly.

If Shinji had been a younger man, he would have been in awe, an Angel crying. Shedding tears silently. His younger self would have never thought that possible.

Lilith stood, her lips trembling, as strange LCL like fluid trailed down her face. Tears falling from her face silently.

 _Humph. I even hurt an Angel in the end. Is there nothing that I don't ruin?_ He thought bitterly.

Shinji walked passed her. It really was too late. He was old and tired.

" **What if you could fix things? What if you could stop all this from happening?"**

Shinji stopped in his tracks.

He froze, before turning slowly to face the Angel that wore his wife's face. She was crying silently, watching him with almost human eyes.

"I can't. You told me that you couldn't kill Adam. And even then, it wouldn't bring my daughter back. It wouldn't bring anyone back" Shinji spat.

" **What if you could? What if... what if you could go back and change things. Unravel all this. The failed Instrumentality, Third Impact, this world you made, even Adam and I. What if you could travel back and stop everything.** "

Lilith seemed to shrink visibly as she spoke. Slanting off balance as if the very idea of such thing scared her. And anything that scared an Angel was a feat in of itself.

"... what are you talking about? Go back? Fix everything... how? I- stop everything that happened? Third Impact and-" Shinji stammered.

" **Time travel** " Lilith answered.

Shinji stood there watching Lilith for a moment. The light snow breezing by and lashing at their faces, another winter was coming. Adam's wrath.

A moment of silence passing between them. A Man and an Angel standing in the cold. A flicker of something, less than a ghost of... of hope stirring in the old man.

"Is that a power you have?" Shinji whispered slowly. His heart beating softly at his words. His lips trembling slightly as he spoke. Going back... could she really do that. Send him back in time.

Lilith shook her head.

" **Not by myself. I do not have that power. It is complicated. Something that is forbidden** "

"Forbidden? Forbidden by what? You're a freaking Angel!" Shinji said almost shouting, his voice harsh and raw.

Lilith looked away from him. Eyes examining the grounds around them. Desolate and cold.

" **Forbidden by the ones whom made me. My creators.** " Lilith answered.

Shinji blinked. Not understanding.

" **Did you think that we were** _ **divine**_ **, Shinji? Did you never wonder what the Angels actually were? We are not gods, we are not divine. Adam and I were not born, we were** _ **built**_ **. Designed and assembled for a purpose. A purpose that Adam no longer follows.** " Lilith said. Her words seeming to echo through his mind. Empty and hollow just like he was. The pains and sorrow of an Angel.

"What the hell could make Angels?" Shinji asked confused. In his time at Nerv he had never gotten an answer to how the Angels came to be. Not ever.

" **They were called the First Ancestral Race. It no longer matters. They are gone. What matters is that we could send you back.** " Lilith said, turning away from such memories.

"How? You said you could give me a second chance. Tell me." Shinji said nearly panting in the cold. Something inside him stirring at this possibility. A drive to see it through.

" **It would take both Adam and I. Both our powers. Through a loop hole in you and you alone. I would have to change you to do it. You would no longer be Lilin, not truly, not human anymore.** " Lilith said avoiding his gaze. Staring at her feet.

"You would turn me into an Angel?" Shinji asked eyes wide.

Then slowly, ever so slowly, she raised her head to face him. Her eyes showing mixed emotion, a kaleidoscope of conflicting thoughts in her eyes. Awe, boldness, curiosity, sorrow, pity, guilt, pleading, and love. Truly, he could see it. Lilith loved him.

 _It's Mari all over again. I don't love you Lilith. I'm sorry, but I don't. I've learned that lesson already. Just... help me_ Shinji thought darkly.

" **No. Not an Angel. Not human either. You would be something new. Something my creators would have not have anticipated.** " Lilith said.

She glanced down at her hands, mirroring Shinji's own movements when he inspected his bad hand, and Shinji saw it. Strange arcs of light emerging from her fingers, crossing over her the palm of her hand before disappearing.

" **If I did this. It would be the hardest thing you have ever done. In the end you would go where I could not follow.** **And the future does not override the past** **, that fact is why my creators forbid it. Once you returned... there would be** _ **two**_ **of you.** "

"Two of me? I- there would be a younger version of myself. Then- it wouldn't be me. I wouldn't get to live with them... _he_ would... the other me... I- I don't care. If I could change things I would. Whatever it takes. I could go back and stop all of this. Rei, Asuka, Akane... I could save them all. They could live in a better world. Not whatever nightmares this is." Shinji said hands curling into fists. His heart flickering into existence at long last.

Even now he could see them. He could close his eyes and see the ghosts that haunted him. Misato, Kaji, Ritsuko, Asuka... Rei and Akane. Countless others. The world. Everyone he had lost.

" **There would be two Shinji Ikari(s). It would be dangerous. Every day would hurt you. And there is no guarantee that it would work. To do it... you would need to kill Adam. We need his power too, mine is not enough.** "

"But you said- you said Adam was stronger than you. That you couldn't kill him." Shinji said. Swallowing hard, this was a lot to take in.

 **Not by myself. Together we might stand a chance. But first I need to start the process. I need to change you. Then... then we'd have a chance against the First Angel** " Lilith told him.

Shinji took in her words slowly. Carefully. Lilith was offering him a second chance, one that she admitted she could not follow him with. She would be left behind without him. And she did it all because she loved him.

Lilith could hear his thoughts. His feelings of anxiousness and something almost like hope, but more bitter, welling up inside him.

 _ **I do. Not only the piece of Rei inside me. But the whole. I would do this for you. To make you happy. Is this what you want? Is this what I can give you?**_ Lilith said speaking directly into his mind.

Shinji winced at the sensation. He wasn't used to having a voice in his head.

"Please... do it" Shinji pleaded.

Lilith walked to him, slowly, her soft footsteps leaving a small trail in the snow. Yet the white powder never clung to her, truly a creature above such things. Untouched by the trials of the world.

Shinji stumbled back as his shirt was ripped open by forces unseen. The rags that had covered his torso pulling apart as Lilith raised her hands.

"What are you-"

" **I need to rewrite your DNA. This is the only way. It will be painful. Oh my husband, forgive me** " Lilith whispered to him.

Then the Second Angel plunged her hand _inside_ Shinji's chest. Her fingers and palm slipping inside and through his flesh, his chest seeming to fold around the Angel's hand as Lilith worked her magic on him. Her wrist protruding out of his chest.

Shinji gasped out harshly. Unable to even speak.

He could _feel_ every cell, every nerve muscle, bone, vein responding to Lilith's hand. Her control of his DNA down to a genetic level. Able to edit it, to modify it, to change it as a programmer changes lines of code. Removing and adding.

Shinji's veins turned black. His heart rate accelerated and he was felt blood in his eyes. Lilith had been right, this was the hardest thing he'd ever done. Like being wide awake during surgery, like being aware as his flesh was being ripped apart and put back together again.

He screamed and Lilith comforted him. Guiding him to his knees, her hand in his chest, changing him even as he lost consciousness and knew no more. The last sensations he could remember being the feelings of pale lips atop his forehead. And tears landing atop his check, not his but hers.

* * *

" **Lilith killed me. And then she brought back for a third time.**

 **I ended up dying more than once after that. Each time being brought back. My soul patched back into my corpse, Lilith stitching my mind back together, healing any wounds during the process...**

 **It was the only way to do what she needed to do. The process of making me part Angel was not easy. She modified and rewrote my DNA while I was awake. There was no medicine to put me to sleep, no entry plug to reduce me to an LCL like form, no... this was painful.**

 **And it took multiple sessions.**

 **But I bared it. Because I knew that this world was doomed. There was nothing here, and not even the Second Angel could change that. She couldn't make me 'happy' just by bringing me back to life. She couldn't fix the world once it was this far gone.**

 **So she offered me a second chance, and I took it. I could make a world where my children could have lived, could have grown without all this mess. Where they could have never known the pain I have lived through.**

 **Lilith told me that I would never be the same, and I could feel it, the skin that was not my own.**

 **That was only the first step. Lilith putting parts of herself inside me. Her power flowing through my veins.**

 **Lilith became my teacher.** " - the broken man.

* * *

 _One month later._

The First Angel hunted them.

Adam seeming to know that the Lilith and him were planning something. Adam came for them and they ran.

The First Angel crushing woods and forests, abandoned cities and hideouts, bringing his wrath where he ever he came. Lilith flying the two of them further and further away each time.

Adam bringing winter to the already harsh and brutal wastelands. Killing humans again and again. A cruel Angel that would have his vengeance.

It all blurred for Shinji. Becoming part Angel taking its toll on him.

…

The Angel and the hybrid lay at the grounds of a barren frozen land. The ruins of a farm someone had tried to run, before dying or else being driven away, nearby. Dark skies loomed over them.

Angel Shinji opened his eyes slowly. As if reluctantly breaking free of a faded dream, neither good nor bad... it just was.

His bones ached, the blood in his veins felt foreign, wrong somehow. Not _his_ anymore. His skin was not his own, it had aged him again. He could feel the cracks and wrinkles of the elderly creeping onto his torso, could feel his body showing the signs of falling apart. The symptoms of age and something more. It healed, it always did, but not without leaving a mark.

Lilith was watching him.

The Angelic entity stood looming over him, tilting her head at him, soft yet cold smile on her lips as Shinji Ikari returned from the void of death yet again. She often watched over him until he woke from the void. Never leaving his side until he did.

"Uhhhhh" Shinji half groaned half whispered, his voice rough and hard.

Slowly, he rose to a sitting position and pulled his aching legs up. He rose like a corpse being forced to move again, like a dead man whose soul refused to leave its body.

 _There are days I feel so old_ he thought.

His beard was growing more unkempt with each passing day. He would have to remember to shave it before they were done.

Weakly, he turned to Lilith.

" **You are cold?** " Lilith said, concern underlining her voice... and something more. The power in her voice set him on edge at times. Lilith wasn't only changing him, she was changing herself as well. She lost bits of herself every time she added more to him.

Like speaking with a God. Like conversing with a force of nature itself, sitting at the beating heart of a storm. A man witnessing something much more than a mortal.

He nodded.

In a flash, a blur of movement, the firewood that had been haphazardly left out was re-arranged in a small pile and it sparked to life. The fire emerging onto the scene just as the dawn came over the barren wasteland that was the post impact world. This empty place were life was fleeting and the cold came and went as Adam willed it.

Lilith was gone.

She moved so fast that Shinji's eyes couldn't keep up. He vaguely wondered where she had gone to, when he felt a small weight on his shoulder.

Lilith was sitting beside him, laying her head on his shoulder. She did that from time to time, she enjoyed her time with him even if it was temporary.

"What happened" Angel Shinji whispered softly. Hollow emptied out eyes staring at the dances flames before him and his only companion, barely feeling the warmth at all. Like his body was refusing to grant him even that small luxury.

Last he remembered, he'd been crying out as Lilith worked her sorcery on him. This thing that science couldn't explain, altering him down to the genetic level. Altering him, ripping him open down to his cells and changing him, mixing foreign DNA into his own and pushing his brain to its limits as she give him the gifts of Instrumentality. The gift of memory.

" **You died** " Lilith said, a hint of fear working its way into her voice. She had a habit of clinging to him once he'd been brought back.

Shinji paused feeling a faded chill go down his spine. He felt himself oddly numb to the whole thing, barely flinching at the answer anymore.

 _Of course. Another breakdown._ Shinji thought. He flexed the three fingers on his bad hand wondering if he'd feel anything anymore. Even death seemed to be losing its grip on him.

So he'd died again. His body breaking into massive organ failure and he'd had a seizure as his brain was overloaded with the gifts of Lilith again. She'd told him that that would happened. The human brain had limits were the Angel's did not.

" **Sweet Shinji, you're almost done. Your body lasted much longer this time** " Lilith whispered to him.

The Angel nuzzled closer to him, her enormous shadow dancing in the campfire. Shinji hardly felt it anymore, only a distant truth.

"How many times have I died now" he asked softly.

" **Six** " Lilith answered. Her voice echoing in his mind as she spoke, being in this form was difficult for her at times.

He closed his eyes as he took that in.

 _Six deaths. Six rebirths. Is that what Rei felt when she brought back? This emptiness inside... this darkness that won't fade_ he thought.

" **No Shinji. Nerv transferred the remnants of a soul into another body. The new body had its own soul however, an incomplete artificial one, but a soul none the less. Rei was more of a collective being than an individual. Like me in many ways, but far less complex** " Lilith answered.

She did that from time to time, reading his thoughts without asking permission. Peering into his mind as easily as breathing.

 _Rei was Rei. She was a person and-_ he thought.

" **Yes, Rei was Lilin. Human in the end. She watched you despite your father's orders, and she learned. Throughout all her incarnations she grew attached to you. She loved you.** " Lilith said softly.

Shinji opened his eyes weakly, his chest growing heavy with sorrow. Rei... he couldn't save her in the end. And Lilith was... spending so much time with her was unnerving at times. The shadow of his wife in the Angel that was helping him.

"Did she suffer like I do? Did she feel this pain" he whispered, his lips trembling as he dreaded the answer.

 _ **She felt the sorrow of memories without context. You are different. Never a soul transferred across vessels, you are the one has whose faced death and returned. You are much more than Rei or Kaworu ever were. You will be beyond anything the humans were able to build**_ **Lilith's voice echoed across his mind.** Her answer to his question.

The Angel's words were of no comfort. Instead, Shinji merely nodded staring into the fire and wishing he could feel warm. Wishing he could feel anything.

 _No... Lilith is wrong. Not more but less. Neither Man nor Angel, I will be less than both. Less than a man, I already feel it. The loss..._ he thought darkly.

"It hurts... coming back." Shinji whispered suddenly.

Lilith tilted her head at him curiously.

"Dying is easy. But returning... it's like being born all over again, only I can feel everything in that one moment between life and death. Like every muscle is screaming as it comes back to life, my heart aching as it starts to beat again. And I... I" Shinji said.

He struggled with the words, his throat harsh and raw. His voice coming out in low feverish bits, like a man carved from the inside out and put back together again.

" **And?** "

He raised his hands up, looking at the faded scars littered across them over his years as a farmer in Haven. Lilith had offered to heal them, but Shinji had refused. The scars helped him remember.

"Every time I come back. I'm bit a less. Pieces of me get chipped away." he said, his voice broken and shrill.

He shuddered, shaking his head, feeling the ice cold blood running through his veins. Angel blood that ran along his body now. And his eye... his eye was starting to change.

Bits of red bleeding into the brown on his right eye. Angel DNA mixed into his own.

"It takes a moment to remember my name, in that space everything is haunting. I don't know who I am and I can't remember anything from before. Then it all comes flooding back. My memories, and the ones you gave me, but something's missing. Always missing." he said, shaking his head as his lips trembled.

"When you bring me back... I slip more and more. I think the old me is fading with each death. It gets harder and harder, more painful every time. I'm still here and at the same time I'm not." he whispered.

The sheer _cold_ that lingered after he'd died for the sixth time and been brought back. This emptiness inside that cut into soul with each rebirth. He was used to it, he'd been broken since his daughter had died.

" **I warned you that it would be painful, Shinji. There is no other way. A human could not use my powers, could not hold this information in their brain.** " Lilith said, her voice seeming to echo in his mind as well as his ears. She ran her hands across his chest gently, her fingers radiating the power underneath the form she took even now. Before it had unsettled him... now he was numb to it.

"I know" he said weary.

Lilith frowned in concern at him.

" **No mere man could take the powers of the Angels and bend them to their will. I told you that you would have to be something** _ **more**_ **than human, and that once we began there would be no going back. And yet... you are tired. We need not go any further. Shall we stop? I have no qualms sharing this life with you.** "

"Adam is still out there" he said blankly.

" **I can protect you from him. He comes for me, not you. No matter, in this state you will be ageless from here on out.** " Lilith said nuzzling up against him. Her voice stern, a rare feat for Lilith, and strong. Resting her head on his shoulder.

Shinji blinked with tired eyes, feeling ancient and so weak that part of him wanted to stop. Wanted to let Lilith care for him here in the empty earth.

This Angel whom had learned how to be almost human, almost Rei, soothing him of all things. Loving him in a way he didn't fully understand, in a way that he could never return. She was willing to do this all for him. Willing to change him or else to stop and live here with him for an eternity.

And he had no doubt about it. Lilith had brought him back to life six times now, he was sure she could and _would_ keep doing it. Running from Adam and surviving. He could live out in this wasteland, waiting for the brief months of summer year after year, all with only Lilith for company. Not his Rei anymore, but Lilith.

"No" he said, his voice raw with emotion that came flooding back to him. He shook his head blinking rapidly.

He squeezed his hands into fists so tightly that his nails started to bleed. The blood running down his hands as he forced himself to _feel_ it. To come back. Fighting the emptiness inside him.

"I have a job to do and I'm gonna see through. Whatever it takes. I'm used to pain and if I die again and again, then I die." Shinji said. Gritting his teeth as he spoke.

It hurt but it was good. Feeling again.

He closed his eyes, using the gifts of Lilith. Accessing the memories inside his mind with full clarity, _perfect memory._

…

Images of his daughter. Teaching her to walk whilst Asuka watched him, a small pleasant smile on her face as she watched him play with his kid.

Rei as she had been before her death, sleeping beside him and nuzzling close.

Using this power meant more than just seeing things that came to pass, it was like reliving it all together. Every emotion, every touch, every pain and joy, he felt them all once again.

If he chose to, he could even 'walk' among the memory and interact with it to some degree. Able to observe things with perfect clarity that he would not have remembered when he was human.

He felt his daughter's hands in his as if she was right there with him, he could remember his wife's smile as if she was standing in front of him, could remember burying her as if he was plunging the shovel into the earth all over again.

Shinji didn't know if he had ever been happy at all, no victories but a constant stream of giving and taking in his life. But if he had been happy, it would have been with them. The old man clung to those memories, clung to his humanity amid the darkness that tore at him after each death.

A purpose that kept him going. Creating a world where they could have lived.

…

"It's not about me. It was never about me." Angel Shinji said opening his eyes.

Lilith had moved again. Seeming to disappear and reappear as she did so.

She knelt down in front of him, taking his hands in hers and watching him unblinkingly with those dark unnaturally red eyes of hers.

Morality was a foreign concept to an Angel. Something 'new' that she had observed from him as he'd lived on past the Third Impact, always watching him and learning. Lilith had truly grown to love him, in her own way, and he saw it in her eyes.

There was nothing he could hide from her, so he didn't. She saw his pains and his rage, his willingness to do anything for his family and all the people he had failed. The Angel witnessed him go against the natural call for self preservation. Saw him break his own 'programming' as she would say. Willing to die over and over again just for the _chance_ to set things right.

 _ **You are beautiful... Shinji Ikari**_ Lilith's voice rang inside his head. Almost sad, as if she wished he would not do this. Yet knowing that he would always make this choice.

Lilith ran her hands along his, and he felt the sensation of his wounds closing along them. Healing as Lilith used her power on him again.

You couldn't shake hands with a hurricane. You could not befriend a tsunami. But being healed by Lilith, having his hands in hers, felt like that anyway.

* * *

 **Part 4: Angel**

" **It is done. This is as far as I can take you. For the rest, we will need Adam's power. He will not give it willingly.** "

Shinji rose from the bundle of blankets Lilith had wrapped over him, better to let him sleep whenever he could. Lilith herself never slept, she had no need of such things. But she often lay beside him whilst he rested.

Angel Shinji walked out of the cave they'd been hiding in, Adam having chased after them barely a week ago. Shinji stopped at the barren remains of a pond nearby. Looking at his reflection in the murky almost dead water.

Shinji's eyes gave him away now. One of them was Angel red and the other was brown.

 _So... this is what I become_ Shinji thought, taking in the cool air. Raising his hands to look at them again. His torso was different, pale skin white woven along what remained of his normal skin.

His skin was no longer his own. He was different now. Something new. Half Human, Half Angel.

Lilith stood beside him. Flickering in and out of existence, only this time Shinji could follow her movements. His eyes able to keep up with her vast speed.

He glanced down at his hand, noticing a small bruise from the last time he and Lilith had had to run. Flying off into the distance before Adam could catch them.

Lilith had left that there for him.

" **Try it** " Lilith whispered.

Shinji ran his fingers along the bruise. Calling upon the powers of Lilith running through his veins, the Angel part of him, and the bruise vanished. Healing itself. Working with his own flesh, repairing the damage.

The Gift of Healing.

"It's a start" Shinji whispered. That was never easy. He doubted he'd ever be as good as Lilith, but he could start healing minor injuries now. On himself and others.

He could also look through his own memories with perfect clarity now. And more. Could access memories that Lilith had given him. Important details that he needed to know. To understand. Far more than a human brain could have held.

"Adam knows what you've done to me." Shinji said slowly. Taking deep slow breathes and letting them fill his foreign lungs, reaching out with his Angel senses.

" **You can feel him? All the Angels are linked. Adam and I, and even his children.** " Lilith said tilting her head at him.

...

In his mind's eye, Shinji felt it, he saw a flickering image of a Giant of Light walking the earth with thunderous footsteps. The First Angel leaving craters in his wake, searching for Lilith and him, hunting them. Killing humans along the way, denying any of them warmth or summer, an eternity of winter approaching as Adam's strength returned.

Then a voice, low and powerful, an undertone of rage along its pitch, hissed outward for Shinji to hear. All within his mind's eye. A booming voice.

"YOU DARE WATCH ME. ABOMINATION. LILIN THAT IS NOT LILIN" Adam hissed.

Shinji had learned the language of the Angels.

Adam turned, the Giant of Light reaching out menacingly, aware that Shinji was watching him through the link all Angels shared. The First Angel's mind reaching out to attack Shinji's.

Only the connection was cut.  
...

Lilith had a hand on Shinji's shoulder, and he opened his eyes, leaving that mental space where the Angels were linked. Lilith pulling him out before Adam found their location. Before Adam attacked them mentally.

" **Be careful. Now and in the past, the Angels will sense you. They will know you are something different. Something they will not be able to understand** " Lilith warned him.

Shinji nodded slowly. "Right. I'm still getting used to this" he muttered. The last thing they needed was Adam to come crashing down on them before they were ready.

Lilith looked at him worriedly. She been putting this off for days now, but the time was coming sooner or later.

Angel Shinji flexed his hands, opening them and closing them, his fingers curling as he did so. An old habit from his human days.

 _Adam is so strong. I could feel it when I watched him. He could sense me too. Knew what I was.. terrifying. We need our weapons_ He thought darkly. Glancing up at the faded sky, and at the stars hidden above them. Looking to the far reaches of space.

"I'm ready. What do I need to to do?" he asked firmly.

* * *

 _Higher ground  
_ _Atop a mountain._

" **Call it. It won't listen to me... but it will for you** " Lilith told him.

Shinji nodded.

He strode forward. Watching from atop the mountain the two of them stood perched on. Better to get to the high ground. The ruins of the broken world lay below.

A world destroyed by Third Impact, and later Adam's wrath.

Shinji raised his hands up. Closing his eyes as if in prayer.

Reaching out with his Angel senses. Using the network that connected all Angels and creations of the First Ancestral Race. Reaching out for the one thing that could stop Adam.

The thing SEELE had unknowingly given to him. Those foolish old men had made him the vessel of Instrumentality, had bound the Spear of Longinus to him when he was 14. Even now, out among the far reaches of space... that bond had never been severed.

As a man, a human, he lacked the strength to call it. His brain had struggled with his connections forged by Instrumentality, the visions he had suffered for over thirty years, but now he could _take_ it. Could process it. Half Angel.

"Mother" Shinji whispered.

…

 _Space  
_ _Outside the solar system._

Evangelion Unit 01 drifted further and further away. The Spear of Longinus within its grasp. Over three decades since it had left earth and it remained undamaged. More alive then machine. Last of the Eva Units.

Yui Ikari stirred. Confused at the Spear.

"What?" Yui stammered. Her soul living on within the Evangelion. Immortal within her new body. Having left Earth so long ago.

The Spear shook in her hand. The red metal shuddering in stark contrast to the Eva's plate armor. As if the Spear was coming alive.

"How- What is this? … Shinji" Yui whispered darkly.

The Spear shot out, trying to break free of her hands, but Yui held on. Eva Unit 01 struggling to keep the Spear in her grasp.

…

Shinji kept his hand raised. He opened his eyes slowly, coming to terms with what had happened.

"She's fighting me. My mother- she doesn't want to come back." Shinji whispered, crestfallen. Heartbroken at his own mother's rejection. His hand still raised.

The Spear responded to his call despite the immeasurable distance between them. The distance between Earth and out into the deeper expanse of the stars. Outside of the solar system.

" **There is a reason she ran, Shinji. A reason she took the Spear with her when she left.** " Lilith said somberly.

The Second Angel did not like to see him like that. She never liked to see Shinji in pain, physical or otherwise, but she knew he had to face the truth. Come to terms with it once and for all.

"My mother knew this would happen. She knew that Adam and you would come back." Shinji said darkly, glancing back at Lilith.

He took a deep breath, turning his attention back to the skies above, to the Spear of Longinus and his mother.

Shinji narrowed his eyes. _You just left..._ he thought.

He closed his hand into a clenched fist.

…

"Ahhh!" Yui cried out.

The Spear of Longinus turned against her. The Spear stabbing itself _inside_ the Eva's chest. The weapon piercing all the way though the plate armor and extruding out through the Eva's back.

Yui Ikari gaped at the Spear through the eyes of Eva Unit 01. Her immortal body, held within the Spear's grasp.

 _What is this? Its impossible. How could the Spear turn against me. How?-_ Yui thought before they started moving.

The Spear dragging the Eva, and the soul of Yui Ikari with it, along through the vast depths of space.

Space itself began to fold, time bending to its master's call, as the Spear of Longinus traveled. Returning to the one whom had called it.

Shinji Ikari.

…

 _Earth_

Shinji lowered his hand, breathing harshly.

Hardly believing it. His own mother had tried to resist the call... had tried to keep the Spear for herself.

"How long will it take to come back?" Shinji asked turning to face Lilith.

The Second Angel tilted her head at him. " **You called the Spear. You are the one whom knows.** " she told him.

Shinji reached out with his Angel senses for a second time. Reaching out to the Spear, the thing was almost alive, able to communicate information if asked. A deterrent built by the First Ancestral Race, the people that had made the Angels.

The day of Third Impact, his mother had revealed herself as the soul within Eva Unit 01. Yui Ikari revealing herself to her son at long last. Then, as Shinji had rejected Instrumentality, Yui had left earth. Had left him behind as she flew off into space with the Eva and the Spear.

Ever since, she had been traveling further and further away. Three decades of travel that would need to be undone. The Spear was fast, but not instantaneous.

"Ten years. It will take ten years" Shinji said darkly. Hands clenching into fists at the realization. All this work, dying and coming back, becoming something not 'human', and he had to wait. Such was his life, always.

" **Then we wait.** "

Shinji looked up with hollow bitter eyes, facing Lilith once again. She reached her hands up and placed them on his chest lovingly, reassuringly, breathing softly at the contact. And just this once... he let her. Allowed himself to be soothed by the remnants of his wife.

"What happens now? We just... run and hide? Survive Adam's wrath until the Spear comes back?" Shinji asked disheartened.

" **We wait. And now, I train you. I will teach you what it means to be an Angel, to use the powers that I have given you. You will need them in the new timeline, beloved** " Lilith whispered to him. Her hands cool to the touch.

* * *

 **Part 5: Reunion**

 _ **10 years later  
**_ _ **40 years after Third Impact**_

The Earth was pale shadow of its former self. After Third Impact, it had been scarred, filled with barren wastelands with slices of life eking out an existence along the ruins. Small settlements and glimmers of society shinning out amid the brutal roads and gangs of bandits.

After the Angels had returned, when Adam had risen after thirty years of slumber and regeneration, what glimmers remained were no more.

The First Angel brought death wherever he went, truly putting an end to the human race at long last. Nothing and no one survived the frozen lifeless planet anymore.

None, save for two others. Lilith and Shinji Ikari... until now.

The Evangelion Unit came crashing down like a comet. A star burning up in the night sky, propelled along by the Spear of Longinus. The Spear immobilizing Yui even as it brought her back to earth.

It was with an earth shattering thud, an explosion of dirt and debris that rocked entire mountains to their core, that the Evangelion crashed landed. Causing miniature earthquakes in its wake.

Two figures emerged from the cloud of debris. The dust clouds fading as the two emerged onto the scene, coming upon a crater the size of an Evangelion. The Spear of Longinus still impaled across the Eva's torso, holding it in place.

Yui Ikari weakly turned the Eva's eyes. And inwardly, she gasped at the sight of a old broken man in rags walking alongside a woman in the dark.

Shinji Ikari stopped just at the edge of the crater. Slowly, he put a hand to the rusted armor plating of Eva Unit 01.

"Hello mother" Shinji said. Running his hands along the metal, his eyes closed as if lost in memory.

Lilith rose, hovering up into the air, before flying above. Soaring over the Spear of Longinus impaled upon the Eva, and settling herself at the back of the massive machine's neck.

Shinji watched as Lilith plunged her hands, both of them, into Eva Unit 01. Not inside the plate armor, but the strange flesh underneath it, Lilith working her sorcery on the Eva. The clone of herself built by Nerv and SEELE.

With a whirl of twisted metal, of rusted hinges and rough mechanical gears, the entry plug was released and opened out. A hiss of long compressed air rushing out as the plug was left out in the open, Lilith having forced Yui to release the entry plug.

Shinji strode to the cockpit. Stepping inside, he took a seat. Remembering all the times he had sat here, piloting with the others, fighting Angels, Misato in his ear via the comm. It seemed like a life time ago.

Lilith closed the entry plug, forcing it back into Eva Unit 01 even as Shinji gestured with his hand, reaching out with his Angel senses, and the Spear began to move.

Yui groaned from within the Eva, the Spear of Longinus slowly rising free. Pulling itself out of the Evangelion at Shinji's command. Then hovering above patiently.

"Sync ratio at 53%." Shinji whispered, booting up the Eva's long dormant computer systems. Before, it had taken a pool of Nerv's LCL to pilot, but not anymore. Not since Lilith had changed him.

Angel Shinji closed his eyes, reaching with his Angel senses and found the soul of Yui Ikari living inside his old Eva. They needed to talk.

* * *

 _The Other Place  
_ _The void where souls could communicate_

When Shinji opened his eyes he found himself standing an empty white void that stretched on forever.

Yui Ikari stood watching him in _awe_. She hadn't aged a day since her 'accident' in the contact experiment when he was seven. The day she had faked her death to put her soul inside the Eva. She looked exactly the same as when she had left earth, the day of the Third Impact.

40 years and at long last... Mother and Son. Together again.

"Mom. It's been a long, long, time. I- I've had a rough time as of late" Shinji said slowly, hesitantly.

Yui brought a hand to her mouth in shock.

"Shinji..." Yui breathed. As if all the air had been sucked out of her lungs in shock. The realization that this broken shell of a man, tall with mixed colored eyes, one red and the other brown, dressed in rags... this abomination of Angel and Human standing before her... was her son.

"Yes mother, it's me. I'm not that little boy anymore. But look at you. Humph, you haven't aged a day. Living on with my Eva for a body. Immortal. Ageless." Shinji said his eyes wandering as his voice drifted. Somber and quiet.

Yui opened her mouth to speak, still in shock at the broken shell of a man before her, but Shinji interrupted. This wasn't that sweet little boy she'd left behind so long, his eyes were different, not only the color... but the light was gone. Cold, bittersweet.

"You won. You got your Immortality. Got the Eva. I hope it was worth it" Shinji said laughing harshly, soft and quiet. Old pains coming through his voice.

A child abandoned by their parent.

"Shinji, I had to leave. I couldn't stay-"

"I don't care about that right now. Doesn't matter. You left me behind, but what's done is done. You know why I brought the Spear back" Shinji cut in.

Yui reached forward, bringing her hands to Shinji's face... and he closed his eyes at her touch. Her son had grown into something twisted, broken and mangled, and aged far beyond his time. It broke her heart to see him like this.

Fingers shaking the entire time, Shinji brushed his mother's hands off. Rejecting her touch and gently pushing her away from him.

"Shinji?" Yui whispered, frowning up at him. He was taller than her now.

"We don't have time for this. Mom, the Angels walk the Earth again... what's left of it." Shinji said in a tone harsher than he had meant.

Yui flinched at his tone, wincing back with sad crestfallen eyes.

"What's left?" she asked.

Shinji shook his head.

"The human race is dead. There's no one else. First thirty years were pretty bad, everything just fell apart. Then the Angels came back. For ten years Adam has been killing what's left of us. Wiping us out a settlement at a time. Bringing winter with him, controlling the weather itself. They never stood a chance out there" Shinji said unblinkingly. Eyes hollow and dead.

Another failure he would have to live with. Another sin to add to the list, both personal and impersonal, his failures as an Eva pilot, a protector of the human race, and his failures as a parent. A man whom could not save his daughter.

He sighed taking a deep harsh breath. Before speaking the truth, the thing he had tried to deny for months now.

"I am the last human on the entire planet" Shinji said darkly.

Lilith stirred at his words in the outside world. Something that she had watched him struggle with for months now. Even now, Shinji could feel Lilith reaching out to him. Trying to comfort him the way that Rei would have. The ghost of a hand on his shoulder.

Yui's eyes fell, growing cold and distant yet not unloving as she spoke.

"Adam has risen. It must have taken him years to regenerate. To come back from whatever was left him after the Impact. He is... very hard to kill. The First and Second Angels share that quality, they're the originals. The Progenitors." Yui said slowly.

So she had been right. Adam and Lilith had returned, if her math was right than it had taken them both roughly thirty years to recover from the failed Instrumentality that SEELE had created. To recover from Third Impact.

Shinji looked up at her, red and brown eyes meeting hers, and Yui saw it again. That coldness that almost reminded her of Gendo. Yet it was different, Shinji was not Gendo, he never had been and never would be.

"We have a plan. I'm gonna go back, gonna fix all this mess. Unravel the past to save the future" Shinji said never looking away, not once. Determined eyes with a undercut strength staring unblinkingly into hers.

"Time travel? It's impossible, Shinji. And Lilith? What is she doing with you? She is the one whom did... _this_ to you. Changed you. Made you into something not human." Yui said, looking him up and down a second time.

"I did what I needed to do. Isn't that what you did? Using everyone around you to take the Eva in the end?" Shinji countered softly.

Yui shook her head saying "no. I'm not like you. Shinji... you can't trust Lilith. She's not human. She doesn't care about-"

"I trust Lilith with my life, and my death. She's given everything for me. Which is more than I can say for you. You left a 14 year old emotionally traumatized boy... in a post apocalyptic world. Alone. With the only the hope that others would come back." Shinji cut in flatly.

Yui stared at him in shock. Her mouth agape. Hurt by his words. At the brutal truth at the core of them, the fact that she had left him behind the day of the Impact.

"Shinji you don't understand-"

"I told you. It doesn't matter, mom. Not anymore. But _this_ is my chance, our chance, to set things right. To stop this nightmare of a future from happening." Shinji said pleading with her. Breaking his detached mask that isolated him from his feelings, letting his mother see _him_ for whom he had become.

"Lilith can't do it alone. We need the power of Adam, too. And he won't give it willingly, he never would. I need your help mom" Shinji pleaded.

"Are you serious? You want to kill the First Angel? Steal his powers and use them for yourself? It's madness" Yui said pleading with Shinji to stop.

"I have to try. It's all I have left." Shinji countered sternly. His fingers tracing the faded lines where his wedding ring had once been.

His mother noticed the gestured, noticed the faded lines along his good hand. And she knew, knew that her son had been married. Had had a wife. A wife that had died.

 _I'm sorry... son_ She thought, the shadow of tears in her eyes.

Yui looked away.

"You can't beat him. Adam is the most powerful Angel you have ever faced. Stronger than Zeruel. Stronger than Lilith. He was the First" Yui said somberly, unable to meet her son's eyes.

 _ **She is afraid. Your mother left earth for a reason, Shinji. She took the Spear for a reason. I have seen her heart and her soul. Even if you refuse too. You KNOW what you need to do.**_ Lilith whispered into his mind.

Yui unable to hear the Second Angel.

 _I know, Lilith... I had thought... I had thought she would have helped me. That 'I' would have been enough for her. But I was wrong_ Shinji thought bitterly. Fighting back the tears of an abandoned child. There was no time for such things.

So many times throughout the years, he had looked up in the night sky trying to find her, to find his Eva and wonder if she was looking down at him. All for nothing.

 _The truth is the only way. But to frame like this... I never thought I would have to. Did you only ever care about yourself, eh mom?_ he thought bitterly.

"Adam knows that you're here, mother. He's been hunting us ever since he came back. Using me to get to Lilith. He would absorb her back into himself, devour her soul. He wants more power, needs it to make more Angels. But after Lilith, he will come for you too. But you already knew that, right mom?

Eva Unit 01 is a clone of Lilith. All that time, fighting the Angels, and I never knew that I was piloting an artificial one.

Adam will come for you. This 'new body' of yours is fuel for him. But we can stop him.

I need the Eva, and I need the Spear.

Please... I need your help" Shinji said, eyes growing hollow and cold once again.

Nothing he had said had a been a lie. He suspected that Yui had known all of it already. But to hear it made it concrete. And if he had to frame the situation as a matter of survival, then he'd cast his own feelings aside and do it. He needed her help.

Yui stood there, her soul ageless and immortal from within the Eva, from within the Other Place, and she slowly raised her head to face him.

"Fine" his mother told him softly, distant and uncertain, but working with him.

…

"Sync ratio: 91%" Shinji called out from the Entry Plug.

Outside Lilith yanked her hands free. Pulling them from the Evangelion's flesh underneath the massive titan's plate armor. Perching herself on 01's shoulders for now. She would need to save her strength for the battle to come. It had been a long time since she had used her 'true' form.

Eva Unit 01 rose. Shinji piloting for the first time in decades. Looming over the bitter remains of what had once been trees, the Eva marched forward. Spear of Longinus in hand.

…

Elsewhere, the First Angel rose to his feet.

Adam standing tall over the ruins of a mountain. The hill gone, blown to ashes in one of his earlier calamities. He could feel that the Spear of Longinus had returned. Lilith and her pet human. Bringing back the weapon that had stopped him the first time.

Completely healed now, the Giant of Light raised its massive head in anticipation. The power radiating from his body like the beating heart of a dying star.

A challenge that would at long last be answered.

…

 **Lilith, Angel Shinji, and Yui Ikari vs Adam.**

* * *

 **Next chapter will be the FINAL part of this arc. We will RETURN to the Current Timeline next. THANK YOU for your patience.**

 **Bit of a jarring chapter I know. Shinji's first death marks the end of his human journey, and the return of the Angels into the story. His human problems are still there, but now bigger and more fantastical elements are at play. I didn't want him to simply 'get powers', instead I wanted him to pay a price for them and he did. He is still paying that price in the Current Timeline.**

 **Lilith is very hard to write, she has Rei's soul inside her, her memories and more. But she's not human. She's an Angel that has learned what it means to be human through Rei and Shinji, by watching them. Rei is ultimately the reason why Lilith loved and helped Shinji, her husband in that sense.**

 **The return of Yui Ikari has been a long time coming. She's interesting to write about, and I think most people let her off way too easily. She abandoned Shinji twice. But now, they're together again. One last mission. We'll see more about them next. Remember where the Original Shinji is in the Current Timeline?  
**

 **Coming Soon: Chapter 29 'Unraveled'  
Thanks for Reading and please Review!** **  
**


	29. Unraveled

**Hey guys, I'm back.  
Long wait, I know. I had to move, took a summer job, life got in the way.**

 **This is the last chapter of the memory arc. A pivotal chapter in the story. Very long.**

 **WARNING: I suggest reading this chapter in multiple sittings.**

 **Please, use the 'Part' labels as bookmarks as needed. Maybe take a break around Part 3.  
Thank you all for your patience and understanding, i've had a lot of fun writing these chapters. Exploring the Other Timeline. But its over, time to get back to the Current Timeline.**

 **Chapter 29 - Unraveled.**

* * *

 **Part 1: Those Whom Sold The World**

 _The Current Timeline  
_ _7 years ago  
_ _Days before the contact experiment and the 'birth' of Eva Unit 01_

Yui Ikari strode into the dark meeting room with Gendo at her side.

Her husband walked anxiously with his hands held behind his back, head tilted slightly, and eyes glued to his feet. A stark contrast to the perfect and pristine Yui, warm and calm, in the face of their superiors.

"Chin up, dear. There's nothing to be nervous about" Yui whispered to Gendo.

"Yes dear" Gendo mumbled. The man took his place in the center of the meeting room.

A series of holograms surrounded the couple, 12 images of large stone monoliths, along with a series of screens hovering off the ground.

SEELE had arrived via their technology.

"Welcome, Mrs. Ikari. I take it things are progressing well" Keel said. The man's voice projected through the hologram of his monolith.

Gendo took a deep breath, gathering the proper words... only for Yui to speak up.

"Things are going quite well. I plan to oversee the contact experiment personally." Yui said sweetly, smiling up at the projected images before her.

Gendo stuttered, once again left speechless at his wife's boldness. She spoke with some of the most powerful men in the world, and without hesitation.

There was a murmur of voices across the projected images, SEELE speaking privately among themselves, before Keel answered.

"You plan to oversee the experiment personally? Is that wise?" Keel asked curiously. There was little to no concern in his voice, but rather a morbid suspicion underlined by his age.

She only smiled.

"Perfectly safe" Yui lied.

 _Gendo, it's your turn to talk_ she thought sweetly. Her eyes flickering to her husband even as Gendo watched the gathered SEELE holograms before them.

Gendo Ikari stepped forward, unseen eyes watched him intently, the quiet man flexed his hands uneasily.

 _Oh, poor Gendo. You really must learn to control your emotions, dear. You're an open book to them_ she thought. Her smile faltered.

"Yui has personally seen the project through, from beginning to end. She is the best possible candidate. She and Dr. Akagi have successfully cloned an Angel." Gendo said. He got straight to the matter, no warm pleasantries as Yui would have done.

The Evangelion Units, all of them, were clones of Adam and Lilith. Made possible by the DNA samples taken directly from the source, samples that SEELE had paid heavy prices for.

"I should think so. With the amount of time and money, we have put into your little project. We _expect_ nothing less. The delays have been disappointing, to say the least" another SEELE member said.

The voice projected out of the hologram. These men and their secrecy.

"All things take time, sir. We are working with powers far above us. Beyond advance, the Angels were nearly divine in our wake." Yui said simply, calmly, and with purpose. Assuring them that the wait was worth it.

SEELE liked Yui Ikari very much.

"The Evangelion programs are needed. Have you forgotten the Katsuragi Expedition? The Evas will work as planned." Gendo cut in.

"Ah yes, the doomed expedition. So much money wasted for a sample of 'him'. Adam and his wrath, remarkable if not terrifying the power he wielded that day" Keel said darkly.

Nearby, one of the screens hovering along the others holograms activated. A video playback of the last moments of the research team at the Katsuragi Expedition... the moment of Second Impact.

…

 _Footage of Adam's Wrath_

The footage showed the flat plane of ice in the Arctic. Researchers scrambling as they dug through the frozen layers of ice, tunneling, and tunneling deep into the ground, before colliding with something that broke their drills... the air seemed to still. The researchers froze open-mouthed, and the drill workers stumbled back as their machines broke.

BOOM

In a shower of ice and snow, an explosion from underneath them, a Giant of Light rose from its prison. The First Angel awoke after millennia of sleep, dragging its weakened and deformed body to its knees, rising slowly, it was the size of an Evangelion.

 **Adam.**

"The Angel is hostile! The Angel is hostile!" a researcher screamed into the camera. The man's face was pale and ghost white, fear and panic taking hold as Adam rose.

The First Angel stood atop his former prison, looming over the expedition site, and raised a hand bringing it down on the researcher. Adam swung his arm into the ice in a deep arc that cut through everything in its path. Drills, trucks, construction gear, staff, all of it was torn apart.

Yui watched unblinkingly. Watched the footage of the Giant of Light, of Adam, rising from his slumber. Gendo flinched at the sight of it, at the deaths of so many.

"Launching the artifact! Get away! Evacuate the base!" a voice was calling. Dr. Katsuragi himself, the father of Misato, yelled in the distance. Ordering his team before heading off to save his only child.

The footage showed Adam looming menacingly over the research base. The First Angel raised his hands high, head tilted up as if in prayer, and the air itself hissed. The ground shook, the temperature changed violently, hot then cold, ice steamed off the Arctic grounds. The sky itself darkened at Adam's call...

Then the artifact flew through the air, launched by the research team in their final moments. **The Spear of Longinus** seeming to come to life as it tore through the harsh winds and struck Adam.

The Spear pierced through Adam's chest and exited his back, an explosion of LCL like Angel blood fell below, and the First Angel roared.

Survivors stumbled to their knees at Adam's agonized roar. Their ears bled at the monster's voice, their skin burned, and shrill cold tears fell from their eyes. Those that remained ran as the First Angel roared. They fled in a desperate gambled that they knew would fail...

Adam was brought several feet into the air, the Spear of Longinus drove itself further into his body and pulled the Angel up with it. The artifact held the Angel's great power back even as Adam struggled for life.

The First Angel exploded leaving almost no traces of his body, as a massive wave of energy erupted in his wake. A blast that spread far beyond the base of panicked people stationed below... the air itself seemed to burn, the force of the blast moved faster than the sound of its boom.

SEELE's footage shrieked and hissed, frames deteriorating bit by bit, as Adam was defeated. Dr. Katsuragi and the team gave their lives in the process.

The blast didn't stop, it spread and spread up into the atmosphere where its effects would be felt across the entire planet. The power of the blast seeming to grow as Adam lost more and more mass in the explosion.

HISSSSS

The footage stopped. Too far gone to be of use. The video became a heap of static feedback followed by a blank screen.

…

"Second Impact..." Keel said at last.

SEELE murmured among themselves, unsure what to make of Adam and his wrath. Yui and Gendo stood amid them, watching their reactions as well as the footage.

 _Awake for less than 30 seconds... and Adam killed one-third of Earth's population. Two billion dead within a week_ Yui thought. She watched the footage without flinching even as Gendo looked away.

It had been their biggest risk, SEELE and the Ikari's putting the lives of billions at risk and gambling that they could stop Adam in time, but it had worked. Second Impact had been a sacrifice, another step in the road to the Human Instrumentality Project.

"You believe that Adam didn't just cause Second Impact... that he called his children as well" another SEELE member asked suddenly.

Yui beamed at the hologram, like teacher approving a good question, and spoke.

"Yes. What data we gathered suggests as such. A kind of 'signal' that our technology can barely understand. It does fit with the writings of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Adam and his children. Angels three through sixteen." Yui answered sharply.

"And the Spear? Is it truly lost?" Gendo asked stepping forward again.

"It disappeared. Lost in the blast... if Yui Ikari is correct, then we do not believe it is gone. Not destroyed, only lost" another SEELE member answered.

 _It will be found again. However long it takes, it will respond to an Eva pilot when the time comes._ Yui thought. Even now, SEELE was making plans to begin searching for the Spear once again.

"They, the other Angels, will come for their progenitor. They will come for Adam. They would revive him. For our plans to work, they cannot be allowed to do so. _We_ must control the process, not the Angels." Gendo added simply. He steadied himself beside his wife.

"For all his power, Adam will work for us. We have his remains, his 'soul' even. We've kept him frozen for now, better to contain him just in case. When the time comes, he will do our bidding. He and Lilith will commence the Human Instrumentality Project, on a day of _our_ choosing.

Until then... Adam's children are a problem. I expect the Evas to do their duty. We are placing a lot of trust in the two of you" Keel said through his hologram.

Yui bowed her head respectfully.

"I foresee no issues. The Human Instrumentality Project continues as scheduled" Yui lied. Gendo stood at her side, an assistant standing firm with his superior.

"The Human Instrumentality Project continues" the voices of SEELE boomed around them.

Then, one by one, the holograms began to disappear. The projected monoliths faded away into nothing, until only husband and wife remained.

…

"You lied to them" Gendo said once they were alone.

The lights turned back on, the meeting room was illuminated, and Yui tilted her head at her husband.

"Did I?" Yui asked with a raised eyebrow.

Gendo shifted uncomfortably. The tall older man seemed to shrink before his wife's gaze.

"It's not safe. Yui... don't do this. Let someone else. We don't know how the Evas work... not truly. They're artificial Angels. They don't have Angel Cores, they have Entry Plugs. We've never tried piloting. It should be someone else" Gendo said.

The man stepping forward to take Yui's hands. Pleading with her to stop this madness.

 _Oh, Gendo. You are far smarter than SEELE realizes. And oddly sweet, in your own way_ Yui thought.

"Everything will be fine. Don't worry, dear" Yui said, patting Gendo's hand with her own.

Before her husband could protest, Yui took his hand in hers and walked off with him outside the meeting room.

The two emerged onto their research base, generously provided by Keel himself, and walked along the underground tunnels. A wall of thick safety glass revealed an un-armored Eva Unit 01.

A clone of Lilith, Unit 01 sat with its skin nearly completed, exposed muscle visible in the sterile environment on the other side, and a network of tubes protruded from its back that provided life support to the ever-growing Evangelion.

The clone lay like a baby that would be born as an adult. Yui's greatest creation... the Eva.

Dr. Naoko Akagi, the mother of Ritsuko, was there. The woman stood on the other side of the safety glass, clipboard in hand, going over their calculations again.

 _Always the hard worker_ Yui thought. She tapped the safety glass as she and Gendo passed by.

Naoko looked up and nodded her goodbye to them. Her eyes lingered on Gendo as the two left.

…

 _Daycare_

"There's my Shinji" Yui said beaming.

She reached down taking the 7-year-old boy into her arms. Gendo signed the papers for their son's release.

The daycare was a little thing. A one-story building with few occupants, less than twenty kids. She often worried for her son. Shinji never got along with the other kids, even now he stood apart from the others, alone.

"Mom. Can we go home now? I don't like it here." Shinji mumbled softly. The boy spoke under his breath, avoiding the other kids.

 _So much like his father. He never plays with the other children. So alone. Ah, Shinji... I have such plans for you. You will be the key. Oh, my boy... you have a hard road ahead_ Yui thought.

"Of course. Come on, are you hungry? I'll make us some dinner" Yui said sweetly, pushing some thoughts aside.

It would be years before her son became an Eva pilot. Something Yui neglected to tell her husband, better that way. She knew how her husband could be... the man would not have approved.

"Thanks mom," Shinji said hugging Yui close.

* * *

 **Part 2: The First Angel**

 _The Other Timeline  
Memories of the Original Shinji Ikari  
_ _40 years after Third Impact_

Adam did not hide from them. Did not flee or cower in fear. The First Angel simply waited for them to come. He had hunted them for ten years, bringing about the end of mankind in the process, and at last they came to him.

The First Angel stood perched atop a mountain in the barren and frozen landscapes. The outskirts of what had once been a thriving mega city. All of it gone.

 _ **Do you feel him? The strength he wields…**_ Lilith whispered into Shinji's mind. The Second Angel perched atop the Eva's shoulders.

Shinji closed his eyes, reaching out with his Angel senses, and he found it. The mark of the First Angel, Adam did not hide.

 _I can… like looking into the heart of a dying star_ Shinji thought. His hands shook at the sensation. The sheer power that radiated off Adam.

Eva Unit 01 gripped the Spear of Longinus tighter.

Yui stirred uncomfortably from within the confides of the Eva. She shuddered from within the Other Place where her soul had a physical form.

"Mother, calm down. You're lowering our sync rate" Shinji said softly.

…

Yui tilted her head at that, nodding slowly.

For 40 years she had avoided this, avoided the possibility of Adam or Lilith returning. The chance that both of them could come back from Third Impact, and now here she was. Face to face with the two most powerful Angels to ever exist. Fighting alongside one to kill the other.

…

Above them, the First Angel glared down at them. The Giant of Light stood completely healed now.

He raised his hands high into the air, as if in prayer, then clenched his fists… and the air hissed. The wind roared as it materialized into the atmosphere.

The ground frosted over, particles in the air froze, and layers of snow and ice began to take hold over Unit 01's plate armor. Adam could change the weather at will, could bend the climate in any way he wished, and it was by far the scariest thing any Angel had ever done.

It was what had killed mankind in the end.

…

"Use the Spear. Use it now" Yui pleaded. Her skin crawled even from within the relative safety of her Eva body.

…

 _ **No. It's what Adam wants. If you throw the Spear he will drive it off… do not throw**_ Lilith said. The hurricane winds grew stronger even as she spoke.

Eva Unit 01 stood still and uneasy, Spear of Longinus held up defensively, as the world around them was enveloped in darkness.

The Sun hid its face from them, the winds ripping past them so fast that the Eva could barely see. The light vanished from their eyes, slowly, bit by bit, and in seconds the world had been cast in darkness and the cold.

A blizzard of biblical proportions. Adam took their visibility away from them.

…

"Shinji. Throw the Spear" Yui called pleadingly.

Horrible images flashed by in her mind's eye, memories of the Second Impact. Yui could remember images of the two billion dead, of the wrath of the First Angel. And that had been a wide attack on mankind, 'this' was focused on only the three of them.

…

From within the Entry Plug of Eva Unit 01, Shinji narrowed his eyes. He listened carefully to the two women before holding his ground.

"Adam isn't there anymore." Shinji said slowly. He considered things, what would he do if he was their foe?

True enough, the Giant of Light was missing. The lone figure was no longer perched above them.

Adam wasn't foolish. He knew that Shinji held the Spear of Longinus, the weapon designed to kill Angels, built by their creators.

Lilith rose from the Eva's shoulder. She flew up into the air and spread her dark featherless wings, a shadowy figure in the blizzard around them. Then, in an explosion of light… Lilith's small frame disappeared, no longer the spitting image of a 26-year-old Rei.

No longer human-sized, no longer the enigmatic Woman in the Dark. Lilith's true form was revealed… another Giant. Similar to Adam, but thinner, smaller, and radiating shadows that danced off her body.

A polar opposite to the First Angel. A Giant in the Dark.

…

"Fascinating" Yui murmured to herself. She watched Lilith peel back the form she had taken for years now, showing her true features at long last.

The Second Angel.

…

Lilith stood beside Unit 01, the two titans holding their ground, and spread her dark wings.

They held their vigil alone in the blizzard, unable to see anything a few feet from them, the sun itself robbed from them. Surrounded by darkness and ice.

"Mother! Get ready something's coming!" Shinji called out harshly. His Angel senses went haywire as he suddenly felt a cold shiver running down his spine. A kind of 'radar' for Angels.

Shinji brandished the Spear of Longinus just as a third figure materialized amid the blizzard with them, another Giant rushing after them.

Lilith flickered and she moved at incredible speeds.

The Second Angel caught the intruder by the throat, yanking the creature up and throwing it to Shinji and Unit 01.

Shinji stabbed the monster with the Spear. He lifted the red metal up and pierced the Giant through the torso, lifting the 'thing' up into what little light was visible in the blizzard.

"That's not Adam" Shinji said slowly, in disbelief… as a strange white Evangelion glared back down at him.

The White Eva had no eyes, only a long wide mouth with razor sharp teeth, and it hissed as Shinji held it up impaled by the Spear.

 _It's a Mass Production Eva… SEELE's weapon against Nerv. How? That's impossible! Asuka fought them and they died after the Impact_ Shinji thought gravely.

The ghostly MP Eva struggled, reaching deformed hands down, trying to grapple with Shinji and Yui. The creature seemingly confused as to why it was not healing, why it had been wounded so easily, a flicker of fear visible in its frantic movements.

It lay dying impaled on the Spear, the one weapon that negated Angel and Eva powers, that could destroy AT Fields and even stop an Angel's regenerative powers.

 _ **Adam. He resurrected them. He cannot create more Angels, and so he did the next best thing for this fight**_ Lilith whispered into their minds.

"These things were a nightmare the first time" Shinji said sternly. Wielding the Spear again, he brought the MP Eva down to the ground with a heavy thud, before stomping on the monster's faceplate with such force that its head was crushed.

CRUNCH.

The MP Eva died for the second time.

 _That was for you, Asuka. I got them back._ he thought bitterly.

Shinji pulled the Spear free, mesmerized by the strange blood leaking out from the ghost white Eva. Adam's blood… the First Angel had put pieces of himself into the corpses of the MP Evas, bringing them back and putting them under his control.

 _How many did Adam bring back?_ Shinji and Yui thought darkly. It reminded them of years ago, when Shinji had been 14-years old and piloting. When the two of them had faced the strange Angels, Adam's Children, head on.

They were not happy memories.

BOOM

Light flashed and thunder roared out, the bolt moving faster than the speed of sound, as Lilith was struck by lightning.

Shinji snapped his attention back to her, Spear of Longinus at the ready, as Lilith stumbled back. Smoke steamed off her pale white skin as she recovered from the burns.

"AT Field" Yui called to her son. Shinji nodded, raising his Eva's free hand up. With a low roar, the shield erupted into existence. A brilliant collage of colors formed around Unit 01, moments before lightning struck them.

Shinji grunted as the lightning shook his shield. Lightning inside a blizzard? What madness was that?

Lilith flickered in and out of existence, moving so fast he could barely keep up, lightning striking around both of them but never scoring another hit. Adam tested their defenses.

"Shinji, we can't stay here." Yui said, calling to him from inside the Eva.

"I know… Adam won't come. He knows we have the Spear" Shinji said bitterly. He was worried for Lilith's safety whilst he stood protected by his AT Field.

The Second Angel flickered into existence beside him and raised an AT Field of her own. Eva Unit 01 and Lilith stood back to back, covering each other with their AT Fields. The two Shields hummed within the blizzard.

"Your plan was to try and draw Adam out? To take him out fast with the Spear?" Yui called from inside the Eva. Her soul shifted uncomfortably as the three of them stood freezing amid Adam's winter.

"No plan survives first contact with the enemy" Shinji muttered to himself. Something Kay had once mentioned to him, an old military saying.

 _ **Beloved, we cannot stay here.**_ Lilith called to him.

The Blizzard roared harshly around them. Layers of ice emerged on the Eva's plate armor, the Spear of Longinus held surprisingly resistant to the cold.

Something came rushing past them, another silhouette in the dark, slamming into Shinji's AT Field with a heavy thud.

"Ah" Shinji grunted, holding his ground as Yui did the same. Unit 01 stumbled but did not fall as the MP Eva ran off into the dark.

Lilith did the same. The Second Angel held off another MP Eva that came rushing past them and slammed into her AT Field before the creature ran off into the darkness again. Adam's servants seemed to be plotting 'hit and run' attacks from within the blizzard surrounding them.

Shinji closed his eyes, reaching out with his Angel senses, and found them... Adam and the MP Evas. Three resurrected monsters, and the First Angel trapping them within the blizzard.

"There's three of them. The MP Evas." Shinji called opening his eyes again. He had found the 'mental presence' of the resurrected Evas. They were like zombies, mere thralls with little thought of their own. Adam commanded, and his puppets followed.

…

 _ **Then we fly.**_ Lilith said.

The Second Angel lowered her AT Field, spread her dark wings, and flew off high into the air. She slipped past the freezing air and the monsters hiding within.

"Mom, you know what to do" Shinji said reaching into himself, bringing forth his Angel powers to better control the Eva.

Wings of Light materialized on Unit 01's back, Yui's secret power kept hidden until Third Impact when she had flown the Eva into the atmosphere.

 _Sync ratio 170%_ Shinji observed, glancing at his old display.

Together, Yui and Shinji dropped the AT Field and flew into the air after Lilith. The Spear of Longinus clutched tightly in hand as they left the darkness behind.

Lilith and Eva Unit 01 hovered above the blizzard, watching the scene below in a mixture of awe and terror. A massive white cyclone of snow and ice covered the barren landscape below.

WHOOSH

A brilliantly bright beam came rushing through the blizzard below, tearing through the wind and leaving singed air in its wake... striking Lilith head on. An energy blast that had scored a direct hit.

The Second Angel stumbled back with a cry and fell through the air.

"Lilith!" Shinji called out sternly, his old voice harsh and rough even now.

Eva Unit 01 caught Lilith by the arm. Shinji and Yui held the Second Angel up. The two of them steadying themselves carefully thousands of feet up in the air.

 _ **No, beloved look out!**_ Lilith called out.

Then Shinji was shot... Eva Unit 01 stumbling back as they were hit by the same beam that had struck Lilith.

 **Adam** rose from the blizzard below. The Giant of Light soared up with wings of his own, the resurrected MP Evas drifting behind him. The Angel's brilliantly bright eyes steamed from the energy discharged.

As the First Angel rose, the cold went with him, wild harsh wind rising alongside the Giant of Light. Particles in the air froze over. The ghost white MP Evas flashed their deadly teeth as they hovered beside their new master.

Shinji grunted, his chest burned him via the Eva's phantom sensations, and he fought to regain control. Unit 01 stretched its Wings of Light and steadied to a slow hover mid-air.

Lilith hovered beside him, the Giant in the Dark watching warily as their foes came to them.

Unit 01 lifted the Spear of Longinus up, a warning message to Adam. 'Come and face me', Shinji welcomed the First Angel in an open fight.

Adam did not respond.

Instead, the MP Evas flew through the air. Ghostly white monstrosities, eyeless, with wide mouths filled with razor-sharp teeth. Beastly Angels they were.

 _Bastard. He won't come... not so long as I hold the Spear_ Shinji thought grimly.

"He remembers, Shinji. Adam knows what stopped him the first time." Yui called to him from the Eva.

"Lilith. We need a new plan" Shinji called, his Angel senses reached out for his companion.

 _ **Beloved... I will draw Adam away. Destroy the MP Evas and then find me**_ Lilith called to him.

"What? No, Lilith, you told me that he was stronger than you-" Shinji began, only for Lilith to ignore him.

The Second Angel flickered in and out of existence as she moved at tremendous speeds.

BOOM

Adam fired a shot, a beam of pure energy that came rushing out of his eyes, directly at Unit 01. Shinji recognized it, Adam was using the energy beam that Zeruel had used.

Unit 01 raised a hand, and an AT Field erupting into existence... then Shinji felt the force of a moving truck collide into him.

CLANG

The AT Field shattered... destroyed with a single shot as Adam came for them. Eva Unit 01 was sent reeling back, Shinji and Yui barely managed to hold the Spear at all.

" **Fight me. Not him"** Lilith called to Adam.

The Giant of Light tilted his head at her.

The MP Evas flew off for Unit 01, leaving the two 'pure' Angels to face off.

Another energy blast flew through the air, the purple beam of light that singed the wind itself, striking out moments before Lilith span mid-free fall. Lilith dodged the attack even as she made for Adam.

" **It is our fate. To meet this way. Again and again. Today it ends... brother** " Lilith spoke to Adam. The sorrow of untold millennia in her voice.

The two Giants stared each other down. Raw power radiated off the both of them. As if the stars themselves were racing for a battle.

Shinji cursed and made to fly after them, willing the Eva's Wings of Light to move. But Yui stopped him, his mother resisting him as his sync ratio fell...

 _Mother! Let me go!_ Shinji thought bitterly.

"No. Adam is too strong. You have to-" Yui began.

SCREETCH

The MP Evas roared, and the ghostly white creatures flew through the sky for Unit 01.

"You're going to pay for what you did to Asuka-" Shinji began, glaring at the monsters coming for him.

 **When suddenly, Adam tilted his head reaching a hand out palm up, as something 'unseen' shot forth. A pulse of raw mental energy, a probe, that struck Eva Unit 01.**

Shinji froze... unable to move from inside the entry plug of the Eva. And the world was undone before his eyes.

He was both inside the Eva, and somewhere else at the same time, his mind went haywire as he felt Adam's mental strike reaching deep into his memories.

"Ahh!" Shinji grunted, nearly screaming, as he closed his eyes tight. His mind was bleeding, Adam reaching inside and tugging harshly on his deepest most traumatic memories.

Just like Asuka. Arael, the Fifteenth Angel, had done something similar to the German girl when they were all 14 and piloting. Asuka had tried to engage the Angel, and had been hit by a mental attack so powerful that it had nearly broken her. The nightmare had ripped into her mind, forcing her to relieve the worst moments in her life, forced her to face the most traumatic memories she had buried long ago.

Now... it was Shinji's turn. Adam attacked his mind.

"Shinji! Shinji! We need to run-" Yui was calling. Eva Unit 01 struggled to move as its pilot was left wounded and dazed with the MP Evas fast approaching.

But Shinji could barley hear his mother, he was screaming silently, having fallen from his seat he knelt with his head in his hands. He tugged on his feral unwashed hair so hard that he thought he would rip it from his scalp.

"WHY DO YOU CRY, SHINJI IKARI. THIS IS THE WORLD YOU CHOSE. EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED WAS BECAUSE OF YOU. I LIVE BECAUSE YOU FAILED. ALL THE BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS... DROWN IN IT **" - Adam to Shinji.**

The language of the Angels was not a vocal one, but mental. And Adam's voice was like an explosion of a star being born, a point-blank blast into Shinji's mind. Loud and booming, it made Shinji's ears bleed.

Adam's MP Evas crashed into Unit 01 mid-air, and Yui was left struggling to hold them together. The white Evas bit and clawed into the massive machine. **Eva Unit 01 dropped the Spear of Longinus** , and the MP Evas yanked the Evangelion from the sky.

Shinji and Yui stood at the mercy of the MP Evas, the three crashed down to the ground with a heavy thud... the Spear landing elsewhere. They had lost the only thing that could stop Adam.

…

The First Angel smirked, moments before Lilith slammed into him.

" **LEAVE HIM ALONE. Your fight is with me. Not him, me!** " Lilith screamed, like the shriek of a banshee.

The Second Angel drove her hands across Adam's face, tearing into his eyes, Angel blood wept free as Adam lost his eyes.

Adam had crippled Shinji and Unit 01, but it had left the First Angel open to attack. An opening that Lilith had seized on, Adam was paying the price for his mental attack on Shinji.

 _ **Husband! Fight him! It is only your mind! Fight him!**_ Lilith called to the old man in the fallen Eva. Her mind reached out to him pleadingly and found no answer.

Adam roared, Lilith's fingers digging deep into his eyes, and the two Giants span through the air. The First and Second Angels thrashed each other in a whirlwind of movements, like two gods in the ancient painting of man.

" **Let him go!** " Lilith cried, fighting her 'brother' with all her might.

Lilith sank her fingers deeper into Adam's eyes, the Angel blood dripped down into the palm of her hands.

In response, the First Angel yanked the Second free of him, now blinded, Adam reached a hand around her throat.

Adam squeezed, and Lilith choked.

The Second Angel brought a hand to the First's face, and an unseen force struck him. Adam was forced back, yet never lost his grip on Lilith.

…

 _Back with Eva Unit 01._

The Evangelion landed with an explosion of upturned gravel, barren wastelands that were broken by the massive creatures crashing down upon it.

The MP Evas bit and clawed their way _inside_ the Eva, cutting around and through the old plate armor. Unit 01 struggled to even move under their weight, razor-sharp teeth bit down on the Evangelion and drew blood.

"Shinji! Shinji! You have to get up!" Yui was shouting to him.

Yui Ikari took control of the Eva, struggling against the attackers that surrounded them in a pit of violence, but the Eva was pinned and vulnerable.

 _ **Husband! Fight him! It is only your mind! Fight him!**_ Lilith's voice called to him. She called to him amid the torture and agony that he was his head.

Shinji lay screaming silently inside the entry plug. His head was killing him, the worst moments of life ripping at him. Adam's mind reached inside his 'mortal' head and tore at Shinji from the inside.

* * *

Nightmares:

Misato was sending him up to his Eva the day the world ended, bleeding from an unseen bullet wound... a middle-aged Asuka lay in the field where she'd been shot... Akane... Mari... the image of so many dead glared down at Shinji.

"Not real... not real..." Shinji hissed. So many ghosts that haunted him, coming to life within his mind's eye. Taunting him. Hating him. Attacking him.

"You let me die..." the voice of a once loving daughter, distant and cold.

 _I'm sorry... I tried-_

"You left me. You just walked away" Mari's voice called to him. Her eyes were hollow and dead, a mother who had lost her son and her lover. Abandoned and later killed at Haven.

"I never wanted to hurt you!" Shinji shouted back. He foamed at the mouth, clutching his chest, unable to stand at the sheer weight of it all.

"Goodbye" the memory of his mother, Yui Ikari, leaving him behind. He saw the memory playing in the back of his mind, his mother taking the Eva with her as she left Earth. Left a 14-year-old Shinji alone...

Shinji screamed again.

A figure emerged over him.

The haunting image of his father loomed above him. Gendo looked down at him with cold mocking eyes, taunting him from behind the grave. A reminder of everything that had happened.

The gathered dead, ghosts from his past, summoned by Adam to terrorize Shinji, trampled the old man. The specters formed a pit of agony around the broken Shinji, and his knees buckled under their weight.

He could barely breathe. Shinji lay suffocating under the phantoms that haunted him. The pain dog piled over him. He lay lost in a hell of his own mind, an attack that cut deeper than anything physical.

* * *

 **In a span of minutes, Adam had shown that he could use the powers of his children, the other Angels. Had resurrected the MP Evas to serve him, had divided Lilith and Eva Unit 01, had stripped them of the Spear of Longinus, and had crippled Shinji.**

 **Adam, the most powerful Angel.**

…

Eva Unit 01 punched outward, slamming a fist into the MP Eva clawing its way past the plate armor. Yui Ikari did her best to hold off the _three_ monsters that had pinned them down.

Her son was useless to her now. Unable to even stand against Adam's might, the mental torture that had nearly killed Asuka a lifetime ago.

"Pain is a part of life. If you never learn to move past it, you will never accomplish anything" Shinji hissed to himself. The words came slowly, each emerging from his clenched teeth alongside a haggard pant.

The memory of Asuka and her words flashed by his mind. During the 135 days he had spent with her, the two of them, a pair of teenagers in an empty broken world, she had told him as such. It was a lesson that had never faded.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Shinji planted his hands on the floor of the entry plug. Unit 01 shook as the MP Evas clawed and bit at them, leaving them unsteady.

The images wouldn't fade, the faces that haunted him. Adam ripped his tore at him from the inside, using Shinji's own memories and guilt against him.

"I know... I know that I failed. I know what I am" Shinji said gravely, pushing past the agony no how much Adam pulled.

That was the key, Shinji knew what he was. He knew _whom_ he was. He accepted it and let himself breathe in the agony, the truth hurt but it was nothing to shy away from.

Shinji rose with his hands raised, head tilted up as if in prayer, and reached out with his Angel powers... finding Adam.

…

The First Angel fought furiously with the Second.

Adam and Lilith crash-landed on the wastelands below. Lilith faster, but Adam stronger. Both of them constantly healing themselves, regenerating, but it wasn't enough. Adam was too strong.

The earth shook as their fists met. An explosion of force erupted out as Lilith stumbled and Adam stood his ground, eyes bleeding, Lilith cried out as her arm was broken.

SNAP

All the while, Adam never once dropped his mental attack on Shinji or his control of the MP Evas. The First Angel fought all _three_ of them, Lilith, Shinji, and Unit 01 at the same time.

...

Far away, Shinji stood his ground within the Entry Plug.

"Stay out of my head" Shinji hissed. He reached out with his own broken and bleeding mind, using the bond all Angels shared, to meet Adam's mental attack with one of his own.

Distantly, Adam laughed.

Shinji's mind reached out to the mental probe that ripped and tore at him, plaguing him with the worst experiences of his life played on repeat.

His body felt like it weighed a million tons, his ears were bleeding, his muscles ached, and _they_ just wouldn't stop. The haunting faces of everyone who had died, surrounding him in the entry plug, blaming him, cursing his name.

"You let us die!" they called. Misato, Ritsuko, Kaji, Asuka, Rei, his children, Mari, and countless others.

"Stay the hell out of my head!" Shinji roared, and he broke the mental probe in his head. The man had pushed the probe out and ripped it apart. Shinji overpowered Adam's mental attack with sheer willpower.

…

Adam flinched at the process.

The First Angel stumbled back at the ache within its head. What?! That should not be possible! A human, a Lilin, fighting back?! Pushing him out?! No mere man could overpower the mind of an Angel... yet **one** had.

 _This 'Shinji Ikari' is an abomination. One that needs to be dealt with._ Adam thought.

Lilith took the opening to attack, lunching forward as Adam recovered, striking the Giant of Light on his torso. She cut deep into Adam's chest whilst the First Angel roared in pain.

…

Shinji breathed and the images vanished, the ghosts that haunted him gone, banished. He found himself free of Adam's mental torture.

"I'm back. Mom! I have a plan!" Shinji shouted. He took his place in the entry plug again, piloting once more even as the monsters above raged against them.

…

Three ghost white MP Evas pinned Unit 01. They held the massive machine down by its limbs, the MP Evas tearing pieces of plate armor off and biting at the flesh underneath.

Yui screamed as these monsters _ate_ pieces of her new body.

The phantom sensations of the Eva brought the pain to Shinji too. He could feel the monstrous Evas ripping into 01 as if they were ripping into his own skin. He could feel the teeth digging deeper and deeper into his arms and stomach. Could feel the weight of three bodies atop his own, the clawing at his chest, the cracks along his skin were he was 'bleeding'.

 _Not my wounds. The Eva's_ Shinji thought, grunting slightly.

Shinji raised the Eva's fist. He punched one of the monsters across the jaw.

The MP Eva snarled at him, sickening saliva flying everywhere before the monster gagged as Shinji brought Unit 01's hand into the monster's mouth.

"What are you doing?!" Yui cried to him. Fear and pain creeping into her voice, struggling with the 'pit' of monsters atop Unit 01.

The MP Eva closed its mouth around Unit 01's hand. It snarled at him, razor-sharp teeth digging deep into the Eva's wrist.

"This" Shinji whispered.

An AT Field erupted into existence, appearing from Unit 01's open palm. The brilliant multicolored lights formed a solid shield... one that materialized from _inside_ the MP Eva's mouth.

With a sickening sizzle of burnt air, a splatter of LCL like blood, the MP Eva's mouth came undone. The monster's head slid apart, as if sliced diagonally across, Shinji's AT Field having decapitated the monster from the inside.

The MP Eva slumped over, half its face missing, the ghostly white monster twitched and jerked as its body fell with a heavy thud.

BANG

Shinji brought the Eva's hand across his torso, slamming the edge of his AT Field into the head of another MP Eva, using the shield as a battering ram to 'shove' the monsters off of his Eva.

With a quiet shout, Shinji brought the AT Field down upon the third monster pinning him down. The blow sent the creature stumbling back.

"You did it" Yui said, panting heavily as she recovered.

Shinji and Unit 01 rose.

CLANG

An MP Eva, having recovered from Shinji's 'battering ram', tackled 01 from behind, the collision of metal echoing through the wastelands.

With an abominable shriek, the MP Eva locked its teeth around 01's neck. Trying to bite and tear its way into the Entry Plug. The AT Field started falling apart... fading in the wake of the attack.

Shinji glanced behind him and was met with the sight of the bay doors tearing, followed by the screech of structural damage. The sound of metal being crushed rang in his ears as the MP Eva brought its teeth closer and closer to his seat. Death came for him inside the cockpit. The Entry Plug itself in danger of being ripped out and _swallowed_.

01 brought its hands back to throttle the MP Eva biting the back of its neck, Shinji and Yui grabbed the monster by its throat and yanked hard.

With one monster free, another tackled them.

Unit 01 stumbled back as _two_ of the MP Evas were on them. Two pairs of razor-sharp teeth bit down, piercing deep into the plate armor, and brought the Evangelion to its knees. Claws scratched at 01's chest, the shrill screams of metal being scraped, and still, Shinji did not fall.

Shinji and his Eva stood their ground from a kneeling position, holding their vigil and refusing to be brought down even as the would-be Angels raged against them.

 _Just like Asuka... these things were tough as hell_ Shinji thought bitterly. He remembered his 'sister' and Unit 02 struggling against SEELE's abominations before her original death, remembered how Asuka had been nearly overpowered multiple times, yet the German girl had never yielded. She had fought to her last breath on the day of the Impact...

"Ahhh!" Shinji yelled, his muscles ached as he pushed them against their will, Unit 01 responded in kind. The Evangelion Unit lifted the two MP Evas, the monsters clinging to the plate armor, teeth embedded deep, only for Shinji to throw them off!

He yanked the monsters and their fangs from 'his' body and tossed them aside.

THUD

THUD

The MP Evas crashed into the ground with enough force to level stone, the roar of the impact echoed throughout the land. Eva Unit 01 stood tall once again, and with it, Shinji Ikari.

Yui Ikari marveled at it. At the sheer _will_ her son displayed. Pushing past the phantom sensations of the Eva, pushing past the aches in his muscles, the cracks along his bone, pushing past it all. The man was driven to an inhuman degree.

Shinji ignored the injuries around his Eva's chest and shoulders, turning instead to the MP Eva he'd nearly beheaded with his AT Field.

The monster was recovering, healing itself slowly. Strange flesh twisting and turning, reaching out and coiling around itself as it expanded, slowly re-stitching itself back together piece by piece. The monsters were incredibly hard to kill. They healed.

Shinji rushed to the healing MP Eva, he had to be fast. The nearly headless ghost white Eva twitched as it tried to stand, aware of its foe coming forward, and Shinji raised an AT Field for the second time.

BASH

Shinji brought the AT Field down on the recovering MP Eva's neck, using the Shield to slice through the monster's flesh. Shinji brought the AT Field into the monster's flesh again and again... cutting his way through its torso.

"What are you-" Yui began.

"S2 Engine. No power, no healing." Shinji answered sharply.

Unit 01 dug a hand _inside_ the headless MP Eva, Shinji reaching past the monster's internal organs for the only thing that mattered. The S2 Engine, the nearly limitless source of power that fueled the creature.

With a sickening splatter of white blood, Shinji pulled the S2 Engine from the monster's chest, literally yanking it out in a rush of steam and discharged energy.

Yui flinched at the burning in the Eva's hand, but Shinji barely noticed it. The headless monster slumped to the ground, powerless and unable to heal, 'dead' for all intents and purposes.

01 dropped the S2 engine to the ground, letting the steam brush off its hand.

 _One down, two to go_ Shinji thought. His eyes were wild and wary, on the lookout and never once did he lower his guard.

"We need the Spear. Mom, fly me up and I'll find it" Shinji said, his voice harsh and raw. Quiet yet forceful, a fierceness that she didn't know he had. He wasn't the little boy that Yui remembered him to be.

Wings of Light emerged from Unit 01's back, and Yui did her part. Evangelion Unit 01 rose into the air. It soared higher and higher, whilst the two surviving MP Evas recovered.

The Ghost white monstrosities rose from their wounds like undead nightmares, foul creatures that resisted death at every turn, and together they came for Shinji and Yui.

Shinji reached out with his Angel senses, ignoring Yui's panic at the remaining MP Evas, he would deal with Adam's servants soon enough. He reached out... feeling for the Spear of Longinus.

The Spear was almost alive, it responded to Shinji once again. All these years and his connection to it had never been cut. The strange metallic red staff stirred...

"You found it" Yui said in disbelief.

Shinji opened his eyes, reaching for his controls in the Entry Plug, and sent 01 flying up into the air at full speed. Their wings of light appeared as jagged lines, streaks of light, as he did so.

"They're coming for us" Yui called to her son, glancing down with the Eva's eyes to see the MP Evas flying up after them. Like something out of a nightmare, white dragons coming for a lone knight.

Shinji brought the Eva's hand out, stretching out with his Angel senses.

And the Spear of Longinus flew through the air. The weapon emerged from where it had fallen, screaming up at them as it came to the one who had called. The Spear zipped past the MP Evas... and straight into Unit 01's hand.

 _Now!_ Shinji thought.

Eva Unit 01 span mid-air, dive bombing the MP Evas with the Spear of Longinus in hand.

Shinji and his Eva went into free fall, rushing down below whilst the MP Evas flew up to him. The three came to a brawl in mid-air, Unit 01 fell upon them.

Before the monsters could scream, Shinji brought the blade of the Spear, the very tip of the red alien metal, down on them.

Shinji decapitated one through the chest, and the other he beheaded, all in a flurry of movement. Not graceful, not elegant, but raw pain and will pushing him forward. The fury of a once kind man.

The resurrected MP Evas, Adam's servants in this final battle, died not with a roar but with a whimper. The Spear of Longinus canceled out the Angel's healing process, cutting their very 'souls' apart and putting an end to them once and for all.

"That was for Asuka." Shinji whispered. The memories of his 'sister' bleeding out, bruised and bloodied, from her fight with the monsters so long ago, fresh in his mind. The damage to Asuka's legs that had persisted even after she'd been brought back from Third Impact.

Unit 01 swerved moments before they would have crash-landed into the ground, breaking the dive bomb now that the MP Evas were dead. Yui panted at the sensation, staring at her son yet again. At what he was becoming.

At what _ten_ years of training with Lilith had done.

* * *

Shinji flew the Eva through the air, searching for Lilith and Adam. He reached out with his Angel senses, looking for the two oldest Angels in existence.

They were not hard to find.

It was like something nightmares trembled from. A ghastly taint upon the earth itself, it was unreal, not just barren and lifeless, but completely dead and faded. A patch of land far far away, a streak of burnt ground and collapsed trees, buildings, and even mountains that had been torn apart... all of it leading to a single stretch of flattened earth.

Two God-like beings battled, like ancient painting depicting the myths of old, a Giant of Light vs a Giant in the Dark. Adam vs Lilith... and Lilith was losing.

The First Angel loomed over the Second, two AT Blades extending from his fists. A unique power that only Adam seemed to have, the First Angel brought both blades down upon a massive AT Field created by Lilith.

Lilith was missing an arm... Adam had lost an eye. Both were healing, both extraordinary hard to kill. Yet slowly, ever so slowly, Adam was winning. The First of his kind was more powerful than his 'sister'.

"Lilith! I'm coming!" Shinji shouted, his voice hoarse and raw as if she could hear him. But Yui did, his mother trembled from within the Other Place, she cowered at the sight of the First and Second Angels.

Unit 01 shot through the sky like a bullet. Shinji and his Eva broke the sound barrier, a sonic boom erupted in their wake.

 _Hold on Lilith. Just hold on._ Shinji thought.

Lilith's shield broke, the Giant in the Dark fell to her knees from the force of the blow. Adam raised a single AT Blade for a beheading strike...

Shinji raised the Spear of Longinus. The red metal seemed to vibrate in anticipation, almost alive it longed for its target. The Spear had been forged to stop Angels by the ones who created them.

 _ **Do not throw. If we lose the Spear we lose the war**_ Lilith's words echoed in Shinji's mind.

Eva Unit 01 came slamming down atop the Adam, Spear of Longinus aimed straight for the God-like being's back. Shinji gritted his teeth, aiming for a stab through the back of the heart.

 **It failed.**

Moving at a speed that rivaled Lilith's, Adam turned mid-strike, and the First Angel brought an AT Blade to Unit 01's shoulder. Adam's other hand _caught_ the Spear of Longinus by the shaft, by the long cylindrical metal between the hilt and the blade.

CLANG

The force of the blow met its match, a collision of g-forces that caused violent redirection.

Shinji buckled, the wind was knocked out of him and his ribs cracked from the blowback. Yui groaned as 01 slammed into Adam at a speed that had broken the sound barrier, yet Adam did not falter.

The Giant of Light did not even stumble. Adam took their assault point blank and tanked it. The Spear lay held between them both. The tip of the blade was inches from Adam's heart.

"Gah! Screw you!" Shinji shouted through blood stained teeth.

He shrugged off his wounds and fought to push the Spear forward. _So close, so close!_ Shinji thought enraged.

Adam held them back. A single fist enclosed around the Spear's shaft alongside Unit 01's.

There was a burning sensation in his shoulder, Adam's AT Blade cut deeper and deeper into Unit 01's shoulder. The Spear formed an awkward brace that kept Adam from cutting 01's arm off completely.

Adam smirked coldly at him, mocking him as he failed.

Lilith came forward, wounded and weary, flickering with her speed as she came for Adam... only to gasp as the First Angel dropped his AT Blade and caught the Second Angel by the throat.

Shinji hissed as the burning in his shoulder vanished, replaced by a cold sting, and 01's shoulder bled out. Long and deep gashes emerged along the Eva's arm where it had been hit.

...

"He's too strong... we're going to die here" Yui mumbled to herself. Pure, unadulterated, _fear_ caught in her throat. An emotion she had not felt in over 40 years. The scientist shook from inside the Other Place, from inside the Eva.

Frantically, she tried to help Shinji. She put everything she had to help Shinji push the Spear forward, and they failed again.

Adam was stronger than them.

...

The First Angel stood, one hand around Lilith's throat, the other holding the Spear of Longinus back.

Wings of Light emerged on Adam's back, and the Angel rose into the sky bringing both 01 and Lilith with him as they struggled to fight. Unit 01 and Lilith held captive in the Giant's grip.

 _Ah! Can't let go of the Spear... can't... it's our only chance._ Shinji thought.

"He'll kill us even with the Spear..." Yui whispered, panic overtaking her even as she spoke.

Adam's eyes, bloodied and battered, lit up and a blast of raw energy shot out. Adam used the power of Zeruel once again.

BOOM

Lilith was hit at point-blank range, unable to move, unable to escape Adam's hand around her throat.

 _ **Ahhhhhhh**_ Lilith screamed, her skin was burning, her bones were cracking, and in Shinji's mind, he could hear the remains of Rei inside. The piece of his wife that was buried deep in the collective consciousness that was Lilith screamed... and something in Shinji just snapped.

Gritting his teeth, Shinji let go of the Spear of Longinus... releasing the only weapon that could stop Adam, and brought Unit 01's hands to Adam's chest.

Two AT Field erupted from 01's open palms, _two_ AT Fields materialized and struck the First Angel across the chest as they formed. Just like Shinji had done with the MP Evas. The attack shoved Adam back and the Angel grunted more surprised than anything, even as the Spear fell for the second time.

Shinji's trick did not work completely on Adam, the AT Fields could not cut his nigh-invulnerable skin, all they could do was hit him with brute force. That was what they had to work with, brute force, and Shinji had an idea.

"Mom! Now! Everything we have! The Beast! We need the Beast!" Shinji shouted.

He brought 01's head slamming across Adam's, headbutting the First Angel. He brought his raised fists down atop Adam, again and again, in mid-air, the First Angel hissed and was forced to release Lilith.

Every punch hurt, the phantom sensations made every strike feel like he was punching a solid chunk of diamond. Like his knuckles and fingers were breaking every time they met Adam's face.

Yui relented, letting everything out all at once. Sync ratio at 400%.

Eva Unit 01 opened its mouth and roared. **Berserk mode** , Shinji no longer had control of Unit 01 as Yui's used the Evangelion's full power. Everything it had.

...

Lilith fell through the air, landing with a heavy thud. Smoke trailing off her body, she watched weakly as Shinji and Yui faced Adam alone.

...

Berserk Unit 01 drew blood from Adam. The Beastly Evangelion raked its claws against the Giant's throat, bringing its fists down upon the Angel with such force that Adam shook in its wake.

 **HRRRRRRRRRRRR**! The Eva roared.

Eva Unit 01 opened its mouth and snarled with an inhuman rage. A feral savage breath that rang harshly in the air. Its muscles bulged as they increased in mass. The plate armor shifted as the Eva grew stronger. The AT energy pulsed around its hands, adding to its power, as Yui brought out everything she could muster.

The Beastly Eva's eyes, strange monstrous things, were wide open and glaring at the First Angel.

More Beast than machine.

...

Lilith brought herself to her knees, reaching out ever so slowly and rising. Missing one arm, burnt and bleeding, the Second Angel limped onward. Going for the fallen Spear.

…

Adam and the Beast of Eva Unit 01 landed with an earth-shattering thud. A crater formed in their wake.

Yui reached deep into her very soul and channeled it _all_ into her glorious Eva, the dream she had worked years to achieve, she used the Evangelion's full power.

It wasn't enough.

"NO MORE" Adam bellowed. The words of the Giant echoed across their minds like death itself.

Adam's fist rose, striking the Beast of Eva Unit 01 across the mouth.

SPLAT

Teeth were knocked from the Eva's mouth... the strangle flesh underneath the plate armor rippled and the Beast stumbled back. Its jaw broke and nearly tore free of its mouth, 01 stumbled winded and battered from a single punch.

Adam rose from the crater. And the berserker, the Beast of Eva Unit 01, the full power of the Evangelion, retreated in his wake.

Yui Ikari faltered deep within the Eva, the haunting gaze of the First Angel seemed to pierce her soul. A look of absolute hatred that chilled her heart and threatened to overwhelm her. And she knew... knew that Adam _could_ see her deep within the Eva, and that he was coming to kill her.

The First Angel glared into Yui's own eyes, not the Eva, and stepped forward.

Eva Unit 01 let out a world-ending roar. Primal and raw, the Eva struggled to even stand with its deformed mouth, before rushing for the First Angel. The Berserk Eva roared as it brought a claw-like fist for the enemy of mankind.

Adam raised a fist of his own.

Both hands collided with one another. The Beast of Unit 01 vs Adam. Their knuckles slammed into each other...

In an explosion of flesh, a splatter of strange LCL like blood, Unit 01's hand came apart... the Eva's hand tore as the fingers were ripped to shreds. The knuckles shattered, the palm was simply gone, bones shattered and torn from 01's wrist...

Adam's fist tore _through_ Eva Unit 01's.

Yui screamed and the Eva screamed with her. Long and raw, a pain like no other, bone protruded from the mangled stump that had once been a hand. Yui felt tears running down her face, her hand was an explosion of agony, raw and exposed.

Adam backhanded them. The First Angel's hand struck 01 across the face... and Unit 01 went flying. Berserk mode faded, Shinji landed on his back, his Entry Plug dented, and the man screamed as the computer systems went haywire.

01 collapsed on the ground, half its teeth gone, a broken jaw, deep cuts along its shoulder, and a missing hand... Yui lay unable to move the Unit at all. _The Beast of Eva Unit 01 defeated for the First Time._

...

Lilith limped forward, the Giant in the Dark reaching for the Spear of Longinus. The red metal lay unceremoniously where it had fallen. The Second Angel ached, fighting tears of pain, as her fingers touched the Spear...

SMACK

Adam's foot found Lilith's face. The kick sent Lilith rolling to the ground, her fingers sliding off the red metal.

 **Adam took the Spear of Longinus.**

The Giant of Light emerged triumphant against Lilith, Shinji, Yui Ikari, and even the Beast of Eva Unit 01. The First Angel stood almost uninjured from the entire fight, only its eyes hurt at all. And even that healing rapidly.

 _ **Beloved...**_ Lilith called to him. Her words a whisper in Shinji's mind.

Weakly, Shinji rose from his seat in the Entry Plug. Unit 01 lay unresponsive as he moved, the Evangelion was near death as it lay on the ground, beaten and bloody.

"No... it can't end like this" Shinji whimpered. His eye hurt, he thought he was weeping but it turned out to be blood. His ribs were cracked, and the phantom sensations made him feel like he'd lost a hand and broken his jaw.

The air hissed and a horrible scream filling Shinji's mind. Not Lilith... the Spear of Longinus itself.

The Spear was almost alive, and it sang to him. Sorrowful and bittersweet, it called to him, as Adam clutched the red metal with both hands.

Adam pulled, using his near immeasurable strength, calling forth his powers as ice formed around the Spear of Longinus. The Spear itself screamed in protest, a silent cry heard only by Shinji. The skies darkened.

CREEEEEK

The Spear began to twist, bending as it was pulled it apart. Hurricane winds passed the three of them by, layers and layers of ice covered the Spear as Adam twisted it.

BANG

The Spear of Longinus shattered with an earth-shattering bang. The red metal came undone, fragments flying off in all directions as the thing exploded into dozens of pieces.

Created by the First Ancestral Race, the Spear seemed to weep as it died. Destroyed after countless ages had come and gone.

"Please... It can't end like this... Akane..." Shinji whimpered.

Adam roared. The shout echoed across the landscape, the victor at long last. The Giant of Light loomed over Lilith. The Second Angel cowered in pain, weakly trying to get to her feet. Adam came for her.

Shinji grasped the controls of his Entry Plug. He forced himself to stand up, his body may have been numb to pain, having died so many times now, but this pain lingered. It was beyond physical, it was the prospect of failure.

" **No**. It's not over... not yet" Shinji said through harsh and low breaths.

Eva Unit 01 rose with Shinji. Ever so slowly, the Titan pulled itself up. Bringing the Eva back from the brink of death, Shinji pushed forward with pure will.

…

Yui watched in awe. It was inhuman, the man's ability to keep going. To take pain and bare it. Like a corpse whose soul refused to leave its body.

…

Shinji eyed up Adam, blood running down his face, his ribs screaming at him to stop, his shoulder stinging him, and brought 01 up taking one step at a time.

"Shinji, it's over. We lost" Yui said to her son. She reaching out to him from deep within the damaged Evangelion.

"No" he hissed back.

Yui trembled, hands on her face, her soul's physical form shuddering at all that had happened. Her nearly 'perfect' body of Eva Unit 01 ruined. Her son a walking scarecrow of a man, and now a hopeless battle that would not end.

"I can get us out of here. Shinji, please. We can leave... fly away. Leave the planet, the Eva can survive out in space forever." Yui pleaded.

"Then what? Huh, mom, we _run_? Leave Lilith to die! No... no. Adam would hunt us, he only stayed for Lilith. There is no running from him. And I have a job to do, _there is no one else_ " Shinji said through gritted teeth.

Adam was taking his time, hurting Lilith slowly. Breaking the Second Angel piece by piece, his vengeance for over 40 years of waiting. Her screams were terrible to hear.

Eva Unit 01 moved, getting to its feet via Shinji's command.

Yet the Eva stumbled, Yui resisted Shinji and the two came to a gridlock.

01 lay unable to move without a proper sync. Shinji wanting to fight. Yui wanting to run.

Two ideas that could not be resolved without surrendering to the other.

"Please! We can escape! Shinji, it would be okay. Just the two of us! You could survive with the Angel part of you. We could live out there amongst the stars." Yui pleaded with him.

Her soul reached out to him, yet Shinji only closed his eyes.

 _Surviving is not living. I will not stop. This is all I have left._ Shinji thought. His sync ratio was stuck at 55%.

His mother fought him here. Wanting to run.

* * *

 _In the Other Place  
_ _Where souls had physical form._

The Broken Man emerged into the white void across from his mother.

Yui Ikari smiling sadly at the sight of him. She would make him understand. Fighting Adam was pointless, the First Angel was too powerful, she may have left him behind so long ago... but she could make up for it. She could keep him alive and they could survive.

They could leave Earth behind, forget this madness and flee.

"I'm not leaving." Shinji said simply. His red eye met Yui unblinkingly.

Yui's mouth fell open. After everything she'd given to help him... and he'd throw it away just like that?

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You're going to get us killed. Shinji-" she began.

"There's nothing you can say to change my mind" Shinji said flatly. His eyes were stern and cold, bittersweet. Eyes that were driven, _old_ with aged harsh lines etched along the sclera. It was both scary and astonishing to witness.

The lengths a broken man would go to.

"He killed my daughter" Shinji added softly, a dark whisper that sent Yui flinching back.

Silence followed. Mother and son, so close yet so apart even now.

"I'm gonna finish this. If you're not going to help, mother... then get out of my way!" Shinji said, and his soul overshadowed hers.

It was something that should have been impossible, Yui was the soul inside Eva Unit 01... but Shinji had stolen control away from her.

…

Shinji ignored the sync ratio. It didn't matter anymore.

Yui watched silently, mouth open in utter astonishment, as Shinji piloted without her help. He forced the Eva to move all on his own.

Adam stirred, lowering his fists from Lilith's battered body, even as Unit 01 dove for something on the ground.

It was a fragment of the Spear of Longinus. A piece of the blade, the tip of the Spear that could pierce AT Fields, Angels, and disrupt their powers.

Adam shrugged the beaten and battered form of Lilith away. Moving at incredible speeds, the Giant of Light came for Shinji and Unit 01.

An AT Blade erupted into existence from Adam's fist.

STAB

Adam stabbed Eva Unit 01 through the stomach. The AT Blade pierced completely through the plate armor and the flesh beneath it, the blade materialized out of Unit 01's back in a shower of blood and solid light.

Shinji grunted in pain, a searing hole seemingly in his chest, the effects of the Eva's phantom sensations, and time seemed to slow down.

In this moment of perfect clarity, Shinji felt _everything..._ the weight of so many failures upon his life, the sorrow and losses that he had endured, the guilt for the choice he had made as a 14-year old boy. For him the world ran in slow motion, time flowing as if in liquid, he saw Adam bringing the AT Blade up, running the sword through his Eva, his internal organs screamed at the process.

Shinji ignored his body's anguish, letting Adam get in _close._ The Eva's body and armor was cut and burned, blood and metal sizzled and steamed glowing bright red as the AT Blade moved across its torso... reaching up for the Entry Plug

Still, time moved at a snail's pace for Shinji. This perfect moment where he faced the First Angel trying to decapitate 01 in one swift motion. Adam moving to put an end to him once and for all. Shinji didn't look away, he didn't even blink, he faced this 'death' head-on.

STAB

Shinji brought the Eva's hand forward... and stabbed the remains of the tip of the Spear of Longinus into Adam's heart.

The Fragmented Spear Tip cut into the Giant of Light, breaking through his invulnerable skin, piercing through what passed for ribs, and striking true. Adam's heart... the Angel Core.

Adam gasped with a low whisper, a sudden loss of air... and the First Angel paused. The Giant of Light's eyes widened in awe and terror at the man who had dealt him such a blow, the world grew silent. The AT Blade faded, disappearing into nothing and releasing the impaled Eva Unit 01.

Shinji Ikari stood, 01 stood with him. Tall in the face of their many wounds.

Adam stumbled back, the fragmented Spear piece lay impaled deep inside his chest. The wind blew, breaking the silence, and the First Angel tried to roar.

BOOM

In an explosion of light, the Giant of Light shattered.

The First Angel broke apart, his arms collapsed like shattered glass, his legs breaking like melted ice, the most powerful foe Shinji had ever fought... undone.

* * *

 **Part 3: More Angel Than Man**

 _On the ground_

Shinji stepped out of the barely functioning Entry Plug.

Lilith stood to his side, no longer the Giant, but the Woman in the Dark. She wore the face and body of a 26-year old Rei, her wounds lingering even in this more 'human' form.

The two walked on as Yui watched in disbelief from the eyes of the kneeling Eva Unit 01.

The Broken Man and the Woman in the Dark stood over the crumpled heap of flesh at their feet, the figure lying in the crater where Adam had been stabbed.

A single embryonic form lay in the ashes where the First Angel had fallen. The figure took the shape of an almost 'human' embryo, about the size of a palm, and lying in the ruins of the battlefield.

 _He killed the human race. Second Impact... two billion dead... then 40 years after Third Impact he came back... and did 'this'._ Shinji thought bitterly.

Lilith and the Broken Man took the remains of the First Angel, the Adam Embryo. This weakened form that SEELE had sacrificed billions of people for, so long ago.

Adam squirmed in Shinji's hand. The embryo was very much 'alive' and terribly hurt, barely able to move, reduced to this clumsy bundle of cells. Less than a baby.

"You have something I need" was all Shinji said. Adam was silent, his mouth gone, unable to speak, unable to act.

Lilith leaned on Shinji's shoulder, her wounds taking their toll, as she reached out placing a hand on Adam's reduced body. Shinji reached out with his Angel senses once again, Lilith by his side.

* * *

 _The Other Place  
_ _Where souls had physical form.  
_ _The Network that connected all Angels_

Shinji and Lilith stood in the deep void of white nothingness. The white seemed to stretch on forever, just like when Shinji would speak to his mother. But this was different somehow, harsher, primal, and cold.

Adam crouched before them.

A Giant of Light. Beaten and battered, on his dying breathes. The soul of the First Angel brought to its knees.

" **Brother** " Lilith said in greeting.

Adam's soul knelt. Too weak to stand, he seemed to bleed out before the two intruders.

"YOU BETRAY US... SISTER." Adam said. What once was a booming voice that shattered ears, was now but a whimper. A wheezing breath in the night.

" **No. Adam, this is not what our parents wanted. We have forgotten our purpose.** " Lilith answered softly.

"WE WERE TO CREATE LIFE. TO SPREAD IT ACROSS THE STARS. YOU DENY ME, YOU RESIST, YOU-" Adam trembled.

" **ALL life, Adam. Not only Angels. Not only you and your children.** "

Adam glared weakly up at her, brought low by his wounds.

Lilith shook her head sadly.

 **"The First Ancestral Race did not want this. Humanity is not perfect... but I believe they are what our creators wanted."** Lilith whispered. She tilted her head, almost pityingly at the fallen Adam.

Shinji watched the exchanged with flat, exhausted eyes.

Adam laughed harshly at Lilith. A wheezing sound that resembled weeping.

"YOU AND YOUR 'LOVE' FOR THESE LILIN. YOUR CHILDREN, AND _HIM_."

Adam moved his gaze from Lilith to Shinji.

"HE IS UNWORTHY OF YOUR DEVOTION. UNDESERVING OF THIS 'LOVE' YOU CLAIM. YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO CORRUPTED BY A DEAD WOMAN." the First Angel wheezed.

Shinji felt his good hand curl into a fist.

Lilith smiled sadly at her brother. An act that caused Adam to pause mid-speech.

" **I would not expect you to understand. And for that... _I am sorry_** _"_ Lilith said _._

The First and Second Angels met each other's gaze.

"OUR CREATORS WANTED-" Adam began.

"I don't care what your creators wanted. I came here for a reason." Shinji said darkly, speaking for the first time.

The Broken Man strode forward, and Adam's soul flinched. The Giant of Light cowered in fear, stumbling back as Shinji approached.

"For all your power, you were just a tool. A means to an end for SEELE. And now, you're going to help me set it right. I killed you once, and I'll do it again." Shinji said.

Adam shrunk before Shinji, an Angel that knelt before a man.

"YOU WOULD KILL GOD?" Adam spoke, the Giant defeated and small, broken and battered, on the last throes of mortality.

Shinji reached forward, Angel power rushing through his veins, as he plunged his hand directly into Adam's soul.

"I would kill you." Shinji whispered, ripping Adam's soul apart from the inside.

The true death, the death of the body, mind, and soul.

In a flood of light, Adam's soul fell apart. A wave of gathered individuals falling apart gathered souls that had brought together and merged into a collective being an eternity ago. The bonds were undone, the unraveling of the consciousness of a near God-like being, 'near' being the operative word.

* * *

 _The Real World  
_ _On the ground_

Adam died, and with his soul and consciousness gone... only the body remained. A shell of immense raw power.

Lilith brought the shell of Adam into Shinji. Literally pressing the bundle of flesh into his chest, letting her powers do the work. Mixing his DNA for one final time, bringing the Adam corpse into the man she loved. Lilith granted Shinji the power of the First Angel, a piece of Adam inside him.

Shinji closed his eyes from the process and was brought to his knees in a primal shout of pain. He felt the rush of raw energy flooding his veins. Every cell, every nerve, it all came for him. The power of Adam at his touch.

His skin lit up, just as the First Angel's had. The power took hold within his body. Now he really was more Angel than man.

Lilith helped him up, the light fading from his skin, her final gift to him. A way to survive the power flowing through his body... for now.

* * *

 **Part 4: Truth**

 _Days later_

Shinji didn't time travel after Adam's death. Not right away.

That would have been too easy, and if life had taught Shinji anything, it was that life was not easy.

They spent days recovering, healing, and on Shinji's part... learning.

Adam's power was never meant for a human, never meant for a mortal. It threatened to rip his body apart, literally killing him from within, at times. Lilith and her sorcery kept him intact, the Woman in the Dark healed him and made further and further changes to him. She spent hours every day teaching Shinji to manage the great power within his body.

The Woman in the Dark and the Broken Man, they sat together every day talking and working for hours on end. Theirs was an unusual relationship, student and teacher, companions for ten years.

Yui would watch, from the ever healing Eva Unit 01's eyes, as her son _floated_ several feet off the ground with Lilith.

Shinji looked through memory after memory, not just his own, but through _all_ the scattered memories that remained of Instrumentality. Lilith guiding him as he searched for final answers in his mad plan to time travel, to go back and stop all this 'mess' as he called it.

It scared Yui, to see her Shinji become less and less 'human' with every passing day. To watch as her son sat with Lilith day in and day out.

Yui knew what he planned to do, if not every piece of it, she knew the overall plan. Go back in time, kill all the Angels once again, stop the Third Impact and those responsible... SEELE and Gendo... and perhaps... _one more._ One _other_ whom had had a role in the things to come.

It scared her.

Yui shifted uncomfortably as Unit 01 healed, her precious immortal body repairing itself.

…

When she ran, Yui told herself that it was better this way.

That Shinji and his plan would never work, that even with all the pieces of the puzzle, that it simply would not fit. That no matter what actions Shinji took, he would have no control over time once he changed it.

So one night when Shinji and Lilith were sleeping... Yui took off with the Eva.

Wings of Light emerged from the back of Unit 01, and Yui flew off without a goodbye. Eva Unit 01 shot off into the distance, leaving Earth for the second time. Leaving her son without a final word at all.

Or so Yui had thought.

A flicker of shadows stopped her. It reached out, a dark cloud that contrasted the evening sky, and struck the Eva.

 **Lilith.** The Second Angel landed atop Unit 01 mid-flight, and the Woman in the Dark worked her sorcery, putting a stop to Yui's escape.

"Ah!" Yui cried out as the Eva's wings vanished... the Evangelion Unit fell to the wastelands unable to move, as Lilith once again plunged her hands underneath the plate armor and into the flesh beneath. Unit 01 was a clone of Lilith after all.

 _No... no that can't be. I was safe. Adam was finally dead. I could have lived on forever without any threats. Safe at long last_ Yui thought.

…

THUD

Yui and the Eva landed on the wastelands below. Dead trees and ashes rose up in a shower of lifeless clutter. Lilith knelt crouched atop the Eva, her hands having disappeared into the flesh underneath the plate armor, holding Yui in place with no escape.

Shinji was waiting for her when the Eva landed on their small patch of land. The man who had killed Adam strolled towards Eva Unit 01 once again.

Yui panted as her son placed a hand on the Eva, and reached out with his Angel powers again. He no longer needed to be in the Entry Plug, not anymore.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

"You left me again." was all Shinji said.

The Broken Man emerged into the white void with his mother one final time. His eyes hollow and cold, and they met his mother's trembling form.

"Shinji... I-" Yui began.

She winced at the sight of him. Even now, she could feel the change in her son.

The Power of Adam flowed through Shinji's veins. Like the heartbeat of a star, contained within her son, his body and soul were barely able to contain it. It was something so bold that even Yui would not have thought it possible.

"You never wanted to help me. You only wanted to stop Adam. Stop him from chasing you, like you knew he'd do one day. Like you knew that he _would_ rise again. That he wouldn't die after Third Impact" Shinji said sternly.

Yui swallowed hard, stepping back from her son in shame.

 _They planned this... Shinji and Lilith. They knew that I would run. That after Adam was defeated... 'if' Adam was stopped once and for all... that this would happen. Oh, my son... when did you get so cold?_ Yui Ikari thought.

"I wanted to help you. I did, Shinji." Yui whispered.

"But" Shinji said softly, his voice dry and tired, waiting for an answer.

Yui looked away, unable to meet her son's eyes. Caught red-handed as she'd tried to flee, to leave this madness of time travel and be free.

Shinji never let his gaze fall, the First Angel's power radiated from him whether he wanted it to or not.

"Look at me. Tell me, but what?" Shinji said, an old pain emerging into his voice. A tremble of the lips.

Yui closed her eyes, taking slow deep breathes, before finally, ever so slowly, turning to face her son. Facing the man... no... the _thing_ that her son had become.

"But I- I was afraid." Yui said at last.

Shinji waited for her to continue. He gave her nothing to work with, no sign of emotion at all, a perfect mask that hid his feelings even from her. Something not even Gendo could have done.

"Shinji, my boy, I... I don't want to die. This plan of yours, it won't just send you back. It could destroy this entire timeline. There is no guarantee. _You_ could die in the process. This could all fail, and for what?

Oh, my son... it wouldn't be _you._ This plan of yours, to go back and 'fix everything', to make a life where you could have lived with your family... it would NOT be you.

This 'you' would only be a spectator. A ghost. And another man with your face would walk off with the life you built. A new Shinji Ikari living the life you wanted. Not you, but _him._ " Yui said. Breathing hard and facing her son at long last. No more distractions or missions, their talk at long last.

Shinji didn't even flinch. Nothing he had not told himself countless times before.

"You're a parent, Yui. You should know that a parent's love changes a person. It's not about _you_ anymore, it about _them_. I know, I've always known that it wouldn't be me. It's enough for me to see them live on in a life I could never have. I'd have thought my own mother would understand that" Shinji said.

His voice was stiff and dry, but his eyes blazed with a drive that knew no limits. A willpower that had allowed Shinji to defeat Adam.

Yui gaped at it. At what her son had become.

Before she could speak, Shinji interrupted.

"Tell me something, were you happy out there? Huh? Living out among the stars for 40 years, drifting- no running away, with the Evangelion for a body. Immortal at long last. Tell me, what was it like being alone up there" he asked, his eyes never leaving her.

He took a step forward and Yui stepped back.

"I was immortal. I was a shining beacon, a lasting legacy to mankind" Yui answered slowly. The woman who had left her son in a post-apocalyptic world 40 years ago.

"Humph. Lasting legacy to mankind, eh mom? Well, while you were up there with your immortal Eva for a body, with Unit 01... I was down here. On the battered remains of Earth. I had to survive on my own until the others came back." Shinji said darkly.

He took another step forward, and Yui shrank before him. Guilt pressed against her heart, almost crushing.

"I had to forge a life in this ruined world. And I lost everything in the end. You left me behind, you didn't even try to help. You didn't warn us about Adam... do you even remember what you told me that day? The day you left?" Shinji asked, his eyes burning with questions.

"I- I told you that. That I-... oh Shinji it doesn't matter-" Yui stammered.

"You _forgot_!" Shinji shouted.

Yui flinched.

He let out a small bitter laugh. His own mother... what a woman after all. Not the saint he had romanticized for years.

"You don't even remember. You told me 'you are alive. So you will always have the chance to be happy. Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. The hope to go on'. Humph, as if. I clung to those words. A saying from my mother, but you were _wrong._ " Shinji said throwing Yui's words back at her.

"Fine. You're right, Shinji. I abandoned you. I was afraid of Adam, and now I'm afraid of _you_." Yui said somberly. She stood her ground and met her son's gaze with her own.

Shinji shook his head, breathing out a mirthless chuckle. A cold acceptance of just whom his mother really was.

"I know what you did. I can see the memories left over from Instrumentality." Shinji said.

Yui blinked at him in surprise.

"That's what you've been doing since Adam died... looking through the memories you gained. Learning things that you could never have known otherwise. You can see a... a framework of memory. A snapshot of mankind's collective memory. That's... a human could not hold all the information in their head" Yui said with wide eyes.

The scientist in her ran wild with speculation. The idea of a single person having access to the memories of the dead and gone. Not all of them, to be sure, but enough to piece together a puzzle from the past.

Shinji nodded, his eyes never leaving his mother. Unblinking, cold, and tired.

* * *

Flashes of the dead went by Shinji's mind.

The Angel's power stirred in his blood, _perfect memory._ Not only his own, not anymore, but the memories of others as well. Various member Nerv and even a few of SEELE, memories from his parents as well.

All that information open to him with perfect clarity, like looking through a book. Moments that he had not witnessed himself.

…

 _Memories:_

 **Yui Ikari lecturing in a dark room, the projected images of SEELE gathered around. Listening to her report.**

 **Gendo working alongside his wife, uncovering what information they could from the Dead Sea Scrolls. The two of them speculating on Adam and Lilith, if the Angels would have been hostile. Of just how many people would die once Adam woke, making predictions of how bad Second Impact would be.**

 **Yui speaking directly to Mr. Keel Lorenz the Chairman and leader of SEELE.**

 **Of Yui's plans to unlock the Eva's full potential. And to take it, to achieve life everlasting, having to work within SEELE to do it.**

* * *

 _He knows... he knows the truth now._ Yui thought, watching as her son's eyes moved.

Shinji's eyes, both of them, red and brown, moved as if seeing something only he could see. The Abomination that was her son peered through memories that Yui could not follow, but she didn't need too.

She knew what her son was watching, there was only one thing to see after all. The Truth.

" **It was you, mom.** You and Gendo were the ones who found Adam. The two of you, and SEELE, you sent the expedition. Knowing that Adam would be hostile... that he would kill billions during Second Impact. That he would call his children." Shinji said shaking his head.

"We didn't know for sure. I theorized-" Yui began quickly.

"Liar. You knew, you always knew. I thought Gendo was the one, but all this time it was you. Yui Ikari, playing SEELE and your own husband, all so that you could cheat death. So you could take Eva Unit 01." Shinji said bitterly.

Yui narrowed her eyes at him.

"I had to. The Angels were coming. Remember Tokyo-03? The other pilots? All those times I helped you, my son. I saved your life countless times. Without me, the Angels would have killed you" Yui said bitterly.

"Without you, Adam would have never woken the first time. Without you, the Angels would never have come at all, and the Evangelions would not have been needed" Shinji countered darkly.

"I am not the monster you think I am! Shinji, listen. I did what I had to do, to ensure that humanity could survive." Yui countered sharply.

Shinji laughed bitterly. A manic sad thing that Yui hated.

"Look around us!" Shinji howled, bitter laugh fading. His eyes hollow and empty, haunted by things Yui could only imagine.

Yui crossed her arms at him.

Shinji gestured to the outside world, to the _ashes_ that lay outside the Eva and this plane of existence.

" **Humanity is dead**. All your plans and this is where we are. _I_ am the one thing you didn't expect. The loophole that no one, not you, not Nerv or SEELE, could see coming. Lasting legacy of mankind? Is that what you told yourself all those years. Huh, mom? That you were some 'hero' carrying out a mission?" Shinji said bitterly.

"If things had gone my way, then I would have been." Yui said firmly.

 _Did I ever really know you, mother?_ Shinji thought.

"Pfft. So you would have let Third Impact happen in the end? Played everyone along, plots within plots, secrets within secrets, and you _won_ in the end. All that mattered to you was getting the Eva, a new body that would never age or die. Living forever." Shinji said coldly.

 _Is death so frightful? Do you fear it that much? Dying is easy, it is living that is hard_ He thought.

"No. I- Shinji I would have tried to play things differently. I couldn't control what Gendo would do. How could I have known that he'd start hiding things from SEELE? That Nerv and SEELE would come into conflict? Have you forgotten all that your father did? That man, that bastard, all in my name! I killed him for you!" Yui said, nearly screaming in anguish as tears emerged in her eyes.

"I don't believe you. I think you killed him for yourself." Shinji said quietly.

Yui gaped at him, open-mouthed.

"Did you even love him? Gendo of all people? He was a monster, a real bastard, but he was _weak_. Was he just another tool for you? One that you couldn't control in the end. Tell me, mother... did you love me? Did you love any of us?" Shinji asked.

The Broken Man stood inches from his mother. Images from his past, some of his earliest memories, of him and his parents together flashed by him. A family, yet somehow not. Distant, and Shinji the child alone even then.

"I love _you_ Shinji. You have to believe that. You just have to" Yui said, having to take a deep breath just to answer.

 _If you had, you would have stayed. Not just Third Impact, but before, with the Eva. You wouldn't have left a seven-year-old boy who needed his mother_ Shinji thought bitterly.

Shinji tilted his head at her, wishing he could have believed her, but he didn't. If she had loved him, it had been in a different time. A different life, not the woman here and not the man standing before her.

The two of them were strangers now. Their old lives almost meaningless in comparison to the here and now. Had they really known each other at all?

"It doesn't matter anymore. I've made my choice. I have nothing more to say to you" Shinji said at long last.

He turned, leaving the Other Place where souls had a physical form.

Yui called to him.

"Don't do this! Shinji, please... you could kill us all! Time travel is dangerous! It's not worth it! It wouldn't be _you_ anymore, it would be someone else. A new Shinji Ikari!"

He ignored his mother. Never once looking back.

"I don't want to die" Yui whispered. Shinji vanished, leaving Yui Ikari alone inside the white void. Her soul hidden deep within the Eva as it had been for decades.

 _There are fates worse than death_ Shinji thought.

…

He opened his eyes back in the real world. He removed his hand from 01's plate armor, three fingers where there should have been five, and turned his back on the machine.

Lilith knelt perched atop 01's shoulder, watching Shinji with sad sorrowful eyes.

* * *

 **Part 5: Goodbye**

 _A week later  
_ _Ruins of Tokyo-03.  
_ _The Unraveling_

Time travel is not easy.

It is so dangerous that the creators of the Angels forbid them from ever doing it.

His former home was mostly gone by now, the building having long ago been buried by the ice and snow of Adam's wrath. Ten years where the monster had killed the human race.

Yet Shinji recognized the spot even now, the ashes of the Geofront. The place where Lilith and Adam and been joined via Gendo, both Angels forced to merge with Rei as their instrument. SEELE and Gendo had each tried to bring their plans to fruition, only to be thwarted by Shinji and his choice. Stopped by the love Rei had had for her husband.

"We're here" Shinji said at last. He hadn't spoken in days, not since his last conversion with his mother.

Yui Ikari watched on solemnly, held prisoner within Unit 01 and unable to leave with Lilith and Shinji watching over her. Her plans had failed too, no invulnerable body, no dream in which Yui traveled the stars for an eternity.

Shinji knew his mother was watching him through the eyes of the Eva, her soul observing him with blank hollow eyes as he and Lilith made their final preparations.

" **You will be alone... it will be the hardest thing you have ever done. Stopping Third Impact, building a world where your family could have lived... you will have to kill all the Angels again"** the Woman in the Dark whispered.

"And SEELE, the world isn't safe with them in it. I can't let them ever try something like this again." Shinji said.

The two of them stood overlooking the faded red sea, the place where the sea met the shore. Barren and lifeless. The ruins of the world from before.

" **I cannot help you there, beloved. You have to be very careful.** " Lilith said, tilted her head at him worryingly.

Shinji nodded, his eyes distant but not cold.

"I've looked through the memories. I've seen what their plans was, what Gendo did too, even my mother... and I think I can stop them." Shinji answered distantly.

Lilith sighed, a remarkably human expression.

" **This is the end of our journey, my husband.** " Lilith said, bright tears forming in her eyes.

Shinji turned to her, reminded of his wife. Ten years he had spent with the Second Angel, surviving and waiting for the Eva and the Spear to return. Ten years where Lilith was his teacher, and he was her student. She healed him, bringing him back from the dead, each time waiting for him as he woke, making sure he was never alone when he came back. A kindness he had never realized until now.

"I- thank you, Lilith. For everything." Shinji said, he took the Angel's hands in his own. Weathered and scarred fleshing upon pale and perfect skin, cold upon warmth.

Lilith smiled at that, tears never fading.

" **You need not thank me. Rei loved you, and I love you. Through her, I learned so much. The joy and sorrows of life. The pleasures of the flesh, the warmth of another soul, of a marriage. I do not regret all that I have learned. I do not regret helping you** " Lilith said. Her hands never left his.

Her words made Shinji close his eyes, and his words caught in his throat. He stood unable to answer her, he had never loved her that way. Never loved Lilith the way he had loved Rei. Yet she had not cared, she had given everything for him.

She brought her forehead close to his, almost a kiss, but not quite there. A loving act, but platonic, Lilith knew that he did not love her as he had loved Rei.

Even now, a kindness.

" **Let us begin** " Lilith said at last.

* * *

Lilith and Shinji raised their hands. The powers of the First and Second Angels at their disposable.

Yui watched from the prison that was Eva Unit 01, the titan rendered passive and immobile by Lilith, as her son and the Angel worked. The scientist watched in terror at the power they wielded.

The Woman in the Dark and the Broken Man never moved, _everything else did_. Space itself folded at their command, the stars and planets above seeming to twist and turn around them. The universe folded itself into a sphere around them, a ball of space-time with them at the center. Witness to all its awe.

The center was a 'bubble' of space for Shinji, Lilith, and Eva Unit 01. A space where the entire universe had been folded around them, _all_ of time itself bent for them to see.

It was infinitely complex, with weaves and weaves of threads of reality branching off, the same locations but spread apart in all the different spaces in time where it was, is, and would be. Time was laid bare in all its entirety.

The unraveling revealed time as a circle... no, a sphere of infinite dimensions.

Shinji felt the burn in his chest, the Angel part of him, the Power of Adam fought him, resisting him. Even Lilith trembled, her body turning against her. A warning from the Angel's creators. Programmed into them an eternity ago, a restriction. A final warning that time travel was forbidden.

But Shinji was not Adam, nor was he Lilith. He was a loophole, something that not even the First Ancestral Race, they whom created the Angels, could have foreseen.

Shinji continued anyway, ignoring the warning in his body, this foreign blood, and skin that fought him. The Angel in him screamed at him to stop.

Time travel.

They used Eva Unit 01 as a reference point. Used the Evangelion to find the right place in time, its own birth, to travel to. For time is infinitely complex, without a reference point you are lost in its stream.

Yui tried to fight it, but Shinji and Lilith were stronger. The Eva's past was used, allowing them to reach a point in time to travel too. The three of them stood as ghosts in the past. Shinji watched as from afar, watched the past from a 'bubble' that separated them from it.

Time laid bare, the day Shinji's mother had disappeared the first time. The Contact Experiment that had 'birthed' Eva Unit 01.

Stepping into that space, inside that time, would change things forever. It would create an entirely new timeline. A new universe. A new Shinji Ikari created by the actions of the Original.

" **This is it. Go. I cannot follow, my love.** " Lilith whispered. She wiped the blood from her face and smiled sadly at him.

Shinji turned to her... and he saw it. No, he felt it via the bond that all Angels shared, one that he was now a part of too.

Lilith was dying.

This process of time travel, of using _all_ the powers of the First and Second Angels, of going against her restrictions, was killing her and there was nothing he could do. The First Ancestral Race had forbidden time travel, even helping him as she had was killing her.

"I... I'm sorry" Shinji said feeling tears in his eyes. All of this, all for him, and Lilith had known. Had known that sending him back into the past would kill her.

Lilith quieted him, bringing a gentle finger to his trembling lips.

"Thank you..." Shinji said for a second time, his voice cracking.

" **Goodbye, Shinji. There's no going back. Remember me, that's all I want. Remember me."** Lilith said stroking his face gently.

"I will" Shinji whispered through cracked emotions.

A final moment for the two. Ten years they had spent together, ten years with whatever remained of his wife's soul buried within Lilith.

Lilith died. Her body turned to ash... her soul fell apart even in the real world, just as Adam's had. A rush of collective souls that had been bound together, undone, falling apart... and one reached out for him... a single drop of consciousness in the ocean of souls that had been Lilith.

Rei... _his_ Rei reached out to him one last time. A being of pure light, a familiar figure with features he had never forgotten, the soul of his wife.

Shinji reached for her, trying to grab onto her soul... The last remnants of Rei Ikari. His wife lingered in that moment, freed from the collective that had been Lilith, and though she reached for him their fingers never quite touched... and she vanished too.

Rei's soul faded away into nothing. Less than ashes that scattered with the wind. Dead and gone, nothing left from which to return. Lilith had given everything she had so he could time travel.

Shinji closed his eyes in anguish, far deeper than anything physical, and turned to go.

Now he truly was alone.

He stepped out from the center, the 'bubble', leaving his timeline behind.

"Shinji! Please! Don't do this... I'll die too! Please-" Yui cried after him, having watched Lilith's sacrifice in horror.

The Broken Man leaped from the center, the 'bubble', and swam through the rivers of time itself. Leaving Yui and Eva Unit 01 behind.

And in Shinji's wake, the universe was undone. Reality itself fell apart. An entire timeline dying as it was broken, shattered and wiped out.

Yui Ikari had been right. Time travel destroyed an entire universe. One timeline erased in the wake of one yet to come.

Yui screamed as she faded out of existence. A savage bloodcurdling scream that would haunt Shinji for years. Eva Unit 01 faded, the Earth faded, the stars themselves faded, the end of an entire universe.

And the birth of a new one. A new timeline forged by the death of another.

* * *

 **Part 6: Unraveled**

 _The Current Timeline  
_ _7 years ago  
_ _Day of the Contact Experiment.  
_ _The Birth of Eva Unit 01 and the 'disappearance' of Yui Ikari_

The atmosphere around the base was one of excitement and caution. The researchers milled about, double and triple checking all their data.

Mr. Keel Lorenz, chairman of SEELE itself, strode through the complex. He walked beside a beaming Yui Ikari, whom moved with a professionalism that was beyond her years. Impressive in Keel's eyes as always.

"The Evangelions will function as promised. Perhaps even more so. They will defend Earth from Adam's children, until the time comes for our plans." Yui was saying as they walked.

"So you have said many times now, Yui. Don't let the other investors rattle you and your work, this funding was necessary. Your work will save mankind, and usher us into a new age." Keel said in kind, the older man turning to her with an almost softened expression.

He had taken a liking to Yui. She truly was brilliant, perhaps the greatest scientist of her age. Surpassing Gendo, Fuyutsuki, and even Naoko Akagi. Yui stood as one of SEELE's greatest assets, leading them through the breakthroughs with the Dead Sea Scrolls and their understanding of the Angels. A major player in the Human Instrumentality Project, alongside her rather quiet husband.

 _Gendo Ikari. Hmm, how a man such as you married Yui is a mystery_ Keel thought offhandedly.

The man himself, Gendo, trailed behind his wife and Mr. Keel, head held low. Gendo seemed content to let Yui speak, she was head of the project after all.

"It is exciting, isn't it? Instrumentality will be years away at best, but today is the first step towards that goal." Yui said, unable to stop the tremor of awe in her voice.

"Indeed. For SEELE's plans to continue, Adam's Children must be stopped. I trust your Evas will get the job done. I trust that the others Units are coming along as scheduled" Keel said.

The three of them, Yui, Keel, and Gendo, left the general area of the complex behind.

"Dear, would you mind?" Yui said sweetly, turning to her husband lurking behind them quietly.

"The other Eva Units show promise. It isn't wise to keep them all in one location. For now, Japan is holding Units 00 and 01. Germany is working on Unit 02, and Unit 03 is still too far behind to say." Gendo answered simply. His eyes lay hidden behind tinted glass, and his voice distant as if distracted.

"See that it gets done" Keel said sharply.

The chairman of SEELE did not approve of Gendo and his distant nature. But the man was a master of logistics. Perhaps even material for Commander of Nerv, if Yui refused to take the job. A mental note Keel would keep an eye on.

"I have seen enough. I regret that I cannot stay for this monumental achievement, the piloting of an Evangelion. But I have duties to attend to." Keel said. The leader of SEELE stopped to shake hands with the Ikari team.

"Yes sir" Gendo said shaking Keel's hand.

Yui beamed at him as she shook his hand.

Keel leaned in saying, "SEELE thanks you for your dedication and ingenuity, Yui. None of this would be possible without you, and we will remember that. You have my word."

The older man took Yui's hand in both of his hands and bowed his head respectfully, before taking his leave of them. He left the research complex, and headed for the helicopter to take him out of the city.

* * *

"Please, don't do this" Gendo urged her for the countless time.

"Nonsense. It will be fine, dear" Yui lied.

"The Contact Experiment isn't ready. We don't know for sure what will happen. We could delay the test, try to pilot the Eva a month or two later. It doesn't have to be _you_... I could find someone else. Yui, please" Gendo pleaded. The man took his wife's hand in his.

Yui shook her head, patting her husband on his arm, he could be a sweet man when it came to her. His weakness, his love for her, she could count on that in the days to come.

"I will pilot. I insist." Yui told him simply.

Gendo made to protest, but Yui stopped him.

"Everything will be fine" Yui lied. She smiled sweetly at him.

Husband and wife stood just outside the command center, Gendo having pulled her aside to talk. As if everyone inside couldn't hear them.

She pulled him gently along, entering the command center to check in with the others before the Contact Experiment commenced.

Inside, they found a team of scientists, along with Kozo Fuyutsuki and Naoko Akagi arguing over the little boy in the room. A 7-year-old Shinji Ikari sat by himself, off to the corner, away from the adults.

"The boy should never have been allowed in here" Fuyutsuki was saying.

"He's Ikari's son" Akagi answered, not even glancing at Shinji or Fuyutsuki.

"Ah, Gendo. This isn't a daycare. This is an important event" Fuyutsuki said, turning to face them just as Gendo and Yui entered.

"I'm sorry, Professor Fuyutsuki. I brought Shinji here today." Yui said, brushing past the team in the room and moving to her son.

"Yui? But this is your experiment today." Fuyutsuki said blinking in surprise.

"That's why I brought him. I want to show him how bright our future will be." Yui said.

She reached down to pat her son on the head.

Fuyutsuki made to protest, but sighed, and let Yui have a moment with her son. Gendo moved to triple check the readings from their computers, extra cautious.

"How you doing, Shinji?" Yui asked her son.

The young boy looked up at her and smiled meekly.

"I'm okay. How long do we have to be here?" Young Shinji asked.

"Not much longer. I'm gonna have to leave you again, just for a bit. Alright, hon. Behave now." Yui said. She ruffled Shinji's hair and smiled sweetly at him.

"Okay" Shinji said, seeming to brighten up at seeing her again. Just a kid, but he was very quiet at times like his father.

 _Oh Shinji, the days ahead will be hard. My boy, my little Eva pilot. Listen to Gendo, he will take care of you after I'm gone. We'll meet again, years from now when you fight the Angels. I will need your help._ Yui thought.

She gave her son a quick hug, before standing to face the others.

"Is everything ready?" Yui asked, back into professional mode, not the 'doting mother figure' she became with Shinji.

"Ready as we'll ever be" Fuyutsuki answered.

"Then here we go. Commence the Contact Experiment. I'm heading out" Yui said. She beamed at them as she left the room.

Gendo watched her go with a worried expression, Shinji glancing up at her before turning back to his toys on the floor.

* * *

The hangar was massive. The subject had been moved here for the test, Yui walking forward without fear, excited more than anything.

The Clone of Lilith, designated as 'Unit 01' lay out in the open. A series of tubes lay connected to the flesh underneath the Plate Armor, and with a command from control, the Entry Plug slowly released itself.

She stepped inside Unit 01's Entry Plug, Yui operating the controls herself, reinserting the Plug into the Eva. The hangar deck was cleared as the non-essential staff were evacuated for their safety.

"Contact Experiment beginning. Standby." Gendo called through the comm. His voice boomed out over all of them.

Yui smiled from within the Entry Plug, Eva Unit 01 lying dormant and just waiting to be brought to life.

The experiment began, the power turned on, the Eva's internal computer systems came online. The Eva Unit coming to life before their eyes for the first time.

 _Now. It begins for real_ Yui thought.

"Stop! Something's wrong." Gendo's voice came through the comm system.

…

In the Command Center, Gendo and Fuyutsuki watched in horror as they were locked out of the computer systems. The Eva seemed to reject their commands.

Shinji sat not understanding what was happening, not even knowing what an Eva was, only that his parents worked in this strange building.

…

 _The Evangelion needs a soul. It is a clone of an Angel but without an Angel Core. An Entry Plug is simply not enough. 'I' will be that soul inside Unit 01._ Yui thought.

 **Everything was going exactly as she had planned. Her soul and body would be absorbed into Eva Unit 01, she would wait for when the time came, and the Eva was deployed. She would fight alongside the others, destroy Adam's children, the other Angels. When SEELE's plan came to fruition, Yui would act at long last.**

 **She would take the Eva for herself, would take this immortal and ageless body and live forever out among the stars. A lasting legacy to mankind.**

Yui smiled at it, the dreams of her plans. All the work she'd had to do, working within SEELE for years, never telling anyone the truth, not even her husband. Not even Gendo. Whatever became of SEELE and humanity, she would be separate, apart, and immortal.

"Something's wrong! Yui! You have to eject! Get out of the Eva!" Gendo called into the comm.

Yui Ikari closed her eyes and turned her comm unit off, throwing the mobile device to the floor of the entry plug. She crushed the device with her boot, the machine broke with a small fit of shrieking electronics.

She sat patiently inside 01's Entry Plug, distantly she could hear Gendo and research team panicking. The Eva forming higher and higher sync ratios, the electrical grid in the complex going haywire as Unit 01 drew more and more power.

"Goodbye Shinji, Gendo. This is it. I-" Yui began, only to stammer as _something_ happened.

The emergency lights flickered on and off as all around her, the Eva's computer systems went haywire, disturbances in electromagnetism... before 'it' stopped and the systems settled.

Yui Ikari had to grab the controls to stop herself flying from the sudden impact, the entry plug itself shook as suddenly more weight was _added_.

A figure emerged inside the Entry Plug with her. One moment was all it took for the man to materialize in front of her.

There was bang, no strange sound, no sign of his appearance, he just _emerged_ before her in the blink of an eye. Displacing the air around him as he pushed his existence into the space inside the Entry Plug.

Yui Ikari got to her feet in horror, hands on her mouth as the figure was revealed to be a ragged adult. An older man. A man with dark greying unwashed hair, dressed in rags, with a beard, and a face lined with the look of one aged before his time.

His skin was lighting up, no... the man's veins were lighting up. Bright white light shining from beneath his skin, and just for a moment... forming the outline of a Giant of Light. The flickering of Adam's power.

Then the light died down, the man stumbled to his knees catching his breath. Hissing in pain, the man's skin seemed to burn him, time itself seemed to have bent for him.

" **You're always leaving me behind. Ah... why?** " the Broken Man said, panting to the stunned and terrified Yui. He stood on unsteady feet, his skin feeling it was on fire before slowly cooling, his bones aching to their core.

Time had seemed to stop outside the Eva, people in the background, the testing site, the hangar, the men and women trying desperately to eject the entry plug or shut Unit 01 down, all of them stood frozen unable to move... stuck in one place within time and space.

Like Yui and the man before her, they occupied that exact time in space with no interruptions. One perfect moment of isolation.

"I... what are you?" Yui asked staring at the man with wide eyes. Terrified, but the scientist part of her mind reeling from what had just happened, thinking of how space-time had bent for this man.

 _His eyes... his eyes_ Yui thought.

The man before her stood gazing at her with hollow empty eyes, the eyes of a man who had seen the best and worst of humanity. Whom had seen what life had to offer and was not impressed, of a man who did not fear death anymore.

One of his eyes was brown, and the other was red.

" **Mother. It's me. I'm your son** " the man said looking at her with such sadness.

Original Shinji had done it, had time traveled to the day his mother had disappeared. The day she had left him behind to take Eva Unit 01. From his perspective, it had been instantaneous.

He could remember _his_ Yui, the one from the Other Timeline, screaming as she was erased from existence. Dying along with Other Lilith and the entire Other Timeline. The death of an entire universe.

"I... no that's impossible. Shinji is-" Yui stammered.

The Original Shinji breathed out heavily, still recovering from the ordeal of time travel. It was a physical process that had pained him, had forced him and his Lilith to use _all_ of their combined powers to achieve.

But it was more than the physical that weighed him down. Being here... seeing all this again from a different perspective was hard. Seeing his mother before she had abandoned him the first time, it brought back old pains that he had closed himself off to in his own timeline. The little lonely boy inside him reached out to look at his mother. A part of him wanting things to be different.

"Shinji is down there, my younger self. He doesn't know what you're doing, what this 'test' is. He's here sitting alone as you 'die' in the incident. He will spend the rest of his days aching for the mother he lost, and his father will abandon him to chase after your ghost." Original Shinji said haggardly.

Yui winced at the sound of the man's voice. He sounded so very old and so tired. The hollow eyes, rough aged skin, and battered appearance of the man standing in the Entry Plug with her was unnerving.

"Years will pass, and Shinji will pilot Unit 01. And then, during Third Impact, you will finally speak to him. Telling him that you love him, telling him goodbye as you take the Eva into space to live forever." the Broken Man said flatly.

He had to steel himself, armor himself up, just to get the words out. Whatever part of him that was still human was aching as he spoke about his past, spoke of a future that loomed over everyone and everything.

Original Shinji breathed hard at these words. His body stung him, the Angel part of him screamed in agony at what he had done, his body being ripped apart from the inside. He didn't have Other Lilith to heal him anymore.

 _It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to be that person, mom. The woman who left me, who forgot her last words to a 14-year-old boy. You don't have to walk that path, not anymore_ Shinji thought desperately.

Original Shinji grabbed her hand, his rough aged hands taking hers, old scar-riddled flesh touching clean untouched skin.

And Yui _knew._ She knew that this old man standing here was her son. That this _was_ Shinji. Somehow, he had grown up and come back to see her.

"Shinji" Yui breathed. Words failed her as emotion welled up from within, tears finding their way to her eyes.

She placed a hand on his face, feeling the rough aged skin, lined with the wrinkles and scars of a harsh brutal life. She felt herself break.

"My boy... oh my boy. What happened to you? Why are you here? Why are you like this?" Yui moaned. Her other hand squeezed his, feeling the tiny scars riddled along his palm.

 _Time travel... time travel! How is the possible!_ Yui thought, even as she held her son from the future. This mysterious man who had materialized into the Entry Plug with her, who had swam through the rivers of time itself. Had given them this one moment to talk.

"Don't you get it, mom? **You won**. In the end, everyone else loses. Gendo, me, Asuka, Rei, Misato, even SEELE... we all wither away. We die. But not you... no. Yui Ikari, victorious at last. Immortal. God-like, and roaming the depths of space forever inside the Evangelion" Original Shinji said speaking as if every word hurt him.

"I- … it works? But you... why are you here? How is this possible-" Yui said unable to stop the momentary edge to her voice at the fact that she _won_.

"I'm here because of you" the Original Shinji Ikari told his mother.

Tears welled up in his eyes, both of them, brown and red. As his mother looked at him in shock.

And so he asked the same question again, the question he had asked his mother in the Other Timeline. He asked a younger version of her and hoped for a better answer.

"Why did you do it, mom? Why? Was there ever a part of you that loved me? Tell me, please. Did you ever really love me?" the broken Shinji said tears in his eyes.

He could still remember his fight with Other Yui, remember her telling him that she did, and how he hadn't believed her. No matter how much he had wanted to.

"Shinji... you know that I do" Yui stammered. That woman's eyes were in shock, looking him over, trying to touch his face. Trying to comfort him. Yet it felt hollow.

"Then why!" he interrupted in a roar. The sorrow and pain changing to agonized rage in his heart, he had lived with so much for all these years. All of this because of her and the others. She was his mother... and she had left him and his family all alone in the dark and the cold. Left him in the ashes of a dying world.

" **Why did you work with SEELE?! Why did you want to live forever so badly! Why are you leaving your 7-year-old son behind right now!** " Shinji cried out, so many emotions brought out of him at long last.

He knew the truth know, and it hurt as it always did.

Yui flinched back at his words. And Shinji sighed, letting out slow heavy breaths.

The broken Shinji placed his hands on his mother face and felt himself sobbing weakly.

 _I don't want to do this. Don't make me, please... it doesn't have to be this way_ he thought.

"Mother... just go. I've seen how this ends, in my timeline, I don't want to do it again. This is _your_ chance to make it right. Leave this place. Forget you ever saw me. Just go. Your son is still out there." Original Shinji said.

He gestured outside, to the world frozen outside of the Eva and the Entry Plug.

"My younger self is waiting for you. **Go to him. Go and be the mother for him that you never were for me**. I can handle the Angels, and SEELE, keep my secret and live your life. Oh mom, just be there for your son. Don't let him be all alone." Shinji pleaded.

 _The new Shinji, the boy out there, I-... don't let him be like me. Don't let him be all alone._ Original Shinji thought.

Yui only stared at him.

 _Please... just leave the Entry Plug. That's all it takes. Don't ever look back, don't ever question it. I can take it from here_ he thought pleadingly.

"I can't. SEELE is still out there. My way is better. Oh, Shinji... my way is better. Humanity will survive through me." Yui said caressing his face softly.

Shinji released his mother, stepping back and seeming to shrink before her concerned gaze. In that moment, reduced to just another lonely child, before taking a deep breath and meeting her gaze with his hollow empty eyes.

"You don't need to live forever. Just live your life" Shinji whispered.

"No. Shinji, I love you, I do, but this is something I have to do." Yui said shaking off his pleads.

She had come too far to stop now, working with and within SEELE, setting everything up years in advance. She loved her son, truly, but some things were bigger than that.

"I want to believe you. I want to believe that you love me. I want that more than anything. But you're lying, and now you won't even admit it. You can't even say the words, can you? Just say it... _That you wanted your dream more than you 'loved' me_." Shinji said flatly.

Yui flinched back as if struck.

"That's not true" Yui lied, lied even to herself. A mother refusing to admit that she had a choice. That she could stop all this once and for all. All she had to do was leave the Entry Plug, and never tell anyone what she saw.

Shinji couldn't even look at her, turning away as if hurt. Facing the grim reality for a second time, facing it now in both timelines.

The broken Shinji wiped the tears from his eyes and stared unblinkingly at his mother. He was a man with nothing to lose and everything to gain, a man who had gone so far and done so much already, what was one more sin to him?

"Oh, mom. I came here to stop you. I'm so sorry." Shinji said, dying inside all over again. Reliving the events of his timeline all over again, his fight with Yui, their disagreements, her death as she was erased along with that entire universe.

 _It always ends this way...in every timeline, every universe, mother... why couldn't you just choose me._ He thought bitterly.

Then the Broken Man grabbed his mother by the throat and squeezed. Yui Ikari gasped and struggled against his grip, clawing at his face, but the Original Shinji only stared at her with grim absolute hollow empty eyes. Even now... knowing all of Yui's crimes, a part of him still loved her, this was the hardest thing he had ever done.

 **Shinji broke his mother's neck with a snap.**

Time started to flow again. People were going crazy outside, no one able to stop Eva Unit 01 as it began to absorb anyone inside the entry plug. No one knew what was happening anymore, no one knew that there were now _two_ bodies inside the Entry Plug.

" **I have no tomorrow. But there's still hope for the future** " the broken Shinji whispered.

He reached out with his Angel senses, and he found his younger self watching from afar on the outside.

The new Shinji Ikari, the boy from this timeline that would be changed forever. The Younger version of himself that was watching would 'he' believed was his mother dying.

 **Original Shinji used Adam's power one last time, reaching within the First Angel's abilities, the ability to use the powers of Adam's children... Accessing the powers of both Arael the 15th Angel, and Armisael the 16th Angel, the powers of both infection and mind penetration, mixed together and at his call.**

The Broken Man raised a hand, palm up, and he fired off a strange unseen pulse that cut through space itself to reach its target.

* * *

Young Shinji stood watching in horror as his mom was stuck inside the Eva, but he did not understand the events happening around him. He would not understand it for years to come.

When the unseen pulse struck him, he was sent flailing backward as his veins burned. He screamed.

The boy flailed wildly, feeling like his skull had just been cut open. Infection, and a piece of the Original Shinji's mind placed inside his younger self. The infection would keep the younger Shinji alive, would spread to his brain and remain localized there whilst the mind was 'merged' with his future self's.

Young Shinji fell to the floor, unable to speak, his mind was flooded with emotions, images, and thoughts that were his and yet not his. The lonely little boy twitched on the floor as if in a seizure.

Then, in the first of what would be many conversations, the thing inside the young Shinji's head spoke.

 _ **I am you, and you are me. You have a long road ahead, but you won't walk it alone. I will be with you, always. One day you will understand. Even if you never forgive me... even if you hate me, I accept that. I'm sorry. For everything.**_

The young Shinji flailed wildly, grabbing his throbbing skull and terrified of the sudden voice in his head.

 _ **This day... everything changes.**_

Young Shinji lost consciousness, his veins feeling like they were on fire, his skull feeling like it had been cut open. Images flashing by his mind, and a voice in his head, the first symptoms that would one day land the boy into a mental ward.

* * *

Inside the entry plug of Eva Unit 01, Original Shinji opened his eyes knowing that it was done. _He would be in two places at the same time._ Inside Eva Unit 01 AND inside the mind of his younger self.

He let himself and the corpse of his mother be absorbed into the Eva. Such was his control of both himself and the Eva, that even his clothes were brought along with him. The powers that Lilith and Adam had given him.

Shinji did not scream as his body was ripped apart, torn to shreds, cell by cell and reduced into an LCL like state before being taken into the Eva. What was pain to him anymore?

...

 _The Other Place  
_ _Where souls had physical form._

Original Shinji's soul remained intact, and his consciousness with it, even as the remnants of his mother's soul was absorbed along with him.

His soul grabbed onto the thrashing remains of Yui Ikari, the soul and consciousness of his mother. The two souls, Shinji and Yui, appeared as 'beings of light' from within the void that was Eva Unit 01.

"NO! NO!" the soul of 'this' Yui Ikari shouted. His mother from this timeline.

And Shinji pulled his mother close before killing her again, literally ripping her soul in two as he severed 'head' from 'body'.

Death of not only the body but of the mind and soul as well. The true death, no coming back, no resurrection or cheats. Yui Ikari was gone... and nothing would bring her back. Just like Other Adam.

Original Shinji did not cry, did not weep, as Yui faded. He let go of any feelings for this woman who had given birth to him. He no longer cared for the woman whom would have sold not only him but the entire world for her pitiful dream.

 _I didn't want it to be this way... not this cold. I didn't want the ends to justify the means... not like Gendo... I didn't want this at all. Humph, it never mattered what I wanted. This is what I am now. Broken... what they forced me to become_ He thought somberly.

With the murder of his own mother, becoming something more than human, being absorbed into Eva Unit 01 in the place of Yui, and the infection and altering of his younger self, Shinji Ikari unraveled time itself.

Putting changes in store that would ripple for years to come. All for a chance to set things right. But at what cost?

* * *

…

" _I rejected Instrumentality. And I failed everyone in the end. My wife, my children, Asuka, Misato... the list goes on._

 _This isn't about me. Never me. It's about them. I will stop SEELE, Third Impact, the Angels. I will, I've come so far now. There's no going back._

 _I will give them a better world. A world where they could have all lived. Where my children will never know a broken world, the world I have seen._ " - **The Broken Man.**

…

* * *

 _The Current Timeline  
_ _Present Day_

WEEEOOOEEE

WEEEOOOEEE

The alarm blared, a siren that cut through the morning drills. The Nerv staff stumbled in shock, listening for directions, or else startled at the suddenness of it all.

"All unnecessary staff, evacuate the hangar now!" Ritsuko shouted into the comm. The doctor's voice projected across the Geofront compound.

Nerv staff followed orders and evacuated. Eva Unit 01 activated for the first time in two months. The massive machine, more alive than machine these days, bolted into a launchpad and imprisoned. Now, something was happening.

Aoba watched his computer terminal, nearly spilling his coffee, in shock at the readings. The sync ratio was off the charts. **The Entry Plug was being released.**

All on its own. No input or commands from them at all. Even the camera was down.

Ritsuko rushed passed the evacuating staff, a team of medics following closely behind her, just as they entered the hangar.

Misato was there, the boy's guardian rushing to the hangar despite the order to evacuate.

"Shinji! What's happened to Shinji!" Misato shouted. The poor woman rushed after the slowly receding Entry Plug. The long metal tube left the back of the Eva's neck.

Some of the staff ignored orders, watching as at long last the Eva returned their pilot to them. Two months of wondering, of research and tests, experiments to free Shinji Ikari, all of it met with failure. They watched in horrid fascination.

"All units, stand back!" Ritsuko called out. The nervous medics stumbled back as Unit 01's Entry Plug shot out at long last.

Two months and the entry plug was out. Leaving the Evangelion… and releasing whatever was left of Shinji Ikari after all this time.

CLANG

The Entry Plug landed with a heavy thud, the metal tube slamming into the floor of the hangar.

Misato barely avoided the crash landing as it did so. The hunk of metal, the tube that had held a 14-year-old pilot, opened with a hiss of compressed air.

What came out was a heap of clothing. An empty plugsuit that fell out as the Entry Plug wobbled and rolled from its fall.

More and more staff emerged onto the hangar, researchers coming to see, support staff, and one Commander Ikari himself. Gendo watched from the observation deck.

"NO! What good is all your science if you can't save one boy" Misato wept. She clutched the empty plugsuit and held it close, the fabric wrinkling from the pressure as she squeezed it fruitlessly in her hands.

LCL dripped down it.

It was all too much for Misato. Two months of waiting helplessly and unable to assist in the rescue operation, two months of useless debates and orders, of the scientist having no answers, and now they had failed.

 _We failed… I- Shinji's gone. I- no… what is that?!_ Ritsuko thought. Emotions ran through her head at a rapid pace. Fear, to shock, and now awe.

A hand emerged from the upturned Entry Plug. The metal tube lay on its side, as slowly, a figure emerged from within.

Naked, covered in LCL, and with a substance steaming off his bare skin, a 14-year-old teenager stumbled out… Shinji Ikari.

The boy fell to his knees. Before he slumped his shoulders, silent, and unresponsive to the collective gasp that filled the hangar.

"Misato!" one of the medics called. And the woman looked up to see the boy she'd come to care for, the boy whom had called her the closest thing he had to a mother, a title that Misato struggled with at times.

She ran to him, ripping her jacket off and throwing it to the naked boy sitting silently.

Shinji didn't take the jacket, didn't flinch as the fabric slammed into him. He barely seemed to notice it all.

Misato hugged him, crashing into him, even as Ritsuko and the medics came forward to inspect him. Two months inside the Eva. Who knew what that could have done to the boy? Why was he covered in LCL? What was the steam coming off of him?

"Shinji! My god, we thought-" Misato stammered, before the words caught in her throat

The medics stopped in their tracks, and Ritsuko pushed two of them aside… and saw it too.

 **Shinji's eyes were red**. Not an illness, not a symptom of some disease, but a change. His iris a deep red, with the outer eye white.

Just like Rei. A change of eye color.

Ritsuko marveled at it.

Misato noticed the next thing first. The woman reached over to take his hands in hers and tried to get him to talk.

"Hey, it's okay. You're safe now. You're out. Shinji? Hey, Shinji? Whatever it is… it'll be okay. I promise" Misato was saying. Speaking in a low whisper, doing her best to cover the naked boy, trying to shield him from the curious and terrified gaze of the others.

 **Shinji was crying.**

The boy wept silent tears that trailed down his face. He blinked his red eyes, so much like Rei's, yet different, and only nodded. His low breathing one of the only signs that he was awake.

He was bawling like a baby, but entirely silent. An inner turmoil or pain that only he could feel.

That wasn't the worst part, it was the emptiness behind his eyes. The lost look in him, like his entire world had been shattered. So fragile, the 14-year-old barely hanging on by a thread.

Misato shook him gently, trying to reassure him, but it was like the boy was looking right through her. Shinji cried softly, uncontrollably, his hands trembling, and silent. Revelations that had shaken the boy to his core.

 _Shinji… what happened to you?_ Misato thought.

The stunned crowd stood gathered around the boy with red eyes, crying silently, eyes lost, and the adults at a loss as to what had happened.

Eva Unit 01 knelt above them all, bolted into the launchpad, a lone figure that loomed over the scene.

* * *

 **Young Shinji is FINALLY out of the Eva. Out of the memories of his future self.  
He will be changed after this. In more ways than one.**

 **LONG chapter, Yui's backstory, to Adam's fight and death, Shinji and Yui, Lilith's sacrifice, the Unraveling, all leading up to the return of Young Shinji.**  
 **Was it too much for one chapter?**

 **For those paying close attention, there's parallels to how Original Shinji and 01 defeated Adam and how Young Shinji defeated Sachiel in his first piloting run.**

 **I admit to changing the lore, fanfiction and all, but in general I always had strong feelings about Yui. A lot of Eva fans just seem to give her a free pass, this fic is a very different approach with her.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	30. Back

**Hey guys, another chapter relatively quick.  
Thanks to all the new readers and reviewers! I appreciate it.**

 **Had some pacing issues this time, so a bigger chapter was divided into two.**  
 **This chapter, and the next, will be very character focused. There is plot, but not as much.**

 **Here's Chapter 30 " 'Back' ". The chapter title literally has the ' ' quotation marks this time.**

* * *

" _I do not forgive you. I want you to know that."_

" _ **I understand.** "_

" _That doesn't make it right."_

" _ **No, it doesn't. I don't pretend to be innocent or perfect. I had my reasons, and you know that now** "_

" _Humph. Why did you show me that nightmare?"_

" _ **Because you needed to see. You needed to understand. If I had told you, you would not have believed me. You stopped listening to my words a long time ago, if you ever even did, boy.**_ "

" _It hurts. So much... pain... it never stops. It lingers like ashes in my mouth. How do you live with this?!"_

" _ **I don't. But you're different. With time, it'll fade. They're not your memories, they're mine.** "_

" _... I think I hate you."_

" _ **That's fine. Hate me then. Hate me for as long as you want. I-** "_

" _Stop that. Just stop it. Let me hate you. You ruined my life. So let me be angry. I hate you."_

 _\- Shinji Ikari to **The Broken Man**._

* * *

 _Two months after Shinji Ikari was absorbed into the Eva  
_ _12 hours since the boy was released from the Entry Plug_

Misato threw her hands up in frustration.

"He's not a danger! He's a goddamned kid!" she was shouting.

"There is no way of knowing that. That boy came out different! Changing eye color?! What the hell does that?! Two months ago his Eva 'woke', and killed the strongest Angel ever recorded! The boy is a walking hazard!" the general said harshly, JSSDF uniform standing in stark contrast to Nerv's.

"We remind you that as Eva pilots fall under Nerv's jurisdiction, you cannot officially order the boy to do anything. As such, you cannot order him executed, locked up, quarantined, or any other-" Fuyutsuki was saying, speaking calm and carefully. A slight edge to the man's voice.

Misato scowled. Meeting with the little 'council' of theirs was pointless. All they ever did was talk in circles. Going back and forth over the matter of Shinji. It made her sick, the General seemed to have forgotten that 'the subject' was in fact a 14 year old boy. A _human being_ and not a weapon to be locked up and studied.

Gendo Ikari was absolutely no help at all, Misato found. The man standing silently amid the frantic voices, eyes hidden behind tinted glasses.

The arguing continued. Military vs Nerv with no side reaching a compromise.

"Nerv will examine the Third Child" Nerv's Commander said suddenly.

All voices quieted at Gendo's words. Misato looked up in shock, the first words the man had spoken throughout the entire meeting.

"The Third Child will be given a full examination. Physical, emotional, psychological, and held in protective care within _our_ complex. Until such time as he is deemed fit for duty, or else confirmed as a hazard of any kind. A full report will be sent out. I trust that the military finds these terms... acceptable" Gendo Ikari said. His voice flat and stern.

 _So now you care about your son? Humph, as if, you just want your precious pilot back. 'Third Child', he has a name, you cold cold man_ Misato thought bitterly.

The General crossed his arms, military man shaking his head at the whole thing. The JSSDF had had enough dealings with Gendo Ikari to know that 'this' was as good as they were going to get, not without causing another incident.

"I will leave one of my men behind, he'll be waiting for that report. And he will give one of his own." the General said at last. Reluctantly agreeing, with a condition of his own.

"Agreed" Gendo said simply. He didn't raise his hand to shake.

Before any other complaints started up again, any last minute demands or request, Gendo simply turned and left the gathered officials to the room. Fuyutsuki sighed, and hurried after the man.

With those two gone, the whole meeting was pointless. No wonder the JSSDF hated Nerv and its commander.

* * *

 _Nerv_

Shinji Ikari stood in the shower. Letting the water run down his face. Foreign red eyes open, but lost, as the LCL was washed off his skin. The strange liquid that covered his body, scrubbed off. His body going through the motions, more reflex than actual thought.

He stood there for quietly some time. Letting his dry tears wash away with everything else.

Two Nerv security men stood outside the locker-room, waiting for the boy to finish from the privacy of the bathroom and showers. When Shinji emerged, wordless, and distant, the two men escorted him to his new accommodations.

A room that was really a 'holding cell' for the freak whom spent two months absorbed inside the Evangelion.

The boy didn't sleep. He simply sat against the wall, staring at his hands, and seemingly lost to his surrounding. Of the world but not in it.

…

When Ritsuko did the examination, she found it hard to meet the boy's gaze. He never seemed to look at her, but rather _through_ her.

"Alright, Shinji. Hold out your arm, I'm going to need a blood sample" she was saying.

Shinji Ikari had been given a set of clothes, blank fatigues, standard Nerv issue, in his size, the outfit made him look uncomfortably like a prisoner. Even Ritsuko thought that was a bit cold.

The boy held out his arm wordlessly.

"Have you noticed anything strange? Any pain? Sensations that weren't there before. Muscles or bone giving you any trouble?" Ritsuko asked, in a distant and professional tone.

"No" the boy answered, voice flat and empty.

 _Expect for the red eyes. Prolonged exposure to LCL perhaps? Maybe... but I doubt it._ Ritsuko thought.

She examined the boy's eyes, shining a low powered flashlight in his face and watching his pupils for any abnormal activity. Nothing strange but the iris color.

"Do they hurt?" Ritsuko asked, curiosity pulling at her.

The boy blinked, deep red eyes disappearing under his eyelids, before reemerging again.

"No... they don't hurt" Shinji answered in softly. Same empty flat voice as before.

For the last two months, Ritsuko had personally overseen the rescue operation. Trying everything they could think of to release the Entry Plug, from hacking the computer systems, to prying it open with a crowbar. All of it for nothing.

Commander Ikari had had to step in numerous times to stop the military from taking the Eva Unit, taking 01 to some deserted island and nuking the massive titan. Paranoid bunch, the military.

Ritsuko sighed, she was tired. She had spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to save this kid. She liked Shinji, from what she knew of him, a very different person than his father. But another part of her couldn't help but be curious.

Deep inside the Eva... what could the boy have seen? What could he have experienced?

She ran a hand across his forehead. Lightly tracing the lines on his skin for any scarring... and found none. _Nothing at all._ A perfect recovery.

 **During the breach of Nerv, when Zeruel had broken into the Hangar, a piece of debris from the blast had struck Shinji across his head. The security footage showed the boy take a direct hit, a skull fracture at the least, with blood running down his face.**

 **Now the wound was completely gone. No scars or marks of any kind.**

Ritsuko shook her head in confusion. There were days things just stopped making sense. Injuries that healed far more than should be possible.

"Looks like you're healthy, Shinji. The red eyes are a mystery, but apart from taking a sample, there's nothing we can do about it." Ritsuko said.

"Ritsuko... please... don't put a needle in my eye" the boy said suddenly. A hint of fear visible in him at the mention of a sample. The slight tremble in his voice.

She glanced uncomfortably at the needle on her desk. The clinical room around them laden with various medical equipment she had been trained to use.

"No. I suspect Misato would kill me before I took a sample" Ritsuko sighed softly.

Shinji didn't take the bait, no chuckle or laugh, even as Ritsuko actually tired to make a joke for his sake.

She was tired, too tired to attempt such a procedure and found it hard to imagine herself carrying it out. Besides, Ritsuko was sure Misato would protest. She'd make note of the observations and check on the eyes later.

"We're done here. The men outside will escort you back to your room. I'm sure this will all be over soon" Ritsuko said, not sure if she believed the words herself.

She turned to go, but stopped suddenly. A hand grasping her by the wrist.

Ritsuko gasped softly, shocked as she turned to see the boy holding her back by her arm.

"Shinji-"

" **How long have you been sleeping with my father?** " the boy asked suddenly.

Ritsuko bulked at the question. Surprised at the shame and embarrassment that fell over her momentarily, before it was washed away by indignation. Whatever had happened to Shinji, maybe it hadn't been for the better.

"Let me go." Ritsuko hissed bitterly.

The boy did not. Foreign red eyes meeting hers for the first time since the examination, no longer looking _through_ her, but right at her. As if she was only person in the world. An object of his complete attention, a vast contrast to how distant and hollow the 14 year old boy had been for hours now.

 _How did he find out? It's not exactly a romance, not lately, if it ever was. There's things you're too young to understand Shinji. How the loneliness eats at you._ She thought.

Ritsuko told him as much, starting that he was young, that she was not trying to be his mother or anything, and how he had found out? That it was incredibly rude to talk about such things.

" **He doesn't love you.** " Shinji said suddenly. The boy having listened to her speech silently, red eyes focused on her.

Ritsuko flinched. What had brought that on?

" **My father doesn't love you, Ritsuko. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love anyone. Only a ghost, only the dead. I'm sorry... but we're just tools to him. The both of us. To be used and thrown away.** " the boy said, eyes distant and sorrowful.

No child should have eyes like that.

Shinji let go of her wrist, releasing his grip on her. _I'm sorry_ the motion seemed to say. Before he turned to face the wall, dismissing her now that he had said what he needed to say.

Something very strange was happening to Ritsuko. The doctor felt herself blink back tears that she had hid for months, even from herself, something so cold and brutal, but honest, but so very _true_ , washing over her.

Her carefully constructed lie falling apart at the seams. With the lie shattered, she felt like she was a little girl again, and she breathed in harshly at the boy's words.

Wordlessly, Shinji took her trembling hand.

" **It's okay. You don't have to be that way. My father isn't worth it. You are so much more than** _ **him**_ **. More than his doll** " Shinji said, speaking with a quiet yet forceful tone. Not harsh, but comforting in its own way. A shared pain.

Whom would have thought? Common ground between a grown woman and a 14 year old teenager.

"I... why did you-" Ritsuko stammered, the words never quite coming out.

" **I need to get back to my holding cell** " Shinji said in farewell. The boy leaving the room, and Ritsuko behind, their eyes meeting before he left.

Two Nerv men, dressed in black, escorted him away.

Ritsuko stood there, alone, glad that there was no one to see her like that. Brushing off whatever stupid tears had formed. Yet the cold stung her even now, the lie gone. Deep inside, she guessed she had always known the truth about Gendo Ikari. And that was what hurt the most.

* * *

His holding cell was nothing special.

Just an empty 'box' with a bed. Apparently, bathroom usage depended on how many times they let him out of the cell. All just 'precaution' according to Nerv.

Misato was waiting there when he arrived. The older woman turning to face him the moment he stepped inside.

His legal, and temporary, guardian rushing to his side and putting her hands on his shoulders. Kneeling slightly so that they were at eye level, she knew that Shinji always appreciated that.

"Shinji? Hey, you okay? Ritsuko said they were running test, did they hurt you? Have you eaten anything?" Misato was saying. The woman fussing over him.

The boy only shook his head weakly. Seeming to wobble as Misato tightened her grip on his shoulders, a result of her fussing.

"The test didn't hurt" Shinji answered softly.

"Don't play the tough guy act with me. If they-" Misato began, expression turning cross. How dare Nerv imprison the boy after all he'd been through.

"Misato. They didn't hurt me. Ritsuko knows you'd kill her if they did" Shinji said softly. Trying a lighthearted 'joke' but his guardian could see the humor just wasn't in him.

Like the boy was just going through the motions. The humor never caught reaching the boy's eyes. It hurt Misato to see him like that.

Nonetheless, Misato breathed a sigh of relief. Letting his shoulders go.

 _Red eyes... so strange. Almost like Rei's._ Misato thought, looking Shinji over once again.

The boy took a seat on his new bed, strange that Nerv had step up this cell so quickly. Or perhaps the holding cell had always been here, hidden in the lower levels of the complex.

Misato joined him, sitting beside him like they were on a bench. Misato glancing worryingly at him. She knew that he was hurting. That he was _different_. And it was more than just the eyes.

Thankfully, she didn't ask. She could see that he didn't want her to, she'd had a lot of practice with Shinji, she knew when not to push.

"Listen. I'm going to send for some food. Maybe sneak in some candy or something. Are you hungry?" Misato said, reaching over awkwardly to pat him on the shoulder.

The boy did not respond. Just sat there staring blankly at the wall.

 _Damn... still don't know how to do this. Shinji... I'm not a real mom but I'm trying_ she thought.

"Thanks Misato. Hey, when can I get out of here. I wanna go home" Shinji said suddenly, the boy seeming to tremble slightly as he spoke. The vulnerable boy underneath all the isolation and distance he had seemingly put up these past few hours.

"I... I'm not sure, Shinji. I'm trying. I'm doing everything I can. Just- just hang in there, alright. I know this isn't fair, but I'm gonna get you out of here. Even if I have to bust some heads." Misato said trying to smile but the smirk just never came.

 _Nerv and the JSSDF are scared. Confused and paranoid. Bunch of idiots_ Misato thought.

He managed a halfhearted smile at that, looking up at her, seeming to come back into the world, and nodding at her.

"Okay" he said, almost hopeful.

…

Misato would have stayed longer, but Nerv wouldn't allow it. In the end, she was forced to leave him in the holding cell, with the promise that she would be coming back for him soon. That they'd go home, together.

…

 _Later_

Young Shinji sat there alone, in the cell, unable to sleep. Foreign red eyes lost, he hadn't moved much since Misato had left. How much time had passed?

 _ **Shinji. I can't keep doing this for you. You have to talk to them. You have to show them that it's still 'you' in here**_ the voice in his head stirred.

Shinji blinked.

The boy hadn't spoken for hours, not since leaving the Entry Plug. It had been _him,_ the Other Shinji, doing all this for him. Taking control over the boy's body and dragging him to the shower, dragging the boy to the examination room with Ritsuko, holding 'his' arm out so the doctor could draw blood. The Other speaking to Misato and asking when they could leave, the Other speaking for the boy whom had lost his voice.

The Broken Man having to put on a performance for the adults.

Shinji's lips trembled as he glanced down at his hands.

"Go away" the boy whispered at long last. The first words he'd spoken since he'd left the Memories of another man. Since the boy had shut down.

" **They don't trust you, boy. They're scared of what they don't understand. You need to show them that you're still valuable to them. To Nerv and SEELE. It's the only way we can leave.** "

Shinji blinked in surprise.

They weren't in the cell anymore. It had happened so seamlessly that Shinji had not even noticed it until it had happened. The whole world was gone, and they were inside his head.

* * *

 _The Other Place  
_ _Shinji's mind._

The boy sat before the old man.

The two figures having emerged onto the scattered remains of a plot of land. The ruins of a city visible in the distance. Water washing softly onto the shore, where the ruined concrete met the red sea.

Young Shinji narrowed his eyes and looked up at the Broken Man.

Gazed at Old Man Shinji. The man dressed in rags. Unkempt almost feral greying hair, and with mixed colored eyes. The old man missing two fingers on one hand, dark weathered and battered skin. The signs of a harsh life, and with haunted eyes that made him look over a hundred years old.

" **You have to talk sooner or later, boy. I will not live your life for you** " Old Man Shinji said.

"... let me go" Shinji whispered.

" **I will. After.** " the Old Man said softly.

Shinji only crossed his arms, sitting crossed legged, and hugged himself tighter. Head held in his lap, lost to the world around him. Even here, even now.

The Broken Man strode over and knelt before the teenager.

" **It hurts. I know better than anyone-** " the elder of the two began.

SMACK

Young Shinji punched Old Man Shinji. Hard. Right across the face.

The boy bringing his fist forward with as much strength as he could muster. Then he rose, even as the old man stumbled back silently.

Old Man Shinji found his footing with ease, shrugging off the punch.

So Young Shinji hit him again. Right in the old man's stupid face.

SMACK

Then they were brawling... no... **only** Young Shinji was brawling, lashing out with harsh raw emotion. Tears falling down Young Shinji's face as he pinned his older self down.

Bashing his fists into the man's face.

"Ah!" the boy cried out. Harsh tears trailing down his cheek.

PUNCH

PUNCH

All the while, Old Man Shinji simply watched. The elderly man lying on his back without protest, not defending himself in anyway, allowing the boy to hurt him.

Yet Original Shinji never blinked. Not once. Not even when Young Shinji's fists found his eyes. Mixed eyes, sorrowful and old, staring up at the youngster blankly.

Bruises appeared on the Broken Man's skin, harsh purple marks where he was beaten. No whimpers or cries of pain from the old man. A statue that bled in silence. Pain was nothing new to a man already broken.

 _It was you! My entire life! It was you... you... killed... you ruined... all your fault!_ The boy thought through his punches and tears.

Until finally, Young Shinji collapsed. The boy gasping quietly in low breathes. Panting as he leaned against one of the walls in this place. Spent. Tired.

The Broken Man rose, moving like a corpse that had had life breathed back into it. Eyes red and bloodied. Face littered with ugly marks from where he'd been struck.

Wordlessly, Old Man Shinji knelt to the Young Shinji for a second time.

Young Shinji flinched as the old man took one of his hands.

" _ **Sigh**_ **. Boy, you never learned how to punch properly. It's not like using the Eva. You hurt yourself more than me** " was all Old Man Shinji said. The man's voice blank and flat. Stating a fact.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Young Shinji cried out. Ripping his hand away from the Broken Man's grasp.

The boy's knuckles were dark with bruises too. He _had_ hurt himself more than he had the elder, a fact.

Wordlessly, faded tears still dripping down his face, Young Shinji winced clutching his bloodied knuckles.

" **You realize that this is in your mind? It's a bridge between the two of us. Your hand is fine in the real world.** " Old Man Shinji said. Injuries not bothering the man in the slightest.

Young Shinji rose with an anguished shouted. Fists raised again.

The Old Man rolled his aged tired eyes, and when Young Shinji tried to punch him again... the elder caught the younger.

The Broken Man caught Shinji's fist with the palm of his hand. Squeezing tightly, locking the boy's hand within his own, the elder moved. Yanking the boy forward and spinning him.

He got the boy into a headlock, and together, the two fell to the floor. The boy thrashing as he was held by the adult. Not painfully, but a restraint. A hold that would force the boy to listen for once, so they could talk.

There was no anger, no desire to hurt the boy, only a hold.

"I hate you!" Shinji shouted. Locked in place by the Broken Man.

" **Yes. I am the reason you were placed in a mental ward. Why your head hurt for so many years, the visions, the seizures, and my voice. I did not want that, I tried to protect you. I told you to always 'look away' from the visions, until you were ready** " The Broken Man said. Voice bittersweet, regret and apology.

"You... you... you killed my mom. You killed her three times! Screw you!" the boy screamed. Wailing as he struggled to break free of the old man's grasp. His breath harsh and stammered.

Yet the Broken Man did not release him. No matter how frustrated the elder was with the youngster, no matter how divided the two of them were, no matter their issues, the Broken Man did not wish any harm to the boy. So he held Shinji in place.

" **Our mother. And yes, I killed her.** "

"Ah! Monster! I... she was my mom. She loved me. She was the only one who ever loved me. She-" Shinji whimpered. His voice coming out in small hiccups. Like all his breath was gushing out of his lungs all at once.

" **No, boy. Our mother didn't love us.** " The words came out frankly. Another fact.

The words cut at Young Shinji. Like a punch to the gut, deep into his soul. A wound that stung even now. He stopped struggling and lay there. Faded tears in his lost eyes, hanging limply in the old man's grasp.

" **Yui Ikari was a terrible person. She left you. She left me. And given the chance, she would do it again.** "

"... I... you... What the hell is wrong with you?! What kind of person says these things?!" the boy shouted. Hiccuping harshly at the words. Eyes dangerously on edge.

" **Me. Because you needed the truth. Our mother only used us. Just like our father. And it hurts, I know it does. I've had years to deal with it, you've had hours** " The Broken Man said softly.

He rose, and gently released the boy. Letting Young Shinji pant as he stood in this place, this fragment of another timeline, the bridge between their two minds.

Shinji kept his eyes glued to his feet, breathing like he'd run a marathon. Like the wind had been knocked out of him.

All his life, for as long as he could remember, his mother had been a glimmer in the dark for him. So many years in the ward, so much time alone and isolated, so much time knowing that his father didn't give a damn about him.

But he had remembered his mother holding him as a baby. Had remembered Yui smiling down at him. Shinji had loved her. Had cherished what few memories of her that he had had. The only person he remembered having ever loved him.

The Broken Man knew what he was thinking.

" **And it was a lie. A tool. I know it hurts. To realize just how 'alone' we really were, boy. To know that** **our** **parents were monsters. They didn't care about anyone but themselves and their dreams, their own happiness over everyone else. They were selfish.** " The Broken Man said softly.

He reached a hand over to the boy's shoulder. A distant comfort, but one nonetheless. The boy did not resist, he stood there, breathing softly, head hung low.

"It's true then. It's not a nightmare. This is real life. Everything I saw" the boy said.

The Broken Man nodded.

Shinji brushed the old man's hand off, three fingers where there should have been five, and sunk to the ground again. Head cradled in his hands.

The Broken Man joined him. Sitting beside the boy wordlessly.

Two Shinji Ikari(s) separated by the lives they lived, and over 40 years of experiences. Both aged before their times.

Young Shinji sat there, beside the Original, head held in his hands. Heart aching at the truth. So very alone even now.

 **The sorrows of an unloved child.**

 _Mother... Father... parents aren't supposed to be this way. They should have loved me. Why? Why couldn't they just love me? Why wasn't I enough for them? Why... why couldn't they have just been there for me?_ Young Shinji thought holding himself tight.

He was a child all over again. Alone in a cruel world. Rejected by Gendo and abandoned by Yui.

Just like before, when he had seen the visions of the Woman in the Dark, mistaking her for his mother, and when Asuka had found him in his room. Crying his eyes out, the ache that ran deep, the loneliness that only the unloved can feel. The abandonment.

 _Mom... oh mom. I was wrong about you. I don't want to believe it. But it's true... I saw it. I saw the memories._ He thought.

The Broken Man sat beside him wordlessly. Letting the boy breathe, having gone through all of this himself years and years ago.

"You ruined my life... the ward..." the boy whispered slowly. His whole life coming into perspective now, an explanation at long last. No more wondering, he knew _everything_ now.

" **I didn't want it to be this way. I wanted you to have more.** " Original Shinji answered truthfully. The man's voice a low rough grumble.

 _I had less than you. Not more._ The boy thought. Years of the ward, the white rooms and the doctors, the pills, the headaches and seizures, Dr. Page and her tests, Mari and everyone leaving him... all of it was the Original Shinji's fault.

 _ **You've lived 14 years of your life. I've lived 61. They were long, long, years. More than enough for a lifetime. I feel so, so very old... everyday. So... no, boy. You don't have less than I did.**_ The voice echoed across the boy's head.

Shinji blinked in surprise, slowly, coming to terms with the thing inside his head.

" **We can talk much easier now. But I'm still inside your head** " was all the Broken Man said.

Shinji narrowed his red, watery, eyes at the Broken Man.

"I hate you" he whispered again.

" **I know. Judge me all you want, hate me, but** _ **please**_ **... answer me this... what would you have done in my place?** " The Broken Man said. The Old Man turning to face the boy directly.

Eyes locked with eyes. Shinji staring unblinkingly at Shinji.

"..."

" **What. Would. You. Have. Done?** " The Broken Man asked a second time. Saying the words slowly, as if they hurt the man to say, carefully spacing them out so Young Shinji heard them perfectly. No malice in the man's voice at all, no anger, but an honest question.

A world in ruin, a life wasted, the Post Impact World. All of humanity dead and gone, down to the last soul, only the Original Shinji Ikari left on the entire planet. A man whom had lost everything he had ever cared about. Used and thrown away by both his parents. By SEELE and Nerv. All of it... the life of the Original Shinji. The sole survivor of an entire universe. An entire timeline. What would the boy have done in the man's place?

"... I don't know" Shinji whispered at long last.

The two sat there. Close, yet somehow apart even now. A distance between them. But the boy had woken at long last. Speaking for the first time in hours. Forced to face the truth and deal with it in his own way.

That was all the Broken Man could hope for. It was a start.

"Please... just leave me alone." Shinji said turning away. He didn't know what to feel anymore, too many memories and thoughts clouding his head. The life of another man fresh in his mind, the truth of his parents, it was all so much.

Old Man Shinji waved his hand, wordlessly, and both versions of Shinji Ikari vanished from this strange place, this bridge between the two minds.

….

Shinji flinched as he found himself sitting in his holding cell. Glancing down at his hands, he saw that they were fine. No marks along his knuckles at all.

* * *

 _Deeper into Nerv_

"The military is paranoid as ever. JSSDF is afraid of Unit 01. They want to take the Evangelion far away and nuke it. I've stopped them for now" Gendo was saying.

The man stood with his expression hidden behind tinted glasses, gloved hands held behind his back, with the projected holograms surrounding him in the dark room. SEELE.

"But?" Keel asked, in an expectant and annoyed tone.

"They are worried about the boy. The Third Child." Gendo answered.

"Ah, the Freak. Came back with some changes, did he? Seems like you're losing control" another SEELE member called out harshly.

Gendo did not respond.

"Is the boy still an asset to us?" Keel asked instead. The Freak had always been a mystery to them. An unpredictable factor in their plans, at times SEELE was unclear as to whether or not the boy was worth all trouble they'd gone through to monitor him.

And other times, with such strange abilities and piloting record, the boy was definitely worth a watch. They had theories that made him curious.

 _The boy's mother wanted him to be an Eva pilot. Or so we think, a contingency if she had failed to pilot the Eva herself._ Keel thought. Never quite realizing the truth.

"I believe so. His record speaks for itself. I am having him held here, under examination, until he is deemed a non-hazard." Gendo answered flatly. Voice empty and business like.

"We'll be sending our agent as well. To help the boy's diagnosis along." another SEELE member said suddenly.

 _Dr. Page. As always. That woman is a nuisance_ Gendo thought having to hide the flicker of annoyance.

Keel seemed to sense Gendo's irritation. The man was hard to read, and had been ever since his wife's death, but if one looked closely, you could see the traces of reaction in Gendo. Human after all.

"The boy's Eva spoke. I find that alarming. Yet he could still be an asset, one that the military cannot be allowed to get a hold of. The JSSDF has always been... troublesome. See to it that the military is dealt with, and put the Third Child back to work. Get things under control, Mr. Ikari." Keel said sternly. The last words coming out cold and harsh, the undertone of a threat from a superior.

And with the orders given, the meeting ended. The holograms fading as the video conference was shut down. The lights turning back on.

Nerv's Commander bowed his head slightly as SEELE left him. These so called 'powerful men' didn't matter, Gendo would suffer them for as long as it took. But there were days when they got on his nerves.

* * *

 _The next day  
_ _Misato's apartment._

"What do you mean the idiot is back?" Asuka asked.

"Don't call him that." Misato hissed, the woman getting annoyed at the girl's strange relationship with Shinji.

Asuka shrugged, waiting for an answer.

"The Entry Plug was released last night. It's been hectic ever since. I'm trying to get him home, but it might take awhile. Look... he's been though a lot. So just take it easy on him" Misato was saying.

Asuka crossed her arms. 'Take it easy on him', what did that even mean? Asuka wasn't hard on him, not when the idiot didn't deserve it.

The two of them sat at the breakfast table. Asuka having wondered why Misato had come in so late last night. The adult had woken up late, and had pulled her aside to 'talk' all of a sudden.

"He's different now. Not just... just do this for me, alright." Misato said almost pleading.

 _Everything is all about Shinji. The golden boy. Two months he's been gone, and we've had to pick up the slack... two months where everybody was crying and moaning- and... and.._ Asuka thought.

The anger just wasn't there like it used to be. It just wasn't the same, she couldn't pretend to hate him anymore.

Freaking Shinji just to be so... so 'nice' all the time. He had saved Asuka's life more than once now. The boy had been put under house arrest for saving her the first time, for diving into that volcano to save her. Then later she'd hurt him badly, after she'd learned about his time in the mental ward, with their fight in the kitchen.

Then 'stupid Shinji' just had to go and save her life a second time. The boy throwing her Eva to safety after Unit 01 had been taken by that strange Angel whom had seemed to bend space around itself, living shadows dancing around its spherical body and pulling objects into the void. Shinji forced under by the Angel whilst Asuka and Rei were left to the safety of higher ground, the boy choosing to save them over himself.

 _Idiot. I never asked you to do that... you didn't have to be taken... I could have pulled you out... couldn't I have? I could have... or maybe we'd both have been dragged underneath._ The German girl thought with a slight pause.

Asuka grumbled to herself, eating her cereal for the countless time this month. Misato didn't seem to notice.

Misato was more worried about Rei and Mari than Asuka.

…

 _Nerv  
_ _Higher levels, general areas_

The eldest of the Eva pilots stood, arms crossed, face almost red from the annoyance and anger of how all these stupid adults were treating her.

"Let me through. Where are you holding him? Uh, bunch of tough guys scared of a 14 year old? What the hell is wrong with you?" Mari was saying.

The Nerv staff only shook their heads, the lower levels of the Geofront were off-limits, to the Eva pilots and more. Even Misato needed special clearance to go down to those levels.

"For safety. They're still testing the boy-" one of the men dressed in black said. Security for Nerv, and the man looked like he'd seen Mari's type before. Judging the girl before she'd ever spoken to them.

'Trouble maker' the man's expression said the moment he saw Mari.

"Shinji is not a hazard! He's a kid whose been gone for two months! You guys just don't get it, the kind of shit we pilots have to deal with. Angels and Evas... ahhh" Mari said, wanting to shout in frustration but holding it in.

She'd been arguing with the men for twenty minutes now.

 _That dummy is all alone down there... what are these asshats doing to him? What are they doing to my boyfriend?!_ Mari thought.

"No. If the boy is cleared, he will be released. No more visitors until such time. Commander Ikari's orders." the man said.

Mari shook her head. Eyes darting to the hall just behind the two men in black. The hall with the special key activated elevators to the lower levels. If she managed to run pass them... if she could reach the emergency stairs instead... there had to be some stairs nearby, there just had to be...

The other guard shifted. Expression grim and annoyed.

"Don't try it, girl." the man said.

"Humph. Dickheads" Mari said, forced to march off alone. Unable to do anything but go home, no sync test for the day, nothing that Nerv needed from her. Nothing to do but wait. Maybe try again tomorrow.

It sucked. Unable to see her boyfriend after all that had happened. Misato had told her that he wasn't allowed visitors, but it stung all the same.

* * *

 _Back with Shinji.  
_ _Holding cell_

"And you're sure you're fine? Reports were that you were crying when you came out. That's nothing to be ashamed of. It would have been horrifying" Dr. Page was saying.

The American 'doctor' sat across from Shinji in his holding cell. Falsely sweet tone, professional demeanor, and speaking perfect Japanese.

"I was in shock. It was a lot to deal with... coming back from the Eva. I don't really remember it, sorry" the boy answered simply.

Page nodded, taking notes on her clipboard again. The doctor watching him with her complete attention. Nothing missed. Every twitch of the lips, every blink, and yet finding him hard to read.

 _Is that still 'you' in there? My patient... or something else? The thing inside his head._ Page thought.

The boy did not gave her anything to work with. Foreign red eyes meeting her calmly, occasionally glancing at his feet like he always did. Shinji, often uneasy at her presence, taking little joy from their meetings as always, despite her efforts over the years.

"And you're sure you don't remember anything. Nothing from the two months inside... when you were away?" Page asked softly.

"No" Shinji lied. The boy shaking his head apologetically. As if he really was sorry that he couldn't help her.

 _The boy is either telling the truth, or he's gotten a lot better at lying. Impressive._ Page thought with a small smile. She honestly did not know which was more likely. For now, it wasn't important.

"Well then, Shinji. I think you've handled all of this quite admirably. You are as sane as the last time we met. My report will say the same. I'm sure you'll be out of here shortly. The JSSDF will drop this 'hazard' business, your father will see that" Page said sweetly.

The 'doctor' rose, stretching out a hand in goodbye. Model and professional as always.

Shinji nodded slowly. The boy hesitated slightly, seeming to mull something over.

Page raised her eyebrow a fraction of an inch.

 _Ah, so there's something about his father that's bothering him_ Page thought, moments before she shook Shinji's hand. She never missed a thing when it came to her favorite patient.

"Shinji. I've been seeing you for years now. You know that you can tell anything, right? Anything at all. And it can stay between us. Doctor patient confidentiality" Page said softly, offering up a comforting smile.

The doctor kneeling down slightly, so the two of them were at eye level, she knew the boy found it easier to talk that way.

"My father... I don't know what's wrong with him..." Shinji said slowly. Eyes darting back and forth, not wanting to meet Page's gaze. Another tell, Page noted, of him struggling to get the words out.

"What do you mean?" Page asked, her voice falsely concerned and sympathetic.

"He tried to hit me" the boy whispered.

"... what?" Page asked in disbelief.

"It happened a while back. Before I- before Nerv was breached and the Eva- just... _before_. He took me out of school to visit my mom's grave... and he tried to slap me." Shinji said grumbling over the words.

Page raised an eyebrow at that, before letting it fall, something so unexpected that it caught her by surprise.

"He was angry at me... but all I asked was if he missed mom. Then he tried to hit me. I think... I think something's bothering him." Shinji said slowly.

 _Gendo, the man with almost no emotions, losing his cool? And of course it revolved around his dead wife. He's always been too secretive for our liking, distant and cold for years now. Unhinged? Possible... hmm SEELE will not like it. Lashing out at one of our assets. Getting into 'incidents' with the military for control of the Evas. We need him to have things under control_ Page thought grimly.

The doctor's face a mask of professional inquiry.

"Oh Shinji. I'm so sorry to hear that." Page told him.

"I shouldn't have mentioned it. It was a while back and... I don't know. Just something that's been bothering me" the boy said. Putting on another performance.

"No. I'm glad you told me. This can stay between us for now, and remember, you can always talk to me, Shinji. You have my work number" Page said. Reassuring the boy before shaking hands in one final goodbye.

Shinji watched her go, a strange woman, but very observant.

Medical test, cleared. Psychological test, cleared. Now... how to get the military off his back?

* * *

 _After another day in the holding cell_

"Are you sure about this, Shinji? This is beyond anything we've ever tried" Fuyutsuki, Deputy Commander of Nerv, second only to Gendo, said.

The older man walking beside the 14 year old, and emerging out into the hangar side by side. Emerging onto the lit platform from the dark hallway.

"I can do it" was all the boy said. Voice distant and seemingly barely aware of Fuyutsuki's presence.

Shinji was dressed in his plugsuit again, a new one put together quickly by the staff, and kept his eyes downcast. Speaking only when necessary.

 _Three days in the holding cell have not been kind to him. No wonder Captain Katsuragi wants him out already. Forgive us, boy. You are only a pawn in a larger game_ Fuyutsuki thought darkly.

"This is where I leave you" the Deputy Commander said, seeing Shinji off before heading for a lift to the observation level.

Shinji was surprisingly calm about the whole thing, only fidgeting with the comm unit in his ear, wanting to make sure it worked before he walked on.

Nerv's hangar was cleared of all non-essential personnel. Strangely enough, Ritsuko had called in sick, their head scientist having gone home early two nights ago.

Dr. Akagi had only left messages saying she was using her sick days. No one knew exactly why... but Fuyutsuki let the poor woman have a few days off after all the work she'd done trying to rescue Shinji.

Instead, Ritsuko's assistant Maya Ibuki led the test in her superior's place.

"Releasing Entry Plug. Shinji... be careful" Maya called from the comm.

The boy did not respond. He strode forward, walking passed Eva Unit 01, and continued further along just as the Entry Plug for Unit 00 was opened.

The tube coming free with a hiss of compressed air, before the ladder fell at his feet, the doors opening as the Eva knelt.

…

On the Observation level, various staff and personnel watched curiously.

Rei watching with worried eyes, hands unusually erratic as her friend, the boy she hadn't seen in two months, entered her Evangelion Unit.

Gendo only stood stone faced and silent beside the JSSDF representative.

…

Inside Eva Unit 00, Shinji Ikari sat crossed legged. Eyes closed and breathing softly.

"Establishing sync ratio. Raising... raising" Maya was calling on an open channel on the comm.

Misato watched on with baited breath. Part of her wanted to scream at these researchers for trying this so suddenly. Cross piloting with the Evas was incredibly dangerous. Rei was a perfect example of that, but to date Shinji was the only pilot to have ever successfully done it. Having once synced with Unit 03 in the past.

Rei felt her lips tremble at the memory of the her failed attempt to cross pilot. The Eva going 'mad' and lashing out, banging its head against all in its path, and sending her to the hospital for days. More than a week before she had even met Shinji. Nerv claimed Rei could potentially pilot 00 and 01, but the reality was far more tricky.

"Sync ratio... 40%. 43%. 48%. 50%. 54%. 57%... holding at 61%. Operational sync achieved" Maya's voice called out slowly on the intercom. The researcher breathing easier now the first step had gone well.

...

From within Eva Unit 00, Shinji sat crossed legged, eyes closed, and hands raised slightly as if in prayer. His sync ratio with Unit 00 holding steady, it was different than 01, but operational. He had proved his point.

He opened his eyes and rose, pressing commands on the console.

The Entry Plug was released for a second time. And Shinji calmly walked out, avoiding anyone's gaze, distant, even as he crossed the hangar floor... heading for...

heading for... Eva Unit 02.

* * *

Asuka came walking through the crowd of people. Pushing aside a few disgruntled technicians, as she gasped at the sight of the test. The sight of Shinji heading for her Eva Unit.

The first time she'd seen him since returning. She still didn't know how to feel, what she would say to him, but this was different.

 _That's my Eva... he can't... he can't just stroll in and drive! He can't. Ah Shinji... you better not_ Asuka thought.

"Entry Plug released" Maya called for a second time. As Unit 02's plug came out with a hiss. Shinji stepped inside, before the plug was receded back into Unit 02.

Just as before, the people in the observation level watched in awe. Medical team on standby, Maya overseeing things, Misato pacing back and forth, as elsewhere Gendo and Rei stood watching silently.

Asuka only stared open mouthed as the intercom went off again.

"... sync ratio raising. 15%. 22% 25% 31%" Maya was saying.

Something caught in Asuka's throat, a lump in her chest, at the sight of _her_ Eva responding to another pilot. Another kid that wasn't her. That wasn't right... Unit 02 was her's... she had had to earn the position of Eva pilot. She had to train for months to achieve an operational sync level.

"44%. 46%... 49%... Holding at 54%. Operational sync achieved." Maya said, her voice shaking slightly with excitement and awe at the sight of the readings.

…

"There you have it. **A Universal Eva Pilot.** With records showing operational sync with Units 01, 03, and now 00 and 02. One with a clean bill of health. Medically and psychologically cleared. I trust that is acceptable to the JSSDF" Gendo said.

Nerv's Commander turning to face the military's representative, left behind by the General to oversee their examination and conclusions regarding the Third Child.

 _Universal but limited. Barely crossing the 50% sync on the other Evas_ Gendo made mental note of.

JSSDF battalion commander, Lieutenant Colonel Hashi, known by his men as 'the Boss', crossed his arms and met Gendo's gaze.

"I see another strange anomaly regarding that boy. I don't like it." Hashi said, stern faced and mistrustful of all this Eva business.

Angels and Evas, what the Lieutenant Colonel wouldn't give to go back to the old days before all this madness. Kids piloting machines that could take on Nukes? Strange creatures attacking their cities, the military playing second fiddle to a mix of foreign and national agency(Nerv).

"He is an asset that is too valuable to throw away, or lock up. I intend to put him back on duty. He has been cleared by all examinations, deemed a non-hazard." Gendo said simply.

Hashi grunted. He hated dealing with Nerv, most of the military did.

"I can see your points. I will report it the general. But off the record, a suggestion, if nothing more... keep an eye on that boy." Hashi said darkly.

He shook Gendo's hand in farewell, more of a formality than anything else. And turned to leave, Gendo more than happy to have the JSSDF drop their paranoia. Allowing Gendo to get back to work at long last. SEELE off his back for now...

* * *

Shinji walked off the hangar. Having been released from Unit 02's entry plug, and wasting no time in leaving. Distantly he could hear the plug closing up behind him.

 _Sorry Asuka. It's not fair, but I needed to get the military to back off_ Shinji thought. But which one?

There were murmurs above, from the crew whom had watched from the safety of the higher levels.

Misato was up there, no doubt trying to find Gendo and arguing for his release as soon as possible.

Still, Shinji looked up, to where his father was... and looked passed the man... looking at the pale skinned girl watching him from above.

Rei. The girl whom had sat beside Eva Unit 01 for hours at a time, waiting for him to come back. Waiting for her friend... and she had missed his return in the end. It must have been hard for her, to see her only friend gone for so much time.

Rei blinked awkwardly at his gaze. Her hands had been tingling in concern as she watched the test, Shinji downcast and avoiding everyone's lingering gaze. But now, their eyes met.

Shinji raised a hand and waved. Red eyes shinning up at the lonely girl above him, downcast but not gone. Not empty.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Rei did the same. Raising her hand up to wave back at him, the first time she had ever done such a thing.

Less than the shadow of a smile appeared on the girl's lips. She was so glad to see him. Alive and unhurt.

"Rei" Gendo called suddenly.

The pale skinned girl turned wordlessly as the Commander beckoned her to follow. Rei frowned, turning to leave as ordered, yet glancing back to the hangar.

But Shinji had already gone. Escorted out by Fuyutsuki, heading for his holding cell for the last time.

* * *

…

The JSSDF agreed that the Third Child was too valuable not to use, and concurred with Nerv's assessment that he was not a hazard. It seemed the matter was dropped for now. Tension between Nerv and the military put on hold.

Commander Ikari ordered the boy's release.

…

* * *

"You're free to go" the guard told him.

Shinji barely looked up. Nodding as he was handed a fresh set of clothes that Misato had grabbed for him back at the apartment.

Changing in the locker room, he made his way out and found his temporary guardian waiting for him. Misato standing out in the hall as he emerged wearing his street clothes. Three days of being held at Nerv at had not been kind to him.

Young Shinji just wanted to leave.

"Ready to get out of here?" she asked, the older woman doing her best to keep things causal. Not wanting to push Shinji after all he'd been through. Avoiding the changes that seemed to cling to the boy after leaving the Entry Plug of Unit 01. Not to mention the dangerous cross piloting experiment, a success no doubt, but Misato was livid at how quickly they had set it up.

"Yes, please. I just wanna get the hell out of here" Shinji said only managing a weak smile.

 _ **We got you out, free. But you should see Rei before you go. She's been worried about you**_ The Broken Man said.

The voice sounding off from inside Shinji's head. But there was no pain. No flicker of surprise or annoyance. It simply was.

 _Later... I'm tired_ Shinji thought.

… _**fine**_ The Broken Man muttered reluctantly.

Misato put a hand on his shoulder.

He was happy to see her. He was, really, but so much had happened. So much that he was still processing. He wished he could have taken comfort in her, the woman whom had been like a mother to him... the woman whom had been a better mother to him than his own.

"Shinji... is something wrong?" Misato asked suddenly. His guardian catching the lowering of his eyes suddenly, the lost look that came from remembering his mother's screams as she'd died.

"No... I'm just tired." he said softly. Putting on a brave face for Misato.

"It's over now. Let's get you home" Misato said beaming up at him.

Young Shinji took her hand, and together they left the hall. Walking out of Nerv.

...

 _Outside Nerv_

Misato tried to talk to him as they left. Just making conversation but he had too much on his mind to respond in kind.

She drove him out of Nerv, leaving the Geofront behind, and blinked as he watched the area shrink in the distance. Faded memories of the Other Timeline littering his thoughts, flashes of the ash laden lands, the red sea, of a world in ruin.

The images no longer hurt. He could process them completely, the problem was 'him'. He could see both worlds at will, but at the moment he desired neither.

Young Shinji turned away, avoiding the sight as he stared straight ahead. Turning the radio on and tuning the world out. Opening the window and breathing in the _fresh_ air, and not the ash filled winds that had emerged in the Post Impact Lands.

Toyko-03 wasn't the same as he remembered. It had changed. There were still reconstruction teams moving about their business, repairing the damage that Zeruel had inflicted upon the city.

 _ **It wasn't your fault. Zeruel hid even from me.**_ The Broken Man spoke somberly.

 _I know. Doesn't make it any easier._ Young Shinji thought bitterly.

The boy watching the reconstruction sites, before the car passed them up completely.

...

"I can get us some take out if you want?" Misato was saying as she parked her car.

The pair of them arriving at the Nerv apartment complex.

"No... Misato... I- can I see my girlfriend?" Shinji said suddenly. Bringing himself back into the world, he needed to get better at multitasking. Closing the door of Misato's car as he exited.

Misato froze, stopping mid-step as she locked her car for the night. She turned to him with a frown.

"What?" his guardian asked with a careful tone.

"I want to visit Mari" Shinji answered simply.

"Shinji, it's late and-"

"I haven't seen my girlfriend in two months. I- please... I just want to see Mari." Shinji said pleadingly.

 _ **What are you doing?**_ The Broken Man whispered.

Shinji took Misato's hand, red eyes looking up to met her normal ones, and asked for a second time.

"Please... I just want to see her again." Shinji said. Ignoring the sensation in his head, the painless yet present sense of the Broken Man crossing his arms from within the Other Place. The Elder watching the Younger disapprovingly.

Misato sighed. _Teenagers... damn sad eyes of his. He never asks for anything. Not once, not ever. Damn..._ she thought.

"Gah! Shinji... okay. Just- just don't spend the night, alright. I worry about you" Misato said, shaking her head at the whole thing.

"I won't. I'll check in later, I promise" Shinji said, letting go of her hand. Breathing out in relief, and nodding reassuringly.

After fussing over him again, Misato let him go, reminded him to call her later and to be home by midnight. His guardian returning his fully charged phone to him in the process. The boy leaving his 'home' despite having not stepped inside all day.

* * *

 _Mari's apartment._

Knock

Knock

Young Shinji stood just outside the apartment door. Breathing softly as he heard footsteps approaching, did anyone even bother to tell Mari he'd come back? Or that he'd been released an hour ago? He wondered how she had been doing.

If she had missed him the way he had missed her.

Distantly, from within his mind, the Broken Man watched with crossed arms. The Old Man having not spoken a word since the boy's decision to see Mari.

The door opened and Shinji was met with a sight that brought a genuine smile to his face.

Mari Illustrious Makinami, dressed in a plain blank tank top, and a pair of western jeans. Her expression blank and about to protest as to 'whom' was knocking on her door, when she stilled.

Seeming to freeze as she took in the sight of him.

"Shinji!" she screamed stumbling out of the doorway to embrace him.

He stumbled back with her, managing a sad little laugh as his girlfriend's arms wrapped around him.

"Shit! You're back! God... I..." Mari stammered. The older girl unable to speak properly as the two rocked back and forth in the hallway outside her door.

Shinji rocked with her, holding her close, and running a hand through her hair.

"Yeah" he breathed out weakly. Closing his eyes as he held his girlfriend, his first friend in the whole world, the whom had been there for him when he was a child. When they were both children. Maybe the first person whom had ever loved _him_. Not the Broken Man in his head. Something that had been _his._

Not the Other Mari from the Other Timeline. But _this_ Mari. His girlfriend. _His._

"I'm back. I- I've been away a long time. I could tell, I knew months had passed. And I missed you. Oh Mari, I missed you so much" Shinji said holding her close.

"I tried to see you! I did! But those asshats at Nerv wouldn't let me!" Mari was crying. The 17 year old clinging to the 14 year old.

Shinji chuckled quietly at that, sad eyes lighting up just a sliver at that.

He could actually hear Mari shedding tears as they embrace. His Mari, the toughest person, girl or otherwise, that he knew.

 _I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I worried you_ Shinji thought.

…

The Broken Man watched from elsewhere, with blank hollow eyes, as the young boy held his girlfriend.

Wordlessly, he tilted his head at them.

…

"You dummy! What the hell happened to you? Are you hurt?" Mari said, taking a step back to breathe.

She punched him on the arm and Shinji winced in slight pain.

"Gah. What-" he stammered.

"I'm sorry... but you scared me half to death! I've never been scared of anything before. I just- I... I didn't mean to hit you" Mari said suddenly, the girl shifting through so many emotions in a matter of seconds.

Patting him gently on the arm in apology. The punch stung but nothing he couldn't handle.

Shinji laughed, actually laughed, in spite of it all, a weak little thing that caught in his throat. That was Mari alright.

"Are you okay?" Shinji said reached up to cup her face with his hands. Holding onto her cheeks gently, the warmth of his hands making her almost blush, red eyes of his brimming with concern now that he'd finally seen her again.

"Last time I saw you, Zeruel had attacked. Had blown your Eva's arm off, impaled you up into the air... It made me so angry to see. I was so worried about you" Shinji stammered. Voicing choking up at the memory of the battle.

The images played back in his mind, willingly or not, a side effect of having returned from his time inside Unit 01. _Perfect Memory_ that the Broken Man had gained now flowing into Shinji.

…

 _Memory of Mari vs Zeruel  
From Chapter 20_

Young Shinji could see, with stunning clarity, Zeruel holding the double impaled Eva Unit 03 into the air. Could hear Mari's harsh agonized breathing via the comm as the Angel held her up high, before throwing her off to the side like trash.

The Eva missing an arm, multiple stab wounds littered in its torso, burns marks along its shoulder and neck, and inside the Entry Plug... Mari. The girl laying helpless and bleeding from the impact of her fight.

He could even see himself, screaming out in anger and rushing after Zeruel with Unit 01. Punching the Angel despite his skull fracture at the time. Blood running down his face.

Young Shinji could see all of it in pure untouched clarity. As if playing a film in his head.

…

 _ **STOP. You said the Angel's name. You can't do that, boy. Not with Mari. Not with anyone. How are 'you' supposed to know Zeruel's name? You have to be more careful**_ The Broken Man said suddenly.

The older man's voice seeming to snap at Young Shinji for his slip up.

Mari only laughed at him, a weak little thing that had mirrored his. She didn't seem to notice Shinji's mistake, that he had mentioned things that he could not have known without outside help.

"You're worried about me? Oh Shinji... that... that's just so _you._ I'm fine. Was in the hospital for a week-" Mari began.

"You were in the hospital! Mari-" Shinji cried.

Mari put a hand over his open mouth, smiling at his alarmed expression.

"I got out a month ago. What about you? Did they treat you bad at Nerv? What happened to your eyes-" she stammered. Suddenly frowning at the foreign red irises that her boyfriend had.

"I'm fine. What about you-"

"No, you first-"

Shinji and Mari stammering over themselves, never quite leaving each others grasp as they worried over the other.

 _ **Both of you need to stop talking over each other. Its getting annoying.**_ The Broken Man muttered darkly.

The two teens managed to laugh at it all. Mari relieved beyond belief to see him in person. Shinji looking tired and some how older, smile standing in stark contrast the dark tint to his eyes, not the foreign red, but the almost grizzled look to him. Odd in one so young, the light behind the boy's eyes faded and worn out... or it had been until he'd seen his girlfriend again.

Mari leaned in close, bumping her forehead against his gently. Just like when they were kids. Damn, that seemed like such a lifetime ago for Shinji.

Young Shinji kissed her, leaning up to press his lips to hers softly. It surprised Mari, seeing him be so affectionate and direct with her so suddenly. But he could feel her smirk as their lips moved together.

The two found themselves stumbling back into Mari's apartment, the older girl closing the door behind them.

Mari breathing out heavily as the two panted in her living room. She giggled quietly as she felt her boyfriend's hand on her hip. Young Shinji tugging at the ends of her shirt gently, not forcefully, never forcefully, only an invitation. Always so polite, so mature for his age.

She had missed his touch. Clumsy her Shinji had been on his first time, virgin and inexperienced, and yet Mari had felt the warmth behind it. The thing that made her feelings for him different than any of the boys she'd been with before.

Mari took his hand and guided him into taking off her shirt. The boy smiling softly at her as she led him to her bedroom, unbuckling his belt with her free hand.

* * *

 _Later_

Young Shinji Ikari lay in his girlfriend's bed with her. The two naked under the bedsheets, him curled up against Mari softly. Breathing quiet low breathes against her bare skin, his head resting on her shoulder.

He felt alive for the first time in two months. The sex had not only been a physical need, but an emotional one, an outlet that had grounded himself back into 'him' and not the Other.

This right here, his time with his girlfriend, was _his_ life. Shinji reliving the feelings of Mari's skin upon his own, _his_ hands running across her bare back and pulling her close. Mari's steady breathing as she moved atop him.

He ran his hand through her hair again, savoring this feeling, alive and warm. Like he wasn't alone.

"Mmm. That feels nice, Shinji- hey... what's wrong. Why are you crying?" Mari asked, humming in response to their closeness before seeing the watery eyes. The girl curling closer to him upon seeing his quiet tears.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Shinji said blinking back the tears before they came again.

Damn, he was crying too much these past few days. Ever since leaving the Memories of the Broken Man.

He took Mari's hand in his and squeezed it lightly.

"Do you want to talk about it? The... the two months 'away' " Mari said quietly, voice low and concerned.

 _ **You cannot tell her what you saw. Do not tell her anything. DO NOT.**_ The Broken Man spoke. The first time _he_ had spoken since Young Shinji had entered Mari's apartment.

The Original Shinji had looked away the moment his younger self had peeled Mari's shirt off. The Broken Man had absolutely no desire to 'watch' the acts that had followed.

 _I know! Alright... I know. The truth is... the truth- It's too much, too much for anyone, me, her, it just too much pain. Leave me, I need this. I won't tell Mari anything that matters, okay._ Shinji thought.

… _**Your phone is ringing.**_

 _I'll get it later_

 _ **Misato will not be happy**_

 _Go. I'll deal with it later..._

And with that, the Broken Man's voice faded. The things he had to put up with.

"Not really. Mari, I was 'there' and 'awake' but at the same time I wasn't. It's a strange feeling, like being alive but 'not' all at once. The whole time, I just wanted to leave. Hoping that Ritsuko would get me out" Young Shinji whispered softly.

"You knew Ritsuko was trying to get you out?" Mari asked blinking in surprise.

Shinji nodded. "I could hear her... sometimes... her voice came in and out. Its hard to describe, when I was gone... I didn't have a body. I was... I don't know... formless... then I came back" he whispered.

Mari peered down at him from under her bedsheets. Glancing at the red eyes that were now his.

She ran her fingers along his face. Curious, but not pushing.

"Red eyes are hardcore. Look like a real tough guy now" Mari said softly. Playful smirk forming on her lips as she looked him over again.

Shinji breathed out a small chuckle at that, a tiny thing that was gone in a second. Gently, he guided her hands from his face.

"I don't like them. I miss my old eyes." Shinji said avoiding his girlfriend's gaze.

He flexed his fingers, feeling all five of them in his left hand. Not the three that the Broken Man had in his 'bad hand', another difference between the two Shinji.

"Ritsuko said something about over exposure to LCL." Shinji lied softly, letting the words come out before the Broken Man came to lecture him again.

Mari raised her eyebrow at that. She was no scientist, but their lives were just so weird. Evas and Angels.

"Nothing to do really, but they don't hurt. Just strange" he added slowly.

"... I don't mind them. They're still _you_. That's all that matters" Mari whispered to him softly.

Shinji closed his eyes at that, squeezing her hand as their fingers interlocked.

"Thank you Mari" he whispered. The two of them cuddling together, and finding sleep.

* * *

 _Morning after_

" **Hey, boy. Get up."**

The voice cutting through the morning haze when Young Shinji woke.

He blinked and rose from his girlfriend's bedsheets, slowly stretching his arms in the early day. Mari soundly asleep beside him, and he had to move carefully so as not to wake her.

 **The Broken Man stood in the room with them.** Dressed in rags, tall, with wild greying hair and mixed colored hollow eyes. Beaten and battered skin, tiny scars littering the man's hands.

Young Shinji gasped at the sight of him. At Old Man Shinji standing a few feet from Mari's bed.

He couldn't really be here... he couldn't be... what was this? A mental projection? A dream? The 14 year old narrowed his eyes, breathing quietly, even as his girlfriend slept beside him. Her bedsheets falling from his bare chest.

" **Got your attention? Good. We need to talk. About the job only we can do.** " The Broken Man said, tilting his head at the boy, hollow eyes unblinking.

* * *

 **Opening quote with BOTH the Young Shinji and the Broken Man. What do you think?  
We've seen a lot of their messy relationship this chapter(and we'll see more next chapter), and they can 'sort of' work together on somethings. But they may not always agree.**

 **Like I said, not as much plot this chapter. More 'reintroducing' plot points from the first 20 chapters, and a huge focus on the character of Shinji Ikari. Both of them.**

 **Had pacing issues, so a reason for abrupt end was the splitting of chapters. I don't want every chapter being a colossal novel like the Memory Arc was. Long chapters should be earned. So little of Rei and Asuka this time, more next time.**

 **There were a few scenes this chapter, (non Shinji POV) where I wanted it to be ambiguous as to which Shinji was speaking. And other times, you know _exactly_ which Shinji is in there. **

**What do you think of the Young Shinji now that he's out? He is a young, so he does not handle everything well, and he lost a lot of time in the Entry Plug of Unit 01. I hope readers don't hate him. I hope readers can see both sides of Shinji v The Broken Man, or at least how the characters see it.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	31. The World Waits For No One

**Hey guys, long delays. I'm back.  
I had a lot of issues with pacing and what to move around for this chapter. It deals a lot with our two Shinji(s)**

 **Also, I have started an undertaking to fix all the grammatical errors in the previous and current chapters. I have not updated any of the chapters yet, and currently still going back to fix them one by one. It is a very time consuming process but one that I feel is needed. I don't have a beta reader and would prefer not to have one.  
**  
 **To 'Ben the Pen Man' I updated! Thanks for reading!** **  
**

 **Anyway, here is chapter 31 'The World Waits For No One"  
**

* * *

" ** _You mustn't run away._ "**

 _"I'm not-"_

" _ **You are. Thinking that it all go back to 'normal'. That you'll have the same life as before. But you won't**_ "

"... and whose fault is that?!"

" _ **Mine. Because it was needed.**_

 ** _The world waits for no one. They're always out there. Always coming. Run all you want, it solves nothing. I know that better than anyone."_**

 **\- The Broken Man** to Shinji Ikari **.**

* * *

 _Three days ago.  
Moments before Shinji Ikari 'emerged' from the Entry Plug of Eva Unit 01. Released after two months spent absorbed into the Eva.  
_

Kaji walked carefully through the lower levels of Nerv. Heartbeat steady in spite of all secrecy, getting down here had been a feat in and of itself.

The lower levels that were restricted even from him and Misato. Most Nerv employees were only vaguely aware that these floors existed at all. Kaji had only been able to get down with careful planning, and working around the opening created by all the new people moving throughout the Geofront.

All the construction work that had been needed to repair the hangar, to get the computer systems up and running again, to start repairing the Eva Units after their fight with Zeruel. So many things needed to be done, so many new openings in the security and protocol, a perfect opportunity for a spy to get what he needed and investigate under the cover of all the commotion.

With a swipe of the copy card he'd made, Kaji activated the heavy security door and watched as the reinforced metal swung open.

 _No cameras down here. Gendo's paranoid, afraid the footage could be hacked or stolen somehow. He's right._ Kaji thought as slowly, he stepped forward.

Moving through the enormous room that he had spent weeks planning on how to get into. There was more down here than Kaji had realized. There were strange rooms, almost like a living space, but for who? Whom could have been living down here? All the halls had no cameras, just like the entire floor.

He walked into a chamber only to stumble slightly at the ghastly sight that met him...

 **An Angel was imprisoned in this chamber deep into the restricted levels of Nerv.**

It had the form of a humanoid figure, with only it's upper half torso intact. The Angel lay crucified to a cross. Completely white save for its face. The Angel was massive in size, maybe as tall as Eva Unit 01 when it had been whole.

And holding it in place was a strange piece of red metal. Enormous, and with markings not of any language on earth, the 'recovered' Spear of Longinus lay piercing the Angel underneath Nerv. The blade, the tip of the Spear, missing the Angel's heart by several feet.

The Giant not killed, but imprisoned. Weakened.

 **Lilith.** The Second Angel, source of Nerv's LCL ,and source of their samples for experimentation.

 _Oh Gendo. What were you thinking? What were any of you thinking?_ Kaji thought shaking his head at the sight of it all.

Thought to be lost or dead, the Second Angel was said to rival Adam. The supposed progenitor of life on earth. Vastly different than the other Angels depicted in the Dead Sea Scrolls. Said to be 'female' if Angels could even be said to have genders at all.

Adam and Lilith, the first and second Angels. SEELE and Nerv had lied to the whole world about the two of them being lost since the Second Impact.

Kaji raised his silent camera and began taking pictures. Another piece of the puzzle to add to his report. The spy took his pictures, cool and calm after his initial shock, only to pause... as Lilith's head moved ever so slightly.

The Second Angel tilted her massive head. Almost like Rei. The white faceplate hiding the Angel's face as the sharp movement rattled the cross behind her.

As if Lilith had reacted to something? To what? To Kaji? The spy froze, feeling his heartbeat rise as the Second Angel had moved.

Kaji thought he might have imagined it at first, but then it happened... **Lilith stirred.**

The Second Angel seemed to snap to attention. Head twisting with a crack as it faced upward. Beady almost non-existent eyes, barely visible through the faceplate, glued to the ceiling. Glued to what lay above in the upper levels of Nerv...

Kaji froze. Heart beating as loud as thunder. Not even daring to breathe, he stared open mouthed at the near god-like being.

Silence was his answer.

 _Whatever Nerv has done to Lilith... she can't act. She can't kill me or even attack, she can barely move... the Spear keeps her in check. I'm safe... but why the reaction?_ Kaji thought darkly.

"WEEEOOOEEE"

"WEEEOOOEEE"

The sound of an alarm ringed off from the upper levels. Kaji cursed, and turned from Nerv's secret imprisoned below and left the chamber. Closing the door behind him carefully, using gloves as to not leave any fingerprints behind.

Kaji hurried back the way he had came. Driven back by whatever was happening above.

…

 _Upper levels of Nerv.  
_ _Near the Hangar_

Kaji wandered the halls, acting as if he'd fallen asleep in his office before the alarm woke him. He played up his tired expression and lazily wandered until he spotted a medical team rushing through the area.

"Hey. What's going on?" Kaji called, brushing past another Nerv employee. A nervous looking man whom had been headed towards the hangar.

The man blinked at Kaji as if in shock.

"Uh... they're saying that the Third Child is emerging from the Entry Plug" the man stammered. More surprised than scared or shocked. The impossible made possible.

"What?" Kaji said breathless. Losing his cool for once at the prospect of _him_ returning.

Nearly two months the boy had been absorbed into the Eva... before Kaji would have thought that Shinji was a goner after all that. But now... but now Kaji knew more. He should have seen it coming.

The employee left Kaji standing there in the hall. Others wandered about, some of them answering Ritsuko's call for a med team, other just in shock.

Kaji made his way to the hanger, face blank and expressionless.

* * *

It wasn't what he expected at all.

Shinji Ikari had returned from his Eva mostly intact, but mute.

Kaji watched the boy from a distance. Arms crossed and with a cigarette in his mouth, coolly observing the scene that had halted everyone in the hangar. The naked boy sobbing silently in the arms of Misato, as Ritsuko and medical team watched in awe.

Red eyes. The boy had come back with red eyes.

 _Watched by SEELE for years, made into a pilot by Nerv, given 'fake' medicine, records falsified, and absorbed into the Eva for two months. Highest recorded Sync Ratio. And now this_ Kaji thought darkly.

Misato was doing her best to cover the boy up. Using her jacket to protect his privacy, but Shinji didn't seem to care. He just knelt there mute and lost to the world. Crying silently in Misato's arms.

"What did you see... Shinji?" Kaji muttered under his breath.

Little did the spy know, Evangelion Unit 01 was watching him from its place among the launchpads. For whom would ever suspect than an Evangelion watched and listened to its surroundings. That there was an intelligence behind the massive machine and strange alien flesh... unnoticed by all. For the best way to hide was right out in the open.

From deep within Unit 01, unseen and completely hidden, the Broken Man tilted his head at Kaji.

…

The boy spent 3 days under quarantine at Nerv. Hidden away from the others, and protected from the military.

Throughout the quarantine period, Kaji noted that Shinji Ikari had almost no visitors. That Dr. Page had been spotted walking the halls one day, and that Ritsuko had taken off work citing illness.

Kaji didn't like seeing what the boy was becoming. He witnessed Shinji prove his strategic asset to both Nerv and the military, having already cleared the other tests, he watched the 14 year old boy walk as if he was lost to the world.

Watched as Shinji Ikari piloted not only Eva Unit 00, but Unit 02 as well. Achieving an operational sync with both of them. Comparing that to his earlier records with Units 01 and 03, that made the Third Child the first, and only, Universal Eva Pilot.

Kaji watched with cold eyes as Shinji was eventually released from Nerv's quarantine, free of the military's concerns over his risks.

 _The boy with an Angel in his head_ Kaji thought to himself coldly.

* * *

 _Present Day  
_ _Mari's apartment_

 **"Hey, boy. Get up."**

The words that had woken Shinji Ikari from his slumber. The 14 year old teenager lying in his girlfriend's bed, Mari beside him under the sheets.

Shinji opened his foreign red eyes, rising from Mari's bedsheets, slowly stretching his arms in the early morning, and careful not to wake his girlfriend up.

The boy nearly leaped from the bed at the sight that met him.

 _Him._ The Broken Man stood in the room with them. Dressed in rags, tall, with wild greying hair and mixed colored hollow eyes. Beaten and battered skin, tiny scars littering the man's hands.

Young Shinji gasped at the sight of him. At Old Man Shinji standing a few feet from Mari's bed.

" **Got your attention? Good. We need to talk. About the job only we can do.** " The Broken Man said, tilting his head at the boy, hollow eyes staring unblinking.

… _you're not here. Not really. You can't be._ Shinji thought distantly.

He scoffed as he met the old man's gaze with one of his own.

Shinji slipped out from underneath his girlfriend's bedsheets, reaching for his clothes even as the Broken Man tilted his head at him.

" **I'm not really here. My 'real' body is still inside Unit 01. This is a mental projection, only you can see me and-** " The Broken Man said dryly. Only to stop as Shinji interrupted the Elder.

"Whatever" Shinji said dismissively, the boy pulling his pants over his boxer briefs. Mari breathed out softly, turning in her bed.

The Broken Man glanced her way, before turning back to Young Shinji. Only to see the boy moving on as he looked for his shirt.

" **Your shirt is out in the hall."** Old Man Shinji said, voice empty and flat. Tired.

Young Shinji stilled at that, before moving on wordlessly.

Old Shinji 'trailed' after the boy. Walking beside him as he moved through Mari's apartment.

" **Listen, your brain couldn't 'handle' this projection before. But it can now. It will make it easier for-** "

"I don't care" the boy cut in again. Nonetheless Young Shinji took his Elder's advice and spotted his shirt out in the hall where he'd thrown it.

SKIRT

Young Shinji stumbled in the hall... as the Broken Man materialized inches in front of him. Standing taller than him, still as a statue.

 _ **I exist inside your head. You cannot ignore me.**_ **The voice in Shinji's head spoke. The voice of the Broken Man speaking to him directly via thought and thought alone.**

It was an uncomfortable sensation, but it no longer hurt Young Shinji.

"Watch me" Young Shinji spat.

Then the boy walked straight _through_ the projection of Old Man Shinji. The image of the Broken Man rippling as the boy brushed past him.

" **Boy" the old man called.**

Just as before, the projection of the Broken Man materialized in front of Young Shinji. The ragged old man shaking his head in a flicker of annoyance.

Young Shinji shook his head in a flicker of annoyance, mirroring the old man before him, and walked past his Elder again. Scooping up his shirt and pulling it on.

The Broken Man crossed his arms, the man's projected body lingering no matter how hard the boy tried to banish him away.

" **Misato is worried. She's been trying to call you** " the Broken Man called softly.

That got Young Shinji to stop for a moment. The boy unable to meet the Elder's gaze.

"I forgot" he whispered weakly. Misato... Misato had always been good to him. He really needed to be better to her.

" **Liar. I've shared some my abilities with you. You have** _ **perfect memory**_ **now. So** _ **no**_ **, you didn't forget. You chose not to call her. You chose to ignore her.** " the Broken Man said simply.

Shinji checked his pant pockets for his phone and found the battery nearly dead, and six missed calls flashed across the display. All of them from Misato.

 _I didn't choose to ignore her. I- … I wanted time with my girlfriend_ Shinji thought. His eyes twitching as the perfect memory kicked in without him wanting it to.

...

Shinji could 'see' the events happening all over again, as if watching a film on repeat, perfect clarity, the flash of images. Him ignoring his phone in favor of his girlfriend.

The Broken Man telling him that Misato was calling.

Shinji replying that he'd deal with it later.

...

 _I'll have to apologize to Misato later._ Shinji thought. The perfect memory fading.

He signed, and turned back to face the Broken Man coldly.

"Look. I appreciate the help with Dr. Page. Nerv would not have released me without your help. But go away. I'm trying to live my life, alright-" Shinji muttered, pocketing his phone.

" **Do you think you can run away from this? Huh, boy? Hide with your little 'girlfriend' and screw all your problems away?"** The Broken Man said darkly. Voice low yet forceful, he never yelled, but his voice carried weight all the same.

"... I'm not running away" Shinji spat angrily.

The room grew tense. Young Shinji's hands curling into fists slowly. The Broken Man watching him, unimpressed by the display.

 _Damn him... damn him and his stupid eyes... dead eyes_ the boy thought harshly.

" **You are. Believe me, I know a lot about running way."** the Old Man said roughly, voice low but not unsympathetic. Unblinking gaze never leaving the boy.

Shinji and Shinji. One seething and one tired.

" **There are things more import than you getting laid, boy. I didn't come back so you could run off and have sex with your little girlfriend. I came back to-"** the Broken Man said, eyes growing colder.

"Oh be quiet. I saw your fucking memories. I know!" Shinji spat, turning to face the mental projection of Old Man Shinji.

The 'two' of them standing out in Mari's hall.

Old Man Shinji glanced at the doorway to Mari's bedroom. His younger self was being far louder than he needed to be.

" **And did you learn nothing? After all you've seen... you're still trying to fight me** " the Broken Man whispered. More saddened than anything. In stark contrast to the young boy.

Shinji scoffed. Eying his future self, the projection of the man inside Eva Unit 01, the man just always had to butt in. To be high and mighty, trying to carve out a path that Shinji did not want.

 _I learned that my entire life has been planned for me. That no matter what... **I always end up alone**... at least that's what happened to you, old man _ Shinji thought bitterly.

At times, he almost felt bad for the Old Shinji, and other times he remembered all the seizures and visions in his life. He had been 'hijacked' into another man's life for over two months, seen everything, learned the truth, and even now this 'other man' meddled with his life.

Every time Young Shinji tried to be a teenager, to live his life with his girlfriend or friends, the Old Shinji meddled.

Old Shinji glanced down the hallway again, to the bedroom of the apartment, to where Mari was sleeping.

" **I don't trust her.** " Old Man Shinji said darkly.

Young Shinji scoffed.

"Of course you'd say that. Anything that doesn't go according to your plan just _has to_ go away." the 14 year old snapped.

" **That's unfair, and you know it.** " the Broken Man said tilting his head back at Young Shinji.

"What's unfair is everyone thinking they know what's best for me" Young Shinji hissed darkly.

" **Have you considered, that as I am** _ **you**_ **, that I actually do know what is 'best' for you** " the Broken Man said harshly.

"Your life, old man. Not mine" Young Shinji countered.

The Elder shook his head at it all. The boy wanted to put his head in the sand, forget all his troubles and live his life. To 'recover' from the trauma of the memories, in a perfect world that would have been fair.

But that wasn't the world they lived in.

" **The world will not wait for you, boy. I'd have thought you would have seen that by now** " Old Shinji said softly.

Young Shinji looked away.

SEELE, this looming presence that had been a part of his life for over five years now. Perhaps even longer, intertwined with Shinji's life since the days of his parents. And he'd never even known. These people whom had brought the wrath of the Angels upon earth and mankind. They whom had caused Second Impact, all for their stupid plans.

All for their precious instrumentality, for their fear of death.

" **SEELE is working toward the Third Impact. Gendo is working on his madness. And Adam's Children are still out there. Always moving, they wait for no one.** " The Broken Man said darkly, shaking his head at the boy.

Shinji felt his hands clench into fists. Biting his lip.

 _I know what's coming. I've seen it... the End of the World. The red seas, the grey skies, the white landscapes... the ashes..._ the boy thought darkly.

He did not want this, he hadn't even wanted to be an Eva pilot at all, but now here he was. Trapped in this life where he knew far more than he had ever wanted to. A part of things larger than himself, and not for the better.

"What would you have me do? Huh? I'm just a freaking kid." Shinji said through gritted teeth.

" **Help me.** " Old Shinji pleaded.

Young Shinji looked at the floor, eyes distant.

" **Together, we can stop that nightmare from happening. All of you can have a better world, a life that I never could** " the Broken Man said.

The Old Man raised his hands, withered aged things, and with missing fingers that made Young Shinji wince. A reminder of what had come in another life. One pleading with the other, future and past standing together.

Young Shinji didn't know if he wanted to believe the Broken Man. He trembled slightly, before steeling himself up.

"Why bother? You'll just take over my body again. Send me somewhere else so I don't notice. Then do whatever the hell you want. Talk to people, make plans, whatever. That's what you want, right? To steal my life?!" Shinji spat.

The Broken Man narrowed his eyes. Very calm and controlled anger flashing by, the first and only time Shinji had ever seen it. The anger of Old Man Shinji.

…

 _The Other Place  
_ _The bridge between the two Shinji(s)_

Shinji blinked as Mari's apartment vanished. One second he was standing in the hallway, mostly dressed, and then the next he was standing in the void again.

Standing with the Original Shinji Ikari in front of him. And the furry was terrifying to behold...

" **I did _not_ come back to steal your life, boy. I did not claw my way out of hell to make you miserable or to suffer! I came back to fix it all! So _you_ would have better! To give you a chance." **The Broken Man said. Actually getting angry, truly angry, for the first time in years.

The first and only time Shinji had ever seen the man truly shout or yell.

The Broken Man's skin **lit up**. Pure white light seeming to flash by... no from _underneath_ the old man's skin. His veins were glowing, creating a strange flickering within his body that illuminated his skeleton.

Fractured and dented bones visible to Young Shinji's naked eye, scars upon scars revealed, and... and more.

The outline of a Giant of Light looming over Old Man Shinji. The outline of Adam the First Angel, shimmering around the fury of the Broken Man. As if the old man was encased in the armor of an Angel the size of an Evangelion.

Young Shinji stumbled back in the Other Place.

 _It's... its insane! The remnants of a dead Angel inside his body... the power that was stolen_ the boy thought. Young Shinji stood opened mouthed at it.

 **"I HAVE GIVEN SO MUCH FOR YOU. YOU- YOU UNGRATEFUL BOY! IF I HAD WANTED TO STEAL YOUR LIFE, I WOULD HAVE! DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I COULDN'T DO IT? ME, THE MAN WHOM** _ **KILLED**_ **ADAM? THAT YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED ME?** " the Old Shinji spoke.

 **Only the man's voice was gone.** In its place stood the roar of an eternal star, a voice that made Young Shinji wince, a sound that made the boy's ear feel like they were bleeding.

Like an Angel... like Old Shinji was no longer human.

Young Shinji stumbled back. Nearly falling. Legs feeling like water. Shaking in awe of the _Abomination_ walking towards him. The shinning silhouette of Adam looming over both of them...

Then the Broken Man stopped. He stopped. Eyes lost. Mouth open as if to speak, but the words had not come out.

" **NO. THIS IS WRONG. THIS IS... this isn't me** " Old Shinji said. His voice a crackling of thunder one moment, and barely a whisper the next. **From Angel to Man**.

Old Shinji breathed heavily, chest contorting in and out, closing his eyes as if deep in prayer. Meditation. A calming technique.

" **That is not me. I'm not him. I am still a man, deep down. I have no tomorrow, but there is still hope for the future.** " the Broken Man whispered again and again.

Chanting softly to himself. Young Shinji momentarily forgotten.

The outline of the First Angel stirred. Seeming to shrink, the light fading, the figure looming above them slumping over.

Gone. The power of Adam dying down.

" **Forgive me. You bring back my emotions... and that's not always a good thing** " the Broken Man said. Breathing softly.

Recovering as he looked apologetically at Young Shinji. At what the boy had seen. The toll that the Unraveling was still taking on him. The toll that all of this took. The cost.

"I- what the hell was that thing?!" Young Shinji said. The boy getting to his feet slowly.

 _ **You know what it is.**_ The old man's thoughts echoed across the boy's mind.

 _Abomination... that's what Zeruel called you_ Young Shinji thought darkly.

Nothing was free. Everything had a cost.

" **I know you're angry. I am too. If I was better, then we wouldn't be here at all. But we are. And there's no running away from that"** the Broken Man said sternly. Never denying his flaws.

Young Shinji was about to respond. When suddenly, he was thrown out of the Other Place

* * *

 _The Real World_

Shinji blinked as he was brought back to Mari's apartment. His heartbeat slowing now that the power of Adam had faded. Now that the Broken Man had returned to normal.

Old Shinji stood across from him. The mental projection meeting his eyes directly. Before he turned his gaze for Shinji to follow.

'We have company' the Broken Man's gaze seemed to say. Then the image faded, the old man vanishing from Shinji's point of view.

Their conversation would have to wait until later.

"Shinji?" a voice called from the bedroom.

The boy looked up, managing to keep his calm, his entire shouting match with the Other having been silent. Only for him.

Mari was walking towards him, bedsheets draped around her naked form like a towel. The poor girl having woken to an empty bed, and the light on in her bathroom.

"Hey, Mari. Sorry. Did I wake you?" Shinji said, breathing softly and calming himself. Part of him still reeling from what he'd seen from the Broken Man.

"No, dummy. Just... _yawn_ missed you. Rude to leave a girl in an empty bed" Mari said, jabbing him lazily in his arm.

Shinji smirked softly at that.

"Hey, why are you up so early? Should sleep in." Mari said, stretching her arms as she spoke.

"Wish I could. Misato's been calling. Probably worried sick. Promised I'd check in" Shinji explained.

Mari shook her head.

"Miss 'Mama Misato', you should just get emancipated. Easier that way. No adults getting in the way, on your own. Legal adult status for the most part" Mari said rolling her sleepy eyes at him.

Shinji shook his head sadly.

"Misato's not so bad. She cares about me, you know." he said simply.

His girlfriend patted him on the chest affectionately. He had a point and she knew it. Misato and Mari might not have gotten along, but she knew what Shinji's guardian meant to him. Better than most.

"I'll make us some breakfast. Are you hungry? I am" Shinji said, managing a teasing smile. The both of them knew he actually knew 'how' to cook instead of just sticking things in a microwave or toaster.

Mari beamed at him despite her tired eyes. It must have been hard for her, him missing for so long without any answers, and she nodded.

So Shinji went to her work in her kitchen. Managing to make the two of them a nice breakfast with what groceries Mari had had. The girl taking a shower first, and letting Shinji go next. They'd had their fun the night before, and whatever the Broken Man said... Shinji knew what he felt.

* * *

"Misato I- no... no I forgot. I was just at Mari's... no nothing happened. I'm 14, alright." Shinji was saying on the phone.

Mari was watching him with an amused expression. She raised a hand and mockingly made a talking gesture in response to Misato's voice on his cell phone.

 _Nothing happened? That's news to me_ Mari's smirk told him. Mischievous eyes beaming at him as he had to fight the urge to chuckle softly.

They were in the parking lot, heading for her bike after a long breakfast spent mostly in silence. They hadn't needed to talk much since the morning, she found it comfortable just having him around.

"Gah... Shinji you can't do this. Answer your phone when I call" Misato was saying on the other end.

"Sorry Misato. It won't happen again, I promise" Shinji answered back. Assuring his guardian that he would be home after school, for real this time, and that he'd be careful.

"So you said last time. _Sigh._ You're gonna be late to school." Misato said over the phone.

"Mari's giving me a ride. It'll be fine" Shinji answered simply.

" **Don't look. We're being followed.** "

The sound almost caught Shinji off guard. Almost. But he'd gotten used to the strange interruptions by now, and the sudden emergence of his future self in such a way that _only_ he could see him.

The Broken Man suddenly stood in the parking lot with Shinji and Mari. The old man walking _into_ Shinji's line of sight, stern expression planted on his face.

 _You're crazy. No one is-_

 _ **We're being followed. Plain car out there has the engine running but hasn't moved.**_

 _I- what?_

 _ **The car is waiting for us to leave**_

"Just be sure to come home, immediately after school. Alright mister" Misato was saying on the phone.

"You got it" Shinji answered back on the phone.

The boy's face twitched slightly as the Broken Man pointed a hand towards Mari, a reminder that she was watching him too. Chatting to him as they walked.

"I'll get you there on time. Don't worry" Mari was saying.

"Thanks Mari, I really do appreciate it" Shinji answered with a smile.

 _Where is the car?_ He asked the Broken Man.

 _ **Look to your left. Three parking rows down. Be smooth, don't let him know that he's been caught spying on you**_

 _Ahhhh. On it._

Shinji found this odd. He had to keep the conversations up, speaking with Mari, as well as Misato on the phone, and the Broken Man's mental projection all at the same time.

The boy faked a yawn, taking the chance to stretch and get a look.

There was indeed a plain looking car three parking rows down from them. It had been turned on, but hadn't left its spot.

"Hop on" Mari said, oblivious to Shinji and the Broken Man's concern of their uninvited guest.

Shinji got the bike, hanging onto his girlfriend as she drove off.

…

 _Tokyo-03  
_ _On the way to school_

Mari drove onward. Shinji looking at his girlfriend's rear view mirror as she drove. Watching with the help of the Broken Man.

 _ **He's still following us. Probably knows your school. Keeping tabs**_

The Old Shinji could see better than Young Shinji. Not exactly in a literal sense, but rather that the Elder seemed to process what his eyes showed much faster than the boy.

 _Maybe it's just a guy going to work_ Young Shinji thought back.

 _ **Check your memories. The car was following Misato yesterday**_ the Broken Man answered from within Shinji's head.

Young Shinji closed his eyes. Reaching into the powers that had been given to him, it felt so strange, like flipping through a book that was his life. Able to see with perfect clarity the events from before.

…

 _Perfect Memory_

Misato was talking to him. He was sitting in the passenger seat of her car, watching the construction crews in the distance as they worked to repair the damage Zeruel had done to the city.

Young Shinji focused, and found a moment where he'd been able to see the car mirror.

 _ **Watch the car. It's off to the side on the right lane**_ the Broken Man told him.

 _Damn. It is the same car. What the hell?_

 _ **What did you expect? You're a mystery to a lot of people**_

 _All because of you. Damn you._

 _ **We can't keep fighting like this, boy.**_ was all the Old Shinji said.

 _Maybe it's normal. They probably kept an eye on the pilots before-_

 _ **This is different. They kept their distance before, they never followed us like this. Hmm, could be Kaji, or Nerv, or even SEELE.**_

 _Kaji? What?!_

 _ **He's a spy.**_

… _how do you know that?! Huh? What if you're wrong?!_

 _ **You realize that I am from the future? Trust me, we're being followed and this is different.**_ The Broken Man answered softly.

"Hey, you alright?" Mari asked suddenly.

Shinji opened his eyes to find Mari glancing back his way.

They were stopped at a red light, her motorbike having come to a stop just as she noticed how quiet he was being. Shinji blinked awkwardly. This was so strange for him.

"Fine. Just a little tired." Shinji said. Playing it off with a easy shrug.

Mari smirked at him.

"Told you, should have stayed in bed" his girlfriend teased him.

"School is important" Shinji laughed.

"Goodie too shoes" Mari said with a coy smirk.

He rolled his eyes at her just as the light turned green. Mari laughed at him as he held on with a gulp, her motor bike zipping past the cars in traffic. Shinji tried to enjoy that moment with Mari, but it felt hollow somehow. The moment ruined by an uninvited guest.

A plain car driving closely behind them. Keeping a distance, but never losing them.

* * *

 _School_

"Thanks for the ride. I should walk back to Misato's after, she's already mad at me." Shinji said with a sigh.

Mari pulled into the drive way, coming to a stop in order to drop him off.

"Yeah yeah, I figured." Mari said just as he slid off her bike.

"I'll come by later, when I can" Shinji said. He reached over suddenly, offering his girlfriend a warm embrace that startled the older girl.

"Shinji? I- … what's gotten into you?" Mari asked slowly, a slight hiccup in her voice as Shinji hugged her.

The 17 year old girl feeling a flash of warmth across her face. Shinji did that to her sometimes, she may been more physically experienced, but her boyfriend was better at 'this'. Warmth. Displays of affection, she found it... cute.

"Just missed you is all." Shinji said offering her another weak smile. He let her go and felt some small satisfaction that he actually made her of all people blush.

Mari seemed to consider that. Before smiling too, "you better come by later."

"I promise" Shinji said, just as his girlfriend started her motorbike. He watched her go, and waved her off as she drove out of the drive way.

It was only after she was gone that he noticed how empty the school was. Like there were less teachers, and that the place seemed quieter than before.

…

Shinji wasn't imagining things.

There were diffidently less people in school. Less teachers and students. And _quiet_. Some how much quieter than before.

Every now and then he spotted a few friends, small groups of fellow students, wandering the halls to get to class. But it wasn't the same.

When Shinji got to his class, he was four minutes late. Late just like Misato had told him he'd be. He'd missed a lot of school and Nerv had had to send papers excusing his long absence as a medical emergency.

The old professor scowled at him, staring at the red eyes, but let Shinji pass into his seat. Only Shinji found _half_ the class was missing. The classroom stood as a ghost of its former self. Rows of seats empty with small cliches of friends sticking together in clusters.

Rei was gone. Off at Nerv for another test. Asuka sat with her friend Hikari, forming a row of occupied seats with some other girls.

Shinji walked past them, and was surprised when he noticed Asuka avoiding his gaze.

 _Asuka?_ He thought.

The red head didn't even look at him.

Shinji hurried his way past them. Looking for Ken and Toji, his only 'normal' friends in the madness that was his life... but found them gone.

The back seats where he had sat with them were empty. Shinji paused at that, before slowly taking his seat alone in the back.

His friends were gone. Even Rei. Shinji sat alone taking notes as the teacher droned on and on, frowning the whole time.

…

When they broke for lunch, Shinji found that he no idea where to sit. The place had plenty of room, it wasn't just his class that was missing students, it was the entire school.

More rows and rows of empty tables in the cafeteria and patio.

Shinji thought about sitting with Asuka, but decided not too. There was something going on with her and he didn't know what.

He sat alone again. Wondering where all his friends had gone. Two months where he'd been trapped in another man's memory. Away from his life.

* * *

 _After school._

The class room was filling out. Students leaving with their friends for after school clubs or else going home. Asuka leaving whilst Hikari stayed behind to help Shinji get back on track.

Missing so much school left him with a lot of catching up to do.

"It's a lot of work, but not as much as you think" Hikari was saying.

The class representative was going through all the work that he had missed. So much time away from school usually resulted in expulsion, but Eva Pilots were considered a special case.

"Thanks Hikari" Shinji said with another frown.

He took the stack of worksheets from her and fought the urge to sigh. At least she had stopped staring at his eyes, Mari had been the fastest to adapt to it. But others sometimes struggled with them. Hikari had known he was a pilot, and that he sometimes came to school with injuries just like Asuka and Rei, but this was different.

"I'm sorry, Shinji. Its the rules. Maybe... maybe Asuka can help you" Hikari said, earnest in her concern.

 _As if. Things with Asuka are just weird now._ He thought.

"Yeah, maybe. Hey... Hikari- can I ask you something?" Shinji said suddenly.

The class representative blinked at him but nodded. The mature teenager seemed quieter than normal. It made Shinji uneasy. What was going on?

"What happened while I was- while I was away? Half the school is missing and... things are quieter" Shinji said. The boy deciding just to lay it out. He never really enjoyed school in and out itself, but he liked having friends and seeming them on a regular basis.

"I- you don't know?" Hikari asked. Frowning at him.

Shinji shook his head.

" **The city closed all the schools for over a month**. We've only been back in class for 2 weeks" Hikari said.

That made Shinji freeze. _What? School was closed?_ He thought.

"With the last two Angel attacks... well there was a lot going on and school was suspended" the girl said. A slight edge to her voice.

 _Two Angel attacks... not just Zeruel and Leliel but the attack after them. The Beasts. Gah! I wasn't even around to help the last time! I should have been there for Asuka and Rei!_ Shinji thought.

The boy felt his hands forming into fists, before he stopped himself. He didn't want to make a scene with Hikari in the room. The Broken Man was sure to say something if he did, and he was sure the girl wanted to go home too.

Instead he breathed out heavily, saying "only 2 weeks? What happened?" Shinji avoiding Hikari's eyes, somehow feeling that things were his fault.

That he could have stopped Zeruel without the Broken Man's help, despite the fact that he failed in his first battle with that walking nightmare.

"The mayor announced that they were closing roads and highways for repair across the city. And we all got time off from school. People started to move, leaving the city, and well… I don't know… everything's changed since the last two attacks" Hikari said glumly.

 _She's scared. Hikari's not like the other kids, she sees it like an adult. How much damage Zeruel did to the city. People leaving the schools… what must it have been like for the civilians? Seeing the real wrath of an Angel_ Shinji thought darkly.

"-and Kensuke moved. His family just picked him up one day and unenrolled him. I'm sorry, I thought you knew." Hikari was saying.

Shinji blinked. Lost in his own thoughts for a moment.

"No. I didn't. What about Toij? Is he still here?" Shinji asked.

Hikari sighed.

"As far as I know. He hardly shows up to class anymore. I leave his worksheets with his family" Hikari said.

 _He's been missing school… I know where he'd be_ Shinji thought.

"Thanks for everything, Hikari" Shinji said somewhat awkward at how serious the conversation had turned.

The class representative smiled weakly at him, before turning to go. She had her studies to deal with. And Shinji thought she understood what the city had been through more than the other students.

 _ **This doesn't matter. School will always be here. But there are more important things for us.**_ The Broken Man whispered.

Young Shinji scowled softly to himself. The first time the old man had spoken in hours.

 _Maybe to you. I'm still here, I have friends and-_

 _ **I'm tired of arguing. Do what you're going to do. We'll talk later**_ The Broken Man countered sternly.

 _Hey! I- ahhh…. He just always has to get the last word_ Young Shinji thought bitterly.

He shook his head and turned to go. Leaving the classroom with his stack of worksheets. He'd better drop them off at Misato's before he went out again.

 _Sorry Mari. I just want to see how Toji's doing._ Shinji thought.

* * *

 _Hospital_

Shinji walked the halls of the familiar building, red eyes searching for the right room number.

When he found what he was looking for, he knocked gently and was met with a slow response.

"Yeah?" Toij's voice called out.

"It's Shinji. Can I come in?" he called through the door.

There was another pause. Then the door opened and Toji was standing there in disbelief, watching as Shinji waved awkwardly.

"Damn. Shinji, the hell happened to you?" the teenager said.

"I was… away" Shinji started. But as he spoke he notice Toji stare at the 'new' red eyes that he had unfortunately come back with.

"Overexposure to LCL. Its a piloting thing. Don't worry about it" Shinji lied quickly, avoiding his friend's gaze.

However, Toji only shrugged and let him in the room. The boy didn't seem to care too much about Shinji's changes.

Kensuke would have been running wild with theories, taking pictures, and asking questions. Still, he had been one of the only 'normal' friends Shinji had at school. He hadn't even said goodbye. Well, Shinji hadn't seen either of his two friends as much lately. Having a girlfriend took time away from his regular friends.

"Am I interrupting. I can back later-"

"Nah. Was gonna leave already. Just saying goodbye" Toji answered with a backwards glance.

Toji took his seat by his sister in the hospital room. Shinji joining him in the spare seat.

Sakura Suzuhara lay in the hospital bed. Motionless but alive. Unconscious with various bits of medical equipment overseeing her well-being. The little girl that had been hurt during Shinji's first piloting run.

 _ **He** once told me 'some paths cannot be altered'. Never realized how much that hurt until now _ Young Shinji thought darkly. Remembering what the Broken Man had said. Seeing the little girl that had been hurt in both timelines.

Knowing what happened in the other time… she probably never woke up. Maybe this time it would be different. Or at least Young Shinji liked to hope.

He felt like an intruder here, sitting beside Toji whilst the boy visited his sister. But Toji didn't seem to mind. He wasn't angry at Shinji anymore.

...

Together, the two boys left the girl to her bed. There was nothing they could do for her. He knew Toji had grown to accept that, but it must have been hard for him every time.

They ended up walking through that park Shinji had skipped school for all those months ago. When he'd first tried to help Toji's sister and found that he couldn't.

"You were gone awhile" Toji said breaking the silence. The two boys walking through the city park, passing what few people still came, by.

"Wish I hadn't. Really, I do." Shinji muttered.

Toji only shook his head, a quiet laugh under his breath. "I'm just messing with you. Mr. Eva pilot, I get it" he continued, patting Shinji on the shoulder in a friendly gesture.

Shinji appreciated it.

"Kensuke's gone. Damn. Never got to say goodbye" Shinji said shaking his head.

"He'll be alright. I talked to him on the phone the other day. He's in Tokyo-02. Family moved and everything." Toji said with a shrug.

 _I hope they'll be safe over there. Tokyo-02… looked pretty bad in that other time… gah! I gotta stop thinking about that crap._ Young Shinji thought. Coming to halt without meaning too.

Toji paused, noticing Shinji had stopped.

"You okay?" the boy asked him with bemused expression.

Shinji shook his head slowly, assuring his friend. And feeling a slight tremor in his hand, one that he shrugged off without Toji noticing.

"Was it really that bad. The city? While I was away?" Shinji asked seriously.

Toji gave him odd look. Like he didn't understand why Shinji had to be so serious all the damn time.

"Forgot how much of an old man you could be" Toji muttered with an annoying smirk.

Shinji rolled his eyes… his 'new' ones anyway.

"I don't know, Shinji. All the adults got scared. Pulled their kids out of school and moved. Things have been quieter ever since… you know?" Toji answered.

"Yeah… I can see it" Shinji said.

Even the air in this place seemed different now. Not a literal pollution in the atmosphere, but the way people carried themselves. For the pilots and people at Nerv, 'this' didn't affect them as much. They'd known from day one just what the Angles were like. But the others hadn't.

"Not me though. My sister is here and we ain't leaving without her" Toji said surprisingly firm, a stern coldness in his eyes that Shinji wasn't sure if he liked.

"Damn Angels are a walking nightmare. Wish I could do more, but at least you can give them hell for the both us" Toji said. The boy giving Shinji a stern beam that he didn't feel he deserved.

Toji may have put on a brave face, but he was apparently skipping more and more school. Visiting his sister more often. Shinji guessed Toji was feeling less and less like a kid these days too.

 _This isn't right. He's just a kid. I'm a kid. Why shouldn't have to deal with this._ Shinji thought darkly.

' _ **Who ever said this world was fair? That it was right?** ' _Young Shinji could almost hear the Broken Man whisper. That annoying voice that countered him and challenged his thoughts and beliefs.

But the words never came. No whisper. No voice. No lecture about how the two of them could change things. Could set things right. The Broken Man was silent.

"Yeah" Shinji said numbly. He couldn't give Toji what he wanted. Couldn't be the champion that fought the monsters. His heart just wasn't in it. But he could reassure his friend at least. Shinji didn't have that fire in him, but he could do his job.

Toji nodded at him. Seeming to understand.

Shinji wished he hadn't noticed it, but he **did**. That _same car_ from before. The one in the distance, parked across the street from the park where he and Toji stood. Whomever was following him could be in the car, or else walking around unnoticed among the crowds of people.

There was no way to tell.

 _Still following me. Gendo's people? Maybe._ Young Shinji thought darkly.

"Shinji?" Toji asked suddenly.

The other boy watching as Shinji's face fell. Before turning to look for what had happened.

"Nothing. Hey, uh you wanna hit the arcade? Got an hour or so before it gets dark" Shinji said. Brushing past the matter.

"… sure.. Been pretty bored with you and Ken gone." Toji said slowly, before seeming to brighten up at the thought. The civilian never realizing what had happened.

* * *

They played at the arcade for over an hour. Shinji remembering better days where he'd been with his friends and his girlfriend. It wasn't quite the same, but it was close. A time where he didn't have to be an Eva Pilot, where he didn't have to hear voices in his head, voices that were real, and where he could live his life.

Toji was better than him at almost everything. Except the fighting games, Mari had taught Shinji a thing or two and he was getting better.

He had fun. Yesterday he'd had time with his girlfriend, and today he'd had his friend Toji. Ken might have been gone, but at least it was something.

Yet the feeling of being watched never went away. Even at the arcade. A looming shadow. A reminder.

When the time came to head home, Toji and Shinji parted ways.

But he found that same car in the distance as they were leaving. Parked across from the arcade. If the Broken Man hadn't told Shinji what to look for, he would have never seen the car. But now that he knew what to look for, he couldn't 'not' see it.

It made Shinji angry more than anything. After everything he'd done and been through, and now he was being followed everywhere he went. Like he was some kind of freak the government or whomever was keeping tabs on.

...

 _Home_

Misato's apartment was dirtier than he remembered.

He'd noticed it when he first dropped off his worksheets, but now that he got a better chance to look at it, he realized Misato was too busy to clean, and that Asuka probably didn't know how to.

Shinji went to work. Washing the stack of dishes in the sink, cleaning the breakfast table, and mopping the floor.

Asuka came in later and when Shinji waved at her, in the middle of cleaning the living room, she only stared at him.

"Hey..." was all Asuka said.

"… hey" Shinji answered.

She glanced at his red eyes, and Shinji felt himself wince. He never knew what sort of footing he stood on with Asuka. He knew that the Broken Man had been extremely close with his Asuka, to the point where he had called her 'sister'. Yet that didn't seem to be Young Shinji's path.

"I'm glad you're back" Asuka muttered under her breath. The girl having no doubt come from Hikari's place and forgetting that Shinji was coming back to the apartment tonight.

Shinji raised an eyebrow at that, about to say… something. He hadn't quite figured out the words yet, when Asuka just had to be Asuka.

"No one else knows how to cook or clean." the German girl said. Then before Shinji could add anything more, she walked off to her room.

Leaving Shinji standing there in his apron and cleaning supplies.

 _What did I do?_ Shinji thought.

* * *

He spent the next few days going about his business. Waking up and facing his reflection after showering. Everyday looking over the foreign red eyes that looked back at him in the mirror, eyes that felt alien. Not his. Shinji tried not to think about it. He never liked them.

He went to school, trying to get Toji to come too, it did his friend good to show up and not spend all his time at the hospital.

Rei hadn't showed up at school since he got back. Hikari saying that Nerv had pulled her out for 'test' after test. That made the Broken Man uneasy, and part of Shinji too. He missed his friend, but yet another part of him was afraid of talking to her. Too many memories stuck in his head.

After school, he'd usually go to Mari's place. They'd fool around or else go out, find something to do in the city or else just cruise around on her motorbike.

Mari filling him in on what she'd been doing since the last two attacks. How her Eva still wasn't operational, and how she found it insanely annoying that she couldn't pilot with them for now.

Yet no matter what Shinji did, no matter whom he was with, or where he spent his time, he... he found it hard to be happy. And he didn't know why.

The closest he come to it was with Mari. She had always helped him 'live in the moment', but there were times when even she couldn't help him.

And the men in black, or at least that's who Shinji assumed they were, were never far. The people whom followed him everywhere he went. Not just a security force that kept an eye on pilots, these people tagged along close. Always in the distance yet never far.

He could spot them drive by the school in the morning and after classes. Spot them when he was at the arcade with Toji, spot them in the parking lot of his girlfriend's apartment complex. It made him close Mari's windows and curtain's whenever he could.

Days spent like that. Never quite being happy.

...

 _What happened? Why is nothing like it used to be?_ He thought.

Shinji was sitting somewhere downtown, at some food place Mari had found, and saving their seat for them whilst she ordered. The teenager sat eyes downcast as he waited for his girlfriend to return.

 _ **'What happened' is that you know the truth now.**_

Young Shinji blinked.

At long last. The Broken Man had spoken. Time seemed to slow, the rest of the world coming _out_ of focus whilst Shinji and his table came _into_ focus. The mundane sounds filling the restaurant fading away, lowering to barely a whisper before that was gone too.

Young Shinji felt his hands curl into fists, and slowly, ever so slowly, he looked up. Straight ahead and across the table from him.

 **Old Shinji sat across from him.** The mental projection of the Broken Man, this image that he could make the boy see in the real world.

He looked out of place here among the 'living', like a dead man walking, a corpse whose soul refused to leave body. Hollow empty eyes. Rough aged skin.

"You" Young Shinji said darkly.

" **Me.** " the Broken Man whispered.

"... where the hell you have been?" Young Shinji asked through gritted teeth, crossing his arms.

" **I was tired of arguing with you. I needed you to cool down. Both of us, actually.** "

"I'm _not_ some mad bull"

" **There are times you act like one. I'm not saying that I don't.** " the Elder countered the Younger.

Young Shinji looked around the restaurant. Seeing that time seemed to be moving differently. He was _seeing_ at a higher rate than normal. Hyper focused. Everything seemed slower and clearer than he'd ever seen in his entire life. Even just looking around took 'longer' than normal. But what he saw was hyper focused and precise.

 _Red eyes... damn these red eyes... they're not mine. They're his!_ Young Shinji thought bitterly.

They weren't perfect. Shinji couldn't see bullets travel or anything, he wouldn't be dodging gunfire, he could just see to a higher degree than normal.

 _ **They are meant to help you. It gives you an idea of what an Angel sees. What Rei sees at her best. Its why she's more graceful. Mine are even better than hers.**_ The Broken Man whispered into Shinji's mind.

"I never asked for them-"

" **I never asked for any of this."**

The two Shinji(s) sat at the booth. Both staring the other down. Young Shinji blinked first, he always did.

" **We can't keep fighting. The world waits for no one. Its coming, its all coming Shinji. You've seen it.** " the Broken Man said darkly.

"I know. It lingers like- like _ashes_ in my mouth. I can't enjoy things the way I used to. You _took_ that away from me" Young Shinji said eyes downcast. More sad than angry.

The memories loomed over him, always looming, no matter where he was or what he did. And now things were all different.

Shinji had been 'happy' for a bit. A blissful period before Zeruel came. A time where he had friends and Mari, where he was more teenager than pilot. Now that was fading.

He was being followed everywhere he went. Kensuke was gone. He didn't know why Rei was missing so much school. Why she hadn't been in class for days now, and why she was being called away so much. The city was still recovering from the last two attacks. Asuka had trouble talking to him. The city felt empty at times, less full. Just like him.

But he still had Mari.

He glanced over to his girlfriend, smiling sadly at the sight of her impatiently tapping her foot as she waited in line to order.

The Broken Man only closed his eyes briefly. Maybe he felt guilty. Selfishly, Young Shinji hoped he did.

" **We were never going to be normal, Shinji. Not with our life. Not with the parents we had.** " the Elder said.

"Don't talk about them. I'm tired of of hearing the truth. I get it… alright" Shinji said bitterly.

The Broken Man tilted his head at him wordlessly.

Young Shinji let out a heavy breath.

"They really are coming… aren't they. Those men whom follow me everywhere I go, always at a distance but never far. The Angels… my bastard of a dad… SEELE" Young Shinji said quietly.

Like a part of him didn't want to believe it. Like a part of him just wanted to forget. But he couldn't, he was an Eva Pilot and had been for months.

The Broken Man didn't answer. Just sat there and let his younger half sulk.

"Shouldn't be surprised. I'm an Eva Pilot, a kid who kills Angels. But before this, before Zeruel… **it was different**. I still felt like a kid… a messed up kid, a teenager, but a kid all the same" Young Shinji said.

" **And now?** " Old Shinji asked.

"… I don't know." Young Shinji whispered. Voice small and on edge.

Surprising himself at how raw he felt speaking about it. About what he was feeling since leaving the memories of the Original Shinji Ikari.

"It's _gone_. I'll never be that kid again. The one from before. You told me once that… that the memories would fade. But I don't think they will. I hate it, just as much as I hate _you_. But I- I..." Young Shinji said. Stammering over the words.

He looked away from the Broken Man, and glanced at his hands. All ten fingers intact where his Other had only eight.

"I think they're deeper than you thought. It's not my life, but you made me see so much. Too much. I can't unseen it, just like you said." Young Shinji said at last. Bitter.

 _School just isn't the same. Hanging out with my friends isn't the same. All my old problems… they seem so pointless now. Who cares about school when the end of the world is coming? The only constant is Mari… and sometimes even that falls short from where it once was_ the boy thought.

He had never imagined that he would miss his earlier piloting days. That he could look back at those times and see them as 'better' in some ways.

" **You're young, but after what you've seen you're not a kid anymore. Its not fair and yet it is your life, as it was mine. People waste so much time wanting to grow up… and when they finally get there they never realize what they lost along the way.** " the Broken Man said darkly.

Shinji scoffed at that. Another word of wisdom from the old man. Didn't the bastard ever get tired of talking. He shook at his head at Other.

"What happens now? You gonna fight me for my body?" Shinji said looking up coldly at his Other half. Preparing himself for whatever came next. Gulping at the memory of what had happened last time.

He never understood what his relationship was with the Broken Man. They fought, they talked, argued, and they disagreed at times. His life had been changed drastically by what the old man had done. He didn't forgive the Other for what he did. Yet he could not deny that Other had helped him more than once.

" **No. I've told you so many times that if I wanted to, I could have. That's not what I want. I'm tired, boy. We have a job to do. It's not about me. It's about you and the others. _All_ of them.** "

Young Shinji chewed that over. From what he had seen… the Broken Man was right. He still remembered seeing that _thing_ surrounding the Old Shinji, the power of Adam radiating off of his body. It had been terrifying. No wonder the Angels feared him. The Elder _could_ overpower the younger and take full control if he had wanted too. He _could_ have destroyed Young Shinji just like he had with Other Adam and Yui. Yet he never did.

Not even when Young Shinji ignored his advice and chose another path.

It was hard for Shinji to see things from that point of view. To see things as the Other did. Part of him was angry, another sad, and one just wanted to forget it all.

Young Shinji was about to respond, when suddenly the Broken Man raised a hand.

Old Man Shinji brought his finger, a twisted aged thing, to his lips. The universal sign for silence. Then as Young Shinji blinked in confusion, the Broken Man pointed to the right.

Then, without another word, **the Broken Man vanished.** The world around Young Shinji went back to normal. Speed running at its normal rate, the world returning to its normal focus, his eyes seeing in a normal rate. The sound around him coming back.

Shinji glanced to the right, where the Broken Man had pointed, and found Mari coming to join him having finally gotten the chance to order.

"Sorry about that. Stupid people took forever. Hey, you get a call? You looked like you were talking to someone?" Mari said.

His girlfriend slid into the seat across from him at the table. Taking the place where the mental projection of the Other had been.

"No… just thinking aloud" Shinji lied with a shrug.

"Weirdo" Mari teased him. Smirking that teasing little grin at him.

Shinji chuckled.

They had a good date together. Out in the city. Mari being the only thing he had left in his life that made feel alive and young. A constant. Yet he never forgot just what had changed in him. How things were never going to be the same.

* * *

 _Later_

Mari dropped him off at Misato's apartment.

The older girl driving her motorbike into the parking lot of the complex, before coming to a slow stop.

"Tell 'Mama Misato' I said hey. Or maybe not, she thinks I'm a bad influence remember?" Mari teased just as he was getting off.

Shinji almost slipped, almost, before he caught himself. He got off his girlfriend's bike shaking his head in a small laugh, Mari grinning the whole time.

"Does that make me a good influence on you?" Shinji asked coyly.

Mari raised her eyebrows at him.

"Smooth talker" she teased, face breaking into a bright smile.

He was about to say something else when suddenly Misato's voice called out from above.

"Shinji! It's getting late." Misato said.

The two teenagers glanced up to see his legal guardian watching from above on the apartment balcony. Calling out to them from up high. She wasn't mad, not really, just annoyed at Shinji for spending the night at Mari's a while back.

"I'll be up in a minute" Shinji called.

Misato shook her head. As if saying 'sure, you better be.'

"Don't be late." Misato called back, before sighing as she waved half hardheartedly at Mari, and turned back inside.

Mari only rolled her eyes, as if Misato had just proved a point for her.

"Well... that's my luck as always. I'll come by tomorrow" Shinji said, sighing softly at the whole thing.

Mari nodded. About to start up her bike again, Shinji ready to wave her off as she left, when suddenly she stopped. The girl lowering her hand from the bike ignition.

"Hey dummy... I... I have something for you" Mari said suddenly.

Shinji blinked in surprised.

"What?" he asked stupidly.

Mari shifted uncomfortably, avoiding his gaze for once, as she reached a hand deep into her brown leather jacket. Grabbing something and yanking it out slowly.

 _She got me a gift_ Shinji thought.

His girlfriend help up a box. Eyes uneasy as she presented his gift to him. How strange to see Mari of all people nervous about anything, let alone him.

It was a box of specialized eye contact lens.

Almost like the kind that actors used in horror movies, but these were built to have a simple brown color. Just plain eyes that wouldn't stand out in a crowd of people. Barely noticeable unless you knew what you were looking at.

"Uh... you said you didn't like the red. Overexposure to LCL. That you misses your old eyes. So I tried to find the closest brown ones I could get. It's harder than you think. I don't have any pictures of you, dummy. The center of the lens lies over your pupil, not the iris, so its clear and you can still see perfectly" Mari said hesitantly.

The first time he'd ever heard her talk like that. So... unsure of herself. He stood in awe at what she had given him. His hands moving over the little box with care.

Mari kept stammering on, finding it hard to stop at Shinji's silence.

"Its supposed to fit most people. If it's too small or something I can get them exchanged or... well... do you like it?" she stammered awkwardly.

Shinji looked up at her.

"Mari" he breathed. "They're amazing. I- how much did they cost? When do you do this?" he asked barely believing it.

"Day after you spent the night. I put a rush order on them. I- I don't have restrictions on my salary as an Eva Pilot. Don't worry about it. I just... thought you'd like them." Mari stammered again. Struggling with giving a gift for the first time in her life.

"Like them? I love them, Mari. Thank you" Shinji said, the boy reaching over to kiss her before she could start stammering again.

"They're only contact lens" Mari said just as her lips were separated from his.

He wanted to kiss her again. She was breathing softly. As if she'd actually thought that he wouldn't like them. That she could ever disappoint him. This... this was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him.

"Shinji?! It's getting late!" Misato's voice called again. His guardian peeking out from the balcony above to check on him.

"Gah." He sighed, glancing back at the apartment before turning back to his girlfriend.

Mari patted his chest affectionately. Smiling sadly. She knew what Misato meant to him, but there were times the lady got on her nerves.

"You gotta go. I'm glad you like them" she said.

"I'm sorry. You know that I'd invite you over-" he stammered, clutching Mari's gift tightly in his hands.

"I know. You better come by tomorrow" Mari said, mocking Misato's 'cross' tone.

He sighed and watched her drive out of the parking lot, waving her off with a final goodbye. He scowled and turn his back on the lot, seeing a familiar looking car parked in the next lot over. Directly across the street, with a good view of Misato's apartment.

Shinji headed into the apartment complex, shaking his head, and making his way up the stairs and into the apartment itself. Leaving his shoes in the shoe box before closing the door behind him.

Misato was on her way to bed when she spotted him in the apartment, finally. He apologized for being late, then hurried off to take a shower. His legal guardian shaking her head before heading to her bedroom.

* * *

After showering and changing into his night clothes, he stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Mari's gift in hand, and slowly undid the package wrapping.

He read the instruction carefully and followed them. The box came with a small kit for maintenance and eye drops. Shinji placed the specialized contact lens over his eyes. The contacts that would cover up his red eyes with a brown tint that almost resembled his old eyes.

They felt strange. He wasn't used to having contacts, having never needed glassed, but he knew he could live with them. He'd dealt with a lot worse than some discomfort in the eye.

Young Shinji smiled brightly at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Brown eyes. They looked so much like his old ones. And they were from Mari, her gift to him all from a single comment he'd made in bed.

His face fell as a certain thought came floating to his head. Such a wonderful moment ruined by the memories of another man.

Glancing back to make sure the door was closed, it was, he turned back to the bathroom mirror.

"Hey, I know you're there. I wanna talk" he whispered.

Silence followed.

 _Hello? Hey!_

The Broken Man appeared in the room. Tall, dressed in rags with wild greying hair and hollow eyes. He tilted his head at Young Shinji, towering over the boy without even trying.

Young Shinji turned to the mental projection. Slowly eying up the old man.

" **She gave you a gift.** " Old Shinji said blankly. No emotion. Simply stating a fact.

"I like them." the boy began.

" **I heard"** the man interrupted softly.

The silence carried awkwardly between them. The Broken Man watching him unblinkingly, seeming to have no opinion on the contact lens.

"I just- I wanna ask you something?" Shinji asked at long last.

The Broken Man only tilted his head at him. Almost like Rei.

" **What?** " the Elder whispered softly.

"... what happened to Mari? In the other... in the original timeline? Did you ever find out?" Young Shinji asked. Forcing himself to meet the Broken Man's gaze head on.

It didn't matter that the boy blinked and Other didn't. He could match Other's gaze with one of his own now.

" **You saw my memories."**

"You jumped around a lot. Skipping ahead. Moving me along until I could handle the most important memory. The Unraveling. But there's a lot I still didn't see. Mari? Did you ever-" Young Shinji said slowly.

Before he was interrupted.

" **She died. Everyone did** " Old Shinji answered darkly. A low murmur that sent chills down the boy's neck, yet he never looked away. Not anymore.

"You're sure? I-" he began.

" **The entire human race died. There was no one left. Only me, and I wasn't human by then anymore. Still not... not really.** " the Broken Man answered. His voice was so dry and empty. Like the words hurt him in ways that cut deep.

Shinji winced at that. The boy breathing hard but never looking away.

"Even there... she suffered just like everyone else. And you... you just _left_ her." Shinji said through gritted teeth.

" **Aye. I did. She was better off without me. I only hurt her in the end. I've had to live with that for years. I buried her, the least I could do** " the Broken Man said simply.

Shinji gaped at him. He hadn't seen that.

"You... you did? Show me. I wanna see" Shinji said firmly.

The Broken Man raised a hand, more surprised than anything, and Shinji was gone. Misato's apartment and the bathroom vanished.

...

 _The Other Place_

He was standing in the memory again. Watching through the eyes of another. It hurt, the process was never easy, but he could handle it so much better now.

Young Shinji forced himself to look. Watching the memories of the Original Shinji Ikari. Willingly for once.

* * *

 _Memories of the Broken Man  
32 years after Third Impact  
_ _During the 10 years when Eva Unit 01 was racing towards Earth._

 _Adam runs wild across the planet.  
Wiping out settlements and bringing winter and death across the lands in his mad hunt for Lilith and the Broken man_

The Ruins of Haven weren't much to look at. Old Man Shinji trekked through the hellish weather with a shovel in hand, and Lilith by his side.

They stood in stark contrast to each other. Old Shinji wrapped in layers and layers of rags, beard grown out and protecting his face. Lilith, slim and beautiful, immune to the cold, naked and shimmering in dark cloud that followed in her wake.

The old man was breathing hard, his breath leaving small clouds of air in his wake. The change in temperature from his exhales smacking across the sheer cold actually visible to the human eye.

" ** _It is dangerous. Adam came here first. Looking for me... and you_** " Lilith said. Her voice carrying across the weather without issue.

How strange. The Second Angel just didn't 'play' by the same rules as humans did. Laws of physics seemed to bend for her at will. Her voice having no issues traveling to her companion.

"If he comes, we run." was all the Old Shinji said. Mixed colored eyes shinning out in the cold.

Lilith tilted her head at him. The Woman in the Dark watching him intently as he moved about the ruins of his former home. All of it was gone.

Barely a trace of the settlement that had been here before. The mountains torn down, the forest barren and lifeless, homes and shacks gone, broken and covered in ashes of unnatural snow and ice. Frozen planks of shattered wood littered the grounds. Yet Old Shinji barely seemed to notice.

" **I dislike it here. It smells of death. The scent of my brother and his vengeance. I can feel them… the dead. Their anguish and sorrow.** " Lilith said darkly.

"Where would they be? The bodies?" Old Shinji asked, glancing back at his only companion and teacher. Voice hoarse and raw in the cold.

Lilith knelt. The Second Angel running her hands across the dead lands. Eyes unblinking as she felt for the bodies with her sorcery.

" **There… there is where they stood before Adam brought his wrath upon them. More than half died in the first moments.** " Lilith told him. Her voice like silk even now, inhuman and soft, yet powerful as a bolt of lightning.

 _Then they didn't feel pain… they didn't suffer… that doesn't make it right._ He thought bitterly.

Old Shinji closed his eyes and turned away, wincing as if struck. Before he gritted his teeth and followed the Woman in the Dark.

Together, they dug up the bodies. Lilith and her sorcery finding their remains under the grey snow, Shinji pulling them out and lining them up. Maybe a dozen or so, all that he could find even with Lilith helping. Corpses left exposed to the ashes and unnatural cold.

Then, Old Shinji started digging. One row of graves after another. It took hours, and he refuses to let Lilith help.

One by one he buried the old inhabitants of Haven. Giving them a proper grave instead of left out in the cold. He couldn't say all their names, save for one, and that one he saved until the very end. A final grave that would end this last act of kindness.

 **Mari.**

There wasn't much left of her. The cold had helped preserve her corpse, but even that had its limits. Her skin was fading, leaving behind a thin husk in the cold, bits of hair clinging to a gaunt skeletal frame.

Yet he knew it was her. The clothes she had been wearing when she had died. Her hair, and her eyes… Mari had died with her eyes open. Empty and hollow, the white have frozen solid in death, staring out aimlessly. Broken long before her death.

Grime faced, Old Shinji scooped her into his arms, just like the day he had saved her years and years ago, and carried her to her grave. He buried Mari carefully. Putting her to rest. It didn't make it right, nothing he ever did could, but it was something he could do.

Lilith stared at him as he slumped over, leaning on the shovel for support. Arms exhausted from digging so many graves. The human in him tired, the Angel in him only weary.

"I'm sorry you're dead." Old Shinji said to Mari's grave. A cheap little thing. No tombstone or marker, but a burial all the same.

He breathed out harshly. His breath leaving a cloud of evaporated particles in the air, the reaction from the change in temperature. Lilith came to sit across from him.

Old Shinji looked over the freshly dug grave.

"I only hurt you in the end. I… you deserved better" Old Shinji whispered darkly. His last words to the woman he had lived with, but had never loved. Had never married. The woman whom had given him her heart and had not been treated in kind.

Silence was his answer. As always.

He closed his eyes feeling like he was a hundred years old. He sat there, beside Mari's grave for quite some time. Lilith nearby, giving him his space.

" **She had your body, but never your heart**." Lilith said at last.

Old Shinji looked up at his teacher, hollow empty eyes meeting her pale red ones.

He didn't deny it. He never had. Not even to Mari herself. Yet she had gone with him in the end. She had admitted to using him just as he had used her. And they had both been wrong.

The memories of Mari made his eye stung. His human eye wanting to weep. The Angel one stiff and uncaring. Two halves that were now his reality.

"Were you… was my wife angry at me? For Mari? Whatever's left of her inside you… did she hate me?" The Broken Man asked. Voice hiccuping with raw emotion.

The words stammering out like he was pulling a bullet from his flesh. A wound. Open and raw. Exposed.

" **Yes."** Lilith answered.

Old Shinji looked away. Head hung low in the cold. He deserved nothing else.

Then Lilith knelt before him, inches from his face, moving so quickly that his eyes couldn't keep up. Her form seeming to 'appear' in front of him instantaneously.

" **Rei was angry at you. _Was_. But she could have never hated you for long. She loved you, Shinji. Even now, even in death, the part of her in me never stopped loving you.** " Lilith said. Her hands on his face.

She caressed his face. Embracing him in the cold. Resting her forehead atop his. The mirror image of a 26 year old Rei Ikari.

" **Rei _forgave_ you. She wanted you to be happy.**" the Second Angel whispered sweetly. She cupped his face with her hands warmly.

Lilith would have kissed him. Would have comforted him, would have made love to him, but he turned away as he always did.

 _But I wasn't happy with Mari. Just less sad._ Old Man Shinji thought.

The Broken Man pulled away from Lilith's embrace with distant sorrowful eyes.

"Thank you" he whispered to her. He got to his feet, choosing the cold over the warmth of another. He turned away from the love of a near God like being.

Lilith stood with him, watching as he glanced up at her. His human eye was crying now, no longer able to hold it back. He tired to speak. To tell Lilith he was sorry, but that he couldn't. Not just with her, but with anyone, that he was too far gone for such things.

He couldn't love Lilith, and he wouldn't use her the way he had used Mari.

The Second Angel only nodded. Sad smile planted on her face. A simple gesture that conveyed so much. An understanding and acceptance.

Old Shinji felt that he didn't deserve it. Such loyalty and love from a God like being.

An understanding between student and teacher.

"Its not safe. We stayed too long in one place. We should go before Adam comes back" Old Shinji said, breathing hard.

Lilith nodded. And together, the Broken Man and the Woman in the Dark departed. Leaving the graves behind, leaving that chapter of Shinji's life closed for good. A final act of kindness.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

Young Shinji wiped the single pair of tears from his eyes. Yet the tear drops fell to the floor anyway. Splashing onto the faded pavement.

The boy shuddered as he left the memory.

 _Mari… oh Mari…_ he thought. Shaking as if out in the cold himself.

He stood in the same fragment as before, the small stretch of land with the ruins of a city in the distance. The ruins of Tokyo-03.

The Broken Man stood nearby. Watching the boy curiously.

"I… thank you for burying her" Young Shinji said slowly.

" **I didn't do it for you** " the Broken Man said somberly. Not an insult or a rebuttal, just a fact.

The boy shook his head. Unable to stop the shaking that came from the memories. The emotions that sometimes carried over and mixed with his own. But even without it… just seeing Mari's corpse had shaken him to his core.

"Why did you help her? Why did you make her leave the ward? In my timeline. Here… did you really hate me that much?" Young Shinji asked bitterly.

Asked the man whom had cured Mari before she had even had the chance to suffer.

" **Do you think everything I do is to make you miserable? Is that what you think of me?** " the Broken Man asked sternly. Voice low, almost annoyed.

"It's what you do-"

" **No. You keep assuming I have** _ **one**_ **reason for doing anything. Wrong. Did I want her to leave the ward? Yes. Did I want her gone from your life? Yes.** " Old Shinji admitted tiredly.

Young Shinji was about to glare, but the next words stopped him in his tracks

" **And… I wanted to help her. I felt sorry for her. For everything.** " the Broken Man admitted. His hollow eyes never leaving Shinji's. Dark and somber.

"You saved her… gave her a life she could never have had before. That's all that matters" Shinji said, breathing heavily.

The Other Mari was not the same girl his Mari was. His Mari had been allowed to live without the restrictions of the Other version. Without her sickness.

" **I shouldn't have done it.** " the Broken Man said suddenly. Eyes distant as he glanced down at his bad hand, three fingers where their should have been five.

"No. It was the right thing to do." Shinji said through gritted teeth. _How dare he… how dare this ass say something like that_ the boy thought.

" **I was selfish. Now look where it got us. We're divided. And Mari is an Eva Pilot in this timeline.** " the Broken Man spat. Regret and anger filling his voice.

"What's so wrong with that? Mari loves being a pilot. She finds it fun and-" Shinji started, glaring into the eyes of his Other self.

" **Then she's an idiot.** " the Broken Man said simply.

Shinji fumed.

"You take that back!" the boy said nearly shouting.

" **No. She's young, and I hope she grows out of it, but she's blind. She thinks its all fun and games. Running around in a giant robot. Reckless. Never considering how close she's come to dying. How close** **you've** **come to dying. You think Mari had 'fun' when Zeruel blew her Eva's arm off? When he impaled her through the chest and threw her miles into the Geofront? When she was lying in the hospital for days.** " the Broken Man countered. His voice never rose, it didn't have to.

The words cut through Young Shinji deep enough that a whisper would have sufficed.

" **Or even you? You stopped a Nuke. Caught an Angel as it was breaking through the atmosphere to kill all life on earth. You think she was having 'fun' when your skull was fractured?** " the Broken Man countered flatly.

Distantly, Young Shinji remembered that incident. The rubble from Nerv's hangar colliding into his head, fracturing his skull, the blood running down his face. The stunted movements. Without the Broken Man and Eva Unit 01 healing him, Shinji would have died.

Either way, the boy wanted to punch the Broken Man again. Right in his face. But he knew it was pointless. No amount of injury he caused the Broken Man would do anything. That freak of a man seemed nearly immune to pain now.

"Maybe that's true… she's not perfect… but that's not the Mari I know. She's more than that" Shinji spat.

The Broken Man looked at him wordlessly. _I'm not apologizing_ his expression seemed to say.

" **Is this why you wanted to talk? To argue about your girlfriend?** _ **I don't trust her.**_ **End of story. We have more important things to deal with, boy.** " the Broken Man said at last.

Young Shinji took a deep breath. Forcing himself to calm down. Whatever their differences, no matter how much he hated the Other, there was a bigger issue. There always had been, Shinji had just been too stupid to see it. Part of him wanting to ignore it, to run away, but he mustn't run away.

So he wasn't. Not anymore.

"I'll help you" Young Shinji at long last.

The Broken Man looked up at him in surprise. Eyes widening ever so slightly, as if coming to life after years of slumber.

"But I have conditions." Young Shinji added.

" **You have conditions for saving the world? And I thought you were a good man** " the Broken Man scoffed. The Elder shaking his head at the younger.

"Gah! Stop that! Just stop it!" Young Shinji spat.

The Broken Man crossed his arms.

"You wanna save the world! I know! But don't pretend like you didn't have conditions either. You want me to just go along with the life you tried to carve for me. Wanting me to be _you_ " Young Shinji said. Heart racing as he pointed at the Elder.

" **No. Not me. I wanted you to have more-** "

"You know what I mean!" Young Shinji shouted back.

The Broken Man narrowed his eyes at the boy. Yet neither backed down.

 _My future self can be such an 'A' hole_ he thought bitterly.

The Broken Man looked away first. The first time that had ever happened during their talks. It made Shinji blink in surprise. Standing in awe of it.

" **You're talking about Rei. I know, nothing I tell you will make you change your mind. You're so stubborn. The arrogance of the young. To think that they know what love is**." the Broken Man said darkly. Seeming to shrink as he looked away, eyes downcast, as if hurt.

"The arrogance of the old. To think that they know everything." Young Shinji countered.

The Broken Man gave him a cold hard look, but said nothing.

Young Shinji walked forward, coming face to face with the Broken Man as the Elder turned to meet him.

"I'm sorry" the boy said finally. Letting his anger go.

Old Shinji said nothing.

"I'm so sorry" Young Shinji said, and he meant it. Genuinely sorry for what he was doing. But he had to do it.

The boy's eyes fell, never downcast, but somber.

"That was your life… not mine. _This._ This is me. You say that if you wanted to take control, you could have. And I believe you. I couldn't stop you no matter how hard I tried. But you pushing me to Rei, making a path for me to follow… that was wrong" Young Shinji said softly.

" **You would have been happy-** "

"You don't know that. Everything's changed. It changed the day you came back." Young Shinji said, eyes stern.

The Broken Man looked away again. Facing demons that were his and his alone.

" **You're asking me to give up my daughter...** " the Old Shinji whispered. Voice low and broken.

"She's gone… _Shinji_." the boy said.

The Broken Man only kept his distance. Eyes downcast. He hadn't been called by his own name in so long now. Years.

"Akane is gone. I'm sorry. She's gone and she's never coming back. Even if it was same, if I was with Rei… it wouldn't be Akane. It would be someone else." Shinji said softly. Genuinely heartbroken at his own words.

Eyes watering and chest growing heavy.

Yet it was the Broken Man whom shook. Fingers in his bad twitching as if in shock, three fingers where their should have been five.

" **Change the subject. _Now._ " the old man said. **Voice shaking but firm. Pained but strong. Weak yet tough. Broken but warm.

Young Shinji looked away. Feeling ashamed himself for that. But it was what needed to be done.

"I'm sorry for your lost. I am, really." Shinji said wishing he were better at this.

" **Don't be. Nothing I haven't told myself before.** " the Broken Man said harshly.

He whirled around at the Young Shinji, eyes hurt and raw like a nerve. The human in him cut deep.

" **I _know_. I've always known. I couldn't save her, my little girl. I can't bring her back… all I can do is make a world where she could have lived.** " the Broken Man said. Speaking as if every words pained him. Because it did.

Every word a scar that would not close. A wound that would never heal. Not till the day he died.

Shinji wanted to take it back. He wished he'd never brought 'her' up.

However he felt about the Broken Man… Akane had been a glimpse of another life for him too. And a part of him hurt at the memory of her. At the possibility that he could have been a father.

" **You have conditions. _Name them_." ** the Broken Man said darkly, voice almost reaching a shout. Almost. The flicker of Adam's power in the Broken Man's eye, a warning that sent Young Shinji on edge... before it faded.

The Broken Man meant the boy no harm. But he could tell he was pushing things.

"I just want to have my life. I didn't want any of this, I want to ignore it, but I can't. Because you're right. **The world waits for no one."** Young Shinji said darkly.

It was hard for him to admit that the Broken Man had been right. That no matter what he did, _it_ was coming.

"And they're all out there. Plotting and moving. I care about people too. I wanna save them. But I can't live that life you carved for me because that isn't me." Young Shinji said at last.

He was a teenager, but he felt so much older at times. Even this, even the way he talked. He wasn't sure how to feel about that.

The boy took another deep breath, and held out his hand.

The Broken Man looked it over numbly. Before he reached a hand over, and grasped the boy's hand in a firm shake.

An agreement after all this time. Uneasy. A reluctant and unlikely partnership, but one nonetheless. The world would not save itself.

Partners.

" **You can't forget about Rei.** " the Broken Man said, holding Shinji's grasp within his in.

"I know what she meant to you. But I'm not changing my mind-" Young Shinji began, speaking softly and under his breath. He knew it must have been hard for his Other.

The Broken Man shook his head.

" **Yes, she was my wife. My love. And she was more."** Old Shinji said, looking like a pale shadow of a man. Eyes lost where even Young Shinji could not follow.

"More?" the boy asked with a frown.

 **"You** _ **keep**_ **forgetting that, Shinji."** the Old Man said looking more tired than anything.

Old Shinji had had to wait years and years for this. So many things had gone wrong for him. So many had gone right. Things that even he couldn't plan for.

Young Shinji stared at him. Trying to pull his hand free, but Old Shinji didn't let him go. The Elder had the boy's attention and he wouldn't let it go until he'd had his say.

" **Rei is... quite possibility the single most important person to ever walk the earth** " the Broken Man said in awe.

Young Shinji didn't understand.

"What? Rei is... she's a pilot and-" the boy said. Thinking things over as he spoke, frowning at the grim expression on his Other's face.

" **She's the** _ **key**_ **. Rei is literally a part of Lilith. Everything that she feels, her emotions, her wants and desires, her fears, her pain, her joy and sorrows.** _ **All**_ **of it goes into Lilith. They're connected.** " the Broken Man said.

Unable to express how vital and important that was. It was huge.

In Young Shinji's mind, he could see the Woman in the Dark. The Second Angel from the Original Shinji's memories. The one whom had turned against her own kind to help the Broken Man.

Whom had been forced by SEELE into starting instrumentality in the Original Timeline.

Young Shinji stared at the Elder in awe. And realized that he had been an idiot for never noticing it. He saw the memories of the Original Shinji, and _still_ hadn't figured out what that meant. Rei's experiences become Lilith's.

When Rei had loved the Broken Man... Lilith had loved him too. Rei's personality and soul became another part of the Second Angel's.

That didn't seem like much at first... but the more Young Shinji thought about it... the more he realized. Lilith, the Angel that SEELE planned to instigate Instrumentality with. The Angel that Gendo had abused and conducted experiments on, all in a bid to bring Yui back.

All of it hinged on Lilith, and on Adam. Even the other Angels were tied to those two. But Lilith was everyone's key. The _one_ Angel that could be controlled under the right circumstance. The madness and cruelty of SEELE and now Gendo too. Monsters they were.

And Lilith's vessel... her view into the human world... was Rei.

 _ **Now you understand**_ the Broken Man thought. The Old Shinji released the boy's hand. Seeing the sheer awe in his eyes as he realized it.

"I- you're right. That was... you said you had more than one reason for doing things. And Rei, did Gendo even realize what he made?" Young Shinji said barely believe it.

" **No. He thought he made an imperfect copy of Yui, one that he could use to bring her back. But he was wrong. Rei is not Yui, she's Lilith.** "

"What happens now? What can we do?" Young Shinji asked. Looking at his future self firmly.

" **First, we need an ally. Someone else who can help us from the inside. Someone just like us.** " the Broken Man said. Moving onto business.

"An ally?" Young Shinji asked.

The Broken Man told him, and his eyes widened.

* * *

 _Back in the real world_

Young Shinji put Mari's gift back in the box. Putting the contact lens up for the night, he'd have to get used to them tomorrow. The closest he could get to his old eyes.

And later that night, when he went back to his room, he went to his old dresser. Finding it untouched in all the time he had been 'away'.

Shinji reached inside, and found all his pills. The red and black medicine. The poison that Dr. Page and SEELE had been feeding him for most of his life.

'Take your pills' his doctors had told him. 'Take your pills' the staff at the ward had said. More than five years of drilling it into his head.

No more.

The boy scoffed at the sight of them. Before he gathered them up, and sent them spilling over and down into the sink. He opened the faucet and let the water sink them all down the drain.

Red and black, all his pills gone just like that.

He didn't need them anymore. He never had.

* * *

 **Big focus on our two Shinji(s). Their relationships and lives.**  
 **It might be jarring, but please remember that Young Shinji is coming from his 'golden era' seen in chapter 19 and the start of chapter 20 before Zeruel. For him, everything he's seen changed him.**

 **Had trouble with pacing this chapter, and moved stuff around to other chapters, one of the reasons for the delay. It may not seem like it, but there are important plot points in chapter 31 not just character moments.**

 **What did you think of the Broken Man burying Other Mari?**  
 **Of the glimpse of Adam's power?**  
 **Of Young Shinji finding everything different after two months away? With only 'his' Mari his constant?**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	32. Ally

**Hey guys, long delay but I'm back.  
Why the long wait? Things in my personal life, and deciding just what to put into this chapter versus what to put in the next chapter(s). There's a lot of things that are going to happen, and I have to plan it carefully. **

**Note: this chapter has a long prologue.**

 **Here's chapter 32 "Ally"**

* * *

" _Why her?"_

" _ **Because she's like us."**_

"… _after everything that she did in your time… I thought…"_

" _ **That I would be angry with her? No, boy."**_

" _How can you not be?"_

" _ **Do you hate her? Knowing what you do.** "_

" _I... I don't know. She helped… she worked with..."_

" _ **She was used and thrown away. Just another tool. Lied to and manipulated. It doesn't have to be that way. She's not there yet."**_

" _Does it have to be her? Why not-"_

" _ **Because she died alone. Just like I did"**_

 _- **The Broken Man** and Shinji Ikari._

* * *

…

 _ **2000 A.D.  
**_ _ **Antarctica**_

"Yes sir. The drills are in place. They're expected to reach the site within the hour. We- no sir. The walls of ice and snow were kilometers thick. Yes, I will keep you posted." the man said.

The man's daughter knelt atop the frozen grounds nearby, running her gloved fingers through the snow. She was wrapped in the layers of clothes and a heavy duty jacket, she could barely feel the snow, but it was something she'd never experienced before.

She listened to her father on yet another of his phone calls, and distantly wondered why she had been forced to 'tag along' at all.

It wasn't like he had time for her in the first place, why now?

"At least the snow is nice" Young Misato whispered to herself.

Barely a teenager, Misato did not particularly like the research base and expedition site. She much preferred the company of her mother over her father.

"Gendo, I know what I'm doing. Tell Mr. Keel that we'll reach the target within the hour" Dr. Katsuragi said, sounding mildly annoyed.

Misato glanced back at her father for a second time.

 _You love that phone more than mom..._ she thought bitterly.

Her father hung up, and turned to her with an apologetic look on his face. As if that somehow made things right.

"Sorry about that, daddy's work is never done" Dr. Katsuragi said.

"Can I go now? It's freezing." Misato asked her father.

Her father's face fell.

"Don't you like the snow? Or the penguins that linger back at base? Come on, it's an adventure and-" he began.

"I wanna go back with mom." Misato cut in. Face cold in that way only teenager girls could muster when they disapproved of something.

Her father looked away before seeming to steel himself up.

"And you will. When this is all over we can go on vacation and fix things. Doesn't that sound nice. The three of us spending more time together." Her father said.

Misato listened without really paying attention. It was always this way with her dad, he was always promising this and that. That when this project was over he'd make more time for his wife and kid. Yet the day never came.

 _No wonder you two are splitting up._ She thought.

The divorce proceedings were already on their way back home in Japan. The only one in denial was Dr. Katsuragi himself. But Misato was stuck here with him until tomorrow.

"Yeah, sound great... dad" Misato lied.

Her father didn't notice. He only patted her on the head, and turned back to his phone. Leaving his daughter to the complex set up near the expedition site.

…

 _At that same time.  
_ _Old Tokyo, Japan._

"Mom, I got my grades back" Ritsuko said. The teenager held up the report from school, glancing through the list of top scores in her various classes at high school.

Dr. Naoko Akagi glanced at her daughter but never turned her attention away from her phone. Absentmindedly the woman nodded at her child in barest hint of approval.

"Gendo spoke with him. They should reach the site within the hour. Yui and I need a sample if we are to continue." Naoko was saying into the phone.

Ritsuko hovered in the kitchen of their home, awkwardly waiting for her mother to finish another of her business calls.

"Yes sir. Good day, Mr. Keel" Naoko said before hanging up the phone.

Her mother turned to her and held out her hand expectantly. Ritsuko's school had nothing but praise for her, but her mother held her to a higher standard.

Ritsuko stiffly handed her mother the grades.

"Hmm... good. Just as expected. You truly have a gift for science, dear."

"Thank-" Ritsuko began.

"But you're slacking behind. You need to brush up before those A's drop to B's." Noako cut in shortly.

Dr. Akagi expected no less than excellence from her child.

 _I'm already the best in the class. I study for hours and- and isn't that enough? Can't you be proud of me for that?_ she thought.

"Yes mother" Ritsuko answered glumly.

"Good girl. Now, I'm going to be out of town for a few days. I left you some money in the kitchen and food in the fridge. Please, try not to call me unless it's important" Naoko said.

Ritsuko nodded, the teenage girl waving goodbye to her mother as she left once again on business.

Her mother didn't even glance back on the way out, and the door slammed shut leaving Ritsuko alone. A common occurrence.

…

 _Antarctica_

Misato sat at the table with a cup of coffee in hand. The expedition site wasn't really a place for teens, and there wasn't much to do here after the novelty of snow wore off.

All the adults were busy with their instruments or else construction crews, the so called 'drilling team' and their site. Said drills were making such a racket that Misato just knew she was gonna get a headache before the day was out.

 _Whoever knew drills could be so damn loud_ Misato thought with a grimace.

How she just wanted to go home with mom.

She sat there, alone and trying to drown out the sound of the drills until suddenly... **the air stilled.**

Years later, Misato would never be quite able to explain that feeling. That primal sense in one's bones that something was wrong. The feeling of your eyes hyper focusing and your heart beating faster for reasons that you are not fully aware of.

A warning from some primitive portion of your brain. Not fight or flight , but pure flight. That chill that goes down your spine... a warning. 'Run' your body tells you.

Young Misato looked up just as the sound of the drills stopped. And in its place was the ear shattered crack of ice being shattered. The sound of an expedition site being torn apart from underneath, the _thing_ below breaking itself out in place of any human efforts.

She winced at the sound, covering an ear with her free hand, and looked up. She stared open mouthed at the sight in the sky...

A drill, bigger even than a truck, was flying through the air. It would have been comical if not for the harsh winds that followed, the sight of the vehicle moving through the sky as if it was a toy being thrown by a child.

 _Th- there was someone inside there... driving the drill... and they... they_ Misato thought. She watched with horrid fascination as the drill landed dozen of meters away.

CRASH

The vehicle broke the ground where it landed with such force that it left a crater in its wake. Upturned snow and ice propelled into the air as the drill sank into the ocean, an unknown body mangled and broken sinking with it

"Misato!"

The girl turned, unable to process what she saw. The death of the drill driver.

"Misato!"

Her father was running towards her. The adults at the site scattered, crying out in panic. The entire complex trying to find safety or else to evacuate. Trying to flee.

Dr. Katsuragi grabbed his daughter by the wrist and pulled the stunned girl with him as he moved. She dropped her coffee as she was pulled away. Misato was in shock, and she stared at her father with wide confused eyes.

 **A Giant of Light rose from the expedition site.**

Ice broke apart in the Angel's wake, and the frozen lands began to break apart. Entire portions of the ground sinking into the ocean. People cried out, researchers and construction workers all shouting for help before falling into the antarctic waters.

Misato glanced behind her and was left speechless at the sight of it all.

An unnatural blizzard began forming around the site, hiding the sun and bathing them in an eerie night with harsh winds.

"The Angel is hostile! The Angel is hostile!" her father shouted into his comm unit. He never let go of his daughter. His hands holding her tight as he ran forward.

Misato followed, her legs feeling weightless as her father pulled her along. Her young mind freezing at the sight of so much death.

"Launch the Spear! Its the only way!" her father shouted into the comm.

Dr. Katsuragi pulled his daughter into the complex, the ground beneath them shaking as he did so. An inhuman roar audible even as they entered the facility.

"Dad... dad wh-" Misato stammered.

"Get in!" the man called.

Her father shoved her into an emergency pod. A strange metal tube that acted as a one-man bunker, portable, and built to keep an occupant alive in case of a nuclear blast.

The research complex had a whole row of them. Dozens of pods, and yet only Dr. Katsuragi and his daughter had made it to them.

"You'll be okay!" her father shouted to her, his voice barely audible amid the winds and roars of the First Angel in the distance.

…

Adam slaughtered the Lilin below him.

Tossing their machines aside like the little toys they were, breaking the ground beneath all of them as he hovered above. Letting the humans fall to the frozen waters below, letting them freeze even as he rose.

Wings of Light emerged from his back, and Adam rose even higher. The First Angel moving to end all life on this planet.

Only for a strange object to come rushing after him from a distance. A weapon that the humans had been counting on.

The Spear of Longinus shot through the air, breaking the sound barrier in its wake, and acting of its own accord once set free. The artifact moving to fulfill its task.

Adam roared as the Spear hit him. The blade pierced through his nearly invulnerable skin, and he was silenced but never defeated.

His power was slipping, fading away as the Spear broke his body apart bit by bit. With one final act of defiance, the First Angel sent his energy outward. A blast that would ripple across the entire planet. An explosion that would act as his wrath.

…

"I'll see you on the other side. Daddy loves you very much" Dr. Katsuragi told his daughter through the safety glass of the emergency pod. Tears dripped down from his red eyes. Blood slid down the side of his face, an injury that Misato had not noticed before.

Misato tried to say something. To reach out to him despite being encased in the pod. But she never got the chance.

The walls of the complex came apart, ripped open by some unseen force that sent her father flying back. The doctor having never had a chance of getting a pod for himself.

Misato watched her father's body fly away even as her pod flew through the air too. Her body shaking as the unseen force carried all of them, Misato, her father, and the fragmented bits of the building itself. The explosion shoving all of them aside.

In that moment in time, things seemed to play in slow motion, her father's body disappearing from sight as the pod rolled and rolled with her in it. Misato, safe in her one-man bunker, and everything else ripped apart.

And in the distance the eerie sight of a Giant of Light, with a Spear impaled through his chest, hovering off the ground.

The First Angel broke apart, coming undone, as the blast spread out far far above him. The energy rippled across the sky even as Adam lost more and more mass.

 **Second Impact.**

…

 _Minutes later  
_ _Japan_

Ritsuko turned on the tv only to find static.

The young girl blinked in surprise as the lights flickered in the apartment, and the phone line shrieked as if short circuiting.

Outside, she heard the power lines and street lights going haywire. Terrified, the girl stumbled out of the apartment to find her neighbors doing the same. Dozens of tenants filing out of the rooms as the whole block seemed to be experiencing the same thing.

The ground shook, and with it the apartment building.

BOOM

An ear shattering sound echoed across the city... and perhaps beyond.

 _Mom... mom I'm scared_ Ritsuko thought shaking as she stumbled out of the building along with the others.

"Earthquake" someone was calling.

 _No... not an earthquake but something else_ Ritsuko thought. The girl came to a stop outside just as she caught a glimpse of the early morning sky.

 **It came.**

A shimmering wave of light above the clouds, a ripple that sent shock waves across the sky. It broke the sound barrier, leaving a sonic boom and in its wake, the ground shook and the street lights exploded with a hiss. Windows shattered and the street cracked, cars crashed, and a convenience store nearby collapse in on itself. All of it followed the ripples in the sky, some unseen force that brought destruction to all it met.

Ritsuko fell to the ground, ears ringing and too shocked to even breathe as the world around her came undone.

Chucks of her apartment complex fell from their place in the structure, pieces of the walls that came free as if ripped out. The building fell in on itself.

Ritsuko flinched at the sight. knowing that if she had still been inside... she would have been crushed.

And when _it_ was over, the girl stood inside a wrecked city. One among countless refugees wandering the city with no power, running water, or working phones of any kind. Dust and blood, surface wounds caused by flying glass, covered her young face.

Bodies lay in the street, left overs from the many car accidents, collapsed buildings, or else killed by the strange force that had erupted across the sky.

Nervously Ritsuko tried to call her mother in the chaos that followed, but no signal ever went out. All the public phones were dead. The girl ended up sitting at a random bus stop, a fallen street light beside her. Just another lost soul in the aftermath of what would one day be called Second Impact.

In the days that followed, Ritsuko would wander the streets along with the countless others roaming in search of help.

…

 _Antarctica_

Misato gasped as she felt a warm liquid in her mouth.

The emergency pod was floating in the ocean, blown away by the blast, and when Misato opened her eyes the sky was grey. She sat up and gasped at the sharp pain under her breast. She looked down to see bright red blood seeping out of her jacket.

She shuttered uncontrollably at the sight of her own blood, and looked around to see that the pod had been heavily damaged. Its top completely blown off.

 _Shrapnel... hit me... what happened to it?_ Misato thought as she sat in the open pod, floating aimlessly in the ocean. A dead red sea where once had been the icy waters of Antarctica.

The sky itself seemed to have been wounded. Grey and dark, it loomed over her menacingly.

"Dad... dad" Misato whispered as she shook.

She sat there in the pod, floating aimlessly for hours. The image of a Giant of Light burned into her memories, a haunting nightmare. The image of an Angel and its wrath.

…

 _5 days later_

Ritsuko was brought to the Nerv base via helicopter. She had been found in a refugee camp outside Old Tokyo, just another homeless kid out there until someone had managed to identity her. She'd spent 3 days at the camp, locked in with the other survivors of 'the incident'.

Only to be as surprised as anyone when the helicopter and men armed in military gear had landed to pick her up. Her mother had used her connections at Nerv to send for her.

The base itself acted as a center for people to re-group and for various organizations to coordinate the relief efforts. With aircraft and trucks coming and going with a military presence around the perimeter.

Ritsuko stared open mouthed at everything, at the sheer size of the operation below. She had just gotten out of the helicopter when her mother met her with a fierce hug. The action made her blink, she couldn't remember the last time her mother had hugged her, and slowly she returned the gesture.

…

Misato sat alone, away from the adults. She was having trouble processing everything that had happened.

The boats that had came to rescue her, the team that had stayed behind at the site, her flight back to Japan, the frantic calls from her mother, the stern face of Gendo Ikari asking question after question.

"She's almost mute. In shock. The lone survivor of the Katsuragi expedition." Misato had overheard the doctors telling Gendo.

"I see. Hmm... send for her mother and make sure she doesn't get in anyone's way" Gendo had said.

That was how she found herself sitting alone. Just another 'civilian' brought in, another family member of a high ranking Nerv employee brought here for their safety. Allowed in only due to that connection.

She was brought out of her thoughts when suddenly, another girl around her age sat in the chair beside her.

"Hello" the girl said. She had a bandage on her cheek and looked like she hadn't showered in days, just like Misato, and her clothes with filthy. Another refugee brought to safety.

Misato turned her tired lost eyes to the new girl.

"I'm Ritsuko" the girl said, holding out a hand slowly.

"... Misato" she whispered taking the girl's hand to shake.

 _Ahh_ She thought through gritted teeth. Wincing at the pain in her chest, the bandages would hold but the doctors said she'd have a scar.

"I'm sorry. You're hurt." Ritsuko said awkwardly.

"... its okay" Misato whispered, eyes still lost.

The two girls sat there by themselves. Out of the adults way. The only teenagers or children brought in it seemed. Both having been in the thick of it when 'the incident' had occurred.

"... my dad died" Misato whispered suddenly. Voice empty and flat.

Ritsuko snapped up to look at the strange girl.

"oh... I'm so sorry. I didn't know- " Ritsuko stammered. She didn't know what to say to that, she had never been good with people.

"... its okay" Misato answered slowly. Her words slightly slurred. She hadn't gotten used to talking again.

"Looks like we're the only kids here... um have you had any food? I was going to head to the cafeteria" Ritsuko said slowly. There wasn't much to do here. All the adults were busy.

"Yeah... I mean no... I mean.. I'd like food. Yeah" Misato said slowly, shaking her head to get the words out properly.

Together, the two girls headed to the cafeteria. They ate, the only kids in the entire base. It was good for both of them. Misato having someone to get her out of her shell, Ritsuko having company for perhaps the first time in her childhood.

They became friends.

"Mom sent the helicopter for me. Funny, she made such a fuss. Hugging me so tight I thought I'd suffocate, but now that I'm here ..." Ritsuko said slowly.

"... now she doesn't have time for you. Just like before" Misato said, still speaking in that damaged slurred way of hers. Still processing over her shock.

Ritsuko sighed softly at that.

"Yours?" Ritsuko asked, sharing a cupcake she had managed to grab before anyone else. The thing was ludicrous, having a cupcake while the rest of the world was bleeding.

"She's on her way. Called me a bunch of times. A courtesy because of who my dad was." Misato said. Getting the words out empty and flat.

They both grew silent. A tension neither had meant to bring up.

 _I'm sorry... I didn't mean- I shouldn't have mentioned it._ Ritsuko thought frowning.

 _Its okay. I'm still getting over it... might not ever... but I have to try_ Misato thought firmly. Her father was gone, and there was no bringing him back. The thought was harsh but never untrue.

Suddenly, a burst of static white noise caught their attention. And the girls looked up to see an adult fidgeting with one of the TVs in the cafeteria. The man moving through the channels until he finally reached a station that was playing amid the crisis.

"Got one" the man called, and already a small crowd of people looked to see the TV actually playing a live stream after days of silence.

Ritsuko and Misato looked up to see it too.

The lady on the TV looked like she hadn't slept in days, and her expression was dire. An exhausted reporter unable to do anything but put out information whilst the governments and authorities did the 'real' work.

"-power out for most of Europe, Japan, and China. Around the globe the death toll keeps climbing. Massive tsunamis had been reported, along with earthquakes, electronic disruption, massive flooding in coastal cities, and abnormal weather patterns that do not show any signs of stopping" a news anchor said.

Ritsuko shivered at the thought of it. Memories of her days of wandering aimlessly in Old Tokyo, of the bodies in the streets and crowds of refugees.

"The Impact is still being felt for the whole world. Experts are saying that the planet may never be the same. The UN is scrambling to provide aid whenever and wherever it can. The meteorite that collided into-"

"They're wrong" Misato said. Interrupting the news station on the tv.

Ritsuko turned to her. None of the adults even paid attention. All the others glued to the reports of the calamity that would one be called 'Second Impact'.

"It wasn't a meteor. It was something else... something... alien" Misato whispered, speaking more to herself. The image of the Giant of Light still fresh in her mind.

The memory of Adam's wrath. Of her father sent flying through the air.

"... not a meteor. You saw it too... didn't you?" Ritsuko said slowly.

Misato turned to her.

People had been saying that the meteorite had sent massive burning debris into the atmosphere that had spread across multiple continents, but somehow... both girls knew it was wrong. An explanation to stop the speculation and allow people to work on the recovery operations.

"The Light." Misato and Ritsuko said meeting each others eyes unblinkingly.

Different images playing in the back of their minds. Two witnesses to the event with different perspectives. The Giant of Light... and the blast that had rippled across the sky.

 **A secret that both girls did not know they had uncovered. Something that years later, when told the truth, they would realize that they had both known for years.**

* * *

 _Present Day  
_ _Tokyo-03_

" **You don't need those things, boy** " the Broken Man said.

The mental projection of the old man lingered behind Young Shinji as he looked at his reflection in the mirror, contact lens on his finger. The boy reached up to place the lens atop his eye.

"I like them. They're like my old eyes" Shinji said softly.

" **Mine are better** "

Shinji paused at that. Flexing the fingers on his hand, five fingers where the Broken Man had only three. Soft unblemished hands, not a single scar along his flesh.

"... I know" the boy answered quietly, putting the contacts on and blinking carefully to adjust to the strange sensation.

Shinji left the bathroom and the mental projection vanished in his wake. He made his way to the kitchen, made breakfast and set the table for both Asuka and Misato.

He was already heading for the door when Misato was first getting up, and his guardian blinked in surprise at early her charge had risen.

"Shinji?" Misato yawned in surprise. Stretching her arms as she stepped into the already set table, complete with breakfast and drinks.

"Wanted to get a head start" Shinji said in passing. He was already dressed in his school uniform, backpack and lunch packed. He'd also left a separate lunch bag for Asuka near her breakfast.

 _We're supposed to eat meals together, Shinji. To be more 'normal' and- ahh you get up too early for me kiddo_ Misato thought shaking her head.

"I- okay. Uh did you take your medicine for the day? Don't forget your pills" Misato called.

"Already took them" Shinji lied. He turned and waved, before heading out the door.

Misato watched him go. She stood in the kitchen wondering what had gotten into the boy, before she shrugged and sat down for breakfast.

…

Shinji went through his day at school like any other day. In truth, he agreed with the Broken Man that his education was mostly pointless at this stage in the game. School would always be there for him, and he had more important things to worry about.

He frowned as he noticed Rei's seat empty once again. She hadn't been at their old meeting spot on the way to school either.

 _Where is she?_ He thought.

 _ **I don't like it either.**_ Old Shinji stirred.

He ate lunch with Toji, chatting about things that didn't matter and pretending to be the kid he used to be before his journey inside the Eva.

Asuka still wouldn't talk to him. The German girl barely sparing him a glance as their school day went on. Another mystery he had to wonder about.

* * *

 _After school  
Nerv_

"I'm ready" Shinji said into the comm.

"... you're sure? Shinji, no one would think less of you for waiting-" Maya began.

"No. Gendo already cleared Unit 01. It'll be fine" Shinji answered simply.

"He said he was up for it. Can we get going already" Asuka cut into the comm. A flicker of annoyance in her voice.

Shinji turned his gaze across the hangar to his partner in the red plug suit, both pilots awaiting access to their Evas.

Asuka had been quiet on the ride over after school. They were supposed to run the simulation together, the reformation of Eva Team One. Yet there was this tension between them that Shinji didn't understand.

 _Maybe it was something Misato said. She can be overprotective with me but distant with her_ the boy thought.

"Right, Asuka. Give us a minutes, okay" the older woman's voice come in over the comm.

Maya strained from inside the command center. She wished Ritsuko were here, Unit 01 still scared her to be honest. The way it had moved... the it had _spoken_. And those eyes.

Evangelion Unit 01 lay unbolted at long last, standing tall in its usual place in the hangar. New face-plate on, eyes and mouth concealed under the plate armor.

Maya nervously entered the commands into the terminal, and the entry plugs were released with a hiss of compressed air.

Shinji nodded at Asuka and stepped inside his entry plug, breathing calmly as his was reinserted into the Eva.

He closed his eyes.

...

 _The Other Place_

Shinji stood in that white void that stretched on endlessly, the Broken Man standing across from him.

"Here we are. What's the plan?" the boy asked the elder.

" **We give them what they want. A pilot like no other.** **The trick is not to overdo it. Too high and we'll get unwanted attention.** " Old Shinji said.

 _Like we need anymore. That damned stalker._ Shinji thought bitterly. Even today, that damned car had followed them on his way to Nerv.

Shinji shook his head. He had to stay focused, they had a job to do.

"Too low and they might decide we're not worth all the trouble" the boy said slowly.

The Broken Man nodded, the taller man still dressed in weathered rags that made him look homeless.

 _ **You're catching on. Good.**_

Old Shinji reached his hand out, and Young Shinji took it. Five fingers meeting three.

A handshake.

…

 _The real world_

Shinji sat there, eyes closed, as the LCL filled the plug.

Asuka sat through the same process, and nodded confidently at her display.

"Unit 02 at 67%. Good work, Asuka" Aoba called in through the comm system.

The German focused, and fought to stop the smirk from appearing on her face. She had worked hard to achieve that number, more than any of the other pilots. A stable and reliable sync that was _always_ over 50%.

She glanced at Shinji and his Eva across from her in the hangar, he was being unusually quiet lately. And she wasn't sure what to make of it.

Then again... she hadn't tried to talk to him much as of late.

...

Maya watched nervously as Unit 01's sync ratio appeared on her screen. She glanced at the Eva and breathed a sigh of relief. No incidents.

"52%. 60%. 67%. And... still rising. 72%. 77%. 80%. 81%... 82%." Maya said into the comm utterly astounded at the results.

In their stations adjacent to hers, Hyuga and Aoba stared at the readings too.

"Damn" Aoba muttered under his breath.

"Ritsuko's gonna wanna see this" Hyuga said shaking his head.

…

"Load the simulation." Shinji said into the comm, eyes still closed.

"... Looking good Shinji, Asuka. Just pilot like you always do, the Eva Units won't be moving in the real world but in the sim" Maya said into the comm.

Shinji opened his eyes and worked the controls. Phantom sensations active, and yet much more a part of him than ever before. His bond with the Eva was stronger than it had ever been, his connection with the soul inside of it.

The Broken Man reached out to meet him halfway, working together and yet holding back enough to be just what Nerv and SEELE wanted them to be.

Shinji went through the simulations, his eyes seeming to work better than ever. His reflects seeming higher, and the Eva more responsive. The boy worked with the added experiences that had bled into him from the Broken Man.

A boy moving with the wisdom of a man. 10 years of training with Lilith bled into him in a fraction of the time.

It took Asuka by complete surprise. She stared at him, even from within the simulation, and shook her head as the scenario began.

Simple target practice.

Eva Team One cleared the first three simulations with ease, then the next two, and so on and so on.

Asuka actually struggled to keep pace with her partner for once. She could, definitely, but it was a challenge. She was a better shot than him, but the boy seemed to handle himself much better than before.

She could hear the surprise in Maya and Ritsuko's team as they loaded scenario after scenario for the pair of Evas.

The Magi supercomputers created scenarios for them, recreating the previous Angels they had faced. Letting the two of them fight them again in this digital re-enactment.

…

Misato stepped in the command center, unnoticed by Ritsuko's team, and watched the boy in awe.

 _82% on his first try. And the way he moves. Where did this come from Shinji?_ Misato thought.

His guardian watched as for once... Shinji took the lead.

…

The boy ran the simulation with Asuka. Fighting the Abnormal Angel once again with Unit 02 by his side.

Asuka unloaded another clip into the creature. The Angel slowed but did not stop.

It leaped for her and her Eva, and Asuka brought a hand up. AT Field already forming... until Unit 01 grabbed the Abnormal Angel mid jump by the leg.

With a heavy pant, the boy pulled the Angel back with him and toss it to the side. The action left Asuka with room to fire if she wanted to, and space for Shinji to press on as well.

Asuka blinked in surprise, and let her AT Field fade away.

Shinji brought his Eva forward hand raised and _his_ AT Field erupted into existence. A brilliantly bright shimmer of lights that acted as shield, its stability and durability a calculated variable dependent on his real life sync ratio with his Eva.

He used the shield as a battering ram and slammed it into the Abnormal Angel. The Angel slid back, and before it could recover Shinji brought the shield down on its head.

The Magi Supercomputers predicted an outcome and played it out in the simulation, the Abnormal Angel fell to its knees winded and knocked senseless.

It gave Asuka a clear shot. She brought her Eva to point blank range and unloaded a full clip into the Angel's eyes, the only weak point it would have had in its armored body.

The result was theoretical, as the Abnormal Angel had been killed differently, but for the simulation it worked. The Angel slumped over and disappearing.

 _ **You're overdoing it, boy.**_ The Broken Man thought.

 _I am? Sorry. I'll make sure to get hit more in the next simulation._

 _ **Asuka's paying attention. You went too far and now she knows you're different.**_

 _Thought that was the point. This story we came up with, that my time in the Eva gave me a better connection. Play up my role as the freak._

 _ **To our enemy, yes. But this is different. Asuka has her role to play. Her own burdens to carry. And she has her pride, don't be upset with her.**_

 _I won't be. I promise. Still no sign of Ritsuko._

 _ **She's here.**_

… _you hurt her. You know that, right? You almost broke her._

 _ **I told her the truth. Nothing she didn't already know, deep down.**_

… _and you're sure it has to be her._

 _ **Do you hate her?**_

 _No... I don't think so._

 _ **People are complicated, boy.**_

 _Its hard. She did... things. Terrible things._

 ** _She's not there yet._  
**  
 _Ahhh. This is confusing. Two sets of memories._

 _ **Yes**_

Shinji and the Broken Man spoke non verbally. Conversation via pure thought.

Absentmindedly, he nodded his Eva in Unit 02's direction. A gesture of respect, or at least that was what the boy was going for.

Asuka returned it, albeit with some hesitation.

Shinji glanced away from the display, from the simulation, and the command center on the other side of the Hangar.

Ritsuko had taken a few sick days, and Rei hadn't been seen at school for a while either.

 _Where have they gone?_ He thought.

* * *

 _Deeper levels of Nerv_

Ritsuko sat in front of the terminal, looking through the various readings of her patient, with her boss and 'lover' hovering over her. Yet the data was blank to her, her mind wandering from her work to thoughts most unpleasant.

A lingering cold that had trickled into her life since that day, when the boy had come back. This empty abyss that chipped away at her, bite by bite, a corner of darkness in her soul that never quite left.

Ever presents, it pulled at her attention. Her eyes fell, punching in commands on pure muscle memory.

"Dr. Akagi, are you even listening? I _expect_ better from you." Gendo said suddenly. Voice stone cold and firm as always.

The older man was tall and quiet, eyes hidden behind tinted glasses, gloved hands folded behind his back, and with a demeanor of impatience. Always with a look that said he had more important places to be.

"Sorry sir. You were saying-" Ritsuko began, snapping out of her it. Her eyes brought up momentarily before falling again at the interruption.

"What is her progress?" Gendo cut in. He cared so little for her apologies.

Ritsuko paused and looked up from her computer screen to the patient on the other side of the observation glass.

Rei Ayanami iteration number 2. The pale girl appeared to be asleep, eyes closed, and floating amid a vat of luminous fluid. Built like a test tube large enough for a human, with various wires that ran along a device that wrapped along the patient's forehead. The machines reading all of her vital signs and performing scans of her brain itself.

Another of Rei's check ups.

"She's fine. No health issues. But the fluctuations in her brain waves continue. The pattern started the day your son-" Ritsuko began, voice flat and empty.

"The Third Child" Gendo corrected suddenly. Fingers twitching slightly at the mention of the boy.

"The day the Third Child was absorbed into the Eva." Ritsuko finished. She lowered her tired and sleep deprived eyes a second time. Unable to even look at her lover and boss.

"What could it mean?" Gendo asked, speaking with the authoritative tone of one whom holds power over another.

 _I don't know. I just don't. That the Angels continued deaths are affecting her... that she's not entirely human... that all the Rei iterations are acting odd. I didn't build her, you did._ Ritsuko thought biterly.

"We can only speculate it has something to do with the plan. The continued deaths of the Angels" Ritsuko said at least. She picked the theory that Gendo would have liked best.

"Hmm." Gendo answered in a low murmur.

 _Not even a thank you. Coming into work on one of my sick days, sharing your bed for months yet never for more than a hour, doing your dirty work down here. Nothing. I... how did I end up here?_ Ritsuko thought bitterly.

And then it came again. The words that haunted her. That had lingered days after they were uttered by the boy. The memory made her shake, the way Shinji had spoken. It had hit her and left her open and raw, like a nerve that had been exposed.

" _ **My father doesn't love you, Ritsuko. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love anyone. Only a ghost, only the dead."**_

And

" _ **We're just tools to him"**_

There it was. A simple truth that was more immutable and unforgiving than gravity.

Ritsuko blinked, shaking off the memory of Shinji Ikari for the present with his father.

"I see. Let her out, she has a sync test scheduled today" Gendo said simply.

Ritsuko punched in the command, and from the other side of the observation glass that vat began to empty itself.

The fluid was drained out, leaving Rei standing awkwardly as she woke still inside the vat. Gendo left Ritsuko to her company and entered the room to assist his 'project'.

Rei groaned weakly as she fell, the vat doors sliding open with a hiss, naked and cold she shivered until Gendo threw a towel on her. Expression blank, a mask of calmness that never broke, Gendo reached down and helped Rei take off the helmet and its wires.

Rei shivered the whole while, clinging to the towel and covering herself the moment it was given to her. A new development Gendo noticed. A sense of modesty? Reactions to temperature?

All the while Ritsuko watched from her room behind the observation glass.

Watched as the only man in her life actively treated his project better than her, watched as he helped the girl up with a bag of clothes in hand. And Ritsuko hated everything about it. Hated that she hated it.

 _Am I really so pathetic? Getting jealous of a 14 year old girl whose not even human. Is that the kind of person I grew up to be?_ Ritsuko thought.

Just thinking about it disgusted her.

"Thank you, Rei. You were very brave. There's a sync tested scheduled within the hour. Get dressed." Gendo said. Voice betraying perhaps a hint of warmth.

"Yes sir" Rei breathed weakly, still catching her breath after her check up.

"Dr. Akagi, I trust your sick days will not interfere with our work" Gendo said suddenly, speaking to her as he left Rei to her recovery.

Ritsuko looked up to meet his eyes, just once. His expression betrayed nothing, an empty calmness. Their relationship in this moment one of a boss and his underling.

"... no sir" Ritsuko said.

"Good. We have important work to do" Gendo said in goodbye. Not a hint of warmth in his tone, and he never once glanced her way as he departed.

* * *

 _Later_

Ritsuko walked into the break room, eyes downcast and headed straight for the coffee pot. Her fingers slipped as she tried to operate the machine, and she dropped her cup as she tried to set it. Thankfully, the cup had been empty.

She cursed at it, as if the cup had been the source of all her problems.

"Whoa. Hey girl, you alright?" Misato's voice called suddenly.

Ritsuko glanced up to see her only real friend in the world step inside to join her

Misato picked the cup up for her and surprisingly, gestured at the coffee machine. _I'll do that for you_ the gestured seemed to say.

Ritsuko stepped back, silent as Misato made her that coffee.

"You shouldn't be here, Ritsuko. Sick days are a thing. You... you look like shit" Misato said carefully. She tried to make it a joke, something to ease the tension, but her attempts were met with failure.

Ritsuko only scoffed, but took the coffee in thanks.

"Thanks. That's really what I needed to be told right now." Ritsuko answered bitterly.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that" Misato said quickly.

Ritsuko took a sip of the coffee.

 _Damn this day. I need a cigarette. What happened to me... I used to be the mature one. The one 'all together'_ she thought.

"Look. I don't know what happened, what you're going through, but I'm worried about you" Misato said. She breathed a heavy sigh and gave her friend an earnest look.

Ritsuko had taken several days off, using up her sick days, and though Maya did her job well enough... Misato missed having her friend. Something had been eating up at Ritsuko, something that she tried to hide and Misato just didn't know what.

 _There's just so much you don't know, Misato. Things that I can't tell you. I walked into this mess because I thought it was a higher purpose. A cause. But lately... have you ever felt like you became someone you never wanted to be?_ Ritsuko thought.

"I'm going through something right now. I just need... space. I'm sorry, I have a lot of work to do" Ritsuko said avoiding Misato's gaze.

Misato made to say something, to reach out and comfort her, but Ritsuko shook it off. She left the break room without another word.

And Misato watched her go. Unable to help, never knowing what her friend had gotten into so long ago.

* * *

 _Back with Shinji_

"We did good today, right Asuka" Shinji said stepping out of the men's locker room. Asuka stepped out of the girl's.

They had both changed back into their street clothes. Multiple simulations ran on the magi supercomputers new training program.

"... yeah. Of course we did." Asuka said slowly. She gave him a curious look, one that Shinji didn't know how to describe.

The reunion of Eva Team One was not how Shinji had imagined it to be.

 _How does he do it? Shinji the Golden Boy, everyone's favorite. 82% sync ratio... he didn't even try. He didn't **earn** anything?! How... I trained so hard... I put in more hours and he- he just... no. Don't be mean to him. Don't be mean to him. _Asuka thought.

"You're getting better. I heard you scored a sync higher than 60%. That's amazing Asuka. Really, impressive" Shinji said.

 _You were gone for two months. Gone... and you came back like this._ Asuka thought. She had to fought the urge to shake her head at the frustration.

"Asuka. Hey, look... I don't know what happened while I was away. But we're partners. We gotta at least talk to each other, right?" Shinji said awkwardly. He ran a hand through his hair, contact lens standing out more than ever in the light.

"We're talking. We can talk, alright." Asuka said.

 _I promised Misato not to give him a hard time_ she thought. Part of her wanted to be angry with him, to let her be jealous... no Asuka Langley Sohryu did not get jealous. She was better than that. Ahh... why did the idiot have to be so damned nice about it.

Asuka tried to leave but Shinji stopped her. He stepped in front of her before she could reach the door.

"Asuka. What happened?" Shinji asked again. He frowned at her just wanting to know what she was thinking for once.

"... you were gone" Asuka snapped. She wasn't sure why she did it. Maybe some part of her liked the conflict, liked the fight and arguments that came their way. But she regretted it once the words came out of her mouth.

"... It wasn't my choice. You think I wanted that. I was trapped in the Eva for two months! I lost two freaking months of my life" Shinji said. Voice raised, and eyeing her with an incredulous look.

"You were gone. And you just came back with... never mind. I told Misato we'd stop fighting." Asuka said shaking her head at him.

Before she could make things worse, Asuka walked past him and headed for the door.

Shinji sighed as the door closed.

 _ **Didn't we just have a conversation about this, boy.**_

 _You don't need to say it. I know, alright. This isn't easy for me. I have to keep acting like things are the same. Like I don't know the end of the world is coming._

 _ **Hmm.**_

 _I'll try to make up with Asuka. I know how she feels_ the boy thought.

Shinji shook his head and left too. He wandered the halls at Nerv heading for Misato's office. He was getting a ride with her back to the apartment whilst Asuka had made plans with Hikari after school.

Normally, he'd get a ride and spend time with his girlfriend but he knew Eva Team Two was scheduled for testing.

He was about to take the elevator when he stopped mid track.

Rei was walking down the corridor. No doubt heading for the locker room to change into her plug suit.

"Rei!" he called out to her.

The pale skinned girl turned at the sound of his voice.

She stared at him unblinkingly, not seeming to know whom he was, a blank expression filled her face. A stranger looked back at him. And then, like a switch being flipped, she blinked and almost beamed at him, taking a deep breath as if momentarily losing information only to recover it.

 _Whoa... what was that?_ The boy thought worriedly. He wanted to frown, to come to her and ask what had happened, but he knew he couldn't.

The mental image of the Broken Man appeared beside him. The man gestured to the corner, and Shinji saw the camera recording the security footage.

Shinji walked past the mental projection, not that the Broken Man minded, and met Rei as she stopped mid-step.

"Rei. Hey, where have you been? It feels like I haven't seen you since I left the Eva" Shinji said in greeting.

The girl tilted her head at him.

"I was undergoing tests." Rei half lied. Gendo Ikari's words echoed across her mind as she did so.

...

 **Tell no one of our activities in the lower levels of the complex. - Gendo.** Orders that Rei would follow, she knew nothing else.

...

And as she lied, Rei felt a stirring in her chest. A weight that she did not like, an unusual sensation.

 _ **She's cold. Watch how she shivers. And her hair is still wet, she didn't finish drying herself**_ the Broken Man said.

Shinji noticed it too. The slight shiver in her movements, her white blue hair that had drips of water along the edges. Like she had taken a shower despite not reaching the locker room yet.

 _What the hell?_ he thought.

" **She's been scanned. Her vitals checked and her memories backed up. And something more... experiments** " the Broken Man said. A hint of bitterness seeping into his voice.

The two of them were getting better at this. Holding multiple conversations simultaneously, able to share information without Young Shinji losing track of the people in front of him. And Old Shinji knew to linger to the sidelines, as no one else could see him, and help the boy maintain their cover.

Rei reached out to him, her hand brushing against his face and she tilted her at him.

"Your eyes are different again... brown" Rei said slowly. She stared curiously at the contact lens, and seemed to forget that her hand was on his face.

"Contacts. Mari got them for me" Shinji answered with a shrug.

Rei lowered her hand, blinking as she realized that she had left it there momentarily.

 _Red eyes... they were like mine_ the pale girl thought. Her memories came back slurred, the image of the boy's return with changed eyes. An unique feature that they had shared, once.

"Did not you like them?" Rei asked slowly.

Shinji smiled at her, and she felt memories of similar events coming back to her, memories of the boy's smile.

"I just preferred my old ones, the ones I was born with. There's nothing wrong with red eyes" Shinji said softly.

Rei looked away, finding it hard to meet his smile.

"That's good to know" she murmured.

"Hey, I've been meaning to find you. I picked up your worksheets from the school days you missed. I'll bring them by tomorrow if you want. Least I can do, after the times you helped me" Shinji said softly.

Rei nodded slowly, and again memories resurfaced in her head. She steadied herself, and tilted her head at him saying "I would like that."

"Rei. Are you okay?" Shinji asked. His face grew serious, and he took a step forward to feel her forehead, his free hand on her arm. Concerned tone entering his voice.

"I am fine." Rei lied, blinking repeatedly as she calmed herself. She would follow the orders Commander Ikari had given her, she was a good pilot.

Shinji opened his mouth to say something but Rei interrupted him.

"Thank you Shinji... you are a good friend" Rei said. Her mind was dizzy, fragments of various memories that came and went before recovering themselves, yet that constant remained.

Shinji Ikari was her friend. A thought that never faded. It brought the shadow of a smile to her lips.

He let her go, looking over her curiously.

"Hey dummy" a voice called from around the corner.

They turned, and Mari emerged into the hallways to join them.

Shinji smiled and she wrapped an arm around him and beamed.

"Heard you did amazing at the sync test. Ran through the simulations like they were nothing" Mari said, patting him on the chest affectionately.

Shinji laughed saying "Asuka did most of the work."

"Come on, dummy. Don't sell yourself short." she teased.

"I won't" Shinji chuckled.

Rei watched the two of them wordlessly. Eyeing the couple with a decidedly blank expression.

"And Rei, you alright? Ready for the sync tests?" Mari asked, the older girl turning her attention to her partner. Her arm still wrapped around her boyfriend.

Rei nodded, and spoke in a neutral tone saying "yes."

Mari offered her a polite smile, they were partners and they did need to work together.

"I'm sure both of you will do fine." Shinji said, looking between them calmly.

" _Sigh._ At least you and Asuka can actually pilot. We're stuck with sync and sims until my Eva's fixed. It blows." Mari said, adopting an impatient tone.

Evangelion Unit 03 was almost operational, the battle with Zeruel had destroyed so much of it that it was almost completely rebuilt save for the exterior. And for the most 'energetic' pilot the wait was a tedious dull affair. Simulations would have to do for Eva Team Two in the time being.

"It'll be fixed when its fixed. You got this." Shinji said reassuringly.

 _I can still pilot_ Rei thought to herself. Her Eva was operational.

Before any of the teenagers could continue their conversation, the intercom chimed in overhead drawing their attention.

"Eva Team Two. Please report to the testing chambers as soon as possible. Sync test are scheduled today" the intercom announced. It was a facility wide broadcast, a polite call for the intended pilots to hurry up.

Shinji shared an amused look with Mari, an expression he had to fake, and sighed.

"Guess that's our cue. Alright Rei, time for Eva Team Two to make a come back. Can't let Team One have all the fun" Mari said with a smirk reminiscent of Asuka.

Rei nodded her goodbye to Shinji, and continued for the changing room where her plug suit awaited. Mari followed closely behind.

"Hey, you coming over later?" Mari called from up ahead.

"Can't. Still making up all the school work I missed" Shinji called back apologetically.

"Goody two shoes" Mari teased him. Understanding, if a bit disappointed.

Shinji smiled and watched them go. Eva Team Two.

Only when the girls were gone, did his facade fade. His face falling at what he'd seen.

* * *

The drive home was mostly uneventful. Or it was until Misato turned to look at him with a questioning gaze.

His guardian drove the car through the traffic, Shinji himself sat in the passenger seat with his SDAT player. He watched the traffic absentmindedly, playing music but not really listening to it anymore. He had too much on his mind lately.

Their stalker was still around, the lone car amid a sea of fellow vehicles. They followed Misato's car from a distance, never far behind. And only with the Broken Man's help was Shinji even aware they were being followed.

 _Nothing to do about it now. Later_ he thought, eyeing the rear view mirror.

Misato broke him out of his thoughts.

"Those things okay? They don't bother you?" she asked him.

Shinji glanced up at her, and she gestured to his eyes.

"The contacts are fine. Takes a little getting used to, but nothing I can't handle" he answered honestly.

Misato smiled softly at that.

 _Mari you crazy girl... you really do know Shinji, don't you?_ Misato thought. She had been surprised that the girl had gone out of her way to buy him the contacts. Hell, Misato wasn't sure if she would have thought of that. She wasn't sure if she would have considered the idea that Shinji did not like the changes he came back with,

It warmed Misato's heart to see that. Even if she still wasn't sure if she exactly liked Mari as a person.

"She's a sweet girl, deep down huh? Not the wildcard she likes to show off in public" Misato asked teasingly.

"She's both. Lively and caring at the same time. I know that seems strange on the outside looking in. She cares about me, and I care about her" Shinji said not taking the bait.

Misato chuckled at that.

"Well, I'm glad that you're happy Shinji. After everything we put you kids through, its the least you deserve" Misato said to him.

 _Happy... right._ Shinji thought darkly.

* * *

 _Late Night  
Misato's apartment_

Shinji Ikari held his cell phone calmly.

 _ **This will only work once. After tonight, I doubt we can do it again.**_ The Broken Man said.

 _Guess we'll just have to make it count. You sure you know where it is? I've never been._

 _ **I have memories beside my own. She will be there.**_

Shinji dialed the police force number for Tokyo-03.

"Police. What is your emergence?" a calm and polite speaking woman answered.

"Good evening. I'm a tenant in Nerv's apartment complex. And I noticed a strange car has been coming and going for a few days now. They stay in the parking lot, then occasionally leave to follow after other cars. They didn't seem to have a parking pass and they almost never turn off the engine" Shinji said calmly and carefully.

The operator on the line paused for a moment. Then asked "can you describe the vehicle?"

Shinji did, telling the nice woman the car's make, color, and window tint.

"We'll send a patrol over to check on things. Stay in your home." the police operator said.

"Yes ma'am" Shinji said politely, before hanging up.

 _Well, that takes care of that. But if they stalkers are cops too?_

 _ **They won't be. Government, SEELE, or Nerv it doesn't matter. The cops will keep them busy.**_

Shinji nodded his agreement. He waited a few minutes, before moving out of his room and carefully closing the door behind him. He was fully dressed, wearing his contact lens as an added precaution once outside, and he moved quietly through the apartment.

Misato and Asuka should be long asleep by now. Or so he hoped. Quietly, he stepped out onto the apartment balcony to take a look.

A police patrol had arrive and was driving up the parking lot. The stalker didn't take action, calmly waiting for things to play out, and the police started for them.

 _Got them_ Shinji thought.

He turned back inside, closing the balcony door behind him, and started making his way to the front door.

 _ **Stop. We're not alone.**_ The Broken Man stirred.

Shinji froze. He turned in the dark to see the outline of a teenage girl watching him with a bemused expression.

 _ **Asuka.**_

"Asuka" Shinji whispered in greeting.

"What the heck are you doing?" the German girl said incredulously. She was dressed in her night clothes, hair undone, and clearly not in the mood for games.

"What are you doing?" Shinji countered softly, without malice.

"Getting some water. I couldn't sleep. And don't change the subject" Asuka whispered, crossing her arms in the dark.

Both of them glanced towards Misato's room down the hall, but the woman seemed to still be asleep.

 _ **We're running out of time. Think of an excuse so we can leave.**_

Shinji inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as Asuka thought of one for him.

The German girl narrowed her eyes at him with a knowing, if annoyed, look and shook her head at him.

"You're fully dressed. Let me guess, sneaking out to the girlfriend aren't you?" Asuka said.

 _Thank you Asuka, Mari_ he thought.

"You caught me" Shinji half lied.

Asuka scoffed.

"Listen. Don't tell Misato, alright? I'll make it up to you. I just- I just missed a lot of time when I was gone." Shinji said.

Asuka seemed to consider that in the dark.

"... fine. But if Misato catches you you're on your own. You _owe_ me" Asuka said shaking her head at the whole thing.

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief, and nodded in agreement.

He turned to go, moving quietly through the dark for the front door.

Asuka ran a hand across her face. She couldn't believe the idiot boy she'd known as the spineless wimp was currently sneaking off to visit his girlfriend. How did that happen?

 _Such a weird boy. Gah... don't be mean. Don't be mean._ Asuka thought.

"Shinji" she called suddenly just as he opened the front door.

He turned back to look at her.

"... I didn't mean to snap at you earlier." Asuka whispered under her breath. The words came out reluctantly but it surprised Shinji all the same.

Slowly, Shinji smiled at her in the dark.

Asuka shifted uncomfortably.

"Don't worry about it. See you tomorrow" Shinji whispered, before he carefully closed the front door and went on his way.

…

Shinji moved through the apartment complex quietly. He took the stairs to draw less attention, and when he reached the ground floor he was careful not to step outside just yet.

He took a peek through the window.

Out in the parking lot, the police patrol had cornered his stalker and they were chatting. A police officer shinned a light into the driver's seat, the two groups arguing with each other. The cops did not look happy to find a mysterious car in the parking lot.

Shinji slipped outside, and hurriedly made his way out onto the street while the stalkers were busy with the police.

The boy left the apartment complex behind. The Broken Man telling him where to go under the cover of night, a chance to get things done without being followed or watched.

* * *

 _Ritsuko's apartment_

Nerv's head scientist sat alone in her bedroom. Cigarette in hand, and unfinished drink on her counter. House cat lying beside her feet on the floor, purring softly despite her owner's distasteful mood.

Ritsuko took a long whiff of the cigarette. She couldn't sleep, too many thoughts crammed into her head. And she had started smoking again, she had promised herself she would stop.

It only made her more sad. The state her life had taken.

Ritsuko shook her head, only to pause... as she saw the light outside turn on. Through the space between the floor of her apartment and the door, she could see the lights on in her kitchen.

Someone was in her apartment.

Ritsuko felt a shiver crawl down her spine, and she gently pushed the house cat away from her. She took a swing from her drink, before reaching behind her dresser to pull out her gun.

A simple pistol for home defense. Considered rare in the pre Second Impact era of Japan, but less so in the Post era.

Ritsuko made to grab her phone and call the police, but then cursed under her breath as she realized that she had left it in the kitchen.

She opened the door slowly, and stepped out from her bedroom. The kitchen light was still on, but there was no movement and no sound. Even her cats were silent.

Ritsuko raised the gun and entered the kitchen... to find a fully dressed Shinji Ikari standing in the room. The boy had been waiting for her.

He turned to her and raised an eyebrow at her gun. She stared open mouthed at him, and felt foolish for having brought her gun.

"Ritsuko... please don't shoot me" Shinji said slowly.

 _ **If she shoots, I'll take over. I won't let you get hurt.**_ The Broken Man stirred dryly. It unnerved Shinji at how calmly the Broken Man had spoken, but the man was more experienced than the boy.

"Shinji?! What- what the hell are you doing in my apartment?!" Ritsuko cried.

She lowered the gun and put the safety back on, she couldn't believe that she had pointed a gun at a freaking kid. What had happened to her life.

"Does Misato know you're here? Gah. Shinji... go home. Wait. I'm calling Misato she needs to know, I can give you a ride. She wouldn't want you wandering the city at night" Ritsuko said.

She shook her head at it all, and reached to the breakfast table to where her phone lay.

Shinji intercepted her, stepping forward.

"No. Ritsuko, _he_ needs to talk to you" the boy said suddenly.

 _I don't have time for this._ Ritsuko thought, trying to brush the boy aside. But he grabbed her by the arm and wouldn't let go.

" **We need to talk** "

The words came from the boy's mouth but they weren't his. There was an edge to the voice, a tone that she had heard only once before. A voice that had, with only a few words, shattered the beautiful lies she had told herself.

Ritsuko froze.

She turned her sleep deprived eyes to the boy's, and found a hollow empty gaze in them. Eyes that no child should have.

…

 _The Other Place_

Young Shinji shuddered at the sensation. Whenever the Broken Man took control in the past, he had never realized it, had never been 'awake' but this time was different.

He was completely aware that he was not in control of his body. It was a strange feeling, and he did not enjoy it.

Old Shinji stood across from him. Tilting his head apologetically at the boy.

" **Don't interrupt, boy. I have to tap into a power I haven't used in years.** " the Broken Man said.

Then it happened, and Shinji stepped back. A shadowy cloud seemed to emerge around the Broken Man, a dark shimmer that came from inside his body. Not the bright light of Adam, not the power of the First Angel but a piece of the Second's. A Broken Man in the Dark.

…

 _The real world_

"... what are you?" Ritsuko said slowly. Voice on edge, breathless. She couldn't tear her gaze away from it, the different eyes that the boy held. Contacts lens or not, it wasn't the boy.

The Other Shinji tilted his head at her, almost Rei like in his moments, and spoke.

" **Someone whom can change things. I've waited years to have this conversation. We've spoken twice before. Do you remember?"** the man asked with the boy's body.

Ritsuko shuddered. It was unnerving to witness.

"What? I-"

" **The second time, you were drawing blood from the boy. And I told you what you needed to hear. The first time, I gave you a message. One that I hoped would make things easier."** the Broken Man said.

Then the boy leaned in and whispered " **Help Shinji."**

And it came flooding back to her, the memory of the day Nerv was breached. When Zeruel had come crashing through the hangar, when Eva Unit 01 had woken. The day the Evangelion had spoken.

Ritsuko remembered cowering as the Eva had knelt down to her, and opened his mouth to speak in a raw harsh tone that was not natural.

"HELP SHINJI" the Eva had said to her and Misato. Only... the message hadn't been for Misato but for her.

Ritsuko marveled at the sudden revelation. The words that the Eva had spoken, and here what the boy had told her. The connection between the two.

" **I need you to see something** " the Other Shinji said. Then before Ritsuko could even blink, he raised a hand and brought it to her face.

Ritsuko gasped, and the gun fell from her hand.

...

 _The Other Place_

Young Shinji turned, eyes wide, at the sound of humming. Far into the distance, the verge edges of the void, the Woman in the Dark wandered. The figure moving through the air quietly. She rested at the edges, out of sight yet humming softly. The Woman in the Dark.

A fragment of the Second Angel that Other Lilith had given freely to the man she had loved. A ghostly specter from a time that no longer existed.

The Broken Man closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face, and spoke in barely a whisper. A human low voice that cut at him.

" **Forgive me, _Rei_. I'm so sorry" ** Old Shinji said. Tears at the edge of his eyes, the dark sheen of Other Lilith's power shimmering over him as he wiped the tears from his face. He did what he needed to do, no matter much how it hurt him to do so.

…

 _The Real World  
_ _Geofront_

Deep underground, in the lowest levels of Nerv's headquarters, the Second Angel lay crucified in her prison. Impaled and propped up by the Spear of Longinus.

Lilith lay barely awake, with only the smallest smudge of consciousness active. Barely 'alive' in this state. Held prisoner. Trapped in a never ending dream that left her unaware of the world around her.

Until now.

Lilith stirred, head turning to the source of the change. And her body burned, a sting that cut deep into her core. The Angel core locked away deep under her flesh shuddered. If she had a mouth, she would have hissed from the pain.

…

One floor above Lilith, in the secret lab that Gendo and Fuyutsuki had built years ago, the LCL tanker holding the various clones of Rei Ayanami lay sleeping. The girl or girls, if you could call them one being or several, lay dormant. Soulless and empty, the pale skinned girls floated aimlessly.

Rei iterations 3 through 100.

 _All_ of them shuddered at once. The Rei clones twitched, tossing and turning in their LCL tanker. Eyes opening slowly, each of them struggling to breathe. As if every single one of them was having a seizure.

…

 _Rei's apartment_

The pale skinned girl woke with a start. Her skin was burning her, and she rolled out of her bed landing onto the floor with a thud.

"Ahhhh!" Rei shouted at the sensation. This pain that ran along her very veins, the burn that carried itself along her blood, the sensation of every cell in her body crying out. Unable to stop it, she rolled on the floor helplessly.

She got to her knees, trying to get up but cried out as the pain continued. She held her head as suddenly, violently, it began throbbing with so much pain that she thought she would pull the hair from her scalp.

Rei shuddered, twitching and turning, crying out into the night. Images flooded her mind... an image of a Giant in the Dark. The Giant saw her, it turned its massive head to face her, dark red eyes gleaming along the shadows, and Rei tried to run away. The Giant looked directly at her from the dark.

That was the last thing Rei saw, the glimpse of an Angel, before she fell to the floor shaking as if in seizure.

* * *

 _The Other Place  
_ _With Shinji and the Broken Man_

Ritsuko didn't know where she was. One moment she had been standing with Shinji in her apartment... and the next she was somewhere else. Some other place where she didn't belong.

The woman gasped as her vision returned to her.

She stumbled to her knees, landing atop a stretch of land with the ruins of a city visible in the distance. A red sea forming a tide up along the land's edges.

The sky was grey and dead. Almost like... almost like the sky had been when she was just a little girl stranded in a wrecked city. The aftermath of what she had witness during Second Impact. But this... this place looked like a piece of Tokyo-03. How could that be?

She wasn't alone. Ritsuko gasped and turned to see Shinji Ikari and another man dressed in rags standing beside her.

Ritsuko panicked, not understanding where she was and what had happened. But the other man knelt down putting a hand to her shoulder. An anchor to keep her from losing her way.

" **I see the sorrow behind your eyes, Ritsuko. I can see how far they twisted you, and far they** _ **will**_ **break you in the end** " the Broken Man said.

Ritsuko stared up at him. A man older than Gendo Ikari, with dark greying hair, dressed in rags and missing two fingers on one of his hands. Deep lines and subtle scars marked his face giving him an aged weathered look. He had mixed colored eyes, one red and one brown, they were hollow, tired beyond belief, with sunken cheeks... and he was thin, so very thin.

A dark shimmer surrounded the other man, as if he stood amid complete darkness. Strange, almost alive, the shadows clung to him before he waved them off.

Behind the Broken Man, Young Shinji watched curiously.

 _That 'cloud' and his eyes... he is not human. Not anymore. Angel? No... something else_ Ritsuko thought.

"Who- who are you? What is this place? I- Shinji?" Ritsuko stammered. She squirmed away, getting to her feet and taking all this in. It was all so real, she could even feel this strange dead air upon her face, it was empty, and dry.

Young Shinji and the Broken Man watched her.

The Broken Man took a step forward, letting her focus on him a second time.

" **I am Shinji Ikari. And I am from the future. From another timeline. I've traveled here to fix everything, even you** " the Broken Man said.

Ritsuko scoffed. The scientist in her going wild, this was too lucid to be a dream or hallucinated. This place... it felt too _real_. Yet it was all wrong. The moon above had a scar upon its surface.

"That's insane-" Ritsuko stammered.

" **Is it?"** the Broken Man countered coyly.

She turned to look at him again. Breathing slow as she thought she might have recognized him somehow.

" **You have seen beings that defy the laws of a nature at a whim. You have seen evidence that they can in fact fold and bend space. By that logic, is it truly that hard to believe that they could bend time as well?** "

Ritsuko blinked, thinking that over. Despite her fear and shock, she was a scientist and the strange man had proposed an interesting question.

" **I stole their powers, and used them in a way they never would. I** _ **am**_ **Shinji, but much older than the little boy you knew.** "

Ritsuko panted at the two figures. Could such a thing be possible? If so, why had none of the other Angels done something similar. Could they not do as this strange man claimed to have.

" **No, they couldn't. Their creators put restrictions on them.** " the Broken Man answered, knowing what she was thinking.

"Ritsuko, you need to see it. It'll change everything" Young Shinji said suddenly.

She turned to face him, glancing back between the two. The boy, and the man.

"Make this stop. Whatever it is just stop-" Ritsuko said.

" **I cannot. You need to see"** the Broken Man interrupted. He raised a hand and the world around them changed, coming undone only to be remade once more.

Shifting through memories that were both his and yet not his.

...

The memory that they landed in was one of Ritsuko's. Not this Ritsuko's, but the Other Ritsuko's. Her fate.

Current Ritsuko gasped at the sensation. At seeing through the eyes of another. But not the eyes of her Other, a strange third person perspective that let her watch the unfolding events.

They were standing in the deepest level of Nerv.

Another version of Ritsuko stood with a remote trigger in one hand, and a gun in the other. Gendo Ikari and a naked Rei stood across from her. The looming figure of Lilith hovered crucified above them.

Events from the Other Timeline.

"I'm sorry, but when I installed the firewall I changed the Magi's programming without tell you" Other Ritsuko told Other Gendo mockingly. Her eyes were mad, and a deranged glint filled her voice. Her words slurred, on the verge of breaking down.

Other Gendo said nothing, the man only watched wordlessly as she threatened him and everything he had worked for. Other Rei watched blankly, seemingly lost to the world.

Other Ritsuko scoffed and let out a laugh. Crazed eyes gazing up above, to the upper levels where the Magi supercomputers lay. Her mother's life work.

"A loving daughter's final request. Mother... let's end it together" Other Ritsuko said, closing her eyes just as she pressed a command on the remote trigger. A command to activate the self destruct sequence and blow the entire Geofront to hell.

An end after all this madness. An end to betrayal and cold bitter rejection.

The Others, Ritsuko, Gendo, and Rei, waited... but nothing happened.

Other Ritsuko gasped as the silence lingered. Her eyes opened with a snap.

"It's not working. Why?!" Other Ritsuko stammered. She looked at the remote trigger's display, and found the layout for the Magi supercomputers on screen.

Melchior, Balthasar, and Casper the three 'cores' or different aspects of the Magi. Modeled after the personality of Ritsuko's own mother... Naoko Akagi.

"Capser betrayed me?!" Other Ritsuko cried. The display revealing that the Maji refused the order to self destruct. The 'core' modeled after Naoko's aspect as a woman.

Rejection, even at the very end.

Other Gendo reached into his jacket, and pulled out his own gun.

Other Ritsuko looked at him utterly defeated, tears falling down her face.

"Ritsuko Akagi... the truth is..." Other Gendo began. And she would never hear the words that followed.

BANG

Other Gendo shot Other Ritsuko.

Current Ritsuko watched in horrid fascination, watched the memory of her death...

 _How can this be... its impossible... this never happened..._ she thought.

She gasped, and felt the burning sensation in her heart. She could feel where the bullet had hit her, could feel the blood sliding down her shirt. She could feel everything, even the fall as her Other Self hit the floor.

...

The world went dark. The light faded away, the room and everyone in it disappearing with it. As if the stars had ceased to exist. Ritsuko shivered at the sensation. At the loss of sight.

Did she even have a body anymore? The world was gone, everything was gone. She didn't even breathe and slowly... she found herself forgetting how to.

"What is this place?" Ritsuko asked in a small terrified voice. When did she get a mouth? How could she talk without breathing?

" **This is death** " the Broken Man answered. His voice stern and hard, yet distant.

She turned to look for him, but couldn't find him. Yet she could tell he was 'here' with her. His words shook her to her core. This... this sheer cold that filled her from being here. From seeing death. This cold dark place, a void where time was meaningless.

" **I've been here many times now. It is... an unpleasant experience."** the Broken Man said, voice distant and cold. Far off, uncomfortable memories of his own deaths playing back in his mind. So many times that he had been brought back...

He grabbed Ritsuko's hand in the dark, and pulled her out of it. Back into same memories as before.

...

Other Ritsuko's body hit the floor with a thud, and Other Gendo turned away with Rei in hand. Not even a second glance spared for his former 'lover'.

Current Ritsuko stood staring at the corpse. At the blood pooling around the floor of where her counterpart had died. She still felt it, this cold emptiness. The loss of blood as her Other died.

" **This is your fate, Ritsuko. To die alone. Forgotten. Killed when trying to get your revenge on Gendo, for betraying you to SEELE. For choosing Rei over you."** the Broken Man said turning to her.

Young Shinji watched wordlessly as Current Ritsuko sunk to the ground in the memory. He watched as she ran her hands along her Other's corpse.

Years Ritsuko had spent working for Nerv, achieving the rank of head scientist, working as Gendo's secret researcher and his lover. She had tried to justify that relationship, telling herself that it was nice to be needed, even if it was only physical. That 'normal' relationships were too much work. But in the end, she had just been nothing.

Trash to be thrown out.

What the Broken Man had showed her had rocked her to the core. Her own death, her fate at the hands of the man whom had only ever used her.

Tears found their way into her eyes. Her shaking hands moving slowly across the corpse of her other to cradle its head.

Young Shinji watched her sadly, and he made to comfort her but the Broken Man shook his head.

" **My father used you. Just like he used everyone. I told you, we were all just tools to him** " the Broken Man said.

He strode over and knelt down to Ritsuko and the corpse of her Other.

She turned back to him with wide uncertain eyes. Lost in the tragedy that had been her life.

" **He chose you because you were vulnerable. Living in the shadow of your mother, always so lonely and apart from others. You were young when he got you.** **You saw Second Impact, and lived through it, and you wanted to save the world.** **An** _ **idealist**_ **, easy prey for a man like Gendo.**

 **You see, no one actually believes that they're a bad person. Everyone tells themselves that they have reasons for what they do, good or bad. We rationalize that we are working for a higher cause, the greater good. That's what you told yourself, Ritsuko. What you rationalized after all the help you have given them.**

 **What Gendo counted on. That's how he brought you into the dirt with him. How my bastard of a father made you experiment on Rei, and help him in his madness. He took your virginity..." the Broken Man said.**

Ritsuko looked away. Shame filling her eyes, her whole life wide open to Old Man Shinji. It had felt... nice. God help her, but it had felt nice to be _wanted_ for once, even by a man such as Gendo. Not in the joking or teasing manner that Kaji had often played at, but wanted and needed. A time where she hadn't played second fiddle to Misato.

 _Was I really so pathetic. Jealous of my only friend for the attention she always drew._ Ritsuko thought bitterly.

The Broken Man placed a hand on her face, gently turning her to look at him again.

" **He started breaking you, and by the end you did break. He left you at the hands of SEELE in Rei's place. And then he killed you when you tried to stop his plans.** " The Broken Man said, gesturing at Other Ritsuko's corpse in the memory.

"... he's a monster" Ritsuko hissed under her breath.

" **Yes. SEELE and my father never wanted to share their power, or their dreams, with anyone. Not you, not me."** The Broken Man said.

He rose, and the memories shifted again. This time, going into the Broken Man's personal memories.

Young Shinji let out a heavy breath when the three of the landed in the Post Third Impact World. 38 years after the Impact.

Ritsuko blinked in surprise at the harsh grey snow. Unnatural, it had mixed with ashes. The mountains that had surrounded Haven were torn down, what cities had once laid in the far distance were gone. The settlements completely wiped out.

Barely a trace that humanity had existed on the rock we called a planet.

" **Look around you. This is the legacy of SEELE and my parents. Those whom sold the world. Humanity is dead. There was no only left... only me. And I wasn't human by then anymore** " the Broken Man said.

Ritsuko looked around and saw only more and more ashes. A barren lifeless world.

"This is wrong. I- I wanted to save the world" Ritsuko stammered. Everything she had done, working with Gendo and even SEELE, had been for the Human Instrumentality Project.

The idea that they would move mankind forward, evolve it, transform it, create a world without suffering. It was what Ritsuko clung to, her higher cause, what she told herself whenever she doubted the work she did for Gendo.

" **But that isn't what they wanted. They lied to you, Ritsuko. The Human Instrumentality Project is a joke. A petty scheme made by rich old men whom fear death. They wanted to become god-like. Joining all of mankind, binding their souls together, not to help us but to sacrifice us. Fuel for their ascension. Cowards.** " the Broken Man said bitterly. A cold laugh creeping into his words towards the end.

He turned to Ritsuko again, and slowly helped her to her feet in the memory.

"Is this my legacy too? Is this... _hiccup_ is that what I made?" Ritsuko said crying softly. Her tears sliding down her face in the cold.

Her entire life had been a lie it seemed. SEELE, Gendo, Nerv all of it had been wrong... so very wrong. It flashed all before her in that moment, her life's work.

Ritsuko could remember all the years she had spent studying and working hard in college, staying in whilst Misato and Kaji went out to party. Getting her first internship with Nerv, meeting Gendo so many years after her mother's funeral, working alongside the man and moving up the ranks of their organization.

Working on the Eva Units and the Magi supercomputers, continuing her mother's work well beyond even what she had imagined they could be. Being touched and wanted for the first time by Gendo, or so she had thought. She could still remember her first debriefing and signing her first non-disclosure agreement.

Her first meeting with SEELE. Her introduction to the secretive Human Instrumentality Project, their lies of a glorious future for mankind after the Angels were dealt with.

And it all led here... to extinction and lonely bitter death.

" **It doesn't have to be."** the Broken Man said not unkindly.

* * *

 _The Real World  
_ _Ritsuko's apartment._

The Other Shinji held Ritsuko gently. Hand on her face as she breathed a startled gasp. They had returned to the real world.

 _No... I never left... all of that... everything I saw... it was somewhere else. Inside me head? My soul?_ Ritsuko thought slowly.

" **I need your help** "

The Other Shinji wiped something from her face, and Ritsuko gaped at the blood trailing down her lips. She had suffered a nosebleed.

" **Time is ever changing. We can make it right. Both of us. We can save the world. And if you want revenge... I can give you that too"** the Broken Man said. His words came through the boy's body.

Ritsuko blinked at him. Still wondering just how this 'other' Shinji had come to be. She looked away, barely able to think let alone speak. The Broken Man comforted her, cupping a hand to her check and telling her to 'breathe'.

" **I know this is a lot to take in. But I need an answer. I won't force you. It's your choice"** the Other Shinji said softly.

Ritsuko met his gaze carefully, and though she shook at the revelations of the night, she answered.

"... Yes."

The Other Shinji let her go and helped her back to her feet. The woman shaking but slowly recovering, coming to a composed stature.

"I'll help you." Ritsuko said more firmly, breathing like she'd just run a marathon.

The Other Shinji nodded, he never smiled, and handed Ritsuko her phone.

" **Then I need you to call an ambulance for Rei.** _ **Our**_ **Rei. Iteration 2. The other clones will survive on their life support."** he said.

Ritsuko opened her mouth to speak but was cut off.

" **She's had a seizure, and she needs the hospital. I'll explain later, call the ambulance."**

Ritsuko dialed the number, and Young Shinji blinked suddenly in control of his body again.

The boy breathed heavily, and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

* * *

 _Elsewhere  
_ _Minutes later_

The door was kicked in, and the EMTs came rushing inside to find the pale skinned girl lying on the floor. Her eyes were open but narrow and unfocused, foaming lightly at the mouth, and her heartbeat was slow.

Rei's last thought before losing consciousness had been an image, a Giant in the Dark. An Angel.

"She's alive!" one man told another. The EMTs rushed to get to work.

They got her on the stretcher and into the ambulance, before rushing to get her to the hospital, emergency lights and siren blaring the whole way. Traffic moved aside as they drove.

* * *

 **Lots of stuff in this chapter, I hope it wasn't too much.**  
 **I've always wanted to write about Misato and Ritsuko during the Second Impact, as I think its an unexplored area in Evangelion lore. I wanted to show that the event shaped them both, and how it led to them joining Nerv. It ties into Ritsuko's 'higher cause' what she imagined she was doing vs what she was actually doing. The idea that Ritsuko thought she was a good person trying to save the world, and now she knows that that wasn't true. She has seen her old fate.**

 **Don't worry, Young Shinji is not all powerful but he has gained a lot of experience from his time in the memories of the Broken Man. Many of his trials are not physical but emotional. I tried to write him as having to live two lives now, one where he pretends to be normal, and the other where he works with the BM.**

 **And poor Rei. What did you think of the Broken Man using Lilith's power?**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	33. The Fifth Player

**Hey guys, back again. Sorry for the delays.**  
 **As promised, I will always update.**

 **Warning, there's some modified lore in this chapter that fans may or may not like.  
Here is Chapter 33: "The Fifth Player"**

* * *

" **There are many players on the board. SEELE, Gendo, governments, the Angels."**

"And now us."

\- Shinji and **The** **Broken Man** to Ritsuko.

* * *

"Will she be okay?"

The words came from the woman and the boy, one vocal and physical, the other a language of pure thought.

Ritsuko looked to Shinji with a worried expression. Yet the boy only blinked up at her, having asked the Broken Man the same question.

 _ **In time, she will be.**_ Old Man Shinji thought. The words came sorrowful and filled with regret, a man whom had had no other choice.

 _You're sure? I... I swear I could hear Rei screaming... what the hell was that? What did you do to her?_ Young Shinji thought warily.

The boy could not say that he fully understood it, only that he had felt it. A tremor across his mind when Ritsuko had been shown her old fate. The tremor that had brought Rei to her knees and ultimately to seizure.

Young Shinji had sensed rather than seen it, had known that Rei was hurt.

 _ **I used Lilith's power. The chain reaction was... violent. You've no idea what it's like to hurt the ones you love. I wish there had been a better way. But what's done is done.**_

 _Rei... ahhh why do we always end up hurt?! It shouldn't be this way... how many times do we have end up hospitalized?!_ The boy thought with a flicker of anger.

Then, almost if he was taking a deep regretful breath, Old Man Shinji spoke via thought.

 _ **Rei will survive. In time, she will recover.**_

"He says that she will recover" Young Shinji said at last.

The two of them, Ritsuko and Shinji, stood in her apartment. Very little time had passed here in the real world, and Shinji knew from experience that the Other Place was a strange phenomenon that left an odd sensation in those whom had witnessed it.

Ritsuko glanced at her phone and paused at the drops of blood on her fingers. She had had a nosebleed after only a few minutes in that strange vision.

"I gotta get back to Misato's. There's a few things he wants you to do, I know it's frustrating, but we don't time have to explain it all." Shinji explained.

He glanced at the clock in Ritsuko's kitchen and winced at the time displayed.

"Can't believe I'm doing this... is he really... I mean... whom am I talking to?" Ritsuko said, slowly coming to terms with the reality of the situation.

"You're talking to Shinji Ikari." the boy said simply.

Ritsuko nodded, and though she had taken in a lot of information and revelations, she listened to what she had to do. There would be a proper time and place for the rest.

* * *

 _Later_

The boy moved through the warm night air, just another lone figure out at night in this strange city where Angels lay siege occasionally.

Shinji couldn't say if the night life had been affected by the wave of people whom had left after the incident with Zeruel, but to him moving around at this hour was unnatural. He crossed the street and noticed a passerby glance his way, before moving on.

Up close, his youth made him standout at this hour.

 _ **You're being quiet, boy.**_

 _Thought that would make you happy._

 _ **No. If you have something to say, just say it. Easier for both of us.**_

Shinji considered that. He crossed a street, thankful for what businesses were still open at this hour and the steady source of light they provided.

 _Can't you just read my mind or something?_ The boy thought.

 _ **Doesn't work like that. I tried to keep very clear boundaries between us. 'Walls' that keep you being 'you', and me being 'me'. With a bridge to connect the two.**_

 _A bridge? So that's how we 'talk'. Humph. That didn't stop the 'bleeding effect' for all those years._ Shinji thought, slightly bitter. He felt himself start to scowl, but then stopped himself.

He was being a child again, thinking everything was about him and his own problems. 'This' was bigger than him, bigger than whatever the hell had been his life. Whatever his opinions on the Broken Man, their job took priority.

 _ **Yes. I messed up. There**_ _ **were**_ _ **... cracks in those walls. I'm not as good as Lilith was.**_

 _You had 10 years to train with her-_

 _ **Lilith had millennia of experience and wisdom. Along with an intelligence inherited from beings that you cannot even imagine. Learning from her was like an elementary school student studying with a PhD graduate.**_

The Broken Man appeared beside Shinji. Another mental project that followed the boy.

" **Comparing us is like comparing you to Ritsuko. Think you could write the software that runs in the Eva? Or the Magi? Think you could modify it without breaking it?"**

"... okay. I get your point" Shinji said. He sighed and shook his head.

" **And you're avoiding the question. What's wrong?"** the Broken Man said.

Shinji slowed for a bit but kept walking. He was nearing Nerv's apartment complex, the familiar building appearing to hide in the night.

"Everything we did today. We... we hurt Rei. And Ritsuko... you... it's almost like you were manipulating her." Shinji said slowly, voice low.

The boy considered his words carefully before continuing.

"I know she did bad things, and Gendo used her the way he used everyone. But then you… _we_ … we had to break her to show her the truth. And the way you were acting… her entire life was open to you… and you _used_ that."

" **I am not our father, Shinji.** " the Broken Man said suddenly. Hollow eyes suddenly growing livelier, an emerging fire. Yet it was cold and raw, not the fiery of a youth but the steel of a man.

Shinji glanced at the mental projection. Unsure eyes facing the Old Man.

" **You're right. I manipulated her. I broke the lie Ritsuko was telling herself. And I did it to open her eyes. To give her the chance to change. But I'm not Gendo… you have to believe me… I know the line I walk."** the Broken Man said.

"In your timeline. Mari… and the day by the river with Akane." Shinji said softly, voice low and careful. Careful when treading this territory.

The memory was one Old Man Shinji carried with him like a wound. One that ached and disfigured him. When his daughter had made him admit that he had not loved the woman he was sleeping with, that he was using that woman the way she was using him. That little voice, that inner demon, that had taunted him for it. An imagined Gendo that had haunted him from beyond the grave.

" **Our father has been haunting me for so long now. There are days where I hate him even more for that. I've had to scheme like he did, and our mother too I suppose. Difference is, I know that 'this' isn't about me."**

 _If the Broken Man had been Gendo… he would have taken my body for himself long ago. My father wouldn't have thought twice about it, not if it meant reaching his goal. He'd have sacrificed me like any other pawn._ The boy thought somberly.

"… You helped her. In the end, that's the difference. The harshest truth is better than the sweetest lie." Young Shinji said softly.

" **I'd like to think so."**

 _And me… you tried to help me too. I just didn't listen. Not for a long time._ The boy thought, mixed feeling of shame and guilt in his chest.

They made it back to the apartment. Shinji closed the door behind him as he entered, making sure not to make a sound, before heading back to bed for the second time that night.

* * *

 _Meanwhile  
_ _Nerv HQ_

Ritsuko drove into her parking space, the tires of her car stretching to a halt in a fashion that would have made Misato proud. Exiting, she made her way through the lot and into the building.

She pulled out her phone as she made her way to the elevator and used her ID card for clearance.

"Yes. This is Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, I'm calling in to check on the status of a patient. Rei Ayanami, she would have been put into the system recently. She has Eva pilot status and thus is to be immediately helped and put into the highest priority."

"… yes ma'am. We're going to need verification. Please provide a Nerv ID number?" the nervous hospital clerk on the other end of the line said. No doubt quite surprised to have such an eventful evening in a notoriously empty shift.

Ritsuko provided her ID number, the Nerv/government issued ID that granted special access and privileges during emergency situations, all whilst riding the elevator to the lowest level.

"The patient was put in primary care twenty minutes ago, she's been stabilized and is currently under observation. From the signs it seems she suffered a seizure. That is all the information available at this time" the hospital clerk said.

Ritsuko listened carefully as she moved down the hall, before taking a sharp turn to a concealed door. She used her ID card again to open the elevator that lead to the very lowest levels of the complex, the hidden parts of the facility that only a select few were even aware existed.

"Thank you, please keep me updated." Ritsuko answered back into her phone. She hanged up before the hospital clerk could respond. And made her way to the hidden lab.

…

The lab was eerie in its silence as Ritsuko turned on the lights. The room seemed to come to life with the lights, with its various computers and scientific equipment littered about and a massive LCL tanker emerging into existence from the dark.

Ritsuko gasped at the sight of it.

The LCL tanker, the holding chamber of all the Rei iterations, was flashing a warning to the console screen. And inside, the Rei clones, _all_ of them, floated aimlessly throughout the tanker.

Rei iterations 3 through 100, all of their lay eyes open, and with bits of foam floating from their mouths. The girls lay with strange empty eyes, yet their limbs were bruised from an earlier bout of convulsing.

Ritsuko watched them, took a deep breath, and turned to the console. Life support system was active for every single one of them.

The Broken Man had been right. The Rei clones had had something like a seizure, and the ones here had been saved by the tanker and its technology. Now that she had confirmed their survival, she knew what she had to do.

She dialed the number for the man she hated most in the world, Gendo Ikari.

…

 _Elsewhere_

"Dr. Akagi, I trust you have a reason for calling at this hour? And on my personal line." the man said sternly. He had woken from bed at, he checked the time to see 3:23 a.m. displayed at him and scowled at his phone.

The never-ending job of a director of a massive organization.

"Sir, there's been an incident" Ritsuko answered with a surprising amount of calmness. The man couldn't put his finger on it, but that seemed different.

"Go on" he said calmly. His voice flat and devoid of emotion. A feat he had gained from years of answering to SEELE.

"It's Rei. The entire collective. They all suffered a seizure. I received an alert from the lab's life support systems and went to investigate." Ritsuko said over the line.

Gendo was taken aback. Even here, in his own home, he didn't lose his cool. But he paused. Uncertain thoughts creeping onto him, and he felt his chest tighten the way it did when something unexpected happened.

In less than a second, he calmed himself and started planning out movements to make. How long before SEELE knew? What would they do about such news and how would he respond? Would there be need of a response? Theories crossed his mind as to what had caused it, Dr. Akagi's theory about the continued death of Angels and perhaps something more.

"What of iteration 2? The current model?" Gendo asked simply. Voice calm and controlled, his mind racing yet outwardly in complete control.

"She's been hospitalized. I suspected something was wrong when I got the alert, and I sent an ambulance to her apartment." Ritsuko answered.

 _Quick thinking. Good._ Gendo thought.

"I see. I will join you shortly." the Director of Nerv said. The man dressed and departed.

* * *

 _Nerv_

Gendo entered the lab and found Ritsuko tinkering with the computers there. The woman looked tired, obviously having gotten little sleep.

He looked to the tanker and observed the Rei clones. They had hurt themselves apparently, bruises from where they had convulsed, and traces of foaming at the mouth.

"They'll live" Ritsuko said in greeting.

Gendo turned to her saying "I trust you have a handle on this. Rei is very important to the project."

Ritsuko looked up from her screen.

"I do." the woman said.

Gendo watched her and decided that she seemed different somehow. Perhaps he was pushing too hard, it wouldn't do for him to lose control of Dr. Akagi while she was still needed. A lighter touch was required.

"Hm. You did good." Gendo said, allowing his mask devoid of emotion to unfold. A faked hint of fondness finding its way into his tone.

He removed the tinted glasses from his face, and looked at his lover, for lack of a better word, and strode forward. The stiffness he carried with SEELE and Nerv lowering as joined Dr. Akagi at her computer.

 _Eyes just like her mother's. Among other things._ Gendo thought.

"Truly, I am impressed." he said, putting a reassuring hand in hers. His glove fingers brushed across hers.

The best lies are the ones with truth interwoven with them. A real fondness for another woman, simply re-directed as needed, and he genuinely was impressed with her actions.

Ritsuko paused, taken aback at the show of emotion.

"Thank you, sir" She answered slowly. She faked a satisfied smile and turned back to the computer screen for cover.

She wasn't like Gendo or the others. She couldn't lie on his level, but she could dodge and play along. The Broken Man had warned her that would happen.

"I am authorizing you any resources you need. This takes priority. Tell no one of your real work." Gendo said.

"Yes sir" Ritsuko said firmly. She met his eyes and nodded the way she had before, playing the role of another pawn in a game above her head, a naive dreamer whom had believed a lie.

Gendo removed his hand from hers and put his tinted glasses back on. The mask refolded, the stiffness returned, and he turned away. Gendo the cold-hearted director once again.

"One more thing. Have you examined the primary subject?" Gendo said suddenly.

Ritsuko frowned at that.

…

 _Lowest Level_

The steel doors opened with a heavy screech. Gendo and Ritsuko stepped inside the chamber, with its massive walls and ceiling looming over them.

 **Lilith** lay before them, she was the size of an Evangelion. Crucified and held prisoner, with half her torso missing. The Second Angel, the 'primary subject' and source of Nerv's LCL, hung from her cage. The recovered Spear of Longinus was impaled deep into her chest, placed with care so as to not pierce the Angel Core, an insurance policy.

Gendo strode forward devoid of emotion, in contrast Ritsuko hesitantly followed her eyes watching the Giant nervously.

The director of Nerv took in the sight of his subject, before slowly reaching into his coat pocket. He pulled out a printed scan of a picture drawn by a child years ago.

Shinji's drawing, the one that had shown Lilith herself impaled and crucified. Another prediction that come true from the boy. The drawing been _perfect_ , down to the angle of Lilith's head slumping to its side in her torment.

 _It's different now… her head moved._ Gendo thought. An observation that Ritsuko noticed in turn.

"How-" the doctor began.

"Rei. Whatever happened to her." Gendo said simply.

He stepped forward, printed drawing in hand, and as he did so… he felt it. Gendo froze mid-step, the body of the Second Angel loomed over him. His breathing slowed, and a chill went down his spine.

Gendo breathed calmly, but his hands gave him away, his fingers twitched in a hand tremor at the sensation.

He was being watched.

Through the eyes of Lilith's faceplate, Gendo was aware of it. Deep red eyes that were staring right at him hidden by their visor.

He adjusted his glasses and walked along the edges of her prison. He pushed the fear out, and calmly watched her. A man whom met the gaze of an Angel with no hesitation.

Lilith's eyes followed him. Gendo could see the glint of red visible in the dark, moving in time with his steps.

Ritsuko forgot to breathe, her eyes wide at the figure above them.

 _Is… is she awake? Does she know what we did to her?_ Ritsuko thought, feeling like all the blood in her body had gone cold. To be in the presence of a near God-like being that was held prisoner.

"Lilith has been allowed to develop too far. She will need to be weakened again. Get the Current Rei operational. And prepare a dummy plug in reserve." Gendo said calmly.

The man left the Angel to her fate, sparing no glances on his way out. Ritsuko hurried after him.

* * *

 _Morning After_

Shinji was up early as always. He had already showered, brushed his teeth, put his contact lens on, and was working on breakfast when Misato walked into the kitchen.

"Up again so soon? Damn, you're making all the adults look bad" Misato said, yawning at the sight of him fully dressed and setting the table.

"I'm used to it" Shinji answered curtly.

 _No comments or remarks. She doesn't know about last night._ the boy thought.

"Hey, I heard you were doing really well at the sync test" Misato said suddenly. She put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, just for a moment.

Shinji turned to look at her, more surprised than anything else.

 _You're always in such a hurry these days._ Misato thought.

"Yeah, Asuka and I are back in Eva Team One. She's gotten a lot better too" Shinji said.

"Asuka is Asuka. Prodigy and all." Misato said in agreement.

"She's better than me" Shinji said with a shrug.

Misato frowned at that. Their sync records showed otherwise, but she smiled and nodded along. The boy was kind, a feat she thought Asuka herself could learn from.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here" Asuka said yawning, the German girl emerged into the kitchen as she spoke.

Misato glanced her way adding "nothing but good things."

"Uh-huh" Asuka said clearly not believing them.

"Listen, I was thinking we should celebrate. For Shinji- for both of you. You've _both_ improved a lot and lately things have been harder. Maybe you deserve that." Misato said. She looked between Shinji and Asuka, Eva Team One.

Asuka sat at the table waiting for her breakfast impatiently, and Shinji served her with remarkable politeness. The stark contrast was amusing to say the least.

"Maybe. But it seems strange. The city is still recovering from the last Angel attacks." Shinji said.

"If you're offering. We never did get that steak dinner. Only noodles." Asuka said glancing up at Misato with a smirk.

Before Misato could answer, the doorbell rang.

The three of them looked up. Strange, it was too early for any kind food delivery. Misato waved them off and went to answer the door.

Asuka glanced at him and gave him an annoyed 'knowing' look.

"You made it back. Had a fun night out?" she said almost teasingly. She looked him over, mockingly judging him.

Shinji faked a smile and nodded. "Thanks for covering for me." he said in a lowered tone.

Asuka rolled her eyes but nodded. Whatever their strange relationship was, he was grateful for her help.

 _ **Pay attention**_ The Broken Man stirred.

Shinji moved to take a seat at the table, and out of his peripheral vision he saw Misato at the front door.

His temporary guardian gasped in the distance and stepped back as she opened the door.

Gendo Ikari stood in the doorway to their apartment.

Shinji froze, and Asuka spoke. He pretended to listen to her, but in truth he focused on the edge of his sight and listened.

"Hello- gah…. Sir" Misato said in a surprised tone.

"Captain Katsuragi. Good day. May I come in, I need to speak with my son" the Director of Nerv said.

Misato was about to protest, when Gendo simply walked around her and stepped inside.

Asuka and Shinji looked up from the breakfast table, the German girl crossing her arms at the sight of the man.

Gendo Ikari strode through Misato's apartment, black clothes standing in contrast to the light and vibrant apartment. Misato followed after him, but he ignored her.

Shinji waited, his heartbeat seeming to grow frantic in his chest, before he breathed, and it calmed.

"Sir, this is my home!" Misato said, scowling at the man as he emerged into the kitchen.

Gendo glanced around the kitchen, with its freshly set breakfast table, home cooked food served, and signs of life and living. His own private lodgings were stale and lifeless by comparison.

Asuka eyed him coldly.

"Pilot Sohryu. Katsuragi. Kindly give my son and I the room" Gendo said flatly, expression hidden behind tinted glasses.

Asuka rose to her feet about to mouth off, but Shinji put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head.

"Don't get involved" he whispered to her.

"You're letting him walk over you… and us. Stop being a wimp." Asuka whispered through gritted teeth.

If Gendo heard them, he hadn't seemed to care.

Misato narrowed her eyes and said "… is that an order… sir?" The words left a bitter sour taste in her mouth.

Gendo turned to her, his movements stiff and cold, his expression hidden, and answered.

"Yes."

Their gazes met, Shinji's father and his guardian. Tension filled the room, and for a moment Shinji thought Misato would refuse. That she would tell Gendo to get the hell out of her apartment or physically kick him out, but in the end… Misato cursed under her breath and shook her head.

Misato strode forward and grabbed Asuka.

"But this is your home?!" Asuka protested, even as Misato gently pulled her away.

"I know. Just come on" Misato said, scowling and not even bothering to hide it. Her eyes met Shinji's as they left the kitchen.

 _I'll be nearby. If anything happens._ Her expression seemed to say.

Shinji watched her go and nodded reassuringly.

The women left, disappearing out into the hall, and Shinji was left alone with his father. Asuka's complaints could be heard all the way until the front door closed.

The tension never quite faded, it lingered in Misato's kitchen.

Father and Son eyed each other, and the air seemed to still. Neither breathed. The two of them had little interaction despite their jobs, and they had not truly spoken since he had returned from the memories of the Broken Man.

The last time they _had_ talked had been at Yui Ikari's grave. When Gendo had tried to slap him.

"I've received reports of your piloting progress. Impressive." Gendo said at last. Voice empty and flat.

"Why are you here?" Shinji asked, ignoring the comment.

"The last time we spoke, we left on… strange terms" Gendo said.

"That's a word for it." Shinji said coldly.

Gendo paused, seeming to consider the situation. Calculating a response.

"I apologize for trying to strike you. That was in poor taste." Gendo said simply. The words left his mouth, but they had no feeling to them. An empty apology is worthless.

"Why are you here?" Shinji said coldly, repeating the question. He leaned back into his chair, coolly watching his father.

Gendo reached for a chair across the breakfast table from him.

 _ **Watch his hands.**_

Shinji did as he was asked, his eyes flickered to the white gloves Gendo wore. Flat, no indents.

 _There's nothing there._ The boy thought.

 _ **Then he still hasn't done the surgery. The Adam sample remains in lock up.**_ The Broken Man thought.

 _Not yet._ The boy thought.

Gendo took his seat, seemingly oblivious to the inspection.

This was strange for Shinji, his father in Misato's apartment, in this kitchen where he made meals for the people whom he considered his family.

"Those contacts. You don't need them. My reports say that your eyes are in perfect health. It seems childish" Gendo said changing the subject. The man glanced pointedly at the brown contacts lens and Shinji met his gaze without hesitation.

 _Funny from a man whom hides from the world behind tinted glasses_ Shinji thought.

"I'm 14" the boy answered with a shrug.

Gendo made to speak again, but Shinji interrupted him.

"You don't care about me. Stop pretending."

The words brought Gendo to a stop. The director of Nerv shifted in his seat, considering that.

"Is that what you think, boy? After everything I have given you." Gendo said sternly.

 _Giving me to SEELE? To Dr. Page and her medicine?_ The boy thought.

"The ward?" Shinji said with a bitter laugh.

Gendo tilted his head at him. Expression blank.

"Yes, the ward. And your medical expenses. Your education. Your allowance funds. This very home. Misato's guardianship, I _allowed_ that." Gendo said coolly. His voice betrayed nothing, but Shinji could read the body language.

The twitch of the eye behind the tinted glasses. He could read people better these days. Another perk from the Broken Man.

Gendo was mocking him.

Shinji scoffed.

"Because I had a use for you. Your words, remember?" the boy said harshly. Throwing Gendo's own words back at him months later.

He balled his hands into fists, before lowering them under the table.

Gendo caught the movement.

 _ **You're antagonizing him. Stop letting your emotions control you. You're making it worse-**_ the Broken Man stirred.

 _No. I'm playing my role. The angry little boy._ Shinji answered the Broken Man, his thoughts surprisingly calm.

The Broken Man paused at that, perhaps even impressed, and let him continue. For Young Shinji, the emotions had been real once and that was enough to work with. He'd gotten a lot better at lying.

"Remarkable memory." Gendo commented flatly. Unfazed by any bitterness the boy may have had.

"Why. Are. You. **Here?** " Shinji said for the third time.

Silence filled the air. The Director of Nerv did not like this tone. From a teenager no less, but it was to be expected from his 'son' given their history.

Gendo let the silence drag. Interestingly, Shinji didn't look anyway. An observation that Gendo would remember.

"Last night. There was an incident." Gendo said at last.

"And incident?"

"Involving Rei" Gendo answered simply.

 _ **Play it natural. Act as if you were learning this for the first time.**_ The Broken Man stirred.

 _I know._ The boy thought.

"Rei?" Shinji said, his eyes widening. He leaned forward in the chair, letting his real emotions of worry and panic fill him up again. Redirecting his real feelings from before into the here and now.

That was the thing about lies, the best ones have a truth interwoven among them.

Gendo eyed him from behind his tinted glasses. The man watched his son's every reaction. Every twitch of the face, every nervous gesture from his hands.

"She had a seizure. That's the second time she's had one" Gendo continued coolly.

 _Second one?_ Shinji thought. His mask faltered, genuine surprise mixing with his faked one, but he held it together and played onward.

"What's wrong with her?" Shinji asked breathless.

"I have no idea. She's in a coma of sorts but stabilized. How strange that she has always been healthy save for these two incidents." Gendo said. The man shifted his gloved hands together, folding them under his chin. Deep in thought.

 _Does he know?_ Shinji thought.

 _ **He suspects.**_ The Broken Man answered.

"Why are you telling me this?" Shinji asked slowly. A confused expression emerging on his face.

 _To gauge your reaction_ Gendo thought.

"I felt I should inform you." Gendo lied.

"… thanks" Shinji said slowly, narrowing his eyes. An empty gratitude is just as worthless as an empty apology.

"Hmm" Gendo acknowledged.

The man rose from his seat and turned to go. It seemed their conversation was over. Whatever Gendo had hoped to gain from this interrogation, it seemed he had.

"Oh. One more thing." Gendo called, his back to Shinji as he suddenly froze in the doorway of Misato's kitchen.

Shinji looked up.

"… You claim that you saw 'nothing' from your two months spent absorbed into Eva Unit 01. Are you sure?" Gendo asked.

Shinji didn't answer.

"Did the Eva speak to you? Reach out in any fashion?" Gendo asked plainly. A scientist asking for data.

"No. I saw nothing. It hurt… for a long time. Then I woke up in the hangar" Shinji lied.

 _Yui… why did you not speak to your son? Or did you?_ Gendo thought. His expression remained hidden behind his tinted glasses.

 _ **You're**_ _wrong_ _ **Old**_ _Man_ Shinji and the Broken Man thought. The irony of the situation brought its own dark satisfaction, but the boy maintained his mask as well as his father.

"A pity" Gendo said, never once facing his son as he spoke. Then Gendo left, the Director of Nerv disappeared out the kitchen. Moments later, the sound of the front door opening and closing echoed across the apartment.

…

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. And Misato and Asuka came rushing back into the kitchen.

Misato strode to him immediately. She grabbed him by the shoulders saying, "did he try to hit you again?" Her eyes were ice cold, an unspoken threat for the man whom had barged into her home.

"No. He just wanted to talk" Shinji answered truthfully.

Misato started at him, before seeming to decide he was telling the truth.

"Okay. Just… be careful around your father." Misato said, breathing easier now that Gendo was gone.

She let him go, and he gestured to the table.

Asuka, seeing that he was okay, not that she'd necessarily admit to being worried about him, returned to her spot at the breakfast table and began eating again. She scowled at the whole thing. Misato wasn't too happy about what had happened either.

What a way to ruin breakfast.

* * *

 _Later in the day  
_ _Nerv HQ_

Aoba and Maya entered the command center to find their boss already waiting for them. Hyuga was there as well, seemingly as shocked as the others, updating his superior.

They blinked in surprise.

"Ritsuko" Maya beamed in pleasant surprise. Aoba just nodded.

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi handed a stack of documents to Hyuga and nodded at Maya and Aoba.

"I'm back. The three of you performed excellently in my absence." Ritsuko said in greeting.

Hyuga hesitantly took the compliment, and Aoba just stared. Maya however smiled.

"How are you feeling? It must have been bad to make you use your sick days?" Maya asked.

"Better. And I'm back at the job. You three can leave early today. Least I can do for you covering for me" Ritsuko said.

All three of her assistants stared at her in disbelief.

"Now. I need to catch up on this backlog. Excuse me" Ritsuko said. She politely stepped past them heading for her office.

 _What's gotten into her?_ Aoba and Hyuga thought. Not believing their luck.

Maya only watched her boss go. "Glad she's feeling better" she muttered to herself.

…

Ritsuko passed Kaji's office on the way to hers and noticed that he wasn't there. The lights were off, and his door was locked.

Odd, for all his behavior Kaji was generally a model employee.

It didn't matter, she made it to her office and stepped inside. She logged into her terminal there, using the upgraded privileges Gendo himself had granted her, and started gathering the files. Working from within Nerv and following instructions she didn't fully understand but knowing that they had a purpose.

* * *

 _Elsewhere  
_ _Hospital_

Rei Ayanami lay in the hospital. She had been stabilized yet had not woken. The room hummed from the various machines watching her vitals. And an IV bag had been prepared for her.

It made for a sad sight, the girl in the white room. For no one had come to visit her. No concerned calls, panicked parents, only a request for status reports from a powerful organization.

That was until Shinji Ikari stepped into the room.

Shinji watched over her body and took a seat beside her bed. She was lost to the world, eyes closed, skin paler than usual, and adorn in the standard hospital gown that Shinji had grown to hate over the years.

 _White rooms… never liked them_ Shinji thought somberly. They were stale and lifeless, and so he had opened the window for Rei. Letting in the sunlight and hoping it would do some good.

"Oh Rei" the boy sighed in frustration.

He took her hand in his and smiled weakly at the pulse he felt. It was surprisingly strong, whatever the doctors said she wasn't 'weak' or near death. No, this was different.

Nor Rei was gone, not truly. Instead she dreamed.

And in her dreams, she was somewhere else.

* * *

A foreign sky loomed over her. The stars were different. Not the massive array of tiny bright dots in the sky over Tokyo-03. No… the stars… they were missing.

Barely a fraction of a fraction of the stars she had read about and seen in her life. Gone were the enumerable constellations Rei had learned about from school. Gone was the moon and the sun above.

In its place was a dark and nearly empty sky. A void with glimmers of light scattered about, the stars distant and few.

As if she was peering into an early universe, a place and time where the stars were young and few. Each shined in defiance of the dark, like soldiers fighting against the lifeless and cold void, each raged on refusing to fade gently. A memory of a time long since forgotten.

She wasn't alone.

 **They** stood over her. Strange beings of pale white skin, red eyes, and silver hair. Their skin seemed to glow. The beings stood on a platform marked with engravings, strange symbols in a foreign language that surrounded them. The markings formed a massive diagram underneath them.

An inverted Tree of Life.

And beneath that, lay an ocean of luminous fluid. It pulsed and rippled underneath the platform. Not a continuous form, but a multitude of individual lights in liquid form linked together. Souls. An ocean of joined souls.

The beings spoke in a different language.

"|_:[/\/\~/-]"

"_-{|=!::~~'|"

On and on they spoke. A language that Rei had never heard before. Until suddenly, something clicked in her ears and she understood.

" **They will be our Angels. Our children. Our lasting legacy.** "

" **Two born from one. What do we call them in the end?"**

" **We will name them** … _**Adam and Lilith**_ _._ "

One of the beings turned, peering straight down through the tree and into the ocean below. Seeing deep into Rei's very being.

The First Ancestral Being smiled down at her.

"You will be our final act of kindness." he said.

Rei didn't understand. Whom or what were these people? Why couldn't she look away.

Was she dreaming? She wanted it to stop. Why couldn't it stop? She felt herself going on edge, felt chills run down her spine. But that wasn't right… here in this place… she didn't have a body. Not yet anyway.

How did she know that? How could she imagine an existence without a physical manifestation?

It scared her, this… remnant. Like a half-forgotten memory that belonged to someone else.

 _Ahhhhh_ Rei screamed as her head throbbed.

The dream changed. Rei gasped, feeling as if she was sinking deeper and deeper down into a body of water that sang to her.

...

Something was watching her down in the abyss.

Deep Red eyes loomed above, shining through the dark. They pierced into her very soul, each of them the size of her entire body.

It was massive. A Giant in the Dark. Towering over the shivering and whimpering Rei.

A voice called to her. Inhuman, with a low roar that sang to her. Beautiful despite its power.

 _ **"Child. Do you see me?"**_ The thing in the dark called.

"I need help… someone help..." Rei whimpered. This sensation was new to her, a new raw fear. Fear of the unknown.

She wanted it to stop. Why couldn't she wake up? What was this nightmare?

" _ **I hear you, child. But I can do nothing. They hurt me. I am imprisoned. Do you hear me? What are you that you can gaze upon me here?"**_ it called.

Rei wanted to flee. To run. But she couldn't.

Then the dream changed again.

...

She was somewhere else. A place where the stars had come back. A modern sky, with familiar constellations visible away from the cities. Dawn was breaking through the night, a collage of midnight blue and yellows bleeding into the starry sky.

There was a young woman, almost twenty years old, lying beside a young man under the night sky. A camp fire was bristling nearby. A forest of trees surrounded them, and in the distance the ruins of an airplane were visible.

Rei breathed slowly, panting from the transition. It felt… nice here. Warm in a way that she had never known.

The young man grunted softly, rising into a sitting position. The blanket he had been sharing with the girl threatened to slip off the two of them, and he reached to stop it. But the woman was faster, elegant with her movements in ways that he was not.

She gently pulled the blanket over them again.

"You were awake the whole time?" the young man asked with a bemused expression.

He yawned as the woman tugged him back down to join her under their blanket.

"Hey" the man protested lightly, a soft smile working its way onto his face.

"I'm cold, and your warm" the woman yawned. She snuggled up to up, breathing softly as she rested her head on his chest.

"I have to make us breakfast" the man said.

"It can wait." The woman said lazily.

Rei watched the two of them with blank confused eyes. No… that wasn't right. She _was_ the woman… the woman under the blanket with her… with her… with the young man.

The couple laid there for a long time. Basking comfortingly in each other's warmth, the camp fire a constant but gentle light.

"You slept better" the woman said suddenly. Her words broke the silence, yet it wasn't unpleasant. It felt… 'safe' in its own way.

"Did I? Huh. That's a relief. And you?" the man said, running his hand through her hair gently.

The woman smiled at him.

"I don't have nightmares when I'm with you" she said simply.

The man paused at that, before reaching his other hand down to take hers in his. Their fingers interlocked.

"How's your arm?" she asked suddenly. She reached up to tug at the man's sleeve, rolling it back and revealing a small scar.

Round and tiny, it marked the man. The leftovers of a bullet wound.

"It doesn't hurt. Itches sometimes." The man whispered.

"… I'm sorry that happened to you" she said. She reached up and brought her lips to the wound, as if she could kiss it away. As if she could remove the blemish from his flesh.

"Hey. It wasn't your fault. It was the scavengers. They wanted the car" the man said softly. He cupped the woman's face with a gentle hand, looking her in the eyes reassuringly.

"I know. I just wish you hadn't gotten hurt." The woman said softly. She leaned her face into the man's hand, basking in its warmth.

"You saved my life. Rei-" the man started softly.

"Hey. Lovebirds, sorry to ruin the moment. But its Shinji's turn to make breakfast" a voice suddenly called.

Asuka had gotten up from the sound of things.

Shinji blinked, embarrassed at being watched.

Rei only smiled sweetly at him, bemused more than anything at his shyness regarding such matters. She sighed softly and rolled off of him, letting him get up from under their blanket. Her fingers trailed after his as he left.

"Sorry" he mouthed.

She watched him cook from her cozy spot by the camp fire and giggled, actually giggled, at the look Asuka was giving them. The redhead rolled her eyes at them, but it was all in good fun.

 _Shinji… Asuka… that is not… this is incorrect. Why? Why do I see this- this never happened?_ Rei's scrambled mind thought.

…

This dream, whatever it was, left her dizzy and intoxicated on foreign emotions. Hers and yet not hers. It bothered Rei, the warmth that seemed to awaken from deep within her chest at this dream.

A sensation she had never known. And it felt… _good._ A pleasant mixture of strength and vulnerably in the arms of another, a conflict of ideas she could not accurately explain.

"Ahhhhh" the girl hissed as her head throbbed again.

She tried to shout, tried to flinch and tear at her hair again… but the dream vanished as quickly as it disappeared. And thankfully… so too did the pain.

* * *

 _The real world_

Rei opened her eyes and found herself in a hospital bed.

The room came into being and the blurred images gradually cleared, her eyes readjusting slowly to the hospital lights.

"Ah" Rei winced painfully. Her head was sore, and her body ached like it had been tossed around in a hurry.

 _EMTs._ Rei thought absentmindedly. Logically, if she were in a hospital room then that implied that someone had taken her from her apartment and brought her to the emergency room. It must have been bad for the ambulance crews to have manhandled her so.

"Hey. Take it easy" a voice said suddenly.

Rei gasped weakly. She hadn't realized that she wasn't alone. On reflex she made to sit up and noticed that her hand was pulled out of another. Whom would take her hand in such a fashion?

"Shinji?" the pale skinned girl said. She blinked in surprise at the boy's presence.

"Feeling better?" Shinji said. He smiled softly at her and Rei tilted her head at him.

Her friend was wearing his contacts lens again, they were almost the same colors as his eyes had been before, and he was dressed in his school uniform. Offhandedly, she worried that he might have skipped class to be here.

"I am… reasonably stable" the girl said slowly.

She did a quick test, moving various muscles in her body, curling her fingers and toes, to check if her limbs were working. A procedure Gendo Ikari had instilled into her from Nerv's numerous experiments.

Shinji said nothing as she tested herself.

"You shouldn't push yourself. Trust me, it's easier if you rest." Shinji said gently.

Rei put a hand to her head. It was aching again, and for one moment she was afraid the dream would come back… but nothing happened. Whatever it had been, it was gone.

"It'll wear off in a few hours. And you're gonna feel tired, just… just don't fight it. If you need to sleep, then sleep" Shinji said. His words were soft and gentle, not pushing her to take his advice, but wanting to her to know it was there.

"Shinji. What happened to me?" Rei said slowly. Her eyes were suddenly heavy, and she felt oddly cold.

The boy sighed and leaned in to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. Rei frowned at the rush of warmth from the contact. She's didn't reject his touch and she almost trailed after his fingers when they left.

"You had a seizure." Shinji said.

Rei's tired eyes widened.

"How long I did lose consciousness" she asked, unable to stop the tremor in her voice. Rei felt her fingers twitch at the sensation, another weight adding to her chest. Fear.

"About a day." Shinji answered her.

Rei looked away. Gendo wouldn't be pleased. And more than that, the news brought a shiver to her bones. A distant memory of suffering something similar many years ago.

"I… Shinji, why are you here? Did Gendo send you to check up on me-" Rei started.

"No one sent me, Rei." The boy interrupted.

Rei opened her mouth to speak, but had trouble finding the words.

"I heard what happened, and I was worried about you." Shinji said seriously.

He laughed awkwardly and continued "it's only fair. Do you remember all those months ago when we were the only Eva pilots?"

"Yes. It was… hard" Rei answered.

"You were better than me, probably still are" Shinji said with a laugh.

 _That's not true. Your sync ratio has broken records as of late. And… you are better than me in many things. You have… an understanding that I do not_ Rei thought.

"I was always getting hurt. How many times did I end up in the hospital? And you always checked up on me" Shinji said with a low chuckle. Somehow managing to look back on those times with humor.

 _I was ordered to. But I do not regret coming to see you._ Rei thought.

"Thank you, Shinji" Rei said slowly. A small smile threatening to emerge on her face, but the moment was ruined when her head throbbed again.

She winced, brought a hand to her head, and shuddered at the sensation. Chills slide down her spine, but the pain died down again.

Shinji watched with a worried expression.

"I know it's scary. To black out like that. To wake up feeling lost. That _fear_ that trickles down your spine. Trust me, I know what that feels like. When I was younger, and my condition was at its worst, I blacked out too. I had seizures, bad ones. I would wake up all alone in a white room, strapped down to a bed so I couldn't hurt myself." Shinji said somberly.

Rei's eyes widened at that. That was how she felt. The sense of being lost and the fear, but she was lucky. She couldn't imagine what it would have been like to wake alone and strapped to a bed.

"But you're alive, Rei. And that's more important. Didn't let anyone tell you different. Not even the Director of Nerv" Shinji said. His voice was surprisingly firm, steady, and it made her meet his gaze unblinkingly.

Rei didn't know how to respond to that. She wished she had an answer to that, but the words escaped her. It felt… good. Good to wake to a friendly face, a friend whom had come to see her.

A friend whom knew what suffering a seizure was like.

"Are you hungry? I made some food. I know you don't like meat, but I put together some sandwiches. Hospital food is pretty bad." Shinji said suddenly. He hefted his backup up and pulled out a lunch bag.

The moment Shinji mentioned it, Rei felt the emptiness in her belly. Feeling something like embarrassed, Rei shifted uncomfortably as her stomach growled.

She gratefully accepted the food and surprised herself with how readily she ate it.

"Hey, I have to let the nurse know you're awake. I'll be back" Shinji said.

He got up and disappeared for a few minutes. She chewed on her sandwich as he was gone. Thinking about what she had seen.

What had it been? Almost like a memory. It was still in her mind but fragmented, as if a piece of glass had been shattered and left remnants for her.

The nurse entered the room with Shinji, and he gave them privacy as the woman checked up on Rei.

Rei was told to drink plenty of water, that she'd be under observation, and that the hospital would be updating Nerv shortly. She nodded along with the nurse and was glad when the woman left her with Shinji again.

"I'm sorry. But I gotta head home. Misato's waiting for me. Before I go, here" Shinji said.

Rei's face fell upon learning that her friend was leaving, but she blinked in surprise when the boy handed her his beloved SDAT player and a pair of headphones.

"I cannot take this. It is yours" Rei said blankly.

Shinji shrugged.

"Hospitals are boring. Take it, maybe you can find a song you like" he said pleasantly.

Slowly, Rei took the music player from Shinji. But just as he turned to leave, she stopped him.

Shinji stared, breathless as Rei's eyes went blank and she held his arm by the wrist. She moved like something out a dream, she sat up and ran her hand along his arm.

The Broken Man stirred as Rei rolled up Shinji's sleeve.

She ran her fingers along the boy's skin.

"No scar" the pale skinned girl whispered. Trance like, voice like a half-forgotten dream. Still in that state, she reached forward and almost brought her lips to where the scar had been in the memory.

But then she stopped. Blinked in surprise and sat back down.

 _What was that? What came over me?_ Rei thought frantically.

"I- I am sorry Shinji! I do not- I cannot explain it" the girl stammered.

"It's okay. You just need to rest." Shinji said softly, voice trembling with emotions that were not completely his.

...

Deep in the Other Place, the Broken Man stood with sorrowful eyes and a head hung low. He rolled down the sleeve of his ragged coat and grasped the old scar on his arm.

The mark was still there from when he had been shot, just another scar on his mangled body. The Broken Man closed his eyes, remembering the ghost of a kiss on his skin. Another lifetime ago.

It nearly brought him to tears.

...

 _The real world_

Shinji left her the SDAT player and headphones.

"I- will you come back?" Rei asked suddenly.

"Of course. We're friend, right?" Shinji said with a soft smile. Like such a question was silly to even ask.

"Right" Rei said feeling better at hearing the words aloud.

She watched him go, her eyes lingering on the door long after he had left.

* * *

Word traveled quickly that Rei had had a seizure. Misato and Asuka had been told by Shinji, but Nerv had its own form of gossip regardless. If Gendo was upset about the news, no one could say. The man was his usual cold self.

Ritsuko issued a report speculating that over exposure to repeated stresses in the sync tests had most likely caused it. Another side effect of Eva piloting, or so the idea was.

It worried Misato more than anyone. Ritsuko had had to assure her that she had re-calibrate the sync test and would personally watch over the pilots' vitals with greater care. Word traveled that Rei would be excused from tests for a few days, just to be on the safe side.

Unfortunately, it was business as usual for everyone else. The safety of Japan took precedence over all others, according to the report issued by the Director and Sub-Director of Nerv.

"Can't believe they're still making us do this." Asuka muttered under her breath. Whatever the technicians said, one of the pilots had been hospitalized and that left her uneasy.

"It's a risk we have to take. Its why we pilot, to protect everyone" Shinji said softly.

The German glanced his way and blinked in surprise at the comment. For their time working together, Eva Team One, that was the first time she had heard a definitive reason for why Shinji did what he did.

The two of them wore their plugsuits and strode into the testing chambers with little commentary.

"Alright. You two know the drill. Sync up" Ritsuko called into the comm.

Asuka and Shinji did as they were told. They went through the motions for what seemed the billionth time, entering the testing plugs and syncing so the Magi supercomputers could analyze their records.

They scored about the same. Asuka letting a smirk emerge on her face at the results.

Shinji holding at 71%. Asuka at 73%.

"Hmm. Shinji, you're slacking down a bit. We'll need to do some extra testing later. Asuka, you're improving as always. Good work" Ritsuko called into the comm.

 _Ha! I knew last time had to be a fluke. I've trained every day for my sync. I earned that record_ Asuka thought allowing herself a small amount of smugness.

"Good work, Asuka" Shinji suddenly called into her comm.

It surprised her. She paused, before answering "thanks… you… you just did need to practice more."

The words shocked Asuka more than she thought they would. Whatever she thought, Shinji had saved her life multiple times and they were a team.

After the test was over, Shinji was requested for a physical examination by Ritsuko. The doctor voice's emerging from the intercom as Asuka glanced up with a frown.

 _Geez. Bet his dad's mad to see such a drop. That guy's an asshat._ Asuka thought with a scowl.

She changed back into her street clothes and left the girls locker room, only to find Shinji waiting for her alongside Mari of all people. The older girl was coming in for her test whilst Shinji and Asuka were leaving theirs.

But it would be a solo test with a simulator. With Rei hospitalized, and Unit 03 functional but not combat ready, Mari's tests were limited to say the least.

"How is she?" Mari was saying. The older girl stood with her arms crossed, cool expression fading under a sharp frown.

"Fine. Just tired. I dropped off her worksheets, she seemed lonely there. You know how that it is, the hospitals and their white rooms." Shinji said.

Mari nodded, oddly somber, saying "yeah… I always hated those rooms."

Asuka stopped to stare at the couple. What the heck were they talking about?

"Oh. Hey, Asuka. I wanted to talk to you too" Shinji said greeting her as she came upon him and his girlfriend.

"What for?" Asuka asked slowly.

"I think we should go visit Rei. All of us." Shinji clarified, gesturing at Mari too. For her part, Mari kept an unreadable expression on her face but did not protest.

"… why? She doesn't exactly like me" Asuka said.

In truth, Asuka did not know Rei. Not truly. That most interactions that they had, had been when during Shinji's absence after being absorbed into his Eva. A strictly work-related partnership, though Rei had followed orders without question. And before that, during their argument over how Shinji had been taken.

Shinji frowned at her. "That's not true. Rei is our friend. Even yours. You worked together when I was… when I was gone." The boy said.

Mari put a hand on his shoulder as he spoke, a reassuring gesture.

 _Freaking Golden Boy… just has to be so 'nice'._ Asuka thought with a roll of her eyes. She sighed and shook her head.

"Come on. Misato's been saying we should do something, we could probably get her to help us. Get a free meal out of it" Shinji said looking hopeful.

Asuka sighed saying "why do you care so much?"

"Why don't you?" Shinji countered simply. There was no malice in his words, no hint of judgement or a condescending sneer. But a genuine question.

 _I… I don't know. Should I care more? I cared when Shinji was 'taken', but that's different. He's the other half of Eva Team One. And Rei is- I… damn it Shinji. I can be nice too!_ Asuka thought.

"My boy has a good heart" Mari commented, smiling softly at Shinji and Asuka.

"Fine. I'll go" Asuka said.

Shinji opened his mouth to speak, but the intercom chimed getting all their attention.

"Shinji Ikari. Please report to the examination room" Ritsuko's voice boomed out over the intercom.

"I have to go" Shinji said with a sigh. He turned to leave, giving Mari a quick goodbye hug, and she called after him saying "wait up for me. We can do something after the tests."

"Sounds good" Shinji answered with a beam.

Asuka just shook her head at them and departed. Asuka going back to the apartment, Mari to the sync test, and Shinji going to his examination.

* * *

Ritsuko turned the intercom off and stepped back from the console.

"Maya, Aoba, do Mari's sync test for me. Hyuga, log Eva Team One's results and have the Magi run a comparison on their previous records. I need to examine Shinji." Ritsuko said turning to her staff.

"Roger" Maya answered as she and Aoba moved to replace her, with Hyuga working quietly from his terminal.

…

Ritsuko found Shinji waiting for her in the examination room.

"There's no cameras active here. No microphones, I scanned the room. We can talk" Ritsuko said in greeting.

She locked the door behind her.

" **Thank you, Ritsuko** " the Broken Man answered her.

Ritsuko stilled at the words. Then she turned to face him, the Other Shinji. His eyes were what separated him from the boy. It was surreal to witness, the boy's lips moved but the voice was different. Harder, and with a tone that only came with age.

" **I know I've asked a lot of you. Gendo is a perceptive man, if nothing else. But did he believe you?"**

"I think so. He doesn't suspect anything." Ritsuko said, still getting over the shock. Speaking with this… this Other was a strange phenomenon.

" **He suspects but he does not understand. He came to visit the boy.** He wanted to see my reaction to the news of Rei's incident." The Broken Man and Shinji said.

Ritsuko did a double take. It was unsettling to watch. The two Shinji(s) switching mid conversation each to talk with her.

"And... and what did he think?" Ritsuko asked.

"I'm not entire sure. He doesn't have the whole picture. No one does." Young Shinji said thinking carefully.

Seeing the look on Ritsuko's face, the Broken Man stepped in again.

" **You have questions. I promised to answer them.** " he said.

"I still don't understand 'you'. What exactly are you? You said that you were a time traveler. That you used the Angels powers to do it." Ritsuko said slowly. Once again coming to terms with the two.

The Broken Man nodded.

" **I created this timeline.** " the Broken Man explained. He told her the basics of the story, going over his original life where they had failed to stop Third Impact.

Ritsuko listened intently, having seen glimpses of that dead world from which the Original Shinji had come from. Her eyes widened as the Broken Man's tale grew and grew. He told her of what life was like after the Impact, how everything fell apart, he skipped his more personal matters, and when he told her of how the Angels rose again in that wasteland her jaw dropped.

"Adam and Lilith survived all that?" Ritsuko said in disbelief.

" **They were the First and Second Angels. They're not like the others. They're extremely difficult to kill. Losing their bodies in the Impact didn't end them, 30 years later they** _ **both**_ **recovered.** " the Broken Man explained.

"God" Ritsuko hissed under her breath. That was regeneration to an absurd degree, far beyond anything the other Angels had shown. It was a process that Ritsuko fully admitted that she did not understand, and _that_ terrified her.

 _And him. The Original Shinji. He destroyed an entire universe to create this one... we are all the product of his choice. The life I am currently living, that everyone on this earth is living, is all due to him_ she thought. The scientist in her stood in awe of that feat.

Once the Broken Man's tale was done, the compressed version, Ritsuko only stared at him further.

 _To kill the First Angel and steal his powers... that's bold. I didn't think something like that was even possible_ she thought.

" **There are many players in this game, Ritsuko. Nothing is simple in this world. SEELE and my mother were the masterminds, each with their own goals.**

 **Gendo has turned against his masters, and they suspect him. They have... an uneasy alliance.**

 **The Japanese government, and elements of the UN, are investigating both of them. And in turn SEELE has men in their pocket.** " the Broken Man said.

"Three players" Ritsuko said slowly.

" **Four**."

Ritsuko stared at him.

" **The Other Angels. Adam's Children.** " the Broken Man explained.

"The anomalies. Strange occurrences, and the number of Angels being wrong." Ritsuko said thinking aloud.

Shinji nodded.

" **The Angels do not 'exist' the way you and I do. Yet they're not mindless. They have a language, they even have names. And they're connected via a network."**

Ritsuko considered that. So, the Angels were linked in a way that Nerv had never considered. That explained somethings. If this Other was indeed part Angel himself, then he would appear in that network. A visible alteration that the Angels would not understand.

"That's why the Angels hate Shinji. I mean- the _boy._ You, the Young Shinji. They're... attracted to him because they know the Other is in there." Ritsuko said slowly. She spoke her thoughts openly and stammered at how to describe the phenomenon.

Young Shinji nodded.

"I didn't understand it for a long time either. The way the Angels seemed to hate me, how they always chased after me in particular" Young Shinji said.

Ritsuko went over it in her mind. During the Mount Asama incident, the Abnormal Angel had shown an unusual interest in Shinji. Then, during the blackout at Nerv that spider-like Angel had chased after him specifically. It had not cared about Asuka, Mari, or even Rei.

Then there was the breach at Nerv. Where that monstrous tank of an Angel had come directly for him, where it had dragged Eva Unit 01 away from the others and tried to starve him out. That had been one of the only instances where the Angels had shown planning and coordination.

"And Rei. That was you, wasn't it?" Ritsuko said in barely a whisper.

Young Shinji looked away, and the Broken Man answered hoarsely.

" **Yes. Rei is Lilith's vessel. All of them are.** "

Ritsuko's eyes widened at the realization.

"Rei is a part of the Angel network" the scientist said. She got to her feet and paced around the room her mind going wild. So many revelations in such a short time.

Ritsuko went further, saying "but that doesn't explain what happened. You said that when you used Lilith's power it caused a chain reaction. A violent one. Why? I don't-"

" **Because the people who** _ **built**_ **the Angels did not want them time traveling.** " the Broken Man answered.

Ritsuko stopped mid-breath.

The Broken Man looked back up at her. Hollow empty eyes meeting hers, they seemed to judge her for her curiosity.

" **They were called the First Ancestral Race. They put** _ **limits**_ **on their creations for a reason. Time travel is dangerous. Paradoxes, erased timelines, the bleeding effect, the list goes on.** _ **I**_ **conflict with Adam and Lilith because I carry a piece of them with me. Pieces of the Original Adam and Lilith.**

 **When I use one of their powers it becomes a contradiction. Their Creators did not want that, and so when their network shows two of the same, shows evidence of time travel, it rejects us. From both sides. I feel pain, and they feel pain.**

 **The Second Angel winced the night I used her power, and it sent Rei into a seizure. Lilith can survive it but if I had used too much that it would have killed Rei.** _ **All**_ **of her. Blowback."**

"But- but that still doesn't make sense?! It didn't care about Rei before all this? And she's an extension of Lilith. It only cared about _you._ How could the network be aware of time travel? Do the Angels realize what you've done? How could these- these people build safeguards like that?"

" **It just is.** **The Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.** **"** the Broken Man answered.

Ritsuko shook her head at him. That was just- what else could she say.

"What were they like? These... First Ancestral Race?" Ritsuko said. She couldn't help herself, sitting before her in this room was a wealth of information that surpassed anything Gendo or SEELE had ever told her.

Likely more than either group had ever known. Answers to questions she had never even thought to ask. All of that information inside of a 14-year-old boy. The combined memories of an instrumentality event, with the memories given freely by the Second Angel. It was too much for a human to contain, the fact that Shinji was even alive was incredible.

Again, the Broken Man regarded her. Hollow eyes almost harsh in their judgment of her curiosity.

" **They were the first sentient life in the universe. And now they're gone.** " the Broken Man said dryly. He spoke with finality that bordered on indifference.

"Shinji- there must be more. Lilith must have had memories of them-" Ritsuko began, eyes beaming as she leaned in wanting to know more.

" **It doesn't matter. They're gone. Lilith is the closest to what they wanted, she's different than the others. That's all we need to know."** the Broken Man said.

 _Ritsuko's a scientist. She can't help but be curious. Aren't you? Not even a little?_ Young Shinji thought.

 _ **Maybe once. Not anymore.**_ the Broken Man thought back.

"Right. I'm sorry" Ritsuko said, recovering and leaning back. She couldn't lie, she was slightly disappointed.

" **My point is, we're the Final Player."** the Broken Man said.

Ritsuko nodded slowly.

The three of them, the Fifth Player.

" **This isn't a movie. We can't just go kill Gendo, that would cause more problems. And even if I could take down SEELE in one move, it wouldn't stop Gendo." the Broken Man continued.**

"And even if you could take them both down, then that still leaves the Angels." Ritsuko said in agreement.

The Broken Man nodded approvingly, he never smiled but he was impressed with how quickly she caught on.

" **And it leaves the Government factions without answers."**

 _Our lives are complicated._ Young Shinji thought.

" **So, we play the long game. We have to follow this through to the end, up to where they try to start an Impact Event. We can move whilst the other players fight amongst themselves. I can't predict everything, and they are not completely ignorant of my existence, but I've seen this before.** "

The Broken Man moved Young Shinji's body, pointing the boy's finger to his head.

" **I have knowledge that they do not.** " he finished.

"We make things right. Change your- the outcome. Undo all the mess the Ikari's and SEELE made. _I_ can make it right. Undo all the things I've done." Ritsuko said.

The woman spoke more to herself than Shinji or the Broken Man. Face downcast and lost in her own thoughts.

In her mind's eye, she replayed all the experiments she had helped Gendo with. Replayed all the tests she had done on Rei, along with helping to create so many iterations of the girl, all the work she had wasted her life on towards a goal that had been lie.

" **I cannot give you absolution, Ritsuko"** the Broken Man said suddenly.

The woman looked up at him. She was getting better at talking to them, but her eyes betrayed her just as the Broken Man's betrayed him at times.

Vulnerability. A want nearing a need to 'undo' the things she had done in her life. A trace of guilt and shame there, perks of her personality that Gendo had taken advantage of. But the Broken Man was not his father, he didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. He told the truth.

" **I cannot tell you what will wash the stains away. Everyone finds that for themselves, if they find it at all. That doesn't mean you still can't do the right thing. Maybe that's enough."** The Broken Man said.

Ritsuko didn't look away this time. She held his gaze and wondered just how old this 'Other' truly was.

"Maybe. And if I wanted revenge, you said I could get that too." Ritsuko said, surprising herself with the firmness in her voice. The bits of steel edging into her eyes.

Shinji nodded.

"Glad we understand each other" Ritsuko said coolly.

They shook hands.

" **Did you bring what I asked?** " the Broken Man asked, their meeting nearly done.

Ritsuko nodded and reached into her purse. She pulled out two prepaid cellphones. Paid for in cash with no contracts.

She gave one of the phones to Shinji, and the boy took it. Each phone had the others number programmed into it. It wasn't perfect or fancy, but it would give them a better way to communicate long term.

* * *

 _Later  
_ _Hospital_

"I'm really proud of you for doing this" Misato told him. She had pulled him off to the side from the others for a moment.

Shinji nodded saying "it's the least we can do."

They were in the courtyard of the hospital. Shinji, Misato, Asuka, and Rei. They had gotten permission from the staff with some help from Ritsuko, and Rei had been allowed to get some fresh air and leave her room for an hour.

A nurse stood on standby off to the side, but the woman politely kept her distance.

For her part, Rei seemed truly astonished that so many people had come to visit her. She'd been surprised that Shinji had visited, but for this... she had trouble expressing how that made her feel.

Rei was still recovering, she often brought a hand to her head and suffered from headaches.

 _ **She's seen a glimpse of the truth. Suffered the Bleeding Effect. But that's all she can take. I can't show more, or it could kill her.**_ The Broken Man had told him darkly.

It hurt both Shinji(s) to see her like that. To know that they had been the ones to hurt her so badly.

The group made an odd sight, with the other teens gathering around the injured girl in the white garments that the hospital had given her.

"Thanks for getting the food." Shinji told Misato. Stepping away from his darker thoughts for the moment.

His guardian beamed at him and started setting the table for the group of teenagers.

"How are you doing, Rei? Feel any better getting some fresh air?" Shinji asked as he took a seat across from her. Mari sat beside him.

"I think so. I dislike the rooms here. It feels... 'better' to breathe this air" Rei said slowly.

"Hospital rooms are terrible. They suck like the life from you, sterile and white. The outside air will help. Trust me." Mari said suddenly.

Rei tilted her head at the girl. Unsure what to make of that.

Shinji watched the two.

"Just hang in there, partner. We'll be back to the Evas whenever you're ready" Mari said, surprisingly serious and less her usual care-free self.

Rei nodded at that slowly.

Whatever they were, friends or not, Rei and Mari were partners. Eva Team Two, they had worked together before and they would work together again. That had fought alongside each other. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

 _Wow. Look at that._ Asuka thought looking to the two girls.

Misato started serving them the food she'd bought. Noodles and Ramen again, with meatless plates for Rei. just like the last time they'd all gone out together.

"Thank you, for visiting" Rei said to the others.

"We're Eva Pilots. The only ones in the whole world. We gotta stick together" Shinji said before any of the others could speak.

They stared at him. Misato gave him an approving grin. It was... 'nice' for them to be together every now and then. All of them.

"Jeez. Why do you have to be serious all the damned time?" Asuka muttered shaking her head at the whole thing.

Mari only laughed, and Misato gave Asuka a cross look. Shinji took it in stride.

They shared a meal out there in the courtyard. It gave a very thankful Rei an excuse to leave her room, they compared sync records or else told stories that Rei listened to. Shinji and Misato told her that they had arranged to have her worksheets from school delivered to her room, and for an extension if needed.

Rei took all the attention awkwardly. Yet the girl seemed to breathe easier with the group, an unusual thing for the notoriously quiet girl.

When their time was up, and they were leaving, Rei turned to him again.

"Thank you. For everything, Shinji" she told him. His SDAT player was still in her pocket.

...

Only when they were on their way to the car did the mood turn sour. He was walking beside Asuka and Mari, with Misato fumbling for her car keys when it happened.

 _ **Do you feel it?**_ The Broken Man stirred suddenly.

Shinji paused.

 _ **You have some of my abilities now. Reach out with my Angel senses. Look into their network and you will see it**_

Shinji closed his eyes for a second. Time seemed to stretch in that moment, and though his eyes were closed he could see… it.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

Young Shinji stood beside the Broken Man. The two stood on a stretch of land with the ruins of a city in the distance. In this bridge between them here in the Other Place.

Shinji raised his hands as if in prayer.

He saw a network represented by a sea of threads connecting to many targets. Its scope was massive, and it did not seem to be bound by any limits, it reached out into the heavens and passed the entire planet. It was boundless, but his perception of it was not.

The closest thing he could sense… was Rei. He could 'feel' her presence in the hospital. She was tired but glad that they had come to visit her. That he had come to see her twice. He couldn't read her mind only twinges of what she felt.

Further away, two powers were near, their signatures radiated like the beating heart of a star. Adam and Lilith held prisoner at Nerv HQ.

Shinji shuddered at the sensation.

Further away even than Adam and Lilith, beyond the planet and out into space. Adam's Children moved. The Other Angels were coordinating. He could feel them moving with hostile intent.

Rage, anger, confusion, and even fear… that was what radiated off of the Angels.

 _I can't believe it. I can… I can sense them. Is this what you can do?_

 _ **Yes. And they can sense us back. They're planning something. I don't know what, but it can't be good.**_

"Shinji?"

* * *

The boy opened his eyes. Only a handful of seconds had passed in the real world, but Mari had glanced back at him with a worried expression.

"Hey dummy, you okay? Take your pills today?" his girlfriend asked frowning at him.

"I'm fine. Just a headache" Shinji lied with a false smile.

Mari put a hand to his head, worried he was getting sick.

He shrugged her off gently. "Worrywart" he teased her in a falsely pleasant tone.

She scoffed playfully at him, but before she could continue Asuka called out to them.

"Hey lovebirds. We're going to get stuck in traffic hour" the German called out. Misato had found her keys and unlocked the car for them.

Shinji hurried back to the car, Mari at his side. He put on a false at ease smile, another mask to wear for the others. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that was something was happening. The Broken Man was on edge too.

Together, the Shinji(s) worried for what was coming. The Angels were out there, the Fourth Player was moving.

* * *

 **Bit of an abrupt end. One of the hardest things to write with recent chapters is pacing. I have so many ideas, but its difficult to put them all in a chapter so that they flow and that it doesn't get too disjointed.**

 **That said, was this too much for one chapter? I tried to touch upon all '5 players on the board' this time.**

 **I like writing the Shinji(s) as well as Gendo scenes, and writing them all in the same room is amazing but brings its own challenges. We also got to see Ritsuko and the Broken Man, Lilith awake, as well as Rei's own unique bleeding effect.**

 **If there's questions about the modified lore, private message me.**

 **Thanks for reading and please Review.**  
 **Cheers!**


	34. Crucible Part 1

**Hey guys, back with another update.**  
 **I struggled a lot with pacing for this chapter and the next, that's why the delay.**  
 **There's a lot of characters to juggle per chapter.**

 **Anyway, here's chapter 34 "Crucible" part 1**

* * *

 _"I used to think that I knew how hard Eva piloting was._

 _Back in the old days, it started with just me and Unit 01. That first day… the mission weighed on me, the feeling that I was a part of something bigger than myself._

 _I hated that feeling. I was a kid, I didn't know anything. Didn't see the bigger picture. I only piloted because I didn't want Rei to get hurt. That's how my father got me to join the Evangelion Program._

 _The next time, it was the two of us. Rei and I, fighting Shamshel and Armaros. We were the first official Eva team._

 _Later, Asuka and Mari joined. Eva Teams One and Two. It felt… different with the four of us. Divided into teams, but part of a whole. The Angels were dangerous, but we always prevailed. Though we got hurt, we never really felt it._

 _The Four of us were teenagers, and deep down we thought we were invincible. That we would always win. We didn't see what the adults did._

 _My Other once told me that the game we played was filled with many players. That was the problem, too many players. Too many moves that needed to be countered. Too many variables to keep track of… even for him."_

 ** _\- Shinji Ikari_**

* * *

 _Downtown, somewhere in Tokyo-03  
_ _Government outpost_

"The two of you dropped the ball" Kaji said harshly.

The men stood across from him, dressed in suits and obviously unaccustomed to taking orders from a man younger than them.

"Cover wasn't blown. We had a story ready and-" one of the agents said.

"Your job was to watch the Third Child for unusual activity. Instead, you two got the local police involved." Kaji glared.

Kaji reached behind him, to the computer in the cubicle he'd taken to using. A series of audio files were laid bare in his file browser, and he played one.

The agents' blood turned cold at the recording. The playback of a phone call from last night.

" _Police. What is your emergency?" a calm and polite speaking woman answered._

 _"Good evening. I'm a tenant in Nerv's apartment complex. And I noticed a strange car has been coming and going for a few days now. They stay in the parking lot, then occasionally leave to follow after other cars. They didn't seem to have a parking pass and they almost never turn off the engine" a boy said into the line calmly and carefully._

The agents exchanged tentative looks.

Kaji let the recording continue.

" _Can you describe the vehicle?"_ the police operator on the line asked

And the boy in the recording did, he described in frightening detail the agency car's make and color, even down to the window tint. The recording left the agents speechless

 _"We'll send a patrol over to check on things. Stay in your home." the police operator said._

 _"Yes ma'am" the boy said politely._

The recording ended.

"The Third Child, Shinji Ikari, called the police on you" Kaji said.

"He couldn't have seen us. There's no way-"

"We followed protocol." The agents stammered defensively.

" **Shinji knew you were following him**. Get out. Both of you" Kaji said, shaking his head at the whole situation.

The agents made to protest but thought better of it. They left Kaji to his cubicle, and he sighed in frustration. The door closed with a heavy thud.

 _How did the kid know?_ He thought.

On top of that, _something_ happened that night. The night Shinji got rid of his tail, Rei ended up hospitalized. Logically, that was too much of coincidence. There was no way the two events weren't connected.

And there was more. Another piece of audio Kaji had managed to grab with the agency's resources. Another recorded phone call that had raised flags.

The door opened again, and someone entered the room.

"You're being too hard of them. They did follow protocol" a voice called suddenly.

Kaji didn't even bother to look up as his partner Agent Kunizuka entered the room. She knew he must have been in a bad mood if his usual antics, the laidback and flirtatious attitude, had been abandoned.

"They failed" Kaji said in greeting.

Kunizuka hovered over him as he worked on the computer.

"But the boy showed his hand. By calling the police on them, we _know_ that he knew he was being followed. That's something. We have to reassess him" she said.

 _What is there to assess in the first place? A teenager with a goddamned Angel in his head?_ Kaji thought somberly.

He still wasn't used to working with his partner in person like this. But she was good at her job, he'd always known that.

"You found something?" Kunizuka asked pointedly.

Kaji nodded.

"On Gendo's line. His personal one" he said.

Kunizuka gave him a surprised look.

Gendo Ikari had multiple phones, a fact Kaji had observed when he had done espionage for the man, and they were encrypted and secured to an absurd degree. Even the Japanese Ministry of the Interior hadn't been able to tap those phones.

Spying on the Director of Nerv was no easy task.

But a personal line was different. Nothing special about them, a reason that the Director of Nerv rarely used his. Months went by without any calls, and many in the agency had considered it a waste of resources to tap it all.

Except Kaji had insisted. And now it had paid off.

Kaji played the phone recording for him and his partner.

" _Dr. Akagi, I trust you have a reason for calling at this hour? And on my personal line."_ the recording of Gendo Ikari said sternly.

The spies listened to Ritsuko and Gendo's conversation, a call recorded moments after Rei had been hospitalized. It was almost _too_ convenient that Gendo would have allowed such a slip up to go unnoticed.

But Gendo had been cautious. He had investigated the matter personally instead of doing everything over the phone.

 _Ritsuko's involved. She knew his personal number… and those two have a familiarity. That's… that's sick. She's half his age._ He thought.

"Are they speaking about the First Child?" Kunizuka asked with a frown on her face.

"Rei. And that's not all. Iteration? Collective? Current Model? I don't like the phrases Gendo used. I've looked into her before, there's almost nothing." Kaji said.

The spies shook their head. There were pieces in the puzzle missing, things that they had not known were part of the story.

* * *

 _Later that afternoon.  
_ _Tokyo 03_

 _ **We haven't been followed for days now**_ the Broken Man told him.

 _Are you sure? I keep expecting the car to show up again._ Young Shinji thought.

 _ **I'm sure. They've backed off for now.**_

Young Shinji inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Ever since that night in Ritsuko's apartment he had wondered what had happened to the people following him. He had expected them to show up when he visited Rei in the hospital, but they never did.

He relied on the Broken Man for matters of that kind. The boy wasn't the man, they were things one saw that the other did not.

"Think we can win?" Mari asked.

Shinji turned back to his girlfriend, holding multiple conversations was always strange but not impossible.

"We can try" he said slowly.

She gave him a bemused grin and handed him the hammer.

The small crowd of onlookers gave him a dubious look. The operator gave him a knowing, if encouraging, smile.

The carnival was an odd place. A kind of funfair that moved from city to city, opening its booths and games to the willing public with cheap food and drink. Offering sights to see and a time away from the woes of the world. The city had invited the company over in an effort to increase morale.

Shinji struggled to lift the hammer over his head, and almost laughed at the ridiculous sight, and brought it down with all his weight.

The High Striker chimed as he hit the mark, the puck rose from the ground and lifted into the tower but never quite reached the bell. It missed by centimeters.

"Oh well" Shinji the boy said. The Operator clapped for him and the crowd of people joined in. Honestly, what did they expect from a boy as scrawny as him?

Mari patted him on the arm affectionately and offered to take the hammer for a try. Shinji handed it to her gladly.

The Operator beamed at her and reset the machine.

BAM

Mari brought the hammer down on the High Striker's mark, the puck flew through the tower and hit the bell.

RING  
RING  
RING

The small crowd watching the game gasped and clapped for her. The Operator clapped enthusiastic and handed her the hard-won prize, a stuffed doll.

Mari made a show of giving a laughing Shinji the doll. The sight of two of them brought a few chuckles from the crowd, before the next contestant for the High Striker came forward.

 _ **Those games are rigged. Pointless.**_

 _It's not about winning. It's about fun. I learned that from my girlfriend._

Deep in the other place, the Broken Man considered that but said nothing.

"Show off" Shinji teased her.

"Obviously. But it was worth it" Mari countered gleefully.

The boy chuckled good-naturedly. They'd always been like that, and he wasn't afraid of losing to a girl. Mari in particular.

They moved away from the crowd, prize in hand. It was... nice. To forget about the end of the world for a few hours. The couple moved through the carnival, getting on rides or else playing silly games that were more often than not rigged.

...

"Looks like they're having fun" Misato said watching the couple run off.

"An odd pair, to be sure" Kaji commented as he watched them go.

 _The Angel no one saw coming. Ahhh why did Misato have to take him into her home._ the spy thought.

Kaji watched the boy off with his girlfriend and wondered just how much the boy knew. If Misato noticed she didn't mention it. Things between him and his former lover were complicated since the last time they had been out together.

Neither brought it up. And that was good for Kaji, he had too many other things on his mind.

"I'm getting on the Ferris Wheel." Asuka called out suddenly. Hikari stood by her side and gazed up at the attraction.

She turned to Kaji with a hopeful expression saying, "want to join us, Kaji?"

"Sorry kiddo, I'm afraid of heights. Go with your friend" Kaji said nonchalantly.

Asuka pouted but Hikari pulled her by the arm gently, and the two girls left the adults to themselves.

...

"You're not afraid of heights." Misato said, glancing back at him with a knowing expression. An approving tone in her voice.

"She has to outgrow her crush. Not gonna feed into that" Kaji said with a shrug. He pulled a cigarette from his coat pocket and lit it. He took a whiff, breathed in the chemical reaction, and continued "I take it you remember our first date then."

Misato scoffed. She just knew he was going to bring that up, she knew from the moment she saw the Ferris Wheel.

Instead of teasing her the way she expected, Kaji clapped her on the shoulder and let it drop.

"Come on, let's take a ride for old times' sake. Can't let the kids have all the fun" he said.

Misato blinked slowly at that but followed after him. Something was different about Kaji, and she didn't know what to make of that.

* * *

Shinji and Mari got off the bumper car rides. He stumbled as he adjusted to the change in motion. Constant ramming into cars was odd, though Mari had enjoyed it and he liked seeing her happy.

She laughed and moved to help steady him. Together, they walked off away from the rides to find a table near the concession stands.

"How are you so bad at these? You're an Eva pilot?" Mari laughed.

"I don't know. I was terrible at video games too" Shinji said with a shrug.

"Still are" Mari commented playfully.

"Ha ha. I've gotten better" Shinji countered softly.

They found a table for themselves and ordered overpriced food. It may not have been healthy, but it tasted good. He sat there enjoying time with his girlfriend, losing himself to that feeling of being carefree and fun. An ease that Mari had always brought with her since they were kids, his first friend.

But it didn't last.

These feelings, they hadn't lasted ever since he had gained the memories of his Other. Even now, those memories lingered like ashes in his mouth. Along with the knowledge that an apocalyptic event was coming, that people were constantly setting plans in motion to bring it about.

A multilayered web of intrigue from which few understood the lines being drawn. A web from which even the Eva pilots were a trivial matter.

 _ **You're being watched**_ The Broken Man spoke.

The man didn't project a mental image, he simply spoke from inside Shinji's head.

Young Shinji didn't outwardly respond, he nodded his head listening to Mari talk, but inwardly he grew nervous.

 _Is it the people from the car? Are they following me again?_

 _ **No, not them. Its Kaji. He's pretending to take a stroll with Misato, but his eyes are on you. I'm thinking that our stalker has connections to him.**_

… _so, the Japanese government is spying on me now too._ Young Shinji thought bitterly.

 _ **Probably. No coincidence that Kaji dragged himself along to this night out of yours.**_

Shinji's eyes fell.

 _Why now? Why is he so curious about me… us now of all times?_

 _ **I don't know. Maybe he learned something. He's been… watching from afar ever since you left my memories.**_

Young Shinji glanced up and saw the two adults walking off in the distance. Kaji and Misato. They chatted and seemed at an ease with each other, but Shinji could see it.

Only half of Kaji's attention was with Misato. Some of the man's mask was loose. His public act of the smooth ladies' man wasn't as dominant as before. Shinji could see that something had shaken the man.

Their eyes met from afar… and Kaji looked away.

Shinji took a halfhearted drink of his soda.

"You're doing that again" Mari said suddenly.

Shinji looked up from his soda, curious expression planted on his face.

"Hmm?"

Mari sighed and looked away. Seemingly at a loss as to how to describe it. Which in and of itself was unusual thing to see from her of all people.

"You're here with me… but at the same time you're not" she said, avoiding his gaze.

Shinji stayed silent, suddenly finding it hard to look at his girlfriend.

"Something happened to you, Shinji. I can see it. It weighs you down when you think people aren't looking" Mari said, voice low and soft.

…

Deep from within the Other Place, the Broken Man turned his attention from Kaji to Mari. Red and brown eyes piercing her from his younger self's sight.

…

"Nothing happened" Young Shinji began.

Mari shook her head. She turned to face to him, and he didn't look away.

"I saw it the last time you spent the night. You cried… but you didn't want to talk about it." Mari said, looking him up and down. A worried expression emerged in the older girl's eyes, a stark contrast to the wild and carefree fire that usually shinned.

"I told you. It was… odd." Young Shinji said slowly. He sighed and continued "it was a lot to deal with. Coming back the way I did."

The boy didn't flinch as he felt the sensation of a hand on his shoulder. A phantom twinge from inside his mind.

 _ **You can't tell her, Shinji.**_

 _I know_

"Ahhhh" Mari muttered in frustration.

"Hey what's wrong-" he began.

"I wish I was better at this. Feel like I'm being a shit girlfriend. You know, dummy?" she said to him.

"You're not. You're-" Shinji stammered.

"I'm sorry. Just, what's wrong Shinji? You're so lost now, and I don't know why?" Mari said quietly.

"I'm not lost. I just have a lot on my mind." Shinji said.

Mari looked at him like she wasn't sure if she believed him or not. Either way, she was worried about him. He was the only person she had ever felt worried about. Their relationship was unlike any she'd ever had.

She didn't want to push him, but she didn't like the distance her dummy put around himself these days. It was far and few in-between, but it was there. Moments where half of him was somewhere else apart from her.

Moments where she could see a change in his eyes.

"Like... what?" Mari asked carefully. Not wanting to pry unless he was ready to talk about it.

...

The Broken Man watched from the Other Place.

...

"Stuff. All that I missed during my two months 'away'. What happened to Rei. Stuff with my father, he came to 'visit' me the other day. It was… awkward." Shinji said.

He wasn't lying, not really. All of those things were on his mind, he just didn't reveal **all** the problems that were bothering him. Either way, he didn't like 'filtering' things from his girlfriend.

"That asshat came to the apartment?" Mari said bewildered.

Shinji nodded saying "he ordered Misato and Asuka wait to outside. Then decided to chat, we didn't have much to say to each other."

Mari shook her head seeming to get angry on his behalf.

"I'd have thrown him out of the apartment." She muttered.

Shinji chuckled at the mental image.

She gave a concerned look and asked, "he try to hit you again?"

"No. He just wanted to talk" Shinji answered with tired sigh.

Mari shook her head, clearly not approving. She couldn't understand just how Gendo and Shinji were related at all. They were just so different.

 _Why am I getting so good at weaving lies with the truth? At 'filtering' what I know._ Young Shinji thought with a somber lump in his throat.

 _ **Because you're growing up**_ The Broken Man answered him.

 _I don't like it._ The boy thought.

 _ **The fewer people who know, the safer it is.**_

Seeing the look on his girlfriend's face, Shinji spoke up again.

"Mari" Young Shinji said gently.

He took her hand in his.

"I'm sorry. I should be enjoying our date, but I lost focus. If anything, I'm the terrible boyfriend who doesn't appreciate what he has" the boy continued.

Mari snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Stop being so hard on yourself, dummy." She countered in a soft tone.

He smiled softly at that and squeezed her hand gently.

"I will be if you will. You're a great girlfriend, you got me these remember?" Shinji said gesturing to his contact lens.

Brown contact lens that covered the red of his new eyes. The closest thing to his old eyes.

"You said you didn't like the red. So… I don't know I just thought it'd be nice" Mari said with a shrug. She'd been nervous when she'd first given them to him. It had been the most unusual she'd done in recent memory, getting her dummy that gift.

"They are."

Mari smiled at that. Feeling a bit better.

"I really am okay. I promise, Mari. You've always been there for me, that's more than I can say for a lot of people in my life" Shinji said genuinely.

In his mind's eye, Shinji saw figures of his past prop up. His parents, Gendo and Yui. His doctor, Page. His teacher, the man whom collected a pay check to look after him.

Mari shook her head at him, playful smile emerging on her lips.

"How do you do that? I'm older than you" she said. She didn't fight the warmth that emerged in her chest at his words.

"I don't know. I'm… better at this side of the relationship" Shinji said with a shrug.

Mari gave him a coy look saying, "you're not too bad at the other side either."

Shinji coughed and flushed slightly. "Thanks" he laughed.

 _I'm going to enjoy my date. Let Kaji look, nothing going on here._ The boy thought determinately.

 _ **Good. It'll maintain the cover.**_

 _That's not what I meant._

Shinji stood up pulling Mari with him. "Come on, there's a photo booth over there. I wanna remember tonight." he said.

* * *

 _Elsewhere  
_ _Hospital room_

Rei Ayanami sat up in her bed, hospital gown doing little to keep her warm.

She sat eyes narrowed slightly, headphones adorned with the SDAT player lying in her hands.

Rei cycled through the tracks, lingering on tracks 25 and 26 before moving onto something else. She could not describe why she listened to the music as much as she did. She often spent the days in her room listening through the tracks. She had never had a fondness for music, and never even considered it before, but it was different this time.

It had been a gift. Something to keep her mind occupied in the dullness of the hospital.

"Rei, are you even listening?"

The First Child looked up and hit pause on the current track.

"… I am sorry Dr. Akagi. I was not" the pale girl answered slowly.

Ritsuko looked over the girl and her SDAT player with an annoyed, if knowing, look. The adult sat beside the child and her bed, going over her medical records and briefing the Eva pilot.

Rei blinked sadly and moved to put Shinji's gift away.

"No. Keep it. Just... next time leave the volume low enough that you can hear me too" Ritsuko said suddenly.

Rei tiled her head at that. How strange, a different pattern than the default coldness she had learned to expect from Nerv's head scientist.

"Thank you" she answered politely.

"You should be leaving the hospital soon. Nerv has the facilities to take it from here. Commander Ikari has given you a mission." Ritsuko said moving on.

Rei nodded. She figured as such, she was a tool and tools followed orders.

Ritsuko rose from her seat and turned to leave.

"Oh… and one more thing" the woman called suddenly.

Rei looked up.

"Have you had any other issues? I know you reported severe headaches and cases of unexplained dreaming"

The First Child considered that, and unconsciously she raised a hand to her forehead. Phantoms of the pain from before flashed across her skin, the ache that had torn her up from the inside.

"I have difficulty remember it all. It is… fragmented. Head pain, but it is bearable. Decreasing every day" Rei began, the girl answering as if reading off of a report.

Ritsuko paused, waiting for the girl to gather her thoughts.

"I had a dream where I saw strange things. It is hard to describe. There was an inverted Tree of Life… and stars were missing from the night sky. I… I…" Rei said. The girl's eyes went blank, losing focus as she wobbled in her seat atop the hospital bed.

Ritsuko made to grab the girl, to tell her to stop and just rest. But before she could, Rei spoke.

"The Angels were there." The girl whispered, voice lost and distant.

"Rei." Ritsuko called, putting a hand to the girl's shoulder. A worried expression made it to her face, a stark contrast from the woman whom hadn't cared about the current "iteration".

Rei blinked, and her eyes came back into focus. The pale skinned girl tiled her head and looked at Ritsuko's hand upon her shoulder with a frown.

Ritsuko let the girl go saying, "it's probably nothing. Either way, if it happens again please let me know."

"Yes ma'am" Rei answered slowly.

"And leave the reports to me. I know Commander Ikari has visited, but he's a busy man. No need to bother him, and if it's important I will let him know." Ritsuko said, a strange expression on her face.

"I understand. Commander Ikari will be not bothered unnecessary with my medical updates" Rei said simply.

 _It has always been this way. Dr. Akagi handles the details. Mr. Ikari gives the orders_ Rei thought offhandedly.

Ritsuko nodded and turned to leave for good this time.

"… get well soon. Rei" the woman called on her way out.

Rei watched her go. _How odd_ the pale girl thought, before turning back to Shinji's SDAT player and cycling through the music again.

* * *

 _Deep into Nerv HQ_

Gendo stood before the gathered holograms in the dark.

"How has the Third Child been since the incident?" Mr. Keel asked pointedly. The man's voice emerged from the holographic display of a monolith. Not a hint of sympathy nor concern in his tone.

Gendo considered that. Eyes hidden behind tinted glasses, gloved hands folded behind his back. Expression unreadable as always in the presence of SEELE.

"He has shown remarkable improvements in his piloting" Gendo answered truthfully.

"The Freak and his Eva are a concern." another of SEELE said.

Eva Unit 01 had shown no strange behavior since it had released its pilot some time ago. A stark contrast to the behavior it had displayed during Zeruel's attack. And whilst it had only been run in simulations, Gendo had reported to SEELE that the machine was listening to its computers once again. That Nerv had regained control of the Second Angel's clone.

"They will be dealt with… when the time comes" Gendo said simply. Again, his face was a mask of polite neutral servitude.

"Yes. And _until_ that time, I trust you not to damage our property in any way. The asset has their role to play" Keel said sternly.

Gendo paused at that.

He could picture the infamously secretive leader of SEELE staring him down. He could imagine the old man observing with a cold hard gaze. Artificial eyes fixed on Gendo through the cover of the hologram.

 _Ah. You are aware of the incident at Yui's grave. Yet you reveal your hand, how petty. I'm disappointed in you, Keel._ Gendo thought.

Mentally, he went through a series of predictions of how such information could have passed. He placed the highest probability on Dr. Page informing her superiors. A rather bothersome woman in his life.

 _Would you have told Page about the graveyard, Shinji? For what purpose?_ He thought.

"Piloting is a dangerous endeavor. No asset can be completely protected whilst filling such a role. As director, I make the decisions" Gendo said. His response was almost instant, his speculation running as a background task even as he spoke.

Silence filled the chamber. The various SEELE members glaring at him from the other side of their projections.

"Enough. Mr. Ikari was selected as director for a reason" Keel called suddenly. Their leader spoke more to the other members than to Gendo.

 **'And he can be replaced'** – the words went unsaid but understood by all except Gendo himself.

 _An empty threat, Keel. The timetable is moving quickly, and you cannot afford such a disturbance._ Gendo thought.

"SEELE's assets are under no danger from me" he said truthfully.

The group seemed to have accept his answer, for the moment. SEELE's power over Nerv was not as direct as they liked. Although they had birthed the organization, it was Gendo himself whom ran and maintained it.

"The experimental Eva Unit 04 is on its way." Another member of SEELE spoke.

Gendo turned to the hologram, face expressionless.

"I have selected a testing area for its trial run. The hangar is currently at capacity with four units in place" Gendo answered smoothly. Their previous conflict ignored.

"We trust that you have a subject in mind" Keel asked, earlier tone forgotten.

"I do" Gendo answered.

"See to it. Do not let our investments go to waste." SEELE commanded him. Then, one by one the holograms disappeared.

...

The lights in the room turned back on and Gendo let out a tsk of annoyance. His alliance with the others and their Human Instrumentality Project was growing more and more strained as time went on.

Gendo left the room and returned to his office. Once there, he accessed the encrypted files of his computer and pulled up another scan of Shinji's drawings.

The drawings that Dr. Page had gathered over the years on SEELE's orders, and from which Gendo had been given a copy. For with Yui and Naoko Akagi gone, whom else could decipher them but him? How easier things had been between SEELE and Nerv back then.

Gendo studied the image drawn by the child Shinji. Crude in its shape and color, the image showed strange markings crossing over each other on a metallic surface. A disfigured surface that lay covered in a network of lines protruding through metal, except they weren't truly lines at all.

That was something SEELE had never understood. A prediction that the group could not decipher, and Gendo had never bothered to explain to them what it was.

* * *

 _Back with Kaji_

Kaji pulled Asuka aside when a moment came. Misato was getting them a table and Hikari had gone to the restroom, leaving the them alone.

"How've you been kiddo? Been a while since we talked" Kaji asked.

Asuka beamed at him, seemingly at a better mood when with him of all people.

"Fine. My sync ratio is rising faster than ever." The German girl said proudly.

Kaji had heard. He hadn't had much time to check in on her, but he had kept an ear to the ground all the same. Asuka and Shinji, the pilots with the fastest growing sync rates. With Mari close behind, and Rei struggling to improve from her previous scores.

"School is boring as ever, nothing challenging for someone like _me_. With half the class gone the teachers have been going even easier on us." Asuka continued, a superior tone emerging into her voice. It was no secret that Asuka was a prodigy with a college degree back in Germany. She was only enrolled in Japan to better learn the language and kanji.

"That's good." Kaji cut in with a fake smile. He didn't want her to start going and on, she wanted to impress him with her achievements. To be seen as mature and successful. Despite her many accomplishments, she was still a child deep down. One whom wanted the approval and respect of an adult.

But Kaji did not have time for that. He would never play into her notions of what their relationship was, now more than ever.

"Hey… how are things with Misato? Is she doing well?" Kaji said suddenly.

Asuka paused at that. She knew that the two adults had dated in the past, and inwardly her face fell at the question.

"She's good. Misato does her job." Asuka answered slowly.

"And do you still like living with her and Shinji?" Kaji asked. He kept a polite distance as he spoke, but his eyes focused on her face. Reading her expressions.

"It's alright. Why do you ask?" she answered with a frown.

"Just that… I know Misato. She can be messy, and she has a thing about rules at her place. And Shinji is… well hehe I know you don't always get along" Kaji said.

 _The idiot is the golden boy, everyone's favorite. But he does cook for us… and he did save my life. And I saved his! So… we're even._ Asuka thought offhandedly.

"I was thinking, maybe you'd consider moving out? I'm sure it could be arranged." Kaji asked.

"I… you want me to move in with you?" Asuka said, surprised at the suggestion. She was about to beam up at him, but the man's next words brought another frown to her face.

"No. Sorry kiddo, my place is built for one." Kaji said smoothly, shutting down whatever naive fantasies she had considered.

Her face fell again.

"But, have you thought about it? Come on, think about it. A place of your own. Away from the others. Its more responsibility, but you've never shied away from that." Kaji continued casually.

 _Please, Asuka. I need to get you out of that apartment. Somewhere I can keep an eye on you. Away from Shinji where you'll be safe._ Kaji thought almost pleadingly.

 _Moving out? A home away from Misato and Shinji? I'd be alone… alone- I_ she thought. And she couldn't finish the thought. Something deep in her stirred at that, an emotional reaction that she didn't like.

"No" Asuka answered a little too quickly. She paused, unsure of why she had reached a conclusion so quickly.

Kaji watched, unsure of what to say.

"I'm fine where I am. I- " Asuka started, trying to rationalize her decision. Her voice came out with a hurried squeak.

"I understand" Kaji cut in politely. He gave her one of his false smiles and patted her on the shoulder.

Asuka nodded, and Kaji looked up saying "looks like Misato's got us a table. Come on".

He beckoned her forward, and Asuka followed. She fought the frown off her face and beamed as Hikari returned to join them. Yet, the feeling lingered.

 _Why did I refuse?_ Asuka thought.

* * *

"Where is Shinji?! Ah. He does this every time when he's with Mari. We were supposed to regroup." Misato murmured.

She sat the table near the food stands and greeted Kaji and the girls as they came upon her. The table was littered with the cheap carnival food, and Hikari thanked Misato when she took her seat.

"Sorry, we're late" a voice called.

Misato turned to see Shinji and Mari emerging to greet them from the crowd.

"We're here. Don't worry so much miss mama Misato" Mari said, moving to take a seat as Shinji did the same.

"Uh-huh" Misato answered, before letting the matter drop. She never did like the nickname she'd been assigned.

They group ate together at the table. Chatting and trying their best to enjoy the night out.

Kaji glanced at Shinji and was surprised when the boy glanced back.

"Been a long time, eh Kaji. What brings you out here?" Shinji said. The boy smiled politely, and Kaji kept his face a mask of no expression.

It had indeed been a long time since they'd actually spoken. They hadn't had a real conversation since the Over the Rainbow incident at sea.

"Needed a break from work." Kaji offered with a shrug.

The spy played up his role and gazed at Misato with a comically longing expression. "Never miss a chance to blow off some steam." The man continued.

Misato pointedly ignored that statement. A flicker of annoyance flashed on her face, but her hands gave her away. They didn't ball into fists, she wasn't all together rejecting the idea.

 _ **He's good at his role, intertwines the truth and the lie… just like us.**_ The Broken Man stirred.

Shinji spent the rest of the meal chatting with the others. Kaji made a point not to make eye contact with Shinji throughout the rest of the night, it's the little things that can give someone away.

* * *

 _The next day_

Shinji Ikari woke and after showering he made breakfast for everyone as was the norm. The boy froze when he glanced outside through Misato's balcony window.

He stood unmoving in the apartment, eyes falling as he read the date on the calendar Misato had hung up on a wall. He felt his shoulders tensing and he flexed his fingers. Five where his Other had only three.

"Today is the day. Bardiel is coming, isn't he" Shinji whispered under his breath.

The Broken Man appeared as a mental projection across from him in the kitchen.

" **Things are different in this timeline, but today was the day in my mine** " Old Man Shinji said.

The newest Eva model would be arriving soon. The experimental Unit 04, constructed in the United States as a prototype and spare for the Eva Units currently in use. No one had told Shinji of its manufacture or its shipment officially.

It had been Ritsuko whom had debriefed the Shinji(s) on the matter. And in turn, they had debriefed her.

Shinji packed lunches for himself and Asuka, left Asuka's on the breakfast table, then headed out on his way.

He was first out the door. Another habit he had picked up since leaving the Eva.

…

Strangely, Mari didn't meet him at their usual spot. She often gave him a ride to school on that motorbike of hers. But today, she didn't show.

He checked his phone and saw a single message.

 _Hey dummy, something's come up. I can't give you a ride today. Sorry. –_ Mari.

Shinji paused at that, frowning at the message. He wondered why it had been so uninformative.

With Mari gone, and Rei in the hospital, Shinji went on his way alone.

* * *

 _School_

Shinji made it to school early. Even when walking, he got up so early these days that it didn't matter.

He was walking around the grounds of the school when his Other stopped him.

 _ **There's something happening.**_ The Broken Man stirred suddenly.

 _What? Is it Bardiel?_ Young Shinji thought.

… _**I'm not sure. Things are fuzzy. Something is hiding from me again.**_ The Broken Man said, hesitating before he spoke.

 _Like with Zeruel_ Shinji thought somberly.

"Shinji" a voice called in greeting.

The boy turned to see Toji walking the grounds before class just as he had been. He waved, and his friend came to join him.

 _Why are you here? You should be at the testing facility. There's a plan to keep you safe…_ Shinji thought.

"You hear, the carnival was in town yesterday" Toji said in greeting.

"Yeah. I was there with Mari and the others" Shinji answered nervously. Part of him was racing through implications of him being at the school instead of at Nerv.

Toji gave him a slightly annoyed look.

"And you didn't invite me?"

"Ah. I was with Mari and- and there wasn't any more room in the car. Misato-" Shinji stammered nervously.

He really did not like where his mind was taking things.

"I'm messing with you, chill. I was visiting my sister, so it's fine. Besides, I get it. Wanted time with the girlfriend" Toji said shrugging off his grievances.

The two boys hadn't hung out as much lately. With Kensuke gone, having left the city with his family some time ago, their circle of friends was dwindling.

"Yeah. Thanks for understanding… Hey uh- don't you have somewhere to be?" Shinji asked, nervous chill making it down his spine.

"… we're at school. This is where we're supposed to be" Toji said. He gave Shinji a confused look.

Shinji considered that.

"Listen. I gotta go. Grab my worksheets for me?" Shinji said suddenly, he played it off casually but Toji didn't buy it completely.

"I guess. This a Nerv thing or-"

"Exactly. I'll see you around" Shinji cut in. He turned around leaving his friend behind. Toji watched him go with confused frown.

…

Shinji hurried out of the school and yanked his phone out once he'd left the main entrance.

He walked the city streets, along the pavement of the sidewalks, checking his phone for updates.

Then, a message came in and he stopped in his tracks.

 _Sorry about the delay. They didn't tell me what it was about. I'm testing a new Eva Unit! Finally! See you tonight. – Mari_

* * *

 _Moments before  
Nerv's testing facility at Matsushiro._

The facility, sitting just a few miles outside Tokyo-03, was a large flat land set aside for a piloting run. A single small building littered the grounds beside a series of work tents, with the Evangelion Unit standing tall as a titan in the center.

Unit 04 could be seen for miles away, and the locals had been evacuated for the test. Only Nerv staff and the pilot participating in the test were present.

The Evangelion however, was not what it seemed. Moments after it had arrived in Japan, during its transport to the testing site, a spark of light had struck the massive machine. It had been tiny, perhaps the size of baseball. But in that moment, the Evangelion's power systems had spiked along with its computer systems before dying down. The technicians, only having seen the readings, dismissed it. They had been tired after the hours of transport needed to bring the Eva where it needed to be and noted nothing out of the ordinary.

"Not like my Unit 03. But it'll have to do. Sorry girl" Mari said. She stood on the grounds of the site, dressed in a newer modified plug suit, and glanced at Tokyo-03 in the distance as she spoke. Picturing her beloved Eva Unit 03 from afar.

Her original Eva had been so badly damaged during the breach of Nerv, that it had taken all this time to get it operation again. And even then, it was still considered not combat ready.

"Hey" a voice called.

Mari turned to see Misato of all people striding over to her at the grounds of the testing site. The new Eva's feet loomed over both women.

"Hey" Mari said glancing at the older woman.

"Sorry about this. We had another test pilot in mind, but then orders came from the commander himself." Misato said, looking genuinely sorry.

That raised Mari's eyebrow.

"He didn't say why. He never does. Maybe he wanted a more experienced pilot to test Unit 04. Probably wants both Eva teams back to full combat status" Misato said, trying to explain the commander's suddenly change of plans.

"You apologize too much. It's cool." Mari said with a shrug.

"Either way, I don't like that they just pulled out of your apartment. Here, I got this back for you." Misato said suddenly.

Misato pulled out Mari's cellphone, taken by Nerv's security team when they had 'escorted' her to the testing site.

"You can't take it with you during the test. But I thought you'd want to let Shinji know you'd be gone for the day" Misato said in explanation.

Mari stared at the older woman, considering that.

"Yeah, he is a worry wart at times." Mari said, playing on a tease her boyfriend had once given her.

She took the phone and typed a quick message:

 _Sorry about the delay. They didn't tell me what it was about. I'm testing a new Eva Unit! Finally! Talk to you later. – Mari_

and hit send.

Misato took the phone back, and Mari turned to her.

"Thanks. I appreciate it" Mari said honestly. She offered a smile in thanks.

Misato nodded slowly at her words. They had never really 'gotten along', but they were both part of Shinji's life.

"Get ready, we're starting soon. Just a walk around the grounds for now" Misato said, leaving and heading off to her station out back.

…

Ritsuko stared at the computer screen at her table. She and her staff had set up a tent to work out of, with a direct link to the Magi Supercomputers if needed. They were working with the technicians from another Nerv division to run the test.

They had been rather annoyed at Dr. Akagi for implementing a last-minute change to the Eva.

The installation of an emergency release trigger for Unit 04's entry plug. A command that when issued remotely would forcibly eject the pilot from the Eva Unit and completely power the massive machine down.

"A safety feature. I'm considering implementing it in all the Evas" Ritsuko had responded when they had questioned her on the matter.

When she had the time, she snuck out from the tent to take a smoke break. In reality, she pulled out her second phone. The one she had gotten via the instructions from the Broken Man.

Prepaid phones that would let them communicate, with the hope that the disposable phones wouldn't be wire tapped.

There was no time for a phone call. She dialed the only saved number in the system and sent a message.

* * *

 _Tokyo-03_

Shinji reached into his backpack and pulled out his second cellphone. The prepaid one Ritsuko had gotten him.

There was one new message.

 _Change of plans. Toji rejected. M taking his place, orders from Gendo himself. Emergency release installed regardless._ – the message read.

"Mari" Shinji hissed in a pained croak. His throat tightened, and he felt his chest growing heavier and heavier.

He paced back and further on the sidewalk, not caring if anyone was watching him.

Shinji ran a hand through his hair and reached for his first phone again. His fingers moved desperately to Mari's contact number. He would tell her not to get into the Eva. He'd think of something, an excuse, anything to stop her.

But his hand froze.

The fingers refused to obey the movements his brain sent. Outwardly, the boy stilled and calmly put his phones away. Then, he took a seat at a nearby bus stop. Inside, the boy was screaming.

The Other Shinji had taken over.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

" **You can't do that, boy** " the Broken Man said.

"Why not?! Mari's in danger! I can't just sit here and do nothing!" Shinji cried. He stood alongside his Other in the white void, hands trembling and eyes frantic.

" **Because 'what' exactly are you going to tell her? How do you explain your warning? What will Nerv and SEELE think?"** the Broken Man asked.

Shinji panted pleadingly at his Other. He couldn't think of an answer, and so fought with all his willpower. Trying to take his body back.

He failed.

Young Shinji could not take control of his body, not if his Other really didn't want to give it back.

'This' was the truth behind their relationship. Old Man Shinji had shown him _kindness_ in the past, allowing the boy to make his decisions even when they disagreed. But in no world could Young Shinji overpower his Elder.

"We can think of something. A- a hunch that the Eva's damaged." Shinji stammered, clearly panicking.

He fell to his knees in the void. The strain of trying to fight the Broken Man felt like crashing against a steel wall. Invincible, a mountain of raw will that the boy had no hope of breaking.

" **No. Shinji, you're being hypocritical. When we thought** _ **Toji**_ **would be in danger, we agreed that we had to play this through. Ritsuko has rigged an emergency release into the entry plug. That was always the plan. You didn't complain before"**

"This is different!" Shinji shouted.

He realized what he said, and shame filled him. He looked away, unable to meet the Broken Man's gaze.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't play favorites like that. One life shouldn't mean more than another… but I… I-" Shinji stammered, his voice hiccuping as he spoke.

" **It means you're human.** " The Broken Man interrupted.

Old Man Shinji knelt before his younger self and sighed deeply. Hoarse dry voice sounding tired as always.

" **The plan doesn't change just because of whom is in the Eva. I know you're scared, but I need you to calm down. Listen to me, boy. You're no help to anyone like this. Be calm.** " The Broken Man told him not unkindly.

"How I can calm down?! Mari is my girlfriend!" Shinji answered pleadingly.

" **Breathe. Take a moment to absorb the facts, then calm down. And we can think** " the Broken Man said.

Young Shinji did as he was told. He breathed and accepted the lingered weight in his chest. This fear that wheeled up inside him.

What were the facts?

1) Bardiel had arrived and had infected an Eva Unit

2) Ritsuko had rigged a method to eject the pilot from said Eva

3) Toji had been replaced by Mari for the new Unit's piloting run.

4) The Broken Man could sense something more. But not 'what'.

Shinji calmed down.

"What can we do that won't blow our cover, or bring attention to ourselves" he panted harshly, eyes narrowed and hard.

" **I don't like this either, boy. There's more than just Bardiel. Something that I can't see yet. So, we call Nerv, tell them to send a car. That you decided to run a sync test at Nerv. That you want to practice more with Asuka. Then, whatever else happens. The two of you will be ready for it.** "

Shinji nodded slowly, face crestfallen but 'calm' nonetheless.

The Broken Man held out a hand, and Shinji took it. The boy was helped to his feet, and when he blinked he found himself in the real world again.

…

Young Shinji rose from bus stop bench, ignored the curious looks of a bus driver, and started walking back the way he came. Face still, but eyes hollow and empty.

The boy pulled out his first phone and made the call to Nerv.

* * *

 _Nerv's testing facility at Matsushiro._

Mari sat in the entry plug of Unit 04.

"How you doing in there, Mari?" Misato's voice said through the comm.

"Good. Ready to get started" Mari replied eagerly into the comm.

It took a second longer than normal, but Ritsuko chimed in on the comm too.

"… Don't overdo it. This is a basic field test. Walk forward and then come back" Ritsuko called.

"Roger" Mari said into the comm. She stretched in the confined space of the entry plug. It was nearly identical to all the other entry plugs, but this one was newer.

The team of staff and technicians on the ground parted, evacuating to a safe distance as Eva Unit 04 was unbolted from its holding pad.

Stiff and tall, the new Evangelion seemed to come to life as the power was activated. The power cable ran into the Eva's back, and Mari could hear it hum as it delivered a stable source of energy to the massive machine.

Mari breathed, and the LCL filled the cockpit. It filled her lungs, an oxygenated environment that would support her so long as the Eva had power. The computer systems ran their duties as the Eva came online.

"64% sync." Ritsuko called into the comm.

"Not bad for a first try. This makes you the second multi-Eva pilot" Misato called via comm.

Mari nodded, but frowned at the sync. She'd done better with her Unit 03, but this would have to do for now. She shook her head, whatever happened she was going to be a pilot again. A _real_ one whom went out into the field with Shinji and the others.

The return of Eva Teams One and Two.

Mari grabbed the controls and moved the Eva.

Unit 04 took one step after another. The Eva strode through the empty plains, Ritsuko and the others monitored its progress. Mari stretched, getting used to the phantom sensations of the new Eva, her nervous system synced to the machine's artificial one.

Then it happened.

Without warning… something appeared in the sky.

…

Shinji froze as he entered the school grounds for a second time. He had already placed the call to Nerv, and they had agreed to send a car to pick him and Asuka up. He had been on his way to tell Asuka when he had _felt_ it.

The Broken Man stirred. Both Shinji(s) on edge.

 _ **More than one.**_ The Broken Man said.

Shinji looked up at the sky, sensing the Angel's presence long before it finally appeared in the sky.

The Angel was smaller than Shinji expected. And that worried him, another change in this timeline. A change in mass from the being he had glimpsed through the memories of his Other.

The creature that appeared in the sky was a luminescent Angel with multiple sets of wings, some of them completely dwarfing the central body, in addition to a pointed head.

 _ **Arael**_ Old Man Shinji said darkly.

Deep from within the Other Place, the Broken Man narrowed his eyes at this foe. He remembered 'him' above most Angels.

The diminished Arael was no less a utterly frightening Angel to behold. Whilst not as monstrously large as it had been in the Other Timeline, it hovered above them at a size equal to an Evangelion. With terrifying telepathic powers, it could reach into the minds of a target from a distance and rip their minds to pieces. It could twist one's own worst nightmares into reality, and press that weakness even further.

Arael came lower and lower, appearing to 'drop' down from the atmosphere before soaring through the air. Its path visible for miles around the city.

* * *

"An Angel has appeared! All staff retreat! Sound the alarm!" Misato shouted into the comm for all to hear.

Mari looked up, Eva Unit 04's head moving in sync with her. And she spotted the strange Angel emerging from up above.

"Hey, I'm still in here! Maybe I can help-"

"That's a _negative_. Eva Team One will handle it. If they need back up, we'll send you in" Misato said quickly. Cutting Mari off before she could even finish the sentence.

 _I hate this. This blows! I'm just sitting here doing nothing while they go and fight that thing! Shinji… I'm sorry_ Mari thought bitterly.

"I understand. Turning back now" Mari called glumly into the comm.

…

Down on the grounds, Ritsuko took her work laptop with her as the alarm sounded. She eyed the readings from Unit 04, and her fingers shook as they hovered over the emergency release command.

 _What is this? The Angels… what are they doing?_ Ritsuko thought.

…

Mari turned Unit 04 and started walking back to base… only the Eva stopped moving.

"What…" Mari murmured softly.

She tried to use the controls again, but the Eva didn't budge.

"Mari, this is no time for games. Get back to base." Misato called sternly into comm.

"I'm trying. The Eva won't move." Mari called back into the comm.

Then, Eva Unit 04 moved of its own accord taking Mari along with it.

Unit 04 knelt all on its own, and its skin _rippled_ underneath the plate armor. Mari hissed at the phantom sensation, she could actually feel a network of 'something' moving along the Eva's veins as if it moved along hers.

"There's something in the Eva!" Mari shouted into the comm.

She fought to gain control, but her sync ratio fell and fell. The computer systems went haywire, the screens blinked in and out of emergency mode. Error after error flashed across the screen.

Unit 04 rose, plate armor shifting as strange fleshy protrusions erupted from deep within the Eva. They oozed out, visible along the openings of the armor.

Misato watched on in horror as newest Evangelion was transformed before their very eyes. Mutating, growing, and moving of its own accord.

Ritsuko tore her gaze from the ungodly sight and slammed a hand onto her laptop. She triggered the emergency release. The laptop chimed in confirmation.

Mari screamed as the Entry Plug twisted, and the inner clamps were released. Compressed air whooshed outside, and the metal tube was forcibly ejected from the infected Evangelion Unit, carrying Mari inside it.

At the same time, the power cable was cut. The line ejected with a loud popping sound before it fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

Evangelion Unit 04 froze, computer systems went offline completely, and the infected machine was left without power. 'It' stood still as statute.

Mari let out a wounded breath and time seemed to slow for her. Her chest pounded and the sheer blow-back of being ejected, literally 'exploded' out of the prototype Unit, sent her reeling in shock.

She and the Entry Plug flew through the air, barely processing what had happened.

 **But the Eva didn't stop.**

The infected Unit hissed, a loud whir that sent chills down the spine of all whom heard it. The Eva's eyes flickered with a white light, one that spread across a network of fleshy protrusions from its body.

CLANG

The Infected Eva moved again, ignoring the loss of power and all built in safeguards, it whirled around and caught the ejected Entry Plug mid fall.

Mari cried out in pain as she was sent into the wall of her cockpit. Fresh bruises littered her skin, and she thought she could feel a cracked rib.

The Angel infected Eva reached its free hand up and tore the plate armor surroundings its mouth free.

"Hssssss" **Bardiel** the Angel breathed into the open air.

Then, the Angel brought the Entry Plug back into the Eva's spine. And re-inserted it, before bending is own flesh and metal around it. Clamping the metal tube in place with no mechanism in place to remove it again…

The Angel took Mari hostage.

Bardiel roared, and its veins rippled. The power of its father flickered, and an S2 engine materialized deep within its chest. A fully sustaining power source.

"Mari!" Misato and Ritsuko called into the comm.

The Nerv technicians watched in terror as the Bardiel turned its attention to them.

With a single swing of the Eva's hand, Bardiel brought death to the team on the ground. It destroyed the single building in the area and wiped a series of tents from existence. Human bodies flew into the air along with trucks, equipment, and pulverized dirt.

Up above, Arael looked at his brethren.

 **The two Angels, Arael and Bardiel, met each other's gaze.** They nodded to one another, communicating in the non-verbal language that was theirs, and both went on their way.

Misato, Ritsuko, and the surviving staff watched in terrified awe as infected Eva Unit left them behind. Bardiel headed off towards Tokyo-03, his footsteps echoing across the plains and leaving craters in his wake.

Ritsuko stammered up to her feet, having fallen from the blow-back caused by the Angel's attack on the ground.

Misato called it in. Nerv was alerted, the JSSDF was getting involved, and the city would sound the alarms.

* * *

 _Tokyo-03  
_ _School_

Asuka sat at her desk, not even bothering to take notes, beside Hikari as the teacher lectured on and on to the half empty classroom.

The boredom was broken when Shinji Ikari burst into classroom, getting the attention of everyone in the room. From the elderly teacher to all the students.

"Ikari. You're late-" the teacher began.

Shinji ignored the man to the gasp of the class, and strode over to Asuka whom blinked in surprise.

"Something came up. We're needed at Nerv. They're sending for us" he said. The boy was eerily calm, but Asuka saw something in his eyes that made her pause.

Fear. Real, _raw,_ fear.

Asuka rose saying "what is it?"

Before the boy could answer, the city-wide alarms sounded off. The sirens boomed loud and long, echoing across the entire city.

 _An Angel has been sighted_ Asuka thought, getting serious.

"Go on you two. Everyone else, follow me to the bunkers. Single file line" the teacher called. The man waved the two Eva pilots off, dismissing them as he gathered the other confused students.

Toji watched on and raised a hand to Shinji. "Good luck out there!" he called to Shinji.

Asuka was about to say goodbye to Hikari, but Shinji grabbed her by the wrist and hauled her forward.

"Whoa! Hey, what the-"Asuka stammered in surprised.

"No time" Shinji cut in.

Asuka tore her hand free, but Shinji didn't seem to care. Together, they ran through the school grounds and waited by the entrance for their ride.

"What is it?" Asuka called once they were outside

"That" Shinji said, pointing up to the sky.

Asuka looked up and wondered what the hell that thing was. An Angel obviously, a luminescent creature looming over the city as it flew closer and closer to the center.

 _ **There's more**_ the Broken Man stirred.

* * *

Shinji blinked, and he found himself standing in the Other Place. The white void.

"What is it?" Shinji asked, whirling on the Broken Man.

Old Man Shinji looked above and past Young Shinji. The Elder gazing with Angel eyes through the network that bound all of them.

" **Bardiel and Arael… and more"** the Broken Man said darkly.

Young Shinji raised his hands as if in prayer, tapping into the Angle senses that his Other had shared with him.

He saw the Angel network. It materialized into existence from within the white void, filling the white with an multicolored overlay. He saw a network represented by threads connecting to many targets. Its scope was massive, unbound by any limits, it reached out into the heavens and passed the entire planet.

But their perception of it _was_ limited.

Adam and Lilith were like bright suns that shimmered with raw power. Their presence the easiest to spot, untold threads looping around them, lay lines of energy that were terrifying to look upon.

Bardiel and Arael were further away. Each moving towards them.

And nearby, something hidden. Whatever had spooked them was closer. The thing, fuzzy and distorted, kept its distance. The threads moved, appearing and disappearing, as if trying to shield their existence from the two Shinji.

Only now, the thing was too close. 'Its' presence no longer able to move undetected.

The Broken Man reached into the power running through his veins, and a flicker of Adam's power shimmered around his body in the Other Place.

" **You cannot hide from me. Not anymore. SHOW YOURSELF"** Old Man Shinji said, his voice intermixed with the booming thunder of a near god like being.

It hurt Young Shinji's ear to witness. But the network moved as the Abomination commanded.

" **Armaros** **the Beast Angel…** _ **three**_ **of them"** the Broken Man said at last.

Young Shinji whirled to look and saw them moving in the network. The Angels, knowing that they could no longer hide, simply moved into the open. Allowing themselves to be seen.

* * *

 _Elsewhere_

The three Beast Angels rose from the ocean and surfaced onto the land. The three moved in unison, big and bulky like hairless gorillas armored in scales, bulging with enormous muscle, faceplates ghost white and menacing.

Nearby, Arael and Bardiel approached. And Mari awoke in the entry plug of an infected Eva Unit.

The power was off in the entry plug, a low powered beam coated the confined cockpit. The emergency light cast Mari's world in red.

Mari rose to unsteady wounded feet. "Shit" she stammered. Blood ran down her forehead, her ankle was sprained at the least, her back was bruised, and she felt her chest hurt with each breath she took.

She tried the comm unit, but no answer came.

...

Tokyo-03 stood in full alarm mode, the JSSDF was scrambling along with Nerv.

An unheard-of crisis faced them. A scenario out of their worst nightmares.

5 Angels. All attacking simultaneously.

* * *

 **Hope you don't mind the chapter being split like this, it was far too long to put into one.  
As I said, pacing is harder with so many characters but I'm happy with it.**

 **We see the Players on the board this chapter.**

 **Also bits of Asuka and Rei's growth. Kaji. The Shinji(s). Mari.  
And a major change in the timeline. Eva Team One has their work cut out for them in Crucible part 2.  
Don't expect it to be like the other Angel battles. **

**Thanks for Reading and please Review.**


	35. Crucible Part 2

**Hey guys, back again to finish that cliffhanger!  
This chapter seems like a lot of action, and it is, but it's also very character based.  
Here's Chapter 35 "Crucible Part 2"**

* * *

" _I held her in my arms._

 _A broken shell of who she had once been. She was cold to the touch, with dried blood running down her face. I wept as I cradled her. I wasn't fast enough... it was all my fault."_

 _\- Shinji Ikari_

* * *

 _The Over the Rainbow  
_ _During the events of Chapter 8_

The Other Shinji avoided Misato's gaze. His eyes always gave him away, so he hid them. He played up his role as the lonely little boy he had once been himself.

They stood aboard the UN ship, Nerv having sent them to oversee the transport of Eva Unit 02 to Japan. Misato was worried about how quiet and he was being, and that suited the Other Shinji. He needed to get away from her and Shinji's friends, Toji and Kensuke.

There was something he needed to do.

He improvised. The Other Shinji made excuses, pretending to struggle with the responsibilities of being an Eva pilot, and asked the boy's guardian for time to "get some air."

"Are you sure?" Misato said. The boy's guardian looked at him with a worried expression, obviously concerned for the boy.

It was a much more 'motherly' affection this Misato had for Shinji than in his own timeline. The Broken Man was glad for it, the boy needed that in ways that he had not.

The Other Shinji left them behind and searched the ship. He raised a hand, and the Angel network was visible to him. The threads emerged into existence as a representation, an overlay, in the real world.

 _ **Adam... where are you?**_ **He considered.**

The Broken Man moved using the boy's body. He traced the lay lines of power and followed the energy that radiated out into the network.

He found Kaji's room. Stepping inside, the Broken Man found the spy's suitcase with ease. He reached inside his mind, accessing the many memories he had brought with him to this new timeline and found it... the combination to Kaji's suitcase.

The access numbers symbolized Misato's birthday.

The Broken Man opened the suitcase and his eyes grew cold at the sight that met him.

The Adam sample, a bundle of cells resembling a human embryo kept frozen, imprisoned.

What no one, not even SEELE or Nerv realized, was that the First Angel was not as dormant as they believed. Adam was awake even in this form. Conscious and very much active.

The Broken Man raised the boy's hand over the sample.

 _ **What I wouldn't give to kill you here and now, Adam.**_ He thought.

Instead, the Broken Man reached into the Angel powers. He remembered the lessons Lilith had taught him. He manipulated the Angel network and _marked_ Adam.

A tangible unique thread apart from the others. One that the Broken Man could tug and pull on if the situation ever called for it, an act which would trigger the blow-back effect for both himself and the First Angel.

A mark that would also allow the Broken Man to 'hear' any conversations the other Angels tried to have with their father. Even if the Angels hid their presence from him in the future, if Adam was aware of them then the Broken Man would be too.

The act left a visible wound on the bundle of Angel cells.

Adam stirred from within his prison. Blood dripped from the sample, a loss of mass as the weakened being fidgeting from the effect.

CRACK

A single small crack emerged along the frozen dura-bakelite that imprisoned the First Angel. A warning that Adam was still very much awake.

* * *

 _Present Day  
The Five Angel Crisis_

Young Shinji emerged into the hangar eerily calm on the outside, a mess of nervous and panic on the inside. Asuka followed after him, her nerves spiking but seemingly more at peace with herself than her partner.

"Eva Team One, prepare for launch," Maya said into the intercom. The young woman's voice boomed out into the hangar.

Aboa worked the console from his workstation and released the Entry Plugs of Evangelion Units 01 and 02. The metal tubes released and were laid bare for their pilots.

Things were tense at Nerv. Five Angels had appeared at once in an unprecedented event, one that broke all previous patterns and any predictions that the Magi Supercomputers had made. To top things off, this would be the first time Eva Unit 01 was deployed since the incident where it had 'woken' and absorbed its pilot for nearly 2 months.

The staff and engineers gazed at the monstrous machine with a hint of fear, the Eva's pilot proved another odd case in this matter. Shinji Ikari, the boy who had spent years in a mental ward, who had spent two months 'gone' and inside his Eva, who had emerged from that experience changed. The boy that had returned as the first and only universal Eva pilot, and with the highest recorded sync ratio.

Shinji ignored any eyes on him and entered his entry plug. His plug suit stuck to his skin as he tried to breathe and keep his cool.

Evangelion Unit 01 come to life with a low hum, there was no power cable inserted as had been procedure from the beginning. That capability had been cut off the day Unit 01 had killed the Zeruel and taken the S2 engine from within the Angel into itself, the result had been an Evangelion with a completely self-sustaining power source.

Unit 02, by comparison, took more time to come online, the Eva booted up its computer systems and locked its power cable in place aboard its launchpad.

Maya's nervous voice called into his comm.

"Shinji… how are things in there?"

"Fine." The boy answered over the comm. LCL filled his entry plug, and he breathed it in as the staff worked things out on their end.

"Shinji… be careful. Things are desperate right now, and we still don't know everything that happened to Unit 01." Aoba said over the comm suddenly. From his workstation, he eyed the mysterious Eva with a tentative gaze.

"I've got this, Aoba. Send me up" Shinji answered back. The boy was quiet, only speaking when spoken too. And something in his voice sent the others on edge.

Aoba exchanged glances with Maya, before pressing the commands.

"Eva Team One. Launch!" Maya shouted into the intercom.

With a rush of sparks and a roar of mechanical whirls, the Evangelion Units were shot free of their launchpads and up into the city.

...

"I hope Misato and the others are okay" Asuka muttered to herself. She sat in her entry plug, barely flinching at the sensation of being launched.

"They are. The Angels don't care about them, only us" Shinji answered her suddenly.

Asuka blinked at that, forgetting that she still had the comm open

"... I hope you're right," she said.

* * *

 _Tokyo-03_

Eva Units 01 and 02 emerged onto the surface. The two mechanical titans stood tall and vigilante, awaiting whatever came next.

"Asuka," Shinji called on the comm.

The German girl turned to look at him from inside her Eva.

"Whatever happens... stay close. Alright?" Shinji said.

The boy's words only made Asuka feel more anxious. Just what was with Shinji today? He looked so scared. She understood that 5 Angels was one hell of a problem, but acting this way wasn't going to help anyone.

 _We're Eva Team One. With no word on Mari and Rei hospitalized, it's up to us._ Asuka thought firmly.

"Don't be so scared. We can handle this!" Asuka said confidently. She put on a brave face, but inside she felt it too. Fear. Her fingers twitched when she considered the situation.

 _I am Asuka Langley Sohryu, a child prodigy, the best Eva pilot. I can do this._ She thought sternly.

Unit 01's hand moved to take Unit 00's, a movement that surprised Asuka. She still wasn't sure what exactly her relationship was with Shinji, but 'this' was new.

"Don't be proud. I know you're strong, I'm not denying that. But- but promise me. We stick together. Okay" Shinji said over the comm. The boy's voice came out steady and serious like he had aged another ten years when no one was looking, and Asuka could almost imagine the pleading look in his eyes.

Her lips trembled at Shinji's voice, and she didn't know why.

"I... Shinji?" Asuka stammered. She didn't know how to feel.

"Promise me"

Any other day, Asuka would have been annoyed at being cut off mid-speech. But today was different. She moved the Eva's display and saw her Unit's fingers intertwined with 01's. She could actually feel Shinji's hand in hers.

"I promise," Asuka said slowly.

"Thank you" Shinji said, and his Eva released her hand.

Asuka stood silent for several moments. What had caused this? She rubbed her fingers together in the entry plug, feeling the last traces of the warmth Shinji's hand had brought her.

She shook her head. This wasn't the time for distractions.

"Deploying weapons." Maya's voice called on the comm.

The weapons built for an Evangelion were launched up to the surface, and Shinji and Asuka equipped them. The Heavy Hitter, a missile launcher that fired N2 missiles with the force of a small nuclear age weapon but without the deadly fallout, for Asuka and a rifle for Shinji.

Asuka tried to beam at the heavy weaponry given to her, but the emotions didn't come. There was no time for joy today. The gun was one of the most powerful in their arsenal but reloads were expensive and they still did a lot of environmental damage, it was only for desperate situations and now seemed to fit the bill.

"No sign of the Angels. Where are they?" Shinji called into the comm.

Asuka turned her head and listened in.

No answer came.

She turned her Eva to look at Shinji's.

When no answer came again, Asuka raised her hand to the comm and spoke up.

"Hey, what's going on? Don't leave us in the dark"

The reply that came back made the teenagers pause.

"Guys... the Angels have **stopped** moving."

"What do you mean the Angels stopped moving?!" Asuka said into the comm.

There was another pause on the comm, and Asuka hefted her weapons impatiently.

Shinji stayed eerily silent. Eva Unit 01 stood tall and still, gazing outward into the vastness of the city where the enemy no doubt lay waiting.

Maya answered the Eva pilots in a frantic squeaky voice.

"The Angels just stopped. They're holding position at equal distances from each other. The 5 of them are divided into groups. Three Beast Angels off at the edge. The infected Unit 04 in the center and the flying Angel is even further away.

I- Asuka, Shinji... they're not moving. They're literally standing still in a coordinated stop."

 _A coordinated stop?_ Asuka thought. What the hell was going on?

"They want us to come after them," Shinji said suddenly. The boy's voice was hollow, somber and serious and caused a chill to trail down Asuka's spine.

"What-"

"Asuka. The Angels want us to come to them. Worse... they want to separate us." Shinji said gravely.

Through the eyes of her Eva, Asuka stared at her partner opened mouthed.

"We made a promise, Asuka." Shinji said firmly into the comm, his voice soft and somber.

* * *

 _Adam's Children_

At three different parts of the city, the 5 Angels stood.

Arael hovered at the center between the three groups of Angels. He flew gently from side to side, moving in between the tallest buildings from the city's skyline, his luminous body visible even in daytime.

To the west of Arael, the Beast Angels prowled their section of the city. Bulky monsters with ghost white faceplates, like hairless gorillas armored in scales, they awaited their foe.

Bardiel stood to the east of Arael, the infected Evangelion still as a statue. The creature loomed over the city block. Deep within the machine, trapped inside the Entry Plug, Mari sat panting and barely conscious, aching from her injuries.

Mari groaned and sat up in the seat of her cockpit. The red emergency light cast everything in a strange fever dream that did nothing to help the situation.

"Shit" the girl scowled as she glanced down. Her safety harness was broken, it must have snapped sometime during all the commotion from earlier.

Weakly, she reached for the controls of the Eva and saw some of the computer systems still active. Whatever the Angel inside the Evangelion had done to power itself, it had evidently booted up the computers too.

Warning messages flashed the screen and Mari rolled her eyes.

Blood dripped down her forehead, and she was pretty sure a rib or two had been cracked if not broken outright.

"Ah!" Mari cried in shock as _suddenly_ she felt a sensation her fingers.

…

Bardiel flexed the fingers of the stolen Eva Unit. The Angel's true flesh, the strange protrusions that had erupted from the Eva, swirled around the palm.

He could feel the little Lilin still inside. His prisoner, taken as ordered.

Bardiel squeezed his hand.

…

Mari gasped at the sensation.

 **The Eva's phantom sensations had been reactivated.**

Mari stared at her hand with wide terrified eyes, the Angel's movements crept across her skin as if they were one in the same. The 'infection' whirled around through the machine's very blood and skin, and Mari felt absolutely all of it.

"Goddamn, you. You... you bastard" Mari hissed. She let out a heavy breath and coughed violently. The movement sent her chest reeling in pain, and she balled up, holding herself below her breast in pain.

…

The Beast Angels turned to each other. They communicated in their non-vocal language, processing information transfer at the speed of thought.

Two of the Beasts went their separate ways, each spreading out and taking up positions. The one that remained stepped forward and opened its mouth.

Bright red structures erupted from the Angel's gums in a shower of Angel blood. The structures had ripped open the Beast's own flesh to bare its fangs. The monster roared, and the sound of it echoed across the city.

BAM

The Beast raised a fist and brought it down upon the city street. Again and again, it pummeled the street. Cracks emerged into the pavement before the surface broke leaving a deep crater. Clouds of debris, dirt, destroyed concrete and steel flew into the air.

Underneath the surface lay the underground bunkers used to protect the citizens when the city went into lock-down mode. The buildings had been retracted into the ground when the Angel alarm had sounded, now lay open to the world.

The Beast brought its fist to the bunker.

* * *

 _Inside the bunker_

People shouted, children cried, and the platform shook. The thick steel walls screeched, long harsh dents emerged along the internal structure.

"What's happening?" someone shouted.

"We're under attack!"

"Someone help!"

Voices cried out from deep underground.

* * *

The lone Beast Angel roared again, its enormous muscle bulging as it did so. It reached into the underground with its colossal hands and grabbed a hold of the bunker. Its fingers broke dents into the metal.

SCREECH

The infrastructure holding the bunker in its place cracked and bent along the force of the monster tugging at it.

* * *

 _Eva Team One_

"We have a problem!" Maya called on the comm.

Eva Units 01 and 02 stirred. Both at the ready.

"One of the Angels is attacking civilians. It broke through to the underground! It's trying to rip the bunker out" Maya called frantically. The woman's voice shook as she spoke.

"What about the others?" Shinji called into the comm.

Asuka glanced his way but found the boy eerily still.

"The other Angels haven't moved. They're holding position." Maya reported.

Asuka felt her chest drop. _Attacking civilians? They never cared about them before?!_ The German girl thought.

"Shinji! Your Eva doesn't rely on a power cable anymore. Maybe we should send you out and-" Maya stammered.

"No"

The boy's words were surprisingly firm, a calm sentence that would not yield.

Asuka turned her Eva to face his.

"Maybe you should. I can cover you from a distance and hold off the other-" Asuka began.

"NO." Shinji said.

Asuka blinked at that.

"We promised. We stay together" Shinji said sternly.

"The two of you have to do something! We can't just let those people die!" Maya called into the comm.

"If we go, we do it together." Shinji answered.

"Shinji is right" a new voice added suddenly.

All of them checked their comm systems to see who had joined the channel.

Asuka felt a weight in her chest lighten. Misato was alive.

"Sorry, we weren't around earlier. Our tech was down. We're on our way to command. Shinji, Asuka, the two of you stay together. Don't split up under any circumstance." Misato said on the comm.

"Misato" Shinji whispered into the comm. The boy breathed a sigh of relief

"We're tracking the Angels via the Magi. I think its a plot to separate Eva Team One, and the simulations agree." Ritsuko added suddenly.

Asuka shook her head in frustration. While they debated this an Angel was trying to rip a bunker free from the city's infrastructure and harm civilians.

"We can't leave the civilians on their own. So go together. The JSSDF is being called in to lend their support. The military can't kill an Angel, but they sure as hell can slow one down." Misato said.

The Eva Units nodded and departed together. Both heading out towards the lone Beast Angel that had turned its attention to civilians. They ran together, neither taking point, but rather side by side.

Distantly, Asuka heard Misato and Ritsuko taking over the situation at command. Maya had done a decent job in their absence but this was their role.

…

 _Nerv_

Misato and Ritsuko took their posts in the command center, and Maya and the others gladly relinquished control over to them. Kaji entered last, with a JSSDF liaison following close behind.

"I want the satellite data transferred to the Magi Supercomputers. This is a lot of ground to cover, and we need all the information we can get." Ritsuko said. She gestured to the display, which had already roughly mapped out the 5 Angels and their positions in the city.

Misato turned to Kaji and the JSSDF liaison and began coordinating with them for how to deploy the military aid.

"I have an idea. I think we can get another pair of eyes and ears on the other side" Ritsuko said suddenly.

* * *

 _Elsewhere_

Mari pried at the bay doors of the entry plug, grunting from the effort before she slipped and fell.

THUD

She landed hard in the seat of her entry plug's cockpit. All that work, climbing up to the bay doors and trying to manually open them had failed.

 _Ah. I think I just made my ribs worse_ the girl thought through a gaze of pain.

Mari crawled into a sitting position and banged a hand against the controls in frustration. The Angel that had infected the Eva didn't seem to care what she did.

BEEP

BEEP

Mari sat up in disbelief and whirled to look at the computer systems. A message was displayed on the console.

"HELLO. MARI, ARE YOU THERE? TYPE INTO THE COMPUTER TO ANSWER."

Mari blinked in surprise. She wasn't sure if it was the blood loss or not, but if she wasn't hallucinating then maybe Nerv had found a way to help her.

She crawled over to the controls and yanked out the keyboard.

"I'm here." she typed and entered into the console.

"THIS IS RITSUKO. ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT CAN YOU SEE?"

Mari looked around the entry plug, and hurriedly typed a response detailing her surroundings.

"I STILL HAVE ACCESS TO THESE COMPUTERS. I WILL DISABLE THE WARNINGS AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO. DO YOU HAVE YOUR COMM?"

Mari stared at the computer screen. What a terrible way to talk.

"Stupid thing is broken," Mari said aloud even as she weakly typed her response.

"DOES IT HAVE POWER?"

"I think so" Mari typed back.

"CONNECT IT TO THE COMPUTER. I CAN TRY TO WORK SOMETHING OUT." Ritsuko typed back.

The computer warnings flashed off the display, and Mari watched in awe as some of the old readouts were available to her. She could see what the Evangelion could see, which meant she could see what the Angel was doing.

Mari did as Ritsuko asked.

* * *

 _Eva Team One_

Shinji ran alongside Asuka, their Eva's footsteps echoing across the city as they did so.

 _ **Arael is watching us.**_ The Broken Man said.

Shinji turned the Eva's head and glanced out the display.

The luminous Angel hovered far above them in the distance. From that bird's eye view, it tracked their movements.

 _Why didn't he attack?_

 _ **He's out of range. And he knows that 'I' am here.**_

 _Damn it. What are they doing?!_

 _ **The Angels are coordinated, boy. They've taken actual formations. Be ready for anything.**_

The Broken Man didn't project a mental image, he simply spoke to Shinji mentally.

 _How are they doing this?_

 _ **I don't know. They've learned. Adam's Children have never been stupid, their intelligence is simply different than ours. Angels don't 'exist' the way me and you do.**_

Young Shinji scowled.

"Misato." Shinji called into the comm suddenly.

"Yes" his legal guardian answered back.

"Is there any word any Mari yet?" the boy asked. He tried to keep his voice calm, to steady himself, but even he heard the tremble in his voice.

It took a moment for Misato to answer.

"... she's still trapped in the Entry Plug. Ritsuko's trying something but we don't know how to get her out yet." Misato answered truthfully.

Shinji cursed.

"We'll think of something" Asuka called reassuringly into the comm.

"We're doing what we can. Shinji, I know this is hard but you need to focus." Misato said somberly.

Shinji closed his eyes, and memories flashed before his eyes. The memories of his first friend, the girl he'd met in the mental ward and formed a connection with. The girl who had helped him break out of his shell, the person who had always been there for him. His first and only girlfriend, his first... everything.

CRACK

The boy winced and distantly he heard Asuka do the same via the comm. Static was filling the comm channel, he reached up about to fiddle with the comm unit when a voice made him stop.

"Hello," a strained voice called out.

Shinji and Asuka froze, Eva Unit 01 and 02 stopping mid run.

"Hello. Is anyone out there!"

"Mari!" Shinji cried. His heart leaped at the sound of her voice, and he felt himself standing up in his entry plug.

"Shinji" the older girl said weakly.

"My god. Hey, how you doing in there?" Asuka called into the comm.

Shinji felt his hands clench into fists as he heard Mari coughing violently on the other end of the comm, he went into a strange hyperfocus. Every grunt of pain or wince, every labored breath, every pause in Mari's voice he heard as loudly and clearly as if it was being magnified tenfold.

"Ah... could be better. Got stuck in this 'thing'. The Angel bent the entry plug so I can't eject manually, and Nerv already tried remotely." Mari stammered weakly.

The older girl breathed out heavily, obviously in pain, before she continued.

"Ritsuko did something with the computer system and the comm. We can talk and I can see what this Eva sees."

"Mari, I promise you I'm gonna get you out of there. Just hold on" Shinji said into the comm. His emotions dripped into his voice, and he heard himself shaking as he spoke.

"... oh dummy. That's sweet, but I think we have bigger problems right now" Mari answered weakly.

"Are you hurt?" Shinji said pulling the comm closer as if that somehow made a difference.

"Ah! Nothing I can't get over." Mari coughed.

"I'm coming to save you. No matter what happens." Shinji told her firmly.

…

Distantly, Mari smiled softly. Her head bobbed and blood from her forehead dripped down her check and she almost felt tears. Not from the pain but from her boyfriend.

She wiped them away, they both had to be strong right now.

...

"Mari, we'll get you out of there. But for right now, you need to be an extra pair of eyes and ears." Misato called into the comm suddenly.

"I can do that." Mari wheezed.

"Shinji, Asuka, get going," Misato ordered.

Eva Team One continued onward.

* * *

 _The Kill Zone_

Armaros the Beast Angel stood waiting for them.

Overhead in the distance, a small fleet of JSSDF fighter jets emerged in the sky. The military had come to lend its support in an attempt to slow the other Angels and allow Eva Team One to handle the civilian crisis. The plan was for the JSSDF to take on Arael if they could then divert and provide air support for Eva Team One against the Beast Angels.

Nerv and the JSSDF deployed together in a rare occasion.

...

When they reached the civilians under siege, they found that the lone Beast Angel had stopped its assault on the bunker. The building in question had been nearly ripped free of its protective shell underground and lay exposed to the outside world.

Asuka raised the Heavy Hitter and scowled. She wasn't sure if she could risk firing it with the exposed bunker so close to the target.

Shinji raised his Eva's rife and fired off a warning shot.

Aramaros raised a hand and an AT Field erupted into existence. The bullets hit the shield and did no damage.

BANG

A single shot fired... and struck Unit 01's side.

Shinji was sent reeling from the phantom sensations. Asuka covered him in an instant, she brought an AT Field up and placed herself in front of him.

"What was that?!" Asuka said.

Shinji brought his Eva to stand back to back with Unit 02 and raised an AT Field to cover their flank.

BAMN

Another shot rang out. This time the bullet bounced off Shinji's shield.

"They stole a pair of rifles designed for the Evas!" Misato cursed into the comm.

BANG

BANG

Two shots fired off from the distance. Each bullet struck an AT Field, first Asuka's and then Shinji's. A kill zone, an enemy shooter on both sides.

The Beast Angel in front of them leaped into action, the monster bared its fangs and charged towards them.

…

"How did they get Nerv's Eva rifles?!" Misato whirled.

"They have found the depots where we send them up for the pilots. If they knew what to look for they could rip one open and take the topmost item" Ritsuko answered gravely.

Kaji stared at the display and exchanged a look with Misato. Together they turned to the JSSDF liaison.

"Get that air support. Eva Team One needs all the help they can get." they said.

...

 _Back in the city_

Shinji and Asuka stayed close, each covering the other with their AT Fields.

 _ **Watch out for...**_ the Broken Man started before his voice stopped mid-speech.

Young Shinji blinked. He cursed and closed his eyes.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again he was in the Other Place. The white void that seemed to stretch on endlessly.

The boy turned to the man and gasped.

Old Man Shinji knelt on the grounds of the void, and he grunted in pain clutching at his chest. It was unbelievable to see the Abomination, the man who had killed an Angel with his bare hands, brought low even for a moment. The man with a willpower that had seemed invulnerable when Young Shinji had tried to fight against it. Now... he lay wounded.

"You're hurt?!" the boy cried in astonishment.

" **Blowback**. **I'm under attack.** " the Broken Man grunted.

Young Shinji reached over to help but the Broken Man rejected him. The Elder shoved the youth back shouting, " **you need to focus on your end, boy!** "

Next thing Shinji knew, he was forced back into the real world.

* * *

BANG

More bullets clanged against the AT Fields. From both sides of them, the other two Beast Angels emerged. Each holding a stolen Rifle.

 _They must have ripped them right out of the deployment centers. Nerv uses them to send us our guns, never imagined an Angel would figure that out._ Shinji thought darkly.

The lone Beast from before came charging at them and tackled Asuka. Eva Unit 02 tried to brace, to move or deflect the attacker, but Asuka was too slow.

Unit 02 and the Beast went flying off to the side, and Asuka's AT Field faded as they rolled. They landed with a heavy thud that sent cars and chunks of street up into the air.

Shinji turned after them and was shot from behind by another Beast Angel.

 _They formed a kill zone!_ The boy thought. Shinji whirled, sheathing his rifle, and raising his now freed hand to create a _second_ AT Field.

Unit 01 back away, covered by two shields. Bullets clanged against both.

Shinji watched helplessly as Asuka rolled trying to break free of a Beast' grip.

 _They have to run out of ammo. And I doubt they bothered to steal reloads. Can they reload? Do they know how?_ He thought.

Shinji cursed and made a decision. He began moving with both his AT Fields raised, heading for the closest target he could reach. If he could take out just one, then the kill zone would be broken and he could help Asuka.

The boy moved with the wisdom of a man, the benefit of the Broken Man's memories bled into his own. The years of experience Old Man Shinji had gotten from the road to Haven, his training with a former JSSDF soldier known as 'Kay', and finally ten years of training with Lilith herself, pieces of it all were his now.

Shinji rushed an awaiting Beast Angel. The monster bared its fangs, as it fired at him. The bullets clanged harmlessly off his AT Field.

His foe raised the rifle like a club and threw it at him.

Shinji batted it away with a gesture, his AT Field barely flickered at all, before he slammed into the Angel. The boy used the Shield like a battering ram and struck the monster with all his strength.

The Beast was sent flying back. More shots fired at Shinji from behind, but with two AT Fields, he was able to cover himself effectively.

Shinji raised a single AT Field and brought it down hard on the Beast he'd hit. The creature tried to get up, to bring up own its Shield, but Shinji was faster. He brought the wall of light down upon the monster's head.

The Beast Angel howled as its faceplate was caved in. The AT Field acted almost as a blade as Shinji cleaved it down further and further. Angel blood dripped down the monsters face, the armor cracked and cut apart. Exposed Angel flesh poked out from the damaged armor, and the core was visible.

Shinji lowered the AT Field he'd used as a battering ram and unsheathed his rifle. Unit 01 brought the gun to the bleeding and downed Beast.

Even now, after the damage to its head, the monsters clawed at him attempting to fight.

Shinji emptied a clip into the exposed flesh. The Angel core shattered and luminous LCL like blood splattered to the ground.

The Beast died still trying to fight him. Hatred visible in what was left its eyes, before it crumpled to the floor beaten.

Shinji, still covering his flank with his other AT Field, turned to Asuka and the others.

…

Asuka struggled against the Beast that had tackled her.

She had been forced to drop the Heavy Hitter, and now fought to regain her footing and stand against the Angel that bore down upon her

The creature sunk its fangs into her shoulder and Asuka hissed. She felt the teeth digging into her flesh via the phantom sensations.

 _Pain is a part of life_ Asuka thought.

She let the Beast bite her deeper, letting herself be pulled by the monster, and brought a fist to its face. The Angel stumbled but refused to let go, so Asuka punched it again and again.

That was all it took, the Beast released its grip on her, and Asuka whirled. She elbowed the Angel in the chest and shoved it back, getting to her Eva to its feet.

 _I killed one of you already! Want to die again?!_ Asuka thought bitterly. She went for the Beast, ready to take this thing out with her bare hands if need be.

Shots fired nearby and Asuka shouted as her back was struck three times. The bullets dented her Eva's heavy armor and one pierced through into the flesh underneath.

Asuka wobbled uneasily. She wasn't used to being 'shot'.

"Stop cheating!" Asuka shouted. Unit 02 raised another AT Field to cover her back.

The Beast that had pinned her leaped at her again but was stopped in mid-air.

Shinji had arrived, his Eva caught the jumping Beast by the foot and whirled it around. Unit 01 tossed the Beast wide where it landed with a heavy thud.

Asuka knelt as Shinji brought his AT Field next to hers for cover.

"You okay?" he asked via the comm.

"No. I was just shot at" Asuka hissed.

The German girl calmed herself and breathed in deeply.

"Thanks... for the save" Asuka muttered softly.

Shinji looked at her through his display.

"We made a promise." the boy said.

"Yeah" Asuka admitted.

The two of them exchanged glances through the Eva's displays. This was bad, the enemy had known to form a kill zone and get them trapped in it. Though Shinji had taken one of them out, the precedent the tactic set was terrifying and they knew it.

"Shinji! I'm on the move! This thing is coming for you!" Mari's voice called into the comm suddenly.

* * *

 _Bardiel_

The infected Evangelion Unit broke its vigil and started to move.

Up in the sky, Arael did the same.

The two Angels moved in unison, both heading for the kill zone created by the Beast Angels.

Arael swerved through the air as the JSSDF sent a small fleet of aircraft on its way. The military had no hope of destroying the winged monster, but they planned to slow it down for Eva Team One.

The military pilots engaged the enemy.

Miniaturized N2 missiles flew through the air, and a hail of gunfire rattled the skyline.

Arael dodged, swerving through the sky as the shots went wide. Then the Angel dove forward and the military spread their formation, the pilots desperately trying to swerve as Arael rammed itself into the aircraft.

BOOM

Dozens of planes exploded as Arael cut through them like butter, the Angel flesh was stronger than any metal the JSSDF had. Arael turned mid-air _without_ losing any speed in a physics-defying stunt and struck again, using its own body to cut through the military formation.

One pilot, a brave soul, flew in closer and fired off a standard missile. The missile struck true and when the explosion went off Arael flinched back momentarily wounded.

Before the pilot could celebrate, a foreign object collided with his fighter jet and cleaved it too. The jet exploded in a shower of shrapnel just as the Angel below retracted an elongated arm.

Bardiel had stepped in.

With strange mutated Eva flesh Bardiel stretched its host's limbs and weaponized them. The gathered pilots changed their targets and launched a hail of gunfire at the infected Evangelion.

Bardiel opened its arm wide as if welcoming the attack. And deep within where the entry plug lay trapped, Mari screamed.

…

"Ahhh!" the imprisoned Eva pilot cried. The phantom sensations went into overdrive, and the girl curled into a ball at the feeling of bullets slamming into her torso.

Mari bit her tongue in agony and hissed.

…

Seeing that their standard issue gunfire did little damage to the infected Eva Unit, the JSSDF broke formation and scattered. Only for Bardiel to strike again, moving its limbs like whips of flesh that sharpened into jagged edges upon impact. Fighter jet after jet exploded as the formation was further decimated.

Arael recovered, and joined in to cut through any fighter that stood in their way.

More than half of the formation was destroyed and the process took less than 2 minutes.

The Angels met each other's gaze and communicated in their language. An exchange of information at the speed of thought, no verbal sounds needed.

Bardiel went on ahead. Arael stayed behind momentarily to handle the rest, the Eva Units would not be receiving any of this so-called 'air support'.

The infected Evangelion twisted and contorted, moving on all fours in some nightmarish hybrid of man and cheetah. Bardiel ran with an incredible speed that surpassed even with the Eva Units were capable of on foot.

* * *

 _Back with Eva Team One_

Shinji covered Asuka and her Eva, together they got to their feet.

"Mari! Where are you? Are you hurt?!" Shinji shouted into the comm.

 _Hey! Old Man! I could really use some help here!_ He thought frantically.

No response came. Wherever the Broken Man was, whatever he was doing, the man was preoccupied.

"Damn it" Shinji muttered under his breath.

"Don't worry about me! Worry about yourselves! This fucking thing is on the move!" Mari shouted through hisses of pain. Even through the comm unit, Shinji could tell she was in bad shape.

The boy felt his hands clench into fists again.

 _How can I not worry about you? You're my... my everything_ he thought.

"Shinji. Asuka. The Angel reactivated the host Eva's phantom sensations. Any damage it takes... Mari feels too" Misato said gravely into the comm.

Shinji lowered his eyes. He already knew. He'd known the moment he had been debriefed about her status as a prisoner.

"... How the hell do we fight it then?!" Asuka cursed.

"Try to disable its limbs or else... or else wound it quickly," Misato said struggling to come up with an answer.

Nearby, the two remaining Beast Angels circled them. One armed with a stolen rifle, the other baring its fangs.

Asuka scrambled forward with Shinji covering her, and she scooped up the fallen Heavy Hitter.

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD

The sound of thunderous footsteps in quick succession erupted onto the battleground.

Bardiel had arrived. The Angel moved with unnatural speed on all fours limbs and came to a stop just as it reached them.

The three Angels cornered Eva Team One, forcing them back and back up against a series of defensive pillars. The structures had been meant to provide the pilots cover, instead, they were being used to back them into a dead end.

Asuka breathed harshly, and Shinji brought up another AT Field to cover them completely.

Bardiel rose to a two-legged stance once again and walked forward with its arm held wide. The Angel flexed its host's mouth and smiled at them.

What once had been a weapon of the Lilin had been turned against them. Lightly armored, the Evangelion still possessed an incredible ability to take damage as well as Angel enhanced flexibility and speed to create a terrifyingly versatile enemy.

 _COME AND FIGHT ME –_ Bardiel seemed to say. The Angel welcomed them to fire, spreading its arms higher and walking at an almost comical pace.

To Shinji's horror, Asuka raised the Heavy Hitter and aimed at the infected Evangelion.

He could hear her labored breathing as Asuka struggled internally with the implications of what hitting Bardiel would mean. He could imagine Asuka's lip trembling and her fingers frozen over the trigger.

"Asuka" Shinji whimpered.

The German girl lowered the gun. The three Angels continued to circle them.

Bardiel smiled again, warped mouth twisting to mock them further.

Mari's voice emerged on the comm again.

"What are you morons doing?! Fight _back_!"

"No... no... not you... I can't" Shinji whimpered. Tears fell from the boy's eyes as the Angels grew closer.

He held both AT Fields up to cover him and Asuka, and time slowed for him. Images of Mari flashed by his mind, of their childhood, of their first date, of her hand in his, her holding him after his nightmares, of her and him... together in bed sleeping softly.

Bardiel lurched forward and raised a hand. The limb stretched to absurd lengths and shot forth cracking like a whip, the flesh sharpened into an edge moments before it struck one of Shinji's AT Field.

BANG

BANG

A Beast fired two rounds at Shinji's other shield.

"Shinji." Mari's voice called.

He couldn't look up.

"Shinji" his girlfriend pleaded.

The boy wept. Not even caring as his tears filled the comm channels. Not caring that Asuka could hear him and that the Angels were closing in on them.

 _Is this what my Other felt? To hurt the ones you love? To fail in everything you ever did?_ Young Shinji pondered.

"I can't." he hiccuped.

"You can" Mari countered through her labored breathing.

Shinji gritted his teeth, his hands trembled and tightened so much that his knuckles turned white.

THUD

THUD

THUD

Bardiel came for them in the front, to the sides the Beast Angels came, and to their back lay a wall.

 _Where is the JSSDF support?! They were supposed to help! If... if they had slowed one of them down I could have- I could... gah!_ Young Shinji thought.

"It'll be okay." Mari whispered to him sweetly.

He could imagine her sitting beside him, just like she had when they were two kids trapped in a mental ward.

"Don't be scared." Mari told him. He could hear her crying on the other side.

"Please, dummy. If you don't fight... then the Angel will kill you. You have to fight" Mari pleaded with him.

Then before he could protest... **Mari deactivated her comm unit**. The silence was bitter and cold.

Shinji looked up with hollow empty eyes, he felt dead inside as Bardiel approached with the Beast Angels.

Before Shinji could choose, Asuka chose for him. With an agonizing, frustrating, angry shout, Asuka stepped out from the cover Unit 01 gave them.

Asuka raised the Heavy Hitter, turned away from Bardiel and fired the N2 missile at the unarmed Beast coming from the left.

The missile flew through the air and hit its target.

BOOM

Shock-waves erupted in the area, windows shattered across buildings, and smoke pooled outward as a ball of fire materialized where the Beast Angel had been struck. With the power of a low grade nuclear aged atomic bomb, the Beast in question was sent flying back burned and heavily damaged.

CLANG

CRACK

THUD

The Beast hit a defensive pillar, cracked the surface and formed a crater before falling to the floor with a heavy thud.

Without wasting a second, Asuka whirled and threw the Heavy Hitter with all her strength. The Eva sized gun struck the other Beast Angel just as it raised the stolen rifle. The monsters stumbled and dropped the rifle, Asuka pulled up her Eva's pistol and fired three quick rounds.

BANG

BANG

BANG

All three shots struck the Beast in the head and sent it reeling and half blind. Asuka Langley Sohryu, the greatest of the Eva Pilots.

The German girl whirled to Bardiel handgun raised. But even the child prodigy wasn't fast enough, Bardiel moved first.

The infected Eva cracked its deformed arm out, reaching outward to slice the head off of Unit 02. Shinji moved in between them AT Field raised.

CLANG

Shinji covered Asuka for the third time.

Bardiel retracted his arm and Asuka whirled back to the Beast. The German girl fired another two rounds, each striking the monster.

Shinji stepped back as Bardiel came forward.

The infected Eva grew taller, its legs stretching themselves with each step until it had gained a third of its length in size. It stood a head taller than Eva Team One, Bardiel launched forward using its contorted limbs to yank itself across the distance.

Bardiel landed atop them even as Shinji tried to cover them with his Shield. The Angel stood atop the Eva's AT Field. Shinji tried to throw the infected Eva off his Shield, but before he could he felt something wrap around his Eva's wrists.

Shinji gasped.

Bardiel had wrapped his whip-like arms around Unit 01's wrists, and with a single tug broke them in a sickening snap.

CRUNCH

"Ah!" Shinji cried.

His arms slackened and his AT Fields disappeared. Asuka tried to cover him, to help in any way, but Bardiel lurched himself forward heading butting Eva Unit 02.

Asuka stumbled back winded.

Bardiel brought Eva Unit 01 to the ground, its feet on the Eva's chest. The Angel brought a hand up and moved to cut off 01's head.

Asuka fired her handgun blindly and struck Bardiel across his chest.

Bardiel redirected his attack and struck Asuka's Eva through the shoulder. The Angel lifted Unit 02 impaled by its wound and made to strike at the neck. The Angel knew where the 'human' Asuka was inside the Entry Plug.

Shinji heard Asuka's gasp of surprise as she realized what was happening. This was her death. Bardiel planned to cut through the Eva's neck and cleave through the entry plug itself...

 _Mari... forgive me. Please... I'm so sorry..._

Shinji let out a bloodcurdling scream and stabbed his prog knife in Bardiel's leg. The Angel stumbled, surprised at the injury.

Eva Unit 01 rose from the ground, shoving Bardiel off his chest, and sucker punched the Angel across the face.

Bardiel released Asuka and Unit 02, teeth flew from the infected Eva's mouth.

Before it could recover, Shinji moved going on the assault. He tackled Bardiel and together Angel and Eva slid across the pavement.

Whip-like arms struck his side but Shinji only grunted as he was stabbed. Warning messages flashed across his display but they weren't important. His Eva's wrists were broken but he moved them through sheer force of will.

Shinji wrapped the Eva's arms around Bardiel neck, and through the massive machine, his fingers touched the twisted and bent entry plug.

Bardiel tried to escape but Shinji pulled him back down with all his weight. Bardiel grew frantic in Shinji's hold, the creature twisted and turned fighting to break free. The boy refused to let go even as he was stabbed in his sides. The pair of titans and their dance crushed cars and left cracks along the grounds of the city.

Unit 01's fingers struggled against the barrier Bardiel had created between the entry plug and the rest of its body. But Shinji felt it... Mari. Just behind this pile of flesh and steel was Mari and by any god or divine power, by anything he believed in, he would break her out! Even if it meant ripping the entry plug by force.

Something yanked Bardiel's arm out of his side, and he glanced at the display to see that Asuka had joined him.

Unit 02 joined its partner. Asuka pulled on Bardiel's distorted limbs, freeing Shinji and letting the boy focus on his work.

Bardiel struggled against the both of them. The flesh tore and the metal began to part, the tip of the entry plug was exposed and open to the world.

 _Almost there!_ Shinji thought.

Then Shinji's world turned upside down and his fingers lost their grip on Bardiel... as the two remaining Beast Angels returned. The burned one, badly injured by the Heavy Hitter, slammed into Asuka and yanked her back prying her off of them.

The half-blind Beast tackled Shinji and his Eva before sinking its fangs deep into Unit 01's neck. Bardiel broke free of his grasp and pulled away

Asuka yelled as the power cable was ripped from her Eva Unit. The burned Beast tore it off with a snap. Weakly, the Beast tried to bare what remained of its fangs but it stumbled.

Unit 02 rose trying to finish this job before the internal power ran out, but Bardiel was quicker.

STAB

Bardiel pierced Asuka's Eva in the chest, pinning her to the ground with his whip/spear of a deformed arm.

Shinji tried to fight but Bardiel and the remaining Beast pinned him together. The boy yelled as both Angels brought their weight upon him.

The burnt Beast stumbled away from Asuka and her Eva, joining the others and adding its weight to hold down Unit 01.

 _Too many Angels! Too many for us to fight! I almost had it!_ Shinji thought frantically.

Unit 01's armor began to crack, the combined weight of three titans bore down on the plate armor. He felt his world ending, he had failed. He was just a boy beaten down by the monsters at the gate.

 _No! It's not over! Not yet!_ the boy thought.

Shinji gritted his teeth, and from within the entry plug, he raised his hands as if in prayer. He reached into the abilities that the Broken Man had shared with him. He accessed the power of the First Angel.

The boy's contact lens fell to the floor as he rose. Deep red eyes revealed, Young Shinji felt the power at his fingertips. A taste of what it felt to be Old Man Shinji.

Eva Unit 01 rose against the weight of all three Angels upon it. The monsters clung to him, forcing him down but the titan that was Unit 01 stood against their vigil. Bardiel whimpered, and the two Beast yelped as the Abomination that was Shinji Ikari got an arm free.

Energy gathered around 01's hand, and AT force erupted into existence. Not a shield, but a blade that shimmered with white light. Adam's power formed into the AT Blade.

Shinji brought the AT Blade up, his strength enough to overcome those who would stop him. First, he decapitated the burned Beast, cutting through its entire body and slicing the Angel core in two.

Next, he whirled and the last surviving Beast slammed a fist into his Eva's faceplate. The blow had no effect, and the monster felt _fear_ for the first and last time. Shinji beheaded the half-blind Beast, its head landed with an anticlimactic thud.

Lastly, Shinji turned to Bardiel.

The Angel in question leaped back, trying to escape the moment Unit 01 had stood.

A protective AT Field emerged between them and Bardiel tried to retract the arm that was pinning Asuka down.

SLICE

Shinji cut that arm off, Asuka was freed but nearly powerless. The blade didn't stop, Shinji brought it forward continuing the slash he'd started. Bardiel raised his Shield and winced as the AT Blade collided with it.

Sparks flew between the AT Field and Blade, and Bardiel _cowered_ before the boy.

BANG

Bardiel's AT Field shattered like glass and the Angel was forced back as the Blade grazed his torso. That single hit cut completely through the infected Eva's plate armor, the enhanced protrusions that acted as a second layer of defense, and the original Eva's skin leaving a deep gash in the titan.

Shinji and Bardiel both stumbled back winded. The Angel struggled to stand, having lost an arm and suffered a deep wound to the chest.

The AT Blade flickered in and out of existence. Shinji struggled to keep it materialized, using this power was incredibly difficult. Yet... it called to him. Wielding it was to have the fire of a star running through his veins. It was addictive, he wanted more of it!

His wounds were nothing to him. In this state he was unstoppable, invincible, the world would bend to his will. There was nothing he could not do.

No... that wasn't right.

Shinji let the power of the First Angel fade. His nose was bleeding again and his head throbbed like mad. This power was too hard to maintain, even with the Broken Man's help he could only handle it in short bursts. And holding it even for a moment scared him.

Asuka lay there in awe of what happened. A weapon that destroyed everything in its path.

Shinji brought the Eva into a boxer's stance panting heavily. He wheezed but continued forward as Bardiel backed away in fright.

"Shinji... above you" Asuka called into the comm weakly.

Shinji froze, and when he looked up his red eyes widened in shock.

Arael had arrived. The luminous Angel with telepathic abilities loomed over the scene, and Bardiel nodded.

"No!" Shinji shouted just as he and Asuka were struck by the unseen force.

Arael took both their minds and twisted them.

* * *

 _The Broken Man_

Old Man Shinji was pulled deeper into the Other Place. He flew through the void, tugged along by a single well-defined thread along the Angel network.

"ABOMINATION." a deep voice called.

The Broken Man gritted his teeth and fought back, he stopped himself mid-flight and tugged back.

 **Adam** was on the other end. The First Angel used the Broken Man's own trick against him. Tugging on the mark between them, tugging on their connection. The network that bonded all things Angel went haywire, it fired back and rejected both of them.

Both Adam and Old Man Shinji grunted in pain. Their cells burned like they were on fire, their bones ached, their brains throbbed, and yet both stood. Neither backed down.

Although he had been pulled 'away', the Broken Man was aware of what was happening in the Real World. He knew that Young Shinji was in trouble and that he needed to end this fast.

What the Eva pilots on the outside didn't know, was that Adam was behind all of this.

The First Angel had launched a metal attack of his own against Old Man Shinji. Adam had abused the blowback effect to weaken the Broken Man before striking at his mind from a distance. It was a truly bizarre thing to experience and one that he had not expected. The attack had been planned, built up by the Angels and the ever recovering Adam.

Their minds battled across the void, the Giant of Light in his weakened state vs the Abomination from another timeline. It was not like physical combat, it was a battle of wills.

Old Man Shinji breathed in the pain, and let himself swim in it. This mental attack was something he'd thrown off once before and so he did it again.

Adam roared and the Broken Man launched his own mental attack. The First Angel backed down, unable to hold out against their battle and the blowback effect. However powerful Adam was, the titan was still terribly weakened in his current form.

" **NO MORE** " the Broken Man said as his mind fought the Angel's.

Adam's mind was thrown back. Old Man Shinji tugged on the thread, the mark he had planted on the First Angel so long ago, and the blowback grew even worse. He was brought to his knees, but so too was Adam.

The First Angel roared in agony. In terms of raw power, Adam may have even been stronger than him, but the Broken Man had a much higher pain tolerance. He used to fighting foes vastly superior to himself. For it is not always the strongest whom wins, but the one who can endure the most.

When he was satisfied that Adam was once again too weak to pose a threat, the Broken Man broke off the assault. He released the thread that connected them.

The Broken Man turned back from within the void and returned to the boy. He had lost so much time in this pointless struggle, he only hoped he wasn't too late.

…

* * *

 ** _The Nightmare_**

Young Shinji lost all sense of time and purpose. His memory was scattered and a haze of emotions without context.

He was back in the mental ward. White, they always dressed in white. The ward staff milled about ignoring him as usual.

Dr. Page appeared beside him.

"So sorry, Shinji. Things are worse than we feared. Time to come back." Page told him.

"No" Shinji whimpered. He was a little boy again, small and afraid of a cold indifferent world.

Page smiled that infamous fake smile of hers.

"I don't want to go." the lonely little boy croaked.

The ward staff grabbed him by the arms and hauled him along kicking and screaming.

"No!" Shinji cried.

"Take your pills, Shinji" Dr. Page called in a falsely sweet tone.

"They're not medicine! They're poison! You can't make me-" the boy cried.

His mouth was pulled open by the ward staff, and red pills were shoved down his throat. He tried to fight it but the men in white forced his mouth shut. He swallowed the pills.

Mari was watching his struggle from the table they used to sit at.

He cried out to the little girl with long hair. She met his gaze and turned away from him. Then she stood up and left the ward without him, not so much as a goodbye.

"Mari!" he cried as he was dragged away.

...

They locked him in his room. He waited there for what seemed like days... until Page and a series of nurses entered. They strapped him to a table and drew blood from him.

Dr. Page and the medical team poked and prodded him, taking samples and making him take test after test. They ignored his protests and shoved him into the MRI machine again and again.

They made him draw for them no matter how much pain it caused him.

Then they strapped him to a bed again and left him in the white room.

Shinji cried and cried, struggling against the restraints. No one came. No one visited. No one _cared_.

"Mom!" the boy wept.

Yui Ikari emerged, materializing into the room to watch over him.

Weakly he looked up at her. "Please... don't leave me. Get me out of here" he begged.

The lonely little boy begged his mother to help him. To be there for him.

Yui tilted her head at him.

"No, Shinji. I have better things to do." his mother told him with a smile on her face. Her face took on a zealous glimmer and the shadow of an Evangelion emerged behind her.

"Mom..." the boy whimpered.

"It's all about the Eva, Shinji. My dream, and without it... why did I ever need you at all?" Yui said.

Gendo materialized beside her. Tall and stern, eyes hidden behind tinted glasses. His parents loomed over him on the bed, neither willing or caring enough to help. Yui smiled falsely at him, artificial and manufactured, a loving facade put on for her own ends. Gendo regarded him as a tool and nothing more.

Shinji tossed and turned, trying to break the restraints.

"We never loved you. And why should we?" his mother told him.

"Who could ever love a boy like you?" his father asked simply.

They left him there... alone in the white room strapped to a bed.

Rejected by Gendo and abandoned by Yui.

Shinji wept, body filled with thick heavy shudders. He lay there for what seemed like hours, and then the walls began to crumble. The white room faded and he sank deeper and deeper into a black void.

A litany of faces passed him by, faces of the dead. Misato, Rei, Asuka, Mari, Ritsuko... everyone he had ever cared about all turning to ash.

He landed somewhere else, a cold pavement on grounds wet with rain. When Shinji rose he found he was wearing a straight jacket, imprisoned even here.

 _I know this road_ he thought bitterly.

The ruins of an abandoned bridge loomed over him and the street. Above, the stars were gone leaving behind only a dark cold sky.

"This is where 'he' died" Shinji shuddered. He fell to his knees.

This was the grave of Shinji Ikari.

All roads lead here, didn't they? His fate, inescapable. Ever-present. He knelt there in the dark, aimless and lost until it happened.

The sky flashed and suddenly the darkness cleared as if ripped in half. A white void replaced the night sky, seeping into and bleeding into the nightmare world.

A figure dropped down from the void and landed with a soft thud beside Young Shinji.

The Broken Man grabbed him by the shoulder and hauled him up.

" **Get up, boy** "

Young Shinji looked up at the old man in ragged clothes, his eyes hollow and empty, lost to the world and all around him. The boy had given into despair.

The Broken Man grabbed the straight jacket by the collar and ripped it in two, where the fabric turned to dust and vanished. Shinji stumbled as he was freed.

" **You're not insane, Shinji. And this...** "

The Broken Man gestured to the nightmarish world around them. To the recreation of his own grave on the empty road.

" **This is my fate. My** _ **death.**_ **It doesn't have to be yours** " the Elder comforted the Younger.

Shinji whimpered and nodded struggling to even stand. The Broken Man held him not unkindly, letting the boy breathe and recover.

"I... where were you?" the boy whimpered. His voice hiccuped as he spoke. Shinji's knees buckled and the Broken Man held him tighter to stop his fall.

" **It's a long story. I was fighting Adam, our minds anyway. But I'm here now, and the others need our help.** " Old Man Shinji said softly.

"I... I can't... this... this cold- I" Young Shinji stammered. He had trouble talking, this thing that ripped his mind apart and tugged at his worst nightmares took its toll.

" **I know it's hard, boy. I've gone through this before. But I need your help. The trick to beating this is not to run away.** **If you cower you let it win, you let it break you** **. You have to face it. Swim in this pain because it's part of you. Fight back.** "

Young Shinji nodded slowly and breathed.

The Broken Man let him go.

Already, the nightmare world was threatening to regain its hold over them. Arael's twisted reality was fighting to take control and repair the damage the Broken Man had done.

" **Together** ," the Broken Man said. He reached out his hand, and Shinji took it.

The Shinji(s) closed their eyes and focused, the youth guided by the elder, and together they broke the nightmare apart. Arael's reality came crashing down around them and the Angel roared in frustration.

* * *

 _The Real World_

Young Shinji sat up inside his Entry Plug. He whirled and Unit 01 moved with him.

The Eva grabbed a rifle off the ground, previously dropped, and turned the gun to the Angel in the sky.

Shinji fired.

The bullets struck Arael mid-air and the Angel screeched. The winged creature flew back and dove for cover behind a series of buildings.

Shinji got the Eva to its feet and hurriedly span around aiming for Bardiel. He turned and turned but the infected Eva was nowhere to be found.

 _ **Bardiel is gone. He left the moment Arael got inside your mind.**_

 _Why? I thought this was about me again?_

 _ **No. This was Adam. He laid out the foundation and his children did the rest. They're going to him right now.**_

 _So all of this... what was the point of this trap?_

 _ **To incapacitate 'us'. We're a threat unlike anything the Angels have ever seen. And we fell for it.**_

"Asuka!" Shinji said aloud. He turned to see Eva Unit 02 on its back, the remains of Bardiel's arm still impaled in its chest, and motionless without its power cable.

He hurried over, glancing behind for any sign of Arael. He grabbed Bardiel's arm and yanked it out, dried Angel blood splattered to the ground, and he tossed it aside. He hauled Unit 02 up and reinserted the power cable.

"Asuka. Asuka, can you hear me?" Shinji called into the comm.

He cradled her Eva in his arms but there was no response.

 _ **She was hit by the nightmare too. It ended when you shot Arael, but she didn't have me to help her through it.**_

 _Will she live?_

 _ **Yes, but she's going need to our help. A lot of it. This will break her... I had hoped that I... that 'we' could have saved her from this fate. We failed.**_

 _I failed_

 _ **No, this one is on me. Not you.**_

"... Shin... ji..."

Asuka's weak voice sounded on the comm. The girl was crying, barely able to speak, and he heard her hiccuping as she tried to continue.

"Stay down, Asuka. You need to take it slow."

She didn't respond.

 _ **Arael is coming back.**_

Shinji whirled and aimed the rifle one-handed, and when the winged monster reemerged he fired again and struck the Angel in the torso.

Arael dived and retreated back behind the cover of the buildings. Blood dripped down from the sky where the creature had been hit.

Shinji lowered Asuka and Unit 02 back to the ground.

Together, the Shinji(s) raised Unit 01's hand.

...

Deep within the Other Place, the Broken Man's body shimmered with the white light. The glow of Adam's might.

…

When Arael emerged for another assault, another attempt to break into their minds, they were ready for him.

An unsent pulse shot outward and struck Arael. The luminous winged enemy faltered in mid-air and was sent spiraling down unable to balance itself.

It landed with a heavy crash in the distance.

 _What did you do to him?_

 _ **Gave him a taste of his own medicine.**_

… _Good._ Shinji thought bitterly.

"Shinji! Shinji!" Misato's voice called on the comm suddenly.

"Misato. I'm here"

"What happened?! You and Asuka went silent for minutes?! We thought... we-" Misato stammered frantically.

 _She thought we were dead. Minutes? How long were we in the nightmare?_

 _ **The attack messes with your mind. Your perception of time is changed.**_

"I'm alright but Asuka needs a recovery team." Shinji called back.

"We're on it. Shinji, we need you. The infected Eva is heading toward Nerv HQ." Misato said.

Shinji cursed and looked around the ruined city block where he stood. The corpses of the Beast Angels littered the grounds, and Asuka lay recovering in her powerless Eva. He didn't want to leave her here, but he couldn't take her with him.

 _Will Arael come after Asuka again?_

 _ **No. I bought us time but all of this is for Adam. They want to free him, that's the only thing that matters to them. Get going.**_

"Send me the coordinates. And launch a resupply for me I'm out of bullets." Shinji said into the comm.

He put a comforting hand on Asuka's Eva, wishing he could do more and went on without her. Misato briefed more as he ran.

* * *

 _Nerv_

Misato and Ritsuko had been evacuated along with the entire base. The two women worked from a temporary field base that had set up miles away from the Geofront where it was safe.

The JSSDF was holding a defensive perimeter around them. They had learned their lesson about trying to get too close to an Angel, even in large formations and kill zones, and so they fired artillery shells and rockets from a distance.

The military tried to slow Bardiel's advance until they could think of something. Commander Gendo Ikari seemed to have a plan but would not provide details. The man had ordered the complete evacuation of the headquarters save for himself and his sub-commander.

…

"Is she here?" Gendo asked plainly. If he was afraid, the man didn't show it.

"Rei arrived 2 minutes ago. I didn't have time to get her a plugsuit, but she's ready." Kozo Fuyutsuki answered.

"Good." Gendo said.

The leaders of Nerv stood in the empty command center. Gendo used his master override and set the stage he wanted.

He opened the walls of the base and retracted the launch pads. He removed the seals in-place on the grounds of the hangar and revealed the lower levels of the base. The classified and closed off sections of Nerv.

At the lowest level lay Lilith herself, the second Angel. One level above that was their secret labs hidden from even SEELE. Gendo laid it all open up to the third level. Two layers of protection for Lilith. Two levels of the complex still completely hidden.

"You may go now" Gendo said.

Fuyutsuki gave him a curious glance. Eva Team One had failed, and the Angel known as Bardiel was on its way. He glanced at the still active display screen and gulped at the sight.

The wounded Bardiel, missing an arm, and with a deep gash in its chest, was running towards the base at a terrifying speed. The Angel contorted and disfigured its own limbs to propel itself faster.

"Are you sure that's wise? Your plan is... incredibly dangerous." Fuyutsuki said.

"Do you think I fear death?" Gendo said with a bemused tilted of his head.

Fuyutsuki considered that but kept his answer silent.

"Go. I will handle it from here." Gendo repeated.

"A moment ago I received word that Shinji has reentered the battle. Unit 01 is active and is coming to help. Perhaps-"

"It won't be enough. He's too far and Arael will slow him down." Gendo said dismissively.

Fuyutsuki frowned but admitted defeat. "Very well, good luck... sir."

Gendo didn't watch him leave. Instead, the cold man turned his own way and took the elevator down into the deeper levels of the complex.

* * *

 _The city_

Shinji and Unit 01 ran as fast as they could. His Eva had suffered damage but the machine was already repairing itself in ways the other Units could not.

He could actually see Bardiel running up ahead in the far distance. The JSSDF were firing artillery shells and rockets to slow him down, but they had little to no effect.

Shinji raised his rifle and aimed using the enhanced vision of his new eyes. He fired a burst of rounds... and hit Bardiel in the legs.

The Angel faltered but quickly recovered, barely slowing at all.

 _It's getting hard to keep pace with him let alone catch up_ Shinji thought flustered.

He gritted his teeth and kept running.

"Mari." Shinji whispered darkly.

 _ **We have a problem. Arael is back.**_

Shinji glanced at his display and saw it. The luminous winged Angel was soaring above them again, it wobbled noticeably weakened but not defeated.

Unit 01 twisted around and fired a burst of rounds into the sky.

Arael dodged it and dived bomb, getting closer and closer, its telepathic powers reaching out.

 _Can he do his trick again?_ Shinji asked his Other nervously

 _ **Not while I'm here. No.**_

Arael tried it, and Shinji felt it. He _felt_ the unseen pulse reaching into his mind and winced as the probe or whatever it was bounced back. Deflected. So long as the Broken Man was with him, Arael could not get inside his mind.

The Angel visibly grew angry, flying with a ferocity rarely seen in the strange creatures, and dived bombed them.

Shinji fired into the Angel, scoring hits, as Arael slammed into his Eva. Together they slid across the city pavement, cars trampled in their wake. The Angel flew trying to push him back and back, it wasn't even trying to kill him anymore. Only keep him away from Bardiel.

Shinji dropped the rifle again and cursed. He let it go and brought his fist into Arael's face.

The Angel left him, soaring up into the air before he could grab it again.

 _How can I put this thing down for good?_

 _ **Hmm. Get us close. Put the Eva's hand on his face and I'll handle the rest**_

Shinji picked up the rifle and considered that. Bardiel was so far away and getting further with each passing second. He needed to finish this fast.

Arael maneuvered backward and forward, circling overhead and daring Shinji to fire at him. It wanted him to waste his ammo. With its telepathy rendered useless by the Broken Man, the Angel could only stall Shinji.

So Shinji ignored the Angel above him and kept after Bardiel. The Angel soared after him from above, furious in its approach.

Eva Unit 01 fired shot after shot and they struck Arael. The Angel flinched but took the shots as it dived again.

Shinji stopped in his tracks and instead of fighting the attack, he went into it. The Eva leaped into the air with all its considerable strength behind the jump.

Arael tried to move out of the way but Shinji was faster. Unit 01 slammed into Arael mid-air and Shinji grabbed the Angel by its wings. Together, two titans tumbled to the earth and sent a shower of dirt and pulverized pavement into the air.

The Angel tried to escape his grasp but Shinji held on. It batted its wings against him and brought its beak like face to his chest trying to cut away at him.

"Ack!" Shinji grunted.

He tackled the Angel and brought into the wall of a defensive pillar. The wall cracked as the two of them collided with it. Then Shinji pinned its face to the remains of the pillar, he put all his Eva's weight behind them move.

Arael struggled and struggled, but in this 'smaller' form than its original one, it simply didn't have the strength to escape the Eva's grasp.

" **I can see your soul, Arael** " the Broken Man said harshly.

…

 _The Other Place  
_ _Where souls had physical form._

The Shinji(s) stood in the white void... along with Arael.

" **This is too much for you. Stay back, boy.** "

Young Shinji did as asked even as Arael roared. The soul of the Angel came for them, and the Broken Man moved to meet it from within the white void.

Soul combat.

Old Man Shinji's skin lit up. Pure white light flashed from underneath his skin. His veins flickered with the power of the First Angel, a shining light that illuminated his skeleton and revealed fractured and dented bones, scars upon scars revealed.

The outline of a Giant of Light materialized and loomed over the Broken Man, encasing him in an armor of an Angel the size of an Evangelion.

The soul of Arael came charging forward but faltered before the power in front of it.

The Broken Man moved and the outline of the Giant moved with him. The Giant of Light struck the soul of Arael and the Angel was sent hurling back. Its soul flickered in and out of existence from the hit.

Arael tried to recover but the Broken Man was faster. The materialized Giant of Light grabbed ahold of Arael's soul in a death grip and held him close.

The Broken Man stepped forward and plunged his hands directly inside the living soul of the Angel.

Arael panicked, its soul desperately trying to escape.

" **Twice now, you've hurt my sister. This is for her.** " the Broken Man said.

Old Man Shinji ripped Arael's soul apart from the inside with his bare hands. In a flood of light, the Angel's soul fell apart. A wave of broken pieces of light scattered like ashes in the Other Place.

The true death, the death of the body, mind, and soul.

…

 _The Real World_

Arael's body crumpled and died.

Young Shinji let the corpse fall from his grasp.

"Misato, the air based Angel is down. I'm heading back to base" Shinji reported into the comm.

 _Just hold on Mari_ the boy thought desperately.

Eva Unit 01 left the corpse behind and continued running for the Nerv HQ.

* * *

 _Nerv_

Bardiel reached the human base of operations with no resistance. The Angel found the Geofront unprotected and its walls lowered.

The infected Evangelion reached the launchpads for the Eva pilots and dropped down one ready for anything.

THUD

Bardiel was surprised to find no defenses of any kind. Zeruel had breached this base before, surely they would have prepared for something similar.

It didn't matter.

The other launchpads and been retracted, revealing levels of Nerv below and deep into the ground.

Bardiel reached out into the Angel network and felt the pull of his father down there. A lay line of power that radiated off of Adam.

The Angel leaped down without hesitation. The fall took minutes.

Bardiel landed in a strange chamber big enough even for an Evangelion to maneuver in. The rooms had ceilings tall enough for him to stand at full height with space to spare.

The Angel continued onward, searching for his father. Part of Bardiel was concerned that his missing arm and gash in his chest had never healed. Whatever the Abomination had done to him, it seemed permanent.

Bardiel grew closer and closer, moving through narrow hallways until _something_ called out to him in the dark.

 _ **Child... I hear you.**_

Bardiel paused. The Angel tilted its head.

 _LILITH?_ Bardiel questioned through the Angel language. A speech that worked via the network that connected all their kind in a series of channels. It was completely non-vocal, transference of pure thought.

 _ **You know my name. What is yours?**_

Bardiel reached out and felt the Second Angel even deeper below them. Adam was of greater importance.

The infected Evangelion moved forward ignoring the call of its elder and searching for its father.

 _ **Bardiel. Your name is Bardiel. -**_ Lilith spoke.

The Angel in question froze again.

IGNORE HER. - Adam called via the Angel network.

Bardiel rose, after so long the call of its father pleased it.

 _ **Why do you act this way?**_ Lilith called to him.

Bardiel ignored the call of Lilith.

 _ **What you are doing is wrong.**_ Lilith told him.

Bardiel kept onward. If Adam required her, then he could find her as well, but for now, it was irrelevant.

 _ **My parents would be ashamed of you**_

Lilith's words made Bardiel stop once again. The Angel faltered, then shook its head and continued down the chamber.

* * *

When Bardiel reached his father it had not been what he was expecting.

A single Lilin awaited him in the dimly lit room. The room itself was again massive, large enough Eva Units to move in. And in that feeble creature's hands... was the Adam sample.

Gendo Ikari stood calmly and in his hand was the Adam sample imprisoned inside its container. The frozen dura-bakelite had been removed. Below at Gendo's feet lay a large metal box.

In his other hand, the director of Nerv had a trigger. It was a dead man switch rigged up to the largest N2 mine Gendo had been able to procure.

Bardiel grew closer and took in the sight of the lone human. Adam was moving weakly, injured from its mental battle with the Abomination. Even in his weakened form, a bundle of cells resembling a human embryo, the First Angel was a sight to behold.

"I know you can understand me" Gendo called suddenly.

Bardiel hissed with the deformed mouth of the host Eva Unit. It was still missing teeth from where Shinji had sucker punched him.

The Angel raised its remaining arm and began contorting it into a whip. Yet Bardiel never struck, the attack never came.

Gendo met the Angel's gaze without hesitation. Eyes hidden behind tinted glasses, the man stepped forward.

"You know what this is," Gendo said gesturing to the bomb at his feet.

Bardiel made no reply yet still did not attack.

"You can't be sure if Adam could survive it or not. He's terribly weakened. There's a chance that he wouldn't survive the blast. That he wouldn't be able to regenerate."Gendo said calmly.

The man spoke as if lecturing a rather bothersome student who refused to listen. An Angel brought low by a mere man.

Bardiel slammed its mutated arm down to the ground, the blow smashed into the floor several feet from where Gendo stood.

"An empty threat." Gendo called coldly.

Bardiel hissed down at him, red eyes shining in the dimly lit room.

KILL HIM - Adam commanded.

Gendo was oblivious to it. He understood more about the Angels that perhaps even SEELE, but even he did not know their language.

Bardiel glared down at the director of Nerv. Put in check by a human, it made him furious.

The two, the Angel and the Man, stared each other down for minutes in silence. Gendo did not budge and the Angel did not back down.

RELEASE ME! - Adam called finally.

Bardiel gazed longing at his father, at this pale imitation of what once had been the most powerful being in the universe.

THUD

THUD

Footsteps echoed behind Gendo and the man allowed himself a small smirk.

Eva Unit 00 emerged into the room with them. **Rei had arrived.**

The pale skinned girl sat in the entry plug, hospital gown sticking to her skin, and watching the scene with tired eyes.

Rei had not come unarmed. In one hand, her Eva held another Heavy Hitter with an N2 missile locked and loaded, and in the other... the Spear of Longinus.

Bardiel snapped to attention staring at the Spear in Unit 00's hand.

"Rei" Gendo ordered.

Eva Unit 00 raised a hand and Bardiel instinctively brought up an AT Field.

Rei hurled the Spear of Longinus at Bardiel.

The Angel's eyes widened and it leaped back moments before the Spear broke through the field like paper. Bardiel wrapped its arm around the Spear's hilt and swerved just in time to avoid the tip.

Rei fired the Heavy Hitter.

This time, Bardiel was hit. The missile struck the Angel in the lower torso and a brilliant bright fireball erupted into existence. A shock wave reverberated around the chamber and the walls, dozens of meters of thick steel and concrete cracked from the force of it.

Bardiel disappeared in a cloud of smoke, fire, and sheer destructive force. The Angel became a silhouette in the blast.

Rei raised an AT Field around herself and Gendo. Together, they stood protected from the chaos of destruction that bounced from wall to wall of the chamber.

The ceiling cracked above and debris fell from up high. The stone and metal clanged off of Rei's AT Field and slid to the grounds of the Nerv level.

When it was done, Bardiel lay burned and badly disfigured. Only Zeruel had had the armor to take such a blast with no damage.

…

From within the trapped Entry Plug of the infected Eva, Mari coughed up blood.

The 17-year-old prisoner felt bones break and blood fill her eyes and mouth.

She shook from the blunt force of the explosion _and_ the phantom sensations that ensured she felt every inch of scorched flesh Bardiel suffered.

The rubble and debris landed atop Bardiel, and Mari twitched as she felt the impacts. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't speak, all she knew was the agony of existence.

…

When the debris stopped falling, Rei lowered the AT Field.

Gendo examined the damage done.

Bardiel lay covered in burns and rubble, yet the Angel was not dead. N2 weapons could only hurt and slow an Angel, never kill them.

Rei tossed the Heavy Hitter aside. It was no longer needed.

With a low hiss, Bardiel made to get up. The rubble shifted and the dust scattered as the Angel moved its weak and wounded body. What remained of the plate armor was melted to the skin underneath the Eva, its eyes were blackened out from burns, and its skin smoked from the blast.

"Rei. Finish it." Gendo commanded.

Eva Unit 00 stepped over him and went to Bardiel and the heap of rubble. Rei placed a single boot over Bardiel's chest and pinned him.

The Angel was too weak to fight her off.

Rei brought the Eva's hand down and picked up the Spear of Longinus, dropped during the explosion and half buried by debris.

She brought the Spear up and loomed over Bardiel's weakened and fearful body.

…

Inside the Entry Plug, Mari watched on through the lone functional display.

Mari saw Rei standing over her and Bardiel with the Spear in hand. Her eyes were filled with blood and she felt the pale girl's boot over her chest via the phantom sensations.

"... Rei" Mari wheezed.

…

"Mari..." the pale skinned girl whispered.

Rei did as she was ordered. She brought the Spear of Longinus down on Bardiel, the strange weapon cut through the Angel's chest with ease. The Spear pierced all the way through and struck the Angel core deep inside.

Bardiel died with a whimper. The protrusions of flesh withered and faded, the infected Evangelion's blackened eyes closed for good.

Rei grabbed the Spear by the hilt and pulled it free, luminous Angel blood seeped out from the corpse.

Gendo nodded his approval then turned to go.

"Sir" Rei called.

Gendo paused, his back to her.

"... what about the pilot?" Rei asked softly. The girl spoke in a low murmur, quieter than ever before. A hesitation in her tone, one that the director of Nerv noticed.

Gendo considered that.

"What about her?" the man asked simply.

"She is... important to the Third Child. She is an Eva pilot." Rei said slowly.

"Leave her. A recovery team will extract her if she is still of use" Gendo answered. Then without another word, the director of Nerv went on his way taking the Adam sample and the bomb with him.

Rei lingered, looming over Bardiel's corpse with her head hung low, before she followed after Gendo with the Spear in hand.

* * *

 _The surface of the Geofront_

Eva Unit 01 reached the headquarters to find it empty. The base had been evacuated just like Misato had said.

"Mari!" Shinji shouted into the comm. He wasn't sure if she could still hear him or not, she had deactivated the comm when he and Asuka had been backed into a corner. Knowing her, she hadn't wanted to him to hear her screams as they fought. But he knew that every wound he had given Bardiel he also passed to Mari, the _pain_ of it if not the actual injury.

That guilt ate away at him.

He hurried across the grounds of the base.

 _ **Shinji. Bardiel is dead.**_ The Broken Man stirred suddenly.

Shinji stopped in his tracks.

"... how?" the boy asked.

 _ **I'm not sure. He lingered for a time and then he died. It was a few minutes ago.**_

 _What could have killed him? I... Rei? No, she's in hospital._ Shinji thought. He considered the possibility that Gendo would deploy an injured Rei for combat and decided that the man was very much capable of doing just that.

He scowled.

A new voice emerged on the comm unit, broadcast on all Nerv frequencies.

"This is Commander Ikari. The last Angel has been neutralized. All emergency staff is to begin taking aid delivery measures and assess damages." Gendo's voice sounded off. Cold and empty, a man reading out a report and nothing more.

"All other units await further instructions." the director of Nerv finished. Then, the comm channel died.

Shinji blinked at the last statement and shook his head. He continued onward ignoring that last comment.

Shinji found the launchpads open with no damage. That confused him, had Bardiel not broken them to get inside?

Further inside the Hangar, Shinji found all the other launchpads retracted. He could see a clear path to very deepest levels of Nerv.

And more... Shinji could see the ruins of something below down the shaft of the retracted launchpads.

...

He dropped down the entryway and landed with a heavy thud. Eva Unit 01 made its way down the corridors and the massive chambers until he found it.

The ruins of an explosion in a massive chamber, big enough for an Eva, and there on the grounds under a heap of debris and rubble... lay the corpse of Bardiel.

Shinji rushed forward his heart pounding every step of the way. Whatever had happened here had been big, a battle? An explosion of some kind?

Shinji pulled the corpse of Bardiel out of the debris and gasped at the state of the formerly infected Eva. The mangled and blackened skin, the utterly destroyed eyes, the hole in its chest... and the melted armor.

"Mari!" the boy cried.

He turned the corpse over and cut through its neck with the Eva's fingers. He grasped the metal tube and pulled the Entry Plug free, placing it on the ground.

"This is Shinji Ikari calling on. I need help! Send a medical team!" Shinji shouted into the comm not caring if everyone heard the order. Not caring that he was still a child and under no position to give orders at all.

Distantly he heard someone confirm his call. Misato maybe? He wasn't sure and at that moment he didn't care.

The entry plug was dented and smoking, with no working release mechanism. Unit 01 grasped the metal tube, and gently Shinji pried open the container. The metal came undone with a harsh screech, and a lone figure was revealed inside.

Shinji issued the command to his Eva and he safety ejected his Entry Plug. The Eva knelt as Shinji stepped outside and climbed his way down to the ground.

"Mari!" the boy cried as he ran to the girl below.

He reached into the broken Entry Plug and scooped his girlfriend into his arms.

Her face was covered in blood, her leg was bent unnaturally, and her skin was pale. She was light as a feather in his arms, cold to the touch, a broken shell of the girl he'd known.

Shinji cradled her close whispering her name, pleading for her to be okay. Still, empty, bloodshot eyes were his only response. He wept at the body in his arms. He ran a hand through her long hair and found it burnt and stiff.

That was how the medical and recovery teams found them, a boy cradling his girlfriend.

* * *

 **A lot of action for a chapter, but it is much more "character-based".**  
 **Hope there wasn't too much going on this chapter. The pacing has become an issue in this part of the story.**

 **We had Shinji and Asuka, Shinji and Mari (poor Mari), Rei and Mari.**  
 **Young Shinji using the Adam power, the Broken Man and Shinji, and the nightmares of Young Shinji. However much the boy has grown, he's still a pretty messed up kid.**

 **Arael and the Broken Man.**  
 **Bardiel and Shinji, Lilith, Adam, and Gendo.  
**

 **What did you think?  
I doubt people saw 'that' coming with Mari and Rei.**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!**


	36. Aftermath

**Hey guys, back again.  
Thanks to all the new readers and the kind reviews, I really do appreciate all the feedback. Sincerely.**

 **This is not as action-packed as the previous chapter. This is more about the characters after the 'event'. This takes place almost immediately after the last chapter.  
More drama and character moments this time than pure plot. Hope you enjoy.**

 **Here's Chapter 36 'Aftermath'.**

* * *

 _"The adults tried to hide the truth from me. They didn't want me to see her... and when I finally did I understood why. I didn't agree with them, but I understood. It was never right, the Eva programs. They put us in these machines and made us fight monsters. They brought us into a life that would break even adults._

 _Misato started to realize that, but by then we were already too far into the program to stop. And my Other and I had a job to do._

 _I made my choice, I know it was selfish, but she was my everything."_

 _\- Shinji Ikari_

* * *

 _Tokyo-03_

Misato held the comm unit tightly and spoke in a concerned frightened tone.

"You have her? Report?"

The recovery team leader on the other end of the channel responded, "her Eva is still too drained to move. Not enough power. We're gonna have to send for it later and-"

"The _pilot._ I don't give a damn about the Eva right now." Misato cut in curtly.

"… yes ma'am. The Second Child is unresponsive. She doesn't appear to have many physical wounds, she seems to have gone mute, however. I- I don't know what caused it." the team leader said.

…

 _The Entry Plug of Eva Unit 02_

Asuka Langley Soryu lay in the harness of her Eva's cockpit, limply watching with fragile eyes as the metal tube's bay doors were manually opened by the recovery team. Specialized equipment had been deployed to extract her from the Eva, the men and women peered inside and shined a light on her.

She didn't respond.

"Hello." a woman called.

"Hey, are you hurt? Can you move?" another man said.

The team leader, an older man with years of EMT experience shook his head and turned back to the comm unit.

"Captain Katsuragi, the girl's gone mute. Shock, I think. We're gonna get her out." the man said.

Asuka flinched and recoiled from the women as they unbuckled her safety harness and yanked her out, weakly she stirred as they pulled her from the Entry Plug.

Her eyes were wide, dry tears trailing down her face. She was aware of the world and yet at the same time lost to it.

The Nightmare had seemed so real… had it been real? No, the logical part of her mind knew that it must have been fake… it had let her go…

Asuka hiccuped with twinges of pain rippling across her chest, and she felt her mind itself shudder. Like a scar in her very consciousness, a wound in her brain tissue that was leaking into her soul. It ate at her, a lingering phantom pain that she couldn't push away.

Shinji had stopped it, but it wasn't over. It just… wasn't. Fresh tears found their way into her eyes and she blinked in surprise.

The medics looked her over, and a kind man tried to comfort her, but she never quite heard him…

Throughout the entire recovery process, she only uttered a single word.

"Shin… ji"

* * *

 _Deeper levels of Nerv._

The 14-year old boy held the stiff and cold body in his arms. He cradled the mangled mess of flesh close. Bloodshot eyes met his gaze back, but there was no light behind the eyes.

No sign that she was even breathing at all.

Mari's hair was burnt and singed along with part of her body, blackened and torn up fabrics left over from her plug suit clung to her skin like some twisted shroud. Dried blood ran down her face, once so beautiful, now a canvas of bruises and burns.

Shinji couldn't say when the recovery team arrived.

Couldn't say how they greeted or identified him. All he knew was that several medics were suddenly in his reality and that they were talking, asking questions that he couldn't hear.

The team leader, a woman in her early thirties, put a finger to her comm unit.

"We found them. The boy is alright… given… well… _him._ " the woman said. She glanced down at Shinji and his deep red eyes.

"The girl… we're calling in a medical airlift." the team leader continued.

Shinji sat lost to the world, cradling Mari close, eyes aimless and never leaving the girl in his arms.

"Hey, kid. You have to let her go now."

"We can take it from here. I know it's hard but let go."

The recovery team tried to move him, but he didn't budge. The team leader knelt beside him and put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

 _ **Shinji. You have to let them do their job.**_ The Broken Man stirred.

Young Shinji blinked and tilted his head up.

The projected mental image of Old Man Shinji emerged into existence in front of him. His Other looked tired and worn out, somehow older than before, distantly in some corner of his mind that found excuses not to think about Mari, he wondered what kind of toll the Adam power took on them.

The Broken Man knelt down with him, eyes hollow but with a flicker of something the boy had never seen before.

Compassion? Guilt? Somber acceptance? He couldn't say.

" **Let her go, boy. They can help.** "

One of the medics shifted, reaching for something in her jacket, and without meaning to she interrupted the mental projection. The Broken Man flickered for the briefest second, the medic going through the image of the elderly man multiple times as she moved.

The illusion stayed, and the Broken Man leaned in to visibly glance down at Mari.

A medic shined a light in Shinji's eye, and though he involuntarily followed it, the image of the Broken Man never vanished. It was so strange, the people moved right through the old man, yet the projection remained regardless of the real word.

 _I- I can't. Mari-_ the boy thought.

Young Shinji held his girlfriend in his arms and found his hands frozen. Was he in shock? Maybe. All he knew was that he couldn't move. His reality was a confused mess of contradicting emotions and sensations.

 _You're right. She needs help… they can help her_ the boy thought.

His hands trembled, and though he wanted to hand her off to the medics he found that he couldn't. Like a signal that would not reach its target, his body trembled unable to act. He had frozen.

 _ **Sit this out. I can do this for you.**_

The Broken Man leaned in and took control.

"The airlift is on its way. Hit the boy with a sedative if you have to-" the team leader was saying, sighing with a somber understanding as she gave out orders.

" **I'm fine. Here."** the Other Shinji said quietly. The recovery team blinked in surprise as the boy stood, suddenly awakened from whatever had taken hold of him.

The team leaders moved to take her from him, but the boy politely declined.

" **Where do you want her?** "

"The stretcher" the team leader responded, the group had already prepared the transport gear for the incoming airlift.

Other Shinji held Mari in his arms with ease, standing tall and somber as he laid her on the stretcher whilst the medics strapped the girl in.

He gestured at the wreckage around them saying, " **she was in the infected Eva.** **From the looks of it, she was hit with an N2 missile. Low to mid-range nuclear yield force equivalent. The machine took most of the damage but it's not perfect.** "

The team leader glanced at him in surprise.

" **She suffered limited burns. The rest of the damage is from the force, internal bleeding is likely.** " the Other Shinji continued.

He played his role, moving his head side to side as if snapping back into some haze. Playing the shell-shocked victim and providing a cover for his younger self.

The recovery team examined their patient on the stretcher and found much of the same conclusions.

 _Thank you… I… can we go with her on the airlift._ The boy stirred weakly.

 _ **I'll ask.**_

" **Hey** … **can I go with you on the airlift?"** the Other Shinji asked, he brought the boy's voice low and quiet, more of a murmur.

"Sorry, kid. It's against protocol." the woman answered him.

The team hoisted Mari up and sent her on her way via lift, the Shinji(s) watched her go. A helicopter would be on the surface of the Geofront waiting for her.

"Kid, let us look you over. You might-" the woman began.

" **Just scrapes and bruises, nothing I can't handle.** " the Other Shinji said, shrugging off the medics.

The boy with the unnerving red eyes gestured to Eva Unit 01 kneeling over them all and said: " **I gotta get 01 back to the hangar.** "

The remaining medics watched the boy go on his way, re-inserting the entry plug and piloting the Evangelion among the wreckage. The team leader shook her head, she felt for the poor kid, probably just needed something to keep his mind off things.

* * *

 _Later_

Rei Ayanami sat in her apartment bedroom, freshly showered and changed out of the hospital gown she'd been sporting for days. She had returned Eva Unit 00 to the hangar as Gendo had ordered and been relieved of duty. The only Eva pilot cleared to leave as of yet.

She had returned home wordlessly, Gendo having praised her on the operation. Yet she had not cared, and for perhaps the first time in her life she had drowned out his words.

The pale skinned girl sat alone in her apartment, SDAT player in her lap, headphones in her ears, and cycling through various tracks.

Rei cradled the little music player close to her chest, her fingers tightened around the metal frame, Shinji's gift to her, and her lips trembled.

 _Shinji…_ she thought.

Rei raised the volume on his SDAT player, and the machine did its job, playing back an audio file as the girl tried to ignore her feelings.

She failed.

Tears formed in her red eyes. Memories of the incident played back in her mind, memories of her pulling the trigger. Rei remembered every second of it, the fireball that had engulfed Bardiel, of bringing the Spear down on the infected Eva and Mari.

The finger that had pulled the trigger shook and the tremor spread to the rest of her hand.

Rei hiccuped and let the SDAT player fall to her bed, where she slumped down head held low, crying softly.

The girl wept for the first time in her entire life, the only tears she had ever shed in all the memories she could access. Her body shook, and she let out low harsh breathes as she cried.

Tears slid down her cheek and landed atop the still playing SDAT player. Rei tried to fight it, Gendo did not allow weakness, and found that she couldn't.

She raised the volume louder, trying to drown out the sound of her sobs, but she found the player already at its max setting.

Rei grew angry at the little machine and raised a hand to throw it against the wall… then stopped.

It had been a gift from _him._ From her only friend.

Her lips trembled, and she lowered her hand, curling up into a ball on her bed. She cried softly into the sheets, hiding away from the world and drowning it out with the SDAT player.

"He will never forgive me... he will hate me... " Rei whimpered into her sheets, wrapping her arms around herself and clutching the gift to her heart.

* * *

 _The Geofront_

Other Shinji walked to the encampment of Nerv staff and personnel, the series of tents that had been set up during Bardiel's assault and the evacuation of the complex. Eva Unit 01 was back in its launchpad and he had wanted to check in with the others.

Ritsuko was outside her work tent, cigarette in hand when she spotted him. The doctor put out her smoke and moved to meet him just outside the encampment.

 _Is that… which are you? The boy or the man?_ Ritsuko's expression seemed to say.

Other Shinji stared at her unblinkingly, solemn and silent.

 _Oh… the Other._ Ritsuko seemed to say.

"What happened?" Ritsuko asked.

" **Mari was hit with an N2 missile. Angel's dead, but the girl's in bad shape.** " Other Shinji answered simply.

Ritsuko shook her head in dismay. The scientist in her ran the number in her head, the Evangelion Units were incredibly durable, but they were never designed as nuclear bunkers. Bardiel had somehow enhanced the Unit he had infected, but even that wouldn't have been enough.

" **What happened on your end?** " Other Shinji asked.

Ritsuko blinked at him. It was unnerving talking to the Broken Man, something she was still getting used to.

"I used the emergency rig. The Entry Plug was ejected, and the power was cut off." Ritsuko said.

She went over the events at the testing site, telling him about how she had used the emergency rig she'd set up last minute, of how it had seemed to work at first. How Mari had been ejected and how the power had been cut, of how Bardiel had drawn power from something else, of a 'light' that had shinned in the Angel's eyes before he whirled to catch the Entry Plug mid-fall and take Mari hostage.

Throughout it all, the Other Shinji listened carefully, deep red eyes unreadable.

...

Young Shinji winced from deep within the Other Place listening to Ritsuko's tale. The boy sat glumly at the corner of the bridge between him and his Other.

He stared at his hands, the phantom weight of his girlfriend ever-present.

...

"You know something. Don't you?" Ritsuko questioned curiously.

" **Yes.** " the Other Shinji said, then he gestured behind the doctor.

People were starting to notice that he had arrived at the encampment, Nerv personnel that had only heard vague reports that all five Angels had been stopped. That Mari had been critically injured and was being airlifted to a hospital at top priority, that the headquarters had been breached for a second time, that he 'Shinji Ikari' was the only pilot currently combat operational.

Some stared at him, the boy had dropped his contact lens in the entry plug, and the deep red eyes that he had returned with from his Eva were open to the world. The boy was covered in scrapes and bruises, with Mari's dried blood staining his plug suit.

It made an unnerving sight that startled many an adult.

Ritsuko did her part, she reached out to him pretending to be examining him as a cover for their earlier conversation.

Misato came rushing out of a Nerv tent and sprinted for him calling out his name. She looked just as tired as Ritsuko, and almost hugged him but stopped at the sight of him.

"Shinji! Is that- are you hurt-" Misato stammered in a panicked voice, her finger was reaching for the comm unit ready to call in a medical team or another airlift if she had to.

" **It's not my blood.** " Other Shinji said eerily quiet.

He played his part, acting upon the role of a victim in shock, sounding distant and not altogether 'there' in the world.

Misato watched him carefully, concern etched across her face.

Young Shinji reached a hand out and his fingers shook at red stains on his Plug Suit.

"It's hers…" the boy croaked weakly, eyes lost and shaking as he spoke.

Misato stared at the blood on Shinji's hand and uniform. She went to him and embraced him reassuringly.

"I'm sorry, Shinji. It'll be okay, I promise" Misato whispered into his ear.

The boy leaned into her embrace, not caring that he was being watched. The crowd that had gathered began to disperse. They were curious, scared, and anxious but this display reminded them that even if Shinji was an Eva Pilot, he was also a teenager. A kid, really.

Misato pulled him back to let him breathe, and she placed comforting hands on his shoulder, looking him up and down. She took in the sight of his cuts and bruises, and how disturbingly uncaring the boy was to them.

"Do you know where they took her? Where is she? How is Mari doing? No one will tell me." the boy stammered.

Misato frowned heavily, he could tell she was trying to find the right words. He could read people much better now, and he knew she was trying to be reassuring, trying to be the closest thing to a mother he had, but right now… he just wanted the truth.

"We don't know any more than you do, Shinji." Ritsuko answered suddenly.

Misato snapped a harsh glance at her friend, and Shinji took that in.

His feet grew unsteady and he almost fell, but the Broken Man held his legs firm. Misato grabbed ahold of him at the same time, embracing him again.

"She'll get the best care. That's all we can hope for right now." Ritsuko continued, and Misato gave her another harsh look.

"I'll let you know as soon as I get an update. I'm sorry, Shinji… just… hey come on we need to get you checked out." Misato answered.

"I'm fine" Young Shinji said, repeating with his Other had told the medics. So, he had a few bumps and bruises, who cared? Mari was… she was dying-

He couldn't finish the thought. He felt like vomiting, and again the Broken Man held it in for him. He wasn't like his Other… he wasn't strong.

 _ **It's not about being weak. You're human.**_

He let Misato pull him off gently by the hand, she walked him to the medical tent away from the still smoking Ritsuko.

"Ritsuko didn't have to be so blunt. I'll talk to her-"

"No. I wanted the truth. And she gave me that." The boy answered in a whisper.

Misato shook her head in frustration, guiding him into the tent.

" **Where's Asuka?** " the Other Shinji asked, no one else had.

"In the tent. She's fine, just in shock." Misato said haggardly.

The moment they entered, Shinji saw her.

Asuka sat propped up against a tent wall, eyes distant and wide. Her face had been cleaned, the medics had been taking care of her, but she wasn't all right and Shinji could see it. She was still in her Plug Suit, just as he was, and she didn't look up as they came in.

Misato got a medic to look him over, once Shinji was bandaged and given some antibiotics, they told him to lay down with the others. Misato hovered over him the entire time, arms crossed and grim-faced.

Shinji glanced Asuka's way, but the German girl didn't look up.

Misato's comm unit went off, and his guardian walked off to take the call. She chatted with the person on the line, and Shinji overhead her being called away for some duty or other.

"I'll be fine. Just go" Shinji told her when she looked at him.

Misato paused, she didn't want to leave him here, but her work was pulling her away. She patted him on the shoulder saying, "I'll come back for you, and then we can see about going home."

Shinji nodded, watching her go.

The boy sat in the bed the medics had set up in the tent, lost to the world, and barely noticing as people came and went.

He felt a tug, and the boy gladly gave control over. He didn't want to think at times like this.

The Other Shinji rose from the bed and walked over to join Asuka.

The German girl looked up at him with wide uncertain eyes.

" **Asuka. How are you holding up?"**

The girl in the red plug suit watched with him distance eyes, blinkingly softly, and she curled into herself seeming to shrink from the world.

" **I'm sorry that Misato didn't check on you more. She's busy, and everyone is dealing with a lot right now.** "

Asuka shook her head, trying to hide her tears.

The Other Shinji took a seat beside her. He would not force her to talk unless she wanted to.

Eva Team One, paired together so long ago. Friends for lack of a better word in her mind, and so much more in the Broken Man's view. Red and blue, their blood-stained plug suits stood in stark contrast to the white medical tent.

"… do you feel it?" Asuka asked suddenly. The first words she'd spoken since being picked up by the recovery team.

The Other Shinji turned to face her, her eyes were glued to the floor, and her lips trembled as she spoke.

"… up here" the girl whimpered and brought a hand to her forehead.

" **Yes.** " Other Shinji answered softly.

Asuka avoided his gaze. She let out a heavy breath and shuddered.

She sat there breathing quietly, and the Broken Man let her. He didn't push her, he did nothing besides sit with her, letting her take her time.

"You- I-… you" Asuka stammered suddenly.

The Broken Man turned to look at her, deep red eyes waiting patiently.

Asuka lifted her head and slowly turned to face him. A stark contrast to the near comate girl from before.

"You left me" she said in barely a whisper.

The Broken Man considered that. During the Angel's trap, the kill zone, the boy had made her promise to stay together. That they would not separate no matter what. A promise that had reassured her in their darkest moments, when they had backed into a corner with the Beasts and Bardiel closing in.

And the thing was… the Shinji(s) had left her. After they had broken Areal's Nightmare, they had had to leave Asuka behind. Bardiel had been racing towards Nerv and the safety of the world had been at hand

So, they had been forced to leave her in the ruins of the city block and call a recovery team for her.

"You left me" Asuka parroted, the words come out harsher than before. A piercing whisper that cut at him like she had yelled.

" **I didn't want to. But I had to. Asuka-** " the Broken Man began.

"You. Left. Me." Asuka breathed.

She stared at him unblinkingly. Expression unreadable, in shock, distant and confused, angry, sad, all of the emotions jumbled together in a tangled mess that shined through her eyes.

"You promised… you said… 'we stay together' and you left me"

" **I'm sorry** " the Broken Man told her softly. He never looked away, not once. If she was angry with him that he let her be angry with him. Deep red eyes of his that never shied away from anything.

Asuka turned from him. Lost to the world again, she sat with her head in her hands.

The Broken Man brought a hand to her, slinging an arm over her in a half hug that startled her. She twitched, moving to push him away.

" **It wasn't real, Asuka."** The Broken Man said suddenly.

Asuka's hand fell and she let herself be held by him.

" **I'm sorry for leaving you. Truly, I am. If I could have stayed, I would have. But I promise you, it wasn't real. The** _ **Nightmare**_ **."** The Broken Man said gently.

Asuka shuddered at the mention of Arael's wrath. But she didn't push him away.

" **It hurts… I know it does. People will tell you that it'll go away, they're wrong. It doesn't, it lingers like a scar. Like ashes in your mouth. But scars** _ **fade**_ **with time. So, do whatever you have to do, cry, shout, whatever you think will help. Just don't wall yourself off, that doesn't help anyone.** "

Asuka took in his words and let him sit beside her, slowly she leaned on his side. Letting him hold her up. They didn't talk much after that.

* * *

 _Hours Later  
Night._

The news reports flashed by screen after screen across the city. People watched, from the ever-decreasing comfort of their homes, huddled around in bars, or else listened from their car radios in eerie silence.

"Nerv is referring to the incident as 'The Five Angel Crisis'. An unprecedented moment in the entire Evangelion program's history. The JSSDF is still counting the men and women lost during their endeavor to bring air support. One Eva Pilot is said to be in critical condition, and their name is being withheld for safety reasons. We here at channel-"

And

"Criticism has been laid at the response times from Nerv and the JSSDF. Rumors abound that the organizations are meeting with city and state officials to discuss what went wrong."

Or else

"- civilians were drawn into a crossfire when a single Angel broke through the surface of the city and reached into the bunker below. Reports say that the Angel in question succeeded in pulling the building from its infrastructure and yet no further damage was done. Speculation has been rampant that we are seeing the birth of Angel tactics to draw out Eva pilots, that they are indeed learning, and even using formations."

On and on, the news reported on 'The Five Angel Crisis'.

…

During those same hours, a lone teenage girl was rushed through the medical procedures with a top priority status. Mari was moved up through the list of patients and given treatment first.

The doctors had begun working almost immediately after the airlift had landed carrying her body, they had cut away the burnt and torn remains of her plug suit with cold medical efficiency.

She was stabilized, given all manner of tests and scans, and brought into surgery all in the same day.

* * *

 _Misato's apartment_

Young Shinji woke with a start, covered in sweat, and shaking as he rolled out of bed and ran out of his room.

He collided with bathroom door and entered just in time to vomit into the toilet.

Flashes of his dream lingered as he knelt dispelling the bodily fluid, flashes of Arael's Nightmare, the ward, his parents, his Other's death, and finally… the mangled and torn body of his girlfriend in his arms.

They all came rushing through his head in a renewed nightmare to rival the one Arael had created, the boy shuddered as he finished and sank to the floor propping himself up against the wall.

"I don't understand. I beat the Nightmare… Arael is dead. I-" the boy whimpered.

" **Life is not a game."**

The Broken Man materialized into the dark room with him.

Young Shinji shuddered unable to stop himself and looked to the older man.

" **You don't just 'beat' something like that and move on. It lingers. And beating it once does not mean you can beat it every time. It's a struggle that haunts you. You have to fight it every time it comes back to haunt you, every** _ **single**_ **time. And then… only then… does it fade.** " The Broken Man told him.

Young Shinji took in those words, wrapping his arms around himself, and shuddering as if he was out in the cold.

"Like a scar" Young Shinji whimpered, parroting the words his Other had told Asuka.

The Broken Man nodded, a solemn figured covered in scars of his own.

"I'm not like you. I can't just… just keep going. Every time I close my eyes all I can see… is _her_. I feel her weight in my hands" the boy whimpered, eyes distant and lost.

The Broken Man studied him, then glanced down at his bad hand. Three fingers where there should have been five, aged battered skin that stood in stark contrast to the boy.

" **You don't want to be like me, boy."** His Other said softly.

The old man looked up in the dark to the hallway outside. Footsteps thudded on the floor coming down the hall, and the Broken Man vanished, leaving Young Shinji shuddering and breathing hard.

Misato emerged into the bathroom and turned on the light.

"Shinji" she breathed, concerned look planted on her face.

"I'm sorry" the boy murmured through his shudders.

 _I can't sleep… the dreams are too real. Too many haunted memories._ He thought.

Misato comforted him and guided him out of the bathroom to get a drink of water.

"I'm sorry" he said, over and over again. He didn't mean to wake her, he didn't mean to bother her, she had her own work to deal with.

"Stop saying that, Shinji. But you need help." Misato began.

"I'm not going to the hospital unless it's to see Mari" the boy said surprisingly stern. His voice came out harsh in the wake of his shudders.

Misato stilled at that, frowning heavily.

"Shinji-" Misato whispered somberly.

"I have sleeping pills. Leftover from my monthly medicine. I'll take them… don't worry about me" Shinji told her.

Misato put a hand to his face, and he knew that she hated seeing him like this. But right now, he didn't need a mother figure. He needed answers and they both knew he wouldn't get any.

Young Shinji rose from the breakfast table and made his way down the hall to his room. Misato watched him go, and he paused as he passed Asuka's room. He could hear her tossing and turning in her bed.

It seems he wasn't the only one with nightmares.

* * *

 _Days later  
_ _Nerv_

The world seemed to move on in a blur for Shinji and many others following the Five Angel Crisis. Nerv was under repair again, in the deep lower levels, and the reconstruction efforts went smoothly and efficiently under the careful guidance of Gendo Ikari, but it was under harsh secretive conditions.

Very few people were allowed down there, and even the constructions crews were severely limited in their access.

More reports came on the news channels, the city reeling from an attack of such magnitude. The incident got the attention of the world, the United Nations and the JSSDF were taking a greater interest in Nerv and the Evangelion program. The world powers grew concerned at the appearance of so many Angels at once that had displayed remark intelligence and tactics.

So, it was that Misato found herself in yet another meeting with the higher ups alongside Ritsuko and Kaji.

...

"42 dead. 42 of my men dead and you have no answers" the JSSDF liaison said harshly.

JSSDF battalion commander, Lieutenant Colonel Hashi, known by his men as 'the Boss', stared narrowed eyed across the conference room at Nerv's Director.

"Their sacrifice is well noted. It slowed one Angel's progress and allowed the Third Child to take down three of the others." Gendo said coolly. The man's face was a mask of calm, eyes hidden behind tinted glasses.

 _He has a name. For fuck sake, Gendo… your son is hurting._ Misato thought glumly.

"And yet we still don't know what caused this. Five Angels? And tactics? Where the hell did they learn such things?" Hashi said sternly.

Gendo glanced to Ritsuko seated off to his side.

"We cannot say for sure. The Magi supercomputers calculated their plan and predicted the kill zone, but it was only _after_ it had been set in motion. This kind of incident goes against all prior data." Ritsuko said simply. She spoke as a scientist, pure raw data.

The Lieutenant Colonel crossed his arms at her statement.

"The only comparison is the First Breach of Nerv. But again, there are differences. That time the Angels seemed to target the Evangelion Units themselves-" Ritsuko began.

"But not this time" the Lieutenant Colonel interrupted.

Misato looked up across the table to eye the man. She had wondered about that herself lately.

"The Angels left the Eva Units behind after they had been subdued. The infected Unit ran straight towards this very base afterward and breached your defenses." The Lieutenant Colonel continued.

"Incorrect. _I_ lowered all defenses and lured the infected Unit into the deeper levels where he could be subdued. The plan worked as you can see." Gendo said flatly.

"Yes. Your bravery is noted." Hashi said flatly, a mocking tone evident in his words. A counter to Gendo's own lack of genuine sympathy for the dead soldiers who had tried to support the Evas.

Gendo did not take the bait, he let the insult go and waited patiently.

"No more secrets. I've had enough of that. What is it that the Angels wanted? Why did the infected Eva Unit abandon the fight to breach Nerv? _What_ lured him down there?" Hashi said.

The military man eyed the Director of Nerv for any signs or clues, anything that he could work with. But Gendo was unreadable as ever, not even SEELE could make out his plans, and so what hope did the JSSDF have?

Tension filled the air as the Lieutenant Colonel got to his feet waiting for an answer. All eyes were on Gendo and Hashi, Nerv and the JSSDF.

 _He has a point… what 'did' lure the infected Evangelion down there? Why did it leave Shinji and Asuka after they were incapacitated?_ Misato thought. Somehow, she didn't think the Lieutenant would get the answers he wanted.

Fuyutsuki spoke up, trying to intervene before more conflict between the organizations grew.

"Perhaps we have gone off topic. This meeting was to discuss the incident and prepare for the possibility of a repeat. I suggest that-" Fuyutsuki started.

"No. I think we're perfectly 'on topic' Mr. Fuyutsuki" Hashi said coldly.

Misato watched the three men and shared a glance with Ritsuko and Kaji. The two didn't like this either, but neither knew what to say.

"The JSSDF has provided you with support, no questions asked. You put teenagers inside some of the most powerful weapons ever developed and kept them outside military jurisdiction. You put a former mentally ill child in one of those machines. Through it all, we have done our duty. Now… I want answers" Hashi said sternly.

Gendo considered that.

"To do so would violate the agreements made under the authority of the United Nations. Nerv operates and answers to the direct supervision of the UN. You must understand that there is 'need to know' information, even for the higher ups such as yourself. Some things are bigger than one nation's government or military." The Director of Nerv countered.

"Even when that nation is your own?" Hashi scoffed.

"Yes. I was chosen to lead this organization because I can make the hard calls. I do my duty, I expect you to do the same." Gendo said coldly.

Hashi made to continue, to protest and demand more but Gendo made no notice.

Gendo rose from his seat, gathering his briefcase, before announcing, "this meeting is over."

Without another word, Gendo left the room, and all others moved to follow suit. The JSSDF would not be happy, but what other choice did they have but to move onward.

* * *

 _Outside._

Misato shook her head at it all.

 _Just what we needed, more tension between us and the Japanese military._ She thought with a flicker of annoyance.

Misato wandered the halls of Nerv before coming to a stop at the break room, she needed a moment to think.

She began to brew a cup of coffee and Ritsuko emerged to join her. Misato gave her a knowing look as her friend pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"Smoke break?" Misato asked in greeting.

"After that meeting? Definitely." Ritsuko answered.

Misato chuckled lightly at that, but there was no feeling to it. Things were tense in the aftermath of the crisis, and humor felt out of place lately.

"Gendo is an ass… but the Lieutenant had a point. Why did the Angel get lured down there? And for what? And using Rei like that? Knowing that Mari was still in there?" Misato said slowly.

Ritsuko stiffened, taking a whiff of her smoke. The woman's expression grew unreadable.

"Oh?" the scientist asked.

"You ever feel like you're missing pieces of a puzzle? There's more going on, I can feel it but I have no idea what" Misato muttered, more to herself than anyone else. She finished making her cup of coffee and pondered that.

Ritsuko watched her.

"You have any idea?" Misato asked suddenly.

"No. I'm a scientist, not the director." Ritsuko lied.

Misato mulled that over. A part of her wasn't sure if she believed Ritsuko or not, and another part of herself hated that. Ritsuko was her friend, and though they might have disagreed at times in their roles at Nerv… they had known each other for years.

 _If she knew more… would she tell me?_ Misato thought.

For now, at least, that would have to wait. She only hoped she was wrong about all this.

"Ritsuko, why were you so blunt with Shinji the other day? You didn't have to crush his hopes like that." Misato said, changing topic.

"He wanted to know, and so I told him." Ritsuko answered, blinking in surprise at the question.

"You shouldn't have done that." Misato said, sounding harsher than she meant to.

Ritsuko paused.

"I thought it was better for him to know the truth."

Misato fought the urge to scoff. Since when did Ritsuko know Shinji so well? Since when did she take an interest in the boy? Misato decided to let the matter drop, she didn't want to get into an argument with her friend and she was probably just on edge.

Just then, Kaji entered the break room to join them.

"Smoke break?" Kaji said in greeting. His usual charm was gone, and though he never quite looked disheveled, Misato could tell he had been busy and working late hours just like everyone else.

Ritsuko nodded, just as Kaji pulled free a cigarette of his own. Kaji gestured to Ritsuko, and she brought out her lighter and lit his smoke.

"Thanks" Kaji muttered, taking a whiff of his smoke and relaxing visibly.

The three of them stood there in the break room, friends since college, their lives bound together for years now. All of them, survivors of Second Impact. All of them overseeing parts of Nerv and the Evangelion Program.

They didn't speak for a time. Just stood and took a moment to breathe, Kaji and Ritsuko smoking whilst Misato sipped at her coffee.

"How is Asuka doing?" Kaji said breaking the silence. He looked to the two women, a concerned frown making its way onto his face.

"… she doesn't sleep well. Not since the kill zone, just like Shinji." Misato answered softly.

"She's gotten worse. Her sync rate keeps falling and no one knows why." Ritsuko said suddenly.

Misato and Kaji both turned to her in shock.

"What-" Kaji and Misato stammered.

"She only tests alone these days. And she can't hold a sync for longer than ten minutes. At this rate… only Shinji and Rei will be combat operational." Ritsuko said. The scientists spoke in a clinical manner, but her eyes gave her away.

Ritsuko was worried, the situation looked grave. Half of the Eva pilots out of combat status.

"Why didn't you tell me-" Kaji started, a flicker of anger working its way onto his face.

"It's in my report. You'll see it by 2:00 p.m. today." Ritsuko answered sharply.

Kaji let out a heavy breath and cursed, taking another whiff of his cigarette to calm himself.

 _And Rei's been distant too… avoiding people more than usual_ Misato thought.

"Ahhhh" Misato sighed heavily. She reached a hand out to Ritsuko, and the surprised doctor handed her a cigarette.

They lit it for her, and Misato breathed in the smoke once and only once. Then she put it out and left the remains in the ashtray. She had stopped smoking years ago, and she wasn't about to start up again, but just this once… she needed it.

"It's not right." Misato said, Kaji and Ritsuko eying her in surprise.

Misato shook her head at the whole situation.

"What we make these kids do… it's wrong. They're teenagers, they shouldn't be dealing with this. Even we never faced anything like they do." Misato said darkly.

 _Piloting Evas, fighting monsters, losing people, being hospitalized… death. What has the world come to when teenagers are brought into that life_? Misato thought.

"… you have to let him see her, Misato." Ritsuko said suddenly.

Misato turned to snap at her, but Ritsuko shook her head.

"You aren't doing Shinji any favors by keeping him from her." Ritsuko continued.

Misato looked away and felt like cursing. That was what it all came back to, sooner or later Misato was going to have to tell Shinji.

 _Shinji? What am I supposed to do? I-_ Misato thought, but no answers came.

Kaji and Ritsuko gave her knowing glances and thankfully kept their silence. The three old friends took their break in silence after that, taking the time to collect themselves.

Misato was thankful for that.

 _How do I tell a boy that his girlfriend is dying?_ Misato thought.

* * *

 _Elsewhere_

Rei Ayanami walked the hallways of Nerv, heading for the hanger.

She emerged onto the scene to find Eva Unit 01 held in its launchpad as always, with its Entry Plug released and laid out on the floor completely open.

Shinji Ikari was rummaging inside, moving through the metal tube and talking to someone via the comm unit.

"I found them. Thanks, Maya. They fell off during the attack." Shinji was saying.

Rei waited patiently, hovering near the Entry Plug silently as the boy began to climb out.

When Shinji emerged, she found that he was wearing his street clothes just as she was, neither had tests today it seemed.

"I'm clear. You can re-insert the Entry Plug" Shinji said into the comm, a hand held out carrying his contact lens that Mari had given him.

He turned and visibly stilled as he spotted Rei waiting for him.

"Rei…" the boy breathed.

"Alright. Try not to lose things in there." Maya's voice called from the comm. There was a screech of metal as the Entry Plug was reactivated, and slowly the machinery was lifted up and re-inserted back into Eva Unit 01.

Throughout the process, Shinji met Rei's gaze but said nothing.

 _Red eyes, just like mine_ Rei thought. Some part of her stirred at that in ways she didn't understand, a common point between them. Their eyes, both deep red.

She glanced to his hand where he held the lens that covered them up, and the feeling faded.

He did not look well, his eyes were gaunt with shadows under them, suggesting a lack of sleep.

Shinji slowly turned his comm unit off, and pocketed it, he didn't want any unexpected listeners and Rei was grateful for that.

"Hello... Shinji. I wanted… I wanted to see you." Rei said slowly.

She found it difficult to find the words, what was there to say? There was much in this world that she did not know, and interactions were among them.

Conflicting feelings welled up in her chest, and she found it hard to meet his gaze.

The words were at her lips but her voice never came out. She stood there, wanting to be near, but unable to look for long.

Shinji only stared ahead breathless.

"I am sorry… Shinji. I… I did not want to hurt you." Rei said.

The words came out in barely a whisper. Words that struggled to carry over the empty air of the hanger, soft little things that had been pried from the pale girl of her own choice.

Shinji flinched at that.

 _I do not understand. I hurt you… again. Why? I did not- I would never harm you_ Rei thought. She felt a weight in her chest and visibly shrunk.

"Me? Rei… you shot her." Shinji whispered. A broken little thing that escaped the boy's lips.

Rei nodded slowly, head hung low.

 _I did not want too. I was commanded to stop the Angel._ The girl thought.

"I was ordered to." Rei whispered, again forcing the words to come out.

The boy trembled before her, and Rei did not know what to do. She had expected many outcomes, this one among them, and she had no recourse.

"Ordered?" the boy said as if in disbelief.

 _Yes. Commanded to. Do you understand? I am to follow orders, that is my role. I cannot… I cannot change that._ Rei thought.

She looked up hoping that some part of him would understand, and she was crestfallen at the gaze that met her.

It wasn't hatred or anger, it was sadness. A deep pity mixed with haunting disbelief.

"I am sorry that it was Mari" Rei said, voice growing empty and flat.

 _I would not have wanted her to die. I did not want to hurt her. I only followed orders_ she thought.

"But you did it… you… still shot her, Rei" Shinji said on the verge of tears.

"Yes." Rei said, holding his gaze no matter how much it hurt. She spoke plainly, the truth. The weight in her chest had grown, a sensation that frequented when she interacted with him, but one she cherished as well as hated. A paradox that she did not care to explain.

She turned to go, head held low. She did not know what she had hoped to accomplish. She had imagined several scenarios, none of them good. Rei continued onward, face a mask of emotionless calm.

Yet the weight in her chest never left, it lingered. And beyond that, she felt an emptiness that she had not known before. A pain that was not physical.

" **Rei.** " The boy called suddenly.

The pale skinned girl paused, unable to meet his gaze. His voice had changed, though on the verge of tears it was like he was fighting them and _winning_. As if he was more collected than before.

" **I don't hate you.** "

Rei tilted her head at that, and she shuddered at a flicker of something along her heart. She listened breathless, unable to meet his gaze even now, her back to him.

" **There's a lot going on right now… and I think I need to be alone for a time. Please understand that. But I do not hate you, Rei. I want you to know that**. **"** Shinji said.

"… I understand" Rei whispered in response. Then she left him in the hanger, walking past without ever glancing back.

 _He may never forgive me._ The strange girl thought, and for the second time in her life, she shed a tear.

…

The Shinji(s) watched Rei go.

After she was gone, Young Shinji glanced down at his contact lens and wiped them clean with his shirt before carefully putting them back on. The closest thing to his original eye color.

He didn't know what to make of what had happened with Rei. Too many conflicted feelings, maybe his Other was right, he needed time to be alone for a while. But when he was alone, he didn't like that either.

He wasn't sure what needed, but he knew what he wanted, and no one would give him that. Not even Misato.

 _If only I could talk to Ritsuko again. I bet she knows what hospital Mari's in. She could tell me._ Young Shinji thought. He considered going back home and grabbing his second phone.

 _ **No, boy. We shouldn't use that connection for things like that. Keep it strictly for 'the work.'**_

 _This IS important._

 _ **I'm not denying that.**_

Young Shinji hissed under his breath. He felt angry at the adults for keeping him from his girlfriend, they let pilot an Evangelion, but they wouldn't even tell him where Mari was.

Short of him going to every hospital in the city and manually looking for her, her identity was kept from the public, he wasn't going to see her until the adults decided to let him.

"Shinji" a voice called, pulling the boy out of his own thoughts.

He turned expecting to see Rei again and was worried about what he would say. Things were too hard with her right now, but instead, he was surprised to see Misato emerging from a lift above.

"I'm sorry for bothering Maya. I just wanted my contacts back." Shinji said, thinking that she had come to reprimand him for releasing the Entry Plug like that.

Misato shook her head, and through her grave expression, he wondered what was wrong.

The lift came to a stop, and Misato got off to meet him.

"Shinji… I think it's time. I'll take you to see Mari" his guardian said carefully.

Young Shinji's eyes widened, and he felt his heart beat faster.

"When can we go?" he asked.

Misato looked uncomfortable.

"I just got off work. But we can stop by the house to rest up or eat if you want-" she began.

"No. I wanna go now." the boy said, determined look on his face.

Misato nodded, reluctantly gesturing for him to follow her.

* * *

 _The Hospital_

Their ride over was almost entirely silent. He could tell Misato didn't want to bring him, and that she tried to keep his mind off of things by making small talk.

But Shinji wasn't in the mood, and so they stuck to the radio.

When they arrived, Shinji was anxious, and by the time Misato signed them through he just wanted to see Mari and let it be done with, to know that she was okay.

Misato was eerily quiet on their way through, and Shinji's heart faltered as he saw that they passed into the intensive care section of the hospital.

When they found the room, Misato opened the door for him and said, "she's here."

His guardian spoke in a low, quiet voice.

Shinji walked into the room breathlessly, time seeming to slow down as he made his way inside. He could hear the machines whirl and beep as they performed some medical task or other.

The room was white, always white, and they found a lone figure lying bedridden with various devices hooked up to her body.

"Mari…" he croaked.

The girl in the bed was covered in bandages, her face and head were covered in a cast, though the bandages were cleaned regularly they were stained red here and there. Her eyes were closed, the only exposed part of her face through the head cast.

What little was visible of her once lovely skin was pale as if all the color had been bleached away.

And her right leg was gone… amputated below the knee.

Shinji couldn't breathe, he stood there in shock looking down at what remained of his girlfriend.

The world just didn't make sense anymore. How could this… figure lying there be his Mari? The vibrant and wild girl, so full of life, always a bundle of energy, and yet kind and warm when with him. The girl who had played with him when they were small.

The one who had sneaked into his room as a child, the one who comforted him after his nightmares, who had been his first kiss, his first… everything.

He stood there in shock, pleading with the universe that he was still in Arael's Nightmare. Praying that this was all some terrible dream, a false reality, that it would disappear when he opened his eyes.

But no such moment ever came, because he wasn't dreaming.

Misato was speaking to him, telling him sweet reassuring lies but he never heard them. He stood watching over Mari, eyes hard and cold no longer capable of tears.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what to say, but I don't, Shinji. If you need to cry then you can, don't hold it in." Misato was telling him.

She was holding his hand. When did that happen? When did she take his hand, he couldn't say, all he could see was Mari.

"What's her condition?" the boy said, voice shaking.

Misato gave him a sad pitying look, one that he hated, and she looked away saying "we can talk about that later. Why don't we-"

"Tell me." He said harshly.

"Shinji-"

"You've been keeping her from me for days now. I want to know." Shinji said, stern-faced and voice hard.

Misato hung her head low.

"Shinji, I only wanted to protect you. I didn't want to crush your hope-" his guardian began.

"Misato... please... just tell me" Shinji interrupted, his voice soft and low. Direct yet distant.

The older woman took a moment to collect herself, steeling herself up for the moment she had been avoiding.

"She's in a coma. The doctors did what they could, but she was hurt bad. Real bad, there are _scars_ , and they say… they say she probably won't make it past the week." Misato answered him at last.

And there it was, the truth of the matter at long last. The answer that Misato had denied him for days, the reality that could not be ignored.

"She's dying…" Shinji said in barely a whisper, and it was like someone else was saying the words. Not him nor his Other. Some new 'person' standing in the face of this tragedy.

He pulled his hand free of Misato's grasp and moved to take a seat beside Mari. Misato watched him leave her wordlessly.

Shinji sat there beside the comatose body of his girlfriend. He reached out to take her hand, but he felt next to no pulse, such a weak little thing.

Misato let him stay there for a long time. She didn't interrupt.

He would have stayed the whole night, but a nurse came and said that they needed to change the bandages, and Misato didn't feel comfortable leaving him here.

…

Shinji visited his girlfriend every chance he could get, he skipped school and sat there in that white room with Mari dead to the world. The machines were humming as they kept her alive.

He kept imagining that she would wake up, that her eyes would open, and that she'd crack a joke about the stupid white walls or else ask for some pudding, but no such thing happened.

If anything, Mari grew worse and worse. Her exposed skin was growing more and more pale. Her heart beating just a little slower with each passing day.

Through it all, Shinji sat by her side. Refusing to leave until Misato came to escort him home.

...

Then one day… the idea came to Shinji. He was alone in the room with Mari, Misato had agreed to pick him up later.

Nurses had come and gone, but they were between shifts.

The boy stood and raised his hands up as if in prayer, digging into the power that had been shared with him, and reached out towards his girlfriend's near lifeless body.

" **STOP"**

The boy's hand froze, and though he tried to fight it, once again he had lost control of his own body.

* * *

 _The Other Place_

The Shinji(s) stood together in the white void.

Young Shinji's arm lay stretched out… and the Broken Man's hand grasped the boy by the wrist, holding him back.

The boy tried to fight it, but it was no use. He could never beat his Other in a battle of wills.

" **What do you think you're doing, boy?** "

Young Shinji gritted his teeth saying, "saving her."

The boy felt the power running through his veins, he had to reach further and deeper than he ever had to even access it. Not Adam's… but Lilith's.

" **You don't know what you're doing. Stop, you'll only make it worse** " the Broken Man said coldly.

"I can save her." The boy parroted through gritted teeth.

" **You got a taste of Adam's might, and now you think you can use any power? Just like that?** "

Young Shinji glared at his Other, panting softly as he was held in place.

" **Adam is like a wrecking ball, the fire of a dying star. Raw and brutal, a force that moves the heavens themselves. Lilith is different. She's precise, efficient, like a cross between the greatest surgeon and programmer who ever lived.** **You** _ **don't**_ **know how to use her power. One mistake, just one, and you'll kill your girlfriend.** " The Broken Man said.

Young Shinji shook his head and flinched visibly.

"Lilith healed you… before she changed you she repaired most of the damage." The boy stammered.

" **Lilith knew what she was doing. She had an intelligence inherited from the first sentient life in the universe, along with millennia of experience and wisdom.** " The Broken Man countered sternly.

Young Shinji shrunk before the Broken Man's words.

So much for his plan, what did he expect? He was a kid.

Young Shinji released the power before it had begun to well up, and the Broken Man let him go.

".. you could do it" the boy whispered.

The Broken Man tilted his head at him, red and brown eyes watching him closely.

" **No.** "

"Please! You healed me before." Young Shinji pleaded. The boy lunged forward, and the older man stepped back.

Shinji fell to his knees and grabbed ahold of his Other's hand. Three fingers where there should have been five.

"When my head was fractured… and you took me into the Eva, something happened. I came back with no wounds. You could-" the boy stammered.

The Broken Man was silent, expression unreadable.

Young Shinji cursed loudly, his voice echoing across the white void.

"My pills" the boy sobbed.

He raised a hand to his forehead pleading "Page's medicine destroys brain tissue, but you always repaired the damage. Years now and I'm fine. All because of _you._ "

The Broken Man gritted his aged teeth and shook his head at him.

" **You're forgetting that there's a piece of me in you, it's interwoven at the genetic level. We're different, I heal myself and it heals you too.** " Old Man Shinji hissed.

The Elder ripped his hand away from the youth.

" **If I use Lilith's power on anyone but us, it triggers the blowback effect** _ **violently**_ **. We're finally stable, and that took years.** "

Young Shinji knelt head held low. Mari was dying and there was nothing he could do.

"Please" the boy pleaded.

The Broken Man listened wordlessly.

"We have to do something. We have to _try_. She's only here because of us. You helped her before." the boy sobbed, not even caring as he wept openly.

" **It's not the same. The damage wasn't as bad. Think about** _ **Rei.**_ **You saw what happened the last time I used Lilith's power."**

 _Ritsuko_ Shinji thought. He remembered the blowback effect from that night, how it had sent Rei into a seizure.

"Rei… she survived it last time. Maybe she can-"

" **Are you actually going to finish that sentence**?" Old Man Shinji said, voice dangerously low. Cold harsh eyes stared the boy down.

Tension filled the white void here, the bridge between the two, and a weight emerged in the chests of both Shinji.

Young Shinji squirmed and knew that what he was thinking was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself.

"I don't want to hurt Rei. I don't, she's my friend but what am I supposed to do? I _know_ that we can help Mari, but you won't let us!" Young Shinji shouted.

It was all too much, his emotions had been bottled up ever since he'd first found his girlfriend in the ruins of Bardiel's corpse. Days of going through a haze, of wanting to see her and being denied by the adults, of sitting uselessly by her side as she died a little more each time he visited.

The Broken Man hissed angrily.

"Please… we have to try. As much as we can without putting Rei in danger." The boy pleaded, he was on his hands and knees.

" **Get up, don't do that again. EVER.** " The Broken Man said coldly.

Young Shinji rose to his feet, tearful eyes beaming up hopefully.

"You'll do it-"

" **I'll try** " the Broken Man spat.

Young Shinji nodded, breathless and thankful beyond words. A glimmer in the dark, but it was all he had to work with.

"Thank-" he began.

" **Don't. If it wasn't for me then she wouldn't be here. I fixed her in the ward, and she became an Eva pilot. So, you want to blame someone, don't blame Rei or even Gendo, blame me."**

Old Man Shinji gave bitter scoff at that. A sad thing that made him sound a hundred years old.

" **Like everything else in my life, I tried to help and made things worse instead. Humph, maybe this will set that right if nothing else.** " The Old Man said, haunted by memories and experience.

Young Shinji sighed and nodded.

" **There's no guarantee. And I won't endanger Rei. So don't interrupt. This is** _ **precise**_ **work.** "

"I won't" Shinji said, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Old Man Shinji raised his hands and a shadowy cloud emerged around him, a dark shimmer that came from inside his body. Not the bright light of Adam, not the power of the First Angel but a piece of the Second. A Broken Man in the Dark.

Young Shinji braced himself and didn't fight his Other as his body was taken over.

…

 _The real world_

The Other Shinji looked down at the battered and mangled body of Mari. He doubled checked the room and hallways, then moved to loom over the girl.

He reached for her, to what skin was still exposed from the head cast and placed his hand atop her flesh.

Lilith's power came to his beck and call, all of the girl's cells were visible to him. From the outside, there was no obvious show of power, no visible sign of what he was doing, but from his perspective, it was like seeing a miniature universe.

Other Shinji saw the human body in all its complexity, every cell, every strand of DNA, every vein and bone, and he could tug on them. He could manipulate them, the way his teacher had done with him, but he had to be careful. Ten years of training and he was nowhere near the skill level of Lilith.

Like a programmer looking through thousands of lines of code, Other Shinji scanned through the flaws in Mari's body. The damages and wounds along her 'design'.

Death circled the girl, that dark place where the Broken Man had been many times.

Gently and ever so carefully, he pulled her from the brink. He repaired damage, focusing on the internal organs above all else. The heart, the lungs, the brain, the most vital parts. The Broken Man could not heal her completely, that was out of the question, all he could hope for was to bring her to a point where the girl could recover on her own.

He acted as quickly as he could, knowing that each and every _second_ was a risk, and the Angel network, the bond that connected all of their kind flickered in rejection of the contradiction that was his existence, blowback…

* * *

 _Elsewhere in the city_

Rei stood in the shower of her apartment, mindlessly scrubbing her skin clean. She had been carrying such an empty feeling with her since she had last spoken to Shinji.

His words echoed in her mind, and she scrubbed harder.

Then… it happened. One moment she was fine and the next she wasn't.

A searing pain erupted inside her veins and she almost screamed. She fell to the floor of her shower and clutched at her head.

The ache did not stop, it grew and grew, pulsing through her head and spreading throughout her body, her veins were on fire. She couldn't speak, she could barely breathe.

 _Seizure? Again? Why? What is wrong with me?!_ Rei thought through the haze.

The pale skinned girl curled into a ball, and _images_ began flooding into her mind's eyes. Views and scenes from which she had no context. It went on for minutes, minutes that felt like an eternity.

But less than the previous time, not as powerful as the incident that had hospitalized her.

Then, as suddenly as it had appeared… it stopped.

The pain went away, the aches faded, and the images vanished. Rei panted in the shower, blood running down her nose. The pale skinned girl shuddered and trembled as she breathed in and out, heavy breathes and held herself with the water running over her.

* * *

 _Back with the Shinji(s)_

Young Shinji watched the scene from the Other Place, the white void.

He snapped up in shock as _she_ emerged with a hum. A ghostly specter that hovered along the edges of the scene, the piece of the Second Angel given freely to the one she had loved.

The Woman in the Dark hummed softly and tilting her head at them.

Young Shinji watched with wide confused eyes, and _she_ met his gaze. Deep red eyes that shined in the shadows that surrounded her.

The Woman in the Dark smiled at him, humming all the while. A fragment? A memory? The boy couldn't say.

Young Shinji turned back to his Other and Mari.

The Broken Man stopped and stepped back into the white void. Shinji was given control of his body again.

…

The boy came to the real world with a shiver, he felt so tired all of a sudden. Worn out like he's run marathons without sleeping, and he stumbled back almost falling.

Using such powers was not without its toll.

 _Did it work? Did you save her?_ He thought.

 _ **She'll live. After that, I can't say.**_ Was the only answer he received.

Young Shinji leaned forward to check on Mari, panting heavily as he did so.

Mari's eyes began to open, and Shinji breathed easier, he took her hand in his and felt her pulse working weakly.

He smiled, the first time since the attack, and nearly wept tears of joy. Her eyes moved slowly as if coming back to life, as if she had been pulled from some abyss, and met his.

She tried to talk but couldn't. Mari blinked up at him, her eyelids opening and closing at a snail's pace, panicked, scared, and clearly hurting.

"Mari! Mari, breathe. Just breathe" the boy said trying to reassure her.

Mari moved, her eyes shaking as if in agony as she moved to sit up. Like she was a corpse coming back to life, muscles in the early stages of atrophy. Shinji moved to steady her, and she slumped into his arms.

She made a strange gurgling sound, and Shinji looked.

Mari was staring at her missing leg… her bloodshot eyes were wide and unmoving at the sight of the amputated limb below her knee.

Shinji held her close and she collapsed into him, he guided her back into a lying position in her hospital bed, never once leaving her side.

Mari squeezed his hand weakly, using all the feeble strength she could muster. And Shinji squeezed back, their fingers interlocked.

Sniffling sounds emerged muffled from the bandages and cast over her head, and tears slid down the girl's face.

Mari was crying.

"I'm here. I'm here." He told her, holding her close but gently.

She tried to talk but her voice was too weak. What came out was distorted whirls.

Shinji held her close, his hand in hers. "Don't talk. I'm here, alright. I'm here." he said through hiccups of his own. His heart was reeling, she was back. She was back!

Mari lay beside him, awake but frail.

He brought their interlocked hands up and pressed a kiss to her fingers.

She calmed at his presence, breathing harshly but stable as Shinji held her. She met his eyes through bloodstained tears, and though no words came from her, he understood. He planted his head close to hers, letting her know that things would be okay.

"Don't be scared. I'm here" he whispered to her.

She nodded feebly, eyes shining with emotion. Her old words to him since they were kids in a mental ward.

Shinji yelled out into the hallway, "I need help over here! She's awake!"

Moments later, nurses came rushing into the room and found the couple lying there in the hospital bed.

They found Mari crying softly in her boyfriend's arm, eyes shaking at the glimpse of her missing leg.

* * *

 **This chapter was much more about characters, and their own traumas after the Five Angel Crisis.  
I hope it wasn't too 'glum' for lack of a better word. Pacing is more challenging in this part of the story, and it's one of the reasons I take longer to update these days.**

 **I wanted to show the aftermath of the Crucible arc, and how each Eva Pilot was affected by it. How even though Shinji defeated Arael's Nightmare that he didn't just 'beat' it in one shot, that it haunts him along with finding Mari in the wreckage of Rei's battle with Bardiel. Of how this 14-year-old boy has dealt with so much in such a short time.**

 **And I wanted to explore more of the relationship between the Shinji(s). As well as Rei and her own dealings with her ever-growing conflicting nature. We'll see more with Asuka and Mari later.**

 **What did you think of Mari's fate? Of Young Shinji's choice to save her? Of the Broken Man's talk with Asuka, and the Shinji(s) and Rei?**

 **Thanks for Reading and please Review!  
Chapter 37 'Scar' coming soon.**


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